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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,644 - Aw, look, she's asleep. - Yeah. 2 00:00:03,031 --> 00:00:04,231 Look at her. 3 00:00:04,704 --> 00:00:07,052 Look... look at her! 4 00:00:08,184 --> 00:00:10,981 [Sharon chuckles] 5 00:00:12,344 --> 00:00:16,344 [Music box plays: Fr?re Jacques] 6 00:00:18,384 --> 00:00:20,136 Can I have a cuddle now? 7 00:00:20,544 --> 00:00:21,770 Sure. 8 00:00:23,184 --> 00:00:25,797 - Can I have a mouth cuddle? - Mm-hmm. 9 00:00:28,064 --> 00:00:31,943 [Sharon laughs] 10 00:00:31,944 --> 00:00:33,291 What's funny? 11 00:00:33,652 --> 00:00:34,863 No, it's... 12 00:00:34,864 --> 00:00:36,591 To the lullaby music, it's... 13 00:00:36,592 --> 00:00:37,992 Sorry... [She laughs] 14 00:00:37,993 --> 00:00:40,337 Do you want me to put on some Mot?rhead? 15 00:00:40,338 --> 00:00:42,632 I mean, tell... tell me what you want me to put on, cos... 16 00:00:42,633 --> 00:00:44,154 I'd like to have sex with you. 17 00:00:44,155 --> 00:00:45,755 Me, too. I just... 18 00:00:45,756 --> 00:00:47,766 Can we do it in the morning? 19 00:00:51,589 --> 00:00:53,089 [Rob sighs] 20 00:00:53,549 --> 00:00:54,868 What's the matter? 21 00:00:54,869 --> 00:00:56,148 Nothing. 22 00:00:56,149 --> 00:00:57,588 No, you know what? 23 00:00:57,589 --> 00:01:01,061 Sexual rain checks are abusive. 24 00:01:01,546 --> 00:01:02,746 What?! 25 00:01:04,181 --> 00:01:06,603 What?! I just got a fucking baby to sleep. 26 00:01:06,604 --> 00:01:09,380 It's just not healthy the way that you are with her now. 27 00:01:09,381 --> 00:01:11,840 You know what you remind me of, the way that you hold her, 28 00:01:11,841 --> 00:01:13,659 the way that you gaze at her? 29 00:01:13,981 --> 00:01:15,260 Gollum... 30 00:01:15,349 --> 00:01:18,718 from Lord Of The Rings? Andy... Smeagol, the weird CGI man thing? 31 00:01:18,719 --> 00:01:20,339 Yeah, I know, who Gollum is. 32 00:01:20,340 --> 00:01:22,751 Good, because that's what I see when I look at you now. 33 00:01:22,752 --> 00:01:24,038 - Because? - Because of the way you're all 34 00:01:24,039 --> 00:01:25,315 hunched over her like, 35 00:01:25,316 --> 00:01:28,948 "Don't touch my precious. Stay away from my precious." 36 00:01:28,949 --> 00:01:31,582 Well, you know... erm... first off, 37 00:01:31,583 --> 00:01:34,060 I thought you were comparing me to Gollum because of my sunken eyes, 38 00:01:34,061 --> 00:01:37,365 so now I don't even care, and secondly, look at you. 39 00:01:37,366 --> 00:01:40,762 You're shouting at your family with a massive boner. 40 00:01:40,763 --> 00:01:42,857 - Are you proud of yourself? - I'm not shouting. 41 00:01:42,858 --> 00:01:45,000 Why are you still hard? 42 00:01:45,614 --> 00:01:48,577 [Baby cries] 43 00:01:49,089 --> 00:01:51,158 Sync & corrections by PetaG - www.addic7ed.com - 44 00:01:53,389 --> 00:01:54,628 Fran's seeing someone. 45 00:01:54,629 --> 00:01:56,640 I'm...95% sure. 46 00:01:56,651 --> 00:01:58,789 - Why are you so sure? - She told me. 47 00:01:59,392 --> 00:02:02,271 But I figured there's a 5% chance she's lying just to piss me off. 48 00:02:02,272 --> 00:02:03,751 Right. What are you going to do? 49 00:02:03,752 --> 00:02:06,079 I'm going to wait until Jeffrey's 18, then I'm going to divorce her. 50 00:02:06,080 --> 00:02:07,548 Let Fran fuck her new lover boy 51 00:02:07,549 --> 00:02:11,432 and I can fuck whoever I want to fuck... or hug... for Christ's sake. 52 00:02:12,504 --> 00:02:14,163 I'd settle for a hug. I would... 53 00:02:14,637 --> 00:02:15,837 I'll hug you. 54 00:02:16,236 --> 00:02:17,550 Come on, then. 55 00:02:21,352 --> 00:02:23,791 I'm serious, you know, you only get one shot at life 56 00:02:23,792 --> 00:02:26,323 and then you end up in a ditch or an urn. 57 00:02:26,912 --> 00:02:28,564 I don't want to have any regrets. 58 00:02:31,601 --> 00:02:32,983 Sometimes... 59 00:02:33,397 --> 00:02:36,213 And I've had this feeling for a number of years and never acted on it, 60 00:02:36,214 --> 00:02:39,073 but sometimes I find myself thinking that I'd like to have 61 00:02:39,074 --> 00:02:41,716 sexual intercourse with women who have penises. 62 00:02:43,829 --> 00:02:45,029 Right... 63 00:02:45,030 --> 00:02:48,609 Where she plays with my penis and I play with hers, sexually, in a bed. 64 00:02:48,992 --> 00:02:52,071 - Ok. - "Ok" ok? 65 00:02:52,072 --> 00:02:53,631 Yeah, OK. 66 00:02:53,632 --> 00:02:55,271 You're separated from your wife, 67 00:02:55,272 --> 00:02:58,351 you're 95% sure she's fucking somebody else. 68 00:02:58,352 --> 00:03:01,111 If you want to do a consensual thing with another adult that makes 69 00:03:01,112 --> 00:03:04,055 you happy or jizz then you should do it. 70 00:03:04,056 --> 00:03:05,843 It's not a gay thing. I don't think it's a gay thing. 71 00:03:05,844 --> 00:03:07,375 - Who cares? - I do. 72 00:03:07,512 --> 00:03:09,848 OK, then... it's not a gay thing. 73 00:03:12,672 --> 00:03:14,262 Want to share a burrata? 74 00:03:14,432 --> 00:03:15,632 Yeah. 75 00:03:16,310 --> 00:03:18,109 Look at her. She's gorgeous. 76 00:03:18,312 --> 00:03:21,866 - Aw... babies get so much attention! - [Sharon laughs] 77 00:03:21,867 --> 00:03:24,459 It's nice, isn't it? For the mums. 78 00:03:25,265 --> 00:03:28,224 It's funny but with all Jeffrey's film, TV work, 79 00:03:28,232 --> 00:03:30,711 - that's never really stopped for us. - Right... 80 00:03:30,712 --> 00:03:32,913 - Where is Jeffrey? - He's erm... 81 00:03:33,273 --> 00:03:35,594 He's having some acupuncture done in his trailer. 82 00:03:35,660 --> 00:03:38,259 Bradley Cooper won't make eye contact with anyone 83 00:03:38,392 --> 00:03:40,277 so he was getting a little bit anxious. 84 00:03:42,112 --> 00:03:44,544 Hello, there, Mi... 85 00:03:45,129 --> 00:03:46,329 Mu... 86 00:03:46,449 --> 00:03:47,968 How do you say her name again? 87 00:03:48,194 --> 00:03:49,394 Muireann. 88 00:03:50,912 --> 00:03:53,631 It's all character-building stuff, isn't it, a tricky name? 89 00:03:53,632 --> 00:03:55,414 - I wouldn't worry about it. - I'm not. 90 00:03:55,829 --> 00:03:57,745 - How's Rob? - How's Rob? 91 00:03:57,746 --> 00:03:59,061 He's er... 92 00:03:59,869 --> 00:04:03,788 - ...selfish, horny, good with the kids. - That must be nice, 93 00:04:03,952 --> 00:04:05,527 having a horny husband. 94 00:04:06,072 --> 00:04:07,957 For the last year, every night I went to bed, 95 00:04:07,958 --> 00:04:09,537 Chris pretended to be asleep. 96 00:04:09,740 --> 00:04:13,381 Snores, sleepy little fidgets, the odd fart. 97 00:04:13,722 --> 00:04:16,288 It bothered me at first but then something inside me died 98 00:04:16,289 --> 00:04:17,648 and I just stopped caring. 99 00:04:18,112 --> 00:04:20,791 I mean, I'm not saying that you should have sex with Rob 100 00:04:20,792 --> 00:04:23,294 against your will but if you care about your marriage, 101 00:04:23,295 --> 00:04:24,614 you definitely should. 102 00:04:26,303 --> 00:04:27,704 I've taken a lover. 103 00:04:28,548 --> 00:04:30,175 - Really? - Mm-hmm. 104 00:04:30,176 --> 00:04:31,611 So, that's... I mean, what are you going to...? 105 00:04:31,612 --> 00:04:34,583 Well, when Jeffrey goes to university, we're getting a divorce. 106 00:04:38,312 --> 00:04:39,804 [Fran laughs] 107 00:04:40,874 --> 00:04:42,393 Five years. 108 00:04:42,632 --> 00:04:44,477 Just five more years. 109 00:04:51,552 --> 00:04:52,831 Hello, nice lady. 110 00:04:52,832 --> 00:04:55,671 - We need to have sex but, like, good sex. - OK. 111 00:04:55,672 --> 00:04:57,984 I've been thinking about it and the fact is we're gonna have a relationship 112 00:04:57,985 --> 00:04:59,677 with each other until we die because of the kids 113 00:04:59,678 --> 00:05:00,991 and it can be good or it could be shit 114 00:05:00,992 --> 00:05:03,162 - but that's up to us. - I'm so glad you said that. 115 00:05:04,112 --> 00:05:07,930 I saw a couple groping each other on the Tube this morning and I got so sad. 116 00:05:07,931 --> 00:05:10,674 I know! I watched that episode of Game Of Thrones again 117 00:05:10,675 --> 00:05:13,093 where Jaime fucks Cersei beside Joffrey's dead body 118 00:05:13,094 --> 00:05:16,495 and even that made me sad. They were so passionate and they'd been together years. 119 00:05:21,970 --> 00:05:23,849 Oh... it's... 120 00:05:23,850 --> 00:05:25,245 it's not getting hard. 121 00:05:25,352 --> 00:05:26,671 I don't know. 122 00:05:26,672 --> 00:05:28,831 I mean, I haven't jerked off in like three days. 123 00:05:28,882 --> 00:05:30,961 What'd you jerk off to three days ago? 124 00:05:31,471 --> 00:05:34,039 A butt... a butt that I saw. 125 00:05:34,041 --> 00:05:35,807 [Sharon grunts] 126 00:05:37,072 --> 00:05:38,507 [She groans] 127 00:05:40,152 --> 00:05:42,031 Are we sexually incompatible now? 128 00:05:42,032 --> 00:05:43,929 No, we're just stressed... 129 00:05:43,930 --> 00:05:46,412 - and tired. - OK... 130 00:05:46,791 --> 00:05:48,233 Because I still fancy you. 131 00:05:48,272 --> 00:05:49,924 I very fancy you. 132 00:05:51,872 --> 00:05:53,072 Oh, hey, look. 133 00:05:53,073 --> 00:05:54,795 Something's happening down there. 134 00:05:57,866 --> 00:05:59,105 It's not. 135 00:05:59,149 --> 00:06:00,748 I mean, I can't sit on that. 136 00:06:00,749 --> 00:06:01,949 [They laugh] 137 00:06:01,950 --> 00:06:05,188 Well, listen, let's... let's go away for the weekend. 138 00:06:05,189 --> 00:06:06,588 Let's go to Paris or somewhere. 139 00:06:06,589 --> 00:06:08,028 I'll get us a nice hotel. 140 00:06:08,093 --> 00:06:10,012 We can eat steak tartare in bed 141 00:06:10,013 --> 00:06:11,932 and I can go down on you from behind 142 00:06:11,933 --> 00:06:14,246 in a big hotel shower like we used to do. 143 00:06:14,476 --> 00:06:16,595 Or, if we are too tired because we're old, 144 00:06:16,596 --> 00:06:19,258 we can just hold hands and look out the window at the Eiffel Tower. 145 00:06:19,259 --> 00:06:20,758 - [Sharon laughs] - Does that sound nice? 146 00:06:20,759 --> 00:06:22,252 - Quite nice, yeah. - [They laugh] 147 00:06:22,253 --> 00:06:24,574 [Baby cries] 148 00:06:24,575 --> 00:06:26,858 Ugh... what about them? 149 00:06:27,099 --> 00:06:28,335 They're not invited. 150 00:06:28,336 --> 00:06:32,265 [Baby cries] 151 00:06:34,067 --> 00:06:36,026 Oh, shit, is that this weekend? 152 00:06:36,033 --> 00:06:37,946 - Yes. - I'm just messing. 153 00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:40,244 - How much would that suck? - Why are you always at home? 154 00:06:40,245 --> 00:06:42,280 - Don't you work? - All I need to work is a laptop, 155 00:06:42,281 --> 00:06:44,592 - a phone and this. - What, a shit hairdo? 156 00:06:44,593 --> 00:06:46,336 - I only want the boy. - Too bad. 157 00:06:46,337 --> 00:06:48,511 - You're going to Paris? - Yeah! 158 00:06:48,512 --> 00:06:49,991 Oh, that'll be nice for you. 159 00:06:49,992 --> 00:06:51,198 A bit of culture for the Yank. 160 00:06:51,199 --> 00:06:53,396 Actually, I did my junior year at college there. 161 00:06:53,402 --> 00:06:54,602 Really? 162 00:06:56,976 --> 00:06:58,176 Jesus... 163 00:07:13,392 --> 00:07:14,634 Ah, fuck off! 164 00:07:15,152 --> 00:07:16,645 This isn't the end of this. 165 00:07:16,992 --> 00:07:18,831 Thanks for looking after the kids. 166 00:07:18,832 --> 00:07:21,271 - We owe you one. - Not at all. My pleasure. 167 00:07:21,272 --> 00:07:23,551 Actually... I wanted to talk to you about something. 168 00:07:23,703 --> 00:07:25,243 I need... erm... 169 00:07:25,852 --> 00:07:27,344 ...a short-term loan. 170 00:07:27,345 --> 00:07:29,588 I'll have it back to you in four weeks, five at the most. Really, 171 00:07:29,589 --> 00:07:32,711 - it's a business opportunity, really. - OK, uh... How much are we...? 172 00:07:32,712 --> 00:07:35,271 Just 10 grand. 15 if you want. 173 00:07:35,272 --> 00:07:38,295 Yeah, I think I want to help but I'll have to talk to Sharon. 174 00:07:38,296 --> 00:07:40,631 You can't tell Sharon. She'll only worry about me. 175 00:07:40,632 --> 00:07:43,591 And it would literally be, you know, five weeks, six tops! 176 00:07:43,592 --> 00:07:44,792 [Child laughs] 177 00:07:44,793 --> 00:07:46,079 So, keep my kids alive. 178 00:07:46,080 --> 00:07:48,431 It'll reflect very badly on you if anything happens to them, 179 00:07:48,432 --> 00:07:50,752 plus I'll kill you. Also, thank you. 180 00:07:50,753 --> 00:07:53,391 - Bye-bye, bye. Bye. - Bye, Mummy. 181 00:07:53,392 --> 00:07:55,431 Bye, Muireann. Bye-bye, bye. 182 00:07:55,432 --> 00:07:57,505 I love you. Bye. Thank you, thank you, thank you! 183 00:08:05,001 --> 00:08:08,038 [Sharon laughs] 184 00:08:08,039 --> 00:08:09,438 Are you fucking kidding me? 185 00:08:09,912 --> 00:08:11,380 Yeah, I am. 186 00:08:11,592 --> 00:08:13,271 This joke cost me ?12. 187 00:08:13,272 --> 00:08:14,586 I'm glad it worked. 188 00:08:15,593 --> 00:08:17,491 - [Something falls over] - Sorry... 189 00:08:18,282 --> 00:08:20,921 I already know I'm going to be more attracted to you in France. 190 00:08:21,240 --> 00:08:23,153 I'm going to order a tiny bottle of champagne. 191 00:08:23,154 --> 00:08:25,549 - I'm going to order three baguettes. - Aw! 192 00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:28,417 - I'm going to go grab my beret. - [Sharon laughs] Sure. 193 00:08:28,418 --> 00:08:29,838 [Sharon laughs] 194 00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:39,000 [Voice from tannoy speaks French] 195 00:08:44,880 --> 00:08:47,327 - Do you like it? - I love it. 196 00:08:47,328 --> 00:08:50,480 - I had it completely refurbished for you. - Thank you. 197 00:08:50,481 --> 00:08:53,245 - Is this the hotel Johnny Depp stays in? - You know it is. 198 00:08:53,246 --> 00:08:55,468 - Why do you keep asking me that? - Because it's fun. 199 00:08:55,907 --> 00:08:58,148 Let's go straight up to the room. I need to freshen up. 200 00:08:58,257 --> 00:09:00,086 I don't want Johnny to see me like this. 201 00:09:05,560 --> 00:09:07,750 I think I'm going to have to pump before we go. 202 00:09:08,384 --> 00:09:10,063 I seen that French baby downstairs, 203 00:09:10,064 --> 00:09:12,646 my tits just immediately ballooned with milk. 204 00:09:13,433 --> 00:09:14,760 Have you seen the pump? 205 00:09:14,761 --> 00:09:16,079 No, where'd you pack it? 206 00:09:16,080 --> 00:09:18,280 If I knew that, I wouldn't be asking you, would I? 207 00:09:21,267 --> 00:09:23,115 Oh, fuck...! 208 00:09:24,242 --> 00:09:25,654 I forgot the pump. 209 00:09:26,160 --> 00:09:28,010 [She sighs] 210 00:09:29,208 --> 00:09:30,823 Oh, shit. 211 00:09:30,974 --> 00:09:33,202 Did the handjob not work? 212 00:09:33,400 --> 00:09:35,439 No, it did but the left one's already full again. 213 00:09:35,759 --> 00:09:37,319 Well, do you want me to...? 214 00:09:37,659 --> 00:09:39,477 - You know... - What? 215 00:09:39,540 --> 00:09:40,812 ...suck the milk? 216 00:09:40,813 --> 00:09:42,752 I'll suck the milk out. I don't mind doing it. 217 00:09:42,753 --> 00:09:43,953 I mind! 218 00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:46,526 I didn't come to Paris to nurse my giant husband. 219 00:09:46,527 --> 00:09:49,289 Well, it looks like we've got our signals crossed because I specifically... 220 00:09:49,290 --> 00:09:50,408 - [Sharon laughs] - What? 221 00:09:50,409 --> 00:09:52,449 At least I won't shit myself while I do it. 222 00:09:52,450 --> 00:09:54,073 Muireann does that because she's relaxed! 223 00:09:54,074 --> 00:09:56,199 - She's like, "Oh, this is so..." - [Fart noise] 224 00:09:56,200 --> 00:09:57,480 Yeah, I'm relaxed too 225 00:09:57,481 --> 00:10:00,125 but I know how to keep my asshole closed when I'm sucking a tittie. 226 00:10:00,126 --> 00:10:01,326 [Sharon laughs] 227 00:10:01,489 --> 00:10:04,970 PHARMACY. 228 00:10:06,415 --> 00:10:07,984 Can you ask in your French? 229 00:10:08,264 --> 00:10:09,491 Oh, Christ. 230 00:10:09,492 --> 00:10:11,123 Did you not take French in school? 231 00:10:11,240 --> 00:10:13,611 - No. I did German. - Really? 232 00:10:13,720 --> 00:10:15,079 Say something to me in German. 233 00:10:15,080 --> 00:10:16,280 Ugh... 234 00:10:17,684 --> 00:10:18,884 No. 235 00:10:19,103 --> 00:10:20,303 Huh... 236 00:10:21,320 --> 00:10:23,734 - Hello. - Hello. Uh... 237 00:10:28,120 --> 00:10:30,186 No. Uh... uh... 238 00:10:37,478 --> 00:10:38,681 Ah... no, no... 239 00:10:42,048 --> 00:10:43,248 Hard... 240 00:10:45,202 --> 00:10:47,155 One moment, sir. Excuse me. 241 00:10:47,160 --> 00:10:48,394 Has she got any? 242 00:10:48,395 --> 00:10:50,345 I don't know. She's... she's asking her friend. 243 00:10:50,346 --> 00:10:52,465 She doesn't seem to understand my question. 244 00:10:52,840 --> 00:10:54,729 I'm going to get mastitis. Oh, my God. 245 00:10:54,730 --> 00:10:57,288 I...I'm going to have to get antibiotics from a French hospital. 246 00:11:03,324 --> 00:11:04,524 What? What'd she say? 247 00:11:04,525 --> 00:11:06,119 [He speaks broken French] 248 00:11:06,120 --> 00:11:07,479 Tell her my tits are rock solid. 249 00:11:07,480 --> 00:11:08,799 Which draws milk from my wife... 250 00:11:08,800 --> 00:11:11,239 You know what's going to come out next time I breast-feed? 251 00:11:11,240 --> 00:11:14,250 Not milk, blood... [Slow German accent] ...and pus. 252 00:11:17,560 --> 00:11:19,498 I know what "chienne" and "psychopathe" mean. 253 00:11:19,499 --> 00:11:21,519 Well, yeah, I was talking to her. 254 00:11:21,520 --> 00:11:23,759 I was telling this... fucking psychopath 255 00:11:23,760 --> 00:11:26,147 that if she doesn't help me get the milk out of my wife 256 00:11:26,148 --> 00:11:27,863 then I don't know what I'm going to do. 257 00:11:29,080 --> 00:11:30,365 Oh, OK. 258 00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:34,286 So... 259 00:11:39,160 --> 00:11:40,599 Right... 260 00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:42,439 I'm just going to... OK? 261 00:11:42,440 --> 00:11:44,175 Order me the Frenchiest thing on the menu. 262 00:11:44,176 --> 00:11:46,753 OK. So, like a cigarette stabbed through a baguette? 263 00:11:46,754 --> 00:11:48,133 [Sharon laughs] 264 00:11:49,481 --> 00:11:51,410 - [Phone rings] - Thank you. 265 00:11:53,440 --> 00:11:54,640 Hey, man. What's up? 266 00:11:54,641 --> 00:11:56,319 - Are you in Paris? - Yep. 267 00:11:56,320 --> 00:11:57,711 Is it still a shithole? 268 00:11:57,712 --> 00:11:58,952 - No, it's, uh... - Listen, 269 00:11:58,953 --> 00:12:02,239 I just wanted to say I'm paranoid about what we talked about the other day... 270 00:12:03,137 --> 00:12:04,616 and it's between you and me. 271 00:12:04,680 --> 00:12:08,279 - You can't tell Sharon. Good. I'm... - Absolutely, I wouldn't... 272 00:12:08,280 --> 00:12:09,628 [Clears his throat] 273 00:12:09,880 --> 00:12:12,070 ...just about to head into the cinema so I've got to go. 274 00:12:12,071 --> 00:12:14,085 All right, man. Well, I'll talk... 275 00:12:14,626 --> 00:12:15,911 God... 276 00:12:16,480 --> 00:12:18,081 It needs bloody batteries. 277 00:12:18,324 --> 00:12:21,363 Let's just eat and we'll just get some on the way... [Pained] ...home... 278 00:12:21,364 --> 00:12:23,058 Ow. God, they're so sore. 279 00:12:23,059 --> 00:12:24,259 [She sighs] 280 00:12:24,260 --> 00:12:25,479 Who was that on the phone? 281 00:12:25,480 --> 00:12:27,937 Is everything OK with the babies...? Ow. 282 00:12:33,848 --> 00:12:35,807 Stop watching me drinking. 283 00:12:35,808 --> 00:12:37,727 So just stop looking at you? 284 00:12:37,728 --> 00:12:40,327 [She laughs] 285 00:12:40,328 --> 00:12:41,647 Aw... 286 00:12:41,648 --> 00:12:43,718 I'm not sure I'm ever going to get used to having a husband 287 00:12:43,719 --> 00:12:47,927 who I can't share just a lovely glass of lovely wine with. 288 00:12:47,928 --> 00:12:50,487 It's really hard, you know? For me. 289 00:12:50,488 --> 00:12:53,127 My fantasy was always that when I get to 60, 290 00:12:53,128 --> 00:12:54,328 I'd have loads of money 291 00:12:54,329 --> 00:12:57,407 and I could hire a bodyguard to protect other people from me 292 00:12:57,408 --> 00:13:00,167 and a driver so that I could drink the way that I wanted to. 293 00:13:00,168 --> 00:13:03,087 What? So you're going to start drinking again? 294 00:13:03,088 --> 00:13:05,047 No, I just thought it might be something I 295 00:13:05,048 --> 00:13:06,620 might try again in the future. 296 00:13:06,621 --> 00:13:08,483 Why are you even thinking about drinking? 297 00:13:08,484 --> 00:13:09,767 - I'm not. - Yes, you are! 298 00:13:09,768 --> 00:13:11,536 - You just were. - OK. 299 00:13:11,537 --> 00:13:15,047 Er, here's a reason... I might slightly fit in with your family 300 00:13:15,048 --> 00:13:18,167 if I was splashing around in my own trough of Guinness. 301 00:13:18,168 --> 00:13:19,567 What?! 302 00:13:19,568 --> 00:13:23,407 - That's so anti-Irish. - Look, I wasn't... 303 00:13:23,408 --> 00:13:26,807 Forget the whole thing, OK? I love your family. I love Ireland. 304 00:13:26,808 --> 00:13:28,807 And sometimes I think about drinking. 305 00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:31,085 - That's fucked up. - It's not fucked up. 306 00:13:31,086 --> 00:13:33,647 - It is! - I don't drink. You do. 307 00:13:33,648 --> 00:13:35,887 One could argue that you've had too many tonight. 308 00:13:35,888 --> 00:13:38,447 - Oh, could one? - You know, I'd love to fight with you, 309 00:13:38,448 --> 00:13:41,365 but everybody else might not want their dinner ruined by our bullshit. 310 00:13:41,366 --> 00:13:44,377 Right. We're fighting because he's an alcoholic. 311 00:13:45,488 --> 00:13:47,195 I'm going to the toilet. 312 00:13:49,008 --> 00:13:50,744 Also, he hates Irish people. 313 00:13:50,851 --> 00:13:53,387 I mean, I'm his wife for some reason, so that... 314 00:13:53,973 --> 00:13:55,693 Is anyone even listening to me? 315 00:13:55,694 --> 00:13:57,795 Anyway, just get your head together. 316 00:13:57,796 --> 00:14:00,226 OK, and have a long, hard think about yourself. 317 00:14:00,227 --> 00:14:01,495 I mean, married to a drunk! 318 00:14:01,496 --> 00:14:03,331 [Glass smashes] 319 00:14:05,128 --> 00:14:06,334 Pardon. 320 00:14:07,768 --> 00:14:10,587 - My tits hurt. - Get over here. 321 00:14:20,208 --> 00:14:22,747 They hate us here. We're scum! 322 00:14:22,748 --> 00:14:25,727 No, they don't. French people get high off of this shit. 323 00:14:25,728 --> 00:14:27,291 Fighting into kissing? 324 00:14:27,292 --> 00:14:29,855 We just performed a live Fellini film for them. 325 00:14:29,856 --> 00:14:31,818 - Fellini's Italian. - Good for him. 326 00:14:31,819 --> 00:14:33,994 - Do you want to go back to the hotel? - Yeah. 327 00:14:35,444 --> 00:14:36,833 Oh, let's go to that bar we passed 328 00:14:36,834 --> 00:14:38,667 with all the dodgy guys out the front first. 329 00:14:38,702 --> 00:14:39,902 Why? 330 00:14:39,903 --> 00:14:42,772 Cos I want to get a little... [Clicks tongue] 331 00:14:44,208 --> 00:14:46,247 - Weed. - Yeah, I got it. 332 00:14:46,248 --> 00:14:48,927 [They laugh] 333 00:14:48,928 --> 00:14:52,928 [Pounding dance music] 334 00:15:05,398 --> 00:15:06,661 Amaretto? 335 00:15:06,662 --> 00:15:07,874 On the rocks. 336 00:15:08,491 --> 00:15:09,691 Hey. 337 00:15:11,399 --> 00:15:12,770 Kenneth? 338 00:15:13,059 --> 00:15:14,259 No. 339 00:15:23,990 --> 00:15:25,190 Kenneth? 340 00:15:39,762 --> 00:15:40,962 Rob? 341 00:15:42,075 --> 00:15:44,117 - You sure you don't want some of this? - Yeah. 342 00:15:44,118 --> 00:15:47,066 I'm sure I don't want any of your stinky French weed. 343 00:15:47,736 --> 00:15:49,503 And if we get kicked out of this hotel 344 00:15:49,504 --> 00:15:51,154 - because of the smell... - As if they'd give a shit about a bit of 345 00:15:51,155 --> 00:15:52,794 weed in this hotel. 346 00:15:52,795 --> 00:15:54,769 Johnny Depp is a habitual weed smoker. 347 00:15:54,770 --> 00:15:57,858 They c... can't have one rule for Johnny Depp and one rule for me. 348 00:15:57,859 --> 00:15:59,672 I'm pretty sure they can. 349 00:16:07,195 --> 00:16:09,947 [Whirring] 350 00:16:09,948 --> 00:16:12,040 You're pumping while high? 351 00:16:12,413 --> 00:16:14,692 Yeah. Why wouldn't I? I mean, it's the best time to... 352 00:16:14,693 --> 00:16:16,102 Oh, sh... 353 00:16:16,103 --> 00:16:18,659 - [Whirring continues] - Ow... 354 00:16:20,402 --> 00:16:21,602 Chris! 355 00:16:22,517 --> 00:16:23,717 Chris! 356 00:16:25,280 --> 00:16:27,625 - Dave. Shit, man. I didn't see you there. - Hey! 357 00:16:27,626 --> 00:16:28,826 What's, er... What up? 358 00:16:28,827 --> 00:16:30,707 Ah... just a bit of midnight yoga. 359 00:16:30,833 --> 00:16:32,035 Ah, this is Catherine, 360 00:16:32,036 --> 00:16:34,382 my extraordinarily beautiful girlfriend. 361 00:16:34,383 --> 00:16:35,941 - Hi. Street meat? - Hi. 362 00:16:36,065 --> 00:16:37,353 I don't know what animal it is, 363 00:16:37,354 --> 00:16:39,086 - but it tastes fucking brilliant. - No, thank you. 364 00:16:39,087 --> 00:16:40,407 So what are you doing here? 365 00:16:40,408 --> 00:16:42,847 - Looking for a bit of cock-a-doodle-doo? - What? 366 00:16:43,244 --> 00:16:44,444 No. 367 00:16:44,781 --> 00:16:46,992 I'm j... I'm just messing with you, man. 368 00:16:46,993 --> 00:16:49,657 Y-you wouldn't know it, but that door is actually 369 00:16:49,658 --> 00:16:52,114 one of the biggest cock meat markets in London. 370 00:16:52,115 --> 00:16:54,354 [He laughs awkwardly] Right, oh... 371 00:16:54,355 --> 00:16:55,715 Got you. Good to know. 372 00:16:56,075 --> 00:17:00,075 - No, I was just walking home from a movie. - Oh, cool. What did you see? 373 00:17:01,106 --> 00:17:03,425 Adam Sandler's Fart Vacation. 374 00:17:10,955 --> 00:17:12,692 I swear to God, I think I've broken a rib. 375 00:17:12,835 --> 00:17:15,074 It's just every time I try and breathe, I... 376 00:17:15,835 --> 00:17:17,946 I just feel like I can't take proper breaths. 377 00:17:17,998 --> 00:17:19,406 Sounds sore, honey. 378 00:17:20,221 --> 00:17:21,421 [Knock at door] 379 00:17:23,115 --> 00:17:24,794 If it's to clean the room, will you... 380 00:17:24,795 --> 00:17:26,709 Ow, will you tell them to come back later? 381 00:17:29,005 --> 00:17:30,530 [Door opens] 382 00:17:31,275 --> 00:17:33,895 I forgot. I booked us a joint massage. 383 00:17:34,074 --> 00:17:35,305 What? 384 00:17:35,307 --> 00:17:37,687 Oh, God, this is terrible. 385 00:17:38,711 --> 00:17:40,270 Can you tell them I've broken my rib? 386 00:17:40,271 --> 00:17:41,821 Don't tell them how it happened, though. 387 00:17:41,822 --> 00:17:42,805 Er... 388 00:17:50,875 --> 00:17:52,075 Yes. 389 00:17:52,116 --> 00:17:53,466 Thank you. 390 00:17:53,596 --> 00:17:55,571 Did you tell them we think it's broken? 391 00:17:55,572 --> 00:17:56,773 Yeah. 392 00:17:57,595 --> 00:17:59,025 Ow... 393 00:18:00,795 --> 00:18:02,916 [She sobs] 394 00:18:07,557 --> 00:18:09,418 Good. Turn around, please? 395 00:18:09,955 --> 00:18:11,201 I did German. 396 00:18:11,202 --> 00:18:13,291 Turn around. Come on. Oop. [He whistles] 397 00:18:13,434 --> 00:18:14,634 Like this. 398 00:18:15,259 --> 00:18:17,438 - Like a pancake. - Ok. Ok. 399 00:18:21,115 --> 00:18:22,812 [She sighs] 400 00:18:24,308 --> 00:18:25,671 That's better. 401 00:18:42,995 --> 00:18:44,271 What? 402 00:18:45,601 --> 00:18:47,847 - [Gentle snoring] - Rob? 403 00:18:51,355 --> 00:18:52,866 [He grunts] 404 00:18:56,512 --> 00:18:58,053 I think I've been assaulted. 405 00:18:58,555 --> 00:19:00,983 - What? - The man massaged my tits. 406 00:19:00,984 --> 00:19:03,908 - What man? - What man? The massager. 407 00:19:03,909 --> 00:19:05,743 He massaged my tits. 408 00:19:05,875 --> 00:19:09,875 - What did you do? Did you ask him to stop? - No, I didn't. He w... 409 00:19:10,261 --> 00:19:13,500 - It's Paris, you were asleep... - What do you want me to do? 410 00:19:13,501 --> 00:19:15,004 Do you want me to complain? 411 00:19:17,435 --> 00:19:18,771 I tipped him. 412 00:19:19,995 --> 00:19:24,183 You were asleep! I had to pay them. You know, you have to tip. 413 00:19:24,684 --> 00:19:26,163 It's Paris! 414 00:19:26,246 --> 00:19:29,140 - I don't know what you ordered. - Well, I didn't order that. 415 00:19:29,292 --> 00:19:32,104 I'm not sure we can complain if you tipped him. 416 00:19:34,062 --> 00:19:35,962 Do you want to go to the Pompidou Centre? 417 00:19:37,467 --> 00:19:38,830 Yeah, all right. 418 00:19:41,115 --> 00:19:42,504 [She groans] 419 00:19:44,515 --> 00:19:46,134 You having a nice time? 420 00:19:46,682 --> 00:19:49,624 - Not really. - I don't think we're holiday people. 421 00:19:49,875 --> 00:19:52,167 - How do you mean? - Well, I just... 422 00:19:52,435 --> 00:19:55,128 I think we're good on a Tuesday, you know? 423 00:19:55,195 --> 00:19:56,628 When it's raining. 424 00:19:56,796 --> 00:19:59,114 Like, my favourite time in the last year was 425 00:19:59,115 --> 00:20:01,672 when we pretended my arms didn't work, remember? 426 00:20:01,765 --> 00:20:04,327 And you washed my hair and put that weird outfit on me. 427 00:20:04,328 --> 00:20:05,533 Oh, my God. 428 00:20:05,555 --> 00:20:07,036 Yeah, that was the best. 429 00:20:07,583 --> 00:20:10,285 Do you think it's bad we haven't had sex even though we're in Paris? 430 00:20:10,286 --> 00:20:12,525 I'm not saying this to upset you, but... 431 00:20:12,584 --> 00:20:14,065 I've had plenty of sex in Paris 432 00:20:14,066 --> 00:20:16,425 and it's not special to have sex in Paris. 433 00:20:16,681 --> 00:20:19,577 Fuck Paris. Is the food here that good? 434 00:20:19,635 --> 00:20:21,954 I mean, we've only eaten cheese, if you think about it. 435 00:20:21,955 --> 00:20:23,875 I'm going to take a shit in, like, February. 436 00:20:26,955 --> 00:20:28,569 You know Fran's taken a lover? 437 00:20:29,298 --> 00:20:31,838 - Yep. - Poor Chris. 438 00:20:32,441 --> 00:20:33,938 I think he'll be OK. 439 00:20:34,475 --> 00:20:37,361 So... just, you know... 440 00:20:37,660 --> 00:20:39,678 - Just what? - Just, you know, don't... 441 00:20:40,115 --> 00:20:43,163 Even though we're not having tonnes of sex, don't take a lover, OK? 442 00:20:43,164 --> 00:20:45,232 - Well, I don't want to take a lover... - Seriously, 443 00:20:45,233 --> 00:20:46,351 - but... - if you take a lover I will 444 00:20:46,352 --> 00:20:48,794 fucking take a lover whether I want one or not. 445 00:20:48,795 --> 00:20:50,417 OK. I won't take a lover. 446 00:20:51,554 --> 00:20:56,114 Unless Alicia Keys responds to the MySpace messages I sent her in 2004. 447 00:20:56,115 --> 00:20:57,434 [She chuckles] 448 00:20:57,435 --> 00:20:59,594 If you hook up with Keys, I'm going after Hamm. 449 00:20:59,595 --> 00:21:01,394 Hamm? Say his full name. 450 00:21:01,395 --> 00:21:02,714 Jon Barnaby Hamm. 451 00:21:02,715 --> 00:21:06,448 Why Hamm?! His teeth are too small. People don't talk about that. 452 00:21:08,715 --> 00:21:10,394 This is good, isn't it? 453 00:21:10,395 --> 00:21:12,540 This has been worth it, I think. 454 00:21:12,541 --> 00:21:15,103 We would never have talked about this if we hadn't come to Paris. 455 00:21:16,315 --> 00:21:17,795 You having a nice time? 456 00:21:29,636 --> 00:21:31,512 I'm going to go over there and assault him, OK? 457 00:21:31,513 --> 00:21:32,713 OK. 458 00:21:32,714 --> 00:21:34,794 Ah, just before you do that, just... 459 00:21:34,795 --> 00:21:37,089 I just want to quickly tell you something first. 460 00:21:37,090 --> 00:21:38,290 Ok. 461 00:21:38,862 --> 00:21:40,461 I may have come. 462 00:21:40,462 --> 00:21:42,335 - What? - I'm not sure. I just... 463 00:21:42,395 --> 00:21:45,428 And... and it was more of a plateau, you know, than a full... 464 00:21:45,576 --> 00:21:49,675 Ah, j... maybe... just because I enjoyed it doesn't make it right! 465 00:21:49,973 --> 00:21:52,610 Right... No...? 466 00:21:54,912 --> 00:21:56,511 Should we just go up to the room? 467 00:21:56,750 --> 00:21:57,950 Yeah. 468 00:22:00,638 --> 00:22:01,874 Hello. 469 00:22:03,295 --> 00:22:06,667 - What time's our train? - 6:13. 470 00:22:07,221 --> 00:22:09,153 [They moan] 471 00:22:22,635 --> 00:22:25,354 - Do you think Johnny heard us? - He definitely heard us. 472 00:22:25,435 --> 00:22:27,194 Even if he's not staying here right now. 473 00:22:27,195 --> 00:22:28,949 [She laughs] 474 00:22:33,870 --> 00:22:35,949 Is it bad that I came inside you? 475 00:22:36,019 --> 00:22:37,332 No. 476 00:22:37,875 --> 00:22:39,164 I don't know. 477 00:22:39,521 --> 00:22:40,825 It's Paris. 478 00:22:41,202 --> 00:22:44,653 You know, and if we end up conceiving a baby in Paris then... 479 00:22:45,195 --> 00:22:46,652 [She sighs] 480 00:22:51,244 --> 00:22:53,120 I didn't think that through. 481 00:22:54,595 --> 00:22:55,864 Oh, shit. 482 00:22:57,915 --> 00:22:59,298 What are you doing? 483 00:22:59,835 --> 00:23:01,310 What's it look like I'm doing? 484 00:23:02,161 --> 00:23:03,969 I learned this in convent school. 485 00:23:05,363 --> 00:23:08,879 - Is it coming out? - Er... I don't know. 486 00:23:09,515 --> 00:23:12,235 - Oh, look. There it goes. - Wow! 487 00:23:13,609 --> 00:23:18,609 Sync & corrections by PetaG - www.addic7ed.com - 488 00:23:18,659 --> 00:23:23,209 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 35770

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