All language subtitles for Parks and Recreation s06e07 Recall Vote.eng

Business at Rent-a-Swag
could not be better.

Yesterday Jaden Smith came in,
and he was like,

"Look, I want to quit the music/acting
business and work here with you."

And I was like,
"Jaden, be serious.

The world needs you.
You have a gift."

Ever since my client opened
his store across the street,

your sales have plummeted.

It's only a matter of time
before you're out of business.

But my client has had
a moment of weakness,

something he
referred to as "sympathy"?

He's made you a final offer...

$40,000 for Rent-a-Swag
and all of its contents.

I suggest you take it.

Well, I've heard all the facts, and
it's pretty obvious what I have to do...

Get a big old mug of hot chocolate, put
on my thinking PJs, and get back to you.

The offer is valid
for 48 hours.

We would also be interested
in acquiring your thinking PJs.

Listen to me
very carefully.

No matter what happens,

you will never acquire

my thinking PJs

or my YouTube blazer...

Nonnegotiable.

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Sorry. Sorry.

Larry, everyone else was able to make it
to the committee meeting on time.

What's your excuse?

I was voting for you
in the recall election.

Lots of people wearing
Leslie Knope buttons.

No discussion about the recall election
until the polls close at 8:00.

Let's focus
on what we can control.

In 24 hours, we are going
to transform City Hall

into the best haunted house
Pawnee has ever seen.

There's been a mistake.

This says that I'm in charge
of the silly skeleton room,

when really it should say
"the undead serial killer room."

- Who do I talk to about changing this?
- It's recall day. I've made my case,

and the latest polls have it
as a dead heat,

so there's nothing
left to do but wait.

I'm fine. I mean, I got stuff to do.
I'm planning a haunted house.

Plus, um...

It's Kevin Pollack�s birthday.

That's something
to focus on today.

Who cares about the recall?
It's Kevin's day.

I don't know what to do...

I could take the offer and break even,
but I've come so far.

Ron, can you put some more tiny
marshmallow in my hot chocky?

Thank you.

If there was something
I could do for you, I would.

Maybe you should try
taking a walk...

Out of my office.

- Ron! You're in Bloosh!
- What?

- Ron's in Bloosh?
- Ron is in Bloosh!

What is Bloosh?

Bloosh is a weekly lifestyle
email written by Annabel Porter.

She used to be the face
of the Eagleton phone book.

Then she moved to Hollywood
to pursue her dream

of becoming friends
with a bunch of celebrities.

Then she moved back
to become a lifestyle guru.

She's legit.

She spent four months living
in Kate Bosworth's pool house.

"A Ron Swanson-designed chair is
the must-have item of the season,"

"along with red quinoa, wind therapy,
and buying an island."

Annabel says
that buying an island

is the only real way to know that
your goji-berry farm is pesticide-free.

I've been trying to get
Rent-a-Swag in Bloosh for months.

And now that you got in, I can get in too.
Congratulations, Ron! We did it!

- Someone's getting a new leather jacket.
- I don't want a leather jacket.

It's for me.
This is a great day!

Ron's in Bloosh!

- Ron's in Bloosh!
- What?

Ron's in Bloosh!

- Do it.
- Ron's in Bloosh!

April, you seem depressed,
and I would know.

I spent most of last year being
treated by Dr. Richard Nygard

for my own
emotional problems.

Yeah, I just miss Andy.

Halloween was, like,
kind of our thing.

Every year, we would dress up
like demons and egg Larry's house.

- That was you?
- Larry, please.

We're having
a private conversation.

Well, I'd like to make Halloween
fun for you,

like Andy would have,
starting right now...

With scary,
scary monster claws!

Okay, people, the grand
opening is in 20 hours.

Larry, you had
the easiest job...

Two triangles and a tooth.

Nobody wants Gengurch-family-themed
Jack-o-lanterns.

- Gayle likes them.
- Is any of this even good?

Why didn't we call it
"City Hall-oween"?

Okay, we need to change
every single banner.

Leslie's been holding it
together pretty well,

but today is when
she needs us the most.

That's why we formed the Leslie
Knope emotional support task force.

Anything she could possibly need
to get her through these final hours,

we got it covered...

Back rubs, YouTube videos of turtles
and birds becoming friends...

A poster announcing
the new Lilith Fair concert.

It's fake,
but it'll buy us an hour.

We even have a secret hand signal
in case we think she needs help.

It's loosely based
on the Klingon greeting salute.

I just learned that. And if I had known,
I would not have agreed to it.

Uh, hey, Leslie, how about instead of
slightly changing a lot of banners,

we paint our toenails
to look like pumpkins?

Fun!
Ann, you're a genius!

Your brain is almost as perfect
as your face.

Hey, Ron, baby, what are
the hot deets on Bloosh?

Start over
and speak differently.

Sorry. Did you call that P.R. guy?
What's the latest news?

Apparently, Joan Callamezzo
wants me to go on Pawnee Today

to discuss my chairs
with this Porter woman.

I said no.

Ron, you said if there was something
you could do to help me, you would.

Getting in Bloosh is my last
chance to save my store.

You have to go and take me
so I can meet her.

- Please?
- Fine.

If it's that important
to your company, I'll do it.

Yes!

Now, I know high-end, Internet-only
lifestyle magazine really isn't your scene,

so Donna and I wrote up
some cocktail banter

and some conversation snippets
for you to practice so you can fit in.

"Annabel, could I be more jels
of your low-lights right now?"

"I mean, O.M.Squee,
talk about bangs envy."

Oof, you got a long way
to go, Swanson.

- Let's go again, from the top.
- I regret everything.

- Babe, you made it. It's 8:00.
- Thank God.

Okay, everyone,
great work, as always.

I'm gonna stay here and just kind
of wait for the results to pour in.

Thank you.
I'll see you all tomorrow.

We're not going anywhere.
We're staying with you.

No, really, it's gonna be
hours before they call it.

We're not leaving, woman.
Stop trying to get rid of us.

Yeah, I made frappuccinos
for a little caffeine boost,

and Larry went to get pizzas
for everyone.

Aw, that's very sweet,
you guys.

Thank you.

All right, let's hunker down.
It's gonna be a long night.

Too close to call,
a real nail-biter,

anybody's game...

These are three phrases
you won't hear tonight,

as Leslie Knope has been voted
out of office.

What was expected to be
a close race...

What did he say?

...Has actually been
a not close race.

Pawnee voters have decisively
removed Leslie Knope...

- Honey, I'm so sorry.
- ...From the City Council.

pizza time,
it's-a pizza time!

Larry, everyone is
miserable,

and you are
only making it worse.

- Okay, Leslie's on her way in.
- Is she okay?

I left her, like,
30 voice mails,

and her outgoing message is just her
sobbing and burping and crazy laughing.

Yeah, you know what?
She's actually handling it pretty well.

What's up, fartwads?

Are you eating
a paunch burger?

Well, you know what?
If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

I mean, I've been boycotting them
ever since pinewood and her goons

started this whole recall business,
but who cares now, right?

What does it matter?
Nothing matters anymore.

Mmm. Oh, my God.
This is good.

This is really good.

Why did I ever fight this?

Have you thought
about a concession speech?

Oh, concession speech?

Yeah, I wrote one.

"Eat my shorts, Jabronies.
Knope, out."

I thought it best to revisit
the concession speech at a later time.

But we should focus
on the haunted house.

And you know what I think
it needs, actually,

is a papier-m?ch?
li'l Sebastian!

- What?
- Oh!

I'm gonna go fall asleep
on a bench.

I can honestly say

today's guest is the only person
in this town

who's a bigger deal than I am.

Please welcome lifestyle guru
Annabel Porter.

Hello, hello.
It's me. I'm here.

- Yes, you are.
- Hi.

Can I just say,
as a journalist,

I feel like
we're best friends.

Tell the audience
about yourself.

Well, I'm just a simple former
phonebook model who found her calling.

- You know, I'm not perfect.
- Oh.

The average woman worries about
what she looks like in a bathing suit.

So does my nanny.
So I get it.

Annabel, what trends are...

Pardon the pun, but...
Trending?

First of all, Mozambique cashmere
is the new cast-iron stove.

Of course.

I have found some amazing new
conflict-free paella recipes,

and, luckily, my favorite fishmonger
now makes house calls.

- Thank God.
- Finally.

But my fave new item
is a deliciously bold chair...

- Ooh.
- By local artist Ron Swanson.

Ron Swanson is here.

He will be joining us after
the break, so stick around.

Did that woman
call my chair "delicious"?

Whoo, Happy Halloween.

Oh, caterpillar!
Thank you.

Hey, guys, come on in.

- Welcome to the den of horrors.
- Where's all the scary stuff?

Scary stuff
is invisible, Leah...

Broken dreams, disappointment,
achieving your greatest goal

and having it
all fall apart

and knowing that you'll never
climb any higher.

Can we have some candy?

I'm gonna give you something
sweeter than candy, Ryan...

The truth.

It's very possible that some
of you have already peaked.

It's all downhill
from here, turkeys.

Okay, let's say good-bye
to Ms. Knope, kids.

It is Ms. Knope.

It's not city councilwoman Knope, because
that chapter of my life is already over.

Just remember, kids,

nothing gold can stay.

Okay.

Oh, my goodness, we are back
with America's greatest leader...

Annabel Porter

and her new favorite artisan,

local woodworker
Ron Swanson.

Hello.

I discovered Ron's chairs
a few months ago,

and what I absolutely love
about a Swanson

is you can really use it
for anything.

Yes, mostly you use it
for sitting.

Make it a rustic accent piece
in your solarium.

Even better, use it as a focal point
in your yoga tent.

Put it by a table
and eat a meal.

We don't do
meals in my home.

No, every two hours, we eat
what I like to call a food tease,

like an oat wedge
or a seaweed lozenge.

Can I just say...

And I think this is
really important,

so I need everyone
to shut up...

- I love your hair.
- Oh. Thank you.

It's genetic
and unattainable.

I am scaring you!

I could see you.

There's, like, a million mirrors
in front of me.

And you're never gonna make me
not miss Andy, okay?

What about this? I'm Bert Macklin,
friendly lifeguard.

Bert Macklin is not a lifeguard.
He's an FBI agent.

- Really? That's even harder to believe.
- Just stop, okay?

Your lame attempts at trying
to cheer me up are not working.

Now I'm sad that I miss Andy and sad
that I can't make fun of you to Andy.

I understand. I'm sorry.

I've failed you, both
as a scary monster and a friend.

- Hey, I am really sorry.
- I know you must feel awful.

I don't feel awful.

You know, actually,
I feel like I can finally relax.

Accepting that you've peaked
is very freeing.

Yeah, I know the feeling.

I was impeached when I was 18,
and it was brutal.

But you just have to keep
climbing back up that hill.

Or do you?

Maybe instead of working
super hard to rebuild your life,

you just said, "I peaked.
Wow. What a great run."

"And now I'm going to spend
the rest of my life really chill."

Well, sure, I mean, part of that
sounds very appealing.

- Yeah.
- But, n-no.

Uh, see, I-it was important
for me...

See, I took a job in City
budget crisis management,

and now I work
for a candy charity.

Oh, God, did I peak
when I was 18?

- There it is.
- Drink up.

- Whoo!
- Shots!

B-13 shots.

Bird bath salts.

Wha...?
Champagne decanters!

This is heaven.

I love your chair.

I need 12 for my stepdaughter's
craft room.

Well, I make two a year,
so maybe in six years.

- Can you put me on the wait list?
- Me too...

Unless your chair was ever touched
by someone who ate refined sugar.

Then I can't buy any of your chairs,
and I protest this entire event.

Okay, Ron,
Annabel�s coming over.

When you talk me up, be sure
to mention that you really admire

how I take big risks
with men's neck accessories.

- There he is.
- Hello, hello.

Thank you for your kind words
about my chairs, Miss Porter.

No, thank us.

You are about to make
a ton of money.

I want to license
your designs.

We are going to put Swanson chairs
in every six-bedroom home in the Midwest.

If my chairs were mass-produced,
they wouldn't be Swanson chairs.

Swanson chairs are handmade.

Yes, and now they will be made
by thousands of tiny Chinese hands.

Oh, Miss Porter, this is
my very good friend Tom Haverford.

He's a big fan of your...
Whatever you call what you do.

Please speak to each other
while I leave.

Oh, no, I am not done with you,
you wicked little so-and-so.

Terrific.

You know what? I had my time, you know?
I did my thing.

I wanted to be a city councilor, and
I did, and I was, and I was like, whoo!

And the people were like,
pffft!

- At least we have each other.
- I love you so much.

I love you too.

- This is real.
- I know.

- You're my husband.
- You're my wife.

- You married me in front of people.
- I did. I was there.

We may have peaked,
but it doesn't matter.

We need to do something big,
you know,

something that really lets
people know

that we're gonna love
each other forever.

- Yeah! What is it?
- I got it.

Hello, sir.
We are sober.

We would like to get tattoos
on our bodies, 'cause we love each other.

Tattoos?
This is a pawnshop.

- But, yeah, sure, I can do that.
- Awww!

Yes! It happened!

Look what he's doing.
He's breaking pens.

- This is the idea of the century.
- Right here.

Come here.

My store is called Rent-a-Swag.
It's a clothing rental service for teens.

It's an interesting idea.
Are you guys doing well?

- We're doing amazing.
- Mm.

And it'd be perfect
for Bloosh.

Why don't you take out whatever
you wrote about my chairs

and put something in
about Rent-a-Swag instead?

This month's trends are final.
I can't just throw a trend out.

But my bloosh scouts have started
trend-tracking for the February zine blast.

- Good God, these words.
- I'll have them stop by your store.

That'll be too late.
We'll be out of business by then.

I thought you said
you were doing well.

Ronnie, one last time, have you
reconsidered mass production?

I can sell your chairs
on my site.

No, thank you, ma'am.

I'm not interested in letting
someone else sell my work.

Well, that's too bad.

This party is over.
It no longer is.

It was.

- It was...? That was my last shot.
- Sorry, Tommy.

Let's just grab some of that
lychee body oil and bounce.

Can you grab me some of those
pomegranate face masks too?

Fo' sho'.

Can I ask you a question?

Are we the cutest couple
you've ever seen?

Nope.

Okay, you want the long needle
or the short needle?

Doesn't matter. Can't find
a short needle. Long needle it is.

I have a big idea.

I want a portrait
of Eleanor Roosevelt,

tastefully done,

and then she has a very classy
tattoo of Pat Benatar on her arm.

And that's very subtle.

No, scratch that. Scratch all that.
Just write "Ben".

Do you have anything
to numb the pain?

Sure, take a scoop
out of the pill bucket.

Okay, you said you wanted
"mouth queen"?

No, stop. Stop it. Stop
everything that you're doing.

- Stop it.
- Ann's here! Ann wants a tattoo!

- Ann!
- No, no!

- Ann!
- No!

Shh! Ann does not want a tattoo.
No one wants a tattoo.

Ann, relax.

Be "respitable"
for a second, okay?

What we are doing
is not nuts.

We are merely getting tattoos

so that everybody knows we love each
other and that we haven't peaked.

- It makes a lot of sense.
- Okay, we're leaving, all right?

So say good-bye
to the nice man

and thank me for saving you
from being on dateline.

Okay, let's go.
Come on.

- Good-bye, world traveler.
- Later, bro Heisen.

- Go.
- Come on.

I don't want to be
a failure again, Ron.

There's no shame
in failure

if you gave it
an honest effort.

Easy for you to say.

People are dying to give you
money for your business,

and you didn't even take it.

I didn't sell my chairs to that website
because I value my name.

The only thing that's important
at the end of the day

is what's on your gravestone...
Your name.

My gravestone's gonna be
a 60-inch touchscreen

with a hologram
of four mes

singing End of the Road
by Boyz II Men...

But point taken.

Ben, what is the first rule of the Leslie
Knope emotional support task force?

Don't let her get
a tattoo.

- What the hell happened?
- I couldn't help it.

She's so cute when she's coming up
with destructive ideas.

Never send a husband
to do a best friend's job.

Out, Wyatt.
Walk it off.

- Walk it off.
- Fine.

- You did it.
- Yep.

- See you later, Ann.
- No, Knope, sit down.

- You are avoiding your problems.
- What? No, I'm not.

- Can we talk about this tomorrow?
- You were down in the polls.

Your opponents were well funded
and well organized.

You must have known
this would be a possibility.

Intellectually, I knew
that I might be in trouble,

but deep in my heart,
I never really thought...

Ben and I tried
to help you,

but as usual, you're
the best person for the job.

You need to hear yourself
read this.

"They held the recall
election, and I lost."

"I was voted out of office."

"In 30 days, I will no longer be
a Pawnee city councilor."

Oh, it's so hard to read
when you're drunk.

Keep going.

"But I am Leslie Knope."

"I am more
than a city councilor."

"I am an unstoppable force
of energy."

"And I will use those days
to work as hard as I can."

These are all
your ongoing projects,

everything you're currently
working on for Pawnee.

You have things to do.

You have a month left.
Use it.

Ann, you poetic
and noble land mermaid,

you're right once again.

Thank you.

I flushed my car keys
down the toilet.

No problem.

Eww... stop.

Hello to you too, April.

I'm sorry I said
you were lame, okay?

You are, but I know

you were just trying
to help me, so...

Thank you, April.
Happy Halloween.

And if you want to egg
Larry's house, come find me.

You guys are cute.

- Where'd that come from?
- I'm weak.

I miss Andy,
and it's making me weak.

Also, if Chris puts
that much effort

into making
my stupid night better,

I'm sure that he'll make
your lame life perfect.

Or he's secretly
super in love with me.

It's probably that.

That's a funny joke, April.

But the truth is, I'm very
much in love with Ann.

Okay, gross.
The spell's broken.

I've made my decision, and I'll sell you
Rent-a-Swag, but on my terms.

Which are?

$40,000 for the inventory, the website,
and everything else in the store,

but I keep the name Rent-a-Swag.
It's mine, and I'm keeping it.

The name is actually
an important part of the sale.

- Really?
- Yes. My client likes the name.

It's better than Tommy's closet.
He needs the name.

Well, I don't know
what to tell you, except...

I'll throw in the name
in exchange for $20,000 more

and 5%
of your client's business.

I'll run it past my client,
but I think we have a deal.

Ron said there's nothing more valuable
than my name, but he's not a businessman.

I am.

And now I have seed money
for my next venture.

I sold out, baby.

The votes have been counted,
and I have been recalled.

I am, of course,
disappointed.

But I am still your City
councilwoman for 30 more days,

and I intend to spend
every second I have left

working for you
and this great city.

The thing
about being part

of the Leslie Knope
emotional support task force

is that
it's a very easy job.

She's never down
for that long.

And now that she's had
a little time to recharge,

she is like a toddler
bouncing back from a nap.

Hey!
There you guys are.

Okay, Ben, I need some help
with the re-zoning thing.

Also, I think we should paint our deck,
so I have some color samples for you.

And to thank you both for being
there when I needed you,

I carved your faces
into these Jack-o-lanterns.

Ann, it was very hard
to capture your beauty,

and, Ben, you make
a sexy pumpkin...

No surprise.

Love you both.
See you later.

- Okay.
- Wow.

This is amazing.

Not bad.

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