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1
00:00:04,501 --> 00:00:06,701
Larry, we're here.
Where's the fire?
2
00:00:06,702 --> 00:00:09,304
What? There's no fire.
What are you talking about?
3
00:00:09,338 --> 00:00:10,889
You called and said
there was an emergency
4
00:00:10,923 --> 00:00:12,857
and to bring
a fire extinguisher.
5
00:00:12,891 --> 00:00:15,210
Yeah, there is an emergency,
and bring a fire extinguisher.
6
00:00:15,244 --> 00:00:17,111
They're two separate thoughts.
7
00:00:17,145 --> 00:00:18,479
But why do you need
fire extinguisher?
8
00:00:18,530 --> 00:00:19,598
We don't have one.
9
00:00:20,232 --> 00:00:22,250
Well, what's the emergency?
10
00:00:23,085 --> 00:00:25,436
September is a kind of
dead period for holidays,
11
00:00:25,470 --> 00:00:27,188
so I was looking through
my calendar.
12
00:00:27,239 --> 00:00:29,457
What exactly
is April fools' day?
13
00:00:29,491 --> 00:00:31,542
Is that one of your crazy
religious holidays,
14
00:00:31,576 --> 00:00:33,094
or one of your
"I deserve a day off
15
00:00:33,145 --> 00:00:35,730
because working five days
a week is too much" holidays?
16
00:00:35,781 --> 00:00:36,814
Well, it's just a day in April
17
00:00:36,832 --> 00:00:38,115
when people play pranks
on each other,
18
00:00:38,133 --> 00:00:40,851
and then they yell,
"April fools!"
19
00:00:41,220 --> 00:00:45,406
Pranks, ooh. Well, that sounds
more fun than yom kippur.
20
00:00:45,857 --> 00:00:47,074
When do we get started?
21
00:00:47,108 --> 00:00:49,192
Well, Larry, it's September,
okay?
22
00:00:49,210 --> 00:00:51,879
And as the name implies,
April fools' day is in April.
23
00:00:51,930 --> 00:00:53,897
Yeah. You know, Larry,
April fools' day
24
00:00:53,932 --> 00:00:55,282
may not be the holiday for you,
25
00:00:55,316 --> 00:00:56,984
because pranks take
a certain nuance.
26
00:00:57,035 --> 00:00:59,203
What are you saying? Are you
saying that I lack nuance?
27
00:00:59,237 --> 00:01:00,871
I'll have you know
I've got nuance
28
00:01:00,889 --> 00:01:03,190
falling out of my anuses.
29
00:01:03,224 --> 00:01:05,325
- Mnh...Mnh.
- Ah, come on, really?
30
00:01:05,360 --> 00:01:07,161
My God!
What is that?!
31
00:01:07,212 --> 00:01:08,712
You know what, Larry?
We're not falling for that.
32
00:01:08,746 --> 00:01:11,014
Falling for what?
33
00:01:12,216 --> 00:01:15,085
All this holiday talk got me
excited about Halloween.
34
00:01:15,120 --> 00:01:18,255
I'll have you know
that I am a prankster.
35
00:01:18,289 --> 00:01:20,440
And a merry one at that.
36
00:01:20,475 --> 00:01:22,109
I'm going to prank you so hard.
37
00:01:22,160 --> 00:01:23,360
That's great, but, you know,
you should probably
38
00:01:23,394 --> 00:01:24,862
change your shirt first,
'cause you...
39
00:01:24,896 --> 00:01:26,763
you have something right
... right there. Yeah.
40
00:01:26,798 --> 00:01:28,015
What? What? I just...
boop!
41
00:01:29,968 --> 00:01:31,451
You will regret that,
Marty Weaver.
42
00:01:31,486 --> 00:01:33,537
Yeah? Guess what.
Your shoe's also untied.
43
00:01:33,571 --> 00:01:35,889
You should... boop! Again!
44
00:01:35,924 --> 00:01:38,559
Totally fell for it!
See you.
45
00:01:40,061 --> 00:01:41,662
He's good,
46
00:01:41,696 --> 00:01:43,046
but I'm better.
47
00:01:43,081 --> 00:01:45,516
Mark my words,
48
00:01:45,550 --> 00:01:47,050
by the time this day is over...
49
00:01:47,085 --> 00:01:50,204
I'll show them that I'm
the merriest prankster! Aah!
50
00:01:50,238 --> 00:01:51,488
Ow!
51
00:01:51,506 --> 00:01:53,807
Dick, I'm trying to make
a statement of intent here.
52
00:01:53,842 --> 00:01:58,529
And mark my words, by the...
Ow!
53
00:01:58,563 --> 00:02:01,248
Ow!
54
00:02:01,282 --> 00:02:03,500
You know what?
Forget it.
55
00:02:05,935 --> 00:02:07,535
56
00:02:07,569 --> 00:02:11,089
We came from outer space
and settled in New Jersey
57
00:02:11,123 --> 00:02:15,093
we took names like Larry Bird
and Jackie Joyner-Kersee
58
00:02:15,144 --> 00:02:17,278
then the humans
moved next door
59
00:02:17,312 --> 00:02:19,364
started testing
all our limits
60
00:02:19,415 --> 00:02:21,716
so sit right down,
enjoy the show
61
00:02:21,750 --> 00:02:23,768
we'll be done in 30 minutes
62
00:02:23,802 --> 00:02:26,371
sync and corrections by bellows
www.addic7ed.com
63
00:02:27,741 --> 00:02:29,074
Ow, mom!
64
00:02:29,125 --> 00:02:31,243
If you pull out
any more of my hair,
65
00:02:31,294 --> 00:02:33,112
I'm gonna start looking
like grandma.
66
00:02:33,146 --> 00:02:34,913
Oh, sorry, baby, but sometimes
67
00:02:34,965 --> 00:02:36,665
women have to hurt
to look pretty.
68
00:02:36,699 --> 00:02:38,334
Max, if you untie that tie,
69
00:02:38,368 --> 00:02:40,202
I'm taking away
your bed for a week.
70
00:02:40,220 --> 00:02:42,338
Why do I have to wear
a bow tie and a vest?
71
00:02:42,372 --> 00:02:43,806
I look like magic Mike!
72
00:02:43,840 --> 00:02:45,341
- No, you don't.
- No, you don't.
73
00:02:45,375 --> 00:02:47,176
Uh! Did you watch
that movie
74
00:02:47,210 --> 00:02:49,595
after I explicitly
told you not to?
75
00:02:49,646 --> 00:02:51,063
Hey, you and daddy are the ones
76
00:02:51,097 --> 00:02:53,849
who are wasting 20 bucks
a month on Starz.
77
00:02:53,883 --> 00:02:55,317
At least someone's using it.
78
00:02:55,352 --> 00:02:57,152
Ooh! You guys look
like Martha Stewart
79
00:02:57,187 --> 00:02:58,320
made you in her lab.
80
00:02:58,355 --> 00:03:01,106
Oh, Dick, you literally said
the perfect thing.
81
00:03:01,157 --> 00:03:03,776
We're taking the Weaver
family photo today.
82
00:03:03,827 --> 00:03:06,028
And I am finally gonna get
that one picture
83
00:03:06,062 --> 00:03:07,496
where everyone's eyes are open,
84
00:03:07,530 --> 00:03:11,233
everyone is clean,
and everyone is smiling.
85
00:03:11,251 --> 00:03:13,702
When am I not smiling, Debra?
86
00:03:13,736 --> 00:03:16,121
Don't forget
your hair appointment!
87
00:03:16,172 --> 00:03:18,707
It's what I'm most looking
forward to in my whole life.
88
00:03:18,741 --> 00:03:21,243
Come on, guys, you're not gonna
be this age forever,
89
00:03:21,261 --> 00:03:23,045
and I just want one
perfect picture
90
00:03:23,079 --> 00:03:24,963
of my sweet, adorable family.
91
00:03:25,015 --> 00:03:27,633
Tell me if I ripped my shirt
open right now,
92
00:03:27,684 --> 00:03:29,101
the song "it's raining men"
93
00:03:29,135 --> 00:03:30,853
wouldn't start playing
out of nowhere.
94
00:03:30,887 --> 00:03:33,222
Okay, everybody stop watching
"Magic Mike."
95
00:03:33,256 --> 00:03:35,524
I'm getting my picture,
and I'm canceling Starz.
96
00:03:35,558 --> 00:03:37,393
Humans.
97
00:03:37,427 --> 00:03:40,195
T.N.L.B.T.F.T.W.
98
00:03:40,230 --> 00:03:41,647
They never learn,
but they're fun to watch.
99
00:03:41,698 --> 00:03:43,115
I hope it'll catch one.
100
00:03:43,149 --> 00:03:45,818
Anyhoo, I'm here to challenge
the Weaver children
101
00:03:45,869 --> 00:03:48,120
to a toy show-off.
You two game?
102
00:03:48,154 --> 00:03:49,571
Can we please go?
103
00:03:49,605 --> 00:03:51,874
Can't get dirty or sweaty or mess
up your hair or your clothes.
104
00:03:51,908 --> 00:03:53,242
- So...
- Go be kids.
105
00:03:53,276 --> 00:03:54,827
Yeah!
Yes!
106
00:03:58,882 --> 00:04:02,084
Yeesh, I'm scalpin' her.
107
00:04:08,842 --> 00:04:11,393
- What are you doing, husband?
- Research.
108
00:04:11,427 --> 00:04:13,696
I'm coming up with a prank
for Marty Weaver
109
00:04:13,730 --> 00:04:17,249
that will show him that his
April fools' holiday is stupid,
110
00:04:17,300 --> 00:04:19,735
and that I am
the biggest fool, and...
111
00:04:19,769 --> 00:04:21,236
that sounded bad
as soon as it came out.
112
00:04:21,271 --> 00:04:23,422
Isn't April fools' in April?
113
00:04:23,456 --> 00:04:25,457
It is, which gives me
only eight months
114
00:04:25,492 --> 00:04:27,059
to plan a grand prank.
115
00:04:27,110 --> 00:04:28,927
Until then, I'm going to
berate him
116
00:04:28,962 --> 00:04:30,996
with small, maddening jokes.
117
00:04:31,030 --> 00:04:33,315
Like this.
118
00:04:33,333 --> 00:04:35,117
It's an inflatable rubber bag
119
00:04:35,151 --> 00:04:36,802
which you place under
someone's seat.
120
00:04:36,853 --> 00:04:38,570
And when they sit down...
121
00:04:39,689 --> 00:04:41,407
Ha!
122
00:04:41,441 --> 00:04:43,709
That is so clever!
Isn't it?
123
00:04:43,760 --> 00:04:46,178
Just when I think humans
are completely worthless,
124
00:04:46,212 --> 00:04:47,896
they go and invent
something like this.
125
00:04:47,930 --> 00:04:50,082
Oh...Oh... What else are you
cooking up, Larry bird?
126
00:04:50,116 --> 00:04:51,950
Would you like some gum?
127
00:04:51,985 --> 00:04:53,302
Sure.
128
00:04:53,336 --> 00:04:55,387
Ow!
129
00:04:55,438 --> 00:04:58,140
What the hell is
wrong with you, Larry bird?
130
00:04:58,174 --> 00:04:59,491
That really hurt!
131
00:04:59,542 --> 00:05:02,795
It's not cool, man!
It's not cool!
132
00:05:03,930 --> 00:05:06,098
Jerk! Ooh!
133
00:05:11,087 --> 00:05:12,805
That one's a keeper.
134
00:05:18,944 --> 00:05:20,445
You know, most girls
would be freaked out
135
00:05:20,496 --> 00:05:22,580
if their boyfriend's
intergalactic soul mate
136
00:05:22,631 --> 00:05:24,632
stalked their house for a week.
137
00:05:24,666 --> 00:05:26,217
Well, that's what makes you
so special.
138
00:05:26,268 --> 00:05:28,770
Dude, no, I'm saying
it totally freaks me out
139
00:05:28,804 --> 00:05:30,221
that your intergalactic
soul mate
140
00:05:30,255 --> 00:05:31,956
has been stalking your house
for a week.
141
00:05:31,990 --> 00:05:33,458
But she means nothing to me.
142
00:05:33,509 --> 00:05:36,093
I mean, yes, she traveled across
time and space to be with me.
143
00:05:36,145 --> 00:05:37,979
Yes, the universe paired us
at birth,
144
00:05:38,013 --> 00:05:39,447
and I'm magnetically
drawn to her,
145
00:05:39,481 --> 00:05:41,299
but you're the one I want.
146
00:05:43,769 --> 00:05:45,470
You don't believe me?
147
00:05:45,504 --> 00:05:47,021
Come on.
148
00:05:47,055 --> 00:05:49,357
No. Where are you going?
I don't want to get up.
149
00:05:49,391 --> 00:05:50,858
Okay.
150
00:05:54,963 --> 00:05:56,297
- Hey, Reggie.
- Hi.
151
00:05:56,331 --> 00:05:58,149
- Hi, Amber.
- Swimfan.
152
00:05:58,183 --> 00:05:59,483
Jane, it's time for you
to go home.
153
00:05:59,518 --> 00:06:01,702
Amber's my girlfriend,
and I love her.
154
00:06:01,736 --> 00:06:02,987
I know you do, and I get that.
155
00:06:03,038 --> 00:06:05,256
Amber's sardonic
and intelligent,
156
00:06:05,290 --> 00:06:07,241
with the long hair
and the alabaster skin.
157
00:06:07,259 --> 00:06:08,759
She's lovely. Truly.
158
00:06:08,810 --> 00:06:10,644
But I'm your soul mate, Reggie.
159
00:06:12,214 --> 00:06:13,914
Okay, I can't believe
I'm about to say this,
160
00:06:13,949 --> 00:06:15,466
but I have to go get
my hair blown out
161
00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:16,984
for a family photo.
162
00:06:17,018 --> 00:06:19,770
I know.
I'll see you later.
163
00:06:19,805 --> 00:06:21,355
Go away.
164
00:06:21,389 --> 00:06:23,824
Oh, it's starting to get cold.
165
00:06:23,859 --> 00:06:25,042
Do you want my Letterman's
jacket?
166
00:06:25,076 --> 00:06:26,927
Your mathlete jacket?
167
00:06:26,962 --> 00:06:28,295
You know what?
168
00:06:28,329 --> 00:06:30,330
I think I'm already bordering
on too popular.
169
00:06:30,348 --> 00:06:32,616
That might just make them
resent me.
170
00:06:32,651 --> 00:06:34,451
Enjoy your blow-out!
171
00:06:34,986 --> 00:06:36,703
You're wasting your time, Jane.
172
00:06:36,737 --> 00:06:38,571
I know this is hard
on you, Reggie,
173
00:06:38,589 --> 00:06:40,841
and it pains me
to see you like this,
174
00:06:40,875 --> 00:06:42,559
but you and I are
destined to be together.
175
00:06:42,593 --> 00:06:44,111
We're not done here.
176
00:06:44,145 --> 00:06:45,278
No, we're not.
177
00:06:45,313 --> 00:06:46,813
No, I meant,
we are done here.
178
00:06:46,847 --> 00:06:48,248
I know you did.
I love you.
179
00:06:48,282 --> 00:06:49,666
I love you, t...
180
00:06:49,701 --> 00:06:52,052
you...
181
00:06:52,086 --> 00:06:53,804
Go away.
182
00:06:55,139 --> 00:06:57,641
I thought we were gonna go
play video games now.
183
00:06:57,675 --> 00:06:59,760
Video games are for fat girls
and virgins.
184
00:06:59,794 --> 00:07:02,029
I'm gonna show you guys
something really cool.
185
00:07:07,902 --> 00:07:09,553
Oh, yes!
186
00:07:09,587 --> 00:07:11,304
Who's got nuance now?
187
00:07:11,339 --> 00:07:13,056
Father, I'm in the middle
of a life crisis
188
00:07:13,091 --> 00:07:15,726
and don't have time for your
juvenile shenanigans.
189
00:07:15,777 --> 00:07:17,994
Where's mother?
190
00:07:20,648 --> 00:07:23,950
I didn't even put that there!
That was just a happy accident!
191
00:07:26,054 --> 00:07:28,105
Oh...Pranks! Ha!
192
00:07:30,091 --> 00:07:31,692
Mother, I need your help
with Jane.
193
00:07:31,726 --> 00:07:33,610
You've been crying.
194
00:07:33,661 --> 00:07:35,162
No, no, it's fine.
195
00:07:35,196 --> 00:07:37,030
Oh. Well, how can I help?
196
00:07:37,064 --> 00:07:38,749
Well, I want to handle
this like an adult,
197
00:07:38,800 --> 00:07:39,933
so I don't want you
to advise me.
198
00:07:39,967 --> 00:07:41,351
Or judge me.
Or question me.
199
00:07:41,386 --> 00:07:43,270
But those are my three
favorite things to do.
200
00:07:43,304 --> 00:07:44,838
I know, but I have an idea
201
00:07:44,856 --> 00:07:46,640
to get Jane out of our
lives forever.
202
00:07:46,674 --> 00:07:48,975
So, are you in or out?
203
00:07:50,478 --> 00:07:52,446
Mm...
204
00:07:52,480 --> 00:07:53,663
Hmm...
205
00:08:06,427 --> 00:08:10,380
Okay. I can't decide on which
tie for the picture, okay?
206
00:08:10,431 --> 00:08:13,132
Paisley...or
Captain America shield?
207
00:08:13,166 --> 00:08:15,134
- Now, before you answer,
I think... - Paisley.
208
00:08:15,168 --> 00:08:17,303
Yeah, that's where I was...
Paisley.
209
00:08:17,337 --> 00:08:19,522
Good afternoon, Weavers.
210
00:08:19,556 --> 00:08:21,858
Oh, hey, Dick.
Where are Max and Abby?
211
00:08:21,892 --> 00:08:23,192
They're right behind me.
Listen,
212
00:08:23,227 --> 00:08:25,228
will you still love
your kids when they're older?
213
00:08:25,279 --> 00:08:27,397
Dick, I love my kids
unconditionally.
214
00:08:27,448 --> 00:08:29,232
I will love them
when they choose
215
00:08:29,283 --> 00:08:31,367
the wrong husband
and wives to marry.
216
00:08:31,402 --> 00:08:33,186
I will love them
when they give birth
217
00:08:33,220 --> 00:08:35,238
to grandchildren
that they never let me see.
218
00:08:35,289 --> 00:08:38,408
I will even love them
when their father gets sick,
219
00:08:38,459 --> 00:08:39,993
and they never come to visit,
220
00:08:40,027 --> 00:08:42,395
and the only company I have
is a Jamaican hospice nurse
221
00:08:42,429 --> 00:08:45,114
who comes once a week
to help me clean his face
222
00:08:45,149 --> 00:08:47,417
- and wipe his...
- Where are you right now?
223
00:08:47,468 --> 00:08:49,201
Oh... Okay, and will
you still love them
224
00:08:49,219 --> 00:08:51,421
if they look different from
when you last saw them?
225
00:08:51,472 --> 00:08:53,205
Okay, Dick, what are you
talking about?
226
00:08:53,223 --> 00:08:54,757
Funny story...
227
00:08:54,808 --> 00:08:56,309
so we were showing off
our toys,
228
00:08:56,343 --> 00:08:57,844
and I had to bring out
my big gun.
229
00:08:57,878 --> 00:08:59,762
Literally...
a big ray gun.
230
00:08:59,813 --> 00:09:00,930
Did they get dirty?
231
00:09:00,981 --> 00:09:02,015
No...
232
00:09:02,049 --> 00:09:03,516
But they're a little wrinkled.
233
00:09:03,550 --> 00:09:04,767
All right, guys!
234
00:09:09,239 --> 00:09:11,274
Hey, dad.
Hi, mom.
235
00:09:11,308 --> 00:09:12,659
Hello.
236
00:09:12,693 --> 00:09:13,960
Dick, what's going on?
237
00:09:13,994 --> 00:09:15,995
Debbie, I aged your kids.
238
00:09:27,108 --> 00:09:30,144
Dick, who are these people?
Where's Max and Abby?
239
00:09:30,178 --> 00:09:32,379
This really is them.
240
00:09:32,414 --> 00:09:33,914
Uh, Dick, I don't have
time for this.
241
00:09:33,949 --> 00:09:36,166
I am so sorry.
I am Debbie Weaver.
242
00:09:36,218 --> 00:09:38,302
I know who you are, mom.
243
00:09:38,353 --> 00:09:40,070
Hey, after we take
the family picture,
244
00:09:40,105 --> 00:09:42,055
can we have a tea party?
245
00:09:44,075 --> 00:09:45,625
- What's happening?
- Where are they going?
246
00:09:45,659 --> 00:09:48,161
- Where are they going?
- I told you, these are your children.
247
00:09:48,179 --> 00:09:50,347
Okay.
Dick, that's impossible.
248
00:09:50,398 --> 00:09:52,516
Not if you have
an aging machine, which I do,
249
00:09:52,550 --> 00:09:54,818
in my garage,
next to the bowflex.
250
00:09:54,852 --> 00:09:57,370
All right, so, if these
really are our children,
251
00:09:57,404 --> 00:09:59,172
then, Abby, you will know
that your birthday is...
252
00:09:59,206 --> 00:10:01,391
- June 12, 2006.
- Hmm.
253
00:10:03,111 --> 00:10:04,628
Max, what's your
favorite movie?
254
00:10:04,662 --> 00:10:08,832
"Empire strikes back"
and..."Hairspray."
255
00:10:08,866 --> 00:10:10,267
What's my cellphone number?
256
00:10:10,301 --> 00:10:12,202
Aha!
257
00:10:12,236 --> 00:10:14,487
Deb, to be fair,
I don't know that, either.
258
00:10:14,505 --> 00:10:16,139
You don't know
my cellphone number?
259
00:10:16,174 --> 00:10:18,608
Well, it's in my phone. I just
press your face, and it calls you.
260
00:10:18,643 --> 00:10:20,577
Can we please focus
on the issue at hand?
261
00:10:20,611 --> 00:10:21,995
All right, I'm sorry.
262
00:10:22,129 --> 00:10:24,731
- Abby, what's your favorite
doll's name? - Sophie.
263
00:10:24,765 --> 00:10:26,366
- Is that right?
- Yes.
264
00:10:26,900 --> 00:10:28,317
Max, what's the nickname
265
00:10:28,369 --> 00:10:30,303
we gave Michael Phelps
at the London Olympics?
266
00:10:30,538 --> 00:10:31,738
The ugly dolphin.
267
00:10:31,772 --> 00:10:34,440
Oh! Geez!
268
00:10:34,475 --> 00:10:36,275
Dick, go get your dad!
269
00:10:36,310 --> 00:10:37,293
On it.
270
00:10:41,832 --> 00:10:44,717
Where are we going,
future husband?
271
00:10:44,752 --> 00:10:46,886
Don't call me that.
272
00:10:46,920 --> 00:10:48,388
We're taking you
to the bus station.
273
00:10:48,422 --> 00:10:50,089
We are?
Isn't the bus station...
274
00:10:50,107 --> 00:10:51,724
You said you wouldn't
question, advise, or judge.
275
00:10:51,758 --> 00:10:53,025
And I'm not.
276
00:10:53,060 --> 00:10:55,111
But don't you think
that perhaps
277
00:10:55,162 --> 00:10:57,229
dropping an alien off
at the bus station
278
00:10:57,247 --> 00:10:59,865
is maybe a little... and I say
this without judgment... stupid?
279
00:10:59,883 --> 00:11:01,851
No, mother, it is not stupid.
280
00:11:01,885 --> 00:11:04,270
When we get to the bus station,
I'm gonna buy you a ticket
281
00:11:04,304 --> 00:11:06,022
to anywhere you want to go,
give you money,
282
00:11:06,056 --> 00:11:07,807
and my life can get
back to normal.
283
00:11:07,825 --> 00:11:10,326
Reggie, you are my destiny.
284
00:11:10,360 --> 00:11:13,579
The universe encoded my love
for you in my D.N.A.
285
00:11:13,613 --> 00:11:16,215
Amber Weaver won't even
wear your jacket.
286
00:11:17,501 --> 00:11:19,185
Okay, I don't want
to talk about this anymore.
287
00:11:19,219 --> 00:11:20,553
No more talking.
288
00:11:20,587 --> 00:11:22,087
We're just going to sit here
and...
289
00:11:22,106 --> 00:11:23,556
listen to the radio in silence.
290
00:11:24,658 --> 00:11:25,858
This thing doesn't have
a radio.
291
00:11:25,892 --> 00:11:27,110
Damn it.
292
00:11:27,161 --> 00:11:29,662
I got my hands up,
they're playing my song
293
00:11:29,696 --> 00:11:31,798
and I know I'm gonna be okay
294
00:11:31,832 --> 00:11:33,583
yeah
295
00:11:33,634 --> 00:11:35,518
it's a party in the U.S.A.
296
00:11:35,552 --> 00:11:36,936
That's your favorite song!
297
00:11:36,970 --> 00:11:38,454
I know! Just keep driving!
298
00:11:43,493 --> 00:11:45,361
Are you okay?
299
00:11:45,412 --> 00:11:47,129
Can I get you anything else?
300
00:11:47,164 --> 00:11:49,732
I'm fine, mom.
Boobies feel weird,
301
00:11:49,766 --> 00:11:51,333
but other than that, I'm fine.
302
00:11:51,368 --> 00:11:53,268
- Mm...
- Can you get me a beer?
303
00:11:54,120 --> 00:11:55,654
What?
I can't make a joke?
304
00:11:55,988 --> 00:11:57,506
Marty.
305
00:11:57,641 --> 00:11:59,391
Smell my boutonniere.
306
00:11:59,409 --> 00:12:01,427
I promise it won't
squirt water in your face.
307
00:12:01,761 --> 00:12:03,729
Okay, now's not the time,
Larry. You need to fix this.
308
00:12:03,763 --> 00:12:06,198
Oh, come on!
Let me prank you!
309
00:12:06,232 --> 00:12:08,617
Why are there little people
in your house?
310
00:12:09,168 --> 00:12:10,735
- Are you having a party?
- No!
311
00:12:10,753 --> 00:12:13,421
That's Max and Abby.
Dick did something to them.
312
00:12:13,472 --> 00:12:14,190
What did you do?
313
00:12:14,241 --> 00:12:16,958
I put the Weaver children
in an aging machine.
314
00:12:17,009 --> 00:12:18,376
Dick Butkus!
315
00:12:18,410 --> 00:12:19,711
How many times have I told you?
316
00:12:19,745 --> 00:12:21,412
That machine
is for ripening fruit
317
00:12:21,430 --> 00:12:23,431
and distressing denim only!
318
00:12:23,482 --> 00:12:25,517
You ripened and distressed
our children?
319
00:12:25,551 --> 00:12:28,286
Oh, my God, oh, my God,
oh, my God! Oh, my God!
320
00:12:28,321 --> 00:12:29,288
It was an accident, father!
321
00:12:29,322 --> 00:12:31,490
It was on the lowest
setting, I promise!
322
00:12:31,524 --> 00:12:33,909
Oh...That's good news.
323
00:12:33,960 --> 00:12:35,661
The effects should be
temporary.
324
00:12:35,695 --> 00:12:38,246
Max and Abby should be
back to normal by 6:00 P.M.
325
00:12:38,281 --> 00:12:40,716
Hang in there, guys.
Your children will be fine.
326
00:12:40,767 --> 00:12:42,134
Probably. Hopefully.
327
00:12:42,168 --> 00:12:45,437
I should probably
go and check the settings
328
00:12:45,471 --> 00:12:46,638
on the machine.
329
00:12:46,672 --> 00:12:48,673
It will be fine.
You should both just relax.
330
00:12:48,691 --> 00:12:50,442
Okay, great.
Thank you, Larry.
331
00:12:50,476 --> 00:12:52,060
Of course.
You're welcome.
332
00:12:53,863 --> 00:12:55,513
I see the joy buzzer
in your hand, Larry.
333
00:12:55,531 --> 00:12:56,848
Damn it!
334
00:12:56,866 --> 00:12:58,450
I'm sorry.
335
00:12:58,484 --> 00:13:01,620
Please accept my apologies
with this non-exploding cigar.
336
00:13:01,654 --> 00:13:04,072
Fix my children, Larry!
337
00:13:04,123 --> 00:13:06,458
Damn it!
I'm good at pranks!
338
00:13:14,417 --> 00:13:17,886
I am pranking your parents
so good.
339
00:13:17,920 --> 00:13:20,138
Awesome.
They're pretty easy marks.
340
00:13:31,013 --> 00:13:33,381
341
00:13:33,399 --> 00:13:35,500
Well, at least
Max held on to his hair.
342
00:13:35,534 --> 00:13:37,802
You know, I was worried that
he got your father's genes.
343
00:13:37,837 --> 00:13:39,254
Are you making a joke
right now?
344
00:13:39,288 --> 00:13:42,140
No! I'm just trying to find
a silver lining here, okay?
345
00:13:42,191 --> 00:13:43,659
There is no silver lining,
Marty!
346
00:13:43,693 --> 00:13:46,512
This is black lining
on a black cloud.
347
00:13:47,046 --> 00:13:48,914
Oh, my God, I am
a terrible mother.
348
00:13:48,965 --> 00:13:51,433
The last thing I said to them
was I was canceling Starz.
349
00:13:54,404 --> 00:13:56,405
What if they don't change back?
350
00:13:56,439 --> 00:13:58,040
I don't know if I can be
a good mother
351
00:13:58,074 --> 00:13:59,541
to a middle-aged them.
352
00:13:59,575 --> 00:14:01,977
Hey, you could be
a good mother to anyone.
353
00:14:02,011 --> 00:14:03,895
And besides, Larry said
they'll be back to normal
354
00:14:03,930 --> 00:14:05,664
by 6:00.
355
00:14:08,149 --> 00:14:10,018
Mommy, my joints hurt.
356
00:14:10,052 --> 00:14:11,385
Can you give me a bath?
357
00:14:14,523 --> 00:14:15,590
Give her a bath.
358
00:14:15,624 --> 00:14:16,958
Please?
359
00:14:16,992 --> 00:14:18,626
Oh...
360
00:14:18,644 --> 00:14:20,361
Oh...
361
00:14:26,085 --> 00:14:27,869
I should probably call it
at this point,
362
00:14:27,887 --> 00:14:30,939
but it's... it's way
too much fun.
363
00:14:40,482 --> 00:14:42,583
Here.
I bought these for you.
364
00:14:42,617 --> 00:14:44,618
Pick a place you want to live
and go there.
365
00:14:44,636 --> 00:14:47,021
- Goodbye.
- I'll see you soon, Reggie.
366
00:14:47,055 --> 00:14:49,106
And you, too,
mother Joyner-Kersee.
367
00:14:49,141 --> 00:14:50,725
Looking forward to it.
368
00:14:50,759 --> 00:14:52,626
I mean, good riddance,
skank-face!
369
00:14:55,080 --> 00:14:57,631
Please don't leave angry.
370
00:14:57,665 --> 00:14:59,233
I'm not angry.
I'm just...
371
00:14:59,267 --> 00:15:01,285
Confused? Frustrated?
372
00:15:01,319 --> 00:15:04,121
I'll admit, it's not entirely
fair to lay this on you.
373
00:15:04,172 --> 00:15:06,924
But now that you've met me,
you won't be able to forget me.
374
00:15:06,975 --> 00:15:09,560
I'll be in your thoughts
and dreams.
375
00:15:09,594 --> 00:15:11,845
You'll see my face
everywhere you look.
376
00:15:11,863 --> 00:15:14,314
Sometimes you'll catch yourself
talking to yourself,
377
00:15:14,332 --> 00:15:16,167
and you'll realize
you were talking to me.
378
00:15:16,218 --> 00:15:19,119
Soon I'll begin to feel
like a phantom limb...
379
00:15:19,137 --> 00:15:20,704
part of your body
that you know should be there,
380
00:15:20,739 --> 00:15:22,072
but isn't.
381
00:15:22,107 --> 00:15:23,657
Until you accept our destiny,
382
00:15:23,692 --> 00:15:26,327
every good thing in your life
will feel empty,
383
00:15:26,361 --> 00:15:27,978
every sadness like an abyss.
384
00:15:29,848 --> 00:15:31,048
Geez!
385
00:15:31,099 --> 00:15:32,767
Wow...
386
00:15:39,073 --> 00:15:40,174
Good luck.
387
00:15:42,694 --> 00:15:44,028
Let's go home.
388
00:15:53,838 --> 00:15:54,839
Mother, stop.
389
00:15:57,208 --> 00:15:58,959
Tell me I'm doing
the right thing.
390
00:16:01,479 --> 00:16:04,431
May I speak without
restrictions or limitations?
391
00:16:04,466 --> 00:16:05,699
Please.
392
00:16:07,885 --> 00:16:10,303
Son, love is complicated.
393
00:16:10,321 --> 00:16:13,606
And confusing...
especially here.
394
00:16:13,624 --> 00:16:15,575
On Earth, you have to find
your love.
395
00:16:15,609 --> 00:16:17,594
On Zabvron,
your love finds you.
396
00:16:17,628 --> 00:16:21,097
I can't tell you whether or not
you're doing the right thing.
397
00:16:21,132 --> 00:16:23,400
Only you know that.
398
00:16:23,434 --> 00:16:25,902
But I do know that you are not
the kind of boy
399
00:16:25,953 --> 00:16:27,904
who leaves a foreign girl
alone at a bus stop
400
00:16:27,955 --> 00:16:30,323
with a handful of money
and nowhere to go.
401
00:16:37,365 --> 00:16:39,199
Get in.
402
00:16:48,492 --> 00:16:50,359
It's 6:00, Deb. Why are
they not changing back?
403
00:16:50,410 --> 00:16:52,361
I don't know.
I'm starting to freak out.
404
00:16:52,395 --> 00:16:53,496
No.
Yep.
405
00:16:53,530 --> 00:16:54,997
You cannot freak out.
If you freak out,
406
00:16:55,048 --> 00:16:56,299
then I am gonna freak out,
407
00:16:56,333 --> 00:16:58,251
and you do not want me
freaking out about this.
408
00:16:58,285 --> 00:17:00,136
Well, I'm freaking out!
I'm really freaking out, Deb! Oh!
409
00:17:02,472 --> 00:17:03,690
Mom, dad, do you still love us?
410
00:17:05,075 --> 00:17:06,659
Of course we do.
411
00:17:06,693 --> 00:17:09,078
Yes. Don't say that.
We love you very much.
412
00:17:09,129 --> 00:17:12,582
There is nothing that could
stop us from loving you guys.
413
00:17:12,616 --> 00:17:14,483
That's right.
414
00:17:14,518 --> 00:17:16,319
Oh. Oh.
415
00:17:16,353 --> 00:17:18,855
And it doesn't matter
how old you are.
416
00:17:18,889 --> 00:17:22,742
You will always be our babies,
and we love you no matter what.
417
00:17:22,776 --> 00:17:25,461
And no ray gun
from some other planet
418
00:17:25,512 --> 00:17:27,213
is gonna change that, so...
419
00:17:27,247 --> 00:17:29,932
Thanks, mom. Now will you
give me a bath?
420
00:17:31,435 --> 00:17:32,902
You betcha!
421
00:17:32,936 --> 00:17:34,403
Okay...
422
00:17:35,989 --> 00:17:38,057
You took a shower
earlier, right?
423
00:17:38,091 --> 00:17:40,009
Yeah. I'm good.
424
00:17:40,043 --> 00:17:41,827
Okay, good.
425
00:17:48,385 --> 00:17:51,604
Mother, may I please
speak with Jane alone?
426
00:17:57,244 --> 00:17:59,161
Thank you for for bringing me
back, Reggie.
427
00:17:59,213 --> 00:18:02,064
You're welcome.
But you can't stay here.
428
00:18:02,099 --> 00:18:03,849
Soul mate or not,
it's super creepy
429
00:18:03,901 --> 00:18:06,769
that you stand outside
my house.
430
00:18:06,820 --> 00:18:08,354
I get that.
431
00:18:09,823 --> 00:18:11,407
Don't worry about me.
432
00:18:11,458 --> 00:18:12,825
I'll be gone in the morning.
433
00:18:12,843 --> 00:18:17,046
434
00:18:17,097 --> 00:18:20,016
I'll be always
435
00:18:20,050 --> 00:18:23,236
on your beat always
436
00:18:23,270 --> 00:18:26,322
we'll be keeping time
437
00:18:26,373 --> 00:18:28,407
always
438
00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:33,713
I wrote you a letter
439
00:18:33,747 --> 00:18:34,847
thank you, Reggie.
440
00:18:34,881 --> 00:18:36,148
The day I met you
441
00:18:36,183 --> 00:18:37,566
you're welcome.
442
00:18:37,601 --> 00:18:39,885
It said
in my heart you'll stay
443
00:18:39,903 --> 00:18:41,904
always
444
00:18:41,939 --> 00:18:43,923
Oh, always
445
00:18:43,957 --> 00:18:48,160
hey, hey, hey, hey, yeah
446
00:18:48,178 --> 00:18:50,713
oh, always
447
00:18:50,764 --> 00:18:53,883
hey, hey, hey, hey, yeah
448
00:18:53,934 --> 00:18:56,669
yeah
449
00:18:56,687 --> 00:19:00,790
ooh, ooh
450
00:19:00,841 --> 00:19:02,174
ooh
451
00:19:02,209 --> 00:19:04,243
You want to shave, um,
452
00:19:04,261 --> 00:19:06,745
with the flow of your whiskers.
453
00:19:06,763 --> 00:19:08,213
'Cause when you shave
against it,
454
00:19:08,231 --> 00:19:10,799
you could cut yourself
or get razor burn.
455
00:19:13,136 --> 00:19:15,720
Hey, I'm doing it, dad.
I'm shavin'!
456
00:19:15,755 --> 00:19:16,888
Yep.
457
00:19:18,508 --> 00:19:20,308
Do you want
your swimming mermaid?
458
00:19:20,343 --> 00:19:22,794
Yeah! Thanks, mommy.
I love you.
459
00:19:22,812 --> 00:19:25,964
I love you, too.
460
00:19:25,982 --> 00:19:27,282
April fools'.
461
00:19:34,423 --> 00:19:36,591
Oh, you should see the looks
on your faces!
462
00:19:36,626 --> 00:19:38,343
Hey, guys!
You miss us?
463
00:19:38,377 --> 00:19:41,546
I pranked you so good!
464
00:19:41,564 --> 00:19:43,315
Oh, my God!
465
00:19:43,349 --> 00:19:46,985
You were about to give
a complete stranger a bath!
466
00:19:47,019 --> 00:19:48,904
Oh, my God, thank God you're okay!
467
00:19:48,955 --> 00:19:50,539
I don't care about
some stupid picture.
468
00:19:50,573 --> 00:19:52,524
I love you unconditionally
and always...
469
00:19:52,542 --> 00:19:54,326
mm!
470
00:19:54,360 --> 00:19:56,044
Did I just give that
woman a kiss?
471
00:19:56,078 --> 00:19:58,196
- Yes, I think you did!
- Yeah, you did!
472
00:19:58,214 --> 00:19:59,915
Oh! Larry, what the
hell is wrong with you?
473
00:19:59,966 --> 00:20:01,466
What's wrong with me?
474
00:20:01,501 --> 00:20:04,869
You're the ones who believed
that we had an aging machine.
475
00:20:04,887 --> 00:20:07,506
That was a mean, vicious,
unconscionable thing to do.
476
00:20:07,540 --> 00:20:09,724
Oh...I'm sorry.
Did it lack nuance?
477
00:20:09,759 --> 00:20:11,760
Am I not the prankster type?
478
00:20:11,811 --> 00:20:14,563
You have to admit,
it was pretty good.
479
00:20:14,597 --> 00:20:16,014
Well... don't you
dare say it was good.
480
00:20:16,048 --> 00:20:17,048
No, I wasn't gonna say that.
481
00:20:17,066 --> 00:20:18,883
Larry, who are
these people, then?
482
00:20:18,901 --> 00:20:21,102
Oh, just some folks I met
at the bus station.
483
00:20:21,254 --> 00:20:23,088
They're from a traveling
theater group.
484
00:20:23,122 --> 00:20:25,290
- Aren't they wonderful?
- Hey. My name's Skip.
485
00:20:25,324 --> 00:20:26,708
- Hey.
- And I'm Melanie.
486
00:20:26,759 --> 00:20:29,010
- It's been great working with you.
- Nice to meet you.
487
00:20:29,045 --> 00:20:30,378
If you think this was fun,
488
00:20:30,429 --> 00:20:32,514
wait till you see what I've got
planned for April.
489
00:20:32,548 --> 00:20:34,666
No! No, Larry!
No, no, Larry!
490
00:20:34,684 --> 00:20:37,502
Larry!
491
00:20:37,520 --> 00:20:39,220
You guys want your robes back?
492
00:20:39,272 --> 00:20:40,522
- No, thanks.
- We're good.
493
00:20:47,423 --> 00:20:48,790
Well, your hair looks
beautiful.
494
00:20:49,124 --> 00:20:51,508
Oh, no, Max, just keep...
keep your tie straight,
495
00:20:51,559 --> 00:20:53,060
and you make sure you look
at the camera
496
00:20:53,094 --> 00:20:54,895
- and keep your eyes open.
Don't blink too much. - Okay.
497
00:20:55,729 --> 00:20:58,114
Amber, try and smile,
or at least don't frown.
498
00:20:58,149 --> 00:21:00,033
Marty, relax.
Everyone looks great.
499
00:21:00,067 --> 00:21:01,102
I know how you want
everything to be perfect.
500
00:21:01,136 --> 00:21:02,987
Everything is perfect.
Okay.
501
00:21:02,988 --> 00:21:05,188
In three, two...
502
00:21:05,222 --> 00:21:06,457
Hey, dad, you're out of gin.
503
00:21:06,908 --> 00:21:07,758
Come on, let's go.
504
00:21:07,792 --> 00:21:09,143
What the hell is that?
505
00:21:09,144 --> 00:21:12,144
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506
00:21:12,194 --> 00:21:16,744
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