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1
00:00:03,552 --> 00:00:09,389
You said I was a shoo-in.
Toast, that's what they said to me,
2
00:00:09,401 --> 00:00:13,401
then Bruce Willis shows an interest
and it's a whole new ball game.
3
00:00:13,841 --> 00:00:16,160
This is very embarrassing for me.
4
00:00:16,161 --> 00:00:18,480
Going around looking like a tit!
5
00:00:18,481 --> 00:00:20,641
Can't you sue them or something?
6
00:00:20,642 --> 00:00:23,360
No, because there was
nothing in writing,
7
00:00:23,361 --> 00:00:26,800
but I'm going to make
one very angry phone call!
8
00:00:26,801 --> 00:00:30,120
I won't be able to go out for
months! That is defeatism, Toast.
9
00:00:30,121 --> 00:00:32,200
You can still do voice-overs.
10
00:00:32,201 --> 00:00:35,360
In fact, I have you down for one
this afternoon.
11
00:00:35,361 --> 00:00:39,361
Those fuckers'll love this.
12
00:00:41,721 --> 00:00:44,480
Nice outwear, dude.
You what?
13
00:00:44,481 --> 00:00:48,120
Cool jacket. Haven't seen one like
that in a long while. Is it vintage?
14
00:00:48,121 --> 00:00:51,880
No, it isn't bloody vintage. I got
it from Cliftons in St James's.
15
00:00:51,881 --> 00:00:54,640
Fancy.
It is fancy.
16
00:00:54,641 --> 00:00:56,680
You won't find one of these in Oxfam
17
00:00:56,681 --> 00:00:59,960
or wherever it is you pick up
those clown outfits from. Cool.
18
00:00:59,961 --> 00:01:03,240
Let's get on. What are we doing?
Medical doc, Operation Blow By Blow.
19
00:01:03,241 --> 00:01:05,960
It's pretty squeamish stuff.
Squeamish? Poppycock!
20
00:01:05,961 --> 00:01:08,160
They just sent through the footage.
21
00:01:08,161 --> 00:01:10,640
Ooh, Jesus! That's not nice!
Argh!
22
00:01:10,641 --> 00:01:14,160
It's nothing I won't have seen
before. Let's just get on. Steven?
23
00:01:14,161 --> 00:01:18,161
This is Clem Fandango. Can you
hear me? OK, Plato, enlighten me.
24
00:01:18,401 --> 00:01:21,680
The footage is full-on. If you'd
rather record it without picture,
25
00:01:21,681 --> 00:01:25,681
it's doable. No! I'll do it
to picture. Run the tape.
26
00:01:26,281 --> 00:01:28,480
OK, coming atcha, big guy.
27
00:01:28,481 --> 00:01:32,481
Head injuries are possibly
the most critical and serious injury
28
00:01:33,681 --> 00:01:37,681
a qualified surgeon
will ever have to attend to.
29
00:01:41,001 --> 00:01:45,001
A specially designed tool, not
unlike a workman's masonry drill,
30
00:01:45,881 --> 00:01:49,881
is lowered onto the mark,
ready to cut through the skull.
31
00:01:52,801 --> 00:01:55,561
Ohh...
32
00:01:58,241 --> 00:02:00,441
The brain is now visible.
33
00:02:03,721 --> 00:02:06,160
Is everything all right, Steven?
34
00:02:06,161 --> 00:02:10,161
Hope you haven't got sick
over your nice new coat.
35
00:02:13,140 --> 00:02:37,048
36
00:02:37,161 --> 00:02:40,600
The wind machine
was going at full tilt.
37
00:02:40,601 --> 00:02:44,200
Everyone else was blown off the
deck, but I held my ground, Toast,
38
00:02:44,201 --> 00:02:46,760
and delivered my speech in one take.
39
00:02:46,761 --> 00:02:48,921
I have to hand it to you, Axel -
40
00:02:48,922 --> 00:02:51,400
I don't think there's a finer actor
41
00:02:51,401 --> 00:02:54,320
when it comes to performing
in high winds.
42
00:02:54,321 --> 00:02:57,440
Well, when playing ships' captains
and mad kings,
43
00:02:57,441 --> 00:03:01,280
performing in gales and storms
comes very much with the territory.
44
00:03:01,281 --> 00:03:05,000
Wind machines, rain machines,
thunder-and-lightning machines,
45
00:03:05,001 --> 00:03:08,240
sleet machines... Tell me, when
you're performing in high winds,
46
00:03:08,241 --> 00:03:10,720
are you tethered to a mast somehow?
47
00:03:10,721 --> 00:03:14,320
No, no, no. The public
would notice that immediately.
48
00:03:14,321 --> 00:03:17,600
It's all to do with technique.
I look full-on,
49
00:03:17,601 --> 00:03:21,520
but I usually stand
at very, very slight angle.
50
00:03:21,521 --> 00:03:25,521
Well, even Olivier used
a safety harness. Yes, nice fellow.
51
00:03:25,601 --> 00:03:29,601
Used to be in the same lodge.
I must invite you to a meeting.
52
00:03:30,041 --> 00:03:33,160
I'm guessing you're, er,
on the square?
53
00:03:33,161 --> 00:03:37,161
What square? I wouldn't work with
an actor who wasn't in the Masons.
54
00:03:37,761 --> 00:03:40,560
Oh, the Masons! Oh, yes...
55
00:03:40,561 --> 00:03:44,561
Yes, of course. So what's this
production that you're working on?
56
00:03:44,721 --> 00:03:47,600
TV adaptation
of that Master And Commander film.
57
00:03:47,601 --> 00:03:51,601
Nice! Mm. They're promising me
an absolute howling gale.
58
00:03:52,241 --> 00:03:55,320
You know, Toast, I've heard it said
59
00:03:55,321 --> 00:03:58,920
that you, after me, are the best
high-winds actor in Britain.
60
00:03:58,921 --> 00:04:02,921
I mean, I'm good, but I don't think
I'm in your league.
61
00:04:02,961 --> 00:04:05,800
True, but if anything
should happen to me,
62
00:04:05,801 --> 00:04:08,760
you might find yourself
getting a few more job offers.
63
00:04:08,761 --> 00:04:12,761
No, I think your position will be
quite secure for some years to come.
64
00:04:13,441 --> 00:04:17,441
Cheers.
65
00:04:23,001 --> 00:04:26,520
I was just talking to Axel Jacklin
in The Colonial Club.
66
00:04:26,521 --> 00:04:29,000
Apparently he's a Mason.
I see.
67
00:04:29,001 --> 00:04:32,360
You're not, er,
on the square, are you?
68
00:04:32,361 --> 00:04:35,360
Well, yes. Most actors are.
Well, I'm not.
69
00:04:35,361 --> 00:04:38,520
Always found it quite ridiculous,
with the silly handshakes
70
00:04:38,521 --> 00:04:41,920
and pulling up your trouser leg
to the judge. Don't knock it, Toast.
71
00:04:41,921 --> 00:04:45,520
Many escape a perilous situation
by performing just such a ritual.
72
00:04:45,521 --> 00:04:49,440
I remember once I played a Bond
girl, when I was in Octopussy.
73
00:04:49,441 --> 00:04:53,320
You played a Bond Girl? Yes, at
tennis. During a break at Pinewood.
74
00:04:53,321 --> 00:04:57,160
Maude Adams. She wanted
to play the full three sets.
75
00:04:57,161 --> 00:05:00,880
Cubby Broccoli came over and said
"No, you only have to play one."
76
00:05:00,881 --> 00:05:03,920
He knew I was a Mason, you see.
We performed the ritual
77
00:05:03,921 --> 00:05:07,240
and I had the afternoon off.
What the hell are you talking about?
78
00:05:07,241 --> 00:05:10,480
Mind if I watch the midday news?
"Axel Jacklin was well known
79
00:05:10,481 --> 00:05:13,000
"for his costume dramas." No...
80
00:05:13,001 --> 00:05:17,001
"His agent Jane Plough said
it was a tragedy." It's a tragedy,
81
00:05:17,561 --> 00:05:20,680
but it's common knowledge that,
after Axel,
82
00:05:20,681 --> 00:05:24,200
you are the best high-winds actor
in Britain.
83
00:05:24,201 --> 00:05:28,201
So I've been onto the Master And
Commander chaps and persuaded them
84
00:05:28,281 --> 00:05:32,120
that you are the best actor
to take over the role.
85
00:05:32,121 --> 00:05:36,121
You've certainly moved fast, Jane.
Axel's only been dead 46 minutes.
86
00:05:36,601 --> 00:05:40,601
No room for sentiment in this game.
Now, you're in the Masons?
87
00:05:41,521 --> 00:05:45,521
You'd better join up if you're not
because the producer, Parker Pipe,
88
00:05:45,641 --> 00:05:49,641
is very keen on using
only Masonic actors.
89
00:05:49,681 --> 00:05:52,120
What's up, Toast? Sad about Axel?
90
00:05:52,121 --> 00:05:54,960
Mm, yeah.
Yes.
91
00:05:54,961 --> 00:05:57,840
People die all the time though,
don't they?
92
00:05:57,841 --> 00:06:01,840
Actors, prime ministers,
kings, queens?
93
00:06:01,841 --> 00:06:04,000
everybody's just passing through.
94
00:06:04,001 --> 00:06:08,000
The list of people who've died
is as long as my arms
95
00:06:08,001 --> 00:06:12,001
and I have unnaturally long arms.
96
00:06:13,001 --> 00:06:17,001
Imagine if all the actors
who were dead were alive.
97
00:06:17,441 --> 00:06:20,640
There'd be no jobs
for the younger actors at all.
98
00:06:20,641 --> 00:06:24,641
Are you all right? Jane?
99
00:06:31,281 --> 00:06:35,281
No, we have to strike
while the iron is hot.
100
00:06:36,481 --> 00:06:40,480
Stay where you are, Toast.
101
00:06:40,481 --> 00:06:43,640
Are you all right, Jane?
You're behaving very queerly.
102
00:06:43,641 --> 00:06:45,920
Just stay where you are.
103
00:06:45,921 --> 00:06:48,400
The bats are back.
104
00:06:48,401 --> 00:06:51,400
Let me get my special swat.
105
00:06:51,401 --> 00:06:53,520
What special swat?
106
00:06:53,521 --> 00:06:55,880
Aa-AARGH!
107
00:06:55,881 --> 00:06:59,720
ARGH! BLOODY BATS! I HATE YOU!
Whoa! I'll get help...
108
00:06:59,721 --> 00:07:02,280
Bloody bats! I hate bats!
109
00:07:02,281 --> 00:07:06,281
Agh! Ah!
110
00:07:06,761 --> 00:07:09,360
Ah! Ah...
111
00:07:09,361 --> 00:07:11,280
Ahh...
112
00:07:11,281 --> 00:07:15,281
Hello, this is Esther Rantzen.
May I order a takeaway?
113
00:07:19,281 --> 00:07:22,640
Toast. Davison.
Have you been to see Jane?
114
00:07:22,641 --> 00:07:26,641
What the hell is going on? Should I
get a doctor? Was it... the bats?
115
00:07:26,761 --> 00:07:30,520
She did mention bats.
I thought so. I'd better go up.
116
00:07:30,521 --> 00:07:33,120
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
It is a bit alarming.
117
00:07:33,121 --> 00:07:35,720
The truth is, Toast, she's, um,...
118
00:07:35,721 --> 00:07:39,680
back on the acid.
Ah. Well, that would explain it.
119
00:07:39,681 --> 00:07:42,800
She was definitely having
some kind of bad bat trip.
120
00:07:42,801 --> 00:07:46,200
How long's she been back on it?
A week. Her timing is appalling.
121
00:07:46,201 --> 00:07:49,400
You know there's a surprise party
for her at The Colonial tomorrow?
122
00:07:49,401 --> 00:07:51,240
Celebrating 40 years as an agent.
123
00:07:51,241 --> 00:07:54,720
Jane really needs her friends now.
We all have to rally round.
124
00:07:54,721 --> 00:07:57,760
Sorry, Davison,
I need to ask you something.
125
00:07:57,761 --> 00:07:59,960
What?
126
00:07:59,961 --> 00:08:03,961
Are you a Mason?
127
00:08:04,321 --> 00:08:06,761
Of course, yes.
Yes...
128
00:08:08,441 --> 00:08:10,680
Jane?
129
00:08:10,681 --> 00:08:13,360
Jane! Jane...
130
00:08:13,361 --> 00:08:15,760
Argh!
131
00:08:15,761 --> 00:08:19,761
Steven. I'm Parker Pipe,
the producer. Nice to meet you.
132
00:08:20,601 --> 00:08:24,240
This is Chloe Hammerslag,
my assistant. Hello.
133
00:08:24,241 --> 00:08:28,040
You knew Axel?
Very well indeed. Old friends.
134
00:08:28,041 --> 00:08:32,041
It's such a tragedy.
His very first day on set.
135
00:08:32,321 --> 00:08:35,400
Yeah, he was just blown away,
I believe? Yes, yes.
136
00:08:35,401 --> 00:08:39,401
His luck finally ran out. He lost
his footing and just blown away.
137
00:08:39,481 --> 00:08:42,800
Hit the back wall of the set
at 70mph.
138
00:08:42,801 --> 00:08:45,840
He told me he never wore a harness.
He never did.
139
00:08:45,841 --> 00:08:48,920
Put authenticity above everything.
140
00:08:48,921 --> 00:08:52,480
But the show must go on,
as they say.
141
00:08:52,481 --> 00:08:55,800
And Jane thoroughly
recommended you. How is Jane?
142
00:08:55,801 --> 00:08:59,520
She's back on the acid. Oh, dear.
Anyway, I've got a script here.
143
00:08:59,521 --> 00:09:03,521
By the way, Toast.
I presume you are, um...
144
00:09:03,641 --> 00:09:06,080
Oh, er... Oh, yes.
145
00:09:06,081 --> 00:09:08,680
Fully paid-up and committed member.
146
00:09:08,681 --> 00:09:10,360
Yes...
147
00:09:10,361 --> 00:09:12,760
Thanks, Camilla.
148
00:09:12,761 --> 00:09:14,880
Parker!
149
00:09:14,881 --> 00:09:18,800
Toast. Ray bloody Purchase.
What are you doing here?
150
00:09:18,801 --> 00:09:22,200
Do you two know each other?
Yea... Yea...
151
00:09:22,201 --> 00:09:24,280
Could you play the scene together?
152
00:09:24,281 --> 00:09:27,360
God...
I didn't know you were up for this.
153
00:09:27,361 --> 00:09:31,000
I didn't know you were up for this
either. You're not a Mason. I am.
154
00:09:31,001 --> 00:09:33,240
Oh, yes, he is. What?
155
00:09:33,241 --> 00:09:36,640
There's one thing
we'd just like to try out.
156
00:09:36,641 --> 00:09:38,800
Chloe, could you, er...
157
00:09:38,801 --> 00:09:42,801
Steven, Ray, would you mind
standing in front of the machine?
158
00:09:43,641 --> 00:09:46,280
Of course.
All right, if I must.
159
00:09:46,281 --> 00:09:49,000
That would be great.
160
00:09:49,001 --> 00:09:52,400
I don't need a script, Parker,
I've learnt it.
161
00:09:52,401 --> 00:09:55,521
Eugh... We're going to start
on a three setting
162
00:09:55,522 --> 00:09:58,760
and then gradually
bring it up to...
163
00:09:58,761 --> 00:10:00,840
ten.
164
00:10:00,841 --> 00:10:04,841
In your own time!
165
00:10:05,361 --> 00:10:07,840
Three days out of port, Captain.
166
00:10:07,841 --> 00:10:11,360
When do you think the Frenchies
will show themselves?
167
00:10:11,361 --> 00:10:14,520
Soon enough, Chief Surgeon,
but fear not.
168
00:10:14,521 --> 00:10:17,680
The wind may blow
and storms may rage,
169
00:10:17,681 --> 00:10:20,200
England will never fail.
170
00:10:20,201 --> 00:10:24,201
Aye aye, Captain.
Though it is a stiff southwesterly.
171
00:10:25,081 --> 00:10:27,280
Our destiny...
172
00:10:27,281 --> 00:10:30,000
..is to see us through the battle!
173
00:10:30,001 --> 00:10:32,560
Sweet victory shall be...
174
00:10:32,561 --> 00:10:34,880
..shall be...
175
00:10:34,881 --> 00:10:36,480
Argh! Uhh...
176
00:10:36,481 --> 00:10:39,600
OK, OK, turn off the wind, Chloe!
177
00:10:39,601 --> 00:10:42,160
Steven, you stood on your feet.
178
00:10:42,161 --> 00:10:44,200
That's fantastic!
179
00:10:44,201 --> 00:10:48,201
I'm so impressed, I'm promoting you
to the lead role of the Captain...
180
00:10:48,561 --> 00:10:51,000
Argh!
..and demote Ray to Chief Surgeon.
181
00:10:51,001 --> 00:10:54,960
Well, that'd be great! Ray Purchase
is a top-class high-winds actor,
182
00:10:54,961 --> 00:10:57,000
but you are even better.
183
00:10:57,001 --> 00:10:59,400
The wind machine was up to nine!
184
00:10:59,401 --> 00:11:02,000
To manage nine at your first read,
185
00:11:02,001 --> 00:11:04,680
well, it's just... super.
186
00:11:04,681 --> 00:11:07,840
I was stood at a slight angle.
It's a tip from Axel Jacklin.
187
00:11:07,841 --> 00:11:11,841
Yes. Poor, poor Axel...
188
00:11:22,201 --> 00:11:25,040
Ed, I need to become a Mason
immediately.
189
00:11:25,041 --> 00:11:27,920
Can you pull some strings?
Who are you trying to impress?
190
00:11:27,921 --> 00:11:31,360
Parker Pipe. The producer?
The very same. He's very high up.
191
00:11:31,361 --> 00:11:35,160
Partakes in the more exotic rituals.
I couldn't give rat shit.
192
00:11:35,161 --> 00:11:38,000
Could you get me in?
I know someone who may help you.
193
00:11:38,001 --> 00:11:40,480
Really? Who?
He's an East Ender.
194
00:11:40,481 --> 00:11:44,481
You'll have to meet him in the East
End. Who is this Cockney cheap-jack?
195
00:11:46,201 --> 00:11:48,840
Basil Jet.
I've got his number and address.
196
00:11:48,841 --> 00:11:51,920
He may be able to fast-track you.
Fabulous. It'll cost you.
197
00:11:51,921 --> 00:11:54,680
How much?
27 pounds, 50 pence.
198
00:11:54,681 --> 00:11:58,681
That's not too bad. And, Toast, keep
my name out of it. All right, Ed.
199
00:11:58,961 --> 00:12:02,961
The East End, you say. I wonder
what it's like these days...
200
00:12:06,001 --> 00:12:09,000
Thanks, cabbie. Keep the change.
201
00:12:09,001 --> 00:12:13,001
Thanking you, sir.
You tight fuck, ya...
202
00:12:16,521 --> 00:12:18,920
Bugger off. Ooh...
203
00:12:18,921 --> 00:12:22,921
Follow me, love.
I can suck the Thames dry.
204
00:12:23,041 --> 00:12:27,041
Is that you, Mrs Purchase?
Toast, what are you doing here?
205
00:12:27,241 --> 00:12:30,520
You in the East End... I'm looking
for a chap called Basil Jet.
206
00:12:30,521 --> 00:12:33,280
That's his shop two doors down.
207
00:12:33,281 --> 00:12:36,480
I must say, you're full
of surprises, Mrs Purchase.
208
00:12:36,481 --> 00:12:40,481
Shh, stop saying my name.
Oh, yes, of course.
209
00:12:40,801 --> 00:12:43,921
Officer.
210
00:12:46,561 --> 00:12:49,040
"Who is it? What do you want?!"
211
00:12:49,041 --> 00:12:52,840
My name's Toast.
I want to be a Mason - today.
212
00:12:52,841 --> 00:12:54,320
Uhh!
213
00:12:54,321 --> 00:12:58,200
You can't do it just like that.
Ed Howzer-Black said I could join.
214
00:12:58,201 --> 00:13:02,201
Oh, right, yeah. You got the money?
Yes. 27 pounds and 50 pence.
215
00:13:03,081 --> 00:13:06,560
I'm too busy to do the paperwork
today. You'll have to use the app.
216
00:13:06,561 --> 00:13:10,561
An app? What, there's an app
you can use to join the Masons? Wow.
217
00:13:10,881 --> 00:13:13,520
What's an app?
You ask Ed. He'll tell ya.
218
00:13:13,521 --> 00:13:16,880
You download the app and I'll text
you the password. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
219
00:13:16,881 --> 00:13:19,920
When do I get initiated? I'll let
you know. We'll have a ceremony.
220
00:13:19,921 --> 00:13:23,921
Bit of a booze-up, finger food.
And you, sir, you get a goody bag.
221
00:13:23,961 --> 00:13:27,680
Ooh.
Yeah... Great.
222
00:13:27,681 --> 00:13:29,948
I say, what's a goody bag?
223
00:13:36,031 --> 00:13:38,670
Where is she?
224
00:13:38,671 --> 00:13:42,250
'Ray... Ahh...'
225
00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:45,599
Oh, God. Not you again.
Yes, it's me, Toast -
226
00:13:45,600 --> 00:13:47,999
Ray fucking Purchase again.
227
00:13:48,001 --> 00:13:51,600
What were you talking about at
that audition? You're not a Mason.
228
00:13:51,601 --> 00:13:53,800
Yes, I am.
Yea...
229
00:13:53,801 --> 00:13:57,600
Jane should be here by now.
I'll try and track her down.
230
00:13:57,601 --> 00:13:59,800
Who else is here?
Fotheringham's here.
231
00:13:59,801 --> 00:14:03,801
Last time I saw him, he was off
to the BBC jail. Let him out today.
232
00:14:04,081 --> 00:14:06,200
A lot of his type have been released
233
00:14:06,201 --> 00:14:09,240
in return for a reduction
in the licence fee.
234
00:14:09,241 --> 00:14:10,680
Whoa.
235
00:14:10,681 --> 00:14:14,681
Fotheringham.
Mmmm...
236
00:14:15,001 --> 00:14:19,001
Didn't realise it was fancy dress.
It isn't. Ah.
237
00:14:20,801 --> 00:14:24,801
Toast. Don't tell anyone, but we're
having a surprise party for Jane
238
00:14:25,521 --> 00:14:28,160
at The Colonial Club.
239
00:14:28,161 --> 00:14:30,640
No, you ARE Jane.
What?
240
00:14:30,641 --> 00:14:34,360
We're here at The Colonial Club,
waiting. Right...
241
00:14:34,361 --> 00:14:38,000
Well, get here as fast as you can!
242
00:14:38,001 --> 00:14:42,001
Everything all right, Toast?
Oh, fuck off!
243
00:14:50,681 --> 00:14:54,240
And I said to her "What? Have I
forgotten our wedding anniversary?"
244
00:14:54,241 --> 00:14:58,241
And she said
"No, we're not actually married"!
245
00:14:58,481 --> 00:15:00,720
Blair, how do you know each other?
246
00:15:00,721 --> 00:15:04,240
Oh, we know each other.
'Mason...'
247
00:15:04,241 --> 00:15:06,600
Oh.
248
00:15:06,601 --> 00:15:08,960
What?
249
00:15:08,961 --> 00:15:11,241
Surprise!
250
00:15:24,161 --> 00:15:27,200
God...
I'll just go and help her.
251
00:15:27,201 --> 00:15:31,201
Get everyone's attention, Toast.
She'll say a few words. Yeah.
252
00:15:34,601 --> 00:15:38,601
What's going on here? Just say
a few words to welcome everybody.
253
00:15:57,321 --> 00:16:01,321
Fuck...
254
00:16:01,481 --> 00:16:04,760
40 years in the business
255
00:16:04,761 --> 00:16:08,761
and it doesn't seem a day too long.
256
00:16:09,161 --> 00:16:13,161
When Ray Purchase told me there was
going to be a surprise party for me,
257
00:16:14,401 --> 00:16:18,401
I was, of course,
very, very thrilled.
258
00:16:19,041 --> 00:16:23,041
So, everybody, just have
a wonderful, wonderful time.
259
00:16:23,761 --> 00:16:25,800
Hear, hear... To Jane...
260
00:16:25,801 --> 00:16:29,801
Gah...
261
00:16:34,841 --> 00:16:36,960
Oh, how lovely.
262
00:16:36,961 --> 00:16:40,320
From Torville and Dean.
263
00:16:40,321 --> 00:16:43,560
Sorry if I've been a bit out of it
recently, Toast.
264
00:16:43,561 --> 00:16:45,760
Thank you for visiting me.
265
00:16:45,761 --> 00:16:49,120
I do hope you can stay for a while,
I'm a bit lonely here.
266
00:16:49,121 --> 00:16:53,121
Toast.
267
00:16:53,161 --> 00:16:55,880
Ah, very well.
268
00:16:55,881 --> 00:16:58,720
It's Parker Pipe. I've got to go.
269
00:16:58,721 --> 00:17:02,721
Oh, don't leave me!
You've just arrived!
270
00:17:02,921 --> 00:17:06,921
I get so lonely here
at the Mayfair House of Addiction.
271
00:17:08,561 --> 00:17:10,760
Parker?
272
00:17:10,761 --> 00:17:14,761
Toast!
So you've officially got the job.
273
00:17:15,641 --> 00:17:18,680
Welcome aboard, Captain.
274
00:17:18,681 --> 00:17:21,000
This Masons lark is the bee's knees.
275
00:17:21,001 --> 00:17:24,760
I thought we'd celebrate
with an impromptu orgy.
276
00:17:24,761 --> 00:17:26,960
I'll have a slice of this!
277
00:17:26,961 --> 00:17:30,800
Oh, you fuck...
278
00:17:30,801 --> 00:17:32,880
Basil Jet?
279
00:17:32,881 --> 00:17:36,880
Is it now? Argh...
280
00:17:36,881 --> 00:17:38,720
All right!
281
00:17:38,721 --> 00:17:42,721
I've got to go, Pipe.
Oh, well, what a shame. Never mind.
282
00:17:42,841 --> 00:17:45,160
I'll see you on set.
283
00:17:45,161 --> 00:17:47,200
You betcha.
284
00:17:47,201 --> 00:17:51,201
Ooh...
285
00:17:57,321 --> 00:18:01,321
Masons?
286
00:18:03,961 --> 00:18:07,961
It is my duty to now begin
tonight's initiation ceremony.
287
00:18:10,961 --> 00:18:14,920
Is everything prepared
for Junior Deacon?
288
00:18:14,921 --> 00:18:17,040
Aye, Grand Master.
289
00:18:17,041 --> 00:18:20,360
Will the head of ceremony
please place the under-brother
290
00:18:20,361 --> 00:18:23,080
unto the line.
291
00:18:23,081 --> 00:18:24,640
'Mason...'
292
00:18:24,641 --> 00:18:28,641
Remove his hood and step aside,
sword bearers.
293
00:18:31,281 --> 00:18:35,281
You've got to be fucking kidding!
Toast! What are you doing here?!
294
00:18:35,921 --> 00:18:38,880
Are you under-brother Steven Toast?
295
00:18:38,881 --> 00:18:42,120
I am.
Is this your doing, Ed?
296
00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:45,361
Well, he seemed very keen.
And he did pay his ?27.50.
297
00:18:45,362 --> 00:18:48,200
I'm sure he did,
but come on, old chap.
298
00:18:48,201 --> 00:18:52,201
Silence.
299
00:18:54,761 --> 00:18:57,840
What the f...
300
00:18:57,841 --> 00:19:01,841
Right, you have one minute
starting from...
301
00:19:03,441 --> 00:19:05,120
now.
302
00:19:05,121 --> 00:19:07,160
There's a magnet.
303
00:19:07,161 --> 00:19:10,080
Erm, an onion?
304
00:19:10,081 --> 00:19:14,081
Er... Framed photograph
of Dan and Peter Snow.
305
00:19:14,241 --> 00:19:18,241
Very well. The secret initiation
ceremony shall now commence.
306
00:19:26,601 --> 00:19:30,601
I would slit my own throat,
307
00:19:30,641 --> 00:19:34,641
for, in the eyes of God, I am
nothing but a fool and a beggar.
308
00:19:35,881 --> 00:19:38,800
Mmmm...
309
00:19:38,801 --> 00:19:40,800
I would slit my own throat,
310
00:19:40,801 --> 00:19:43,080
for, in the eyes of God,
311
00:19:43,081 --> 00:19:47,081
I am nothing but a fool
and a beggar.
312
00:19:47,361 --> 00:19:50,760
Mmm...
313
00:19:50,761 --> 00:19:53,080
The time has now come.
314
00:19:53,081 --> 00:19:57,081
Remove the brother's blindfold
that he may see the light.
315
00:19:58,161 --> 00:20:00,200
Ha! I'm in!
316
00:20:00,201 --> 00:20:03,040
Yes! I am in.
317
00:20:03,041 --> 00:20:05,161
He-hee!
318
00:20:12,681 --> 00:20:14,640
Keep it on the square
319
00:20:14,641 --> 00:20:17,280
It's a clandestine affair
320
00:20:17,281 --> 00:20:19,360
Be silent or beware
321
00:20:19,361 --> 00:20:22,120
Beware!
322
00:20:22,121 --> 00:20:24,360
Keep it on the square
323
00:20:24,361 --> 00:20:26,560
It's a clandestine affair
324
00:20:26,561 --> 00:20:29,160
Be silent or beware
325
00:20:29,161 --> 00:20:33,161
Beware!
326
00:20:43,761 --> 00:20:45,520
Beware!
327
00:20:45,521 --> 00:20:47,560
Thunder and lightning!
328
00:20:47,561 --> 00:20:50,520
Cannon fire!
329
00:20:50,521 --> 00:20:53,641
Wind machine!
330
00:20:55,481 --> 00:20:58,880
Snow machine! And...
331
00:20:58,881 --> 00:21:00,400
action!
332
00:21:00,401 --> 00:21:02,760
What a battle it was!
333
00:21:02,761 --> 00:21:06,320
What a storm we endured!
334
00:21:06,321 --> 00:21:09,560
And victory came at a great price!
335
00:21:09,561 --> 00:21:11,600
Hold everything!
336
00:21:11,601 --> 00:21:15,560
What the fuck do you want, Ray?
What are you doing here? Cut!
337
00:21:15,561 --> 00:21:19,200
Kill the wind, Chloe! You may be
interested to know, brother,
338
00:21:19,201 --> 00:21:22,840
that your big star up there
only became a Mason to get this gig.
339
00:21:22,841 --> 00:21:26,000
He joined up last night.
What?! Is this true, Toast?
340
00:21:26,001 --> 00:21:29,560
What does it matter?
Of course it matters!
341
00:21:29,561 --> 00:21:32,440
You have ridden roughshod
342
00:21:32,441 --> 00:21:35,480
over ancient Masonic codes
of practice!
343
00:21:35,481 --> 00:21:38,960
Roughshod. We'll recast immediately
with Ray as the Captain.
344
00:21:38,961 --> 00:21:41,760
Terrific!
Come on down, Toast!
345
00:21:41,761 --> 00:21:45,761
I've just got up here!
Are you coming down or not?
346
00:21:46,001 --> 00:21:50,001
No! I still have my Chief Surgeon's
amputation saw, Parker...
347
00:21:51,081 --> 00:21:55,081
Get to work, brother.
348
00:21:58,801 --> 00:22:01,360
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa...
349
00:22:01,361 --> 00:22:05,200
It's a long way up.
Don't be stupid, Purchase!
350
00:22:05,201 --> 00:22:08,560
Purchase!
351
00:22:08,561 --> 00:22:12,561
Purchase...!
352
00:22:14,721 --> 00:22:16,680
Thanks, cabbie. Keep the change.
353
00:22:16,681 --> 00:22:20,001
Thanking you, sir.
Ya tight fuck, ya.
354
00:22:28,641 --> 00:22:32,641
Mrs Purchase.
Ooh, Toast. Here again?
355
00:22:33,041 --> 00:22:35,960
Yes indeed. I was just in the area.
356
00:22:35,961 --> 00:22:39,360
Getting a refund for the 27.50
I paid to the Freemasons.
357
00:22:39,361 --> 00:22:42,200
I'm a little early.
You're not, eh...
358
00:22:42,201 --> 00:22:43,761
Come.
359
00:22:46,081 --> 00:22:48,360
Kerb-crawler ahead!
360
00:22:48,361 --> 00:22:52,080
Shit, you're for it now, Toast!
Don't you worry, Mrs P.
361
00:22:52,081 --> 00:22:54,280
Nothing to see here, Officer.
362
00:22:54,281 --> 00:22:56,840
Sorry, brother, my mistake. Yes...
363
00:22:56,841 --> 00:22:58,881
Ooh!
364
00:22:59,259 --> 00:23:24,724
365
00:23:24,774 --> 00:23:29,324
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