Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,115 --> 00:00:03,467
I've never had casual sex
with a sober person before!
2
00:00:03,480 --> 00:00:05,480
- I'm pregnant.
- Did you just say "pregnant"?
3
00:00:05,520 --> 00:00:06,839
We're getting married.
4
00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:08,905
I wouldn't have ordered
this if it were on the menu
5
00:00:08,960 --> 00:00:10,359
but there was no menu.
6
00:00:10,360 --> 00:00:11,999
You gullible American prick!
7
00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:14,119
You fucking in-bred shrew!
8
00:00:14,120 --> 00:00:16,279
GLASS SMASHES
9
00:00:16,280 --> 00:00:18,126
- I'm so sorry.
- My waters broke.
10
00:00:18,447 --> 00:00:20,640
- My water's broken, it's too early.
- What?!
11
00:00:24,320 --> 00:00:26,782
Huh, I knew they were
going to vote him out.
12
00:00:27,394 --> 00:00:30,482
Well, congratulations,
you're a psychic of garbage.
13
00:00:31,880 --> 00:00:33,627
Why are we watching this?
14
00:00:34,817 --> 00:00:36,550
Cos Mad Men's finished and
15
00:00:36,585 --> 00:00:39,188
Game of Thrones isn't back on
yet and there was nothing else.
16
00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:40,804
Well, let's watch that then,
17
00:00:40,834 --> 00:00:42,643
let's watch "nothing else".
18
00:00:44,568 --> 00:00:46,121
Let's have sex.
19
00:00:46,990 --> 00:00:49,488
- I'll have to put my mug down.
- No.
20
00:00:50,550 --> 00:00:52,499
My old lady bra turns you on?
21
00:00:52,680 --> 00:00:53,730
Fuck, yeah,
22
00:00:53,783 --> 00:00:56,360
it's like being in bed with
one of my aunt's friends.
23
00:00:56,607 --> 00:00:58,265
Feels dirty and wrong.
24
00:00:58,277 --> 00:01:00,383
(SHE RETCHES) Hmm.
25
00:01:00,770 --> 00:01:01,389
Can I...
26
00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:03,511
I just need to watch like
27
00:01:03,733 --> 00:01:06,020
the first two minutes of this next episode,
28
00:01:06,037 --> 00:01:07,923
cos I want to see what
the hardest challenge is.
29
00:01:17,114 --> 00:01:19,413
Can you move your feet,
that's really uncomfortable.
30
00:01:19,763 --> 00:01:20,966
No.
31
00:01:22,495 --> 00:01:24,660
Well, can you make your legs less heavy?
32
00:01:27,230 --> 00:01:28,874
Are you going to make me do it?
33
00:01:35,316 --> 00:01:37,084
Why did you move my legs like that?
34
00:01:37,807 --> 00:01:39,663
I'm sorry, I have a cramp.
35
00:01:39,721 --> 00:01:41,706
You didn't say that, you hurt me.
36
00:01:41,717 --> 00:01:42,949
I said it was uncomfortable,
37
00:01:42,955 --> 00:01:44,629
I didn't know I had to
give you a diagnosis.
38
00:01:44,630 --> 00:01:46,929
I asked you to move
them and you didn't move.
39
00:01:46,941 --> 00:01:48,575
That was just really aggressive!
40
00:01:48,581 --> 00:01:50,769
- It wasn't aggressive!
- You're so aggressive!
41
00:01:50,833 --> 00:01:52,749
- I'm aggressive?
- Aggressive!
42
00:01:52,750 --> 00:01:54,843
Aggressive... it was even aggressive
43
00:01:54,866 --> 00:01:56,585
the way you said that, Mark Wahlberg.
44
00:01:56,609 --> 00:01:58,829
I'm not aggressive. When have
I ever been aggressive to you?
45
00:01:58,830 --> 00:02:01,043
Erm, just now, the way you moved my feet.
46
00:02:01,062 --> 00:02:03,098
I have a fucking cramp!
47
00:02:04,069 --> 00:02:05,839
Don't loom over me!
48
00:02:06,305 --> 00:02:07,705
Don't threaten me!
49
00:02:07,766 --> 00:02:08,438
What?!
50
00:02:08,466 --> 00:02:11,080
- Do you know what threaten means?
- Yeah, and I felt threatened.
51
00:02:11,095 --> 00:02:12,645
You felt threatened?
52
00:02:12,664 --> 00:02:15,969
What are you a blogger? "I
felt threatened... post."
53
00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:17,831
Fucking Syrians are threatened.
54
00:02:17,878 --> 00:02:18,966
"I felt threatened."
55
00:02:18,984 --> 00:02:20,268
You live on a cream puff!
56
00:02:20,287 --> 00:02:23,278
You need to take a walk and just calm down.
57
00:02:23,512 --> 00:02:24,398
OK.
58
00:02:25,399 --> 00:02:26,090
Where are you going?
59
00:02:26,210 --> 00:02:28,195
- Out.
- Out, what are you a teenager?
60
00:02:28,195 --> 00:02:30,982
- I'm going for a drive.
- Bullshit, you're going to McDonald's.
61
00:02:30,996 --> 00:02:34,119
- Fine, take your purse and get out of my house.
- This is my house.
62
00:02:34,147 --> 00:02:35,539
I bought this house.
63
00:02:35,659 --> 00:02:37,934
Fine, well, get off my rug
64
00:02:37,966 --> 00:02:39,334
that I bought in Amsterdam,
65
00:02:39,348 --> 00:02:42,299
where I had sex with a guy whose
last name I didn't even learn.
66
00:02:42,327 --> 00:02:44,260
Oh, like, I haven't done that...
67
00:02:44,825 --> 00:02:46,124
... with women.
68
00:02:57,903 --> 00:02:59,201
Where's the fucking car?!
69
00:03:07,820 --> 00:03:09,539
Yeah, nice try, Jason Bourne.
70
00:03:09,945 --> 00:03:11,392
Where's the car?
71
00:03:12,433 --> 00:03:14,301
- Sharon?
- Maynold Street.
72
00:03:14,302 --> 00:03:15,365
You couldn't find anything closer?
73
00:03:15,380 --> 00:03:16,957
No, there were lots of spots closer
74
00:03:16,980 --> 00:03:19,151
but I had 11 shopping bags
and I'm nine months pregnant,
75
00:03:19,174 --> 00:03:20,673
so I fancied the fucking walk!
76
00:03:20,710 --> 00:03:23,637
Well, I don't, so I'm going to sleep.
77
00:03:30,900 --> 00:03:32,104
Don't touch me.
78
00:03:32,487 --> 00:03:34,634
You come anywhere near
me, I'm going to scream.
79
00:03:37,352 --> 00:03:39,406
Put your finger in my asshole.
80
00:03:40,032 --> 00:03:41,102
How?
81
00:03:41,386 --> 00:03:44,500
THEY GROAN AND BREATHE HEAVILY
82
00:03:47,946 --> 00:03:49,503
HE SCREAMS
83
00:03:49,811 --> 00:03:52,281
Hey, are you OK, darling? Come here, honey.
84
00:03:52,309 --> 00:03:54,429
I think I cut my effing eyebrow bone.
85
00:03:54,549 --> 00:03:58,028
- DOG BARKS
- Get down, Mable! Get down, Mable.
86
00:04:01,255 --> 00:04:03,699
HE LAUGHS
87
00:04:04,449 --> 00:04:06,179
She's trying to bite the baby's toes again.
88
00:04:06,372 --> 00:04:09,247
She's not biting them, she's
licking them and he likes it.
89
00:04:09,280 --> 00:04:11,736
Just because he likes it
doesn't mean we should allow it.
90
00:04:11,856 --> 00:04:13,300
That's how fetishes start.
91
00:04:13,739 --> 00:04:15,820
Do you want him to have to pay hookers
92
00:04:15,839 --> 00:04:16,991
to lick his feet?
93
00:04:16,992 --> 00:04:18,416
Let's not send him on that path.
94
00:04:18,631 --> 00:04:20,503
Have a great day, honey.
95
00:04:23,174 --> 00:04:25,250
- You OK?
- Mhm, yeah, I think so.
96
00:04:25,266 --> 00:04:26,265
No baby today.
97
00:04:26,286 --> 00:04:27,481
- Are you sure?
- Mhm.
98
00:04:27,547 --> 00:04:28,896
OK, I'm going to go.
99
00:04:29,255 --> 00:04:31,758
Oh, what are we going to do about my mum?
100
00:04:31,824 --> 00:04:33,037
Well, let's just tell her no,
101
00:04:33,047 --> 00:04:34,172
because we've got a baby on the way.
102
00:04:34,195 --> 00:04:35,843
She claims to want to help with the baby.
103
00:04:35,862 --> 00:04:37,193
Well, we know that's not true.
104
00:04:37,258 --> 00:04:38,972
She's going to make me take her places,
105
00:04:39,038 --> 00:04:41,185
she's going to make me
take her to the M&M store in
106
00:04:41,250 --> 00:04:42,525
fucking Leicester Square.
107
00:04:42,567 --> 00:04:44,360
Like they don't have M&Ms in America!
108
00:04:44,374 --> 00:04:46,871
Well, you tell me where
you don't want to take her
109
00:04:46,885 --> 00:04:49,158
- and I'll tell her it burnt down.
- Our house...
110
00:04:49,278 --> 00:04:51,142
tell her our house burnt down.
111
00:04:51,262 --> 00:04:52,393
OK!
112
00:04:53,289 --> 00:04:55,058
Bring me back a surprise.
113
00:04:58,900 --> 00:05:01,268
And as the fungus grows it takes over
114
00:05:01,287 --> 00:05:04,461
the ant's central nervous system,
manipulating its behaviour.
115
00:05:04,648 --> 00:05:06,791
It then kills the ant and a stalk
116
00:05:06,796 --> 00:05:08,201
emerges from the skull, which
117
00:05:08,224 --> 00:05:10,423
explodes, spreading
the fungus much further,
118
00:05:10,442 --> 00:05:13,491
creating armies of, for
want of a better term,
119
00:05:13,611 --> 00:05:14,943
zombie ants.
120
00:05:16,774 --> 00:05:18,526
And this, in a sense,
121
00:05:18,529 --> 00:05:21,083
is what Brayban is seeking to
do with our takeover of Nyromax.
122
00:05:21,144 --> 00:05:22,139
PHONE RINGS
123
00:05:22,140 --> 00:05:23,859
- Can you see what I'm getting at here?
- Shit!
124
00:05:23,979 --> 00:05:26,862
Sorry, I'm going to take this.
125
00:05:27,044 --> 00:05:28,949
Did anyone else see that documentary?
126
00:05:28,972 --> 00:05:30,041
It was disgusting!
127
00:05:30,797 --> 00:05:32,207
I think the baby's coming.
128
00:05:32,506 --> 00:05:33,855
Yeah, I think it's coming.
129
00:05:34,322 --> 00:05:35,659
Hoooh!
130
00:05:35,660 --> 00:05:37,619
- You can't keep doing that.
- Twice.
131
00:05:37,814 --> 00:05:40,316
I've done it twice and
this time I genuinely
132
00:05:40,321 --> 00:05:42,193
felt really lonely and bored.
133
00:05:43,435 --> 00:05:44,817
Did you check in on Frankie?
134
00:05:44,937 --> 00:05:47,379
- His little bum's still up in the air?
- Way up there.
135
00:05:47,499 --> 00:05:49,098
I gave it a little polish.
136
00:05:49,164 --> 00:05:51,099
God, his little bum's too much.
137
00:05:51,100 --> 00:05:53,253
Even his penis is cute...
138
00:05:53,420 --> 00:05:55,722
- his little penis!
- I love his little penis.
139
00:05:56,800 --> 00:05:58,539
You don't think it's little,
little though, do you?
140
00:05:58,659 --> 00:06:01,063
No, it's huge for a baby penis.
141
00:06:01,063 --> 00:06:02,179
Is it?
142
00:06:02,398 --> 00:06:04,751
I'd hate if he had a
small penis, is that bad?
143
00:06:04,784 --> 00:06:07,711
No, all mums want their
sons to have a big penis.
144
00:06:08,117 --> 00:06:10,321
You want your son's
penis to inspire respect
145
00:06:10,441 --> 00:06:12,651
- and a tiny bit of fear.
- No,
146
00:06:13,085 --> 00:06:15,186
I just want it to be big enough
so he doesn't have to worry.
147
00:06:15,191 --> 00:06:17,338
I don't want him to be a folk legend or
148
00:06:17,628 --> 00:06:20,336
have to put out ads for
women with big pussies.
149
00:06:20,456 --> 00:06:22,871
Yeah, I don't want him to
have to roam from city to city,
150
00:06:22,885 --> 00:06:25,154
using rural highways, in search of women
151
00:06:25,168 --> 00:06:26,821
who can handle his freakish penis.
152
00:06:27,020 --> 00:06:30,499
HE WHISTLES
153
00:06:30,915 --> 00:06:33,983
Oh, he asked me to itch his bum earlier.
154
00:06:34,103 --> 00:06:36,060
- Yeah?
- But he meant inside it!
155
00:06:36,074 --> 00:06:39,413
He parted his butt cheeks and
he asked me to itch it in it.
156
00:06:39,436 --> 00:06:41,425
- What did you say?
- I said no
157
00:06:41,545 --> 00:06:42,592
but I felt bad.
158
00:06:42,712 --> 00:06:45,104
It's OK to say no when
people ask you to do stuff
159
00:06:45,140 --> 00:06:47,009
to their private parts
that you don't want to do...
160
00:06:47,129 --> 00:06:48,432
unless it's me.
161
00:06:49,020 --> 00:06:50,272
I've got to get back to work.
162
00:06:58,890 --> 00:07:00,856
If we were to get Radiohead
163
00:07:00,856 --> 00:07:03,195
it would be the first time
they've allowed one of their tracks
164
00:07:03,209 --> 00:07:06,435
to be used in a pharmaceutical
ad targeted at children.
165
00:07:06,458 --> 00:07:07,541
What about Coldplay?
166
00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:08,526
TEXT MESSAGE ALERT
167
00:07:08,797 --> 00:07:11,155
- _
- Obviously, I've tried Coldplay
168
00:07:11,440 --> 00:07:13,349
but, you know,
169
00:07:13,400 --> 00:07:16,547
people can't buy the drug if they
fall asleep during the commercial.
170
00:07:16,575 --> 00:07:17,905
THEY SNIGGER
171
00:07:19,501 --> 00:07:21,820
Why would people fall
asleep listening to Coldplay?
172
00:07:24,334 --> 00:07:25,699
Well, we could try Maroon 5.
173
00:07:26,481 --> 00:07:28,610
ANSWER PHONE: You have one new message.
174
00:07:28,872 --> 00:07:32,004
Where the fuck are you? The baby's coming!
175
00:07:32,064 --> 00:07:34,062
Fucking hell, where are you?
176
00:07:42,990 --> 00:07:45,908
No, no, no, this is my lift!
177
00:07:47,540 --> 00:07:49,060
SHE SCREAMS
178
00:07:49,180 --> 00:07:52,517
I'm so sorry! I thought you just
wanted me to keep you company again.
179
00:07:52,540 --> 00:07:55,194
Get them to cut it out of
me, Rob! Caesarean me, please!
180
00:07:55,216 --> 00:07:57,659
- It's not too late!
- It is too late, you're crowning.
181
00:07:57,660 --> 00:08:00,993
- Push it back in and cut it out!
- Is it definitely too late?
182
00:08:01,036 --> 00:08:01,861
Yes, it is.
183
00:08:01,905 --> 00:08:05,771
I told you last time I wasn't
doing this again! I don't like this.
184
00:08:06,483 --> 00:08:09,354
- Nurse, she doesn't like this.
- Is it out yet?
185
00:08:09,540 --> 00:08:13,223
Oh, God! Oh, no, am I shitting myself now?
186
00:08:13,404 --> 00:08:15,119
Barely.
187
00:08:21,980 --> 00:08:24,059
MUSIC: "Pop Music" by R Stevie Moore
188
00:08:24,335 --> 00:08:30,573
If you see a change, yes it's true
189
00:08:32,861 --> 00:08:36,860
I'm a useful man in these shoes
190
00:08:41,822 --> 00:08:45,382
Oh, fuck you, Craftmaster69!
191
00:08:45,441 --> 00:08:47,623
Whenever it's Hummel figurines,
192
00:08:47,647 --> 00:08:50,319
this piece of shit always outbids me!
193
00:08:50,940 --> 00:08:52,499
HE GIGGLES
194
00:08:52,500 --> 00:08:53,973
Do you eBay?
195
00:08:55,572 --> 00:08:57,393
Oh, Karen...
196
00:08:57,732 --> 00:08:59,259
Are you going to cap it at two, then?
197
00:08:59,260 --> 00:09:01,519
- Cap it?
- No, I'm going to cut it off.
198
00:09:01,639 --> 00:09:02,855
I'm going to get snipped.
199
00:09:03,025 --> 00:09:05,499
Don't say that. What if it doesn't
work out with Sharon and you meet
200
00:09:05,500 --> 00:09:07,019
a younger woman and she wants kids?
201
00:09:07,020 --> 00:09:08,859
That's exactly why I'm gonna do it,
202
00:09:08,860 --> 00:09:11,859
to remove the possibility of
that nightmare ever happening.
203
00:09:11,860 --> 00:09:14,099
I'm going to be a husband and a dad once,
204
00:09:14,100 --> 00:09:16,460
I'm going to do a good job
and then I'm going to die.
205
00:09:16,496 --> 00:09:18,077
Amen to that.
206
00:09:18,620 --> 00:09:19,857
What about you?
207
00:09:19,977 --> 00:09:21,917
I'm going to keep going till I have a boy.
208
00:09:21,964 --> 00:09:23,977
I'd be a great father to a son.
209
00:09:24,788 --> 00:09:26,899
How do you guys not get pregnant?
210
00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:29,020
Same way I don't get the postman pregnant.
211
00:09:29,621 --> 00:09:32,099
Fran and I haven't fucked
in just over two years.
212
00:09:32,100 --> 00:09:34,039
Why, man, can you not... ?
213
00:09:34,159 --> 00:09:36,957
Yeah, but it doesn't get
quite big or hard enough
214
00:09:36,980 --> 00:09:38,900
to bridge the fucking gulf
215
00:09:38,923 --> 00:09:40,663
that's opened up between us.
216
00:09:40,966 --> 00:09:43,913
It would take at least ten very hard,
217
00:09:44,228 --> 00:09:46,446
very long penises.
218
00:09:46,566 --> 00:09:49,014
I could walk across them
like a tightrope, maybe, and
219
00:09:49,043 --> 00:09:51,419
I don't know, throw a
handful of jizm at her.
220
00:09:51,420 --> 00:09:53,461
Isn't that what Elton John does?
221
00:09:54,650 --> 00:09:56,019
Where is Fran today?
222
00:09:56,535 --> 00:09:59,594
We're not currently attending
any public engagements together.
223
00:10:00,492 --> 00:10:03,217
Barometrically, we combine
to create an atmosphere
224
00:10:03,240 --> 00:10:04,787
that is somewhat shitty.
225
00:10:05,020 --> 00:10:07,040
We flipped a coin for this one...
226
00:10:07,308 --> 00:10:08,907
I lost.
227
00:10:10,803 --> 00:10:12,601
- No offence.
- Ah,
228
00:10:12,869 --> 00:10:15,262
it seems like only ten minutes
ago we were sharing one bedroom
229
00:10:15,300 --> 00:10:16,698
and a dildo above a Chicken Cottage.
230
00:10:16,721 --> 00:10:19,143
- We never shared a dildo.
- That's what you think.
231
00:10:19,428 --> 00:10:22,014
THEY LAUGH
232
00:10:22,265 --> 00:10:24,827
Oh, my God, I'm going to wet myself.
233
00:10:26,502 --> 00:10:30,538
- It's OK, I'm wearing a nappy.
- Oh, God, you've got it all now.
234
00:10:30,584 --> 00:10:33,465
Yeah, got two kids and a dog now,
235
00:10:33,585 --> 00:10:35,973
it's what I always wanted... apparently.
236
00:10:36,031 --> 00:10:38,373
Rob, he's looking a little tired,
237
00:10:38,409 --> 00:10:41,068
you might want to give him
a teeny break from Frankie.
238
00:10:42,293 --> 00:10:45,859
You know, I just realised
who she reminds me of,
239
00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:47,349
Rob's father.
240
00:10:47,469 --> 00:10:48,960
- Aww.
- To give you some context,
241
00:10:48,981 --> 00:10:50,868
you know the actor Gene Wilder?
242
00:10:51,580 --> 00:10:54,419
My baby doesn't look like Gene Wilder!
243
00:10:55,677 --> 00:10:59,353
You know, I still have trouble
with the name, how do you say it?
244
00:10:59,473 --> 00:11:00,579
Moron?
245
00:11:00,580 --> 00:11:01,810
Moirin.
246
00:11:02,131 --> 00:11:03,596
Maury.
247
00:11:03,958 --> 00:11:05,340
Moirin.
248
00:11:05,341 --> 00:11:06,257
I get it,
249
00:11:06,642 --> 00:11:08,551
in America we said Myrin.
250
00:11:08,566 --> 00:11:11,060
You know, people probably
tried to say it your way
251
00:11:11,065 --> 00:11:13,207
but when they got to Ellis Island,
252
00:11:13,271 --> 00:11:15,739
they just changed it Myrin.
253
00:11:16,270 --> 00:11:18,306
So, I think it's Myrin.
254
00:11:21,714 --> 00:11:23,716
How long has your mother-in-law been here?
255
00:11:23,768 --> 00:11:25,779
Oh, just three weeks.
256
00:11:25,963 --> 00:11:29,511
Yeah, she was supposed to leave on
Tuesday but she mislaid her passport.
257
00:11:29,581 --> 00:11:32,470
It's fine, though, cos she's
been doing a lot of babysitting
258
00:11:32,488 --> 00:11:35,120
and I'm kidding, she's fucking useless!
259
00:11:36,374 --> 00:11:38,859
- You OK?
- Oh, yeah, I'm terrific.
260
00:11:39,286 --> 00:11:41,364
- Where's your mum?
- She's in the toilet.
261
00:11:41,591 --> 00:11:44,649
She's scared of your mum, so
she's hiding in our toilet.
262
00:11:46,319 --> 00:11:47,562
Why did we do this?
263
00:11:47,626 --> 00:11:50,899
Cos it knocks out all our
visitors in one terrible afternoon.
264
00:11:50,900 --> 00:11:52,271
Oh, yeah.
265
00:11:52,948 --> 00:11:55,119
Do you want me to take Moirin?
266
00:11:55,656 --> 00:11:57,051
Why do you do that?
267
00:11:57,295 --> 00:11:59,974
Why do you pause before you say her name?
268
00:11:59,998 --> 00:12:01,030
I don't.
269
00:12:01,614 --> 00:12:02,619
Do I?
270
00:12:03,067 --> 00:12:05,219
I mean, I don't know.
271
00:12:05,564 --> 00:12:07,268
I want to get rid of that dog!
272
00:12:07,315 --> 00:12:09,042
I'm so glad you said that.
273
00:12:09,065 --> 00:12:10,151
Why did we get her?
274
00:12:10,162 --> 00:12:11,353
Because that bitch from the shelter
275
00:12:11,364 --> 00:12:12,625
told us they were going
to have her put down
276
00:12:12,643 --> 00:12:14,067
after we'd already tickled her belly,
277
00:12:14,108 --> 00:12:16,139
which is basically entrapment.
278
00:12:16,140 --> 00:12:20,140
HE TAPS HIS GLASS
279
00:12:21,217 --> 00:12:24,724
- Dad, you don't need to...
- Just a little toast
280
00:12:24,952 --> 00:12:27,624
to the newest member of the family and
281
00:12:28,202 --> 00:12:29,638
fair play to Sharon,
282
00:12:29,679 --> 00:12:31,325
she never gave up hope.
283
00:12:31,902 --> 00:12:34,645
She watched each and
every one of her peers up
284
00:12:34,656 --> 00:12:36,539
and leave the disco to settle down.
285
00:12:36,921 --> 00:12:39,170
Even her baby brother
beat her to the punch.
286
00:12:39,290 --> 00:12:41,869
For a long time we thought, that's it,
287
00:12:42,225 --> 00:12:43,620
she's missed her chance
288
00:12:43,924 --> 00:12:46,351
but she'd always have her career,
289
00:12:46,661 --> 00:12:48,983
which she would explain to us was her baby.
290
00:12:49,479 --> 00:12:51,428
You hear a woman say that and then you
291
00:12:51,440 --> 00:12:53,049
watch her features harden,
292
00:12:53,055 --> 00:12:55,716
her rump widen and you then
you think, "That's it now,
293
00:12:55,909 --> 00:12:58,099
she's out to pasture."
294
00:12:58,100 --> 00:12:59,498
Then Rob came along,
295
00:13:00,222 --> 00:13:02,340
broken in his own way
296
00:13:02,375 --> 00:13:04,701
and when Sharon and Rob began their journey
297
00:13:04,724 --> 00:13:07,718
we all thought it had
as much chance of lasting
298
00:13:07,729 --> 00:13:09,276
as a fart in a storm.
299
00:13:09,396 --> 00:13:12,305
Not one single person
thought it would last...
300
00:13:12,357 --> 00:13:14,178
least of all your mother.
301
00:13:15,438 --> 00:13:17,259
They proved us all wrong.
302
00:13:17,260 --> 00:13:21,260
And here we are amongst
a growing family and
303
00:13:21,735 --> 00:13:22,867
it's wonderful!
304
00:13:23,865 --> 00:13:25,441
Just wonderful.
305
00:13:26,300 --> 00:13:28,050
To Bridget and Rob.
306
00:13:30,700 --> 00:13:33,110
Who the fuck is Bridget?
307
00:13:37,797 --> 00:13:39,372
Bridget and Rob.
308
00:13:39,492 --> 00:13:43,032
- Westmeath. It's a lovely...
- How far is that from Dublin?
309
00:13:43,102 --> 00:13:45,868
- Well, about 40 miles down...
- Riverdance.
310
00:13:45,988 --> 00:13:47,561
Is that Westmeath?
311
00:13:47,870 --> 00:13:50,695
- No, I don't think...
- He is Irish, right?
312
00:13:50,753 --> 00:13:54,827
- Yes.
- You know, when I saw him dance, I wept...
313
00:13:56,146 --> 00:13:58,124
... in my panties.
314
00:13:58,381 --> 00:14:03,062
You know, I would love to
visit you in Dublin. Should I?
315
00:14:03,072 --> 00:14:05,704
- I mean, I have an open-ended ticket, so...
- Well...
316
00:14:06,463 --> 00:14:08,126
I should clear away.
317
00:14:09,314 --> 00:14:11,531
Mum, you don't need to worry about that.
318
00:14:11,555 --> 00:14:13,125
Well, somebody has to.
319
00:14:15,436 --> 00:14:16,685
Sha...
320
00:14:17,467 --> 00:14:19,649
Is the baby OK? There's
blood in this nappy?
321
00:14:19,684 --> 00:14:20,478
Huh?
322
00:14:20,688 --> 00:14:22,861
Oh, that's fine. It's one of mine.
323
00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:24,181
BABY CRIES ON MONITOR
324
00:14:24,182 --> 00:14:26,319
Can you keep an eye on
Frankie for a minute?
325
00:14:26,342 --> 00:14:28,333
- I'm going to go check on Muireann.
- OK.
326
00:14:28,922 --> 00:14:30,147
Because she's crying.
327
00:14:30,451 --> 00:14:31,595
OK.
328
00:14:33,162 --> 00:14:34,498
Rob.
329
00:14:34,807 --> 00:14:36,972
Do you think it's a bad
time for me to pop to Ikea?
330
00:14:46,158 --> 00:14:48,101
Rob's mum seems really nice.
331
00:14:48,358 --> 00:14:50,692
Yeah, she's one of
humanity's brightest lights.
332
00:14:50,848 --> 00:14:53,651
I'm really glad she's here
and I hope she never leaves.
333
00:14:53,888 --> 00:14:55,728
So what's going on with Dad?
334
00:14:55,763 --> 00:14:57,927
Have you changed your name to
Bridget and I don't know about it?
335
00:14:57,928 --> 00:14:59,818
No, I don't know what's wrong with him.
336
00:14:59,830 --> 00:15:01,247
He's had five cans of stout maybe.
337
00:15:01,248 --> 00:15:04,177
I mean, is he losing it? Cos I would
have put money on Mum to go first.
338
00:15:04,212 --> 00:15:06,487
Fergal... ! Maybe... I can't...
339
00:15:06,950 --> 00:15:08,247
My tits are leaking.
340
00:15:08,248 --> 00:15:10,306
Three people in this house wear nappies,
341
00:15:10,329 --> 00:15:12,237
I'm one of them. I have
to keep babies alive.
342
00:15:12,247 --> 00:15:14,254
So I'm going to be able to
think about other people in about
343
00:15:14,288 --> 00:15:16,869
- six months or so. Can you deal with it?
- Yeah.
344
00:15:16,989 --> 00:15:19,656
- Yeah, I'll fix his dementia.
- Thank you.
345
00:15:36,035 --> 00:15:37,319
Where's Frankie?
346
00:15:39,888 --> 00:15:41,591
- TOILET FLUSHES
- Where's Frankie?
347
00:15:41,614 --> 00:15:43,430
- What do you mean?
- What do I mean? Where's your son?
348
00:15:43,448 --> 00:15:44,929
- The front door was open.
- Oh, I...
349
00:15:44,980 --> 00:15:46,600
Honey, wake up. I asked you to watch him.
350
00:15:46,614 --> 00:15:47,693
- I was...
- What?!
351
00:15:47,693 --> 00:15:48,678
I don't know.
352
00:15:48,734 --> 00:15:49,863
- Where's Frankie?
- What?
353
00:15:49,887 --> 00:15:51,792
- Where's the baby?!
- Frankie!
354
00:15:51,862 --> 00:15:53,034
Frankie!
355
00:15:53,323 --> 00:15:55,087
Frankie!
356
00:15:55,456 --> 00:15:57,786
Somebody's had an accident.
357
00:15:57,833 --> 00:15:59,047
He's there!
358
00:15:59,388 --> 00:16:01,722
He's crapped himself.
359
00:16:02,408 --> 00:16:05,107
Jesus Christ, you nearly
gave me a heart attack.
360
00:16:05,125 --> 00:16:07,851
Can't a grandmother spend
time with her grandson?
361
00:16:07,852 --> 00:16:09,934
Mia! You've been here three weeks
362
00:16:09,962 --> 00:16:12,440
- and you've barely registered his existence.
- Oh, please.
363
00:16:12,441 --> 00:16:15,616
This is the first day since I got
here that you haven't slept till 11.
364
00:16:15,736 --> 00:16:18,785
- What?!
- You treat Rob like a hired hand.
365
00:16:18,804 --> 00:16:20,022
Knock it off, Mom.
366
00:16:20,142 --> 00:16:22,680
I think you might be more
comfortable in a hotel.
367
00:16:22,717 --> 00:16:26,443
Well, probably. At least there
I'd get clean sheets now and then.
368
00:16:26,462 --> 00:16:28,974
- Don't be an asshole, Mom.
- Oh, she's not an arsehole.
369
00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:31,266
She's a haemorrhoid on an arsehole.
370
00:16:31,275 --> 00:16:33,694
You are a malevolent
haemorrhoid of a woman...
371
00:16:33,728 --> 00:16:36,229
And you can take it down a
few notches too, all right?!
372
00:16:36,261 --> 00:16:38,648
Your parents have been here 25
times in the last three months,
373
00:16:38,680 --> 00:16:40,240
and any complaints I've had which,
374
00:16:40,249 --> 00:16:41,720
by the way, Carole, have been barely any,
375
00:16:41,730 --> 00:16:43,224
I've delivered to you in private.
376
00:16:43,224 --> 00:16:45,319
I haven't nailed them to the church door.
377
00:16:47,182 --> 00:16:48,414
Where's Muireann?
378
00:16:48,708 --> 00:16:50,198
- Where's Muireann?!
- She's upstairs,
379
00:16:50,230 --> 00:16:51,146
but even if she wasn't,
380
00:16:51,169 --> 00:16:52,458
I couldn't call out her name,
381
00:16:52,477 --> 00:16:53,538
cos I can't pronounce it.
382
00:16:53,564 --> 00:16:55,292
- Oh, don't be ridiculous.
- Please,
383
00:16:55,315 --> 00:16:56,347
anyone, help me out here.
384
00:16:56,384 --> 00:16:58,013
Can anyone pronounce my baby's name?
385
00:16:58,051 --> 00:16:59,036
IRISH FAMILY: Muireann.
386
00:16:59,050 --> 00:17:00,792
Not you people, the other people.
387
00:17:01,441 --> 00:17:02,807
- Maurieh...
- Maudien...
388
00:17:03,093 --> 00:17:04,377
Myrehn.
389
00:17:04,629 --> 00:17:06,660
Well, that is...
390
00:17:07,215 --> 00:17:08,046
That's...
391
00:17:08,504 --> 00:17:10,936
Just keep the fucking front door shut.
392
00:17:22,528 --> 00:17:23,542
Sorry.
393
00:17:23,948 --> 00:17:25,527
- Are you OK?
- No.
394
00:17:25,737 --> 00:17:27,441
Will you ask everyone to leave?
395
00:17:27,561 --> 00:17:28,328
No.
396
00:17:29,248 --> 00:17:30,877
If they're still here in an hour, will you?
397
00:17:30,997 --> 00:17:31,848
Yes.
398
00:17:32,408 --> 00:17:34,859
I'm sorry I freaked out.
399
00:17:35,808 --> 00:17:37,768
Can you really not pronounce her name?
400
00:17:38,286 --> 00:17:40,378
It's not like some African tribal language
401
00:17:40,383 --> 00:17:42,386
with clicks in it. It's just Irish.
402
00:17:42,506 --> 00:17:43,661
It's just easy.
403
00:17:43,698 --> 00:17:46,061
I'll get it. I will get there.
404
00:17:46,686 --> 00:17:50,403
- Mww... erehn is a beautiful name.
- SHE CHUCKLES
405
00:17:53,648 --> 00:17:55,815
Sorry I called your mother a haemorrhoid.
406
00:17:55,888 --> 00:17:57,207
It's OK.
407
00:17:57,208 --> 00:17:58,914
I mean, best-case scenario,
408
00:17:58,914 --> 00:18:00,651
she's so upset that she leaves.
409
00:18:00,964 --> 00:18:03,532
Worst-case scenario, she kills herself
410
00:18:03,588 --> 00:18:05,292
and I can finally be free.
411
00:18:08,648 --> 00:18:11,123
Oh, for God's sake.
412
00:18:12,568 --> 00:18:14,369
- Rob!
- (Oh, Christ.)
413
00:18:14,489 --> 00:18:16,442
- Hey, Dave!
- Is this yours?
414
00:18:16,562 --> 00:18:19,649
- Yeah, I think...
- OK, because
415
00:18:19,714 --> 00:18:21,470
I found it next to that.
416
00:18:24,192 --> 00:18:25,378
Oh, Christ.
417
00:18:25,406 --> 00:18:27,717
Aw, shit, man. Your wee doggy's been hit.
418
00:18:32,760 --> 00:18:33,937
Excuse me.
419
00:18:34,828 --> 00:18:35,982
Hey, Des,
420
00:18:36,453 --> 00:18:38,564
- what are you doing out here?
- Oh...
421
00:18:40,511 --> 00:18:41,421
Just...
422
00:18:41,963 --> 00:18:43,126
looking at the house.
423
00:18:43,246 --> 00:18:46,407
It's a lovely house when you
look at it from this angle.
424
00:18:46,940 --> 00:18:47,696
Yeah...
425
00:18:48,195 --> 00:18:49,456
Do you want to come back inside?
426
00:18:49,688 --> 00:18:50,884
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
427
00:18:53,848 --> 00:18:56,146
You go in, man. I'll find
somewhere to stash it.
428
00:18:56,318 --> 00:18:57,425
Thanks.
429
00:19:02,888 --> 00:19:04,512
What's happened to your dog?
430
00:19:06,928 --> 00:19:08,298
To everything
431
00:19:08,583 --> 00:19:10,371
there is a season.
432
00:19:12,608 --> 00:19:14,139
OK, three,
433
00:19:14,676 --> 00:19:16,608
two, one...
434
00:19:16,888 --> 00:19:18,447
Tah-dah!
435
00:19:18,448 --> 00:19:20,123
- What the hell?
- THEY CHUCKLE
436
00:19:20,945 --> 00:19:22,220
Where did you get that photo?
437
00:19:22,244 --> 00:19:24,260
Rob texted it to me
right after she was born.
438
00:19:24,302 --> 00:19:26,328
That's my areola. You can see my veins.
439
00:19:26,328 --> 00:19:28,127
Well, it's perfectly natural.
440
00:19:28,128 --> 00:19:31,198
I don't know if it is, on a cake.
441
00:19:31,488 --> 00:19:34,157
Baby faces...
442
00:19:34,587 --> 00:19:35,703
Everybody!
443
00:19:36,258 --> 00:19:38,287
You looking after this big fella, then?
444
00:19:38,288 --> 00:19:40,428
- Oh, I'm fine.
- He's fine.
445
00:19:40,899 --> 00:19:42,927
I'm going to give you a piece of advice.
446
00:19:42,928 --> 00:19:44,736
After your brother was born,
447
00:19:44,808 --> 00:19:47,607
and your father and I had
a bit of a rough patch,
448
00:19:47,608 --> 00:19:49,074
we decided
449
00:19:49,125 --> 00:19:51,847
that we had to put our love for
each other above everything else,
450
00:19:51,848 --> 00:19:53,743
because we were man and wife
451
00:19:53,785 --> 00:19:55,582
before we were mother and father.
452
00:19:56,008 --> 00:19:57,038
Right.
453
00:19:57,158 --> 00:19:59,069
So you chose to love Dad more than us.
454
00:19:59,247 --> 00:20:00,371
Oh, no,
455
00:20:00,689 --> 00:20:02,234
just to love him first.
456
00:20:02,715 --> 00:20:04,746
It's the same with me and Melandra.
457
00:20:05,808 --> 00:20:07,727
SHE CHUCKLES
458
00:20:08,228 --> 00:20:10,110
Where's the dog?
459
00:20:10,568 --> 00:20:12,407
SHE CLICKS
460
00:20:12,408 --> 00:20:14,587
Mabel? Mabel?!
461
00:20:14,620 --> 00:20:16,727
- SHE CRIES
- I'm sorry, honey.
462
00:20:16,728 --> 00:20:18,538
I'm not crying about the dog.
463
00:20:18,902 --> 00:20:20,242
Then why are you crying?
464
00:20:20,756 --> 00:20:22,548
Everyone's still here.
465
00:20:22,716 --> 00:20:24,644
Why won't they leave?
466
00:20:24,764 --> 00:20:26,544
- Well...
- And in case you haven't noticed,
467
00:20:26,558 --> 00:20:30,088
my dad's losing his fucking
marbles. He left the door open,
468
00:20:30,107 --> 00:20:30,985
- the dog's dead.
- TOILET FLUSHES
469
00:20:31,018 --> 00:20:33,207
It could have been Frankie.
470
00:20:34,288 --> 00:20:36,779
I'm sorry I left the door open.
471
00:20:36,840 --> 00:20:39,903
No, no, no, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
472
00:20:39,941 --> 00:20:42,531
Please don't worry. We were
going to have her put down anyway.
473
00:20:43,168 --> 00:20:45,197
I'm just glad you're here.
474
00:20:46,723 --> 00:20:49,127
Tried to find a bit of the
cake without your nipple on it.
475
00:20:49,360 --> 00:20:51,106
Harder than it sounds.
476
00:20:54,225 --> 00:20:57,567
I think it may have been
irresponsible for us to procreate.
477
00:20:57,968 --> 00:20:59,007
OK...
478
00:20:59,008 --> 00:21:00,487
You're an alcoholic,
479
00:21:00,671 --> 00:21:02,529
your mother's a card-carrying sadist,
480
00:21:02,553 --> 00:21:04,167
my dad can't remember my name,
481
00:21:04,168 --> 00:21:06,857
Fergal... Well, nothing's
been diagnosed, but
482
00:21:06,923 --> 00:21:08,921
there's obviously a few
things wrong there...
483
00:21:09,547 --> 00:21:10,457
It's not looking good.
484
00:21:10,499 --> 00:21:12,999
- Thank God you're so normal.
- SHE CHUCKLES
485
00:21:13,728 --> 00:21:16,007
I had to think about
what my mother was saying,
486
00:21:16,270 --> 00:21:18,127
about loving each other
more than the kids...
487
00:21:18,128 --> 00:21:19,730
I think there's something wrong with her.
488
00:21:19,767 --> 00:21:20,766
OK, good.
489
00:21:20,818 --> 00:21:22,087
I was worried it was just me.
490
00:21:22,559 --> 00:21:25,057
I just think if you don't
love the kids more than me
491
00:21:25,177 --> 00:21:28,083
- then you're not fit to be a mother.
- Of course I love them more than you.
492
00:21:28,203 --> 00:21:29,727
I'm not a sociopath.
493
00:21:29,978 --> 00:21:32,687
I haven't even bonded with my baby
and I still love her more than you.
494
00:21:32,688 --> 00:21:35,207
You haven't bonded with the baby?
495
00:21:35,856 --> 00:21:36,575
Nope.
496
00:21:36,579 --> 00:21:39,058
Do you think you might have a
little post-natal depression?
497
00:21:39,885 --> 00:21:40,907
I don't know.
498
00:21:41,113 --> 00:21:42,768
No. I don't know.
499
00:21:43,666 --> 00:21:45,431
This is going to sound awful, but
500
00:21:45,762 --> 00:21:48,287
I just worry that I don't love
Muireann the way I love Frankie.
501
00:21:48,407 --> 00:21:50,492
Is that why you gave her a crazy name?
502
00:21:54,448 --> 00:21:57,687
Just the minute she
came out, she scared me.
503
00:21:57,688 --> 00:21:59,327
She looked like an alien.
504
00:21:59,391 --> 00:22:00,591
Frankie was beautiful.
505
00:22:00,608 --> 00:22:01,887
Even the day he was born,
506
00:22:01,888 --> 00:22:02,911
he was just this
507
00:22:03,215 --> 00:22:05,372
tiny, beautiful little being.
508
00:22:05,448 --> 00:22:07,150
He weighed four pounds.
509
00:22:07,211 --> 00:22:08,882
I mean, he was almost dark red.
510
00:22:08,938 --> 00:22:10,367
And he had a hairy back.
511
00:22:10,368 --> 00:22:11,647
He was a monster.
512
00:22:11,767 --> 00:22:13,164
I don't remember that.
513
00:22:14,905 --> 00:22:16,727
You don't think she seems...
514
00:22:17,025 --> 00:22:17,967
What?
515
00:22:17,968 --> 00:22:19,467
... manipulative?
516
00:22:20,328 --> 00:22:21,712
Like she's plotting something?
517
00:22:21,955 --> 00:22:23,790
I don't get that sense, no.
518
00:22:25,168 --> 00:22:27,063
You don't think you'll do anything, do you?
519
00:22:27,077 --> 00:22:28,030
No.
520
00:22:28,623 --> 00:22:29,472
OK.
521
00:22:29,482 --> 00:22:32,853
Well, what you're going
through isn't rare, so...
522
00:22:33,343 --> 00:22:34,887
- Oh, shit.
- What?
523
00:22:35,309 --> 00:22:37,840
- I forgot to bag up the dog.
- Oh, shit.
524
00:22:38,307 --> 00:22:41,247
- Are we going to bury him?
- I think I'll just throw her away.
525
00:22:41,367 --> 00:22:43,327
I mean, she's small enough.
526
00:22:43,736 --> 00:22:46,767
- She was a good dog.
- She was the best.
527
00:22:55,522 --> 00:22:59,288
BABY CRIES
528
00:23:52,128 --> 00:23:53,226
Everything OK, Rob?
529
00:23:53,346 --> 00:23:55,425
Oh, yeah, great.
530
00:23:55,505 --> 00:23:56,756
How are you?
531
00:23:57,079 --> 00:24:01,458
- synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
532
00:24:01,508 --> 00:24:06,058
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
38655
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
