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1
00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:15,800
- [scatting]
2
00:00:17,200 --> 00:00:18,533
What the...
3
00:00:18,633 --> 00:00:20,300
Guys!
- Huh?
4
00:00:20,400 --> 00:00:22,000
- Everything okay, buddy?
5
00:00:22,100 --> 00:00:25,833
- Did one of you
happen to use my towel again?
6
00:00:25,933 --> 00:00:27,400
- Oh, come on!
7
00:00:27,500 --> 00:00:29,333
Why do you always
have to blame us?
8
00:00:29,433 --> 00:00:31,900
- Uh, maybe it's because
you're the ones
9
00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:35,300
with the oozing purple
back sores!
10
00:00:35,400 --> 00:00:37,033
- Well, that's--
Good point.
11
00:00:37,133 --> 00:00:38,700
- You need to respect
my things, okay?
12
00:00:38,800 --> 00:00:39,900
I mean,
how would you like it
13
00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:42,200
if I just messed
with your stuff all the time?
14
00:00:42,300 --> 00:00:43,733
Huh? What's this here, huh?
- [gasps]
15
00:00:43,833 --> 00:00:44,800
- I think I'll mess with it.
- No, no, Jeff!
16
00:00:44,900 --> 00:00:47,133
- Oh, doesn't feel so nice,
does it?
17
00:00:47,233 --> 00:00:49,067
[overlapping shouting]
18
00:00:51,100 --> 00:00:53,967
- Universal peace is possible.
19
00:00:54,067 --> 00:00:57,633
And the plans for it
are all right here.
20
00:00:57,733 --> 00:00:59,733
[all screaming]
21
00:00:59,833 --> 00:01:01,167
[somber notes]
22
00:01:01,267 --> 00:01:03,267
[drums beating]
23
00:01:08,867 --> 00:01:10,867
- Earth will pay!
24
00:01:10,967 --> 00:01:13,200
[all cheering]
25
00:01:13,300 --> 00:01:14,700
- Whew, we got lucky.
26
00:01:14,800 --> 00:01:17,400
That coulda hit my neighbor's
car or something, and that--
27
00:01:17,500 --> 00:01:18,700
- There he is.
- Huh?
28
00:01:18,800 --> 00:01:20,367
- The monster who murdered
Zargon.
29
00:01:20,467 --> 00:01:23,100
- What's that?
- This is an act of war.
30
00:01:23,200 --> 00:01:24,967
Now you and all
your human brothers
31
00:01:25,067 --> 00:01:27,433
will boil in a pool
of liquefied flesh.
32
00:01:27,533 --> 00:01:31,067
- Whoa, what?
Hey, that's crazy, all right?
33
00:01:31,100 --> 00:01:33,533
I would never murder anyone,
okay?
34
00:01:33,633 --> 00:01:34,867
I'm a peaceful guy.
35
00:01:34,967 --> 00:01:36,800
I was a vegetarian
for two weeks.
36
00:01:36,900 --> 00:01:38,467
- He didn't mean it.
What if he just said
37
00:01:38,567 --> 00:01:41,767
he was really, really, really,
really, really, really sorry.
38
00:01:41,867 --> 00:01:45,900
- Hmm. I suppose a good,
heartfelt apology could--
39
00:01:46,067 --> 00:01:47,100
- Oh, oh, I got it!
40
00:01:47,200 --> 00:01:48,933
What if he killed
one of his fellow humans
41
00:01:49,067 --> 00:01:50,067
as an act of goodwill?
42
00:01:50,167 --> 00:01:51,167
- What?
No, no, no, no.
43
00:01:51,267 --> 00:01:52,467
That doesn't makes sense.
Shut up.
44
00:01:52,567 --> 00:01:55,067
- That makes perfect sense.
Let's do that.
45
00:01:55,167 --> 00:01:57,067
- You seemed pretty into
that apology thing,
46
00:01:57,167 --> 00:01:59,667
which could also be
really cool.
47
00:01:59,767 --> 00:02:01,333
- No, this is much better.
48
00:02:01,433 --> 00:02:03,867
You have one week to honor us
with a precious human life--
49
00:02:03,967 --> 00:02:06,067
- Wait!
- And thus save your people.
50
00:02:06,167 --> 00:02:09,467
- No, no, no, no, no,
no, no, please.
51
00:02:09,567 --> 00:02:11,500
[sobbing]
Ew.
52
00:02:11,600 --> 00:02:14,200
- Oops.
That one was me.
53
00:02:14,300 --> 00:02:16,933
- * Three aliens
came from the sky *
54
00:02:17,067 --> 00:02:18,367
* The Galactic Council
sent them *
55
00:02:18,467 --> 00:02:20,067
- * And here's the reason why
56
00:02:20,100 --> 00:02:21,467
- * Their mission is to study
57
00:02:21,567 --> 00:02:24,567
* Earth's most average guy
58
00:02:24,667 --> 00:02:26,100
- * To see if humans
are worth saving *
59
00:02:26,200 --> 00:02:29,233
* Or if everyone has to die
60
00:02:29,333 --> 00:02:31,367
- Wait--What?
61
00:02:33,867 --> 00:02:36,667
- Okay, Jeff, so with
an Azurian honor killing,
62
00:02:36,767 --> 00:02:38,400
it's very important
that you follow
63
00:02:38,500 --> 00:02:41,067
all the ancient traditions.
- This is insane.
64
00:02:41,100 --> 00:02:43,367
- First, you're going to want
to purify them
65
00:02:43,467 --> 00:02:45,067
with the Great Blessing,
66
00:02:45,100 --> 00:02:47,333
peppering a small amount
of saliva
67
00:02:47,433 --> 00:02:51,233
from your mouth
to their face three times.
68
00:02:51,333 --> 00:02:52,900
- You want me to spit on them?
69
00:02:53,067 --> 00:02:55,467
- Every species has their own
name for the Great Blessing.
70
00:02:55,567 --> 00:02:57,200
- That's what's so cool
about it.
71
00:02:57,300 --> 00:02:59,633
- Next, you will give them
the Great Gift,
72
00:02:59,733 --> 00:03:03,233
bestowing upon them
your sacramental hairs.
73
00:03:03,333 --> 00:03:05,933
Those that have never
been tainted by light.
74
00:03:06,067 --> 00:03:08,933
- So I'm gonna sprinkle
my pubes on them too?
75
00:03:09,067 --> 00:03:11,133
That's real classy, guys.
Yeah.
76
00:03:11,233 --> 00:03:13,367
- They'll grow
into the sacred cloaks
77
00:03:13,467 --> 00:03:14,967
they wear in the afterlife.
78
00:03:15,067 --> 00:03:17,667
- Oh, cool.
Thanks for clarifying.
79
00:03:17,767 --> 00:03:20,633
- And you'll finish by saying
the holy words.
80
00:03:20,733 --> 00:03:23,467
all: "Gorumba, gorumba,
gorong."
81
00:03:23,567 --> 00:03:25,600
- Look, I don't want to say
those words, okay?
82
00:03:25,700 --> 00:03:26,900
I-I don't want to do this.
83
00:03:27,067 --> 00:03:28,467
Who the hell
would I even kill?
84
00:03:28,567 --> 00:03:29,567
[knocking]
- Jeff!
85
00:03:29,667 --> 00:03:31,967
Why are you always
shouting?
86
00:03:33,167 --> 00:03:34,833
- Hi, Evgeny, I'm sorry--
87
00:03:34,933 --> 00:03:38,567
- [mimicking] You are
loudest tenant I ever had.
88
00:03:38,667 --> 00:03:40,267
Why you cannot be quiet
like me?
89
00:03:40,367 --> 00:03:42,300
I never even talk
to nobody.
90
00:03:42,400 --> 00:03:47,333
I have no friends.
I have no family, no children.
91
00:03:47,433 --> 00:03:49,067
I could literally
disappear tomorrow---
92
00:03:49,133 --> 00:03:50,533
nobody would notice.
93
00:03:50,633 --> 00:03:52,433
[ominous musical build-up]
You know why?
94
00:03:52,533 --> 00:03:54,567
Because I'm considerate.
95
00:03:54,667 --> 00:03:58,433
- [breathing heavily]
96
00:03:58,533 --> 00:04:00,867
[turn signal ticking]
97
00:04:00,967 --> 00:04:04,067
Wha--hey, hey, hey!
I was just about to park there.
98
00:04:04,167 --> 00:04:05,567
- What are you gonna do?
Move my car?
99
00:04:05,667 --> 00:04:07,200
You don't look strong enough
to move my car.
100
00:04:07,300 --> 00:04:09,533
You're gonna do nothin'.
I can take one sniff at you
101
00:04:09,633 --> 00:04:11,133
and know that you ain't
gonna do nothin'.
102
00:04:11,233 --> 00:04:12,567
You couldn't do nothin'...
103
00:04:12,667 --> 00:04:14,100
- [growling softly]
104
00:04:14,200 --> 00:04:15,733
[phone ringing]
[startles] Ah!
105
00:04:15,833 --> 00:04:16,900
Hi, Dad.
106
00:04:17,067 --> 00:04:18,700
- Honey, on a scale
from one to ten,
107
00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:21,300
how much do you like jazz?
- Uh...
108
00:04:21,400 --> 00:04:22,800
- Because I just scored us
some tickets
109
00:04:22,900 --> 00:04:25,467
to the Smokin' Tony Wilburs
Jazz Festival.
110
00:04:25,567 --> 00:04:28,133
Huh?
Can you dig it, daddy-o?
111
00:04:28,233 --> 00:04:31,367
Or should I say sonny-o?
[chuckles]
112
00:04:31,467 --> 00:04:34,067
- Yeah, that's funny, Dad.
Maybe some other time.
113
00:04:34,100 --> 00:04:37,067
I'm just--I'm under a lot
of pressure right now.
114
00:04:37,100 --> 00:04:39,133
- Ah.
Work, huh?
115
00:04:39,233 --> 00:04:40,867
- Yeah, work.
116
00:04:40,967 --> 00:04:44,367
It's been really demanding
lately.
117
00:04:44,467 --> 00:04:49,333
- [panting]
- 48, 49, 50.
118
00:04:49,433 --> 00:04:50,767
- Yeah!
- Jeff!
119
00:04:50,867 --> 00:04:53,533
Dave just smashed your record
at "Eskimo Nuts."
120
00:04:53,633 --> 00:04:55,867
- Jeff, I couldn't have done it
without you as an example.
121
00:04:55,967 --> 00:04:58,367
- Guys, please,
we've gone over this, all right?
122
00:04:58,467 --> 00:05:00,533
It's called "Inuit Nuts."
123
00:05:00,633 --> 00:05:03,500
- Oh, yeah.
- Hey, Jeff! Get in here.
124
00:05:03,600 --> 00:05:07,233
- Ah, dude, ask him
if we can all get raises.
125
00:05:08,667 --> 00:05:10,067
- What's up, Nick?
126
00:05:10,167 --> 00:05:12,767
- [exhales deeply]
Last night, I had a dream
127
00:05:12,867 --> 00:05:15,067
that you were an exotic
French dancer,
128
00:05:15,133 --> 00:05:17,300
and you stole
all my money.
129
00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:18,967
- Wow. I thought
this was gonna be
130
00:05:19,067 --> 00:05:20,933
about the mop I broke
last week--
131
00:05:21,067 --> 00:05:23,733
- I think it's 'cause you're
such an incompetent manager,
132
00:05:23,833 --> 00:05:25,833
that I'm always worrying
about you,
133
00:05:25,933 --> 00:05:29,233
and you're burrowed
deep into my subconscious.
134
00:05:29,333 --> 00:05:31,833
- Uh, psychology
is a pretty complicated--
135
00:05:31,933 --> 00:05:33,300
- Step it up, Jeff!
- Ah!
136
00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:37,067
- You want me to lose my mind
worrying about this business?
137
00:05:37,100 --> 00:05:40,567
I need to see
that killer spirit in you.
138
00:05:40,667 --> 00:05:43,567
A good manager is willing
to get blood on his hands
139
00:05:43,667 --> 00:05:45,567
and murder the problems
before him.
140
00:05:45,667 --> 00:05:47,500
- [growling]
- Just do it, Jeff!
141
00:05:47,600 --> 00:05:49,733
Do it for the good
of everyone!
142
00:05:49,833 --> 00:05:51,667
- Oh!
- Hey, sorry, sir,
143
00:05:51,767 --> 00:05:53,367
can I clock out early today?
144
00:05:53,467 --> 00:05:56,600
I need to go see my grandma.
She's really sick.
145
00:05:56,700 --> 00:05:59,133
She's basically a vegetable
living in pain,
146
00:05:59,233 --> 00:06:01,800
but we're not legally allowed
to pull the plug.
147
00:06:01,900 --> 00:06:03,967
[ominous musical build-up]
It's heartbreaking.
148
00:06:04,067 --> 00:06:05,633
- That's fine.
149
00:06:05,733 --> 00:06:07,133
Give me back my scissors.
150
00:06:07,233 --> 00:06:09,367
Goddamn scissor thieves
everywhere.
151
00:06:10,967 --> 00:06:13,100
- Hey, hey, hey, hey, oh.
152
00:06:13,200 --> 00:06:16,300
I am so sorry to hear
about your grandma, dude.
153
00:06:16,400 --> 00:06:19,433
- [sighs]
- So, uh, where is she?
154
00:06:19,533 --> 00:06:21,133
Like at a nursing home?
155
00:06:21,233 --> 00:06:23,067
Like Hancock Gardens?
156
00:06:23,167 --> 00:06:25,500
- Uh, I think it's called
Glen Oaks.
157
00:06:25,600 --> 00:06:29,300
- Glen Oaks!
Yeah, I-I know where that is.
158
00:06:29,400 --> 00:06:32,267
Cool, cool, yeah.
It's a great place.
159
00:06:33,867 --> 00:06:36,467
[owl hoots]
160
00:06:36,567 --> 00:06:38,100
- Ah...
161
00:06:38,200 --> 00:06:40,433
- We love you so much,
Grandma.
162
00:06:40,533 --> 00:06:43,533
[sobbing]
163
00:06:45,700 --> 00:06:49,433
- [labored breathing]
164
00:06:49,533 --> 00:06:51,200
[leaves rustle]
165
00:06:51,300 --> 00:06:54,733
[suspenseful music]
166
00:06:54,833 --> 00:06:57,067
- Just know that I do this
167
00:06:57,100 --> 00:07:00,433
with the deepest respect.
168
00:07:00,533 --> 00:07:03,500
[spitting]
169
00:07:03,600 --> 00:07:05,533
- [softly]
Ohh...
170
00:07:09,367 --> 00:07:13,433
- Gorumba, gorumba, gorong.
171
00:07:13,533 --> 00:07:15,067
- [grunting]
172
00:07:15,167 --> 00:07:17,533
- I'm sorry.
Oh, God.
173
00:07:17,633 --> 00:07:20,933
Forgive me.
174
00:07:21,067 --> 00:07:22,100
[flatline tone]
175
00:07:22,200 --> 00:07:25,200
[dramatic music]
176
00:07:30,533 --> 00:07:33,233
[thudding]
- Oh! Uh.
177
00:07:33,333 --> 00:07:34,700
[click]
- And tomorrow through Friday,
178
00:07:34,800 --> 00:07:37,067
we're looking at perfect,
sunny skies.
179
00:07:37,133 --> 00:07:38,400
I tell you,
it's weeks like this
180
00:07:38,500 --> 00:07:40,833
you realize what a precious
gift life is, Jim.
181
00:07:40,933 --> 00:07:42,867
- [groans]
- * Just keep dancing
182
00:07:42,967 --> 00:07:45,500
* 'Cause you can't dance
when you're dead *
183
00:07:45,600 --> 00:07:47,533
- * Yo, respect life,
that's my motto *
184
00:07:47,633 --> 00:07:49,633
* Respect your elders too, yo,
respect them a lot-o *
185
00:07:49,733 --> 00:07:50,733
- Ah!
186
00:07:52,933 --> 00:07:56,933
[groaning]
187
00:08:03,067 --> 00:08:04,800
It's over.
188
00:08:04,900 --> 00:08:06,933
- [chuckles]
What the hell is this?
189
00:08:07,067 --> 00:08:10,200
- It's my Azurian sacrifice.
What do you mean?
190
00:08:10,300 --> 00:08:11,867
- [chuckles]
Come on, Jeff.
191
00:08:11,967 --> 00:08:14,067
This is a decrepit old woman.
192
00:08:14,167 --> 00:08:15,700
Zargon was in the prime
of his life.
193
00:08:15,800 --> 00:08:17,067
He still had
a full head of hair!
194
00:08:17,167 --> 00:08:18,633
We can't show them this.
195
00:08:18,733 --> 00:08:20,567
- It would be
incredibly insulting.
196
00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:22,867
- Insulting?
- We all make goofs, buddy.
197
00:08:22,967 --> 00:08:24,433
- This morning...
- [sobbing] What did I do?
198
00:08:24,533 --> 00:08:27,200
- I put my underwear on
backwards--it was so silly.
199
00:08:27,300 --> 00:08:30,133
- At least your suffering
is finally over. Ah!
200
00:08:30,233 --> 00:08:32,833
- Jeff, this is
incredibly insulting.
201
00:08:32,933 --> 00:08:35,467
- What's happening?
Is this hell?
202
00:08:35,567 --> 00:08:36,700
- What's she doing there?
203
00:08:36,800 --> 00:08:38,667
- You sent her soul
to the slave camps of Azuria
204
00:08:38,767 --> 00:08:40,167
when you said
the sacred words.
205
00:08:40,267 --> 00:08:41,467
[chuckles]
I thought it was obvious.
206
00:08:41,567 --> 00:08:44,333
- Slave camps?
- Why is this thing so itchy?
207
00:08:44,433 --> 00:08:48,733
- This sickly old woman offering
has enraged our people.
208
00:08:48,833 --> 00:08:50,767
Now they're clamoring
for war.
209
00:08:50,867 --> 00:08:52,633
- No, no, no.
Please, please take me.
210
00:08:52,733 --> 00:08:55,867
I'll be a slave, okay?
No war. There's no need for war.
211
00:08:55,967 --> 00:08:57,633
- Jeff, no disrespect,
212
00:08:57,733 --> 00:09:00,967
but Zargon was strong
and virile.
213
00:09:01,067 --> 00:09:04,367
You're fat, riddled with
precancerous melanomas,
214
00:09:04,467 --> 00:09:06,067
and greasy skin.
- What?
215
00:09:06,133 --> 00:09:07,600
Where are the melanomas?
216
00:09:07,700 --> 00:09:09,900
- If you want to avoid
the slaughter of your people,
217
00:09:10,067 --> 00:09:14,133
you will offer us
a healthy middle-aged specimen.
218
00:09:14,233 --> 00:09:16,067
Have a good day, son.
219
00:09:16,133 --> 00:09:18,433
- [sighs]
- Uh...
220
00:09:18,533 --> 00:09:20,400
did we say anything about
dragging the body
221
00:09:20,500 --> 00:09:21,900
back to the house?
We didn't, right?
222
00:09:22,067 --> 00:09:23,067
- Mm-mm.
- Mm-mm.
223
00:09:23,100 --> 00:09:25,867
- You got quite
the imagination, buddy.
224
00:09:25,967 --> 00:09:28,367
- [groaning]
225
00:09:28,467 --> 00:09:30,467
[animal cries out]
226
00:09:35,867 --> 00:09:37,833
[grunts]
No!
227
00:09:41,767 --> 00:09:43,433
[grunts]
228
00:09:43,533 --> 00:09:45,767
[panting]
229
00:09:45,867 --> 00:09:47,067
[engine turns]
230
00:09:47,133 --> 00:09:48,767
- * Well there
ain't nothing sweeter *
231
00:09:48,867 --> 00:09:50,700
* Than a grandma
232
00:09:50,800 --> 00:09:53,367
* Sitting on a porch
drinkin' sweet peach tea *
233
00:09:53,467 --> 00:09:54,467
- No!
[click]
234
00:09:56,633 --> 00:09:59,200
- For now, all we know
is that she's missing.
235
00:09:59,300 --> 00:10:00,367
- Aw, man.
236
00:10:00,467 --> 00:10:02,233
- But they're going to catch
this idiot.
237
00:10:02,333 --> 00:10:05,133
He left all kinds of spit
and pubes at the crime scene.
238
00:10:05,233 --> 00:10:06,900
- Ugh.
- This guy must be real sick
239
00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:08,800
in the head.
- How do you know it was a he?
240
00:10:08,900 --> 00:10:12,433
Huh? God,
I am so sick of sexism.
241
00:10:12,533 --> 00:10:14,533
- I'm so sorry, dude.
I gotta watch myself.
242
00:10:14,633 --> 00:10:17,500
- [grunting]
243
00:10:17,600 --> 00:10:20,167
- If you want to avoid
the slaughter of your people,
244
00:10:20,267 --> 00:10:24,133
you will offer us
a healthy middle-aged specimen.
245
00:10:24,233 --> 00:10:25,933
I'm...so...healthy.
246
00:10:26,033 --> 00:10:27,633
Can you believe
I'm middle-aged?
247
00:10:27,733 --> 00:10:29,800
I can't.
Whoo!
248
00:10:29,900 --> 00:10:35,900
- [heavy breathing]
249
00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:37,700
You can do this.
250
00:10:37,800 --> 00:10:39,833
You have to do this.
251
00:10:39,933 --> 00:10:42,567
The world depends on you.
252
00:10:42,667 --> 00:10:45,633
- [whistling]
- [panting]
253
00:10:45,733 --> 00:10:47,600
[grunting]
254
00:10:49,367 --> 00:10:50,900
Huh?
Ahh!
255
00:10:51,000 --> 00:10:53,667
- Oh, another leech
who thinks he can mooch
256
00:10:53,767 --> 00:10:55,833
off the productivity
of others.
257
00:10:55,933 --> 00:10:57,367
Not today!
- Oh, God! [grunting]
258
00:10:57,467 --> 00:11:00,400
- I've been training for this
moment for the past ten years.
259
00:11:00,500 --> 00:11:02,233
[both grunting]
Jiu jitsu!
260
00:11:02,333 --> 00:11:04,233
[both grunting]
Muay Thai!
261
00:11:04,333 --> 00:11:05,800
Capoeria!
262
00:11:05,900 --> 00:11:09,133
[grunting]
263
00:11:09,233 --> 00:11:11,067
- No!
- [grunting]
264
00:11:11,133 --> 00:11:12,933
Ohhhhhhh!
265
00:11:13,067 --> 00:11:14,200
Ooh!
266
00:11:14,300 --> 00:11:16,067
- Oh!
267
00:11:16,167 --> 00:11:18,067
- [gasping]
268
00:11:18,167 --> 00:11:21,133
- Oh, man, I'm sorry.
269
00:11:21,233 --> 00:11:23,500
This is so [bleep] up.
270
00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:26,433
[spitting]
271
00:11:26,533 --> 00:11:30,333
[sobbing]
272
00:11:30,433 --> 00:11:31,800
[festive music]
- All right!
273
00:11:31,900 --> 00:11:33,533
- You did it, buddy.
- You nailed it.
274
00:11:33,633 --> 00:11:35,567
- No, no. Stop it! Shut up!
all: Jeff! Jeff! Jeff! Jeff!
275
00:11:35,667 --> 00:11:36,800
- Turn it off!
276
00:11:36,900 --> 00:11:38,833
- Bravo, Jeff.
277
00:11:38,933 --> 00:11:41,233
This slave is both healthy
and strong.
278
00:11:41,333 --> 00:11:42,900
I think it's safe to say
279
00:11:43,067 --> 00:11:47,133
this has been a huge win
for everyone.
280
00:11:47,233 --> 00:11:49,600
- Oh, it's over.
[chuckles]
281
00:11:49,700 --> 00:11:50,967
It's over.
282
00:11:51,067 --> 00:11:53,367
- [grunting]
283
00:11:53,467 --> 00:11:55,333
You can chain my body,
284
00:11:55,433 --> 00:11:58,300
but you can't chain
my soul.
285
00:11:58,400 --> 00:12:01,433
- Uh, that's actually
exactly what we did.
286
00:12:01,533 --> 00:12:03,733
- [grunting]
287
00:12:05,300 --> 00:12:06,367
- Stop him!
288
00:12:06,467 --> 00:12:08,200
[all grunting]
289
00:12:08,300 --> 00:12:10,267
- Oh, my God,
he's kicking our asses.
290
00:12:10,367 --> 00:12:12,800
- Yeah, it looks like he's
getting a great workout too.
291
00:12:12,900 --> 00:12:16,767
[all grunting]
292
00:12:16,867 --> 00:12:18,467
- Father!
293
00:12:18,567 --> 00:12:20,533
- You were always a good boy.
294
00:12:20,633 --> 00:12:21,733
- No.
- [coughs]
295
00:12:21,833 --> 00:12:24,367
I want you to take
good care of your mother.
296
00:12:24,467 --> 00:12:27,367
- No!
- I...love--[groans]
297
00:12:27,467 --> 00:12:30,100
- No!
Father!
298
00:12:30,200 --> 00:12:32,067
[echoing]
299
00:12:33,900 --> 00:12:36,900
- [scatting]
300
00:12:37,067 --> 00:12:39,333
[scatting/crying]
301
00:12:39,433 --> 00:12:40,700
Wha--
- Jeff!
302
00:12:40,800 --> 00:12:44,433
You sent a trained assassin
up here to kill my father?
303
00:12:44,533 --> 00:12:46,267
Well, the deal's off.
- No, wait.
304
00:12:46,367 --> 00:12:48,133
That's not an assassin, man.
305
00:12:48,233 --> 00:12:50,400
That's my boss,
he just works out a lot.
306
00:12:50,500 --> 00:12:52,133
- It's true.
What if Jeff could prove it?
307
00:12:52,233 --> 00:12:53,467
I mean, he could show
his pay stubs.
308
00:12:53,567 --> 00:12:54,500
And you could see that the name
of if the boss and Jeff...
309
00:12:54,600 --> 00:12:55,567
- Yes, yes,
I can totally do that.
310
00:12:55,667 --> 00:12:56,700
I'm not sure where they are,
but I--
311
00:12:56,800 --> 00:12:58,300
- Or--or--or--or
he could kill his father,
312
00:12:58,400 --> 00:13:00,633
thus restoring the balance.
- No!
313
00:13:00,733 --> 00:13:02,133
- That's good.
We'll do that.
314
00:13:02,233 --> 00:13:05,200
You too will experience
the deep suffering
315
00:13:05,300 --> 00:13:07,200
that I'm going through now.
316
00:13:07,300 --> 00:13:10,867
- No, goddamn it, Sammy!
[sobbing]
317
00:13:10,967 --> 00:13:13,800
- I think you're just mad 'cause
he keeps liking my ideas better.
318
00:13:13,900 --> 00:13:15,933
[jazz music]
319
00:13:16,067 --> 00:13:17,600
- Hot socks!
320
00:13:17,700 --> 00:13:19,233
Can that cat blow or what?
321
00:13:19,333 --> 00:13:22,700
I mean, this is once
in a lifetime stuff.
322
00:13:22,800 --> 00:13:26,467
- Yeah.
He seems really good at jazz.
323
00:13:26,567 --> 00:13:28,067
- I still can't believe
that your boss
324
00:13:28,133 --> 00:13:31,467
gave you the whole week off.
This is fantastic.
325
00:13:31,567 --> 00:13:35,967
- Yeah.
Uh, so, Dad, tell me.
326
00:13:36,067 --> 00:13:39,067
Do you have any, like,
secret family stories
327
00:13:39,100 --> 00:13:40,933
or old recipes or like--
- What?
328
00:13:41,067 --> 00:13:42,233
- What kinds of things
do you think
329
00:13:42,333 --> 00:13:44,067
would be on
your bucket list?
330
00:13:44,167 --> 00:13:47,333
- Bucket list?
Are you kidding, I'm only 63.
331
00:13:47,433 --> 00:13:49,767
I've never felt better
in my life.
332
00:13:49,867 --> 00:13:51,800
But I mean,
yeah, sure.
333
00:13:51,900 --> 00:13:54,667
There's a couple of things
I've always wanted to do.
334
00:13:54,767 --> 00:13:57,133
- * Morning has broken
335
00:13:57,233 --> 00:13:59,433
- Whoa!
- Ya-ha!
336
00:13:59,533 --> 00:14:00,767
- [laughing]
337
00:14:00,867 --> 00:14:02,833
- Hey, Dad,
check it out!
338
00:14:02,933 --> 00:14:06,833
- Oh, Jeff.
Oh, it's beautiful!
339
00:14:06,933 --> 00:14:09,467
[laughing]
- Ole, Daddy, ole!
340
00:14:09,567 --> 00:14:11,133
- [grunts]
- Oh! Oh!
341
00:14:11,233 --> 00:14:13,100
- [muffled]
Hey, hey!
342
00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:15,867
- * Praise for the singing
343
00:14:15,967 --> 00:14:16,900
- I love you, Dad.
344
00:14:17,067 --> 00:14:21,233
- * Praise for the morning
345
00:14:21,333 --> 00:14:23,500
* Praise for the springing
346
00:14:23,600 --> 00:14:25,733
- Well, it's been
a little pricey,
347
00:14:25,833 --> 00:14:30,967
but this has been
the best week of my life.
348
00:14:31,067 --> 00:14:33,900
- You have one week to honor us
with a precious human life,
349
00:14:34,067 --> 00:14:35,767
or you
and all your human brothers
350
00:14:35,867 --> 00:14:38,567
will boil in a pool
of liquefied flesh.
351
00:14:38,667 --> 00:14:40,933
[ominous chorus sings]
- Ahh!
352
00:14:41,067 --> 00:14:42,867
What are you thinking about,
honey?
353
00:14:42,967 --> 00:14:45,800
- Just, uh,
how much I love you.
354
00:14:45,900 --> 00:14:46,900
- Aw.
355
00:14:49,967 --> 00:14:52,400
- Oh, wow.
356
00:14:52,500 --> 00:14:54,167
Ooh, look,
a falcon!
357
00:14:54,267 --> 00:14:56,867
[screeching]
I think it's a female.
358
00:14:58,800 --> 00:15:02,200
- Oh, yeah,
how can you tell, Dad?
359
00:15:02,300 --> 00:15:03,567
- From the plumage.
[tense music]
360
00:15:03,667 --> 00:15:06,967
Can you see the little yellow
feathers on her breast?
361
00:15:07,067 --> 00:15:09,967
[tense music rising]
362
00:15:10,067 --> 00:15:11,067
*
363
00:15:11,167 --> 00:15:12,367
- No, I can't!
364
00:15:12,467 --> 00:15:15,467
- Whoa, whoa, honey,
there's no need to get upset.
365
00:15:15,567 --> 00:15:18,100
It's a lot easier
with the binoculars.
366
00:15:18,200 --> 00:15:20,533
- I just--
I love you so much.
367
00:15:20,633 --> 00:15:23,167
- I know you do,
you keep saying that.
368
00:15:23,267 --> 00:15:24,667
You know, honey,
before this week,
369
00:15:24,767 --> 00:15:27,600
I was lucky to get a phone call
from you once a month,
370
00:15:27,700 --> 00:15:29,900
asking for my password to Hulu.
371
00:15:30,067 --> 00:15:32,100
But now, look at us.
372
00:15:32,200 --> 00:15:34,067
I mean, I don't know whether
you're doing yoga
373
00:15:34,133 --> 00:15:38,267
or some kind of self-help,
but, honey, it's working.
374
00:15:38,367 --> 00:15:41,233
Because you've become
the sweetest, gentlest--
375
00:15:41,333 --> 00:15:42,667
- Hands in the air, Mahoney!
- Whoa!
376
00:15:42,767 --> 00:15:44,700
- What?
- Is this about my taxes?
377
00:15:44,800 --> 00:15:47,067
I claimed my living room
as a home office.
378
00:15:47,167 --> 00:15:50,400
I took a gamble.
I rolled the dice.
379
00:15:50,500 --> 00:15:52,733
- You're under arrest
for double homicide.
380
00:15:52,833 --> 00:15:54,333
- What?
381
00:15:54,433 --> 00:15:56,167
[jail door slams]
382
00:15:56,267 --> 00:15:58,767
- You need to get me out of here
or we're all gonna die.
383
00:15:58,867 --> 00:16:02,467
You people just don't get it.
I need to talk to the aliens.
384
00:16:02,567 --> 00:16:05,167
- I always get the goddamned
meth heads, don't I?
385
00:16:05,267 --> 00:16:07,267
- I've got it!
[laughs] I've got it!
386
00:16:07,367 --> 00:16:09,733
Larry, I need you
to do me a huge favor.
387
00:16:09,833 --> 00:16:11,467
I need you to kill me.
388
00:16:11,567 --> 00:16:13,467
- I've been in here
14 years,
389
00:16:13,567 --> 00:16:15,867
and you're the craziest
son of a bitch I ever met.
390
00:16:15,967 --> 00:16:17,733
- Here, you can choke me
with these, okay?
391
00:16:17,833 --> 00:16:19,967
Oh, yeah, and I need you
to spit on me three times,
392
00:16:20,067 --> 00:16:21,500
then sprinkle some pubes
on my face,
393
00:16:21,600 --> 00:16:23,600
and say, "Gorumba, gorumba,
gorong," got it?
394
00:16:23,700 --> 00:16:26,567
- You stay the [bleep]
away from me.
395
00:16:26,667 --> 00:16:29,733
[dramatic music]
396
00:16:29,833 --> 00:16:31,800
- Hey! What the--
- That's right.
397
00:16:31,900 --> 00:16:33,700
You gonna do something
about it?
398
00:16:33,800 --> 00:16:36,700
Or are you just gonna stand
there like a little bitch?
399
00:16:36,800 --> 00:16:38,867
all: Oh!
400
00:16:38,967 --> 00:16:40,733
- I was new here once too.
401
00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:43,833
I see what you're doing.
Respect.
402
00:16:43,933 --> 00:16:45,567
- [grunts]
all: Oh!
403
00:16:45,667 --> 00:16:46,900
- I don't need your respect.
404
00:16:47,067 --> 00:16:48,967
I already got
your mom's respect
405
00:16:49,067 --> 00:16:50,933
when I was balls deep
in her ass.
406
00:16:51,067 --> 00:16:53,067
all: Oh!
- You crossed a line, puto.
407
00:16:53,133 --> 00:16:55,067
[both grunting]
408
00:16:55,100 --> 00:16:56,433
- Thank you.
409
00:16:56,533 --> 00:16:58,067
[overlapping shouting]
410
00:16:58,167 --> 00:16:59,400
- Huh?
411
00:16:59,500 --> 00:17:00,967
- [spits]
412
00:17:01,067 --> 00:17:05,133
Gorumba, gorumba, gorong.
413
00:17:05,233 --> 00:17:07,533
[ethereal music]
414
00:17:07,633 --> 00:17:10,667
[laser fire]
415
00:17:10,767 --> 00:17:14,133
- You green freaks
are all gonna die!
416
00:17:14,233 --> 00:17:15,400
[both screaming]
417
00:17:15,500 --> 00:17:19,267
- Does anybody have any idea
what to do?
418
00:17:19,367 --> 00:17:21,567
[ethereal music]
419
00:17:21,667 --> 00:17:25,467
- I do.
- Jeff, you can stop him?
420
00:17:25,567 --> 00:17:27,900
- Sure, but here's how
it's gonna go down.
421
00:17:28,067 --> 00:17:31,467
First, we call off this whole
"blow up the earth" thing.
422
00:17:31,567 --> 00:17:34,767
Second, you send all the slaves
back home.
423
00:17:34,867 --> 00:17:39,333
And third, you give me a shirt
that's not made out of pubes.
424
00:17:39,433 --> 00:17:42,167
- Hey, that sounds reasonable.
425
00:17:42,267 --> 00:17:46,100
- [maniacal laughter]
426
00:17:46,200 --> 00:17:48,533
- Hey, hey, buddy.
- What the...
427
00:17:48,633 --> 00:17:52,200
- Welcome to another
batshit crazy Jeff dream.
428
00:17:52,300 --> 00:17:56,700
- [chuckles]
Of course. A dream.
429
00:17:56,800 --> 00:17:59,133
- You know dreams
are all about symbols, right?
430
00:17:59,233 --> 00:18:00,733
- Okay.
431
00:18:00,833 --> 00:18:01,800
- And this mech is a symbol
432
00:18:01,900 --> 00:18:04,133
for that tough guy
attitude of yours.
433
00:18:04,233 --> 00:18:07,933
The real Nick
is a fragile little boy,
434
00:18:08,067 --> 00:18:10,267
[whispers]
and he needs to be loved.
435
00:18:10,367 --> 00:18:13,867
- Oh, God, it's true.
436
00:18:13,967 --> 00:18:16,733
So what was
the lobster dream about?
437
00:18:16,833 --> 00:18:18,800
- Uh, same thing,
basically.
438
00:18:18,900 --> 00:18:21,567
Lobsters have shells,
hard exteriors.
439
00:18:21,667 --> 00:18:24,067
- Wow. Well, what about the one
where you blew me
440
00:18:24,133 --> 00:18:25,467
in the hot tub in Aspen?
441
00:18:25,567 --> 00:18:28,333
- Uh, look man, we don't need
to get into every dream
442
00:18:28,433 --> 00:18:29,667
you've ever had here,
all right?
443
00:18:29,767 --> 00:18:31,733
The point is,
you should relax,
444
00:18:31,833 --> 00:18:34,400
and maybe give all
your employees raises.
445
00:18:37,433 --> 00:18:42,067
[all screaming]
446
00:18:42,167 --> 00:18:43,933
- [gasps]
447
00:18:44,067 --> 00:18:47,700
Why am I so obsessed
with Jeff?
448
00:18:47,800 --> 00:18:50,167
- [whimpers]
But I'm scared.
449
00:18:50,267 --> 00:18:51,667
- Oh, it's okay, buddy.
450
00:18:51,767 --> 00:18:53,833
It's just water.
See?
451
00:18:53,933 --> 00:18:55,633
It's not gonna hurt ya.
452
00:18:55,733 --> 00:18:57,767
- Ahh!
- Ahh!
453
00:18:57,867 --> 00:19:01,467
- Gotta hand it to him, man,
he was pretty tough.
454
00:19:01,567 --> 00:19:04,200
But nobody survives
a shanking from Jose.
455
00:19:04,300 --> 00:19:06,900
- [gasps]
all: Oh!
456
00:19:09,100 --> 00:19:11,667
- I mean, how inept
can the police be?
457
00:19:11,767 --> 00:19:13,667
- Yeah. Pretty hard to be
a murderer
458
00:19:13,767 --> 00:19:16,067
if your victims
are all alive and well.
459
00:19:16,100 --> 00:19:19,300
- I'm telling you guys,
the system is broken.
460
00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:20,467
- Jeez.
- So, Dad, you down to hit
461
00:19:20,567 --> 00:19:22,067
Ragtime Fest next week?
462
00:19:22,100 --> 00:19:24,900
- Does Scott Joplin
use a 2/4 time signature?
463
00:19:25,067 --> 00:19:27,967
- [chuckles]
Well, you know,
464
00:19:28,067 --> 00:19:29,400
at the end of the day,
465
00:19:29,500 --> 00:19:32,533
this all worked out great
for everyone.
466
00:19:32,633 --> 00:19:34,900
- So, where were you,
Grandma?
467
00:19:35,067 --> 00:19:36,900
- I was in hell.
468
00:19:37,067 --> 00:19:39,933
But instead of demons,
there were aliens
469
00:19:40,067 --> 00:19:43,267
and they made me wear a horrible
jacket made of pubic hair.
470
00:19:43,367 --> 00:19:45,133
- Once they get to this level
of dementia,
471
00:19:45,233 --> 00:19:47,333
there's really nothing
we can do.
472
00:19:51,567 --> 00:19:54,433
- 48. Wow, man, 49.
473
00:19:54,533 --> 00:19:55,867
- Hey, friends.
- [grunts]
474
00:19:55,967 --> 00:19:58,633
- You're all getting raises
because I appreciate you.
475
00:19:58,733 --> 00:20:00,067
- Yeah!
- Nice!
476
00:20:00,067 --> 00:20:01,933
- Oh, and I'm not going to be
here anymore
477
00:20:02,033 --> 00:20:03,600
on Tuesdays and Fridays
478
00:20:03,700 --> 00:20:06,300
because I'm starting
intensive therapy.
479
00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:10,267
I-I believe something
is terribly wrong with me.
480
00:20:10,367 --> 00:20:13,733
- Uh, okay, well,
thanks for the raise, man.
481
00:20:13,833 --> 00:20:16,800
- Jeff, did you do something
different with your hair?
482
00:20:16,900 --> 00:20:18,633
- Uh...
- I like it.
483
00:20:18,733 --> 00:20:20,967
- Thank you.
484
00:20:21,067 --> 00:20:23,467
* Water is so wet
485
00:20:23,567 --> 00:20:25,333
* Water
is so wet *
486
00:20:25,433 --> 00:20:29,733
* Have you ever seen
a wetter thing than water? *
487
00:20:31,267 --> 00:20:33,767
Huh.
488
00:20:33,867 --> 00:20:36,867
[muffled] Hey, guys, I just
wanted to say thanks so much
489
00:20:36,967 --> 00:20:40,533
for respecting the new towel
rule, it means a lot.
490
00:20:40,633 --> 00:20:42,000
[all gasping]
- Jeff!
491
00:20:42,100 --> 00:20:43,800
What is my butt brush
doing in your mouth?
492
00:20:43,900 --> 00:20:44,800
- Your what brush?
- Grossy grossers!
493
00:20:44,900 --> 00:20:46,167
- Ugh! God!
494
00:20:46,267 --> 00:20:48,100
That means I've been getting
your filthy mouth germs
495
00:20:48,200 --> 00:20:49,133
all over my butt.
- Ugh.
496
00:20:49,233 --> 00:20:51,633
How long has this
been going on?
497
00:20:51,733 --> 00:20:53,167
- No!
I'm the one that's upset.
498
00:20:53,267 --> 00:20:54,933
This is my toothbrush.
499
00:20:55,033 --> 00:20:58,033
- No! This is your toothbrush,
you [bleep] idiot.
500
00:20:58,133 --> 00:21:01,267
Right where you left it,
in the toothbrush cup.
501
00:21:01,367 --> 00:21:03,233
- Talk about disrespecting
other people's stuff.
502
00:21:03,333 --> 00:21:05,400
- Ahh!
[knocking]
503
00:21:05,500 --> 00:21:07,967
- Jeff!
Shut your fat mouth!
504
00:21:10,067 --> 00:21:11,167
- Cut.
505
00:21:12,433 --> 00:21:14,433
- Perfect sunny skies.
506
00:21:14,533 --> 00:21:15,800
I tell you,
it's weeks like this
507
00:21:15,900 --> 00:21:18,100
you realize what a precious
gift life is, Jim.
508
00:21:18,200 --> 00:21:20,133
- Ugh.
- * Just keep dancing
509
00:21:20,233 --> 00:21:21,167
* 'Cause you can't dance
510
00:21:21,267 --> 00:21:22,433
* When you're dead
- Ooh!
511
00:21:22,533 --> 00:21:24,733
- * Yo, respect life,
that's my motto *
512
00:21:24,833 --> 00:21:26,067
* Respect your elders too,
yo *
513
00:21:26,167 --> 00:21:27,333
* Respect them a lot-o
- Ugh.
36780
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