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1
00:00:08,400 --> 00:00:11,574
ARCHER:
Okay, kids, who wants Manning Coleslaw?
2
00:00:11,737 --> 00:00:14,331
And/or an explanation of why that's...
3
00:00:14,490 --> 00:00:16,083
[BELL JINGLES AND DOOR OPENS]
4
00:00:16,242 --> 00:00:17,243
...funny.
5
00:00:17,409 --> 00:00:19,411
Sorry, guys, we're, uh...
6
00:00:21,038 --> 00:00:26,295
...closed, yeah. Thanks for getting the
sign for me because we are closed.
7
00:00:26,460 --> 00:00:29,213
Especially now that the door's locked.
8
00:00:29,380 --> 00:00:31,929
And you're not really supposed
to be back here.
9
00:00:32,091 --> 00:00:33,263
Even if you have a...
10
00:00:33,425 --> 00:00:36,224
Um... I was gonna say a hairnet.
LINDA: Bob?
11
00:00:36,387 --> 00:00:37,980
Is everything--?
Everything's fine.
12
00:00:38,138 --> 00:00:39,606
We're closed, Bob--
Linda!
13
00:00:39,765 --> 00:00:43,395
Take the kids in the back.
Kids, go in the back with your mom.
14
00:00:44,103 --> 00:00:45,696
What do they want?
Hambledurgers.
15
00:00:45,855 --> 00:00:47,857
Now would you please go
in the goddamn back?
16
00:00:48,023 --> 00:00:50,117
Well, excuse me, Ike Turner. Jeez.
17
00:00:50,276 --> 00:00:53,450
Look, the Hambledurger wasn't a big seller,
so there's not much.
18
00:00:53,612 --> 00:00:55,785
But, uh--
RUSSIAN: We don't want money.
19
00:00:55,948 --> 00:00:57,541
We want you.
20
00:00:57,700 --> 00:00:59,873
I'm sorry?
We are not robbers.
21
00:01:00,035 --> 00:01:03,289
Oh, my God. Okay, yes,
you can rub them...
22
00:01:03,455 --> 00:01:06,709
...but just please don't hurt my family.
He means we're not robbers.
23
00:01:06,876 --> 00:01:10,756
Oh. Well, then, what do you want?
You.
24
00:01:10,921 --> 00:01:13,140
[BOTH SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN]
25
00:01:13,299 --> 00:01:14,767
What? No!
26
00:01:14,925 --> 00:01:16,268
[GRUNTS]
27
00:01:21,265 --> 00:01:22,562
[SCREAMS]
28
00:01:27,938 --> 00:01:29,315
[SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN]
29
00:01:29,481 --> 00:01:30,482
...ISIS...
30
00:01:30,649 --> 00:01:35,200
Even if you kill us,
more will come, Archer.
31
00:01:35,362 --> 00:01:38,036
[SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN]
32
00:01:41,201 --> 00:01:42,248
[GUNSHOT]
33
00:01:42,411 --> 00:01:45,460
LINDA: Bob!
Oh, my God, are you guys okay?
34
00:01:45,623 --> 00:01:48,342
We-- Yeah, we're-- But, Bob...
35
00:01:48,500 --> 00:01:52,926
...where'd you learn to do that?
I don't know. It was like instinct.
36
00:01:53,088 --> 00:01:54,681
And were you speaking Russian?!
37
00:01:54,840 --> 00:01:57,684
Was I? But I don't even know any Russian.
38
00:01:57,843 --> 00:02:00,847
Look, the label in his coat
has those idiot Russian letters.
39
00:02:01,013 --> 00:02:02,856
Why are Russians trying to kill you?
40
00:02:03,015 --> 00:02:06,315
I don't know. He called me Archer,
maybe they think I'm somebody else.
41
00:02:06,477 --> 00:02:07,524
[GASPS]
42
00:02:07,686 --> 00:02:09,734
Somebody who gambles?
When would I gamble, Linda?
43
00:02:09,897 --> 00:02:11,524
The six hours a night I get to sleep?
44
00:02:11,690 --> 00:02:15,320
Because the other 18 hours,
I'm slaving over this hot-ass grill.
45
00:02:15,486 --> 00:02:20,117
I didn't know it was such a burden.
Of course it's a burden, Lin.
46
00:02:20,282 --> 00:02:22,626
Don't get me wrong,
I love you guys, but come on...
47
00:02:22,785 --> 00:02:26,710
...I've been here two months,
it feels like two trillion eons.
48
00:02:26,872 --> 00:02:30,422
Well, if that's the way you--
What are you doing, you're not leaving?
49
00:02:30,584 --> 00:02:33,679
Linda, you heard him. Whoever they are,
he said they'd keep coming.
50
00:02:33,837 --> 00:02:36,886
You guys aren't safe if I'm around.
But, Bobby--
51
00:02:37,049 --> 00:02:39,393
No buts, Lin.
I'm not gonna let you guys get hurt.
52
00:02:39,551 --> 00:02:42,225
What I am gonna do,
is find out who this Archer jerk is...
53
00:02:42,388 --> 00:02:44,516
...and why Russian people want him dead.
54
00:02:44,682 --> 00:02:46,650
I'm also probably gonna do a spa weekend.
55
00:02:46,809 --> 00:02:51,736
Between work and being a stepdad
to Gene and Louise and, uh, you know...
56
00:02:51,897 --> 00:02:53,695
Anyway, I'm just burned out.
57
00:02:53,857 --> 00:02:57,907
So take care, I'll call after I
solve this mystery or whatever.
58
00:02:58,070 --> 00:03:01,620
Oh. And I also forgot to tell you guys,
the health inspector's coming at 8 a.m...
59
00:03:01,782 --> 00:03:05,252
...so you, uh, better break
out the purple stuff.
60
00:03:41,488 --> 00:03:44,583
MALORY:
I'm sorry, I'm sure I misheard you.
61
00:03:44,742 --> 00:03:46,744
Sterling has been missing for two months...
62
00:03:46,910 --> 00:03:50,289
...we've spent God knows how many
thousands of dollars and man-hours...
63
00:03:50,456 --> 00:03:52,800
...searching for him,
and this whole time...
64
00:03:52,958 --> 00:03:56,178
...he's just down at the shore
flipping hamburgers?
65
00:03:56,336 --> 00:03:59,556
You know another kind of burger?
Ostrich. Shut up, they're good.
66
00:03:59,715 --> 00:04:01,388
Shut up.
Yes, shut up.
67
00:04:01,550 --> 00:04:04,303
And then explain to me
if you know where Sterling is--
68
00:04:04,470 --> 00:04:08,976
Was. According to our intel, Archer was
tracked down by a KGB hit squad.
69
00:04:09,141 --> 00:04:10,188
[GLASS SHATTERS]
70
00:04:10,350 --> 00:04:12,148
Ahh! Oh, my God.
Aww. Sorry.
71
00:04:12,311 --> 00:04:15,110
I should have started
that with "Archer's fine."
72
00:04:15,272 --> 00:04:17,195
The KGB hit squad.
Oh, my God.
73
00:04:17,357 --> 00:04:18,779
[CHERYL LAUGHS WHILE OTHERS GASP]
74
00:04:18,942 --> 00:04:21,320
Not so much.
My God.
75
00:04:21,487 --> 00:04:24,206
But, so, where is he now?
At a spa.
76
00:04:24,364 --> 00:04:27,208
According to his, um, wife.
77
00:04:27,367 --> 00:04:29,415
His what?
78
00:04:29,828 --> 00:04:32,047
Uh, Linda. She said his name was Bob.
79
00:04:32,206 --> 00:04:35,927
He wandered in there in full morning dress
two months ago, they got married--
80
00:04:36,085 --> 00:04:37,883
Married? The minute they met?
81
00:04:38,045 --> 00:04:40,468
Who does that?
Ostriches.
82
00:04:40,631 --> 00:04:44,056
That little son of a-- He's obviously
doing this just to get even with me.
83
00:04:44,218 --> 00:04:46,892
Normally, I would agree,
but after talking to the wife...
84
00:04:47,054 --> 00:04:50,479
...I honestly think Archer
doesn't know he's Archer.
85
00:04:50,641 --> 00:04:54,612
How could he not know who he is?
Psychogenic retrograde amnesia.
86
00:04:54,770 --> 00:04:56,363
Also known as a fugue state...
87
00:04:56,522 --> 00:04:59,696
...sometimes triggered by
extreme emotional or psychological stress.
88
00:04:59,858 --> 00:05:05,331
And we all know what caused that.
Yes, his hatred of seeing me happy.
89
00:05:05,489 --> 00:05:09,744
Now take me to that spa. And we'll
just see how this amnesia holds up...
90
00:05:09,910 --> 00:05:13,960
...against a sudden and quite possibly
violent confrontation with his mother.
91
00:05:14,123 --> 00:05:16,672
Bu h-bu h-bu h-bu p-bu p-bu p-bu p-bu p.
92
00:05:16,834 --> 00:05:20,714
Bad idea. According to my clinical research
on drug-induced amnesia--
93
00:05:20,879 --> 00:05:22,381
Said the fake scientist.
94
00:05:22,548 --> 00:05:25,392
Hmm, and what are your parents' names?
What?
95
00:05:25,551 --> 00:05:28,896
Their names are... Um... Ah...
96
00:05:29,054 --> 00:05:32,524
Damn it, Krieger, did you drug me?
You don't remember?
97
00:05:32,683 --> 00:05:35,983
Wow, memory is such a fragile thing.
98
00:05:36,145 --> 00:05:39,069
And if Archer's real identity
is exposed to him too suddenly...
99
00:05:39,231 --> 00:05:41,825
...his mind may reject it permanently.
100
00:05:41,984 --> 00:05:45,204
We have to ease him back into it,
like a latex gimp suit.
101
00:05:45,362 --> 00:05:49,083
And how do you suggest we do that?
Well, some people use baby powder.
102
00:05:49,241 --> 00:05:52,165
But I'm a firm believer in corn starch.
Not the gimp suit.
103
00:05:52,327 --> 00:05:57,083
Sterling's amnesia!
Oh. Yes, I have a plant.
104
00:05:57,249 --> 00:05:59,502
Plant. Plan.
105
00:05:59,668 --> 00:06:04,094
LANA: I'm serious. I want it on record
that I think this is a terrible plan.
106
00:06:04,256 --> 00:06:08,432
Duly noted and disregarded.
And I expect you to be totally convincing.
107
00:06:08,594 --> 00:06:12,849
As the damsel in distress?
Have you ever met a woman less damsel-y?
108
00:06:13,015 --> 00:06:17,270
Pam. And it's not you I'm worried about.
It's our pathetic villains.
109
00:06:17,436 --> 00:06:19,655
Guys. Fake mustache, yay or nay?
Yay.
110
00:06:19,813 --> 00:06:21,565
Yeah, it works, right?
111
00:06:21,732 --> 00:06:23,985
My face isn't a naturally villainous
like yours, so...
112
00:06:24,151 --> 00:06:28,076
Ooh! Here's an idea, why don't you
just saw your goddamn head off?
113
00:06:28,238 --> 00:06:31,242
Geez, what's up your butt?
Nothing is up my butt, Cyril.
114
00:06:31,408 --> 00:06:33,285
Oh, or maybe there is. I wouldn't know.
115
00:06:33,452 --> 00:06:37,423
Because I'm paralyzed from the waist
down and it's Archer's fault.
116
00:06:37,581 --> 00:06:39,959
Ah, getting some mileage out of that, huh?
117
00:06:40,125 --> 00:06:42,878
Ugh. Now damsel up and get over there.
118
00:06:43,045 --> 00:06:46,049
Remember, you have to pretend
you don't have a history together.
119
00:06:46,215 --> 00:06:47,387
[COUGHS]
120
00:06:47,549 --> 00:06:52,225
For the-- Sour mix? In a margarita?
What is this, Auschwitz?
121
00:06:52,387 --> 00:06:53,559
[SIGHS]
122
00:06:53,722 --> 00:06:54,894
I always do.
123
00:06:55,807 --> 00:06:58,481
MALORY:
Like a big brown giraffe.
124
00:06:58,644 --> 00:07:01,113
Ooh. Or an ostrich.
125
00:07:01,271 --> 00:07:03,865
Remind me why I let you idiots come.
126
00:07:04,024 --> 00:07:07,119
Free rooms. Because the only thing
you are more than mean is cheap.
127
00:07:07,277 --> 00:07:08,324
Oh, shut up.
128
00:07:08,487 --> 00:07:11,661
Just because you own this place--
I think I own the conglomerate...
129
00:07:11,823 --> 00:07:14,542
...that owns the holding company
that owns the hotel chain.
130
00:07:14,701 --> 00:07:18,706
Don't even think about screwing up our plan
to cure Sterling's amnesia.
131
00:07:18,872 --> 00:07:19,964
His what?
132
00:07:20,123 --> 00:07:26,005
Five ingredients: tequila, Cointreau,
lime juice, ice, kosher salt.
133
00:07:26,171 --> 00:07:28,515
Oh, and sorry about the Auschwitz crack.
134
00:07:28,674 --> 00:07:30,017
That's not like me.
135
00:07:30,175 --> 00:07:32,473
I've been under a lot of stress.
I'm not Jewish.
136
00:07:32,636 --> 00:07:35,936
Did I ask for your life story?
LANA: Excuse me, is this seat taken?
137
00:07:36,098 --> 00:07:42,447
Yes. No. I mean, uh,
please feel free to always do that.
138
00:07:42,604 --> 00:07:44,231
Hi, I'm Bob.
Lana Kane.
139
00:07:44,398 --> 00:07:46,321
And thanks. I just need to rest a minute.
140
00:07:46,483 --> 00:07:48,986
I've been on the run--
I mean, on the go, and--
141
00:07:49,152 --> 00:07:52,372
Wait. You're on the run too?
No, I--
142
00:07:52,531 --> 00:07:55,535
Forget I said that.
It's dangerous, and you're married.
143
00:07:55,701 --> 00:07:57,578
And--
What, this?
144
00:07:57,744 --> 00:08:00,714
This is fake, I just wear it
to fend off the cougars.
145
00:08:00,872 --> 00:08:03,000
Like her. She's totally checking me out.
146
00:08:03,166 --> 00:08:04,759
Ew.
Ew.
147
00:08:04,918 --> 00:08:06,761
Right? So why are you on the run?
148
00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:08,012
[SIGHS]
149
00:08:08,171 --> 00:08:14,224
Bob, have you ever heard of ISIS?
From the Shazam/Isis Hour TV show?
150
00:08:14,386 --> 00:08:16,855
No, the--
God, remember Shazam?
151
00:08:17,014 --> 00:08:18,754
Wait, who's the actor
that played Billy Batson?
152
00:08:18,767 --> 00:08:20,518
Remember, he'd go, "Shazam!"
153
00:08:20,684 --> 00:08:22,106
Arch-- Bob!
What?
154
00:08:22,269 --> 00:08:26,069
ISIS is the International Secret
Intelligence Service...
155
00:08:26,231 --> 00:08:29,735
...and I'm one of--
Well, frankly, I'm their best agent.
156
00:08:29,901 --> 00:08:33,405
And KGB agents are trying to kill me.
Me too.
157
00:08:33,572 --> 00:08:36,075
Wait, I wonder if it's
related to your thing.
158
00:08:36,241 --> 00:08:41,168
Wait, why are you at the same spa as me?
I... Uh... Uh...
159
00:08:41,330 --> 00:08:43,753
Not even the best agent at this pool.
160
00:08:43,915 --> 00:08:47,761
Seriously, how are we both at--
Oh! I think I see a KGB agent. Kiss me!
161
00:08:47,919 --> 00:08:49,921
[MOANING]
162
00:08:53,592 --> 00:08:55,686
Okay, he's gone.
163
00:08:55,844 --> 00:08:57,187
Um, uh, wow.
164
00:08:57,346 --> 00:09:00,850
I'm glad I could help.
Uh, I could use more help.
165
00:09:01,016 --> 00:09:03,690
But I have to warn you,
it could be dangerous.
166
00:09:03,852 --> 00:09:07,447
For you, Lana, I will take the highway
right into the danger zo--
167
00:09:07,606 --> 00:09:08,903
What? Oh, my God.
168
00:09:09,066 --> 00:09:14,038
Michael Gray was Billy Batson on Shazam!
169
00:09:17,866 --> 00:09:22,121
MALORY: Krieger, I'm really having
second thoughts about your so-called plan.
170
00:09:22,287 --> 00:09:23,664
KRIEGER:
Give it time.
171
00:09:23,830 --> 00:09:27,425
This isn't The Flintstones, we can't
whang him in the head with a frying pan.
172
00:09:27,584 --> 00:09:28,961
How about a bullet?
Burn.
173
00:09:29,127 --> 00:09:31,471
Oh, give it a rest, lronsides.
Burn.
174
00:09:31,630 --> 00:09:33,303
And please, focus.
175
00:09:33,465 --> 00:09:37,936
Sorry, I'm trying, it's just,
TEC-9's are awesome.
176
00:09:38,095 --> 00:09:40,097
[IMITATING GUNFIRE]
177
00:09:40,472 --> 00:09:41,644
[LAUGHS]
178
00:09:41,807 --> 00:09:45,152
Wait, how did I know these are
called TEC-9's? Uh, well...
179
00:09:45,310 --> 00:09:47,113
KREGER'. Remember, ease him into it.
Like a-- MALORY'.
180
00:09:47,126 --> 00:09:48,940
Enough with the gimp suits!
181
00:09:49,106 --> 00:09:51,450
Will you shut up?
KRIEGER: Sorry.
182
00:09:51,608 --> 00:09:54,157
Sorry, I don't know what's happening,
this is all crazy.
183
00:09:54,319 --> 00:09:56,663
I'm a fry-cook but I know all about guns?
184
00:09:56,822 --> 00:09:59,826
Russian spies who think my name is Archer
are trying to kill me?
185
00:09:59,991 --> 00:10:01,334
I speak Russian?
186
00:10:01,493 --> 00:10:04,463
Oh, and plus I'm a total badass
at hand-to-hand combat?
187
00:10:04,621 --> 00:10:05,668
[SCOFFS]
188
00:10:05,831 --> 00:10:08,425
Mo, seriously,
I'm like Chuck Norris-masque.
189
00:10:08,583 --> 00:10:09,880
Okay, hit me.
190
00:10:10,043 --> 00:10:12,171
What?
Right here, take your best shot.
191
00:10:12,337 --> 00:10:13,509
I'm not gonna hit you.
192
00:10:13,672 --> 00:10:17,643
Aw, why, is your vagina bothering you?
Okay. I see what you're doing.
193
00:10:17,801 --> 00:10:19,178
But I warned you.
194
00:10:19,344 --> 00:10:20,846
Hi--
195
00:10:21,012 --> 00:10:22,059
[LAUGHS]
196
00:10:22,222 --> 00:10:23,269
�YER.
197
00:10:23,432 --> 00:10:24,479
[ARCHER COUGHS]
198
00:10:24,641 --> 00:10:27,360
I think you literally broke my heart.
KRIEGER: Aw.
199
00:10:27,519 --> 00:10:29,738
Shut up.
Sorry.
200
00:10:29,896 --> 00:10:32,866
So, yeah, wow,
maybe I'm not as good as I thought.
201
00:10:33,024 --> 00:10:36,824
Duh. Okay, the first thing we need to do
is search the entire spa for--
202
00:10:36,987 --> 00:10:39,706
An ice machine, totally, yes.
KGB agents.
203
00:10:39,865 --> 00:10:41,492
Specifically these two.
204
00:10:41,658 --> 00:10:45,083
Ha. Did you say "Gay-GB"?
KRIEGER: Aw.
205
00:10:45,245 --> 00:10:47,373
Think it's the mustache?
It's not helping.
206
00:10:47,539 --> 00:10:50,588
Well, neither are you, so--
To reiterate, I am paralyzed.
207
00:10:50,750 --> 00:10:54,971
Well, join a support group.
For who, crippled gay hillbilly spies?
208
00:10:55,130 --> 00:10:56,177
[SIGHS]
209
00:10:56,339 --> 00:10:59,218
You know... There's a niche.
All right, you two, you're on.
210
00:10:59,384 --> 00:11:02,888
So try against all odds not to cock it up.
211
00:11:03,054 --> 00:11:05,352
Speaking of, you see
the bulge on that towel boy?
212
00:11:05,515 --> 00:11:08,143
Man, if I was you
I'd be at this spa 25/8.
213
00:11:08,310 --> 00:11:11,814
Yeah, but then I wouldn't get
to hang out with everybody at work.
214
00:11:11,980 --> 00:11:14,278
You hate everybody at work.
I know.
215
00:11:14,441 --> 00:11:16,660
It's the only thing that
gets me out of bed.
216
00:11:16,818 --> 00:11:19,992
The hatred.
Yes, Pam. The hatred.
217
00:11:20,155 --> 00:11:22,157
[SIGHS]
218
00:11:23,074 --> 00:11:26,328
This spy stuff is awesome,
and I bet I'd be totally awesome at it...
219
00:11:26,495 --> 00:11:29,590
...so is ISIS hiring, or...?
No.
220
00:11:29,748 --> 00:11:32,092
What, is it weird because we kissed?
221
00:11:32,250 --> 00:11:36,346
That was weird, and also not a real kiss,
and also never happening again.
222
00:11:36,505 --> 00:11:38,758
Oh, I get it. You're not into guys.
223
00:11:38,924 --> 00:11:43,680
Okay. So just because I don't wanna
bang you, automatically I'm a lesbian?
224
00:11:43,845 --> 00:11:46,348
Yes, well, that and your Hulk hands.
225
00:11:46,515 --> 00:11:50,110
I do not, have--
She-Hulk, then, whatever, they're--
226
00:11:50,268 --> 00:11:52,896
Arch-- Bob!
What, Jennifer Walters?
227
00:11:53,063 --> 00:11:55,441
Alter-ego of She-Hulk, what?
228
00:11:55,607 --> 00:11:57,530
KGB agents, 12 o'clock.
What?
229
00:11:57,692 --> 00:12:00,320
[IN RUSSIAN ACCENT]
Don't move a muscles, Ameriketskis.
230
00:12:00,487 --> 00:12:03,206
Heh. And, wait, how are they a superpower?
231
00:12:03,365 --> 00:12:06,585
Oh, no, capitalist spy get drop on us.
232
00:12:06,743 --> 00:12:11,089
Okay, KGB agents, I want you to reach
into your jackets very slowly and--
233
00:12:11,248 --> 00:12:14,969
RUSSIAN: Drop your weapons.
LANA: Oh, shit.
234
00:12:15,126 --> 00:12:17,970
And prepare to die, Sterling Archer.
235
00:12:18,129 --> 00:12:20,097
Jesus, Mary and Joseph Stalin.
236
00:12:20,257 --> 00:12:21,975
For the last time, assholes.
237
00:12:22,133 --> 00:12:26,138
My name is Shazam!
238
00:12:27,639 --> 00:12:28,640
[CHUCKLES]
239
00:12:28,807 --> 00:12:31,651
How do you not remember that show?
240
00:12:34,813 --> 00:12:36,030
[MAN SCREAMING]
241
00:12:36,189 --> 00:12:40,490
ARCHER: So, uh, what's the plan here?
I don't have a plan.
242
00:12:40,652 --> 00:12:42,495
Because those guys are the real KGB!
243
00:12:42,654 --> 00:12:46,830
What, as opposed to the fake KGB?
Actually, yes, and also--
244
00:12:49,119 --> 00:12:50,166
Fake bullets!
245
00:12:50,328 --> 00:12:51,875
What?
246
00:12:52,747 --> 00:12:56,047
Why do we have fake bullets?
Yeah, Krieger. Why do we?
247
00:12:56,209 --> 00:12:59,554
KRIEGER: No, no, you don't know my--
Why do you know the KGB guy's name?
248
00:12:59,713 --> 00:13:01,511
Ugh. Because...
KRIEGER: Buh-buh-bup-bup!
249
00:13:01,673 --> 00:13:03,016
Gimp suit!'
U n less ...
250
00:13:03,174 --> 00:13:05,427
Oh, my God, you're KGB.
251
00:13:05,594 --> 00:13:10,020
Oh, for-- If I'm KGB,
why is the KGB shooting at me?
252
00:13:10,181 --> 00:13:14,402
Internal power struggle?
Damn it. Ray.
253
00:13:14,561 --> 00:13:16,279
Ray, we are Code Zulu.
254
00:13:16,438 --> 00:13:18,816
Code Zulu? She knows better than that.
255
00:13:18,982 --> 00:13:21,952
Code Zulu is only for real emergencies.
LANA: Ray! Ray!
256
00:13:22,110 --> 00:13:25,364
Yeah, she's laying it on pretty thick.
Well, you're in charge here.
257
00:13:25,530 --> 00:13:29,125
I'm off to get a seaweed wrap. Didn't
know they made sushi with dried clams.
258
00:13:29,284 --> 00:13:31,036
What was that?
LANA: The real KGB is here.
259
00:13:31,202 --> 00:13:32,203
[BLENDER WHIRRING]
260
00:13:32,370 --> 00:13:34,372
What was that?
I can't hear you over the sound of:
261
00:13:34,539 --> 00:13:36,007
[SPEAKING GIBBERISH]
262
00:13:36,166 --> 00:13:39,716
Ray! Ray! What the hell is that sound?
263
00:13:39,878 --> 00:13:42,597
Hamilton Beach 727 DrinkMaster.
264
00:13:42,756 --> 00:13:45,726
And, uh, speaking of drinks...
These aren't to drink, dumb-ass.
265
00:13:45,884 --> 00:13:48,763
I'm gonna make Molotov cocktails.
Not with Irish cream.
266
00:13:48,928 --> 00:13:51,397
Will you...? Bob!
267
00:13:51,556 --> 00:13:55,106
Oh, my God.
Yeah, wow, it's pretty thick.
268
00:13:55,268 --> 00:13:57,316
Krieger, we need suppressing fire.
269
00:13:57,479 --> 00:13:59,447
We're shooting blanks. Duh!
270
00:13:59,606 --> 00:14:01,074
LANA:
They don't know that. Duh!
271
00:14:01,232 --> 00:14:02,404
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Burn.
272
00:14:02,567 --> 00:14:05,662
Inappropriate. Suppressing fire!
273
00:14:07,405 --> 00:14:09,578
LANA:
Great. Just buy us some time, so...
274
00:14:10,909 --> 00:14:12,832
So I have a question.
275
00:14:12,994 --> 00:14:16,089
Why did you rip off my shirt?
To make the fuses. Duh!
276
00:14:16,247 --> 00:14:19,171
When there's a huge stack
of bar towels right freaking there!
277
00:14:19,334 --> 00:14:20,881
Oh. Duh!
278
00:14:21,044 --> 00:14:25,174
And, follow-up, why did you
also rip off my bikini top?
279
00:14:25,340 --> 00:14:26,387
ARCHER:
Slingshot.
280
00:14:26,549 --> 00:14:31,271
See, we put the bottle in the--
Whatever, the boob cups, and-- Aah!
281
00:14:31,429 --> 00:14:32,772
Just throw the damn thing!
282
00:14:32,931 --> 00:14:36,231
Oh, my God, double duh, right? Huh?
283
00:14:36,393 --> 00:14:37,440
[SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN]
284
00:14:37,602 --> 00:14:40,651
Damn it, they're gonna ?ank us.
So you wanna throw that today?
285
00:14:40,814 --> 00:14:43,693
No, now I feel bad for setting
your bikini on fire.
286
00:14:43,858 --> 00:14:45,781
Here, hold this.
I don't wanna hold the damn...
287
00:14:45,944 --> 00:14:46,991
[PATTING]
288
00:14:47,153 --> 00:14:48,496
Uh--
ARCHER: I think that works--
289
00:14:48,655 --> 00:14:51,784
Whoa, I am getting
some major d?ja vu here.
290
00:14:51,950 --> 00:14:54,078
It's not d?ja vu, you idiot.
291
00:14:54,244 --> 00:14:56,212
Well, however you pronounce it.
Argh!
292
00:14:56,371 --> 00:14:59,124
Cocktail Molotov!
293
00:14:59,290 --> 00:15:00,291
Whoo!
294
00:15:00,458 --> 00:15:02,381
Did you see that?
Yes.
295
00:15:02,544 --> 00:15:03,761
Here, keep throwing them.
296
00:15:03,920 --> 00:15:05,297
[ARCHER GRUNTS]
297
00:15:05,463 --> 00:15:07,886
Whoo! Another one!
298
00:15:08,049 --> 00:15:09,426
Wait, wait a minute.
299
00:15:09,592 --> 00:15:10,889
[SNIFFING]
300
00:15:11,052 --> 00:15:14,477
What in the...? Is that smoke?
PAM: Duh!
301
00:15:14,639 --> 00:15:17,313
Are you out of your mind?
Damn near.
302
00:15:17,475 --> 00:15:20,524
This shit is el chronico.
303
00:15:20,687 --> 00:15:23,156
Gracias, Julio, you are the man.
304
00:15:23,314 --> 00:15:25,066
And you are also fired.
305
00:15:25,233 --> 00:15:26,701
What?
I'm sorry...
306
00:15:26,860 --> 00:15:30,160
...but all of my companies
have a zero-tolerance drug policy.
307
00:15:30,321 --> 00:15:34,747
You hypocrite cooze, I just watched you
eat a whole bag of LSD gummy bears.
308
00:15:34,909 --> 00:15:36,456
[LAUGHING]
309
00:15:36,619 --> 00:15:39,338
Right? And I am tripping bear balls.
310
00:15:39,497 --> 00:15:43,923
I'm kidding, Julio, you're not fired.
In fact, I'm making you the new GM.
311
00:15:44,085 --> 00:15:46,087
Aw.
General manager? Of the spa?
312
00:15:46,254 --> 00:15:49,178
No, dipshit, of the entire hotel chain.
313
00:15:49,340 --> 00:15:51,263
Multinational Hotels Incorporated?
314
00:15:51,426 --> 00:15:53,144
Oh, I guess I don't own this place.
315
00:15:53,303 --> 00:15:55,852
Damn it. I have to pay for these rooms.
316
00:15:56,014 --> 00:15:57,812
Well?
LANA: Well, what?
317
00:15:57,974 --> 00:15:59,226
Why do I feel like...
318
00:15:59,392 --> 00:16:01,861
No, why do I know
that we've done this before?
319
00:16:02,020 --> 00:16:05,194
I, uh... We haven't, um--
Yes, we have, Lana.
320
00:16:05,356 --> 00:16:08,986
Throwing bottle bombs,
your tits flopping around...
321
00:16:09,152 --> 00:16:12,702
Flopping? Okay, first of all--
Oh, my God, what's happening?
322
00:16:12,864 --> 00:16:15,162
It feels like my brain's exploding.
323
00:16:15,325 --> 00:16:19,000
Krieger, what's happening?
His mind-brain is permanently rejecting...
324
00:16:19,162 --> 00:16:20,630
...his real identity.
325
00:16:20,789 --> 00:16:24,384
Mind-brain?
That's a thing, shut up. Uh, Lana?
326
00:16:24,542 --> 00:16:25,794
Linda? Linda.
327
00:16:25,960 --> 00:16:29,180
You're my wife. Linda. And I'm Bob.
328
00:16:29,339 --> 00:16:31,387
I am Bob and I make burgers.
329
00:16:31,549 --> 00:16:34,598
[BOTH SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN]
330
00:16:35,220 --> 00:16:39,396
Burger Bob. Bob. Bob. Burger, burger.
331
00:16:39,808 --> 00:16:42,061
Do svidaniya, Archer.
332
00:16:42,227 --> 00:16:45,151
Bob, honey, I need you to get down!
333
00:16:45,313 --> 00:16:49,819
Yes, down to the store for cheese.
For the Emile Gorgonzola Burger.
334
00:16:49,984 --> 00:16:53,579
LANA: Okay, I have had it.
Well, not with j'accuse-cumbers.
335
00:16:53,738 --> 00:16:54,739
Ow!
336
00:16:54,906 --> 00:16:56,499
[MUTTERING GIBBERISH]
337
00:16:56,658 --> 00:16:58,080
[YELLS]
338
00:16:58,243 --> 00:16:59,790
Aah!
Ow!
339
00:16:59,953 --> 00:17:03,958
What the shit, Lana?
Archer? Wait, are you you?
340
00:17:04,123 --> 00:17:06,467
Yes, I'm me, you dumb idiot.
341
00:17:06,626 --> 00:17:08,594
There goes the frying pan theory.
342
00:17:08,753 --> 00:17:12,223
Who did you think I was?
You, unfortunately.
343
00:17:12,382 --> 00:17:15,727
Unfortunately? What's unfortunate
is you got me into a fire fight...
344
00:17:15,885 --> 00:17:18,764
...with the KGB armed
with a fricking cap gun.
345
00:17:18,930 --> 00:17:20,398
[SCREAMING]
346
00:17:20,557 --> 00:17:21,774
[LAUGHS]
347
00:17:21,933 --> 00:17:25,028
Because, unfortunately,
we were trying to cure your--
348
00:17:25,186 --> 00:17:27,939
Psychogenic retrograde amnesia. Duh!
349
00:17:28,398 --> 00:17:30,617
[MEN SCREAMING]
350
00:17:30,775 --> 00:17:34,279
Wait, so you remember you had amnesia?
351
00:17:34,445 --> 00:17:37,619
Such a fragile mystery.
Krieger, one more word...
352
00:17:37,782 --> 00:17:40,786
...and I'll make you wish they never
scraped you out of Hitler's drawers.
353
00:17:40,952 --> 00:17:41,999
Aw.
Ew.
354
00:17:42,161 --> 00:17:45,210
Ew. That is a lot creamier
than I remembered.
355
00:17:45,373 --> 00:17:48,001
But do you remember why
you ran away from home this time?
356
00:17:48,167 --> 00:17:50,966
I'm a grown man, Lana,
I didn't run away from home.
357
00:17:51,129 --> 00:17:54,975
I carjacked a limo.
358
00:17:55,133 --> 00:17:56,430
From a wedding.
359
00:17:56,593 --> 00:17:58,595
Oh, my God,
it's all coming back to me now.
360
00:17:59,345 --> 00:18:03,270
ARCHER: What part of this are
you not getting? Core concept.
361
00:18:03,433 --> 00:18:05,106
Drive, shit-heel.
362
00:18:08,938 --> 00:18:12,192
Where is the limo going?
I guess wherever Mr. Archer said to.
363
00:18:12,358 --> 00:18:15,328
Son of a bitch.
Your words.
364
00:18:15,486 --> 00:18:17,329
Burn.
365
00:18:18,156 --> 00:18:19,453
Ruined.
366
00:18:19,699 --> 00:18:23,704
Absolutely ruined, because of you.
I said I was sorry, Mother.
367
00:18:23,870 --> 00:18:27,124
Happiest day of my life.
Wait, wasn't that the day I was born?
368
00:18:27,290 --> 00:18:30,089
Ow! What's in there? Spa buckles?
369
00:18:30,251 --> 00:18:33,676
You think that compares
to a dream wedding to Ron Cadillac...
370
00:18:33,838 --> 00:18:35,966
...the biggest Cadillac dealer in New York?
371
00:18:36,132 --> 00:18:38,134
Technically the whole tri-state area.
372
00:18:38,301 --> 00:18:39,598
ALL:
Hey.
373
00:18:39,761 --> 00:18:43,891
Hiya, gang.
Oh, Ron. Thank you for coming so quickly.
374
00:18:44,057 --> 00:18:45,149
Phrasing. First. Boom!
375
00:18:45,308 --> 00:18:48,403
Well, in a Cadillac, you don't have
to sacrifice speed for luxury.
376
00:18:48,561 --> 00:18:52,191
That baby will pass anything on the road,
except a gas station.
377
00:18:52,357 --> 00:18:55,327
[ALL LAUGHING]
378
00:18:55,485 --> 00:18:58,159
And how's my lady love?
Infinitely better now.
379
00:18:58,321 --> 00:19:02,827
I bet, now that you found Sterling.
She was just worried sick about you.
380
00:19:02,992 --> 00:19:06,121
Well, not sick.
How the heck are you, son?
381
00:19:06,287 --> 00:19:08,836
Fine, awful, whatever, great.
382
00:19:08,998 --> 00:19:11,547
But mostly mortified
that he ruined our wedding.
383
00:19:11,709 --> 00:19:14,838
Well, all's well that ends well.
384
00:19:15,004 --> 00:19:18,224
Yeah, I don't think it does, though.
Uh, no shit.
385
00:19:18,383 --> 00:19:20,806
No, I mean, the KGB found you
at a burger joint...
386
00:19:20,969 --> 00:19:22,971
...when you didn't even know
who you were...
387
00:19:23,137 --> 00:19:26,141
...and then they found you here?
How did they do that?
388
00:19:26,307 --> 00:19:29,527
ARCHER:
Wait, yeah, how did they do that?
389
00:19:33,606 --> 00:19:36,075
BARRY:
Barry, are we losing our minds?
390
00:19:36,234 --> 00:19:38,703
Could be, Other Barry, could be.
391
00:19:38,861 --> 00:19:41,910
Because even though I can see
Archer's every fricking move...
392
00:19:42,073 --> 00:19:45,919
...apparently it's impossible
to kill that idiot from fricking space.
393
00:19:46,077 --> 00:19:49,752
So where are we on the fricking spaceship
to get me home?
394
00:19:49,914 --> 00:19:51,541
And I'm looking you way, Dr. Simon.
395
00:19:51,708 --> 00:19:53,836
Uh, well...
Uh-uh-uh. Let me stop you there...
396
00:19:54,002 --> 00:19:56,676
...in case you were about to say
there has been a setback.
397
00:19:56,838 --> 00:19:59,557
Because that's what Dr. Benes
and Dr. Hathaway kept saying.
398
00:19:59,716 --> 00:20:03,437
Remember those guys? They were working
with you guys on my new spaceship...
399
00:20:03,594 --> 00:20:06,347
...and I murdered them?
400
00:20:07,098 --> 00:20:11,023
Eh, probably just a coincidence.
Really? You're going with coincidence.
401
00:20:11,185 --> 00:20:13,529
Yes, Lana, I'm going with coincidence.
402
00:20:13,688 --> 00:20:15,907
OSTRICH:
Do you think that's wise?
403
00:20:16,065 --> 00:20:18,944
[SCREAMING]
404
00:20:19,110 --> 00:20:20,737
What the hell is your problem?
405
00:20:20,903 --> 00:20:24,783
[WHIMPERING]
406
00:20:24,833 --> 00:20:29,383
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