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1
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(Growling)
2
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(Crowd cheering)
3
00:00:53,094 --> 00:00:54,727
(Man) Excuse me.
4
00:00:54,813 --> 00:00:56,179
Excuse me!
5
00:00:56,264 --> 00:00:58,014
Hey... excuse me.
6
00:00:58,099 --> 00:00:59,265
Excuse me!
7
00:01:01,352 --> 00:01:04,187
You guys sound so good.
8
00:01:04,239 --> 00:01:06,322
I'm a record producer, and I've
been looking for two drummers
9
00:01:06,357 --> 00:01:07,990
for a project that I'm starting.
10
00:01:08,026 --> 00:01:10,243
Oh my god.
11
00:01:10,328 --> 00:01:12,662
- This is it.
- Are you serious?
12
00:01:12,697 --> 00:01:14,697
No, I'm not serious.
13
00:01:14,749 --> 00:01:16,666
I work here, and I need you guys to leave.
14
00:01:18,920 --> 00:01:20,169
Time to go.
15
00:01:22,457 --> 00:01:23,589
Four! Four!
16
00:01:23,675 --> 00:01:25,508
And three and two and one-one
17
00:01:25,543 --> 00:01:29,078
18
00:01:31,766 --> 00:01:33,883
(Ilana) I love "Scarface," dude.
19
00:01:33,968 --> 00:01:35,434
(Abbi) We just watched that.
20
00:01:35,520 --> 00:01:36,636
Cocaine and incest, baby.
21
00:01:36,721 --> 00:01:37,720
Can't get enough.
22
00:01:37,772 --> 00:01:39,272
Wait, what about "Food, Inc."?
23
00:01:39,357 --> 00:01:40,640
That's supposed to be
like really life-changing
24
00:01:40,725 --> 00:01:43,059
and eye-opening and like a
really important film to see
25
00:01:43,144 --> 00:01:44,610
about where our food comes from and stuff.
26
00:01:44,696 --> 00:01:48,064
And then the whole corn issue.
27
00:01:48,116 --> 00:01:50,983
Sometimes it's the less you
know, though... you know?
28
00:01:51,069 --> 00:01:52,068
No.
29
00:01:52,170 --> 00:01:53,452
Dude, I wonder what kind of food
30
00:01:53,538 --> 00:01:54,754
they're going to have
at the dog wedding today.
31
00:01:54,789 --> 00:01:56,038
Let's watch the e-vite again.
32
00:01:56,124 --> 00:01:57,173
Yeah!
33
00:01:57,258 --> 00:01:58,207
(Chuckling)
34
00:02:02,714 --> 00:02:03,796
(Barking happily)
35
00:02:03,848 --> 00:02:05,631
(Chuckling)
36
00:02:05,683 --> 00:02:06,933
I love it!
37
00:02:06,968 --> 00:02:08,801
It really is a masterpiece.
38
00:02:08,853 --> 00:02:09,802
Oh my god.
39
00:02:09,887 --> 00:02:11,304
Why is that shot in there?
40
00:02:11,356 --> 00:02:13,439
It's animated, it didn't
need to be in there at all.
41
00:02:13,474 --> 00:02:14,473
(Laughing)
42
00:02:14,559 --> 00:02:15,975
Not to be like a downer
43
00:02:16,027 --> 00:02:19,278
but did you know that
people steal people's dogs
44
00:02:19,314 --> 00:02:20,563
and then sell them?
45
00:02:20,648 --> 00:02:22,865
There's a "Judge Judy" episode
about that where this guy is
46
00:02:22,951 --> 00:02:25,451
like reunited with his dog, who was taken.
47
00:02:25,486 --> 00:02:27,486
- Yes, baby boy!
- Yes!
48
00:02:27,538 --> 00:02:29,405
Wait, is "Judge Judy" still on right now?
49
00:02:29,490 --> 00:02:31,240
We should watch that.
50
00:02:33,661 --> 00:02:35,161
Holy (Bleep), dude.
51
00:02:35,246 --> 00:02:37,630
"Judge Judy" ran for 18 seasons.
52
00:02:37,665 --> 00:02:39,749
Jesus Christ!
53
00:02:39,834 --> 00:02:41,751
Judge Judy's net worth is...
54
00:02:41,836 --> 00:02:46,922
(Bleep)
55
00:02:47,008 --> 00:02:48,307
... dollars.
56
00:02:48,343 --> 00:02:49,642
Wait, keep that face.
57
00:02:49,677 --> 00:02:52,728
I gotta take a pic and capture your deep,
58
00:02:52,814 --> 00:02:54,263
deep Judy discovery.
59
00:02:55,016 --> 00:02:55,931
(Cell phone clicking)
60
00:02:56,017 --> 00:02:57,316
Oh, so good.
61
00:02:57,352 --> 00:02:58,517
I'm gonna 'gram it.
62
00:02:58,569 --> 00:03:01,020
- No filter.
- All right, fine.
63
00:03:03,574 --> 00:03:04,824
Whoa...
64
00:03:08,196 --> 00:03:11,030
65
00:03:13,620 --> 00:03:15,400
_
66
00:03:35,106 --> 00:03:37,640
(Fax machine screeching)
67
00:03:38,426 --> 00:03:40,159
(Computer alert chiming)
68
00:03:43,164 --> 00:03:44,313
What up, my queen?
69
00:03:48,486 --> 00:03:49,735
Ahh! Ahh!
70
00:03:49,821 --> 00:03:51,737
Jesus, I forgot you
were in the (Bleep) room!
71
00:03:51,789 --> 00:03:53,456
Holy (Bleep), dude, how did we forget
72
00:03:53,541 --> 00:03:54,990
that we were here together?
73
00:03:55,076 --> 00:03:56,459
What is wrong with us?
74
00:03:56,544 --> 00:03:57,793
I feel like I blacked out.
75
00:03:57,879 --> 00:04:00,246
We were so tapped into
the worldwide bloodstream,
76
00:04:00,331 --> 00:04:03,416
we fell into the lint roll matrix.
77
00:04:03,468 --> 00:04:05,051
What time is it?
78
00:04:07,255 --> 00:04:08,254
- Oh god.
- (Hissing)
79
00:04:08,339 --> 00:04:11,140
All right, we need to go outside for real
80
00:04:11,225 --> 00:04:14,093
and live like normal people.
81
00:04:14,178 --> 00:04:17,012
Let's just get dressed
and go to the wedding.
82
00:04:17,098 --> 00:04:20,015
Dude, can you imagine if
we left our phones here?
83
00:04:20,101 --> 00:04:22,234
We would be totally off the grid.
84
00:04:22,270 --> 00:04:25,604
It would be like breathing
air for the first time.
85
00:04:25,690 --> 00:04:26,822
Right?
86
00:04:26,908 --> 00:04:29,325
It's like all we do is
wake up, sign in and...
87
00:04:29,410 --> 00:04:30,609
(Imitating electric shock)
88
00:04:30,661 --> 00:04:33,195
We are plugged into the matrix all day.
89
00:04:33,281 --> 00:04:36,499
Gmail, Grindr, Facebook,
Facetime, Insta, Grindr,
90
00:04:36,584 --> 00:04:37,500
Tumblr, Twitter, Dlisted.
91
00:04:37,585 --> 00:04:38,868
Jesus Christ!
92
00:04:38,953 --> 00:04:40,920
And then we have to rip
the plug out to go to sleep,
93
00:04:40,955 --> 00:04:42,755
rub one out, rinse and repeat.
94
00:04:42,790 --> 00:04:44,957
We have these auto-responses programmed...
95
00:04:45,009 --> 00:04:45,958
(cell phone vibrating)
96
00:04:46,010 --> 00:04:47,176
Hello?
97
00:04:47,261 --> 00:04:48,094
(Lincoln) Hey, what up, Ilana?
98
00:04:48,129 --> 00:04:49,628
Hey, boy, what up?
99
00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:50,513
Do you know if your brother's wearing a tie
100
00:04:50,598 --> 00:04:51,597
to the wedding today?
101
00:04:51,632 --> 00:04:53,299
Dude, I'm not my brother's keeper.
102
00:04:53,384 --> 00:04:54,767
I'm just trying to gauge the dress code.
103
00:04:54,802 --> 00:04:56,135
I don't want to be overdressed,
104
00:04:56,220 --> 00:04:58,220
but I really don't want to be underdressed.
105
00:04:58,306 --> 00:04:59,805
You think a dog tie is too on the nose?
106
00:04:59,891 --> 00:05:00,890
No, it's perfect.
107
00:05:00,975 --> 00:05:02,975
You look great in themed clothing.
108
00:05:03,060 --> 00:05:03,976
Thank you.
109
00:05:04,061 --> 00:05:06,061
And... I'm not patronizing you,
110
00:05:06,147 --> 00:05:08,697
but did you remember the rings?
111
00:05:08,783 --> 00:05:10,483
Well, not to "patronize" you,
112
00:05:10,535 --> 00:05:12,485
but of course I have the rings.
113
00:05:12,570 --> 00:05:14,320
They're on Abbi's toes.
114
00:05:14,405 --> 00:05:15,321
See you there.
115
00:05:15,406 --> 00:05:16,572
- Top dog.
- Later.
116
00:05:21,496 --> 00:05:22,878
Welcome to another installment of
117
00:05:22,964 --> 00:05:24,413
"How To" with Dr. Whiz.
118
00:05:24,499 --> 00:05:25,965
Today I'm gonna show you how to tie
119
00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:27,049
a Windsor knot.
120
00:05:27,135 --> 00:05:28,050
Let's begin.
121
00:05:28,136 --> 00:05:29,502
Take the little guy
122
00:05:29,554 --> 00:05:30,970
and place him in front of your neck.
123
00:05:31,005 --> 00:05:32,171
Clap if you understand.
124
00:05:34,392 --> 00:05:37,009
Ab-dude, we should roll to the wedding.
125
00:05:37,094 --> 00:05:39,645
We'll take in more nature faster.
126
00:05:39,680 --> 00:05:41,597
Yes. These are Jaime's.
127
00:05:41,682 --> 00:05:43,015
We got these after hurricane Wanda
128
00:05:43,100 --> 00:05:44,266
for future emergencies.
129
00:05:44,352 --> 00:05:46,152
They'll obviously be huge, but...
130
00:05:46,187 --> 00:05:48,320
Yeah, I mean, we can maybe
stuff some newspaper in
131
00:05:48,356 --> 00:05:49,822
around my negative space
in my foot or something,
132
00:05:49,857 --> 00:05:51,357
or sponges, if we have.
133
00:05:51,442 --> 00:05:52,908
You know, you could wear a bunch of socks
134
00:05:52,994 --> 00:05:55,077
or cotton balls.
135
00:05:55,163 --> 00:05:56,529
They... they fit me.
136
00:05:56,581 --> 00:05:57,780
They're a little snug, actually.
137
00:05:57,865 --> 00:05:59,698
- Really?
- Yeah.
138
00:05:59,750 --> 00:06:02,201
Uh, I knew that... I knew that they would.
139
00:06:02,286 --> 00:06:05,454
I was just being optimistic.
140
00:06:05,540 --> 00:06:07,373
No, that's cool, dude.
141
00:06:07,425 --> 00:06:09,091
That's cool.
142
00:06:09,177 --> 00:06:10,543
Yeah.
143
00:06:10,628 --> 00:06:11,544
(Whispering) That's cool.
144
00:06:11,629 --> 00:06:13,462
145
00:06:17,051 --> 00:06:18,434
that's the way
146
00:06:18,519 --> 00:06:19,718
way you do
147
00:06:19,804 --> 00:06:21,270
that's the way
148
00:06:21,355 --> 00:06:22,938
way you do
149
00:06:23,024 --> 00:06:25,191
we do that's the way we do
150
00:06:25,226 --> 00:06:26,392
we don't take it
151
00:06:26,477 --> 00:06:27,893
that's the way we do
152
00:06:27,979 --> 00:06:29,395
that's the way
153
00:06:29,480 --> 00:06:30,446
way you do
154
00:06:30,531 --> 00:06:31,397
that's the way
155
00:06:32,233 --> 00:06:33,065
way you do
156
00:06:34,702 --> 00:06:36,452
Man, this is great.
157
00:06:36,537 --> 00:06:37,820
I love breezes.
158
00:06:37,905 --> 00:06:40,322
Nature is seriously amazing.
159
00:06:41,375 --> 00:06:42,708
So where's this dog wedding?
160
00:06:42,743 --> 00:06:43,909
Oh my god.
161
00:06:43,995 --> 00:06:44,960
I don't know.
162
00:06:45,046 --> 00:06:46,328
We gotta go back and get our phones.
163
00:06:46,414 --> 00:06:48,747
No, you're not going back
to that life right now.
164
00:06:48,799 --> 00:06:49,632
Come on, we can do this.
165
00:06:49,717 --> 00:06:50,916
Yeah, you know what?
166
00:06:51,002 --> 00:06:54,336
If our foremothers can find
countries without phones,
167
00:06:54,422 --> 00:06:56,639
we can find a dang dog wedding.
168
00:06:56,724 --> 00:06:57,840
Exactly.
169
00:06:57,925 --> 00:06:59,341
We are addicted to the matrix, dude.
170
00:06:59,427 --> 00:07:01,427
Admitting it is the first
step in the road to recovery.
171
00:07:01,512 --> 00:07:03,512
I mean, all I'm thinking about
right now is my (Bleep) phone.
172
00:07:04,599 --> 00:07:05,931
I miss the blue light.
173
00:07:06,017 --> 00:07:07,933
Ooh, I wanna marry the blue light.
174
00:07:08,019 --> 00:07:09,768
But you know what? We need to be present.
175
00:07:09,854 --> 00:07:11,737
We can go a couple
hours without our phones.
176
00:07:11,772 --> 00:07:13,272
What are we, teenagers?
177
00:07:13,357 --> 00:07:15,157
(Gasping) Boys!
178
00:07:15,243 --> 00:07:16,659
Yum.
179
00:07:16,744 --> 00:07:19,962
Oh my god, look at their... bodies.
180
00:07:20,048 --> 00:07:22,081
If I had my phone right now,
181
00:07:22,133 --> 00:07:24,166
I would Tinder the (Bleep) out of like
182
00:07:24,252 --> 00:07:26,385
all those beefcakes.
183
00:07:26,421 --> 00:07:28,387
You don't need Tinder for these dudes.
184
00:07:28,423 --> 00:07:30,590
You've got Tinder right here, IRL.
185
00:07:31,476 --> 00:07:32,725
Wanna "fook"?!
186
00:07:32,777 --> 00:07:33,860
(Laughing)
187
00:07:33,895 --> 00:07:34,944
What? Ilana!
188
00:07:35,029 --> 00:07:37,697
Oh, it's not big, it's like wanna "fook"?
189
00:07:37,732 --> 00:07:39,148
(Laughing)
190
00:07:39,234 --> 00:07:40,533
I am not down for that.
191
00:07:40,568 --> 00:07:43,286
Oh my god, somebody's gonna love...
192
00:07:43,371 --> 00:07:44,537
Wanna "fook"?
193
00:07:46,040 --> 00:07:47,039
You are insane.
194
00:07:47,075 --> 00:07:48,574
We're in a park right now.
195
00:07:48,626 --> 00:07:49,792
Ab, try it.
196
00:07:49,878 --> 00:07:50,793
Live in the moment.
197
00:07:50,879 --> 00:07:52,128
You just said that to me.
198
00:07:52,213 --> 00:07:55,498
Our foremothers didn't pin
dudes on (Bleep) Tinder.
199
00:07:55,583 --> 00:07:57,416
They'd spray their pheromones all over
200
00:07:57,468 --> 00:07:59,051
and yell, "wanna 'fook'?"
201
00:07:59,087 --> 00:08:00,386
Come on.
202
00:08:00,421 --> 00:08:02,588
All right.
203
00:08:02,640 --> 00:08:04,590
Wanna "foooook"?
204
00:08:06,261 --> 00:08:07,510
Yes, dude, it worked.
205
00:08:12,150 --> 00:08:14,016
- I got it!
- Cute.
206
00:08:16,571 --> 00:08:18,354
Oh... Jesus.
207
00:08:19,774 --> 00:08:20,856
I'm good!
208
00:08:22,527 --> 00:08:25,778
(Abbi) Man, my first impression
is always better on Tinder.
209
00:08:25,863 --> 00:08:28,247
I suck without the Internet, dude.
210
00:08:28,283 --> 00:08:31,834
It's like I'm too real for it, you know?
211
00:08:31,920 --> 00:08:33,002
Being off the matrix is gonna make us
212
00:08:33,087 --> 00:08:34,837
plug in more consciously.
213
00:08:34,923 --> 00:08:36,205
Like that day we went off sugar.
214
00:08:36,291 --> 00:08:37,506
How much sweeter were
sour straws after that?
215
00:08:37,592 --> 00:08:38,507
So much sweeter.
216
00:08:38,593 --> 00:08:39,875
God, you're right.
217
00:08:39,961 --> 00:08:41,010
One day off the matrix is gonna make us
218
00:08:41,095 --> 00:08:42,211
so much stronger.
219
00:08:42,297 --> 00:08:43,179
(Ilana) Dude, I think we're going too fast.
220
00:08:43,264 --> 00:08:44,213
We're gonna have to bail.
221
00:08:44,299 --> 00:08:45,681
- What do you mean, bail?
- Bail!
222
00:08:45,767 --> 00:08:47,183
- Bail!
- What do you mean, bail?
223
00:08:47,268 --> 00:08:49,268
Oh (Bleep), I can't stop!
224
00:08:49,304 --> 00:08:51,854
Ilana! Abbi!
225
00:08:51,940 --> 00:08:53,139
(Branches snapping)
226
00:08:54,275 --> 00:08:55,224
(Thudding)
227
00:08:58,370 --> 00:09:00,836
Oh my god. Are you okay?
228
00:09:00,921 --> 00:09:02,504
My foot really hurts.
229
00:09:02,589 --> 00:09:05,056
- I think I sprained it.
- Oh my god, dude.
230
00:09:05,142 --> 00:09:08,093
Jaime's blades were too big
for your bony, dainty feet.
231
00:09:08,178 --> 00:09:09,344
Yeah, that was it.
232
00:09:09,396 --> 00:09:11,513
My feet were probably too small for them.
233
00:09:11,598 --> 00:09:14,433
That's what... that's what did it.
234
00:09:14,518 --> 00:09:15,851
Ilana, this is really deep.
235
00:09:15,903 --> 00:09:17,319
I don't think I can climb out.
236
00:09:17,354 --> 00:09:19,187
And we don't even have our phones.
237
00:09:19,239 --> 00:09:20,689
We can't even call for help!
238
00:09:20,774 --> 00:09:22,157
What if I jump down in there,
239
00:09:22,192 --> 00:09:23,692
and then we scream for help together?
240
00:09:23,744 --> 00:09:25,360
No, you need to go get help.
241
00:09:25,412 --> 00:09:26,695
Are you kidding?
242
00:09:26,780 --> 00:09:27,996
God, I wish we had our
phones so we could Facetime
243
00:09:28,031 --> 00:09:29,030
while I go get help.
244
00:09:30,367 --> 00:09:31,867
Ilana, what?
245
00:09:31,919 --> 00:09:33,869
Okay, we got this.
246
00:09:33,954 --> 00:09:35,587
NBD, sister.
247
00:09:35,672 --> 00:09:38,507
I need you to smoke two joints
for the pain, immediately.
248
00:09:38,542 --> 00:09:40,792
We got nuts and figs for sustenance,
249
00:09:40,878 --> 00:09:42,511
and lanyard for entertainment.
250
00:09:42,546 --> 00:09:44,346
You mean gimp?
251
00:09:44,381 --> 00:09:45,680
You wanna argue about
what it's called right now?
252
00:09:45,716 --> 00:09:46,681
You, in the hole?
253
00:09:46,717 --> 00:09:48,216
No.
254
00:09:48,268 --> 00:09:50,552
Okay, I'm gonna BRB.
255
00:09:50,604 --> 00:09:52,103
I'm going to find Eliot and Lincoln stat.
256
00:09:52,189 --> 00:09:53,054
We're going to get you out of the hole.
257
00:09:53,140 --> 00:09:54,473
I don't want these figs.
258
00:09:54,558 --> 00:09:56,191
I don't like the little beads in 'em.
259
00:09:58,061 --> 00:09:59,778
Why is there a hole here?
260
00:09:59,863 --> 00:10:00,946
Jeez!
261
00:10:01,031 --> 00:10:01,980
Okay, I'll be right back.
262
00:10:02,065 --> 00:10:03,114
Be good.
263
00:10:03,200 --> 00:10:04,199
Wait, Ilana.
264
00:10:07,454 --> 00:10:08,737
Yeah?
265
00:10:08,789 --> 00:10:09,988
I do want the figs.
266
00:10:10,791 --> 00:10:11,740
Good choice.
267
00:10:13,293 --> 00:10:17,546
(Crow squawking)
268
00:10:17,581 --> 00:10:19,414
269
00:10:25,672 --> 00:10:27,422
Hey, d... d... d... do not touch that!
270
00:10:27,508 --> 00:10:28,673
Those are the dog quiche!
271
00:10:28,759 --> 00:10:31,643
I'm sorry I snapped, I'm very sorry.
272
00:10:31,728 --> 00:10:34,312
Somebody switched the dog quiche
273
00:10:34,398 --> 00:10:35,347
with the human quiche.
274
00:10:35,432 --> 00:10:36,398
It's okay, man.
275
00:10:36,433 --> 00:10:37,599
We'll just switch 'em back.
276
00:10:38,819 --> 00:10:39,985
I just checked in with the bride.
277
00:10:40,070 --> 00:10:42,737
Her heart is racing,
but that's not unusual.
278
00:10:42,773 --> 00:10:44,356
Chihuahuas' hearts always race.
279
00:10:44,441 --> 00:10:46,908
They were bred as like a joke.
280
00:10:46,944 --> 00:10:49,494
She may just have a case of cold paws.
281
00:10:49,580 --> 00:10:50,662
(Laughing)
282
00:10:50,747 --> 00:10:52,447
Cold paws is a very serious disease
283
00:10:52,499 --> 00:10:53,832
in the chihuahua community.
284
00:10:53,917 --> 00:10:55,250
Poor toe circulation.
285
00:10:55,285 --> 00:10:57,252
It's the number-one killer of chihuahuas.
286
00:10:59,957 --> 00:11:01,957
Cold paws, cold feet, you get why I...
287
00:11:02,042 --> 00:11:04,292
This wedding is a disaster.
288
00:11:04,378 --> 00:11:06,761
I'm sweating my (Bleep) nuts off.
289
00:11:06,797 --> 00:11:09,264
I need you to block me from Brandon
290
00:11:09,299 --> 00:11:10,799
so that he doesn't see
my enormous sweat glands.
291
00:11:10,851 --> 00:11:12,884
Eliot, relax, man.
292
00:11:12,970 --> 00:11:14,603
This is a beautiful setup you got here.
293
00:11:14,638 --> 00:11:16,187
I've never been to a dog wedding before,
294
00:11:16,273 --> 00:11:18,306
but I'd get married here in a second.
295
00:11:18,358 --> 00:11:19,858
Hey, don't tell Ilana I said that.
296
00:11:19,943 --> 00:11:21,393
- I'm just running my mouth.
- That's right.
297
00:11:21,478 --> 00:11:22,894
Ilana.
298
00:11:22,980 --> 00:11:23,945
She has the rings.
299
00:11:23,981 --> 00:11:25,363
Where is my sister?
300
00:11:25,449 --> 00:11:27,816
So now Abbi's stuck and I
need to get to the wedding.
301
00:11:27,901 --> 00:11:29,818
- Where's the wedding?
- Near the lake.
302
00:11:29,903 --> 00:11:30,869
Well, the lake is huge. What part?
303
00:11:30,954 --> 00:11:33,622
Oh my god, forget it!
304
00:11:35,492 --> 00:11:36,491
Hey, you asked me!
305
00:11:37,544 --> 00:11:39,995
(Abbi) Ow... oh...
306
00:11:40,080 --> 00:11:41,580
Okay.
307
00:11:41,665 --> 00:11:43,882
Pain is in the brain.
308
00:11:43,917 --> 00:11:45,634
Ow! Pain is in the brain.
309
00:11:45,719 --> 00:11:47,252
Pain is in my stupid, stupid brain.
310
00:11:51,508 --> 00:11:53,258
I'm down the shore with my family.
311
00:11:55,763 --> 00:11:57,095
Yeah.
312
00:11:57,147 --> 00:11:59,648
We're at the beach and it's fine.
313
00:11:59,733 --> 00:12:00,982
No, (Bleep) that.
314
00:12:01,068 --> 00:12:02,517
(Bleep) that!
315
00:12:02,603 --> 00:12:05,904
I am at dinner with Elijah Wood.
316
00:12:05,939 --> 00:12:08,940
And people are saying that
we're so cute together.
317
00:12:10,277 --> 00:12:12,277
And all we get is dessert.
318
00:12:12,363 --> 00:12:14,279
No, (Bleep) that.
319
00:12:14,331 --> 00:12:18,617
I am at an extravagant flea market
320
00:12:18,702 --> 00:12:21,036
with Mark Ruffalo.
321
00:12:21,121 --> 00:12:22,087
Yes!
322
00:12:23,457 --> 00:12:27,125
All we want is some wooden milk crates
323
00:12:27,211 --> 00:12:31,847
to line our office/maybe nursery one day.
324
00:12:31,932 --> 00:12:34,049
(Whispering) But we don't
say that to everybody.
325
00:12:34,134 --> 00:12:35,133
No!
326
00:12:35,219 --> 00:12:37,352
I am in Turks and Caicos right now...
327
00:12:37,438 --> 00:12:38,353
(Inhaling)
328
00:12:38,439 --> 00:12:39,388
... with Taye Diggs.
329
00:12:41,058 --> 00:12:43,608
There's no pain when you're
getting your groove back.
330
00:12:46,313 --> 00:12:48,480
Okay, I can do this.
331
00:12:48,565 --> 00:12:50,449
I have nature skills.
332
00:12:53,320 --> 00:12:56,822
333
00:13:00,461 --> 00:13:02,377
watch your mouth
334
00:13:02,463 --> 00:13:05,881
we've only opened up Pandora's box
335
00:13:05,966 --> 00:13:07,999
you'll pass my head
336
00:13:08,051 --> 00:13:11,336
-
unsettling deeds
- Eliot!
337
00:13:13,006 --> 00:13:15,507
-
Forget about your math book
- Eliot?
338
00:13:19,179 --> 00:13:23,515
Destiny we slide
this roller coaster
339
00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:26,685
up we bond the ticket
340
00:13:26,737 --> 00:13:30,489
we're walkin' the line
341
00:13:33,076 --> 00:13:34,910
make your mind up
342
00:13:34,995 --> 00:13:38,196
make your mind
343
00:13:40,534 --> 00:13:43,668
you seem so right
just give me reasons
344
00:13:45,372 --> 00:13:48,457
you know I don't need
to pretend you care
345
00:13:49,927 --> 00:13:52,344
I've been lookin' for you
346
00:13:54,598 --> 00:13:56,097
Wait.
347
00:13:56,183 --> 00:13:58,016
What am I doing?
348
00:13:58,051 --> 00:13:59,684
Eliot!
349
00:13:59,720 --> 00:14:00,685
Eliot!
350
00:14:00,721 --> 00:14:01,153
El!
351
00:14:06,600 --> 00:14:08,410
_
352
00:14:10,563 --> 00:14:11,562
Whoa.
353
00:14:17,069 --> 00:14:18,735
What is this?
354
00:14:20,956 --> 00:14:22,122
(Vibrator whirring)
355
00:14:22,208 --> 00:14:24,291
(Whispering) Oh, Jesus, turn it off.
356
00:14:24,376 --> 00:14:27,911
(Vibrating continues)
357
00:14:35,054 --> 00:14:37,054
What the (Bleep)?
358
00:14:39,758 --> 00:14:41,175
(Sighing)
359
00:14:50,819 --> 00:14:52,519
Come on, what's happening?
360
00:14:52,605 --> 00:14:53,654
Come on.
361
00:14:53,739 --> 00:14:55,022
(Chuckling) All right.
362
00:14:55,107 --> 00:14:56,356
Okay.
363
00:14:58,577 --> 00:14:59,910
(Sighing)
364
00:14:59,945 --> 00:15:01,662
(Bird chirping)
365
00:15:01,747 --> 00:15:03,997
(Whistling)
366
00:15:04,083 --> 00:15:05,415
- (Bird chirping)
- (Chuckling)
367
00:15:05,451 --> 00:15:06,617
(Bird warbling)
368
00:15:08,420 --> 00:15:10,003
Poppi, look.
369
00:15:10,089 --> 00:15:11,838
Okay, one more. Ready?
370
00:15:11,924 --> 00:15:13,290
And then boom.
371
00:15:13,375 --> 00:15:14,841
Look, I don't want to freak out right now,
372
00:15:14,927 --> 00:15:17,794
but that bitch, she
won't keep her dress on.
373
00:15:17,880 --> 00:15:19,630
It's a Vera Wag.
374
00:15:19,715 --> 00:15:20,764
God, I'm sweating like a beast.
375
00:15:20,799 --> 00:15:22,349
- I hate myself.
- Whoa, whoa.
376
00:15:22,434 --> 00:15:25,352
Everyone... specifically
you... needs to relax.
377
00:15:25,437 --> 00:15:28,812
This is a special moment for your... son?
378
00:15:28,824 --> 00:15:30,357
Grandson.
379
00:15:30,443 --> 00:15:32,276
Your grandson is getting married today.
380
00:15:32,328 --> 00:15:33,610
Get yourself together, man.
381
00:15:33,662 --> 00:15:34,661
I'm trying, I just...
382
00:15:34,747 --> 00:15:36,747
I don't want Brandon to see me like this.
383
00:15:36,782 --> 00:15:37,915
Sweaty.
384
00:15:37,950 --> 00:15:39,700
Oh...
385
00:15:39,785 --> 00:15:40,784
You like Brandon.
386
00:15:40,870 --> 00:15:41,952
- Yeah.
- Okay, I got this.
387
00:15:42,004 --> 00:15:43,170
Take a few deep breaths,
388
00:15:43,255 --> 00:15:46,206
and then you dab your t-zone, lightly.
389
00:15:48,844 --> 00:15:49,843
I think we should get started
390
00:15:49,929 --> 00:15:51,545
before Poppi changes her mind again.
391
00:15:51,630 --> 00:15:53,964
Okay, but, Monica, we
don't have the rings yet.
392
00:15:54,050 --> 00:15:57,017
Ordinarily, I would not
say this, but they're dogs.
393
00:15:57,103 --> 00:15:59,136
Well, you just lost one star on dog Yelp.
394
00:15:59,221 --> 00:16:00,220
No.
395
00:16:02,224 --> 00:16:05,841
Hey, can you get the dress
back on the dog, please?
396
00:16:06,729 --> 00:16:07,644
I'll talk to her.
397
00:16:08,681 --> 00:16:10,931
Okay, Poppi, what are you doing here?
398
00:16:11,017 --> 00:16:12,233
How many times are we gonna do this?
399
00:16:12,318 --> 00:16:13,517
I like Eliot,
400
00:16:13,569 --> 00:16:14,602
but if you're not into Atticus,
401
00:16:14,687 --> 00:16:16,020
I need you to tell me now 'cause
402
00:16:16,072 --> 00:16:17,021
I can't afford more alimony.
403
00:16:19,242 --> 00:16:20,491
(Ilana) El?
404
00:16:20,526 --> 00:16:21,826
Eliot?!
405
00:16:23,362 --> 00:16:24,528
(Gasping) Yes!
406
00:16:28,201 --> 00:16:30,034
Oh, dog wedding gazebo!
407
00:16:30,119 --> 00:16:32,453
Yes! Maps rule!
408
00:16:32,538 --> 00:16:34,038
Foremother's a bitch!
409
00:16:34,090 --> 00:16:35,206
Sacagawea!
410
00:16:42,098 --> 00:16:43,180
(Abbi) Come on.
411
00:16:44,183 --> 00:16:46,133
(People speaking foreign language)
412
00:16:46,219 --> 00:16:47,468
Hello?
413
00:16:47,553 --> 00:16:48,803
Hello!
414
00:16:48,888 --> 00:16:50,805
Oh my god, thank you so much.
415
00:16:51,306 --> 00:16:55,060
_
416
00:16:55,061 --> 00:16:57,740
- _
- _
417
00:16:57,750 --> 00:16:59,897
- What?
- No English.
418
00:16:59,982 --> 00:17:01,031
Sorry.
419
00:17:01,067 --> 00:17:02,566
Uh, auffen...
420
00:17:02,618 --> 00:17:04,819
Are you gonna call?
421
00:17:04,904 --> 00:17:07,571
Oh, you're taking a photo of me.
422
00:17:07,657 --> 00:17:08,739
Yeah... no, no.
423
00:17:08,825 --> 00:17:10,074
No!
424
00:17:10,126 --> 00:17:11,375
(Speaking gibberish)
425
00:17:18,584 --> 00:17:20,584
Sir...
426
00:17:20,636 --> 00:17:22,553
I'm afraid we're never
gonna get out of this place.
427
00:17:23,422 --> 00:17:25,172
428
00:17:27,593 --> 00:17:30,227
(Monica) I think we can
all agree it's clear.
429
00:17:30,263 --> 00:17:32,763
There's a lot of love here,
430
00:17:32,849 --> 00:17:35,316
and it was communicated
to me before this ceremony
431
00:17:35,325 --> 00:17:39,280
how important trust is
in this relationship.
432
00:17:39,281 --> 00:17:41,570
Atticus and Poppi's* dads
433
00:17:41,574 --> 00:17:43,607
taught love from a very young age.
434
00:17:43,693 --> 00:17:46,577
And now, without the rings,
435
00:17:46,612 --> 00:17:49,246
do you, Poppi, take Atticus
436
00:17:49,282 --> 00:17:51,365
to be your lawfully wedded husband?
437
00:17:51,450 --> 00:17:53,284
She does.
438
00:17:53,336 --> 00:17:55,452
And do you, Atticus,
439
00:17:55,538 --> 00:17:57,955
take Poppi to be your lawfully wedded wife?
440
00:17:58,624 --> 00:18:00,291
Wonderful.
441
00:18:00,376 --> 00:18:04,178
If anyone here objects to this
union, speak now or foreve...
442
00:18:04,263 --> 00:18:05,129
(Ilana) Wait!
443
00:18:05,214 --> 00:18:06,380
Hold up!
444
00:18:06,465 --> 00:18:09,300
Stop the wedding, stop the wedding!
445
00:18:09,385 --> 00:18:11,018
She's always gotta make it about her.
446
00:18:11,103 --> 00:18:12,519
(Whimpering)
447
00:18:12,605 --> 00:18:15,272
This was once Abbi's shirt that
I re-purposed to make cooler.
448
00:18:15,308 --> 00:18:16,607
Come on, boy, that's her scent.
449
00:18:16,642 --> 00:18:18,642
- She's a girl.
- Oh.
450
00:18:18,728 --> 00:18:20,110
We'll treat her differently, then.
451
00:18:20,146 --> 00:18:23,397
Oh god, this was the worst
day to go off the grid.
452
00:18:23,582 --> 00:18:27,952
Brazil nut, I gotta say
your pitch is fantastic.
453
00:18:27,987 --> 00:18:29,737
You have some star quality.
454
00:18:29,822 --> 00:18:31,121
I can't speak for the other judges
455
00:18:31,157 --> 00:18:33,324
but we'll see what they to say, okay?
456
00:18:36,329 --> 00:18:39,663
No, I completely disagree.
457
00:18:39,715 --> 00:18:40,748
Are you kidding me?
458
00:18:40,833 --> 00:18:42,049
She put her heart out there.
459
00:18:42,134 --> 00:18:43,300
She put her soul out there.
460
00:18:43,336 --> 00:18:45,169
You are complete overlooking
461
00:18:45,254 --> 00:18:48,672
the level of commitment
that performance took!
462
00:18:48,724 --> 00:18:50,341
Abbi!
463
00:18:50,426 --> 00:18:51,842
(All) Abbi!
464
00:18:51,928 --> 00:18:55,312
I'm pretty sure she's this way,
but let's split up to be sure.
465
00:18:55,398 --> 00:18:56,931
Okay, meet back, meet back.
466
00:18:58,517 --> 00:19:00,317
Abbi!
467
00:19:01,604 --> 00:19:03,570
(Abbi) Congratulations, spool stick.
468
00:19:03,656 --> 00:19:05,739
You're going to Hollywood, my friend.
469
00:19:05,825 --> 00:19:09,109
(vocalizing)
470
00:19:09,195 --> 00:19:10,494
Yeah, it's her!
471
00:19:10,529 --> 00:19:11,779
Hold up, hold up, hold up, hold up.
472
00:19:11,864 --> 00:19:14,615
Abbi's wearing my backpack as a diaper.
473
00:19:14,700 --> 00:19:16,583
Dude, I was gone for like 25 minutes.
474
00:19:16,669 --> 00:19:18,369
Half-hour tops.
475
00:19:18,421 --> 00:19:20,704
It felt like a lot longer.
476
00:19:20,756 --> 00:19:22,122
Abbi, that foot is jacked-up.
477
00:19:22,208 --> 00:19:23,674
You should put some ice on it.
478
00:19:23,709 --> 00:19:24,708
I know.
479
00:19:24,760 --> 00:19:25,793
I'm practically a doctor.
480
00:19:25,878 --> 00:19:27,094
But you're not.
481
00:19:27,179 --> 00:19:28,512
I am a doctor, and I
have a lot of experience
482
00:19:28,547 --> 00:19:29,680
with sprains and breaks.
483
00:19:29,715 --> 00:19:32,132
(Lincoln) No offense, but it's more like
484
00:19:32,218 --> 00:19:34,134
you drain fluid from their butt sacks.
485
00:19:34,220 --> 00:19:36,887
Uh, none taken,
but I work with several species.
486
00:19:36,973 --> 00:19:38,555
None of which are human.
487
00:19:38,607 --> 00:19:40,391
Look, the truth about cats and dogs is...
488
00:19:40,476 --> 00:19:41,976
So is the ambulance coming soon?
489
00:19:42,061 --> 00:19:43,682
Yep, it's on its way.
490
00:19:43,900 --> 00:19:45,260
Oh, wow, there they are.
491
00:19:45,611 --> 00:19:47,478
- (Brandon) Oh, those are beautiful.
- You know what?
492
00:19:47,563 --> 00:19:49,363
We'll get them when the swelling goes down.
493
00:19:49,449 --> 00:19:51,148
Which I'm sure will be very soon.
494
00:19:51,200 --> 00:19:52,149
- 48 hours.
- In about one to two weeks.
495
00:19:53,653 --> 00:19:55,240
(Sighing)
496
00:19:56,584 --> 00:19:58,590
And now, without further ado,
497
00:19:58,619 --> 00:20:01,458
by the power vested in me
by the state of New York,
498
00:20:01,477 --> 00:20:05,585
I now pronounce you, dog
husband, and dog wife.
499
00:20:06,418 --> 00:20:08,888
Ok, kiss.
500
00:20:10,081 --> 00:20:11,992
Yay!
501
00:20:18,059 --> 00:20:19,999
So I guess, we're related now.
502
00:20:20,008 --> 00:20:22,052
- Hm-mmm.
- Can in-laws hook up?
503
00:20:22,052 --> 00:20:26,198
- Yeah, it's like soft incest.
- Whoa, that's so royal.
504
00:20:26,870 --> 00:20:29,311
I think I've seen all
I needed to see today.
505
00:20:29,431 --> 00:20:31,753
Take her outta here, boys.
506
00:20:44,945 --> 00:20:46,544
(Gasps)
507
00:20:46,664 --> 00:20:51,806
(Screams) Fig!
508
00:20:51,926 --> 00:20:58,335
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- www.addic7ed.com -
509
00:20:58,385 --> 00:21:02,935
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