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Previously on Awkward...
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You have become cool.
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Ah, Matty [beep] McKibben!
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Things were different.
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I'd want it to be way more than a hookup.
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Things are pretty different.
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Get some sleep, honey.
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(Jenna voice-over) By all online accounts,
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I had both thrown and
missed the event of the year.
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It was clearly a great party,
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which was awesome for everyone who went,
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but not so awesome for me.
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- [computer chimes]
- _
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[pop music]
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- [chiming]
- _
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Each new photo and every nice message
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00:00:32,564 --> 00:00:35,866
reminded me of exactly how
much fun I have missed out on.
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I told myself to turn off my phone,
20
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but I couldn't looked away.
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00:00:40,839 --> 00:00:43,006
I was drowning in a sea
of selfies and self-pity.
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I needed something to
cushion the fomo blow.
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I needed cupcakes.
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A little sugar always remedied my sads.
25
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Hey, hands off.
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Those are for Ally's sex toy party.
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Aren't they cute?
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Yeah, Mom. That's exactly what
29
00:00:57,317 --> 00:01:00,006
I'd call penis cupcakes. Cute.
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- Cute or clich??
- What am I looking at?
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Swallow and dove wedding cake toppers.
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- Hey, Jenna.
- I've created a Pinterest board
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for both because they're
life-maters like barn owls,
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and termites and Tom Brady and Giselle.
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(boy) What's up, Jenna?
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You created a Pinterest for a fake wedding?
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I had to. Do you know how
much stuff is out there
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waiting to be pinned
when you're a bride to be?
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Do you know how insane it is
that you've kept up the charade
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and haven't told Adam the truth?
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I can't just tell him the truth.
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- Jenna.
- To go from fianc?
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to fianc-ex without any warning is like,
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I never intended to be his intended.
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- Just...
- Hi.
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Give me and my wedding
a few more days together.
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- Hey, Jenna.
- Why is everyone
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so post-party partial to you?
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You were there for, like,
a full half a second.
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I didn't even think
anyone noticed us anyway.
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Apparently somebody noticed something.
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[upbeat music]
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Hey, Jenna. Sweet party yesterday.
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Big ups.
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Thanks, Troy Langworthy.
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Big ups to you too.
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Troy Langworthy just spoke to me.
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I'm as shocked as you are.
About that and about the fact
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you said "big ups" out loud.
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It doesn't even make any sense.
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He only hangs out with the Julies.
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Why am I on his radar?
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Put a flavored condom on your head
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because your mind is about to get blown.
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Jenna, you're legit popular.
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Jenna, your party was the balls.
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People literally won't shut
their ham holes about it.
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Let's selfie.
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(Jenna voice-over) Was
short-circuiting the school
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and throwing a killer beach party
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all it took to get tagged by the Julies?
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This was my moment to shine,
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and this selfie would
capture it forever and ever.
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[camera shutter clicks]
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[typing]
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Synced and corrected by Chitorafa
www.addic7ed.com
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[playful music]
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Ew!
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We can't post this.
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(Jenna voice-over) The
jig was up. They saw I was
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an accidental tourist in Popularland.
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Jenna, don't get self defensie, but...
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You've got spaz face.
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Severe.
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Fix it and we'll reshoot at lunch.
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This is weird.
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(Tamara) This is Lady Gaga's story.
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Sad spaz teen turned global phenomenon.
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That over there? That is weird.
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Jabby has gone public and it's
mouth hugging all over our quad.
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Jenna, hey.
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Thanks for getting my drunk
butt home after your beach party.
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Just a couple of follow ups.
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Did I pee in anyone's yard?
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And, was I wearing more than
one shoe when you got me?
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Hold up, Sir Drinks-A-Lot.
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Did baby get blackout?
99
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Hazy brownout.
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It's only the end of
the party that's sketchy.
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- What a dick.
- Hilarious.
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[laughter]
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What is that?
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Your bender is a trender.
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And I'm Matty [beep] McKibben!
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And I'm Matty [beep] McKibben!
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(Jenna voice-over) I knew Matty
has been wasted at the party.
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I didn't know he committed social suicide.
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A guy like Matty losing his cool like that
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was viral gold.
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I'm such an ass[beep].
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Yeah, you are.
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Matty [beep] McKibben.
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[playful music]
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A bunch of Ally's stupid,
sloppy, sex-starved friends
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alcohol-poisoning themselves
and shopping for boink toys?
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It's going to be a total freak show.
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There is no way I'm missing it.
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Lissa, heel!
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Sorry.
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Ally's not allowing
man-parts at her dildo fest
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that aren't battery operated,
124
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so Sergio's out and you're in.
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I can't go. I'm grounded.
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For what?
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I don't know. Mommy won't tell me.
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00:04:14,906 --> 00:04:16,145
What happened to your face?
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Mommy's doing migraine braids on me again.
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She's been extra uptight and stressy
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since Daddy moved in with DeAndre.
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Well, she needs to de-stress
so you can have your face back.
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I know! I taught her some Atonercises,
134
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but they just seem to wind her up more.
135
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When God made your mommy, he
put a stick way up her ass.
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It's going to take a lot more than exercise
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to make her happy.
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I should get her a puppy!
139
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No, what that psycho ward needs to unwind
140
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is, like, a Hawaiian vacation
or two dozen hot stone massages
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or, duh, I bet a good boning would help.
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[upbeat music]
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We're going on a triple date
with hot college guys tonight.
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Just don't be a spaz.
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Yeah, be careful of your face.
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What? Wait.
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I'm going on the triple date?
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Obvi. Do the math.
149
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Three guys, two Julies.
150
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It's too much for us on a weeknight.
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Make a hole, newbies!
152
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Where were you on her blog?
153
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Move it!
154
00:05:04,892 --> 00:05:06,360
Hey, can Tamara come and
make it a quadruple date?
155
00:05:06,461 --> 00:05:07,361
(Tamara) Oh, Tamara can't.
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What? Why?
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'Cause, I am still otherwise engaged.
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It would be inappropes for
me to go on a triple date.
159
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But, Jenna, you should embrace
this new rung on the populadder.
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Just promise me you'll tell
me what it's like up there.
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(Matty) Hey, can I sit here?
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(Jenna voice-over)
Everyone had seen the video
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of Matty losing his cool,
and now they were treating
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Matty [beep] McKibben
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like he was the black [beep] plague.
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No one wanted the plague at their table.
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Not the jocks, not the preps,
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not even the band guys.
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Hashtag poor Matty.
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Such a tragedy.
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You should stop that before it trends.
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Hey, are you okay? You
look a little... lost.
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Uh, yeah, well, I-I feel it.
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The weirdest [beep] has been
happening to me all day long.
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[playful music]
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Hey.
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178
00:05:53,372 --> 00:05:54,772
(boy) Trevor.
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You deserve it all
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You deserve it all
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Leroy.
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'Cause you deserve it all
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You deserve it all
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You deserve it a-a-all
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Yes you deserve it all
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You deserve it all
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You deserve it
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I mean, this is messed up, right?
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Oh!
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Did you just see that?
191
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It's like I'm not even
here. Am I invisible?
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Matty, you're not invisible.
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You're unpopular.
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[lively music]
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I know I acted like a complete
d-bag, but this is brutal.
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Everyone is shutting me out.
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I'm sorry, Matty.
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You never would have been such an ass[beep]
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if you hadn't been blindsided
about Jake and Gabby.
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I should've told you.
201
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Yeah, you think?
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Well, it was a weird position to be in.
203
00:06:41,317 --> 00:06:42,751
And why do I always end up
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with all the weird dirt
on your girlfriends?
205
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It's like some twisted cosmic joke.
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And what do I do with
all the unwanted info?
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Because our relationship
is really confusing.
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As your friend, yeah, I should've told you.
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But as your ex, it's so not my business.
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How do we navigate this
next time it happens?
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00:06:59,101 --> 00:07:01,735
I mean, do I decide if I'm
feeling friend-ier or ex-ier?
212
00:07:01,837 --> 00:07:04,304
You've definitely been
putting some thought into this.
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00:07:04,405 --> 00:07:05,539
Shut up.
214
00:07:05,564 --> 00:07:07,307
No, I'm just... I'm pissed at myself
215
00:07:07,332 --> 00:07:09,009
for being such an idiot.
216
00:07:09,110 --> 00:07:10,177
I'm a joke.
217
00:07:10,278 --> 00:07:11,378
It'll blow over.
218
00:07:11,480 --> 00:07:13,180
- Uh...
- Meantime, lift up your tray.
219
00:07:13,281 --> 00:07:14,482
- What? Why?
- Now!
220
00:07:14,583 --> 00:07:16,550
- Yeah, that's why.
- Hey!
221
00:07:16,651 --> 00:07:18,151
Which one of you [beep] heads threw that?
222
00:07:18,252 --> 00:07:19,820
- Shut up!
- Sit down.
223
00:07:19,921 --> 00:07:21,555
Sit down. It's nothing personal.
224
00:07:21,656 --> 00:07:24,024
They just throw stuff
over here in a general way.
225
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That's awful.
226
00:07:25,326 --> 00:07:27,294
- And wasteful.
- J!
227
00:07:27,395 --> 00:07:29,029
- Hurry up.
- We're bouncing out.
228
00:07:29,130 --> 00:07:30,464
Um, I have to go.
229
00:07:30,489 --> 00:07:32,366
I'm grabbing froyo with some friends.
230
00:07:32,467 --> 00:07:33,733
Which friends?
231
00:07:33,758 --> 00:07:36,961
Julie, Julie, and... Troy Langworthy.
232
00:07:37,138 --> 00:07:38,472
Troy Bangworthy?
233
00:07:38,572 --> 00:07:40,407
It's not like that. Troy
and I are just friends.
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00:07:40,508 --> 00:07:41,508
Right.
235
00:07:41,609 --> 00:07:42,454
But you can do this.
236
00:07:42,479 --> 00:07:44,513
Just keep your tray up and your head down.
237
00:07:46,347 --> 00:07:48,382
[dramatic music]
238
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Jenna doesn't know anything.
239
00:07:49,950 --> 00:07:51,918
She was never this close to the bottom.
240
00:07:52,020 --> 00:07:53,486
Not like you and me.
241
00:07:53,586 --> 00:07:54,820
And Leroy.
242
00:07:54,921 --> 00:07:57,141
243
00:07:57,166 --> 00:07:58,834
We can help you.
244
00:07:59,126 --> 00:08:01,593
If you want to survive in
the netherworld of the uncool,
245
00:08:01,694 --> 00:08:03,396
you can't think how you used to think.
246
00:08:03,497 --> 00:08:06,432
[upbeat music]
247
00:08:06,533 --> 00:08:08,167
248
00:08:08,268 --> 00:08:10,236
Don't even tell me about
how I'm supposed to live
249
00:08:10,337 --> 00:08:11,237
Are you hungry, McKibben?
250
00:08:11,338 --> 00:08:13,205
Those harpies will starve you.
251
00:08:13,306 --> 00:08:15,507
The lunch ladies might
normally be on your jock,
252
00:08:15,607 --> 00:08:17,575
but that siren song
ain't going to feed you.
253
00:08:17,676 --> 00:08:20,278
If you want to eat, you
have to think like us.
254
00:08:20,379 --> 00:08:22,113
Home-ec trash is a hungry man's treasure.
255
00:08:22,214 --> 00:08:25,150
And I know my feet will be under me
256
00:08:25,251 --> 00:08:27,052
257
00:08:27,153 --> 00:08:28,386
Whoa-oa-oa-oa-oa
258
00:08:28,487 --> 00:08:31,156
Consider the regular bathroom off limits.
259
00:08:31,257 --> 00:08:34,063
Bad things can happen in there
now that you're the unwashed.
260
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Use this place instead.
261
00:08:35,461 --> 00:08:36,661
There's no toilet.
262
00:08:36,762 --> 00:08:38,796
Whoa-oa-oa-oa-oa
263
00:08:38,897 --> 00:08:41,079
I'm walking on my own two feet
264
00:08:41,104 --> 00:08:42,304
Screw your old friends.
265
00:08:42,329 --> 00:08:44,196
These spiders are great listeners.
266
00:08:44,286 --> 00:08:45,953
And they're always here for you.
267
00:08:46,048 --> 00:08:47,352
268
00:08:47,414 --> 00:08:48,969
Hello, gorgeous.
269
00:08:49,267 --> 00:08:50,166
[laughs softly]
270
00:08:50,268 --> 00:08:51,702
What's that?
271
00:08:51,803 --> 00:08:52,836
[laughs softly]
272
00:08:52,937 --> 00:08:54,004
273
00:08:54,105 --> 00:08:55,773
Always be prepared with
a change of clothes.
274
00:08:55,874 --> 00:08:57,775
You got lucky with that pudding cup.
275
00:08:57,876 --> 00:08:59,576
Wow. Okay.
276
00:08:59,677 --> 00:09:01,478
Kyle, Leroy, thanks for all of this.
277
00:09:01,579 --> 00:09:04,281
But I think this has to be
the last stop on the tour.
278
00:09:04,306 --> 00:09:05,758
It is the last stop on the tour.
279
00:09:05,783 --> 00:09:07,850
No, I mean, I can't live like this.
280
00:09:08,040 --> 00:09:10,453
The bucket, the trash can cinnamon rolls,
281
00:09:10,554 --> 00:09:11,922
insects for friends.
282
00:09:11,947 --> 00:09:13,314
Spiders are arachnids.
283
00:09:13,339 --> 00:09:14,840
If you don't like cinnamon rolls,
284
00:09:15,092 --> 00:09:16,026
they throw away other stuff.
285
00:09:16,127 --> 00:09:17,360
I'm sorry, guys.
286
00:09:17,461 --> 00:09:20,330
[upbeat music]
287
00:09:20,431 --> 00:09:27,236
288
00:09:27,337 --> 00:09:28,805
(Lissa) Let me help you, Mommy.
289
00:09:28,906 --> 00:09:32,875
Elbows up an itsy bit more
for Prayer Power Squats.
290
00:09:32,976 --> 00:09:34,444
Good.
291
00:09:34,545 --> 00:09:37,046
You've been Atonercising a lot lately.
292
00:09:37,147 --> 00:09:39,682
It's so good for releasing stress.
293
00:09:39,783 --> 00:09:41,551
Do you feel like you're
releasing stress, Mommy?
294
00:09:41,652 --> 00:09:43,953
Do I look like I'm releasing stress, Lissa?
295
00:09:44,054 --> 00:09:45,220
296
00:09:45,322 --> 00:09:46,922
Maybe we should do some stretches.
297
00:09:47,023 --> 00:09:48,457
It'll loosen you up.
298
00:09:48,558 --> 00:09:49,724
I don't want to loosen
up. That's the problem
299
00:09:49,826 --> 00:09:51,693
with this world. It's too damn loose.
300
00:09:51,794 --> 00:09:53,329
But, Mommy, sometimes is good to...
301
00:09:53,430 --> 00:09:55,097
open things up.
302
00:09:55,122 --> 00:09:56,165
Are you talking about sex?
303
00:09:56,190 --> 00:09:57,833
No, I was talking about yoga.
304
00:09:57,858 --> 00:09:59,969
Because we don't talk about
those things in this house.
305
00:09:59,994 --> 00:10:01,203
I wasn't, I swear.
306
00:10:01,304 --> 00:10:03,105
Intercourse is for procreation,
307
00:10:03,206 --> 00:10:04,232
not recreation.
308
00:10:04,257 --> 00:10:06,291
Well, sometimes it can be for both.
309
00:10:06,641 --> 00:10:09,543
I just mean, if you're doing
it for the right reasons,
310
00:10:09,644 --> 00:10:11,312
you can probably get
some pleasure out of it.
311
00:10:11,413 --> 00:10:13,514
No, it don't work like that, Lissa.
312
00:10:13,615 --> 00:10:16,013
Trust me, I know from experience.
313
00:10:16,193 --> 00:10:16,942
With Daddy?
314
00:10:16,967 --> 00:10:17,918
Well, of course with Daddy.
315
00:10:18,020 --> 00:10:20,888
We must have done it half a dozen times.
316
00:10:21,263 --> 00:10:23,146
And you never...?
317
00:10:23,171 --> 00:10:25,021
- Never what?
- Felt anything?
318
00:10:25,059 --> 00:10:26,310
You know like a...
319
00:10:26,335 --> 00:10:28,903
a little sneeze in your Suzy?
320
00:10:29,130 --> 00:10:30,662
Who is Suzy?
321
00:10:31,499 --> 00:10:32,799
Lissa!
322
00:10:32,900 --> 00:10:35,935
We don't discuss these
things in this house.
323
00:10:36,037 --> 00:10:38,372
And I-I certainly don't
discuss these things
324
00:10:38,473 --> 00:10:40,374
with my 18-year-old daughter.
325
00:10:40,475 --> 00:10:41,708
You're right, Mommy, I'm sorry.
326
00:10:41,809 --> 00:10:43,477
I don't know what I was thinking.
327
00:10:43,577 --> 00:10:46,113
Hey! I have an idea.
328
00:10:46,214 --> 00:10:49,315
How about we get out of
the house and go for a ride?
329
00:10:49,416 --> 00:10:51,917
330
00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:57,560
Hey, Jake.
331
00:10:58,725 --> 00:11:00,856
Can we talk for a second?
332
00:11:02,192 --> 00:11:03,520
Sure.
333
00:11:03,629 --> 00:11:05,631
Look, I was...
334
00:11:05,732 --> 00:11:07,348
an ass[beep] at the beach.
335
00:11:07,598 --> 00:11:08,767
A lot of [beep] had gone down.
336
00:11:08,868 --> 00:11:10,468
You have to admit that.
337
00:11:10,570 --> 00:11:12,838
And I was just totally wasted.
338
00:11:13,215 --> 00:11:14,573
Yeah, I know you were wasted.
339
00:11:14,934 --> 00:11:16,008
That's the problem.
340
00:11:16,108 --> 00:11:17,910
People say the truest
[beep] when they're drunk.
341
00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:20,245
I didn't mean any of it, you know that.
342
00:11:20,346 --> 00:11:21,813
Okay, man.
343
00:11:21,915 --> 00:11:23,515
I just hope you got it all off your chest.
344
00:11:23,616 --> 00:11:26,718
[stirring music]
345
00:11:26,819 --> 00:11:27,953
346
00:11:28,054 --> 00:11:29,021
[car engine starts]
347
00:11:29,121 --> 00:11:35,993
348
00:11:36,094 --> 00:11:38,095
(Jenna voice-over) Today had been crazy.
349
00:11:38,196 --> 00:11:40,264
But crazy felt pretty good.
350
00:11:40,365 --> 00:11:41,632
After four years on the outside,
351
00:11:41,733 --> 00:11:45,335
I was suddenly in the
epicenter of Popularland.
352
00:11:45,437 --> 00:11:46,604
The only problem,
353
00:11:46,629 --> 00:11:48,706
I have never gone out with the in-crowd,
354
00:11:48,807 --> 00:11:49,840
so I had no clue what to wear
355
00:11:49,942 --> 00:11:51,742
on a triple date with the Julies.
356
00:11:51,843 --> 00:11:54,978
Lucky for me, I had a secret weapon.
357
00:11:55,079 --> 00:11:56,446
Mom!
358
00:11:56,471 --> 00:11:58,715
What is it, honey? Oh, crap, wait.
359
00:11:58,816 --> 00:12:02,619
Ally! Will you take the
mini-wieners off the stove?
360
00:12:02,720 --> 00:12:04,153
(Ally) I've never done a mini-wiener.
361
00:12:04,254 --> 00:12:05,655
And I'm not starting now.
362
00:12:05,756 --> 00:12:07,557
What do you need, sweetie?
The party is about to start.
363
00:12:07,658 --> 00:12:09,893
I need help with my outfit.
364
00:12:09,994 --> 00:12:11,494
I thought this day would never come.
365
00:12:12,098 --> 00:12:12,933
Me neither.
366
00:12:12,958 --> 00:12:14,330
But I'm going out with the Julies,
367
00:12:14,431 --> 00:12:15,934
and three college guys...
368
00:12:16,137 --> 00:12:16,900
tonight.
369
00:12:17,001 --> 00:12:18,468
Ah, ha-ha-ha!
370
00:12:18,569 --> 00:12:20,703
Oh, I always knew you had it in you.
371
00:12:20,804 --> 00:12:22,171
Mm.
372
00:12:22,272 --> 00:12:23,372
You don't worry about a thing.
373
00:12:23,474 --> 00:12:25,341
Mama's here.
374
00:12:25,442 --> 00:12:29,212
Ugh! You weren't actually
considering wearing this?
375
00:12:29,313 --> 00:12:31,481
Because it should be burned.
376
00:12:31,582 --> 00:12:33,182
- What about this?
- Ugh!
377
00:12:33,283 --> 00:12:34,950
(Jenna voice-over) How was I
gonna pull off being popular
378
00:12:35,051 --> 00:12:36,973
when I couldn't even
pick out the right shirt?
379
00:12:37,083 --> 00:12:38,754
What did I say? What's wrong?
380
00:12:38,855 --> 00:12:42,157
It's just... even if I was
wearing the right color shirt,
381
00:12:42,258 --> 00:12:43,658
I could still mess this up.
382
00:12:43,759 --> 00:12:45,460
I mean, what if I say something stupid
383
00:12:45,561 --> 00:12:46,918
or embarrass myself?
384
00:12:47,012 --> 00:12:47,996
(Lacey) You won't.
385
00:12:48,097 --> 00:12:49,731
You're stepping out of your comfort zone.
386
00:12:49,832 --> 00:12:51,199
But no matter what you wear,
387
00:12:51,300 --> 00:12:53,135
you are still you on the inside.
388
00:12:53,236 --> 00:12:57,372
A smart, funny, sensitive young lady.
389
00:12:57,473 --> 00:13:00,142
But since you have such a great rack
390
00:13:00,243 --> 00:13:02,010
on the outside...
391
00:13:02,926 --> 00:13:04,679
How about throwing some sparkles on it?
392
00:13:04,780 --> 00:13:06,114
Work your assets.
393
00:13:06,215 --> 00:13:07,682
Put this on.
394
00:13:07,783 --> 00:13:09,216
- Hm.
- [squeals]
395
00:13:09,317 --> 00:13:10,217
Oh.
396
00:13:10,318 --> 00:13:13,220
[pop music]
397
00:13:13,321 --> 00:13:14,856
398
00:13:14,957 --> 00:13:16,423
(Jenna voice-over) My mom
had giving me the confidence
399
00:13:16,525 --> 00:13:18,492
to fully embrace my popularity.
400
00:13:18,593 --> 00:13:20,261
And to a sequins on a school night.
401
00:13:20,362 --> 00:13:23,430
Okay, maybe not totally
confident on that last part.
402
00:13:23,532 --> 00:13:24,766
Are you sure the sparkly top is best?
403
00:13:24,867 --> 00:13:27,268
I mean, one of these could be good too?
404
00:13:27,369 --> 00:13:28,269
[sex toy buzzing]
405
00:13:28,370 --> 00:13:29,671
Little bitch got boobs!
406
00:13:29,772 --> 00:13:31,472
I have the perfect
clamps for those honkers.
407
00:13:31,573 --> 00:13:33,073
I'll even give you a discount.
408
00:13:33,175 --> 00:13:36,677
I'm feeling generous after
that shot of edible body lotion.
409
00:13:36,778 --> 00:13:38,812
Sorry, honey. Ignore her.
410
00:13:38,913 --> 00:13:40,080
Like that's possible.
411
00:13:40,182 --> 00:13:41,549
Why can't she have her party at her house?
412
00:13:41,650 --> 00:13:42,983
Party is not for me, Hot Tits.
413
00:13:43,084 --> 00:13:44,418
It's for your knocked-up mama.
414
00:13:44,519 --> 00:13:46,119
Growing a small human in her stomach
415
00:13:46,221 --> 00:13:48,121
makes her feel like a
beached whale in heat.
416
00:13:48,223 --> 00:13:51,992
She needs tools and lubricants
to find her ocean again.
417
00:13:52,093 --> 00:13:53,327
[doorbell rings]
418
00:13:59,633 --> 00:14:00,500
We're here for Jenna.
419
00:14:00,601 --> 00:14:01,702
[sex toy buzzing]
420
00:14:01,803 --> 00:14:04,104
Oh, it doesn't bite. But I do.
421
00:14:04,205 --> 00:14:05,572
Thanks, Ally.
422
00:14:05,673 --> 00:14:08,374
Hello. Good evening. Hi, there. Wow!
423
00:14:08,475 --> 00:14:10,010
- Tall.
- Calm down, Mom.
424
00:14:10,111 --> 00:14:12,779
Yeah, you have some
bull riding to do, Jugs.
425
00:14:12,880 --> 00:14:14,447
- Need a harness?
- [sex toy buzzes]
426
00:14:14,548 --> 00:14:15,982
I think I got some in my trunk.
427
00:14:18,350 --> 00:14:19,684
(Jenna voice-over) It
was my first night out
428
00:14:19,709 --> 00:14:21,786
with popularity, and I had to admit...
429
00:14:21,887 --> 00:14:23,020
Their defense pretty much shuts down
430
00:14:23,121 --> 00:14:24,789
everyone's running game, man.
431
00:14:24,890 --> 00:14:25,824
- How amaze.
- Come on.
432
00:14:25,925 --> 00:14:27,158
Let's selfie.
433
00:14:27,259 --> 00:14:28,493
(Jenna voice-over) It was... different
434
00:14:28,594 --> 00:14:30,026
than I'd imagined it'd be.
435
00:14:30,127 --> 00:14:31,394
Their pass rush is the real problem.
436
00:14:31,496 --> 00:14:33,029
- Yes.
- Okay, what's that?
437
00:14:33,130 --> 00:14:34,998
Imagine my left arm is the defense,
438
00:14:35,099 --> 00:14:36,900
my right arm is the offense, right?
439
00:14:37,001 --> 00:14:38,662
My face is the ball.
440
00:14:38,967 --> 00:14:40,671
If the quarterback is on the offense...
441
00:14:40,772 --> 00:14:42,205
(Jenna voice-over) I was sure that soon
442
00:14:42,230 --> 00:14:44,475
we'd be having real fun and
making some great memories.
443
00:14:44,576 --> 00:14:48,211
Just like the ones I'd seen the
Julies post pics of on Facebook.
444
00:14:48,312 --> 00:14:50,323
That was definitely gonna happen, right?
445
00:14:50,348 --> 00:14:51,414
Yo, hold up, hold up.
446
00:14:51,439 --> 00:14:52,351
She should pretend to be the quarterback.
447
00:14:52,376 --> 00:14:53,116
- Yes!
- Yes.
448
00:14:53,141 --> 00:14:54,388
Okay, I'm gonna bend over.
449
00:14:54,413 --> 00:14:56,221
I need you to put both
your hands under my butt.
450
00:14:56,246 --> 00:14:57,597
Oh, no, no, that's okay.
451
00:14:57,622 --> 00:14:59,289
We're toasting and posting.
452
00:14:59,390 --> 00:15:01,257
[beep] Jenna, your face.
453
00:15:01,359 --> 00:15:02,428
Come on, bisnitches.
454
00:15:02,453 --> 00:15:04,394
Look like you're having the best time ever.
455
00:15:04,495 --> 00:15:06,129
(Jenna voice-over) We
were definitely trying to,
456
00:15:06,230 --> 00:15:08,431
but something felt fake about it all.
457
00:15:08,532 --> 00:15:10,766
Maybe because it was all fake?
458
00:15:10,868 --> 00:15:12,502
[camera shutter clicks]
459
00:15:12,603 --> 00:15:15,538
[pop music playing on headphones]
460
00:15:15,639 --> 00:15:23,179
461
00:15:23,280 --> 00:15:24,014
[sighs]
462
00:15:24,115 --> 00:15:27,282
[cell phone ringing]
463
00:15:29,585 --> 00:15:30,462
[clears throat]
464
00:15:30,973 --> 00:15:31,962
Hello?
465
00:15:32,938 --> 00:15:33,655
Are you kidding?
466
00:15:33,680 --> 00:15:35,290
It's always nice to hear from you.
467
00:15:35,797 --> 00:15:39,094
Nope, I'm totally free
tonight. What is going on?
468
00:15:41,531 --> 00:15:43,632
Uh, yeah, I'll see you soon.
469
00:15:43,733 --> 00:15:45,367
[hip-hop music]
470
00:15:45,468 --> 00:15:48,970
[indistinct party chatter]
471
00:15:49,072 --> 00:15:51,206
A little fur goes a long way, ladies.
472
00:15:51,307 --> 00:15:54,475
Add some warming gel
and it's a wild kingdom.
473
00:15:54,576 --> 00:15:55,676
- [howls]
- [door closes]
474
00:15:55,777 --> 00:16:00,181
475
00:16:00,282 --> 00:16:01,949
Lissa? I thought you were grounded.
476
00:16:02,051 --> 00:16:03,584
She absolutely is.
477
00:16:03,685 --> 00:16:06,154
You said we were going to
a pot luck at Pastor Ned's.
478
00:16:06,255 --> 00:16:08,056
I thought it could be fun to
try something a little different
479
00:16:08,157 --> 00:16:09,223
than Pastor Ned's.
480
00:16:09,324 --> 00:16:11,192
Get out of the house. Talk to people.
481
00:16:11,293 --> 00:16:12,610
Right, Mommy?
482
00:16:13,631 --> 00:16:15,313
- No.
- Yeah!
483
00:16:15,430 --> 00:16:16,463
Lissa, this is...
484
00:16:16,565 --> 00:16:17,464
Look, Mrs. Miller.
485
00:16:17,566 --> 00:16:18,899
They have white wine.
486
00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:20,000
Your favorite.
487
00:16:20,101 --> 00:16:21,618
Stay for one drink.
488
00:16:22,336 --> 00:16:23,637
489
00:16:23,738 --> 00:16:25,573
Fine. But just one.
490
00:16:25,674 --> 00:16:27,180
And that's it.
491
00:16:27,205 --> 00:16:29,142
My mojo has flatlined,
492
00:16:29,243 --> 00:16:30,744
and Kev's willing to do whatever it takes
493
00:16:30,845 --> 00:16:31,979
to give it a pulse.
494
00:16:32,080 --> 00:16:33,547
Oh, well, that one he can give it a pulse
495
00:16:33,648 --> 00:16:35,848
from work on his phone.
496
00:16:35,950 --> 00:16:38,117
497
00:16:38,218 --> 00:16:39,986
I mean, you have to be Nancy Grace
498
00:16:40,087 --> 00:16:42,755
not to feel sexy with these suckers on.
499
00:16:42,856 --> 00:16:43,723
[laughs]
500
00:16:43,824 --> 00:16:46,893
501
00:16:46,994 --> 00:16:48,728
Return to stupid.
502
00:16:48,829 --> 00:16:50,797
I have a man, boozebag.
503
00:16:50,898 --> 00:16:51,898
But does Sergio vibrate?
504
00:16:51,999 --> 00:16:53,332
When I tell him to.
505
00:16:53,433 --> 00:16:54,500
Ooh!
506
00:16:54,601 --> 00:16:55,568
[pop music]
507
00:16:55,668 --> 00:16:56,569
Ah.
508
00:16:56,669 --> 00:16:59,037
Well, I need to lie down.
509
00:16:59,139 --> 00:17:01,373
Oh, honey, you can use my room.
510
00:17:01,475 --> 00:17:02,308
Oh.
511
00:17:02,409 --> 00:17:06,378
512
00:17:06,480 --> 00:17:08,380
(Lesley) Lissa, where is my purse?
513
00:17:08,482 --> 00:17:09,615
Your purse.
514
00:17:09,716 --> 00:17:12,684
Party favor for your mom.
515
00:17:12,785 --> 00:17:14,685
She is so [beep] stiff.
516
00:17:14,786 --> 00:17:15,886
[rock music playing]
517
00:17:15,988 --> 00:17:18,022
Yeah, it's been a pretty [beep] day.
518
00:17:18,124 --> 00:17:21,058
I'm just glad is over
and we get to hang out.
519
00:17:21,160 --> 00:17:23,294
I'm always here for you, Matty.
520
00:17:23,395 --> 00:17:25,430
Cool. So, who's this band again?
521
00:17:25,531 --> 00:17:26,764
Morbidly Obtuse.
522
00:17:26,865 --> 00:17:28,199
They're so good.
523
00:17:28,300 --> 00:17:29,834
They make me want to
light my toenails on fire.
524
00:17:29,935 --> 00:17:31,302
- [laughs]
- Hey.
525
00:17:31,403 --> 00:17:33,104
You want to take a picture
before the show starts?
526
00:17:33,205 --> 00:17:35,340
What for? It's all in here, buddy.
527
00:17:35,441 --> 00:17:38,176
528
00:17:38,277 --> 00:17:39,910
Edible lotions are low-cal.
529
00:17:40,012 --> 00:17:41,343
This one's watermelon.
530
00:17:41,368 --> 00:17:42,846
Fantastic tequila chaser.
531
00:17:42,871 --> 00:17:43,913
Try it.
532
00:17:44,815 --> 00:17:46,383
It's like kissing a unicorn.
533
00:17:46,484 --> 00:17:48,885
- Mm.
- Sweetie, is your mom okay?
534
00:17:48,986 --> 00:17:50,320
She's been in there a long time.
535
00:17:50,421 --> 00:17:52,422
Mm-hmm. Sometimes she naps all day.
536
00:17:52,524 --> 00:17:54,124
[pop music playing]
537
00:17:54,225 --> 00:17:54,958
Oh.
538
00:17:55,059 --> 00:17:56,593
[Lissa gasps]
539
00:17:56,694 --> 00:17:58,462
Mommy, you're glowing!
540
00:17:58,563 --> 00:18:01,765
Oh, honey, I had a headache,
so I-I opened my purse
541
00:18:01,790 --> 00:18:03,433
for an ibuprofen and... [giggles]
542
00:18:03,535 --> 00:18:06,435
I don't even remember the last 17 minutes.
543
00:18:06,537 --> 00:18:07,871
544
00:18:07,972 --> 00:18:09,438
Thank you, snugglebug.
545
00:18:09,540 --> 00:18:10,774
You were right.
546
00:18:10,875 --> 00:18:13,242
This was more fun than Pastor Ned's.
547
00:18:13,343 --> 00:18:16,880
Now, let's scoot home and
pray for these filthy whores.
548
00:18:16,981 --> 00:18:18,281
[buzzing]
549
00:18:18,382 --> 00:18:19,049
[exhales]
550
00:18:19,150 --> 00:18:21,450
- My bad.
- [sex toy buzzes]
551
00:18:21,552 --> 00:18:24,320
Hold me baby
552
00:18:24,421 --> 00:18:26,155
(Jenna voice-over) I had tumbled
further down the rabbit hole
553
00:18:26,255 --> 00:18:28,824
and landed in Suckland,
where some people sucked face
554
00:18:28,849 --> 00:18:30,608
and others just... sucked.
555
00:18:30,633 --> 00:18:32,270
Hello, Earth to Janeane?
556
00:18:32,295 --> 00:18:34,362
I think we're supposed to be making out.
557
00:18:34,463 --> 00:18:35,297
[scoffs]
558
00:18:35,398 --> 00:18:37,933
Baby Ba-by give me some
559
00:18:37,958 --> 00:18:39,144
(both) Jenna!
560
00:18:39,169 --> 00:18:42,370
Give me so-oh-oh-oh much
561
00:18:42,471 --> 00:18:44,106
J, you're making us look bad.
562
00:18:44,207 --> 00:18:47,475
Sitting over there like a
frozen virgin snow princess.
563
00:18:47,577 --> 00:18:50,746
- So depressing.
- That's a college guy.
564
00:18:50,847 --> 00:18:52,047
College.
565
00:18:52,148 --> 00:18:54,248
You have to at least get your hands dirty.
566
00:18:54,349 --> 00:18:55,917
567
00:18:56,018 --> 00:18:58,419
(Jenna voice-over) For the
first time, the Julies' words
568
00:18:58,520 --> 00:19:01,022
didn't sound like nonsensical gibberish.
569
00:19:01,123 --> 00:19:02,389
They were absolutely right.
570
00:19:02,490 --> 00:19:04,522
I did have a reputation to keep.
571
00:19:05,241 --> 00:19:06,651
He'll settle for a handy,
572
00:19:06,676 --> 00:19:08,997
but next level would be great for everyone.
573
00:19:09,022 --> 00:19:11,365
Just don't embarrass us, Spaz Face.
574
00:19:11,390 --> 00:19:12,724
[sighs]
575
00:19:12,973 --> 00:19:13,806
I won't.
576
00:19:14,100 --> 00:19:16,861
I'm getting an Uber out of here.
577
00:19:16,962 --> 00:19:18,162
And some pizza.
578
00:19:18,263 --> 00:19:19,931
We're ordering pizza?
579
00:19:20,032 --> 00:19:20,999
[sighs]
580
00:19:21,099 --> 00:19:22,433
[upbeat music]
581
00:19:22,535 --> 00:19:24,301
Okay, pizza will be ready in 15.
582
00:19:24,403 --> 00:19:26,604
Luckily I have these two bridal magazines
583
00:19:26,705 --> 00:19:28,973
that need our attention before
I call the whole thing off.
584
00:19:29,074 --> 00:19:31,342
(Jenna voice-over) If tonight
was what being popular meant,
585
00:19:31,443 --> 00:19:33,411
then popularity was for losers.
586
00:19:33,512 --> 00:19:35,179
- And I wanted nothing to do with it.
- _
587
00:19:35,280 --> 00:19:36,713
I wanted to be with my real friends.
588
00:19:36,814 --> 00:19:38,749
Planning my best friend's fake wedding
589
00:19:38,850 --> 00:19:42,385
or hanging out with the
most unpopular guy I know.
590
00:19:42,486 --> 00:19:43,386
[rock music playing]
591
00:19:43,487 --> 00:19:45,288
[cell phone chimes]
592
00:19:45,967 --> 00:19:47,898
_
593
00:19:47,922 --> 00:19:49,514
594
00:19:49,538 --> 00:19:51,871
_
595
00:19:51,896 --> 00:19:54,798
Hey, man, turn off your phone and rock out!
596
00:19:54,899 --> 00:20:01,171
597
00:20:01,272 --> 00:20:04,674
Man, you are Matty [beep] McKibben!
598
00:20:04,775 --> 00:20:07,983
599
00:20:08,077 --> 00:20:10,447
(Jenna voice-over) I'd climbed
to populadder, and from up here...
600
00:20:10,548 --> 00:20:11,847
- [cell phone chimes]
- I could see that popularity
601
00:20:11,949 --> 00:20:13,583
was built on the way things looked,
602
00:20:13,684 --> 00:20:15,151
- not the way things were.
- _
603
00:20:15,252 --> 00:20:17,053
And here I was, at the top,
604
00:20:17,154 --> 00:20:18,521
eating pizza with my BFF
605
00:20:18,622 --> 00:20:20,732
and taking my best selfie of the day.
606
00:20:20,757 --> 00:20:22,192
T, let's take a selfie.
607
00:20:22,293 --> 00:20:23,493
Smile or not smile?
608
00:20:23,594 --> 00:20:25,227
Definitely smiling.
609
00:20:25,328 --> 00:20:28,063
[poignant music]
610
00:20:28,164 --> 00:20:29,598
[camera shutter clicks]
611
00:20:31,007 --> 00:20:34,133
- Next on Awkward
- Beavis and Gay had hijacked our yearbook.
612
00:20:34,158 --> 00:20:36,561
Most basic is not a senior superlative.
613
00:20:36,592 --> 00:20:37,553
Oh, Jenna, look, you got something.
614
00:20:37,578 --> 00:20:39,528
- Most depressing?
- It's perfect!
615
00:20:39,629 --> 00:20:40,862
- Perfect for what?
- The mother-daughter
616
00:20:40,963 --> 00:20:41,829
senior banquet.
617
00:20:41,930 --> 00:20:42,631
They're girls,
618
00:20:42,731 --> 00:20:43,698
but they're moms
619
00:20:43,799 --> 00:20:45,272
pretending to be girls.
620
00:20:45,297 --> 00:20:48,112
Do you love or do you lo-ove?
621
00:20:48,373 --> 00:20:50,972
(Jenna voice-over) Now to
see what Matty thought of me.
622
00:20:50,996 --> 00:20:52,996
Synced and corrected by Chitorafa
www.addic7ed.com
623
00:20:53,046 --> 00:20:57,596
Repair and Synchronization by
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