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1
00:00:06,600 --> 00:00:08,934
ARCHER: I don't know, but I
think we're pretty close.
2
00:00:09,102 --> 00:00:12,646
What? Well, blame these road signs.
They don't have any vowels.
3
00:00:12,814 --> 00:00:15,733
Yes, and thanks for watching AJ. I...
4
00:00:15,901 --> 00:00:18,986
No. As a matter of fact,
I don't think it's a good opportunity...
5
00:00:19,154 --> 00:00:23,073
...to, quote, "work some of
that fat off her," unquote. I...
6
00:00:23,241 --> 00:00:24,825
Mother, she's a goddamn baby.
7
00:00:24,993 --> 00:00:26,076
[LANA MOANS]
8
00:00:26,244 --> 00:00:28,871
No, I have to go so... I will.
9
00:00:29,039 --> 00:00:32,833
And if I find out you gave her diet pills,
Mother, no kidding, I will have you arrested.
10
00:00:33,001 --> 00:00:35,502
Mm. Do what? Who's having a rest?
11
00:00:35,670 --> 00:00:38,047
I heard you. Now I gotta go. Goodbye.
12
00:00:38,214 --> 00:00:40,007
Hey, sleepy head.
13
00:00:40,175 --> 00:00:43,260
Hey you. Mm. Man, I was out.
14
00:00:43,428 --> 00:00:45,346
Heh, yeah, you were.
Mm.
15
00:00:45,513 --> 00:00:47,139
Where are we?
Uh...
16
00:00:47,307 --> 00:00:50,351
LANA: Seriously, what is this, the Shire?
ARCHER: Uh, no, uh, it's...
17
00:00:50,518 --> 00:00:53,854
Wait, wait, wait. What the shit?
Where are we?
18
00:00:54,022 --> 00:00:55,898
Where is AJ?
With Mother. Calm down, I...
19
00:00:56,066 --> 00:00:59,068
Why am I in a car, in a trench coat,
and lingerie?
20
00:00:59,235 --> 00:01:01,654
Why am I in...?
God, there was a vagina in your sink!
21
00:01:01,821 --> 00:01:05,491
Okay, technically, yes, but...
I caught you cheating on me.
22
00:01:05,659 --> 00:01:07,868
No, you didn't because, no, I wasn't.
23
00:01:08,036 --> 00:01:10,329
Stop the car. Let me out.
Lana, calm down.
24
00:01:10,497 --> 00:01:13,248
Calm down?
Yes. I can explain if you...
25
00:01:13,416 --> 00:01:18,170
Yeah, explain how I just woke up
in weird clothes, in a weird car, in...
26
00:01:20,924 --> 00:01:22,383
Archer, where are we?
27
00:01:22,550 --> 00:01:23,550
[ARCHER SIGHS]
28
00:01:23,718 --> 00:01:25,427
Wales.
Wales?
29
00:01:25,595 --> 00:01:27,721
Yeah, surprise is ruined.
30
00:01:27,889 --> 00:01:30,349
No, it's not. I am extremely surprised.
31
00:01:30,517 --> 00:01:32,559
Really?
Because last thing I remember...
32
00:01:32,727 --> 00:01:34,353
...we were arguing in your bedroom.
33
00:01:34,521 --> 00:01:38,399
Yeah, I wanted to explain everything,
but you were totally freaking out...
34
00:01:38,566 --> 00:01:41,360
...so I thought let's go somewhere neutral,
talk things out.
35
00:01:41,528 --> 00:01:44,405
So we're going to this little farm
right on the coast.
36
00:01:44,572 --> 00:01:48,784
It's remote, but it's got
this real kind of rugged beauty, you know?
37
00:01:48,952 --> 00:01:51,286
It's actually very romantic.
38
00:01:51,454 --> 00:01:56,709
Oh, so just curious, what happened
between your bedroom and right now?
39
00:01:56,876 --> 00:01:58,502
Well, you were hysterical, Lana...
40
00:01:58,670 --> 00:02:02,965
...so I thought the best thing to do
would be inject you with a tranquilizer...
41
00:02:03,133 --> 00:02:05,759
...drive you to private airfield,
put you on CIA plane...
42
00:02:05,927 --> 00:02:08,762
...fly you overnight to Wales,
and then that brings us to now.
43
00:02:08,930 --> 00:02:09,972
Huh.
44
00:02:10,140 --> 00:02:12,391
And I know drugging women
isn't cool at all, ever...
45
00:02:12,559 --> 00:02:16,937
...and obviously I would never, ever do that
for any sort of sexual-assaulty reason.
46
00:02:17,105 --> 00:02:19,481
I mean, for one thing, I'd never need to.
47
00:02:19,649 --> 00:02:21,900
Heh, that's what the whole fight was about,
right?
48
00:02:22,068 --> 00:02:23,944
Women throwing themselves at...
49
00:02:24,112 --> 00:02:25,571
[CHOKING]
50
00:02:26,364 --> 00:02:28,157
Stop the car.
51
00:02:29,784 --> 00:02:35,205
Sorry, maybe you can't hear me over the sound
of all the blood vessels bursting in your eyes.
52
00:02:35,373 --> 00:02:36,790
I said, stop.
53
00:02:36,958 --> 00:02:38,125
[ARCHER YELLS]
54
00:02:38,293 --> 00:02:39,376
[SHEEP BAAS]
55
00:02:39,544 --> 00:02:41,170
[BOTH SCREAMING]
56
00:02:46,968 --> 00:02:49,636
[LANA GROANING]
57
00:02:49,804 --> 00:02:53,015
Well, I hate to say it, but you were right.
58
00:02:53,183 --> 00:02:55,517
It is kind of romantic.
59
00:02:55,685 --> 00:02:57,311
Yeah, right?
60
00:02:57,479 --> 00:02:58,979
[COUGHING]
61
00:03:00,023 --> 00:03:03,692
I'm pretty sure there's a fireplace.
62
00:03:45,193 --> 00:03:46,652
ARCHER:
There, see?
63
00:03:46,820 --> 00:03:51,115
Quaint little farmhouse,
a cozy little fire going.
64
00:03:51,282 --> 00:03:53,659
I mean, this place is
right out of a fairytale.
65
00:03:53,827 --> 00:03:57,079
Yeah, a fairytale in which the heroine
is drugged and kidnapped.
66
00:03:57,247 --> 00:03:59,623
You realize that's like every fairytale.
67
00:04:00,250 --> 00:04:02,042
I do now that you mention it.
68
00:04:02,210 --> 00:04:05,963
Don't yell at me. I'm not the one
advocating rape and child cannibalism.
69
00:04:06,131 --> 00:04:09,925
No, you're the one whose ex-girlfriend
left her robot vagina in your sink.
70
00:04:10,093 --> 00:04:11,718
Unbeknownst to me, Lana.
71
00:04:11,886 --> 00:04:14,179
Jesus,
we've been through this 10 times already.
72
00:04:14,347 --> 00:04:17,724
Sorry I'm hazy on the details
of what happened before I was drugged...
73
00:04:17,892 --> 00:04:21,103
...and stuffed in a cargo hold.
It wasn't the... You were in a seat.
74
00:04:21,271 --> 00:04:22,896
Is that supposed to make it better?
75
00:04:23,064 --> 00:04:25,399
That is better, like, empirically.
76
00:04:25,567 --> 00:04:28,777
I am leaving. No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait.
Let me explain.
77
00:04:28,945 --> 00:04:30,237
If you don't let go of me...
78
00:04:30,405 --> 00:04:33,991
...you're gonna have to explain how those
tampons got driven into your brain.
79
00:04:34,159 --> 00:04:35,909
Thanks for these, by the way.
80
00:04:36,077 --> 00:04:38,078
And, Lana, I swear, I didn't call Katya.
81
00:04:38,246 --> 00:04:40,122
I just came home and there she was.
82
00:04:40,290 --> 00:04:42,374
And why would she just show up?
83
00:04:42,542 --> 00:04:44,877
I think the idiots called her.
84
00:04:45,044 --> 00:04:46,503
What idiots?
85
00:04:46,671 --> 00:04:48,589
Alrighty, can someone give me a hand?
86
00:04:48,756 --> 00:04:50,883
But I thought the patient
was getting the hand.
87
00:04:51,050 --> 00:04:53,635
Speaking of hands, nurse, I'm...
Overplaying yours?
88
00:04:53,803 --> 00:04:56,555
I was gonna say "putty in yours," my dear,
but I'll have to hand it to you.
89
00:04:56,723 --> 00:04:59,266
Hmph. Keep your hands
to yourself, doctor.
90
00:04:59,434 --> 00:05:02,561
Can we have a show of hands?
Who thinks this is getting out of hand?
91
00:05:02,729 --> 00:05:04,104
Goddamn it!
92
00:05:04,272 --> 00:05:10,777
Can you please shut up
and sew on my robot hand?
93
00:05:12,447 --> 00:05:13,780
Hand job.
94
00:05:13,948 --> 00:05:17,117
So they call Katya
because they're jealous we're dating.
95
00:05:17,285 --> 00:05:19,036
She shows up...
Unbeknownst.
96
00:05:19,204 --> 00:05:21,955
Nothing happens
even though your clothes get burned off...
97
00:05:22,123 --> 00:05:25,959
...champagne gets jizzed everywhere
and her vag winds up in the sink.
98
00:05:26,586 --> 00:05:28,879
Yes.
So you're saying it was...
99
00:05:29,047 --> 00:05:31,924
Literally a farce. Exactly, yes.
Ah.
100
00:05:32,091 --> 00:05:34,301
Lana, come on.
Whose life, through no...
101
00:05:34,469 --> 00:05:38,639
...or sometimes maybe moderate fault
of his own, is as farcical as mine?
102
00:05:38,806 --> 00:05:41,683
Hmm. You still shouldn't have drugged me.
103
00:05:41,851 --> 00:05:46,271
No, I know, that was...
Extremely uncool.
104
00:05:46,439 --> 00:05:48,482
Mm. That's not though. Holy shit.
105
00:05:48,650 --> 00:05:53,362
Right? Glengoolie, for the best of times.
106
00:05:53,529 --> 00:05:55,822
After we're done,
we'll have to rent a new car...
107
00:05:55,990 --> 00:06:01,161
...but we can drive up to the distillery and...
Done here at our romantic fairytale getaway...
108
00:06:01,329 --> 00:06:05,374
...where you make up for the idiot Archer
shit you pulled over the past 24 hours?
109
00:06:05,541 --> 00:06:07,834
Yes, and... Here's the thing.
110
00:06:08,002 --> 00:06:09,002
[DOOR OPENS]
111
00:06:09,170 --> 00:06:10,671
What the...?
Unh! Ah!
112
00:06:10,838 --> 00:06:12,673
Freeze!
Whoa, whoa, steady on.
113
00:06:12,840 --> 00:06:15,092
Freeze or I'll... I have no weapon. Archer.
114
00:06:15,260 --> 00:06:17,511
Ah. So you're Archer.
115
00:06:19,347 --> 00:06:23,058
Uh, yes.
And are those tampons?
116
00:06:23,226 --> 00:06:25,018
Also, yes.
Right.
117
00:06:25,186 --> 00:06:30,357
So if he's Archer,
I suppose that makes you Lana Kane.
118
00:06:30,525 --> 00:06:34,278
I... Yes, actually. And I suppose
that makes you... Who the hell are you?
119
00:06:34,445 --> 00:06:35,529
Lloyd Llewellyn.
120
00:06:35,697 --> 00:06:37,447
This is my brother, Daffyd.
121
00:06:37,615 --> 00:06:40,242
Say hello to the lady, Daffyd.
Hello, lady.
122
00:06:40,410 --> 00:06:41,493
Hello, human giant.
123
00:06:41,661 --> 00:06:44,538
And follow-up question,
why the hell are you here?
124
00:06:44,706 --> 00:06:47,040
Ah. Have you not told her?
125
00:06:47,208 --> 00:06:50,752
Yeah, so even though
it's a romantic fairytale getaway...
126
00:06:50,920 --> 00:06:56,508
...there's also kind of a work component
to it.
127
00:06:57,677 --> 00:07:00,387
Lana?
What?
128
00:07:00,638 --> 00:07:03,807
Come on, it's like 30 bucks a glass.
129
00:07:08,313 --> 00:07:14,776
So if I understand the situation correctly,
we're supposed to help these terrorists who...
130
00:07:14,944 --> 00:07:18,655
Well, you obviously don't understand
the situation because we're not terrorists.
131
00:07:18,823 --> 00:07:19,948
We're freedom fighters.
132
00:07:20,116 --> 00:07:22,034
They're the Free Wales Army, Lana.
133
00:07:22,201 --> 00:07:24,202
[DAFFYD SPEAKS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
134
00:07:24,370 --> 00:07:27,539
Oh, yeah, that's right, Daffyd. Good lad.
Leg hurts.
135
00:07:27,707 --> 00:07:29,791
Yes, it will do, Daff, you've been shot.
136
00:07:29,959 --> 00:07:32,878
We're supposed to help George
and Lennie out of the country...
137
00:07:33,046 --> 00:07:36,089
...because they're wanted by Ml5?
Yeah, that's what Mother said.
138
00:07:36,257 --> 00:07:39,843
Ml5, from England, our ally.
139
00:07:40,011 --> 00:07:41,470
Well, they're no ally to Wales.
140
00:07:41,637 --> 00:07:44,056
What are you...?
It's the same country, Lloyd.
141
00:07:44,223 --> 00:07:45,265
[DAFFYD GASPS]
142
00:07:45,433 --> 00:07:47,893
Tell that to Dyffryn Ddibwys.
143
00:07:48,061 --> 00:07:50,270
Duffer who?
Dyffryn Ddibwys.
144
00:07:50,438 --> 00:07:55,108
It was a town in Wales that had stood proudly
for a thousand years until the Saesneg...
145
00:07:55,276 --> 00:07:58,028
The English, deliberately flooded it.
146
00:07:58,196 --> 00:07:59,905
Oh, my God, to drown everybody?
147
00:08:00,073 --> 00:08:02,157
No, to make a reservoir.
They needed water.
148
00:08:02,325 --> 00:08:05,327
So they built a dam
and that flooded Dyffryn Ddibwys...
149
00:08:05,495 --> 00:08:07,621
...and all the people lost their homes.
150
00:08:07,789 --> 00:08:09,956
My God, countless thousands of them.
151
00:08:10,124 --> 00:08:11,291
Well, 48.
152
00:08:11,459 --> 00:08:13,710
Thousand?
No, just 48. You know, four dozen.
153
00:08:13,878 --> 00:08:15,128
Are you...?
Still, though.
154
00:08:15,296 --> 00:08:16,755
So now they're all homeless?
155
00:08:16,923 --> 00:08:21,426
Well, no. They were compensated, so
they got new houses somewhere else...
156
00:08:21,594 --> 00:08:23,512
...and, in many cases,
much nicer ones.
157
00:08:23,679 --> 00:08:26,473
Then what's the problem?
Who are you, Josephine Stalin?
158
00:08:26,641 --> 00:08:31,269
That shit wouldn't happen in America.
Yes it would, and does all the time.
159
00:08:31,437 --> 00:08:34,106
TVA has flooded thousands of Americans
out of their homes.
160
00:08:34,273 --> 00:08:37,192
The what?
Tennessee Valley Authority.
161
00:08:37,360 --> 00:08:38,944
ARCHER: Hmm.
LANA: Ugh.
162
00:08:39,112 --> 00:08:42,072
Remember Deliverance?
How the whole valley was gonna be flooded?
163
00:08:42,240 --> 00:08:45,492
Lana, I hate to break it to you,
I even hate to say it out loud...
164
00:08:45,660 --> 00:08:48,286
...but Deliverance was just a movie.
165
00:08:48,454 --> 00:08:49,704
Oh, my God.
166
00:08:49,872 --> 00:08:53,291
So, what exactly are you wanted by Ml5 for?
167
00:08:53,459 --> 00:08:55,794
Uh, we tried to blow up a dam.
168
00:08:55,962 --> 00:08:58,755
A dam? What, to flood a bunch of people
out of their homes?
169
00:08:58,923 --> 00:09:00,340
Well, not real people, just English ones.
170
00:09:00,341 --> 00:09:00,424
Well, not real people, just English ones.
171
00:09:00,425 --> 00:09:01,508
Well, not real people, just English ones.
172
00:09:01,676 --> 00:09:03,677
Excuse me.
173
00:09:04,053 --> 00:09:05,137
[LLOYD SIGHS]
174
00:09:05,304 --> 00:09:09,141
Christ, is she always this angry? She's
not mad at you, Lloyd, she's mad at me.
175
00:09:09,308 --> 00:09:10,892
For what?
Um...
176
00:09:11,060 --> 00:09:14,646
Okay. So I was engaged
to this smoking hot Russian woman...
177
00:09:14,814 --> 00:09:16,690
Lieutenant Ginger Bayliss.
178
00:09:16,858 --> 00:09:19,234
Clamp. Played by Odessa Cleveland...
179
00:09:19,402 --> 00:09:21,987
...who had a guest spot as a nurse
on Trapper John, M.D.
180
00:09:22,155 --> 00:09:24,322
BOTH: What?
Starring Pernell Roberts...
181
00:09:24,490 --> 00:09:26,700
...as the titular Trapper John, somehow.
182
00:09:26,868 --> 00:09:28,535
In a drama, which was totally weird.
183
00:09:28,703 --> 00:09:30,328
But not as weird as Ed Asner.
184
00:09:30,496 --> 00:09:32,330
Mary Tyler Moore's Lou Grant.
185
00:09:32,498 --> 00:09:35,584
Playing Lou Grant in the show Lou Grant,
which was also a drama.
186
00:09:35,751 --> 00:09:39,754
Okay, yeah, but besides one nurse,
M*A*S*H didn't have any black characters.
187
00:09:39,922 --> 00:09:43,175
Actually, it did have one.
And his name was Spearchucker.
188
00:09:43,342 --> 00:09:46,845
BOTH: What?
Spearchucker Jones. I mean...
189
00:09:47,013 --> 00:09:50,765
Okay, yeah, maybe in the book or that
football movie, but I'm talking about...
190
00:09:50,933 --> 00:09:53,393
Yeah, the show. On network television.
191
00:09:53,561 --> 00:09:56,938
In America, and not that long ago.
ANA: But how is this even possible?
192
00:09:57,106 --> 00:09:59,232
MALORY [OVER PHONE]:
Well, I know it may seem strange.
193
00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:01,026
What, aiding our ally's enemies?
194
00:10:01,194 --> 00:10:02,277
Well, it makes sense...
195
00:10:02,445 --> 00:10:06,448
...when you're the biggest kid in the schoolyard,
if your little friends have a bully.
196
00:10:06,616 --> 00:10:08,366
You want them to come running to you.
197
00:10:08,534 --> 00:10:11,786
Exactly. And Slater says...
Wait, you talked to Slater?
198
00:10:11,954 --> 00:10:14,998
Yes, Lana. Obviously,
I've spoken to Slater.
199
00:10:15,166 --> 00:10:19,085
And he says the CIA
does this sort of thing all the time, so...
200
00:10:19,253 --> 00:10:21,588
So did he say why
he keeps giving us assignments...
201
00:10:21,756 --> 00:10:26,384
...that always seem to blow up in our faces?
No. Although, speaking of blowing up...
202
00:10:26,552 --> 00:10:30,305
Malory, she's a baby, and she weighs
exactly as much as she's supposed to...
203
00:10:30,473 --> 00:10:32,724
...so you better be feeding her!
204
00:10:32,892 --> 00:10:36,645
I am. It's just... Hello?
205
00:10:36,812 --> 00:10:40,815
Please. As if I wouldn't feed you.
206
00:10:41,192 --> 00:10:43,235
Now, who wants a little ice chip?
207
00:10:43,402 --> 00:10:44,444
[CRYING]
208
00:10:44,612 --> 00:10:45,654
No?
209
00:10:45,821 --> 00:10:50,825
I suppose you'd prefer a nice big bottle
of that liquid butterfat.
210
00:10:51,285 --> 00:10:55,622
Goat, swear to Christ, I'll have your hide
as boots and the rest of you as a curry.
211
00:10:55,790 --> 00:10:56,957
Go on. Shoo. Sh...
212
00:10:57,124 --> 00:10:58,333
Shit.
213
00:10:58,501 --> 00:10:59,543
Shit, shit.
214
00:11:00,127 --> 00:11:02,504
Aw, shit, shit, shit, shit,
shit, shit, shit, shit.
215
00:11:02,964 --> 00:11:07,050
ARCHER: No shit, I'm telling you guys,
Katya looked absolutely amazing.
216
00:11:07,218 --> 00:11:10,929
The tiniest, laciest
lingerie you've ever seen.
217
00:11:11,097 --> 00:11:13,431
Sexy stiletto heels.
218
00:11:13,599 --> 00:11:14,724
And a good body, huh?
219
00:11:14,892 --> 00:11:18,812
Good? I mean, you're from the UK so you don't
have anything to compare it to, but...
220
00:11:18,980 --> 00:11:21,648
No, Lloyd, not good, insane.
221
00:11:21,816 --> 00:11:23,984
Oh-ho!
Daffyd.
222
00:11:24,151 --> 00:11:27,654
ARCHER:
And she was just like rubbing all over me.
223
00:11:27,822 --> 00:11:29,656
LLOYD:
But nothing happened?
224
00:11:29,824 --> 00:11:31,491
ARCHER:
No, nothing.
225
00:11:31,659 --> 00:11:36,997
Well, except for the goodbye kiss,
which was definitely NSF Wales...
226
00:11:37,164 --> 00:11:39,499
...if you know what I mean.
Oh, you little...
227
00:11:39,667 --> 00:11:41,251
I say, pardon me.
228
00:11:41,419 --> 00:11:43,837
Madam. Hello?
229
00:11:44,005 --> 00:11:46,464
Lana, hey. Uh, we were just... Not talking.
230
00:11:46,632 --> 00:11:47,716
Shut up.
231
00:11:47,883 --> 00:11:49,009
Already was, so...
232
00:11:49,176 --> 00:11:53,263
So is it possible
you two were followed here by Ml5?
233
00:11:53,431 --> 00:11:57,726
LLOYD:
Um...
234
00:11:57,893 --> 00:11:58,935
Yeah.
What?
235
00:11:59,103 --> 00:12:00,562
Yeah, they're good.
Son of a...
236
00:12:00,730 --> 00:12:02,188
Archer, passport.
Why do you...?
237
00:12:02,356 --> 00:12:04,608
Give me your passport.
Here.
238
00:12:05,359 --> 00:12:08,028
Ah, for the love of Randy Randleman?
239
00:12:08,195 --> 00:12:11,740
Yeah, Randy grew up on the wrong side
of the tracks, ran with a bad crowd...
240
00:12:11,907 --> 00:12:13,908
...got into some trouble, went to juvie.
241
00:12:14,076 --> 00:12:16,661
Uh, he worked in the mess hall,
fell in love with cooking...
242
00:12:16,829 --> 00:12:19,039
...and when he got out,
went to culinary school.
243
00:12:19,206 --> 00:12:22,709
And now he's got two restaurants, Lana,
one Michelin star...
244
00:12:22,877 --> 00:12:24,336
...and a marriage on the rocks.
245
00:12:24,503 --> 00:12:28,423
He's here to go balls deep on farm to table,
you know, trying to get back to basics.
246
00:12:28,591 --> 00:12:30,884
Archer...
Like that time Rocky went to Russia.
247
00:12:31,052 --> 00:12:33,053
DAFFYD: Ugh.
Just get in that closet over there...
248
00:12:33,220 --> 00:12:34,721
...and take Lurch with you.
Daffyd.
249
00:12:34,889 --> 00:12:37,223
He's the one they're looking for.
Why am I getting in the closet?
250
00:12:37,391 --> 00:12:38,391
Because I said so.
251
00:12:38,559 --> 00:12:40,101
How is your American accent?
252
00:12:40,269 --> 00:12:43,229
Um, it's okay. Like, you know,
people are always like, "You know."
253
00:12:43,397 --> 00:12:44,981
Like, you know, it's crap?
254
00:12:45,149 --> 00:12:46,566
No, dude, people really dig it.
255
00:12:46,734 --> 00:12:51,404
Heh. People from where, dude? Quebec?
He's the one who should be in the closet.
256
00:12:51,572 --> 00:12:53,740
No, wait. Oh, hang on.
257
00:12:53,908 --> 00:12:55,450
Lana, why am I in the closet?
258
00:12:55,618 --> 00:12:57,077
Because I said so.
259
00:12:57,244 --> 00:13:01,081
I think this will really help sell it.
What? Randy doesn't wear nerd goggles.
260
00:13:01,248 --> 00:13:02,582
He's a culinary bad boy.
261
00:13:02,750 --> 00:13:03,792
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
262
00:13:03,959 --> 00:13:07,337
BARDSLEY: Open the door, please.
Get in the closet.
263
00:13:07,505 --> 00:13:11,591
I am getting in the closet
because I choose to get in the closet.
264
00:13:11,759 --> 00:13:12,842
Come on, Gort.
265
00:13:13,010 --> 00:13:14,636
Daffyd.
266
00:13:16,055 --> 00:13:17,972
Okay, Randy, follow my lead.
267
00:13:18,140 --> 00:13:19,265
[LANA CLEARS THROAT]
268
00:13:19,433 --> 00:13:22,477
Yes?
Good afternoon. My name is Bardsley.
269
00:13:22,645 --> 00:13:23,728
I'm with Ml5.
270
00:13:24,397 --> 00:13:26,439
Ml5? My goodness.
271
00:13:26,607 --> 00:13:28,149
Please, do come in.
272
00:13:28,317 --> 00:13:30,985
Uh, what's the problem here?
Well the problem, Mr., uh...
273
00:13:31,153 --> 00:13:32,946
Randleman. Randy Randleman.
274
00:13:33,114 --> 00:13:35,365
I'm an American.
Right. Uh...
275
00:13:35,533 --> 00:13:38,868
Uh, yeah, I'm here to learn about
farm tables. I beg your pardon?
276
00:13:39,036 --> 00:13:41,121
I thought it was dams.
Shh.
277
00:13:41,288 --> 00:13:43,123
Come on, buddy.
Daffyd.
278
00:13:43,290 --> 00:13:48,044
Farm to table, he meant to say.
He's a chef. An American chef.
279
00:13:48,212 --> 00:13:51,381
He knows you're American, honey. Heh.
280
00:13:51,549 --> 00:13:55,552
The reason I'm here,
we're searching for Welsh terrorists.
281
00:13:55,720 --> 00:13:57,470
Welsh terrorists?
282
00:13:57,638 --> 00:13:59,305
Is there even such a thing?
283
00:13:59,473 --> 00:14:00,807
Yes, I'm afraid so.
284
00:14:00,975 --> 00:14:03,601
The self-styled Free Wales Army.
285
00:14:03,769 --> 00:14:04,853
[SPEAKS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
286
00:14:05,020 --> 00:14:07,313
Shh! If you stay really, really quiet...
287
00:14:07,481 --> 00:14:12,110
...I will buy you a puppy that you
will probably accidentally strangle.
288
00:14:12,278 --> 00:14:15,321
We have reason to believe they're
in the area and one is wounded...
289
00:14:15,489 --> 00:14:19,284
...so we're canvassing all the farms,
and when we saw the damaged vehicle...
290
00:14:19,452 --> 00:14:21,745
A bee flew in it and I crashed.
291
00:14:21,912 --> 00:14:24,372
A bee flew into a convertible?
292
00:14:24,540 --> 00:14:30,545
Look, our marriage is on the rocks,
and also, I have two Michelin tires, so...
293
00:14:30,713 --> 00:14:32,213
Right.
May I just see your passport again, please?
294
00:14:32,214 --> 00:14:32,297
Right.
May I just see your passport again, please?
295
00:14:32,298 --> 00:14:33,173
Right.
May I just see your passport again, please?
296
00:14:33,340 --> 00:14:34,382
[LANA CLEARS THROAT]
297
00:14:34,550 --> 00:14:36,760
Oh, good heavens.
Wow.
298
00:14:36,927 --> 00:14:41,014
What the shit?
Mm, ooh.
299
00:14:41,182 --> 00:14:44,726
This is actually why we're here in Wales.
300
00:14:44,894 --> 00:14:46,853
To try and save our marriage.
301
00:14:47,855 --> 00:14:49,689
Oh, my God, baby.
302
00:14:49,857 --> 00:14:52,233
I think it's working.
303
00:14:56,572 --> 00:14:58,782
BARDSLEY:
Are you joking or insane?
304
00:14:58,949 --> 00:15:03,787
Do you really expect me to believe
you came to Wales for a romantic getaway?
305
00:15:03,954 --> 00:15:05,872
Easy, bro. Wales is kickass.
306
00:15:06,040 --> 00:15:08,082
Honey. I do, because we did.
307
00:15:08,250 --> 00:15:11,544
I mean, if this weren't
a romantic getaway...
308
00:15:11,712 --> 00:15:15,381
...would I be doing this?
309
00:15:16,217 --> 00:15:17,801
What the shit?
LANA: Or this?
310
00:15:17,968 --> 00:15:19,052
DAFFYD:
Ooh!
311
00:15:20,304 --> 00:15:21,721
[BOTH MOANING]
312
00:15:21,889 --> 00:15:22,889
[GRUNTS]
313
00:15:23,057 --> 00:15:24,557
Closet rampage.
314
00:15:24,725 --> 00:15:28,353
Right. Then, obviously, I've made
an extremely embarrassing mistake.
315
00:15:28,521 --> 00:15:31,439
So, uh...
What the shit, Lana?
316
00:15:31,607 --> 00:15:33,817
Aha!
"Aha" what?
317
00:15:33,984 --> 00:15:37,529
Who is this man?
I... Wait, shit, who am I?
318
00:15:37,780 --> 00:15:40,406
You're Lloyd Llewellyn,
if I don't miss my guess...
319
00:15:40,574 --> 00:15:43,117
...which means your brother Daffyd
can't be too far off.
320
00:15:43,285 --> 00:15:45,203
Uh, in the closet, jacking off in a hat.
321
00:15:45,371 --> 00:15:46,454
Daffyd!
DAFFYD: No, I'm not.
322
00:15:46,622 --> 00:15:49,582
Yes, you are.
And I'm not Lloyd Llewellyn, he is.
323
00:15:49,750 --> 00:15:51,417
Oh, Archer.
Archer?
324
00:15:51,585 --> 00:15:54,295
As in Sterling Archer?
Yes, you idiot.
325
00:15:54,463 --> 00:15:56,756
As in Sterling Archer of the CIA?
326
00:15:56,924 --> 00:15:58,091
I mean, no, you idiot.
327
00:15:58,259 --> 00:16:00,009
I mean, I...
My God.
328
00:16:00,177 --> 00:16:02,095
Then you must be Lana...
329
00:16:02,680 --> 00:16:04,013
[GRUNTS]
330
00:16:04,682 --> 00:16:06,683
Way to go, Randy.
331
00:16:06,851 --> 00:16:08,434
Ugh. How is this Randy's fault?
332
00:16:08,602 --> 00:16:11,604
Sorry. Did someone else barge in
yelling their idiot head off...
333
00:16:11,772 --> 00:16:13,773
...about being with the CIA?
Oh, I don't know.
334
00:16:13,941 --> 00:16:16,860
Was someone else making out
with Frodo P. Gryffindor here...
335
00:16:17,027 --> 00:16:18,486
...just to make someone jealous?
336
00:16:18,654 --> 00:16:20,697
Well, maybe now you know how I feel.
337
00:16:20,865 --> 00:16:24,993
Actually, I don't know how you feel, Lana,
because I didn't make out with Katya.
338
00:16:25,160 --> 00:16:29,247
Oh, no? You didn't jam your fat tongue
down her throat on that goodbye kiss?
339
00:16:29,415 --> 00:16:31,291
Ah! You were eavesdropping.
340
00:16:31,458 --> 00:16:33,501
Uh, yeah, I'm a spy.
Oh, right.
341
00:16:33,669 --> 00:16:36,963
And I also heard you raving
about how insane Katya's body was.
342
00:16:37,131 --> 00:16:39,841
Is. But not as insane as your mind.
343
00:16:40,009 --> 00:16:43,595
And her stilettos and her lingerie
and her big, fat, vibrating robot vagina!
344
00:16:43,762 --> 00:16:47,265
And you're making my point for me.
And... How?
345
00:16:47,433 --> 00:16:50,727
It's easy not to bang your ex
if she's gone all frump-a-dump.
346
00:16:50,895 --> 00:16:56,482
The fact that Katya's still crazy hot makes it
all the more commendable I didn't bang her.
347
00:16:56,650 --> 00:16:59,903
I'm sorry, I think one of us
must have just suffered a massive stroke.
348
00:17:00,487 --> 00:17:03,573
Oh, sorry, that's me, just making toast.
DAFFYD: Toast!
349
00:17:03,741 --> 00:17:05,491
Yes, come and have some toast,
Daffyd.
350
00:17:05,659 --> 00:17:08,745
Ugh. Make him wash his hands first.
Okay, so, what do we do about this?
351
00:17:08,913 --> 00:17:10,830
Since, apparently,
we're seeing other people now...
352
00:17:10,998 --> 00:17:12,081
LLOYD: Oh?
Not you.
353
00:17:12,249 --> 00:17:14,375
Not us? I meant sleepy Floyd here.
354
00:17:14,543 --> 00:17:17,629
Right, shit. He knows we're with the CIA,
thanks to your fat mouth.
355
00:17:17,796 --> 00:17:21,507
Well, it was your fat mouth all over him
that started this whole thing.
356
00:17:21,675 --> 00:17:25,428
Here, both of you. Get your fat mouths
around some hot, crispy toast.
357
00:17:25,596 --> 00:17:28,222
DAFFYD: Toast!
Damn it, Daffyd, come and have some toast!
358
00:17:28,390 --> 00:17:30,850
It's obvious what we
have to do with him.
359
00:17:31,560 --> 00:17:32,810
Shoot him.
What?
360
00:17:32,978 --> 00:17:34,520
We're not shooting an Ml5 agent.
361
00:17:34,688 --> 00:17:36,814
That's like shooting a cow.
362
00:17:36,982 --> 00:17:39,901
How is that like...?
Lana, cows are our friends.
363
00:17:40,069 --> 00:17:41,986
They may even be our best friends.
364
00:17:42,154 --> 00:17:43,279
We have to shoot him.
365
00:17:43,447 --> 00:17:47,033
If we don't, Downing Street will know
the CIA's bankrolling the Free Wales Army.
366
00:17:47,201 --> 00:17:48,952
[DAFFYD SPEAKS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
367
00:17:49,119 --> 00:17:51,829
Daffyd, come and have the bloody toast
or I'm throwing it in the bin.
368
00:17:51,997 --> 00:17:54,958
He does have a point, Lana.
Yeah, I hate to waste good toast.
369
00:17:55,125 --> 00:17:57,502
We are not murdering an Ml5 agent.
370
00:17:57,670 --> 00:17:59,671
End of sentence, end of discussion.
371
00:17:59,838 --> 00:18:03,549
Are you sure there's nothing I can
do or say to change your mind, Lana?
372
00:18:03,717 --> 00:18:07,178
Very.
Well, then, could you hold the toast?
373
00:18:07,346 --> 00:18:08,388
Damn it.
Lloyd?
374
00:18:08,555 --> 00:18:10,181
Grabbed it while you were arguing.
375
00:18:10,349 --> 00:18:12,850
You never read Rosenberg's writings
on nonviolent communication?
376
00:18:13,018 --> 00:18:15,770
Uh, no.
It really helped me and Daffyd.
377
00:18:15,938 --> 00:18:17,480
Well, maybe we'll check that out.
378
00:18:17,648 --> 00:18:20,900
Uh, don't bother.
Because before I shoot this Ml5 asshole...
379
00:18:21,068 --> 00:18:23,361
...I'm gonna have to shoot both of you.
What?
380
00:18:23,529 --> 00:18:25,321
Oh, don't worry, we'll always have...
381
00:18:27,658 --> 00:18:30,326
You think he was gonna say "table"?
Probably "Wales."
382
00:18:30,494 --> 00:18:31,786
Lloyd!
383
00:18:31,954 --> 00:18:34,539
Uh, so that's a problem.
384
00:18:34,707 --> 00:18:36,249
Nope, that is your problem.
385
00:18:36,417 --> 00:18:37,834
Uh, then may I have the gun, please?
386
00:18:38,002 --> 00:18:39,293
[DAFFYD GRUMBLING]
387
00:18:39,461 --> 00:18:42,255
No.
Oh, my God, you are so immature.
388
00:18:42,423 --> 00:18:45,591
And you are so big.
389
00:18:45,759 --> 00:18:47,218
[GROWLING]
390
00:18:47,386 --> 00:18:49,762
This is gonna be all Daniel Boone.
391
00:18:49,930 --> 00:18:51,681
[YELLS]
392
00:18:51,849 --> 00:18:53,474
Alrighty, I think that's got it.
393
00:18:53,642 --> 00:18:55,518
Nurse, would you close for me?
394
00:18:55,686 --> 00:18:57,520
Uh, you already did that, doctor.
395
00:18:57,688 --> 00:18:59,939
Oh, right.
Well, then, would you open for me?
396
00:19:00,107 --> 00:19:02,358
Goddamn it!
Stop sexually harassing me!
397
00:19:02,526 --> 00:19:04,610
Sorry.
Ugh. Jesus.
398
00:19:04,778 --> 00:19:09,032
Seriously. Come on, Tinkertoy,
let's go pound some homemade gin.
399
00:19:09,199 --> 00:19:12,952
So, wait, how did we get to talking about
African-American characters on M*A*S*H?
400
00:19:13,120 --> 00:19:16,873
Well, the M*A*S*H connection is obvious,
perhaps even painfully so...
401
00:19:17,041 --> 00:19:19,500
...but the African-American thing?
402
00:19:19,668 --> 00:19:22,295
Nope, no idea.
403
00:19:22,463 --> 00:19:26,257
ARCHER: But all things considered, that
went about as well as could be expected.
404
00:19:26,425 --> 00:19:28,176
Oh, yeah? Which part?
405
00:19:28,343 --> 00:19:33,097
Leaving two Welsh terrorists basically
at large or kidnapping an Ml5 agent?
406
00:19:33,265 --> 00:19:35,600
Well, first of all, both.
How...?
407
00:19:35,768 --> 00:19:37,977
And second,
I was talking about our argument...
408
00:19:38,145 --> 00:19:41,689
...and how now you realize
you overreacted about Katya.
409
00:19:41,857 --> 00:19:44,025
I... Oh, my God.
410
00:19:44,193 --> 00:19:45,526
Ha, admit it, Lana.
411
00:19:45,694 --> 00:19:47,153
I admit nothing.
412
00:19:47,321 --> 00:19:52,867
Although, I do think we both learned
that trust is important and...
413
00:19:53,035 --> 00:19:54,660
I don't know, whatever. Trust.
414
00:19:54,828 --> 00:19:58,331
Is that the best I'm gonna get out of you?
Yup, by far.
415
00:19:58,499 --> 00:20:01,834
Well, then I accept your non-apology.
And...?
416
00:20:02,002 --> 00:20:07,090
Oh, my God, and I promise to try not to get
into compromising situations with other women.
417
00:20:07,257 --> 00:20:08,341
Best I can do.
418
00:20:08,509 --> 00:20:11,636
Well, then let's just get this
limey bastard on that CIA plane...
419
00:20:11,804 --> 00:20:13,930
...and let Slater worry about the blowback.
420
00:20:14,098 --> 00:20:18,476
You don't think they'll kill him, do you?
No. Then they'd have to kill us.
421
00:20:18,644 --> 00:20:21,646
But before we go back to the States...
422
00:20:21,814 --> 00:20:25,399
Archer, I am not driving to Scotland
with a kidnapped Ml5 agent in the back...
423
00:20:25,567 --> 00:20:29,112
...just to visit a stupid distillery.
It's not stupid, Lana, it's...
424
00:20:29,279 --> 00:20:31,948
Glengoolie, for the best of times.
425
00:20:32,116 --> 00:20:35,034
Although, you're right, it's probably
not the smartest idea I've ever had.
426
00:20:35,202 --> 00:20:37,912
Hmm. What is?
Oh, my God, I'm glad you asked.
427
00:20:38,080 --> 00:20:41,040
Okay, so you put giant magnets
in the bumpers of all the cars...
428
00:20:41,208 --> 00:20:46,295
...so that every car repels every other
car, so there would never be any accidents.
429
00:20:46,463 --> 00:20:49,966
Except every time you're at a red light
and a car comes and bounces you...
430
00:20:50,134 --> 00:20:53,469
...into the intersection
and you get the shit T-boned out of you.
431
00:20:55,639 --> 00:20:58,015
Thanks for the tampons.
432
00:20:58,065 --> 00:21:02,615
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