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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,223 --> 00:00:05,380 Check it out. They got cars that run on vegetable oil now. 2 00:00:05,200 --> 00:00:07,109 - How about that. - You know what'd be cool? 3 00:00:07,279 --> 00:00:10,508 - A Hummer that runs on french fry grease. - Uh-huh. 4 00:00:10,671 --> 00:00:13,930 We could be energy independent and still smash through crap. 5 00:00:13,520 --> 00:00:14,861 Sounds great. 6 00:00:15,230 --> 00:00:17,871 Plus, the new-car smell is french fries. 7 00:00:18,320 --> 00:00:20,137 Okay, I'm only gonna say this one more time. 8 00:00:20,304 --> 00:00:23,533 You don't get a license for two more years and you're not getting a Hummer. 9 00:00:23,951 --> 00:00:27,464 You know, you say you want me to open up to you, but what's the point? 10 00:00:32,207 --> 00:00:35,220 Yeah, I always loved Paris in the springtime. 11 00:00:35,183 --> 00:00:38,310 Oh, you're lucky. I only got to do her once on Halloween. 12 00:00:40,943 --> 00:00:42,766 - Hi. - Oh, hey, Alan. 13 00:00:42,928 --> 00:00:44,870 - Andy, this is my brother, Alan. - Alan, Andy. 14 00:00:45,390 --> 00:00:46,566 - Hello. - Hi, Andy. 15 00:00:46,736 --> 00:00:49,160 - Pull up a chair. We're telling war stories. - Oh, great. 16 00:00:50,287 --> 00:00:52,262 - The sponge? - Yeah. 17 00:00:53,711 --> 00:00:55,434 So, uh, how do you guys know each other? 18 00:00:57,700 --> 00:00:59,757 - Well, Andy and I- - Can I have a cigar? 19 00:01:01,807 --> 00:01:04,196 - Uh, sure. Help yourself. - Oh, thank you. 20 00:01:05,360 --> 00:01:07,180 Anyway, Andy and I have known- 21 00:01:07,184 --> 00:01:09,933 Maybe I'll take one for now and one for later. 22 00:01:13,904 --> 00:01:15,311 Anyway... 23 00:01:15,472 --> 00:01:18,636 before he moved to New York, Andy and I were partners in crime. 24 00:01:18,800 --> 00:01:22,247 - There weren't that many actual crimes. - Unless you count the ones against nature. 25 00:01:23,760 --> 00:01:27,142 - Alan, this is a great man. No, no. 26 00:01:27,311 --> 00:01:29,200 Albert Einstein was a great man. 27 00:01:29,168 --> 00:01:31,655 I just drink, gamble and hump. But I'm great at it. 28 00:01:33,520 --> 00:01:37,650 Andy once managed to hitchhike from Vegas to L.A. wearing no pants. 29 00:01:38,191 --> 00:01:40,580 Hey, anybody can use their thumb. 30 00:01:42,287 --> 00:01:45,255 This right here, this is the brother I never had. 31 00:01:46,192 --> 00:01:48,395 Oh, well, how nice for you. 32 00:01:49,424 --> 00:01:51,911 I don't mean it that way. You're my brother. 33 00:01:52,790 --> 00:01:55,460 - Well, thank you. - I just like him better. 34 00:01:56,304 --> 00:01:58,671 - Got it. - Andy is the one guy in the world... 35 00:01:58,832 --> 00:02:01,287 who can match me drink for drink and broad for broad. 36 00:02:01,456 --> 00:02:05,198 One time I thought I drank him under the table, he had a broad under there. 37 00:02:05,359 --> 00:02:07,814 Heh-heh-heh. Right, Andy? 38 00:02:09,871 --> 00:02:11,300 Andy? 39 00:02:12,880 --> 00:02:14,920 Don't screw with me, dude. 40 00:02:20,175 --> 00:02:21,833 Who's your favorite brother now? 41 00:02:35,727 --> 00:02:37,898 So he died out there in the chair, huh? 42 00:02:38,630 --> 00:02:39,274 Yep. 43 00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:42,536 Remind me to flip that cushion. 44 00:02:43,792 --> 00:02:47,210 You should've seen it. The paramedics zipped him up in a big plastic bag. 45 00:02:47,184 --> 00:02:49,930 - Is that so? - It looked like those things... 46 00:02:49,263 --> 00:02:51,783 the delivery guys use to keep pizza hot. 47 00:02:52,527 --> 00:02:55,375 I wonder if they got him to the morgue in 30 minutes or less. 48 00:02:57,775 --> 00:02:58,888 Not funny, Jake. 49 00:02:59,504 --> 00:03:01,609 Maybe it is funny and you just didn't get it. 50 00:03:02,703 --> 00:03:04,132 Eat. 51 00:03:04,751 --> 00:03:05,896 So, uh, did you know him? 52 00:03:06,319 --> 00:03:08,430 Andy? Sure. 53 00:03:08,208 --> 00:03:10,990 Before he moved to New York, he and Charlie were like brothers. 54 00:03:11,151 --> 00:03:12,744 Yeah, I heard that part. 55 00:03:13,167 --> 00:03:15,207 - How's Charlie taking it? - He's pretty shook up. 56 00:03:15,376 --> 00:03:17,677 Well, you can understand why. 57 00:03:18,950 --> 00:03:19,273 Somebody your age... 58 00:03:19,439 --> 00:03:21,610 living the same dumb-ass lifestyle you lived... 59 00:03:22,704 --> 00:03:25,224 keels over and dies? It's gotta give you pause. 60 00:03:26,703 --> 00:03:29,572 - You're right about that. - I'm surprised Charlie didn't go first. 61 00:03:29,743 --> 00:03:31,434 Excuse me. 62 00:03:33,103 --> 00:03:34,510 I'm standing right here. 63 00:03:34,863 --> 00:03:36,871 But for how long? 64 00:03:39,280 --> 00:03:40,425 Did you get that one? 65 00:03:42,287 --> 00:03:44,760 - See you later. - Uh, where you going? 66 00:03:44,239 --> 00:03:45,239 Where do you think? 67 00:03:45,392 --> 00:03:47,813 My best friend just died, I got a lot to take care of. 68 00:03:47,983 --> 00:03:50,666 You're handling the funeral? I'm sure Andy would like that. 69 00:03:50,831 --> 00:03:54,541 To hell with Andy, I'm going to the hospital to get every test known to man. 70 00:03:55,887 --> 00:03:57,164 Good one. 71 00:03:58,320 --> 00:04:00,142 You're not getting any of these, are you? 72 00:04:05,871 --> 00:04:08,293 - Hey. - Hey. How'd the tests go? 73 00:04:08,688 --> 00:04:10,214 I won't know for a couple of days. 74 00:04:10,383 --> 00:04:13,198 All right, I'm out of here. 75 00:04:13,359 --> 00:04:14,537 How about you, Charlie? 76 00:04:19,344 --> 00:04:21,897 Wait, I got something for you. 77 00:04:22,630 --> 00:04:25,310 It's a gift certificate for a week at a spa in Palm Springs. 78 00:04:25,199 --> 00:04:27,949 Well, I'll be. Thank you, Charlie. 79 00:04:28,367 --> 00:04:30,702 I just wanted you to know that I love you... 80 00:04:30,864 --> 00:04:33,351 and appreciate that you've always been there for me. 81 00:04:33,519 --> 00:04:34,861 Great, see you in a week. 82 00:04:39,408 --> 00:04:42,260 The minute you start thinking about your mortality... 83 00:04:42,191 --> 00:04:44,908 you realize how much you care about the people around you. 84 00:04:45,710 --> 00:04:46,794 Yeah, and I need to start showing it. 85 00:04:46,959 --> 00:04:48,421 Well... 86 00:04:48,591 --> 00:04:51,940 little gifts are always a nice way to express your feelings. 87 00:04:52,592 --> 00:04:53,933 I know. 88 00:04:54,950 --> 00:04:56,812 Could be as simple as a cashmere robe... 89 00:04:57,231 --> 00:05:01,355 or, uh, as extravagant as a new car. 90 00:05:01,519 --> 00:05:03,592 - Yeah, I suppose it could. Ahem. - Yeah. 91 00:05:04,303 --> 00:05:07,532 Excuse me, I got something really cool for Jake. 92 00:05:08,943 --> 00:05:10,732 Doesn't even have to be new. 93 00:05:11,151 --> 00:05:14,282 Certified pre-owned is still very thoughtful. 94 00:05:17,967 --> 00:05:20,782 - Hey, what are you doing? - I was trying to research cars... 95 00:05:20,943 --> 00:05:23,877 but you wouldn't believe what comes up when you Google "Hummer." 96 00:05:26,735 --> 00:05:28,770 Actually, I would. 97 00:05:30,351 --> 00:05:33,417 Here, I got you something I think you're really gonna like. 98 00:05:33,583 --> 00:05:34,827 Is it a sandwich? 99 00:05:35,535 --> 00:05:37,960 Why would I giftwrap a sandwich? 100 00:05:37,263 --> 00:05:39,205 Because you want me to be surprised? 101 00:05:39,375 --> 00:05:41,100 Just open it. 102 00:05:41,391 --> 00:05:44,261 You know what's a great sandwich? The Monte Cristo. 103 00:05:44,432 --> 00:05:47,693 Because it has ham and cheese, and it's fried. 104 00:05:48,111 --> 00:05:49,289 Open the damn box. 105 00:05:49,455 --> 00:05:52,730 Whoa, don't get your period. 106 00:05:54,511 --> 00:05:57,640 - Oh, wow, a mini video-camera. - Pretty cool, huh? 107 00:05:57,231 --> 00:05:59,140 Is this because you think you're dying? 108 00:05:59,311 --> 00:06:02,377 No, no. I just wanted to do something nice for you. 109 00:06:02,543 --> 00:06:03,656 Before you die. 110 00:06:04,271 --> 00:06:06,660 - Do you want the camera or not? - Yeah, I want it. 111 00:06:06,831 --> 00:06:08,653 - Then just say thank you. - Thank you. 112 00:06:08,815 --> 00:06:11,499 Jeez, you need to relax. You'll give yourself a heart attack. 113 00:06:13,167 --> 00:06:14,629 I'll work on it. 114 00:06:14,800 --> 00:06:17,582 Have a sandwich. That always relaxes me. 115 00:06:19,952 --> 00:06:22,407 All right, one more gift to give. 116 00:06:23,151 --> 00:06:25,900 Oh, yeah? Saving the best for last? 117 00:06:27,919 --> 00:06:30,985 I don't know about the best, but it's sure the hardest. 118 00:06:31,535 --> 00:06:33,291 Any way I can make it easier? 119 00:06:33,455 --> 00:06:34,884 Yeah. 120 00:06:35,151 --> 00:06:37,835 Call Mom and tell her I'm on my way over. 121 00:06:43,856 --> 00:06:47,849 Oh, Charlie, what a beautiful watch. 122 00:06:48,367 --> 00:06:52,426 - Do you really like it? - Are you kidding? It's gorgeous. 123 00:06:52,591 --> 00:06:55,853 And the best part is now I don't have to wear my good one every day. 124 00:06:59,216 --> 00:07:01,605 You're probably wondering why I bought it for you. 125 00:07:02,127 --> 00:07:04,134 Well, I just assumed you love me... 126 00:07:04,303 --> 00:07:06,408 and did it out of the goodness of your heart. 127 00:07:07,567 --> 00:07:10,220 Kidding. Why, dear? 128 00:07:10,191 --> 00:07:11,500 Okay, I deserve that. 129 00:07:12,815 --> 00:07:14,637 But the truth is I do love you... 130 00:07:14,799 --> 00:07:17,614 and despite our many differences, I'm glad you're my mother. 131 00:07:18,671 --> 00:07:20,711 You didn't drive over here drunk, did you? 132 00:07:23,870 --> 00:07:25,902 I'm not drunk. I just, uh... 133 00:07:26,448 --> 00:07:29,447 I've been thinking a lot about how fleeting life is... 134 00:07:29,615 --> 00:07:32,397 that none of us really knows how long we're gonna be here. 135 00:07:32,816 --> 00:07:35,598 Did you find another lump on your pee-pee? 136 00:07:37,903 --> 00:07:39,911 No, Mom, my pee-pee's fine. 137 00:07:40,591 --> 00:07:44,453 I don't know how "worn down to a nub" can be fine, but all right. 138 00:07:46,191 --> 00:07:49,453 My point is, uh, I don't wanna be angry with you anymore. 139 00:07:49,615 --> 00:07:50,892 I want us to be friends. 140 00:07:51,311 --> 00:07:54,758 I was always your friend, Charlie. 141 00:07:54,927 --> 00:07:57,261 You were just too self-involved to see it. 142 00:08:00,943 --> 00:08:02,569 Okay, I gotta go. 143 00:08:03,311 --> 00:08:04,653 Where you off to? 144 00:08:04,815 --> 00:08:07,270 I have to pick out a casket for a friend of mine. 145 00:08:07,439 --> 00:08:09,261 Oh, I'm-I'm so sorry. 146 00:08:09,519 --> 00:08:12,700 Yeah, well, what are you gonna do? 147 00:08:12,175 --> 00:08:13,223 Well, don't cheap out. 148 00:08:13,647 --> 00:08:16,811 It's one thing to do it with a watch, but a casket is forever. 149 00:08:24,143 --> 00:08:27,780 So young. I can't believe it. 150 00:08:27,247 --> 00:08:28,621 Yeah. 151 00:08:28,783 --> 00:08:32,166 Who would've thought smoking, drinking and whoring could kill you? 152 00:08:33,199 --> 00:08:36,130 You realize that could just as easily be me in there. 153 00:08:36,175 --> 00:08:37,866 Yeah. 154 00:08:38,447 --> 00:08:40,236 Don't even think that. 155 00:08:41,711 --> 00:08:43,467 It is a nice casket, though. 156 00:08:43,631 --> 00:08:44,776 Should be. 157 00:08:44,943 --> 00:08:47,561 - It cost me 10 grand. - Ten grand, wow. 158 00:08:47,727 --> 00:08:50,793 What can I say, I take care of the people I love. 159 00:08:50,959 --> 00:08:53,709 Could've taken care of me with a freaking robe. 160 00:08:56,239 --> 00:08:58,126 Kind of a light turnout. 161 00:08:58,287 --> 00:09:00,589 You'd probably get more people with an open bar. 162 00:09:00,751 --> 00:09:02,660 Hey, make sure there's an open bar at mine. 163 00:09:03,247 --> 00:09:04,905 Oh, now, I'm your funeral planner? 164 00:09:05,710 --> 00:09:08,552 Don't you want a friend or someone you really care about in charge of that? 165 00:09:08,783 --> 00:09:09,895 No, you do it. 166 00:09:11,599 --> 00:09:14,468 Good afternoon and welcome. 167 00:09:14,639 --> 00:09:17,705 We are here to celebrate the life... 168 00:09:17,871 --> 00:09:22,475 and mourn the passing of Andrew Donald Patterson. 169 00:09:22,639 --> 00:09:25,738 How do we measure a man's life? 170 00:09:25,903 --> 00:09:28,717 - By... - Jeez, this guy's a load. 171 00:09:31,183 --> 00:09:33,452 Don't get a guy like this for me. 172 00:09:33,615 --> 00:09:36,397 I want someone with a little bit of gravitas. 173 00:09:36,815 --> 00:09:39,180 I'll see if James Earl Jones is available. 174 00:09:39,182 --> 00:09:40,328 That would be nice. 175 00:09:40,495 --> 00:09:45,230 - Born, a time to die, a time to reap... 176 00:09:45,871 --> 00:09:50,148 a time to sow, a time to mourn... 177 00:09:50,319 --> 00:09:51,661 A time to heal... 178 00:09:51,823 --> 00:09:53,895 a time for every purpose under heaven. 179 00:09:54,630 --> 00:09:57,445 And so we say goodbye to Charles Francis Harper. 180 00:09:57,871 --> 00:10:01,384 Devoted son, loving brother, caring uncle... 181 00:10:01,839 --> 00:10:06,214 bon vivant and world-class connoisseur of the booty. 182 00:10:08,790 --> 00:10:09,356 Nice turnout. 183 00:10:09,519 --> 00:10:12,934 I'd like to take this moment... - Yeah. Standing room only. 184 00:10:13,423 --> 00:10:16,173 Goes to show you, give the people what they want. 185 00:10:16,911 --> 00:10:18,405 You mean the open bar, right? 186 00:10:19,550 --> 00:10:20,364 Sure. 187 00:10:23,471 --> 00:10:24,878 Thanks for coming, by the way. 188 00:10:25,390 --> 00:10:26,184 You came to mine. 189 00:10:26,478 --> 00:10:28,710 Yeah, but you're dead. 190 00:10:28,527 --> 00:10:30,666 Charlie, take a look in the box. 191 00:10:30,831 --> 00:10:32,619 That's not a tanning booth. 192 00:10:33,295 --> 00:10:34,954 Oh, yeah. 193 00:10:35,695 --> 00:10:38,728 So listen, as long as you're here, what's heaven like? 194 00:10:38,895 --> 00:10:41,317 It's unbelievable. It's paradise. 195 00:10:41,487 --> 00:10:44,137 Like your house before your brother moved in. 196 00:10:44,303 --> 00:10:45,864 Oh, that was good. 197 00:10:46,300 --> 00:10:47,853 You can drink all you want, no hangover. 198 00:10:48,239 --> 00:10:51,210 Endless supply of women, each one more beautiful than the last. 199 00:10:51,182 --> 00:10:54,520 And Charlie, get this: They believe everything you tell them. 200 00:10:54,991 --> 00:10:57,806 - Everything? - It's heaven, dude. 201 00:10:59,247 --> 00:11:00,556 Wow. 202 00:11:00,719 --> 00:11:02,923 - Well, save me a good seat. - I wish I could... 203 00:11:03,870 --> 00:11:04,745 but that's not where they sent me. 204 00:11:04,911 --> 00:11:06,405 Ew. 205 00:11:07,215 --> 00:11:09,451 Then how do you know what heaven's like? 206 00:11:09,807 --> 00:11:12,557 They make us look at a video every day... 207 00:11:12,719 --> 00:11:15,588 while they're putting lube on the pitchfork. 208 00:11:17,135 --> 00:11:19,440 Well, at least, you get lube. 209 00:11:19,599 --> 00:11:21,930 Only on the middle prong. 210 00:11:23,151 --> 00:11:24,613 To be completely honest... 211 00:11:24,975 --> 00:11:26,863 I didn't know Charlie Harper. 212 00:11:27,230 --> 00:11:32,806 But any man, who, with his dying breath, would set aside $25,000... 213 00:11:32,974 --> 00:11:36,487 and a first-class air ticket so I could deliver his eulogy... 214 00:11:36,655 --> 00:11:38,827 is aces in my book. 215 00:11:40,142 --> 00:11:43,754 That being said, there are many people here today who did know Charlie... 216 00:11:43,919 --> 00:11:46,854 and perhaps some would like to stand up and say a few words. 217 00:11:47,230 --> 00:11:49,411 Ooh, ooh! Ah, I wanna say something. 218 00:11:49,583 --> 00:11:50,761 Uh... 219 00:11:50,927 --> 00:11:52,720 hello, everybody. 220 00:11:53,700 --> 00:11:54,632 Hello, James Earl Jones. 221 00:11:57,135 --> 00:11:59,371 Um, hey, bro. Don't get up. 222 00:12:01,166 --> 00:12:03,436 Ah, what can I say about Charlie? 223 00:12:03,599 --> 00:12:06,217 Uh, so many words come to mind. 224 00:12:06,383 --> 00:12:07,909 So few that you can say in church. 225 00:12:09,391 --> 00:12:10,832 But we'll, uh-We'll give it a shot. 226 00:12:12,111 --> 00:12:15,340 Um, Charlie was a man of love. 227 00:12:15,503 --> 00:12:17,391 Um, he loved his friends... 228 00:12:17,551 --> 00:12:19,111 he loved his family... 229 00:12:19,279 --> 00:12:20,457 but most of all... 230 00:12:20,622 --> 00:12:21,735 he loved his penis. 231 00:12:23,439 --> 00:12:26,156 The only part of him that ever had an actual job. 232 00:12:28,367 --> 00:12:30,222 Ah, anyway... 233 00:12:30,383 --> 00:12:35,467 this was a man, uh, so full of love that it practically oozed out of him. 234 00:12:35,630 --> 00:12:38,190 Ah, at which point, of course, he would see a doctor. 235 00:12:43,471 --> 00:12:45,325 But I-I kid the deceased whoremonger. 236 00:12:47,119 --> 00:12:52,902 Anyway, uh, since he never made out a will, uh, I hope you will all join me... 237 00:12:53,710 --> 00:12:56,748 for a wake-slash-luau at my Malibu beach house. 238 00:13:01,423 --> 00:13:02,830 He got my house? 239 00:13:02,991 --> 00:13:04,933 - He got everything you had. - Everything? 240 00:13:05,230 --> 00:13:08,459 Well, not the diseased liver and the swollen prostate. 241 00:13:10,190 --> 00:13:13,703 Oh, look. Your old girlfriends are saying their final goodbye. 242 00:13:20,303 --> 00:13:22,277 That's not very respectful. 243 00:13:22,447 --> 00:13:26,375 Just FYI, spit is the devil's lube. 244 00:13:28,655 --> 00:13:32,700 Listen. Uh, would you mind recording my answering-machine message for me? 245 00:13:32,687 --> 00:13:34,181 That'll be an extra $500. 246 00:13:34,894 --> 00:13:36,323 That's okay. I'm rich now. 247 00:13:36,847 --> 00:13:40,557 All right, what do you want, uh, "This is CNN" or "Luke, I am your father"? 248 00:13:40,719 --> 00:13:43,501 So, Charlie, it's been great catching up, but I gotta go. 249 00:13:44,207 --> 00:13:46,345 Already? Can't you stay a while? 250 00:13:47,278 --> 00:13:50,857 No, it's pitchfork time. If you're late, you don't get the spit. 251 00:13:52,782 --> 00:13:55,510 And believe me, Charlie, you want the spit. 252 00:13:56,431 --> 00:13:58,340 I want the spit. 253 00:14:11,886 --> 00:14:15,913 Harper. Charlie Harper. I was in a few days ago. 254 00:14:16,622 --> 00:14:18,597 I peed in a cup, you took my blood... 255 00:14:18,766 --> 00:14:21,416 and slipped a camera up the heart of darkness. 256 00:14:22,798 --> 00:14:26,940 Well, the doctor said my results would be ready today. 257 00:14:26,670 --> 00:14:28,557 Fine, have him get back to me. 258 00:14:30,318 --> 00:14:32,140 He's avoiding my calls, Alan. 259 00:14:32,302 --> 00:14:34,789 - I'm gonna die. - No, no, you're not. 260 00:14:34,958 --> 00:14:37,195 Aah. I can feel it. 261 00:14:37,358 --> 00:14:40,172 You might as well just drive into that tree and kill us both. 262 00:14:40,814 --> 00:14:44,873 Sure. I don't wanna go on living without you. 263 00:14:45,902 --> 00:14:47,942 What's the point of it all? 264 00:14:48,110 --> 00:14:51,907 Yeah, I'm rich, charming, classically handsome... 265 00:14:52,430 --> 00:14:54,950 I've laid more pipe than a guy... 266 00:14:55,118 --> 00:14:57,257 who has sex with pipes. 267 00:14:58,158 --> 00:15:01,600 But what have I done with my life? 268 00:15:01,230 --> 00:15:05,932 A few stupid jingles, some kids' songs, nothing that really matters. 269 00:15:06,940 --> 00:15:09,411 Now, now, you're being too hard on yourself. 270 00:15:09,838 --> 00:15:12,621 Got no wife, I've got no children. 271 00:15:12,782 --> 00:15:14,756 I'm gonna leave this world the way I came in. 272 00:15:15,118 --> 00:15:17,289 By a cesarean section? 273 00:15:18,350 --> 00:15:20,172 Alone. 274 00:15:20,494 --> 00:15:24,400 Oh, for God's sake, Charlie, I am tired of listening to this. 275 00:15:24,206 --> 00:15:26,311 There has always been one person in your life... 276 00:15:26,478 --> 00:15:29,960 who's been there for you and loved you unconditionally. 277 00:15:31,982 --> 00:15:33,575 You mean... 278 00:15:36,686 --> 00:15:37,962 You're right. 279 00:15:38,126 --> 00:15:40,680 - How could I have missed it? - Heh-heh-heh. 280 00:15:40,238 --> 00:15:41,896 It's been in front of me the whole time. 281 00:15:42,620 --> 00:15:43,884 You can't see the forest for the trees... 282 00:15:44,460 --> 00:15:46,502 even when the forest is in your own backyard. 283 00:15:46,670 --> 00:15:48,197 Or guest room, heh, heh. 284 00:15:49,646 --> 00:15:51,173 Rose? 285 00:15:53,600 --> 00:15:55,111 - Yup, the one and only. - Aah. 286 00:15:55,278 --> 00:15:58,278 I know, I know, it's been a while. 287 00:15:58,926 --> 00:16:01,511 If you're not too busy maybe we could get together... 288 00:16:01,678 --> 00:16:03,686 and have a drink or something. 289 00:16:03,853 --> 00:16:05,228 Great. 290 00:16:05,390 --> 00:16:07,495 So do you wanna meet or should I pick you up? 291 00:16:12,942 --> 00:16:14,731 I'll meet you at your place. 292 00:16:15,662 --> 00:16:17,572 Okay, I'll meet you back at my place. 293 00:16:21,614 --> 00:16:23,337 Small world. 294 00:16:23,502 --> 00:16:26,797 Yeah, teeny-tiny. 295 00:16:31,182 --> 00:16:34,840 - Here you go. - Thank you, Charlie. 296 00:16:34,254 --> 00:16:36,359 - Comfy? - Oh, very. 297 00:16:36,526 --> 00:16:37,988 Good. 298 00:16:41,646 --> 00:16:45,290 - So, Rose. - Charlie. 299 00:16:45,646 --> 00:16:48,994 - Haven't seen you in a while. - Can't say the same. 300 00:16:51,118 --> 00:16:52,973 Oh, right, right. Sure, yeah. 301 00:16:53,134 --> 00:16:54,563 Sorry about your friend. 302 00:16:55,214 --> 00:16:56,214 Yeah. 303 00:16:56,366 --> 00:16:58,406 Yeah, it was a real wake-up call for me. 304 00:16:59,850 --> 00:17:00,165 I can imagine. 305 00:17:01,422 --> 00:17:04,455 Makes you stop and wonder what's important in your life. 306 00:17:04,622 --> 00:17:06,924 Who's important in your life. 307 00:17:07,860 --> 00:17:09,420 I've always known who's important in my life. 308 00:17:09,966 --> 00:17:11,591 You have, haven't you? 309 00:17:13,454 --> 00:17:15,690 You know how I feel about you, right? 310 00:17:16,622 --> 00:17:18,476 Tell me anyway. 311 00:17:19,597 --> 00:17:21,420 Oh, okay. 312 00:17:21,582 --> 00:17:24,964 Well, as you know, we've had our ups and downs. 313 00:17:25,134 --> 00:17:27,851 I told you that was my medication. 314 00:17:29,166 --> 00:17:32,199 - I was talking about our relationship. - Oh, yes. 315 00:17:32,366 --> 00:17:34,308 That's had ups and downs too. 316 00:17:34,478 --> 00:17:36,710 Continue. 317 00:17:36,238 --> 00:17:39,336 Well, uh, I'm thinking we're not getting any younger. 318 00:17:39,501 --> 00:17:42,284 You know, there was a time when I did think I was getting younger... 319 00:17:42,446 --> 00:17:45,163 but it turns out that that was my medication. 320 00:17:45,742 --> 00:17:49,124 - Sure. - I also thought I was getting smaller. 321 00:17:51,150 --> 00:17:52,743 Ah. Ahem. 322 00:17:53,390 --> 00:17:57,733 Anyway, uh, it struck me that- That life is short... 323 00:17:57,901 --> 00:18:01,895 and maybe the time has come for you and I to start thinking about our future. 324 00:18:02,926 --> 00:18:03,926 What about it? 325 00:18:05,294 --> 00:18:07,181 Aah, well... 326 00:18:07,790 --> 00:18:10,889 I know this is kind of sudden, but- 327 00:18:17,901 --> 00:18:18,901 Rose? 328 00:18:19,406 --> 00:18:20,486 Yes, Charlie? 329 00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:22,599 Would you do me the honor of-? 330 00:18:26,350 --> 00:18:29,546 I'm sorry, let me just get rid of this. 331 00:18:29,806 --> 00:18:31,366 Oh, it's my doctor. 332 00:18:33,678 --> 00:18:35,849 Hey, doc, what's the word? 333 00:18:37,380 --> 00:18:38,314 No liver damage whatsoever? 334 00:18:42,126 --> 00:18:43,751 What about my heart? 335 00:18:44,622 --> 00:18:46,564 Well, that's terrific. 336 00:18:46,734 --> 00:18:48,621 Lungs are good too? 337 00:18:49,358 --> 00:18:51,725 So I don't have to give up cigars? 338 00:18:52,109 --> 00:18:53,735 No, no. No, I won't overdo it. 339 00:18:53,902 --> 00:18:55,527 Just when I drink, heh, heh. 340 00:18:57,550 --> 00:19:00,365 Speaking of which, how's the plumbing? 341 00:19:00,622 --> 00:19:02,629 Does that include the prostate? 342 00:19:02,798 --> 00:19:04,554 Yes. 343 00:19:06,638 --> 00:19:09,933 All right, well, uh, thanks for getting back to me so soon. 344 00:19:10,930 --> 00:19:12,843 And again, I'm-I'm-I'm sorry for all the name-calling... 345 00:19:13,600 --> 00:19:15,591 when you slipped your finger up there. 346 00:19:24,749 --> 00:19:26,473 Oh, boy, this is awkward. 347 00:19:36,238 --> 00:19:37,383 Look at him. 348 00:19:37,550 --> 00:19:39,492 He's gonna live forever. 349 00:19:39,661 --> 00:19:43,142 No, it's just gonna seem like forever. 350 00:19:44,846 --> 00:19:49,200 He smokes, he drinks, parties like there's no tomorrow. 351 00:19:49,165 --> 00:19:51,653 Me? I have Mexican food and a couple of beers... 352 00:19:51,822 --> 00:19:53,709 and I'm farting blood. 353 00:19:55,918 --> 00:19:58,122 Yeah. Boo-hoo. 354 00:19:58,286 --> 00:20:01,963 You just said "Mexican food" and I grew a third butt cheek. 355 00:20:02,701 --> 00:20:04,130 Life isn't fair, is it, Berta? 356 00:20:04,398 --> 00:20:07,780 If it were, you'd be cleaning my toilets and I'd have my own talk show. 357 00:20:09,550 --> 00:20:12,419 - A talk show? - Why not? I'm personable. 358 00:20:14,862 --> 00:20:17,545 At least, he has a clean bill of health. I'm happy for that. 359 00:20:17,709 --> 00:20:20,677 Me too. I don't care if I never inherit this house. 360 00:20:21,486 --> 00:20:23,341 Uh, uh, excuse me? 361 00:20:23,502 --> 00:20:25,542 Oh, you ain't seen his new will, huh? 362 00:20:25,710 --> 00:20:28,110 - Ah, what new will? - Never mind. 363 00:20:29,902 --> 00:20:31,495 But in case tragedy strikes... 364 00:20:31,662 --> 00:20:34,531 be prepared to clear your crap out of here in 48 hours. 365 00:20:37,869 --> 00:20:40,410 Son of a bitch. 26391

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