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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:11,552 --> 00:00:14,483 Ab, ab, ab... no joke, today is the day 2 00:00:14,584 --> 00:00:16,282 we become Abbi and Ilana, the boss bitches 3 00:00:16,383 --> 00:00:17,781 we are in our minds. 4 00:00:17,882 --> 00:00:18,914 Are you with me? 5 00:00:19,015 --> 00:00:21,180 Yeah, I'm with you, awesome. 6 00:00:23,780 --> 00:00:24,911 Are you... is that the whole thing? 7 00:00:25,012 --> 00:00:26,410 Obviously I have a plan. 8 00:00:26,511 --> 00:00:30,374 Tonight we are going to see a secret pop-up Lil Wayne concert, 9 00:00:30,476 --> 00:00:31,541 at bowery ballroom. 10 00:00:31,642 --> 00:00:33,774 I can't, I'm so broke. No excuses, girl. 11 00:00:33,875 --> 00:00:35,713 I'm getting big ol' balls of mozzarella today. 12 00:00:35,740 --> 00:00:36,638 Chea... get it! 13 00:00:36,739 --> 00:00:38,371 Chea... harder. 14 00:00:38,473 --> 00:00:40,337 You're gonna have to speak in English for me. 15 00:00:40,438 --> 00:00:42,715 I am getting my paycheck today and I can spot you, bitch! 16 00:00:42,803 --> 00:00:43,969 I wish that I could, 17 00:00:44,069 --> 00:00:46,768 but I am so close to finishing season one of "Damages," 18 00:00:46,868 --> 00:00:49,732 and I made, this, like, amazing cashew stir-fry 19 00:00:49,833 --> 00:00:51,964 for the week, so I'm actually pretty booked. 20 00:00:52,066 --> 00:00:53,896 Stir-fry? 21 00:00:53,997 --> 00:00:56,128 Can I talk to the Abbi who stole a van? 22 00:00:56,230 --> 00:00:58,795 Ab, you're so stuck in your little routine. 23 00:00:58,896 --> 00:01:00,494 I bet you schedule when you jack off. 24 00:01:00,495 --> 00:01:04,257 Schedule when I ja... 25 00:01:04,358 --> 00:01:06,124 Oh, my God. 26 00:01:06,225 --> 00:01:07,324 Is that Lincoln? 27 00:01:07,425 --> 00:01:08,422 Yep. 28 00:01:08,523 --> 00:01:09,622 Is he inside of you? 29 00:01:09,723 --> 00:01:10,722 Yep. 30 00:01:10,824 --> 00:01:11,981 I'm just keeping him warm. 31 00:01:11,988 --> 00:01:13,587 All right... let's just set some ground rules here 32 00:01:13,688 --> 00:01:15,120 for everybody involved. 33 00:01:15,221 --> 00:01:17,186 I don't want to see you have sex. 34 00:01:17,287 --> 00:01:18,784 Let's try and avoid that. 35 00:01:18,885 --> 00:01:20,982 Lincoln, you seem well. 36 00:01:21,085 --> 00:01:22,962 Thank you... I've been doing this no-bread diet 37 00:01:23,050 --> 00:01:24,581 and it's pretty good. 38 00:01:24,682 --> 00:01:25,681 It's been working. 39 00:01:25,749 --> 00:01:27,281 All right... I'm gonna head out, then. 40 00:01:27,382 --> 00:01:28,746 Peace, bye. 41 00:01:28,847 --> 00:01:29,746 That was hot... that was cool. 42 00:01:29,847 --> 00:01:31,679 That was like a threesome, in a way. 43 00:01:31,779 --> 00:01:33,610 Uh, Ilana, what are we doing? 44 00:01:33,711 --> 00:01:35,309 Are we just having sex, hooking up? 45 00:01:35,410 --> 00:01:36,543 Are we dating? 46 00:01:36,643 --> 00:01:37,642 What is this? 47 00:01:37,743 --> 00:01:40,873 This is purely physical. 48 00:01:40,973 --> 00:01:42,906 Why does this always happen to me? 49 00:01:43,007 --> 00:01:45,371 Four and three and two and one-one 50 00:01:53,234 --> 00:01:55,267 Climb... push it! 51 00:01:55,367 --> 00:01:56,467 Come on! 52 00:01:56,567 --> 00:01:57,645 Let's make some magic here. 53 00:01:57,698 --> 00:01:58,831 Let's climb it. 54 00:01:58,932 --> 00:02:00,864 Turn up that resistance... come on. 55 00:02:00,965 --> 00:02:02,096 Let's do this. 56 00:02:02,197 --> 00:02:04,829 Yes, climb. 57 00:02:04,930 --> 00:02:06,393 Yo, Abbi. Hey. 58 00:02:06,494 --> 00:02:08,260 Got something for you. Okay. 59 00:02:08,361 --> 00:02:09,758 Big ol' clogged toilet in the girls' room. 60 00:02:09,859 --> 00:02:11,259 It's pretty bad. 61 00:02:11,360 --> 00:02:12,637 You'll know it when you see it. 62 00:02:12,691 --> 00:02:13,625 Thanks for the heads-up, Tre. 63 00:02:13,725 --> 00:02:14,823 No problem... just do me a favor. 64 00:02:14,923 --> 00:02:16,189 Try not to make eye contact with any members, 65 00:02:16,290 --> 00:02:17,456 when you're holding the plunger. 66 00:02:17,557 --> 00:02:18,654 Really bums 'em out. 67 00:02:18,755 --> 00:02:20,752 Well, I mean, what if someone just, like, walks... 68 00:02:28,284 --> 00:02:29,583 Underwater massage? 69 00:02:29,684 --> 00:02:32,015 Yes... yes, that sounds intense. 70 00:02:32,116 --> 00:02:33,214 Great job, killing it. 71 00:02:33,314 --> 00:02:35,446 Who's got more deals? 72 00:02:35,547 --> 00:02:36,979 Who else has a deal for me? 73 00:02:37,080 --> 00:02:38,745 Ooh, Nicole, what's your deal. 74 00:02:38,845 --> 00:02:41,610 I'm kind of obsessed with these D-I-Y vajazzling seminars 75 00:02:41,711 --> 00:02:44,076 and I feel like they'd be a really great fit for us. 76 00:02:44,177 --> 00:02:46,108 That is what I'm talking about. 77 00:02:46,209 --> 00:02:47,440 Do you guys smell that? 78 00:02:47,541 --> 00:02:48,540 Come on, sniff the air. 79 00:02:48,641 --> 00:02:49,720 Oh, what's that odor? 80 00:02:49,740 --> 00:02:51,105 I think it's the scent of a deal. 81 00:02:51,206 --> 00:02:52,104 Who's got more deals for me? 82 00:02:52,205 --> 00:02:53,670 Ooh, in the back, Ilana. 83 00:02:53,772 --> 00:02:56,102 Dope sweatshirt... what is your deal? 84 00:02:56,203 --> 00:02:59,268 I've been kind of obsessed with getting paid, 85 00:02:59,369 --> 00:03:01,167 and I was wondering if that's happening today, 86 00:03:01,168 --> 00:03:03,798 so we could all be paid. 87 00:03:03,899 --> 00:03:06,831 Checks, unfortunately, delayed 'til Friday. 88 00:03:06,932 --> 00:03:08,230 Bummer. 89 00:03:08,331 --> 00:03:09,763 F-M-L, right? 90 00:03:09,864 --> 00:03:11,795 Speaking of F-M-L, went on a third date. 91 00:03:11,896 --> 00:03:13,294 with that girl from Match.Com, 92 00:03:13,396 --> 00:03:14,627 to keep you guys updated, 93 00:03:14,727 --> 00:03:16,592 third time, went for the kiss, third time rejected, 94 00:03:16,693 --> 00:03:18,291 but I'll try... I'll get it. 95 00:03:20,524 --> 00:03:22,024 Let's get back to our desks. 96 00:03:22,125 --> 00:03:24,821 Deals don't make themselves. 97 00:03:24,922 --> 00:03:27,521 Bonjour, petit Wayne. 98 00:03:29,220 --> 00:03:30,818 I am a genius. 99 00:03:30,919 --> 00:03:32,518 Not so much... right, buddy? 100 00:03:32,619 --> 00:03:34,256 That's the look of a dealer right there. 101 00:03:34,351 --> 00:03:35,783 If I was in Las Vegas, I'd assume you could, 102 00:03:35,885 --> 00:03:36,949 move the table limit. 103 00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:38,682 That's how much of a dealer you are. 104 00:03:42,280 --> 00:03:43,479 Ilana. Ooh. 105 00:03:43,580 --> 00:03:46,144 Come on, this is not work. 106 00:03:46,246 --> 00:03:47,977 Oh... okay, I'll take lunch. 107 00:03:48,077 --> 00:03:49,315 Please... 108 00:03:49,343 --> 00:03:50,582 Come back today. 109 00:03:56,374 --> 00:03:57,306 Oh! 110 00:03:57,407 --> 00:03:58,437 Ilana. 111 00:03:58,538 --> 00:04:01,770 Don't Black Swan me like that, dude. 112 00:04:01,870 --> 00:04:03,503 Okay, what are you even doing here? 113 00:04:03,603 --> 00:04:05,169 Nothing... just strolling through the neighborhood 114 00:04:05,269 --> 00:04:06,201 and wanted to see my number one. 115 00:04:06,302 --> 00:04:07,567 Oh, really? 116 00:04:07,668 --> 00:04:10,132 Okay, listen... I really think that you deserve... hey. 117 00:04:10,233 --> 00:04:12,099 Sorry, I forgot about the line. 118 00:04:12,199 --> 00:04:13,931 I'll see you in the second-class citizen area. 119 00:04:14,032 --> 00:04:16,130 It's called the non-member pen and you know that. 120 00:04:16,230 --> 00:04:17,730 Ew... listen to yourself. 121 00:04:17,831 --> 00:04:20,927 I think you deserve like an Abbi Bueller's day off. 122 00:04:21,028 --> 00:04:22,659 I can't just leave work in the middle of the day. 123 00:04:22,760 --> 00:04:24,659 Yes, you can... you just lie, and leave. 124 00:04:24,760 --> 00:04:26,690 All they let you do, is fold towels, anyway. 125 00:04:26,791 --> 00:04:27,857 No, they don't. 126 00:04:27,958 --> 00:04:29,622 They let me do a lot more than that. 127 00:04:29,725 --> 00:04:32,688 I wash the towels, and then I dry the towels. 128 00:04:32,789 --> 00:04:35,087 Great... to see you. 129 00:04:35,187 --> 00:04:37,186 Good friend? Uh-huh, yeah, she's great. 130 00:04:37,287 --> 00:04:39,451 Also, any day now, a trainer's gonna be absent, 131 00:04:39,552 --> 00:04:44,182 and guess who they're gonna invite, to instruct a class. 132 00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:46,321 I would love for that to happen, but it's just not. 133 00:04:46,350 --> 00:04:47,347 They don't respect you. 134 00:04:47,448 --> 00:04:48,447 Oh, thank God, Abbi, there you are. 135 00:04:48,548 --> 00:04:49,706 Tre. 136 00:04:49,747 --> 00:04:51,265 Thank God. We really need you, buddy. 137 00:04:51,280 --> 00:04:52,812 Yes, I'm prepared. 138 00:04:52,913 --> 00:04:54,978 So... 139 00:04:55,079 --> 00:04:57,076 We got another pube situation, in the women's locker room. 140 00:04:57,177 --> 00:04:58,709 Yeah... somebody really went to town, 141 00:04:58,810 --> 00:04:59,928 in the second shower stall. 142 00:04:59,941 --> 00:05:01,022 And if you need the snake, 143 00:05:01,108 --> 00:05:02,273 it's probably wherever you last left it. 144 00:05:02,374 --> 00:05:03,506 I know where it is, so. 145 00:05:03,607 --> 00:05:04,871 You know, you should just label it "Abbi's Snake," 146 00:05:04,974 --> 00:05:06,804 you're so good with it. I don't know if I wanna... 147 00:05:06,905 --> 00:05:08,803 Seriously. 148 00:05:10,037 --> 00:05:11,303 Okay, Abbi, come on. 149 00:05:11,403 --> 00:05:12,634 Can I get a little more positivity from you, please? 150 00:05:12,735 --> 00:05:13,668 I'll clean it. 151 00:05:13,768 --> 00:05:14,734 You can be positive, right? 152 00:05:14,834 --> 00:05:16,533 I know you can be positive. 153 00:05:19,132 --> 00:05:20,131 Yeah, you know what? 154 00:05:20,232 --> 00:05:21,389 You know, I can be positive, 155 00:05:21,431 --> 00:05:23,196 because I actually might be positive. 156 00:05:23,297 --> 00:05:24,895 I'm dealing with some pretty scary test results, 157 00:05:24,996 --> 00:05:26,494 that are at a clinic right now, 158 00:05:26,595 --> 00:05:28,394 and I have to get 'em, but I'm at work. 159 00:05:28,495 --> 00:05:31,359 I mean, I might be positive in a blood situation, so... 160 00:05:31,460 --> 00:05:32,559 Is it herpes? 161 00:05:32,659 --> 00:05:33,957 No, it's not. 162 00:05:34,059 --> 00:05:37,522 Genital warts. No. 163 00:05:37,623 --> 00:05:38,555 Oh, my God. 164 00:05:38,656 --> 00:05:39,888 Abbi. 165 00:05:39,989 --> 00:05:41,221 Is it the big one? 166 00:05:41,321 --> 00:05:42,753 It could be the big one. 167 00:05:42,854 --> 00:05:43,919 Abbi, you gotta get those results? 168 00:05:44,020 --> 00:05:45,119 I gotta get the pubes. 169 00:05:45,220 --> 00:05:46,651 Don't worry about the pubes, Abbi. 170 00:05:46,752 --> 00:05:48,250 Get your results. 171 00:05:48,351 --> 00:05:50,649 Blaise, there you are... would you get to class? 172 00:05:52,116 --> 00:05:53,282 Abbi. 173 00:05:53,382 --> 00:05:54,579 Let me know if you have aids. 174 00:05:54,580 --> 00:05:56,680 You'll be the first one that I tell. 175 00:05:56,781 --> 00:05:58,412 When I find out. 176 00:06:07,875 --> 00:06:10,738 Okay, so tickets are 50 each. 177 00:06:10,839 --> 00:06:12,772 Obviously, we need an eighth. Ok. 178 00:06:12,873 --> 00:06:15,570 Plus drinks, that's like 200 bucks total. 179 00:06:15,672 --> 00:06:17,903 And since Todd wouldn't give me my paycheck. 180 00:06:18,004 --> 00:06:20,201 Girl! 181 00:06:20,303 --> 00:06:22,832 You took all of his office supplies. 182 00:06:22,934 --> 00:06:25,132 Listen, what I do at my place of work, 183 00:06:25,233 --> 00:06:27,131 is none of your damn business, okay? 184 00:06:27,232 --> 00:06:30,196 Okay, I think you really need to be fired, really soon. I know. 185 00:06:34,229 --> 00:06:35,466 Oh, I love this song. 186 00:06:35,527 --> 00:06:37,725 Ugh... this is a slave song. 187 00:06:37,826 --> 00:06:39,293 It's not a slave song. 188 00:06:39,392 --> 00:06:40,557 Yes, it is. 189 00:06:40,659 --> 00:06:41,857 It's widely known by the black community, 190 00:06:41,958 --> 00:06:44,222 that "What a Wonderful World" is, like, a slave song. 191 00:06:44,323 --> 00:06:45,755 Right, right, right, I totally forgot that you're, 192 00:06:45,856 --> 00:06:47,787 like, the voice of the whole black community. 193 00:06:47,888 --> 00:06:49,487 It's a thing... Google it. 194 00:06:49,588 --> 00:06:50,787 It's in a Fugees song. 195 00:06:50,887 --> 00:06:53,251 Wyclef's like, "and I think to myself." 196 00:06:53,352 --> 00:06:54,584 He's like angry about it. 197 00:06:54,685 --> 00:06:56,749 I feel like all we ever talk about is black people, 198 00:06:56,850 --> 00:06:59,349 and slaver... y... 199 00:06:59,450 --> 00:07:00,347 Hi. 200 00:07:00,448 --> 00:07:02,314 I would like to return these items. 201 00:07:02,414 --> 00:07:03,813 I once owned them personally, 202 00:07:03,915 --> 00:07:06,045 but I have no use for them now, so. 203 00:07:07,545 --> 00:07:10,776 Your total comes to $135.67. 204 00:07:10,877 --> 00:07:12,110 Yes! Shit... yes! 205 00:07:13,609 --> 00:07:15,207 Oh. 206 00:07:15,308 --> 00:07:19,205 You know, we'd love to get that in liquid cash. Yeah. 207 00:07:21,404 --> 00:07:23,904 Okay. 208 00:07:24,005 --> 00:07:25,335 Okay, what about my fishbowl of change? 209 00:07:25,435 --> 00:07:27,433 There's got to be, like, 30 or 40 bucks in there? 210 00:07:27,435 --> 00:07:28,735 Can you leave? 211 00:07:28,835 --> 00:07:30,933 Yeah, we're gonna... we're ending the convo. 212 00:07:37,796 --> 00:07:40,095 Justin, Justin, there's a sniper there... oh! 213 00:07:40,196 --> 00:07:41,793 I just told you that! 214 00:07:41,895 --> 00:07:43,693 Oh, my God. 215 00:07:43,793 --> 00:07:45,126 Hey, guys. 216 00:07:45,227 --> 00:07:46,291 Hey. Yo. 217 00:07:46,392 --> 00:07:48,024 What gun are you using? 218 00:07:48,125 --> 00:07:50,956 Ah, you got the variable zoom on that. 219 00:07:51,057 --> 00:07:52,855 Oh, I'll have to check that out. 220 00:07:52,956 --> 00:07:55,254 Sorry, Ilana, all that cheese you wanted, is gone. 221 00:07:55,355 --> 00:07:58,452 It looks like somebody ate it all. 222 00:07:58,553 --> 00:07:59,485 That sucks. 223 00:07:59,586 --> 00:08:00,718 Cheese is dope. 224 00:08:00,819 --> 00:08:03,717 Uh-oh, U.A.V. inbound, courtesy of yours truly. 225 00:08:03,818 --> 00:08:05,716 You're welcome. 226 00:08:05,817 --> 00:08:07,147 Hey, Beavers. 227 00:08:07,249 --> 00:08:11,079 So I noticed, that you ate all of my cheese again. 228 00:08:11,180 --> 00:08:12,212 Could you not do that? 229 00:08:12,313 --> 00:08:13,278 Or maybe get more? 230 00:08:13,379 --> 00:08:14,445 I'm sorry. 231 00:08:14,546 --> 00:08:16,143 I actually didn't realize, it was your cheese. 232 00:08:16,245 --> 00:08:18,276 I labeled it pretty clearly. 233 00:08:18,377 --> 00:08:19,841 Mm-hmm, I see. 234 00:08:19,943 --> 00:08:22,708 Maybe in the future if you do that, put it on, like... 235 00:08:22,809 --> 00:08:26,106 Like, all six sides of the cheese brick. 236 00:08:26,207 --> 00:08:27,570 Yeah. 237 00:08:27,671 --> 00:08:29,203 Well, maybe you can just restock it, then? 238 00:08:29,304 --> 00:08:30,903 I can put on some sweats, and run out if you want me to. 239 00:08:31,004 --> 00:08:32,122 Yeah, okay. Or, you know... 240 00:08:33,236 --> 00:08:34,168 I'm not talking to you! 241 00:08:34,269 --> 00:08:35,434 I'm talking to my roommate! 242 00:08:35,534 --> 00:08:36,601 You're not my roommate. 243 00:08:36,701 --> 00:08:38,532 You're my roommate's boyfriend. What? 244 00:08:38,634 --> 00:08:40,798 Oh, also, the toilet's clogged. 245 00:08:40,899 --> 00:08:42,430 My bad. 246 00:08:42,531 --> 00:08:44,295 You know, I think I'm lactose intolerant. 247 00:08:44,396 --> 00:08:46,295 Good thing you ate all that cheese. 248 00:08:46,396 --> 00:08:48,427 You know that, there's a plunger in the bathroom. 249 00:08:48,528 --> 00:08:49,727 It's right next to the toilet. 250 00:08:49,761 --> 00:08:50,960 It's like, right within... 251 00:08:51,061 --> 00:08:52,658 I do know that, but I also know that you told me, 252 00:08:52,758 --> 00:08:54,591 not to touch your stuff in the bathroom. 253 00:08:54,692 --> 00:08:55,657 Right. 254 00:08:55,758 --> 00:08:56,656 That's my mistake. 255 00:08:56,756 --> 00:08:58,189 Yeah. You disgust me. 256 00:08:58,290 --> 00:08:59,689 What? 257 00:08:59,790 --> 00:09:02,354 Oh... Sergeant First Class! 258 00:09:02,455 --> 00:09:04,420 I just ranked up, Abbi! 259 00:09:04,520 --> 00:09:07,117 Yes, I placed the Jewess ad. 260 00:09:07,219 --> 00:09:09,317 Both of us are over 18, yeah. 261 00:09:09,417 --> 00:09:11,282 Under 18, I said. 262 00:09:11,383 --> 00:09:13,020 We're both under 18, we're young teens... 263 00:09:13,115 --> 00:09:15,780 Hello? 264 00:09:15,882 --> 00:09:17,213 Damn it. 265 00:09:20,012 --> 00:09:21,877 Okay. 266 00:09:23,377 --> 00:09:29,373 At the bottom of the ocean 267 00:09:29,474 --> 00:09:30,840 Hey, somebody left a dank turd... 268 00:09:30,941 --> 00:09:33,838 Oh, my God. 269 00:09:33,939 --> 00:09:35,304 You still have your performance bib, right? 270 00:09:35,405 --> 00:09:36,644 Yeah, duh. 271 00:09:36,705 --> 00:09:39,203 This is gonna make a dent in the Weezie fund, dude. 272 00:09:39,303 --> 00:09:40,368 Huge dent. 273 00:09:40,468 --> 00:09:41,435 Did you call me? 274 00:09:41,536 --> 00:09:43,234 No, Matt, I didn't call you! 275 00:09:43,334 --> 00:09:44,732 It's like, why would we call you? 276 00:09:44,834 --> 00:09:47,332 It's like he's constantly in my face. 277 00:09:47,432 --> 00:09:49,031 It kills me that he lives here, and doesn't pay a cent. 278 00:09:49,132 --> 00:09:53,396 I feel dirtier when I leave the shower, because his hair... 279 00:09:53,497 --> 00:09:55,761 His hair is, like, all over my body. 280 00:09:55,862 --> 00:09:58,060 It's like I have to see your dick in your shorts. God! 281 00:10:01,358 --> 00:10:03,323 You know, one side is always gonna be hamstrung, 282 00:10:03,424 --> 00:10:05,056 by the other side's congress, you know? 283 00:10:05,157 --> 00:10:06,855 It just doesn't matter... we're done. 284 00:10:06,955 --> 00:10:08,421 We're done as a country. 285 00:10:08,522 --> 00:10:10,154 Matt, did you just call me? 286 00:10:23,447 --> 00:10:25,779 Jeremy. 287 00:10:29,944 --> 00:10:31,675 The sun 288 00:10:31,776 --> 00:10:34,041 the sun blows over the sea 289 00:10:34,142 --> 00:10:35,308 Hey, Abbi. 290 00:10:35,409 --> 00:10:37,307 Hey... 291 00:10:37,407 --> 00:10:38,840 Making up a batch of my famous peppercorn, 292 00:10:38,941 --> 00:10:40,205 and cardamom cider beer. 293 00:10:40,305 --> 00:10:42,504 I'm not gonna finish it all myself. 294 00:10:42,604 --> 00:10:46,768 You need someone else. 295 00:10:46,869 --> 00:10:50,033 We're making eye contact. 296 00:10:50,134 --> 00:10:52,498 You'll let me know, then? 297 00:10:52,599 --> 00:10:56,996 Your arms... 298 00:10:57,097 --> 00:10:58,762 Abbi... 299 00:10:58,863 --> 00:11:01,560 Abbi... 300 00:11:01,662 --> 00:11:03,060 Abbi! 301 00:11:03,162 --> 00:11:04,227 Thank God I caught you. 302 00:11:04,328 --> 00:11:05,564 And that you're in gym shorts. 303 00:11:05,592 --> 00:11:06,831 Mm-hmm. 304 00:11:06,926 --> 00:11:09,924 Anyway, just so you know, we need toilet paper. 305 00:11:10,025 --> 00:11:12,123 Oh, we need it... we do? 306 00:11:12,224 --> 00:11:13,321 Well, if you don't mind, 307 00:11:13,422 --> 00:11:15,255 I mean, since you're going out anyway. 308 00:11:15,355 --> 00:11:16,487 Is there anything else that I can get you, 309 00:11:16,588 --> 00:11:17,520 maybe, when I'm out? 310 00:11:17,620 --> 00:11:18,986 Well, I wasn't gonna ask, 311 00:11:19,087 --> 00:11:22,651 but I have been hankering for something sweet. 312 00:11:22,752 --> 00:11:24,416 Like a hot cookie? 313 00:11:24,518 --> 00:11:26,281 Soft but not moist. 314 00:11:26,382 --> 00:11:29,281 Or, surprise me! 315 00:11:29,382 --> 00:11:31,846 Kill you in your sleep, how's that for a surprise? 316 00:11:34,512 --> 00:11:37,145 Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. 317 00:11:37,245 --> 00:11:39,076 I got a special delivery for you, Ilana. 318 00:11:39,177 --> 00:11:40,242 Thank you so much, I... 319 00:11:40,343 --> 00:11:41,275 I brought your beautiful thing, too. 320 00:11:41,376 --> 00:11:42,707 Oh. 321 00:11:42,808 --> 00:11:45,673 Jaime, you are the best roommate, and best friend I've ever had. 322 00:11:45,775 --> 00:11:47,538 When you're ready to become a citizen, 323 00:11:47,639 --> 00:11:49,104 my legs are wide open. 324 00:11:49,205 --> 00:11:51,870 I don't think that's how it works, but thank you. 325 00:11:51,971 --> 00:11:54,069 Jaime, Himmels, Hymes... how are you? 326 00:11:54,170 --> 00:11:57,466 Good. Are you stoned right now? 327 00:11:57,567 --> 00:11:59,365 Yeah. Good, so regarding the pot... 328 00:11:59,466 --> 00:12:02,065 Mmm-hmm. We can get you that 60 bucks A.S.A.P. 329 00:12:02,166 --> 00:12:04,463 Okay. Or... 330 00:12:04,564 --> 00:12:08,728 This office warehouse gift card has $135 on it. 331 00:12:08,828 --> 00:12:11,626 Whoa. I know, it's like, what do they even have there? 332 00:12:11,726 --> 00:12:13,525 Only any office supply known to man. 333 00:12:13,626 --> 00:12:15,257 I mean, I think they even have food now. 334 00:12:15,358 --> 00:12:16,557 Oh, yeah... no, I'll take it. 335 00:12:16,658 --> 00:12:17,690 There's like, lamps. 336 00:12:17,791 --> 00:12:18,923 Please... tons of stuff. 337 00:12:19,024 --> 00:12:20,122 Give it to me. 338 00:12:20,223 --> 00:12:21,322 Yeah... that's good... 339 00:12:21,423 --> 00:12:23,620 Trade? I'll take it. 340 00:12:23,721 --> 00:12:25,486 Yes. Yes. 341 00:12:25,587 --> 00:12:27,086 Bah, bah, black sheep. 342 00:12:27,186 --> 00:12:29,051 Dude, the card worked. Yes. 343 00:12:29,152 --> 00:12:31,051 Now we only need $140. 344 00:12:31,152 --> 00:12:32,709 Easy, we're done. We're doing it, dude, 345 00:12:32,716 --> 00:12:33,955 we're getting there. 346 00:12:34,050 --> 00:12:34,949 Is that Lincoln? 347 00:12:37,148 --> 00:12:39,680 Why is he doing this to me, before curtain? 348 00:12:41,313 --> 00:12:43,711 Bah, bah, black sheep. 349 00:12:43,812 --> 00:12:45,075 Lincoln, why are you here? 350 00:12:45,176 --> 00:12:46,110 No offense. 351 00:12:46,210 --> 00:12:47,642 I saw your tweet, so I wanted to stop by, 352 00:12:47,744 --> 00:12:49,207 but I wanted to respect your space. 353 00:12:49,308 --> 00:12:50,507 That's why I'm hanging back. 354 00:12:50,608 --> 00:12:51,540 That's cool. 355 00:12:51,641 --> 00:12:53,872 I respect you, respecting me. 356 00:12:53,973 --> 00:12:55,004 Yeah? 357 00:12:55,106 --> 00:12:57,070 I'm gonna respect your dick later. 358 00:13:01,469 --> 00:13:03,500 Yeah! 359 00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:06,266 Weekdays are tough. 360 00:13:06,366 --> 00:13:09,430 It's early for lunch. 361 00:13:09,531 --> 00:13:12,363 They just need time to find the audience, you know? 362 00:13:12,465 --> 00:13:13,702 The first season of "Seinfeld," 363 00:13:13,730 --> 00:13:15,428 not that many people saw that show, 364 00:13:15,528 --> 00:13:17,959 but it got time to grow. 365 00:13:18,060 --> 00:13:20,158 Yeah. 366 00:13:20,259 --> 00:13:22,357 Oh, we got a fan. 367 00:13:22,458 --> 00:13:24,256 We got a fan, hey, hey, hey. 368 00:13:25,856 --> 00:13:28,621 Me and Ilana, we really don't like to use labels. 369 00:13:28,722 --> 00:13:30,087 We try to be more progressive. 370 00:13:30,188 --> 00:13:32,020 We have a real connection. 371 00:13:35,152 --> 00:13:37,651 Oh, she's break dancing, that's cool. 372 00:13:39,717 --> 00:13:41,382 All right, let's pick it up. 373 00:13:43,081 --> 00:13:44,547 Who teaches the bucket drummers? 374 00:13:44,648 --> 00:13:49,244 I never seen a bucket drummer class listed anywhere. 375 00:13:53,576 --> 00:13:55,240 She should be giving us, like, 25%. 376 00:13:56,642 --> 00:13:57,640 We can't do this anymore. 377 00:13:57,641 --> 00:13:58,600 This is insane. 378 00:13:58,641 --> 00:14:00,106 We're like... where'd the music go? 379 00:14:00,207 --> 00:14:01,538 Boo! 380 00:14:01,639 --> 00:14:03,071 Are you kidding me? 381 00:14:03,172 --> 00:14:05,170 No... she wouldn't even have anything to dance to, 382 00:14:05,271 --> 00:14:06,437 if it wasn't for us! 383 00:14:06,538 --> 00:14:07,801 You suck! 384 00:14:07,902 --> 00:14:09,701 What... shut up! 385 00:14:11,035 --> 00:14:12,266 All right. 386 00:14:12,367 --> 00:14:14,899 You come out, and you try to do some good. 387 00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:16,698 Stop! 388 00:14:16,799 --> 00:14:17,897 Grow up! 389 00:14:19,198 --> 00:14:21,861 I just don't understand why she took the fishbowl. 390 00:14:21,962 --> 00:14:24,360 I would have given it to her. 391 00:14:24,460 --> 00:14:27,093 Homeless people need supplies, I don't know. I know. 392 00:14:27,194 --> 00:14:29,657 And we need 90 bucks in two hours 393 00:14:29,758 --> 00:14:31,857 and you need to get stoned, I need your... 90 bucks... okay. 394 00:14:31,957 --> 00:14:33,589 Crazy brain, man. 395 00:14:33,690 --> 00:14:34,921 You know what, Ilana, I rag on you all the time, 396 00:14:35,022 --> 00:14:36,460 but you're right, like, I needed to, 397 00:14:36,522 --> 00:14:37,960 get out of my element today. Hello? 398 00:14:38,021 --> 00:14:39,453 I needed it. 399 00:14:41,553 --> 00:14:43,117 It was nice of you to have my back... 400 00:14:43,218 --> 00:14:44,484 Jesus. 401 00:14:44,583 --> 00:14:45,650 Thank you for this opportunity. 402 00:14:45,750 --> 00:14:47,683 We'll see you in 30 minutes or less. 403 00:14:47,784 --> 00:14:49,021 Bye-bye, sir. 404 00:14:49,082 --> 00:14:50,314 What? 405 00:14:50,415 --> 00:14:51,713 Okay, I had a backup plan on the low this whole time, 406 00:14:51,815 --> 00:14:53,545 and it's coming up, it's happening. 407 00:14:53,646 --> 00:14:54,578 We are gonna make this money, 408 00:14:54,680 --> 00:14:56,178 and I'll buy you a new piggy bank, 409 00:14:56,279 --> 00:14:58,643 a legit piggy bank. 410 00:14:58,744 --> 00:15:00,809 What is it? Come on. 411 00:15:00,910 --> 00:15:02,275 Ilana, this is really good pot. 412 00:15:02,376 --> 00:15:03,274 It's P.C.P. 413 00:15:03,375 --> 00:15:04,334 What? 414 00:15:18,134 --> 00:15:19,333 Okay. 415 00:15:19,434 --> 00:15:20,999 I'm gonna start taking my clothes off now. 416 00:15:21,100 --> 00:15:22,231 Wait, what? 417 00:15:22,332 --> 00:15:23,231 Yeah. 418 00:15:23,332 --> 00:15:24,530 This is all part of the deal. 419 00:15:24,631 --> 00:15:26,062 What the, Ilana... 420 00:15:26,163 --> 00:15:29,995 We're just two gals, cleaning in our underwear for an hour. 421 00:15:30,095 --> 00:15:31,993 What "gals"? 422 00:15:32,094 --> 00:15:33,726 We? Us gals. 423 00:15:33,827 --> 00:15:34,891 I'm not doing that, dude. 424 00:15:34,992 --> 00:15:36,125 Shh, shh, shhh... what? 425 00:15:36,226 --> 00:15:37,458 Why are you shushing me? 426 00:15:41,823 --> 00:15:42,987 No. 427 00:15:43,088 --> 00:15:45,487 Our treasure pleasure, leisure, leisure 428 00:15:45,587 --> 00:15:46,852 it's all in your eyes 429 00:15:49,618 --> 00:15:52,516 Ilana, I'm not gonna clean this man's apartment, 430 00:15:52,617 --> 00:15:54,650 touch his things, in my underwear. 431 00:15:54,750 --> 00:15:56,948 This is the last thing, we are so close. 432 00:15:57,048 --> 00:15:59,579 We are gonna be friends with Weezie. 433 00:15:59,680 --> 00:16:01,978 I'm gonna [Bleep] him, dude. 434 00:16:02,079 --> 00:16:04,910 Who's Weezie? Lil Wayne! 435 00:16:05,012 --> 00:16:06,510 This is the whole thing! 436 00:16:06,611 --> 00:16:11,706 Listen, it is for one hour, and he's giving us $200. 437 00:16:11,807 --> 00:16:13,406 No, I can't... this is gross. 438 00:16:13,507 --> 00:16:15,039 What would you be doing instead? 439 00:16:15,140 --> 00:16:17,204 Watching "Breaking Bad" and eating a Smart Ones? 440 00:16:17,305 --> 00:16:18,970 Okay, it's a cashew stir-fry, 441 00:16:19,071 --> 00:16:21,003 and I was, like, really looking forward to it. 442 00:16:21,104 --> 00:16:23,168 I don't want to hear it, okay. 443 00:16:23,269 --> 00:16:26,532 You're losing your edge, and I wasn't gonna say anything, 444 00:16:26,634 --> 00:16:29,365 but you're not as fun as you used to be. 445 00:16:29,466 --> 00:16:32,297 Guess I'll clean this dude's apartment on my own. 446 00:16:40,160 --> 00:16:41,092 Yeah 447 00:16:41,193 --> 00:16:43,591 Mack I'm gonna 448 00:16:43,691 --> 00:16:44,923 a millionaire 449 00:16:45,024 --> 00:16:46,923 I'm a young money millionaire 450 00:16:47,024 --> 00:16:49,321 tougher than Nigerian hair 451 00:16:49,421 --> 00:16:52,487 my criteria compared to your career just isn't fair 452 00:16:52,588 --> 00:16:55,652 I'm a venereal disease like a menstrual bleed 453 00:16:55,752 --> 00:16:58,083 through the pencil I leak on the sheet 454 00:16:58,184 --> 00:16:59,516 of the tablet in my mind 455 00:16:59,618 --> 00:17:01,915 'cause I don't write shit 'cause I ain't got time 456 00:17:02,015 --> 00:17:03,514 'cause my seconds minutes hours 457 00:17:03,616 --> 00:17:05,047 go to the almighty dollar 458 00:17:05,148 --> 00:17:06,279 and the almighty... 459 00:17:06,380 --> 00:17:07,579 Okay, hour's up, man. 460 00:17:07,680 --> 00:17:08,779 Party's over, dude. 461 00:17:08,880 --> 00:17:09,811 Money, please. 462 00:17:09,912 --> 00:17:11,111 I'm sowwy. 463 00:17:11,211 --> 00:17:12,210 I don't have any. 464 00:17:12,211 --> 00:17:13,210 Are you joking right now? 465 00:17:13,211 --> 00:17:14,976 I'm a wittle baby. 466 00:17:15,077 --> 00:17:17,774 Uh... no, you're a full grown man. 467 00:17:17,875 --> 00:17:19,707 I'm a baby, I have no money! 468 00:17:19,808 --> 00:17:21,440 You owe us $200.00. 469 00:17:21,540 --> 00:17:22,804 We just cleaned for an hour. 470 00:17:22,905 --> 00:17:24,071 I don't do that at my house. 471 00:17:24,172 --> 00:17:25,136 Thank you for cleaning. 472 00:17:25,238 --> 00:17:26,402 No, no, no. What? 473 00:17:26,503 --> 00:17:27,769 No thank you. No, no. 474 00:17:27,869 --> 00:17:30,268 I just degraded my friend for you, 475 00:17:30,369 --> 00:17:31,807 and I thought we were gonna be paid. 476 00:17:31,835 --> 00:17:33,199 I can pay you in blocks? 477 00:17:33,300 --> 00:17:34,965 You're not a baby, you're a man! 478 00:17:35,066 --> 00:17:36,864 No. 479 00:17:36,966 --> 00:17:38,131 I'm a baby. 480 00:17:38,231 --> 00:17:39,330 Oh, yeah... you're a baby? 481 00:17:39,430 --> 00:17:41,162 Does baby like this, huh? 482 00:17:44,028 --> 00:17:47,725 Babies do not read books yet! 483 00:17:47,826 --> 00:17:49,924 Are you a baby if you wear a hat? 484 00:17:50,025 --> 00:17:51,790 Full coat with fur? 485 00:17:51,891 --> 00:17:53,723 Babies don't have little... babies! 486 00:17:53,823 --> 00:17:55,183 You want tissues to wipe your ass? 487 00:17:55,257 --> 00:17:56,788 'Cause you're a baby? 488 00:18:00,653 --> 00:18:02,919 Coat racks aren't for babies. 489 00:18:03,019 --> 00:18:04,183 Marbles. 490 00:18:05,685 --> 00:18:06,951 Uh-oh. 491 00:18:09,482 --> 00:18:10,581 What? 492 00:18:10,682 --> 00:18:11,714 Look. 493 00:18:11,815 --> 00:18:13,646 I'm looking. Yeah, we saw, dude. 494 00:18:13,747 --> 00:18:15,413 I hope I never see this again. 495 00:18:15,514 --> 00:18:16,843 I don't even know. 496 00:18:16,945 --> 00:18:18,244 All right, all right, careful of the marbles. 497 00:18:18,345 --> 00:18:22,575 So I'm gonna grab this, 'cause babies don't like fur. 498 00:18:22,676 --> 00:18:23,609 Are you my fwends? 499 00:18:23,709 --> 00:18:25,206 No. 500 00:18:30,139 --> 00:18:31,537 This is David. 501 00:18:34,337 --> 00:18:37,301 Is the flight delayed? 502 00:18:37,402 --> 00:18:38,568 Was the flight delayed? 503 00:18:38,668 --> 00:18:41,798 Yeah, yeah, yeah 504 00:18:41,899 --> 00:18:43,531 Yeah, yeah, yeah 505 00:18:43,632 --> 00:18:44,791 Lil Wayne's so short, though, 506 00:18:44,866 --> 00:18:46,497 that we weren't even gonna be able to see him, 507 00:18:46,598 --> 00:18:48,396 from where we would have sat. 508 00:18:48,497 --> 00:18:49,894 I don't think I even would have recognized him. 509 00:18:49,995 --> 00:18:51,594 I don't know who this guy is. 510 00:18:51,695 --> 00:18:54,692 You know, I read that he's actually better, pre-recorded. 511 00:18:54,793 --> 00:18:56,392 I just didn't want to say anything, 'cause I wanted to go. 512 00:18:56,493 --> 00:18:57,690 These spaces are so small, 513 00:18:57,791 --> 00:19:00,423 like, we would be so close, to so many strangers 514 00:19:00,523 --> 00:19:01,523 we don't know. 515 00:19:01,623 --> 00:19:03,954 Drinks are, like, so expensive, and tiny, like... 516 00:19:04,055 --> 00:19:05,687 Oh, my God, double... crap. 517 00:19:05,788 --> 00:19:07,904 Do you know me, how I have to pee, like, constantly? 518 00:19:07,953 --> 00:19:09,553 We would be standing in line the whole concert. 519 00:19:09,653 --> 00:19:12,484 The whole time, we would be standing in a line. 520 00:19:12,584 --> 00:19:14,216 Ugh. 521 00:19:14,316 --> 00:19:16,881 Tomorrow's gonna be the day, like, I know it, 522 00:19:16,982 --> 00:19:20,413 that we're gonna look back, and be like, that was the day! 523 00:19:20,514 --> 00:19:24,511 I know that tomorrow... tomorrow's totally the day. 524 00:19:24,611 --> 00:19:26,044 Like, I'm so confident in myself, 525 00:19:26,145 --> 00:19:27,676 I feel it in my heart. 526 00:19:27,777 --> 00:19:29,775 I'm confident myself in the day. 527 00:19:29,876 --> 00:19:31,741 Yes... yeah! 528 00:19:31,842 --> 00:19:32,940 I believe in us. 529 00:19:33,041 --> 00:19:34,473 Hyah... yeah! 530 00:19:34,574 --> 00:19:38,305 Yes, dude! Dude, I would follow you into hell, brother. 531 00:19:38,405 --> 00:19:41,502 I would take you on my shoulders, like, 532 00:19:41,603 --> 00:19:47,765 I'd strap you up, and I'd be like, let's go through hell. 533 00:19:47,866 --> 00:19:50,498 Should we go to... mm-hmm. 534 00:19:50,599 --> 00:19:51,863 The subway. 535 00:19:51,964 --> 00:19:55,129 We'll give you some privacy. 536 00:19:58,462 --> 00:20:00,325 Enjoy your office supplies, my friend. 537 00:20:00,426 --> 00:20:01,626 They even have food now. 538 00:20:01,727 --> 00:20:02,758 Crazy, right? 539 00:20:02,860 --> 00:20:04,557 Okay... okay, cha-cha. 540 00:20:07,224 --> 00:20:08,588 Good. 541 00:20:08,689 --> 00:20:09,922 Ah. 542 00:20:12,454 --> 00:20:13,720 Please. 543 00:20:13,821 --> 00:20:14,919 Help me. 544 00:20:15,020 --> 00:20:16,751 Ay, mi amor, what happened to you? 545 00:20:21,116 --> 00:20:22,016 Oh, yeah. 546 00:20:22,116 --> 00:20:23,314 What the hell... what is this? 547 00:20:23,349 --> 00:20:25,080 Oh, it's happening. 548 00:20:26,448 --> 00:20:28,080 Why are we doing this right now? 549 00:20:28,181 --> 00:20:29,418 Hymes, you can go. 550 00:20:29,479 --> 00:20:30,545 She got me. 551 00:20:30,646 --> 00:20:32,744 I don't got her... I'm not there with you. 552 00:20:32,845 --> 00:20:35,176 Leave me one, leave me one. 553 00:20:35,277 --> 00:20:37,174 Okay. 554 00:20:39,242 --> 00:20:40,773 Ilana, we drank the same amount. 555 00:20:40,875 --> 00:20:42,606 I'm so sorry. 556 00:20:42,707 --> 00:20:43,838 I always do this. 557 00:20:43,938 --> 00:20:46,470 It's fine, everyone has nights like this. 558 00:20:46,571 --> 00:20:47,569 Just, if you feel like you're gonna throw up, 559 00:20:47,670 --> 00:20:48,836 just give me a heads up. 560 00:20:52,602 --> 00:20:53,732 You wanna come over and hang out? 561 00:20:53,833 --> 00:20:55,599 We just got pizza. 562 00:20:55,700 --> 00:20:56,799 What kind? 563 00:20:56,849 --> 00:21:01,399 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 38438

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