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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,810 --> 00:00:03,576 2 00:00:07,348 --> 00:00:09,332 "As Malcolm bent the 17-year-old Sally 3 00:00:09,401 --> 00:00:12,502 over the lip of his tanker desk, he thought back to her baptism." 4 00:00:12,571 --> 00:00:13,703 What the shit?! 5 00:00:13,772 --> 00:00:15,505 "That summer day in '73, every car radio 6 00:00:15,674 --> 00:00:17,440 "blaring 'Search and Destroy,' 7 00:00:17,509 --> 00:00:19,342 "a warm rain lashing down 8 00:00:19,411 --> 00:00:22,612 like sweat flinging off a groupie's bouncing tits." 9 00:00:22,681 --> 00:00:25,949 It's like being molested by an audio book. What is this? 10 00:00:26,017 --> 00:00:27,951 "The Width of a Peach." My masterpiece 11 00:00:28,019 --> 00:00:30,186 of multi-generational sexploitative literature. 12 00:00:30,255 --> 00:00:31,421 Why the hell 13 00:00:31,490 --> 00:00:33,289 would you read me literature? 14 00:00:33,358 --> 00:00:35,225 You know I don't like good things. 15 00:00:35,293 --> 00:00:37,961 Last night, you said that I would never be successful. 16 00:00:38,029 --> 00:00:39,996 Well, I stayed up all night 17 00:00:40,065 --> 00:00:44,200 and wrote 35 amazing pages just to spite you. 18 00:00:44,269 --> 00:00:47,470 So, ha! Consider yourself thoroughly spited. 19 00:00:47,539 --> 00:00:48,571 Ha! 20 00:00:48,640 --> 00:00:50,006 Cool. 21 00:00:50,075 --> 00:00:52,375 Okay, I take back the thing I said. 22 00:00:52,444 --> 00:00:54,110 You will be successful. 23 00:00:54,179 --> 00:00:55,478 Thank you! 24 00:00:55,547 --> 00:00:57,981 (laptop clatters) 25 00:00:58,349 --> 00:00:59,916 Now it's your turn. 26 00:00:59,984 --> 00:01:02,218 I'm proud of me, too. 27 00:01:02,287 --> 00:01:04,353 No, Jimmy! It's your turn to take back 28 00:01:04,422 --> 00:01:05,955 the mega-harsh thing you said to me. 29 00:01:06,024 --> 00:01:08,191 And then, voila, everything goes back to Normal Town, 30 00:01:08,259 --> 00:01:10,693 et cetera, et cetera... a little makeup boneage. 31 00:01:10,762 --> 00:01:12,462 Maybe some titty massages for Jimmy. 32 00:01:14,099 --> 00:01:15,965 Wait, what exactly am I meant to take back? 33 00:01:16,034 --> 00:01:18,000 (imitates Jimmy): "I can't see myself having kids with her." 34 00:01:18,069 --> 00:01:19,102 Oh, that. 35 00:01:19,170 --> 00:01:21,304 No, I'm 100% sticking by that. 36 00:01:21,372 --> 00:01:23,473 Hey, can we do this titty massage on the patio? 37 00:01:23,541 --> 00:01:25,741 I just want to keep an eye on the hummingbird feeder. 38 00:01:25,841 --> 00:01:27,110 - Jimmy! - You have dropped 39 00:01:27,178 --> 00:01:29,979 eight iPhones in the last year, 40 00:01:30,048 --> 00:01:32,482 one into a vat of ranch at Souplantation. 41 00:01:32,550 --> 00:01:33,783 Child-rearing 42 00:01:33,852 --> 00:01:35,351 requires skill. 43 00:01:35,420 --> 00:01:36,986 It's not the same as binge-watching 44 00:01:37,055 --> 00:01:43,426 a season of Exemplify. 45 00:01:43,495 --> 00:01:45,628 You a Gamergater? Am I living with a Gamergater? 46 00:01:45,697 --> 00:01:48,397 LINDSAY: Quiet, already! 47 00:01:48,466 --> 00:01:49,799 Why is Lindsay here? 48 00:01:49,868 --> 00:01:51,868 She dumped Paul hard. I said she could crash. 49 00:01:51,936 --> 00:01:53,736 Mmm... 50 00:01:53,805 --> 00:01:56,472 - Oh, my... - (Jimmy sighs) 51 00:01:56,541 --> 00:01:58,775 (sighs): Ah... 52 00:02:00,011 --> 00:02:01,577 What? 53 00:02:01,646 --> 00:02:03,346 I'm supposed to wear pajamas like an old? 54 00:02:05,150 --> 00:02:07,150 Mmm... 55 00:02:07,218 --> 00:02:09,852 56 00:02:12,090 --> 00:02:14,991 I'm gonna leave you anyway 57 00:02:15,059 --> 00:02:17,660 I'm gonna leave you anyway 58 00:02:17,729 --> 00:02:20,097 Gonna leave you anyway. 59 00:02:20,098 --> 00:02:24,098 - synced and corrected by DaddyBear - - www.addic7ed.com - 60 00:02:25,837 --> 00:02:27,804 Wakey-wakey. 61 00:02:27,872 --> 00:02:29,605 I just wrapped up an early-morning shift 62 00:02:29,674 --> 00:02:31,741 cleaning a frat house after a "Colonial Bros 63 00:02:31,810 --> 00:02:33,342 and Nava-hos" party. 64 00:02:33,411 --> 00:02:34,744 Got the puke cleaned up, 65 00:02:34,813 --> 00:02:36,212 but the racism and cultural appropriation 66 00:02:36,281 --> 00:02:38,347 are gonna leave a stain. Hey, I brought pastries. 67 00:02:38,416 --> 00:02:41,884 Okay, but do you want to talk about last night? 68 00:02:41,953 --> 00:02:43,686 Oh, my God. I was so drunk. 69 00:02:43,755 --> 00:02:45,855 I think I might have hit up a Del Taco drive-through. 70 00:02:45,924 --> 00:02:48,891 I'm missing my side mirror, and my fingers smell like hot sauce. 71 00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:50,793 - Wait. You drove yourself home? - Sure. 72 00:02:50,862 --> 00:02:52,361 Drunk driving is easy. 73 00:02:52,430 --> 00:02:53,529 It's just like playing a video game. 74 00:02:53,598 --> 00:02:56,132 You totally freaked out on me last night. 75 00:02:56,201 --> 00:02:58,201 Well, you took me to a wedding, and then you ditched me 76 00:02:58,269 --> 00:02:59,702 to work on sketch ideas. 77 00:02:59,771 --> 00:03:01,170 Who are you, Will Sasso? 78 00:03:01,239 --> 00:03:02,905 This is my first writing job. 79 00:03:02,974 --> 00:03:04,640 I didn't know anybody, and you abandoned me. 80 00:03:04,709 --> 00:03:07,643 Yeah. Well, okay, I can see how that... 81 00:03:07,712 --> 00:03:12,281 oh, was really sucky of me. 82 00:03:12,350 --> 00:03:14,851 It was. Thank you. 83 00:03:22,060 --> 00:03:24,460 You know, I'm happy for you. 84 00:03:24,529 --> 00:03:26,329 I mean, shit, I'm a liberal. 85 00:03:26,397 --> 00:03:27,830 God knows I should applaud 86 00:03:27,899 --> 00:03:30,533 when an underrepresented voice gets heard. 87 00:03:30,602 --> 00:03:32,869 You mean veterans? 88 00:03:34,439 --> 00:03:36,272 Yeah. That, too. 89 00:03:36,341 --> 00:03:37,874 Hey, you want a pastry? 90 00:03:37,942 --> 00:03:40,476 I-I just want to make sure that you aren't implying 91 00:03:40,545 --> 00:03:43,312 that I was hired just I'm Latino. 92 00:03:43,381 --> 00:03:46,115 What? Of course not. I don't even see race. 93 00:03:51,556 --> 00:03:52,922 Hey, when did they put this awesome eagle 94 00:03:52,991 --> 00:03:54,557 on the Italian flag? 95 00:03:55,793 --> 00:03:57,560 96 00:04:02,901 --> 00:04:04,800 (knock on door) 97 00:04:06,871 --> 00:04:08,738 (knock on door) 98 00:04:13,077 --> 00:04:13,910 Paul? 99 00:04:15,313 --> 00:04:18,381 What you did was unspeakable! 100 00:04:18,449 --> 00:04:20,650 Unconscionable! 101 00:04:20,718 --> 00:04:23,519 - Indefensible! - Indedibble-dobble! 102 00:04:23,588 --> 00:04:25,354 How could you abort that baby without telling me? 103 00:04:25,423 --> 00:04:27,924 It wasn't a baby, Paul. It was just a bunch of cells. 104 00:04:27,992 --> 00:04:29,358 You destroyed our family! 105 00:04:29,427 --> 00:04:31,527 Name one family that's just a bunch of cells. 106 00:04:31,596 --> 00:04:33,162 Osmosis Jones. 107 00:04:33,231 --> 00:04:35,398 Why does everyone keep doing that? 108 00:04:35,466 --> 00:04:37,366 What made you think you had the right 109 00:04:37,435 --> 00:04:39,068 to make that decision for us? 110 00:04:39,137 --> 00:04:40,703 My body, my choice. 111 00:04:40,772 --> 00:04:43,105 It's not that cut-and-dried when you're married. 112 00:04:43,174 --> 00:04:44,407 My body, my choice. 113 00:04:44,475 --> 00:04:45,808 There's a difference between 114 00:04:45,877 --> 00:04:47,209 claiming your reproductive rights 115 00:04:47,278 --> 00:04:48,711 and behaving like a complete... 116 00:04:48,780 --> 00:04:50,813 - My body, my choice. - Stop saying that! 117 00:04:50,882 --> 00:04:52,181 No, Paul. You stop. 118 00:04:52,250 --> 00:04:53,449 Me and my sisters, 119 00:04:53,518 --> 00:04:55,051 we fought for this right for millenniums. 120 00:04:55,119 --> 00:04:57,119 This is why Margaret Thatcher went to prison. 121 00:04:58,256 --> 00:04:59,555 Can you please put on some clothes 122 00:04:59,624 --> 00:05:00,656 while we have this conversation? 123 00:05:00,725 --> 00:05:02,358 No, Paul. My body, my choice. 124 00:05:02,427 --> 00:05:04,060 And now, 125 00:05:04,128 --> 00:05:08,197 I choose to go outside and smoke. 126 00:05:08,266 --> 00:05:11,867 Because it's my body. 127 00:05:16,040 --> 00:05:17,106 My choice. 128 00:05:17,175 --> 00:05:18,741 That's right, sucka. 129 00:05:22,547 --> 00:05:23,746 (door closes) 130 00:05:34,288 --> 00:05:36,088 Look, I admit it is a good thing, okay, yes. 131 00:05:36,157 --> 00:05:38,057 Sometimes minorities get jobs over white people, 132 00:05:38,125 --> 00:05:40,192 even when they're both equally qualified, 133 00:05:40,261 --> 00:05:42,261 or maybe the minority is slightly less qualified. 134 00:05:42,829 --> 00:05:44,629 But I think that that is good for the world, 135 00:05:44,698 --> 00:05:47,432 and I simply got you these cool and funky pastries 136 00:05:47,501 --> 00:05:49,100 'cause they're cool and funky, 137 00:05:49,169 --> 00:05:51,970 not because they're Latino, or whatever. 138 00:05:52,039 --> 00:05:53,638 Here, try one. They're "pan dulthes." 139 00:05:53,707 --> 00:05:56,207 (snickers) Wait. What are you saying? 140 00:05:56,276 --> 00:05:57,809 "Pan dulthes." 141 00:05:57,878 --> 00:05:59,544 Edgar, they're "pan dulthes." 142 00:06:00,914 --> 00:06:02,314 I pronounce everything with a Castilian "S," 143 00:06:02,382 --> 00:06:04,149 because I studied abroad in "Barthelona." 144 00:06:04,217 --> 00:06:06,818 For you to say that I have the advantage is insulting. 145 00:06:08,188 --> 00:06:11,123 I mean, if anyone has the advantage, it's you. 146 00:06:12,760 --> 00:06:14,793 - How do I have the advantage? - (chuckles) 147 00:06:14,862 --> 00:06:16,962 You're a white girl. 148 00:06:17,031 --> 00:06:19,231 There's literally a part for you in every script 149 00:06:19,300 --> 00:06:21,166 that's ever been written. 150 00:06:21,235 --> 00:06:22,834 Not Glengarry Glen Ross or 700 Sundays. 151 00:06:22,903 --> 00:06:25,170 Besides, don't you read? 152 00:06:25,239 --> 00:06:26,605 People just, like, they hate women now. 153 00:06:26,674 --> 00:06:28,240 You don't even have to hide it anymore. 154 00:06:28,309 --> 00:06:29,708 Yeah, well, you never read, 155 00:06:29,777 --> 00:06:31,777 "Cut to funny brown guy with perfect features." 156 00:06:32,880 --> 00:06:35,047 - You have the advantage. - Yeah. 157 00:06:35,115 --> 00:06:36,281 Because it's such an advantage to be 158 00:06:36,350 --> 00:06:37,582 constantly sexually harassed. 159 00:06:37,651 --> 00:06:39,484 And it's so advantageous to only be cast 160 00:06:39,553 --> 00:06:41,753 as "Pretty Girl Number 3" or "Overworked Mom." 161 00:06:41,822 --> 00:06:43,689 I thought you didn't book "Overworked Mom." 162 00:06:43,757 --> 00:06:46,391 And it's such an advantage to be slut-shamed for six years 163 00:06:46,460 --> 00:06:48,727 because I accidentally sucked Brian Dunkleman's dick 164 00:06:48,796 --> 00:06:50,462 'cause I thought he was Chris Hardwick. 165 00:06:50,531 --> 00:06:52,230 Look, can we at least agree that 166 00:06:52,299 --> 00:06:53,999 the true enemy here is the white male? 167 00:06:54,068 --> 00:06:55,033 JIMMY: Whoa! 168 00:06:55,102 --> 00:06:57,369 Not me. I'm an immigrant. 169 00:06:57,438 --> 00:06:58,370 Our story 170 00:06:58,439 --> 00:07:00,138 is so tragic. 171 00:07:00,207 --> 00:07:03,342 Do you know how many of us drown every day 172 00:07:03,410 --> 00:07:04,810 trying to get over here? 173 00:07:04,878 --> 00:07:08,146 And the true villain is the white American male. 174 00:07:08,215 --> 00:07:11,717 Bad things happen to white American men, too. 175 00:07:11,785 --> 00:07:13,852 Real bad things. 176 00:07:13,921 --> 00:07:17,255 You know, why don't I let you white people 177 00:07:17,324 --> 00:07:20,058 tell me how bad you all have it. 178 00:07:20,861 --> 00:07:21,960 Jesus! 179 00:07:27,134 --> 00:07:29,101 Oh, look, wife. 180 00:07:29,169 --> 00:07:31,737 I'm about to rip my lung tissue asunder 181 00:07:31,805 --> 00:07:33,338 with the devil's tobacco 182 00:07:33,407 --> 00:07:37,542 because my life has been destroyed by the woman I love! 183 00:07:37,611 --> 00:07:39,745 Your body, your choice. 184 00:07:40,981 --> 00:07:42,481 You know, I almost left you. 185 00:07:42,549 --> 00:07:44,416 When Vernon and I were 186 00:07:44,485 --> 00:07:45,617 lost in the woods, 187 00:07:45,686 --> 00:07:47,552 he wanted to bail and go live in Mexico. 188 00:07:47,621 --> 00:07:49,021 I should have gone 189 00:07:49,089 --> 00:07:50,856 and started my life anew, 190 00:07:50,924 --> 00:07:54,026 like John McAfee, software millionaire! 191 00:07:54,094 --> 00:07:55,727 - Shoulda-woulda-coulda! - JIMMY: Right. 192 00:07:55,796 --> 00:07:58,563 Can you two idiots do this at your place? 193 00:07:58,632 --> 00:08:01,299 No! If you send them home, her wishy-washy ass 194 00:08:01,368 --> 00:08:04,036 will be lured back into that suck-butt marriage by lunch. 195 00:08:04,104 --> 00:08:05,537 Shut up, Gretchen! 196 00:08:05,606 --> 00:08:07,773 - You shut up! - Aw, shit! 197 00:08:07,841 --> 00:08:10,542 Fine. Then just go and fight in my room. Our room. 198 00:08:10,611 --> 00:08:12,544 But don't touch anything, don't sit, 199 00:08:12,613 --> 00:08:14,012 and hands off the bed booze. 200 00:08:14,081 --> 00:08:16,248 (sighs) 201 00:08:18,986 --> 00:08:21,620 202 00:08:31,498 --> 00:08:32,864 What?! 203 00:08:32,933 --> 00:08:35,434 Nothing. I just... 204 00:08:35,502 --> 00:08:38,170 Sometimes I look at you and I think, 205 00:08:38,238 --> 00:08:41,073 "How did this person get in my house?" 206 00:08:41,141 --> 00:08:42,874 It's like I've lost the thread of a novel, 207 00:08:42,943 --> 00:08:44,509 and all of a sudden, there's this 208 00:08:44,578 --> 00:08:46,411 messy short woman 209 00:08:46,480 --> 00:08:48,814 who's clearly important to the story. 210 00:08:48,882 --> 00:08:51,116 So, I'm flipping back, thinking, 211 00:08:51,185 --> 00:08:54,152 "I don't remember that character being introduced." 212 00:08:54,221 --> 00:08:56,755 Tell me about it! Some days it's like I un-blacked out 213 00:08:56,824 --> 00:08:59,858 from a week-long bender, and now I'm in this weird-ass house 214 00:08:59,927 --> 00:09:01,693 with sharp corners. 215 00:09:01,762 --> 00:09:04,830 My mate was supposed to be so different. 216 00:09:04,898 --> 00:09:07,499 Classy, unbruised, 217 00:09:07,568 --> 00:09:09,034 a first-chair violinist 218 00:09:09,103 --> 00:09:11,002 for the Philharmonic. (chuckles) 219 00:09:11,071 --> 00:09:12,737 God, can you imagine it? 220 00:09:12,806 --> 00:09:15,974 Me in the wings of Disney Hall. 221 00:09:16,043 --> 00:09:18,477 And we wave good-bye to the other musicians, 222 00:09:18,545 --> 00:09:20,045 and I joke about 223 00:09:20,114 --> 00:09:21,480 what a drag it must be 224 00:09:21,548 --> 00:09:24,950 for Igor to haul that double bass home. 225 00:09:25,018 --> 00:09:26,885 And then Dudamel does a champagne spit-take 226 00:09:26,954 --> 00:09:29,020 and shakes his head at me like, 227 00:09:29,089 --> 00:09:31,957 (Venezuelan accent): "Oh, Jimmy, you are too much." 228 00:09:32,025 --> 00:09:33,825 - (laughs) - How am I not 229 00:09:33,894 --> 00:09:37,796 arm candy for some international movie star with a giant dong? 230 00:09:37,865 --> 00:09:39,197 - Yeah. - He's part owner of 231 00:09:39,266 --> 00:09:40,832 a cool tech company 232 00:09:40,901 --> 00:09:43,635 and invents apps when he's not dick-punching Peter Sarsgaard 233 00:09:43,704 --> 00:09:45,370 in his latest movie. Sometimes, 234 00:09:45,439 --> 00:09:48,874 we talk about adopting a kid from a third-world country, 235 00:09:48,942 --> 00:09:50,275 but we never do it. 236 00:09:51,378 --> 00:09:53,311 And we live in a legit-ass castle 237 00:09:53,380 --> 00:09:56,181 in Malibu with one of those big modern art pieces 238 00:09:56,250 --> 00:09:58,783 by the guy who does the big dots. 239 00:09:58,852 --> 00:10:00,018 What? Lichtenstein? 240 00:10:00,087 --> 00:10:02,487 - Yeah. A big old Lichtenstein. - Wow. 241 00:10:02,556 --> 00:10:05,991 How very sophomore year art history of you. (chuckles) 242 00:10:06,059 --> 00:10:08,894 You definitely shouldn't decorate your own house. 243 00:10:08,962 --> 00:10:09,895 (laughs, gasps) 244 00:10:16,912 --> 00:10:17,912 (knock on door) Knock, knock. 245 00:10:18,681 --> 00:10:24,018 White lady visiting from the Aryan zone. You still mad? 246 00:10:27,256 --> 00:10:29,390 - You think that I want you to struggle? - Think about it. 247 00:10:29,459 --> 00:10:32,359 When we first met, I was your insecure student. 248 00:10:32,428 --> 00:10:35,129 Then I was your vet boyfriend with PTSD. 249 00:10:35,198 --> 00:10:37,565 Then I was a stoner with no future. 250 00:10:37,633 --> 00:10:40,634 But the second I get a tiny bit of success, 251 00:10:40,703 --> 00:10:42,036 you freak out. 252 00:10:42,105 --> 00:10:46,040 You forced me to engage in acts of sexual deviance. 253 00:10:46,109 --> 00:10:47,775 But you started this! 254 00:10:47,844 --> 00:10:50,912 You threw your bike onto the street, 255 00:10:50,980 --> 00:10:53,548 and said we were new people, and I put on 256 00:10:53,616 --> 00:10:55,750 that whole Napron-wearing, good wifey act, 257 00:10:55,819 --> 00:10:58,019 even though I was dying on the inside. 258 00:10:58,087 --> 00:11:00,688 You went along with it for 20 minutes. 259 00:11:00,757 --> 00:11:02,156 And then you stabbed me! 260 00:11:02,225 --> 00:11:04,325 You want me to hide my bees under a bushel. 261 00:11:04,394 --> 00:11:06,627 You use your niceness to stifle me, 262 00:11:06,696 --> 00:11:08,496 and then you make me feel guilty. 263 00:11:08,565 --> 00:11:09,864 You stabbed me! 264 00:11:09,933 --> 00:11:11,499 We both did things we regret. 265 00:11:11,568 --> 00:11:13,601 Relationships are messy. 266 00:11:13,670 --> 00:11:16,204 You're actually tearing apart my hypothetical fantasy. 267 00:11:16,272 --> 00:11:17,672 Now you want to tell me 268 00:11:17,740 --> 00:11:19,874 what I can and can't imagine? 269 00:11:19,943 --> 00:11:21,843 You admitted that you don't like good things. 270 00:11:21,911 --> 00:11:23,444 I'm just confirming that. 271 00:11:23,513 --> 00:11:25,480 You should seriously shut up 272 00:11:25,548 --> 00:11:27,982 sometimes, Jimmy. Just shut all the way up. 273 00:11:28,051 --> 00:11:31,619 I mean, what if I did make something of myself? Hmm? 274 00:11:31,688 --> 00:11:36,824 If I did rise up there to your level, why? 275 00:11:36,848 --> 00:11:38,460 Why would that be so bad ? 276 00:11:38,461 --> 00:11:42,029 Because I am not up there! 277 00:11:42,098 --> 00:11:43,130 Okay? 278 00:11:43,199 --> 00:11:44,599 I am down! 279 00:11:44,667 --> 00:11:47,435 I am the downest that I have ever been. 280 00:11:47,504 --> 00:11:48,970 You want messy?! 281 00:11:49,038 --> 00:11:51,305 I'll show you messy! 282 00:11:53,243 --> 00:11:54,408 (yells) 283 00:11:54,477 --> 00:11:56,077 Oh, no, Paul! 284 00:11:56,145 --> 00:11:57,478 Now you're going to have bad luck. 285 00:11:57,547 --> 00:12:00,114 I have bad luck! 286 00:12:00,183 --> 00:12:02,049 You're my bad luck! 287 00:12:02,118 --> 00:12:04,685 God! You're so selfish. 288 00:12:04,754 --> 00:12:08,022 There is something seriously wrong with you. 289 00:12:08,091 --> 00:12:10,558 Why did I marry you? 290 00:12:10,627 --> 00:12:11,726 Why?! 291 00:12:11,794 --> 00:12:13,561 (grunts) 292 00:12:13,630 --> 00:12:15,429 - Look, if your fantasy is so fragile... - Picking, pick, pick. 293 00:12:15,498 --> 00:12:17,298 - ... that I'm able to dismantle it... - Pick at everything I say and do. 294 00:12:17,367 --> 00:12:19,200 - ... then maybe it wasn't so great to begin with. - I'm sick of living 295 00:12:19,269 --> 00:12:20,935 underneath your highfalutin surveillance state. 296 00:12:21,004 --> 00:12:22,336 Plus, "hypothetical fantasy" is redundant. 297 00:12:22,405 --> 00:12:23,671 I just silenced the judgy mom voice in my head. 298 00:12:23,740 --> 00:12:25,506 I don't need another one from you. 299 00:12:25,575 --> 00:12:27,408 LINDSAY: Stop using your big voice at me! 300 00:12:27,477 --> 00:12:29,343 DOROTHY: Don't hug me. Just let me be sad! 301 00:12:29,412 --> 00:12:33,281 PAUL: I'll use my big voice at you whenever I want! 302 00:12:33,349 --> 00:12:36,350 I'm only using my big voice with you now! 303 00:12:36,419 --> 00:12:37,985 (Paul continues shouting) 304 00:12:41,024 --> 00:12:42,189 (scoffs) 305 00:12:45,595 --> 00:12:46,861 (sniffles) 306 00:12:46,930 --> 00:12:49,230 (chuckles) 307 00:12:49,299 --> 00:12:51,165 You... Come on. 308 00:12:53,570 --> 00:12:55,036 You had a rough month. 309 00:12:56,773 --> 00:12:58,205 You'll bounce back. 310 00:12:58,274 --> 00:13:00,241 I'm a 30-something failed actress 311 00:13:00,310 --> 00:13:04,579 living in a disgusting K-Town studio. 312 00:13:04,647 --> 00:13:07,148 I haven't been to the dentist in years. 313 00:13:07,216 --> 00:13:09,517 My agent told me to gain 20 pounds 314 00:13:09,586 --> 00:13:12,086 so that I could at least audition to be the kooky aunt. 315 00:13:12,155 --> 00:13:13,421 (sobs) 316 00:13:15,291 --> 00:13:17,291 (yells) Oh, God! 317 00:13:17,360 --> 00:13:19,193 (grunting) 318 00:13:22,699 --> 00:13:25,232 Oh, God. You ruined my life! 319 00:13:25,301 --> 00:13:28,235 Why?! Why did you do it?! 320 00:13:28,304 --> 00:13:30,204 - Paul. - (groaning) 321 00:13:30,273 --> 00:13:32,173 Look at me. 322 00:13:32,241 --> 00:13:35,042 - (panting) - Paul. 323 00:13:35,111 --> 00:13:38,579 You knew it was a snake when you picked it up. 324 00:13:39,983 --> 00:13:41,649 What? 325 00:13:41,718 --> 00:13:43,751 You knew who I was. 326 00:13:45,421 --> 00:13:48,222 You don't get to act surprised now. 327 00:13:48,291 --> 00:13:50,057 328 00:13:55,932 --> 00:13:56,764 (phone beeps) 329 00:14:05,274 --> 00:14:08,242 Becca and Vernon had their baby. 330 00:14:08,311 --> 00:14:10,578 It's a girl. 331 00:14:13,016 --> 00:14:14,482 Tallulah. 332 00:14:15,818 --> 00:14:17,752 Ew. (phone vibrates) 333 00:14:17,820 --> 00:14:20,721 (chuckles, sniffles) 334 00:14:20,790 --> 00:14:22,590 Becca had her baby. 335 00:14:28,131 --> 00:14:29,163 (phones chime) 336 00:14:33,269 --> 00:14:34,635 (sighs) 337 00:14:34,704 --> 00:14:37,872 Dorothy's crying. It's very mucous-y. 338 00:14:37,940 --> 00:14:40,741 Lindsay's just reciting the spoken word parts of "Lemonade." 339 00:14:40,810 --> 00:14:42,109 (scoffs) 340 00:14:42,178 --> 00:14:44,045 Such idiots. 341 00:14:44,113 --> 00:14:46,447 We're no better than them. 342 00:14:46,516 --> 00:14:48,416 Oh, speak for yourself. 343 00:14:48,484 --> 00:14:50,351 I'm not the one who flung my sandwich 344 00:14:50,420 --> 00:14:52,887 like a upset chimp at the zoo. 345 00:14:52,955 --> 00:14:54,822 I threw it because I realized I was living 346 00:14:54,891 --> 00:14:56,490 with an uptight dildo 347 00:14:56,559 --> 00:14:58,059 whose personality unmakes itself 348 00:14:58,127 --> 00:15:00,061 anytime something bad happens. 349 00:15:00,129 --> 00:15:04,065 Says the woman who spent weeks catatonic on the couch 350 00:15:04,133 --> 00:15:06,033 in crusty yoga pants. 351 00:15:06,102 --> 00:15:08,703 - I have a clinical goddamn illness! - Oh, right. 352 00:15:08,771 --> 00:15:12,540 So you just win because your condition is listed in the DSM? 353 00:15:12,608 --> 00:15:14,975 No! I win because I am doing something about it. 354 00:15:15,044 --> 00:15:16,844 You're just lashing out 355 00:15:16,913 --> 00:15:18,179 and putting me under a microscope! 356 00:15:18,247 --> 00:15:19,880 It just happened! 357 00:15:21,184 --> 00:15:22,950 He just died. 358 00:15:23,019 --> 00:15:24,819 Right, I am still grieving, Gretchen. 359 00:15:24,887 --> 00:15:26,053 Jesus Christ! 360 00:15:26,122 --> 00:15:27,922 - But I was there first! - Where?! 361 00:15:27,990 --> 00:15:29,924 Here! In shit, miserable! 362 00:15:29,992 --> 00:15:32,359 There just isn't room 363 00:15:32,428 --> 00:15:35,362 for you to be broken right now, too. 364 00:15:35,431 --> 00:15:37,932 Oh, that... 365 00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:39,667 that is complete... 366 00:15:39,736 --> 00:15:40,701 (exhales) 367 00:15:43,840 --> 00:15:45,206 How is that okay? 368 00:15:45,274 --> 00:15:46,440 It's not. 369 00:15:46,509 --> 00:15:48,843 It is completely unfair. 370 00:15:48,911 --> 00:15:51,479 No. This is not supposed to... 371 00:15:51,547 --> 00:15:54,348 One person is supposed to be in the hospital bed. 372 00:15:54,417 --> 00:15:57,151 And then the other uncomfortably sleeping on that little couch, 373 00:15:57,220 --> 00:15:59,053 just sneaking home to shower and... 374 00:15:59,122 --> 00:16:00,621 (voice breaks): and walk the dog. 375 00:16:00,690 --> 00:16:02,123 - Right? - (exhales) 376 00:16:02,191 --> 00:16:05,693 Right, Jimmy. 377 00:16:05,762 --> 00:16:06,694 And yet... 378 00:16:16,916 --> 00:16:19,382 JIMMY: I said don't touch anything! 379 00:16:19,611 --> 00:16:21,578 I knew it was a snake. 380 00:16:21,647 --> 00:16:22,879 Get out! 381 00:16:22,948 --> 00:16:24,814 (sighs) 382 00:16:31,923 --> 00:16:34,157 You told me we could leave any time. 383 00:16:34,225 --> 00:16:36,092 - Right. - So why didn't you? 384 00:16:36,161 --> 00:16:37,927 I've been mean. I have been angry. 385 00:16:37,996 --> 00:16:39,996 I've been judging you. 386 00:16:40,064 --> 00:16:42,465 Which was our one promise, from the beginning. 387 00:16:42,534 --> 00:16:44,066 If you were serious about leaving, 388 00:16:44,135 --> 00:16:45,768 then you would have gone by now. 389 00:16:45,837 --> 00:16:47,403 - You didn't leave, either. - I know. 390 00:16:47,472 --> 00:16:48,438 I don't know why. 391 00:16:48,506 --> 00:16:51,307 I think this may be impossible. 392 00:17:00,385 --> 00:17:03,953 But can't that be okay? 393 00:17:04,022 --> 00:17:09,559 I mean, the-the vast majority of all human effort, 394 00:17:09,627 --> 00:17:12,895 however great or miniscule, ends in failure. 395 00:17:12,964 --> 00:17:14,764 So, what are your options? 396 00:17:16,301 --> 00:17:18,734 You just ad-admit pre-defeat 397 00:17:18,803 --> 00:17:21,604 because the odds are that you're gonna be right? 398 00:17:21,673 --> 00:17:23,706 Or you do it anyway? 399 00:17:27,879 --> 00:17:29,745 (sighs) 400 00:17:31,082 --> 00:17:32,482 Maybe we're a success... 401 00:17:32,550 --> 00:17:33,950 (chuckles softly) 402 00:17:34,018 --> 00:17:35,518 ... regardless of the outcome, 403 00:17:35,587 --> 00:17:38,554 because... we tried. 404 00:17:40,792 --> 00:17:42,558 Maybe there's beauty in the struggle 405 00:17:42,627 --> 00:17:44,694 against near certain failure. 406 00:17:44,762 --> 00:17:45,962 Is that enough? 407 00:17:46,030 --> 00:17:47,897 A beautiful struggle? 408 00:17:47,966 --> 00:17:49,832 Maybe. It's all gonna suck one day, 409 00:17:49,901 --> 00:17:51,801 so enjoy it now, stop rocking the boat, 410 00:17:51,870 --> 00:17:53,703 and that is goddamn it?! 411 00:18:01,412 --> 00:18:02,979 It's like in my book. 412 00:18:03,047 --> 00:18:04,647 Ugh, no more book. 413 00:18:04,716 --> 00:18:05,848 Gretchen tired. 414 00:18:05,917 --> 00:18:07,149 In chapter 12, 415 00:18:07,218 --> 00:18:09,018 Kitty is headed to Lisbon 416 00:18:09,087 --> 00:18:10,586 to follow Take That on tour, 417 00:18:10,655 --> 00:18:13,322 but instead she stays with Simon, 418 00:18:13,391 --> 00:18:16,859 though they have no possible future. 419 00:18:16,928 --> 00:18:18,794 Oh, my God! That's makes perfect sense. 420 00:18:18,863 --> 00:18:21,063 That's why they stay together. 421 00:18:21,132 --> 00:18:23,132 They are mirrors of you and I. 422 00:18:23,201 --> 00:18:25,001 Theirs is a love forbidden, 423 00:18:25,069 --> 00:18:27,737 thus... doomed. 424 00:18:27,805 --> 00:18:28,905 Why is it forbidden? 425 00:18:28,973 --> 00:18:30,273 Well, because they're half-siblings. 426 00:18:30,341 --> 00:18:31,274 Wait, what?! 427 00:18:31,342 --> 00:18:32,475 Jimmy, we talking incest? 428 00:18:32,544 --> 00:18:34,176 How did you miss that? 429 00:18:34,245 --> 00:18:35,478 I wasn't listening that good. 430 00:18:35,547 --> 00:18:36,879 Look, when I came up with this story, 431 00:18:36,948 --> 00:18:38,648 I was, I was falling in love with you... 432 00:18:38,716 --> 00:18:40,116 e-even though it was, 433 00:18:40,184 --> 00:18:42,184 it was scary and-and wrong. 434 00:18:42,253 --> 00:18:45,087 I thought that I was avoiding my feelings 435 00:18:45,156 --> 00:18:47,023 by writing my book, but it was you 436 00:18:47,091 --> 00:18:48,891 who was fueling me 437 00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:50,326 this whole time. 438 00:18:50,395 --> 00:18:53,229 Fueling you to write about a couple of horny sibs? 439 00:18:53,298 --> 00:18:54,430 Give me. 440 00:18:57,735 --> 00:18:59,468 Show me the part you cranked out last night 441 00:18:59,537 --> 00:19:00,603 when you were all upset. 442 00:19:00,672 --> 00:19:02,171 Oh, no way. 443 00:19:02,240 --> 00:19:05,308 If you're experiencing the sweeping psychodrama 444 00:19:05,376 --> 00:19:07,276 of The Width of a Peach, 445 00:19:07,345 --> 00:19:08,477 you're starting at the beginning. 446 00:19:08,546 --> 00:19:10,046 (chuckles) 447 00:19:10,114 --> 00:19:11,380 Chapter one. 448 00:19:11,449 --> 00:19:13,449 "A deep, orgasmic moaning 449 00:19:13,518 --> 00:19:15,952 "came from behind the undersized attic door, 450 00:19:16,020 --> 00:19:17,486 "while far above, 451 00:19:17,555 --> 00:19:20,122 "a German Sprengbombe Cylindrisch 1000 452 00:19:20,191 --> 00:19:22,592 "was falling towards Catherine Wheel Alley, 453 00:19:22,660 --> 00:19:26,629 City of London, Post Code EC2N4RQ." 454 00:19:26,698 --> 00:19:27,930 Why do we need the post... 455 00:19:27,999 --> 00:19:30,299 Good writing is detailed. 456 00:19:30,368 --> 00:19:31,968 Shh. 457 00:19:33,771 --> 00:19:37,440 Oh, I've been so jealous and awful. 458 00:19:37,508 --> 00:19:39,108 I've been trying to get a job for so long, 459 00:19:39,177 --> 00:19:40,676 and then when it happened for you so quickly, 460 00:19:40,745 --> 00:19:42,645 I just... couldn't handle it. 461 00:19:42,714 --> 00:19:44,113 Hey... 462 00:19:44,182 --> 00:19:47,450 I was so intimidated by you in our first class. 463 00:19:47,518 --> 00:19:50,686 You did the whole intro in that fake Norwegian accent. 464 00:19:51,856 --> 00:19:53,556 My insecure vampire character. 465 00:19:53,625 --> 00:19:54,523 Mm-hmm. 466 00:19:54,592 --> 00:19:55,691 "Velcome to class. 467 00:19:55,760 --> 00:19:57,193 "I vant to suck your blood... 468 00:19:57,261 --> 00:19:58,861 (laughing) "because I suck. 469 00:19:58,930 --> 00:20:01,897 Does this cape make my fangs look fat?" 470 00:20:05,036 --> 00:20:06,502 God, I was funny, huh? 471 00:20:06,571 --> 00:20:08,270 You still are. 472 00:20:09,907 --> 00:20:12,308 (phone ringing) 473 00:20:12,377 --> 00:20:13,609 I'll be right back. 474 00:20:15,980 --> 00:20:18,381 Edgar. Doug Benson, DB Industries. 475 00:20:18,449 --> 00:20:20,216 Listen, I love your sketch ideas. 476 00:20:20,284 --> 00:20:22,163 Still chuckling over "Lying Lawyer is a Liar." 477 00:20:22,286 --> 00:20:25,187 I'm putting together a writers' room for three months and I need 478 00:20:25,256 --> 00:20:26,555 you in it, starting Monday. 479 00:20:26,624 --> 00:20:28,791 Uh, y-yes. 480 00:20:28,860 --> 00:20:30,493 Y-Yes, Mr. Benson, of course. 481 00:20:30,561 --> 00:20:31,560 Okay, I got to go. 482 00:20:31,629 --> 00:20:32,995 I'm eating sushi 483 00:20:33,064 --> 00:20:34,296 off this Israeli model's naked bod 484 00:20:34,365 --> 00:20:35,865 and the toro is getting warm. 485 00:20:35,933 --> 00:20:37,500 (woman giggles) 486 00:20:37,568 --> 00:20:38,401 Oh. 487 00:20:40,571 --> 00:20:41,771 DOUG: Say hi, Tova. 488 00:20:43,708 --> 00:20:45,374 Hmm. Who was that? 489 00:20:45,443 --> 00:20:47,610 Uh... 490 00:20:47,679 --> 00:20:48,811 my job. 491 00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:50,179 I-I have to go in Monday, 492 00:20:50,248 --> 00:20:51,614 uh, to the gym. 493 00:20:51,683 --> 00:20:53,683 Uh, someone knocked a door 494 00:20:53,751 --> 00:20:55,818 off of the shower stall... 495 00:20:55,887 --> 00:20:57,887 - in the men's locker room. - Colby and Travis? 496 00:20:57,955 --> 00:21:00,389 We'll never know. 497 00:21:00,458 --> 00:21:01,791 - But, yeah, obviously. - (laughs) 498 00:21:07,699 --> 00:21:08,831 (whispers): Yes. 499 00:21:15,526 --> 00:21:18,961 You thought you could master me, but I'm a person, Paul. 500 00:21:19,029 --> 00:21:20,696 I'm not one of your hobbies. 501 00:21:20,764 --> 00:21:22,197 You're right. 502 00:21:22,266 --> 00:21:25,534 I wanted a family so badly, I was willing to look past 503 00:21:25,603 --> 00:21:28,904 the septendecillion pieces of evidence that screamed, 504 00:21:28,973 --> 00:21:31,039 "We are wrong for each other." 505 00:21:31,108 --> 00:21:34,034 Think you can stay here a little bit longer? 506 00:21:34,111 --> 00:21:35,978 Just until we get our affairs in order? 507 00:21:36,046 --> 00:21:37,713 Of course. 508 00:21:42,453 --> 00:21:44,753 I guess... in the end, 509 00:21:44,822 --> 00:21:47,656 we were just two stars born light-years apart. 510 00:21:47,716 --> 00:21:49,116 You need to find someone 511 00:21:49,185 --> 00:21:50,817 in your own constellation, Lindsay. 512 00:21:50,886 --> 00:21:53,453 Oh, Bear. 513 00:21:53,522 --> 00:21:55,355 Mm. 514 00:21:58,661 --> 00:22:01,495 So you'll throw away the prenup? 515 00:22:01,564 --> 00:22:04,097 (exhales) 516 00:22:04,166 --> 00:22:06,133 You stabbed me. 517 00:22:06,202 --> 00:22:09,503 You cuckolded me. 518 00:22:09,572 --> 00:22:12,206 You ruined my life. 519 00:22:16,545 --> 00:22:18,212 Better lawyer up, bitch. 520 00:22:18,280 --> 00:22:19,980 (gasps) 521 00:22:35,998 --> 00:22:38,398 JIMMY: "Simon watched the man exit the motel, 522 00:22:38,467 --> 00:22:40,567 "and they were alone again. 523 00:22:40,636 --> 00:22:42,469 "He, gazing at her, 524 00:22:42,538 --> 00:22:45,005 "she, staring at her own reflection. 525 00:22:45,074 --> 00:22:47,841 "Both of them were watching the same thing, 526 00:22:47,910 --> 00:22:50,644 the tears filling Kitty's eyes." 527 00:22:50,713 --> 00:22:52,512 (sighs softly) 528 00:22:54,016 --> 00:22:56,216 Dude, keep going! 529 00:22:56,285 --> 00:22:59,019 I need to know what happens with Kitty and Simon and Bug. 530 00:22:59,088 --> 00:23:00,721 I'm so worried about Bug. 531 00:23:00,789 --> 00:23:01,855 Well, that's all I wrote. 532 00:23:01,924 --> 00:23:03,690 Well, go finish it. 533 00:23:03,759 --> 00:23:05,058 You know how it ends, right? 534 00:23:05,127 --> 00:23:07,027 I do now. 535 00:23:08,230 --> 00:23:10,764 But first... 536 00:23:10,833 --> 00:23:12,933 I need to rest my eyes. 537 00:23:13,002 --> 00:23:15,502 I've been up for two days. 538 00:23:16,705 --> 00:23:18,538 Come here. 539 00:23:25,681 --> 00:23:27,881 540 00:23:27,950 --> 00:23:30,150 We didn't solve anything. 541 00:23:32,521 --> 00:23:34,388 I know. 542 00:23:35,858 --> 00:23:37,724 Okay. 543 00:23:39,662 --> 00:23:42,729 This year, I'll spend November 544 00:23:42,798 --> 00:23:45,699 In the house 545 00:23:45,768 --> 00:23:48,101 August sort of stifled... 546 00:23:48,170 --> 00:23:50,170 Shit. 547 00:23:50,239 --> 00:23:51,471 That's nine. 548 00:23:52,741 --> 00:23:54,374 It's coyness, boy 549 00:23:54,443 --> 00:23:57,811 That caught you out 550 00:23:58,900 --> 00:24:01,231 - Synced and corrected by DaddyBear - - www.addic7ed.com - 551 00:24:01,281 --> 00:24:05,831 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 38498

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