All language subtitles for Til Death s04e19 Work Wife.eng

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All right,
the suspense is over.

I've chosen
the school musical.

You wanna guess
what it is?

No.

Ok, I'll give you a hint.

I don't know.

"Raisin in the Sun."

What? No.

Something
with Nathan Lane.

No. Meow. Meow.

Cat. "cat on a..."
it's..."cat on a..."

Oh, for cryin' out loud.
"cat on a hot..."

It's a roof.
"roof."

No. Not "cat on
a hot tin roof."

No. "Cats," the musical.

Do you guyknow anything
about theater at all?

Maybe we haven't met.
I'm Eddie Stark.

Stop it.

It's going to be
an extravaganza

The likes of which the
multi-purpose room has never seen.

Got an idea for you.
Why don't you get

The kids to round up
some stray Cats

And then shave 'em to make the costumes?

Funny!

No, it's not funny.
It's disgusting.

You should be ashamed
of yourself.

And yet, I'm not.

Come on, Joy.
Theater is something we had

Before we invented
television.

Yeah? Well, I'm gonna change
both of your minds about that, ok?

Oh, excuse me.
Hey, Raj,

Just the man
I wanted to see.

I tried. I cannot get the happy
meal smell out of your car.

No. Not that.

I'm doing "Cats."

Mr. Katz,
the french teacher?

I thought he was gay.

No, not that.
The musical, "Cats."

And who do you think's
gonna sing "Memory"?

You're going to do it?

Yeah. I am.

Oh, how did I guess?

So what does this
have to do with me?

Oh, I'll tell you what
it has to do with you.

I'm gonna need
all of your mop heads.

I wanna add them to the
costumes for gritty authenticity.

So you want me to mop
the gritty floors with a stick?

Yeah. You don't mind,
do you?

No. I like coming here
at night and cleaning up

After these filthy children
without the proper tools.

Nothing makes me happier.

And I'm glad that children
dressed as Cats

Are more important than the dead
one I found in the cafeteria.

Okay. Thank you.

You're welcome.

Mistress!

Maggot.

Can I pour you
a cup of hot coffee,

Or would you like
to pour one over me?

Shut up. I'm really
enjoying myself

Seeing the miserable look
on Eddie Stark's face

As his wife babbles
on like a magpie.

Yeah, she is kind of
hard on the ears,

But she's easy
on the eyes.

What?

Nah, I'm just
stating the obvious.

I mean, she is not
unattractive to look at.

I gotta go.
I gotta start rehearsals.

Tell you about the second
act when we get home tonight.

Okay. Can't wait. Well,
I gotta get to class.

It's bring your baby
to school day.

Let's go, Whitey.

Okay.

Mistress.

Bye.
Bye.

Oh, Ms. Duffy!

I was looking for you.

I wanted to let
you know that,

I will be playing the role of grizabella

In our production of "Cats." oh.

Yeah, and I'm not even
gonna ask for a bump in pay.

I am doing it for
the love of theater

And of course
the children.

Will it be difficult
for me to perform

In something that
I'm also directing?

The answer's "of course."
am I up to the task?

The answer's
"of course."

Now, there will
be naysayers,

But if barbra streisand can
perform in and direct "yentl,"

I think I can handle a
musical about a bunch of Cats.

Now, it may
be unrealistic

To think that "the new york
times" will come to review it,

But I think we've got a lock
on the "post," "the voice,"

And local critics
from the tristate area.

What I'm gonna
need from you

Is to block off
a little section

In the front of the theater
with those ropes, you know,

Maybe 2 rows
for those folks.

And, Ms. Duffy,

I just
wanna thank you

For giving me
the opportunity

To fulfill
a lifelong dream of mine

Of inspiring today's youth through
the magic of musical theater.

You're fired.

Can you believe it?

Well, look, not like I want
this conversation to go on,

But can you come up with one
reason why Duffy fired you?

No.

Not one. I mean, I was
just standing there.

I was talking
about "Cats,"

And then absolutely
out of the blue,

She says,
"you're fired."

You know what
the worst part is?

Having to hear about it?

She replaced me
as director

With that giggling little nitwit
from the music department.

You mean that little
Tricia sunshine?

The one who's
always cheerful?

The bitch.

You know,
Duffy's gonna miss me.

She is...the play
is gonna suffer.

Can't wait
to read the reviews.

I hope the children
get trashed.

You transferred all
the anger onto the kids.

It's like you been
teaching for years.

Yeah, screw 'em.

What are we gonna do, Eddie?

We need the money
from that job.

Aw, you'll get
another job.

Yeah? It took me forever
to get this one.

Yeah, but now you've
changed, and you've grown,

And you've got
a new set of skills.

I mean, any company would
be thrilled to have you.

Yeah. I...I do bring
a lot to the table.

I mean, I don't have
a degree, so I'm cheap.

Yeah. There you go.
You're cheap.

And I have
a lot of opinions,

And I'm not afraid to tell
someone how to do their job.

And who doesn't
love that?

And you know what
I know how to do now?

Fold a flag.

Plus I think
outside the box.

I mean, who rewrote "Cats"
and t in a dog?

You put a dog in "Cats"?

Dogs are the natural
enemy of Cats,

Conflict.
Okay.

Why did it take me
to think of that?

Because only you have the
courage to tamper with success.

Exactly.

And you see,
with your help,

It could have become the
longerest-running show on broadway.

Thank you, Eddie. That is
exactly what I needed to hear.

You know
what I'm gonna do?

I'm gonna go online
right now,

And I'm gonna
find myself a new job.

That's my girl.

I am gonna show Duffy

That Joy Stark
is a winner!

I could do anything,
anything at all.

How do you turn this
damn thing on again?

Lift up your shirt.

So the guy says,
"What's the good news?"

And the doctor says, "The good
news is I'm sleeping with my nur."

So how's the job hunt goin'?

Ah, it's terrible!

I've been at it for
days now, and nothing.

I mean, you have to have a master's
degree to answer the phone.

And those fake
references didn't help?

No, they did
not help at all.

I think all the telephone
numbers starting with 555

Was a definite giveaway.

God! You know
what, Simona?

I thought I was
gonna be a winner.

I'm just a loser.

What are you
gonna do now?

I'm sorry. Isn't this
the part where you say,

"no, you're not
a loser"?

Oh. I'm sorry.

No, you're not a loser.

So what are you
gonna do now?

Ah, you know, the usual.

I'm gonna cry.
I'm gonna eat.

I'm gonna lash out
at others.

By the way,
I hate that blouse.

That's good!
That's good.

Just let it out.

Oh, hey! You know what?

Stephen is looking
for an assistant.

Really? You been sittin'
on that for 20 minutes?

Well, it just
occurred to me.

He just lost
the one that he had.

Did she quit?

No. She died.

Oh, that's terrible. How?

She was trampled
by clowns.

She was not.

Yeah, she was.

How does that
even happen?

Well, she had
coulrophobia. That's the...

Fear of clowns.

And...
I know.

She tried to get over it
through immersion therapy

By riding on an elevator
filled with bozos.

But before she could get
to the top floor,

She started screaming
like crazy,

Which panicked the clowns,

And when the doors open,
they stampeded out of there

And crushed her to death
under their giant red shoes.

Is that really true?

Nah. She had a stroke.

But it is true that Stephen's
looking for an assistant.

Ah, thanks!

Do you think
he'd consider me?

Consider you?

He'll hire you.

I'll make it happen.

Wow, Simona!

Do you wear the pants
in that marriage?

As long as he wants
to get into 'em, I do.

All right. Let's begin
the interview.

So formal.

Stephen,
you've known me forever.

Yeah, as a friend, not
as my executive assistant.

Oh, executive assistant.
I like the sound of that.

Yeah. It's great,
isn't it?

Plus it makes me feel
really important.

Call my executive
assistant to schedule lunch.

See? And you gotta be an executive
to have an executive assistant.

True.

After all, I am
the dean of admissions.

Although that's not
like being james dean

Or harry dean stanton
or paula deen.

You get it?

Get what?

The joke. The joke.

Yeah. I get it.

Oh, Stephen. I didn't know
you were so funny.

Oh, I'm funny.
I'm funny.

But it's a very dry,
almost imperceptible,

Pretty much not even there kind
of a wit bordering on snide.

That is it in a nutshell.
Yeah.

So, shall we go over
your employment history?

No. No, I don't
think we should.

Be disappointing and give you
all those reasons not to hire me.

Ok. Any reason why I should
do a criminal background check?

Ohh. Not unless you want to
remember that weekend in mexico

The four of us had.

Yes. And I appreciate
you swallowing

That baggie before
we crossed the border.

Once in a while, it helps
not to have a gag reflex.

What the hell?
Let's give it a shot.

Really?
Absolutely. You're hired.

Ah! Well,
thank you, Stephen.

And I will not
disappoint you.

No, you won't.
Tell you what.

Let's get started
right now.

Right...right now?
Sure.

Ok. All right. Yeah.
For your first task,

I want you to run down
to the coffee shop,

Get me a mochaccino with
3/4 teaspoon of sugar.

3/4 of a teaspoon.
Yeah.

And not a grain more.
And I'll be able to tell.

Ok. Oh, this is gonna be fun.

I'm excited.

Yeah. I tell you, put it
in my real coffee cup

Right here and
rinse it out first.

Don't use, soap, 'cause
that'll leave an aftertaste.

Club soda. Club soda.
And don't wipe it out

With paper towels
from the bathroom.

I'm just kidding.

But don't.

What time did you
get in last night?

Midnight.

Why so late?

Because I had
to reorganize

All of Stephen's files.

Why?

His old assistant
was israeli.

All the files went
from right to left.

It's that bad, huh?

Oh, please! He's always
telling all these jokes.

Well, Stephen can be
funny in that very dry,

Almost imperceptible,

Pretty much not even there kind
of way that borders on snide.

I think you give him
too much credit.

Do you know
what he did yesterday?

We got an application
from a rich kid.

He called him Richie Rich and
then laughed for, like, 3 minutes.

Well, not only is
that not original,

It's not even close
to being a joke.

I know.
He doesn't tell jokes.

He says anybody
can tell jokes.

He just gives you an area
where a joke might be,

And then he expects you to laugh
as if there's actually a joke there.

Like dane cook.

Exactly.

You know what
the worst part is?

In my free time, he has me doing
all these personal, stupid errands.

Right now, I have to go to the dry
cleaners to pick up his underwear.

Who dry-cleans
their frickin' underwear?

Skitters.

So now we're both miserable. Yeah.

Joy's miserable because
she has to work for Stephen,

And I'm miserable 'cause now
I always have to hear about it.

I hate that guy.

Stephen? Why?

I don't know.
He's an odd duck,

Vaguely creepy, with a deep
sense of self-loathing,

And that's comin' from a guy that
likes being used as an ashtray.

You know, I think
the point here is

That you should just
never work with your friends.

Well, what about us?

Oh, Eddie,
we're different.

I mean, we met here,

And we have a... a natural
chemistry that just defies logic.

You're right about that.
I know.

But the shocking thing
is I was actually

Less miserable when Joy
was workin' at school.

Less miserable.

That's hardly
a ringing endorsement.

Hey, let me
tell you something.

After 24 years
of marriage,

"less miserable" is like
a cool breeze in hell.

And now I don't
even have that.

Well, I am...

So sorry, Eddie.

Why are you sorry?
It's not your fault.

What did you do, Whitey?

Well, I...

I may have
let it slip to Duffy

That Joy was not ugly.

Whitey, no! No!

You can't compliment
a woman to another woman.

It's like painting
a bull's-eye on 'em.

What am I gonna do now?

What am I gonna do?

You are going to do
nothing, Eddie.

I am so wracked with guilt
over this whole thing

That I am personally
gonna rectify the situation,

Which coincidentally is the name of
a game that Duffy and I enjoy playing.

No, don't worry
about a thing, Eddie.

It's all gonna work out
in the end.

I love you
in that jacket.

Yeah. Dad died
a week ago.

My sister got the house.

And that's when I decided
to turn my life around

And become
an optimistic person.

The sun is always
shining someplace,

And it shines
the brightest

When it's high in the
sky and close to God.

There's happiness everywhere
if you just look for it.

You don't have to wait for something
big to happen to make you happy

When there's
all these little things

Like flowers and birds
and puppy dogs.

Do you like polka dots?

I think polka dots
are wonderful.

They're like a bunch of little
happy faces just waiting to smile.

And rainbows. Don't even
get me started on rainbows.

There is a pot of gold at the
end of each and every one of them.

Oh, do you
remember that song,

"sunshine, lollipops,
and rainbows"?

That's my ringtone.
Wait.

I'll play it for you.

Oh! Ok, here it is.

I thought I lost it.

But then I found it inside
the silver lining of my purse.

Isn't that funny? Heh!

There really is a silver
lining in my purse.

Oh, Tricia,
you are so fired.

What?

You're fired.

Now find the silver lining
in that, you psychotic bitch.

Get out.

Well, I'm gonna take
this as an opportunity.

I'm going home
to make lemonade.

One door closes,
another one opens.

Well, this one's
closin'. Watch your nose.

What do you think?

Head in the oven or a tune
on the Hemingway flute?

Probably both.

But that's after a handful of
pills and a bottle of vodka.

Good work.

Death is funny.

I love it.

Really?

Hey, Whitey!
Whitey's here.

Great news.

Little Tricia sunshine's
in a diabetic coma.

Turns out she went home

And overdosed
on lemonade.

Now your old job
is available.

Tricia's in a coma.

Sometimes you just get lucky.

Oh, God! Oh, you know what
the best part about this is?

Now I get to tell
Stephen that I quit.

Okay. Well, you just
better make sure

You get your old
job back first.

Right. I gotta go convince
Duffy to hire me back.

I just wish I knew why she
fired me in the first place.

Maybe somebody
said you were pretty.

Who would say that?

Maybe I did.

You said I was pretty?

No. I would
never say that.

I think the exact
phrase was...

"Not unattractive."

Well, that's the same thing
as pretty.

No, it's not.

God, and Duffy was jealous.

I mean,
that explains everything.

When will women realize
that I am not a threat to them?

I'd give it
a couple years.

Ok, I'm gonna...
I'm gonna go talk to Duffy.

No, you know what? I am gonna
do more than talk to Duffy.

I am gonna make her love me.

Dad's sweater?

No, mom's.

My brother
got her skirts.

Carol Duffy, I need
to speak with you.

I take it you're in
that ridiculous get-up

To convince me to hire you back
as the theater director.

No. I was handing out
fliers at a pet store.

That doesn't matter
right now.

But I woullike
my old job back,

Because I am good at it,

And I do it well, and
I do it with passion.

And Tricia's
in a lemonade coma.

Don't make me smile.
My lips are chapped.

So can I have
my job back?

Well, the kids in the drama
department do really like you,

But they're mostly gay boys and the
deluded overweight girls with no gaydar.

So let me consult
with my collie.

I mean colleague.

What do you think,
Whitey?

Do you think Joy is an
attractive candidate for the job?

Oh, absolutely not.

Are you positive?

Look at her.

Yeah. Well,
you got a point.

Yeah, you're hired.

I am?

Thank you.
Thank you so much.

And to show my appreciation,

I am gonna give you all
a little preview of the play

By singing the song that you've
all been waiting to hear,

"Memory" from "Cats,"

By sir andrew lloyd webber.

Well, this is a song
for the baby.

And a-one and a-two
and a-1, 2, 3.

* Hey, little baby, before
you go out the utero *

* I want you to know
that the world is great *

* And we can't wait
to welcome you to it *

* The world is great *

* And we can't wait
to welcome you to it *

* And this is how we do it *

* Don't be a litterbug *

* No, no, no *

* 'Cause if you do,
the earf'll be no mo' *

* And remember to
smile all of the while *

* And turn that
frown upside down *

* Like this *

* Yeah, homey *

Hey, let me in.
I got one.

Oh, ok.

* Don't hire a friend *

* It's no fun *

* 'Cause when
they quit *

* They'll leave ywu
stranded with no one *

* To get your coffee
the way you like it *

* And you feel like
a loser jackass *

* When you're really
an executive, damn it *

My turn.

* I got somethin'
to say to the baby *

* And old Whitey knows
what he's talkin' about *

* This world is a trap *

* No one really
gives a crap *

* Take my advice, baby *

* Don't come out *

Okay, I think we're
gonna go inside now.

Yeah, without...
without you guys.

Sure.

Encore?

Encore. Here we go.

So formal.

You've known me
forever, Stephen.

Yeah, as a friend.

Let me start that again.

Who are you talk...
who are you talking to?

There's just...

I told you directing makes
me look a little fatter.

It's only... It's only,
what, 10 pounds?

But it's per camera.

Just do it all from here
and then close it?

And then cross over.

What do you like better,
directing or acting?

Shut up.

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