All language subtitles for BoJack Horseman s01e12 Later.eng

When we
booked you for this show,

you'd just won the Triple
Crown, but then just this week,

I open up the newspaper,
and look at this...

"Secretariat Under Investigation."

What am I supposed to do with that?

Maybe it's a different Secretariat.

Ha ha ha ha. No, but seriously, folks,

there is no truth to these allegations.

I have never bet on horse racing,

and I certainly did
not bet on my own races.

Although I did bet the
network's gonna give your show

back to Joey Bishop.

O... ho ho... kay.

We get letters here on the
show, and one particular letter,

for you, actually, struck
a chord with our producers.

This is from BoJack H.
BoJack is nine years old.

BoJack writes, "Dear Secretariat,

I am a horse just like you.

I like to watch racing, and
you are my favorite racer."

Smart kid.

"When I grow up, I want
to be just like you,

and I think I'm on the right track.

Get it? Track, because
horses run on tracks,

and you are a horse, and I am a horse.

Do you get it? Do you get
my joke about the track?"

Okay, there's a whole page of this.

Should I write him back
and tell him I get it?

He goes on, "My question for you is,

I am a good kid, and I like to play,

and I like to go to school,
but sometimes I get sad.

What do you do when you get sad?

How do you not be sad? Sincerely, BoJack."

That's a great letter.

BoJack, when I was your age, I got sad.

A lot.

I didn't come from such a great home,

but one day, I started running,
and that seemed to make sense,

so then I just kept running.

BoJack, when you get sad,
you run straight ahead

and you keep running
forward, no matter what.

There are people in your life

who are gonna try to hold
you back, slow you down,

but you don't let them.

Don't you stop running and
don't you ever look behind you.

There's nothing for you behind you.

All that exists is what's ahead.

Good morning, Louisville.
It's August 22nd, 1973.

A sad day for
the sport of horse racing.

Secretariat banned for
life from competition.

It's a disgrace is
what it is. This is the '70s.

You can't cheat in sports
and get away with it.

You know, I think
it just goes to show you,

you can be the fastest runner in the world,

but you can't outrun the truth.

And traffic is jammed
today coming into Louisville.

Looks like some idiot
parked his car on the bridge.

♪ ♪

And the Golden Globe for
Best Comedy or Musical

goes to BoJack Horseman, my friend,

for his book One Trick Pony.

This is a first
win for BoJack Horseman

and his first appearance
at the Globe ceremony

since his forced removal in 1992

after he exchanged blows
with Sir Paul McCartney.

Wow, what an honor.

I have to thank the Hollywoo Foreign Press.

I feel like I should mention

that my book was not a comedy or a musical.

Do you guys actually watch
the movies you give awards to?

'Cause I kind of get the sense that...

Also, my book was not a
movie. You do know that, right?

We're friends.

Anyway, the response to this
book has been incredible.

These last three months
have been really amazing.

You know, a lot of people said to me,

"You sure you want to publish this book?

It's pretty personal."

And I said, "If I can make
just one person out there

feel a little less alone,
then it's all worth it."

And they said, "That's really brave."

And I said, "Well, I'm not
one to call myself brave,

but since you said it, yeah, I am."

- After-party at my restaurant!

Why did I say after-party
at my restaurant?

I do not want to throw a party.

It did seem unlike you. I'm
gonna go get some cotton candy.

- You want some?
- No.

- Yes.
- There he is, man of the hour.

- Hello, other grown up.
- Ugh.

Oh, cheer up, dummy. Your
book is a huge success.

Everybody loves you. You
just won a Golden Globe.

If you can't be happy tonight,

maybe you'll never be happy again.

I'm sorry, is that
supposed to be encouraging?

- Because it's super-bleak.
- Vincent Adultman...

how are things at the old nine to five?

Good. I went to the stock market today.

I did a business.

I keep telling him he works too hard.

Come on, Vincent, let's
get away from the rat race.

Take a cruise someplace wet and Latin.

I mean, can you imagine
this body in a swimsuit?

- I literally cannot.
- Vincent, let's do a lap.

Have you met Brendan Fraser?

I feel like you two would love each other.

Whoa. Easy, easy.

I got to hand it to Diane.

This book has been everything
she said it would be.

Yeah, she knows what she's doing.

How is Diane? I haven't seen her since...

Well, I haven't seen her in a while.

Oh, well, the book's
been huge for her, too.

She's practically as famous as I am now.

- We're like the Brangelinas.
- Well, I'm happy she's happy.

- And how are you?
- Well, it's been really hard...

Erica, is that you? Who let
you out of the burn ward?

- Get over here, you.
- Uhh.

Excuse me. I just have to tell
you how much I love your book.

It's so naked and honest and revealing.

It is? Uh-oh.

I love the part about how you became famous

so you could be constantly
surrounded by distraction

and wouldn't have to
be alone with yourself.

I thought that was a
really profound observation.

Oh, yeah, definitely. So profound.

- Do you want to get out of here?
- What?

Come back to my place, maybe
get a little more naked,

- honest and revealing?
- Oh, no. No, thanks.

- What about you?
- Yeah, okay.

- Oh... Whoa.

Huh.

- Hey, Diane.
- You still friends with BoJack?

Heard you two were on the outs.

You gonna write another book about it?

Oh, you looking at some oranges?

You gonna write a book
about those oranges, huh?

- Hello.
- Diane.

Sebastian St. Claire here,

famed billionaire
philanthropist/adventurer.

Please, hold your applause.

- Okay.
- You can applaud a little.

Okay.

I got your number from Pinky Penguin.

I'm looking for a journalist
to follow me around

for a few months and
document my daring exploits

aiding ravaged communities
and displaced people.

- Ssss.
- Wow, that sounds amazing.

But that's not usually the
kind of thing I write about.

Diane, if you can make people
care about BoJack Horseman,

surely you can make them
care about emaciated orphans

with missing limbs.

We need to wake people up.

Well, I am a morning person.

I hope you mean mourning with a "u,"

because, Diane, this is deadly serious.

Oh, yes, of course.

You want to spend three months in Sudan?

Not just there. We're also
going to Haiti and Thailand

and Uganda and Chechnya.

Can't you do all that in L.A.?

I want to do something important.

I want to help people and do good work

and sleep on the ground
and poop in a bucket.

Honey, nobody wants to poop in a bucket.

Maybe I do. Maybe I
want to poop in a bucket.

If you want to poop in a
bucket, we can get you a bucket.

You don't have to go all
the way the Chechnylavakia.

Am I saying that right?

It's not just the pooping in a bucket.

I think it might be good
for me to get out of L.A.

for a little bit.

Sweetie, you know I support
you, whatever you want to do,

but you're not gonna find
what you're looking for

in these awful made-up places.

The universe is a cruel, uncaring void.

The key to being happy
isn't a search for meaning.

It's to just keep yourself
busy with unimportant nonsense,

and eventually, you'll be dead.

Well, I guess I can keep my options open.

Great.

Hey, can I ask you something?

Did Vincent seem extra
weird to you last night?

Well, he's still three kids
in a trench coat, so, no.

We're going through a rough
patch. It's hard, you know.

He's works a full time job
at the business factory,

so when he gets home,

he just wants to unwind
by watching R-rated movies.

Ahh, I thought I was ready
for a real adult relationship,

- but...

Enough about me. BoJack, you are on fire.

Oh, are we talking about me again?

We have an offer on the table
for you to play the bad guy

in the new James Bond.

- Ehh.
- I agree. Total garbage.

But this, it's a new drama
from the Coen Brothers.

A western about a one-horse
town and you're the horse.

Hello, Oscar. What do you think?

I think now's the time to
finally make "Secretariat."

Really? Now? Aren't you a
little, um, very too old?

You asked me what I wanted
to do. That's what I want.

That's all I've ever wanted,
and if I can't get it now,

then all of this has been for nothing.

Oh, fish. Of course!

Why would you ever make things easy for me

when instead you could make
things incredibly difficult?

Laura, clear out the rest of my day.

I have to push a boulder up a hill,

and then have it roll
over me time and time again

with no regard for my well-being.

Attagirl.

All right, Todd. PB
Livin' needs a new project.

Bi-Monthly Curated Box of Snacks
has been an enormous success,

but I got into this game to make movies,

so let's make a movie.

Well, I got a stack of great scripts here.

Any one of them would
make a wonderful movie.

Fantastic.

But I also have this other
non-movie-related idea.

Ooh, let's hear the other idea.

Okay. I was heading down Wilshire,

and I saw this empty
store front, and I thought,

"You know what this world needs?"

Edge of my seat over here.

A store where people
can buy Halloween stuff.

Halloween store. Feel
like that's been done.

Yeah, in October,

but how come your never see
a Halloween store in January?

- It's an untapped market.
- Yeah.

A Halloween store that's open year-round.

- No, no. Just January.
- Brilliant.

That's the kind of idea
that wins Golden Globes.

I actually think the time
is right for "Secretariat,"

so what do you want to
play, like, Secretariat's dad

or his grandfather, maybe
like an elderly witch doctor

who puts a curse on him or something?

Lenny, look, I know I'm a
little long in the tooth,

but I think that you more than anyone

would know not to count out an old pro.

Don't play the ageism card with me, kid.

I've laid farts that lasted
longer than your entire career.

But Secretariat was dead at
27, so who we kidding here?

Just set the project up
and give me an audition.

- That's all I ask.
- All right.

You got yourself a "go" picture, kid.

And by you, I mean me. And by "go" picture,

I mean I'll make some phone
calls, we'll see what I can do.

And by kid, I mean middle-aged adult.

Shh. No, no, no.
Put it here. Put it here.

- Okay, I'll do it.
- Ahem.

- Has this ever happened to you?
- Has what ever happened to me?

- Todd?
- Yes, Mr. Peanutbutter?

What's going on? Why are
you talking like that?

Todd, I just got a phenomenal idea

for a Halloween costume.

Why don't you and I dash
over to the store right quick

and spend some hard-earned American money?

Oh, but, Mr. Peanutbutter, didn't you hear?

It's January, and the
Halloween store won't open

for another nine months.

But I want satisfaction now.

Has this ever happened to you?

Not to anyone ever at any time.

Ahem. We give you Halloween in January,

a truly immersive Halloween experience

for the rest of us.

Halloween in January? Please elaborate.

Okay, but before I do, tell the audience.

- Have we ever met before?
- Never.

Well, according to facts,
there's more suicides in January

- than any other month.
- I'm getting pretty close over here.

Also, there's less Halloween
stores. Coincidence?

Wow, I'm convinced. This
store could save lives.

Unbelievable. When your powers combine...

you are somehow even more stupid
than the sum of your stupids.

- Thank you.
- Go on.

You stop encouraging him
and you stop encouraging him.

The two of you are playing with fire.

A fire called Having a Good Idea.

Or maybe a fire called Friendship.

- Fires aren't called things.
- What about the Chicago fire?

Or Fire Island.

- Or Gabe.
- Who's Gabe?

Just a fire I met once. Named him Gabe.

- He sounds delightful.
- He was. Good guy.

Business, business, business.
Is that all you ever think about?

I don't know.

What's under that coat, Vincent?

- You need to let me in.
- Not right now.

I have to call the guy at the office

and take the car to the place.

It's always guys in places with you.

You know, I thought I
wanted to date a real adult,

but I'm actually young at heart.

I need to feel the grass between my toes.

I want to wear jeans. I want to dance.

- That's baby stuff.
- No, Vincent.

There's more to being an adult
than just work and business

and the tall-person rides at
Disneyland. I want to have fun.

There has to be a difference
between monogamy and monotony.

What's mahumanunny?

Well, clearly we had a
different understanding

of what this was.

I'd like to be an adult about
this, but frankly, I'm hurt.

I think you should just go,
just git. Get out of my life.

Okay.

Okay.

Could I have another soda?

BoJack, you know Kelsey
Jannings, our director.

I really appreciate you
giving me this opportunity.

Yeah.

Secretariat was kind of my hero as a kid.

Yeah, he was a lot of people's hero.

Well, you know, here was
a guy who had everything...

Yeah, I know the story. I'm the director.

Kelsey, be nice.

She's just cranky because
she's already seen 30 people

read for this today, and
we are all so goddamn sick

of seeing auditions, so
whenever you're ready.

Just jump right in.

Great. Let's get to it.

Hey, ain't you that horse

- that won all them races?
- Not today, ma'am.

Today I'm just a customer
who wants a warm slice of pie.

Can I ask you a question?

When you're out there
on that there racetrack,

- what are you running from?
- You want to know the truth?

Nothing.

Everyone's running from something, sugar.

No, I'm running from nothing.
I'm terrified of nothing.

People come up to me,
they want my autograph,

they want my picture.

They think they recognize something in me,

and I want to be that person
they think I am, but I'm not.

They see a greatness in me, and
they mistake it for goodness,

but I... I know there's nothing there.

As fast as I run, I
can't get way from that.

- Oh.
- Wow.

BoJack, I think I speak
for everyone when I say...

Oh, my God, Andrew Garfield said yes.

- We have our Secretariat.
- We got Andrew Garfield?

Oh, my God, it's the best day of my life.

You don't say no to Spider-Man.

This movie is gonna be amazing.

Andrew...

Garfield!

Now, the pills will give you nightmares...

I mean, just horrifying...

but the malaria will give you death,

so you're going to want
to take the pills, Diane.

- Uh-huh.
- Hold on.

A mosquito got into my
tent. What do you want?

- Hello?

Diane, it's Princess
Carolyn, BoJack's agent.

Yeah, I know who you are.

I'm the pink cat, the one
who used to date BoJack.

We've met a lot of times.
You came to my wedding.

Listen, the Turteltaub Company

is making a movie about Secretariat.

And since you're such an expert,

they want to bring you on
board as a character consultant.

What does that mean?

Oh, it's the cushiest job in the world.

You sit in a fancy chair
and eat pastries all day.

And then once a week, you say,
"Secretariat wouldn't do that."

I don't know. I've already
been offered this other thing.

And did you know there
are orphans in Sudan...

You take this job, you can
buy all the orphans you want.

No, I don't want to buy them.

Look, if you really want to help people,

it doesn't hurt to have a
little money in your pocket.

Take the job now, help the orphans later.

- There's always later.
- Hmm.

Okay, talk it over with your husband.

I got to go get my whiskers trimmed.

I run into walls for days, but I look hot.

- How's the pie here?
- Not good.

Well, I'll take all you got.

Screw it. Throw it in
a bowl with some bourbon

- and bring me a
ladle. - Mm-hmm.

BoJack, we notice you've been
pretty down in the dumps lately,

but we have something that we
think is going to cheer you up.

It's an exciting new business venture

that's equal parts new and exciting.

Another one? What happened
to your Halloween store?

- What now?
- Oh, right.

The Halloween store.

We took the floor out

because Mr. Peanutbutter kept
scratching up the hardwood,

and then... Did we ever
get the new floor installed?

Uh...

Halloween? In January?

What a great ide... Aah!

Anyway, now we're all about smoodies.

- What?
- Smoodies.

You're saying smoothies, right? Smoothies.

No. Smoodies.

It's a mood that you drink like a smoothie.

I don't understand it.
How do you drink a mood?

- Like a smoothie.
- So it is a smoothie.

No, it's a smoodie...
A mood that you drink.

- How do you drink a mood?
- Like a smoothie.

But do you buy it in a store?
What're the physical attributes?

We haven't worked out all the kinks yet,

but the important thing
is we've gone public,

and we want you to get
in on the ground floor.

See, that's the problem
with all your ideas...

they don't have ground floors.

Finally, a Halloween store
for the rest of... Aah!

Hello.

Anyway, our launch party's tonight,

- and we'd love it if you came.
- We spared no expense...

that's how confident we are in our product.

- Your product... Smoodies.
- Yes.

Wait, did you say smoodies or smoothies?

Because we only make...
Which one do we make?

I'd like to think the smoodies make us.

Ahh, I can tell by your tone
that that was something smart.

- Smoodie keychain?
- Smoodie cozy?

Smoodie bottle opener?

It's a mood that you drink like a smoothie.

Todd, it is all happening.

Hooray. And you know I don't
throw that word around lightly.

All right. Now we just
got to make sure we focus

and actually follow through on this.

I'd feel awful if this
great idea fell apart

because we got distracted
by something else,

as we are often wont to do.

Wait, did you say you
feel awful or falafel?

I said, "Feel awful,"

but tell me more about this falafel idea.

Falafel or fawaffle?

What?

BoJack, isn't this
exciting? Smoodies, right?

Do you even know what a smoodie is?

I think it's some kind of an adult onesie.

Whatever it is, I'm trying new things.

I'm single again, and I'm loving it.

- Let me repeat...
- Princess Carolyn.

Vincent. Well, you've got
some nerve showing your face.

- I've got half a mind to...
- No, let me talk.

I had a attitude problem,

but then I took a timeout,

and I thought about what I did.

I wanted to be a big man.

But sometimes the biggest thing
a man can do is tell the truth.

And the truth about me is, I... I...

- Okay, here we go.
- I love you.

- What?
- Oh, Vincent.

Let's go feel grass between our toes.

- What?
- All right.

You're a better man than I could ever be.

I wish my boyfriend was that mature.

- Hello?
- BoJack, it's Kelsey Jannings.

I got some news about "Secretariat."

- What's up?
- Garfield's out.

He got into some sort of accident.

An All Hallows' Eve store in January?

How fiendishly droll. Aah!

Oh, bother.

The clumsy bastard broke
every bone in his body,

and now we got to find a new lead.

Studio wants to go young,
but I was thinking we'd get

someone a little more BoJack Horseman.

What? Are you serious?

You're the only one with
enough grit to play the part,

and we can age you down in
post, but I'm gonna tell you now,

not gonna put up with
any woe-is-me bullshit

or diva histrionics.

I get enough of that from my ex-wife

along with newspaper
clippings about gluten.

God, we get it, Marla. Gluten.

But if you want to make a movie,
and you're ready to work...

I am. I will. I can. I do.

Great. You got one month to get in shape.

You need to lose 50 pounds
and then gain back 20.

- And, BoJack...
- Yeah?

Don't ever call this number.

If I want to talk, I'll call you.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Not big on parties, huh?

Nah. I never know what to do with my hands.

I think I just got cast in Secretariat.

- That's amazing.
- It's everything I ever wanted.

- Yeah, you seem super-jazzed.
- What do I do now?

Well, that's the problem with life, right?

Either you know what you want,
and you don't get what you want,

or get what you want, and then
you don't know what you want.

- Well, that's stupid.
- Yeah.

I don't know if this makes
you more or less excited,

but I actually decided to take
a job on the Secretariat movie

as a character consultant.

Wow, so we're gonna be
working together again.

Yeah. I hope you don't get sick of me.

I don't think that's gonna happen.

- Is it weird I took this job?
- Why would it be weird?

You literally wrote
the book on Secretariat.

Yeah, I know. I just...
When I first moved to L.A...

I thought I was gonna be
doing really important work.

You know, writing stuff
that makes a difference.

But then you kind of fall into
one thing and then another...

Well, you've got time.
There's always later, right?

Yeah, I guess there's always later.

Do you remember the last time I saw you?

You asked me if I thought you
were a good person deep down?

Do I remember that? Yeah, vaguely.

You caught me off guard.
I didn't know what to say.

Well, do you think I'm a
good person... deep down?

That's the thing. I don't
think I believe in deep down.

I kind of think all you are
is just the things that you do.

- Well, that's depressing.

For what it's worth,

I think your writing
does make a difference.

Thanks.

I really wanted you to like me, Diane.

I know.

♪ I know I've dreamed you ♪

♪ A sin and a lie ♪

♪ I have my freedom ♪

♪ But I don't have much time ♪

♪ Let's do some living ♪

♪ After we die ♪

♪ Wild horses ♪

♪ We'll ride them someday ♪

Sorry we didn't
get you a birthday present.

I got so distracted by
trying to get tickets

to the New Kids On The Block concert,

I completely lost sight
of what's important.

And I got so swept up in my
campaign for class president,

I forgot why I was
running in the first place.

And I was boy crazy.

Kids, kids, I don't need a present.

I got everything I need right here.

Aww.

- Macaroni.
- Sabrina.

Come here, you goofball.

- Aha.
- Whoa.

- Can you make it out to Blake?
- Uh-huh.

Thanks, man. You're, like, my hero.

Really?

Huh.

♪ All I want to know is ♪

♪ Can you come a little closer? ♪

♪ The doors are open the
wind is really blowing ♪

♪ The night sky is changing overhead ♪

♪ It's not just all physical ♪

♪ I'm the type who won't
get oh, so critical ♪

♪ So let's make things physical ♪

♪ I won't treat you like
You're oh, so typical ♪

♪
Oh-oh-oh ♪

♪
Oh-oh-oh ♪

♪ I won't treat you
like You're typical ♪

♪ I want you close I want you ♪

♪ I won't treat you
like You're typical ♪

♪ All I wanna get is ♪

♪ A little bit closer ♪

♪ All I wanna know is ♪

♪ Can you come a little closer? ♪

Boxer versus raptor.

♪ Na na na na na na na na na ♪

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