All language subtitles for CHiPs s01e21 Crack-Up.eng

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Hey, forget it, Ponch.

No way. If I owe you 20 bucks,
I'll pay you 20 bucks.

I just don't remember the loan.

Why did I need the money?

You were broke.

You're a lot of help.

When did this thought hit you?

First thing this morning.
The minute I woke up.

I think it was a dream.

No, you borrowed the 20 bucks.
I don't remember when or for what.

But it'll come to me, all right.
Just forget it for now.

Man, this grinder is really hot.

- Beat you to the station.
- No way.

The last time we tried that I won
the race and lost my driver's license.

Okay, chicken.

Follow me, if you can.

Attention all units, 15, 7 Mary 4
advices CHP motor officer down...

...near Willow and Garvey.
11-41 is rolling.

15 S-4, Central monitor,
do you copy?

Gentlemen,
you have to wait here, please.

Has anybody been looking for me?

No, man. Hey, what happened?

I had to ditch the car.

You ditched it?

- They'll check the license plates and...
- I know that, Ray.

I reported it stolen.
We're cool as long as we stick together.

I don't get it.

We cover each other. We worked at your
car at your place then we came here.

If we stick to that story,
we're in the clear.

Yeah, unless they got
my license number.

I don't think they got close. If they did,
we'll think of something, okay?

Yeah, all right.

Let me ask you a question,
why did you ditch the car?

It's the cops.
They completely wrecked the front end...

...and I don't know what else.

You know how many extra hours
I worked to get that rod together?

No, I wasn't counting.

Listen, it's not gonna help getting mad
at the cops.

Rotten cops, man.

They've been messing up my life
ever since I can remember.

I've had it with cops, man.

I'm not taking it anymore.

I'm getting even.

- What's the word?
- We're waiting.

Firebird was reported stolen
this morning.

Yeah, a half hour after Jon hit it.

The owner's been with a friend all day.
His alibi checks out.

I'm sure.

- How is he, doc?
- About as well as can be expected today.

Well, how well
can we expect him to be today?

About as well as he is.

Hi, Baker.

Hey, Jon.

Hi.

How do you feel?

I feel fine. I'm okay.
Didn't he tell you?

Did he tell you?

Listen, I only banged up my ribs,
that's all.

You know that old joke,
hurts when you laugh?

So, Jon, I'm gonna cut out, buddy.

Just remember, no need to cover for us.

You're gonna be all right.

- Yeah, sure.
- Hey, Baricza.

- Yeah? Sure, sir.
- Take his helmet.

Doc, what exactly is his condition?

Perfectly stable.

- What does that mean?
- Stable means unchanged.

Unchanged from what?

- We're not sure.
- Hey, come on, doc.

What's this all about?
You said I'd be going back on duty.

I said you might be going back,
some time soon.

I've been here three hours.
I mean, I can go home...

All right, all right. I got it.

Listen, if it's rest, I can rest at home.

You're better off here until they're
sure they know what's wrong.

I'm sure...

Listen, don't you guys think
I'd know if I was hurt?

Not necessarily.

Internal injuries don't always show up
right away.

We don't want you to walk out of here
and fold up with a subdural hematoma...

...or a ruptured spleen...

...kidney or liver damage.
That's what observation is all about.

We watch the patient for the symptoms.

Yeah, we don't wanna get you
on your bike and have you pass out.

Listen, I told you guys,
it only hurts when I laugh.

I'm gonna give you
some sound medical advice.

Try not to laugh.

Yeah.

Jon, can you give us the description
of the driver that sandbagged you?

No.

Yeah, well, look, we better get going.

We'll let you rest...

...in peace, huh?

Hey, sarge...

Thanks for coming.

You bet.

Listen, I'll check back after work.
Now, you take it easy.

This is ridiculous. I hate hospitals.

- Jon.
- Jon.

- Doctor!
- Doctor!

- Doctor!
- I can handle it.

Doctor.

- What happened?
- Tried to get out of bed.

- He got up and passed out.
- Do you feel nauseous?

No...

...I was trying to get to my feet too fast,
I got dizzy.

If it turns out you have a problem,
you're not helping things.

In other words, stay in bed. Right, doc?

Gentlemen, you have precisely
30 seconds to say your goodbyes.

Look, Jon, do yourself a favor.
Stay put, huh?

Listen, if you need anything that doesn't
cost over a buck and a half let me know.

Hey, you owe me 20.

Hey. The memory isn't all gone.

That's a good sign, Baker.

Time's up.

- Come on, Ponch.
- Hey, Ponch?

Yeah?

Listen, you're gonna be out there
without me, so...

...don't do anything...

You know.

You mean dumb, right?

Yeah.

Don't worry.

I guess I'll ride alone for a change.

There's a change, Frank,
but you don't ride alone.

- I got a partner?
- You do now.

Mount up.

You mean me and you?

You got it.

Anything we should discuss, Frank?

Well, no. Just routine, I guess.

With Jon and me, it's automatic.

I usually know what he's thinking.

Well, we'll get used to each other.

So much for the mental telepathy, huh?

Hollywood Freeway south,
Vermont on-ramp, huh?

You got it.

You must be in terrible shape.
Your doctor said I could visit you.

- I'm Wanda Lang.
- I'm Jon Baker.

I caught your entrance this morning.

If your act is half that good,
you'll be a smash.

Yeah, well, I'm doing fine.
I'll be okay.

They tell me you're just here
for the stripper's delight.

A what?

Observation.

Yeah.

Counting my husband,
that makes three of us.

He's down the hall, I'm upstairs.

- You have an accident too?
- Right.

I'm gonna change the name of the act.

I can see it on the marquee now,
Speedy Lang and Me.

Wait, you're in show business?

We were. In Vaudeville,
not that you remember.

- Do you want me to crank you up?
- I beg your pardon?

- The bed, you'll be more comfortable.
- It's...

Okay. Thank you.

I'm surprised you're in here alone.
They worry about empty beds.

Because it might mean
a health epidemic.

Are you really worried about yourself?

No, I just have a phobia
about hospitals.

Don't tell them.
They'll keep you here and treat it.

Oh, I'm sorry, it's my ribs.

I know nothing else is wrong.

Anyway...

...I thought nothing else was.

I know, then your friends came in.

Yeah. Then the doctor comes and starts
telling you about the internal injuries.

- Spleen?
- Yeah.

- Liver?
- Right.

I think he keeps them in bottles.

I just love young people.

They haven't heard my jokes.

I better go before I say something funny
and crack you up entirely.

Hey, excuse me.

I'm not as worried as I was.

Well, laughter is
the best medicine of all.

After penicillin.

Right.

- Want some lunch?
- No. I just wanna finish this job.

I'll take the truck.
Get us some burgers.

What's going on? Grossman?

We brought you company.

What happened? How bad is he?

He got sandbagged by a tow truck.

Hey, how you feeling, huh?

Feeling all right.
Get me out of this place.

Gentlemen. Out, out, out.

Take it easy, Grossman, huh?

Hey, Gross.

Grossman.

It's a jungle out there, pal.

Yeah.

It sure is.

I don't know. Two hit and runs.
Two officers down.

No witnesses.

- It's pretty coincidental, don't you think?
- Well, don't take it to heart, Frank.

But I think I agree with you.

Frank, we both have
a lot on our minds.

But the academy gave you a solution
to all problems.

It's called going by the book.

It takes the emotional qualities
out of your solutions.

I remember, sarge.

Well, that's very good.

You see, I go by the book...

...so all you have to do is watch me.
All right?

I was only kidding about the empty bed.
Is he hurt, sick or both?

He's meditating.

Wanda Lang, this is Artie Grossman.
He's a highway patrolman.

Oh, two of you together.

That reminds me of the time
I had a police escort.

They let me run
between two motorcycles.

How's the soup?

What flavor is this supposed to be?

It's neutral.

The chef lost the bone.

The tastiest thing left
is the tongue depressor.

I got a winner for you
on the 3rd at Santa Anita.

This horse hates the jockey.
He'll be trying to get away from him.

You know,
there were two hippies...

...listening to a priest tell about
how he broke his arm in a bathtub.

And one hippie says to the other,
"What's a bathtub?"

The other hippie says:

"How should I know? I'm not catholic. "

You're not eating.

Sorry.

Loss of appetite is not abnormal
under the circumstances.

How would you like a nice rub down?

Terrific. That'd really help.

Hugo...

...a rub down
for Officer Grossman, please? Enjoy.

Get in.

No. No. Please not the children.

Why, so you can keep them
away from me? Nobody takes my kids.

Nobody keeps my kids from me.

Nobody.

L.A. 15, S-4 and 7 Mary 4...

...in pursuit of reckless vehicle,
eastbound Santa Monica at Bundy.

All units stand by...

...15 S-4, 7 Mary 4 in pursuit, eastbound
Santa Monica Freeway from Bundy.

Please, Daddy. I'm scared.

Please, Daddy. Please, stop. Please.

L.A. 15, S-4 and 7 Mary 4...

...in pursuit of suspect's station wagon.

Roll one squad car for assistance.

Is there a car unit in position
to assist S-4 and 7 Mary 4?

The suspect's vehicle is a station wagon.

I'm gonna get in front of him
and try to slow him down.

Negative, Frank.
He'll stop when he's ready.

He might kill those kids.

What are you doing, Frank? Speed up.

Come up beside him
so he doesn't turn on me.

Negative, Frank. Speed up.

I need some assistance, partner.
Come up beside him.

I never did anything like that
in my life.

I guess I flipped out.

Step out of the vehicle, please.

Turn around
and put your hands on your head.

Kids, you wanna step out?

God, are you all right?

Okay, you wanna take care of him,
Baricza?

Step over here, Frank.

I gave you an order.

You heard it and ignored it.

Don't give me any garbage
about your receiver cutting out.

You won't obey your superiors
and you refused to follow procedure.

I figured that was procedure, sarge,
like a hostage situation.

High profile,
encourage a safe surrender.

Using an 800-pound bike
to slow down a 4000-pound car?

You call that procedure?
You call that safe?

Maybe resourceful is better.

Poncherello.

I don't know how many of these hotdog
stunts that Baker's been covering up.

But I'm telling you for the last time...

...I won't allow it. You understand?
Is that clear?

Perfectly, sarge.

You're absolutely right.

Oh, Frank.

All right, open your eyes.

You and your partner were on patrol.

You sighted two speeding cars.

Can you recall anything
that happened immediately prior to that?

We were talking...

...about a loan.

Good.

Replay the conversation in your mind.

You and your partner talk.

You see the two cars racing.

You accelerate, speeding after them.

Hi.

Hey, the 20 bucks that I loaned you.

It was a 10, a five, four ones
and some change?

Don't tell me
you don't remember that.

I'd like to try this again
under controlled conditions.

- You all right now?
- Yeah, I'm fine.

Hi, guys.

- How're you doing Grossman?
- Did you bring anything to eat?

See you're feeling better.

Yeah, he loves it here.

He's acting like an intern
ever since he came out of shock.

I was comatose, not in shock.

Ribs look fine.

I was concerned about the clavicle
and the upper sternum.

That's were the pain is localized.

- You don't mind me helping out?
- Oh, no.

It's just unusual though for a patient
to insist on seeing his x-rays.

Some physicians resent
a second opinion.

When are you gonna get me
out of here?

Jon, I'm sorry
the hypnotherapy didn't work.

I was hoping you'd give us
a description of the driver.

I can recall every detail.

Was there anything
you didn't put in your report?

No, just the acid-etched image
of that chain snaking toward me.

If you'd just give us the license number.

Maybe we should try hypnosis on you.

It's been tried before.

It doesn't work.

Okay, we'll check with you later.

- Listen, you need anything?
- How about a uniform and a motor?

I could use some Fig Newtons.

You sense any hostility towards Getraer?

Getraer? Why?

He's assumed your relationship
with Ponch.

You must feel some resentment?

Hey, why don't you just shut up?

Redirected hostility.

These attacks are unprovoked...

...and unexplained.

Now, Officer Grossman has given us
an m. o. To watch for.

But that doesn't mean the tow truck's
the only thing we have to worry about.

There's reason to believe that
the driver's the same one...

...that used the Firebird
to trap Officer Baker.

I don't have to tell you
that we're high visibility targets...

...so please, until we nail this guy,
use extra caution.

And check your motors
before you mount.

If you see anything
that looks dangerous or suspicious...

...assume that it's dangerous.

Okay.

Did the Langs go home?
I haven't seen Wanda this morning.

Wanda's husband
had a crisis last night.

- He's been in surgery all morning.
- Oh, no.

Is he gonna make it?

It's touch-and-go.

She sat with him all night
holding his hand.

You know...

...Wanda visits other people...

...and tells jokes...

...and tries to cheer everybody else up.

Defense mechanism, Jon.

It's a kind of manic self-deception.

Wanda?

Gee whiz, for a minute there
I thought you suffered a double relapse.

No, nothing like that.

Well, it wouldn't surprise me.
Things are rough all over.

I have this friend
who owns an unpainted furniture store.

Vandals broke in and painted everything.

This is the first time I worked
a wax museum.

Wanda, we know about your husband.
How's he doing?

Thanks...

...but it's nothing to cry about.

It's okay. He came through.
He's all right.

What are you crying for, huh?

Well, if you really wanna know,
I'm scared.

Wanda.

Nothing to be scared of. Here.

I know. I know, Jon.

I know...

...but he nearly broke up the act.

We've had so many years together.

So many great things have happened,
so much fun...

...and all of a sudden...

...the future seemed important.

And we're running out of time.

Seems like we haven't done anything.

What do you wanna do?

Well, I just wanna hang on to him.

First, I wanna get him well...

...and then I just wanna hang on.

I know him.

He'll need some reason, you know what
I mean? Something to look forward to.

You ever thought
about going back to work?

Are you kidding?

My jokes are so old,
they've got moss on the north side.

They're new to me.

Yeah, I could fill a roomful of guys
that never heard them before.

Big deal. A roomful of two.

Oh, come on. We needed you.

We were down and you brought us up.
There's places like this...

...all over the country that have people
that can use a laugh.

Well, let's see then.

I have this other friend
who's in the garment industry.

And things were so bad,
he decided to commit suicide.

So he jumps out of the window...

...and lands on 14 dozen
overcoats that were returned.

Hey, listen.

I got a couple of jobs,
I'll need extra parts. Can you get them?

Got the keys to your heap?

Oh, hey, listen.

Don't hotdog it.

Okay?

Look out, sarge.

15, 7 Adam en route to assist...

...7 Mary 3.

After all I said to you about procedure
and going by the book...

...that move you made riding me off
was the most cockamamie, odd-ball...

...shoestring thing to do.

Wrong again, huh?

How'd you know he was setting me up?

Sometimes I just sense these things.

Well, Frank, you picked the right time
to be resourceful.

Sometimes it's the only way.

Exactly.

That's why it is recommended
by the book.

Besides, that's the same way
Jon got dropped.

Okay, Grossie. Keep your spirits up
and I'll come and visit you.

Looking forward to it.

Alrighty, Officer Baker, here we go.

What's that for?

You've been released.
I'm seeing you to the door.

You gotta be kidding.
I'm gonna be on a motor in an hour.

No, you won't.

You're off today.

Bow to the system, please.
Or I'll have to send for Hugo.

Procedure, Jon.

The final indignity.

Sneaking out on me, weren't you?

Oh, no, I wanted to see you
before I left. How are you doing?

Well, actually
I'm responsible for your release.

Things are bad out there.

I bought a dog for protection.
Got mugged by a guy with a bigger dog.

I guess your husband's better?

Well, if you mean better than nothing,
you're close.

Anyway, I plan on keeping him around.

I'd like to meet him sometime.

Why not? When we play your jail,
I'll reserve a number for you.

Wait a minute,
you're going back to work?

Don't blame me, it was your idea.

Hospitals, jails...

...any place where the audience
can't escape.

- That's wonderful. Hear that, Grossie?
- Break a leg.

- Okay, catch you later. You bet.
- See you later, Jon.

I think this is where I say,
"Thanks, trooper...

...for helping a lady
through an emotional traffic jam. "

Well, listen, if anyone owes any thanks
around here, it's from me to you.

A curtain line, if I ever heard one.

Okay. I'll see you in jail.

Bye.

Bye-bye.

Did you hear about
the mother pigeon that was teaching...

Hey, hey, hey. Be careful.

You're a nervous wreck, you know that?
And you're driving me crazy.

I'm cautious.

You're paranoid and I'm not
gonna put up with it anymore.

They knock off armored trucks everyday.

Don't you read the papers?

This is my last trip with you.
You hear that?

Because I'm cautious?

The time to be cautious is outside
when we make the pick up.

That's what a hold-up man would think,
he'd figure we'd be off guard now.

Do you know what some guys would do
just to get their hands on these coins?

Will you sit down and shut up.
You're making me jumpy.

Go on. Let me close this thing.

Look out!

Control 1...

...this is Unit 9.

We've been hit on the freeway.

It's a mayday.

Are you all right in there?

Hold it, right there.

- What's wrong with you? That's a cop.
- He's dressed like a cop.

Now, move out slowly...

...and keep your hands in sight.

- Anyone injured in there?
- No one injured.

We're under orders.

We can't come out.

I got my orders too and you represent
a distraction to the motorists.

I'm calling for a tow truck.

I'll wait outside.

We'll wait here
till we hear from the office.

The radio's out.

Look, if this is a setup,
they'll grab you for a hostage.

You ever hear
a more suspicious guy, huh?

You'd be a little hinky too if you have
that much money to carry around.

Hey. There's a tow truck coming up
behind me.

Looks like you guys can use one.

What we need is a psychiatrist.

Rent-a-cops won't believe
this isn't a holdup.

Their radio's out.
They can't reach their dispatcher.

So, what do we do?

You look more like a policeman
than we do.

- Why don't you give it a try?
- Okay.

Hey, Ponch, come on.
I know that tow-truck driver.

Get out.

Put your right hand on your head.

You okay?

I'm getting better by the minute.

It's all coming back to you, huh?

I remember the 20 bucks you owe me
for the Laker game. You and your girl.

Rings a bell.

Yeah. I'll see you at payday.

Well, I've yelled till I'm hoarse...

...and those two paranoids
still won't come out.

Well, we thought you'd have it up
on its wheels by now.

I had to send for a bigger tow truck.

What's going on here?

This mess should've been cleared up
an hour ago.

I'm afraid this is one situation
that isn't covered by the book, sarge.

Frank, everything is covered by the book.
How many times do I have to tell you?

Come on, fellas.

You hear me in there?

We heard you.

Go away.

Maybe if you cited chapter
and verse from the book.

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