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1
00:00:02,878 --> 00:00:06,422
ARCHER: Ugh. What is that?
I've never smelled that smell in America.
2
00:00:06,590 --> 00:00:08,633
I live in a transitional neighborhood.
3
00:00:08,801 --> 00:00:12,178
As the crack dealers move to nicer ones?
This better be good, Krieger.
4
00:00:12,346 --> 00:00:16,307
I mean hula girls, a replica volcano, some...
I have something better!
5
00:00:16,475 --> 00:00:18,976
A surprise!
I hate surprises.
6
00:00:19,144 --> 00:00:21,062
I mean, except surprise fellatio.
7
00:00:21,230 --> 00:00:23,773
That I like. The non-Midnight Cowboy kind.
8
00:00:23,941 --> 00:00:27,318
Yeah, no, you can breathe easy.
Actually, I can barely breathe at all.
9
00:00:27,486 --> 00:00:29,237
KRIEGER:
Oh, probably the bathroom.
10
00:00:29,780 --> 00:00:31,572
Jesus, it's a...
Shared bath.
11
00:00:31,740 --> 00:00:33,574
I was going to say
a literal shithole.
12
00:00:33,742 --> 00:00:37,662
Krieger, how and why do you live here?
Yeah, I use my salary for pet projects.
13
00:00:37,830 --> 00:00:42,542
No, no! I had Korean barbecue for lunch,
I cannot look at a Dr. Moreau pig-baby.
14
00:00:42,710 --> 00:00:46,629
Relax, you're gonna love this.
No, I'm not, and also I need to pee.
15
00:00:46,797 --> 00:00:49,006
Don't be nervous,
I'm not gonna rape you.
16
00:00:49,174 --> 00:00:52,301
Jesus Christ! But you were gonna
flay me like a perch?
17
00:00:52,469 --> 00:00:54,762
What? No, that's a wetsuit!
18
00:00:54,930 --> 00:00:56,597
Of human flesh?
Neoprene.
19
00:00:56,765 --> 00:00:57,807
I'm a certified diver.
20
00:00:57,975 --> 00:01:00,685
Why is it skin-colored?
Well, it's not if you're black.
21
00:01:00,853 --> 00:01:03,396
What is it with serial killers and skin?
I'm not a...
22
00:01:03,564 --> 00:01:05,148
..."serial" killer.
23
00:01:05,315 --> 00:01:08,151
Wait, why'd you emphasize "serial"?
I did what?
24
00:01:08,318 --> 00:01:10,570
Are we doing...? Did I mention
I have a surprise for you?
25
00:01:10,738 --> 00:01:15,450
Krieger, equal parts soju sangria and
fear-induced adrenaline means I have to pee.
26
00:01:15,617 --> 00:01:18,911
And not in that sick bathroom, so...
There's a utility sink in my lab.
27
00:01:19,121 --> 00:01:21,164
Fine, wherever. But no surprises.
28
00:01:21,331 --> 00:01:23,207
Right. Well,
except for the one.
29
00:01:23,375 --> 00:01:26,252
Uh, is the surprise
that you're pirating cable?
30
00:01:26,420 --> 00:01:29,380
No, no, Archer,
I've finally cracked it.
31
00:01:29,840 --> 00:01:32,341
Wow, amazing,
you can play "YYZ."
32
00:01:32,509 --> 00:01:38,055
First of all, it's Y-Y-Zed, and second
of all, no, I can't yet, it's impossible.
33
00:01:38,223 --> 00:01:41,517
Well?
And third of all, wrong thing.
34
00:01:42,519 --> 00:01:44,854
Oh, my God. Krieger.
35
00:01:45,022 --> 00:01:47,523
Is that...? But how did?
36
00:01:47,858 --> 00:01:49,776
I mean, at our wedding...
37
00:01:49,943 --> 00:01:52,445
I know, there was
a lot of confusion.
38
00:01:52,613 --> 00:01:54,322
No! Katya!
39
00:01:54,490 --> 00:01:56,157
No!
40
00:01:56,867 --> 00:01:58,367
[SOBBING]
41
00:01:58,535 --> 00:02:02,663
Gross and, or, ick,
and is she alive?
42
00:02:02,873 --> 00:02:05,208
Yeah, man.
Flick her titty.
43
00:02:05,793 --> 00:02:07,752
ARCHER:
Katya! You're alive!
44
00:02:07,920 --> 00:02:11,672
Well, on, technically.
Either way, you're welcome.
45
00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:13,716
My sweet, beautiful Katya,
it's you!
46
00:02:13,884 --> 00:02:17,804
My darling Sterling, you awake me
like the prince of Snow White.
47
00:02:17,971 --> 00:02:19,222
I love you.
48
00:02:19,389 --> 00:02:21,557
I... I love you.
49
00:02:21,725 --> 00:02:23,726
Krieger, thank you,
this is the...
50
00:02:24,269 --> 00:02:25,895
Why do you have an erection?
51
00:02:26,063 --> 00:02:28,397
I'm... happy.
52
00:03:04,101 --> 00:03:07,770
ARCHER: Here they are,
God, geese at the trough.
53
00:03:07,938 --> 00:03:08,980
What?
Are you...
54
00:03:09,147 --> 00:03:10,731
Thanks for starting
my sentence for me.
55
00:03:10,899 --> 00:03:12,608
- People standing around for?
56
00:03:12,776 --> 00:03:13,818
It's bear claw Monday!
57
00:03:13,986 --> 00:03:16,946
And almost 9:30, Pam,
in case you were thinking about...
58
00:03:17,114 --> 00:03:18,447
...I don't know, working?
59
00:03:18,615 --> 00:03:20,324
Geez, somebody's raring to go.
60
00:03:20,492 --> 00:03:24,745
Because I burn clean, Cyril. Because
I don't glop up my engine with bear claws.
61
00:03:24,913 --> 00:03:27,623
And also, because...
Hello, friends of ISIS.
62
00:03:27,958 --> 00:03:29,250
Oh, my God.
63
00:03:29,459 --> 00:03:32,420
And also because Katya
needs a W-9.
64
00:03:32,588 --> 00:03:34,797
Holy shit zombies!
I know, right?
65
00:03:34,965 --> 00:03:36,090
Still crazy hot.
66
00:03:36,258 --> 00:03:38,301
How...?
Well, for one thing, no bear claws.
67
00:03:38,468 --> 00:03:39,635
Is she even here?
68
00:03:39,803 --> 00:03:42,305
Wait, does this mean you and me...
Pam!
69
00:03:42,472 --> 00:03:45,808
I swear to God, if you people can't keep it
down, this is the last bear...
70
00:03:45,976 --> 00:03:47,018
[GASPS]
71
00:03:47,185 --> 00:03:48,978
Am I seeing things?
72
00:03:49,146 --> 00:03:52,023
No, she's really here.
Ow. Aah.
73
00:03:52,190 --> 00:03:56,152
And if we don't file her W-9,
that first check will take, like, eight weeks.
74
00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:58,279
I'm sorry,
I'm a little confused.
75
00:03:58,447 --> 00:04:01,824
What, by the dead woman standing here?
Dressed like a whore.
76
00:04:01,992 --> 00:04:04,243
Dead woman, my still-shapely ass.
77
00:04:04,411 --> 00:04:09,248
She's obviously a double, carved up by KGB
plastic surgeons to look like Katya, and...
78
00:04:09,416 --> 00:04:11,334
KRIEGER: How dare you!
I'm sorry?
79
00:04:11,501 --> 00:04:15,338
How dare you fail to recognize
my greatest accomplishment to date?
80
00:04:15,505 --> 00:04:17,506
What, you finally nailed "YYZ"?
81
00:04:17,674 --> 00:04:20,676
It's zed! And no,
Neil Peart stands alone.
82
00:04:20,844 --> 00:04:23,346
I was referring to this.
83
00:04:23,805 --> 00:04:28,517
Katya? On the flourish is when...
Oh, sorry, doctor.
84
00:04:29,061 --> 00:04:30,353
[ALL GASPING AND GROANING]
85
00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:34,273
Just like the gypsy woman said.
You need to quit going to her.
86
00:04:34,441 --> 00:04:40,363
And you need your head examined if you think
that abomination is ever going to work for ISIS.
87
00:04:40,530 --> 00:04:44,492
Abomination?
Baby, come on, you're not an abomination.
88
00:04:44,660 --> 00:04:48,287
I mean, that's your original skin, right?
Hobo.
89
00:04:48,455 --> 00:04:49,872
What?
Yes?
90
00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:51,707
See?
But...
91
00:04:51,875 --> 00:04:57,004
Hang on, hang on. Katya-person, I'm still
processing the fact that you're a cyborg.
92
00:04:57,172 --> 00:04:58,506
Yeah, way to bury the lede.
93
00:04:58,674 --> 00:05:01,926
Who are you, Horace Greeley?
And also, was I not clear about that?
94
00:05:02,094 --> 00:05:04,929
No.
Although she does feel a bit clammy.
95
00:05:05,097 --> 00:05:06,847
Ow, stop it!
You stop it!
96
00:05:07,015 --> 00:05:09,892
Just because she's a cyborg,
doesn't mean you can feel her up.
97
00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:13,062
Da, I have feelings
just like all of you.
98
00:05:13,230 --> 00:05:18,234
I feel love, I laugh, I sometimes cry.
Albeit a saline-lubricant solution.
99
00:05:18,402 --> 00:05:21,237
Which reminds me, we need to
talk about other, uh, internal...
100
00:05:21,405 --> 00:05:23,572
Aah! That sounds like
a private matter.
101
00:05:23,740 --> 00:05:25,449
Yeah, that's what I'm...
And Katya...
102
00:05:25,617 --> 00:05:28,369
...my lovely lady, needs to
go with Pam now...
103
00:05:28,537 --> 00:05:30,413
...to do her stupid W-9.
104
00:05:30,580 --> 00:05:32,957
But Ms. Archer said...
What, Pam?
105
00:05:33,125 --> 00:05:36,836
That she's so jealous of my love for Katya,
she won't hire a world-class spy...
106
00:05:37,004 --> 00:05:39,922
...who also, spoiler alert,
can do this?
107
00:05:40,090 --> 00:05:43,759
Babe, you wanna?
Oh, uh, sorry, darling.
108
00:05:44,594 --> 00:05:48,597
Hey! Wait, or do I mean "sploosh"?
109
00:05:48,765 --> 00:05:51,809
You know, it's probably not
the worst idea in the world to have...
110
00:05:51,977 --> 00:05:56,272
...someone like her working at ISIS, since...
Since you wanna screw affirmative action?
111
00:05:56,440 --> 00:05:58,941
Since the KGB has someone
like Barry!
112
00:05:59,109 --> 00:06:00,109
Barry!
113
00:06:00,277 --> 00:06:03,237
That, that...
Hey, don't worry about Barry.
114
00:06:03,405 --> 00:06:05,239
I'm never gonna let him
hurt you again, baby.
115
00:06:05,407 --> 00:06:07,450
Ha. It is Barry
who should worry.
116
00:06:07,617 --> 00:06:11,287
If I ever see that zloi mudak again, I...
Don't worry, you won't!
117
00:06:11,455 --> 00:06:13,622
Yeah, he never calls, he never writes...
118
00:06:13,790 --> 00:06:15,916
So just go with Pam
to do your paperwork.
119
00:06:16,084 --> 00:06:19,879
And I'll go try to convince Malory
that you'll be an asset to ISIS.
120
00:06:20,047 --> 00:06:22,798
Thank you Lana, that's...
So not doing it for you.
121
00:06:22,966 --> 00:06:24,633
So don't care.
122
00:06:24,801 --> 00:06:27,136
So RoboCop,
pro or con?
123
00:06:27,304 --> 00:06:29,972
Neither! I don't want her
to be an ISIS agent...
124
00:06:30,140 --> 00:06:33,267
...and I certainly don't want
her and Sterling back together!
125
00:06:33,435 --> 00:06:36,979
Well, I can understand the latter...
I mean, who wears bangs?
126
00:06:37,147 --> 00:06:39,565
It can't hurt to level
the playing field, now that...
127
00:06:39,733 --> 00:06:40,941
Nikolai has been murdered?
128
00:06:41,109 --> 00:06:44,612
By the new head of the KGB,
who is also a cyborg.
129
00:06:44,780 --> 00:06:47,448
CHERYL: Just like the gypsy woman said!
Oh, for...
130
00:06:47,616 --> 00:06:49,658
Oh, all right!
ARCHER: Really?
131
00:06:49,826 --> 00:06:52,244
Katya can be an ISIS agent?
Probationary.
132
00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:56,207
But if I find out the KGB is behind this...
You won't!
133
00:06:56,374 --> 00:06:59,001
They're not!
I'll part her out and sell her for scrap.
134
00:06:59,169 --> 00:07:04,507
And I thought you were scared of robots.
I... No, not Katya, she's different.
135
00:07:04,674 --> 00:07:07,176
Don't come crying to me
when she breaks your heart again.
136
00:07:07,344 --> 00:07:09,720
She didn't break my heart, Mother,
she was murdered.
137
00:07:09,888 --> 00:07:15,351
Yes, and then you ran away from home to,
ugh, grief-bang the entire Pacific Rim.
138
00:07:15,519 --> 00:07:16,602
KATYA: To what?
Nothing.
139
00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:21,315
Oh, please, I bet the gene pool
of Polynesia is irreparably altered.
140
00:07:21,483 --> 00:07:24,068
Darling?
Baby, I was emotionally shattered.
141
00:07:24,236 --> 00:07:27,113
Which turns out to be
kind of a panty-dropper.
142
00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:28,447
Is all right, darling.
143
00:07:28,615 --> 00:07:32,326
I understand this,
how do you say, "grief-banging"?
144
00:07:32,494 --> 00:07:34,829
See? Is she not
something special?
145
00:07:35,497 --> 00:07:36,664
Oh, is special occasion?
146
00:07:36,832 --> 00:07:39,250
Well, the love of my life,
this smoking-hot woman...
147
00:07:39,417 --> 00:07:42,086
...was not only murdered
and then brought back to life...
148
00:07:42,254 --> 00:07:45,172
...she also just got a job today,
so, yeah, pretty special.
149
00:07:45,340 --> 00:07:46,382
Um...
Shut up.
150
00:07:46,550 --> 00:07:47,675
Babe, what're you hungry for?
151
00:07:47,843 --> 00:07:51,053
I am thinking.
While she thinks, bring me soup dumplings.
152
00:07:51,221 --> 00:07:55,850
No, no, I am thinking about your mother.
God, don't waste the ROM, or RAM, whatever.
153
00:07:56,017 --> 00:07:59,019
Does she hate what I am?
What you are, meaning the one woman...
154
00:07:59,187 --> 00:08:03,190
...who can free her child from the psychological
prison she spent a lifetime erecting?
155
00:08:03,358 --> 00:08:06,235
No, no, darling. I'm meaning a cyborg.
156
00:08:06,403 --> 00:08:09,989
She'd hate you no matter what you are.
Because I did not ask to be this way.
157
00:08:10,157 --> 00:08:12,575
Yeah, hey, me either,
vis-?-vis Mother.
158
00:08:12,742 --> 00:08:15,536
And you? Do you think
I am a monster?
159
00:08:15,704 --> 00:08:19,748
Baby, I don't care about the chips and gears,
and, I assume, some hinges...
160
00:08:19,916 --> 00:08:23,586
...all I care about is what I see
when I look into those big green...
161
00:08:23,753 --> 00:08:27,173
Oh, I guess they're red now, huh?
Anyway, your eyes.
162
00:08:27,340 --> 00:08:31,051
Da? And what do you see in my eyes?
163
00:08:31,219 --> 00:08:34,763
Mostly those insane boobs.
Check!
164
00:08:34,931 --> 00:08:36,599
[ARCHER MOANING]
165
00:08:39,269 --> 00:08:41,937
Oh, boy.
Darling? Are you all right?
166
00:08:42,147 --> 00:08:44,607
Yes, no, yes. Yes.
167
00:08:44,774 --> 00:08:48,569
Lot of feelings coming together,
just trying to process.
168
00:08:48,737 --> 00:08:50,946
Not gonna lie,
having some d?j? vu here.
169
00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:53,949
[MOANING AND VACUUM WHIRRING]
170
00:08:56,494 --> 00:08:57,745
[SCREAMS]
171
00:08:57,913 --> 00:09:01,624
Which, if I gave it any real thought,
would probably explain a lot.
172
00:09:01,791 --> 00:09:03,042
Try to relax, darling.
173
00:09:03,210 --> 00:09:06,295
You are, how do you say it?
To push a rope?
174
00:09:06,463 --> 00:09:08,631
Sorry, babe, I'll focus.
175
00:09:08,798 --> 00:09:10,216
But could you close your eyes?
176
00:09:10,383 --> 00:09:14,386
I kind of feel like I'm banging
tail-lights on a country road.
177
00:09:17,807 --> 00:09:21,810
ARCHER: I swear to God, if I went blind
right this very second, I'd be okay with that.
178
00:09:21,978 --> 00:09:25,272
Don't say that, Mr. Sleepy Head.
179
00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:28,150
Sleep? I've been doing yogic
breathing work for two hours.
180
00:09:28,318 --> 00:09:30,486
My balls are like cran-baisins.
What?
181
00:09:30,654 --> 00:09:32,655
Cranberry raisins.
Craisins?
182
00:09:32,822 --> 00:09:35,741
Whatever, yes, I call them cran-baisins.
183
00:09:35,951 --> 00:09:38,661
How are you this morning?
I am amazing!
184
00:09:38,828 --> 00:09:43,624
Don't take this the wrong way, but duh.
I mean our love, darling.
185
00:09:43,792 --> 00:09:47,461
It feels like...
What is giant, unstoppable wave?
186
00:09:47,629 --> 00:09:50,214
Wait. You know craisins,
but you don't know tsunami?
187
00:09:50,382 --> 00:09:52,549
Da, then our love is like tsunami.
188
00:09:52,717 --> 00:09:55,511
Or the Mountain Everest.
189
00:09:57,138 --> 00:09:58,180
An apt metaphor.
190
00:09:58,556 --> 00:10:03,143
Because not only am I lightheaded,
but certain parts of me are...
191
00:10:03,853 --> 00:10:07,022
No!
192
00:10:07,524 --> 00:10:08,857
[GROANS]
193
00:10:09,025 --> 00:10:10,693
They're not coming back.
194
00:10:10,860 --> 00:10:12,861
Why! In the sink...
195
00:10:13,029 --> 00:10:14,488
...is your vagina?
196
00:10:14,656 --> 00:10:17,116
Why? Ha, ha. Darling, it was dirty.
197
00:10:17,284 --> 00:10:20,869
The remedy for which, miss,
if you'll forgive my boldness...
198
00:10:21,037 --> 00:10:23,706
Da, please, Woodhouse,
I think boldness is needed.
199
00:10:23,873 --> 00:10:28,002
What do you suggest?
White vinegar, mineral oil, and elbow grease.
200
00:10:28,169 --> 00:10:32,214
Same thing we used in the RFC to clean
the engines of our Sopwith Camels.
201
00:10:32,382 --> 00:10:34,008
[STAMMERING]
202
00:10:34,175 --> 00:10:37,761
And so, with your permission,
while you breakfast on the terrace...
203
00:10:37,929 --> 00:10:40,472
...I'll get that little pleasure boat
looking Bristol!
204
00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:42,641
[GRUNTS]
205
00:10:42,809 --> 00:10:46,145
I took the liberty
of poaching you an egg.
206
00:10:46,313 --> 00:10:49,898
Is not much of a liberty, considering
that you are going to polish my vagina.
207
00:10:50,066 --> 00:10:52,735
No. No, it isn't.
208
00:10:52,902 --> 00:10:55,529
KATYA:
And when he woke up from faint, boom!
209
00:10:55,697 --> 00:10:56,864
[GUNFIRE]
210
00:10:57,032 --> 00:10:59,950
He ran out of there like fast,
like crazy. So...
211
00:11:00,118 --> 00:11:02,077
...you dated him.
What do you think?
212
00:11:02,245 --> 00:11:03,912
I think... Hang on.
213
00:11:05,707 --> 00:11:10,085
I think if you're looking for insight
into why Archer is Archer...
214
00:11:10,253 --> 00:11:14,506
...you need to jump in a time machine and have
a threesome with Oedipus and Sigmund Freud.
215
00:11:14,674 --> 00:11:16,383
Hey, spasibo for nothing.
216
00:11:16,551 --> 00:11:20,929
Well, I don't really have a roadmap
for my ex finding your robo-gina in the sink.
217
00:11:21,097 --> 00:11:23,682
In the sink, Cyril. In the sink!
218
00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:27,186
It's like a transistor radio
and a veal cutlet had a baby.
219
00:11:27,354 --> 00:11:29,646
Well, gross, and or, ick.
Right?
220
00:11:29,814 --> 00:11:32,733
But I don't see why that means
you have to drink my Glengoolie Blue.
221
00:11:32,901 --> 00:11:36,737
Because the liquor stores aren't open yet,
and she made me pour out all the booze!
222
00:11:37,072 --> 00:11:39,281
Holy shit, really? Glengoolie Blue?
223
00:11:39,449 --> 00:11:44,495
Yeah, and it's 300 a bottle.
I... Which I haven't even tasted yet...
224
00:11:44,704 --> 00:11:47,915
...because I was saving it
for a special occasion...
225
00:11:48,124 --> 00:11:51,418
...befitting a gift from
my grandfather. Who's dead.
226
00:11:51,586 --> 00:11:52,795
[COUGHING]
227
00:11:53,004 --> 00:11:55,422
Of course he is,
he'd be, like, a hundred.
228
00:11:55,590 --> 00:11:56,673
It's almost empty!
229
00:11:56,841 --> 00:11:59,301
Just like my heart, Cyril.
Well, not your liver.
230
00:11:59,469 --> 00:12:01,970
Because she ripped it out!
Wait, your liver?
231
00:12:02,138 --> 00:12:04,473
My heart! And threw it
in the sink!
232
00:12:04,641 --> 00:12:06,809
Wait, her vagina? Ow, ow.
233
00:12:07,352 --> 00:12:08,644
Oh, for...
234
00:12:08,812 --> 00:12:10,229
[BELCHES]
235
00:12:10,397 --> 00:12:12,398
The old man knew his Scotch.
236
00:12:12,607 --> 00:12:15,484
You are such an asshole!
237
00:12:15,652 --> 00:12:16,652
[BELCHES]
238
00:12:16,820 --> 00:12:18,737
Wait, really?
Yes, really!
239
00:12:18,905 --> 00:12:20,781
That was a gift to my grandfather...
240
00:12:20,949 --> 00:12:23,158
...from Frank. Sinatra!
241
00:12:23,326 --> 00:12:27,162
Well, then I feel even worse, because
I'm probably gonna puke it up in about five...
242
00:12:27,330 --> 00:12:28,414
One minutes.
243
00:12:28,581 --> 00:12:29,957
But I meant about Katya.
244
00:12:30,125 --> 00:12:32,376
Yes! You are an asshole
about all things.
245
00:12:32,544 --> 00:12:33,585
[BELCHES]
246
00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:36,130
But, specifically, now,
about Katya.
247
00:12:36,297 --> 00:12:38,590
Or, could I have
done something wrong?
248
00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:41,176
Besides leaving your cooch in the sink?
BOTH: Pam!
249
00:12:41,344 --> 00:12:43,345
What? That just sounds considerate.
250
00:12:43,513 --> 00:12:46,890
Is just, I know he has
very good reason to hate...
251
00:12:47,058 --> 00:12:49,268
...people like me.
Who, whores?
252
00:12:49,853 --> 00:12:54,481
And that's twice! Sorry, ignore me,
my whole thing is I just crave attention.
253
00:12:54,691 --> 00:12:56,358
ARCHER:
But, I mean, Barry did murder her.
254
00:12:56,526 --> 00:12:57,860
[ARCHER DRY-HEAVING]
255
00:12:58,027 --> 00:12:59,987
And my possible father.
256
00:13:00,905 --> 00:13:03,115
And, more importantly,
tried to murder me.
257
00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:05,576
Because Barry is a psychopath.
258
00:13:05,743 --> 00:13:07,953
That doesn't mean all cyborgs
are like that.
259
00:13:08,705 --> 00:13:12,040
But Cyril, machines can hurt people.
260
00:13:12,208 --> 00:13:14,001
[YOUNG ARCHER SCREAMING]
261
00:13:14,878 --> 00:13:18,547
Well, you lost me there, thankfully,
but... Give me that!
262
00:13:18,715 --> 00:13:20,299
What, was that Peter Lawford's?
263
00:13:20,467 --> 00:13:23,385
No, it was... Oh, shut up.
Do you wanna learn something?
264
00:13:23,553 --> 00:13:24,887
Probably not.
265
00:13:25,054 --> 00:13:29,349
Because did you know that in Chinese, the
words for crisis and opportunity are the same?
266
00:13:29,517 --> 00:13:31,101
And point?
267
00:13:31,269 --> 00:13:32,895
Hello?
268
00:13:33,396 --> 00:13:36,690
Actually, I have no idea.
They just used to say that in the hospital.
269
00:13:36,858 --> 00:13:40,569
While they made us fold
those pointy goddamn paper birds.
270
00:13:40,737 --> 00:13:42,738
I think what she...
Bawk, bawk! Therapy cranes!
271
00:13:42,906 --> 00:13:44,156
Bawk!
272
00:13:44,324 --> 00:13:49,077
I think what she's trying to say,
is you can either think of this as a crisis...
273
00:13:49,245 --> 00:13:51,580
Or an opportunity!
Like, to get closer!
274
00:13:51,748 --> 00:13:53,165
Oh, hooray.
275
00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:57,044
By marrying her?
Okay, that actually was Peter Lawford's.
276
00:13:57,212 --> 00:14:01,423
Why not? You were gonna marry her before.
Before she wasn't a cyborg.
277
00:14:01,591 --> 00:14:04,843
She's still kind, and smart, and insanely hot.
278
00:14:05,011 --> 00:14:09,890
Hmm. Yeah, and even though it's detachable,
that vagina is, like, mind-shattering.
279
00:14:10,058 --> 00:14:12,267
Oh, yeah? What, does it vibrate, or...
280
00:14:12,435 --> 00:14:15,521
Ow, ow! Damn it! You started it!
281
00:14:15,688 --> 00:14:18,357
That's my fianc?e you're talking about!
Really?
282
00:14:18,525 --> 00:14:22,110
I can look past our differences, Cyril,
I'm a much bigger man than you think.
283
00:14:22,278 --> 00:14:24,112
Plus, it'll drive Mother crazy.
284
00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:26,406
Plus, yes, it vibrates.
285
00:14:26,616 --> 00:14:28,742
Really?
Yes, really...
286
00:14:29,077 --> 00:14:30,619
...and, Krieger! Today?
287
00:14:30,787 --> 00:14:34,289
Hmm? Oh, sorry.
Little thing called timing, Krieger.
288
00:14:34,457 --> 00:14:38,293
And the erection's really not appropriate.
I'm still happy.
289
00:14:38,461 --> 00:14:40,087
Katya? Baby?
290
00:14:40,255 --> 00:14:44,299
Oh, yes, yes, a thousand times yes!
291
00:14:44,467 --> 00:14:46,343
When's the wedding?
When's the wedding?
292
00:14:46,511 --> 00:14:50,973
I can actually marry y'all right here.
MALORY: Oh, for God's sake! Get it over with!
293
00:14:51,140 --> 00:14:53,559
Ha, ha. Brett!
BRETT: Aah!
294
00:14:53,726 --> 00:14:55,894
Wait, do you want me to be a groomsman?
No!
295
00:14:56,062 --> 00:14:59,314
Go to the liquor store and buy a case...
Three cases of champagne.
296
00:14:59,482 --> 00:15:01,984
Sure, I'll limp on down there.
Don't limp, Brett...
297
00:15:02,151 --> 00:15:04,611
...run! We're having a wedding
in a few short minutes!
298
00:15:04,779 --> 00:15:06,154
[GLASS SHATTERS NEARBY]
299
00:15:06,322 --> 00:15:08,156
Ha, ha. And it's a win-win.
300
00:15:08,992 --> 00:15:10,617
Plus it vibrates.
301
00:15:13,371 --> 00:15:17,416
Okay, bride and groom, check.
Bridesmaids, check.
302
00:15:17,584 --> 00:15:19,668
Best man.
Well, best available.
303
00:15:19,836 --> 00:15:22,713
Oh, for... Name one,
name one friend of yours.
304
00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:23,880
Shut up. Ray...
305
00:15:24,048 --> 00:15:26,300
...don't you have,
like, a priest outfit or?
306
00:15:26,467 --> 00:15:29,469
No, I wore it to Fetish Night
at The Snug, and it's covered in...
307
00:15:29,637 --> 00:15:31,805
Okay! Ugh.
Red wine, ass.
308
00:15:31,973 --> 00:15:35,183
And who gives this woman
to be wed in holy matrimony?
309
00:15:35,351 --> 00:15:37,936
I do!
And no mother of the groom, so...
310
00:15:38,104 --> 00:15:39,855
Yes! Right here!
ARCHER: Mother!
311
00:15:40,023 --> 00:15:42,941
You came.
Phrasing, boom! Heh.
312
00:15:43,109 --> 00:15:44,693
Inappropriate.
Alrighty.
313
00:15:44,861 --> 00:15:48,405
So unless anyone besides
Mommy Dearest objects to this union...
314
00:15:48,573 --> 00:15:50,157
BARRY:
Oh, I think other Barry might.
315
00:15:50,325 --> 00:15:54,786
ALL: Huh? Barry!
Yeah, and I brought bubbly.
316
00:15:55,121 --> 00:15:56,830
KATYA:
You mudak!
317
00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:59,833
Whoa, you kiss your
motherboard with that mouth?
318
00:16:00,001 --> 00:16:04,379
And also, is anybody gonna ask
how and why I knew to show up here?
319
00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:06,381
Is?
320
00:16:06,549 --> 00:16:07,841
Okay, I'll bite.
321
00:16:08,009 --> 00:16:11,261
By tracking the satellite signal
from Katya's internal hard drive...
322
00:16:11,429 --> 00:16:14,723
...which Dr. Dipshit over there
bought from the KGB.
323
00:16:14,891 --> 00:16:17,309
What? Krieger!
Yeah, but, the savings.
324
00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:19,061
Like, 80 bucks you saved.
325
00:16:19,395 --> 00:16:21,730
But nobody is gonna save you, Archer.
326
00:16:21,939 --> 00:16:24,316
Don't you have that backwards?
327
00:16:24,484 --> 00:16:26,026
Archer, don't!
GILLETTE: Everybody down!
328
00:16:28,279 --> 00:16:30,572
Ugh. Why do I always forget you're...
Ow!
329
00:16:31,658 --> 00:16:32,824
Darling!
330
00:16:33,284 --> 00:16:34,618
- Really super-strong?
331
00:16:34,786 --> 00:16:37,704
Yeah, walk that off
while I kill your girlfriend again.
332
00:16:37,872 --> 00:16:38,914
Then we do the dance.
333
00:16:39,082 --> 00:16:41,875
Actually, I don't think I'm in any shape
to dance now, Barry.
334
00:16:42,085 --> 00:16:43,460
The dance of death, idiot.
335
00:16:43,628 --> 00:16:46,380
But first, let's me and you cut a rug.
336
00:16:46,547 --> 00:16:49,049
How you say, come at me, bro.
337
00:16:49,217 --> 00:16:50,550
[SHOUTING]
338
00:16:53,304 --> 00:16:55,931
BARRY: Ow.
Is that the best you've got?
339
00:16:58,101 --> 00:16:59,643
Obviously not.
340
00:16:59,811 --> 00:17:01,978
But this is!
341
00:17:02,146 --> 00:17:03,605
[BOTH GRUNTING]
342
00:17:10,738 --> 00:17:13,407
Katya! Jesus, somebody, a little help!
343
00:17:13,574 --> 00:17:14,783
We are if you'd shut up!
344
00:17:14,951 --> 00:17:16,451
It's pound!
That is pound!
345
00:17:16,619 --> 00:17:19,121
Pound six, pound five two!
346
00:17:21,457 --> 00:17:23,709
I'm confused, what are we...?
LANA: Here!
347
00:17:24,419 --> 00:17:26,795
Still confused.
LANA: Ray, now!
348
00:17:28,673 --> 00:17:31,883
Oh.
Their CPUs run on photovoltaic cells.
349
00:17:32,051 --> 00:17:34,928
Without exposure to a light-source,
they'll slowly lose power.
350
00:17:35,096 --> 00:17:39,558
ARCHER: Hmm. Like vampires?
No! Nothing like vampires, idiot!
351
00:17:39,726 --> 00:17:41,643
Well, I'm sorry, Ira Flatow.
352
00:17:41,811 --> 00:17:44,980
From Newton's Apple.
Will you shut up?
353
00:17:45,148 --> 00:17:47,691
If Barry gets weak enough,
maybe you can overpower him.
354
00:17:47,859 --> 00:17:49,651
I was just gonna say that. Move!
355
00:17:49,819 --> 00:17:51,820
MALORY: Sterling, be careful!
ARCHER: Shut up.
356
00:17:53,656 --> 00:17:55,741
Pam!
It'll spoil.
357
00:17:56,325 --> 00:17:57,659
Goddamn it.
358
00:17:57,827 --> 00:18:00,287
Barry!
CHERYL: Polo!
359
00:18:00,455 --> 00:18:01,830
Will you shut up!
360
00:18:01,998 --> 00:18:03,165
[KATYA GRUNTS]
361
00:18:03,332 --> 00:18:04,499
CHERYL [WHISPERS]:
Polo.
362
00:18:04,709 --> 00:18:07,544
Beset on all sides by idiots.
363
00:18:07,712 --> 00:18:09,504
[ARCHER BREATHING HEAVILY]
364
00:18:12,383 --> 00:18:13,467
[ARCHER SHOUTS]
365
00:18:14,510 --> 00:18:17,888
Goddamn!
ARCHER: Brett? I thought you were dead.
366
00:18:18,055 --> 00:18:21,224
No, just hurt really, really badly.
367
00:18:21,392 --> 00:18:24,686
Although not nearly as badly
as I am now.
368
00:18:24,854 --> 00:18:27,189
MALORY:
You better not be bleeding on my carpet!
369
00:18:27,356 --> 00:18:30,025
No, pretty sure I'm all out of blood.
370
00:18:30,193 --> 00:18:31,318
Well, serves you right for...
371
00:18:31,486 --> 00:18:32,527
[THUD]
372
00:18:32,695 --> 00:18:36,531
Ha, ha. Oh, Barry, I am coming for you.
373
00:18:36,699 --> 00:18:39,034
BRETT: Phrasing, boom.
MALORY: Brett!
374
00:18:39,202 --> 00:18:40,494
CHERYL [IN NORMAL VOICE]:
Polo.
375
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:46,625
And after I kill you and defile
your cyborg-y corpse, I'm gonna...
376
00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:49,211
What? Oh, for shit's sake! Really?
377
00:18:49,504 --> 00:18:52,839
Whoo! Yeah!
Darling, I can explain!
378
00:18:53,007 --> 00:18:55,675
Ray, turn the lights on!
KRIEGER: Archer, no! The photovoltaics!
379
00:18:55,843 --> 00:18:57,552
Turn on the goddamn lights!
380
00:18:57,720 --> 00:18:59,221
[SCREAMING]
381
00:18:59,388 --> 00:19:01,681
Why do I always forget that?
382
00:19:01,849 --> 00:19:03,642
And how can you explain that?
383
00:19:03,893 --> 00:19:06,561
What, were they having sex?
Think so, yeah.
384
00:19:06,729 --> 00:19:08,480
Called it!
CYRIL: Ha, ha.
385
00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:12,567
As we fought, it became more like,
like dancing.
386
00:19:12,735 --> 00:19:15,153
BARRY: Bone dancing.
Shut up!
387
00:19:15,321 --> 00:19:17,197
Katya, how could you do this?
388
00:19:17,573 --> 00:19:22,577
I'm sorry I hurt you, but I realized that,
even though you tried to see past what I am...
389
00:19:22,745 --> 00:19:24,746
...Barry and I are the same.
390
00:19:24,914 --> 00:19:29,084
Inside and out.
Yeah, except her insides vibrate.
391
00:19:29,252 --> 00:19:31,461
Aah! Ow!
Ka-klunk.
392
00:19:31,629 --> 00:19:33,171
Always with the forgetting.
393
00:19:33,339 --> 00:19:36,132
We are like two mermaids,
we must swim together.
394
00:19:36,300 --> 00:19:38,218
So I won't ask you to forgive me...
395
00:19:38,386 --> 00:19:43,056
...but could you at least be happy for me?
Because I have finally found a soul mate.
396
00:19:43,266 --> 00:19:44,599
No!
397
00:19:45,434 --> 00:19:47,269
Or, whatever...
398
00:19:47,436 --> 00:19:49,229
...I guess. Yes.
399
00:19:49,397 --> 00:19:50,814
Thank you, darling.
400
00:19:50,982 --> 00:19:53,942
You will always have
a special place in my...
401
00:19:54,277 --> 00:19:56,945
...well, I guess my C drive.
402
00:19:58,614 --> 00:20:02,284
While Other Barry and I
are in her other special place.
403
00:20:02,451 --> 00:20:06,788
Which, again, vibrates. Later, tater.
404
00:20:09,417 --> 00:20:11,293
Well, Mother, go ahead and say it.
405
00:20:11,460 --> 00:20:14,379
Oh, Sterling,
you've just had your heart broken.
406
00:20:14,547 --> 00:20:17,465
You don't need a smug
"I told you so" from me.
407
00:20:17,633 --> 00:20:22,137
And smug it would be,
because tell you I most certainly did.
408
00:20:24,140 --> 00:20:27,142
Just like that Electrolux all over again.
409
00:20:27,351 --> 00:20:31,563
So I know that sucked...
Vacuum cleaner puns?
410
00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:33,356
Now, really?
411
00:20:33,524 --> 00:20:37,652
No idea, thankfully, about any of that,
but if you really did love Katya...
412
00:20:37,820 --> 00:20:39,946
...you've gotta be happy
that she's happy.
413
00:20:40,656 --> 00:20:44,409
ARCHER:
Yeah. She did look pretty happy, huh?
414
00:21:28,287 --> 00:21:29,287
[English - US - PSDH]
415
00:21:29,337 --> 00:21:33,887
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