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1
00:00:02,223 --> 00:00:05,380
Check it out. They got cars
that run on vegetable oil now.
2
00:00:05,200 --> 00:00:07,109
- How about that.
- You know what'd be cool?
3
00:00:07,279 --> 00:00:10,508
- A Hummer that runs on french fry grease.
- Uh-huh.
4
00:00:10,671 --> 00:00:13,930
We could be energy independent
and still smash through crap.
5
00:00:13,520 --> 00:00:14,861
Sounds great.
6
00:00:15,230 --> 00:00:17,871
Plus, the new-car smell is french fries.
7
00:00:18,320 --> 00:00:20,137
Okay, I'm only gonna say this
one more time.
8
00:00:20,304 --> 00:00:23,533
You don't get a license for two more years
and you're not getting a Hummer.
9
00:00:23,951 --> 00:00:27,464
You know, you say you want me
to open up to you, but what's the point?
10
00:00:32,207 --> 00:00:35,220
Yeah, I always loved Paris
in the springtime.
11
00:00:35,183 --> 00:00:38,310
Oh, you're lucky.
I only got to do her once on Halloween.
12
00:00:40,943 --> 00:00:42,766
- Hi.
- Oh, hey, Alan.
13
00:00:42,928 --> 00:00:44,870
- Andy, this is my brother, Alan.
- Alan, Andy.
14
00:00:45,390 --> 00:00:46,566
- Hello.
- Hi, Andy.
15
00:00:46,736 --> 00:00:49,160
- Pull up a chair. We're telling war stories.
- Oh, great.
16
00:00:50,287 --> 00:00:52,262
- The sponge?
- Yeah.
17
00:00:53,711 --> 00:00:55,434
So, uh, how do you guys
know each other?
18
00:00:57,700 --> 00:00:59,757
- Well, Andy and I-
- Can I have a cigar?
19
00:01:01,807 --> 00:01:04,196
- Uh, sure. Help yourself.
- Oh, thank you.
20
00:01:05,360 --> 00:01:07,180
Anyway, Andy and I have known-
21
00:01:07,184 --> 00:01:09,933
Maybe I'll take one for now
and one for later.
22
00:01:13,904 --> 00:01:15,311
Anyway...
23
00:01:15,472 --> 00:01:18,636
before he moved to New York,
Andy and I were partners in crime.
24
00:01:18,800 --> 00:01:22,247
- There weren't that many actual crimes.
- Unless you count the ones against nature.
25
00:01:23,760 --> 00:01:27,142
- Alan, this is a great man.
No, no.
26
00:01:27,311 --> 00:01:29,200
Albert Einstein was a great man.
27
00:01:29,168 --> 00:01:31,655
I just drink, gamble and hump.
But I'm great at it.
28
00:01:33,520 --> 00:01:37,650
Andy once managed to hitchhike
from Vegas to L.A. wearing no pants.
29
00:01:38,191 --> 00:01:40,580
Hey, anybody can use their thumb.
30
00:01:42,287 --> 00:01:45,255
This right here,
this is the brother I never had.
31
00:01:46,192 --> 00:01:48,395
Oh, well, how nice for you.
32
00:01:49,424 --> 00:01:51,911
I don't mean it that way.
You're my brother.
33
00:01:52,790 --> 00:01:55,460
- Well, thank you.
- I just like him better.
34
00:01:56,304 --> 00:01:58,671
- Got it.
- Andy is the one guy in the world...
35
00:01:58,832 --> 00:02:01,287
who can match me drink for drink
and broad for broad.
36
00:02:01,456 --> 00:02:05,198
One time I thought I drank him under
the table, he had a broad under there.
37
00:02:05,359 --> 00:02:07,814
Heh-heh-heh. Right, Andy?
38
00:02:09,871 --> 00:02:11,300
Andy?
39
00:02:12,880 --> 00:02:14,920
Don't screw with me, dude.
40
00:02:20,175 --> 00:02:21,833
Who's your favorite brother now?
41
00:02:35,727 --> 00:02:37,898
So he died out there in the chair, huh?
42
00:02:38,630 --> 00:02:39,274
Yep.
43
00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:42,536
Remind me to flip that cushion.
44
00:02:43,792 --> 00:02:47,210
You should've seen it. The paramedics
zipped him up in a big plastic bag.
45
00:02:47,184 --> 00:02:49,930
- Is that so?
- It looked like those things...
46
00:02:49,263 --> 00:02:51,783
the delivery guys use to keep pizza hot.
47
00:02:52,527 --> 00:02:55,375
I wonder if they got him to the morgue
in 30 minutes or less.
48
00:02:57,775 --> 00:02:58,888
Not funny, Jake.
49
00:02:59,504 --> 00:03:01,609
Maybe it is funny
and you just didn't get it.
50
00:03:02,703 --> 00:03:04,132
Eat.
51
00:03:04,751 --> 00:03:05,896
So, uh, did you know him?
52
00:03:06,319 --> 00:03:08,430
Andy? Sure.
53
00:03:08,208 --> 00:03:10,990
Before he moved to New York,
he and Charlie were like brothers.
54
00:03:11,151 --> 00:03:12,744
Yeah, I heard that part.
55
00:03:13,167 --> 00:03:15,207
- How's Charlie taking it?
- He's pretty shook up.
56
00:03:15,376 --> 00:03:17,677
Well, you can understand why.
57
00:03:18,950 --> 00:03:19,273
Somebody your age...
58
00:03:19,439 --> 00:03:21,610
living the same dumb-ass lifestyle
you lived...
59
00:03:22,704 --> 00:03:25,224
keels over and dies?
It's gotta give you pause.
60
00:03:26,703 --> 00:03:29,572
- You're right about that.
- I'm surprised Charlie didn't go first.
61
00:03:29,743 --> 00:03:31,434
Excuse me.
62
00:03:33,103 --> 00:03:34,510
I'm standing right here.
63
00:03:34,863 --> 00:03:36,871
But for how long?
64
00:03:39,280 --> 00:03:40,425
Did you get that one?
65
00:03:42,287 --> 00:03:44,760
- See you later.
- Uh, where you going?
66
00:03:44,239 --> 00:03:45,239
Where do you think?
67
00:03:45,392 --> 00:03:47,813
My best friend just died,
I got a lot to take care of.
68
00:03:47,983 --> 00:03:50,666
You're handling the funeral?
I'm sure Andy would like that.
69
00:03:50,831 --> 00:03:54,541
To hell with Andy, I'm going to the
hospital to get every test known to man.
70
00:03:55,887 --> 00:03:57,164
Good one.
71
00:03:58,320 --> 00:04:00,142
You're not getting any of these, are you?
72
00:04:05,871 --> 00:04:08,293
- Hey.
- Hey. How'd the tests go?
73
00:04:08,688 --> 00:04:10,214
I won't know for a couple of days.
74
00:04:10,383 --> 00:04:13,198
All right, I'm out of here.
75
00:04:13,359 --> 00:04:14,537
How about you, Charlie?
76
00:04:19,344 --> 00:04:21,897
Wait, I got something for you.
77
00:04:22,630 --> 00:04:25,310
It's a gift certificate for a week at a spa
in Palm Springs.
78
00:04:25,199 --> 00:04:27,949
Well, I'll be. Thank you, Charlie.
79
00:04:28,367 --> 00:04:30,702
I just wanted you to know
that I love you...
80
00:04:30,864 --> 00:04:33,351
and appreciate
that you've always been there for me.
81
00:04:33,519 --> 00:04:34,861
Great, see you in a week.
82
00:04:39,408 --> 00:04:42,260
The minute you start thinking
about your mortality...
83
00:04:42,191 --> 00:04:44,908
you realize how much you care
about the people around you.
84
00:04:45,710 --> 00:04:46,794
Yeah, and I need to start showing it.
85
00:04:46,959 --> 00:04:48,421
Well...
86
00:04:48,591 --> 00:04:51,940
little gifts are always a nice way
to express your feelings.
87
00:04:52,592 --> 00:04:53,933
I know.
88
00:04:54,950 --> 00:04:56,812
Could be as simple as a cashmere robe...
89
00:04:57,231 --> 00:05:01,355
or, uh, as extravagant as a new car.
90
00:05:01,519 --> 00:05:03,592
- Yeah, I suppose it could. Ahem.
- Yeah.
91
00:05:04,303 --> 00:05:07,532
Excuse me,
I got something really cool for Jake.
92
00:05:08,943 --> 00:05:10,732
Doesn't even have to be new.
93
00:05:11,151 --> 00:05:14,282
Certified pre-owned
is still very thoughtful.
94
00:05:17,967 --> 00:05:20,782
- Hey, what are you doing?
- I was trying to research cars...
95
00:05:20,943 --> 00:05:23,877
but you wouldn't believe what comes
up when you Google "Hummer."
96
00:05:26,735 --> 00:05:28,770
Actually, I would.
97
00:05:30,351 --> 00:05:33,417
Here, I got you something
I think you're really gonna like.
98
00:05:33,583 --> 00:05:34,827
Is it a sandwich?
99
00:05:35,535 --> 00:05:37,960
Why would I giftwrap a sandwich?
100
00:05:37,263 --> 00:05:39,205
Because you want me to be surprised?
101
00:05:39,375 --> 00:05:41,100
Just open it.
102
00:05:41,391 --> 00:05:44,261
You know what's a great sandwich?
The Monte Cristo.
103
00:05:44,432 --> 00:05:47,693
Because it has ham and cheese,
and it's fried.
104
00:05:48,111 --> 00:05:49,289
Open the damn box.
105
00:05:49,455 --> 00:05:52,730
Whoa, don't get your period.
106
00:05:54,511 --> 00:05:57,640
- Oh, wow, a mini video-camera.
- Pretty cool, huh?
107
00:05:57,231 --> 00:05:59,140
Is this because you think you're dying?
108
00:05:59,311 --> 00:06:02,377
No, no. I just wanted
to do something nice for you.
109
00:06:02,543 --> 00:06:03,656
Before you die.
110
00:06:04,271 --> 00:06:06,660
- Do you want the camera or not?
- Yeah, I want it.
111
00:06:06,831 --> 00:06:08,653
- Then just say thank you.
- Thank you.
112
00:06:08,815 --> 00:06:11,499
Jeez, you need to relax.
You'll give yourself a heart attack.
113
00:06:13,167 --> 00:06:14,629
I'll work on it.
114
00:06:14,800 --> 00:06:17,582
Have a sandwich.
That always relaxes me.
115
00:06:19,952 --> 00:06:22,407
All right, one more gift to give.
116
00:06:23,151 --> 00:06:25,900
Oh, yeah? Saving the best for last?
117
00:06:27,919 --> 00:06:30,985
I don't know about the best,
but it's sure the hardest.
118
00:06:31,535 --> 00:06:33,291
Any way I can make it easier?
119
00:06:33,455 --> 00:06:34,884
Yeah.
120
00:06:35,151 --> 00:06:37,835
Call Mom
and tell her I'm on my way over.
121
00:06:43,856 --> 00:06:47,849
Oh, Charlie, what a beautiful watch.
122
00:06:48,367 --> 00:06:52,426
- Do you really like it?
- Are you kidding? It's gorgeous.
123
00:06:52,591 --> 00:06:55,853
And the best part is now I don't
have to wear my good one every day.
124
00:06:59,216 --> 00:07:01,605
You're probably wondering
why I bought it for you.
125
00:07:02,127 --> 00:07:04,134
Well, I just assumed you love me...
126
00:07:04,303 --> 00:07:06,408
and did it out of the goodness
of your heart.
127
00:07:07,567 --> 00:07:10,220
Kidding. Why, dear?
128
00:07:10,191 --> 00:07:11,500
Okay, I deserve that.
129
00:07:12,815 --> 00:07:14,637
But the truth is I do love you...
130
00:07:14,799 --> 00:07:17,614
and despite our many differences,
I'm glad you're my mother.
131
00:07:18,671 --> 00:07:20,711
You didn't drive over here drunk, did you?
132
00:07:23,870 --> 00:07:25,902
I'm not drunk. I just, uh...
133
00:07:26,448 --> 00:07:29,447
I've been thinking a lot
about how fleeting life is...
134
00:07:29,615 --> 00:07:32,397
that none of us really knows
how long we're gonna be here.
135
00:07:32,816 --> 00:07:35,598
Did you find another lump
on your pee-pee?
136
00:07:37,903 --> 00:07:39,911
No, Mom, my pee-pee's fine.
137
00:07:40,591 --> 00:07:44,453
I don't know how "worn down to a nub"
can be fine, but all right.
138
00:07:46,191 --> 00:07:49,453
My point is, uh, I don't wanna be angry
with you anymore.
139
00:07:49,615 --> 00:07:50,892
I want us to be friends.
140
00:07:51,311 --> 00:07:54,758
I was always your friend, Charlie.
141
00:07:54,927 --> 00:07:57,261
You were just too self-involved to see it.
142
00:08:00,943 --> 00:08:02,569
Okay, I gotta go.
143
00:08:03,311 --> 00:08:04,653
Where you off to?
144
00:08:04,815 --> 00:08:07,270
I have to pick out a casket
for a friend of mine.
145
00:08:07,439 --> 00:08:09,261
Oh, I'm-I'm so sorry.
146
00:08:09,519 --> 00:08:12,700
Yeah, well, what are you gonna do?
147
00:08:12,175 --> 00:08:13,223
Well, don't cheap out.
148
00:08:13,647 --> 00:08:16,811
It's one thing to do it with a watch,
but a casket is forever.
149
00:08:24,143 --> 00:08:27,780
So young. I can't believe it.
150
00:08:27,247 --> 00:08:28,621
Yeah.
151
00:08:28,783 --> 00:08:32,166
Who would've thought smoking,
drinking and whoring could kill you?
152
00:08:33,199 --> 00:08:36,130
You realize that could just as easily
be me in there.
153
00:08:36,175 --> 00:08:37,866
Yeah.
154
00:08:38,447 --> 00:08:40,236
Don't even think that.
155
00:08:41,711 --> 00:08:43,467
It is a nice casket, though.
156
00:08:43,631 --> 00:08:44,776
Should be.
157
00:08:44,943 --> 00:08:47,561
- It cost me 10 grand.
- Ten grand, wow.
158
00:08:47,727 --> 00:08:50,793
What can I say,
I take care of the people I love.
159
00:08:50,959 --> 00:08:53,709
Could've taken care of me
with a freaking robe.
160
00:08:56,239 --> 00:08:58,126
Kind of a light turnout.
161
00:08:58,287 --> 00:09:00,589
You'd probably get more people
with an open bar.
162
00:09:00,751 --> 00:09:02,660
Hey, make sure
there's an open bar at mine.
163
00:09:03,247 --> 00:09:04,905
Oh, now, I'm your funeral planner?
164
00:09:05,710 --> 00:09:08,552
Don't you want a friend or someone
you really care about in charge of that?
165
00:09:08,783 --> 00:09:09,895
No, you do it.
166
00:09:11,599 --> 00:09:14,468
Good afternoon and welcome.
167
00:09:14,639 --> 00:09:17,705
We are here to celebrate the life...
168
00:09:17,871 --> 00:09:22,475
and mourn the passing
of Andrew Donald Patterson.
169
00:09:22,639 --> 00:09:25,738
How do we measure a man's life?
170
00:09:25,903 --> 00:09:28,717
- By...
- Jeez, this guy's a load.
171
00:09:31,183 --> 00:09:33,452
Don't get a guy like this for me.
172
00:09:33,615 --> 00:09:36,397
I want someone
with a little bit of gravitas.
173
00:09:36,815 --> 00:09:39,180
I'll see if James Earl Jones is available.
174
00:09:39,182 --> 00:09:40,328
That would be nice.
175
00:09:40,495 --> 00:09:45,230
- Born, a time to die, a time to reap...
176
00:09:45,871 --> 00:09:50,148
a time to sow, a time to mourn...
177
00:09:50,319 --> 00:09:51,661
A time to heal...
178
00:09:51,823 --> 00:09:53,895
a time for every purpose under heaven.
179
00:09:54,630 --> 00:09:57,445
And so we say goodbye
to Charles Francis Harper.
180
00:09:57,871 --> 00:10:01,384
Devoted son, loving brother,
caring uncle...
181
00:10:01,839 --> 00:10:06,214
bon vivant and world-class connoisseur
of the booty.
182
00:10:08,790 --> 00:10:09,356
Nice turnout.
183
00:10:09,519 --> 00:10:12,934
I'd like to take this moment...
- Yeah. Standing room only.
184
00:10:13,423 --> 00:10:16,173
Goes to show you,
give the people what they want.
185
00:10:16,911 --> 00:10:18,405
You mean the open bar, right?
186
00:10:19,550 --> 00:10:20,364
Sure.
187
00:10:23,471 --> 00:10:24,878
Thanks for coming, by the way.
188
00:10:25,390 --> 00:10:26,184
You came to mine.
189
00:10:26,478 --> 00:10:28,710
Yeah, but you're dead.
190
00:10:28,527 --> 00:10:30,666
Charlie, take a look in the box.
191
00:10:30,831 --> 00:10:32,619
That's not a tanning booth.
192
00:10:33,295 --> 00:10:34,954
Oh, yeah.
193
00:10:35,695 --> 00:10:38,728
So listen, as long as you're here,
what's heaven like?
194
00:10:38,895 --> 00:10:41,317
It's unbelievable. It's paradise.
195
00:10:41,487 --> 00:10:44,137
Like your house
before your brother moved in.
196
00:10:44,303 --> 00:10:45,864
Oh, that was good.
197
00:10:46,300 --> 00:10:47,853
You can drink all you want, no hangover.
198
00:10:48,239 --> 00:10:51,210
Endless supply of women,
each one more beautiful than the last.
199
00:10:51,182 --> 00:10:54,520
And Charlie, get this:
They believe everything you tell them.
200
00:10:54,991 --> 00:10:57,806
- Everything?
- It's heaven, dude.
201
00:10:59,247 --> 00:11:00,556
Wow.
202
00:11:00,719 --> 00:11:02,923
- Well, save me a good seat.
- I wish I could...
203
00:11:03,870 --> 00:11:04,745
but that's not where they sent me.
204
00:11:04,911 --> 00:11:06,405
Ew.
205
00:11:07,215 --> 00:11:09,451
Then how do you know
what heaven's like?
206
00:11:09,807 --> 00:11:12,557
They make us look at a video every day...
207
00:11:12,719 --> 00:11:15,588
while they're putting lube
on the pitchfork.
208
00:11:17,135 --> 00:11:19,440
Well, at least, you get lube.
209
00:11:19,599 --> 00:11:21,930
Only on the middle prong.
210
00:11:23,151 --> 00:11:24,613
To be completely honest...
211
00:11:24,975 --> 00:11:26,863
I didn't know Charlie Harper.
212
00:11:27,230 --> 00:11:32,806
But any man, who, with his dying breath,
would set aside $25,000...
213
00:11:32,974 --> 00:11:36,487
and a first-class air ticket
so I could deliver his eulogy...
214
00:11:36,655 --> 00:11:38,827
is aces in my book.
215
00:11:40,142 --> 00:11:43,754
That being said, there are many people
here today who did know Charlie...
216
00:11:43,919 --> 00:11:46,854
and perhaps some would like
to stand up and say a few words.
217
00:11:47,230 --> 00:11:49,411
Ooh, ooh! Ah, I wanna say something.
218
00:11:49,583 --> 00:11:50,761
Uh...
219
00:11:50,927 --> 00:11:52,720
hello, everybody.
220
00:11:53,700 --> 00:11:54,632
Hello, James Earl Jones.
221
00:11:57,135 --> 00:11:59,371
Um, hey, bro. Don't get up.
222
00:12:01,166 --> 00:12:03,436
Ah, what can I say about Charlie?
223
00:12:03,599 --> 00:12:06,217
Uh, so many words come to mind.
224
00:12:06,383 --> 00:12:07,909
So few that you can say in church.
225
00:12:09,391 --> 00:12:10,832
But we'll, uh-We'll give it a shot.
226
00:12:12,111 --> 00:12:15,340
Um, Charlie was a man of love.
227
00:12:15,503 --> 00:12:17,391
Um, he loved his friends...
228
00:12:17,551 --> 00:12:19,111
he loved his family...
229
00:12:19,279 --> 00:12:20,457
but most of all...
230
00:12:20,622 --> 00:12:21,735
he loved his penis.
231
00:12:23,439 --> 00:12:26,156
The only part of him
that ever had an actual job.
232
00:12:28,367 --> 00:12:30,222
Ah, anyway...
233
00:12:30,383 --> 00:12:35,467
this was a man, uh, so full of love
that it practically oozed out of him.
234
00:12:35,630 --> 00:12:38,190
Ah, at which point, of course,
he would see a doctor.
235
00:12:43,471 --> 00:12:45,325
But I-I kid the deceased whoremonger.
236
00:12:47,119 --> 00:12:52,902
Anyway, uh, since he never made out a will,
uh, I hope you will all join me...
237
00:12:53,710 --> 00:12:56,748
for a wake-slash-luau
at my Malibu beach house.
238
00:13:01,423 --> 00:13:02,830
He got my house?
239
00:13:02,991 --> 00:13:04,933
- He got everything you had.
- Everything?
240
00:13:05,230 --> 00:13:08,459
Well, not the diseased liver
and the swollen prostate.
241
00:13:10,190 --> 00:13:13,703
Oh, look. Your old girlfriends
are saying their final goodbye.
242
00:13:20,303 --> 00:13:22,277
That's not very respectful.
243
00:13:22,447 --> 00:13:26,375
Just FYI, spit is the devil's lube.
244
00:13:28,655 --> 00:13:32,700
Listen. Uh, would you mind recording
my answering-machine message for me?
245
00:13:32,687 --> 00:13:34,181
That'll be an extra $500.
246
00:13:34,894 --> 00:13:36,323
That's okay. I'm rich now.
247
00:13:36,847 --> 00:13:40,557
All right, what do you want, uh,
"This is CNN" or "Luke, I am your father"?
248
00:13:40,719 --> 00:13:43,501
So, Charlie, it's been great catching up,
but I gotta go.
249
00:13:44,207 --> 00:13:46,345
Already? Can't you stay a while?
250
00:13:47,278 --> 00:13:50,857
No, it's pitchfork time.
If you're late, you don't get the spit.
251
00:13:52,782 --> 00:13:55,510
And believe me, Charlie,
you want the spit.
252
00:13:56,431 --> 00:13:58,340
I want the spit.
253
00:14:11,886 --> 00:14:15,913
Harper. Charlie Harper.
I was in a few days ago.
254
00:14:16,622 --> 00:14:18,597
I peed in a cup, you took my blood...
255
00:14:18,766 --> 00:14:21,416
and slipped a camera
up the heart of darkness.
256
00:14:22,798 --> 00:14:26,940
Well, the doctor said my results
would be ready today.
257
00:14:26,670 --> 00:14:28,557
Fine, have him get back to me.
258
00:14:30,318 --> 00:14:32,140
He's avoiding my calls, Alan.
259
00:14:32,302 --> 00:14:34,789
- I'm gonna die.
- No, no, you're not.
260
00:14:34,958 --> 00:14:37,195
Aah. I can feel it.
261
00:14:37,358 --> 00:14:40,172
You might as well just drive into that tree
and kill us both.
262
00:14:40,814 --> 00:14:44,873
Sure. I don't wanna go on living
without you.
263
00:14:45,902 --> 00:14:47,942
What's the point of it all?
264
00:14:48,110 --> 00:14:51,907
Yeah, I'm rich, charming,
classically handsome...
265
00:14:52,430 --> 00:14:54,950
I've laid more pipe than a guy...
266
00:14:55,118 --> 00:14:57,257
who has sex with pipes.
267
00:14:58,158 --> 00:15:01,600
But what have I done with my life?
268
00:15:01,230 --> 00:15:05,932
A few stupid jingles, some kids' songs,
nothing that really matters.
269
00:15:06,940 --> 00:15:09,411
Now, now,
you're being too hard on yourself.
270
00:15:09,838 --> 00:15:12,621
Got no wife, I've got no children.
271
00:15:12,782 --> 00:15:14,756
I'm gonna leave this world
the way I came in.
272
00:15:15,118 --> 00:15:17,289
By a cesarean section?
273
00:15:18,350 --> 00:15:20,172
Alone.
274
00:15:20,494 --> 00:15:24,400
Oh, for God's sake, Charlie,
I am tired of listening to this.
275
00:15:24,206 --> 00:15:26,311
There has always been
one person in your life...
276
00:15:26,478 --> 00:15:29,960
who's been there for you
and loved you unconditionally.
277
00:15:31,982 --> 00:15:33,575
You mean...
278
00:15:36,686 --> 00:15:37,962
You're right.
279
00:15:38,126 --> 00:15:40,680
- How could I have missed it?
- Heh-heh-heh.
280
00:15:40,238 --> 00:15:41,896
It's been in front of me the whole time.
281
00:15:42,620 --> 00:15:43,884
You can't see the forest for the trees...
282
00:15:44,460 --> 00:15:46,502
even when the forest
is in your own backyard.
283
00:15:46,670 --> 00:15:48,197
Or guest room, heh, heh.
284
00:15:49,646 --> 00:15:51,173
Rose?
285
00:15:53,600 --> 00:15:55,111
- Yup, the one and only.
- Aah.
286
00:15:55,278 --> 00:15:58,278
I know, I know, it's been a while.
287
00:15:58,926 --> 00:16:01,511
If you're not too busy
maybe we could get together...
288
00:16:01,678 --> 00:16:03,686
and have a drink or something.
289
00:16:03,853 --> 00:16:05,228
Great.
290
00:16:05,390 --> 00:16:07,495
So do you wanna meet
or should I pick you up?
291
00:16:12,942 --> 00:16:14,731
I'll meet you at your place.
292
00:16:15,662 --> 00:16:17,572
Okay, I'll meet you back at my place.
293
00:16:21,614 --> 00:16:23,337
Small world.
294
00:16:23,502 --> 00:16:26,797
Yeah, teeny-tiny.
295
00:16:31,182 --> 00:16:34,840
- Here you go.
- Thank you, Charlie.
296
00:16:34,254 --> 00:16:36,359
- Comfy?
- Oh, very.
297
00:16:36,526 --> 00:16:37,988
Good.
298
00:16:41,646 --> 00:16:45,290
- So, Rose.
- Charlie.
299
00:16:45,646 --> 00:16:48,994
- Haven't seen you in a while.
- Can't say the same.
300
00:16:51,118 --> 00:16:52,973
Oh, right, right. Sure, yeah.
301
00:16:53,134 --> 00:16:54,563
Sorry about your friend.
302
00:16:55,214 --> 00:16:56,214
Yeah.
303
00:16:56,366 --> 00:16:58,406
Yeah, it was a real wake-up call for me.
304
00:16:59,850 --> 00:17:00,165
I can imagine.
305
00:17:01,422 --> 00:17:04,455
Makes you stop and wonder
what's important in your life.
306
00:17:04,622 --> 00:17:06,924
Who's important in your life.
307
00:17:07,860 --> 00:17:09,420
I've always known
who's important in my life.
308
00:17:09,966 --> 00:17:11,591
You have, haven't you?
309
00:17:13,454 --> 00:17:15,690
You know how I feel about you, right?
310
00:17:16,622 --> 00:17:18,476
Tell me anyway.
311
00:17:19,597 --> 00:17:21,420
Oh, okay.
312
00:17:21,582 --> 00:17:24,964
Well, as you know,
we've had our ups and downs.
313
00:17:25,134 --> 00:17:27,851
I told you that was my medication.
314
00:17:29,166 --> 00:17:32,199
- I was talking about our relationship.
- Oh, yes.
315
00:17:32,366 --> 00:17:34,308
That's had ups and downs too.
316
00:17:34,478 --> 00:17:36,710
Continue.
317
00:17:36,238 --> 00:17:39,336
Well, uh, I'm thinking
we're not getting any younger.
318
00:17:39,501 --> 00:17:42,284
You know, there was a time when
I did think I was getting younger...
319
00:17:42,446 --> 00:17:45,163
but it turns out that
that was my medication.
320
00:17:45,742 --> 00:17:49,124
- Sure.
- I also thought I was getting smaller.
321
00:17:51,150 --> 00:17:52,743
Ah. Ahem.
322
00:17:53,390 --> 00:17:57,733
Anyway, uh, it struck me that-
That life is short...
323
00:17:57,901 --> 00:18:01,895
and maybe the time has come for you
and I to start thinking about our future.
324
00:18:02,926 --> 00:18:03,926
What about it?
325
00:18:05,294 --> 00:18:07,181
Aah, well...
326
00:18:07,790 --> 00:18:10,889
I know this is kind of sudden, but-
327
00:18:17,901 --> 00:18:18,901
Rose?
328
00:18:19,406 --> 00:18:20,486
Yes, Charlie?
329
00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:22,599
Would you do me the honor of-?
330
00:18:26,350 --> 00:18:29,546
I'm sorry, let me just get rid of this.
331
00:18:29,806 --> 00:18:31,366
Oh, it's my doctor.
332
00:18:33,678 --> 00:18:35,849
Hey, doc, what's the word?
333
00:18:37,380 --> 00:18:38,314
No liver damage whatsoever?
334
00:18:42,126 --> 00:18:43,751
What about my heart?
335
00:18:44,622 --> 00:18:46,564
Well, that's terrific.
336
00:18:46,734 --> 00:18:48,621
Lungs are good too?
337
00:18:49,358 --> 00:18:51,725
So I don't have to give up cigars?
338
00:18:52,109 --> 00:18:53,735
No, no. No, I won't overdo it.
339
00:18:53,902 --> 00:18:55,527
Just when I drink, heh, heh.
340
00:18:57,550 --> 00:19:00,365
Speaking of which, how's the plumbing?
341
00:19:00,622 --> 00:19:02,629
Does that include the prostate?
342
00:19:02,798 --> 00:19:04,554
Yes.
343
00:19:06,638 --> 00:19:09,933
All right, well, uh,
thanks for getting back to me so soon.
344
00:19:10,930 --> 00:19:12,843
And again, I'm-I'm-I'm sorry
for all the name-calling...
345
00:19:13,600 --> 00:19:15,591
when you slipped your finger up there.
346
00:19:24,749 --> 00:19:26,473
Oh, boy, this is awkward.
347
00:19:36,238 --> 00:19:37,383
Look at him.
348
00:19:37,550 --> 00:19:39,492
He's gonna live forever.
349
00:19:39,661 --> 00:19:43,142
No, it's just gonna seem like forever.
350
00:19:44,846 --> 00:19:49,200
He smokes, he drinks,
parties like there's no tomorrow.
351
00:19:49,165 --> 00:19:51,653
Me? I have Mexican food
and a couple of beers...
352
00:19:51,822 --> 00:19:53,709
and I'm farting blood.
353
00:19:55,918 --> 00:19:58,122
Yeah. Boo-hoo.
354
00:19:58,286 --> 00:20:01,963
You just said "Mexican food"
and I grew a third butt cheek.
355
00:20:02,701 --> 00:20:04,130
Life isn't fair, is it, Berta?
356
00:20:04,398 --> 00:20:07,780
If it were, you'd be cleaning my toilets
and I'd have my own talk show.
357
00:20:09,550 --> 00:20:12,419
- A talk show?
- Why not? I'm personable.
358
00:20:14,862 --> 00:20:17,545
At least, he has a clean bill of health.
I'm happy for that.
359
00:20:17,709 --> 00:20:20,677
Me too.
I don't care if I never inherit this house.
360
00:20:21,486 --> 00:20:23,341
Uh, uh, excuse me?
361
00:20:23,502 --> 00:20:25,542
Oh, you ain't seen his new will, huh?
362
00:20:25,710 --> 00:20:28,110
- Ah, what new will?
- Never mind.
363
00:20:29,902 --> 00:20:31,495
But in case tragedy strikes...
364
00:20:31,662 --> 00:20:34,531
be prepared to clear your crap
out of here in 48 hours.
365
00:20:37,869 --> 00:20:40,410
Son of a bitch.
26391
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