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1
00:00:01,646 --> 00:00:03,847
(BOONE MOANING)
2
00:00:05,389 --> 00:00:06,907
(BOTH MOANING)
3
00:00:06,908 --> 00:00:09,094
? ?
4
00:00:10,408 --> 00:00:13,820
(GRETCHEN GASPS, MOANS)
5
00:00:13,821 --> 00:00:17,818
? Don't let space junk punch
holes in the wings... ?
6
00:00:17,819 --> 00:00:19,388
? ?
7
00:00:19,389 --> 00:00:21,189
(PANTING)
8
00:00:21,190 --> 00:00:24,183
Hey. Uh, are you sure it's
okay that we're here?
9
00:00:24,184 --> 00:00:27,002
Yeah. We have the house
to ourselves for hours.
10
00:00:27,003 --> 00:00:30,005
Sure, but, uh, aren't you
worried about someone coming?
11
00:00:30,006 --> 00:00:32,008
Yeah. Me.
12
00:00:32,009 --> 00:00:33,577
(BOTH LAUGH)
13
00:00:33,578 --> 00:00:35,712
- (BOONE GROANS LOUDLY)
- Oh. Oh, you were serious?
14
00:00:35,713 --> 00:00:38,381
- Well, okay then.
- (BOONE MOANS, GRETCHEN LAUGHS)
15
00:00:38,382 --> 00:00:41,585
(BOONE PANTING)
16
00:00:41,586 --> 00:00:43,185
Sorry. Did you...?
17
00:00:43,186 --> 00:00:46,021
Oh, yeah. I had the floor
a few minutes ago.
18
00:00:46,022 --> 00:00:48,223
Yeah, remember when I yelled "Boomtown"?
19
00:00:48,224 --> 00:00:50,043
- You're a weirdo.
- (LAUGHS)
20
00:00:50,044 --> 00:00:52,128
- I'm gonna hop in the shower, okay?
- (CHUCKLES)
21
00:00:52,129 --> 00:00:54,030
(SIGHS)
22
00:00:54,031 --> 00:00:55,732
(KNOB SQUEAKS, SHOWER RUNNING)
23
00:00:55,733 --> 00:00:57,252
(SIGHS)
24
00:00:59,286 --> 00:01:01,289
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
25
00:01:03,056 --> 00:01:06,643
_
26
00:01:06,644 --> 00:01:08,664
(PHONE WHOOSHES)
27
00:01:15,737 --> 00:01:17,806
? ?
28
00:01:27,080 --> 00:01:28,349
Amateur.
29
00:01:31,291 --> 00:01:34,344
_
30
00:01:36,590 --> 00:01:38,827
? ?
31
00:01:46,833 --> 00:01:48,603
So I was thinking...
32
00:01:50,504 --> 00:01:52,506
Gretchen?
33
00:01:54,708 --> 00:01:57,678
Someone break into the house
and take you hostage?
34
00:02:00,113 --> 00:02:02,132
Did you tell them I've watched John Wick
35
00:02:02,133 --> 00:02:04,885
and John Wick 2 so many times?
36
00:02:06,119 --> 00:02:08,189
(KEYS CLINKING)
37
00:02:10,725 --> 00:02:12,108
(GASPS) Jesus!
38
00:02:12,109 --> 00:02:13,777
You scared me.
39
00:02:13,778 --> 00:02:15,712
Why are you in a towel?
40
00:02:15,713 --> 00:02:18,148
Nothing. Just showering.
41
00:02:18,149 --> 00:02:20,116
- Listen, I can explain.
- Shut up!
42
00:02:20,117 --> 00:02:22,552
Damn it, Boone, I swear to God,
if it's one of my friends...
43
00:02:22,553 --> 00:02:24,554
Just calm down. Let me speak.
44
00:02:24,555 --> 00:02:27,041
- She still here?
- No. I mean, who?
45
00:02:28,918 --> 00:02:30,551
(SIGHS) Whatever.
46
00:02:30,552 --> 00:02:31,995
I don't even care.
47
00:02:31,996 --> 00:02:34,798
Olivia! Come on!
48
00:02:34,799 --> 00:02:38,301
Hey! Oh!
49
00:02:38,302 --> 00:02:41,337
Hi, Daddy. Girl Scouts got cancelled.
50
00:02:41,338 --> 00:02:42,972
- Aw.
- Did you get my Bitmoji?
51
00:02:42,973 --> 00:02:44,641
I was going to send you one of poop,
52
00:02:44,642 --> 00:02:46,142
but Mom said that was beneath me.
53
00:02:46,143 --> 00:02:47,776
She's insane.
54
00:02:48,475 --> 00:02:50,646
Mom, come watch me play piano.
55
00:02:50,647 --> 00:02:52,314
I just learned "City of Stars."
56
00:02:52,688 --> 00:02:54,809
Isn't that, like, four notes?
57
00:02:57,171 --> 00:02:59,689
(PIANO PLAYING)
58
00:02:59,690 --> 00:03:02,177
(PIANO MUSIC CONTINUES)
59
00:03:08,950 --> 00:03:11,267
(SIGHS)
60
00:03:11,268 --> 00:03:12,935
- Hi, Boone.
- Hey, Neil.
61
00:03:12,936 --> 00:03:14,370
Nice Subaru.
62
00:03:14,371 --> 00:03:15,939
- Thank you.
- Is it new?
63
00:03:15,940 --> 00:03:18,241
- Yeah.
- I didn't know you were a lesbian now.
64
00:03:18,242 --> 00:03:20,376
They are gonna love
your fat little tits.
65
00:03:20,377 --> 00:03:21,778
See, this is exactly why
66
00:03:21,779 --> 00:03:23,947
my therapist told me not to talk to you.
67
00:03:23,948 --> 00:03:25,615
Oh.
68
00:03:25,616 --> 00:03:26,616
Neil?
69
00:03:26,617 --> 00:03:29,452
Neil? Neil?
70
00:03:29,453 --> 00:03:32,288
Neil? Neil? Neil? Neil? Neil?
71
00:03:32,289 --> 00:03:33,389
- What?!
- (MUTTERS)
72
00:03:33,390 --> 00:03:35,224
- (LAUGHS) Ow!
- What, Boone?
73
00:03:35,225 --> 00:03:37,093
I didn't mean it. No, don't you dare!
74
00:03:37,094 --> 00:03:38,361
Stop! Stop it!
75
00:03:38,362 --> 00:03:40,462
Mm... (WHIMPERS)
76
00:03:40,463 --> 00:03:42,798
- Where are the locks on this thing?!
- Whoa. That's it.
77
00:03:42,799 --> 00:03:44,701
- Damn it, let me go, you maniac!
- Aah!
78
00:03:44,702 --> 00:03:47,437
- (SHOUTING)
- You are a child!
79
00:03:47,438 --> 00:03:50,273
- Oh, get off of me!
- My dick's on your leg.
80
00:03:50,274 --> 00:03:51,679
Oh, my dick's on your leg.
81
00:03:51,680 --> 00:03:53,015
- No!
- My dick's on your leg!
82
00:03:53,016 --> 00:03:54,735
- WHITNEY: See you tomorrow, honey!
- Oh.
83
00:03:56,230 --> 00:03:58,133
(BOTH MEN PANTING, CHUCKLING)
84
00:04:03,237 --> 00:04:05,288
See ya, buddy.
85
00:04:05,289 --> 00:04:07,289
Sorry about your leg.
86
00:04:07,290 --> 00:04:08,976
? ?
87
00:04:11,266 --> 00:04:16,916
Sync and corrections by btsix
www.addic7ed.com
88
00:04:16,917 --> 00:04:20,103
? I'm gonna leave you anyway ?
89
00:04:20,104 --> 00:04:22,238
? I'm gonna leave you anyway ?
90
00:04:22,239 --> 00:04:24,593
? Gonna leave you anyway. ?
91
00:04:30,797 --> 00:04:32,682
(LAUGHS) Yeah, okay, get this.
92
00:04:32,683 --> 00:04:35,484
So we pull out to reveal
that the 7-Eleven...
93
00:04:35,485 --> 00:04:37,620
- it's actually a 9/11.
- Which is why
94
00:04:37,621 --> 00:04:39,455
the Slurpee machines got
hit by little airplanes.
95
00:04:39,456 --> 00:04:40,923
MAX: Oh.
96
00:04:40,924 --> 00:04:42,125
I like it.
97
00:04:42,126 --> 00:04:44,594
7-Eleven, Building 7.
98
00:04:44,595 --> 00:04:46,262
- Maybe there's something there?
- EDGAR: Oh, hell yeah,
99
00:04:46,263 --> 00:04:47,764
- there's something there.
- You teach me every day.
100
00:04:47,765 --> 00:04:48,998
I saw this video on YouTube...
101
00:04:48,999 --> 00:04:51,167
Every day, you teach me.
102
00:04:51,168 --> 00:04:52,554
Any calls?
103
00:04:54,622 --> 00:04:55,972
No.
104
00:04:55,973 --> 00:04:57,040
Got to tell my buddy Brent
105
00:04:57,041 --> 00:04:59,108
- the good news about our sketch.
- Why?
106
00:04:59,109 --> 00:05:00,476
He's my main dude.
107
00:05:00,477 --> 00:05:01,945
So much of a best friendship
108
00:05:01,946 --> 00:05:03,313
is supporting each other
through disappointments,
109
00:05:03,314 --> 00:05:05,515
that you got to share the small,
110
00:05:05,516 --> 00:05:07,884
good things just to balance it out.
111
00:05:07,885 --> 00:05:10,652
Sounds like me and Carlos. Mencia.
112
00:05:10,653 --> 00:05:12,354
- Oh.
- We ride our Ducatis
113
00:05:12,355 --> 00:05:16,058
down PCH every Sunday, and
then we just chat for hours.
114
00:05:16,059 --> 00:05:17,359
- Just talking?
- Mm-hmm.
115
00:05:17,360 --> 00:05:19,294
This sounds weird to me for some reason.
116
00:05:19,295 --> 00:05:21,531
It's because, as men, we're conditioned
117
00:05:21,532 --> 00:05:24,000
to emotionally shut ourselves
off from each other.
118
00:05:24,001 --> 00:05:26,119
It's why half of all
men die of loneliness.
119
00:05:26,120 --> 00:05:27,159
Mm-hmm.
120
00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:29,305
These relationships sound beautiful.
121
00:05:29,306 --> 00:05:31,908
- I want that.
- Me, too.
122
00:05:31,909 --> 00:05:34,840
I thought your roommate was
your main dude, the Australian.
123
00:05:34,841 --> 00:05:37,012
Oh, Jimmy? Yeah.
124
00:05:37,013 --> 00:05:39,147
But we don't have that kind
of relationship at all.
125
00:05:39,148 --> 00:05:40,883
If your needs aren't being
met in the relationship,
126
00:05:40,884 --> 00:05:42,318
you need to take a stand, bro.
127
00:05:42,319 --> 00:05:45,421
Okay. I'm gonna do it.
128
00:05:45,422 --> 00:05:47,075
I'm so proud of you, Edgar.
129
00:05:51,379 --> 00:05:54,497
It's no Ducati, but,
uh, I have an old ATV
130
00:05:54,498 --> 00:05:57,433
that's street legal if you and
Carlos ever want a third.
131
00:05:57,434 --> 00:05:59,202
We do not.
132
00:05:59,203 --> 00:06:01,223
Copy that.
133
00:06:02,790 --> 00:06:05,008
Stupid-ass stoner.
134
00:06:05,009 --> 00:06:06,709
So I'm tearing down the stairs
135
00:06:06,710 --> 00:06:08,729
just as his wife is
walking up to the house.
136
00:06:08,730 --> 00:06:09,412
(GASPS)
137
00:06:09,413 --> 00:06:11,447
I have no way out,
138
00:06:11,448 --> 00:06:13,349
but I remember there's a back door.
139
00:06:13,350 --> 00:06:15,618
Mm, there's always a back door.
140
00:06:15,619 --> 00:06:17,453
(GRETCHEN SIGHS)
141
00:06:17,454 --> 00:06:19,355
I thought banging a hubby was hot,
142
00:06:19,356 --> 00:06:21,623
but now that I almost came
face-to-face with his wife,
143
00:06:21,624 --> 00:06:23,058
I don't know.
144
00:06:23,059 --> 00:06:24,693
I feel slightly...
145
00:06:24,694 --> 00:06:26,361
Ugh! What's the word?
146
00:06:26,362 --> 00:06:29,565
It's like bad, but
involves other people.
147
00:06:29,566 --> 00:06:32,368
- Carsick? Hard fart? Murder?
- No.
148
00:06:32,369 --> 00:06:33,736
The point is,
149
00:06:33,737 --> 00:06:36,205
you like taking that "D"
on the reg, right, dawg?
150
00:06:36,206 --> 00:06:38,374
- No diggity.
- Then enjoy that shit.
151
00:06:38,375 --> 00:06:40,575
If this hubster's cheating on a frumpus
152
00:06:40,576 --> 00:06:42,945
who masturbates with a
children's vibrator,
153
00:06:42,946 --> 00:06:45,380
that's his problem. You do you.
154
00:06:45,381 --> 00:06:48,384
You know what? You're actually right.
155
00:06:48,385 --> 00:06:51,988
I know. Business has
made me hella smart.
156
00:06:51,989 --> 00:06:53,890
Pass the sweet salt.
157
00:06:55,165 --> 00:06:57,493
Plus, I have to admit,
158
00:06:57,494 --> 00:07:01,148
it was pretty hot almost getting
caught banging in their bed.
159
00:07:04,018 --> 00:07:07,364
_
160
00:07:07,365 --> 00:07:09,405
- (PHONE WHOOSHES)
- So, what's up with you?
161
00:07:09,406 --> 00:07:12,008
Not much. Now that
you're taking old dick,
162
00:07:12,009 --> 00:07:14,077
I don't really have
anyone to party with.
163
00:07:14,078 --> 00:07:16,797
What about your work
friends? They seem...
164
00:07:18,799 --> 00:07:20,483
Yeah, they're cool.
165
00:07:20,484 --> 00:07:23,953
Tara makes ugly metal art and
Jeff is a Halloween person,
166
00:07:23,954 --> 00:07:26,656
but we're not really friends.
167
00:07:26,657 --> 00:07:28,591
- How come?
- I don't know, I just feel like
168
00:07:28,592 --> 00:07:30,993
when I'm at work, I need
to keep shit locked down.
169
00:07:30,994 --> 00:07:32,428
Sounds like Work Lindsay sucks.
170
00:07:32,429 --> 00:07:34,864
So, what you're saying is
171
00:07:34,865 --> 00:07:37,500
I should just be myself, and
they'll want to be my friends?
172
00:07:37,501 --> 00:07:39,100
(PHONE CHIMES, VIBRATES)
173
00:07:39,101 --> 00:07:41,101
_
174
00:07:42,223 --> 00:07:45,208
Uh, okay! Sounds great!
175
00:07:45,209 --> 00:07:48,062
- Call you later.
- Have fun with that "D" for me.
176
00:07:54,134 --> 00:07:55,517
Jimmy?
177
00:07:55,518 --> 00:07:56,519
(DOOR CLOSES)
178
00:07:56,520 --> 00:07:59,355
(SIGHS)
179
00:07:59,356 --> 00:08:02,125
- Are you okay?
- Edgar, last night I had a revelation.
180
00:08:02,126 --> 00:08:04,694
Gretchen clearly brought that
man home for my benefit.
181
00:08:04,695 --> 00:08:06,663
I thought she brought him
home to have sex with him.
182
00:08:06,664 --> 00:08:07,330
Aha.
183
00:08:07,331 --> 00:08:08,898
That's what she wanted us to think.
184
00:08:08,899 --> 00:08:11,000
I mean, they absolutely
did have sex. A lot.
185
00:08:11,001 --> 00:08:13,503
The noises were highly disturbing.
186
00:08:13,504 --> 00:08:15,705
And he's a screamer. But
then around 3:00 a.m.,
187
00:08:15,706 --> 00:08:17,573
I realized it was a false flag.
188
00:08:17,574 --> 00:08:20,543
They could have had sex
anywhere, so why here?
189
00:08:20,544 --> 00:08:22,177
- Because she hates you?
- That's what I thought.
190
00:08:22,178 --> 00:08:25,714
But then, around 4:00
a.m., I realized, no,
191
00:08:25,715 --> 00:08:28,221
it is because she loves me.
192
00:08:28,222 --> 00:08:29,719
So I am not leaving this house
193
00:08:29,720 --> 00:08:31,219
until I blow the lid off her ruse.
194
00:08:31,220 --> 00:08:33,522
What about the book expo?
It's your book release.
195
00:08:33,523 --> 00:08:35,324
- Staying here is far more important.
- Well,
196
00:08:35,325 --> 00:08:37,660
it sounds like you have a lot going on
197
00:08:37,661 --> 00:08:40,496
and just need a friend
to talk through it with.
198
00:08:40,497 --> 00:08:43,999
Why don't we go get some steaks,
have a nice Cab, and...
199
00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:46,502
- we can hash it out?
- I didn't start listening
200
00:08:46,503 --> 00:08:48,504
until "steaks and Cab,"
but yes, very smart.
201
00:08:48,505 --> 00:08:50,907
Edgar, you're not as
dumb as I think you are.
202
00:08:50,908 --> 00:08:52,426
Thanks.
203
00:08:54,075 --> 00:08:56,979
- (ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
- (COUGHING)
204
00:08:59,792 --> 00:09:02,376
? En, en, en, engine off, windows up ?
205
00:09:02,377 --> 00:09:04,078
? That's the way I like to puff ?
206
00:09:04,079 --> 00:09:05,447
? Engine on, windows up... ?
207
00:09:05,448 --> 00:09:06,814
So, I'm at Coachella,
208
00:09:06,815 --> 00:09:08,949
and Hozier kicks me out of his trailer,
209
00:09:08,950 --> 00:09:10,584
and I'm already sore,
210
00:09:10,585 --> 00:09:12,586
(CHUCKLES): and then
there's Father John Misty,
211
00:09:12,587 --> 00:09:15,557
all cranked up and ready
to go, so I'm like,
212
00:09:15,558 --> 00:09:18,293
all right, I guess we're doing this.
213
00:09:18,294 --> 00:09:20,394
? Now, can you handle that ?
214
00:09:20,395 --> 00:09:23,465
? The way I drop it to the floor
and then I bring it back ?
215
00:09:23,466 --> 00:09:26,000
? I keep them boys I get from
over, you agree with that? ?
216
00:09:26,001 --> 00:09:28,904
? I'm so bad, I'm mean,
you know what I mean? ?
217
00:09:28,905 --> 00:09:31,773
? Or am I confusing? I
been noticing lately how ?
218
00:09:31,774 --> 00:09:33,975
? I don't think that you can
handle that, can handle that ?
219
00:09:33,976 --> 00:09:35,843
? Come on and make a move, or
don'tcha know just what to do? ?
220
00:09:35,844 --> 00:09:37,578
? I'm on fire... ?
221
00:09:37,579 --> 00:09:38,764
Are you done?
222
00:09:39,797 --> 00:09:41,147
Item four.
223
00:09:41,818 --> 00:09:43,918
(BOONE PANTING HEAVILY)
224
00:09:43,919 --> 00:09:46,094
Nice sex moves.
225
00:09:46,095 --> 00:09:48,356
You're pretty limber for an old guy.
226
00:09:48,357 --> 00:09:50,008
And loud.
227
00:09:51,609 --> 00:09:53,127
Can't you hang for a bit?
228
00:09:53,128 --> 00:09:54,446
Oh.
229
00:09:55,479 --> 00:09:57,048
Okay.
230
00:09:58,117 --> 00:09:59,468
It's just...
231
00:09:59,835 --> 00:10:01,869
I know we're both grown-ups, but...
232
00:10:01,870 --> 00:10:03,704
I have some residual...
233
00:10:03,705 --> 00:10:05,940
murder feelings.
234
00:10:05,941 --> 00:10:07,275
Ugh!
235
00:10:07,276 --> 00:10:09,276
I feel like it starts with a "G."
236
00:10:09,277 --> 00:10:11,045
Gauche. Gout?
237
00:10:11,046 --> 00:10:13,714
- Guilt?
- That sounds wrong.
238
00:10:13,715 --> 00:10:15,350
Guilt.
239
00:10:15,351 --> 00:10:17,318
Yeah.
240
00:10:17,319 --> 00:10:19,321
Guilt.
241
00:10:19,322 --> 00:10:21,789
I have guilt on Olivia.
242
00:10:21,790 --> 00:10:24,576
I don't feel like I'm using it right.
243
00:10:25,844 --> 00:10:27,995
(SIGHS)
244
00:10:27,996 --> 00:10:30,887
She texted you yesterday.
245
00:10:30,888 --> 00:10:32,399
That's why I bailed.
246
00:10:33,294 --> 00:10:34,501
Sorry for snooping.
247
00:10:35,127 --> 00:10:36,850
- I'm a stinker.
- It's my fault.
248
00:10:37,289 --> 00:10:38,998
I've been trying to
keep her out of this.
249
00:10:38,999 --> 00:10:41,175
- Do you love her?
- Of course I love her.
250
00:10:41,176 --> 00:10:43,377
Then aren't you worried
about having to face her
251
00:10:43,378 --> 00:10:45,546
knowing we just had sex in her house?
252
00:10:45,547 --> 00:10:48,183
(GROANS) Why'd you bring that up?
253
00:10:48,184 --> 00:10:50,518
I'm just trying to be real, dude.
254
00:10:50,519 --> 00:10:53,487
I mean... not to be gross,
255
00:10:53,488 --> 00:10:55,155
but at some point she's gonna come home,
256
00:10:55,156 --> 00:10:56,757
get in bed, and what, lie in it?
257
00:10:56,758 --> 00:10:58,325
- Jesus, Gretchen!
- What?
258
00:10:58,326 --> 00:11:00,327
She is. She's gonna lie right in it.
259
00:11:00,328 --> 00:11:02,831
- No, she isn't.
- She sleeps here with you, doesn't she?
260
00:11:02,832 --> 00:11:05,533
- I mean, every now and then.
- Enough to keep her toys here.
261
00:11:05,534 --> 00:11:07,735
- What?!
- I found one of her toys yesterday.
262
00:11:07,736 --> 00:11:09,169
So? They're all over the
house. What does that
263
00:11:09,170 --> 00:11:11,172
- have to do with anything?
- I don't know!
264
00:11:11,173 --> 00:11:14,208
I'm just not thrilled about the
idea of getting into your bed
265
00:11:14,209 --> 00:11:16,243
and seeing Olivia's pubes everywhere.
266
00:11:16,244 --> 00:11:17,761
She doesn't have pubes!
267
00:11:19,080 --> 00:11:21,181
And I just said that.
268
00:11:21,182 --> 00:11:23,083
Wow! Okay.
269
00:11:23,084 --> 00:11:25,565
You know what? Forget it!
270
00:11:25,566 --> 00:11:27,087
I shouldn't have said anything!
271
00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:28,889
Where's your other bathroom?
272
00:11:28,890 --> 00:11:30,958
Just out there! You psycho!
273
00:11:30,959 --> 00:11:32,577
Psycho you!
274
00:11:33,612 --> 00:11:35,448
(KNOBS SQUEAK, SHOWER RUNNING)
275
00:11:40,918 --> 00:11:42,954
? ?
276
00:11:59,771 --> 00:12:02,389
So, you see, this can only mean
277
00:12:02,390 --> 00:12:05,427
that her levels of anger
are accelerating.
278
00:12:05,428 --> 00:12:08,663
She went from pure rage to
sex revenge in record time.
279
00:12:08,664 --> 00:12:11,066
Our inevitable reunion can't be far off.
280
00:12:11,067 --> 00:12:13,233
- This sounds like an uncert...
- Plus, a family of raccoons
281
00:12:13,234 --> 00:12:15,069
has taken residence in the box spring
282
00:12:15,070 --> 00:12:16,904
Gretchen jettisoned into the yard,
283
00:12:16,905 --> 00:12:19,441
so that's a dangerous wild card.
284
00:12:19,442 --> 00:12:22,409
Why do you think she did that?
Like, I wonder if there's some
285
00:12:22,410 --> 00:12:25,279
- deeper meaning...
- And Book Lady can't seem to understand
286
00:12:25,280 --> 00:12:27,148
why I must stay here
287
00:12:27,149 --> 00:12:29,583
and forgo The Romance
and Erotica Book Expo.
288
00:12:29,584 --> 00:12:31,251
God, that's a bad name.
289
00:12:31,252 --> 00:12:33,454
You'd think a room full of
writers could do better.
290
00:12:33,455 --> 00:12:35,522
- Oh, well...
- Where the hell is our waiter?
291
00:12:35,523 --> 00:12:38,210
This mediocre Nebbiolo
isn't gonna refill itself.
292
00:12:39,210 --> 00:12:40,677
What are you doing?
293
00:12:41,830 --> 00:12:43,413
Jimmy, I've got to say something here.
294
00:12:43,932 --> 00:12:45,123
We've lived together for...
295
00:12:45,467 --> 00:12:47,334
what, four years now?
296
00:12:47,335 --> 00:12:49,169
Hey, no. Look at me. Jimmy.
297
00:12:49,502 --> 00:12:50,503
Look at me.
298
00:12:52,556 --> 00:12:54,842
- I care about you.
- VERNON: Jimmy!
299
00:12:54,843 --> 00:12:56,310
What's up, ladies?
300
00:12:56,311 --> 00:12:57,478
Oh, thank God.
301
00:12:57,479 --> 00:12:59,546
Vernon and... Paul?
302
00:12:59,547 --> 00:13:01,182
Why do you look so...
303
00:13:01,668 --> 00:13:02,783
like that?
304
00:13:02,784 --> 00:13:04,985
Generally: Men's Rights Activism.
305
00:13:04,986 --> 00:13:07,355
Specifically: Signaling.
306
00:13:07,356 --> 00:13:09,456
Tells people I have my shit together.
307
00:13:10,016 --> 00:13:11,192
I cuss now.
308
00:13:11,193 --> 00:13:12,793
Sorry, guys, but we
were just in the middle
309
00:13:12,794 --> 00:13:13,861
- of something.
- Yeah, Bec forbade me
310
00:13:13,862 --> 00:13:15,329
from ever seeing him again.
311
00:13:15,330 --> 00:13:16,830
You know, on account
of loyalty and junk.
312
00:13:16,831 --> 00:13:19,500
So, one day we're both online,
313
00:13:19,501 --> 00:13:21,502
playing League of
Legends, and I realized
314
00:13:21,503 --> 00:13:23,303
I miss the little cuck.
315
00:13:23,304 --> 00:13:25,240
Reformed cuckold.
316
00:13:25,241 --> 00:13:26,808
Hey, why don't you two join us?
317
00:13:26,809 --> 00:13:28,242
Wait, but we were just starting...
318
00:13:28,243 --> 00:13:30,644
Hell, yeah, four-way bro-down?
319
00:13:30,645 --> 00:13:33,797
We look like the poster
from Rounders. So tight!
320
00:13:34,612 --> 00:13:35,738
Excuse me.
321
00:13:35,739 --> 00:13:37,217
- Yes?
- I'll have a vodka soda.
322
00:13:37,218 --> 00:13:39,920
And no, I'm not trying to rape you.
323
00:13:39,921 --> 00:13:41,688
(WAITRESS SIGHS IN DISGUST)
324
00:13:41,689 --> 00:13:43,390
Mmm.
325
00:13:43,391 --> 00:13:46,093
A little boy and a pedophile
are walking in the woods.
326
00:13:46,094 --> 00:13:47,828
The little boy says,
327
00:13:47,829 --> 00:13:50,030
"Mister, I'm scared."
328
00:13:50,031 --> 00:13:51,732
So the pedophile says,
329
00:13:51,733 --> 00:13:55,536
"You're scared? I have
to walk back by myself."
330
00:13:55,537 --> 00:13:56,770
Oh, my God.
331
00:13:56,771 --> 00:13:58,038
I know. (LAUGHS)
332
00:13:58,039 --> 00:13:59,540
He has a kid!
333
00:13:59,541 --> 00:14:01,575
No, Gretchen, he killed the kid.
334
00:14:01,576 --> 00:14:03,343
That's the joke.
335
00:14:03,344 --> 00:14:06,246
No. Boone. He has a daughter!
336
00:14:06,763 --> 00:14:08,139
Ooh!
337
00:14:09,330 --> 00:14:12,250
I was just starting to be
okay with the wife thing.
338
00:14:12,251 --> 00:14:13,855
Now I have to be okay
with him having a kid?
339
00:14:13,856 --> 00:14:16,957
No. No. Gretch, some
ding-dong wife is one thing,
340
00:14:16,958 --> 00:14:19,860
but a kid, that's way too much drama.
341
00:14:19,861 --> 00:14:22,630
But... now that he has a kid,
342
00:14:22,631 --> 00:14:25,433
isn't it like he's
even more unavailable?
343
00:14:25,434 --> 00:14:27,202
- No!
- Okay, but just hear me out.
344
00:14:27,203 --> 00:14:29,636
- No. No! No, no. No.
- Oh. Oh...
345
00:14:29,637 --> 00:14:31,438
- (GRUNTS)
- All right!
346
00:14:31,439 --> 00:14:33,224
Jesus! I won't!
347
00:14:34,593 --> 00:14:36,944
But what if I try to
end it and he cries,
348
00:14:36,945 --> 00:14:38,096
and then I...
349
00:14:38,983 --> 00:14:41,326
Oh, never mind. No one
ever fights for me.
350
00:14:43,299 --> 00:14:44,552
Hey, how's the...
351
00:14:44,553 --> 00:14:46,754
"making friends with your
coworkers" thing going?
352
00:14:46,755 --> 00:14:49,557
Great. I'm totally being
myself. They love it.
353
00:14:49,558 --> 00:14:51,893
You missed my Chris Rock impression.
354
00:14:51,894 --> 00:14:53,634
Seen it. Hey.
355
00:14:53,635 --> 00:14:55,329
Does Carl have anything
good in the fridge?
356
00:14:55,330 --> 00:14:58,265
Homemade lasagna from
his mom. It's amazing.
357
00:14:58,266 --> 00:14:59,851
But there's only one
piece left, so hurry.
358
00:15:03,757 --> 00:15:05,759
(ROCK STRIKES WINDOW)
359
00:15:15,858 --> 00:15:18,411
Why are you throwing rocks at my house?
360
00:15:18,412 --> 00:15:20,012
I can't see you anymore.
361
00:15:20,013 --> 00:15:21,847
'Cause I just talked to my friend,
362
00:15:21,848 --> 00:15:24,798
who once dated a Romanian
gymnastics coach,
363
00:15:24,799 --> 00:15:26,591
and even she thinks this is a bad idea.
364
00:15:26,592 --> 00:15:28,854
Anyway, I just wish you'd
told me you had a kid.
365
00:15:28,855 --> 00:15:31,923
I did. We just had a whole
conversation about her.
366
00:15:31,924 --> 00:15:33,425
No, we talked about your wife.
367
00:15:33,426 --> 00:15:35,762
I'm not married. When did
we talk about my wife?
368
00:15:35,763 --> 00:15:37,696
First of all, you told
me about your wedding
369
00:15:37,697 --> 00:15:39,632
the day that we met. And second of all,
370
00:15:39,633 --> 00:15:42,200
we just talked all about
her, like four hours ago.
371
00:15:42,201 --> 00:15:44,860
First of all, people get divorced.
372
00:15:44,861 --> 00:15:46,705
And second of all, I was
talking about my daughter,
373
00:15:46,706 --> 00:15:48,697
Olivia, who's awesome.
374
00:15:48,698 --> 00:15:51,575
My ex-wife's name is Whitney, who sucks.
375
00:15:51,576 --> 00:15:54,228
So this whole time...
376
00:15:55,229 --> 00:15:56,815
you're not married?
377
00:15:56,816 --> 00:15:59,719
- No.
- Then why have we been sneaking around
378
00:15:59,720 --> 00:16:01,620
and boning in hotels and cars and shit?
379
00:16:01,621 --> 00:16:03,221
Because it was sexy and exciting.
380
00:16:03,222 --> 00:16:04,723
Wait. You thought I was married
381
00:16:04,724 --> 00:16:06,291
and you were just cool with it?
382
00:16:06,292 --> 00:16:08,127
It was sexy and exciting.
383
00:16:08,128 --> 00:16:10,128
Why'd you want me to
be married so badly?
384
00:16:10,129 --> 00:16:12,464
Because with a married dude,
there's no future in it.
385
00:16:12,465 --> 00:16:13,800
Ouch.
386
00:16:14,724 --> 00:16:15,968
You know what?
387
00:16:15,969 --> 00:16:18,570
This is all just too much right now.
388
00:16:18,571 --> 00:16:20,021
Sorry.
389
00:16:26,696 --> 00:16:28,699
(DOOR SQUEAKS AND CLOSES)
390
00:16:31,266 --> 00:16:32,835
Exactly.
391
00:16:43,479 --> 00:16:45,847
Just one cigarette.
392
00:16:51,955 --> 00:16:54,272
PAUL: Men work harder,
393
00:16:54,273 --> 00:16:56,107
men die earlier.
394
00:16:56,108 --> 00:16:59,144
But do we worry about
men's health? (LAUGHS)
395
00:16:59,145 --> 00:17:03,315
Did you know that 50%
of domestic violence
396
00:17:03,316 --> 00:17:05,817
- is woman on man?
- Absolutely not true.
397
00:17:05,818 --> 00:17:07,886
I can't believe I haven't
seen you in three months.
398
00:17:07,887 --> 00:17:10,722
Gretchen was on the pod talking mad shit
399
00:17:10,723 --> 00:17:13,124
the other day that you proposed to her
400
00:17:13,125 --> 00:17:14,693
and then bailed, but I know
that couldn't be right.
401
00:17:14,694 --> 00:17:16,695
- No, that's accurate.
- So epic!
402
00:17:16,696 --> 00:17:19,297
So, Jimmy's actions are vilified,
403
00:17:19,298 --> 00:17:22,467
and yet Julia Roberts's antics
in Runaway Bride are delightful
404
00:17:22,468 --> 00:17:25,136
and quirky... Nauseating.
405
00:17:25,137 --> 00:17:26,905
Hey, Jimmy. You want to go
somewhere and get a real drink?
406
00:17:26,906 --> 00:17:28,206
- Continue our conver...
- Edgar.
407
00:17:28,207 --> 00:17:30,308
I was being deliberately obtuse before,
408
00:17:30,309 --> 00:17:32,510
- but I know what you're doing.
- You do?
409
00:17:32,511 --> 00:17:34,579
You're trying to deepen
our relationship,
410
00:17:34,580 --> 00:17:36,047
become more intimate.
411
00:17:36,048 --> 00:17:37,582
Yes, exactly.
412
00:17:37,583 --> 00:17:39,317
- I'm so happy you...
- Edgar, look at me.
413
00:17:40,388 --> 00:17:41,987
From the bottom of my heart,
414
00:17:41,988 --> 00:17:44,290
this thing you want between us,
415
00:17:44,291 --> 00:17:48,326
is never ever going to happen.
416
00:17:48,327 --> 00:17:51,098
I truly appreciate the
effort, but no thank you.
417
00:17:51,099 --> 00:17:52,448
(LAUGHS, SNORTS)
418
00:17:59,354 --> 00:18:01,123
Screw you, Jimmy.
419
00:18:03,559 --> 00:18:04,885
Anyway,
420
00:18:04,886 --> 00:18:07,579
I'm not proud of my cowardly behavior,
421
00:18:07,580 --> 00:18:10,690
so I'm biding my time whilst
Gretchen punishes me.
422
00:18:11,199 --> 00:18:12,909
To tell you the truth,
423
00:18:14,285 --> 00:18:18,223
it's massively painful to
see her with someone else.
424
00:18:18,224 --> 00:18:20,792
I gave myself a hernia crying so hard
425
00:18:20,793 --> 00:18:22,594
after one of Lindsay's sessions.
426
00:18:22,595 --> 00:18:24,429
That's really rough, Jimmy.
427
00:18:24,862 --> 00:18:26,065
Thanks.
428
00:18:26,066 --> 00:18:29,467
Aw, you guys.
429
00:18:29,468 --> 00:18:30,802
Edgar was right.
430
00:18:30,803 --> 00:18:32,771
Male bonding can be enjoyable.
431
00:18:32,772 --> 00:18:34,940
It's too bad he left
before things got deep.
432
00:18:34,941 --> 00:18:36,908
- Actually, I'm having a hard time
- (PHONE CHIMES)
433
00:18:36,909 --> 00:18:38,376
with Becca lately.
434
00:18:38,377 --> 00:18:39,577
She's been, uh...
435
00:18:39,578 --> 00:18:40,812
Bye.
436
00:18:40,813 --> 00:18:42,448
Cool.
437
00:18:43,289 --> 00:18:44,883
Whatever.
438
00:18:44,884 --> 00:18:46,551
Hey.
439
00:18:46,552 --> 00:18:49,406
Let's go run game on some
creep-shaming lezzies.
440
00:18:51,173 --> 00:18:52,457
Well,
441
00:18:52,458 --> 00:18:54,292
there's a couple of Clydesdales
442
00:18:54,293 --> 00:18:55,627
that need shoeing.
443
00:18:55,628 --> 00:18:56,728
(GRUNTS)
444
00:18:56,729 --> 00:18:58,314
- (WOMAN GASPS)
- (LAUGHS AND SNORTS)
445
00:19:00,056 --> 00:19:02,207
(TYPING)
446
00:19:02,208 --> 00:19:04,227
(SIGHS)
447
00:19:06,293 --> 00:19:08,511
Hey, guys. Want to grab
448
00:19:08,512 --> 00:19:10,680
- a drink or something?
- Oh, can't.
449
00:19:10,681 --> 00:19:13,254
I'm on a strict early
agrarian sleep cycle.
450
00:19:13,255 --> 00:19:15,852
JEFF: Man, I could really use
one, but I got band practice.
451
00:19:15,853 --> 00:19:17,287
I'm already late.
452
00:19:17,288 --> 00:19:19,255
Hey, you were funny today.
453
00:19:19,256 --> 00:19:22,490
TARA: Yeah. Jeff told me your pedo joke.
454
00:19:22,491 --> 00:19:23,794
Hysterical.
455
00:19:23,795 --> 00:19:25,112
Thanks.
456
00:19:29,649 --> 00:19:31,652
(SIGHS)
457
00:19:32,887 --> 00:19:34,890
(SIGHS)
458
00:19:36,990 --> 00:19:38,993
(MAN SINGING KARAOKE NEARBY)
459
00:19:42,442 --> 00:19:45,327
? And you know I like your style ?
460
00:19:45,328 --> 00:19:47,396
? Yeah, you know I like your style and ?
461
00:19:47,397 --> 00:19:48,632
? All the jewelry ?
462
00:19:48,633 --> 00:19:49,899
? And the platinum ?
463
00:19:49,900 --> 00:19:51,101
? Don't move me ?
464
00:19:51,102 --> 00:19:52,435
? I'm a real one ?
465
00:19:52,436 --> 00:19:54,336
? They all like my style ?
466
00:19:54,337 --> 00:19:57,540
? And, yeah, I know you like my style. ?
467
00:19:58,581 --> 00:20:00,242
Jimmy sucks.
468
00:20:00,243 --> 00:20:02,645
I just wish I had someone I
could really connect with.
469
00:20:02,646 --> 00:20:03,912
Right?
470
00:20:03,913 --> 00:20:05,782
It's like, no one gets me.
471
00:20:05,783 --> 00:20:07,350
Peanut shell?
472
00:20:07,351 --> 00:20:09,519
I went to the circus for lunch.
473
00:20:09,520 --> 00:20:10,771
(BOTH LAUGH)
474
00:20:14,676 --> 00:20:17,627
See? I just want to have
stupid fun like this
475
00:20:17,628 --> 00:20:19,829
- with my dumb coworkers.
- I know.
476
00:20:19,830 --> 00:20:22,364
Why is it so hard to find
someone to get close with?
477
00:20:22,365 --> 00:20:24,014
You dropped something.
478
00:20:27,020 --> 00:20:29,123
(MAKES FARTING SOUND)
479
00:20:30,190 --> 00:20:32,175
(BOTH LAUGHING)
480
00:20:32,176 --> 00:20:33,862
- Ow.
- Oh.
481
00:20:37,698 --> 00:20:40,321
? If you want to go
away from your shell ?
482
00:20:40,322 --> 00:20:43,553
? To free yourself, finally
get out of your cell ?
483
00:20:43,554 --> 00:20:46,703
? You said there's a place
where you used to hide ?
484
00:20:46,704 --> 00:20:49,564
? Where no one ever asks
what you got on your mind ?
485
00:20:49,565 --> 00:20:50,569
? You said it's ?
486
00:20:50,570 --> 00:20:51,577
? Take me for a ride ?
487
00:20:51,578 --> 00:20:53,284
? Take me by your side,
take me with you ?
488
00:20:53,285 --> 00:20:54,631
? Take me for a ride ?
489
00:20:54,632 --> 00:20:56,232
? Take me by your side,
take me with you ?
490
00:20:56,233 --> 00:20:57,734
? Take me for a ride ?
491
00:20:57,735 --> 00:20:59,821
? Take me by your side,
take me with you ?
492
00:20:59,822 --> 00:21:01,905
? Take me for a ride,
take me by your side ?
493
00:21:01,906 --> 00:21:03,724
? Take me with you. ?
494
00:21:09,311 --> 00:21:10,644
Whatcha doin'?
495
00:21:10,645 --> 00:21:12,482
I told myself that if you came out
496
00:21:12,483 --> 00:21:14,484
and asked me to stay, I would.
497
00:21:15,024 --> 00:21:17,990
It's just, I've never had anyone
fight for me and I thought:
498
00:21:17,991 --> 00:21:21,157
maybe someone would someday. (SNIFFLES)
499
00:21:21,158 --> 00:21:24,142
Maybe that's a thing I'm deserving of.
500
00:21:24,143 --> 00:21:26,286
But then I thought, "Hey,
501
00:21:26,287 --> 00:21:29,612
maybe you just don't give people
a chance to fight for you."
502
00:21:29,613 --> 00:21:32,926
So I thought I'd give you a couple
cigarettes' worth of a chance.
503
00:21:35,246 --> 00:21:36,537
Oh, my God.
504
00:21:43,598 --> 00:21:45,600
(SIGHS)
505
00:21:47,710 --> 00:21:49,719
(FLATLY): Don't go, Gretchen.
506
00:21:50,831 --> 00:21:52,756
You fought for me.
507
00:21:52,757 --> 00:21:54,308
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
508
00:22:07,734 --> 00:22:09,683
You want to stay over?
509
00:22:09,684 --> 00:22:11,393
Olivia went with Whitney
510
00:22:11,394 --> 00:22:13,239
to Neil's French horn recital.
511
00:22:13,240 --> 00:22:14,585
I hate him so much.
512
00:22:14,586 --> 00:22:15,730
Sure.
513
00:22:16,764 --> 00:22:18,112
Wait.
514
00:22:19,296 --> 00:22:21,885
Whose vibrator did I find
in the bedside table?
515
00:22:21,886 --> 00:22:22,986
Mine.
516
00:22:22,987 --> 00:22:24,406
Oh.
517
00:22:26,379 --> 00:22:27,657
Oh...
518
00:22:27,658 --> 00:22:29,759
? And I heard you're moving on ?
519
00:22:29,760 --> 00:22:32,146
? On to someone new ?
520
00:22:34,981 --> 00:22:38,018
? I don't blame her ?
521
00:22:39,253 --> 00:22:41,256
? At all ?
522
00:22:43,256 --> 00:22:45,809
? Sitting wide awake ?
523
00:22:45,810 --> 00:22:47,777
? In a crowded space ?
524
00:22:47,778 --> 00:22:50,079
? I know that I can make it ?
525
00:22:50,080 --> 00:22:54,017
? Find myself just thinking of you ?
526
00:22:54,018 --> 00:22:56,486
? Ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh ?
527
00:22:56,487 --> 00:22:58,306
Candace.
528
00:22:58,307 --> 00:23:01,286
Listen, I've changed my
mind about the expo.
529
00:23:01,287 --> 00:23:03,159
I'll, um...
530
00:23:03,160 --> 00:23:05,301
I-I'll see you Sunday.
531
00:23:06,697 --> 00:23:08,798
? And he becomes the man ?
532
00:23:08,799 --> 00:23:12,286
? That I could never be ?
533
00:23:14,889 --> 00:23:16,873
? And if I could do it different ?
534
00:23:16,874 --> 00:23:19,526
? I never would have let you go ?
535
00:23:19,527 --> 00:23:23,527
Sync and corrections by btsix
www.addic7ed.com
536
00:23:23,577 --> 00:23:28,127
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
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