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- _
- MUSIC: Let's Lightning by Pull Tiger Tail
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I'm addicted to electric pulses
3
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I'm addicted to electric pulses
4
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How? Let's see
5
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All decisions cutting out our voices
6
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All decisions cutting out our voices
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Not for me
8
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I'm incapable, I live by habit
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Oh, I'm incapable, I live by habit
10
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Not today
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Cos life's accountable
if I don't grab it
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00:00:32,970 --> 00:00:35,890
Oh, life's accountable
if I don't grab it
13
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So I say
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Aren't you sick of being automatic?
15
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Don't you want to
have it your way always?
16
00:00:45,130 --> 00:00:48,090
Aren't you sick of being automatic?
17
00:00:48,130 --> 00:00:50,210
Something's wrong with me
18
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I've gotta pull it out
19
00:00:51,930 --> 00:00:54,370
I'm changing, turning corners
20
00:00:54,410 --> 00:00:58,050
This town ain't big enough for me...
21
00:01:00,009 --> 00:01:02,089
_
22
00:01:03,690 --> 00:01:05,130
Four snakebites, please.
23
00:01:11,690 --> 00:01:13,250
I feel your pain, man.
24
00:01:13,290 --> 00:01:16,610
- What?
- Nothing, just like...
25
00:01:16,650 --> 00:01:20,370
We're both here with our
friends who are hot and blonde,
26
00:01:20,410 --> 00:01:22,090
and they're macking on dudes
27
00:01:22,130 --> 00:01:25,490
and we've got to wingman with
whatever guy the dude brought.
28
00:01:25,530 --> 00:01:27,589
I don't understand what you're saying.
29
00:01:27,596 --> 00:01:30,114
You know, wingman,
like you're a sidekick?
30
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Like the nurse in Romeo and Juliet,
31
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like they're trying to dunk ball
32
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and we bring down the hoop a little bit.
33
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Yeah, I'm not a wingman.
34
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O... K.
35
00:01:40,971 --> 00:01:42,692
I've got a boyfriend.
36
00:01:44,371 --> 00:01:47,022
You can have a boyfriend
and still be a wingman.
37
00:01:47,027 --> 00:01:48,290
Whatever, mate.
38
00:01:50,250 --> 00:01:53,090
This girl keeps asking me how to
fake a positive pregnancy test.
39
00:01:53,130 --> 00:01:55,090
You should be sending
out your manuscript.
40
00:01:55,130 --> 00:01:57,400
- Stop talking to strangers online.
- I'm working.
41
00:01:57,470 --> 00:01:59,370
She keeps listing things in
her kitchen. What do I say?
42
00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:02,454
- Do you want a sandwich?
- No, I'm not really hungry.
43
00:02:02,464 --> 00:02:04,154
Hey, can you guys keep your voices down?
44
00:02:04,505 --> 00:02:05,891
I'm trying to get him to sleep.
45
00:02:05,912 --> 00:02:07,280
And if he starts screaming again,
46
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then I'll have to murder the
pair of you and then murder myself
47
00:02:10,124 --> 00:02:12,203
and then there'll be no one
here to look after Philip.
48
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If he starts screaming, I'm out
of here. Last night was miserable.
49
00:02:15,770 --> 00:02:17,065
Yeah, I bet it was difficult for you.
50
00:02:17,069 --> 00:02:19,741
- Don't argue in front of the baby.
- Who, Philip or Gabe?
51
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Hey, Will, read between the lines.
52
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- Hey, Gabe, get a job.
- I have a job.
53
00:02:24,410 --> 00:02:25,988
- What's your job?
- AQA.
54
00:02:26,113 --> 00:02:28,435
People pay to text
questions, I text answers.
55
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How much do they pay?
56
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- Three quid a question.
- Three quid, eh? That's not bad.
57
00:02:33,442 --> 00:02:37,059
They pay three quid a text.
You don't get three quid a text.
58
00:02:37,084 --> 00:02:40,073
- Well, I get some of it.
- How much?
59
00:02:40,370 --> 00:02:43,696
- Look, it's about quantity. You know, it adds up.
- How much, though?
60
00:02:44,704 --> 00:02:45,986
3p a question.
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00:02:46,197 --> 00:02:48,954
I can make ?5 an hour if I focus.
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When Mr Miyagi died, I
made 100 quid in an hour.
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00:02:52,067 --> 00:02:54,717
- He's dead?
- Yeah, on the 24th November,
64
00:02:54,734 --> 00:02:56,421
he waxed off for the last time.
65
00:02:56,619 --> 00:02:58,010
I came up with that joke later.
66
00:02:58,050 --> 00:03:01,175
- I really wish I'd thought of it at the time.
- Hey, I loved him.
67
00:03:01,353 --> 00:03:03,050
- What was his name?
- Exactly.
68
00:03:03,090 --> 00:03:06,318
Everyone loves him, but they
want to know, what's his name?
69
00:03:06,339 --> 00:03:08,364
Pat Morita. How did he die?
70
00:03:08,370 --> 00:03:11,301
Well, he suffered from
chronic kidney failure
71
00:03:11,313 --> 00:03:12,913
- and was found on his bathroom floor...
- Hey.
72
00:03:12,930 --> 00:03:14,810
This is a computer.
73
00:03:14,850 --> 00:03:17,423
And on a computer, I can look up stuff.
74
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Oh, shit.
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Gabe.
76
00:03:20,850 --> 00:03:22,475
What's the Roger Earl Award?
77
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Why?
78
00:03:24,799 --> 00:03:27,278
- Aaagh!
- BABY STARTS CRYING
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"You have been selected as
the winner of... " Oh, my God!
80
00:03:33,104 --> 00:03:37,294
ANSWERPHONE: We are not home
right now. Kindly leave a message.
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00:03:37,362 --> 00:03:39,321
IN PERSIAN: _
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00:03:40,065 --> 00:03:42,515
_
83
00:03:42,567 --> 00:03:44,770
OK. I love you. Bye.
84
00:03:53,305 --> 00:03:55,864
... Even if he's got a boyfriend,
it doesn't really matter.
85
00:03:55,895 --> 00:03:58,034
You can just say no at the end
of the day, you don't have to...
86
00:03:58,060 --> 00:04:00,391
Hey. So I was wondering,
87
00:04:00,396 --> 00:04:03,027
how come everyone here says "mate"
88
00:04:03,043 --> 00:04:04,822
when they really mean,
"go fuck yourself"?
89
00:04:04,847 --> 00:04:07,136
I don't know what you're
talking about, mate.
90
00:04:07,627 --> 00:04:10,108
- Hey, I'm Leila.
- Jamie.
91
00:04:11,970 --> 00:04:13,013
Deniz.
92
00:04:13,054 --> 00:04:14,481
- Dennis?
- Deniz.
93
00:04:14,548 --> 00:04:16,398
- Dennis.
- Den-iz.
94
00:04:16,419 --> 00:04:19,055
- Den-nis.
- Don't worry about it.
95
00:04:19,250 --> 00:04:22,146
- Are you from Texas?
- No, why?
96
00:04:22,171 --> 00:04:23,805
All the Americans say
they're from Texas.
97
00:04:23,821 --> 00:04:26,869
No, I go to a small women's
college in Massachusetts.
98
00:04:26,921 --> 00:04:28,761
Are there a lot of lesbians there?
99
00:04:29,423 --> 00:04:32,050
Yeah, actually, there are
a lot of lesbians there.
100
00:04:32,090 --> 00:04:35,532
We call them lugs,
Lesbians Until Graduation.
101
00:04:35,547 --> 00:04:37,340
Are you a lug?
102
00:04:40,297 --> 00:04:41,821
You should ask my ex-girlfriend.
103
00:04:41,997 --> 00:04:44,565
- Ex-girlfriend, yeah?
- I've got to go.
104
00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:47,480
Right. Yeah, I'll see you in a bit.
105
00:04:49,010 --> 00:04:50,617
What the fuck is her problem?
106
00:04:50,742 --> 00:04:53,718
Deniz? No, she's a sweetheart.
107
00:04:53,775 --> 00:04:56,231
Right, look, I'm going to get off, yeah?
108
00:04:56,712 --> 00:05:00,759
OK. Well, I hang out here a lot
109
00:05:00,780 --> 00:05:02,785
and I'm going to be here
tomorrow late afternoon,
110
00:05:02,816 --> 00:05:05,742
- so if you want to get a drink, I'll be here.
- All right.
111
00:05:12,890 --> 00:05:16,879
I don't believe an unsold manuscript
has ever won the Roger Earl award.
112
00:05:17,076 --> 00:05:20,259
It must be a real whirlwind.
113
00:05:20,295 --> 00:05:23,970
Is everything just starting
to blur together into one
114
00:05:24,010 --> 00:05:26,942
amorphous blob of shite?
115
00:05:27,179 --> 00:05:30,891
No, not at all. I'm just
so glad people have read it.
116
00:05:31,676 --> 00:05:34,756
The last guy I met said I
had a very singular voice
117
00:05:34,793 --> 00:05:38,193
and the book reminded
him a lot of Zadie Smith.
118
00:05:39,625 --> 00:05:42,290
A singular voice
that's like Zadie Smith?
119
00:05:42,415 --> 00:05:46,203
No, he said like her, but more relevant.
120
00:05:47,087 --> 00:05:50,524
Yeah, no, that whole female black
narrative was not relevant at all.
121
00:05:50,545 --> 00:05:52,726
What we really need are
more white male voices.
122
00:05:52,782 --> 00:05:54,343
I'm so sorry, I
shouldn't have said that.
123
00:05:54,374 --> 00:05:56,137
I do that, I act
insulting when I'm nervous.
124
00:05:56,158 --> 00:05:57,672
It's just verbal diarrhoea.
125
00:05:57,703 --> 00:06:00,438
I have all these ideas
for your book and I'm like,
126
00:06:00,484 --> 00:06:04,981
"When do I tell you?" So I think
the title should be Test(icular).
127
00:06:05,012 --> 00:06:07,949
Like, you isolate the word "test"
because it's so much about the test,
128
00:06:07,964 --> 00:06:10,010
and then you have
"icular" in parenthesis.
129
00:06:10,031 --> 00:06:12,558
I'm so sorry, forget that, that
was stupid. It was just a thought.
130
00:06:12,579 --> 00:06:14,810
I have others, or I could have none.
131
00:06:14,850 --> 00:06:16,574
That title's a really good idea.
132
00:06:16,822 --> 00:06:18,905
Look, I really love your book.
133
00:06:19,080 --> 00:06:21,091
I think that there is this,
134
00:06:21,396 --> 00:06:25,210
this sense of irony
and self-hatred and fear
135
00:06:25,250 --> 00:06:28,085
in this world that
you've created that just
136
00:06:28,641 --> 00:06:30,782
speaks to me in a way that
137
00:06:31,381 --> 00:06:36,947
nothing really has in
a very, very long time.
138
00:06:38,885 --> 00:06:41,330
And I think you should
rewrite the ending.
139
00:06:44,084 --> 00:06:45,727
OK.
140
00:06:47,784 --> 00:06:50,045
I can't stop thinking about Deniz.
141
00:06:50,069 --> 00:06:52,699
It's like she's wired
into my brain or something.
142
00:06:52,740 --> 00:06:55,423
- You know what it's like with women.
- Yeah, totally.
143
00:06:55,919 --> 00:06:58,700
Ladies. I love lezzing out.
144
00:06:58,767 --> 00:07:04,069
I look at beautiful women,
just two feminine bodies,
145
00:07:04,994 --> 00:07:07,883
like something out
of a Penthouse letter.
146
00:07:08,700 --> 00:07:10,100
You like me, right?
147
00:07:10,167 --> 00:07:13,004
I'm not a total piece of shit, am I?
148
00:07:13,041 --> 00:07:15,459
You'd go out with me, wouldn't
you, if you weren't a lesbian?
149
00:07:19,868 --> 00:07:23,090
I am so sorry, I don't
know what's wrong with me.
150
00:07:23,130 --> 00:07:26,101
- Don't be, I kissed you.
- No, you're drunk.
151
00:07:26,127 --> 00:07:27,734
I'm not drunk.
152
00:07:28,530 --> 00:07:30,075
Do you think Deniz saw us?
153
00:07:31,264 --> 00:07:32,948
No.
154
00:07:33,801 --> 00:07:36,168
OK. Cool.
155
00:07:39,124 --> 00:07:41,802
Are you wearing that to your
interview with the journalist?
156
00:07:41,843 --> 00:07:44,247
- Yeah, what's wrong with it?
- It's not very flattering.
157
00:07:44,769 --> 00:07:47,270
I like that it's big and
comfy and hides my belly.
158
00:07:47,327 --> 00:07:49,074
Darling, it doesn't hide your belly.
159
00:07:49,570 --> 00:07:51,209
- Kind of makes it look bigger.
- Oh,
160
00:07:51,260 --> 00:07:53,704
- great, you think I'm big?
- No, I didn't say that.
161
00:07:53,947 --> 00:07:56,572
Why don't you wear one of Will's shirts?
162
00:08:00,081 --> 00:08:01,644
- Hmm.
- Yeah.
163
00:08:01,830 --> 00:08:04,109
- It doesn't really...
- No.
164
00:08:04,156 --> 00:08:06,936
Look at the sleeves.
It's like Diane Keaton.
165
00:08:07,815 --> 00:08:11,773
They are, yeah. No, that's not doing
what I thought it was going to do.
166
00:08:11,852 --> 00:08:13,842
We'll try another.
167
00:08:13,859 --> 00:08:15,033
I just think me and Will are,
168
00:08:15,066 --> 00:08:16,927
you know, we're different body types.
169
00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:21,843
This is a slimline
fit. You are slimline.
170
00:08:23,298 --> 00:08:24,850
It's a slimline fit.
171
00:08:27,669 --> 00:08:29,514
Whoa, quite tight.
172
00:08:29,540 --> 00:08:31,106
That's because you're
wearing a T-shirt under it.
173
00:08:31,137 --> 00:08:34,962
- Why do you do that?
- I need a T-shirt. I sweat an awful lot.
174
00:08:35,169 --> 00:08:37,551
- I just need it there.
- This one, I know,
175
00:08:37,572 --> 00:08:40,616
will be the one that fits you.
176
00:08:42,156 --> 00:08:45,737
- I'm feeling it in the arms, very tight.
- Oh, tight.
177
00:08:48,011 --> 00:08:50,770
- Yeah...
- Look at your face.
178
00:08:51,463 --> 00:08:54,115
I was wrong. I made a mistake.
179
00:08:54,146 --> 00:08:56,394
You were right. You were right because
180
00:08:56,425 --> 00:08:58,914
you pick your own clothes
because you're a big boy.
181
00:08:58,951 --> 00:09:01,047
Put that jumper back on.
182
00:09:01,172 --> 00:09:02,672
I don't know what I was thinking.
183
00:09:09,217 --> 00:09:11,413
Were your parents
gutted when you came out?
184
00:09:11,538 --> 00:09:13,976
- What's gutted?
- Were they upset?
185
00:09:14,137 --> 00:09:15,208
Yeah.
186
00:09:15,878 --> 00:09:17,623
Are they still talking to you?
187
00:09:18,695 --> 00:09:21,125
Yeah, they're talking to
me, but they're different.
188
00:09:21,138 --> 00:09:22,903
- BOTH AT ONCE: How are they different?
- What's lesbian sex like?
189
00:09:25,685 --> 00:09:29,521
Um, well, now they treat me like
a mentally unstable homeless guy
190
00:09:29,525 --> 00:09:31,212
that they're housing
for the holiday season.
191
00:09:31,279 --> 00:09:35,410
Like, they're super polite, but
also quite distant and scared.
192
00:09:37,526 --> 00:09:39,197
What's the sex like?
193
00:09:40,168 --> 00:09:41,168
Good.
194
00:09:41,198 --> 00:09:43,657
No, I didn't mean it like
that. I meant more like...
195
00:09:43,744 --> 00:09:45,381
What is it you actually do?
196
00:09:45,832 --> 00:09:51,050
Well, um, so, like, there's kissing...
197
00:09:51,063 --> 00:09:52,749
She's not answering that.
198
00:09:53,754 --> 00:09:56,250
Yeah, thank you, I'm not answering that.
199
00:09:56,549 --> 00:09:58,418
Well, you can't blame me for trying.
200
00:09:58,595 --> 00:10:03,002
Anyway, I desperately need a
piss, so you, do not go anywhere.
201
00:10:03,027 --> 00:10:04,511
Be back in a sec.
202
00:10:07,551 --> 00:10:08,721
Hey.
203
00:10:09,333 --> 00:10:10,929
I think he's into you.
204
00:10:11,603 --> 00:10:13,219
I think I might be gay.
205
00:10:15,147 --> 00:10:16,978
Are you fucking with me?
206
00:10:17,491 --> 00:10:19,963
You're the only lesbian
that I've ever met.
207
00:10:22,655 --> 00:10:24,730
Do you want to get out
of here? This place sucks.
208
00:10:25,301 --> 00:10:29,753
I read in my guidebook that
London is the hottest spot
209
00:10:29,778 --> 00:10:34,050
for all LGBT invite
spots in all of the UK.
210
00:10:38,570 --> 00:10:42,090
So how does it feel to be the
new voice of Irish literature?
211
00:10:42,129 --> 00:10:44,172
Good, yeah, thank you.
212
00:10:44,337 --> 00:10:48,318
So go on, the parallels to Zadie
Smith, are they intentional?
213
00:10:48,330 --> 00:10:49,438
What's her take on it?
214
00:10:50,616 --> 00:10:51,936
What's her take?
215
00:10:52,779 --> 00:10:54,198
Um...
216
00:10:54,930 --> 00:10:57,314
I don't know. Ask Zadie Smith.
217
00:10:58,079 --> 00:10:59,435
She's Zadie Smith.
218
00:10:59,692 --> 00:11:01,498
Well, I have her number.
We could call her.
219
00:11:02,290 --> 00:11:03,930
Are you fucking with me?
220
00:11:03,970 --> 00:11:06,450
Why would I be fucking
with you? I'm a massive fan.
221
00:11:07,632 --> 00:11:09,493
OK, how about your parents?
222
00:11:09,972 --> 00:11:12,978
- The book is clearly autobiographical.
- No, it's not.
223
00:11:13,929 --> 00:11:15,889
OK, there are parallels.
224
00:11:15,947 --> 00:11:18,287
How do they feel about
your portrayal of them?
225
00:11:18,330 --> 00:11:21,446
- It's not exactly flattering.
- They're dead.
226
00:11:22,865 --> 00:11:24,874
Oh, I'm sorry.
227
00:11:26,214 --> 00:11:28,148
Yeah, my father had testicular cancer.
228
00:11:28,855 --> 00:11:30,852
- Like in the book.
- Yeah.
229
00:11:32,519 --> 00:11:34,347
Yeah. I moved to London
to be with my sister.
230
00:11:35,413 --> 00:11:36,628
Now that I think of it,
231
00:11:36,650 --> 00:11:39,170
the book feels almost
like a love letter to them.
232
00:11:39,560 --> 00:11:42,938
The inner workings of
the codependent family
233
00:11:42,959 --> 00:11:44,450
that's too enmeshed for their own good.
234
00:11:44,490 --> 00:11:46,225
Yeah, maybe, I don't know.
235
00:11:48,494 --> 00:11:50,963
Yeah, OK, David,
everything up to this point
236
00:11:50,992 --> 00:11:52,426
is going to have to
remain off the record.
237
00:11:52,450 --> 00:11:55,449
Why do I humiliate myself and my
family by writing these things?
238
00:11:55,507 --> 00:11:59,062
What kind of fucking sociopath
exposes themselves like this?
239
00:11:59,608 --> 00:12:01,477
I know it's a fucking dream come true,
240
00:12:01,510 --> 00:12:03,847
but I feel like more of
a failure and a loser now
241
00:12:03,863 --> 00:12:06,819
than I did when I was sitting on
my sister's couch in my underwear
242
00:12:06,848 --> 00:12:09,383
answering questions
about Mr Miyagi all day.
243
00:12:11,087 --> 00:12:14,050
If it makes you feel any better,
I was at a party with him once
244
00:12:14,287 --> 00:12:16,251
and he fell into a massive K hole
245
00:12:16,259 --> 00:12:19,045
and kept saying the word
"scaffolding" over and over
246
00:12:19,058 --> 00:12:20,850
until someone had to
put him in the bathroom.
247
00:12:26,810 --> 00:12:28,885
That does make me
feel better. Thank you.
248
00:12:29,274 --> 00:12:31,784
It was fucking tough and it still is
249
00:12:31,825 --> 00:12:35,026
and I'm 100% aware that I'm
making everyone's life miserable.
250
00:12:35,038 --> 00:12:36,481
Yeah, this doesn't sound great.
251
00:12:36,497 --> 00:12:38,957
Yeah, but it's temporary discomfort.
252
00:12:39,011 --> 00:12:42,307
Like, they can either
disown me or get over it.
253
00:12:42,559 --> 00:12:44,366
I hate what I'm doing.
254
00:12:44,452 --> 00:12:47,313
I keep thinking if I can just
avoid acting on the gay thing
255
00:12:47,334 --> 00:12:49,489
and waiting till I find
a guy I actually fancy...
256
00:12:49,497 --> 00:12:52,594
- Have you ever been attracted to a guy?
- Not yet.
257
00:12:52,796 --> 00:12:54,020
What about you?
258
00:12:54,145 --> 00:12:55,330
Uh-uh.
259
00:12:55,591 --> 00:12:57,378
When we first met, I
thought you were pretending
260
00:12:57,382 --> 00:12:59,205
to be gay just to impress Jamie.
261
00:12:59,330 --> 00:13:01,045
Jamie? Ugh.
262
00:13:01,087 --> 00:13:03,386
Jamie, the guy who's obsessed with you
263
00:13:03,410 --> 00:13:05,180
and two drinks away from date rape?
264
00:13:05,196 --> 00:13:08,090
No, I am not attracted to Jamie. Gross.
265
00:13:08,335 --> 00:13:09,730
I'm so relieved.
266
00:13:09,918 --> 00:13:12,581
I've never met someone
who was like me before,
267
00:13:12,635 --> 00:13:14,425
who doesn't like boys.
268
00:13:19,623 --> 00:13:21,946
Ugh. Breeders.
269
00:13:24,010 --> 00:13:25,330
Straight people.
270
00:13:28,164 --> 00:13:29,979
Are you sure we're on the right street?
271
00:13:30,174 --> 00:13:32,980
I've never heard of a party
taking place in Canary Wharf.
272
00:13:33,034 --> 00:13:34,679
Yeah, it's definitely this street.
273
00:13:34,704 --> 00:13:37,391
I googled lesbian events
and this was what I found.
274
00:13:38,437 --> 00:13:41,906
In New York, the coolest parties
happen at the lamest locations.
275
00:13:44,114 --> 00:13:45,846
- Hey.
- Are you a member?
276
00:13:45,971 --> 00:13:47,078
No.
277
00:13:47,157 --> 00:13:51,871
OK, we can go ahead and start
the registration process.
278
00:13:51,900 --> 00:13:54,690
I'm going to assume you
don't want VIP membership.
279
00:13:54,730 --> 00:13:56,930
Yes, that would be a safe assumption.
280
00:14:01,794 --> 00:14:05,324
These British lesbians
are fucking thorough.
281
00:14:05,341 --> 00:14:06,784
That's a lot of information.
282
00:14:06,809 --> 00:14:09,446
Yeah, I'm not giving my name and
address. I live with my parents.
283
00:14:09,571 --> 00:14:10,850
Are you not out?
284
00:14:10,975 --> 00:14:12,890
Discretion is paramount here,
285
00:14:12,972 --> 00:14:15,031
but so is self-acceptance.
286
00:14:16,441 --> 00:14:18,330
Look, we can do fake identities.
287
00:14:18,455 --> 00:14:20,716
I'm going to write Amanda
Hugandkiss. Who are you?
288
00:14:20,753 --> 00:14:22,693
- I'm leaving.
- No, come on.
289
00:14:22,726 --> 00:14:25,736
I know I brought you to a
lesbian networking event,
290
00:14:25,970 --> 00:14:28,249
but there is booze and there are dykes,
291
00:14:28,266 --> 00:14:31,595
- so the ingredients are there for fun.
- I'm leaving in ten minutes.
292
00:14:31,770 --> 00:14:33,956
This is going to be so good.
293
00:14:34,931 --> 00:14:36,668
No peeking.
294
00:14:46,090 --> 00:14:47,436
OK, open 'em.
295
00:14:48,970 --> 00:14:51,330
Oh, my God.
296
00:14:51,707 --> 00:14:53,431
It's a fucking brilliant title.
297
00:14:54,333 --> 00:14:56,891
Well, the brackets really make it.
298
00:15:15,281 --> 00:15:17,250
I don't work there any more.
299
00:15:17,375 --> 00:15:19,527
I'm sorry but we've already
printed the nametags.
300
00:15:19,540 --> 00:15:20,843
But I don't work there any more
301
00:15:20,868 --> 00:15:23,150
and I don't want the
name associated with me.
302
00:15:23,228 --> 00:15:26,606
Hey, I'm so sorry to interrupt,
but can I try something?
303
00:15:30,789 --> 00:15:32,104
You've ruined it.
304
00:15:32,356 --> 00:15:34,952
No, she hasn't. That's much better.
305
00:15:35,147 --> 00:15:37,095
- Thank you.
- Any time.
306
00:15:44,296 --> 00:15:46,131
I'm not following you.
307
00:15:46,183 --> 00:15:48,178
I need a drink too.
308
00:15:50,348 --> 00:15:52,694
- Gin and tonic.
- Me too.
309
00:15:53,495 --> 00:15:54,952
What's your story?
310
00:15:56,591 --> 00:15:59,325
Coder. I just quit my job.
311
00:15:59,903 --> 00:16:01,314
That's about it.
312
00:16:01,366 --> 00:16:02,970
Congratulations?
313
00:16:03,811 --> 00:16:06,091
I worked for this dick piece-of-shit
314
00:16:06,116 --> 00:16:09,021
18-year-old innovator
who lucked onto an idea.
315
00:16:09,146 --> 00:16:11,058
Everywhere he went he
wore this little beret.
316
00:16:11,078 --> 00:16:14,738
I should have taken that hat
and stuck it up his frigid arse.
317
00:16:16,090 --> 00:16:18,210
What does it take to be an innovator?
318
00:16:18,250 --> 00:16:20,130
I think I'd be really good at it.
319
00:16:20,170 --> 00:16:22,185
Like, I'm having ideas
for shit all the time.
320
00:16:22,211 --> 00:16:25,199
I have this one idea for a window
321
00:16:25,250 --> 00:16:29,170
that you can have all the way
down to the floor and walk through.
322
00:16:30,266 --> 00:16:31,486
Like a door.
323
00:16:31,502 --> 00:16:33,807
No, it's a window cos
you can see through it.
324
00:16:33,932 --> 00:16:35,652
Like some doors.
325
00:16:39,937 --> 00:16:42,531
You seem really miserable.
Why are you even here?
326
00:16:43,276 --> 00:16:45,637
Because somebody made me sign up.
327
00:16:45,668 --> 00:16:47,575
She's not my girlfriend but
328
00:16:48,490 --> 00:16:50,150
we're together and we're exclusive.
329
00:16:50,191 --> 00:16:52,584
- So your girlfriend.
- I don't like labels,
330
00:16:52,589 --> 00:16:55,996
girlfriend or partner,
but, yeah, Esther.
331
00:16:56,900 --> 00:17:00,616
- She's a woman in my life.
- She's really pretty.
332
00:17:02,745 --> 00:17:04,564
So, what's your story?
333
00:17:05,444 --> 00:17:08,156
Well, I am a businesswoman.
334
00:17:08,330 --> 00:17:11,640
Thanks. Named Amanda.
335
00:17:12,297 --> 00:17:16,328
And, I don't know, I just
love business. Networking.
336
00:17:16,385 --> 00:17:20,267
Getting to know people in
my industry. Talking shop.
337
00:17:20,608 --> 00:17:22,690
Buying low and selling high.
338
00:17:24,070 --> 00:17:27,409
So, the Irish and the
Scottish, I trust those dudes.
339
00:17:27,450 --> 00:17:31,006
Super fun, super easy. I'm down.
340
00:17:31,043 --> 00:17:33,673
But the English, they play mind games.
341
00:17:33,699 --> 00:17:35,177
I don't trust that shit.
342
00:17:35,239 --> 00:17:38,490
They all think they're Hugh
Grant in Notting Hill, like really
343
00:17:38,530 --> 00:17:42,492
humble and repressed but really
they're Billy Zane in Titanic.
344
00:17:44,456 --> 00:17:47,479
Opposed to Americans, who are
too stupid to play mind games.
345
00:17:47,557 --> 00:17:49,370
I'm not American though, I'm Iranian.
346
00:17:49,410 --> 00:17:52,245
We have the best mind games
of all cos we do taarof.
347
00:17:52,778 --> 00:17:54,090
Taarof?
348
00:17:54,333 --> 00:17:58,158
So, taarof is when you say the
opposite of what you actually mean,
349
00:17:58,205 --> 00:17:59,993
and it's our basic
form of communication.
350
00:18:00,010 --> 00:18:02,097
Like, when you go to
pay a cab driver in Iran,
351
00:18:02,458 --> 00:18:03,910
he won't accept your money.
352
00:18:03,926 --> 00:18:06,767
He'll say, like, "I can't take
that. You're like a daughter to me."
353
00:18:06,775 --> 00:18:09,224
And you'll go back and forth
three times until finally
354
00:18:09,255 --> 00:18:11,792
you shove a tenner in his fist and
he's like, "Nah, that's not enough."
355
00:18:11,834 --> 00:18:14,530
So, how do you know when
people are telling the truth?
356
00:18:14,570 --> 00:18:16,630
Yeah, that's a good question.
I don't think any Iranian
357
00:18:16,640 --> 00:18:18,578
is ever telling the truth, to be honest.
358
00:18:19,250 --> 00:18:22,201
Oh. So now I know never to trust you.
359
00:18:23,261 --> 00:18:25,979
- Hi, I'm Esther.
- Hi.
360
00:18:27,210 --> 00:18:28,930
Baby, I've got burlesque,
361
00:18:28,970 --> 00:18:31,173
but I want to introduce you
to these people before I go.
362
00:18:31,256 --> 00:18:34,869
Well, best do some networking at this
363
00:18:34,900 --> 00:18:37,267
- networking event.
- Fair enough.
364
00:18:37,711 --> 00:18:39,747
- Bye.
- Bye.
365
00:18:48,890 --> 00:18:52,291
-
Just no telling what the plates may bring...
- HE COUGHS
366
00:18:52,416 --> 00:18:53,702
Sorry!
367
00:18:55,036 --> 00:18:57,134
- All right?
- Yeah, yeah.
368
00:18:58,152 --> 00:19:01,599
Like the love that's
burning in my heart for you
369
00:19:03,102 --> 00:19:06,170
There's just no telling
what I'm gonna do
370
00:19:07,645 --> 00:19:11,428
Hey! Come on down!
371
00:19:11,919 --> 00:19:14,147
Come on, baby
372
00:19:14,410 --> 00:19:16,210
Come on down
373
00:19:16,887 --> 00:19:19,090
I got a feeling
374
00:19:19,522 --> 00:19:21,610
In my feeling
375
00:19:21,650 --> 00:19:23,810
A feeling that I can't stop
376
00:19:24,086 --> 00:19:27,047
A feeling that I won't stop...
377
00:19:41,327 --> 00:19:43,999
Kindly remove yourself
from the VIP section.
378
00:19:44,030 --> 00:19:46,211
- What?
- So you're telling me
379
00:19:46,226 --> 00:19:48,361
this lot are all part
of the glamorous world
380
00:19:48,366 --> 00:19:50,392
of elite lesbian networkers?
381
00:19:50,407 --> 00:19:52,542
I mean, you're more than welcome
to sign up to VIP membership.
382
00:19:52,578 --> 00:19:55,384
Fuck do I do to become a lesbian VIP?
383
00:19:55,509 --> 00:19:57,988
- Fist Sue Perkins?
- Right, come on.
384
00:19:58,360 --> 00:20:00,862
Step away from the cordoned
area and return your name badge.
385
00:20:00,888 --> 00:20:03,048
Please don't make me.
I was going to bronze it
386
00:20:03,058 --> 00:20:04,619
and turn it into a nipple ring.
387
00:20:04,650 --> 00:20:07,203
- You're causing a scene.
- Oh, fuck you.
388
00:20:07,224 --> 00:20:09,245
- Dude, stop.
- Fuck off!
389
00:20:09,287 --> 00:20:11,290
- Well fuck you!
- THEY GASP
390
00:20:12,227 --> 00:20:15,163
- I'm so sorry.
- I can't believe you just did that!
391
00:20:15,757 --> 00:20:17,770
SHE LAUGHS
392
00:20:17,810 --> 00:20:21,309
You can dry off with this, and
393
00:20:21,546 --> 00:20:23,376
I swear to god this is clean.
394
00:20:28,022 --> 00:20:31,030
Erm, I'm really good
at getting out stains.
395
00:20:31,382 --> 00:20:34,810
Like, this one time it
was New Year's Eve and
396
00:20:34,850 --> 00:20:37,077
I got sick down my own shirt
397
00:20:37,108 --> 00:20:38,539
and I totally got the stain out,
398
00:20:38,560 --> 00:20:40,668
even though my mom
said I wouldn't. Thanks.
399
00:20:42,766 --> 00:20:44,663
I love what you've done with the place.
400
00:20:44,694 --> 00:20:48,193
Thank you so much. I got
that at Camden this week.
401
00:20:49,062 --> 00:20:50,643
No shit.
402
00:20:56,010 --> 00:20:57,662
No! Did I wake you?
403
00:20:57,668 --> 00:21:00,169
Just keep your voice
down, you'll wake the baby.
404
00:21:02,890 --> 00:21:05,441
- I see you had a good night.
- Oh, God, it was better than good.
405
00:21:05,462 --> 00:21:06,790
It was amazing.
406
00:21:06,915 --> 00:21:10,004
- Glad to hear it.
- It's just Jill is incredible.
407
00:21:10,025 --> 00:21:12,610
Like, she's just so
fucking good at her job.
408
00:21:12,650 --> 00:21:15,645
- You fancy her.
- No. I mean, yes.
409
00:21:15,912 --> 00:21:19,039
She's lovely and clever and did you
know, the brackets were her idea.
410
00:21:19,090 --> 00:21:21,930
- Yeah, you told me that.
- And we're going to New York.
411
00:21:21,970 --> 00:21:25,830
- What? On holiday?
- On LIFE! Sorry.
412
00:21:27,272 --> 00:21:28,947
Their publishing company
413
00:21:29,335 --> 00:21:32,172
is transferring her
to the New York office
414
00:21:32,410 --> 00:21:34,622
and she wants me to come with her.
415
00:21:34,810 --> 00:21:37,418
She spoke to her friend
who runs a literary magazine
416
00:21:37,444 --> 00:21:39,247
and he wants me on the staff.
417
00:21:39,320 --> 00:21:41,593
A full-time writing gig
in New York city, baby!
418
00:21:41,671 --> 00:21:44,317
Sorry, I just got
carried away. HE GIGGLES
419
00:21:44,690 --> 00:21:46,525
No.
420
00:21:46,963 --> 00:21:48,473
What do you mean, no?
421
00:21:48,788 --> 00:21:50,163
No.
422
00:21:50,674 --> 00:21:57,382
Move, be independent, experience
life but be reasonable.
423
00:21:58,199 --> 00:22:00,010
You can't go that far.
424
00:22:01,610 --> 00:22:04,428
- I'll visit loads.
- No. You'll have no-one.
425
00:22:04,450 --> 00:22:06,685
You only have me and I can't...
426
00:22:06,970 --> 00:22:08,680
- I...
- That's too far!
427
00:22:08,805 --> 00:22:12,386
- I won't have no-one. I'll have Jill.
- Who the fuck is Jill?
428
00:22:12,570 --> 00:22:14,942
I mean, did she let you boke in her bag
429
00:22:14,962 --> 00:22:16,984
in the lift in Debenhams
when you were 13?
430
00:22:17,022 --> 00:22:19,184
- BABY CRIES
- You need me.
431
00:22:19,775 --> 00:22:23,889
And I can't be there for you if
you're there and I'm here and...
432
00:22:24,130 --> 00:22:26,506
Hackney, I can handle.
433
00:22:26,631 --> 00:22:28,002
New York?
434
00:22:28,465 --> 00:22:32,617
- No, I'm sorry.
- I don't need you. I'm a grown man.
435
00:22:38,050 --> 00:22:40,072
We're the only people
436
00:22:40,427 --> 00:22:42,767
that knew Mum and Dad.
437
00:22:48,336 --> 00:22:50,170
SHE SOBS
438
00:22:58,210 --> 00:22:59,429
I'm sorry.
439
00:23:00,437 --> 00:23:02,559
Please don't cry.
440
00:23:05,810 --> 00:23:07,056
Of course I won't go.
441
00:23:07,346 --> 00:23:08,549
Yeah?
442
00:23:11,087 --> 00:23:14,171
Yeah, of course. I just got
caught up in the excitement.
443
00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:15,995
Are you sure?
444
00:23:17,250 --> 00:23:18,823
Yes, I'm sure.
445
00:23:22,890 --> 00:23:25,641
- Thank you.
- I'm sorry.
446
00:23:29,825 --> 00:23:31,442
Sorry.
447
00:23:34,455 --> 00:23:36,850
Drink some water before you go to bed.
448
00:23:48,685 --> 00:23:51,980
Right, a watch that it tells you
449
00:23:52,001 --> 00:23:55,245
how many steps you've taken in that day.
450
00:23:56,491 --> 00:23:58,889
I think that's the worst
idea you've had so far.
451
00:24:00,290 --> 00:24:02,677
So, what made you want to
come over here and study?
452
00:24:03,851 --> 00:24:08,154
Are you familiar with an
artist named Lily Allen?
453
00:24:08,410 --> 00:24:10,082
The MySpace singer?
454
00:24:10,207 --> 00:24:11,397
Yeah.
455
00:24:11,732 --> 00:24:13,125
I really like her.
456
00:24:13,179 --> 00:24:15,494
She says the things that people think
457
00:24:15,684 --> 00:24:17,437
and don't say out loud.
458
00:24:17,562 --> 00:24:21,005
And has London lived
up to a Lily Allen song?
459
00:24:22,874 --> 00:24:24,577
Right now it does.
460
00:24:30,978 --> 00:24:33,024
What about you take a
picture of people's clothes
461
00:24:33,037 --> 00:24:34,682
and it tells you where
the clothes are from?
462
00:24:34,901 --> 00:24:36,096
What does?
463
00:24:36,617 --> 00:24:37,820
The camera?
464
00:24:39,560 --> 00:24:43,092
You should call your girlfriend
your girlfriend. You know.
465
00:24:43,217 --> 00:24:46,498
You're a grown ass woman.
She's your girlfriend.
466
00:24:47,098 --> 00:24:51,716
And you shouldn't get so angry
about stupid shit like nametags.
467
00:24:51,930 --> 00:24:53,407
Is Trainspotting good?
468
00:24:53,692 --> 00:24:55,904
You've never seen Trainspotting?
469
00:24:55,925 --> 00:24:59,047
How can you have lived this many
years and not have seen Trainspotting?
470
00:24:59,090 --> 00:25:00,792
It's the story of your people.
471
00:25:00,833 --> 00:25:02,805
Oh, you think I'm from Edinburgh?
472
00:25:03,037 --> 00:25:04,913
Yeah, that's why I
said that thing I said
473
00:25:04,930 --> 00:25:07,175
about the Irish being
better than the English.
474
00:25:07,204 --> 00:25:08,564
I'm from Burnley.
475
00:25:09,511 --> 00:25:11,334
I don't know what that is.
476
00:25:11,545 --> 00:25:12,934
It's in England.
477
00:25:14,237 --> 00:25:17,065
Well, now I know.
478
00:25:18,930 --> 00:25:22,114
- You're an idiot.
- I know.
479
00:25:25,030 --> 00:25:27,097
So, shall we watch it?
480
00:25:27,829 --> 00:25:31,087
Literally nothing
would give me more joy.
481
00:25:34,961 --> 00:25:37,322
_
482
00:25:37,533 --> 00:25:39,658
_
483
00:26:01,530 --> 00:26:04,259
All right. Bring your
awareness now to the space
484
00:26:04,272 --> 00:26:06,240
between your navel and your spine.
485
00:26:06,530 --> 00:26:09,800
Anchor the navel down as you
scoop the tail bone up, so, again,
486
00:26:09,816 --> 00:26:11,474
you can take a look at the video.
487
00:26:11,482 --> 00:26:13,326
Here I'm going from here...
488
00:26:30,890 --> 00:26:32,276
We're alive.
489
00:26:35,117 --> 00:26:36,878
Right now some bitch in Reading
490
00:26:36,903 --> 00:26:39,635
is buying a cardigan she
doesn't need because of us.
491
00:26:41,330 --> 00:26:42,571
Hi.
492
00:26:46,930 --> 00:26:48,338
I'm sorry.
493
00:27:14,530 --> 00:27:15,912
I should wash my hands.
494
00:27:35,690 --> 00:27:37,835
Oh
495
00:27:38,460 --> 00:27:42,021
Said I didn't need you, baby
496
00:27:44,656 --> 00:27:46,264
I said
497
00:27:46,786 --> 00:27:49,469
I said I'll get along
498
00:27:51,050 --> 00:27:52,650
Oh
499
00:27:54,296 --> 00:27:57,226
Said I can make it without you, baby
500
00:27:59,930 --> 00:28:02,165
But I found out
501
00:28:02,559 --> 00:28:04,890
I'm not that strong
502
00:28:06,250 --> 00:28:09,981
And I didn't know
I could miss you so
503
00:28:10,690 --> 00:28:13,707
Until you were gone
504
00:28:15,413 --> 00:28:17,090
Oh
505
00:28:19,020 --> 00:28:22,301
I said I'd get over you, baby
506
00:28:24,952 --> 00:28:29,769
I said I said I'll be all right
507
00:28:30,916 --> 00:28:32,565
Oh
508
00:28:33,867 --> 00:28:37,500
Just when I stop remembering
509
00:28:39,754 --> 00:28:45,806
That old spark would come in the night
510
00:28:46,610 --> 00:28:48,445
And I didn't know
511
00:28:48,468 --> 00:28:50,241
I could miss you so
512
00:28:51,001 --> 00:28:53,373
Until you were gone
513
00:28:53,616 --> 00:28:58,355
- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
514
00:28:58,405 --> 00:29:02,955
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