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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,445 --> 00:00:04,256 (upbeat music) 2 00:00:06,963 --> 00:00:08,962 Good morning. 3 00:00:09,082 --> 00:00:11,101 (moans) 4 00:00:11,415 --> 00:00:14,384 - Ha. - Good morning. 5 00:00:15,811 --> 00:00:16,803 Ah. 6 00:00:16,923 --> 00:00:18,767 (groans) 7 00:00:18,887 --> 00:00:21,470 - What? - Huh. 8 00:00:22,408 --> 00:00:24,593 Ha, that's weird. 9 00:00:24,713 --> 00:00:26,766 I can't move my arm. 10 00:00:26,886 --> 00:00:29,737 Oh... that's as far up as it'll go. 11 00:00:30,229 --> 00:00:31,632 That is weird. 12 00:00:31,752 --> 00:00:34,404 What sort of sexual wizardry did you perform on me last night? 13 00:00:34,524 --> 00:00:39,708 If anyone was doing any wizardry, babe, it was definitely you. 14 00:00:39,828 --> 00:00:42,439 Look at the... look at the difference between the two. 15 00:00:42,559 --> 00:00:45,530 - All right, let me see this. - Easy, don't... 16 00:00:45,650 --> 00:00:47,023 You would prefer me not to break your arm? 17 00:00:47,143 --> 00:00:49,969 - I would prefer that, yes. - All right, all right. 18 00:00:50,618 --> 00:00:52,339 - Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! - Ah, okay! 19 00:00:52,459 --> 00:00:54,317 - Okay, okay, okay. - Ah! 20 00:00:54,437 --> 00:00:57,393 - Strange. - So strange. 21 00:00:58,046 --> 00:01:00,087 - That's as far as it goes? - Yeah. 22 00:01:00,207 --> 00:01:02,862 - Hmm... Does this hurt? - Yep. 23 00:01:02,982 --> 00:01:04,432 - How 'bout this? - Yep. 24 00:01:04,552 --> 00:01:05,082 - This? - Yep. 25 00:01:05,202 --> 00:01:07,155 I think there's a pattern forming here. 26 00:01:07,275 --> 00:01:10,792 I'll tell you what you've got here. Adhesive capsulitis. 27 00:01:10,912 --> 00:01:11,694 That doesn't sound good. 28 00:01:11,814 --> 00:01:14,241 They also call it "40-year-old shoulder." 29 00:01:14,361 --> 00:01:15,352 "40-year-old shoulder"? 30 00:01:15,472 --> 00:01:17,485 Happens to some people around the age of 40. 31 00:01:17,605 --> 00:01:19,275 Ligaments tighten up for no reason. 32 00:01:19,395 --> 00:01:21,331 It works itself out in about a week or so. 33 00:01:21,451 --> 00:01:23,386 Just won't be able to raise your arm above a "heil." 34 00:01:23,506 --> 00:01:26,257 That's... inconvenient. 35 00:01:26,377 --> 00:01:27,760 They have no idea what causes it, or... 36 00:01:27,880 --> 00:01:29,603 Sure they do: Age. 37 00:01:29,723 --> 00:01:32,056 Just the kind of thing that starts happening in your 40s. 38 00:01:32,176 --> 00:01:34,131 You know, you're losing your reproductive function, 39 00:01:34,251 --> 00:01:37,059 so nature deems you unnecessary and therefore ready for decay. 40 00:01:37,179 --> 00:01:40,887 Bone density goes. Your elasticity goes. Your eyesight goes. 41 00:01:41,007 --> 00:01:43,708 With women, there's often a thinning of the walls of the... 42 00:01:43,828 --> 00:01:45,335 Uh, let's just stick to the shoulder, okay? 43 00:01:45,455 --> 00:01:46,643 Well, that'll be fine. 44 00:01:46,763 --> 00:01:48,436 Just might want to start taking some Calcium. 45 00:01:48,556 --> 00:01:49,946 It's always good to get a head start. 46 00:01:49,948 --> 00:01:52,415 - (forced laugh) - Calcium. 47 00:01:54,115 --> 00:01:58,114 - I'm sorry you had to hear all that. - Oh, it's okay. 48 00:01:58,448 --> 00:02:00,944 Uh, we better get busy, though, 49 00:02:01,064 --> 00:02:02,589 before you fall apart. 50 00:02:02,709 --> 00:02:04,179 (laughs) 51 00:02:04,299 --> 00:02:07,164 (laid-back groove music) 52 00:02:07,284 --> 00:02:11,418 Synced and corrected by johnyd13 www.addic7ed.com 53 00:02:11,973 --> 00:02:14,213 - There's no book? - There is no book. 54 00:02:14,333 --> 00:02:17,139 There never was a book. There will never be a book. 55 00:02:17,259 --> 00:02:20,305 - We are totally screwed. - I can't believe Jade just blew through 56 00:02:20,425 --> 00:02:23,067 her entire advance like that and live-tweeted it. 57 00:02:23,187 --> 00:02:24,789 Well, she didn't blow through the entire advance. 58 00:02:24,909 --> 00:02:26,255 I mean, there's still $1,200 left. 59 00:02:26,375 --> 00:02:28,238 Ugh, what are we gonna do? 60 00:02:28,358 --> 00:02:29,990 I'm gonna lay low for morning meeting. 61 00:02:30,110 --> 00:02:32,320 Okay? Wait for lunch. We'll talk about it. 62 00:02:32,440 --> 00:02:35,378 In the meantime, not a word to Charles or Diana. 63 00:02:35,498 --> 00:02:36,838 - Okay? - Okay. 64 00:02:36,958 --> 00:02:38,737 (sighs) 65 00:02:43,873 --> 00:02:45,203 You wanted to see me? 66 00:02:45,323 --> 00:02:47,534 I just got off the phone with Hugh Shirley's agent. 67 00:02:47,654 --> 00:02:51,022 He wanted me to know, before Hugh's pitch today, 68 00:02:51,142 --> 00:02:54,028 Achilles just made a pre-emptive offer on "The Male Feminist." 69 00:02:54,148 --> 00:02:56,359 Oh, for God's sake. What, they kill all the bookstores, 70 00:02:56,479 --> 00:02:57,852 and now they have to come after the authors too? 71 00:02:57,972 --> 00:03:01,207 But Hugh would rather not go to Achilles. 72 00:03:01,568 --> 00:03:02,865 Really? 73 00:03:03,109 --> 00:03:05,356 Authors are starting to hate them too. There's a backlash. 74 00:03:05,476 --> 00:03:07,781 That's why the agent was giving me the head's up. 75 00:03:07,901 --> 00:03:11,362 I think we still have a great chance to land this today. 76 00:03:11,482 --> 00:03:13,482 Oh, no, we must. I mean, this could be huge. 77 00:03:13,602 --> 00:03:16,683 - It's totally in the zeitgeist. - Couldn't agree more. 78 00:03:16,803 --> 00:03:18,480 I want you to take the lead on this. 79 00:03:18,600 --> 00:03:21,415 I need you on your game today. 80 00:03:22,118 --> 00:03:24,354 I will be gamier than ever. 81 00:03:26,678 --> 00:03:28,758 I was... I'll be in my office. 82 00:03:28,878 --> 00:03:32,368 (rock music) 83 00:03:32,654 --> 00:03:34,246 Liza. 84 00:03:34,543 --> 00:03:36,672 Do I have everything there is on Hugh Shirley? 85 00:03:36,792 --> 00:03:39,125 Uh, actually, I just pulled up one of his lectures. 86 00:03:39,245 --> 00:03:41,598 It's called "Crushing The Patriarchy From Within." 87 00:03:41,718 --> 00:03:43,512 I cued it up for you. 88 00:03:44,117 --> 00:03:46,215 I'm wearing a bosom. Why? 89 00:03:46,553 --> 00:03:48,599 Because while a man can never truly know 90 00:03:48,719 --> 00:03:50,136 what it's like to be a woman, 91 00:03:50,256 --> 00:03:53,456 it doesn't mean he can't try. 92 00:03:54,201 --> 00:03:56,058 (baby crying) 93 00:03:56,178 --> 00:03:57,608 And... 94 00:04:01,325 --> 00:04:04,066 Ladies and gentlemen, I have never felt more beautiful. 95 00:04:04,186 --> 00:04:05,920 Oh, good Lord, what a... 96 00:04:06,040 --> 00:04:09,253 powerful, powerful message... 97 00:04:09,373 --> 00:04:12,812 A message that, if I have my way, will be heard by every man, woman, 98 00:04:12,932 --> 00:04:15,208 and post-pubescent child in this country. 99 00:04:15,328 --> 00:04:16,582 I am not going to sell this as a book. 100 00:04:16,702 --> 00:04:19,798 No, I'm going to sell this as an anthem, 101 00:04:20,079 --> 00:04:22,418 a call to action for a new generation. 102 00:04:22,538 --> 00:04:23,851 In my mind, "The Male Feminist" 103 00:04:23,971 --> 00:04:26,346 is "The Feminine Mystique" for the 21st century. 104 00:04:26,466 --> 00:04:28,699 And in Empirical's hands, 105 00:04:28,934 --> 00:04:31,743 you'll be nothing less than the new Betty Friedan. 106 00:04:31,863 --> 00:04:33,464 (gasps) 107 00:04:34,354 --> 00:04:36,050 And she would be my point person? 108 00:04:36,170 --> 00:04:37,583 She would. 109 00:04:37,703 --> 00:04:39,389 Then I'm interested. 110 00:04:39,509 --> 00:04:41,183 On one condition: 111 00:04:41,303 --> 00:04:42,487 That we make a deal and then 112 00:04:42,607 --> 00:04:45,698 you pay me 77 cents on the dollar for that deal. 113 00:04:45,818 --> 00:04:46,909 I want to be paid like a woman, 114 00:04:47,029 --> 00:04:48,688 and I want that to be part of the campaign. 115 00:04:48,808 --> 00:04:50,749 That is brilliant. 116 00:04:50,869 --> 00:04:52,880 I think we can arrange that. 117 00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:54,450 Then let's make a book. 118 00:04:54,570 --> 00:04:57,453 (applause) 119 00:04:58,974 --> 00:05:01,567 Liza? Uh, where are we on the Jade Winslow book? 120 00:05:01,687 --> 00:05:04,421 - Are we on track? - Yeah, uh... 121 00:05:04,762 --> 00:05:06,227 Yea... absolutely. 122 00:05:06,347 --> 00:05:08,080 Didn't she promise us a first chapter by now? 123 00:05:08,200 --> 00:05:10,264 Yes. Yes, she did. 124 00:05:10,384 --> 00:05:12,675 - And? - And... it... 125 00:05:13,388 --> 00:05:15,937 is so good. 126 00:05:16,057 --> 00:05:19,303 - Uh, great. When can I read it? - Uh, well, um, 127 00:05:19,547 --> 00:05:22,777 Kelsey's just going over it with a fine-toothed comb. 128 00:05:22,897 --> 00:05:25,600 - You know how dedicated she is. - Yeah. 129 00:05:25,720 --> 00:05:27,712 I'd like to read it tomorrow. 130 00:05:27,832 --> 00:05:29,755 I will tell her that. 131 00:05:30,302 --> 00:05:32,020 Great. 132 00:05:32,823 --> 00:05:34,255 Tomorrow? 133 00:05:34,375 --> 00:05:36,292 - Why would you tell him that? - He had me cornered. 134 00:05:36,412 --> 00:05:38,563 - What could I say? - Anything but that! 135 00:05:38,683 --> 00:05:40,631 You can't promise pages that we don't have. 136 00:05:40,751 --> 00:05:42,380 I know. I just... I panicked. 137 00:05:42,500 --> 00:05:44,934 Oh, God. 138 00:05:45,312 --> 00:05:49,062 I guess it's time to tell Charles. Mm. So long, Millennial. 139 00:05:49,182 --> 00:05:51,887 It was fun while it lasted. 140 00:05:53,557 --> 00:05:55,735 Oh, God. Just what I need. 141 00:05:55,855 --> 00:05:57,768 - Who's that? - Brad Westlake. 142 00:05:57,888 --> 00:05:59,647 He's such a dick. 143 00:05:59,767 --> 00:06:03,185 We interned together. He was so far up everyone's ass, 144 00:06:03,305 --> 00:06:06,689 they called him "The Butt Plug." Now he's at Achilles, obviously. 145 00:06:06,809 --> 00:06:10,159 Kelsey Peters. Gorgeous as ever. 146 00:06:10,279 --> 00:06:12,682 Brad Westlake. It's good to see you. 147 00:06:12,802 --> 00:06:14,413 This is Liza Miller, my associate. 148 00:06:14,533 --> 00:06:16,414 Hi, it's nice to... ow! I'm sorry. 149 00:06:16,534 --> 00:06:19,750 I fell off the elliptical this morning, and I sprained my arm. 150 00:06:19,870 --> 00:06:22,099 What? I didn't know that. 151 00:06:22,373 --> 00:06:23,137 Oh, it's nothing. 152 00:06:23,257 --> 00:06:25,424 Congrats on, uh, getting your own imprint. 153 00:06:25,544 --> 00:06:28,346 Congratulations on being at Achilles. 154 00:06:28,466 --> 00:06:30,549 - You're a-killin' it. - Yeah... 155 00:06:30,669 --> 00:06:32,683 In fact, you guys are killin' all of us. 156 00:06:32,803 --> 00:06:35,516 Amazingly, people are actually boycotting us. 157 00:06:35,636 --> 00:06:38,369 Let's face it. I mean, it's never gonna last. 158 00:06:38,389 --> 00:06:39,904 In the end, money... 159 00:06:40,024 --> 00:06:41,537 always wins, right? 160 00:06:41,657 --> 00:06:45,728 So give me a call when you're ready to play with the big dogs. 161 00:06:47,031 --> 00:06:48,946 "Money always wins"? 162 00:06:49,066 --> 00:06:50,336 Who actually says that? 163 00:06:50,456 --> 00:06:52,385 Speaking of money, 164 00:06:52,505 --> 00:06:54,672 Jade just blew her last $1,200. 165 00:06:54,792 --> 00:06:56,730 Oh, God. On what? 166 00:06:56,850 --> 00:06:58,591 A diamond pacifier. 167 00:06:58,711 --> 00:07:02,273 Official time of death, 1:26 p.m. 168 00:07:02,793 --> 00:07:05,166 Wait a minute. Let me see that. 169 00:07:05,576 --> 00:07:07,166 All we need is one chapter, right? 170 00:07:07,286 --> 00:07:08,827 Yeah. 171 00:07:09,130 --> 00:07:12,637 - Well, you're looking at it. - What? 172 00:07:12,757 --> 00:07:15,763 She basically posts every moment of her life online. 173 00:07:15,883 --> 00:07:17,508 It's like she's been writing her autobiography. 174 00:07:17,628 --> 00:07:21,445 - 140 characters at a time. - That's true. 175 00:07:21,565 --> 00:07:24,464 We already own all of her social media. 176 00:07:24,698 --> 00:07:26,752 I just need to add a little narrative, 177 00:07:26,872 --> 00:07:30,407 come up with some imaginative profanity. 178 00:07:30,527 --> 00:07:32,790 - I could do that in a night. - That's one chapter. 179 00:07:32,910 --> 00:07:35,336 How are you gonna write the rest of the book? 180 00:07:35,456 --> 00:07:37,196 I may not have to. 181 00:07:42,918 --> 00:07:45,163 _ 182 00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:48,786 _ 183 00:07:50,543 --> 00:07:52,828 _ 184 00:07:53,838 --> 00:07:55,719 _ 185 00:08:00,064 --> 00:08:02,261 _ 186 00:08:02,856 --> 00:08:04,845 _ 187 00:08:04,965 --> 00:08:06,899 _ 188 00:08:07,250 --> 00:08:11,586 (fast-paced electronic music) 189 00:08:13,992 --> 00:08:17,742 _ 190 00:08:22,978 --> 00:08:26,308 (blowtorch firing loudly) 191 00:08:29,392 --> 00:08:30,907 I loved you in "Flashdance." 192 00:08:31,027 --> 00:08:33,155 Oh. Thank you. 193 00:08:33,479 --> 00:08:35,060 Wow. 194 00:08:35,716 --> 00:08:36,996 Look at that. 195 00:08:37,116 --> 00:08:39,532 Yeah, she's inspired by a Hindu warrior goddess. 196 00:08:39,652 --> 00:08:41,784 She represents fearlessness and patience. 197 00:08:41,904 --> 00:08:44,537 Ugh, it's amazing, isn't it? 198 00:08:44,657 --> 00:08:46,585 I mean, look at her. She could stab a guy 199 00:08:46,705 --> 00:08:48,292 and give nine handies at the same time. 200 00:08:48,412 --> 00:08:50,271 - That's one perspective. - Oh, my God. 201 00:08:50,391 --> 00:08:52,467 You know who would love this? Hector and Dorff. 202 00:08:52,587 --> 00:08:54,192 They could install this in their flagship store. 203 00:08:54,312 --> 00:08:56,731 It's opening in a couple days. Do you mind if I show it to them? 204 00:08:56,851 --> 00:08:58,360 Knock yourself out. 205 00:08:58,480 --> 00:09:00,421 Ah, it's perfect. 206 00:09:00,949 --> 00:09:02,608 Thank you. 207 00:09:03,076 --> 00:09:04,675 Oh, Lauren, we're still on for later, right? 208 00:09:04,795 --> 00:09:07,110 Absolutely. You're in my squad, girl. 209 00:09:07,315 --> 00:09:09,930 - What's that about? - I need her devious mind. 210 00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:12,273 Well, take it. I need the devious rest of her. 211 00:09:12,393 --> 00:09:14,063 Is she living here now? 212 00:09:14,183 --> 00:09:15,701 Eh, you know what they say. 213 00:09:15,821 --> 00:09:18,421 What does a lesbian bring to a second date? 214 00:09:18,541 --> 00:09:20,491 A U-Haul. 215 00:09:20,493 --> 00:09:23,494 (energetic music) 216 00:09:26,279 --> 00:09:28,085 Well, obviously we'll book you on all the big shows, 217 00:09:28,205 --> 00:09:29,533 but I'd like to do a few events 218 00:09:29,653 --> 00:09:31,285 at the 92nd Street Y where you square off 219 00:09:31,405 --> 00:09:33,287 with some of the country's top misogynists. 220 00:09:33,407 --> 00:09:35,663 You know, like Jon Stewart did with Bill O'Reilly. 221 00:09:35,783 --> 00:09:37,458 Actually, Bill O'Reilly might work for this. 222 00:09:37,578 --> 00:09:39,803 - Maybe Donald Trump. - I'd love that. 223 00:09:39,923 --> 00:09:41,511 Also, I'd love to do a reading 224 00:09:41,631 --> 00:09:43,681 solely for influential architects. 225 00:09:43,801 --> 00:09:46,747 I mean, I look around the cities, and all I see are penises. 226 00:09:46,867 --> 00:09:48,905 Empire State Building. the Seattle Space Needle. 227 00:09:49,025 --> 00:09:50,737 The Washington Monument might as well have 228 00:09:50,857 --> 00:09:52,029 semen coming out of it. 229 00:09:52,149 --> 00:09:53,774 Where's the monument for Eleanor Roosevelt 230 00:09:53,776 --> 00:09:55,315 that's shaped like a vulva? 231 00:09:55,435 --> 00:09:57,611 I want to speak to those people directly. 232 00:09:57,731 --> 00:09:59,730 Consider it done. 233 00:10:01,597 --> 00:10:04,617 Can I just say how happy I am I made the choice I made? 234 00:10:04,737 --> 00:10:06,201 I'm really impressed with you. 235 00:10:06,321 --> 00:10:08,289 I can assure you you are in far better hands here 236 00:10:08,409 --> 00:10:10,110 than you would've ever been at Achilles. 237 00:10:10,230 --> 00:10:12,209 Oh, please. I never would have gone there. 238 00:10:12,329 --> 00:10:14,578 Do you know they don't even cover on-site mammograms? 239 00:10:14,698 --> 00:10:17,180 Ah. Listen. I'm sorry. I really have to cut this short, 240 00:10:17,300 --> 00:10:18,966 because I'm lecturing at Barnard tomorrow, 241 00:10:19,086 --> 00:10:22,051 but I'd love to tell those students a bit about the book. 242 00:10:22,171 --> 00:10:24,804 Is there any chance we could finish this tonight over dinner? 243 00:10:24,924 --> 00:10:27,369 Your wish is my command. 244 00:10:28,102 --> 00:10:29,597 Wait. 245 00:10:29,717 --> 00:10:31,895 I didn't just make you feel dominated, did I? 246 00:10:32,302 --> 00:10:34,280 No, no. Just an expression. 247 00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:36,652 (new-wave music) 248 00:10:36,772 --> 00:10:37,900 Ow. 249 00:10:38,020 --> 00:10:39,402 - What wrong with you? - What? 250 00:10:39,522 --> 00:10:40,851 Oh, uh, nothing. 251 00:10:40,971 --> 00:10:43,907 I'm just having a little trouble with my arm. 252 00:10:44,027 --> 00:10:45,408 - Ow! - Oh! 253 00:10:45,528 --> 00:10:47,695 You have 40-year-old shoulder. 254 00:10:47,815 --> 00:10:49,676 No, no. No, I don't. 255 00:10:49,796 --> 00:10:52,366 - Ow! Stop that. - That 40-year-old shoulder. 256 00:10:52,486 --> 00:10:55,492 No, stop saying that. I do not have 40-year-old shoulder. 257 00:10:55,612 --> 00:10:58,676 - I'm not even 30. - 30? 258 00:10:59,508 --> 00:11:01,150 Who you kidding? 259 00:11:01,270 --> 00:11:03,343 - Excuse me. - Hey. Come here. 260 00:11:03,463 --> 00:11:04,742 Just... 261 00:11:06,788 --> 00:11:08,182 So? 262 00:11:09,635 --> 00:11:11,234 - It's amazing. - So hot. 263 00:11:11,354 --> 00:11:12,423 - Really? - You nailed it. 264 00:11:12,543 --> 00:11:15,689 You got such great stuff. The Marie Claire enema retreat? 265 00:11:15,809 --> 00:11:17,940 Ugh, I knew they had more than just a stick up their butt. 266 00:11:18,060 --> 00:11:19,742 You got this all off her social media? 267 00:11:19,862 --> 00:11:22,493 Yeah, I mean, it took some digging, but I did it. 268 00:11:22,613 --> 00:11:24,953 I had to condense a couple of things for time's sake. 269 00:11:25,073 --> 00:11:26,782 - That's okay, right? - Yeah. 270 00:11:26,902 --> 00:11:30,830 Liza, you don't always have to be such a stickler for the truth. 271 00:11:30,950 --> 00:11:33,162 So you think it's leakable? 272 00:11:33,282 --> 00:11:35,206 Yes, yes, I'll float it to my friend at "The Cut." 273 00:11:35,326 --> 00:11:38,127 She will never know it came from you, okay? I promise. 274 00:11:38,247 --> 00:11:40,080 She will eat this alive. 275 00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:42,871 Her chapter was leaked on a fashion blog? 276 00:11:42,991 --> 00:11:45,801 - How did this happen? - She obviously leaked her own book. 277 00:11:45,921 --> 00:11:48,055 That is so Jade. 278 00:11:48,288 --> 00:11:50,424 Writing's very choppy. 279 00:11:50,690 --> 00:11:52,873 Well, uh, she does have her own voice. 280 00:11:53,097 --> 00:11:55,512 Syntax is clunky at best. 281 00:11:55,729 --> 00:11:58,481 - Again, her voice. - I don't want any more material leaked. 282 00:11:58,601 --> 00:12:01,255 One chapter whips up interest. 283 00:12:01,538 --> 00:12:03,663 - Any more than that's too much. - Oh... 284 00:12:03,783 --> 00:12:07,273 you won't have to worry about that. I promise. 285 00:12:07,393 --> 00:12:09,072 Thank you. 286 00:12:09,807 --> 00:12:11,721 Okay. You're up. 287 00:12:12,053 --> 00:12:13,655 (sighs) 288 00:12:14,240 --> 00:12:16,082 Brad Westlake. 289 00:12:16,202 --> 00:12:17,835 It's Kelsey Peters. 290 00:12:17,955 --> 00:12:21,163 How would you like to have a drink with me? 291 00:12:21,439 --> 00:12:24,177 (jazz music) 292 00:12:24,297 --> 00:12:26,846 And another thing. Why do we have urinals? 293 00:12:27,078 --> 00:12:30,054 I mean, just because men can pee standing up 294 00:12:30,174 --> 00:12:32,196 doesn't mean that it should be encouraged. 295 00:12:32,316 --> 00:12:34,209 I mean, it simply reinforces the idea 296 00:12:34,329 --> 00:12:36,389 that men are superior to women. 297 00:12:36,509 --> 00:12:37,606 - Right. - No, literally. 298 00:12:37,726 --> 00:12:41,895 One who pees standing up is above those who pee sitting down. 299 00:12:42,015 --> 00:12:45,304 And urinals are the last vestige of a violent power structure. 300 00:12:45,424 --> 00:12:48,113 You make an excellent point. Can I have some more wine? 301 00:12:48,233 --> 00:12:49,785 And when did we decide 302 00:12:49,905 --> 00:12:52,282 that menstruation is so disgusting? 303 00:12:52,402 --> 00:12:54,048 I mean, in other cultures, it's considered 304 00:12:54,168 --> 00:12:55,913 this wonderful gift from the heavens 305 00:12:56,033 --> 00:12:58,527 that should be celebrated openly. 306 00:12:58,647 --> 00:13:01,846 But no, no, no. The male Western patriarchy 307 00:13:01,966 --> 00:13:04,646 came in and some point just decided that it should be shameful 308 00:13:04,766 --> 00:13:06,945 and that women should hide it from men. 309 00:13:07,065 --> 00:13:08,286 I mean, God forbid a tampon 310 00:13:08,406 --> 00:13:11,507 gets left unflushed in a toilet somewhere. 311 00:13:11,627 --> 00:13:13,743 It becomes a total cause celebre. 312 00:13:13,863 --> 00:13:16,980 Never looked at it like that. 313 00:13:17,100 --> 00:13:18,683 Did you know 314 00:13:18,803 --> 00:13:20,353 that I wore a tampon 315 00:13:20,473 --> 00:13:22,836 for an entire day last week 316 00:13:22,956 --> 00:13:25,620 just to know what it felt like? 317 00:13:25,740 --> 00:13:27,322 Why, that is... 318 00:13:27,442 --> 00:13:29,066 so revolting. 319 00:13:29,186 --> 00:13:30,789 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 320 00:13:30,909 --> 00:13:32,754 I appreciate your intentions, 321 00:13:32,874 --> 00:13:34,958 I really do, and I am going to ensure 322 00:13:35,078 --> 00:13:36,786 that your book is a mammoth success, 323 00:13:36,906 --> 00:13:39,155 but try as you may, you can never know 324 00:13:39,275 --> 00:13:40,870 what it is like to be a woman. 325 00:13:40,990 --> 00:13:42,622 You can wear as many tampons 326 00:13:42,624 --> 00:13:45,726 or bosoms as you like, but you will never understand what we go through. 327 00:13:45,846 --> 00:13:49,420 I am sorry. It is true. May I please get some more wine? 328 00:13:49,540 --> 00:13:50,797 You're absolutely right. 329 00:13:50,917 --> 00:13:53,516 It's the greatest frustration of my life. 330 00:13:53,636 --> 00:13:55,218 (sighs) 331 00:13:55,495 --> 00:13:58,231 I'm sorry... it's just such a catch-22. 332 00:13:58,351 --> 00:13:59,973 Men can't be women, and yet 333 00:14:00,093 --> 00:14:02,888 we can't help feminism from the outside. 334 00:14:03,008 --> 00:14:05,787 We just need to find a way to get inside women. 335 00:14:05,907 --> 00:14:09,983 I mean, that's all I want to do with the book. Get inside women. 336 00:14:10,802 --> 00:14:13,403 I just want to be... 337 00:14:13,723 --> 00:14:15,724 inside... you. 338 00:14:17,133 --> 00:14:20,980 (fast dance music) 339 00:14:25,950 --> 00:14:27,974 - Let's get a taxi. - Yes. Okay. I agree. 340 00:14:28,094 --> 00:14:29,634 Taxi! Taxi! 341 00:14:29,754 --> 00:14:31,170 Okay. 342 00:14:33,126 --> 00:14:34,627 - What are you doing? - You've been drinking. 343 00:14:34,747 --> 00:14:36,224 I want to make sure you really want this. 344 00:14:36,344 --> 00:14:38,845 - I... I want this. - You say that now, but who knows 345 00:14:38,965 --> 00:14:40,157 how you're gonna feel tomorrow. 346 00:14:40,277 --> 00:14:42,982 This is too special a connection to ruin with a one-night stand. 347 00:14:43,102 --> 00:14:45,601 - Let's roll the dice. - No... no! 348 00:14:45,721 --> 00:14:47,333 I'll call you tomorrow, 349 00:14:47,453 --> 00:14:49,702 and when I say that, I mean it. 350 00:14:49,822 --> 00:14:52,437 Get her home safe, okay? Not that she isn't perfectly capable 351 00:14:52,557 --> 00:14:54,959 of getting home without a man's help. 352 00:14:55,398 --> 00:14:59,573 (funky rock music) 353 00:15:03,199 --> 00:15:05,338 So what are we drinking to? 354 00:15:05,458 --> 00:15:08,184 It was just so great to see you the other day. 355 00:15:08,304 --> 00:15:10,208 I thought we should celebrate our successes. 356 00:15:10,328 --> 00:15:12,565 You're kicking ass. I'm kicking ass. 357 00:15:12,685 --> 00:15:14,058 We're both kicking ass. 358 00:15:14,178 --> 00:15:17,139 - To kicking ass. - To kicking ass. 359 00:15:17,471 --> 00:15:19,052 - I needed this. - Yeah. 360 00:15:19,172 --> 00:15:22,271 Things have been so crazy with the Winslow chapter leaking. 361 00:15:22,391 --> 00:15:25,259 I mean, publishing houses have been calling all day with offers. 362 00:15:25,379 --> 00:15:26,392 - Really? - Yeah. 363 00:15:26,512 --> 00:15:29,963 Charles was so pissed about the leak. I mean, it took everything I had 364 00:15:30,083 --> 00:15:31,781 to keep him from selling it. 365 00:15:31,901 --> 00:15:34,666 I finally made him realize, you know, leaks are good. 366 00:15:34,786 --> 00:15:38,989 They get everyone talking. This book is going to be 367 00:15:39,109 --> 00:15:41,056 even bigger for Millennial than I thought. 368 00:15:41,176 --> 00:15:43,868 - So Charles wanted to sell? - Yeah. 369 00:15:43,988 --> 00:15:46,026 But I talked him out of it. 370 00:15:46,146 --> 00:15:48,609 Besides, none of those offers were anywhere near 371 00:15:48,729 --> 00:15:49,996 what I would let it go for. 372 00:15:50,116 --> 00:15:53,134 Well, how much would you let it go for? 373 00:15:53,254 --> 00:15:55,972 Brad! No shop talk. 374 00:15:56,092 --> 00:15:58,481 How much would you take? 375 00:15:58,989 --> 00:16:02,454 - I don't think you could afford it. - Oh, try me. 376 00:16:04,165 --> 00:16:08,387 Okay, look. The truth is, these agent and author boycotts, 377 00:16:08,507 --> 00:16:09,565 they've been hitting me pretty hard. 378 00:16:09,685 --> 00:16:12,759 I actually haven't acquired anything in months. 379 00:16:12,879 --> 00:16:14,921 This would be a huge get for me. 380 00:16:15,041 --> 00:16:19,294 Now, how much would you take to get it off your hands? 381 00:16:19,414 --> 00:16:20,530 (sighs) 382 00:16:20,650 --> 00:16:22,782 I don't know, um... 383 00:16:23,143 --> 00:16:24,450 maybe... 384 00:16:24,820 --> 00:16:27,286 - double our advance? - Done. 385 00:16:27,406 --> 00:16:28,955 You don't need to check with your boss first? 386 00:16:29,075 --> 00:16:31,090 No, I have that authority right now. 387 00:16:31,210 --> 00:16:32,875 Well, I don't. 388 00:16:33,221 --> 00:16:34,998 Give me a sec. 389 00:16:35,118 --> 00:16:36,472 (dance music) 390 00:16:36,592 --> 00:16:39,636 _ 391 00:16:45,987 --> 00:16:47,195 You're a genius! 392 00:16:47,315 --> 00:16:49,622 Yeah, well, you really manipulated The Butt Plug. 393 00:16:49,742 --> 00:16:52,355 - Damn right I did. - So let me just clarify a few things. 394 00:16:52,475 --> 00:16:55,314 Before the Achilles lawyer calls me in, uh, 395 00:16:55,434 --> 00:16:57,817 oh, I'd say about ten minutes. 396 00:16:57,937 --> 00:17:00,153 We never got any pages from Jade Winslow. 397 00:17:00,273 --> 00:17:01,336 Liza wrote the chapter, 398 00:17:01,456 --> 00:17:03,475 which you then had someone leak to "The Cut," 399 00:17:03,595 --> 00:17:05,918 which somehow helped convince Achilles 400 00:17:06,038 --> 00:17:08,711 it was worth double what you paid for it? 401 00:17:08,831 --> 00:17:10,900 Is that the, uh, gist of things? 402 00:17:11,020 --> 00:17:12,971 Yeah. Pretty much. 403 00:17:13,313 --> 00:17:14,554 But everything in that chapter was culled 404 00:17:14,674 --> 00:17:16,625 from intellectual property of Jade Winslow's 405 00:17:16,745 --> 00:17:18,754 that we already own, so in essence, 406 00:17:18,874 --> 00:17:22,035 in a completely unorthodox... 407 00:17:22,318 --> 00:17:25,527 yet totally legal way, we have successfully fleeced Achilles 408 00:17:25,647 --> 00:17:28,834 out of $500,000? 409 00:17:29,040 --> 00:17:30,715 Yep. Pretty much. 410 00:17:30,835 --> 00:17:32,810 Well, not that I'm giving my blessing, 411 00:17:32,930 --> 00:17:36,123 because this is not how we do business around here... 412 00:17:37,031 --> 00:17:40,742 But I guess we can chalk it up to a learning experience 413 00:17:40,862 --> 00:17:44,236 with some enjoyable fringe benefits. 414 00:17:44,626 --> 00:17:46,866 You dodged a bullet this time. 415 00:17:46,986 --> 00:17:50,169 And, um, you got a lot of money now. 416 00:17:50,527 --> 00:17:52,455 Spend it wisely. 417 00:17:52,575 --> 00:17:54,400 We will. 418 00:17:56,550 --> 00:17:57,946 (sighs) 419 00:17:58,591 --> 00:17:59,879 Ha, ha. 420 00:17:59,999 --> 00:18:01,514 (laughing) 421 00:18:01,634 --> 00:18:03,163 (phone dings) 422 00:18:03,673 --> 00:18:05,996 _ 423 00:18:06,458 --> 00:18:08,020 This should be fun. 424 00:18:08,561 --> 00:18:10,709 Uh-huh. 425 00:18:12,313 --> 00:18:14,075 - Hello? - Hey, Jade. 426 00:18:14,195 --> 00:18:17,613 - It's Kelsey and Liza. - Hi, Jade. 427 00:18:17,953 --> 00:18:19,876 You know what? Don't "Hi, Jade" me, all right? 428 00:18:19,996 --> 00:18:22,167 What is this shit on "The Cut" about you selling my book? 429 00:18:22,287 --> 00:18:25,079 It's true; you are working for Achilles now. 430 00:18:25,299 --> 00:18:27,683 Wait, are you kidding? No, I don't want my book at Achilles, all right? 431 00:18:27,803 --> 00:18:30,132 I refuse to have my book at Achilles. 432 00:18:30,252 --> 00:18:33,746 Aren't you forgetting one tiny little detail? 433 00:18:33,980 --> 00:18:37,182 - What's that? - Bitch, there is no book! 434 00:18:37,302 --> 00:18:39,063 Bye! 435 00:18:42,007 --> 00:18:43,005 What? 436 00:18:43,125 --> 00:18:44,734 Ha ha! 437 00:18:45,115 --> 00:18:46,375 Ow! 438 00:18:47,033 --> 00:18:50,307 (upbeat music) 439 00:18:50,427 --> 00:18:53,982 See? I knew Hector and Dorff would love the sculpture. 440 00:18:54,344 --> 00:18:56,101 I told 'em we'd stop by before the opening. 441 00:18:56,221 --> 00:18:57,937 I can't wait to see where they have it on display. 442 00:18:58,057 --> 00:18:59,343 Yeah. 443 00:19:04,337 --> 00:19:05,465 Oh, my God. 444 00:19:05,585 --> 00:19:08,753 Maggie, I am so sorry. I had no idea. 445 00:19:11,163 --> 00:19:12,579 Hey! 446 00:19:12,901 --> 00:19:15,608 Hello! Hey, look. It looks amazing, doesn't it? 447 00:19:15,728 --> 00:19:17,581 So spiritual. 448 00:19:17,701 --> 00:19:19,479 Spiritual? You're hanging clothes from it. 449 00:19:19,599 --> 00:19:21,725 Clothes? No. This is outerwear. 450 00:19:21,845 --> 00:19:23,818 Every piece? Work of art. 451 00:19:23,938 --> 00:19:27,056 Yes, and Maggie's sculpture is also a work of art. 452 00:19:27,176 --> 00:19:29,739 Are you saying her art is more art than our art? 453 00:19:29,859 --> 00:19:32,409 As long as the check clears, I'm good. 454 00:19:32,529 --> 00:19:35,578 - Yes? Okay, look. - We want two more. Okay? 455 00:19:35,698 --> 00:19:37,664 - As soon as possible. - Done. 456 00:19:37,784 --> 00:19:39,215 But what about your Hindu goddess? 457 00:19:39,335 --> 00:19:42,232 I have to say, she looks pretty damn good in cashmere. 458 00:19:42,352 --> 00:19:44,254 Is it too much to ask 459 00:19:44,374 --> 00:19:46,257 For a little distraction 460 00:19:46,377 --> 00:19:48,490 (knocking on door) 461 00:19:48,891 --> 00:19:51,963 - Hey, baby. - Hello. 462 00:19:55,306 --> 00:19:58,849 - Let me help you with your coat. - Oh, thank you. I could use it. 463 00:20:00,023 --> 00:20:02,723 - How was your day? - It was a good day. 464 00:20:02,843 --> 00:20:05,492 Except for this damn shoulder. 465 00:20:05,612 --> 00:20:09,034 Well, you know, I did a little research. 466 00:20:09,154 --> 00:20:13,405 Turns out, you know what the cure for 40-year-old shoulder is? 467 00:20:13,525 --> 00:20:16,737 - What? - 26-year-old massage. 468 00:20:16,857 --> 00:20:17,958 Ooh. Ooh! 469 00:20:18,078 --> 00:20:19,403 (laughs) 470 00:20:20,106 --> 00:20:23,960 I'll chew you up and spit you out again 471 00:20:24,080 --> 00:20:26,630 No, I can't love you 472 00:20:26,750 --> 00:20:29,167 Like a gentleman 473 00:20:29,217 --> 00:20:33,767 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 34752

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