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male narrator: Earth.
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00:00:10,767 --> 00:00:14,567
A planet inhabited
mostly by termites and mold,
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00:00:14,600 --> 00:00:16,833
but there are also humans.
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- God damn it!
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00:00:18,400 --> 00:00:19,833
- Oh, sorry, sorry.
- Is that a camera?
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00:00:19,867 --> 00:00:21,933
narrator: The mating ritual
of the human
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00:00:21,967 --> 00:00:24,667
is a mind-boggling dance.
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First, the male chooses
a mate who is much more
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00:00:27,867 --> 00:00:30,667
intelligent and attractive
than he is.
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00:00:30,700 --> 00:00:33,667
Then he begins to
obsess over her,
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consulting her Facebook page
up to 50 times a day,
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00:00:37,667 --> 00:00:40,400
often pleasuring himself
to her likeness
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to the point of exhaustion.
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00:00:43,033 --> 00:00:46,267
Months can pass with no word
from the mate.
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[cell phone vibrates]
Then, suddenly...
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- Linda?
narrator: She will
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00:00:49,567 --> 00:00:50,967
make contact.
- No, no, it's not a problem.
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I'm right nearby.
I'll be right there.
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00:00:52,700 --> 00:00:54,400
narrator: Usually when
she needs help
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00:00:54,433 --> 00:00:56,267
moving large objects.
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Or when somebody else
has canceled
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their plans with her
last-minute.
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Somewhere in this
complex dance,
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procreation occurs.
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00:01:06,500 --> 00:01:08,500
- Well, I got a lot of notes.
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For starters, I think we need
ten more frames
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of Jeff jerking off
to help with the pacing.
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And the soundtrack--
- Come on! I'm exhausted.
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Why are we working
on this so hard?
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- Because our boss is coming.
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Guys, this is our chance
to get promotions and move on.
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And then we never have to
hang out with
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these dirty humans again.
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- But I love humans.
- Yeah, yeah. They're fine.
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But you know what I'm saying.
Come on, guys.
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- You underestimate humans.
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They're dignified
and intelligent and--
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- Guys, I found a crack
in the system.
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Check it out:
they call it dog food,
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00:01:38,967 --> 00:01:43,067
but really, it's just super
cheap meat that never goes bad.
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We're talking lamb,
sweet potato, and beef!
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For $1.29!
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- * Three aliens
came from the sky *
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* The Galactic Council
sent them *
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all: * And here's
the reason why *
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- * Their mission is to study
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* Earth's most average guy
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all: * To see if humans
are worth saving *
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* Or if everyone has to die
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00:02:04,833 --> 00:02:06,967
- Wait--what?
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00:02:07,067 --> 00:02:09,600
*
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00:02:09,633 --> 00:02:12,100
- Linda.
- Hey, everyone.
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This is Jeff.
He was nice enough
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to be my last-minute plus one
when Lindsey bailed on me.
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00:02:17,067 --> 00:02:19,500
- Ha, yeah, I just had
to move some things around.
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I have this iffy mole
on my back
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that they wanted to get rid of,
but they have
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00:02:23,400 --> 00:02:25,533
another opening in eight months,
so it should be fine.
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00:02:25,567 --> 00:02:27,500
- Anyways, once I approve
the cover proofs
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for the French
and Danish translations,
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00:02:28,933 --> 00:02:30,600
my memoir
is officially finished.
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- Yay!
- So I suppose you could say
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things are pretty busy.
all: Oh, busy's good.
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- You gotta stay busy.
- Busy's good.
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00:02:36,400 --> 00:02:37,667
- Of course,
compared to Chet,
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I'm basically doing nothing.
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00:02:39,133 --> 00:02:40,833
- Oh, that's right.
What is this I hear
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about them building a statue
of you in a Chinese village?
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00:02:43,800 --> 00:02:45,367
- It's actually
in northern Laos.
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I mean, all I did was go over
there and open
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a couple of button factories
with my dad
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and now they call me
"fu sen yai."
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The savior.
[laughs]
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It's not really
a big deal to me.
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- That is amazing.
What about you, Jeff?
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What do you do?
- Uh, have you heard of
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Smoothie Prince?
- Wow!
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00:03:01,567 --> 00:03:02,967
That's your company?
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- No, no, no.
I--I just sell them.
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00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:08,500
- Oh, so you're the head
of the marketing department.
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00:03:08,533 --> 00:03:11,467
Hey, still a great gig.
- No, no, I, uh--
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I sell them at the mall.
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It's so cool.
I can drink
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all the free smoothies I want.
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Just don't tell my boss.
[laughs]
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- Cool.
- Yes.
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- "Busy's good"?
[chuckles]
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Next time,
give me a heads up
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before you take me
to a fascist rally.
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00:03:27,167 --> 00:03:29,133
I'll bring some books to burn!
[laughs]
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00:03:29,167 --> 00:03:30,200
- Come on, Jeff.
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They're just being ambitious.
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I mean, don't you have
any goals for your life?
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- Of course I do.
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00:03:35,867 --> 00:03:38,067
I want you to be
my girlfriend again.
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00:03:38,067 --> 00:03:39,700
- I don't know
if you remember this,
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but when we were together,
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all we did was sit on the couch
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and get high all day.
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00:03:43,067 --> 00:03:44,867
- I know.
Wasn't it amazing?
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00:03:44,900 --> 00:03:48,100
- Yeah, it was fun when we were
kids in our early 20s.
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But we're in our mid-20s now.
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I need to be with somebody
who's mature
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and pushing himself
to do big things.
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- Big things?
I can do big things.
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But, like, how big?
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00:03:57,933 --> 00:03:59,767
Are we talking, like,
go to medical school
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or, like, you know,
smoke a little less weed?
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Wh-what are
the parameters here?
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You know what?
Don't worry about it.
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I'll figure it out.
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- Can I have
a blueberry blitz, please?
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- Absolutely, sir.
Are you interested in
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a free protein boost today?
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- Uh, sure.
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- Luke, he said yes!
He said yes!
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- [laughs] Okay. yeah.
- Okay, okay.
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- Okay, quick, quick, quick.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
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No, no, no, no, no.
We don't play
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"Protein Surprise"
around here anymore.
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00:04:24,867 --> 00:04:27,933
From now on, we're only gonna
do big things.
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- What are you talking about?
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This is your favorite game ever.
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- Yeah, dude.
- You said, and I quote,
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"Watching a customer
unknowingly drink my [bleep]
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is one of life's greatest joys."
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Beautiful quote.
- Hey, you know what?
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I think I'm gonna
go somewhere else.
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00:04:40,200 --> 00:04:42,933
- Okay, well, I don't
say things like that anymore.
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The new Jeff says things like:
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let's push ourselves
to do our very best work today.
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And work really hard.
133
00:04:52,267 --> 00:04:54,100
- Man, new Jeff sucks.
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*
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narrator: They are majestic.
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They are marvelous.
137
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They are dazzling.
138
00:05:03,200 --> 00:05:06,067
They are humans.
139
00:05:07,200 --> 00:05:08,733
- What'd you think?
140
00:05:08,767 --> 00:05:11,200
- Well, you're all fired.
- Wait, no!
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- I can't believe we spent
7 million orbs on this mission.
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- Sir, please. Humans are
magical, special creatures.
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They deserve to be--
- Look, I know a loser planet
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when I see one, okay?
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Let's just cut our losses
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and vaporize this place.
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[humming tone]
I'm out!
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- Got my smooth--
- Ah!
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- Damn it! All right,
who the hell is this?
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I told you guys, there's already
four of us sharing one bathroom.
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There's no room for any more.
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- [slurps]
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Ugh.
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[slurping, laughing]
- Oh! Oh! Stop it! Stop it!
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Oh!
- Ho-holy shit!
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00:05:43,900 --> 00:05:48,567
Now, this is something
I can work with!
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It's like, I blow up planets
every day and now I'm thinking,
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what if those other places had
some awesome shit that we
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blew up and now I'll never know
and--how did you not
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know about this?
- I mean, we've just been
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too busy, you know? We've been
too busy working on the film,
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and that's the thing about film:
there's so many different
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aspects to it. There's the
music, the editing, the acting.
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- Totally! Dude, dude!
I love hanging out with artists;
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it's so inspiring.
You know what? You know what,
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I'm gonna tell you what we're
gonna do.
167
00:06:02,900 --> 00:06:03,567
We're gonna put on a show!
And you're gonna direct it.
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00:06:03,600 --> 00:06:04,567
- Me?
I'm gonna direct it?
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00:06:04,600 --> 00:06:05,767
- And I'm gonna give you
full artistic license--
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00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:08,867
- Guys, guys, guys! Okay, I'm
glad you like the smoothies,
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but it's getting kinda late.
- Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, Jeff!
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I want to offer you an
opportunity so incredible,
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so momentous that only an idiot
would turn it down.
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- Okay.
I'm listening.
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- If you give us more
of these smoothies,
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we'll usher your whole planet
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into a new era of progress,
culture, and technology
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beyond your wildest dreams.
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And you, Jeff, you will be
the man who made it all happen.
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What do you think?
Sounds pretty good, huh?
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00:06:35,833 --> 00:06:37,967
- Wow, that sounds like
I'd definitely be
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doing something
big with my life, right?
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00:06:39,667 --> 00:06:41,300
- Are you thinking about
chicks right now?
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'Cause yeah, you're gonna get
a whole lot of ass, my friend.
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Not to mention
[bleep] and mouth.
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- Okay, all right, dude.
Take it easy.
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00:06:48,700 --> 00:06:50,667
Okay?
I--I'm in.
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I'm in. Just more for
the advancements and stuff
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to help the Earth.
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00:06:56,067 --> 00:06:58,267
- Hey, Linda, have you ever
heard of the Bechdel Test?
191
00:06:58,300 --> 00:07:01,067
- Yeah, it's that test of either
a movie or TV show
192
00:07:01,067 --> 00:07:02,900
has at least two women
who talk to each other
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00:07:02,933 --> 00:07:04,767
about something
other than a man.
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00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:07,767
And it is shocking
how many shows fail it.
195
00:07:07,800 --> 00:07:10,767
Anyway, Jeff just has
no ambition.
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00:07:10,800 --> 00:07:13,733
And it's really too bad,
because he's a great guy.
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- Oh, come on.
He's a deadbeat.
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00:07:15,867 --> 00:07:18,900
- We interrupt this broadcast
for news of global importance.
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00:07:18,933 --> 00:07:21,967
- What?
- Today, history was made.
200
00:07:22,067 --> 00:07:25,267
A hand has reached out
to us from the cosmos.
201
00:07:25,300 --> 00:07:26,833
- Oh, my God.
202
00:07:26,867 --> 00:07:29,067
- And one man was there
to accept it.
203
00:07:29,067 --> 00:07:31,900
One man has ushered us
into a new age.
204
00:07:31,933 --> 00:07:35,267
- What?
- And that man is Jeff Mahoney.
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00:07:35,300 --> 00:07:37,133
- Hey, everybody!
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00:07:37,167 --> 00:07:39,267
- No [bleep] way.
207
00:07:39,300 --> 00:07:41,300
- Thank you, thank you so much.
208
00:07:41,333 --> 00:07:45,933
This is a really exciting day
for Earth.
209
00:07:45,967 --> 00:07:48,867
[cheering]
Now, I know some people
210
00:07:48,900 --> 00:07:50,900
write their memoirs
when they're in their 20s
211
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or use their dad's money
to start
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bullshit button companies,
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00:07:53,967 --> 00:07:55,800
but I wanted to do something
214
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really big with my life!
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00:07:58,367 --> 00:07:59,867
[cheering]
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00:08:05,333 --> 00:08:07,100
*
217
00:08:07,133 --> 00:08:09,133
- Oh, and I've gotta give
another speech to the U.N.
218
00:08:09,167 --> 00:08:13,200
on Thursday, and I gotta pose
for another statue on Friday.
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00:08:13,233 --> 00:08:15,133
I mean, I've just been
crazy busy.
220
00:08:15,167 --> 00:08:17,267
all: Busy's good.
221
00:08:17,300 --> 00:08:19,300
- I gotta say,
you're a lucky lady.
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00:08:19,333 --> 00:08:21,133
- Oh, uh, thank you.
223
00:08:21,167 --> 00:08:22,467
- Did you just say thank you?
224
00:08:22,500 --> 00:08:23,633
Does that mean
that we're going out?
225
00:08:23,667 --> 00:08:24,567
I mean, that's what
you mean, right?
226
00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:25,500
- Let's not talk about this
right now, okay?
227
00:08:25,533 --> 00:08:26,500
- There's no other way
to interpret that.
228
00:08:26,533 --> 00:08:30,100
Thank you, Mr. President.
- [clicks tongue]
229
00:08:30,133 --> 00:08:32,567
- What's up, you beautiful
smoothie-making primates?
230
00:08:32,600 --> 00:08:34,367
Are you ready to reap
the benefits
231
00:08:34,400 --> 00:08:38,333
of an interplanetary deregulated
Zargonian trade system?
232
00:08:38,367 --> 00:08:40,633
- Whoo!
all: Huh?
233
00:08:40,667 --> 00:08:43,333
- I'm talking about giving you
guys a bunch of cool alien shit!
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00:08:43,367 --> 00:08:45,233
[cheers and applause]
235
00:08:45,267 --> 00:08:47,700
[upbeat electronic music]
236
00:08:47,733 --> 00:08:50,067
[cheering]
237
00:08:50,100 --> 00:08:51,733
*
238
00:08:51,767 --> 00:08:54,333
[all exclaim]
239
00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:57,133
- Business is booming,
thanks to the massive surge
240
00:08:57,167 --> 00:08:58,733
in smoothie production.
241
00:08:58,767 --> 00:09:01,267
Let's face it, people.
Things have never been better!
242
00:09:03,367 --> 00:09:07,500
- Mmm, this roast znorg
is to die for!
243
00:09:07,533 --> 00:09:10,600
- Do you ever wonder if this
is all too good to be true?
244
00:09:10,633 --> 00:09:12,633
- Linda, please,
if it was possible for things
245
00:09:12,667 --> 00:09:16,367
to be too good to be true,
you wouldn't exist, okay?
246
00:09:16,400 --> 00:09:19,133
- Oh, I'm sorry, sir.
We are no longer accepting
247
00:09:19,167 --> 00:09:20,500
any human currencies.
248
00:09:20,533 --> 00:09:22,633
You'll have to pay
in Azurian orbs.
249
00:09:22,667 --> 00:09:25,800
- Orbs? Where the hell
am I supposed to get those?
250
00:09:25,833 --> 00:09:28,800
[ominous music]
251
00:09:28,833 --> 00:09:33,700
*
252
00:09:33,733 --> 00:09:34,700
all: Huh?
253
00:09:34,733 --> 00:09:38,300
*
254
00:09:38,333 --> 00:09:41,533
- My fellow humans,
it is now clear:
255
00:09:41,567 --> 00:09:43,167
we've been had.
256
00:09:43,200 --> 00:09:45,100
Last night, while our generals
257
00:09:45,133 --> 00:09:48,367
drank Azurian wine
and danced at galas,
258
00:09:48,400 --> 00:09:52,333
the aliens stole
all our weapons.
259
00:09:52,367 --> 00:09:55,600
The once-proud human race
has been turned into
260
00:09:55,633 --> 00:09:57,633
a bunch of smoothie drones.
261
00:09:57,667 --> 00:10:00,767
It's only a matter of time
before our airwaves
262
00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:03,100
are taken away from us
and we are all--
263
00:10:03,133 --> 00:10:05,433
- Are you an Azurian
visiting Earth?
264
00:10:05,467 --> 00:10:07,533
Well, why not
put some roots down
265
00:10:07,567 --> 00:10:10,633
and take advantage of this
business friendly paradise?
266
00:10:10,667 --> 00:10:13,267
- I just bought this beachfront
property for only three orbs.
267
00:10:13,300 --> 00:10:14,767
Earth rules!
- You can't do this!
268
00:10:14,800 --> 00:10:16,600
I've lived here for 30 years!
269
00:10:16,633 --> 00:10:19,067
- Oh, my God, Linda.
You were so right.
270
00:10:19,100 --> 00:10:21,433
It was too good to be true.
You're so intuitive.
271
00:10:21,467 --> 00:10:23,767
I guess the one good thing
to come out of all of this
272
00:10:23,800 --> 00:10:26,367
is that we can face it
all together,
273
00:10:26,400 --> 00:10:29,633
now that we're a couple, and--
- We're not a couple, Jeff.
274
00:10:29,667 --> 00:10:31,267
What is the matter with you?
275
00:10:31,300 --> 00:10:33,333
You destroyed the whole planet.
276
00:10:33,367 --> 00:10:35,533
I never wanna see you again.
277
00:10:35,567 --> 00:10:38,767
- Linda, wait!
- Don't have plans on Saturday?
278
00:10:38,800 --> 00:10:41,667
Come see
"Smoothie Planet: The Musical,"
279
00:10:41,700 --> 00:10:46,400
and prepare to be dazzled
by directing genius, Sammy.
280
00:10:46,433 --> 00:10:47,700
- Sammy.
281
00:10:49,700 --> 00:10:52,033
- Are you sure, Jeff?
You're willing to give us
282
00:10:52,067 --> 00:10:55,233
your entire planet?
- Sure, I'll do anything
283
00:10:55,267 --> 00:10:57,333
for Linda's ass,
[bleep], and mouth.
284
00:10:57,367 --> 00:11:00,300
- And that is how
the greatest business deal
285
00:11:00,333 --> 00:11:02,767
in the history of the galaxy
was concluded.
286
00:11:02,800 --> 00:11:05,200
- That is not how it happened!
287
00:11:05,233 --> 00:11:07,267
- Jeff! What are you doing here?
- We're still in rehearsals.
288
00:11:07,300 --> 00:11:09,333
We're not ready for the critics.
- All right, buddy, look.
289
00:11:09,367 --> 00:11:11,667
It was great having you guys
here on Earth, okay?
290
00:11:11,700 --> 00:11:13,633
Lots of great stuff
came out of it.
291
00:11:13,667 --> 00:11:15,600
I love the znorg but, uh,
292
00:11:15,633 --> 00:11:18,700
I think it's time for you guys
to pack up and go home, okay?
293
00:11:18,733 --> 00:11:20,767
- [laughing]
Jeff, Jeff, Jeff.
294
00:11:20,800 --> 00:11:22,800
I'm sure you humans
will get used to
295
00:11:22,833 --> 00:11:25,300
this new advanced way of life.
296
00:11:25,333 --> 00:11:27,833
- Yeah, uh, guess I'm not
being clear here.
297
00:11:27,867 --> 00:11:30,833
I want you--
298
00:11:30,867 --> 00:11:32,333
- Shut up!
[all gasp]
299
00:11:32,367 --> 00:11:33,733
Do you have any idea
how easily I can kill
300
00:11:33,767 --> 00:11:35,733
every single human there is?
301
00:11:35,767 --> 00:11:37,500
This planet is ours now!
302
00:11:37,533 --> 00:11:38,767
Now get the [bleep] out of here
303
00:11:38,800 --> 00:11:41,500
before I rip the skin
off your face.
304
00:11:41,533 --> 00:11:43,267
[laughs]
Sorry, guys.
305
00:11:43,300 --> 00:11:44,767
I think I need
another smoothie.
306
00:11:44,800 --> 00:11:46,300
I'm gonna get another smoothie.
You guys good?
307
00:11:46,333 --> 00:11:49,167
You want one?
You want another smoothie?
308
00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:50,700
- What the heck was that?
309
00:11:50,733 --> 00:11:52,767
- Oh, come on.
He's just a passionate guy.
310
00:11:52,800 --> 00:11:55,867
- We should go find Jeff and
help him get his planet back.
311
00:11:55,900 --> 00:11:58,333
- Guys, guys, guys.
Do you realize
312
00:11:58,367 --> 00:11:59,633
the opportunity you have here?
313
00:11:59,667 --> 00:12:01,500
'Cause I don't think you do.
314
00:12:01,533 --> 00:12:04,233
You'll be able to tell people
that you assisted me
315
00:12:04,267 --> 00:12:06,933
on the greatest work
of my life.
316
00:12:06,967 --> 00:12:09,400
If that's not a dream
you can get behind,
317
00:12:09,433 --> 00:12:11,667
well, then yeah,
maybe you should walk out
318
00:12:11,700 --> 00:12:14,233
that door right now.
319
00:12:14,267 --> 00:12:16,767
- Jeff!
- Jeff, where are you?
320
00:12:16,800 --> 00:12:17,767
[both gasp]
321
00:12:17,800 --> 00:12:19,233
[dramatic music]
322
00:12:19,267 --> 00:12:20,667
[gunshots in distance]
323
00:12:20,700 --> 00:12:22,367
*
324
00:12:22,400 --> 00:12:24,300
[babies crying]
325
00:12:24,333 --> 00:12:25,833
- Are you sure it's safe
over here?
326
00:12:25,867 --> 00:12:27,600
- This is where you gotta go
to get the illest,
327
00:12:27,633 --> 00:12:29,333
most authentic Earth foods.
328
00:12:29,367 --> 00:12:30,600
Like, they got this one dish
where they mix
329
00:12:30,633 --> 00:12:33,233
protein and carbohydrates.
It's insane.
330
00:12:33,267 --> 00:12:35,367
- What have we done?
331
00:12:35,400 --> 00:12:38,400
- [crying]
332
00:12:40,767 --> 00:12:42,500
- Holy shit, it's Jeff.
- Huh?
333
00:12:42,533 --> 00:12:43,867
- Dude, where have you been?
334
00:12:43,900 --> 00:12:45,533
- Do you have any idea
how famous you are?
335
00:12:45,567 --> 00:12:46,933
Even my mom hates you.
336
00:12:46,967 --> 00:12:48,667
- She's right to hate me.
[cries]
337
00:12:48,700 --> 00:12:50,833
This time I really [bleep] up.
338
00:12:50,867 --> 00:12:53,433
I really did.
I really [bleep] it good.
339
00:12:53,467 --> 00:12:55,367
I did, I did.
- Oh, man. I've never
340
00:12:55,400 --> 00:12:57,167
seen Jeff this bummed out.
341
00:12:57,200 --> 00:12:58,500
I wish there was something
we could do.
342
00:12:58,533 --> 00:13:00,933
- Hey, airhead,
get me a blueberry blast.
343
00:13:00,967 --> 00:13:03,767
- That's it.
Can I interest you
344
00:13:03,800 --> 00:13:05,767
in a free protein boost
today, sir?
345
00:13:05,800 --> 00:13:08,433
- Just make it fast; I haven't
had a smoothie in 20 minutes.
346
00:13:08,467 --> 00:13:11,233
- Jeff, you ready to get
hella cheered up?
347
00:13:11,267 --> 00:13:13,433
[both giggling]
348
00:13:13,467 --> 00:13:14,767
- Huh?
349
00:13:14,800 --> 00:13:16,800
- Here you go, sir.
350
00:13:16,833 --> 00:13:18,233
- [slurps]
- [muttering] Stupid.
351
00:13:18,267 --> 00:13:20,433
Jeff, Jeff!
You're missing it.
352
00:13:20,467 --> 00:13:21,833
- Hey, wait a second,
this tastes kinda fun--
353
00:13:21,867 --> 00:13:23,300
[explosion]
- Whoa!
354
00:13:23,333 --> 00:13:25,833
- Oh, my God!
355
00:13:25,867 --> 00:13:27,433
[laughs]
I think we just figured out
356
00:13:27,467 --> 00:13:29,233
how to save the world!
357
00:13:32,867 --> 00:13:33,833
- Are you sure there's gonna be
358
00:13:33,867 --> 00:13:35,567
a lot of virile young men here?
359
00:13:35,600 --> 00:13:37,633
- Geez, Jeff,
will you stop asking that?
360
00:13:37,667 --> 00:13:39,500
[indistinct conversations]
361
00:13:39,533 --> 00:13:42,367
- Brothers and sisters
of the uprising...
362
00:13:42,400 --> 00:13:44,467
- Linda?
- We must put aside
363
00:13:44,500 --> 00:13:48,533
our distrust and welcome
our two newest members.
364
00:13:48,567 --> 00:13:49,533
[all gasping]
365
00:13:49,567 --> 00:13:50,800
- Do not be afraid.
366
00:13:50,833 --> 00:13:53,800
- We support your cause--
hey, is that Jeff?
367
00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:55,067
Hey, buddy!
- No, no, no, guys, no.
368
00:13:55,100 --> 00:13:57,333
- Holy shit,
it's Jeff Mahoney!
369
00:13:57,367 --> 00:13:59,533
- Get him!
- Wait, wait, wait, wait!
370
00:13:59,567 --> 00:14:01,733
Wait! Can't we just
talk for one second
371
00:14:01,767 --> 00:14:03,533
like mature, rational adults?
372
00:14:03,567 --> 00:14:05,067
- Stop!
373
00:14:05,067 --> 00:14:07,833
Okay, Jeff.
This better be good.
374
00:14:07,867 --> 00:14:09,467
- Okay, so...
375
00:14:09,500 --> 00:14:11,067
I just jizzed
in this smoothie.
376
00:14:11,067 --> 00:14:12,067
[all exclaim disgustedly]
377
00:14:12,067 --> 00:14:13,067
- Jesus, Jeff.
378
00:14:13,100 --> 00:14:15,400
- And you didn't let me finish.
379
00:14:15,433 --> 00:14:18,400
We discovered that's how
we can fight back.
380
00:14:18,433 --> 00:14:19,967
It kills the aliens.
381
00:14:20,067 --> 00:14:21,667
I know it sounds insane, okay?
382
00:14:21,700 --> 00:14:23,933
It must have something to do
with the protein or something.
383
00:14:23,967 --> 00:14:25,833
I don't know.
I'm not a scientist.
384
00:14:25,867 --> 00:14:29,733
But if you just let me
feed it to your captive here.
385
00:14:29,767 --> 00:14:31,400
- What?
No, no, no, no.
386
00:14:31,433 --> 00:14:33,433
Can you just waterboard me
or something?
387
00:14:33,467 --> 00:14:36,567
- Oh, I can't believe
I ever thought you'd grow up.
388
00:14:36,600 --> 00:14:38,067
Just--just take him away.
389
00:14:38,067 --> 00:14:39,967
- Linda, ugh, please!
[grunts]
390
00:14:40,067 --> 00:14:41,500
- Get him! Get him!
[crowd murmuring]
391
00:14:41,533 --> 00:14:43,833
- Ah!
[all gasp]
392
00:14:43,867 --> 00:14:46,400
- Well, I hope you're happy
with yourself, be--
393
00:14:46,433 --> 00:14:48,567
[explosion]
394
00:14:48,600 --> 00:14:50,133
- See?
See?
395
00:14:50,167 --> 00:14:54,800
- Jeff, you crazy,
beautiful, genius.
396
00:14:54,833 --> 00:14:57,067
[triumphant music]
397
00:14:57,067 --> 00:14:59,567
- Warriors of the uprising,
398
00:14:59,600 --> 00:15:02,200
when darkness falls upon us,
399
00:15:02,233 --> 00:15:05,467
that is when light
is needed most.
400
00:15:05,500 --> 00:15:09,633
And today, we will show them
all that the eternal flame
401
00:15:09,667 --> 00:15:14,433
of humanity burns brighter than
they ever could have dreamed!
402
00:15:14,467 --> 00:15:16,067
[all cheering]
403
00:15:16,067 --> 00:15:17,933
And what I mean by that
is we all need to
404
00:15:17,967 --> 00:15:21,467
jizz in this truck
at least seven times each.
405
00:15:21,500 --> 00:15:23,633
[intense music]
406
00:15:23,667 --> 00:15:25,133
[zippers zipping]
407
00:15:25,167 --> 00:15:27,967
[grunting, breathing heavily]
408
00:15:28,067 --> 00:15:29,600
[both moan]
409
00:15:29,633 --> 00:15:32,067
- Sammy's planning a huge finale
for his show.
410
00:15:32,100 --> 00:15:34,600
He's gonna spray smoothie
all over the audience.
411
00:15:34,633 --> 00:15:37,067
- The smoothie vat's right here.
And that's where we put
412
00:15:37,100 --> 00:15:39,133
the poisonous ding dong juice.
413
00:15:39,167 --> 00:15:40,700
- What do you think, Linda?
414
00:15:40,733 --> 00:15:43,067
Wanna join me
for a night at the theater?
415
00:15:43,100 --> 00:15:45,767
[orchestral music]
416
00:15:45,800 --> 00:15:46,867
- Ooh.
417
00:15:46,900 --> 00:15:49,833
*
418
00:15:49,867 --> 00:15:51,600
- Before I came to Earth,
419
00:15:51,633 --> 00:15:53,933
there was nothing
on this planet.
420
00:15:53,967 --> 00:15:55,600
Nothing at all.
421
00:15:55,633 --> 00:15:57,200
[crashing]
422
00:15:57,233 --> 00:15:59,600
[intense music]
423
00:15:59,633 --> 00:16:01,133
- We must be leaking.
424
00:16:01,167 --> 00:16:03,500
- We can't stop.
There's no time.
425
00:16:03,533 --> 00:16:07,567
- I got this. If I fall,
you go on without me.
426
00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:08,667
I love you, Linda.
427
00:16:08,700 --> 00:16:12,733
*
428
00:16:12,767 --> 00:16:13,867
[grunts]
429
00:16:13,900 --> 00:16:14,867
[sighs]
430
00:16:14,900 --> 00:16:16,133
[crashing]
431
00:16:16,167 --> 00:16:18,667
God damn it!
432
00:16:18,700 --> 00:16:23,067
Oh. No, no, no, no,
no, no, no!
433
00:16:24,167 --> 00:16:25,133
Oh.
434
00:16:25,167 --> 00:16:27,833
*
435
00:16:27,867 --> 00:16:28,867
[crash]
436
00:16:30,300 --> 00:16:32,067
- Through here.
- Great, great.
437
00:16:32,067 --> 00:16:33,700
Let's just hurry this up
so we can all get back
438
00:16:33,733 --> 00:16:35,633
and take showers and stuff.
439
00:16:35,667 --> 00:16:38,500
[overlapping voice exercises]
440
00:16:39,800 --> 00:16:41,133
[all exclaim]
- You're not supposed to
441
00:16:41,167 --> 00:16:42,133
be back here.
[explosions]
442
00:16:42,167 --> 00:16:44,233
- Oh, oh, God.
443
00:16:44,267 --> 00:16:46,233
- * Now your human lives
have meaning *
444
00:16:46,267 --> 00:16:48,600
* You make smoothies every day
445
00:16:48,633 --> 00:16:50,500
* Do you ever miss the way
things were? *
446
00:16:50,533 --> 00:16:51,500
- No, sir.
- Uh-uh.
447
00:16:51,533 --> 00:16:52,533
- No way.
448
00:16:52,567 --> 00:16:53,933
[light instrumental music]
449
00:16:53,967 --> 00:16:55,600
- Now!
[hose squeaks]
450
00:16:55,633 --> 00:16:57,067
[all gasp]
- No! It must have
451
00:16:57,067 --> 00:16:58,800
all leaked out.
- What are we gonna do?
452
00:16:58,833 --> 00:17:01,233
- I'd say we need at least
15 loads for this to work.
453
00:17:01,267 --> 00:17:02,767
And that's a conservative
estimate.
454
00:17:02,800 --> 00:17:04,167
- But that's impossible!
455
00:17:04,200 --> 00:17:05,767
- No, it's not.
456
00:17:05,800 --> 00:17:06,767
[zipper zips]
457
00:17:06,800 --> 00:17:10,233
[grunting]
- Jeff.
458
00:17:10,267 --> 00:17:12,067
[grunts]
- That's one.
459
00:17:12,067 --> 00:17:14,233
- I just really hope
that when this is all over,
460
00:17:14,267 --> 00:17:15,933
people will remember
that there was a lot more
461
00:17:15,967 --> 00:17:18,167
to this fight than just
jizzing in smoothies.
462
00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:20,633
This was about oppression
and imperialism,
463
00:17:20,667 --> 00:17:22,800
and the interplay--
[moans]
464
00:17:22,833 --> 00:17:23,867
- That's two.
465
00:17:23,900 --> 00:17:27,133
- * Thank God for aliens
466
00:17:27,167 --> 00:17:30,167
* Thank God for aliens
467
00:17:30,200 --> 00:17:33,967
* They made our lives
worth living *
468
00:17:34,067 --> 00:17:35,733
- [sniffs]
469
00:17:35,767 --> 00:17:37,067
- [groans]
470
00:17:37,067 --> 00:17:39,933
- Five.
- You can do it, Jeff.
471
00:17:39,967 --> 00:17:43,900
- * I believe that God
is a man in the sky *
472
00:17:43,933 --> 00:17:47,567
- * I believe that God
has elephant eyes *
473
00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:49,967
- * Well, you're all wrong
474
00:17:50,067 --> 00:17:53,967
* God is an alien
named Zothrax *
475
00:17:54,067 --> 00:17:56,067
- Ohh!
- 13!
476
00:17:56,067 --> 00:17:58,067
- Ah, I can't.
477
00:17:58,100 --> 00:18:00,167
I think that might be
all I've got in me.
478
00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:03,067
- I believe in you, Jeff.
479
00:18:03,067 --> 00:18:04,733
- [gasps]
Oh, God.
480
00:18:04,767 --> 00:18:06,633
I forgot how amazing
these feel.
481
00:18:06,667 --> 00:18:08,633
[grunts]
Uh, uh, uh.
482
00:18:08,667 --> 00:18:10,300
- 14!
- [moaning]
483
00:18:10,333 --> 00:18:12,067
Ooh!
- 15!
484
00:18:12,100 --> 00:18:13,267
- Yay!
- You did it, Jeff!
485
00:18:13,300 --> 00:18:14,367
You did it! You--
- [moaning]
486
00:18:14,400 --> 00:18:16,633
- 16?
Nice.
487
00:18:16,667 --> 00:18:18,900
- All right everybody,
all right.
488
00:18:18,933 --> 00:18:20,867
We're just about at the end
of the show here.
489
00:18:20,900 --> 00:18:22,767
But what I wanna know is
how many of you
490
00:18:22,800 --> 00:18:25,067
wanna try a smoothie right now?
491
00:18:25,100 --> 00:18:26,867
[all agreeing]
492
00:18:26,900 --> 00:18:29,967
I can't hear you!
493
00:18:30,067 --> 00:18:31,933
[whooshing]
494
00:18:31,967 --> 00:18:32,933
[splattering]
495
00:18:32,967 --> 00:18:34,667
- Bravo!
Bravo!
496
00:18:34,700 --> 00:18:36,767
This is what I love
about the theater.
497
00:18:36,800 --> 00:18:39,167
It has an energy--
[booming]
498
00:18:42,067 --> 00:18:43,967
- What the [bleep] was that?
499
00:18:44,067 --> 00:18:45,967
- I don't know, man.
But I'm never touching
500
00:18:46,067 --> 00:18:47,367
this devil juice again.
501
00:18:47,400 --> 00:18:48,667
I'm getting the hell
out of here!
502
00:18:48,700 --> 00:18:49,900
- Aw, now there's no way
503
00:18:49,933 --> 00:18:51,733
I can put this show
on my resume.
504
00:18:51,767 --> 00:18:54,733
[heroic music]
505
00:18:54,767 --> 00:18:56,833
*
506
00:18:56,867 --> 00:19:00,400
- Whoo! Let's go home
and make love right now.
507
00:19:00,433 --> 00:19:03,333
- That sounds great, but, uh,
let's pencil that in for, like,
508
00:19:03,367 --> 00:19:05,067
two or three weeks from now.
509
00:19:09,433 --> 00:19:12,167
- That was the last symbol left
of our oppressors!
510
00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:13,400
[crowd cheering]
511
00:19:13,433 --> 00:19:15,100
Finally, we can return
to a world where
512
00:19:15,133 --> 00:19:17,233
we're all treated as equals.
513
00:19:17,267 --> 00:19:19,933
Ignacio, Jorge, you guys
are gonna take this stuff
514
00:19:19,967 --> 00:19:22,500
to the dump, okay?
Gracias.
515
00:19:22,533 --> 00:19:24,067
narrator: And finally,
516
00:19:24,100 --> 00:19:26,267
after years
of fruitless efforts,
517
00:19:26,300 --> 00:19:29,900
the male and the female
come together as one.
518
00:19:29,933 --> 00:19:32,433
He puts on
his favorite mood song.
519
00:19:32,467 --> 00:19:34,100
The passion is intense.
- Oh, yeah!
520
00:19:34,133 --> 00:19:35,100
narrator: And when it
is over...
521
00:19:35,133 --> 00:19:36,567
- Oh, Linda!
522
00:19:36,600 --> 00:19:38,233
narrator: The male will
check in with his mate.
523
00:19:38,267 --> 00:19:40,500
- That was amazing.
Was it good for you?
524
00:19:40,533 --> 00:19:44,367
narrator: And even though
she is far from satisfied,
525
00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:46,533
the male will never know.
526
00:19:46,567 --> 00:19:48,167
- Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
527
00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:50,100
It was great.
- Wow.
528
00:19:50,133 --> 00:19:52,900
That's so noble
and selfless of her.
529
00:19:52,933 --> 00:19:54,800
- Humans are
magical creatures, sir.
530
00:19:54,833 --> 00:19:57,133
I've always said that.
- Yeah, I mean,
531
00:19:57,167 --> 00:19:59,567
they're a lot more dignified
than I initially thought.
532
00:19:59,600 --> 00:20:02,400
Ugh, man. Wish we could
keep studying them.
533
00:20:02,433 --> 00:20:04,533
But they know all about us now.
We really goofed up
534
00:20:04,567 --> 00:20:06,200
this mission,
didn't we, boys?
535
00:20:06,233 --> 00:20:07,433
- I have an idea for how to
536
00:20:07,467 --> 00:20:08,933
get things back
to how they were.
537
00:20:08,967 --> 00:20:10,500
But it's pretty lame.
538
00:20:10,533 --> 00:20:13,200
- Lemme guess, is it to
erase their memories?
539
00:20:13,233 --> 00:20:15,967
- Yeah.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
540
00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:17,567
I was thinking that too.
541
00:20:17,600 --> 00:20:19,400
I hate to use
this old device.
542
00:20:19,433 --> 00:20:21,833
[reggae music]
[water bubbling]
543
00:20:21,867 --> 00:20:24,900
- [exhales]
- [coughs]
544
00:20:24,933 --> 00:20:29,100
Ohh, man.
This is all I ever wanted.
545
00:20:29,133 --> 00:20:30,900
I can't believe I got
what I wanted.
546
00:20:30,933 --> 00:20:33,133
This never happens to me.
This literally--
547
00:20:33,167 --> 00:20:34,900
[whooshing]
Ahh!
548
00:20:34,933 --> 00:20:36,833
- Well, here we are
again, Jeff.
549
00:20:36,867 --> 00:20:39,433
Sitting on the couch,
getting high,
550
00:20:39,467 --> 00:20:41,533
listening to shitty reggae.
551
00:20:41,567 --> 00:20:43,933
Don't you ever
want more out of life, Jeff?
552
00:20:43,967 --> 00:20:46,867
Don't you ever dream about
doing big things?
553
00:20:46,900 --> 00:20:51,567
- Big things, huh?
What kinda big things?
554
00:20:51,600 --> 00:20:54,800
- [speaking French]
555
00:20:54,833 --> 00:20:55,967
[whooshing]
556
00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:58,500
- Hey!
[speaking French]
557
00:20:58,533 --> 00:21:00,867
- Huh?
- [speaking French]
558
00:21:00,900 --> 00:21:03,967
- [speaking French]
[crowd cheering]
559
00:21:04,067 --> 00:21:05,067
- Cut.
560
00:21:12,467 --> 00:21:16,100
- * I believe that God
has elephant eyes *
561
00:21:16,133 --> 00:21:18,500
- * Well, you're all wrong
562
00:21:18,533 --> 00:21:22,200
* God is an alien
named Zothrax *
41094
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