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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,646 --> 00:00:03,847 (BOONE MOANING) 2 00:00:05,389 --> 00:00:06,907 (BOTH MOANING) 3 00:00:06,908 --> 00:00:09,094 ? ? 4 00:00:10,408 --> 00:00:13,820 (GRETCHEN GASPS, MOANS) 5 00:00:13,821 --> 00:00:17,818 ? Don't let space junk punch holes in the wings... ? 6 00:00:17,819 --> 00:00:19,388 ? ? 7 00:00:19,389 --> 00:00:21,189 (PANTING) 8 00:00:21,190 --> 00:00:24,183 Hey. Uh, are you sure it's okay that we're here? 9 00:00:24,184 --> 00:00:27,002 Yeah. We have the house to ourselves for hours. 10 00:00:27,003 --> 00:00:30,005 Sure, but, uh, aren't you worried about someone coming? 11 00:00:30,006 --> 00:00:32,008 Yeah. Me. 12 00:00:32,009 --> 00:00:33,577 (BOTH LAUGH) 13 00:00:33,578 --> 00:00:35,712 - (BOONE GROANS LOUDLY) - Oh. Oh, you were serious? 14 00:00:35,713 --> 00:00:38,381 - Well, okay then. - (BOONE MOANS, GRETCHEN LAUGHS) 15 00:00:38,382 --> 00:00:41,585 (BOONE PANTING) 16 00:00:41,586 --> 00:00:43,185 Sorry. Did you...? 17 00:00:43,186 --> 00:00:46,021 Oh, yeah. I had the floor a few minutes ago. 18 00:00:46,022 --> 00:00:48,223 Yeah, remember when I yelled "Boomtown"? 19 00:00:48,224 --> 00:00:50,043 - You're a weirdo. - (LAUGHS) 20 00:00:50,044 --> 00:00:52,128 - I'm gonna hop in the shower, okay? - (CHUCKLES) 21 00:00:52,129 --> 00:00:54,030 (SIGHS) 22 00:00:54,031 --> 00:00:55,732 (KNOB SQUEAKS, SHOWER RUNNING) 23 00:00:55,733 --> 00:00:57,252 (SIGHS) 24 00:00:59,286 --> 00:01:01,289 (CHUCKLES SOFTLY) 25 00:01:03,056 --> 00:01:06,643 _ 26 00:01:06,644 --> 00:01:08,664 (PHONE WHOOSHES) 27 00:01:15,737 --> 00:01:17,806 ? ? 28 00:01:27,080 --> 00:01:28,349 Amateur. 29 00:01:31,291 --> 00:01:34,344 _ 30 00:01:36,590 --> 00:01:38,827 ? ? 31 00:01:46,833 --> 00:01:48,603 So I was thinking... 32 00:01:50,504 --> 00:01:52,506 Gretchen? 33 00:01:54,708 --> 00:01:57,678 Someone break into the house and take you hostage? 34 00:02:00,113 --> 00:02:02,132 Did you tell them I've watched John Wick 35 00:02:02,133 --> 00:02:04,885 and John Wick 2 so many times? 36 00:02:06,119 --> 00:02:08,189 (KEYS CLINKING) 37 00:02:10,725 --> 00:02:12,108 (GASPS) Jesus! 38 00:02:12,109 --> 00:02:13,777 You scared me. 39 00:02:13,778 --> 00:02:15,712 Why are you in a towel? 40 00:02:15,713 --> 00:02:18,148 Nothing. Just showering. 41 00:02:18,149 --> 00:02:20,116 - Listen, I can explain. - Shut up! 42 00:02:20,117 --> 00:02:22,552 Damn it, Boone, I swear to God, if it's one of my friends... 43 00:02:22,553 --> 00:02:24,554 Just calm down. Let me speak. 44 00:02:24,555 --> 00:02:27,041 - She still here? - No. I mean, who? 45 00:02:28,918 --> 00:02:30,551 (SIGHS) Whatever. 46 00:02:30,552 --> 00:02:31,995 I don't even care. 47 00:02:31,996 --> 00:02:34,798 Olivia! Come on! 48 00:02:34,799 --> 00:02:38,301 Hey! Oh! 49 00:02:38,302 --> 00:02:41,337 Hi, Daddy. Girl Scouts got cancelled. 50 00:02:41,338 --> 00:02:42,972 - Aw. - Did you get my Bitmoji? 51 00:02:42,973 --> 00:02:44,641 I was going to send you one of poop, 52 00:02:44,642 --> 00:02:46,142 but Mom said that was beneath me. 53 00:02:46,143 --> 00:02:47,776 She's insane. 54 00:02:48,475 --> 00:02:50,646 Mom, come watch me play piano. 55 00:02:50,647 --> 00:02:52,314 I just learned "City of Stars." 56 00:02:52,688 --> 00:02:54,809 Isn't that, like, four notes? 57 00:02:57,171 --> 00:02:59,689 (PIANO PLAYING) 58 00:02:59,690 --> 00:03:02,177 (PIANO MUSIC CONTINUES) 59 00:03:08,950 --> 00:03:11,267 (SIGHS) 60 00:03:11,268 --> 00:03:12,935 - Hi, Boone. - Hey, Neil. 61 00:03:12,936 --> 00:03:14,370 Nice Subaru. 62 00:03:14,371 --> 00:03:15,939 - Thank you. - Is it new? 63 00:03:15,940 --> 00:03:18,241 - Yeah. - I didn't know you were a lesbian now. 64 00:03:18,242 --> 00:03:20,376 They are gonna love your fat little tits. 65 00:03:20,377 --> 00:03:21,778 See, this is exactly why 66 00:03:21,779 --> 00:03:23,947 my therapist told me not to talk to you. 67 00:03:23,948 --> 00:03:25,615 Oh. 68 00:03:25,616 --> 00:03:26,616 Neil? 69 00:03:26,617 --> 00:03:29,452 Neil? Neil? 70 00:03:29,453 --> 00:03:32,288 Neil? Neil? Neil? Neil? Neil? 71 00:03:32,289 --> 00:03:33,389 - What?! - (MUTTERS) 72 00:03:33,390 --> 00:03:35,224 - (LAUGHS) Ow! - What, Boone? 73 00:03:35,225 --> 00:03:37,093 I didn't mean it. No, don't you dare! 74 00:03:37,094 --> 00:03:38,361 Stop! Stop it! 75 00:03:38,362 --> 00:03:40,462 Mm... (WHIMPERS) 76 00:03:40,463 --> 00:03:42,798 - Where are the locks on this thing?! - Whoa. That's it. 77 00:03:42,799 --> 00:03:44,701 - Damn it, let me go, you maniac! - Aah! 78 00:03:44,702 --> 00:03:47,437 - (SHOUTING) - You are a child! 79 00:03:47,438 --> 00:03:50,273 - Oh, get off of me! - My dick's on your leg. 80 00:03:50,274 --> 00:03:51,679 Oh, my dick's on your leg. 81 00:03:51,680 --> 00:03:53,015 - No! - My dick's on your leg! 82 00:03:53,016 --> 00:03:54,735 - WHITNEY: See you tomorrow, honey! - Oh. 83 00:03:56,230 --> 00:03:58,133 (BOTH MEN PANTING, CHUCKLING) 84 00:04:03,237 --> 00:04:05,288 See ya, buddy. 85 00:04:05,289 --> 00:04:07,289 Sorry about your leg. 86 00:04:07,290 --> 00:04:08,976 ? ? 87 00:04:11,266 --> 00:04:16,916 Sync and corrections by btsix www.addic7ed.com 88 00:04:16,917 --> 00:04:20,103 ? I'm gonna leave you anyway ? 89 00:04:20,104 --> 00:04:22,238 ? I'm gonna leave you anyway ? 90 00:04:22,239 --> 00:04:24,593 ? Gonna leave you anyway. ? 91 00:04:30,797 --> 00:04:32,682 (LAUGHS) Yeah, okay, get this. 92 00:04:32,683 --> 00:04:35,484 So we pull out to reveal that the 7-Eleven... 93 00:04:35,485 --> 00:04:37,620 - it's actually a 9/11. - Which is why 94 00:04:37,621 --> 00:04:39,455 the Slurpee machines got hit by little airplanes. 95 00:04:39,456 --> 00:04:40,923 MAX: Oh. 96 00:04:40,924 --> 00:04:42,125 I like it. 97 00:04:42,126 --> 00:04:44,594 7-Eleven, Building 7. 98 00:04:44,595 --> 00:04:46,262 - Maybe there's something there? - EDGAR: Oh, hell yeah, 99 00:04:46,263 --> 00:04:47,764 - there's something there. - You teach me every day. 100 00:04:47,765 --> 00:04:48,998 I saw this video on YouTube... 101 00:04:48,999 --> 00:04:51,167 Every day, you teach me. 102 00:04:51,168 --> 00:04:52,554 Any calls? 103 00:04:54,622 --> 00:04:55,972 No. 104 00:04:55,973 --> 00:04:57,040 Got to tell my buddy Brent 105 00:04:57,041 --> 00:04:59,108 - the good news about our sketch. - Why? 106 00:04:59,109 --> 00:05:00,476 He's my main dude. 107 00:05:00,477 --> 00:05:01,945 So much of a best friendship 108 00:05:01,946 --> 00:05:03,313 is supporting each other through disappointments, 109 00:05:03,314 --> 00:05:05,515 that you got to share the small, 110 00:05:05,516 --> 00:05:07,884 good things just to balance it out. 111 00:05:07,885 --> 00:05:10,652 Sounds like me and Carlos. Mencia. 112 00:05:10,653 --> 00:05:12,354 - Oh. - We ride our Ducatis 113 00:05:12,355 --> 00:05:16,058 down PCH every Sunday, and then we just chat for hours. 114 00:05:16,059 --> 00:05:17,359 - Just talking? - Mm-hmm. 115 00:05:17,360 --> 00:05:19,294 This sounds weird to me for some reason. 116 00:05:19,295 --> 00:05:21,531 It's because, as men, we're conditioned 117 00:05:21,532 --> 00:05:24,000 to emotionally shut ourselves off from each other. 118 00:05:24,001 --> 00:05:26,119 It's why half of all men die of loneliness. 119 00:05:26,120 --> 00:05:27,159 Mm-hmm. 120 00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:29,305 These relationships sound beautiful. 121 00:05:29,306 --> 00:05:31,908 - I want that. - Me, too. 122 00:05:31,909 --> 00:05:34,840 I thought your roommate was your main dude, the Australian. 123 00:05:34,841 --> 00:05:37,012 Oh, Jimmy? Yeah. 124 00:05:37,013 --> 00:05:39,147 But we don't have that kind of relationship at all. 125 00:05:39,148 --> 00:05:40,883 If your needs aren't being met in the relationship, 126 00:05:40,884 --> 00:05:42,318 you need to take a stand, bro. 127 00:05:42,319 --> 00:05:45,421 Okay. I'm gonna do it. 128 00:05:45,422 --> 00:05:47,075 I'm so proud of you, Edgar. 129 00:05:51,379 --> 00:05:54,497 It's no Ducati, but, uh, I have an old ATV 130 00:05:54,498 --> 00:05:57,433 that's street legal if you and Carlos ever want a third. 131 00:05:57,434 --> 00:05:59,202 We do not. 132 00:05:59,203 --> 00:06:01,223 Copy that. 133 00:06:02,790 --> 00:06:05,008 Stupid-ass stoner. 134 00:06:05,009 --> 00:06:06,709 So I'm tearing down the stairs 135 00:06:06,710 --> 00:06:08,729 just as his wife is walking up to the house. 136 00:06:08,730 --> 00:06:09,412 (GASPS) 137 00:06:09,413 --> 00:06:11,447 I have no way out, 138 00:06:11,448 --> 00:06:13,349 but I remember there's a back door. 139 00:06:13,350 --> 00:06:15,618 Mm, there's always a back door. 140 00:06:15,619 --> 00:06:17,453 (GRETCHEN SIGHS) 141 00:06:17,454 --> 00:06:19,355 I thought banging a hubby was hot, 142 00:06:19,356 --> 00:06:21,623 but now that I almost came face-to-face with his wife, 143 00:06:21,624 --> 00:06:23,058 I don't know. 144 00:06:23,059 --> 00:06:24,693 I feel slightly... 145 00:06:24,694 --> 00:06:26,361 Ugh! What's the word? 146 00:06:26,362 --> 00:06:29,565 It's like bad, but involves other people. 147 00:06:29,566 --> 00:06:32,368 - Carsick? Hard fart? Murder? - No. 148 00:06:32,369 --> 00:06:33,736 The point is, 149 00:06:33,737 --> 00:06:36,205 you like taking that "D" on the reg, right, dawg? 150 00:06:36,206 --> 00:06:38,374 - No diggity. - Then enjoy that shit. 151 00:06:38,375 --> 00:06:40,575 If this hubster's cheating on a frumpus 152 00:06:40,576 --> 00:06:42,945 who masturbates with a children's vibrator, 153 00:06:42,946 --> 00:06:45,380 that's his problem. You do you. 154 00:06:45,381 --> 00:06:48,384 You know what? You're actually right. 155 00:06:48,385 --> 00:06:51,988 I know. Business has made me hella smart. 156 00:06:51,989 --> 00:06:53,890 Pass the sweet salt. 157 00:06:55,165 --> 00:06:57,493 Plus, I have to admit, 158 00:06:57,494 --> 00:07:01,148 it was pretty hot almost getting caught banging in their bed. 159 00:07:04,018 --> 00:07:07,364 _ 160 00:07:07,365 --> 00:07:09,405 - (PHONE WHOOSHES) - So, what's up with you? 161 00:07:09,406 --> 00:07:12,008 Not much. Now that you're taking old dick, 162 00:07:12,009 --> 00:07:14,077 I don't really have anyone to party with. 163 00:07:14,078 --> 00:07:16,797 What about your work friends? They seem... 164 00:07:18,799 --> 00:07:20,483 Yeah, they're cool. 165 00:07:20,484 --> 00:07:23,953 Tara makes ugly metal art and Jeff is a Halloween person, 166 00:07:23,954 --> 00:07:26,656 but we're not really friends. 167 00:07:26,657 --> 00:07:28,591 - How come? - I don't know, I just feel like 168 00:07:28,592 --> 00:07:30,993 when I'm at work, I need to keep shit locked down. 169 00:07:30,994 --> 00:07:32,428 Sounds like Work Lindsay sucks. 170 00:07:32,429 --> 00:07:34,864 So, what you're saying is 171 00:07:34,865 --> 00:07:37,500 I should just be myself, and they'll want to be my friends? 172 00:07:37,501 --> 00:07:39,100 (PHONE CHIMES, VIBRATES) 173 00:07:39,101 --> 00:07:41,101 _ 174 00:07:42,223 --> 00:07:45,208 Uh, okay! Sounds great! 175 00:07:45,209 --> 00:07:48,062 - Call you later. - Have fun with that "D" for me. 176 00:07:54,134 --> 00:07:55,517 Jimmy? 177 00:07:55,518 --> 00:07:56,519 (DOOR CLOSES) 178 00:07:56,520 --> 00:07:59,355 (SIGHS) 179 00:07:59,356 --> 00:08:02,125 - Are you okay? - Edgar, last night I had a revelation. 180 00:08:02,126 --> 00:08:04,694 Gretchen clearly brought that man home for my benefit. 181 00:08:04,695 --> 00:08:06,663 I thought she brought him home to have sex with him. 182 00:08:06,664 --> 00:08:07,330 Aha. 183 00:08:07,331 --> 00:08:08,898 That's what she wanted us to think. 184 00:08:08,899 --> 00:08:11,000 I mean, they absolutely did have sex. A lot. 185 00:08:11,001 --> 00:08:13,503 The noises were highly disturbing. 186 00:08:13,504 --> 00:08:15,705 And he's a screamer. But then around 3:00 a.m., 187 00:08:15,706 --> 00:08:17,573 I realized it was a false flag. 188 00:08:17,574 --> 00:08:20,543 They could have had sex anywhere, so why here? 189 00:08:20,544 --> 00:08:22,177 - Because she hates you? - That's what I thought. 190 00:08:22,178 --> 00:08:25,714 But then, around 4:00 a.m., I realized, no, 191 00:08:25,715 --> 00:08:28,221 it is because she loves me. 192 00:08:28,222 --> 00:08:29,719 So I am not leaving this house 193 00:08:29,720 --> 00:08:31,219 until I blow the lid off her ruse. 194 00:08:31,220 --> 00:08:33,522 What about the book expo? It's your book release. 195 00:08:33,523 --> 00:08:35,324 - Staying here is far more important. - Well, 196 00:08:35,325 --> 00:08:37,660 it sounds like you have a lot going on 197 00:08:37,661 --> 00:08:40,496 and just need a friend to talk through it with. 198 00:08:40,497 --> 00:08:43,999 Why don't we go get some steaks, have a nice Cab, and... 199 00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:46,502 - we can hash it out? - I didn't start listening 200 00:08:46,503 --> 00:08:48,504 until "steaks and Cab," but yes, very smart. 201 00:08:48,505 --> 00:08:50,907 Edgar, you're not as dumb as I think you are. 202 00:08:50,908 --> 00:08:52,426 Thanks. 203 00:08:54,075 --> 00:08:56,979 - (ELEVATOR BELL DINGS) - (COUGHING) 204 00:08:59,792 --> 00:09:02,376 ? En, en, en, engine off, windows up ? 205 00:09:02,377 --> 00:09:04,078 ? That's the way I like to puff ? 206 00:09:04,079 --> 00:09:05,447 ? Engine on, windows up... ? 207 00:09:05,448 --> 00:09:06,814 So, I'm at Coachella, 208 00:09:06,815 --> 00:09:08,949 and Hozier kicks me out of his trailer, 209 00:09:08,950 --> 00:09:10,584 and I'm already sore, 210 00:09:10,585 --> 00:09:12,586 (CHUCKLES): and then there's Father John Misty, 211 00:09:12,587 --> 00:09:15,557 all cranked up and ready to go, so I'm like, 212 00:09:15,558 --> 00:09:18,293 all right, I guess we're doing this. 213 00:09:18,294 --> 00:09:20,394 ? Now, can you handle that ? 214 00:09:20,395 --> 00:09:23,465 ? The way I drop it to the floor and then I bring it back ? 215 00:09:23,466 --> 00:09:26,000 ? I keep them boys I get from over, you agree with that? ? 216 00:09:26,001 --> 00:09:28,904 ? I'm so bad, I'm mean, you know what I mean? ? 217 00:09:28,905 --> 00:09:31,773 ? Or am I confusing? I been noticing lately how ? 218 00:09:31,774 --> 00:09:33,975 ? I don't think that you can handle that, can handle that ? 219 00:09:33,976 --> 00:09:35,843 ? Come on and make a move, or don'tcha know just what to do? ? 220 00:09:35,844 --> 00:09:37,578 ? I'm on fire... ? 221 00:09:37,579 --> 00:09:38,764 Are you done? 222 00:09:39,797 --> 00:09:41,147 Item four. 223 00:09:41,818 --> 00:09:43,918 (BOONE PANTING HEAVILY) 224 00:09:43,919 --> 00:09:46,094 Nice sex moves. 225 00:09:46,095 --> 00:09:48,356 You're pretty limber for an old guy. 226 00:09:48,357 --> 00:09:50,008 And loud. 227 00:09:51,609 --> 00:09:53,127 Can't you hang for a bit? 228 00:09:53,128 --> 00:09:54,446 Oh. 229 00:09:55,479 --> 00:09:57,048 Okay. 230 00:09:58,117 --> 00:09:59,468 It's just... 231 00:09:59,835 --> 00:10:01,869 I know we're both grown-ups, but... 232 00:10:01,870 --> 00:10:03,704 I have some residual... 233 00:10:03,705 --> 00:10:05,940 murder feelings. 234 00:10:05,941 --> 00:10:07,275 Ugh! 235 00:10:07,276 --> 00:10:09,276 I feel like it starts with a "G." 236 00:10:09,277 --> 00:10:11,045 Gauche. Gout? 237 00:10:11,046 --> 00:10:13,714 - Guilt? - That sounds wrong. 238 00:10:13,715 --> 00:10:15,350 Guilt. 239 00:10:15,351 --> 00:10:17,318 Yeah. 240 00:10:17,319 --> 00:10:19,321 Guilt. 241 00:10:19,322 --> 00:10:21,789 I have guilt on Olivia. 242 00:10:21,790 --> 00:10:24,576 I don't feel like I'm using it right. 243 00:10:25,844 --> 00:10:27,995 (SIGHS) 244 00:10:27,996 --> 00:10:30,887 She texted you yesterday. 245 00:10:30,888 --> 00:10:32,399 That's why I bailed. 246 00:10:33,294 --> 00:10:34,501 Sorry for snooping. 247 00:10:35,127 --> 00:10:36,850 - I'm a stinker. - It's my fault. 248 00:10:37,289 --> 00:10:38,998 I've been trying to keep her out of this. 249 00:10:38,999 --> 00:10:41,175 - Do you love her? - Of course I love her. 250 00:10:41,176 --> 00:10:43,377 Then aren't you worried about having to face her 251 00:10:43,378 --> 00:10:45,546 knowing we just had sex in her house? 252 00:10:45,547 --> 00:10:48,183 (GROANS) Why'd you bring that up? 253 00:10:48,184 --> 00:10:50,518 I'm just trying to be real, dude. 254 00:10:50,519 --> 00:10:53,487 I mean... not to be gross, 255 00:10:53,488 --> 00:10:55,155 but at some point she's gonna come home, 256 00:10:55,156 --> 00:10:56,757 get in bed, and what, lie in it? 257 00:10:56,758 --> 00:10:58,325 - Jesus, Gretchen! - What? 258 00:10:58,326 --> 00:11:00,327 She is. She's gonna lie right in it. 259 00:11:00,328 --> 00:11:02,831 - No, she isn't. - She sleeps here with you, doesn't she? 260 00:11:02,832 --> 00:11:05,533 - I mean, every now and then. - Enough to keep her toys here. 261 00:11:05,534 --> 00:11:07,735 - What?! - I found one of her toys yesterday. 262 00:11:07,736 --> 00:11:09,169 So? They're all over the house. What does that 263 00:11:09,170 --> 00:11:11,172 - have to do with anything? - I don't know! 264 00:11:11,173 --> 00:11:14,208 I'm just not thrilled about the idea of getting into your bed 265 00:11:14,209 --> 00:11:16,243 and seeing Olivia's pubes everywhere. 266 00:11:16,244 --> 00:11:17,761 She doesn't have pubes! 267 00:11:19,080 --> 00:11:21,181 And I just said that. 268 00:11:21,182 --> 00:11:23,083 Wow! Okay. 269 00:11:23,084 --> 00:11:25,565 You know what? Forget it! 270 00:11:25,566 --> 00:11:27,087 I shouldn't have said anything! 271 00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:28,889 Where's your other bathroom? 272 00:11:28,890 --> 00:11:30,958 Just out there! You psycho! 273 00:11:30,959 --> 00:11:32,577 Psycho you! 274 00:11:33,612 --> 00:11:35,448 (KNOBS SQUEAK, SHOWER RUNNING) 275 00:11:40,918 --> 00:11:42,954 ? ? 276 00:11:59,771 --> 00:12:02,389 So, you see, this can only mean 277 00:12:02,390 --> 00:12:05,427 that her levels of anger are accelerating. 278 00:12:05,428 --> 00:12:08,663 She went from pure rage to sex revenge in record time. 279 00:12:08,664 --> 00:12:11,066 Our inevitable reunion can't be far off. 280 00:12:11,067 --> 00:12:13,233 - This sounds like an uncert... - Plus, a family of raccoons 281 00:12:13,234 --> 00:12:15,069 has taken residence in the box spring 282 00:12:15,070 --> 00:12:16,904 Gretchen jettisoned into the yard, 283 00:12:16,905 --> 00:12:19,441 so that's a dangerous wild card. 284 00:12:19,442 --> 00:12:22,409 Why do you think she did that? Like, I wonder if there's some 285 00:12:22,410 --> 00:12:25,279 - deeper meaning... - And Book Lady can't seem to understand 286 00:12:25,280 --> 00:12:27,148 why I must stay here 287 00:12:27,149 --> 00:12:29,583 and forgo The Romance and Erotica Book Expo. 288 00:12:29,584 --> 00:12:31,251 God, that's a bad name. 289 00:12:31,252 --> 00:12:33,454 You'd think a room full of writers could do better. 290 00:12:33,455 --> 00:12:35,522 - Oh, well... - Where the hell is our waiter? 291 00:12:35,523 --> 00:12:38,210 This mediocre Nebbiolo isn't gonna refill itself. 292 00:12:39,210 --> 00:12:40,677 What are you doing? 293 00:12:41,830 --> 00:12:43,413 Jimmy, I've got to say something here. 294 00:12:43,932 --> 00:12:45,123 We've lived together for... 295 00:12:45,467 --> 00:12:47,334 what, four years now? 296 00:12:47,335 --> 00:12:49,169 Hey, no. Look at me. Jimmy. 297 00:12:49,502 --> 00:12:50,503 Look at me. 298 00:12:52,556 --> 00:12:54,842 - I care about you. - VERNON: Jimmy! 299 00:12:54,843 --> 00:12:56,310 What's up, ladies? 300 00:12:56,311 --> 00:12:57,478 Oh, thank God. 301 00:12:57,479 --> 00:12:59,546 Vernon and... Paul? 302 00:12:59,547 --> 00:13:01,182 Why do you look so... 303 00:13:01,668 --> 00:13:02,783 like that? 304 00:13:02,784 --> 00:13:04,985 Generally: Men's Rights Activism. 305 00:13:04,986 --> 00:13:07,355 Specifically: Signaling. 306 00:13:07,356 --> 00:13:09,456 Tells people I have my shit together. 307 00:13:10,016 --> 00:13:11,192 I cuss now. 308 00:13:11,193 --> 00:13:12,793 Sorry, guys, but we were just in the middle 309 00:13:12,794 --> 00:13:13,861 - of something. - Yeah, Bec forbade me 310 00:13:13,862 --> 00:13:15,329 from ever seeing him again. 311 00:13:15,330 --> 00:13:16,830 You know, on account of loyalty and junk. 312 00:13:16,831 --> 00:13:19,500 So, one day we're both online, 313 00:13:19,501 --> 00:13:21,502 playing League of Legends, and I realized 314 00:13:21,503 --> 00:13:23,303 I miss the little cuck. 315 00:13:23,304 --> 00:13:25,240 Reformed cuckold. 316 00:13:25,241 --> 00:13:26,808 Hey, why don't you two join us? 317 00:13:26,809 --> 00:13:28,242 Wait, but we were just starting... 318 00:13:28,243 --> 00:13:30,644 Hell, yeah, four-way bro-down? 319 00:13:30,645 --> 00:13:33,797 We look like the poster from Rounders. So tight! 320 00:13:34,612 --> 00:13:35,738 Excuse me. 321 00:13:35,739 --> 00:13:37,217 - Yes? - I'll have a vodka soda. 322 00:13:37,218 --> 00:13:39,920 And no, I'm not trying to rape you. 323 00:13:39,921 --> 00:13:41,688 (WAITRESS SIGHS IN DISGUST) 324 00:13:41,689 --> 00:13:43,390 Mmm. 325 00:13:43,391 --> 00:13:46,093 A little boy and a pedophile are walking in the woods. 326 00:13:46,094 --> 00:13:47,828 The little boy says, 327 00:13:47,829 --> 00:13:50,030 "Mister, I'm scared." 328 00:13:50,031 --> 00:13:51,732 So the pedophile says, 329 00:13:51,733 --> 00:13:55,536 "You're scared? I have to walk back by myself." 330 00:13:55,537 --> 00:13:56,770 Oh, my God. 331 00:13:56,771 --> 00:13:58,038 I know. (LAUGHS) 332 00:13:58,039 --> 00:13:59,540 He has a kid! 333 00:13:59,541 --> 00:14:01,575 No, Gretchen, he killed the kid. 334 00:14:01,576 --> 00:14:03,343 That's the joke. 335 00:14:03,344 --> 00:14:06,246 No. Boone. He has a daughter! 336 00:14:06,763 --> 00:14:08,139 Ooh! 337 00:14:09,330 --> 00:14:12,250 I was just starting to be okay with the wife thing. 338 00:14:12,251 --> 00:14:13,855 Now I have to be okay with him having a kid? 339 00:14:13,856 --> 00:14:16,957 No. No. Gretch, some ding-dong wife is one thing, 340 00:14:16,958 --> 00:14:19,860 but a kid, that's way too much drama. 341 00:14:19,861 --> 00:14:22,630 But... now that he has a kid, 342 00:14:22,631 --> 00:14:25,433 isn't it like he's even more unavailable? 343 00:14:25,434 --> 00:14:27,202 - No! - Okay, but just hear me out. 344 00:14:27,203 --> 00:14:29,636 - No. No! No, no. No. - Oh. Oh... 345 00:14:29,637 --> 00:14:31,438 - (GRUNTS) - All right! 346 00:14:31,439 --> 00:14:33,224 Jesus! I won't! 347 00:14:34,593 --> 00:14:36,944 But what if I try to end it and he cries, 348 00:14:36,945 --> 00:14:38,096 and then I... 349 00:14:38,983 --> 00:14:41,326 Oh, never mind. No one ever fights for me. 350 00:14:43,299 --> 00:14:44,552 Hey, how's the... 351 00:14:44,553 --> 00:14:46,754 "making friends with your coworkers" thing going? 352 00:14:46,755 --> 00:14:49,557 Great. I'm totally being myself. They love it. 353 00:14:49,558 --> 00:14:51,893 You missed my Chris Rock impression. 354 00:14:51,894 --> 00:14:53,634 Seen it. Hey. 355 00:14:53,635 --> 00:14:55,329 Does Carl have anything good in the fridge? 356 00:14:55,330 --> 00:14:58,265 Homemade lasagna from his mom. It's amazing. 357 00:14:58,266 --> 00:14:59,851 But there's only one piece left, so hurry. 358 00:15:03,757 --> 00:15:05,759 (ROCK STRIKES WINDOW) 359 00:15:15,858 --> 00:15:18,411 Why are you throwing rocks at my house? 360 00:15:18,412 --> 00:15:20,012 I can't see you anymore. 361 00:15:20,013 --> 00:15:21,847 'Cause I just talked to my friend, 362 00:15:21,848 --> 00:15:24,798 who once dated a Romanian gymnastics coach, 363 00:15:24,799 --> 00:15:26,591 and even she thinks this is a bad idea. 364 00:15:26,592 --> 00:15:28,854 Anyway, I just wish you'd told me you had a kid. 365 00:15:28,855 --> 00:15:31,923 I did. We just had a whole conversation about her. 366 00:15:31,924 --> 00:15:33,425 No, we talked about your wife. 367 00:15:33,426 --> 00:15:35,762 I'm not married. When did we talk about my wife? 368 00:15:35,763 --> 00:15:37,696 First of all, you told me about your wedding 369 00:15:37,697 --> 00:15:39,632 the day that we met. And second of all, 370 00:15:39,633 --> 00:15:42,200 we just talked all about her, like four hours ago. 371 00:15:42,201 --> 00:15:44,860 First of all, people get divorced. 372 00:15:44,861 --> 00:15:46,705 And second of all, I was talking about my daughter, 373 00:15:46,706 --> 00:15:48,697 Olivia, who's awesome. 374 00:15:48,698 --> 00:15:51,575 My ex-wife's name is Whitney, who sucks. 375 00:15:51,576 --> 00:15:54,228 So this whole time... 376 00:15:55,229 --> 00:15:56,815 you're not married? 377 00:15:56,816 --> 00:15:59,719 - No. - Then why have we been sneaking around 378 00:15:59,720 --> 00:16:01,620 and boning in hotels and cars and shit? 379 00:16:01,621 --> 00:16:03,221 Because it was sexy and exciting. 380 00:16:03,222 --> 00:16:04,723 Wait. You thought I was married 381 00:16:04,724 --> 00:16:06,291 and you were just cool with it? 382 00:16:06,292 --> 00:16:08,127 It was sexy and exciting. 383 00:16:08,128 --> 00:16:10,128 Why'd you want me to be married so badly? 384 00:16:10,129 --> 00:16:12,464 Because with a married dude, there's no future in it. 385 00:16:12,465 --> 00:16:13,800 Ouch. 386 00:16:14,724 --> 00:16:15,968 You know what? 387 00:16:15,969 --> 00:16:18,570 This is all just too much right now. 388 00:16:18,571 --> 00:16:20,021 Sorry. 389 00:16:26,696 --> 00:16:28,699 (DOOR SQUEAKS AND CLOSES) 390 00:16:31,266 --> 00:16:32,835 Exactly. 391 00:16:43,479 --> 00:16:45,847 Just one cigarette. 392 00:16:51,955 --> 00:16:54,272 PAUL: Men work harder, 393 00:16:54,273 --> 00:16:56,107 men die earlier. 394 00:16:56,108 --> 00:16:59,144 But do we worry about men's health? (LAUGHS) 395 00:16:59,145 --> 00:17:03,315 Did you know that 50% of domestic violence 396 00:17:03,316 --> 00:17:05,817 - is woman on man? - Absolutely not true. 397 00:17:05,818 --> 00:17:07,886 I can't believe I haven't seen you in three months. 398 00:17:07,887 --> 00:17:10,722 Gretchen was on the pod talking mad shit 399 00:17:10,723 --> 00:17:13,124 the other day that you proposed to her 400 00:17:13,125 --> 00:17:14,693 and then bailed, but I know that couldn't be right. 401 00:17:14,694 --> 00:17:16,695 - No, that's accurate. - So epic! 402 00:17:16,696 --> 00:17:19,297 So, Jimmy's actions are vilified, 403 00:17:19,298 --> 00:17:22,467 and yet Julia Roberts's antics in Runaway Bride are delightful 404 00:17:22,468 --> 00:17:25,136 and quirky... Nauseating. 405 00:17:25,137 --> 00:17:26,905 Hey, Jimmy. You want to go somewhere and get a real drink? 406 00:17:26,906 --> 00:17:28,206 - Continue our conver... - Edgar. 407 00:17:28,207 --> 00:17:30,308 I was being deliberately obtuse before, 408 00:17:30,309 --> 00:17:32,510 - but I know what you're doing. - You do? 409 00:17:32,511 --> 00:17:34,579 You're trying to deepen our relationship, 410 00:17:34,580 --> 00:17:36,047 become more intimate. 411 00:17:36,048 --> 00:17:37,582 Yes, exactly. 412 00:17:37,583 --> 00:17:39,317 - I'm so happy you... - Edgar, look at me. 413 00:17:40,388 --> 00:17:41,987 From the bottom of my heart, 414 00:17:41,988 --> 00:17:44,290 this thing you want between us, 415 00:17:44,291 --> 00:17:48,326 is never ever going to happen. 416 00:17:48,327 --> 00:17:51,098 I truly appreciate the effort, but no thank you. 417 00:17:51,099 --> 00:17:52,448 (LAUGHS, SNORTS) 418 00:17:59,354 --> 00:18:01,123 Screw you, Jimmy. 419 00:18:03,559 --> 00:18:04,885 Anyway, 420 00:18:04,886 --> 00:18:07,579 I'm not proud of my cowardly behavior, 421 00:18:07,580 --> 00:18:10,690 so I'm biding my time whilst Gretchen punishes me. 422 00:18:11,199 --> 00:18:12,909 To tell you the truth, 423 00:18:14,285 --> 00:18:18,223 it's massively painful to see her with someone else. 424 00:18:18,224 --> 00:18:20,792 I gave myself a hernia crying so hard 425 00:18:20,793 --> 00:18:22,594 after one of Lindsay's sessions. 426 00:18:22,595 --> 00:18:24,429 That's really rough, Jimmy. 427 00:18:24,862 --> 00:18:26,065 Thanks. 428 00:18:26,066 --> 00:18:29,467 Aw, you guys. 429 00:18:29,468 --> 00:18:30,802 Edgar was right. 430 00:18:30,803 --> 00:18:32,771 Male bonding can be enjoyable. 431 00:18:32,772 --> 00:18:34,940 It's too bad he left before things got deep. 432 00:18:34,941 --> 00:18:36,908 - Actually, I'm having a hard time - (PHONE CHIMES) 433 00:18:36,909 --> 00:18:38,376 with Becca lately. 434 00:18:38,377 --> 00:18:39,577 She's been, uh... 435 00:18:39,578 --> 00:18:40,812 Bye. 436 00:18:40,813 --> 00:18:42,448 Cool. 437 00:18:43,289 --> 00:18:44,883 Whatever. 438 00:18:44,884 --> 00:18:46,551 Hey. 439 00:18:46,552 --> 00:18:49,406 Let's go run game on some creep-shaming lezzies. 440 00:18:51,173 --> 00:18:52,457 Well, 441 00:18:52,458 --> 00:18:54,292 there's a couple of Clydesdales 442 00:18:54,293 --> 00:18:55,627 that need shoeing. 443 00:18:55,628 --> 00:18:56,728 (GRUNTS) 444 00:18:56,729 --> 00:18:58,314 - (WOMAN GASPS) - (LAUGHS AND SNORTS) 445 00:19:00,056 --> 00:19:02,207 (TYPING) 446 00:19:02,208 --> 00:19:04,227 (SIGHS) 447 00:19:06,293 --> 00:19:08,511 Hey, guys. Want to grab 448 00:19:08,512 --> 00:19:10,680 - a drink or something? - Oh, can't. 449 00:19:10,681 --> 00:19:13,254 I'm on a strict early agrarian sleep cycle. 450 00:19:13,255 --> 00:19:15,852 JEFF: Man, I could really use one, but I got band practice. 451 00:19:15,853 --> 00:19:17,287 I'm already late. 452 00:19:17,288 --> 00:19:19,255 Hey, you were funny today. 453 00:19:19,256 --> 00:19:22,490 TARA: Yeah. Jeff told me your pedo joke. 454 00:19:22,491 --> 00:19:23,794 Hysterical. 455 00:19:23,795 --> 00:19:25,112 Thanks. 456 00:19:29,649 --> 00:19:31,652 (SIGHS) 457 00:19:32,887 --> 00:19:34,890 (SIGHS) 458 00:19:36,990 --> 00:19:38,993 (MAN SINGING KARAOKE NEARBY) 459 00:19:42,442 --> 00:19:45,327 ? And you know I like your style ? 460 00:19:45,328 --> 00:19:47,396 ? Yeah, you know I like your style and ? 461 00:19:47,397 --> 00:19:48,632 ? All the jewelry ? 462 00:19:48,633 --> 00:19:49,899 ? And the platinum ? 463 00:19:49,900 --> 00:19:51,101 ? Don't move me ? 464 00:19:51,102 --> 00:19:52,435 ? I'm a real one ? 465 00:19:52,436 --> 00:19:54,336 ? They all like my style ? 466 00:19:54,337 --> 00:19:57,540 ? And, yeah, I know you like my style. ? 467 00:19:58,581 --> 00:20:00,242 Jimmy sucks. 468 00:20:00,243 --> 00:20:02,645 I just wish I had someone I could really connect with. 469 00:20:02,646 --> 00:20:03,912 Right? 470 00:20:03,913 --> 00:20:05,782 It's like, no one gets me. 471 00:20:05,783 --> 00:20:07,350 Peanut shell? 472 00:20:07,351 --> 00:20:09,519 I went to the circus for lunch. 473 00:20:09,520 --> 00:20:10,771 (BOTH LAUGH) 474 00:20:14,676 --> 00:20:17,627 See? I just want to have stupid fun like this 475 00:20:17,628 --> 00:20:19,829 - with my dumb coworkers. - I know. 476 00:20:19,830 --> 00:20:22,364 Why is it so hard to find someone to get close with? 477 00:20:22,365 --> 00:20:24,014 You dropped something. 478 00:20:27,020 --> 00:20:29,123 (MAKES FARTING SOUND) 479 00:20:30,190 --> 00:20:32,175 (BOTH LAUGHING) 480 00:20:32,176 --> 00:20:33,862 - Ow. - Oh. 481 00:20:37,698 --> 00:20:40,321 ? If you want to go away from your shell ? 482 00:20:40,322 --> 00:20:43,553 ? To free yourself, finally get out of your cell ? 483 00:20:43,554 --> 00:20:46,703 ? You said there's a place where you used to hide ? 484 00:20:46,704 --> 00:20:49,564 ? Where no one ever asks what you got on your mind ? 485 00:20:49,565 --> 00:20:50,569 ? You said it's ? 486 00:20:50,570 --> 00:20:51,577 ? Take me for a ride ? 487 00:20:51,578 --> 00:20:53,284 ? Take me by your side, take me with you ? 488 00:20:53,285 --> 00:20:54,631 ? Take me for a ride ? 489 00:20:54,632 --> 00:20:56,232 ? Take me by your side, take me with you ? 490 00:20:56,233 --> 00:20:57,734 ? Take me for a ride ? 491 00:20:57,735 --> 00:20:59,821 ? Take me by your side, take me with you ? 492 00:20:59,822 --> 00:21:01,905 ? Take me for a ride, take me by your side ? 493 00:21:01,906 --> 00:21:03,724 ? Take me with you. ? 494 00:21:09,311 --> 00:21:10,644 Whatcha doin'? 495 00:21:10,645 --> 00:21:12,482 I told myself that if you came out 496 00:21:12,483 --> 00:21:14,484 and asked me to stay, I would. 497 00:21:15,024 --> 00:21:17,990 It's just, I've never had anyone fight for me and I thought: 498 00:21:17,991 --> 00:21:21,157 maybe someone would someday. (SNIFFLES) 499 00:21:21,158 --> 00:21:24,142 Maybe that's a thing I'm deserving of. 500 00:21:24,143 --> 00:21:26,286 But then I thought, "Hey, 501 00:21:26,287 --> 00:21:29,612 maybe you just don't give people a chance to fight for you." 502 00:21:29,613 --> 00:21:32,926 So I thought I'd give you a couple cigarettes' worth of a chance. 503 00:21:35,246 --> 00:21:36,537 Oh, my God. 504 00:21:43,598 --> 00:21:45,600 (SIGHS) 505 00:21:47,710 --> 00:21:49,719 (FLATLY): Don't go, Gretchen. 506 00:21:50,831 --> 00:21:52,756 You fought for me. 507 00:21:52,757 --> 00:21:54,308 (BOTH CHUCKLE) 508 00:22:07,734 --> 00:22:09,683 You want to stay over? 509 00:22:09,684 --> 00:22:11,393 Olivia went with Whitney 510 00:22:11,394 --> 00:22:13,239 to Neil's French horn recital. 511 00:22:13,240 --> 00:22:14,585 I hate him so much. 512 00:22:14,586 --> 00:22:15,730 Sure. 513 00:22:16,764 --> 00:22:18,112 Wait. 514 00:22:19,296 --> 00:22:21,885 Whose vibrator did I find in the bedside table? 515 00:22:21,886 --> 00:22:22,986 Mine. 516 00:22:22,987 --> 00:22:24,406 Oh. 517 00:22:26,379 --> 00:22:27,657 Oh... 518 00:22:27,658 --> 00:22:29,759 ? And I heard you're moving on ? 519 00:22:29,760 --> 00:22:32,146 ? On to someone new ? 520 00:22:34,981 --> 00:22:38,018 ? I don't blame her ? 521 00:22:39,253 --> 00:22:41,256 ? At all ? 522 00:22:43,256 --> 00:22:45,809 ? Sitting wide awake ? 523 00:22:45,810 --> 00:22:47,777 ? In a crowded space ? 524 00:22:47,778 --> 00:22:50,079 ? I know that I can make it ? 525 00:22:50,080 --> 00:22:54,017 ? Find myself just thinking of you ? 526 00:22:54,018 --> 00:22:56,486 ? Ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh ? 527 00:22:56,487 --> 00:22:58,306 Candace. 528 00:22:58,307 --> 00:23:01,286 Listen, I've changed my mind about the expo. 529 00:23:01,287 --> 00:23:03,159 I'll, um... 530 00:23:03,160 --> 00:23:05,301 I-I'll see you Sunday. 531 00:23:06,697 --> 00:23:08,798 ? And he becomes the man ? 532 00:23:08,799 --> 00:23:12,286 ? That I could never be ? 533 00:23:14,889 --> 00:23:16,873 ? And if I could do it different ? 534 00:23:16,874 --> 00:23:19,526 ? I never would have let you go ? 535 00:23:19,527 --> 00:23:23,527 Sync and corrections by btsix www.addic7ed.com 536 00:23:23,577 --> 00:23:28,127 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 37620

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