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1
00:00:01,606 --> 00:00:04,941
(Katie Herzig)
hey, na na, hey, na na
2
00:00:06,067 --> 00:00:07,401
Morning, Juan! Morning, Juan.
3
00:00:07,436 --> 00:00:08,969
hey, na na, hey, hey
4
00:00:08,987 --> 00:00:10,433
Hi, Juan!
5
00:00:10,453 --> 00:00:11,627
Hello, Juan!
6
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Another Saturday he returns. (grunts)
7
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(sizzling)
8
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Whoo, baby.
9
00:00:16,708 --> 00:00:19,697
Greetings, Juan the garden maker,
10
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bringer of flowers,
11
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- cutter of grass.
- Max, your burger's ready when you are.
12
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Oh, no, thanks. Juan's gonna teach me how to mow!
13
00:00:27,088 --> 00:00:28,355
(laughs) He loves Juan.
14
00:00:28,390 --> 00:00:29,740
Oh, Juan's the best.
15
00:00:29,775 --> 00:00:32,417
I'm telling you, Larry,
you aliens are missing out, man.
16
00:00:32,839 --> 00:00:36,046
The bacon cheeseburger
is one of the finest joys of life.
17
00:00:36,081 --> 00:00:38,766
You humans are just
monkeys in tennis shoes.
18
00:00:38,800 --> 00:00:41,559
- Larry, what would happen if you ate food?
- I have no idea.
19
00:00:41,579 --> 00:00:43,880
Zabvronians' bodies are extremely sensitive.
20
00:00:43,900 --> 00:00:45,823
What are you, afraid? (scoffs)
21
00:00:46,225 --> 00:00:48,775
- You're afraid.
- Oh! Marty...
22
00:00:48,794 --> 00:00:51,545
- Bok-bok-bok-bok-bok-caw!
- I am a higher life form.
23
00:00:51,579 --> 00:00:55,192
- Taunts and threats have no effect on me.
- (high-pitched voice) Larry's afraid.
24
00:00:55,212 --> 00:00:57,197
- Larry's a...
- (scoffs) Give it here!
25
00:01:06,672 --> 00:01:08,521
No, I don't like it.
26
00:01:09,129 --> 00:01:10,246
(sighs)
27
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(panting)
28
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Great run!
29
00:01:14,101 --> 00:01:15,569
I still don't understand why we did it.
30
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(panting)
31
00:01:17,533 --> 00:01:18,722
To look good!
32
00:01:18,742 --> 00:01:21,869
But you look terrible,
like the worst I've ever seen.
33
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Okay. Thanks for that.
34
00:01:24,826 --> 00:01:26,307
(chuckles) No?
35
00:01:26,327 --> 00:01:27,933
Oh... You know what?
36
00:01:27,953 --> 00:01:29,769
I think I'm gonna take a bath.
37
00:01:29,789 --> 00:01:31,184
There's nothing like stripping down
38
00:01:31,204 --> 00:01:33,727
to what you were born with
and having a good, hot soak.
39
00:01:33,747 --> 00:01:35,521
It really relaxes the muscles.
40
00:01:35,541 --> 00:01:37,673
Well, my muscles are not sore.
41
00:01:37,693 --> 00:01:40,336
Would it kill you to act like they were?
42
00:01:40,746 --> 00:01:41,662
(breathing heavily) Ouch.
43
00:01:41,696 --> 00:01:43,664
I know, right? (groans)
44
00:01:48,362 --> 00:01:51,088
Stripping down to what I was born with.
45
00:01:52,184 --> 00:01:53,701
(turns water on)
46
00:01:53,721 --> 00:01:56,140
(whistling)
47
00:01:56,327 --> 00:01:57,828
(water running)
48
00:01:57,863 --> 00:01:59,914
(electricity crackling, splash)
49
00:02:00,558 --> 00:02:02,383
(gasps)
50
00:02:03,592 --> 00:02:04,788
Wife!
51
00:02:04,808 --> 00:02:07,452
Marty Weaver made me eat a cow!
52
00:02:08,730 --> 00:02:09,566
(thud)
53
00:02:09,586 --> 00:02:11,911
Wife! I demand an audience!
54
00:02:11,931 --> 00:02:13,984
I'm upstairs, Larry Bird!
55
00:02:14,332 --> 00:02:16,280
Oh. Uh, Juan?
56
00:02:16,851 --> 00:02:18,469
When you're done lying motionless on the ground,
57
00:02:18,489 --> 00:02:20,032
perhaps you could come round the front
58
00:02:20,052 --> 00:02:22,559
and water the shrubbery. It's a bit dry.
59
00:02:23,750 --> 00:02:25,406
Juan?
60
00:02:26,119 --> 00:02:28,179
S01E10
Juan of the Dead
61
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Sync by ninh
www.addic7ed.com
62
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I called 9-1-1. They're on their way.
63
00:02:34,669 --> 00:02:37,454
Good. Now what the hell, guys?
This is really weird!
64
00:02:37,474 --> 00:02:39,967
I know, right? We tried to get his attention,
65
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but we don't speak spanish.
66
00:02:42,163 --> 00:02:44,482
Oh, my god, don't touch the body!
You never touch the body!
67
00:02:44,502 --> 00:02:46,064
Well, I think it's a little late for that.
68
00:02:46,099 --> 00:02:48,706
Guys, Juan isn't ignoring you.
69
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He's... You know.
70
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Dead.
71
00:02:53,188 --> 00:02:54,156
- Dead?
- Dead.
72
00:02:54,190 --> 00:02:55,274
- Dead.
- Well, make him stop.
73
00:02:55,325 --> 00:02:56,598
- We can't.
- Why not?
74
00:02:56,618 --> 00:02:57,913
Okay, you know what?
75
00:02:57,933 --> 00:03:00,766
Marty, the kids could come in any second!
We have a dead man on our sofa!
76
00:03:00,786 --> 00:03:02,531
He can't stay! I'm sorry, Juan.
77
00:03:02,565 --> 00:03:04,283
Oh, poor Juan. He's gotta go!
78
00:03:04,334 --> 00:03:06,285
Hold on a second, 'cause I find this fascinating.
79
00:03:06,305 --> 00:03:08,456
Do you guys not know what death is?
80
00:03:08,476 --> 00:03:10,956
Of course we do. Since taking human form,
81
00:03:10,990 --> 00:03:13,526
- we die every night for six hours.
- Preferably eight.
82
00:03:13,546 --> 00:03:15,961
And in the morning, we un-die, refreshed.
83
00:03:16,012 --> 00:03:18,430
- Sometimes I die after mating with Jackie.
- I die during.
84
00:03:18,464 --> 00:03:21,540
- I see.
- Sleep! You're talking about sleep!
85
00:03:21,560 --> 00:03:25,687
This is death, the end of life!
Jackie, stop touching Juan!
86
00:03:25,722 --> 00:03:27,578
Okay... Listen up, guys.
87
00:03:27,598 --> 00:03:31,023
For humans, death is it the end!
88
00:03:31,043 --> 00:03:34,597
It's like a light burning out
that never comes back!
89
00:03:34,617 --> 00:03:36,397
Hey, guys. Oh, hey, Juan.
90
00:03:36,417 --> 00:03:38,195
Thanks for letting me ride in your cart.
91
00:03:38,215 --> 00:03:39,701
(spanish accent) No problemo!
92
00:03:39,721 --> 00:03:41,286
(whispers, normal accent) oh, my god!
93
00:03:42,302 --> 00:03:44,072
Yep, I did that.
94
00:03:44,106 --> 00:03:45,574
(siren wails)
95
00:03:46,187 --> 00:03:47,874
Good-bye, Juan.
96
00:03:47,894 --> 00:03:49,945
I don't know why we're waving. He can't see us.
97
00:03:49,963 --> 00:03:53,498
Because it's sad.
He was a sweet man.
98
00:03:53,936 --> 00:03:55,617
Yeah, he was. (sighs)
99
00:03:55,822 --> 00:03:57,669
(clicks tongue and sighs)
100
00:03:57,720 --> 00:03:59,354
Guess we should go break the news to Max.
101
00:03:59,374 --> 00:04:00,021
Ugh.
102
00:04:00,041 --> 00:04:01,597
Ohh, I don't want to, either.
103
00:04:01,617 --> 00:04:03,058
But Max loved Juan.
104
00:04:03,092 --> 00:04:04,960
You know, they spent a lot of time together.
105
00:04:04,980 --> 00:04:06,728
Juan let him help with the watering,
106
00:04:06,762 --> 00:04:09,378
pulling the weeds, emptying the mower bag.
107
00:04:09,398 --> 00:04:12,367
You ever think Juan might have been
using our son for free labor?
108
00:04:12,401 --> 00:04:14,853
Marty, this is a big deal, okay?
109
00:04:14,888 --> 00:04:16,323
I mean, Max knows about death,
110
00:04:16,343 --> 00:04:19,145
but he's never had anyone close to him pass away.
111
00:04:19,165 --> 00:04:22,431
He has all of his grandparents.
He's never lost a pet.
112
00:04:22,451 --> 00:04:24,145
I mean, not one that he knows of.
113
00:04:24,163 --> 00:04:27,266
Yeah, we did pull off
that impressive hermit crab switcheroo.
114
00:04:27,527 --> 00:04:29,165
Wait a minute. Do you think
that we could possibly...
115
00:04:29,185 --> 00:04:30,852
- Marty.
- Right. That's a bad idea. Yeah.
116
00:04:30,887 --> 00:04:32,471
Okay, we can do this, you know?
117
00:04:32,522 --> 00:04:34,189
We'll just sit him down,
have a conversation like we did
118
00:04:34,223 --> 00:04:35,857
with Jackie Joyner-Kersee and Larry Bird.
119
00:04:35,892 --> 00:04:37,867
- That went well, right?
- Yeah.
120
00:04:38,214 --> 00:04:39,877
(screaming)
121
00:04:40,330 --> 00:04:43,129
(screaming and sobbing)
122
00:04:45,102 --> 00:04:47,211
(sobbing)
123
00:04:48,179 --> 00:04:49,847
(shouts indistinctly)
124
00:04:49,867 --> 00:04:51,273
(gasps)
125
00:04:51,652 --> 00:04:52,880
Ah, there you are.
126
00:04:52,900 --> 00:04:55,151
Larry, what the hell is going on?
127
00:04:55,424 --> 00:04:57,923
Oh, I explained death to the community,
128
00:04:57,943 --> 00:04:59,934
and they asked specifically when it happens,
129
00:04:59,954 --> 00:05:02,480
and I had to confess that I did not know,
130
00:05:02,500 --> 00:05:04,118
and it caused a bit of a panic.
131
00:05:04,138 --> 00:05:05,955
Maybe you can clear things up?
132
00:05:05,975 --> 00:05:07,407
Well, actually, we need to talk to Max.
133
00:05:07,427 --> 00:05:10,038
Excellent. Community!(whistles)
134
00:05:10,058 --> 00:05:12,155
Your attention! (sobbing continues)
135
00:05:12,175 --> 00:05:15,531
Marty Weaver will now explain how death comes...
136
00:05:15,551 --> 00:05:17,194
At a prearranged moment,
137
00:05:17,214 --> 00:05:19,514
when you're physically and mentally prepared,
138
00:05:19,534 --> 00:05:23,287
and it's always reasonable, fair, and painless.
139
00:05:23,771 --> 00:05:24,887
Marty.
140
00:05:26,116 --> 00:05:27,660
(sighs) Okay, here's the thing.
141
00:05:27,680 --> 00:05:30,943
It's doesn't come at a prearranged moment, okay?
142
00:05:30,963 --> 00:05:34,149
And you're never prepared,
and it is never painless.
143
00:05:34,183 --> 00:05:35,821
(Zabvronians gasp)
144
00:05:36,466 --> 00:05:38,841
Maybe you could answer some questions.(gasping)
145
00:05:38,861 --> 00:05:40,020
(Marty) Yeah, okay, fine.
146
00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:43,308
But just a couple. Uh, you, the indian one?
147
00:05:43,328 --> 00:05:44,855
Are we going to die?
148
00:05:44,875 --> 00:05:47,610
I don't know. The third
from left, the pants too high?
149
00:05:47,630 --> 00:05:50,775
How do you go on,
Knowing you're going to die? What's the point?
150
00:05:50,795 --> 00:05:54,777
(sighs) The point is to enjoy life while you can
and not think about when it's going to end.
151
00:05:54,797 --> 00:05:56,646
It's called denial.
152
00:05:56,857 --> 00:05:58,756
You... up front, little man-woman?
153
00:05:58,776 --> 00:06:00,481
What is this denial?
154
00:06:00,501 --> 00:06:01,982
Well, it's keeping yourself busy,
155
00:06:02,002 --> 00:06:05,234
distractions... you know, food, shopping, alcohol,
156
00:06:05,254 --> 00:06:06,624
So you don't have to think about things.
157
00:06:06,644 --> 00:06:08,319
Yeah, yeah, take me, for instance, okay?
158
00:06:08,339 --> 00:06:10,071
Over half my family had heart attacks.
159
00:06:10,091 --> 00:06:13,037
- Does that ever cross my mind?
- Not once! (laughs)
160
00:06:13,057 --> 00:06:17,546
Instead, he plays computer poker
and eats cheeseburgers with reckless abandon.
161
00:06:17,566 --> 00:06:18,737
Yeah, my heart's so bad,
162
00:06:18,757 --> 00:06:21,393
- it practically whistles when it beats.
- It does?
163
00:06:21,413 --> 00:06:22,924
(lowered voice) Well, I just
want to put their mind at ease.
164
00:06:22,944 --> 00:06:24,190
- So just go with me.
- Oh. Okay.
165
00:06:24,210 --> 00:06:26,982
(normal voice) I mean, honestly,
if I keep stuffing my face like this,
166
00:06:27,002 --> 00:06:29,563
it'll be a miracle if I'm even
around in five years.
167
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Look, basically, I'm a dead man walking,
168
00:06:32,472 --> 00:06:33,904
and I'm okay with it.
169
00:06:33,924 --> 00:06:35,517
And he's okay with it.
170
00:06:35,537 --> 00:06:38,954
- I'm gonna die. (pops) Big whoop.
- Big whoop.
171
00:06:38,974 --> 00:06:40,282
You're gonna die?!
172
00:06:40,302 --> 00:06:43,958
Oh, Max, we were going to talk to you about this.
173
00:06:43,978 --> 00:06:45,889
(Marty grunts) Not about daddy, about Juan.
174
00:06:45,909 --> 00:06:47,912
(voice breaking) There's
something wrong with Juan?
175
00:06:47,932 --> 00:06:49,578
Well, um...
176
00:06:50,307 --> 00:06:51,630
Oh, my gosh! (screaming)
177
00:06:51,664 --> 00:06:53,114
- Max!
- Oh!
178
00:07:00,712 --> 00:07:02,814
I can't believe Juan died.
179
00:07:02,834 --> 00:07:04,545
I don't want daddy to die, too.
180
00:07:04,565 --> 00:07:06,272
Honey, that is not going to happen.
181
00:07:06,292 --> 00:07:09,327
Yeah, I only said I had a whistling heart
to make the aliens feel better.
182
00:07:09,345 --> 00:07:10,445
But Juan died.
183
00:07:10,480 --> 00:07:12,892
That's true, but Juan was very old.
184
00:07:13,078 --> 00:07:14,817
He was...
185
00:07:14,851 --> 00:07:16,522
- Debbie, how old was he?
- 45.
186
00:07:16,542 --> 00:07:18,396
45?! Oh, my god,
187
00:07:18,416 --> 00:07:20,133
He spent a lot of time in the sun.
188
00:07:20,406 --> 00:07:21,540
Only old people die?
189
00:07:21,574 --> 00:07:23,075
- No.
- Yes.
190
00:07:23,109 --> 00:07:25,143
- Yes.
- No.
191
00:07:25,178 --> 00:07:27,179
But if you guys die,
192
00:07:27,199 --> 00:07:28,470
I'll be all alone.
193
00:07:28,490 --> 00:07:30,530
Hey, what if I promised you
194
00:07:30,550 --> 00:07:32,763
that we all die at exactly the same time?
195
00:07:32,783 --> 00:07:34,811
Would that make you feel better, sport?
196
00:07:34,831 --> 00:07:35,912
Are you nuts?
197
00:07:35,932 --> 00:07:37,589
How would that make me feel better?
198
00:07:37,623 --> 00:07:40,441
Did you just promise our son
a murder/suicide pact?
199
00:07:40,461 --> 00:07:41,819
I'm regretting the choice.
200
00:07:41,839 --> 00:07:42,811
(doorbell rings) (sighs)
201
00:07:42,862 --> 00:07:46,120
Honey, you don't have to worry about any of this.
202
00:07:46,140 --> 00:07:48,155
Nobody's going to die.
203
00:07:48,175 --> 00:07:50,024
You're all going to die.
204
00:07:51,442 --> 00:07:53,505
(door closes) What the hell was that?
We got a freaked-out kid in there.
205
00:07:53,523 --> 00:07:54,890
So sorry to bother you,
206
00:07:54,941 --> 00:07:56,733
but we've come to terms
with your eventual demise,
207
00:07:56,753 --> 00:07:58,885
and we are here to say farewell.
208
00:07:58,905 --> 00:08:01,330
Appreciate that, Jackie,
But you're being a little ridiculous.
209
00:08:01,350 --> 00:08:02,770
We are being ridiculous?
210
00:08:02,790 --> 00:08:05,048
You're the ones that are so accepting of death!
211
00:08:05,068 --> 00:08:08,188
Fight it! Solve the problem!
212
00:08:08,436 --> 00:08:10,881
I've been a problem solver my entire life.
213
00:08:10,901 --> 00:08:14,641
I'm great at checkers. I own tetris.
It's simple math.
214
00:08:14,661 --> 00:08:17,015
You're capable of being alive. You die.
215
00:08:17,035 --> 00:08:19,420
You should be capable of being alive again.
216
00:08:19,454 --> 00:08:21,314
It's not a solvable problem.
217
00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:24,441
The fact is that we were all
rather taken by surprise
218
00:08:24,461 --> 00:08:27,122
by Juan's passing. (chuckles)
219
00:08:27,142 --> 00:08:28,429
We don't want that to happen again,
220
00:08:28,449 --> 00:08:30,430
so we must protect ourselves from future hurt.
221
00:08:30,448 --> 00:08:33,063
So we're thinking of becoming friends
with things that don't die,
222
00:08:33,083 --> 00:08:34,671
Like goldfish or dogs.
223
00:08:34,691 --> 00:08:38,089
Did you guys do any research
before you came to this planet?
224
00:08:38,109 --> 00:08:41,342
- I'm just wondering.
- You know what? I got an idea.
225
00:08:41,362 --> 00:08:43,986
Marty, do you know where
they're having Juan's funeral?
226
00:08:44,006 --> 00:08:47,783
Yes, because I have a direct feed of all
funeral information that goes right into my head.
227
00:08:47,803 --> 00:08:50,244
Ah! Okay, you know what, heart whistle?
228
00:08:50,264 --> 00:08:52,577
Let's lose the smart-ass remarks, okay?
229
00:08:52,597 --> 00:08:54,048
It'll be a good thing.
230
00:08:54,068 --> 00:08:56,754
They need to process what has happened.
231
00:08:57,064 --> 00:08:59,000
And they're not the only ones.
232
00:08:59,658 --> 00:09:00,994
Tell me something...
233
00:09:01,511 --> 00:09:03,931
How do you know about tetris,
but you don't know about death?
234
00:09:03,951 --> 00:09:06,765
(bell tolls) All right, now before we go in,
235
00:09:06,785 --> 00:09:09,061
remember, this is a somber event, okay?
236
00:09:09,081 --> 00:09:11,447
- So a few ground rules...
- A question!
237
00:09:12,154 --> 00:09:13,524
Why are we dressed like this?
238
00:09:13,544 --> 00:09:15,398
I don't know. I specifically told larry
239
00:09:15,418 --> 00:09:17,503
not to dress that way. He insisted.
240
00:09:17,523 --> 00:09:20,059
I was told this was a celebration of Juan's life.
241
00:09:20,221 --> 00:09:22,763
We Zabvronians always dress
appropriately for a celebration.
242
00:09:22,783 --> 00:09:24,376
Okay, well, yeah, my bad.
243
00:09:24,396 --> 00:09:27,255
I did use the term "celebration of life."
244
00:09:27,275 --> 00:09:29,241
I did not mean a luau.
245
00:09:29,261 --> 00:09:30,755
Well, I fell silly.
246
00:09:30,775 --> 00:09:32,673
But okay, you know, it shows that you care,
247
00:09:32,693 --> 00:09:34,844
and that's what this is about...
248
00:09:34,864 --> 00:09:36,780
Giving the people who knew Juan
249
00:09:36,800 --> 00:09:40,379
an opportunity to express
how important he was to them,
250
00:09:40,399 --> 00:09:43,556
and then letting those people know
that even though Juan is gone,
251
00:09:43,576 --> 00:09:46,646
he will live in their hearts forever.
252
00:09:46,666 --> 00:09:49,112
(organ music playing)
253
00:09:50,204 --> 00:09:54,378
So where are all these people
In whose hearts Juan will live forever?
254
00:09:54,398 --> 00:09:55,715
Excuse me.
255
00:09:55,733 --> 00:09:57,958
Do we have the wrong time?
Where is everyone?
256
00:09:57,978 --> 00:10:00,602
Mr. Salgado's wife passed several years ago,
257
00:10:00,622 --> 00:10:03,862
and his only family is a cousin
who lives in new brunswick
258
00:10:03,882 --> 00:10:05,612
But couldn't make the trip.
259
00:10:05,632 --> 00:10:06,741
New Brunswick?
260
00:10:06,761 --> 00:10:09,032
That's, like, an hour away.
261
00:10:09,653 --> 00:10:11,613
They weren't close.
262
00:10:15,069 --> 00:10:18,821
Juan's death reminds us how short life is.
263
00:10:18,839 --> 00:10:22,423
But it also reminds us how
precious every moment can be...
264
00:10:22,443 --> 00:10:23,863
So tell me about the wooden boat.
265
00:10:23,883 --> 00:10:25,111
Shh.
266
00:10:25,145 --> 00:10:29,720
(whispering) It's not a boat.
It's a coffin. It's where Juan's body is buried.
267
00:10:30,390 --> 00:10:34,203
(lowered voice) And is part of the ceremony
taking the boat to a lake to sail it about?
268
00:10:34,238 --> 00:10:35,745
Again, not a boat.
269
00:10:35,765 --> 00:10:37,773
(lowered voice) It actually
gets buried in the ground.
270
00:10:37,791 --> 00:10:39,642
So you bury the people you love,
271
00:10:39,662 --> 00:10:42,625
but a moose you just met
you stuff and mount on a wall?
272
00:10:42,645 --> 00:10:43,832
He makes a good point.
273
00:10:43,852 --> 00:10:46,872
This is a good time for anyone who knew Juan
274
00:10:46,892 --> 00:10:48,895
to share some words.
275
00:10:48,915 --> 00:10:51,012
(normal voice) I'd like to say something.
276
00:10:54,692 --> 00:10:56,326
(exhales)
277
00:10:56,500 --> 00:10:59,028
Juan was important to us.
278
00:10:59,329 --> 00:11:03,151
Although we did not know him for a long time,
279
00:11:03,834 --> 00:11:06,302
he kept our gardens beautiful,
280
00:11:06,581 --> 00:11:10,986
and he was sweet to us, and we will miss him.
281
00:11:11,507 --> 00:11:15,171
Juan was one of the first people we met
when we moved here.
282
00:11:15,506 --> 00:11:17,664
At first we thought
he was attached to his machine,
283
00:11:17,698 --> 00:11:19,832
sort of a half-man, half-mower.
284
00:11:19,867 --> 00:11:21,952
(laughter)
285
00:11:22,498 --> 00:11:24,459
He once ran over my foot.
286
00:11:25,538 --> 00:11:26,536
Oh, yeah. (laughs) It hurt!
287
00:11:26,556 --> 00:11:28,554
(laughter)
288
00:11:29,472 --> 00:11:33,281
I'm sorry, guys. I just feel that the energy
expended here will be better spent
289
00:11:33,301 --> 00:11:35,162
trying to solve this death thing.
290
00:11:35,182 --> 00:11:38,284
This is for you, Juan. (sizzling)
291
00:11:38,318 --> 00:11:40,460
It can't be harder than tetris level seven.
292
00:11:40,480 --> 00:11:41,838
Are you kidding me?
293
00:11:41,858 --> 00:11:44,377
(amplified voice) What is it with airplane food?
294
00:11:45,369 --> 00:11:46,943
Aren't forks weird?
295
00:11:46,977 --> 00:11:50,182
Juan was like the father I never had.
296
00:11:50,202 --> 00:11:51,381
- What?
- Oh.
297
00:11:51,401 --> 00:11:54,517
Let us sing to him the song we all know.
298
00:11:55,240 --> 00:11:59,255
I've been working on the railroad
299
00:11:59,273 --> 00:12:02,442
all the live-long day
300
00:12:02,920 --> 00:12:06,436
(all)
I've been working on the railroad
301
00:12:06,456 --> 00:12:10,366
just to pass the time away
302
00:12:10,401 --> 00:12:11,964
(singing fades)
303
00:12:11,984 --> 00:12:13,703
(sighs) If you're sad, Max, it's okay.
304
00:12:13,737 --> 00:12:14,937
Men can cry.
305
00:12:14,955 --> 00:12:17,243
You've seen daddy watch the mets.
306
00:12:17,263 --> 00:12:18,521
Thank you, Debbie Weaver.
307
00:12:18,541 --> 00:12:20,609
You were right. We do feel better.
308
00:12:20,933 --> 00:12:21,781
Oh.
309
00:12:21,801 --> 00:12:23,792
- How about you, buddy? You feel better?
- Yeah.
310
00:12:23,812 --> 00:12:27,237
I mean, it's sad, but as long
as I can remember him,
311
00:12:27,257 --> 00:12:29,525
maybe it's okay I won't get to see him again.
312
00:12:29,545 --> 00:12:31,275
(Larry Bird) Good news, everyone.
313
00:12:31,821 --> 00:12:34,891
I figured out how to beat death.
314
00:12:35,432 --> 00:12:37,530
Juan has returned.
315
00:12:48,977 --> 00:12:51,138
He bought our gardener back from the dead.
316
00:12:51,158 --> 00:12:52,520
Yes, I did.
317
00:12:52,540 --> 00:12:53,811
I don't understand.
318
00:12:53,831 --> 00:12:57,608
All you need to know is, Larry Bird 1, death 0.
319
00:12:57,628 --> 00:13:00,606
I know I complain a lot
about living in this cul-du-wack,
320
00:13:00,626 --> 00:13:02,914
but this is the greatest thing I've ever seen.
321
00:13:02,934 --> 00:13:04,961
Is Juan dead or alive?
322
00:13:04,981 --> 00:13:06,270
- Dead.
- Alive.
323
00:13:06,290 --> 00:13:07,374
- Dead.
- Alive.
324
00:13:07,394 --> 00:13:09,496
Husband, I'm not quite sure
how I feel about this.
325
00:13:09,516 --> 00:13:12,959
Maybe it's just me,
but Juan seems a little bit...
326
00:13:13,803 --> 00:13:14,602
Different.
327
00:13:14,636 --> 00:13:16,808
(sputtering and whirring)
328
00:13:17,391 --> 00:13:19,469
No, no, he's as good as new.
329
00:13:19,489 --> 00:13:21,609
Really? Is that what you think?
330
00:13:21,871 --> 00:13:24,443
(whirring continues)
331
00:13:24,463 --> 00:13:26,564
What's our policy on facebooking this?
332
00:13:26,598 --> 00:13:28,149
Hey, what's everyone looking at?
333
00:13:28,183 --> 00:13:30,067
- A ladybug!
- Can I see?
334
00:13:30,102 --> 00:13:31,742
No! Flew away!
335
00:13:31,762 --> 00:13:33,788
Amber, I know you want to play dollies with Abby,
336
00:13:33,822 --> 00:13:35,708
your mother says, not asking, but commanding.
337
00:13:35,728 --> 00:13:38,793
Ah, yes. Why bear witness to a resurrection
338
00:13:38,827 --> 00:13:41,729
when there are dolls to be played with?
339
00:13:42,553 --> 00:13:44,543
Larry, what the hell did you do to him?
340
00:13:44,563 --> 00:13:46,384
What does it matter? He's back.
341
00:13:46,435 --> 00:13:48,627
I thought when someone died,
you never saw them again.
342
00:13:48,647 --> 00:13:50,339
- Hold on a second, Max.
- I'm confused.
343
00:13:50,359 --> 00:13:52,250
Honey, mommy and daddy are
trying to fix something.
344
00:13:52,270 --> 00:13:53,677
- Fixed it!
- Somebody answer me!
345
00:13:53,697 --> 00:13:55,348
This is not natural, Larry.
346
00:13:55,368 --> 00:13:57,214
Well, neither is most of the food that you eat,
347
00:13:57,234 --> 00:13:59,451
- but you seem to enjoy that.
- (whirring stops) He's got a point.
348
00:13:59,471 --> 00:14:02,049
- Don't bring my food into this!
- You eat like an animal.
349
00:14:02,069 --> 00:14:03,489
Hey, Juan.
350
00:14:03,509 --> 00:14:05,635
I'm confused about a bunch of things.
351
00:14:05,655 --> 00:14:07,981
Will you answer some questions?
352
00:14:08,001 --> 00:14:11,115
Are you dead? Did you meet god?
353
00:14:11,537 --> 00:14:13,093
Did you go to heaven?
354
00:14:13,113 --> 00:14:15,314
Did it hurt? Was it dark?
355
00:14:15,334 --> 00:14:16,977
Did you see my hermit crab?
356
00:14:16,997 --> 00:14:18,888
My parents say it's the same one,
357
00:14:18,908 --> 00:14:20,653
but I'm suspicious.
358
00:14:21,187 --> 00:14:22,767
(lawn mower whirring) Does everyone die?
359
00:14:22,787 --> 00:14:25,299
Does no one die? You died.
360
00:14:25,319 --> 00:14:27,553
Is my dad going to die?
361
00:14:29,625 --> 00:14:31,670
Okay, Larry, I know tempers are high,
362
00:14:31,690 --> 00:14:34,097
but it is not appropriate to
call my husband a poopy-head.
363
00:14:34,117 --> 00:14:35,516
- Well, he is.
- I am not.
364
00:14:35,536 --> 00:14:38,408
- Are, too.
- Larry, you have to put Juan back the way he was.
365
00:14:38,428 --> 00:14:40,153
Look, I have solved the problem of death.
366
00:14:40,173 --> 00:14:42,796
- Accept it as a gift.
- Larry Bird, you need to tell them the truth.
367
00:14:42,816 --> 00:14:44,943
- What is the truth?
- That your husband is a poopy-head.
368
00:14:44,963 --> 00:14:46,973
Larry Herbert Walker Bird!
369
00:14:48,473 --> 00:14:50,565
He hasn't solved anything.
He doesn't even know how he did it.
370
00:14:50,585 --> 00:14:52,660
I do know how I did it!
371
00:14:52,898 --> 00:14:54,814
I just can't do it again.
(Jackie Joyner-Kersee sighs)
372
00:14:54,834 --> 00:14:57,254
Larry, what are you
talking about?
373
00:14:58,085 --> 00:15:01,686
Before I came to this planet,
my father gave me one vial of medicine,
374
00:15:01,737 --> 00:15:04,989
and he told me, should the worst happen,
only then should I use it.
375
00:15:05,009 --> 00:15:08,242
And I didn't know what he was talking about
until Juan died.
376
00:15:09,498 --> 00:15:12,862
Larry, you only had one,
and you used it on Juan?
377
00:15:12,882 --> 00:15:16,150
- You used it on Juan?
- It just happened!
378
00:15:16,781 --> 00:15:20,086
I was... (sighs) standing
next to Juan's coffin boat...
379
00:15:20,106 --> 00:15:21,755
- Again, not a boat.
- Not the time.
380
00:15:21,773 --> 00:15:25,109
And this indescribable wave
of emotion came over me, and...
381
00:15:25,160 --> 00:15:27,958
Oh, Larry, it's called sadness.
382
00:15:28,083 --> 00:15:29,701
It's natural.
383
00:15:29,721 --> 00:15:32,616
- Just what came after was not.
- No, I didn't feel sad.
384
00:15:33,051 --> 00:15:34,735
I felt powerless.
385
00:15:35,359 --> 00:15:36,654
Yes.
386
00:15:37,109 --> 00:15:40,323
I, the great Larry Bird,
387
00:15:40,919 --> 00:15:42,214
powerless.
388
00:15:42,234 --> 00:15:43,909
(breathes deeply)
389
00:15:45,858 --> 00:15:47,116
Really? Nothing?
390
00:15:47,136 --> 00:15:49,392
- Powerless, yeah.
- Shocking. I can't believe it. Wow.
391
00:15:49,412 --> 00:15:50,801
The thing is,
392
00:15:51,273 --> 00:15:54,834
my husband and I still don't quite understand
how these bodies work.
393
00:15:55,095 --> 00:15:57,755
Since taking human form, we now sleep.
394
00:15:57,775 --> 00:16:00,513
What if we now also... die?
395
00:16:00,923 --> 00:16:02,069
Oh.
396
00:16:02,089 --> 00:16:03,273
Okay. Mm.
397
00:16:03,293 --> 00:16:06,326
Excuse me. Young Max Weaver
is sitting on your roof.
398
00:16:06,346 --> 00:16:08,063
What?
399
00:16:08,083 --> 00:16:09,535
(door opens)
400
00:16:11,474 --> 00:16:13,303
Max, what are you doing up there?!
401
00:16:13,323 --> 00:16:15,127
Nobody will talk to me.
402
00:16:15,147 --> 00:16:19,259
I'm confused. I have questions. And I'm 8.
403
00:16:19,279 --> 00:16:21,536
I want to talk to mommy now.
404
00:16:21,556 --> 00:16:23,902
(Debbie) All right, Max, mommy's coming.
405
00:16:24,274 --> 00:16:25,836
(crickets chirping)
406
00:16:28,716 --> 00:16:31,325
Hey. You guys okay?
You've been out here a long time.
407
00:16:32,554 --> 00:16:34,021
Max and I have been hanging.
408
00:16:34,039 --> 00:16:34,990
Uh-huh.
409
00:16:35,010 --> 00:16:38,434
Talking about how all this
has been confusing and how...
410
00:16:39,030 --> 00:16:41,128
death is confusing.
411
00:16:41,146 --> 00:16:42,757
But he's calmer now.
412
00:16:42,777 --> 00:16:45,616
And I told him that tonight he can ask us
413
00:16:45,651 --> 00:16:48,052
anything he wants to about all of this,
414
00:16:48,087 --> 00:16:50,838
and that we would try to answer truthfully,
even if it's sad.
415
00:16:50,856 --> 00:16:53,059
Yeah? That make you feel better, kiddo?
416
00:16:53,220 --> 00:16:54,031
Yeah.
417
00:16:54,051 --> 00:16:56,017
Okay, so why don't you head on inside,
418
00:16:56,037 --> 00:16:57,412
you get ready for bed,
419
00:16:57,446 --> 00:17:01,447
and then we'll come in and we'll have
a nice, long conversation about death,
420
00:17:01,757 --> 00:17:03,735
and then it's off to dream land.
421
00:17:03,755 --> 00:17:05,240
Hmm. (kisses)
422
00:17:05,260 --> 00:17:07,565
- See you in there, buddy.
- Just be careful. Okay.
423
00:17:07,585 --> 00:17:10,608
All right. Ready? On 3. 1, 2, 3!
424
00:17:10,659 --> 00:17:12,446
Oopsie-daisy!
425
00:17:12,466 --> 00:17:13,546
Oy.
426
00:17:17,222 --> 00:17:18,563
You okay?
427
00:17:20,362 --> 00:17:22,911
Marty, I don't like that you
eat cheeseburgers every day,
428
00:17:22,931 --> 00:17:25,914
and that you make jokes
about your whistling heart.
429
00:17:25,934 --> 00:17:27,108
I don't want you to end up like Juan
430
00:17:27,126 --> 00:17:30,111
before Larry got to him...
or after, for that matter.
431
00:17:30,577 --> 00:17:33,631
All right, listen to me, okay? (sighs)
432
00:17:34,089 --> 00:17:36,768
There's something that you need to know.
433
00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:39,186
I'm not going anywhere.
434
00:17:40,464 --> 00:17:44,105
It would take a team of navy S.E.A.L.S.
435
00:17:44,125 --> 00:17:46,061
with a team of real seals
436
00:17:46,081 --> 00:17:48,541
to drag me away from you and the kids.
437
00:17:48,561 --> 00:17:49,806
Okay?
438
00:17:49,826 --> 00:17:53,380
Okay. But promise me you'll try
to eat a salad every once in a while,
439
00:17:53,400 --> 00:17:55,589
and maybe you'll jog with me.
440
00:17:55,609 --> 00:17:57,564
I cross my whistling heart. (groans)
441
00:17:57,584 --> 00:17:59,463
Okay, that's not even funny.
I'gonna m op saying that.
442
00:17:59,483 --> 00:18:01,386
Last time. Okay. (kisses)
443
00:18:01,406 --> 00:18:06,412
(man)
Sit in the dark
and tell me your secrets
444
00:18:07,040 --> 00:18:11,619
It starts in my head, always teasing
445
00:18:12,129 --> 00:18:17,658
Turn the key and lock the cellar door
446
00:18:18,756 --> 00:18:19,210
You okay?
447
00:18:20,328 --> 00:18:23,834
You've been out here ever since you put Juan
in the shed for the night.
448
00:18:24,206 --> 00:18:25,749
(inhales) I'm fine.
449
00:18:26,304 --> 00:18:27,840
Okay.
450
00:18:29,478 --> 00:18:31,338
(sighs) You know, I get you.
451
00:18:31,373 --> 00:18:35,999
I mean, sometimes the best thing you can do
after a crazy day like this
452
00:18:36,019 --> 00:18:38,762
is just sit on the curb
453
00:18:38,797 --> 00:18:40,553
and let the night wash over you.
454
00:18:40,573 --> 00:18:43,444
Marty, I don't know if you... (sighs)
455
00:18:43,742 --> 00:18:45,152
It's just...
456
00:18:45,673 --> 00:18:48,800
I've always been able to solve any problem.
457
00:18:49,011 --> 00:18:51,275
And we were prepared for some uncertainty
458
00:18:51,293 --> 00:18:53,193
when we came to this planet.
459
00:18:53,317 --> 00:18:56,207
And my children really don't know this world.
460
00:18:56,517 --> 00:18:58,093
And...
461
00:18:58,353 --> 00:19:01,168
if anything should happen
462
00:19:01,219 --> 00:19:03,019
to Jackie and me...
463
00:19:03,039 --> 00:19:06,137
Not that it can or will, but as a father, it...
464
00:19:06,157 --> 00:19:07,911
Hey. Hey.
465
00:19:08,510 --> 00:19:11,145
Your children will be taken care of.
466
00:19:11,559 --> 00:19:12,730
Okay?
467
00:19:15,605 --> 00:19:17,134
Thank you.
468
00:19:17,152 --> 00:19:18,936
469
00:19:19,335 --> 00:19:21,048
(sighs)
470
00:19:21,068 --> 00:19:22,475
You should probably know that
471
00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:24,312
if anything happens to you
and Debbie, Jackie and I...
472
00:19:24,332 --> 00:19:26,277
My sister's on it.
473
00:19:26,311 --> 00:19:28,062
So it's okay.
474
00:19:28,096 --> 00:19:30,781
But thank you. Thanks.
475
00:19:30,815 --> 00:19:32,924
tell me your story?
476
00:19:40,396 --> 00:19:42,581
Okeydokey, it's time.
477
00:19:42,723 --> 00:19:46,421
So, uh, hey, buddy. It's time.
478
00:19:46,819 --> 00:19:49,371
Huh? Off to New Brunswick.
479
00:19:49,954 --> 00:19:53,305
I think your cousin's gonna be
pretty surprised to see you.
480
00:19:53,888 --> 00:19:55,482
You got enough, uh, cash to last?
481
00:19:55,502 --> 00:19:58,008
I know that Larry was very generous.
482
00:19:58,028 --> 00:19:59,715
(brakes hiss and squeak)
483
00:20:00,138 --> 00:20:02,852
Okay. Here you go. (sighs)
484
00:20:03,749 --> 00:20:04,720
Ahh.
485
00:20:05,077 --> 00:20:10,157
I envy you the adventure that awaits you,
486
00:20:10,177 --> 00:20:11,529
Juan Salgado.
487
00:20:11,549 --> 00:20:13,966
Be good. Enjoy the world.
488
00:20:13,986 --> 00:20:17,599
Remember, I was only able to do this once.
489
00:20:18,243 --> 00:20:19,695
Earn it.
490
00:20:20,936 --> 00:20:22,405
All right. Okay. All right.
491
00:20:22,425 --> 00:20:25,274
Let him go now. He's gotta go.
Okay.
492
00:20:28,062 --> 00:20:29,462
(doors hiss)
493
00:20:29,496 --> 00:20:30,963
(doors close)
494
00:20:34,516 --> 00:20:36,713
Marty, about the guardianship of your children...
495
00:20:36,733 --> 00:20:38,058
How many people are ahead of us?
496
00:20:38,078 --> 00:20:40,112
Pretty much everyone we know would have to die.
497
00:20:40,132 --> 00:20:42,577
Oh, so we have a chance?
498
00:20:43,123 --> 00:20:45,716
www.addic7ed.com
499
00:20:45,766 --> 00:20:50,316
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