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(alarm wails) (fierce
whistling) (explosion)
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00:00:06,400 --> 00:00:09,836
CHERLENE: Woooo! Outlaw country!
Outlaw co...
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00:00:09,986 --> 00:00:12,555
(gags) LANA: Stop it.
CHERLENE (hoarse): Make me.
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00:00:12,701 --> 00:00:15,770
(whistling, explosion) MALORY: Lana.
Are you crazy?
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00:00:15,919 --> 00:00:18,788
LANA: No, she is. See? MALORY:
Let go of her throat,
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00:00:18,935 --> 00:00:22,271
She-Hulk, those pipes just sold a million
records. CALDER�N: Which is amazing,
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can you believe it is so amazing?
Everyone, toast.
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(explosion) MALORY AND LANA: Whoa!
COMANDANTE: Presidente, this
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00:00:28,153 --> 00:00:31,355
is no time for toast. CALDER�N: Wha...
No, not "toast," a toast.
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00:00:31,505 --> 00:00:34,407
A toast. COMANDANTE: It is
even less the time for that.
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00:00:34,554 --> 00:00:38,090
MALORY: Calm down, Colonel Panic.
Listen-- the shelling has
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00:00:38,242 --> 00:00:41,043
stopped. (Pam grunts
loudly) (dishes break)
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00:00:41,191 --> 00:00:43,759
RAY: Damn it, Pam. CALDER�N:
Why the hell did you do that?
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00:00:43,905 --> 00:00:46,440
PAM: So we can scrooch down behind it.
MALORY: The shelling...
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00:00:46,587 --> 00:00:49,055
has stopped. PAM: Oh,
did you just say that?
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00:00:49,201 --> 00:00:51,670
LANA: Goddamn it. Is everybody okay?
MALORY: Yes.
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00:00:51,816 --> 00:00:54,518
CHERLENE: Yeah, I guess. CYRIL
(laughing): I don't know.
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00:00:54,664 --> 00:00:57,466
CALDER�N: Wait a minute, where is my wife?
MALORY: And where is
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00:00:57,614 --> 00:01:00,416
Sterling? ARCHER
(muffled): What's that?
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00:01:00,564 --> 00:01:04,767
I mean, yes, what? What are we doing?
MALORY: What are you doing?
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00:01:04,920 --> 00:01:08,623
CALDER�N: Why were you in the butler's
pantry? ARCHER: I-I was, uh, I was
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00:01:08,776 --> 00:01:11,844
hiding because I was scared.
CHERLENE: Yeah, right. LANA: Really.
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ARCHER: Well, fairly. But I-I mean, I found
a paper bag in there, and I did some
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deep, uh... LANA: Breathing?
ARCHER: Also, yes, so, hey,
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00:01:19,165 --> 00:01:21,900
what's the plan? CALDER�N:
We must counterattack.
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00:01:22,048 --> 00:01:24,950
COMANDANTE: But, sir, I don't have enough
troops. CALDER�N: Oh, my God, always
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with the excuses. COMANDANTE: Sir, you
have an entire battalion sitting idle
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00:01:28,114 --> 00:01:30,994
at the airport, so... CALDER�N: No,
they are not sitting idle, they are...
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COMANDANTE: Unloading the one million
record albums you bought from this gringa.
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ARCHER: What? CHERLENE: Wait, what?
CALDER�N (soft laugh):
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Surprise. JULIANA: Wait, what?
LANA: Non-surprise.
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00:01:39,544 --> 00:01:42,246
ARCHER: Can you not? LANA: Can you not?
CHERLENE: I thought people
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00:01:42,392 --> 00:01:44,961
liked me. JULIANA: I
thought we were broke.
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CALDER�N: I... that's... CHERLENE AND
JULIANA: Do you have any idea how humiliating
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this is? PAM: Jinx.
(Cherlene sobs)
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Inappropes. CALDER�N: Cherlene, wait.
JULIANA (gasps): Well, now
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00:01:54,928 --> 00:01:58,031
it's your turn to be humiliated, Gustavo.
Because for your information,
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00:01:58,179 --> 00:02:01,048
I just had... (gunshot)
LANA: Cyril?
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00:02:01,196 --> 00:02:05,366
(Cyril grunts, exhales) ARCHER: Oh.
My God.
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00:02:05,519 --> 00:02:10,954
The gun went off for, like, no reason.
Surprise.
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00:02:37,510 --> 00:02:47,348
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
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(glass shatters) JULIANA: $10 million.
On... on cowboy music?
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00:02:55,249 --> 00:02:59,219
CALDER�N: Eee! Cowboy music?
COMANDANTE: Presidente,
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00:02:59,372 --> 00:03:03,142
please, permission to redeploy the troops
at the airport. CALDER�N: Ay, aah!
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00:03:03,293 --> 00:03:06,929
Jesus Christ, fine. Whatever you want.
COMANDANTE: Bravo Two, this
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00:03:07,081 --> 00:03:09,983
is Bravo Actual. Redeploy
your troops to sector four.
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00:03:10,131 --> 00:03:13,634
JULIANA: Well, I am redeploying
to my rooms. CALDER�N: Well, I am
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00:03:13,784 --> 00:03:18,955
redeploying to my rooms. MALORY:
My God, why was she so upset?
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00:03:19,113 --> 00:03:22,783
ARCHER: Well, I think any time a spouse makes
a major purchase without discussing it
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00:03:22,934 --> 00:03:25,302
first... MALORY: I meant
Cherlene, you pea-wit.
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00:03:25,448 --> 00:03:28,717
Why does she care? Most singers would
kill to have a record go platinum.
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00:03:28,867 --> 00:03:31,736
(Lana clears throat) LANA:
Speaking of killing people.
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00:03:31,883 --> 00:03:36,854
ARCHER: Oh, my God, okay, first of all,
he... Actually, yeah, Pam, let's hear
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00:03:37,011 --> 00:03:40,313
some Bee Gees. (Pam breathes deeply)
CYRIL (high-pitched): Ha, ha,
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00:03:40,464 --> 00:03:44,233
ha, ha. PAM: Stayin' alive.
(laughing): Holy shit, that
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00:03:44,385 --> 00:03:48,254
works. CYRIL: Agh. ARCHER:
Yeah, so does Kevlar.
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00:03:48,407 --> 00:03:51,576
LANA: Wait, so does what? PAM: What,
did you just want mouth-to-mouth?
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00:03:51,725 --> 00:03:54,227
CYRIL: I can explain. LANA:
What is this, Meatballs?
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00:03:54,373 --> 00:03:57,242
You little... ARCHER: Racist.
What?
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00:03:57,390 --> 00:04:00,325
Cyril, you wear Kevlar every single
time we go to Latin America.
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00:04:00,474 --> 00:04:04,110
CYRIL: Because every time you shoot me.
ARCHER: Whoa, whoa, whoa, not
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00:04:04,260 --> 00:04:07,663
every time. Mm, like,
three out of four, tops.
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00:04:07,813 --> 00:04:11,683
You big baby. LANA: Also speaking of...
MALORY: Ugh, here it comes.
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00:04:11,835 --> 00:04:14,704
LANA: No, actually, here it goes.
I'm leaving.
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00:04:14,852 --> 00:04:17,721
Ray, airport, let's go. ARCHER:
Have you lost your mind?
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00:04:17,869 --> 00:04:21,405
RAY: Seriously, I am not your servant.
Ow, quit-quit...
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00:04:21,555 --> 00:04:25,392
Ow, ow, goddamn it! ARCHER: Not that.
Lana, in case you haven't
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00:04:25,544 --> 00:04:29,280
noticed, this place is crawling with
rebels. PAM: And not the good kind
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00:04:29,432 --> 00:04:32,912
you get drunk with at Myrtle Beach and cruise
the strip in the bed of their monster truck
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00:04:32,984 --> 00:04:37,655
with a big rebel flag on it,
flinging empty longnecks at people.
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00:04:37,811 --> 00:04:42,281
LANA: Yeah, those aren't actually the
good kind, either. PAM: Now who's racist?
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00:04:42,437 --> 00:04:45,572
ARCHER: Those guys, Pam, those exact
same guys you just described.
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00:04:45,721 --> 00:04:49,357
PAM: Oh. Well now I feel like an asshole.
MALORY: When do you not?
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00:04:49,508 --> 00:04:53,878
PAM: Almost always. I really like me.
MALORY: Baffling.
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00:04:54,034 --> 00:04:57,803
As is leaving before Calder�n pays us
for that shipment of weapons, so...
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00:04:57,955 --> 00:05:01,424
LANA (scoffs): When was that supposed to
happen? After a lovely dinner with him
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00:05:01,574 --> 00:05:04,576
and his freshly-banged first lady?
MALORY: His...
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00:05:04,726 --> 00:05:07,628
What are you talking about? LANA: I'm
talking about Archer, who just...
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00:05:07,775 --> 00:05:12,746
(gunshot) ARCHER: Oops.
MALORY: Give me that.
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00:05:12,903 --> 00:05:15,772
ARCHER: Mother, be careful, that
crazy thing's got a mind of its own.
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00:05:15,920 --> 00:05:18,789
MALORY: And it's not the only thing.
Why can't you keep it in your
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00:05:18,936 --> 00:05:22,539
pants? ARCHER: Oof.
(coughs): Oh, Mother.
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(Cyril cackles) ARCHER: It's not
funny, I actually use mine.
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00:05:27,215 --> 00:05:31,118
LANA: Yes, always. God, you're...
What happened to no more
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00:05:31,271 --> 00:05:34,140
anonymous sex? ARCHER: I...
we had already met.
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00:05:34,287 --> 00:05:37,247
LANA: Not the first time. ARCHER: The
first time I thought she was the maid.
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00:05:37,304 --> 00:05:40,873
MALORY: Why would you have sex with a maid?
ARCHER: That doesn't merit a
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00:05:41,024 --> 00:05:44,159
response, Mother, and the second time she
blackmailed me. MALORY: How did she blackmail
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00:05:44,309 --> 00:05:47,578
you? ARCHER: By threatening to
tell Calder�n about the first
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00:05:47,727 --> 00:05:51,530
time. MALORY: That's the honeypot.
How could you fall for that?
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00:05:51,682 --> 00:05:55,051
It's Espionage 101. ARCHER:
I know, it's pretty ironic.
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00:05:55,202 --> 00:05:59,605
But, also, I always fall for it. MALORY: And
now what's to stop her from telling him about
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00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:04,030
the second time? ARCHER: Hmm.
Nothing, (chuckles) she's crazy.
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00:06:04,184 --> 00:06:08,154
Ow, ow, Lana, quit it, ow. Ow, goddamn it.
LANA: Asshole.
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CYRIL: We're dead. You've killed us.
ARCHER: Me?
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00:06:12,865 --> 00:06:16,868
I didn't have a follow-up... to that.
MALORY: Oh, all right, Lana,
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you win. PAM: Yay!
LANA: Win what?
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00:06:22,451 --> 00:06:25,320
MALORY: We're leaving right now-- Ray?
RAY: Already packing
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00:06:25,468 --> 00:06:28,036
mentally. MALORY: Damn it,
man, forget your kimonos.
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00:06:28,183 --> 00:06:31,051
RAY: Oh, like I brought a huge stack.
CYRIL: Five's a pretty big
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00:06:31,199 --> 00:06:33,800
stack. MALORY: Cyril, shut
up and go find a vehicle.
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00:06:33,948 --> 00:06:37,784
Ray, find Cherlene. No matter what
happens, we can't leave without her.
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00:06:37,936 --> 00:06:41,038
LANA: She said, suddenly oddly maternal.
ARCHER: Right?
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00:06:41,187 --> 00:06:44,055
MALORY: She has to endorse the royalty
checks. LANA (English accent): And
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00:06:44,204 --> 00:06:47,306
the penny drops. MALORY: You shut up,
and the rest of you shut up and grab
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00:06:47,455 --> 00:06:51,024
anything valuable. Ooh, like
that ridiculous white painting.
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00:06:51,175 --> 00:06:53,543
PAM: Wait, what about Krieger?
MALORY: Oh, for...
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00:06:53,689 --> 00:06:56,524
Who cares about Krieger? RAY: Yeah.
CYRIL: That's true.
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00:06:56,672 --> 00:07:00,275
PAM: Plus, I bet the vampires got him.
(Krieger whimpers)
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(sobbing) CLONE: So... now
will you join us... brother?
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00:07:07,363 --> 00:07:15,092
KRIEGER (sobbing): Yes...(sobbing)
CLONES: Clone bone!
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00:07:18,798 --> 00:07:23,026
KRIEGER: My God, I have so many questions.
Are you clones of me?
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00:07:23,239 --> 00:07:26,575
Am I a clone of you? Did you all grow up
together... in an actual house with an
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00:07:26,724 --> 00:07:30,294
actual mom and dad? And was I ever there?
CLONE: No.
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00:07:30,445 --> 00:07:33,647
CLONE 2: To all of it. KRIEGER: You sure?
Because I have this very clear
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00:07:33,797 --> 00:07:36,665
memory of me as a child, and it's snowing, and
there's a creepy old man trying to take me
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00:07:36,814 --> 00:07:40,216
away, and then I knock him down with a
sled? CLONE 3: That's Citizen Kane.
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00:07:40,366 --> 00:07:44,702
KRIEGER: Oh. Wait. No, not a sled.
A pneumatic bolt-gun.
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00:07:44,858 --> 00:07:48,160
CLONE 3: Now that does sound
vaguely familiar. KRIEGER: Right?
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CLONE 2: Wait. No. I remember
blood on snow. KRIEGER: Right?!
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CLONE 1: No! That was something else!
He was never with us as a
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00:07:54,376 --> 00:07:57,111
child! CLONE 2: Well, the important
thing is that you're with us
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00:07:57,258 --> 00:08:00,360
now. CLONE 3: Especially
since your friends...
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KRIEGER: "Friends." Please. Can you believe
those jerks? After all these years?
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00:08:03,426 --> 00:08:06,661
Kicking me to the curb like, like...
CLONE 1: A child.
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00:08:06,811 --> 00:08:09,813
CLONE 2: A frog! CLONE 3: Frog-child!
(load croaking)
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00:08:09,961 --> 00:08:13,430
CLONES: No! KRIEGER Is...
is that what I think it is?
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00:08:13,581 --> 00:08:16,650
CLONES: No. KRIEGER: Well, let me
finish, because I think it's some kind
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00:08:16,799 --> 00:08:20,335
of unholy, adolescent human-amphibian
hybrid creature. CLONE 2: Oh.
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00:08:20,485 --> 00:08:25,556
Then, yes. KRIEGER: I'm home.
I'm finally home.
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00:08:25,715 --> 00:08:30,252
CLONE 1: Just in time for our moment of
triumph. KRIEGER: Well, if there's one
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thing I love, it's triumph! What is it?!
CLONE 2: All will be
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revealed... in time. KRIEGER: And if there's
one thing I love more than triumph,
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it's annoying vagueness. CYRIL (as Malory):
Cyril, shut up and find a vehicle!
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00:08:44,618 --> 00:08:47,988
Meh, heh, heh. I'm a hateful shrew!
And this is my idiot son,
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00:08:48,137 --> 00:08:51,606
Archer. He's going to screw the
dictator's wife and then shoot
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00:08:51,758 --> 00:08:55,293
you in the chest! (as himself):
Oh, makes me so mad!
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00:08:55,444 --> 00:09:01,516
One of these days, I swear to...
Jesus H. Chrysler! (clacking)
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00:09:01,678 --> 00:09:06,048
Well, one thing's for sure. If I had
it to do over, I'd be a dictator.
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00:09:06,203 --> 00:09:09,705
CALDER�N: What?! My God, come on.
How can you even say that?
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00:09:09,857 --> 00:09:13,426
CHERLENE: Because that's what you are!
CALDER�N: Cherlene, I-I...
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00:09:13,576 --> 00:09:18,614
I'm not a dictator! I'm a president,
like your Jorge Washington!
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00:09:18,772 --> 00:09:22,252
CHERLENE: Jorge Washington-- which, apparently,
I've been mispronouncing wrong this whole
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00:09:22,358 --> 00:09:25,894
time-- wasn't president for life!
CALDER�N: Uh, but he could
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00:09:26,045 --> 00:09:29,747
have been if he wanted. Look, the
22nd amendment to your constitution
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00:09:29,900 --> 00:09:34,804
imposed the presidential term limits, but it
wasn't passed by your congress until 1947, and
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00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:39,297
not ratified by the requisite number
of American states until 1951, so...
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00:09:39,451 --> 00:09:43,021
CHERLENE: Who are you-- Dave Frishberg?!
CALDER�N: Yeah, I don't know
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00:09:43,172 --> 00:09:46,241
who that is. CHERLENE: Of course
you don't, because you don't live
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00:09:46,390 --> 00:09:50,226
in a free country, where the world's largest
manufacturers of sugary cereals are allowed to
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00:09:50,378 --> 00:09:54,948
sponsor interstitial animated programming
unapologetically targeted at children!
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CALDER�N: No. I-I live in a very
poor country. CHERLENE: Ugh!
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00:09:58,590 --> 00:10:02,159
CALDER�N: No, no. I... Look, I know, but
go outside the palace walls, and trust me,
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00:10:02,310 --> 00:10:05,846
Cherlene, listen, it is crazy poor.
CHERLENE: Yeah, that was
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00:10:05,997 --> 00:10:09,199
my whole... CALDER�N: And so, I wanted
to distribute your records among--
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00:10:09,348 --> 00:10:12,551
and I hate to say this-- but our filthy peasants,
so as to brighten their lives with your
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00:10:12,700 --> 00:10:16,102
music. CHERLENE: Oh. Well,
now I feel like a...
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00:10:16,253 --> 00:10:19,622
Wait. Do they even have record players?
CALDER�N: Well, no, obviously
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00:10:19,772 --> 00:10:23,342
not, but... CHERLENE: So how
would they even use records?!
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00:10:23,493 --> 00:10:27,530
CALDER�N: As plates? LANA: What, in the
name of all that is stupid, do you think
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00:10:27,683 --> 00:10:31,219
you're doing? (Archer sighs)
ARCHER: You tell me, crazy
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00:10:31,369 --> 00:10:35,406
pregnant hormone lady. What's it look like
I'm doing?! B-But before you answer, please
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00:10:35,559 --> 00:10:39,662
don't say "literally being emasculated,"
because I looked that up, and... ick.
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00:10:39,816 --> 00:10:43,352
LANA: Hold it up. ARCHER: Lana, come on.
You and Mother smashed my balls
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00:10:43,503 --> 00:10:47,039
pretty good. Kudos. They're swollen.
But I-I don't need a cut man!
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00:10:47,189 --> 00:10:50,492
LANA: The painting... you idiot.
ARCHER: Oh.
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00:10:50,642 --> 00:10:54,323
Thought you meant my genitals. But, look, I know
you're jealous I had sex with Juliana, almost
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00:10:54,362 --> 00:10:57,731
twice, but don't slash the painting.
It's...
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00:10:57,881 --> 00:11:01,784
(high-pitched voice): Priceless. LANA:
But worthless... if you damage it.
170
00:11:01,937 --> 00:11:06,707
But even though it's very delicate, it can
withstand a surprising amount of shit.
171
00:11:06,864 --> 00:11:10,867
ARCHER: Wait. Is this an extremely
ill-phrased analogy about my penis?
172
00:11:11,020 --> 00:11:16,858
LANA: Yes, Archer, it is, because everything,
everywhere, every when, is about the paragon
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00:11:17,020 --> 00:11:22,424
of adequacy that is your dick. ARCHER:
"Adequacy" as in "mind-blowingness"?
174
00:11:22,584 --> 00:11:25,919
Or "adequacy" as in "Hey, stupid,
you just destroyed $40 million"?!
175
00:11:26,069 --> 00:11:29,671
LANA: As in neither, you dummy.
This is how you steal a
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00:11:29,823 --> 00:11:33,359
painting. Did you never see
The Thomas Crown Affair?
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00:11:33,510 --> 00:11:36,879
ARCHER: Uh, no, not a huge Steve
McQueen fan. (Lana laughs)
178
00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:43,702
LANA: Oh, my God, are you...? Archer, you
used to moan about him in your sleep!
179
00:11:43,866 --> 00:11:48,437
ARCHER: I-I... No, I didn't.
CYRIL: Come on, you can do
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00:11:48,592 --> 00:11:51,928
this. Just pick a stupid car. But
the perfect car, so that for
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00:11:52,078 --> 00:11:55,614
once in her life, Ms. Archer can't bitch.
And we'll be driving through a
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00:11:55,766 --> 00:11:59,802
war zone, so it needs to be fast, although
I guess reliability is more important
183
00:11:59,954 --> 00:12:03,490
than speed. Well, up to a point.
Although bulletproof glass
184
00:12:03,642 --> 00:12:07,878
wouldn't be bad. I... Damn it, Figgis!
You're overthinking this!
185
00:12:08,033 --> 00:12:12,970
Oh. Now that is a vehicle. Hmm.
186
00:12:13,127 --> 00:12:16,662
Let's see Ms. Archer bitch about that.
MALORY: You idiot!
187
00:12:16,814 --> 00:12:20,183
I gave you one simple job, and...
RAY: I looked in her room!
188
00:12:20,333 --> 00:12:23,869
MALORY: And?! RAY: And she wasn't in it?
(thudding, grunting)
189
00:12:24,020 --> 00:12:27,522
MALORY: Pam, if you want to scuff them
that badly, just throw them down the...
190
00:12:27,674 --> 00:12:29,875
(Pam grunts, thudding)
191
00:12:31,192 --> 00:12:34,962
(Malory sighs heavily) PAM: What,
were you not gonna say stairs?
192
00:12:35,114 --> 00:12:39,017
ARCHER: Hang on, hang on! Wait, wait, wait.
Damn it! I have something for this.
193
00:12:39,169 --> 00:12:42,872
It's um, uh... MALORY: Well, I just
assume it was about that ad with the
194
00:12:43,024 --> 00:12:46,393
suitcase and the gorilla. PAM: Ouch.
LANA: Which, turns out, was
195
00:12:46,543 --> 00:12:49,879
actually a man in a gorilla costume.
MALORY: Making the comparison
196
00:12:50,029 --> 00:12:53,365
even more accurate. CALDER�N: Ow!
PAM: Seriously.
197
00:12:53,515 --> 00:12:56,475
CHERLENE: Let go of me! RAY: There, I
found her. CALDER�N: Cherlene, please!
198
00:12:56,531 --> 00:12:59,400
CHERLENE: No, I said! CALDER�N:
B-But, Cherlene, listen, I love you!
199
00:12:59,548 --> 00:13:02,851
I-I will divorce my wife. (Juliana
gasps) JULIANA: You what?!
200
00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:05,969
CALDER�N: Oh, don't act so surprised,
Juliana! It's not like we're in love
201
00:13:06,117 --> 00:13:09,319
anymore! JULIANA: Anymore?!
We were never in love!
202
00:13:09,469 --> 00:13:12,838
ARCHER: And suddenly I don't feel so bad.
LANA: You did before?
203
00:13:12,988 --> 00:13:16,024
ARCHER Oh, my God, you have no idea.
It's like this ache in the pit
204
00:13:16,172 --> 00:13:19,374
of your stomach. LANA: Are you
talking about your balls?
205
00:13:19,524 --> 00:13:22,559
ARCHER: Yeah, but it's wearing off now.
JULIANA: And I will tell you
206
00:13:22,708 --> 00:13:25,910
the same thing I told your father!
I will never give you a divorce!
207
00:13:26,059 --> 00:13:29,061
CALDER�N: Tell that to the Chief
Justice of the Supreme Court.
208
00:13:29,211 --> 00:13:32,413
Oh, wait, you just did! CHERLENE: Wait.
You can't be both!
209
00:13:32,563 --> 00:13:35,598
CALDER�N: Your William Howard Taft was.
CHERLENE: Not at the same
210
00:13:35,746 --> 00:13:38,949
time! CALDER�N: He absolutely was.
CHERLENE: Is that true?
211
00:13:39,098 --> 00:13:42,167
LANA: Oh, I don't want to... RAY:
I want to say church and state?
212
00:13:42,315 --> 00:13:45,751
ARCHER: Wow. We get home, first thing,
we are binge-watching Schoolhouse Rock.
213
00:13:45,901 --> 00:13:48,269
JULIANA: You can binge-watch it in hell!
(others gasp)
214
00:13:48,416 --> 00:13:50,684
ARCHER: Well, if anything, that's heaven.
JULIANA: And you can die
215
00:13:50,828 --> 00:13:55,032
knowing that the last man inside
of me was Archer. CALDER�N: What?
216
00:13:55,186 --> 00:13:58,055
(others chatter) ARCHER: Oh,
uh, yeah, so about that...
217
00:13:58,203 --> 00:14:01,138
CALDER�N: Well, I hope it was worth
dying for. ARCHER: Honestly?
218
00:14:01,286 --> 00:14:04,655
JULIANA: Right? ARCHER: I...
Well, no, but the first time...
219
00:14:04,805 --> 00:14:08,041
JULIANA: Honestly? ARCHER: No, the
first time. CALDER�N: Good-bye, Mr.
220
00:14:08,190 --> 00:14:11,693
Archer. Give my regards
to William Howard Taft.
221
00:14:11,844 --> 00:14:21,186
ARCHER (slow motion): No. PAM (slow motion):
No....! OTHERS (slow motion): No...!
222
00:14:30,074 --> 00:14:35,214
ARCHER (slow motion): Pam? (clears
throat) (normal voice): Pam?
223
00:14:40,065 --> 00:14:44,608
ARCHER: Pam, seriously. LANA: Archer...
ARCHER: Lana, shut up. Pam!
224
00:14:44,749 --> 00:14:48,827
LANA: Archer, I think she's...
(sniffles) I think she's...
225
00:14:48,980 --> 00:14:53,350
CALDER�N: Dead. (crying) And now
you, Mr. Archer, can join her in...
226
00:14:53,506 --> 00:14:57,108
CHERLENE: Out... law... country.
(Juliana screaming)
227
00:14:57,259 --> 00:15:01,195
(gunshots) (Calder�n grunting)
I'm gonna go Jerry Lee
228
00:15:01,348 --> 00:15:06,085
on your ass! (Juliana
screaming) (gunshots)
229
00:15:06,242 --> 00:15:10,912
LANA: Um, do you want to...? ARCHER: Yes.
Wait, were you gonna say "watch"?
230
00:15:11,068 --> 00:15:14,036
LANA: I was gonna say "help," but...
ARCHER: Shut up. Did she say
231
00:15:14,185 --> 00:15:17,120
she used to be married to Calder�n's
father? PAM: (sniffs) Yeah, that's
232
00:15:17,269 --> 00:15:20,471
some messed-up shit. RAY: Hey!
ARCHER: Pam!
233
00:15:20,620 --> 00:15:24,490
LANA: How are you not dead? PAM:
(chuckles) 'Cause I'm not a pussy?
234
00:15:24,642 --> 00:15:27,544
And also probably 'cause of this.
MALORY: Is that Cyril's?
235
00:15:27,693 --> 00:15:30,561
PAM: Yep. RAY: Um... ARCHER:
You know they're not
236
00:15:30,709 --> 00:15:33,709
reusable, right? Once the fibers get
damaged, that's basically just a sweater
237
00:15:33,792 --> 00:15:37,261
vest. PAM (sucks air
through teeth): Oh, good.
238
00:15:37,412 --> 00:15:41,315
'Cause for a second there, I thought I
actually was a pussy. ARCHER: Hurts, huh?
239
00:15:41,468 --> 00:15:44,337
(Cherlene and Juliana screaming)
(Cherlene shouts) RAY: Hey, so...
240
00:15:44,484 --> 00:15:47,319
LANA: Yeah. Now do you want to help?
ARCHER (sighs, groans): Okay,
241
00:15:47,467 --> 00:15:50,335
Mother, give me my gun. MALORY: I
don't have it-- I threw it away.
242
00:15:50,484 --> 00:15:53,352
LANA: You what?! RAY: What?!
ARCHER: Why would you throw
243
00:15:53,501 --> 00:15:56,737
away a perfectly good gun?! MALORY:
Because it touched your... junk.
244
00:15:56,886 --> 00:16:00,288
ARCHER: How dirty do you think my junk is?
MALORY: As dirty as if it
245
00:16:00,439 --> 00:16:04,375
were made of dirt and then got dropped in some
different dirt and then Pig-Pen came along and
246
00:16:04,528 --> 00:16:07,563
kicked it around with his dirty shoes.
ARCHER: Fair enough.
247
00:16:07,711 --> 00:16:10,713
(gunshot) (Lana and Malory
gasp) CALDER�N: Nobody move.
248
00:16:10,862 --> 00:16:16,867
Except you, Juliana. Let go of
Cherlene and throw down the gun.
249
00:16:17,029 --> 00:16:20,699
Now, then... JULIANA: Ow, ow, ow, ow.
Stop it. Stop it.
250
00:16:20,850 --> 00:16:23,719
Ow. No. Ow, ow, ow. Ooh...
(gunshot) CALDER�N: Now, then!
251
00:16:23,867 --> 00:16:28,704
Cherlene, stop this at once. As your
husband, I command you. (others gasp)
252
00:16:28,861 --> 00:16:32,330
CHERLENE: My what?! CALDER�N: Sorry, hang
on. Juliana, I divorce you, but also
253
00:16:32,480 --> 00:16:36,617
I wish you the best of luck in the years
ahead, which you will spend in prison.
254
00:16:36,771 --> 00:16:41,875
Cherlene, I now pronounce us husband and
wife. PAM (sniffs): Weddings always
255
00:16:42,033 --> 00:16:45,302
get me. LANA: Plus cocaine. CHERLENE: No!
We are so not
256
00:16:45,451 --> 00:16:48,320
married! Are you...?
Wait, which is it?
257
00:16:48,468 --> 00:16:51,337
ARCHER: Literally. CHERLENE:
Are you literally insane?!
258
00:16:51,485 --> 00:16:55,021
CALDER�N: No, but my word is literally law.
One of the perks of being a
259
00:16:55,172 --> 00:16:58,374
dictator. CHERLENE: You said
you weren't a dictator!
260
00:16:58,523 --> 00:17:02,860
CALDER�N: I-I lied, okay? But hopefully our
marriage is strong enough that, together and
261
00:17:03,014 --> 00:17:05,883
over time, we can work through it.
ARCHER: Well, at least he
262
00:17:06,031 --> 00:17:08,900
admits he was wrong. LANA: Yeah,
'cause that makes it all better.
263
00:17:09,047 --> 00:17:11,916
ARCHER: When did you get so cynical?
CALDER�N: The rest of you...
264
00:17:12,064 --> 00:17:15,200
are under arrest! OTHERS: What?
CALDER�N: Except those of you
265
00:17:15,349 --> 00:17:19,953
who are to be executed.
KRIEGER: Wait, what? Hey, guys.
266
00:17:20,108 --> 00:17:25,713
Um... CALDER�N: In which case...
I would not put a lot of money
267
00:17:25,873 --> 00:17:29,576
in my prison canteen account. I'm
looking your way, Mr. Archer.
268
00:17:29,728 --> 00:17:33,163
ARCHER: Wait. Whoa, no. I... MALORY: Well,
then, good luck getting any more weapons,
269
00:17:33,314 --> 00:17:37,617
you-you cut-rate Castro! CALDER�N: Ha!
I don't need them.
270
00:17:37,772 --> 00:17:43,877
As we speak, my scientists are working on a
secret weapon, and soon I will water our coca
271
00:17:44,039 --> 00:17:47,075
fields with the rebels' blood!
(others groan) CHERLENE: Gross!
272
00:17:47,223 --> 00:17:50,092
I can't believe I married you.
(door opens) (others gasp)
273
00:17:50,240 --> 00:17:53,109
COMANDANTE: Presidente. CALDER�N: Good!
Yes. I am glad you are here.
274
00:17:53,256 --> 00:17:56,125
I have been bluffing the
whole time, look. (clicking)
275
00:17:56,273 --> 00:17:59,142
Totally out of bullets. (chuckles)
See that? ARCHER: My bad, guys.
276
00:17:59,290 --> 00:18:02,192
That's on me. CALDER�N: Anyway,
okay, now, Comandante, arrest these
277
00:18:02,339 --> 00:18:05,208
people. COMANDANTE: But, Presidente,
the rebels, they have smashed
278
00:18:05,356 --> 00:18:08,725
our counterattack. (others react)
They are headed for the palace.
279
00:18:08,876 --> 00:18:11,744
Hurry! We must get you out of here.
CHERLENE: Wait, and me!
280
00:18:11,892 --> 00:18:14,760
I'm the first lady! COMANDANTE: Please,
hurry. We have to go before...
281
00:18:14,909 --> 00:18:18,345
(loud crash) (all gasp)
(engine rumbling)
282
00:18:18,495 --> 00:18:21,430
CALDER�N: W-Well? Don't just
stand there, you cowards!
283
00:18:21,578 --> 00:18:25,214
Do something! (weapons clatter) Oh, really?
That-that is
284
00:18:25,365 --> 00:18:28,234
obviously not what I... COMANDANTE:
Don't shoot, don't shoot!
285
00:18:28,382 --> 00:18:33,119
We surrender! (engine shuts
off) CYRIL: Uh, what's that?
286
00:18:33,276 --> 00:18:36,178
PAM: Cyril? CYRIL: Yeah, I couldn't
hear you over the sound of this
287
00:18:36,326 --> 00:18:39,962
gigantic friggin' tank. (chuckles)
MALORY: You idiot, that's the
288
00:18:40,114 --> 00:18:44,317
vehicle you found? I meant a limousine
or... CYRIL: Jesus God, woman,
289
00:18:44,470 --> 00:18:47,906
nothing is ever good enough for you!
ARCHER: Right?
290
00:18:48,057 --> 00:18:51,125
COMANDANTE: Please, sir! Accept our
surrender! CALDER�N: No, not to him!
291
00:18:51,275 --> 00:18:55,044
(groans) He's not the rebels! LANA:
Kind of a moot point, though, isn't it?
292
00:18:55,196 --> 00:18:58,364
What with the tank and all. CYRIL: Yeah.
So I hereby... ARCHER: Accept your
293
00:18:58,514 --> 00:19:01,449
surrender! Dibs! I'm in charge!
Cyril, get out of the...
294
00:19:01,598 --> 00:19:07,536
(whirring) CYRIL: Sorry? I
still couldn't hear you.
295
00:19:07,697 --> 00:19:11,367
(others laugh) ARCHER: Yeah, Cyril,
you are sorry because you still look
296
00:19:11,518 --> 00:19:17,223
like an idiot. You look like, uh...
(laughing): Oh, my God.
297
00:19:17,384 --> 00:19:20,653
Hang on. Wait, wait, wait. I-I
actually have something for this!
298
00:19:20,803 --> 00:19:26,107
(inhales deeply) Mi... PAM: Mike
Ducockless! (all laugh but Archer)
299
00:19:32,400 --> 00:19:34,546
Oh, boy. (Archer
roaring) Ha, ha!
300
00:19:35,911 --> 00:19:45,928
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
301
00:19:45,978 --> 00:19:50,528
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
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