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1
00:00:05,063 --> 00:00:07,908
You're telling me that none
of your prom stories were true?
2
00:00:07,933 --> 00:00:10,368
- I haven't had sex in 11 months.
- Ohh!
3
00:00:10,436 --> 00:00:11,902
Well, if you must know,
4
00:00:12,004 --> 00:00:14,171
my wife and I are getting a divorce.
5
00:00:14,273 --> 00:00:16,139
Get out! Get out!
6
00:00:16,242 --> 00:00:17,941
- Ugh!
- [Screams]
7
00:00:18,042 --> 00:00:20,343
Oh, I wish I was in the land of cotton
8
00:00:20,445 --> 00:00:21,644
Rod? You're fired.
9
00:00:21,746 --> 00:00:23,713
- Give me one good reason.
- Well, you're drunk.
10
00:00:23,815 --> 00:00:25,848
Well, I suppose you
heard that Principal Quinn
11
00:00:25,950 --> 00:00:27,416
was arrested earlier today.
12
00:00:27,518 --> 00:00:31,153
Apparently he exposed
himself to a group of students
13
00:00:31,256 --> 00:00:32,989
in some sort of a school prank.
14
00:00:33,091 --> 00:00:35,191
- Aaah!
- [All screaming]
15
00:00:35,293 --> 00:00:38,461
Point is, we have to
have an interim principal
16
00:00:38,563 --> 00:00:39,563
before the gavel falls.
17
00:00:39,631 --> 00:00:40,796
Billy: Sit down, Fairbell.
18
00:00:40,898 --> 00:00:41,898
Tammy.
19
00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:42,865
Wait. Tammy?
20
00:00:42,967 --> 00:00:44,233
Thank you.
21
00:00:45,470 --> 00:00:47,637
22
00:00:51,016 --> 00:00:53,650
[Emergency brake clicks]
23
00:00:53,745 --> 00:00:54,955
- [Up-tempo rock music plays]
- _
24
00:00:54,979 --> 00:00:56,345
[Chuckles]
25
00:00:56,447 --> 00:00:57,747
[Tires squeal]
26
00:01:00,485 --> 00:01:03,586
[Laughs]
27
00:01:03,688 --> 00:01:04,987
What is Tammy's deal?
28
00:01:05,089 --> 00:01:06,500
I mean who calls a mandatory meeting
29
00:01:06,524 --> 00:01:08,357
a week before school even starts?
30
00:01:08,459 --> 00:01:09,838
Like you had anything
better to be doing.
31
00:01:09,862 --> 00:01:12,803
- Au, contraire mon fr?re.
- [Scoffs] Not your fr?re.
32
00:01:12,830 --> 00:01:15,364
Right. Ever since Tampa and I split up,
33
00:01:15,466 --> 00:01:17,400
I've been having a crazy summer.
34
00:01:17,502 --> 00:01:19,402
Started taking some culinary classes.
35
00:01:19,504 --> 00:01:23,172
And I'm finally in a healthy
and mature relationship.
36
00:01:23,274 --> 00:01:24,073
Hmm.
37
00:01:24,175 --> 00:01:25,875
What do you want me to do?
38
00:01:25,977 --> 00:01:28,244
You want me to eat it
like I'm in a bread line?
39
00:01:28,346 --> 00:01:29,779
Oh, because I'm starving.
40
00:01:29,881 --> 00:01:32,782
[Groans, gasps]
41
00:01:32,884 --> 00:01:34,083
Billy!
42
00:01:34,185 --> 00:01:35,251
God!
43
00:01:35,353 --> 00:01:38,054
Are you doing phone sex
with the deli meats again?
44
00:01:38,156 --> 00:01:39,355
I'm on my break, Jerry.
45
00:01:39,457 --> 00:01:42,491
Hey, I know you're having a
hard time with the divorce...
46
00:01:42,593 --> 00:01:44,593
Okay, I already told
you a bunch of times,
47
00:01:44,696 --> 00:01:46,662
it's not a divorce,
it's a trial separation.
48
00:01:46,764 --> 00:01:47,963
And I'm fine.
49
00:01:48,066 --> 00:01:49,131
I'm no love expert,
50
00:01:49,233 --> 00:01:51,567
but I do know that
sometimes in life...
51
00:01:51,669 --> 00:01:53,135
Jerry, do you need something, Jerry?
52
00:01:53,237 --> 00:01:55,538
Is there something I
could help you with, Jerry?
53
00:01:55,640 --> 00:01:56,640
Chipotle-lime mayo.
54
00:01:56,741 --> 00:01:57,907
I will get it out.
55
00:01:58,009 --> 00:02:00,042
Okay, thank you. Bye.
56
00:02:00,144 --> 00:02:01,210
Asshole.
57
00:02:01,312 --> 00:02:02,878
Well, I had a big dope summer myself.
58
00:02:02,980 --> 00:02:05,715
Me and my new bro Cody, we,
like, ran the water park.
59
00:02:05,817 --> 00:02:08,098
- Dude.
- Yep. I was basically his mentor.
60
00:02:08,152 --> 00:02:10,119
I'm sure.
61
00:02:11,889 --> 00:02:13,089
Check out that one.
62
00:02:13,191 --> 00:02:14,290
What do you think, 9?
63
00:02:14,392 --> 00:02:15,257
[Rock music playing]
64
00:02:15,360 --> 00:02:18,494
You're right. 7 1/2. Whatever.
65
00:02:18,596 --> 00:02:21,597
Well, Codes, been pretty great
running deep into the night
66
00:02:21,699 --> 00:02:23,265
with you this summer, huh, bro?
67
00:02:23,368 --> 00:02:24,467
Did you say something?
68
00:02:24,569 --> 00:02:26,969
God, you are so cool, Cody.
69
00:02:27,071 --> 00:02:29,605
King of summer. King of summer!
70
00:02:29,707 --> 00:02:33,209
Man, that sounds cool. But you're not
the only one who made some new friends.
71
00:02:33,311 --> 00:02:35,077
I picked up loads of guys.
72
00:02:35,179 --> 00:02:38,614
They wanted me to come, I
came pretty quick. [Chuckles]
73
00:02:38,716 --> 00:02:40,316
You were an Uber driver weren't you?
74
00:02:40,418 --> 00:02:41,584
- Oh.
- Close Lyft.
75
00:02:41,686 --> 00:02:42,251
Yeah.
76
00:02:42,353 --> 00:02:43,986
77
00:02:44,088 --> 00:02:46,155
Hey, are any of you guys Chad?
78
00:02:46,257 --> 00:02:47,289
We're all Chad.
79
00:02:47,392 --> 00:02:49,325
Oh, hey. I'm your
Lyft driver. Hop on in.
80
00:02:49,427 --> 00:02:51,994
Welcome to the S.S. Pleasant Evening.
81
00:02:52,096 --> 00:02:54,263
Wow you guys strike out
with the ladies already?
82
00:02:54,365 --> 00:02:55,765
[Chuckles]
83
00:02:55,867 --> 00:02:57,566
Do you guys like a lot of small talk
84
00:02:57,668 --> 00:02:59,535
or an excruciating amount of small talk?
85
00:02:59,637 --> 00:03:02,204
Because my reviews say excruciating.
86
00:03:02,306 --> 00:03:03,706
You know what?
87
00:03:03,808 --> 00:03:05,486
I really think we're
gonna nail it this year.
88
00:03:05,510 --> 00:03:06,742
- I feel confident.
- Yeah.
89
00:03:06,844 --> 00:03:07,676
- I feel good.
- Good start.
90
00:03:07,779 --> 00:03:09,645
Good start, good chat guys.
91
00:03:09,747 --> 00:03:12,214
Aw, I just put my hand in gum!
92
00:03:12,316 --> 00:03:14,984
Ugh! Me too.
93
00:03:15,086 --> 00:03:16,318
94
00:03:16,421 --> 00:03:18,654
Quit wasting my time
95
00:03:18,756 --> 00:03:21,157
I ain't here for you
96
00:03:21,259 --> 00:03:23,459
I'm just putting in work
97
00:03:23,561 --> 00:03:25,591
Till my day is through
98
00:03:25,638 --> 00:03:29,301
Synced and corrected by Aaronnmb
www.addic7ed.com
99
00:03:30,334 --> 00:03:32,902
God, Tammy's really abusing
this interim principal title.
100
00:03:33,004 --> 00:03:34,537
Eh, Quinn will be acquitted
101
00:03:34,639 --> 00:03:36,639
and we'll be back to
no business as usual.
102
00:03:36,741 --> 00:03:37,741
Yeah, I hope so, man.
103
00:03:37,809 --> 00:03:38,952
I'm sorry I had to run out like that.
104
00:03:38,976 --> 00:03:41,177
I had to [chuckles] take a phone call.
105
00:03:41,279 --> 00:03:42,923
You mean from that phone
you left on the table?
106
00:03:42,947 --> 00:03:44,591
Yeah, you were just in
the middle of regaling us
107
00:03:44,615 --> 00:03:46,515
about your latest
misguided white guilt trip.
108
00:03:46,617 --> 00:03:47,728
- Uh, it was not misguided.
- No.
109
00:03:47,752 --> 00:03:50,553
I went to Motaba with
Librarians Without Borders
110
00:03:50,655 --> 00:03:53,022
and, uh, we built them a library.
111
00:03:53,124 --> 00:03:55,024
It was probably the
best summer of my life.
112
00:03:55,126 --> 00:03:58,160
Abby, unless those people
can check clean drinking water
113
00:03:58,262 --> 00:04:00,329
out of that thing,
that library is useless.
114
00:04:00,431 --> 00:04:03,299
Oh, my God. That is such an
antiquated view of Africa.
115
00:04:03,401 --> 00:04:05,367
Do you know what these
people wanted most of all?
116
00:04:05,470 --> 00:04:06,335
Old wedding gowns.
117
00:04:06,437 --> 00:04:07,203
Assault rifles.
118
00:04:07,305 --> 00:04:08,037
21 cents a day.
119
00:04:08,139 --> 00:04:09,238
Free reliable wi-fi.
120
00:04:09,340 --> 00:04:10,105
Man, look at these pictures.
121
00:04:10,208 --> 00:04:11,507
Oh, gross.
122
00:04:11,609 --> 00:04:14,577
Abby, is that monkey spitting
directly into your mouth?
123
00:04:14,679 --> 00:04:16,946
Uh, that is a baboon, and
that is how they say hello.
124
00:04:17,048 --> 00:04:19,915
The price for meeting a baboon
is spit in my mouth? I'm down.
125
00:04:20,017 --> 00:04:21,250
[Stomach gurgles]
126
00:04:21,352 --> 00:04:25,588
I'm sorry, I-I-I-I-I-I have
to, um, sort the card catalogue.
127
00:04:25,681 --> 00:04:27,547
Mm-hmm. [Stomach grumbles]
128
00:04:27,658 --> 00:04:30,518
- Okay, she has dysentery right?
- She definitely has dysentery.
129
00:04:30,580 --> 00:04:32,172
- She's sweating...
- Yeah. I think she's just busy.
130
00:04:32,196 --> 00:04:34,296
- No.
- [Brass ensemble plays fanfare]
131
00:04:34,398 --> 00:04:36,232
I saw them warming up outside
132
00:04:36,334 --> 00:04:38,145
and I thought I'd take
advantage with a little fanfare.
133
00:04:38,169 --> 00:04:39,368
[Laughs]
134
00:04:39,470 --> 00:04:42,104
Tammy, that is the worst
OutKast video I've ever seen.
135
00:04:42,507 --> 00:04:44,117
- [Brass ensemble plays note]
- It's a new year,
136
00:04:44,141 --> 00:04:47,443
and as your principal, I believe
in forgiving and forgetting.
137
00:04:47,545 --> 00:04:49,111
And in the spirit of forgiveness,
138
00:04:49,213 --> 00:04:51,647
I'd like to welcome back Mr. Rod Knorr.
139
00:04:51,749 --> 00:04:53,849
- What?
- Are you serious?
140
00:04:53,951 --> 00:04:55,217
- Hello.
- [Chuckling] Rod!
141
00:04:55,319 --> 00:04:57,419
Yeah, bud. Welcome back!
142
00:04:57,522 --> 00:04:58,587
Uh, all right.
143
00:04:58,689 --> 00:05:02,224
Holy [bleep]. The
prodigal souse returns.
144
00:05:02,326 --> 00:05:03,326
[Chuckling] Right?
145
00:05:03,361 --> 00:05:04,838
Hey, I'm as surprised as you guys are
146
00:05:04,862 --> 00:05:06,195
to see me back here, all right?
147
00:05:06,297 --> 00:05:08,564
But, uh, I'm in the program now, okay?
148
00:05:08,666 --> 00:05:11,267
I've got 6 months of
sobriety under my belt.
149
00:05:11,369 --> 00:05:12,735
- Oh, no.
- I'm a new Rod.
150
00:05:12,837 --> 00:05:14,603
[Laughing]
151
00:05:14,705 --> 00:05:15,905
Gross.
152
00:05:16,007 --> 00:05:19,975
And I want to take this time
to apologize for old Rod.
153
00:05:20,077 --> 00:05:22,478
I'm just glad to be back and,
uh, really looking forward
154
00:05:22,580 --> 00:05:24,313
to taking advantage
of this second chance.
155
00:05:24,415 --> 00:05:25,915
God, will he shut up already?
156
00:05:26,017 --> 00:05:28,450
I'm getting a cavity just
listening to this garbage.
157
00:05:28,553 --> 00:05:30,073
I'm confused. How many Rods are there?
158
00:05:30,121 --> 00:05:31,687
Is this like a back to the future?
159
00:05:31,789 --> 00:05:33,267
Rod: Principal Sherman, I
was thinking that this would
160
00:05:33,291 --> 00:05:34,990
be a great time to
take this upcoming week
161
00:05:35,092 --> 00:05:36,970
to maybe spruce the place
up a little bit, you know?
162
00:05:36,994 --> 00:05:38,274
Really show the students we care
163
00:05:38,362 --> 00:05:40,296
and are invested in
their education, you know?
164
00:05:40,398 --> 00:05:41,730
And I just... I
know idle hands
165
00:05:41,832 --> 00:05:43,666
- always got me in trouble.
- Oh, really?
166
00:05:43,768 --> 00:05:45,979
'Cause I thought it was the
gallons and gallons of alcohol.
167
00:05:46,003 --> 00:05:47,303
[Laughs]
168
00:05:47,405 --> 00:05:49,583
That is the exact attitude
that I am talking about, Rod.
169
00:05:49,607 --> 00:05:50,773
He says, "I can tell you..."
170
00:05:50,875 --> 00:05:53,208
And you three can help him out.
171
00:05:53,311 --> 00:05:54,777
Gum duty.
172
00:05:54,879 --> 00:05:55,644
- Gum duty?
- Get to it.
173
00:05:55,746 --> 00:05:56,979
Hey, thanks a lot, Rod.
174
00:05:57,081 --> 00:06:00,282
Yeah, it's super awesome
to have you back, Rod.
175
00:06:00,384 --> 00:06:02,284
Hey, Rod, what if you touch old Rod?
176
00:06:02,386 --> 00:06:04,153
Would you both explode?
177
00:06:04,255 --> 00:06:07,423
Hey, Abby didn't your
Shard of Darkness trip
178
00:06:07,525 --> 00:06:08,857
take you to Motaba?
179
00:06:08,960 --> 00:06:11,293
Ha, ha, hilarious. But, yes, why?
180
00:06:11,395 --> 00:06:13,529
Oh, no reason. I'm just
reading CNN's Twitter feed
181
00:06:13,631 --> 00:06:15,731
and it says wi-fi war,
182
00:06:15,833 --> 00:06:18,133
Motaba library overtaken
by armed rebels.
183
00:06:18,235 --> 00:06:19,880
[Chuckles] Well, that
could be any library.
184
00:06:19,904 --> 00:06:20,984
Yeah, no, I don't think so.
185
00:06:21,072 --> 00:06:22,672
See they're burning
this redheaded effigy
186
00:06:22,740 --> 00:06:24,017
out there in the front of the street.
187
00:06:24,041 --> 00:06:25,474
That is definitely not me.
188
00:06:25,576 --> 00:06:29,211
Mm-hmm. They're calling the
library a catalyst for chaos.
189
00:06:29,313 --> 00:06:31,080
Speaking of war-torn regions,
190
00:06:31,182 --> 00:06:34,717
check out this Snatchchat from
the dank that I'm hitting up.
191
00:06:34,819 --> 00:06:35,819
Ah, I'm gonna be sick,
192
00:06:35,853 --> 00:06:37,553
and it is definitely because of you
193
00:06:37,655 --> 00:06:39,254
and not because of anything else.
194
00:06:39,357 --> 00:06:41,056
Hey, guys. Look at that.
195
00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:44,727
Sorry guys, I just
remembered that I, um,
196
00:06:44,829 --> 00:06:47,062
parked in the wrong spot.
197
00:06:47,164 --> 00:06:48,942
Yeah, you mean parked in
the stall across the hall?
198
00:06:48,966 --> 00:06:51,166
We could hear you unfolding
yourself from here.
199
00:06:51,268 --> 00:06:52,601
You need to see a doctor, Abby.
200
00:06:52,703 --> 00:06:53,802
I'm fine.
201
00:06:53,904 --> 00:06:55,704
Oh, my God, this is so hard!
202
00:06:55,806 --> 00:06:57,050
This is impossible is what it is.
203
00:06:57,074 --> 00:06:58,285
There's gum on every
surface of the school.
204
00:06:58,309 --> 00:06:59,341
It's gross.
205
00:06:59,443 --> 00:07:00,587
You know what we should
do? We should quit.
206
00:07:00,611 --> 00:07:01,644
- Yes!
- Yes!
207
00:07:01,746 --> 00:07:02,856
- Why don't we do it?
- That's a good idea.
208
00:07:02,880 --> 00:07:03,779
Sandwich party. Sandwich party.
209
00:07:03,881 --> 00:07:05,848
All right. That's it!
210
00:07:05,950 --> 00:07:07,661
You know, while you guys
have been standing around
211
00:07:07,685 --> 00:07:09,752
BSing about your
summers while I'm in here
212
00:07:09,854 --> 00:07:11,553
busting my hump with no help!
213
00:07:11,656 --> 00:07:12,755
Get a load of this.
214
00:07:12,857 --> 00:07:14,390
I am not gonna be chewed out
215
00:07:14,492 --> 00:07:19,061
by a guy who got fired last year
dressed as a confederate soldier.
216
00:07:19,163 --> 00:07:20,462
Seriously, cut the act, Rod.
217
00:07:20,564 --> 00:07:22,531
You're being a huge pain
in the ass right now.
218
00:07:22,633 --> 00:07:23,932
I'm not the problem, all right?
219
00:07:24,035 --> 00:07:27,302
Scraping gum off toilet
bowls isn't the problem.
220
00:07:27,405 --> 00:07:30,039
The problem is you don't
know how to scrape the gum
221
00:07:30,141 --> 00:07:32,808
off the toilet bowls
that are your lives.
222
00:07:32,910 --> 00:07:35,377
Spare us all of this Sigmund Fraud.
223
00:07:35,479 --> 00:07:37,312
You know, this is what
it is. I'm telling you.
224
00:07:37,415 --> 00:07:39,359
Every time somebody gets
sober, they get in the program,
225
00:07:39,383 --> 00:07:40,616
they have to evangelize.
226
00:07:40,718 --> 00:07:43,152
This has nothing to do
with the program, all right?
227
00:07:43,254 --> 00:07:46,588
And anyone can see that you're
just trying to convince yourself
228
00:07:46,691 --> 00:07:49,558
that your wife leaving you
is some sort of a blessing!
229
00:07:49,660 --> 00:07:51,393
'Cause it is! 'Cause
it... you know what?
230
00:07:51,495 --> 00:07:53,729
Check out this picture
text I got this mor...
231
00:07:53,831 --> 00:07:55,042
No, no, no. Don't look at that one.
232
00:07:55,066 --> 00:07:56,999
[Chuckles] But I am back in the game!
233
00:07:57,101 --> 00:07:58,767
Oh, yeah? What game is that, huh?
234
00:07:58,869 --> 00:08:00,536
Pushing 40, cruising Tinder,
235
00:08:00,638 --> 00:08:02,337
hanging out with some bush pig, huh?
236
00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:04,440
All right, just admit to yourself
237
00:08:04,542 --> 00:08:06,775
that you're terrified
you might wind up alone!
238
00:08:06,877 --> 00:08:09,478
Aw, go easy on him,
Rod. He's newly single
239
00:08:09,580 --> 00:08:11,013
and it's creepy and hilarious.
240
00:08:11,115 --> 00:08:13,549
Okay, all right, Loren.
Answer me this, all right?
241
00:08:13,651 --> 00:08:16,085
You jawing on and on about
how you're gonna write
242
00:08:16,187 --> 00:08:17,386
the great American novel.
243
00:08:17,488 --> 00:08:19,408
How many pages did you
get done this summer, huh?
244
00:08:19,457 --> 00:08:21,790
I'm... I'm outlining. I'm
in the outlining phase.
245
00:08:21,892 --> 00:08:23,592
Outlines are great. M-my favorite book
246
00:08:23,694 --> 00:08:26,095
is Ernest Hemingway's
"Big Book of Outlines,"
247
00:08:26,197 --> 00:08:27,362
fantastic!
248
00:08:27,465 --> 00:08:29,242
You're acting pretty high
and mighty for someone
249
00:08:29,266 --> 00:08:30,999
who has jack shack on campus.
250
00:08:31,102 --> 00:08:34,169
Oh, says the woman who
went all the way to Africa
251
00:08:34,271 --> 00:08:37,573
to build a library to
make herself feel better.
252
00:08:37,675 --> 00:08:39,508
Yeah, and what did that get you?
253
00:08:39,610 --> 00:08:41,543
The [bleep].
254
00:08:41,645 --> 00:08:43,479
It's just a little bit
of traveler's tummy.
255
00:08:43,581 --> 00:08:44,880
[Chuckles] Yeah.
256
00:08:44,982 --> 00:08:46,115
And Fairbell...
257
00:08:46,217 --> 00:08:48,450
Wait, wait, so like
the toilet of our lives
258
00:08:48,552 --> 00:08:50,052
is like a house?
259
00:08:50,154 --> 00:08:52,488
[Chuckles] Oh, it is true.
260
00:08:52,590 --> 00:08:54,223
You just cannot help people
261
00:08:54,325 --> 00:08:56,959
until they're willing
to help themselves.
262
00:08:57,061 --> 00:08:59,628
Excuse me.
263
00:08:59,730 --> 00:09:02,030
[Sighs]
264
00:09:02,133 --> 00:09:03,398
That's a lot to think about.
265
00:09:03,501 --> 00:09:04,066
[Sighs]
266
00:09:04,168 --> 00:09:05,267
Yeah.
267
00:09:05,369 --> 00:09:08,370
Maybe we should make
some actual changes.
268
00:09:08,472 --> 00:09:10,072
Totally.
269
00:09:10,174 --> 00:09:12,574
We should get Rod drinking again.
270
00:09:12,676 --> 00:09:13,787
- Exactly what I'm thinking.
- Definitely.
271
00:09:13,811 --> 00:09:15,489
- That's what I was thinking.
- Definitely.
272
00:09:15,513 --> 00:09:16,690
- Back on the wagon.
- I mean, that's it.
273
00:09:16,714 --> 00:09:19,248
So, like, if I flush,
I go to another room?
274
00:09:19,350 --> 00:09:21,817
It's a [bleep] metaphor, Fairbell.
275
00:09:26,655 --> 00:09:28,133
Loren: Oh, yes, there's
his coffee right there.
276
00:09:28,157 --> 00:09:29,823
We'll just spike it and be done with it.
277
00:09:29,925 --> 00:09:31,725
Who locks their classroom door?
278
00:09:31,827 --> 00:09:33,862
- It's like he doesn't trust us.
- [Sighs]
279
00:09:33,929 --> 00:09:35,696
There's got to be another way in there.
280
00:09:35,798 --> 00:09:36,964
- No.
- Windows are barred.
281
00:09:37,066 --> 00:09:38,665
[Gasps] The janitor has keys.
282
00:09:38,767 --> 00:09:40,100
What if I flirt with the janitor,
283
00:09:40,202 --> 00:09:41,235
and then he'll let us in?
284
00:09:41,337 --> 00:09:43,370
You? Yeah, right. Your
flirting is terrible.
285
00:09:43,472 --> 00:09:45,873
Yeah. Way to some up with
a plan to not get the keys.
286
00:09:45,975 --> 00:09:47,541
Well, the only other way into that room
287
00:09:47,643 --> 00:09:49,042
is gonna be through the air ducts.
288
00:09:49,144 --> 00:09:50,655
- Oh, yes.
- Dude, that's a great idea.
289
00:09:50,679 --> 00:09:51,545
That's awesome.
290
00:09:51,647 --> 00:09:52,513
No, no, no, wait take back.
291
00:09:52,615 --> 00:09:54,214
- No take backs.
- Opposite day.
292
00:09:54,316 --> 00:09:55,849
I'd go for it with the janitor.
293
00:09:55,951 --> 00:09:57,295
No, it's too late, the
plan's already locked in.
294
00:09:57,319 --> 00:09:59,551
- No!
- I wait here, keep a lookout for Rod.
295
00:09:59,676 --> 00:10:01,465
You lower him through the ducts,
spike Rod's coffee,
296
00:10:01,489 --> 00:10:02,567
- perfect crime.
- Great, that is great.
297
00:10:02,591 --> 00:10:04,436
Listen, I really think that
this key thing is simpler,
298
00:10:04,460 --> 00:10:07,660
plus I'm an excellent
flirter. Check this out.
299
00:10:08,531 --> 00:10:10,631
Pssh!
300
00:10:10,733 --> 00:10:11,865
Hi.
301
00:10:11,967 --> 00:10:13,845
We're doing the ducts. We're
going with the duct plan.
302
00:10:13,869 --> 00:10:15,168
- What?
- It's going to work.
303
00:10:15,271 --> 00:10:16,815
Last time I went into the
ducts I almost died... twice.
304
00:10:16,839 --> 00:10:18,316
Think of it this way...
This is your opportunity
305
00:10:18,340 --> 00:10:20,541
to be the Tom Cruise in this situation.
306
00:10:20,643 --> 00:10:21,942
- Oh, Tom Cruise!
- Huh?
307
00:10:22,044 --> 00:10:23,622
- You like Tom Cruise.
- How cool's that?
308
00:10:23,646 --> 00:10:25,126
That could be risky business, though.
309
00:10:25,180 --> 00:10:26,180
[Chuckles]
310
00:10:26,215 --> 00:10:27,080
You know, I wanted a few good men,
311
00:10:27,182 --> 00:10:28,193
but I could only find Fairbell.
312
00:10:28,217 --> 00:10:30,083
It's like that "Garfield" movie.
313
00:10:30,756 --> 00:10:33,201
Excuse me? "Garfield" movie?
That's what you come in with?
314
00:10:33,295 --> 00:10:34,966
- That's wrong in like 15 different ways.
- What are you talking about?
315
00:10:34,990 --> 00:10:36,601
- It's a good movie!
- We're doing a fun thing.
316
00:10:36,625 --> 00:10:38,103
- Guys, guys, guys, guys, stop, stop!
- And you don't understand the rules...
317
00:10:38,127 --> 00:10:38,884
- You suck.
- You suck.
318
00:10:38,928 --> 00:10:39,899
- You suck.
- You suck.
319
00:10:39,924 --> 00:10:41,506
Guys this is gonna be
like a "War of the Worlds."
320
00:10:41,530 --> 00:10:43,030
See, even Fairbell gets the game.
321
00:10:43,123 --> 00:10:44,799
- I get it.
- What game? Charades?
322
00:10:44,867 --> 00:10:46,066
I'll go first, who am I?
323
00:10:46,168 --> 00:10:48,635
Oh, God, your just Abby!
You just watched her do that.
324
00:10:48,704 --> 00:10:50,015
- Nailed it.
- Okay, just get him in the ducts, guys.
325
00:10:50,039 --> 00:10:51,138
You're a very good flirter.
326
00:10:51,240 --> 00:10:53,407
- Let's go.
- Take her with you.
327
00:10:53,509 --> 00:10:55,275
Hey, we're almost there.
328
00:10:55,377 --> 00:10:58,312
Oh, man. God, you really
know your way around here.
329
00:10:58,414 --> 00:10:59,746
Practice.
330
00:10:59,848 --> 00:11:02,549
Okay, uh,
331
00:11:02,651 --> 00:11:03,850
this seems like a bad idea,
332
00:11:03,953 --> 00:11:06,153
and I can't usually tell
when something is a bad idea.
333
00:11:06,255 --> 00:11:08,589
What, are you kidding?
This is a great idea, bud.
334
00:11:08,691 --> 00:11:09,957
You're gonna do awesome.
335
00:11:12,194 --> 00:11:15,462
[Chuckling] Perfect crime.
336
00:11:15,564 --> 00:11:16,463
Can I help you?
337
00:11:16,565 --> 00:11:20,000
Oh, n... Oh, Rod!
Hey. Hey, buddy.
338
00:11:20,102 --> 00:11:22,469
Um, yes, you can help me.
339
00:11:22,571 --> 00:11:24,905
You were, uh... you were
talking about sobriety.
340
00:11:25,007 --> 00:11:26,139
Yes.
341
00:11:26,241 --> 00:11:28,086
And I thought that maybe
that's something I should try.
342
00:11:28,110 --> 00:11:29,977
Maybe I should try it.
343
00:11:30,045 --> 00:11:30,677
Oh, yeah?
344
00:11:30,779 --> 00:11:32,579
Yeah. Yeah, maybe I...
345
00:11:32,681 --> 00:11:33,914
should try sobriety.
346
00:11:34,016 --> 00:11:35,949
[Chuckles] All right. Yes. [Laughs]
347
00:11:36,051 --> 00:11:37,051
Yeah.
348
00:11:37,152 --> 00:11:38,885
[Sighs] Are you sure you can hold me?
349
00:11:38,988 --> 00:11:39,998
No, no, no, no, not at all.
350
00:11:40,022 --> 00:11:41,166
That's why I brought an anchor.
351
00:11:41,190 --> 00:11:44,758
Hi. [Gasping]
352
00:11:44,860 --> 00:11:45,659
I'm good.
353
00:11:45,761 --> 00:11:47,194
[Stomach gurgles]
354
00:11:47,296 --> 00:11:48,762
How do you, like, um...
355
00:11:48,864 --> 00:11:51,376
[clears throat] how do you get
people to let you hang around them
356
00:11:51,400 --> 00:11:55,268
if they're not drunk
and you're not drunk?
357
00:11:55,371 --> 00:11:57,304
Don't need those people
anymore, all right?
358
00:11:57,406 --> 00:12:00,140
- Yeah.
- That's stinking thinking is what that is.
359
00:12:00,242 --> 00:12:02,376
- Yeah.
- Get rid of them. Okay.
360
00:12:02,478 --> 00:12:04,511
Find solace in the
simpler things in life,
361
00:12:04,613 --> 00:12:08,682
like, I don't know, gardening
or m-model airplanes.
362
00:12:08,784 --> 00:12:11,151
You know, for me, I love
starting my car the regular way
363
00:12:11,253 --> 00:12:13,086
instead of blowing into
one of those straws.
364
00:12:14,390 --> 00:12:17,024
I-I just don't know what's
going on anymore, Rod.
365
00:12:17,126 --> 00:12:21,361
Hey, Loren, lay it out for old new Rod.
366
00:12:21,463 --> 00:12:23,130
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
367
00:12:23,232 --> 00:12:24,297
[Sighs] Wish me luck.
368
00:12:24,400 --> 00:12:25,699
Okay. Oh, you won't need luck
369
00:12:25,801 --> 00:12:26,878
you invincible dip [bleep].
370
00:12:26,902 --> 00:12:28,168
Ba-ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba-ba
371
00:12:28,270 --> 00:12:31,805
Me, everyone thinks
[Muffled speaking]
372
00:12:31,907 --> 00:12:32,907
Go!
373
00:12:32,941 --> 00:12:33,807
[Groans]
374
00:12:33,909 --> 00:12:35,809
Fricking Tate, Fricking Dalton.
375
00:12:35,911 --> 00:12:37,277
I'm not a third wheel.
376
00:12:37,379 --> 00:12:39,112
No, you're not. You're a grown man.
377
00:12:40,282 --> 00:12:41,493
That's why you're gonna
stop playing grab ass
378
00:12:41,517 --> 00:12:42,416
with 19 year olds.
379
00:12:42,518 --> 00:12:43,216
Who told you about grab ass?
380
00:12:43,318 --> 00:12:44,318
Was it Dalton?
381
00:12:44,420 --> 00:12:45,218
Oh, it was Dalton wasn't it?
382
00:12:45,320 --> 00:12:46,420
That piece of [bleep].
383
00:12:46,522 --> 00:12:48,255
I knew he couldn't handle grab ass.
384
00:12:49,191 --> 00:12:50,671
It's actually working, keep lowering.
385
00:12:50,759 --> 00:12:52,137
It's just like Cody was using me, man.
386
00:12:52,161 --> 00:12:53,760
Sure, we were BFFs.
387
00:12:53,862 --> 00:12:56,096
[Muffled speaking] old
enough to buy booze.
388
00:12:56,198 --> 00:12:58,198
You don't do that to
your bro. That's bro code!
389
00:12:58,300 --> 00:13:00,701
[Stomach gurgles] Ew.
390
00:13:00,803 --> 00:13:02,035
Oh, please. Oh, please, no.
391
00:13:02,137 --> 00:13:03,770
I left my scarf in the roof of my car.
392
00:13:03,872 --> 00:13:05,672
It's like 100 degrees,
you don't need a scarf!
393
00:13:05,741 --> 00:13:07,074
Abby, Abby!
394
00:13:07,176 --> 00:13:08,709
It's not your fault.
395
00:13:08,811 --> 00:13:10,510
- Makes everyone a user.
- Yeah.
396
00:13:10,612 --> 00:13:12,212
How about we talk about this inside?
397
00:13:12,314 --> 00:13:14,214
All right, Let's...
Oh, no, no, no, wait.
398
00:13:14,316 --> 00:13:15,949
Rod! Rod, let's talk about it out here.
399
00:13:16,051 --> 00:13:17,195
Hey, why don't we go to a meeting?
400
00:13:17,219 --> 00:13:18,596
I think I'm ready for a
meeting at the Kiwanis...
401
00:13:18,620 --> 00:13:20,020
[Grunts, gasps]
402
00:13:20,122 --> 00:13:21,366
- [Muffled scream]
- [Glass shatters]
403
00:13:21,390 --> 00:13:22,923
[Screams]
404
00:13:23,025 --> 00:13:24,257
Fairbell?
405
00:13:24,359 --> 00:13:26,193
[Coughing]
406
00:13:26,328 --> 00:13:28,295
Are you guys trying to spike my coffee?
407
00:13:28,397 --> 00:13:31,965
Oh hey, Rod, I was just, uh,
looking for a pen, right Loren?
408
00:13:32,067 --> 00:13:36,603
[Chuckling] Um, Rod, it's...
409
00:13:36,705 --> 00:13:38,138
[Smacks lips]
410
00:13:38,240 --> 00:13:39,539
I'm gonna go get my bat...
411
00:13:39,641 --> 00:13:42,209
Find out if this dip [bleep]
pi?ata is filled with candy.
412
00:13:42,311 --> 00:13:45,212
I'll save you the trip. I am.
413
00:13:45,314 --> 00:13:46,314
[Sighs]
414
00:13:46,949 --> 00:13:49,416
And silver lining, no
glass got in my eyes.
415
00:13:49,518 --> 00:13:51,238
- I swallowed most of it.
- Congratulations.
416
00:13:51,320 --> 00:13:53,620
Sorry, the wind blew my
scarf through the parking lot.
417
00:13:53,722 --> 00:13:54,921
[Stomach gurgles]
418
00:13:55,023 --> 00:13:57,135
Ah, Abby, everyone knows you
have the butt barfs, even me.
419
00:13:57,159 --> 00:13:58,703
- Hey, guys.
- Whoa, have you been crying?
420
00:13:58,727 --> 00:14:00,887
- Have you been crying?
- I don't know what's going on.
421
00:14:00,963 --> 00:14:02,863
You know, Rod's sober,
Tammy's the principal,
422
00:14:02,965 --> 00:14:04,331
you're getting laid.
423
00:14:04,433 --> 00:14:06,344
My parents are right. I should
get out of the teaching game.
424
00:14:06,368 --> 00:14:07,968
I should just get my
real-estate license.
425
00:14:08,258 --> 00:14:10,507
Ow! You know we're on the
cusp of another bubble!
426
00:14:10,539 --> 00:14:11,829
- I do, I do.
- God,
427
00:14:11,854 --> 00:14:13,720
you can not let sober Rod get to you.
428
00:14:13,750 --> 00:14:16,176
- [Whispering] I'm sorry.
- That man is not thinking foggy.
429
00:14:16,278 --> 00:14:18,245
The new Rod is too far
down the rabbit hole.
430
00:14:18,347 --> 00:14:20,013
It's like he's addicted to sobriety.
431
00:14:20,115 --> 00:14:21,515
Oh, my God. [Chuckles]
432
00:14:21,617 --> 00:14:24,885
Yes, Abby. He is addicted to sobriety.
433
00:14:24,987 --> 00:14:27,020
And how do you deal with an addict?
434
00:14:27,122 --> 00:14:29,523
Throw acid on their face so
they're ugly and unlovable?
435
00:14:29,625 --> 00:14:31,269
Jesus, who gave Fairbell
their Netflix password?
436
00:14:31,293 --> 00:14:32,293
Thank you, by the way.
437
00:14:32,327 --> 00:14:33,193
He said he wanted to watch "Doug."
438
00:14:33,295 --> 00:14:34,361
Lots of "Doug."
439
00:14:34,463 --> 00:14:37,197
No, no. If we want to
destroy the new Rod,
440
00:14:37,299 --> 00:14:39,630
we have to make this personal.
441
00:14:40,602 --> 00:14:41,980
And everybody can tell
you've been crying.
442
00:14:42,004 --> 00:14:43,004
Yeah.
443
00:14:44,849 --> 00:14:47,550
Just right through here,
it'll only take a minute.
444
00:14:48,752 --> 00:14:50,386
What the hell is this?
445
00:14:50,488 --> 00:14:53,389
Rod, please come in. Join us.
Have a seat by your mother.
446
00:14:53,414 --> 00:14:55,619
Come here, baby. You come sit by Mama.
447
00:14:55,692 --> 00:14:57,125
You know, uh, Rod,
448
00:14:57,227 --> 00:14:58,860
I've [Sighs]
449
00:14:58,962 --> 00:15:00,628
I've been here since last night,
450
00:15:00,731 --> 00:15:03,932
and I look around the room
and I see a lot of people
451
00:15:04,034 --> 00:15:06,434
who love and care for you
and are scared to death
452
00:15:06,536 --> 00:15:08,414
that they're losing you
and they want to get you
453
00:15:08,438 --> 00:15:09,104
back in the fight.
454
00:15:09,206 --> 00:15:10,238
Ma, why are you here?
455
00:15:10,340 --> 00:15:12,374
Son, you've turned into a grade-A pussy
456
00:15:12,476 --> 00:15:14,042
since you stopped drinking.
457
00:15:14,144 --> 00:15:16,411
There's a lot of love in this room.
458
00:15:16,513 --> 00:15:17,979
So, basically what's gonna happen is
459
00:15:18,081 --> 00:15:19,347
they're gonna say some things,
460
00:15:19,449 --> 00:15:21,329
and you'll say some
things, and then we're done.
461
00:15:21,418 --> 00:15:23,551
So, Abby, why don't you start us off
462
00:15:23,653 --> 00:15:25,553
since your intestines
are on borrowed time?
463
00:15:25,655 --> 00:15:26,554
I am fine.
464
00:15:26,656 --> 00:15:28,123
[Stomach gurgles]
465
00:15:28,225 --> 00:15:30,925
Okay, Rod,
466
00:15:31,028 --> 00:15:34,262
your unaddiction has affected
me in the following ways.
467
00:15:34,364 --> 00:15:37,399
After spending my summer in Motaba,
468
00:15:37,501 --> 00:15:41,169
selflessly helping others
I realized that life...
469
00:15:41,271 --> 00:15:43,171
[Stomach gurgles loudly]
470
00:15:43,273 --> 00:15:46,007
Oh, g...
471
00:15:46,109 --> 00:15:47,675
I'm just...
472
00:15:47,778 --> 00:15:49,244
I'm too emotional.
473
00:15:49,346 --> 00:15:50,745
[Stomach gurgles]
474
00:15:50,847 --> 00:15:52,881
[Winces]
475
00:15:52,983 --> 00:15:54,583
Now do you see the
damage you're causing?
476
00:15:54,651 --> 00:15:56,785
Fairbell, you're up.
477
00:15:56,887 --> 00:15:59,020
Oh, Rod, I remember that time
478
00:15:59,122 --> 00:16:01,389
last "Julee" when you took me
479
00:16:01,491 --> 00:16:02,991
to Bass Pro Shop.
480
00:16:03,093 --> 00:16:05,393
Then you left me locked in
the car and I waited in there
481
00:16:05,495 --> 00:16:08,963
for 5 hours until I
passed out because of hot.
482
00:16:09,066 --> 00:16:10,066
Abby!
483
00:16:10,167 --> 00:16:11,299
- Yes?
- Wait up.
484
00:16:11,401 --> 00:16:12,801
Oh, I'll just be a minute.
485
00:16:12,903 --> 00:16:14,135
It won't take but a second.
486
00:16:14,237 --> 00:16:19,441
[Stomach gurgles]
487
00:16:19,543 --> 00:16:22,677
[Groans, humming]
488
00:16:22,779 --> 00:16:25,246
[Sighs]
489
00:16:25,348 --> 00:16:27,315
[Sighs]
490
00:16:27,417 --> 00:16:29,818
I was wondering [chuckles]
between us girls,
491
00:16:29,920 --> 00:16:31,853
uh, you've got your ear to the street.
492
00:16:31,955 --> 00:16:32,854
[Stomach gurgles]
493
00:16:32,956 --> 00:16:34,000
What are people saying about me?
494
00:16:34,024 --> 00:16:35,624
Oh, that you're doing great. Just great!
495
00:16:35,725 --> 00:16:37,325
Well, I appreciate that. Bu-u-ut...
496
00:16:37,427 --> 00:16:38,560
what do you think?
497
00:16:38,662 --> 00:16:39,861
[Stomach gurgles]
498
00:16:39,963 --> 00:16:43,364
I mean, y-you've always been
a straight shooter with me.
499
00:16:43,467 --> 00:16:45,333
[Stomach gurgles]
500
00:16:45,435 --> 00:16:47,435
What is going on with you?
501
00:16:47,537 --> 00:16:49,115
Are you sick from that
stupid trip to Africa?
502
00:16:49,139 --> 00:16:51,539
No! No, I'm fine. [Gasps]
503
00:16:51,641 --> 00:16:54,709
You're hiding something.
504
00:16:54,811 --> 00:16:57,112
[Grunts] The guys are
in the multi-purpose room
505
00:16:57,214 --> 00:16:58,534
trying to get Rod to drink again.
506
00:16:58,582 --> 00:16:59,981
Oh, Goddamn it!
507
00:17:00,083 --> 00:17:01,616
Ugh!
508
00:17:01,718 --> 00:17:03,685
And after the fireman
was done kissing me,
509
00:17:03,787 --> 00:17:06,408
I woke up, went next door,
and found you in the Toby Keith's
510
00:17:06,490 --> 00:17:09,591
I Love This Bar & Grill
very, very, very drunk.
511
00:17:09,693 --> 00:17:12,327
That was...
512
00:17:12,429 --> 00:17:15,864
that was one of the best
afternoons of my life.
513
00:17:15,966 --> 00:17:18,967
Thank you, Fairbell. I
know how difficult that was.
514
00:17:19,069 --> 00:17:20,935
Not emotionally, but the reading.
515
00:17:21,037 --> 00:17:22,470
Loren, you ready?
516
00:17:22,572 --> 00:17:28,076
Oh. [Sniffles]
517
00:17:28,178 --> 00:17:31,179
[Sniffling] Be strong.
518
00:17:31,281 --> 00:17:33,148
Dearest Rod,
519
00:17:33,250 --> 00:17:35,783
that afternoon we spent
partying in the bed of your truck
520
00:17:35,886 --> 00:17:38,620
during the strike was the
highlight of my career.
521
00:17:38,722 --> 00:17:40,355
I remember thinking, "Man,
522
00:17:40,457 --> 00:17:43,291
anything's possible as long
as I have my buddy here."
523
00:17:43,393 --> 00:17:45,827
My little hot Rod.
524
00:17:45,929 --> 00:17:47,540
[Voice breaking] But now
I see that pickup truck,
525
00:17:47,564 --> 00:17:49,030
and all I see is a lie.
526
00:17:49,132 --> 00:17:49,731
[Sighs]
527
00:17:49,833 --> 00:17:50,932
And that hurts.
528
00:17:51,034 --> 00:17:53,902
It hurts when you break promises, Cody.
529
00:17:54,004 --> 00:17:56,404
You say you're gonna hang
out with me then you ditch me
530
00:17:56,506 --> 00:17:58,106
to hang out with Dalton?
531
00:17:58,208 --> 00:18:00,542
Dalton's just a total d-bag
who talks [bleep] about you
532
00:18:00,644 --> 00:18:02,810
behind your back and
everybody knows that.
533
00:18:02,913 --> 00:18:05,880
He didn't even come
to your birthday party.
534
00:18:05,982 --> 00:18:08,750
They don't know you
like I know you, dude.
535
00:18:08,852 --> 00:18:10,251
[Bleep] This is horrible.
536
00:18:10,353 --> 00:18:11,586
[Sobbing]
537
00:18:11,688 --> 00:18:14,155
[Gasps] I think this seven
layer dip has eight layers.
538
00:18:14,257 --> 00:18:17,225
O-okay, listen, Rod,
539
00:18:17,327 --> 00:18:20,595
you're probably wondering what
it is that we're offering you.
540
00:18:20,697 --> 00:18:24,699
Right now, outside, we
have a car waiting for you
541
00:18:24,801 --> 00:18:26,301
to take you to the Lions Lair,
542
00:18:26,403 --> 00:18:29,938
where your mother has
graciously set up a $100 bar tab.
543
00:18:30,040 --> 00:18:31,539
Well drinks only.
544
00:18:31,641 --> 00:18:33,481
Rod, I'm not gonna...
I'm not gonna lie to you.
545
00:18:33,543 --> 00:18:34,976
I've been where you're at right now
546
00:18:35,078 --> 00:18:37,512
and I have faced the
scourge that is sobriety.
547
00:18:37,614 --> 00:18:39,047
I've stared that demon down
548
00:18:39,149 --> 00:18:43,184
and I just want to say
you can get off that wagon.
549
00:18:43,286 --> 00:18:44,619
So get off that wagon, Rob.
550
00:18:44,721 --> 00:18:45,831
- Get off that wagon.
- Get off that wagon.
551
00:18:45,855 --> 00:18:46,975
- Jump.
- Get off that wagon.
552
00:18:47,023 --> 00:18:48,367
- Get off the wagon, Cody.
- Get off that wagon.
553
00:18:48,391 --> 00:18:50,458
Get off that wagon. Get off that wagon.
554
00:18:50,560 --> 00:18:52,894
What the [bleep] is
wrong with you people?
555
00:18:52,996 --> 00:18:54,729
I was curious about that myself.
556
00:18:54,831 --> 00:18:57,131
Whoa, whoa, whoa. This is
not what it looks like, Tammy.
557
00:18:57,234 --> 00:18:58,978
Well it looks like a
reverse intervention to me.
558
00:18:59,002 --> 00:19:00,969
Well, then it is definitely
what it looks like.
559
00:19:01,071 --> 00:19:04,539
You three, in my office,
first thing tomorrow morning!
560
00:19:04,641 --> 00:19:05,641
Now get out!
561
00:19:05,709 --> 00:19:06,869
I better see you at that bar.
562
00:19:06,943 --> 00:19:07,842
[Sighs]
563
00:19:07,944 --> 00:19:10,645
You know what, Roddy? I'm sorry.
564
00:19:10,747 --> 00:19:14,249
It's not eight layers, it's still seven.
565
00:19:14,351 --> 00:19:16,684
Just a second layer of bean.
566
00:19:16,786 --> 00:19:19,921
567
00:19:20,023 --> 00:19:21,167
[Sighs] What do you guys think
568
00:19:21,191 --> 00:19:22,602
Tammy wants to talk
to us about, tomorrow?
569
00:19:22,626 --> 00:19:23,626
What?
570
00:19:23,727 --> 00:19:24,770
We're probably getting fired, Fairbell.
571
00:19:24,794 --> 00:19:26,027
So, drink up.
572
00:19:26,129 --> 00:19:27,473
You know what? If I was principal,
573
00:19:27,497 --> 00:19:28,863
I would never fire anybody.
574
00:19:28,965 --> 00:19:32,133
Also, I'd put root beer in all
the water fountains, promise.
575
00:19:32,235 --> 00:19:33,434
Got my vote.
576
00:19:33,536 --> 00:19:34,947
I'm still not even sure how Tammy knew
577
00:19:34,971 --> 00:19:36,716
that we were trying to
get Rod drinking again.
578
00:19:36,740 --> 00:19:37,305
- Yeah.
- That's crazy.
579
00:19:37,407 --> 00:19:38,473
Mm-hmm.
580
00:19:38,575 --> 00:19:41,042
I-I... she probably
just sensed it, you know?
581
00:19:41,144 --> 00:19:42,443
She's a very smart lady.
582
00:19:42,545 --> 00:19:44,185
I just wish it wasn't
her dropping the ax.
583
00:19:44,214 --> 00:19:45,454
She's always had it out for me.
584
00:19:45,515 --> 00:19:47,282
Getting fired is not the worst thing
585
00:19:47,384 --> 00:19:48,583
that can happen to someone.
586
00:19:48,685 --> 00:19:50,685
You're right, that is.
587
00:19:50,787 --> 00:19:52,198
[Gunfire, helicopter blades whirring]
588
00:19:52,222 --> 00:19:54,956
[Crying]
589
00:19:55,058 --> 00:19:59,027
I never should've taken
a picture with that monkey.
590
00:19:59,129 --> 00:19:59,961
What the [bleep].
591
00:20:00,063 --> 00:20:01,063
[Sighs]
592
00:20:01,164 --> 00:20:03,464
I mean, that... that has
got to be a different.
593
00:20:03,566 --> 00:20:07,001
Okay, I ruined another country
and got horrible dysentery.
594
00:20:07,103 --> 00:20:08,670
Is that what you want me to say?
595
00:20:08,772 --> 00:20:10,016
- Yeah, that's exactly it.
- Yeah.
596
00:20:10,040 --> 00:20:11,684
Yeah, that's exactly what
I've been waiting for.
597
00:20:11,708 --> 00:20:13,919
Yeah. I got sick drinking dirty
water out of a UN tire track,
598
00:20:13,943 --> 00:20:16,077
and then they had to airlift
me after only two days.
599
00:20:16,179 --> 00:20:17,045
I almost died.
600
00:20:17,147 --> 00:20:18,190
There was so much blood, you guys!
601
00:20:18,214 --> 00:20:18,880
Ugh.
602
00:20:18,982 --> 00:20:20,142
It was coming out of my eyes.
603
00:20:20,216 --> 00:20:21,994
It was coming out of ears,
it was coming out of my ass.
604
00:20:22,018 --> 00:20:23,851
- Okay! Okay! Okay! Okay!
- [Bleep]
605
00:20:23,953 --> 00:20:25,687
Stop, stop, stop.
606
00:20:25,789 --> 00:20:27,622
We just wanted to hear
that you were wrong
607
00:20:27,724 --> 00:20:29,424
and we were right, okay? That's enough.
608
00:20:29,526 --> 00:20:32,493
Whoa-ho-oh! Speaking
of internal collapse,
609
00:20:32,595 --> 00:20:33,715
This is that, uh, that chick
610
00:20:33,763 --> 00:20:35,430
- I've been hooking up with lately.
- Mm.
611
00:20:35,532 --> 00:20:37,498
She wants to meet up.
Hey, can I borrow a rubber?
612
00:20:37,600 --> 00:20:39,445
You want a rubber? Yeah,
no, I got one right here.
613
00:20:39,469 --> 00:20:41,029
Great. I keep it, uh, in the year 1986.
614
00:20:41,104 --> 00:20:43,115
That's funny, you're right,
I'm not even gonna wear one.
615
00:20:43,139 --> 00:20:45,173
I'll probably just
[bleep] pray on this one.
616
00:20:45,275 --> 00:20:46,941
Gross.
617
00:20:47,043 --> 00:20:47,875
[Door opens, closes]
618
00:20:47,977 --> 00:20:48,977
Guys, on the bright side,
619
00:20:49,012 --> 00:20:50,532
Doris gave me a handful of antibiotics
620
00:20:50,613 --> 00:20:52,280
that she found in the
bottom of her purse.
621
00:20:52,382 --> 00:20:53,681
And I feel pretty all right now.
622
00:20:53,783 --> 00:20:55,350
Yeah keep chasing with booze.
623
00:20:55,452 --> 00:20:56,184
Hey, club soda please.
624
00:20:56,286 --> 00:20:57,352
Of course!
625
00:20:57,454 --> 00:20:59,520
You know, I appreciate
the effort that you guys
626
00:20:59,622 --> 00:21:01,789
have gone through to
get me back drinking.
627
00:21:01,891 --> 00:21:04,659
I do, I do. But, uh, finally
I can fall asleep at night
628
00:21:04,761 --> 00:21:06,928
without worrying if my
pancreas is gonna implode.
629
00:21:07,030 --> 00:21:08,507
Look if this is what you need from us,
630
00:21:08,531 --> 00:21:09,811
then we can respect your choice.
631
00:21:09,866 --> 00:21:12,934
And we'll stop trying
to get you off the wagon.
632
00:21:13,036 --> 00:21:13,768
All right?
633
00:21:13,870 --> 00:21:14,569
Thank you, man.
634
00:21:14,671 --> 00:21:15,503
All right. Sure.
635
00:21:15,605 --> 00:21:17,004
Appreciate it. Anyway [Chuckles]
636
00:21:17,107 --> 00:21:18,373
Got to hit the head, huh?
637
00:21:18,475 --> 00:21:19,475
[Chuckles]
638
00:21:19,509 --> 00:21:21,576
Geez, all right, Rod.
639
00:21:21,678 --> 00:21:24,379
I didn't... I didn't
get a touch. [Sighs]
640
00:21:24,481 --> 00:21:25,380
- That was just for us.
- Yeah.
641
00:21:25,482 --> 00:21:26,881
God grant me the courage
642
00:21:26,983 --> 00:21:28,216
[Grunting, moaning]
643
00:21:28,318 --> 00:21:29,817
to accept the things I cannot change.
644
00:21:29,919 --> 00:21:30,585
[Grunting, panting]
645
00:21:30,687 --> 00:21:32,687
[Gasps]
646
00:21:32,789 --> 00:21:35,723
Wait your turn, sailor,
I'm too old for twofers.
647
00:21:35,825 --> 00:21:37,091
I'm so sorry.
648
00:21:37,193 --> 00:21:40,328
It's okay, I like it kind of [bleep].
649
00:21:40,430 --> 00:21:42,990
[Both panting, moaning]
650
00:21:44,701 --> 00:21:48,336
- _
- [Sighs]
651
00:21:48,438 --> 00:21:53,307
[Sighs]
652
00:21:53,410 --> 00:21:56,377
Am I a horrible person?
653
00:21:56,479 --> 00:21:58,913
You get used to it.
654
00:21:59,015 --> 00:22:01,349
[Sighs]
655
00:22:10,272 --> 00:22:13,006
Tammy: Good morning,
gentlemen. Come in, have a seat.
656
00:22:13,109 --> 00:22:14,374
Yeah, listen, Tammy...
657
00:22:14,477 --> 00:22:16,877
No, no, no. Today I speak.
658
00:22:16,979 --> 00:22:19,346
And let me tell you something.
659
00:22:19,448 --> 00:22:21,148
I have watched you three
660
00:22:21,250 --> 00:22:23,650
squander every opportunity
you've been given.
661
00:22:23,752 --> 00:22:27,187
Me? I earned my way.
Nobody handed me anything.
662
00:22:27,289 --> 00:22:28,856
But not you guys.
663
00:22:28,958 --> 00:22:32,226
And today, that entitlement ends.
664
00:22:32,328 --> 00:22:33,794
[Chuckles]
665
00:22:33,896 --> 00:22:35,963
You recognize these?
666
00:22:36,065 --> 00:22:37,331
Our termination forms.
667
00:22:37,433 --> 00:22:38,699
Yeah, good Fairbell.
668
00:22:38,801 --> 00:22:41,935
Now, I'm going to frame these
and hang them up for motivation.
669
00:22:42,037 --> 00:22:45,239
They're gonna be my new "Hang
in there!" kitty posters.
670
00:22:45,341 --> 00:22:48,275
[Chuckles] It seems to me
that everything in my life
671
00:22:48,377 --> 00:22:50,611
has led up to this very moment.
672
00:22:50,713 --> 00:22:51,578
[Laughs]
673
00:22:51,680 --> 00:22:53,213
Now, believe me when I say
674
00:22:53,315 --> 00:22:57,251
that it gives me great pleasure
to say that you are fi...
675
00:22:57,353 --> 00:22:58,418
Yoo-hoo!
676
00:22:58,521 --> 00:23:00,687
I think somebody parked in my spot.
677
00:23:00,789 --> 00:23:02,823
Be a lamb and move it for me, will ya?
678
00:23:02,925 --> 00:23:03,925
Ow.
679
00:23:03,959 --> 00:23:05,270
Ah, e-excuse me. C-can I help you?
680
00:23:05,294 --> 00:23:07,628
Oh, I'm sorry.
681
00:23:07,730 --> 00:23:10,364
I'm Cattie Goodman.
I'm your new principal.
682
00:23:10,466 --> 00:23:13,400
C-C-Cattie G-Goodman?
683
00:23:13,502 --> 00:23:14,466
The district fixer?
684
00:23:14,491 --> 00:23:17,326
Aw, well, I do what I can. [Laughs]
685
00:23:17,351 --> 00:23:19,573
And now I'm here to fix up Smoot.
686
00:23:19,598 --> 00:23:22,075
Well, just one second.
Tammy was actually right...
687
00:23:22,178 --> 00:23:23,912
No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no.
688
00:23:23,967 --> 00:23:26,255
I think what Tammy was
actually about to say
689
00:23:26,280 --> 00:23:28,647
- is how excited we are...
- Exactly.
690
00:23:28,749 --> 00:23:31,683
As teachers and how in need of
real change we are here at Smoot.
691
00:23:31,785 --> 00:23:35,053
Actually I was in the
middle of firing these boys.
692
00:23:35,155 --> 00:23:36,188
Oh.
693
00:23:36,290 --> 00:23:39,091
Well, in that case, I just have to ask.
694
00:23:39,193 --> 00:23:43,395
Whatever gave you the idea
that you were in control of personnel?
695
00:23:43,497 --> 00:23:46,767
I me... oh, oh honey. Honey.
696
00:23:47,073 --> 00:23:48,953
You didn't think they
were gonna let a secretary
697
00:23:49,001 --> 00:23:51,401
become the permanent
principal, now did ya?
698
00:23:51,503 --> 00:23:53,036
[Chuckling] Oh.
699
00:23:53,138 --> 00:23:54,749
But you don't know what
these guys have done!
700
00:23:54,773 --> 00:23:57,474
Darling, at every new school I reform,
701
00:23:57,576 --> 00:23:59,643
I start off with a clean slate policy.
702
00:23:59,745 --> 00:24:03,013
That's so funny 'cause Tammy
has this clean plate policy.
703
00:24:03,115 --> 00:24:07,851
[Laughs] Boom, I'm back in the game!
704
00:24:07,953 --> 00:24:09,786
Why don't you get to
stepping right there.
705
00:24:09,888 --> 00:24:11,822
Hey, maybe you could get
some hot water for me,
706
00:24:11,924 --> 00:24:12,924
for my chamomile tea.
707
00:24:12,991 --> 00:24:15,959
There you go. Thank ya. I appreciate it.
708
00:24:16,061 --> 00:24:17,994
A little quicker, a little quicker.
709
00:24:18,097 --> 00:24:19,996
And so our dance continues, Tam-Tam.
710
00:24:20,592 --> 00:24:23,631
Oh, no no. This is just began.
711
00:24:26,547 --> 00:24:28,531
She should get one of
those that says "goodbye".
712
00:24:29,258 --> 00:24:31,132
Ow! Come on!
713
00:24:32,539 --> 00:24:34,648
Tammy you forgot your keys.
714
00:24:34,698 --> 00:24:39,248
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