All language subtitles for Arrested Development s04e02 Three Half Men.eng

♪ And as it is such
so also as such ♪

♪ And as it is such
so also as such ♪

And welcome to...

Excuse me, Father Marsala,
I hate to interrupt,

but I am so excited today.

My lovely Ann...

-Who?
-My daughter.

Oh, I didn't know
you had a daughter.

You've met her
several times.

Oh!

She's sitting
right next to you.

Oh! That's why she's there.

I thought you were hair.

Hair?

No, she's my daughter,
and she's getting married

to this good man!

Well, and as it is such so also as such
is it unto you, young man.

You got it.

Unto you as well,
dear heavenly fathers.

Well, we have a really great show today
surrounding the Scriptures...

We have an announcement to make...
I have an announcement to make,

that we would like to televise
our marriage here on this show.

[narrator] Gob had finally become a man

by making a lasting
and meaningful commitment.

-Did you...
-Well, no, but that's... No.

What an idea. I think...

Well, this show is about
the spirit of inclusion,

-so I would love to say...
-Well, great!

Then I, too, have
an announcement to make!

At our wedding, I will be performing
one of my famous magical illusions,

that once your eyes
have beholden it,

you will put
no God before me,

because of its
spectacularity.

[audience member coughs]

And of course, I only propose
to do this out of...

...love.

Love for...

-[narrator] Gob's relationship with...
-Ann.

Ann...

And God.

Love for and God.

Let me pray.

...had come a long way
since she was less than an hour

from turning 18
and becoming a woman.

Amen.

While we run the clock down
on this thing,

why don't you just go change
into something a little less...

...unflattering, and...

And he was getting everyone
in the mood for romance.

Guess I'll take
my clothes off.

While Ann less-unflattered herself up,

Gob, as we have seen,
had an unexpected visitor.

And while running away
from a fight,

Gob found himself running after
the woman who was in his life.

...or I'd have to flatten you!

Although she turned out
to be physically formidable as well.

Way to plant, Ann.

You told me
George Michael knew about us.

Well, he does now,
my darling plant.

-Ann.
-And...

after I dazzle everyone tonight
on the Queen Mary,

my magic career
will take off

as surely as there's...

-a mouse behind your--
-[mouse squeaks]

Well, as surely as
there's a mouse behind--

[mouse squeaks]

Mouse behind...

You're like the only person I know
who doesn't just love that trick.

Now the story of what happened
when the one man

who was holding his family together

finally let go.

And the separate journeys
that eventually gave them no choice

but to come back together.

It's Arrested Development:
Fateful Consequences.

Gob was trying to consummate
his relationship with her.

We have to make things
right with George Michael,

otherwise you don't
get to fourth base.

Ann's concept of "fourth base"...

...was very different than Gob's.

But you have to promise me
you'll always be faithful...

Faithful?
Of course I can be faithful.

...until tonight,
when we're together.

Oh! Until tonight!

Well, of course I can do that.
Don't be stupid.

Think I can't keep it in my pants

in front of a bunch
of doggy old women and my family?

Don't be stupid.

Who am I gonna hit on, stupid?

My sister? Lindsay?

We're related!

He would soon find out
that he and Lindsay were not related.

Not related.

But that was still hours away.

Don't be stupid.

She's my sister,
that's gross.

Now...

you...

got some mice
to scoop out of the sea.

But there would be no
career-making magic show.

It seemed the only "her"
Gob would be getting off that day

was the Queen Mary.

And perhaps it was the baptism at sea
that truly made him a man,

but Gob was ready to make things
right with his family.

We good? Are we good?
Are we good?

-There it is!
-And with his forgiveness assured...

Gob relaxed into the comfort
of knowing

there was nothing standing in the way

of a committed relationship
with Ann.

[Lindsay] My life is a fallacy.

["The Sound of Silence" plays]

[Tobias] ♪ Is that a gal I see? ♪

♪ No it's just a fallacy! ♪

[narrator] Across the room, however,
Buster was contemplating a relationship

that seemed to be ending.

Mother!

It was now Buster's turn
to become a man.

And upon returning
to the penthouse alone...

-Hey, Lupe.
-Oh, Buster.

...he made some foolish mistakes.

Are you going to be all right?

You want me to stay?

I was planning to visit with my family.

Just watch, Mother is going
to come waltzing through

that door any day now,

and she is going
to be screaming,

"Make sure you frisk
that girl before..."

I'll be fine.

Spoiler alert:
he wouldn't be.

-That's my perfume.
-Good. Okay.

And perhaps because he knew that,

George Sr. went to his competitor,
Stan Sitwell,

to raise money for his wife's legal fees.

-to raise money for his wife's legal fees.
-Buy your stock?

I already dumped the stock
I owned to Lucille Austero.

Don't forget,
I was on that boat.

And believe me, I lost more than
just the 50 grand on that sale.

I also lost a perfectly good pair

of human chest hair nipple tufts.

Stan Sitwell suffered from alopecia,

a condition that
rendered him hairless.

That's kelp.

Why would I put it on my chest,
head, or anywhere?

I was gonna show those babies off
at the Jacuzzi after-party.

Come on, Stan.

I'm offering you the chance
to double the size of your business.

Way ahead of you.
I've got a big project coming up.

And you can't compete for this one,
with your business in the shape it's in.

This is a biggie.

I get this contract,
and it gets government approval,

I'll be bigger than Halliburton.

Well, maybe not Halliburton,
but definitely Halliburton Teen.

Halliburton Teen was a leading
youth and lifestyle retailer

despite the fact that it was
a rebranding of the tarnished

Halliburton Penitentiary
and Rendition Systems.

It's also how their deep-water
drilling enterprise

spawned this company.

Anyway, you're too late.

The contract is practically mine.
Even you can't underbid me.

Well, you may have
a bigger business than me,

but you will never have this.

And believe me,
I'm gonna find out

that project you're working on,
even if I have to search

the public records
for the blueprints myself.

Well, unless you search in this office,

you will never find them.

My hair! My beautiful hair!

-My hair! My beautiful hair!
-[camera shutter snaps]

-This isn't what it looks like!
-Oh, really?

Because it looks like
a monument to George W. Bush.

Well, you got me.

You're in for a rude
awakening, Sitwell.

It's too thin.

It'll never stand.

And later that day, he shared
the happy discovery with his wife,

who was still held at the Coast Guard.

I mean,
what else could it be?

You mean other than
a 20 foot-wide monument

that goes five miles
into the sky?

It's a wall, George.
You're looking at it sideways.

The "W" stands for "Wall."

-The bushes...
-Stand for the bushes.

This explains the immigration booth

10,000 feet in the air.

It's to separate the U.S. and Mexico,

to keep out the immigrants,
which was my idea!

I remember you said that

right after Lupe put the bleach stain

on your teal blazer.

How did you miss this, George?

This is business we should have.

Is this how you're going
to let it all end, as a failure?

-Is that your plan?
-No, of course not.

It was his plan.

Discouraged and questioning
his own manhood,

George Sr. went for lunch
alone at the club...

I thought I already seated you.

...when he saw a familiar face:

His own, on his twin brother,
Oscar.

George!

Actually, we came in
to use the bathroom,

but they sat me.

Will you join us?

Will you have
a mahi-mahi on me?

-On you.
-Fine.

But I'm gonna sit opposite you,
so it won't look bad.

These are my friends,
we all live in the desert together.

This is Heartfire.
She's an aura specialist.

She did Matthew Modine.

I will.

Heartfire would like
some more crackers.

And Dr. Norman lives
with us now.

Doctor Norman is
a disgraced anesthesiologist.

No, the bigger crime
would've been

the patient didn't wake up
and testify against me.

But nobody cares about the part
of the oath you kept.

If he as bad as the
State of California say he is,

then why did I fall in love
with him?

[bleep] the state of California!

[bleep] them!

Bunch of California [bleep], yeah.

Do you know China Garden?

I know the downtown one.

You know, I shouldn't judge,
'cause you have friends, and I...

I envy that.

You're welcome
to my friends, brother.

I don't want these.

Gob also had a new friend
he didn't want.

And later that night, he went
to break in on and up with her.

Gob!

For a second,
I thought that was a real guy.

So, listen, I talked to George Michael
and everything's cool.

I need to tell you something.

I've been doing some thinking
and I... I just don't...

But as she unzipped her nightsack,

Gob was reminded of past situations

in which he'd been successfully aroused.

Well, I could wait 'til after.

Like his son,

George Sr. was finding himself closer

to someone than he expected to be.

-I'm not the big man I thought I was.
-Forget the past, George.

And that's when George Sr.
heard something...

I don't know, maybe it's because
I live on the border

between the United States
and Mexico and--

-Hold on, hold on... border?
-...that might help make him a big man.

You don't think I live
like this all the time, do you?

That's why I had so much fun
at that party on the Queen Mary.

And you paid
for my haircut.

And you made me dress like you.

Forget the past.

What were you saying about
that property on the border?

Buster's manhood was also being tested

as he fended off the panic
of his mother's absence

by sticking to his daily routine...

♪ The vodka goes in,
you pour it in the other... ♪

[narrator] Making Mother's breakfast...

♪ Then you call your... ♪

[whispers] Mother.

...Laying out Mother's clothes...

You're welcome.

This is bugging me.

...And keep his spirits up
with little jokes

he knew she'd appreciate
when she'd return.

Finito!

Except for the hair.

You have reduced.

Well, you're not that skinny.

Welcome home, chubs.

You will kill me for that.

And I don't want
that blood on my hands.

With his mother gone,
it was nice to finally get a chance

to finally use the sewing machine.

Soon, Buster even found ways
to feel good about himself.

"You always come through."

Mother, that's so nice.

"No, no, no, I mean it.
It's amazing work."

But he knew it wasn't real...

Okay, I need to stop,
or I'm going to be committed.

-...at first.
-What?

But that would take hours.

This is going to be just stunning.

You are always so right.

And then the waiter came back,
and he said,

"I'm sorry. Who are you?"

And I said, "I'm Buster Bluth.

That's the fourth time I've told you."

But while Buster was constructing
a new relationship,

Gob was still trying to find
a compassionate way to end one.

So how did you
like your egg?

I said you were fine.

So, was there something
you wanted to talk about

when you came
through my window?

Gob, what is it?

What... what...

...is it? I... You...

It's the... the questions...

You have so many of these...
of these... of these...

These questions that... that...

That you keep asking for me...

For... for... for... for... for...

Should... should... Should I?
Should I? Should I?

Should the... should the...
should the...

Should the guy...

Should the guy in the...
Should the guy...

In the $32... In the $32 pink... bath...

Should... should...
should the girl...

in the $6,000 tuxedo!

Gob was uncomfortable
with the question.

Should... In the $32...

In the $3,400...

Should the guy...
Come on, come on.

-Let's...
-Come on...

-Come on, come on...
-Gob! Calm down!

Listen, we had
a great night together.

I understand if you
need your freedom.

Aw, marry me.

Yes. Yes, I'll marry you, Gob!

Of course, Gob meant it
in the show biz-y way

his niece had always used when she
was accused of being too young.

What are you, like 15?

Marry me. Marry me. Marry me.

And may I add, marry me?

But like many evangelicals,
Ann took it literally.

I'm getting married!

Oh, my God!

Gob was surrounded
by unconditional love

from a family for
the first time in his life.

["The Sound of Silence" plays]

♪ Hello darkness, my old friend ♪

I've made a huge mistake.

I guess you could say things
at the penthouse

were getting kind of weird.

Olive on top
and you set it down for Mother.

To an uninformed observer,

it looked a little like
that Vince Vaughn movie, Psycho.

Dancing with the Stars
has gone completely downhill.

"This pasta's way overcooked,
Buster!"

Well, you didn't leave me
the simplest recipe, Mother.

But finally, Lucille was released
under house arrest.

And everything returned to normal.

I was just thinking about you.

George Sr. had gone to see

the equally disturbing home
of his brother.

You live here?

Ask him!

Would you like to watch us make love?

No.
You live here?

We have been.

You see, Mexico starts right at
the end of that gully,

and we have to get
in and out of there

so we can get
at the maca root.

What the hell is maca root?

It's an ancient Aztec power herb.

It's an endocrine adaptogen.

It's legal to grow in Mexico,

but it's against the law
to consume it there.

Of course, you can ingest it here,
but you can't grow it.

So you guys are knowingly
breaking the law.

But it's worth it, because maca
has powerful properties,

especially when combined
with an hour in the sweat lodge.

It gets up to 110
degrees in there.

Sounds fun.

Oh, but you
have to do it with us.

You'll find a power
you didn't know you had.

But, you want to do it soon,

because they're kicking
us off of the land.

I'm sorry.

Oh, great.
Now you're gonna make me cry.

A lizard, look!
Look, a lizard!

Cute!

What if I were
to buy this land?

I don't understand.
Why would you want to do that?

Well, I always talk
about being a great man.

Maybe a way to do that is not by being

the biggest businessman
in Southern California, it's...

It's by being the best brother
in Southern California.

George Sr. was going to say,

"By gouging the government
when they needed the land

for Sitwell's wall."

You bet.

Hey, guys, we're staying.

Oh, thank you.

But he'd save that for Lucille.

-Thank you, maca.
-Thank you, maca!

George Sr. shared his plan
with Lucille.

We're going to sell that land
to the government for Sitwell's wall,

then I'm going to take that cash.

I am gonna mount a case
that shows that my wife

is not the power-hungry monster

the SEC wants to make her out to be.

You're such a puny thinker.

-Am I puny-thinking again?
-Sitwell's wall?

How about our wall?
We build the wall.

We do have the plan.

He says he can build it for 200 million?

We offer to build it for 150 million

and we make up the difference
when we sell the land.

And I use that cash
as a little stimulus for us.

Maybe a little
something for the family.

And we build that sucker...

-That's my Georgie!
-...five miles high.

Long. Five miles long.

I got nothing in my system

but a maca-root cookie.

You know, we can't look like
we're in cahoots on this,

especially with my trial coming up.

Yeah, that's right.

We have to separate our assets...

...to protect this.

To protect our love.

And that's how they came up
with this.

-We're getting divorced!
-Your mother and I are getting a divorce.

Which led to this...

You know what?
I am done with this family.

I hope you've
saved some money,

'cause you're gonna need every dime now.
What's this?

But Michael wasn't the only one
who was soon in a bolder place.

And yea, as if to be arisen,

the third or fourth day
with all the magic of...

Jesus Christ!

Sorry. Wasn't on there too good.

You okay?

Yeah, it's just part of
my illusion for the wedding.

Yeah, what's the illusion?

That you actually love the bride?

Hey.

That's good patter.

Except for... I need people
to root for the Jesus character.

I don't remember a passage
where Jesus came out of a boulder.

Is it in there?

Oh, no, the boulder's my escape plan.

They think I'm somewhere else.
I'm in the boulder.

But I didn't come here to talk
about my magic act, Michael.

I came to ask you
to be my best man...

...slash-assistant.

And then we'll walk through
the act later.

-I mean, not now.
-No, we're not going to,

'cause I'm out of the family.

Did you not get that when
I announced it over at Mom's place?

I feel like I was out of the room
at that point.

I am done with this family.

I hope you've saved
some money 'cause...

Well, the gist of it was,

"You know what?
I'm done with this family.

Hope you saved your money 'cause
you're gonna need every last dime now."

Maybe you could be a centurion,
kind of standing over

-where they think that I'll be.
-I'm not going to be in the act.

A great promotion
for the Bluth Company.

No, Bluth Company's done.
I started my own,

Michael B. Company.

I have a bee company.

-You stole my idea?
-I did not steal your...

We sell...
It would take hours.

How's that going,
by the way?

Not so good.

I've been keeping
bees in my apartment.

I was using my
magic smoke on them.

My bees are
dropping like flies,

and I need them
to fly like bees.

And so I've got them at
a bee hospital, which isn't cheap,

which is another reason I need to be
a famous magician.

Yeah, well, listen,
you're with my son's ex,

so I can't
support the wedding.

What if I don't actually get married?

Is this an escape act
you're running again?

What do you want from me?

Marriage is a lot of pressure,
and she's not into it.

Meanwhile, I'm working out like crazy,
my diet has become insane.

And this Jesus character,
I mean, he was shredded!

Meanwhile, we have
sex one time,

and then she's just,
you know, over it.

Lets herself go.
Her stomach's out to here.

And that's when Michael
finally explained to his brother

how to be a real man.

You know, your whole
life is an escape act,

and this girl seems
like she really likes you.

Why don't you just
try to work it out

and just stop running...

Yeah, I know you're in the boulder.

[Gob] But how'd I get in the boulder?

On the next Arrested Development:
Fateful Consequences...

No one from the Bluth family
shows up for the wedding

Gob is planning to run away from.

I don't know what
your surprise trick is,

but I know it's
going to be great.

And Ann helps Gob find acceptance.

And as for your family,
you have a new family now.

I don't want these.

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