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1
00:00:01,468 --> 00:00:04,835
Hormones... the telegraph system
of the body.
2
00:00:04,872 --> 00:00:07,466
[T ELEGRAPH KEY]
3
00:00:07,508 --> 00:00:09,976
Sometime between
the ages of nine and sixteen...
4
00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:13,969
they wiLL start to teLL
your body to change... very fast.
5
00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:16,482
[FASTER TELEGRAPH KEY]
6
00:00:16,517 --> 00:00:19,611
This movie's rated "H" for hurl.
7
00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:25,890
Mr. Matthews,
calm down and watch the film.
8
00:00:25,926 --> 00:00:28,394
The changes
won't aLL be physical.
9
00:00:28,428 --> 00:00:30,896
Sometimes you'll feeL
Like you're on...
10
00:00:30,931 --> 00:00:32,398
an emotional roller coaster.
11
00:00:32,432 --> 00:00:34,923
[ROLLER COASTER]
12
00:00:34,968 --> 00:00:36,401
For instance...
13
00:00:36,436 --> 00:00:40,873
you may occasionally
feeL aggressive or weepy.
14
00:00:40,908 --> 00:00:42,876
Shawn,
I'm feeling so vulnerable.
15
00:00:42,910 --> 00:00:44,969
Do you have a tissue?
16
00:00:46,013 --> 00:00:46,980
Shh!
17
00:00:47,014 --> 00:00:50,142
And remember. girLs. you'll
get your hormonal telegram...
18
00:00:50,183 --> 00:00:53,277
weLL ahead
of your boy classmates.
19
00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:54,753
MAN:
telegram for Miss Teenager.
20
00:00:54,788 --> 00:00:57,916
NARRA TOR: GirLs. be patient
whiLe they catch up to you.
21
00:00:57,958 --> 00:01:01,917
Eventually. everyone hears
the Morse code of puberty.
22
00:01:01,962 --> 00:01:03,862
I got your Morse code
right here.
23
00:01:03,897 --> 00:01:05,057
[PBFFT]
24
00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:09,400
This film is meant to help you
understand...
25
00:01:09,436 --> 00:01:12,963
the metamorphosis your bodies
will soon be going through.
26
00:01:13,006 --> 00:01:15,941
How? That movie's
a hundred years old.
27
00:01:15,976 --> 00:01:18,843
The telegram boy
was played by George Burns.
28
00:01:20,113 --> 00:01:22,775
I welcome the changes
that will transform me...
29
00:01:22,816 --> 00:01:25,307
from a caterpillar
into a butterfly.
30
00:01:25,352 --> 00:01:29,448
You say a butterfly.
I say a hairball with wings.
31
00:01:29,489 --> 00:01:31,150
- Hah!
- Hah!
32
00:01:31,191 --> 00:01:34,183
That's a beautiful outlook,
Miss Lawrence.
33
00:01:34,227 --> 00:01:37,219
Beautiful? I've seen hormones...
34
00:01:37,264 --> 00:01:41,030
turn a normal guy's face
into craters 'r' us.
35
00:01:41,068 --> 00:01:44,128
Yes, there will be side effects,
but those, thank goodness...
36
00:01:44,171 --> 00:01:46,901
will be the province
of your seventh-grade teacher.
37
00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:48,908
- If it happens.
- oh, it will happen.
38
00:01:48,942 --> 00:01:52,207
Maybe, maybe not.
I mean, I'm young, and I'm fast.
39
00:01:52,245 --> 00:01:55,976
I can dodge hormones for days...
years if I have to.
40
00:01:56,016 --> 00:01:58,780
I'm going to stay twelve
tiLL I'm forty-two.
41
00:01:58,819 --> 00:02:02,812
And Shawn's in with me on this
the whoLe way.
42
00:02:02,856 --> 00:02:05,051
Right. Shawn?
43
00:02:11,498 --> 00:02:13,056
Shawn?
44
00:02:14,201 --> 00:02:16,669
[SNAPPING]
Shawn?
45
00:02:19,873 --> 00:02:21,864
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
46
00:03:30,811 --> 00:03:33,905
Tell me something.
How do you ask a girl out?
47
00:03:33,947 --> 00:03:35,414
Simple. You open the door...
48
00:03:35,449 --> 00:03:37,747
and say,
"Get out. You're bothering me."
49
00:03:37,784 --> 00:03:40,082
No, I mean, like, on a date.
50
00:03:40,120 --> 00:03:42,088
Well, Eric uses
the shotgun approach.
51
00:03:42,122 --> 00:03:43,612
He just keeps dialing
random numbers...
52
00:03:43,657 --> 00:03:45,818
till he hears the word "yes."
53
00:03:45,859 --> 00:03:47,986
Sounds like a lot of work.
54
00:03:48,028 --> 00:03:49,689
Yeah, and after all that,
what do you got?
55
00:03:49,730 --> 00:03:51,698
A girl. What's the point?
56
00:03:51,732 --> 00:03:53,757
Excuse me.
57
00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:56,291
I couldn't help overhearing
your pathetic conversation.
58
00:03:56,336 --> 00:03:58,930
Perhaps you two neophytes
would like some coaching...
59
00:03:58,972 --> 00:04:00,837
from a seasoned veteran.
60
00:04:00,874 --> 00:04:03,399
OK, Minkus, let's pretend
for just a minute...
61
00:04:03,443 --> 00:04:06,003
that I'm actually interested
in what you've got to say.
62
00:04:06,046 --> 00:04:10,039
Well, girls are soft, caring,
gentle creatures of nature...
63
00:04:10,083 --> 00:04:12,677
yet so complex and mysterious.
64
00:04:12,719 --> 00:04:14,619
Minkus, get a cat.
65
00:04:14,654 --> 00:04:18,283
Here. My research material.
66
00:04:18,325 --> 00:04:20,953
- Perky magazine?
- Perky tells girls...
67
00:04:20,994 --> 00:04:23,292
everything they want to know
about themselves.
68
00:04:23,330 --> 00:04:25,059
Therefore, if we read it...
69
00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:27,293
we'll know
everything about them, too.
70
00:04:27,334 --> 00:04:30,064
It's the road map
to their very souls.
71
00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:33,561
"Shaving your legs...
how high is high enough?"
72
00:04:34,908 --> 00:04:39,277
Your little friend there
hasn't gotten his telegram yet.
73
00:04:39,312 --> 00:04:42,577
"Mascara...
use it, don't abuse it."
74
00:04:42,616 --> 00:04:45,779
Well, um, as long as
I don't actually have to go...
75
00:04:45,819 --> 00:04:46,945
to the newsstand and buy it...
76
00:04:46,987 --> 00:04:49,547
I might as well borrow it
for a couple days.
77
00:04:49,589 --> 00:04:52,922
"Guys with one eyebrow...
what's their problem?"
78
00:04:55,095 --> 00:04:57,325
You know,
this is the encyclopedia...
79
00:04:57,364 --> 00:04:59,594
to everything
you don't want to know.
80
00:04:59,633 --> 00:05:01,498
Yeah. Can you imagine
reading this kind of garbage?
81
00:05:01,535 --> 00:05:03,765
I know. Every morning
when I look for a magazine...
82
00:05:03,804 --> 00:05:05,328
to hide in my math book,
I think...
83
00:05:05,372 --> 00:05:07,101
Sports illustrated?
Road and Track?
84
00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:10,507
Or, wait, how about
the lip gloss issue of Perky?
85
00:05:10,544 --> 00:05:11,738
Hi, Shawn.
86
00:05:11,778 --> 00:05:14,246
Huh-huh-huh-huh.
87
00:05:14,281 --> 00:05:17,478
Would you like to go
to the movies with me?
88
00:05:17,517 --> 00:05:19,542
Huh-huh-huh-huh.
89
00:05:19,586 --> 00:05:21,918
Great. We can meet at my locker
after school...
90
00:05:21,955 --> 00:05:23,684
and my mom
will drop us off at the mall.
91
00:05:23,723 --> 00:05:26,851
See ya later, terminator.
92
00:05:26,893 --> 00:05:30,420
Hee hee hee hee hee.
Hee hee hee.
93
00:05:30,463 --> 00:05:32,488
Did she just tell a joke
I didn't get?
94
00:05:32,532 --> 00:05:34,693
Hee hee hee hee hee.
95
00:05:34,734 --> 00:05:37,259
- Shawn, stop laughing.
- I can't.
96
00:05:37,304 --> 00:05:40,273
Whoa. I don't even know
what just happened.
97
00:05:40,307 --> 00:05:43,299
I'm feeling really weird, Cory.
Heh heh heh heh heh.
98
00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:46,676
You look really weird.
Shawn, what's happening?
99
00:05:46,713 --> 00:05:49,045
I don't know. Ha ha ha.
100
00:05:49,082 --> 00:05:52,483
You're scaring me.
Shawn, talk to me.
101
00:05:52,519 --> 00:05:53,645
I can't talk about it.
102
00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:56,520
I can laugh about it,
but I cannot talk about it.
103
00:05:58,091 --> 00:05:59,615
OK, so we're in front
of the movie theater.
104
00:05:59,659 --> 00:06:01,490
First hurdle...
did she pay, or did you pay?
105
00:06:01,528 --> 00:06:03,155
Eric, we snuck in.
106
00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:06,859
She agreed to a criminal act.
I like this girl.
107
00:06:06,900 --> 00:06:09,164
Then I go to get the popcorn,
right?
108
00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:11,102
All right. Very important...
did she offer to pay?
109
00:06:11,137 --> 00:06:12,536
We split it
right down the middle.
110
00:06:12,572 --> 00:06:14,369
She's a keeper.
111
00:06:14,407 --> 00:06:15,897
Of course, I sprung for...
112
00:06:15,942 --> 00:06:17,876
the artificial
buttery-flavored topping.
113
00:06:17,911 --> 00:06:21,813
Nice touch. You know, I could
really make you into something.
114
00:06:21,848 --> 00:06:23,338
What are you guys doing?
115
00:06:23,383 --> 00:06:25,851
Uh, do you mind?
We're talking here.
116
00:06:25,886 --> 00:06:27,854
Well, you can't be talking
to Shawn...
117
00:06:27,888 --> 00:06:30,721
'cause Shawn told me
he can't talk to anybody.
118
00:06:30,757 --> 00:06:32,691
Did you forget about
our basketball game?
119
00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:34,990
Sorry, Cory, I guess
I lost track of the time.
120
00:06:35,028 --> 00:06:37,496
Hang on a minute, Cory.
This is guy stuff, oK?
121
00:06:38,565 --> 00:06:40,032
Basketball is guy stuff.
122
00:06:40,066 --> 00:06:43,331
Ha ha!
They're so cute at this age.
123
00:06:43,370 --> 00:06:44,496
All right, so you and Hilary...
124
00:06:44,537 --> 00:06:45,663
are sitting
in the movie theater.
125
00:06:45,705 --> 00:06:49,232
- What'd you go see?
- Like we watched the movie.
126
00:06:51,778 --> 00:06:53,143
Don't tell me you...
127
00:06:53,179 --> 00:06:57,172
Yes. We threw malt balls
at people's heads for two hours.
128
00:06:58,652 --> 00:07:00,085
Well, not the way
I would've gone...
129
00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:01,815
but, hey, you're still playing
in the minors.
130
00:07:01,855 --> 00:07:04,153
You know, Shawn, there's
probably another solid hour...
131
00:07:04,190 --> 00:07:05,555
of basketball light out there.
132
00:07:05,592 --> 00:07:07,082
Come on. Let's go.
133
00:07:07,127 --> 00:07:11,564
You know who I'm sitting
in the car with? Nobody.
134
00:07:11,598 --> 00:07:14,431
Morgan,
can't we do this next week?
135
00:07:14,467 --> 00:07:18,403
No. Mother's Day is Sunday,
and I need a present.
136
00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:19,928
That's right.
I need to get one, too.
137
00:07:19,973 --> 00:07:22,441
I've been racking my brain
real hard...
138
00:07:22,475 --> 00:07:23,942
for a special gift for Mom.
139
00:07:23,977 --> 00:07:25,444
OK, what do you want me
to pick up?
140
00:07:25,478 --> 00:07:27,969
Oh, whatever's laying around.
141
00:07:28,014 --> 00:07:30,448
Move it, mall boy.
142
00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:34,811
Let's go shoot some hoops.
143
00:07:34,854 --> 00:07:37,414
Wouldn't you rather play
a little one-on-one with Hilary?
144
00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:40,817
Come on, Cor.
Let's just go play.
145
00:07:40,860 --> 00:07:42,350
No. You made it perfectly clear.
146
00:07:42,395 --> 00:07:44,989
She throws malt balls
as well as I do.
147
00:07:45,031 --> 00:07:47,056
You know what?
If you hold the malt ball...
148
00:07:47,100 --> 00:07:48,590
in your mouth for a minute
right before you throw it...
149
00:07:48,635 --> 00:07:51,604
it really sticks
in people's hair.
150
00:07:51,638 --> 00:07:56,234
- Did Hilary teach you that?
- Yeah. She's majorly twisted.
151
00:07:56,276 --> 00:07:58,506
Oh, and suddenly I'm not?
152
00:07:58,545 --> 00:08:02,538
Cory, what's the big deal?
It's always been you and me.
153
00:08:02,582 --> 00:08:04,049
It's you and me now...
154
00:08:04,084 --> 00:08:05,415
and it's going to be
you and me forever.
155
00:08:05,452 --> 00:08:07,545
Nothing has changed.
156
00:08:07,587 --> 00:08:10,522
I'm going to go sit with Hilary.
157
00:08:10,557 --> 00:08:12,422
Oh, yeah. Nothing's changed.
158
00:08:14,327 --> 00:08:15,794
All right,
Shawn wants to be with a girl?
159
00:08:15,829 --> 00:08:18,821
TWo can play at that game.
160
00:08:18,865 --> 00:08:20,594
First stop... research.
161
00:08:21,634 --> 00:08:24,125
Minkus, let's talk Perky.
162
00:08:25,238 --> 00:08:28,833
Ah, your telegram
has finally arrived.
163
00:08:28,875 --> 00:08:31,639
No, this isn't romance.
It's revenge.
164
00:08:31,678 --> 00:08:34,841
TWo sides of the same hormone.
165
00:08:34,881 --> 00:08:36,212
All right, bottom line...
166
00:08:36,249 --> 00:08:37,910
what does that magazine
say you've got to do...
167
00:08:37,951 --> 00:08:39,543
to get a girl
to go out with you?
168
00:08:39,586 --> 00:08:41,076
Me? Almost nothing.
169
00:08:41,121 --> 00:08:43,419
But you,
it's going to take some effort.
170
00:08:43,456 --> 00:08:46,755
And you wonder why
you sit alone at lunch.
171
00:08:46,793 --> 00:08:48,761
Here's your first dating tip.
172
00:08:48,795 --> 00:08:51,889
Don't insult the boy
with the Perkys.
173
00:08:51,931 --> 00:08:55,264
I'm sorry. All right,
so what do I have to do?
174
00:08:55,301 --> 00:08:58,464
According to the survey
in the September issue...
175
00:08:58,505 --> 00:09:00,405
what do you think
is the number one thing...
176
00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:02,340
girls want from a guy?
177
00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:04,707
Uh, loose change?
178
00:09:04,744 --> 00:09:06,644
That's number nine.
179
00:09:06,679 --> 00:09:09,512
The number one thing
is shared interest.
180
00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:11,574
And that means...
181
00:09:11,618 --> 00:09:12,812
Cory, this isn't algebra.
182
00:09:12,852 --> 00:09:16,151
This is something
you can conceivably understand.
183
00:09:16,189 --> 00:09:18,953
Shared interests. Talk to me.
184
00:09:18,992 --> 00:09:21,927
If she's into something,
show an interest in it.
185
00:09:21,961 --> 00:09:23,952
Example...
if the girl you're dating...
186
00:09:23,997 --> 00:09:26,830
is interested in numismatics,
you talk about...
187
00:09:26,866 --> 00:09:28,800
Numizmos?
188
00:09:28,835 --> 00:09:30,735
Coins.
189
00:09:30,770 --> 00:09:32,237
All right, give me
number two on that list...
190
00:09:32,272 --> 00:09:34,968
just in case I can't fake
an interest in something.
191
00:09:35,008 --> 00:09:36,805
- Sense of humor.
- No problem.
192
00:09:36,843 --> 00:09:38,970
I'm a regular laugh riot.
193
00:09:39,012 --> 00:09:41,310
All right, so how do I
select a lucky girl?
194
00:09:41,347 --> 00:09:42,814
Well, just think of someone...
195
00:09:42,849 --> 00:09:44,316
you're completely
comfortable with...
196
00:09:44,350 --> 00:09:46,818
someone you could
share a meal with...
197
00:09:46,853 --> 00:09:49,822
and someone who doesn't mind
having you around.
198
00:09:49,856 --> 00:09:52,256
Well, my mom's already taken.
199
00:09:53,526 --> 00:09:56,689
Cory, just go for
the first thing in a dress.
200
00:09:56,729 --> 00:09:59,892
A dress. A dress.
201
00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:01,924
A dress. A dress.
202
00:10:03,770 --> 00:10:06,500
- Topanga.
- Yes, Cory?
203
00:10:06,539 --> 00:10:09,804
So, what's interesting
in your life right now?
204
00:10:09,843 --> 00:10:11,811
Well,
Mercury is in retrograde...
205
00:10:11,845 --> 00:10:13,813
making projects
difficult to complete...
206
00:10:13,847 --> 00:10:17,248
and causing general chaos
in the universe.
207
00:10:18,751 --> 00:10:21,743
You know, not only is that
unbelievably interesting...
208
00:10:21,788 --> 00:10:24,256
it reminds me of a joke
I once heard.
209
00:10:24,290 --> 00:10:26,349
How did the astrologer
cross the road?
210
00:10:26,392 --> 00:10:29,725
- I don't know.
- In his Taurus.
211
00:10:31,164 --> 00:10:32,631
But I kid the zodiac.
212
00:10:32,665 --> 00:10:34,223
Um, would you like to go...
213
00:10:34,267 --> 00:10:36,497
to Bob Stubcheck's Burger World
after school?
214
00:10:36,536 --> 00:10:38,731
Cory, I'm a vegetarian.
215
00:10:38,771 --> 00:10:40,238
Of course you are.
216
00:10:40,273 --> 00:10:41,968
That's why we're just going
to meet at Burger World...
217
00:10:42,008 --> 00:10:44,476
and walk over to
international House of Salads.
218
00:10:44,511 --> 00:10:46,604
I love IHOS.
219
00:10:46,646 --> 00:10:48,705
Who doesn't?
220
00:10:48,748 --> 00:10:52,707
OK. Gee, I wonder
what the sprout of the day is.
221
00:10:52,752 --> 00:10:54,515
Who cares?
You can't go wrong...
222
00:10:54,554 --> 00:10:57,785
with a nice bowl
of spaghetti and sprout balls.
223
00:10:57,824 --> 00:10:59,815
So, I'll just meet you at 4:30.
224
00:10:59,859 --> 00:11:01,258
OK, it's a date.
225
00:11:01,294 --> 00:11:05,060
A date?
Who said anything about a date?
226
00:11:05,098 --> 00:11:07,089
What have I done?
227
00:11:24,284 --> 00:11:27,651
OK. What do you know
that I don't know?
228
00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:29,154
Nothing.
229
00:11:30,623 --> 00:11:33,524
- Which kid is it?
- Cory.
230
00:11:33,560 --> 00:11:36,529
Oh, I knew it.
oK, oK. Let's see.
231
00:11:36,563 --> 00:11:41,193
He's too old to steal candy,
but too young to wreck a car.
232
00:11:42,735 --> 00:11:44,726
Oh, no. It's a girl.
233
00:11:44,771 --> 00:11:46,363
It is.
234
00:11:46,406 --> 00:11:50,137
Cory is going on his first date.
Isn't that sweet?
235
00:11:50,176 --> 00:11:52,906
Yeah. Poor slob.
236
00:11:52,946 --> 00:11:55,471
What are you saying?
237
00:11:55,515 --> 00:11:57,483
You're his father.
You should be proud.
238
00:11:57,517 --> 00:11:59,314
Hey, I've been
on the guy side of dating.
239
00:11:59,352 --> 00:12:02,048
I mean, he's fine now, but he's
just a little step away from...
240
00:12:02,088 --> 00:12:05,489
huh-huh-huh-huh-huh.
241
00:12:05,525 --> 00:12:07,993
Dating was always fun for me.
242
00:12:08,027 --> 00:12:12,088
I remember talking on the phone
to eight different guys a night.
243
00:12:12,131 --> 00:12:13,598
Yeah, well,
the only way I survived it...
244
00:12:13,633 --> 00:12:15,157
was knowing
that one day I'd be married...
245
00:12:15,201 --> 00:12:17,226
and I'd be calling the shots.
246
00:12:17,270 --> 00:12:21,434
Honey, I'm so sorry things
didn't work out for you.
247
00:12:21,474 --> 00:12:23,942
I Wonder if
I can still Warn him...
248
00:12:23,977 --> 00:12:26,138
about the minefield
he's about to step into...
249
00:12:26,179 --> 00:12:27,771
without ruining his life.
250
00:12:27,814 --> 00:12:30,942
Well, Cory doesn't appear
to be suffering like you did.
251
00:12:30,984 --> 00:12:33,282
He's actually excited
about this date.
252
00:12:33,319 --> 00:12:35,287
I overheard him telling Shawn...
253
00:12:35,321 --> 00:12:37,289
that he couldn't
play basketball today...
254
00:12:37,323 --> 00:12:39,257
because he was going out
with Topanga.
255
00:12:39,292 --> 00:12:43,820
Topanga? Cory's always teasing,
making fun of her.
256
00:12:45,164 --> 00:12:47,496
Oh, no. This is bad.
257
00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:51,168
Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.
258
00:12:51,204 --> 00:12:53,729
Cory, I think
this is so wonderful.
259
00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:56,901
Son, this is the stupidest
thing you've ever done.
260
00:12:56,943 --> 00:12:59,468
Before I shoot myself
in the foot...
261
00:12:59,512 --> 00:13:01,707
which stupid thing
are we talking about?
262
00:13:01,748 --> 00:13:05,616
- Your date with Topanga.
- What were you thinking?
263
00:13:05,652 --> 00:13:07,552
Everything started
getting all fuzzy...
264
00:13:07,587 --> 00:13:09,054
after that telegram movie.
265
00:13:09,088 --> 00:13:11,113
Not the hormonal telegram.
266
00:13:11,157 --> 00:13:13,057
Are they still showing
that film?
267
00:13:13,092 --> 00:13:14,787
I cried during that movie.
268
00:13:14,827 --> 00:13:17,762
If it wasn't for that movie,
I'd still be twelve.
269
00:13:17,797 --> 00:13:19,822
Yeah, it had a weird effect
on a lot of people.
270
00:13:19,866 --> 00:13:21,060
But ever since We saw it...
271
00:13:21,100 --> 00:13:23,330
people are doing
really strange things.
272
00:13:23,369 --> 00:13:26,099
Well, you certainly are. You've
never asked a girl out before.
273
00:13:26,139 --> 00:13:28,835
Yeah, well, neither did Shawn.
274
00:13:28,875 --> 00:13:32,038
Did you ask Topanga out
so you could keep up with him?
275
00:13:33,212 --> 00:13:34,679
Whoa. That's weird.
276
00:13:34,714 --> 00:13:36,648
How did she know?
277
00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:39,808
It's the sorority of Satan.
278
00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:43,816
Well, Cor, as much as
I wanted to see you...
279
00:13:43,856 --> 00:13:46,051
go out
on your first little date...
280
00:13:46,092 --> 00:13:48,322
I don't think
it's fair to Topanga.
281
00:13:49,996 --> 00:13:52,055
As much as
I wanted to see it, too...
282
00:13:52,098 --> 00:13:55,499
I... I think your mother's right.
You should cancel... now.
283
00:13:56,636 --> 00:13:57,762
Mom, Dad, you're right.
284
00:13:57,804 --> 00:14:00,329
With women,
honesty is the best policy.
285
00:14:01,941 --> 00:14:04,933
And he thinks
he's ready to date.
286
00:14:11,951 --> 00:14:14,419
Hi. Is Topanga there?
287
00:14:14,454 --> 00:14:16,752
Yeah, I did mean physically.
288
00:14:16,789 --> 00:14:18,916
Hi, Topanga.
It's me... Cory Matthews.
289
00:14:18,958 --> 00:14:21,426
You probably remember me
from school.
290
00:14:21,461 --> 00:14:25,420
Yeah. Well, listen,
when I made this date...
291
00:14:25,465 --> 00:14:30,425
I didn't know it at that time,
but now I just found out.
292
00:14:30,470 --> 00:14:32,938
Topanga, I got to be
totally honest with you.
293
00:14:32,972 --> 00:14:35,440
[COUGHS]
294
00:14:35,475 --> 00:14:38,967
I got the flu,
and I can't go out.
295
00:14:39,979 --> 00:14:41,970
I feel fine about that.
296
00:14:45,518 --> 00:14:48,954
Fall-away jumper at the buzzer.
Good if it goes.
297
00:14:48,988 --> 00:14:52,116
Three-pointer! Yes! Sixers win!
Whoo! Whoo!
298
00:14:52,158 --> 00:14:54,683
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!
299
00:14:54,727 --> 00:14:57,059
Whoo! Whoo!
300
00:14:57,096 --> 00:14:58,393
Whoo.
301
00:14:59,399 --> 00:15:01,867
Hi, Cory. How are you feeling?
302
00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:05,064
Uh, clammy. Very fluish. Yeah.
303
00:15:05,104 --> 00:15:07,334
It's very contagious.
You better get out of here.
304
00:15:07,373 --> 00:15:10,069
Here. Drink this.
305
00:15:10,109 --> 00:15:11,667
It'll detoxify your aura.
306
00:15:13,112 --> 00:15:15,979
- What is it?
- It's called bancha tea.
307
00:15:17,450 --> 00:15:20,442
Smells like a bancha gym socks.
308
00:15:20,486 --> 00:15:23,944
Cory, it's a remedy
that's been used for centuries.
309
00:15:23,990 --> 00:15:27,187
"Best if used before
Lincoln's assassination."
310
00:15:29,295 --> 00:15:32,264
I just wanted
to help you feel better.
311
00:15:32,298 --> 00:15:35,426
I'm sorry if I bothered you.
312
00:15:35,468 --> 00:15:39,268
Wait, Topanga. Thanks
for bringing the tea, but...
313
00:15:39,305 --> 00:15:42,297
I don't need to drink it
'cause I'm not technically sick.
314
00:15:42,341 --> 00:15:45,367
Then why did you say you were?
315
00:15:45,411 --> 00:15:48,380
Well, I guess because
I didn't know how to tell you.
316
00:15:48,414 --> 00:15:51,349
I'm not ready
to go out on a date yet.
317
00:15:51,384 --> 00:15:55,946
That's oK. Jedidiah and Chloe
have always told me...
318
00:15:55,988 --> 00:15:58,422
"Listen to your inner voice.
319
00:15:58,458 --> 00:16:01,359
It'll let you know
what is true for you."
320
00:16:01,394 --> 00:16:04,727
Yeah. My parents said that, too.
only they said it...
321
00:16:04,764 --> 00:16:07,858
without all the planets
circling around their heads.
322
00:16:09,569 --> 00:16:12,037
So I'll see you at school?
323
00:16:12,071 --> 00:16:15,529
Yeah,
unless Feeny moves my seat.
324
00:16:16,876 --> 00:16:18,036
Yeah.
325
00:16:19,946 --> 00:16:22,141
Well, I guess I better be going.
326
00:16:22,181 --> 00:16:25,548
And I guess
I'll be staying here.
327
00:16:32,792 --> 00:16:35,420
May I ask you
a personal question?
328
00:16:39,632 --> 00:16:40,929
Sure.
329
00:16:41,934 --> 00:16:44,334
Why are there socks
all over your floor?
330
00:16:44,370 --> 00:16:46,964
Oh. I was just practicing.
331
00:16:48,341 --> 00:16:50,707
I envy your athletic ability.
332
00:16:50,743 --> 00:16:52,040
Oh, this? It's not so hard.
333
00:16:52,078 --> 00:16:54,103
Come on,
I'll give you some pointers.
334
00:16:54,146 --> 00:16:57,138
All right.
First, you grab some ammo.
335
00:17:02,054 --> 00:17:03,180
Ninja turtles?
336
00:17:03,222 --> 00:17:04,689
And now they're gone.
337
00:17:04,724 --> 00:17:07,693
Um, anyway, the key
is good color commentary.
338
00:17:07,727 --> 00:17:10,787
If you can live up to
your own hype, you got it made.
339
00:17:10,830 --> 00:17:12,695
Watch this.
340
00:17:12,732 --> 00:17:14,996
Matthews sees an open lane.
He drives hard to the boards.
341
00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:18,697
He leaps over Shaquille o'Neal,
kisses it off the glass!
342
00:17:18,738 --> 00:17:21,730
It's good! He scores!
343
00:17:21,774 --> 00:17:23,742
I could never do that.
344
00:17:23,776 --> 00:17:25,209
Sure you can. Give it a try.
345
00:17:25,244 --> 00:17:27,872
But I'm not familiar
with the terminology.
346
00:17:27,914 --> 00:17:29,040
All right, I'll do the color.
347
00:17:29,081 --> 00:17:31,879
You just worry about
getting the ball in the basket.
348
00:17:31,918 --> 00:17:33,408
Topanga's triple-teamed
at the time line.
349
00:17:33,452 --> 00:17:35,352
She breaks the trap,
heads to the top of the key...
350
00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:39,415
and leaps toward the basket,
doing a spiraling tomahawk 360!
351
00:17:39,458 --> 00:17:41,153
Slam dunk!
352
00:17:50,469 --> 00:17:53,063
Look. We both made a basket.
353
00:17:55,308 --> 00:17:57,435
Technically, yeah, but, uh...
354
00:17:57,476 --> 00:18:00,274
basketball's so much more fun
when you actually move.
355
00:18:00,313 --> 00:18:01,541
All right, you try
and make another basket...
356
00:18:01,581 --> 00:18:02,741
and I'll try and block you.
357
00:18:17,930 --> 00:18:20,091
Way to go, Topanga.
358
00:18:21,267 --> 00:18:22,757
Huh-huh-huh-huh-huh.
359
00:18:23,769 --> 00:18:25,259
Huh-huh-huh-huh.
360
00:18:29,942 --> 00:18:33,503
It's nice that you help
your father with the laundry.
361
00:18:33,546 --> 00:18:36,413
Yeah, well, we're
a fairly cutting-edge family...
362
00:18:36,449 --> 00:18:38,110
so, uh, my mom does
most of the laundry.
363
00:18:38,150 --> 00:18:41,244
I'm just helping out because
Mother's Day is coming up.
364
00:18:41,287 --> 00:18:43,755
So you're doing chores
for your Mother's Day gift?
365
00:18:43,789 --> 00:18:46,917
You think
I could get away with that?
366
00:18:46,959 --> 00:18:49,826
What are you getting your mom?
I could use some ideas.
367
00:18:49,862 --> 00:18:52,387
At our house,
we don't celebrate Mother's Day.
368
00:18:52,431 --> 00:18:54,899
We feel it's merely
a commercial fabrication...
369
00:18:54,934 --> 00:18:56,902
of the greeting card industry.
370
00:18:56,936 --> 00:18:59,803
She has, however, asked
for a dust buster.
371
00:18:59,839 --> 00:19:02,933
My mom's pretty well set
for small appliances...
372
00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:04,909
and my funds
are sort of limited.
373
00:19:04,944 --> 00:19:08,641
You don't need money. You just
need to use your right brain.
374
00:19:08,681 --> 00:19:13,812
Wow. All these years
I've been using the wrong one.
375
00:19:13,853 --> 00:19:16,219
So what do you think
I should get my mom?
376
00:19:16,255 --> 00:19:18,815
You can never go wrong
with something from the heart.
377
00:19:18,858 --> 00:19:20,587
Right or left heart?
378
00:19:21,594 --> 00:19:23,585
You're killing me, Cory.
379
00:19:23,629 --> 00:19:26,325
Huh-huh-huh-huh-huh.
380
00:19:26,365 --> 00:19:28,356
Huh-huh-huh-huh-huh.
381
00:19:32,672 --> 00:19:35,300
- Hey, guys.
- There he is... young me.
382
00:19:35,341 --> 00:19:36,933
How was your second date?
383
00:19:36,976 --> 00:19:40,810
- You had another date?
- Yeah. My last one.
384
00:19:40,846 --> 00:19:44,805
Ah, second-date slump. I've
seen it happen a thousand times.
385
00:19:44,850 --> 00:19:46,977
Not to me.
386
00:19:47,019 --> 00:19:50,614
You know, you know, I'm
thinking it's deeper than that.
387
00:19:50,656 --> 00:19:53,386
See, each one of us is born with
a certain amount of coolness.
388
00:19:53,426 --> 00:19:55,724
A guy like Minkus could live
to be a thousand years old...
389
00:19:55,761 --> 00:19:57,490
and never use
a drop of his cool.
390
00:19:57,530 --> 00:20:02,024
Me...
I'm a thirteen-year-old burnout.
391
00:20:02,068 --> 00:20:04,229
Shawn, get a grip.
You're still cool.
392
00:20:04,270 --> 00:20:08,468
It's just the planet Mercury
in retrospect.
393
00:20:08,507 --> 00:20:09,940
What are you babbling about?
394
00:20:09,975 --> 00:20:13,342
Some astrology thing.
Topanga was explaining it to me.
395
00:20:13,379 --> 00:20:15,779
Hey, that's right.
How was your date?
396
00:20:15,815 --> 00:20:19,114
What date? I didn't have a date.
I canceled it.
397
00:20:19,151 --> 00:20:20,880
Oh, come on, Cor.
When I got home from work...
398
00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:24,048
you and Topanga were looking
pretty cozy on the couch there.
399
00:20:24,090 --> 00:20:25,216
That Was not a date.
400
00:20:25,257 --> 00:20:27,088
She just came over
to bring me some aura juice.
401
00:20:27,126 --> 00:20:28,457
And?
402
00:20:28,494 --> 00:20:30,257
And nothing. I taught her
how to shoot a basket.
403
00:20:30,296 --> 00:20:33,265
OK, so let's recap. Point "A,"
she brought refreshments.
404
00:20:33,299 --> 00:20:35,267
Point "B,"
you chose the activity.
405
00:20:35,301 --> 00:20:36,632
Sounds like a date to me.
406
00:20:36,669 --> 00:20:39,263
Read my lips...
there was no date.
407
00:20:39,305 --> 00:20:40,499
We talked about
what we were getting our moms...
408
00:20:40,539 --> 00:20:41,665
for Mother's Day.
409
00:20:41,707 --> 00:20:43,732
Aha.
Point "C," shared interests.
410
00:20:43,776 --> 00:20:47,837
Sixteen to base. We have
a confirmed date. Send backup.
411
00:20:55,020 --> 00:20:56,817
Uh, Topanga?
412
00:20:56,856 --> 00:20:59,256
You and I
have to get something straight.
413
00:20:59,291 --> 00:21:00,417
Yes, Cory?
414
00:21:00,459 --> 00:21:02,927
Friday night when
you came over to my house...
415
00:21:02,962 --> 00:21:04,793
that was not a date.
416
00:21:04,830 --> 00:21:06,491
I'm not into labels.
417
00:21:06,532 --> 00:21:07,999
Yeah, but if you were...
418
00:21:08,033 --> 00:21:10,934
what we had Friday night
would not be labeled a date...
419
00:21:10,970 --> 00:21:12,460
'cause if you'll recall...
420
00:21:12,505 --> 00:21:14,063
the circumstances
of that evening...
421
00:21:14,106 --> 00:21:16,973
I canceled What Would have been
labeled a date.
422
00:21:17,009 --> 00:21:19,705
That's fine, Cory.
It was not a date.
423
00:21:20,980 --> 00:21:22,675
Well, I'll see you later.
424
00:21:22,715 --> 00:21:23,875
OK.
425
00:21:25,317 --> 00:21:27,182
Hey, Topanga?
426
00:21:27,219 --> 00:21:30,313
You know, your idea about
writing my mom a poem...
427
00:21:30,356 --> 00:21:32,950
for Mother's Day
really worked out great.
428
00:21:32,992 --> 00:21:34,459
She cried.
429
00:21:34,493 --> 00:21:37,394
Tears are the thank you notes
of the soul.
430
00:21:37,429 --> 00:21:39,294
You know a lot about women.
431
00:21:39,331 --> 00:21:42,198
Well, I am going to grow up
to be one.
432
00:22:02,955 --> 00:22:05,947
Face it. Minkus was right.
433
00:22:05,991 --> 00:22:08,482
Don't you hate it
when that happens?
434
00:22:10,462 --> 00:22:11,952
No matter how you look at it...
435
00:22:11,997 --> 00:22:15,865
there's going to be hormones,
and there's going to be girls.
436
00:22:15,901 --> 00:22:18,665
Important girls are going
to come into our lives...
437
00:22:18,704 --> 00:22:22,333
and stay for days at a time.
438
00:22:22,374 --> 00:22:23,841
You know what's cool?
439
00:22:23,876 --> 00:22:25,173
We made it through
our first dates...
440
00:22:25,211 --> 00:22:26,439
and we're still best friends.
441
00:22:26,478 --> 00:22:28,002
And we're going to stay
best friends...
442
00:22:28,047 --> 00:22:32,643
through second dates,
proms, engagements, marriages.
443
00:22:32,685 --> 00:22:35,916
Second marriages.
444
00:22:35,955 --> 00:22:37,081
Whatever comes along...
445
00:22:37,122 --> 00:22:38,885
we're going to stand here
and face it together...
446
00:22:38,924 --> 00:22:40,482
shoulder to shoulder.
447
00:22:41,794 --> 00:22:44,729
- Hi, Shawn.
- Hi, Cory.
448
00:22:44,763 --> 00:22:46,697
- Later.
- Later????????????????????????????????????????????????
449
00:22:46,747 --> 00:22:51,297
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