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1
00:00:09,704 --> 00:00:11,550
Abed, what are you doing?
2
00:00:11,550 --> 00:00:14,012
Freelancing.
3
00:00:14,012 --> 00:00:15,972
You're not a spy for the city, are you?
4
00:00:15,972 --> 00:00:18,501
They've been sending
footage of my classroom and
5
00:00:18,501 --> 00:00:21,490
pronounced me no worse than
the teachers that work hard.
6
00:00:21,490 --> 00:00:22,890
I can't tell you who I'm working for.
7
00:00:22,890 --> 00:00:24,010
It's a surprise.
8
00:00:24,010 --> 00:00:26,460
Well, don't get in the way.
9
00:00:26,460 --> 00:00:27,420
You know the rules, Jeff.
10
00:00:27,420 --> 00:00:30,260
The sooner you ignore me, the
sooner I stop being a factor.
11
00:00:30,260 --> 00:00:31,230
All right, people.
12
00:00:31,230 --> 00:00:36,620
Yesterday I wrote the
word law on the board.
13
00:00:37,910 --> 00:00:41,930
This time, don't erase it, and maybe
tomorrow we'll get even further.
14
00:00:41,930 --> 00:00:45,300
Now, I'm told Garrett has prepared
a presentation for extra credit.
15
00:00:45,300 --> 00:00:48,160
By the way, everyone in class gets
the credit because I'm not sure how
16
00:00:48,160 --> 00:00:49,430
much I should encourage this.
17
00:00:49,430 --> 00:00:50,370
Go ahead, Garrett.
18
00:00:50,370 --> 00:00:50,870
Thank you.
19
00:00:54,633 --> 00:00:56,793
My presentation is about marriage law.
20
00:00:56,793 --> 00:01:01,390
This is me, Garrett.
21
00:01:01,390 --> 00:01:02,019
I'm in your class.
22
00:01:04,100 --> 00:01:05,910
This is Stacy.
23
00:01:05,910 --> 00:01:07,370
She is in our class as well.
24
00:01:09,760 --> 00:01:11,398
This is what I want.
25
00:01:11,398 --> 00:01:14,774
Oh, Garrett.
26
00:01:14,774 --> 00:01:17,414
Stacy, will you marry me?
27
00:01:17,414 --> 00:01:22,638
Oh.
28
00:01:22,638 --> 00:01:25,778
Yes, yes, Garrett, yes, I will!
29
00:01:26,864 --> 00:01:31,207
Oh, Garrett! Garrett and I
have been seeing each other for
30
00:01:31,207 --> 00:01:35,059
16 months, two weeks, and four days.
31
00:01:35,059 --> 00:01:37,311
We met at the school
store, Pencils and Such.
32
00:01:37,311 --> 00:01:39,210
He said he was there for the such.
33
00:01:39,210 --> 00:01:42,380
I remember I was sweating a
lot, and breathing heavy, and
34
00:01:42,380 --> 00:01:44,960
my heart felt like it was
going to burst in my chest.
35
00:01:44,960 --> 00:01:47,710
But the day I met Stacy, most of
those symptoms actually declined.
36
00:01:50,040 --> 00:01:51,210
Are you quite done?
37
00:01:51,210 --> 00:01:51,820
Yeah.
38
00:01:51,820 --> 00:01:53,160
Garrett wanted the proposal recorded.
39
00:01:53,160 --> 00:01:54,770
He thought his family
might wanna see proof.
40
00:01:54,770 --> 00:01:56,250
So now what are you shooting?
41
00:01:56,250 --> 00:01:57,510
You had a strange look on your face.
42
00:01:57,510 --> 00:01:59,595
Oh, you're noticing faces now?
43
00:01:59,595 --> 00:02:02,620
Mm-hm. Aren't you still smelling
hair to tell Frankie from Annie?
44
00:02:02,620 --> 00:02:03,600
Yeah.
45
00:02:03,600 --> 00:02:04,650
Well, it's official.
46
00:02:04,650 --> 00:02:06,870
I'm getting laid.
47
00:02:06,870 --> 00:02:10,170
Give me some more time in a dream.
48
00:02:10,170 --> 00:02:13,456
Give me the hope to run out of steam.
49
00:02:13,456 --> 00:02:16,870
Somebody said it could be here.
50
00:02:16,870 --> 00:02:20,917
We could be roped up,
tied up, dead in a year.
51
00:02:20,917 --> 00:02:25,513
I can't count the reasons I should stay.
52
00:02:25,513 --> 00:02:28,954
One by one, they all just fade away.
53
00:02:37,307 --> 00:02:38,335
What are you doing?
54
00:02:38,335 --> 00:02:41,875
Stop.
55
00:02:41,875 --> 00:02:43,559
Hey, stop.
56
00:02:43,559 --> 00:02:50,400
If you don't put that silly thing away,
I swear, I'm gonna stop loving you.
57
00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:51,367
Oh, that's it.
58
00:02:52,880 --> 00:02:57,421
Happy birthday.
59
00:02:57,421 --> 00:02:58,970
What are you two doing?
60
00:02:58,970 --> 00:03:01,670
We're doing Annie's missing lover footage.
61
00:03:01,670 --> 00:03:04,780
You, you know in movies where the
hero's wife or girlfriend is dead or
62
00:03:04,780 --> 00:03:08,820
missing, and so he sits in the dark
and he watches her in a home movie,
63
00:03:08,820 --> 00:03:09,810
or
- Or a hologram.
64
00:03:09,810 --> 00:03:13,380
Or a hologram over and over, and she's
always beautiful and full of love,
65
00:03:13,380 --> 00:03:14,760
almost to the point of being stupid.
66
00:03:14,760 --> 00:03:17,420
We're making footage like that for me
in case I get kidnapped or murdered.
67
00:03:17,420 --> 00:03:18,720
Oh, super healthy, guys.
68
00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:19,740
The health department called.
69
00:03:19,740 --> 00:03:21,270
They don't want anything back.
70
00:03:23,220 --> 00:03:24,718
Britta, don't look at the camera.
71
00:03:24,718 --> 00:03:25,680
Okay, look at the camera.
72
00:03:26,740 --> 00:03:27,534
Today's Garrett's wedding.
73
00:03:27,534 --> 00:03:30,733
For those who don't know, Garrett,
he's a guy we don't really know,
74
00:03:30,733 --> 00:03:33,996
that we've known for like six years
at school, the funny-looking guy.
75
00:03:33,996 --> 00:03:35,528
Britta, mean!
76
00:03:35,528 --> 00:03:37,177
Sorry!
77
00:03:37,177 --> 00:03:40,480
The eccentric-looking guy.
78
00:03:40,480 --> 00:03:41,420
What's happening?
79
00:03:41,420 --> 00:03:42,420
Everything's going wrong.
80
00:03:42,420 --> 00:03:43,270
That guy.
81
00:03:43,270 --> 00:03:46,060
Remember when we said we were cleaning?
82
00:03:46,060 --> 00:03:48,840
Yeah. But remember
about Abed's documentary?
83
00:03:48,840 --> 00:03:51,090
The documentary is about what we're doing.
84
00:03:51,090 --> 00:03:52,250
And we're cleaning.
85
00:03:52,250 --> 00:03:56,220
Yeah, but if we're both cleaning
then there's nobody to explain why.
86
00:03:56,220 --> 00:03:57,790
She doesn't understand filmmaking.
87
00:03:57,790 --> 00:03:58,920
I lived in New York.
88
00:03:58,920 --> 00:04:00,314
What else should we talk about?
89
00:04:04,916 --> 00:04:08,792
We volunteered our apartment as a
staging area where our friends can get
90
00:04:08,792 --> 00:04:10,674
ready and keep each other on time.
91
00:04:10,674 --> 00:04:12,190
Oh.
92
00:04:12,190 --> 00:04:14,740
The thing to understand about our friends
93
00:04:14,740 --> 00:04:19,220
is that friends isn't an adequate label.
94
00:04:19,220 --> 00:04:23,470
We're an intensely, intimately bonded crew.
95
00:04:24,520 --> 00:04:25,800
Oh, I can't, no!
96
00:04:25,800 --> 00:04:26,330
No!
97
00:04:26,330 --> 00:04:31,090
Do you want flashy forward,
or cherry and classic?
98
00:04:31,090 --> 00:04:31,592
Do you have black?
99
00:04:32,967 --> 00:04:33,564
That's a no.
100
00:04:33,564 --> 00:04:36,900
That beleaguered sigh means,
no, I can't have black nails.
101
00:04:36,900 --> 00:04:37,980
Don't look at the camera.
102
00:04:37,980 --> 00:04:42,120
You absolutely can, and we all
will when our bodies decompose.
103
00:04:42,120 --> 00:04:43,860
Please don't Jim the camera like that.
104
00:04:43,860 --> 00:04:44,700
Jim the camera?
105
00:04:44,700 --> 00:04:46,350
The color black hasn't had
- It's not a color.
106
00:04:46,350 --> 00:04:48,730
Anything to do with death
or edginess since '89!
107
00:04:48,730 --> 00:04:49,980
I mean, absence of color.
108
00:04:49,980 --> 00:04:51,770
My accountant has black nails!
109
00:04:51,770 --> 00:04:52,830
Your what?!
110
00:04:52,830 --> 00:04:54,661
Don't jump on that, my accountant,
it's a figure of speech.
111
00:04:54,661 --> 00:04:57,204
It's a form of speech
called making things up.
112
00:04:59,145 --> 00:04:59,912
Abed, can you get that?
113
00:04:59,912 --> 00:05:01,870
I can film you getting it.
114
00:05:01,870 --> 00:05:02,996
It's open!
115
00:05:02,996 --> 00:05:03,703
Is it?
116
00:05:03,703 --> 00:05:07,286
I don't know, let's see.
117
00:05:07,286 --> 00:05:09,186
Frankie. Hi girl.
118
00:05:09,186 --> 00:05:12,200
So, I didn't, put on my
wedding clothes, like you said.
119
00:05:12,200 --> 00:05:14,660
So we can get dressed
together and be girls together.
120
00:05:14,660 --> 00:05:16,220
This is gonna be fun.
121
00:05:18,640 --> 00:05:21,500
Annie and Britta told me to come
over and get ready with them for
122
00:05:21,500 --> 00:05:22,750
Garrett's wedding.
123
00:05:22,750 --> 00:05:24,300
I didn't say no.
124
00:05:24,300 --> 00:05:26,138
Who says no to something like that?
125
00:05:26,138 --> 00:05:30,780
A cold, off-putting incompatible person.
126
00:05:30,780 --> 00:05:35,480
The kind of person that turns
a sleepover into a stoning.
127
00:05:35,480 --> 00:05:38,730
I had rocks, thrown at me.
128
00:05:38,730 --> 00:05:42,492
Biblical, igneous, jagged,
hateful, pointy, ninja rocks, and
129
00:05:42,492 --> 00:05:44,344
that's not gonna happen again.
130
00:05:48,215 --> 00:05:48,900
What have you been up to?
131
00:05:48,900 --> 00:05:53,180
I think you already asked that.
132
00:05:53,180 --> 00:05:54,000
Did you answer?
133
00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:55,290
Didn't I?
134
00:05:55,290 --> 00:05:57,380
I think I did. I don't think you did.
135
00:05:57,380 --> 00:05:59,410
Well, that's not like me.
136
00:06:00,800 --> 00:06:01,745
Well, maybe you're nervous.
137
00:06:01,745 --> 00:06:04,752
No, no.
138
00:06:04,752 --> 00:06:08,017
Well, why don't we just say that
if you did answer, we forgot so
139
00:06:08,017 --> 00:06:09,550
we're asking again.
140
00:06:09,550 --> 00:06:12,030
Oh, I have been working.
141
00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:17,150
And I've been tending
to my personal affairs.
142
00:06:17,150 --> 00:06:17,650
Mm.
143
00:06:23,030 --> 00:06:25,856
Mia, I don't know if I mentioned.
144
00:06:25,856 --> 00:06:31,657
One of my sisters as well, you
know, one of them is deceased,
145
00:06:31,657 --> 00:06:36,357
and the other is mentally retarded.
146
00:06:37,925 --> 00:06:39,045
Panty raid.
147
00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:42,530
When I say drink, you say now.
148
00:06:42,530 --> 00:06:43,190
Drink. Now.
149
00:06:43,190 --> 00:06:43,730
Drink.
150
00:06:43,730 --> 00:06:46,130
Now. When I say drink, you say now.
151
00:06:46,130 --> 00:06:46,943
Drink. Now.
152
00:06:46,943 --> 00:06:48,239
Drink. Now.
153
00:06:49,545 --> 00:06:52,030
Hey what are you guys doing?
154
00:06:52,030 --> 00:06:54,221
We gotta go. The wedding
starts in like 40 minutes.
155
00:06:54,221 --> 00:06:56,890
We batted the time.
156
00:06:56,890 --> 00:06:59,140
Huh? We lied to you cause
we knew you'd be late.
157
00:06:59,140 --> 00:07:01,170
So we lied to you about the time.
158
00:07:01,170 --> 00:07:05,070
Yeah! You don't need perfect
people to make a perfect team.
159
00:07:05,070 --> 00:07:07,930
You need people whose
flaws feed into each other.
160
00:07:07,930 --> 00:07:10,385
It's what do you call it?
161
00:07:10,385 --> 00:07:11,720
Co-dependence.
162
00:07:11,720 --> 00:07:12,240
Synergy.
163
00:07:12,240 --> 00:07:14,690
For instance, there might be
something Britta hates doing,
164
00:07:14,690 --> 00:07:15,860
but Annie loves doing.
165
00:07:15,860 --> 00:07:17,880
Or there might be something
that Annie hates doing, but
166
00:07:17,880 --> 00:07:22,240
she does it anyways, because what
she really loves is to feel useful.
167
00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:24,750
You literally just defined co-dependence.
168
00:07:24,750 --> 00:07:25,710
Here's to synergy.
169
00:07:27,780 --> 00:07:28,510
Oh, look at you.
170
00:07:28,510 --> 00:07:29,210
You little helper.
171
00:07:29,210 --> 00:07:30,092
Oh. Okay,
172
00:07:30,092 --> 00:07:36,077
do you Garrett take Jack Nicholson
to be your lawfully wedded wife?
173
00:07:36,077 --> 00:07:37,975
I do.
174
00:07:37,975 --> 00:07:41,096
I do, Johnny.
175
00:07:43,360 --> 00:07:45,340
We invented a new game.
176
00:07:45,340 --> 00:07:47,780
Celebrity Garrett marriage.
177
00:07:47,780 --> 00:07:50,691
Christian Slater to be
your lawfully wedded wife.
178
00:07:50,691 --> 00:07:53,477
I do.
179
00:07:53,477 --> 00:07:55,810
I do.
180
00:07:55,810 --> 00:07:56,699
Boo.
181
00:07:56,699 --> 00:07:57,413
There's only Nicholson.
182
00:07:57,413 --> 00:07:58,550
Yeah, well, listen to him.
183
00:07:58,550 --> 00:08:00,860
We were genius to pad the time margin.
184
00:08:00,860 --> 00:08:02,860
Because now we have, like, three
more hours to play the game.
185
00:08:02,860 --> 00:08:03,649
Okay.
186
00:08:03,649 --> 00:08:08,870
Do you, Garrett, take
Aubrey Plaza to be your wife?
187
00:08:10,010 --> 00:08:11,137
I do.
188
00:08:11,137 --> 00:08:12,694
I do.
189
00:08:12,694 --> 00:08:15,310
Wait.
190
00:08:15,310 --> 00:08:16,289
What do you mean, three more hours?
191
00:08:16,289 --> 00:08:17,559
How is that even possible?
192
00:08:19,586 --> 00:08:22,209
What, what time is the wedding?
193
00:08:22,209 --> 00:08:23,858
Wait, what time is it now?
194
00:08:23,858 --> 00:08:25,274
We're late.
195
00:08:25,274 --> 00:08:25,924
We're late.
196
00:08:25,924 --> 00:08:26,481
Aah!
197
00:08:28,290 --> 00:08:33,116
Gather everyone to the car.
198
00:08:33,116 --> 00:08:34,010
What? Yeah.
199
00:08:34,010 --> 00:08:34,759
We'll drive together.
200
00:08:34,759 --> 00:08:35,421
We are not driving together.
201
00:08:35,421 --> 00:08:35,955
It's already been settled.
202
00:08:35,955 --> 00:08:36,837
Nothing was settled.
203
00:08:40,941 --> 00:08:42,270
What?
204
00:08:42,270 --> 00:08:43,087
They left me home alone.
205
00:08:43,087 --> 00:08:45,936
I'm home alone.
206
00:08:45,936 --> 00:08:47,271
Well, not really.
207
00:08:50,145 --> 00:08:51,788
What the hell you doing?
208
00:08:51,788 --> 00:08:53,628
C'mon, let's go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
209
00:08:53,628 --> 00:08:54,214
Okay geez.
210
00:08:57,737 --> 00:08:58,527
Abed, you too.
211
00:08:58,527 --> 00:08:59,070
Come on.
212
00:08:59,070 --> 00:08:59,750
Oh, yeah.
213
00:09:01,870 --> 00:09:05,025
We are here to witness
the union of Garrett and
214
00:09:05,025 --> 00:09:10,580
Stacy in the eyes of, well in the
eyes of whatever power you choose.
215
00:09:10,580 --> 00:09:14,600
Personally, I find the notion of
choosing to be needlessly limited.
216
00:09:14,600 --> 00:09:17,550
What if I'm capable of total contradiction?
217
00:09:17,550 --> 00:09:23,690
What if science and religion
were mine to wield as I choose?
218
00:09:23,690 --> 00:09:24,766
What if I'm God?
219
00:09:24,766 --> 00:09:28,870
What if I'm God?
220
00:09:31,894 --> 00:09:33,944
It is likely that I am not, but
221
00:09:33,944 --> 00:09:39,110
I think it's totally out of line to
take that possibility off of the table.
222
00:09:39,110 --> 00:09:41,910
Now, I understand that
vows have been written.
223
00:09:43,070 --> 00:09:48,382
Stacy, when I first saw you,
looking at you made me feel good.
224
00:09:48,382 --> 00:09:50,620
Touching you, felt better and
225
00:09:50,620 --> 00:09:55,536
knowing you made me realize that
without you, I, I am incomplete.
226
00:09:55,536 --> 00:09:56,579
I know I look pretty complete.
227
00:09:58,828 --> 00:10:01,787
Somebody over there laughed
at that the wrong way.
228
00:10:01,787 --> 00:10:04,537
You are my body and my soul.
229
00:10:04,537 --> 00:10:06,537
You are my favorite video game.
230
00:10:06,537 --> 00:10:07,121
Yes.
231
00:10:07,121 --> 00:10:07,666
Come on.
232
00:10:07,666 --> 00:10:08,427
Guys, guys guys.
233
00:10:08,427 --> 00:10:11,469
Everybody's looking at us.
234
00:10:13,036 --> 00:10:14,824
Your was louder than what I said.
235
00:10:21,227 --> 00:10:24,187
Welcome! Everyone back
there, you're welcome.
236
00:10:24,187 --> 00:10:26,102
Please join us.
237
00:10:26,102 --> 00:10:27,332
Any of those people could be God.
238
00:10:27,332 --> 00:10:28,122
Okay.
239
00:10:28,122 --> 00:10:28,772
Over there.
240
00:10:28,772 --> 00:10:30,828
Yeah. Oh.
241
00:10:32,372 --> 00:10:34,814
Yes. Ow!
242
00:10:34,814 --> 00:10:40,504
Garrett, since we met
you have felt so familiar.
243
00:10:40,504 --> 00:10:43,076
I love making sandwiches with you.
244
00:10:43,076 --> 00:10:45,160
I love folding towels with you.
245
00:10:45,160 --> 00:10:48,677
I love giving you your pain
killers, at the end of the day.
246
00:10:48,677 --> 00:10:51,028
Aw.
247
00:10:51,028 --> 00:10:53,281
Well that, those aren't really vows.
248
00:10:53,281 --> 00:10:56,710
That's a list of things
you love about me, yeah.
249
00:10:56,710 --> 00:10:57,800
I'm so sorry.
250
00:10:57,800 --> 00:10:58,404
It's okay.
251
00:10:58,404 --> 00:11:02,212
Garrett, do you take Stacy to
be your lawfully wedded wife.
252
00:11:02,212 --> 00:11:02,793
I do.
253
00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:08,483
Stacy, do you take Garrett to
be your lawfully wedded husband,
254
00:11:08,483 --> 00:11:10,734
to have and to hold and to honor.
255
00:11:10,734 --> 00:11:12,863
Yes I do.
256
00:11:20,015 --> 00:11:21,840
Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. and Mrs.
257
00:11:21,840 --> 00:11:24,405
Garrett Lambert, Garrett
you may kiss Mrs. Garrett.
258
00:11:36,584 --> 00:11:38,626
Where the party at?
259
00:11:38,626 --> 00:11:44,743
Okay, let's endure this.
260
00:11:44,743 --> 00:11:46,298
Are we mailing today, or what?
261
00:11:46,298 --> 00:11:47,527
Who would have thought Barrett's
262
00:11:47,527 --> 00:11:49,014
wedding would be the best day of our lives.
263
00:11:49,014 --> 00:11:51,214
Definitely not Garrett,
since his name's not Barrett.
264
00:11:51,214 --> 00:11:51,911
Whoopsie.
265
00:11:51,911 --> 00:11:53,257
We say a wrong a name.
266
00:11:53,257 --> 00:11:53,768
Oh!
267
00:11:53,768 --> 00:11:54,459
Racist.
268
00:11:54,459 --> 00:11:55,387
Oh, no. You a racist.
269
00:11:55,387 --> 00:11:56,746
That guy's a racist.
270
00:11:56,746 --> 00:11:59,213
From here to there is racist.
271
00:11:59,213 --> 00:12:00,763
Hm.
272
00:12:00,763 --> 00:12:04,205
Oh.
273
00:12:04,205 --> 00:12:05,279
Hi. Having a good time?
274
00:12:05,279 --> 00:12:06,411
Oh, yes.
275
00:12:06,411 --> 00:12:07,775
Are you Garrett's mom?
276
00:12:07,775 --> 00:12:08,727
I sure am.
277
00:12:08,727 --> 00:12:10,465
Aw.
278
00:12:10,465 --> 00:12:15,390
I think you guys could maybe take a
step back, gain a little perspective,
279
00:12:15,390 --> 00:12:20,513
so you don't wreck the whole night
for some really wonderful people.
280
00:12:20,513 --> 00:12:24,885
You came to a wedding in the
middle of the vows through a bush.
281
00:12:24,885 --> 00:12:29,904
I'm not Dr. Phil, but, I don't
want my son to kill himself,
282
00:12:29,904 --> 00:12:32,000
so, do what you gotta do!
283
00:12:34,212 --> 00:12:36,876
Yeah.
284
00:12:36,876 --> 00:12:40,140
Hm.
285
00:12:40,140 --> 00:12:41,190
Holy crap.
286
00:12:41,190 --> 00:12:42,285
What have we done?
287
00:12:42,285 --> 00:12:44,250
Okay, we just got checked.
288
00:12:44,250 --> 00:12:45,490
Mm-hm. And it was pretty deserved.
289
00:12:45,490 --> 00:12:48,700
But, we're not just gonna stand
here and lick our wounds either.
290
00:12:48,700 --> 00:12:49,280
Jeff is right.
291
00:12:50,370 --> 00:12:53,070
And that chipper passive
aggressive lady, she's right, too.
292
00:12:53,070 --> 00:12:59,607
So, let's spread out and
- Be the best wedding guests, anyone has ever seen!
293
00:12:59,607 --> 00:13:00,181
Yes.
294
00:13:00,181 --> 00:13:02,074
Yeah. I'm not gonna over think
it, I'm just gonna try it.
295
00:13:02,074 --> 00:13:02,840
Try it. Okay.
296
00:13:02,840 --> 00:13:04,332
Yes.
297
00:13:04,332 --> 00:13:04,958
Hey.
298
00:13:04,958 --> 00:13:05,492
Mazel tov.
299
00:13:05,492 --> 00:13:10,027
So, a stranger walked over to our
very proud group and smashed our pride
300
00:13:10,027 --> 00:13:14,830
into pieces with a hammer, which
definitely felt like a disaster.
301
00:13:14,830 --> 00:13:19,940
Then, I started to pick up the pieces
of our pride, and weirdly enough,
302
00:13:19,940 --> 00:13:24,850
the first piece I picked up
was my own pride, all of it.
303
00:13:24,850 --> 00:13:27,340
It's almost like groups
and people in groups,
304
00:13:27,340 --> 00:13:29,960
can never be complete at the same time.
305
00:13:29,960 --> 00:13:31,800
Does that make any sense?
306
00:13:33,120 --> 00:13:36,200
No? Well, that's your problem.
307
00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:39,530
I love you, Abed.
308
00:13:39,530 --> 00:13:41,590
Do I know how to be a good wedding guest?
309
00:13:41,590 --> 00:13:42,470
Yes, I do.
310
00:13:42,470 --> 00:13:44,910
A little too well, that's the problem.
311
00:13:44,910 --> 00:13:48,873
My name is Elroy Patashnik,
and from 2006 to 2009,
312
00:13:48,873 --> 00:13:51,840
I was addicted to encouraging white people.
313
00:13:51,840 --> 00:13:53,326
All right!
314
00:13:53,326 --> 00:13:55,044
Now there's a man who knows his meatballs.
315
00:13:55,044 --> 00:13:56,367
Thank you.
316
00:13:56,367 --> 00:13:57,923
It started as simple survival.
317
00:13:57,923 --> 00:14:00,348
The tech industry in the
90s, this face, this voice,
318
00:14:00,348 --> 00:14:02,430
they're either gonna
help you or hold you back.
319
00:14:02,430 --> 00:14:06,700
So, you tap the gas, because
well, why tap the brake?
320
00:14:06,700 --> 00:14:10,720
Oh, you know, you know what you're doing.
321
00:14:10,720 --> 00:14:13,980
This man knows exactly what he's doing.
322
00:14:13,980 --> 00:14:16,640
I learned the cheat code.
323
00:14:16,640 --> 00:14:18,370
White people like encouragement.
324
00:14:18,370 --> 00:14:20,090
It really doesn't matter what for.
325
00:14:20,090 --> 00:14:21,795
Now, that's a container for liquid.
326
00:14:21,795 --> 00:14:22,840
I never felt like a sellout.
327
00:14:22,840 --> 00:14:26,230
I never laugh at anything unfunny,
never said anything untrue.
328
00:14:26,230 --> 00:14:29,313
The thing is, and this will sound racist,
329
00:14:29,313 --> 00:14:34,840
white people are very discouraged,
and very discouraging to each other.
330
00:14:34,840 --> 00:14:37,920
Sweetie, you, you're getting meatball
juice everywhere but your plate.
331
00:14:37,920 --> 00:14:40,270
I think I'm going better than
you are, with your asparagus.
332
00:14:40,270 --> 00:14:44,090
Oh, now that's the way to handle meatballs.
333
00:14:44,090 --> 00:14:45,710
And look at you.
334
00:14:45,710 --> 00:14:47,380
Working that asparagus.
335
00:14:47,380 --> 00:14:51,979
So, the day you start telling them,
hey, just do what you're doing!
336
00:14:51,979 --> 00:14:52,675
I love you.
337
00:14:52,675 --> 00:14:53,533
I love you.
338
00:14:53,533 --> 00:14:55,414
You feel like a superhero.
339
00:14:55,414 --> 00:14:57,495
But, what's the danger?
340
00:14:57,495 --> 00:14:59,120
Why'd I stop?
341
00:14:59,120 --> 00:15:03,620
You know, same as anything
else that makes you feel good.
342
00:15:03,620 --> 00:15:06,115
If you don't put a lid on it.
343
00:15:06,115 --> 00:15:09,180
Oh, look at these pants.
344
00:15:09,180 --> 00:15:10,250
Oh, oh, oh.
345
00:15:10,250 --> 00:15:14,154
He should keep on wearing,
346
00:15:14,154 --> 00:15:18,069
keep on wearing his pants.
347
00:15:18,069 --> 00:15:19,997
There's no lid.
348
00:15:19,997 --> 00:15:24,020
Stacy has a 90 year old meemaw here.
349
00:15:24,020 --> 00:15:25,390
I pushed her around the dance floor.
350
00:15:25,390 --> 00:15:27,270
I think she liked it.
351
00:15:27,270 --> 00:15:28,860
No, that's Polly.
352
00:15:28,860 --> 00:15:32,290
No, Great Aunt Polly is Garrett's side.
353
00:15:32,290 --> 00:15:32,830
I haven't met her.
354
00:15:34,090 --> 00:15:36,458
Oh my God, do you think she
saw me pushing meemaw, and
355
00:15:36,458 --> 00:15:38,521
now she's wondering what's wrong with her?
356
00:15:38,521 --> 00:15:39,280
I'll be right back.
357
00:15:39,280 --> 00:15:42,120
Annie, the world will still need
you after you finish your cake.
358
00:15:43,490 --> 00:15:44,910
Am I that bad?
359
00:15:44,910 --> 00:15:45,840
We have the same dragon.
360
00:15:46,970 --> 00:15:51,280
Eventually you will slay it, or
train it, or dissolve in its stomach.
361
00:15:51,280 --> 00:15:53,940
Its name is Helping Others.
362
00:15:53,940 --> 00:15:55,590
If I train it, can I give it a cooler name?
363
00:15:55,590 --> 00:15:57,610
If you train it, you
can do anything you want.
364
00:15:57,610 --> 00:15:59,350
If you slay it, I don't know.
365
00:15:59,350 --> 00:16:02,350
I guess you get a new
dragon named Yourself.
366
00:16:02,350 --> 00:16:03,520
And then you'd be Jeff Winger.
367
00:16:04,690 --> 00:16:06,680
Yeah, that guy needs help!
368
00:16:08,099 --> 00:16:12,990
What would you name your dragon?
369
00:16:12,990 --> 00:16:16,770
I think we need a list of dragon names.
370
00:16:16,770 --> 00:16:20,150
Yeah! And then we need
to get you away from Jeff.
371
00:16:20,150 --> 00:16:23,157
Is what I wanted to say,
but how is that my business?
372
00:16:25,909 --> 00:16:29,397
You don't show these to
people when you finish them?
373
00:16:29,397 --> 00:16:31,693
No. Okay, good.
374
00:16:35,234 --> 00:16:37,490
So then why do you make them, again?
375
00:16:37,490 --> 00:16:38,430
It relaxes me.
376
00:16:38,430 --> 00:16:39,580
It's like knitting with less discipline.
377
00:16:41,010 --> 00:16:42,130
Princess Firebreath.
378
00:16:42,130 --> 00:16:43,580
Sir Pent.
379
00:16:43,580 --> 00:16:45,340
Doctor Rachel Spinetail.
380
00:16:45,340 --> 00:16:46,250
Holly Hotbreath.
381
00:16:46,250 --> 00:16:47,230
Ugh.
382
00:16:47,230 --> 00:16:48,170
Jimmy Talon.
383
00:16:48,170 --> 00:16:49,510
Christian Scale.
384
00:16:49,510 --> 00:16:51,550
I got into a bit of a
celebrity pun barrel here.
385
00:16:51,550 --> 00:16:52,610
Carson Scaley.
386
00:16:52,610 --> 00:16:53,680
Jude Claw.
387
00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:54,710
Ariana Puffington.
388
00:16:56,210 --> 00:16:58,710
Hi. Are these your biggest ice cubes?
389
00:16:58,710 --> 00:17:00,004
No, you're boisterous!
390
00:17:00,004 --> 00:17:01,330
Where's my brother!?
391
00:17:01,330 --> 00:17:03,430
I've gotta thing to say
about my friend Garrett!
392
00:17:03,430 --> 00:17:08,190
There has been a plot twist in the
story of our comeback as wedding guests.
393
00:17:08,190 --> 00:17:12,550
Garrett's older brother Bones has
relapsed during his weekend pass and
394
00:17:12,550 --> 00:17:15,550
will be unable to do the best man toast.
395
00:17:15,550 --> 00:17:16,870
You got him?
396
00:17:16,870 --> 00:17:19,540
So, I took Garrett's mom's side and
397
00:17:19,540 --> 00:17:23,970
told her after our behavior today,
it was the least I could do for them.
398
00:17:23,970 --> 00:17:27,580
And I'm not gonna Winger speech
it, this is a thing of substance.
399
00:17:27,580 --> 00:17:31,000
We pooled all the inside info
based on all the mingling, and
400
00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:34,220
this toast is rocket fueled selflessness.
401
00:17:34,220 --> 00:17:38,110
And this wedding is gonna regret the
day it thought we'd make it about us.
402
00:17:38,110 --> 00:17:41,473
Because we're about to be the
first guests in history to out-toast
403
00:17:41,473 --> 00:17:43,230
the entire wedding party.
404
00:17:43,230 --> 00:17:44,950
God, I love my job!
405
00:17:46,070 --> 00:17:47,220
Wait, this isn't my job.
406
00:17:47,220 --> 00:17:49,130
God, I love myself!
407
00:17:49,130 --> 00:17:52,481
That was Stacy's first time!
408
00:17:55,453 --> 00:17:58,250
But it's not gonna be her
last time, right Garrett?
409
00:18:00,540 --> 00:18:02,970
So many classic toast errors.
410
00:18:02,970 --> 00:18:04,600
A fire hydrant could follow this.
411
00:18:04,600 --> 00:18:08,360
I love you so much, and
please, keep painting.
412
00:18:08,360 --> 00:18:10,280
Don't let Garrett, don't paint.
413
00:18:10,280 --> 00:18:14,250
Don't let Garrett keep you from painting.
414
00:18:14,250 --> 00:18:15,120
Okay, I'm done.
415
00:18:15,120 --> 00:18:17,660
Okay, Stacy's friend Andi everybody.
416
00:18:17,660 --> 00:18:19,632
Next up we have a replacement best man,
417
00:18:19,632 --> 00:18:21,970
Garrett's friend from Greendale
College, Jeffrey Winger.
418
00:18:23,280 --> 00:18:26,460
There's a lot of things I
can say about this couple.
419
00:18:26,460 --> 00:18:28,840
They're both in my class at Greendale, and
420
00:18:28,840 --> 00:18:32,494
like all my students, I
give them till about June.
421
00:18:33,626 --> 00:18:39,260
No, you guys'll be fine forever, as
long as Stacy never lets Andi babysit.
422
00:18:40,410 --> 00:18:42,350
Or go near a child.
423
00:18:42,350 --> 00:18:46,250
Or be in the same town
as a pair of scissors.
424
00:18:46,250 --> 00:18:48,170
This girl's a wreck.
425
00:18:48,170 --> 00:18:51,080
He's being too mean.
426
00:18:51,080 --> 00:18:52,205
No, he's reading the room.
427
00:18:52,205 --> 00:18:53,755
Andi was a bummer, they needed this.
428
00:18:53,755 --> 00:18:56,460
Life's about two people
merging their lives, but
429
00:18:56,460 --> 00:19:01,510
that means two families are
leaving here tonight as one.
430
00:19:01,510 --> 00:19:02,980
That's a big deal.
431
00:19:02,980 --> 00:19:06,650
Now my friends and I came
here tonight as outsiders, but
432
00:19:06,650 --> 00:19:08,410
thanks to some good advice,
433
00:19:08,410 --> 00:19:14,310
we spent the night learning about
these two clans of outsiders.
434
00:19:14,310 --> 00:19:17,800
We learned that Garrett's
uncle Tony is a photographer.
435
00:19:17,800 --> 00:19:21,110
But Uncle Tony, did you know that
Stacy's friend Lawrence makes and
436
00:19:21,110 --> 00:19:22,300
sells frames?
437
00:19:22,300 --> 00:19:24,860
Yeah, look each other up,
get some business going.
438
00:19:24,860 --> 00:19:28,660
Oh, and Garrett's neighbor
Dawn loves vintage cars.
439
00:19:28,660 --> 00:19:33,170
Stacy's chiropractor Susan
brought her dad, and guess what?
440
00:19:33,170 --> 00:19:36,410
Her dad worked in an
automobile factory in the 60s.
441
00:19:36,410 --> 00:19:40,130
Yeah, I know, these are the kind of
things you learn being the biggest
442
00:19:40,130 --> 00:19:41,970
jerks at a wedding.
443
00:19:41,970 --> 00:19:43,960
Here's another golden nugget in the gravel.
444
00:19:43,960 --> 00:19:48,535
Some of you have worked the dance
floor with Garrett's divine great aunt
445
00:19:48,535 --> 00:19:50,263
Polly, 90 years young.
446
00:19:51,563 --> 00:19:57,541
And some of you chatted with
Stacy's meemaw, also 90 years young.
447
00:19:59,770 --> 00:20:04,618
Now, I don't know if they've
even meT before tonight,
448
00:20:04,618 --> 00:20:10,480
but we did learn that both of
them were born in the same town.
449
00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:12,350
Sheridan, Wyoming.
450
00:20:12,350 --> 00:20:16,210
Now Garrett and Stacy, would you
mind getting them both out here?
451
00:20:16,210 --> 00:20:16,970
All right.
452
00:20:16,970 --> 00:20:18,149
Yeah!
453
00:20:18,149 --> 00:20:20,406
I know Aunt Polly's here.
454
00:20:20,406 --> 00:20:21,948
Isn't she beautiful?
455
00:20:23,543 --> 00:20:24,740
Okay.
456
00:20:24,740 --> 00:20:27,881
Who has got eyes on meemaw?
457
00:20:30,031 --> 00:20:32,073
This is meemaw.
458
00:20:32,073 --> 00:20:35,041
Oh, this is meemaw!
459
00:20:35,041 --> 00:20:36,490
Okay, I feel like an idiot.
460
00:20:36,490 --> 00:20:38,391
I'm so, so sorry.
461
00:20:38,391 --> 00:20:40,381
Garrett, where's Aunt Polly?
462
00:20:43,156 --> 00:20:44,989
Okay.
463
00:20:44,989 --> 00:20:50,049
I, now I don't feel as
stupid because either someone
464
00:20:50,049 --> 00:20:55,031
here is lying, or this family's
a lot closer than we thought.
465
00:21:03,365 --> 00:21:10,698
And now, this is a man that
knows how to marry his cousin.
466
00:21:23,823 --> 00:21:26,406
None of this would have happened
if I wasn't always trying to help.
467
00:21:26,406 --> 00:21:28,672
Actually, none of this would have
happened if I hadn't tried helping you
468
00:21:28,672 --> 00:21:29,448
with your helpfulness.
469
00:21:29,448 --> 00:21:31,365
Oh, don't torture yourself with that logic.
470
00:21:31,365 --> 00:21:33,865
None of us would have met
if Hitler hadn't been born.
471
00:21:33,865 --> 00:21:36,491
Also none of Britta's arguments
would have a default analogy.
472
00:21:36,491 --> 00:21:37,531
Excuse me?
473
00:21:37,531 --> 00:21:38,948
He's saying you go to
the Hitler well a lot.
474
00:21:38,948 --> 00:21:40,448
What are you, Hitler, Hitler?
475
00:21:40,448 --> 00:21:44,115
Okay, Britta, we're all the
worst right now, take a day off.
476
00:21:44,115 --> 00:21:45,531
I did.
477
00:21:45,531 --> 00:21:49,350
Between us ruining the ceremony and
ruining the reception when we were all
478
00:21:49,350 --> 00:21:51,823
just individual people, I wasn't the worst.
479
00:21:51,823 --> 00:21:53,448
I'm only the worst with you guys.
480
00:21:53,448 --> 00:21:54,740
Well, me too. Me too.
481
00:21:54,740 --> 00:21:56,448
I was a good dean before you guys.
482
00:21:56,448 --> 00:21:57,073
Aw.
483
00:21:57,073 --> 00:21:57,995
You can't disprove it.
484
00:21:57,995 --> 00:21:59,948
I relapsed because of you guys.
485
00:21:59,948 --> 00:22:00,740
What? Oh it's not a big deal.
486
00:22:00,740 --> 00:22:01,865
White people problems.
487
00:22:01,865 --> 00:22:02,449
Oh.
488
00:22:02,449 --> 00:22:03,615
I like this group.
489
00:22:03,615 --> 00:22:05,240
I'm at my best when I'm with you guys.
490
00:22:05,240 --> 00:22:05,990
Well, that clinches it.
491
00:22:05,990 --> 00:22:06,490
Separate cabs.
492
00:22:06,490 --> 00:22:07,031
Separate cabs.
493
00:22:07,031 --> 00:22:09,365
Separate cabs.
494
00:22:09,365 --> 00:22:10,740
Hi!
495
00:22:10,740 --> 00:22:14,448
For those still with us, we won't
be cutting the cake or dancing.
496
00:22:14,448 --> 00:22:17,472
And I believe there was a guy in a
Homer Simpson costume that was gonna
497
00:22:17,472 --> 00:22:18,115
surprise me.
498
00:22:18,115 --> 00:22:20,740
That won't be necessary!
499
00:22:20,740 --> 00:22:23,990
Drive safe, and thank you for coming.
500
00:22:23,990 --> 00:22:25,531
What are you going to do?
501
00:22:25,531 --> 00:22:26,199
Chang!
502
00:22:26,199 --> 00:22:27,115
Chang!
503
00:22:27,115 --> 00:22:28,365
We're going home.
504
00:22:28,365 --> 00:22:29,281
Are you gonna stay married?
505
00:22:29,281 --> 00:22:30,073
Chang!
506
00:22:30,073 --> 00:22:30,990
Chang! Chang!
507
00:22:30,990 --> 00:22:32,964
We consulted with a lawyer, and
508
00:22:32,964 --> 00:22:35,823
it is legal in this state
to marry your cousin.
509
00:22:35,823 --> 00:22:39,656
But after talking to our family,
we feel an annulment is warranted.
510
00:22:39,656 --> 00:22:40,531
What no, screw that.
511
00:22:40,531 --> 00:22:41,365
Chang. No.
512
00:22:41,365 --> 00:22:42,281
Chang. No.
513
00:22:42,281 --> 00:22:42,782
Chang, get back here.
514
00:22:42,782 --> 00:22:43,698
Hey, screw you guys.
515
00:22:43,698 --> 00:22:45,222
No, this family is so screwed up,
516
00:22:45,222 --> 00:22:47,281
you thought you were
two different families.
517
00:22:47,281 --> 00:22:48,752
Now that you know you're not,
518
00:22:48,752 --> 00:22:51,531
you can't wait to leave, and
you want this guy to do what?
519
00:22:51,531 --> 00:22:52,865
Forget he's in love?
520
00:22:52,865 --> 00:22:54,198
For you?
521
00:22:54,198 --> 00:22:56,480
You want him to take
one for this crappy team?
522
00:22:56,480 --> 00:22:57,140
Let him finish.
523
00:22:57,140 --> 00:22:58,740
They were letting me finish, sir.
524
00:22:58,740 --> 00:23:00,240
I know, I was being sarcastic.
525
00:23:00,240 --> 00:23:01,573
Okay, you know?
526
00:23:07,573 --> 00:23:11,031
Garrett, who loves you
here more than Stacy?
527
00:23:11,031 --> 00:23:12,865
Nobody.
528
00:23:12,865 --> 00:23:16,032
Stacy, is it your fault
Garrett's your cousin?
529
00:23:16,032 --> 00:23:17,573
No.
530
00:23:17,573 --> 00:23:20,183
Is anyone here going to
make less fun of these two or
531
00:23:20,183 --> 00:23:22,740
be better friends to them
no matter what they do?
532
00:23:22,740 --> 00:23:23,448
No. No.
533
00:23:23,448 --> 00:23:24,156
No.
534
00:23:24,156 --> 00:23:27,698
It's you against the
world, and you will not win.
535
00:23:27,698 --> 00:23:30,407
But, you get to make your moves.
536
00:23:30,407 --> 00:23:31,698
Not them.
537
00:23:38,828 --> 00:23:45,366
Stacy, will you be my
legally incestuous wife?
538
00:23:45,366 --> 00:23:45,990
Yes.
539
00:23:45,990 --> 00:23:48,865
Everyone stay and eat cake, or go to hell.
540
00:23:56,948 --> 00:23:58,844
This is about me.
541
00:23:58,844 --> 00:24:05,230
I didn't think I could do it, but I did.
542
00:24:05,230 --> 00:24:05,927
Smile.
543
00:24:05,927 --> 00:24:07,088
Smile.
544
00:24:07,088 --> 00:24:08,156
Garrett, look up.
545
00:24:08,156 --> 00:24:10,115
Yay!
546
00:24:10,115 --> 00:24:11,240
Oh.
547
00:24:19,077 --> 00:24:20,823
So much Jenny.
548
00:24:26,073 --> 00:24:28,531
Wow, what an episode of Community.
549
00:24:28,531 --> 00:24:32,550
Hi, I'm Briggs Haddon credited
author of this weeks episode.
550
00:24:32,550 --> 00:24:35,820
You might have noticed an
emphasis on the topic of incest,
551
00:24:35,820 --> 00:24:37,210
well that's no accident.
552
00:24:37,210 --> 00:24:40,070
For the past two years, when not
serving as writer's assistant on
553
00:24:40,070 --> 00:24:42,310
Community, I've been researching
incest on the internet.
554
00:24:42,310 --> 00:24:44,410
What I found, surprised me.
555
00:24:44,410 --> 00:24:47,445
Did you know that first cousins can
have children without great risk of
556
00:24:47,445 --> 00:24:48,948
birth defect or genetic disease?
557
00:24:48,948 --> 00:24:52,281
That's a quote directly from the
New York Times, April 4, 2002.
558
00:24:52,281 --> 00:24:54,269
But despite this scientific fact,
559
00:24:54,269 --> 00:24:57,990
state laws on incest remain
inconsistent and woefully outdated.
560
00:24:57,990 --> 00:25:00,679
I mean I, I can make love to
my cousin in Nebraska, but if
561
00:25:00,679 --> 00:25:04,365
I take her on a date in South Dakota,
I'm looking at 15 years prison time.
562
00:25:04,365 --> 00:25:07,823
I told the Community writers,
attention must be paid.
563
00:25:07,823 --> 00:25:10,448
They said they'd allow me to
address it on one condition.
564
00:25:10,448 --> 00:25:14,406
At the end of the episode, I must
appear and identify myself as a writer.
565
00:25:14,406 --> 00:25:17,063
Look, I'm not trying to tell
you how to feel about incest,
566
00:25:17,063 --> 00:25:20,320
I'm just letting you know, there's
more to it than you've been told.
567
00:25:21,520 --> 00:25:26,540
I'm Briggs Haddon, and I wrote the
Community season six, incest episode.
568
00:25:26,540 --> 00:25:27,656
Good night.
569
00:25:27,706 --> 00:25:32,256
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