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1
00:00:14,600 --> 00:00:17,358
Eh, Rocket... Hm?
2
00:00:17,450 --> 00:00:20,570
Look at that. Goat-on-goat
action.
3
00:00:22,250 --> 00:00:23,468
Brilliant!
4
00:00:23,469 --> 00:00:24,987
Rocket, Mac - focus!
5
00:00:24,989 --> 00:00:27,267
Leave doesn't start for...
6
00:00:27,269 --> 00:00:28,387
43 hours.
7
00:00:28,496 --> 00:00:29,774
Stay sharp.
8
00:00:29,776 --> 00:00:31,614
The enemy wants us to be distracted.
9
00:00:31,616 --> 00:00:34,374
Are you saying the Taliban dress up
as goats and shag each other?
10
00:00:34,376 --> 00:00:37,014
Now, that's commitment.
11
00:00:37,016 --> 00:00:39,256
Enough! Eyes on.
12
00:00:53,336 --> 00:00:55,174
What's he saying about his
goats, Faruq?
13
00:00:55,176 --> 00:00:56,216
He does not want to...
14
00:00:57,256 --> 00:00:59,534
Hang on... You speak Pashto?
15
00:00:59,536 --> 00:01:01,694
Er, since when?
16
00:01:01,696 --> 00:01:04,974
Check it out, everyone - Millsy is
learning my language!
17
00:01:04,976 --> 00:01:06,894
Nice one, Millsy.
Yeah, well...
18
00:01:06,896 --> 00:01:09,576
I was thinking of learning Pashto
too, as it goes.
19
00:01:11,016 --> 00:01:13,694
A woman cannot learn two
languages. It is impossible.
20
00:01:13,696 --> 00:01:14,774
I beg your pardon?
21
00:01:14,776 --> 00:01:17,296
And FYI, I already speak
French.
22
00:01:19,336 --> 00:01:20,816
Is she making that up?
23
00:01:26,056 --> 00:01:28,054
Very nice, Millsy.
24
00:01:28,056 --> 00:01:29,216
Bumlick.
25
00:01:31,140 --> 00:01:57,495
Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
http://UKsubtitles.ru.
26
00:02:01,016 --> 00:02:04,134
Bet they goats give you a few ideas
for your wedding night, eh, Skip?
27
00:02:04,136 --> 00:02:06,096
Baaaa! No.
28
00:02:07,376 --> 00:02:08,694
A few ideas for the stag do?
29
00:02:08,696 --> 00:02:10,654
Baaa! Baa!
30
00:02:10,656 --> 00:02:12,814
Well, my... Baaa!
31
00:02:12,816 --> 00:02:15,574
My brother's promised me
a wild night.
32
00:02:15,576 --> 00:02:17,574
I'm not sure that involves goats,
though.
33
00:02:17,576 --> 00:02:20,414
What's he got planned, then? All I
know is that I've got to meet him
34
00:02:20,416 --> 00:02:22,294
at Southend Pier next Friday night.
35
00:02:22,296 --> 00:02:24,974
Next week?
But we're up in Scotland.
36
00:02:24,976 --> 00:02:27,334
Like the wedding,
you're not invited.
37
00:02:27,336 --> 00:02:29,094
Oh, shite, Skip - what about
morale?
38
00:02:29,096 --> 00:02:30,494
This the stag do? Aye.
39
00:02:30,496 --> 00:02:32,814
It's next week. Southend!
40
00:02:32,816 --> 00:02:34,214
Oh, thanks a bunch, Simon.
41
00:02:34,216 --> 00:02:36,974
We haven't all got a week's leave.
42
00:02:36,976 --> 00:02:40,414
Everything all right with the
device, boss? Yeah, piece of piss.
43
00:02:40,416 --> 00:02:42,814
Obviously I'm going to tell Mary
it was a nightmare.
44
00:02:42,816 --> 00:02:45,614
She's off on leave as well
in a couple of days.
45
00:02:45,616 --> 00:02:48,254
Got to seize the moment, find
something to impress her.
46
00:02:48,256 --> 00:02:51,614
Having another go while she's
weak, tired, ready to go home.
47
00:02:51,616 --> 00:02:53,334
You make me sound like...
48
00:02:53,336 --> 00:02:55,894
Do you really think she's going
to be weak at the moment?
49
00:02:55,896 --> 00:02:58,096
I was joking.
So was I.
50
00:02:59,216 --> 00:03:00,614
But you do think she's weak?
51
00:03:00,616 --> 00:03:02,854
I joined the Army so I didn't
have to have girly chats,
52
00:03:02,856 --> 00:03:05,054
but hey, let's plait each
other's hair
53
00:03:05,056 --> 00:03:07,176
and stick on Dirty Dancing, shall we?
54
00:03:22,456 --> 00:03:25,254
Knock, knock.
Come in. Oh, you have.
55
00:03:25,256 --> 00:03:27,894
So, Nick - what can I do
for you?
56
00:03:27,896 --> 00:03:29,774
In my professional capacity,
that is.
57
00:03:29,776 --> 00:03:32,334
Just had a tough day, you know.
58
00:03:32,336 --> 00:03:34,654
Uh-huh.
A really tough device.
59
00:03:34,656 --> 00:03:36,294
Two switches on the main charge,
60
00:03:36,296 --> 00:03:38,254
one was a pressure plate,
the other was...
61
00:03:38,256 --> 00:03:39,774
Millsy said it was
a nice easy one.
62
00:03:39,776 --> 00:03:41,854
Don't listen to everything
that Millsy says.
63
00:03:41,856 --> 00:03:45,054
Millsy, the pathologically truthful
one, I should watch out for him!
64
00:03:45,056 --> 00:03:47,254
I think it's my expert
assessment that...
65
00:03:47,256 --> 00:03:49,614
Apparently, you said it was
"a piece of piss".
66
00:03:49,616 --> 00:03:51,774
No such thing as a straightforward
IED, Mary.
67
00:03:51,776 --> 00:03:54,734
They're all different, improvised.
That's what the "I" stands for.
68
00:03:54,736 --> 00:03:56,894
What does the "E" stand for?
Oh, yeah - explosive.
69
00:03:56,896 --> 00:03:58,414
Yeah. And the "D"...
70
00:03:58,416 --> 00:04:00,694
Well, that just stands for device,
doesn't matter.
71
00:04:00,696 --> 00:04:03,574
Anyway, I basically totally
fucking nailed it.
72
00:04:03,576 --> 00:04:05,654
Good. Well done, you.
73
00:04:05,656 --> 00:04:08,454
Now, these won't pack themselves...
I'm not Mary Poppins.
74
00:04:08,456 --> 00:04:10,256
No!
75
00:04:11,416 --> 00:04:14,214
Was this toucan a present from Will?
What?
76
00:04:14,216 --> 00:04:16,894
Did your ex-fiance get it for you
when he was posted to Belize?
77
00:04:16,896 --> 00:04:18,694
How could you possibly know...?
78
00:04:18,696 --> 00:04:20,814
A lot of soldiers pick 'em up
out there.
79
00:04:20,816 --> 00:04:22,774
Along with an STD.
80
00:04:22,776 --> 00:04:26,054
Well, luckily it was just the toucan.
81
00:04:26,056 --> 00:04:29,494
You split up with him years ago, yet
you still have this love token...
82
00:04:29,496 --> 00:04:32,094
Love toucan! ..on your desk.
83
00:04:32,096 --> 00:04:34,774
It's not a love tok... Toucan!
What...?!
84
00:04:34,776 --> 00:04:38,376
Just seems an odd way to remember
someone who left you over a car.
85
00:04:40,056 --> 00:04:41,374
"Hello.
86
00:04:41,376 --> 00:04:43,814
"I left you over a car.
87
00:04:43,816 --> 00:04:46,654
"You should forget about me."
88
00:04:46,656 --> 00:04:48,094
And move on.
89
00:04:48,096 --> 00:04:50,854
It was a bit more complicated
than that.
90
00:04:50,856 --> 00:04:52,574
Tell me I'm wrong.
91
00:04:52,576 --> 00:04:54,094
Why are you still here?
92
00:04:54,096 --> 00:04:56,454
Tell me I'm wrong. Bye.
93
00:04:56,456 --> 00:04:57,616
Bye.
94
00:05:11,256 --> 00:05:13,494
Starting without me?
Without...?
95
00:05:13,496 --> 00:05:16,134
Oh, you know...
You don't need to bother.
96
00:05:16,136 --> 00:05:17,614
I've got it covered. Wow.
97
00:05:17,616 --> 00:05:20,734
Next, you'll tell me it's impossible
for women to speak two languages.
98
00:05:20,736 --> 00:05:22,094
No! I mean...
99
00:05:22,096 --> 00:05:24,894
I guess it would be handy if you
could listen to Taliban traffic
100
00:05:24,896 --> 00:05:26,494
out in the field. S'pose.
101
00:05:26,496 --> 00:05:29,094
But mainly, I want to show Faruq
how much of a dick he's being.
102
00:05:29,096 --> 00:05:31,534
I can speak Pashto
just as well as you can.
103
00:05:31,536 --> 00:05:33,534
It's not a competition.
Correct. It isn't.
104
00:05:33,536 --> 00:05:35,854
Come on, then. OK.
105
00:05:35,856 --> 00:05:38,374
Um, repeat after me.
106
00:05:38,376 --> 00:05:40,134
Ho. Ho.
107
00:05:40,136 --> 00:05:41,254
Yes. Yes.
108
00:05:41,256 --> 00:05:42,534
No... No.
109
00:05:42,536 --> 00:05:44,814
No, no - you don't need to repeat
the English bit.
110
00:05:44,816 --> 00:05:46,934
I'm just telling you what it means,
understand?
111
00:05:46,936 --> 00:05:48,134
Yes. Ho!
112
00:05:48,136 --> 00:05:49,334
OK...
113
00:05:49,336 --> 00:05:50,574
Na. Na.
114
00:05:50,576 --> 00:05:51,694
No. No?
115
00:05:51,696 --> 00:05:53,254
Yes, no. What?
116
00:05:53,256 --> 00:05:55,814
Look, would you stop messing,
please, Bird?
117
00:05:55,816 --> 00:05:56,976
All right.
118
00:05:58,016 --> 00:05:59,054
OK.
119
00:05:59,056 --> 00:06:00,934
Um... Let's do numbers.
120
00:06:00,936 --> 00:06:02,534
OK. All right.
121
00:06:02,536 --> 00:06:04,574
After me...
122
00:06:04,576 --> 00:06:05,734
Yaw. One.
123
00:06:05,736 --> 00:06:06,894
Yaw, one.
124
00:06:06,896 --> 00:06:09,574
Dwah, two. Dwah, two.
125
00:06:09,576 --> 00:06:11,814
Dwah. What, three's
the same as two?
126
00:06:11,816 --> 00:06:14,254
No, Bird - I'm correcting
your pronunciation.
127
00:06:14,256 --> 00:06:16,894
Dwah. That's what I said.
Do you want to learn this properly?
128
00:06:16,896 --> 00:06:18,294
Ho. That means yes.
129
00:06:18,296 --> 00:06:19,414
I knew this was a mistake!
130
00:06:19,416 --> 00:06:21,654
Cos thick chick Bird can't
learn the language?
131
00:06:21,656 --> 00:06:24,014
Do you know what, I'm going
to my bunk. Or, as they say
132
00:06:24,016 --> 00:06:26,094
in French, je suis...
133
00:06:26,096 --> 00:06:27,374
going to my bunk.
134
00:06:27,376 --> 00:06:28,894
Je vais a ma chambre.
135
00:06:28,896 --> 00:06:32,056
Oh, tu es un grand dick!
136
00:06:44,816 --> 00:06:45,934
You all right, son?
137
00:06:45,936 --> 00:06:48,614
Charlotte's really pissed off
about the stag night.
138
00:06:48,616 --> 00:06:50,254
Cos we're no' invited?
139
00:06:50,256 --> 00:06:51,614
No surprises there.
140
00:06:51,616 --> 00:06:52,734
No, knob cheese.
141
00:06:52,736 --> 00:06:56,054
She's found out what we're planning
and she is not happy.
142
00:06:56,056 --> 00:06:59,014
She wants to cancel the stripper?
We're not having a stripper!
143
00:06:59,016 --> 00:07:01,016
Oh, we... We are having a stripper.
144
00:07:02,296 --> 00:07:03,654
And she's cancelled it.
145
00:07:03,656 --> 00:07:05,894
Is that a list of rules?
Kind of.
146
00:07:05,896 --> 00:07:08,654
No strippers, no public nudity,
no getting arrested...
147
00:07:08,656 --> 00:07:10,934
That is out of order!
That's ridiculous!
148
00:07:10,936 --> 00:07:14,174
I am allowed to play crazy golf,
so... that's something. Skip...
149
00:07:14,176 --> 00:07:16,294
I know you usually ignore my advice
150
00:07:16,296 --> 00:07:18,734
and usually, you're right to do so.
151
00:07:18,736 --> 00:07:21,774
But you need to tell her you're not
putting up with this sort of thing.
152
00:07:21,776 --> 00:07:23,254
Aye. Guys, this is Charlotte.
153
00:07:23,256 --> 00:07:25,614
This is the woman who had
200 invites reprinted
154
00:07:25,616 --> 00:07:27,494
cos they were the wrong shade
of ivory.
155
00:07:27,496 --> 00:07:29,654
Aye, so you need to be firm wi' her.
156
00:07:29,656 --> 00:07:33,094
If you are, she'll find that more
attractive than if you're a pussy.
157
00:07:33,096 --> 00:07:36,254
I can't just ring her up... What's
the first rule of stag nights?
158
00:07:36,256 --> 00:07:39,334
There are no rules. Yes, sir.
Balls, Simon.
159
00:07:39,336 --> 00:07:41,054
I beg your pardon, sir?
160
00:07:41,056 --> 00:07:44,734
Balls. Keep up. Where are your
balls? Are they attached,
161
00:07:44,736 --> 00:07:47,014
or has your fiancee plucked them
from your perineum
162
00:07:47,016 --> 00:07:49,054
and placed them in an ice box,
in Chelmsford?
163
00:07:49,056 --> 00:07:51,054
We live in Braintree. Simon!
164
00:07:51,056 --> 00:07:52,256
Balls.
165
00:07:54,736 --> 00:07:57,016
You heard him. Balls!
166
00:07:59,016 --> 00:08:00,814
We should do you a proper stag here.
167
00:08:00,816 --> 00:08:02,134
Um... Aye!
168
00:08:02,136 --> 00:08:03,214
Nudity. Strippers!
169
00:08:03,216 --> 00:08:05,014
We'll get the MPs to arrest you!
170
00:08:05,016 --> 00:08:07,336
We could all dress up
in the same clothes!
171
00:08:08,616 --> 00:08:10,014
Genius.
172
00:08:10,016 --> 00:08:13,214
We'll take him into the village
and tie him naked to a lamppost...
173
00:08:13,216 --> 00:08:14,454
Oh, Mac!
174
00:08:14,456 --> 00:08:16,694
The security concerns alone
would mean that we...
175
00:08:16,696 --> 00:08:19,454
We could lock down the area
with an infantry platoon first.
176
00:08:19,456 --> 00:08:23,414
Anyway, there's no beer and there's
no strippers, means there's...
177
00:08:23,416 --> 00:08:26,054
Boss, get Mary to gie us
some of her communion wine.
178
00:08:26,056 --> 00:08:27,614
I don't fancy my chances.
179
00:08:27,616 --> 00:08:30,694
Tell her the last Padre would leave
the odd bottle lying, eh?
180
00:08:30,696 --> 00:08:33,214
I'll try, but I think you'll have
to ask Faruq for some beer.
181
00:08:33,216 --> 00:08:34,854
You want beer? I get you beer.
182
00:08:34,856 --> 00:08:39,094
My cousin, he makes lentil beer,
shall we say 50? It is agreed.
183
00:08:39,096 --> 00:08:40,894
You know the rules.
184
00:08:40,896 --> 00:08:43,454
No alcohol in theatre.
What's the first rule?
185
00:08:43,456 --> 00:08:44,816
No rules.
186
00:08:46,216 --> 00:08:48,496
Are you saying we can
have alcohol, sir?
187
00:08:49,656 --> 00:08:50,934
Sir!
188
00:08:50,936 --> 00:08:52,134
Sir?!
189
00:08:52,136 --> 00:08:53,454
Faruq...
190
00:08:53,456 --> 00:08:55,974
Do you know how to make
really hot curry?
191
00:08:55,976 --> 00:08:58,694
Of course. Goat, chicken, cat...
192
00:08:58,696 --> 00:09:01,094
Ooh, never had cat!
193
00:09:01,096 --> 00:09:04,334
Hello, love.
Yeah, I know it's early, sorry.
194
00:09:04,336 --> 00:09:07,494
I just wanted to get you
before you went to the gym.
195
00:09:07,496 --> 00:09:10,174
Sorry, it's Thursday...
I forgot.
196
00:09:10,176 --> 00:09:13,016
These... These rules
that you sent through...
197
00:09:14,376 --> 00:09:16,374
Not acceptable, Charlotte.
198
00:09:16,376 --> 00:09:19,574
Yeah. I'm not going to put up
with this shit any more.
199
00:09:19,576 --> 00:09:21,654
Yes, I did just say "shit".
200
00:09:21,656 --> 00:09:23,374
Yeah. Shit.
201
00:09:23,376 --> 00:09:25,254
Shit, shit, shitty shit.
202
00:09:25,256 --> 00:09:27,414
Shit, shit.
203
00:09:27,416 --> 00:09:28,814
Charlotte?
204
00:09:28,816 --> 00:09:30,496
Hello? Hello?
205
00:09:31,656 --> 00:09:32,936
Oh, shit.
206
00:09:36,136 --> 00:09:37,654
Hi, Mary.
207
00:09:37,656 --> 00:09:40,734
Nick Medhurst in the chapel?
208
00:09:40,736 --> 00:09:43,134
What do you want?
I've come to confess my sins.
209
00:09:43,136 --> 00:09:44,934
I'm not sure I have that long.
210
00:09:44,936 --> 00:09:48,254
Seriously, I want to apologise for
winding you up earlier. It was...
211
00:09:48,256 --> 00:09:51,734
uncalled for. It's fine.
I know you're tired. Thanks.
212
00:09:51,736 --> 00:09:54,654
Anyway, I don't know how much you
knew about your predecessor,
213
00:09:54,656 --> 00:09:56,654
but he was very big on morale.
214
00:09:56,656 --> 00:09:58,294
I'm not giving you communion wine.
215
00:09:58,296 --> 00:10:00,494
Well, it's not for me,
it's for Simon's stag do.
216
00:10:00,496 --> 00:10:03,134
Thing is, Nick, that wine
is for, um...
217
00:10:03,136 --> 00:10:04,454
What was it again?
218
00:10:04,456 --> 00:10:06,614
Oh, yeah! Communion. And yes,
219
00:10:06,616 --> 00:10:09,454
the occasional glass for somebody
who's had some genuine trauma.
220
00:10:09,456 --> 00:10:12,094
If I was marrying Charlotte,
I'd be having genuine trauma.
221
00:10:12,096 --> 00:10:15,294
You know very well it isn't allowed.
OK, look - here's a new idea, OK?
222
00:10:15,296 --> 00:10:19,694
So how about we turn the stag night
into a sort of communion service,
223
00:10:19,696 --> 00:10:22,934
only with a lot more wine,
and curry instead of wafers?
224
00:10:22,936 --> 00:10:26,094
For heaven's sake, Nick. Look, I know
you don't believe what I believe,
225
00:10:26,096 --> 00:10:28,334
but do you have to take the piss
the whole time?
226
00:10:28,336 --> 00:10:29,574
Yeah.
227
00:10:29,576 --> 00:10:30,694
Yeah, actually I do.
228
00:10:30,696 --> 00:10:33,094
Because my ridiculously
dangerous job means that
229
00:10:33,096 --> 00:10:35,414
I don't approach life
the same way that you do.
230
00:10:35,416 --> 00:10:38,294
This is one sodding bottle of wine,
Mary.
231
00:10:38,296 --> 00:10:39,614
And it's not even for me.
232
00:10:39,616 --> 00:10:42,574
Fine, you think I'm a twat,
but don't take that out on a bunch
233
00:10:42,576 --> 00:10:44,654
of guys who've made it halfway
through a tour
234
00:10:44,656 --> 00:10:47,654
without getting shot, mortared
or blown to pieces by an IED.
235
00:10:47,656 --> 00:10:50,096
Just get a sense
of fucking perspective.
236
00:10:54,096 --> 00:10:56,174
Listen, Faruq, I need your help.
237
00:10:56,176 --> 00:10:57,256
Teach me Pashto.
238
00:10:58,576 --> 00:11:00,694
I will help as much as I can, but...
239
00:11:00,696 --> 00:11:02,254
probably a lost cause.
240
00:11:02,256 --> 00:11:05,214
Let's just give it a go, shall we?
Not going to let Millsy win.
241
00:11:05,216 --> 00:11:07,734
Win what? Can we start?
242
00:11:07,736 --> 00:11:09,614
OK, OK.
243
00:11:09,616 --> 00:11:11,216
Very useful phrase for you.
244
00:11:16,856 --> 00:11:18,334
Hm... And what does that mean?
245
00:11:18,336 --> 00:11:20,094
Please clean up my room.
246
00:11:20,096 --> 00:11:22,014
And you would say, "Ho!"
247
00:11:22,016 --> 00:11:23,534
Not to you, I wouldn't.
248
00:11:23,536 --> 00:11:24,974
Na!
249
00:11:24,976 --> 00:11:27,534
You're always making the jokes,
Corporal Bird.
250
00:11:27,536 --> 00:11:28,734
Very funny!
251
00:11:28,736 --> 00:11:30,736
OK, say this.
252
00:11:36,696 --> 00:11:37,934
That means?
253
00:11:37,936 --> 00:11:40,774
When are you going to clean
the windows? Right.
254
00:11:40,776 --> 00:11:44,534
And what's Pashto for, "It's your
turn to clean the fucking windows"?
255
00:11:44,536 --> 00:11:46,576
Ooh! A zinger.
256
00:11:47,896 --> 00:11:51,054
I am just trying to focus on
the most useful phrases for women.
257
00:11:51,056 --> 00:11:52,616
Oh...
258
00:11:54,976 --> 00:11:57,614
Please clean up the vomit.
You know what, Faruq?
259
00:11:57,616 --> 00:12:00,776
I was right all along.
You're a bigger dick than Millsy.
260
00:12:04,696 --> 00:12:07,054
Oh, hi, Millsy. You big dick.
261
00:12:07,056 --> 00:12:10,694
We've got a shout on. Suspected car
bomb outside a health clinic - now.
262
00:12:10,696 --> 00:12:12,336
You could've said, you dick.
263
00:12:25,496 --> 00:12:28,774
And Mac's invented a game
called Hunt the Simon.
264
00:12:28,776 --> 00:12:30,254
Genius!
265
00:12:30,256 --> 00:12:31,934
Don't know how he comes up with 'em!
266
00:12:31,936 --> 00:12:34,294
It's gonna be the best stag ever!
267
00:12:34,296 --> 00:12:37,694
I'm... not sure it is. Faruq's curry
is going to be awesome!
268
00:12:37,696 --> 00:12:39,814
I'm... not sure it is.
269
00:12:39,816 --> 00:12:43,414
There isn't going to be a stag night
anyway. The wedding's off.
270
00:12:43,416 --> 00:12:44,694
Oh, dear. Fuck!
271
00:12:44,696 --> 00:12:46,374
Yes, I took your advice, Mac.
272
00:12:46,376 --> 00:12:49,774
I stood up to her and I said, "This
is the way things are going to be,"
273
00:12:49,776 --> 00:12:52,534
and she said that wasn't the way
things are going to be,
274
00:12:52,536 --> 00:12:54,694
so that isn't the way things
are going to be.
275
00:12:54,696 --> 00:12:57,374
Fair play. I thought
she wanted a real man.
276
00:12:57,376 --> 00:12:58,974
Turns out she wanted you.
277
00:12:58,976 --> 00:13:02,054
We can still have a stag night,
though, right?
278
00:13:02,056 --> 00:13:03,776
Obviously not.
279
00:13:20,536 --> 00:13:23,254
Right, till I know if there's
a device in the car or not,
280
00:13:23,256 --> 00:13:26,054
we're treating this as a Cat A,
so we need to get a shift on.
281
00:13:26,056 --> 00:13:27,974
Hogg, Millsy, Bird - sitrep, now.
282
00:13:27,976 --> 00:13:30,534
Number one - evacuation of the
clinic. In progress, boss.
283
00:13:30,536 --> 00:13:33,574
A dozen people in there, they've got
to cut bars out the back window.
284
00:13:33,576 --> 00:13:37,416
They're saying 40 minutes. Oh, good.
By which I mean, "Oh, shit."
285
00:13:38,456 --> 00:13:39,854
I need to get to that car.
286
00:13:39,856 --> 00:13:42,294
Hogg, how much longer on the search
for command wires?
287
00:13:42,296 --> 00:13:43,974
Can I interest you in an hour?
288
00:13:43,976 --> 00:13:47,134
50 minutes, boss?
Quite shit, but thank you.
289
00:13:47,136 --> 00:13:49,414
How long has the area been secure?
90 minutes.
290
00:13:49,416 --> 00:13:51,494
OK, so it's unlikely
it's on a timer.
291
00:13:51,496 --> 00:13:54,254
And I see a fair amount of dickers
have chosen to join us
292
00:13:54,256 --> 00:13:56,774
for today's antics. Bird, what are
your thoughts on RCs?
293
00:13:56,776 --> 00:14:00,014
Low risk, boss. And we can
mitigate. OK...
294
00:14:00,016 --> 00:14:03,974
So let's assume that
it's victim-operated.
295
00:14:03,976 --> 00:14:07,054
And let's hope by victim,
I don't mean me.
296
00:14:07,056 --> 00:14:10,134
Right, let's get this ICP set up,
then. Troopie!
297
00:14:10,136 --> 00:14:11,414
Oh, good.
298
00:14:11,416 --> 00:14:13,654
An IED basically... right there.
299
00:14:13,656 --> 00:14:15,134
Handy.
300
00:14:15,136 --> 00:14:16,614
OK, mark and avoid...
301
00:14:16,616 --> 00:14:18,616
Troopie! OK, nobody fucking move!
302
00:14:19,776 --> 00:14:21,254
Two IEDs. Yay!
303
00:14:21,256 --> 00:14:24,414
So, Hogg - I want you to complete
the search, and here and here.
304
00:14:24,416 --> 00:14:26,814
I want to mitigate the possibility
of command devices.
305
00:14:26,816 --> 00:14:29,894
We'll deal with them later. I can
get to the car as soon as possible.
306
00:14:29,896 --> 00:14:33,174
Bring the vehicle round here, we'll
work on the safe side of it.
307
00:14:33,176 --> 00:14:34,774
- All OK?
- Yes, boss.
308
00:14:34,776 --> 00:14:36,376
OK, crack on.
309
00:14:49,176 --> 00:14:51,214
Right, team - let's start again.
310
00:14:51,216 --> 00:14:52,374
Millsy.
311
00:14:52,376 --> 00:14:55,054
So, staff and patients are out,
but there's a woman in labour.
312
00:14:55,056 --> 00:14:56,094
What?
313
00:14:56,096 --> 00:14:58,574
And her midwife.
Can't get them out the window.
314
00:14:58,576 --> 00:15:00,694
Oh, Fuckton-on-Thames.
315
00:15:00,696 --> 00:15:03,894
OK, just get her into the back room
and make sure she stays there.
316
00:15:03,896 --> 00:15:06,574
I'll radio the platoon sergeant.
All right.
317
00:15:06,576 --> 00:15:10,854
Now, the 6 million question...
318
00:15:10,856 --> 00:15:13,174
Er, it's the million-dollar
question, boss.
319
00:15:13,176 --> 00:15:15,574
6 million man...
Million-dollar question.
320
00:15:15,576 --> 00:15:18,174
What a great time to bring up a guy
who was rebuilt
321
00:15:18,176 --> 00:15:20,174
after a horrific accident.
322
00:15:20,176 --> 00:15:22,854
Oh, yeah.
My question was,
323
00:15:22,856 --> 00:15:24,494
is there a device in the car,
324
00:15:24,496 --> 00:15:27,174
or is this whole thing
just a come-on to get us on top
325
00:15:27,176 --> 00:15:30,414
of these two IEDs? Hogg, what's the
situation with command wires?
326
00:15:30,416 --> 00:15:33,414
Nothing yet. Ten minutes.
Cheers, Sergeant. Thank you, Millsy.
327
00:15:33,416 --> 00:15:34,656
Boss.
328
00:15:44,416 --> 00:15:46,934
You should call Charlotte
when you get back.
329
00:15:46,936 --> 00:15:49,654
It's not worth losing the wedding
for a stag do.
330
00:15:49,656 --> 00:15:52,934
It's not just the stag do, though,
is it, boss? The whole thing...
331
00:15:52,936 --> 00:15:54,614
Yeah, yeah. I know.
332
00:15:54,616 --> 00:15:57,416
Surely it's better to back down
than to die alone?
333
00:15:59,656 --> 00:16:01,814
Bloody hell, boss,
that's a bit steep.
334
00:16:01,816 --> 00:16:05,454
Tell her you had a near-miss.
Stepped very close to a device.
335
00:16:05,456 --> 00:16:07,654
Been thinking about your mortality.
336
00:16:07,656 --> 00:16:09,654
Kiss...
337
00:16:09,656 --> 00:16:11,214
make up...
338
00:16:11,216 --> 00:16:13,814
and then get back to whatever
freaky dominatrix shit
339
00:16:13,816 --> 00:16:15,736
I'm presuming Charlotte's into.
340
00:16:28,776 --> 00:16:31,094
We're done, boss.
Haven't found anything.
341
00:16:31,096 --> 00:16:34,414
Not a sausage. Right, I'm going to
put my balls on the table...
342
00:16:34,416 --> 00:16:35,934
Urgh.
343
00:16:35,936 --> 00:16:39,454
I'll bet that I could spend the next
two hours searching that car
344
00:16:39,456 --> 00:16:42,734
and there's not even a bomb in it.
There isnae a bomb?
345
00:16:42,736 --> 00:16:45,494
So you could just leap in it
and drive off?
346
00:16:45,496 --> 00:16:49,174
Yeah, great idea, Rocket. Why don't
you leap in it and drive off?
347
00:16:49,176 --> 00:16:51,534
I cannae drive. Ah.
348
00:16:51,536 --> 00:16:54,214
The only flaw
in an otherwise brilliant plan.
349
00:16:54,216 --> 00:16:56,656
Faruq's found an eyewitness.
Excellent.
350
00:17:08,136 --> 00:17:10,414
He saw someone park the car
three hours ago,
351
00:17:10,416 --> 00:17:12,414
climb out and walk away.
Three hours ago?
352
00:17:12,416 --> 00:17:14,014
That timeline can't be right...
353
00:17:14,016 --> 00:17:16,134
He said "khirke" - that's "window",
isn't it?
354
00:17:16,136 --> 00:17:17,894
Why did he say window? I don't know.
355
00:17:17,896 --> 00:17:19,896
Fucking ask him again, knobchops!
356
00:17:25,616 --> 00:17:28,094
He climbed out of the window
and walked away.
357
00:17:28,096 --> 00:17:31,574
So there is a device in the car.
I am impressed, Bird. Always thought
358
00:17:31,576 --> 00:17:34,654
there was a device in there.
Thanks. No, you didn't, you said...
359
00:17:34,656 --> 00:17:37,416
Right, better get down there.
Thanks.
360
00:18:09,616 --> 00:18:11,934
Bird. Hm?
361
00:18:11,936 --> 00:18:13,934
I'm sorry about... you know?
362
00:18:13,936 --> 00:18:15,856
Being the shittest teacher ever?
363
00:18:17,456 --> 00:18:19,614
OK, yes, I was a bit of a dick,
I admit.
364
00:18:19,616 --> 00:18:22,974
That's all right.
You weren't the absolute shittest.
365
00:18:22,976 --> 00:18:24,374
Faruq was.
366
00:18:24,376 --> 00:18:25,616
Hey!
367
00:18:28,376 --> 00:18:29,534
Skip!
368
00:18:29,536 --> 00:18:31,174
I was thinking...
369
00:18:31,176 --> 00:18:33,334
Now you're single...
370
00:18:33,336 --> 00:18:36,454
and a lance corporal on leave
fae Afghan,
371
00:18:36,456 --> 00:18:39,414
you could shag your way
from John O'Groats to Land's End.
372
00:18:39,416 --> 00:18:41,014
Well...
373
00:18:41,016 --> 00:18:42,734
John O'Groats to...
374
00:18:42,736 --> 00:18:43,934
Inverness.
375
00:18:43,936 --> 00:18:45,654
No. I'm going to call Charlotte
376
00:18:45,656 --> 00:18:48,174
and explain the pressure
I've been put under
377
00:18:48,176 --> 00:18:49,774
by my team members.
378
00:18:49,776 --> 00:18:52,334
It's no' my fault!
You told me to stand up to her.
379
00:18:52,336 --> 00:18:53,536
Shit, aye...
380
00:18:54,536 --> 00:18:56,294
Aye. It is my fault.
381
00:18:56,296 --> 00:18:58,814
Then we can get married
like she always wanted...
382
00:18:58,816 --> 00:19:00,974
Like we always wanted.
383
00:19:00,976 --> 00:19:02,774
Stag night...
384
00:19:02,776 --> 00:19:04,096
back on!
385
00:19:05,176 --> 00:19:06,896
Gleaming!
386
00:19:08,016 --> 00:19:09,296
Oh, dear.
387
00:19:20,496 --> 00:19:23,974
OK, Millsy - I'm pretty sure
the main device is in the boot
388
00:19:23,976 --> 00:19:26,974
and I'm fairly sure it's going to be
heavily booby-trapped, so...
389
00:19:26,976 --> 00:19:29,374
I think I'm going to go in
through the window.
390
00:19:29,376 --> 00:19:30,534
OK, boss.
391
00:19:30,536 --> 00:19:33,454
Be careful.
Ah, being careful.
392
00:19:33,456 --> 00:19:34,656
Good plan.
393
00:19:43,216 --> 00:19:44,696
Hello.
394
00:20:52,296 --> 00:20:54,854
OK. He can tow the car.
395
00:20:54,856 --> 00:20:58,494
That is unless Rocket wants to
practise his three-point turns?
396
00:20:58,496 --> 00:21:00,694
Nice job, boss.
Want the last of the water?
397
00:21:00,696 --> 00:21:01,734
Yes.
398
00:21:01,736 --> 00:21:03,256
Fucking chinstrapped.
399
00:21:13,496 --> 00:21:15,134
Aah.
400
00:21:15,136 --> 00:21:16,734
Seriously...
401
00:21:16,736 --> 00:21:19,774
Thank you, guys.
I couldn't have done it without you.
402
00:21:19,776 --> 00:21:22,094
Well... Could have done most of it,
403
00:21:22,096 --> 00:21:23,776
just, you know, not all of it.
404
00:21:26,176 --> 00:21:30,054
The baby is born and praise to God,
it's a boy!
405
00:21:30,056 --> 00:21:31,294
Dick.
406
00:21:31,296 --> 00:21:33,654
The new mother is very grateful
407
00:21:33,656 --> 00:21:36,454
and she will name her son
in our honour.
408
00:21:36,456 --> 00:21:37,614
She's called him Nick?
409
00:21:37,616 --> 00:21:39,654
No. No!
410
00:21:39,656 --> 00:21:42,496
She has named her son Faruq!
Oh...
411
00:21:44,496 --> 00:21:46,414
So, are we done? Yep.
412
00:21:46,416 --> 00:21:48,296
Apart from those two other IEDs.
413
00:21:51,576 --> 00:21:53,454
Just give me a minute.
414
00:21:53,456 --> 00:21:56,294
Um, we don't want to lose
the light, boss.
415
00:21:56,296 --> 00:21:57,616
Yep.
416
00:22:01,416 --> 00:22:03,254
These things will kill me, anyway.
417
00:22:03,256 --> 00:22:05,414
Are you all right, boss?
418
00:22:05,416 --> 00:22:07,416
Nowhere in the world I'd rather be.
419
00:22:09,976 --> 00:22:11,256
Let's crack on.
420
00:22:24,216 --> 00:22:26,456
Stag ni-i-i-ight!
421
00:22:27,536 --> 00:22:30,614
I'll get the kerosene! Whoa, we
don't want to overdo this, guys!
422
00:22:30,616 --> 00:22:32,174
I don't want to get hospitalised
423
00:22:32,176 --> 00:22:34,656
when we're less than 12 hours
away from R&R.
424
00:22:35,816 --> 00:22:37,016
Hey, Nick.
425
00:22:38,136 --> 00:22:39,614
Oh... Hello.
426
00:22:39,616 --> 00:22:42,814
Boss, boss! Come on! We've got
to flame-grill 100 poppadoms!
427
00:22:42,816 --> 00:22:45,654
You took so long on that car bomb,
we're way behind on the stag do!
428
00:22:45,656 --> 00:22:47,054
OK, guys, I might need...
429
00:22:47,056 --> 00:22:50,534
Look, will you two leave him alone
for one flipping minute, OK?
430
00:22:50,536 --> 00:22:51,774
Can't you see he's too tired?
431
00:22:51,776 --> 00:22:53,814
He needs a rest before your stupid
stag night!
432
00:22:53,816 --> 00:22:56,094
He's just defused two IEDs
and a car bomb,
433
00:22:56,096 --> 00:22:58,854
and saved the lives of a mother,
midwife and a newborn baby.
434
00:22:58,856 --> 00:23:00,894
Aye. We saw.
435
00:23:00,896 --> 00:23:02,254
Well, sorry...
436
00:23:02,256 --> 00:23:03,856
I'm sorry, Nick.
437
00:23:06,096 --> 00:23:08,174
Tell you what, come and find me later
438
00:23:08,176 --> 00:23:09,894
and we'll have a little snifter.
439
00:23:09,896 --> 00:23:11,774
Yeah.
440
00:23:11,776 --> 00:23:12,934
OK.
441
00:23:12,936 --> 00:23:14,176
OK.
442
00:23:18,496 --> 00:23:20,814
Do you know what, Bird?
Hm?
443
00:23:20,816 --> 00:23:23,016
I think I am finally in there.
444
00:23:24,256 --> 00:23:25,496
At fucking last.
445
00:23:29,416 --> 00:23:30,934
My cousin called.
446
00:23:30,936 --> 00:23:34,814
He says the lentil curry
and beer is doing very nicely.
447
00:23:34,816 --> 00:23:36,454
It's lentil beer, innit?
448
00:23:36,456 --> 00:23:37,774
No' lentil curry.
449
00:23:37,776 --> 00:23:39,374
Oh, yes!
450
00:23:39,376 --> 00:23:42,054
The two are very much separate!
451
00:23:42,056 --> 00:23:43,774
Yes!
452
00:23:43,776 --> 00:23:45,416
Excuse me while I make a call.
453
00:24:06,296 --> 00:24:08,934
Ah! I've had worse.
454
00:24:08,936 --> 00:24:10,454
But only in Dundee!
455
00:24:10,456 --> 00:24:12,894
Is that the booze?
Technically.
456
00:24:12,896 --> 00:24:15,534
Be nice if we had some pitta bread
to dip in it.
457
00:24:15,536 --> 00:24:17,814
Of course, I am forbidden from
drinking alcohol.
458
00:24:17,816 --> 00:24:20,534
Which is a relief, I mean...
look at it.
459
00:24:20,536 --> 00:24:23,094
Well, the last Padre would
have had some communion wine
460
00:24:23,096 --> 00:24:25,374
for times like this,
but the new one...
461
00:24:25,376 --> 00:24:26,454
Nah. Not so much.
462
00:24:26,456 --> 00:24:28,454
Well, I'll just put this away, then.
463
00:24:28,456 --> 00:24:30,574
No!
464
00:24:30,576 --> 00:24:32,614
Yes!
465
00:24:32,616 --> 00:24:34,854
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
466
00:24:34,856 --> 00:24:36,574
Thank you!
467
00:24:36,576 --> 00:24:38,454
Here's to freedom. Hey!
468
00:24:38,456 --> 00:24:39,734
To freedom!
469
00:24:39,736 --> 00:24:43,536
Whoa-oa-oa-oa-oah!
470
00:24:46,016 --> 00:24:47,814
Bloody hell, that is rank!
471
00:24:47,816 --> 00:24:50,214
Wait a minute, wait a minute -
what do you mean, freedom?
472
00:24:50,216 --> 00:24:52,854
I was going to tell Charlotte
I had a near-miss, get her back,
473
00:24:52,856 --> 00:24:55,774
then I thought, "Fuck that!"
I don't want to be with someone
474
00:24:55,776 --> 00:24:58,494
who makes up rules for
my fucking stag night...
475
00:24:58,496 --> 00:25:01,894
Are you sure about that? If she
doesn't want to be with a real man,
476
00:25:01,896 --> 00:25:04,014
like me, then she can jog on.
477
00:25:04,016 --> 00:25:06,734
Good decision, Skip.
Now, where's that communion wine?
478
00:25:06,736 --> 00:25:09,294
There's communion wine?
Shit, you could've said.
479
00:25:09,296 --> 00:25:10,734
Good. All right.
480
00:25:10,736 --> 00:25:12,336
I'm going to go and find Nick.
481
00:25:15,496 --> 00:25:17,776
I'm king of the world!
482
00:25:19,496 --> 00:25:21,816
Nick, sorry I'm late, I was just...
483
00:25:48,776 --> 00:25:50,416
Hello, you.
484
00:25:55,416 --> 00:25:56,974
Hey, hey, Padre.
485
00:25:56,976 --> 00:25:58,774
Want to try some of this goat curry?
486
00:25:58,776 --> 00:26:00,134
Mm, it's fucking blinding.
487
00:26:00,136 --> 00:26:02,414
Watch out.
I think that may be literally true.
488
00:26:02,416 --> 00:26:03,696
Mm, I might hold off.
489
00:26:05,336 --> 00:26:08,174
Oh.
It's just some old trinket
490
00:26:08,176 --> 00:26:09,974
I've been meaning to get rid of.
491
00:26:09,976 --> 00:26:12,254
Nah, it's that wee toucan
your ex gave you.
492
00:26:12,256 --> 00:26:14,774
Ha-ha!
Where's the stag?
493
00:26:14,776 --> 00:26:16,974
Just over there.
494
00:26:16,976 --> 00:26:18,656
Oh... Mm.
495
00:26:20,936 --> 00:26:23,216
God, I love her!
496
00:26:25,216 --> 00:26:26,534
Her hair...
497
00:26:26,536 --> 00:26:27,736
Her hair!
498
00:26:28,736 --> 00:26:30,134
Tiny nose!
499
00:26:30,136 --> 00:26:32,416
And I miss you!
500
00:26:34,336 --> 00:26:37,654
Like the deserts miss the rain.
501
00:26:37,656 --> 00:26:39,294
Karaoke! Brilliant.
502
00:26:39,296 --> 00:26:40,654
Simon, do you want to talk?
503
00:26:40,656 --> 00:26:42,696
Thank fuck. You take over, Padre.
504
00:26:44,096 --> 00:26:46,614
I should...
I should've said sorry.
505
00:26:46,616 --> 00:26:49,254
She was right, she's always right!
506
00:26:49,256 --> 00:26:50,694
I miss her so much!
507
00:26:50,696 --> 00:26:52,176
Wait!
508
00:26:53,296 --> 00:26:54,334
Oh, Skip!
509
00:26:54,336 --> 00:26:57,334
Fuck's sake.
What's going on here?
510
00:26:57,336 --> 00:27:00,254
Some sort of stomach bug, I presume?
511
00:27:00,256 --> 00:27:03,894
Let's hope those of you not on R&R
tomorrow don't contract this...
512
00:27:03,896 --> 00:27:05,574
surprising disease.
513
00:27:05,576 --> 00:27:06,774
Fingers crossed, sir.
514
00:27:06,776 --> 00:27:08,136
Carry on.
515
00:27:09,536 --> 00:27:11,294
Eurgh!
516
00:27:11,296 --> 00:27:12,656
Hey, Faruq.
517
00:27:15,256 --> 00:27:16,534
Boom!
518
00:27:16,536 --> 00:27:19,774
Seriously, guys - I thought this was
meant to be a fucking party?
519
00:27:19,776 --> 00:27:22,176
Come on!
Yes, more curry!
520
00:27:23,256 --> 00:27:24,656
I mean beer!
521
00:28:00,296 --> 00:28:03,294
So you really thought
I was asleep just then?
522
00:28:03,296 --> 00:28:05,016
Bloody hell, Nick!
523
00:28:07,600 --> 00:28:35,925
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524
00:28:35,975 --> 00:28:40,525
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