All language subtitles for Parks and Recreation s05e14 Leslie and Ben.eng

_

This is the best night ever.

I wish
we were getting married tonight.

Let's just do it then.

Leslie...

Let's get married.

Tonight.

- Are we really doing this?
- I gue--

Why not?

The gala ends at 11:00.

At 11:01, we get married.

Okay... But, wait,
my mom isn't here.

- And your parents aren't here.
- Good.

Yeah, that makes it better.

But we reserved a space
for May 16th.

And we just ordered
200 white-chocolate top hats.

- We did?
- You did, actually.

It's under your name.

Leslie, we can get married
May 16th,

or June 1st,

or July 57th.

But doesn't it feel right,
today?

Yeah, it does.

Every time you say it,
it just feels more right.

Oh, my God,
we're getting married tonight.

- This is really great.
- Yeah.

You're
either in or your out, buddy.

Iit was my idea,
I'm totally in.

Wait, no.

We can't--
this is our wedding day.

This is very bad luck,
turn around.

We can't look at each other!

Well, you are aware
that we've seen each other

several times today.

We have two hours to do this.

I want you
to get everyone together,

and meet me at Ann's house
in ten minutes.

Okay. Oh, wait,
before we get married,

there is something we need
to discuss.

I mean, we've never talked
about it,

but I really want you
to take my last name.

Oh! Oh.

Okay. Really?

Yeah, it's just
really important to me,

symbolically,

that Leslie Knope disappears

and becomes Leslie Wyatt.

Or Councilwoman Mrs. Ben Wyatt.

That's fine too.

It's a deal breaker.

Wait, are you messing with me?

Sorry, I had
to give it a shot.

Ben, now go, run!
Okay, okay.

Wait.
Where do I go?

Run!

The falcon is entering!

The turtledove acknowledges!

Hey, where are you?
I'm-I'm here.

Okay, let's go over the duties
right now.

Ann, you're
in charge of the dress

and the hair and the makeup.

And I was thinking, like,

the sensuality
of Eleanor Roosevelt

combined with the animal
magnetism of Lesley Stahl.

Piece of cake.

Oh, we have
to get the wedding cake.

I'll do that too.

I'm perfectly calm.

I feel like every crazy thing
Leslie's ever had me do

has been, like a drill,

and today is the real thing.

I'm ready, because I had

the greatest teacher
in the world.

Leslie.

Who is crazy.

Also, we need rings
and marriage licenses.

Oh, let me be on rings.
I love what they symbolize.

- Great.
- And I can do the license.

I got a guy
that works at City Hall.

That guy's my wife.

- Um, you also work there.
- Oh, yeah.

Ron, I'm gonna need you
to walk me down the aisle.

It would be an honor,
and the first time

I won't regret
walking down the aisle.

Oh, uh, yikes.

- We need an officiant.
- I got this.

You can become
an ordained minister online

in, like, five minutes.

Do you want more
like a Steve Harvey vibe

or straight-up Seacrest?

Nuh! Never mind.

I'll combine 'em--
Steve-crest.

Okay, and, um,
Jerry and Donna, I need you guys

to just make sure
that the gala runs smoothly.

Let's say that we're all gonna
meet back here in an hour.

I love all of you.
One, two, three, break!

Excuse me.

We're looking
for a couple wedding rings.

You're gonna wanna
look through

the jewelry and nails tray.

There is
some beautiful jewelry in here.

But be careful.

There's also nails.

Oh! Oh, these aren't bad.

Those are real nice.

And they were nipple rings,
at one point.

How do you know that?

- Mm.
- They were yours.

They were his.

Let's go.

Hey, it's pretty crazy,

I'm gonna be a cop tomorrow.

I guess I better commit

as many crimes
as possible tonight.

Get it out of my system.

Ooh, found
the marriage licenses.

And I am going
to take all of them.

I don't want anyone else
in this town to get married,

because it makes it
less special for us.

Good call, babe.

- Let's roll.
- Okay.

I'm good!

It's not finished.

Why didn't
the seamstress finish it?

If you're not gonna finish
something three months early,

then don't accept the job.

There's got
to be something we can do.

This wedding is meant to be.

We're gonna figure it out.

Now how did Cinderella
finish her dress so fast?

- Squirrels and birds.
- Mm.

- That's not very helpful.
- No.

- Hey, we got it!
- We got it.

Marriage license--done.

Wait a minute, hold on.

It needs
to be signed by somebody

at the City Clerk's Office.

I'll just forge it.

I forge government documents
all the time.

- That's true.
- Boom.

No.

- Hey.
- Hey.

So we didn't find
any rings.

Yeah, we're having
a few roadblocks here.

Kind of feels like this thing
is falling apart.

Don't panic.

I swear there's some rings

in this old box of stuff
my mom gave me.

Still here
at April and Andy's house.

Want to come help me look?

Okay, Ann, dress duty.

April and Andy, license duty.

No time for verbs.

I know you're
in a rush, Leslie.

I should point out
that you said "duty" twice.

Okay.

Aw, shucks,
business is a-boomin'.

Indiana celebrity look-alikes.

I mean, this is
a brilliant idea, Donna.

All my favorites are here.

We got Orville Redenbacher,
La Toya Jackson,

Axl Rose, David Letterman.

Look, don't tell anyone,

but I booked
a special surprise.

There's a Li'l Sebastian
look-alike on the way-- what?

What? Oh, my G--

Oh! Oh.

Did you just pee your pants?

Just a dab.

I better go clean up.

You nasty, Jerry.

Third time this week.

- Oh, what the hell!
- What's wrong?

"Your Minister Certification
will be emailed to you

in 24 hours."

Uhh!
But this is America.

I want it now!

Sorry, Tom,
that's what happens.

I had all these great bits
written for the wedding too.

I was gonna beatbox.

There's a dance breakdown.

I'm talking, like,
six guaranteed applause breaks.

Uh, you know,
I am actually ordained.

I could do the wedding.

That's the worst idea
I've ever heard.

Yeah, you're right, okay.

Wait! What if
you do the ceremony,

but you don't have
any stupid ideas of your own,

and you just say the stuff
that I came up with?

Anything to help Leslie.

Perfect.

Now shut up
and start memorizing.

We open
with Will Smith's monologue

from the modern
cinematic classic...

Hitch.

Turtledove?

Falcon?

- Turtledove.
- Falcon?

- Turtledove.
- There's your butt.

Hey.

Did you find the rings?

No rings,
just a tennis bracelet

and a necklace
that says "Wine Chick."

No rings, no license,
no dress.

This idea felt so right,

but maybe
it's just too crazy.

Maybe it wasn't meant to be.

Hey, it's snowing.

- It's him.
- What?

Who? I can't see.

I don't understand,
this is impossible.

Wh--

Whoa.

Li'l Sebastian?

No, no, sorry.

Actually, this is Bucky.

He's a, uh, licensed
Li'l Sebastian impersonator.

We're headed to the gala,

so folks can pose
for pictures with him.

200 a pop,
if you're interested.

Quiet, you.

This is Li'l Sebastian,
and this is a sign.

We're gonna do this.

We are gonna pull
this wedding off.

- Come on, Bucky.
- Li'l Sebastian.

Yes, ma'am.

Oh my God, we're running out of time.
Ann, please,

tell me that you have sewn
a new dress from scratch.

Or several dresses, 'cause
I would love some options.

I have an idea,
and it might be insane,

but I've been watching a lot
Project Runway recently...

In the past eight years.

Okay, great,
so I trust you,

and make it work.

No time
to do the Tim Gunn voice.

Wait, what am I talking about?
There's always time.

Designers, make it work.

Ann, you have less than an hour.

Miss Beavers, this is
official police business.

I hope we didn't wake you up.

It's after 10:00.

I've been asleep for four hours.

What do you want?

We need you to sign this.

It's a marriage license.

Ethel? Is it robbers?

No, go back to bed.

Aww, is that your husband?

I'm not married.

I was on a date tonight.

It went well,
he's sleeping over.

Cool.

It'd really mean a lot
if you sign it.

It's for Leslie Knope
and Ben Wyatt.

I think you know them?

They dragged me out
in the freezing cold once,

so they could tell each other
"I love you."

It was annoying.

Oh, thank you so much!

You have got an amazing house
and a really cool nightgown

and seem
to be super good at dating.

Yeah, so can we adopt you
as our grandma?

- Fine.
- Cool!

We love you, Grandma!

I guess we could go
to a pharmacy,

but I really don't want to use
like a cheap plastic ring.

I hate to say this,
but Ann Perkins

has terrible taste
in rings.

What--what is this?

It's a toe ring
with a brown gemstone?

Is this a ruby
that's gone bad?

I am out of ideas.

Jewelry store.

No, that's closed,
that's why we're doing this.

Perhaps I can be of service.

How?

How much do you think
Ann would miss this sconce?

Oh, I don't know.

It's part of her house.

Well, okay.

"When I heard Ben
was getting married, I was like,

'to Leslie
or to Game of Thrones'?"

Ugh, horrible delivery.

"You ever heard Leslie talk
about Ben's butt?

"I'm all like,
'damn, girl,

you mad sweet
on that back meat.'"

You're murdering
my beautiful words!

Do you even want
to kill at this wedding?

I just want Leslie and Ben
to have a nice night.

- I'm sorry. I--
- No, no.

It's my fault
for believing in you.

Well, look,

um, to be official,

I just have to do the vows
and the pronouncement.

So why don't you handle
the speech,

and then I'll just come
in at the end?

Well, I'm not crazy
about the part

where you do something.

But, I do like the idea
me doing something.

Let's give it a shot.

Hello, everyone.

Got some bad news.

The gala ends at 11:00.

The good news is,

at 11:01, we'll be holding
a special wedding ceremony.

Everyone is invited to stay.

All the drinks and the food
will be on us.

Hey, everything going okay?

Everything would be peachy

if it weren't for that dumbass
with a megaphone.

No one wants
a park here.

Parks are stu-pid.

Hey, butter-teeth,
what's up?

I can fix those chompers
for you.

Just come
to Jamm Orthodontics.

Councilman Jamm,
what are you doing here?

What are you doing here?
Parks are stu-pid.

Hey, enough.

You better give me back
that megaphone.

That belongs to my aunt.

Why don't I call you a cab?

Mm. No,
this isn't over, Knope.

It is over.
I won fair and square.

And, in a half an hour,

I am getting married
over there

to the most perfect man
in the world.

And all my dreams
are coming true.

Knope rules,
Jamm sucks.

Knope rules, Jamm sucks.

Knope rules, Ja--
Councilman Howser.

Leslie. Jeremy.

You better make sure my aunt
gets her megaphone back.

Okay, did I--
did I do it right?

- How's it look?
- Terrible.

And perfect.

I promised myself
I was not going to cry tonight.

And I have already broken
that promise five times.

But I will not...
break it a sixth.

Go ahead
and let it out, buddy.

It's okay.

- I have something for you.
- All right.

It is the letter
from the statehouse...

Telling us that we have been
assigned to Pawnee.

Dated may 1st, 2010.

No way.

We were supposed
to be here eight weeks.

I'm so happy
that those eight weeks

turned into three years,

and that you met Leslie,

and that we both
found a home.

Damn it, you're transferring
your crying thing over to me.

It's okay, buddy,
let it out.

I gathered up
all the meaningful bills,

pictures, documents, and memos
from your career.

What do you think?
Is it okay?

It is the most beautiful
object I have ever seen.

It is like
the Ann Perkins of dresses.

Yay.

It is amazing.

All set.

Leslie, wow!

You look amazing.
Right?

- Oh, my God!
- What?

I'm not supposed
to see you before the wedding.

- No, that's the groom
- I ruined it!

Andy, that's the groom.

Well, I saw him too.

I'm just gonna cover my eyes,
just to be safe.

Okay, so we're ready
out there.

For your wedding
or whatever.

Oh, my God,
the license, the rings,

the officiant, everything?

Yes, it all came together.

Let's go.

Boo, boo.

Boo, Leslie Knope, boo.

Boo!

Dude, what are you doing?

I'm being awesome.

Boo, boo, Leslie, boo.

My friend, I don't think
you understand

what a bad idea this is.

I don't think you understand

that I would have got a cut
of that new Paunch Burger

if she hadn't
screwed everything up.

So sorry, guys!

This wedding is canceled,

'cause the bride is
a b-hole.

- Hey!
- Check this out.

Stink bomb! Who knows
what that does?

Oh!

Stink bomb?
Are you joking?

Oh, my God!

Where did you even get
a stink bomb?

Amazon, baby, that's how.

You are looking
at a prime customer, everybody.

Two days free shipping
for this guy.

Let's get this party started
with another one, gang!

No!

It's terrible!

Jerry, you do the wedding.
Who cares?

Come on, man,
just go home.

And who's gonna make me?

It's your wedding day.

I'll handle this.

Here comes the bride.

- Time to go, sir.
- No.

Hey, get off me,
what the hell, man?

- Don't you touch me.
- Oh.

I'll give you that one.

- But if you do it again--
- If I do what again?

What, kick your ass?
Is that what you like?

You want me to just pound--

Ooh!

Ow.

Yay, best wedding ever.

Ow.

You broke my tooth.

Well, good thing you're
an orthodontist.

Yeah, it is a good thing.

You see my house?

- Five bathrooms.
- Great.

- I'm sorry, Leslie.
- For what?

I've never presented a bride
on her wedding day,

so I'm not 100% sure
of the duties involved,

but I don't think you're
supposed to punch a man

in the mouth
during the service.

I think that's exactly
what you're supposed to do,

if that mouth is attached
to a drunk jerk-face.

Well, please,
don't worry about me.

- Just go and get married.
- No.

- Leslie.
- Ron.

Listen to me
very carefully.

I lost my father
when I was ten,

I don't have any brothers,

and Ken Burns
never wrote me back.

So I am not getting married
without you there

to walk me down the aisle.

End of discussion.

Better get used
to this, honey.

Gonna be a lot of late nights
for me here.

Graveyard shift.

You coming to bring me coffee
while I interrogate murderers.

You've had all night

to get something
out of him, Dwyer,

- we gotta let him go.
- Come on, Captain.

I'm this close to getting
a confession.

You're never gonna break him,
Dwyer.

He's a psychopath.

He chopped off
both of his arms,

so he wouldn't leave
any fingerprints.

Oh, he did?

Well, how did he murder
the person?

- I don't know.
- Hey, Chief Fugleberg.

It's me, Andy Dwyer,
pre-reporting for duty.

Listen, about my new partner.

Is it a dog?

Oh, has Chris Traeger
not told you?

Told me what?

Hey, Ron,
we posted bail.

- You're free to go.
- Wait a minute, what?

He punched me in the teeth.

This is an outrage.

I think we have
a pretty clear picture

of what went down.

Sleep it off
in the cell, Councilman.

Leslie, I'm so sorry.

I think we missed it.

The gala's over,
they're taking it all down.

Yeah, it's okay.

I mean, I guess it just
wasn't meant to be, after all.

We'll get married in May
like we planned.

You know what?

I have some champagne,
back at the office.

Let's go back there,
have a drink,

toast to Pawnee Commons.

Fun. That's a good idea.

It'll be good,
'cause I actually have some work

I need to get started on.

I got five bathrooms.

I love
the first floor of City Hall

at night.

When all the fluorescents
are half-off.

Just makes the informational
fliers look so beautiful.

I've never willingly been here
later than 5:04 p.m.

Before we go inside,

I'd like to say something.

You are a wonderful person.

Your friendship
means a lot to me.

And you look very beautiful.

Okay, weirdo.

Let's go.

Hoo, boy.

All set?

Mmhmm

Jerry, everything I wrote
is wrong.

There's, like, 20 minutes
of Hitch quotes

before I even say
Leslie's name.

What do I do?

You know what, Tom?

Just speak
from the heart, okay?

You'll do great.

We are gathered here tonight

to join Leslie Knope
and Benjamin Wyatt in marriage.

It's been a long and winding
road for these two lovebirds.

And they're so impatient
to begin their lives together

they've moved their wedding date
up three months.

So I say, let's keep it short
and sweet.

Yes, just do it already.

I assume, and hope,
you prepared your own vows?

Ben, you want
to say some stuff about Leslie?

In my time working
for the state government,

my job sent me
to 46 cities

in 11 years.

I lived in villages
with eight people,

rural farming communities,
college towns.

I was sent
to every corner of Indiana.

And then I came here.

And I realized that,
this whole time,

I was just wandering around,
everywhere,

just looking for you.

Leslie, do you want to say
some stuff about Ben now?

Okay, well, the first draft
of my vows,

which I wrote
the day after we got engaged,

clocked in at around 70 pages.

But I don't have them
with me today.

Although maybe there's a copy
of them in my office.

No.

That's fine, that's fine.

- I think we can just keep going.
- Okay.

Here's what I'll say, then.

The things
that you have done for me,

to help me,
support me,

surprise me,
to make me happy,

go above and beyond
what any person deserves.

You're all I need.

I love you
and I like you.

I love you and I like you.

And now,
with the power vested in me

by the state of Indiana,

I now pronounce you
husband and wife.

You may now kiss the--

well, oops, okay.

- Yay!
- Whoo!

Lagavulin all around?

Don't bother answering.

I am already pouring.

- You don't have to drink yours.
- Thank you.

Just this once,

I thought
I nailed something.

Well, I'm still proud of you.

You worked hard
and you got really close.

Close only counts
in horse grenades.

- What?
- It's a saying.

Because if you're
playing horseshoes,

and then you throw
a grenade at a horse,

it doesn't have to be
that close,

and you can still blow
the horse's legs off.

It's from the movie
Seabiscuit.

How's it going in here?

Good. I was just telling Andy
that I'm proud of him.

Oh.

And I was just explaining
to April

that I'm a failure,

and she should leave me
for Orin.

Andy, this is
a very important moment for you.

How we deal with tragedy
defines who we are.

I used to be terrible at it.

Beyond terrible.

You are not going
to let this deflate you.

You are going
to pick yourself up,

dust yourself off,

and we will figure out
what the next step is.

Chris can be very...
Paternal.

I look around this room.

If it weren't
for Leslie Knope,

none of us would be here.

So, Leslie, this song,

which is
for Li'l Sebastian,

is for you.

There were a lot of signs

that Ben and I
should get married tonight.

But, truth be told,

we just really wanted
to get married.

When you're in love,

everything seems
like a sign.

I love my husband.

I love my job.

And I love my friends.

Even though they really
can't handle their booze.

Hey, we should
just go, right?

Careful.

It's not rocket science.

I removed the sconce...

Fired up
my grandfather's torch,

heated up the pieces
in a cast-iron bucket.

Liquefied the metal.

Pour it into a mold.

Obviously keep it over a low
flame to achieve a nice temper.

Cooled it in antifreeze.

And just forged
and shaped the rings.

Any moron with a crucible,
an acetylene torch,

and a cast-iron waffle maker
could have done the same.

Whole thing only took me
about 20 minutes.

People who buy things
are suckers.

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