All language subtitles for Parks and Recreation s04e10 Citizen Knope.eng

Come on, come on, come on.

- Leslie Knope!
- Hey, Chris!

Wow, is that
a new jogging shirt?

It is!

It's an experimental fabric
called bumble-flex.

It's made out of
synthetic bees' wings.

- That's cool.
- Anyway...

You're not supposed to be here.
You're suspended.

I totally understand that.

I'm just going to, uh,
take my flash drive

and I'll do
some work from home.

N...

...O. You are specifically
prohibited from doing your job.

Oh, I'm not gonna do my job.

I'm just gonna oversee
the department, and check in

on the parks, and attend any
meetings that require

- the deputy director.
- Leslie.

Go home and give me
the flash drive.

This is a nasal spray.

Give me the flash drive.

Give me the nasal spray.

On three.

One...

- Two...
- Two...

Three.

- Okay, good.
Now, in two weeks, you can--

Leslie Knope!
I am much faster than you!

I have bumble-flex!

[Triumphant music]

Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com

It's so nice to be able
to sit here in public

- and have breakfast with you.
- Yeah.

In a way, my suspension from
work was kind of a blessing.

Yeah, I feel the same way
about resigning in disgrace.

Totally, the key is you have
to keep yourself busy,

or else you're gonna go crazy.

I mean, look at me,
look how busy I am.

I'm inventing a new spice
called "sal-gar."

It's part salt, part sugar.

What could that possibly
be good on?

- Butterscotch pudding.
- Fair enough.

Okay, I have to go to this
meeting with my advisers.

You have a big day, right?
Which interview is this?

It's a job doing
in-house accounting work

for an accounting firm, so...
could be pretty interesting.

Yeah, sounds interesting.

You know, if I hadn't
resigned in disgrace,

I might never have explored
the private sector.

It's like, why didn't I resign
in disgrace 12 years ago?

You might want to stop saying
"resigned in disgrace."

Especially during
job interviews.

Good call.

Leslie wishes
she could be here herself

to give you these presents,
but she's suspended.

Oh, and also she said
that they're not from her,

- they're from Santa Claus.
- Can I go first?

[Gasps]

Mouse Rat,
certified gold!

Over 100 copies sold in Pawnee!

I need to get a picture of me
holding this so I can frame it.

Personalized,
leopard-printed robe.

Pink feather cuffs.

And on the back,
in rhinestones...

"You can get it"!

I know you're sad
you couldn't get tickets

to the "Watch the Throne" tour,
so I got you a watch

and a tiny throne instead.

And check it out, she even
took out the dumb clock part

and put this in...

"Baller Time."

- These are the Black-eyed Peas.

And I finally killed them.

It's a Christmas miracle.

Every year, I give Leslie the
same present I give everyone:

A crisp $20 bill.

And every year, she gets me
something thoughtful

and personal.

It makes me furious.

This year, she outdid herself.

[Clicks button]

She had it installed
over the weekend.

It's so--
[Chokes up]

It's so beautiful.

We need to get Leslie
something that erases

the enormous emotional debt
that has built up over years

of this gift-giving imbalance.

Everyone start
thinking of ideas.

Aw, jeez.

Socks.

She gets me.

Hi, hi, hi, hi.
Sorry I'm late.

I was off getting
holiday gifts for my team.

William, here is
a Knope 2012 tree ornament.

- Hey.
- And Elizabeth,

I got you a Knope 2012...
Menorah...Maybe?

- No.
- No, okay.

Then I got you
a tree ornament.

Okay, so let's talk
about damage control.

Now, I could go on
Pawnee Today, but--

and I know this is
a long shot--

Oprah has her own network now.

- Whoa, Leslie, slow down.
- The first step is for us

to figure out what
we're up against,

and we've already got polls out
in the field, and we should

have results back
in a couple of days.

Just stay out of the spotlight
until we can figure out

just how this, uh, incident
has affected the voters.

Sit tight,
take a beat, relax.

"Sit tight"?
"Take a beat"? "Relax"?

I don't really do
any of those things.

In fact,
while I was in that meeting,

I was also planning my mother's
birthday party in my head.

Strawberry margaritas!

[Gasps]
Another use for sal-gar!

Financial analysis,
automated general ledger

accounting systems,
audit management.

Hmm, you've done everything.

Well, they call me
"the Swiss Army Accountant."

[Laughs]

- They don't call me that.
- They should.

Well, look, I think
you'd be a great addition.

Would you be willing to come
back to meet the division head?

Yes, absolutely.

- We'll set that up.
- Okay, great.

- Thank you.
- Well, uh...

Calc-you-later.

[Laughing]

Oh, you like that one, huh?

[Laughing]

We do not get
a lot of humor here,

and when we do,
it's wonderful.

- Oh.
- Ted! Come in here!

[Whispering]
Say it to Ted when he comes in.

We could get Leslie
some marshmallow fluff.

I have some right here.

Correction, darling.
You had some right here.

Did you just
scoop it out of the jar

with your hand like a bear?
Yes.

I can't get it off.
Can you help me?

Behold!

My latest attempt
to drag this department

into the 20th century.

- Tom, it's the 21st century.
- I know.

I'd settle for
getting you into the 20th.

I fed all of Leslie's
emails, letters, and memos

into a program and generated...

A word cloud.

This is how we can
get gift ideas.

The more she's mentioned a word,
the larger it appears.

"Ben"...
And much larger, "Ann."

- She definitely loves Ann.
- Aww.

Okay.
I have an idea.

I will build a small wood model
of the parks department.

We can decorate our offices
as they are in real life.

It will be...

- Cute.
- Wait!

Better idea:

We make a gingerbread
version of the office.

[All voice agreement]

- That's so good!
- I think the wood model is--

and we can decorate
our offices with candy canes

and gumdrops!

That would be so adorable!

Thanks, Ron!
That's such a cute idea!

I have some great red birch
with a nice spalting.

I already have
some scale wainscoting.

Mmm, I love me a calzone.

Ben!
I'm going crazy!

First, they won't let me work
in the parks department,

now they won't let me
campaign either.

All I want to do
is improve our town,

and they won't let me do that!

You're putting an awful lot
of sal-gar on your pasta.

This is just sugar.
Okay, I need you to distract me.

Talk to me about something.
Anything.

Well, that accounting firm
is gonna make me a job offer.

Oh, yeah?
That's great!

- Yeah.
- Are you gonna take it?

Well, it pays well.

The commute is a little long,
but that's okay.

I didn't love the carpeting,
but... eh.

You know what I think?

If you don't love it,
take a month.

See what else is out there.

Yeah. Yeah.

And, you know, you can still
improve the city.

You can't work right now,
or run a campaign.

- Do it as a private citizen.
- Oh, my God.

I'll form
a citizen action committee,

I'll lobby from the outside,

I'll harness the power
of the community.

Oh, my God, I finally have
some work to do.

Thank you so much
for dinner, honey.

I can hear you breathing, and,
yes, you can finish her pasta.

Thank God.
I'm so hungry.

Mmm, it tastes
like froot loops.

Wow! Great turn out.

Okay, welcome everyone

to the first meeting of
the Parks Committee of Pawnee,

or PCP.

Um, should we really
be called "PCP"?

See, because--
- Yes, because,

like the drug PCP, we are
so fast-acting and powerful,

we should be illegal.

Now, what do you want to see
fixed in the parks? Yes?

I've noticed that
the White Hills hiking path

could really use some upkeep.

I was thinking we organize
a letter-writing campaign.

Uh, I-I know for a fact that
nobody in the parks department

reads letters,
except for one person,

who is amazing, but s-he
isn't currently there,

because he was suspended.

How amazing can he be
if he got suspended?

Pretty damn amazing, Diane.
Now shush.

If we want to get the government
off their bloated,

bureaucratic butts, then we need
our voices to be heard,

and that's what
we're gonna do.

Clear eyes,
full hearts, can't lose.

Ron is making the model,
and then we're going to put

all of our candy decorations
in our corners of the office.

Okay, so what
did everybody make?

Boom!

Rock n' roll candy Andy.
Wow.

- Mmm.
- That's really good, son.

I didn't do anything
for my office.

It's okay,
I took care of it.

I made a marshmallow
Ron Swanson.

[All laugh]

See? His arms are crossed
because he's mad at all

the other marshmallow workers
for annoying him.

You like it?

[Choked up]
It's fine.

When I was trying to decide
how to decorate my office,

I had to ask myself, "what kind
of candy should I choose?"

Obviously chocolate,
'cause I'm sweet, smooth,

and the ladies love me.

Now the question still remained,
"what kind of chocolate am I?"

Do I have a little gooey,
caramel center?

Am I filled
with little rice krispies?

Maybe I'm white chocolate and
I'm bucking all the stereotypes.

Oh, just put
your damn candy out.

Ultimately, I decided to go
with a little gourmet fudge.

I didn't have time
to make it into anything,

and please don't eat it
'cause it cost $55 an ounce.

So I made my desk
out of silver m&ms.

But they do not make silver
m&ms, so I spray-painted them.

Okay, those are poisonous,
so no one eat them.

Yeah, duh.

- Go throw up.
- I didn't eat any.

- Go throw up.
- Throw up.

- Ben Wyatt.
- Hi.

- Great to meet you.
- You too.

I'm, uh, this.

Well, thank you for meeting
with me, Mr. Feinstein.

Please, call me
Dennis Feinstein.

I'm gonna cut
right to the chase, Ben.

This cologne company
is my life's work.

Why should I trust you
with my perfumery?

Well, uh, I've been in
government accounting for more

than a decade, and I just think
it's time for a change.

Listen, Ben, I'm gonna
cut right to the chase, okay?

I like you--
I've always liked you--

but I also like Eddie.

Ed--who--who's Eddie?

[Snaps fingers]
Eddie's my current CFO,

but I might fire him
and hire you.

- You got kids?
- No.

That's good.
Dum-dum Eddie has two kids.

[Blows raspberry]

Oh, God.
Don't fire Eddie.

Why would you have him
in here in this interview?

- Eddie, I am sorry--
- Don't talk to Eddie.

Treat him like you would treat
a person in another country

that you paid $25,000 to hunt.

- What are you talking about?
- What am I talking about?

I'm talking about
the best vacation of my life.

Oh, my God.
Look, I'm sorry.

I-I thought I wanted to
branch out a little career-wise,

but that was a mistake.

Keep Eddie.
I do not want this job.

[Laughs]
You're crazy, man.

We'll be in touch.

Okay, are there
any more recommendations

for new games
at the rec center?

My daughter, she loves
chutes and ladders.

Oh, come on!

There is no strategy
to chutes and ladders.

- It's just luck.
- My daughter's five.

Well, your daughter
is an idiot.

[Chanting]
Her daughter is an idiot!

He daughter is an idiot!

- No, no, no.
- Her daughter is an idiot!

No, no she's not.
Hello, I am Leslie Knope,

and I represent the PCP.
[Applause]

We have a list of six demands.

Here they are
in alphabetical order.

Number one: Ants.

Too many ants
in the teen center.

Number two:
Tennis court improvements.

- Number three--
- Well, Les--um, ma'am,

uh, this public forum,
it is just about improvements

that we can make
to the rec center.

Speaking of which,
the fact that yahtzee is not

in the rec center is a tragedy
on par with human trafficking.

Slight exaggeration...
Getting back to our demands.

We will not be muzzled
like a rabid dog.

We are gonna take this
all the way to the top.

Yay!
[Applause]

Okay, we have made
some waves here, people,

but we need to keep
this momentum going.

Now, the city manager's name
is Chris Traeger.

I want to take
this fight to him.

Ooh, a letter-writing campaign!

God, Diane,
will you stop it

with the letter-writing
campaign? No.

I have his office number.
I want one of you calling it

every 15 minutes.

We are also going to protest
along his jogging route,

and I need someone in every
GNC within a five-mile radius

- of the city center.
- But there are only 12 of us.

- 13.
- Look! Our numbers are growing!

There's nothing we can't do
if we work hard, never sleep,

and shirk all other
responsibilities in our lives.

You with me?
[Cheers and applause]

[Frustrated sigh]

[Angry groan]

I can handcraft 17-foot canoes
out of western red cedar,

but I can't glue two damn
Graham crackers together!

Look, it's really easy.

I know a lot about candy.

I play with it, I eat it.

Sometimes I play with it
and eat it.

Boom!
[Giggles]

Okay, new plan.

Everyone else makes
this candy house,

and I make myself
useful elsewhere.

[Knock at door]
Your 11:00 is here.

Concerned citizen and
community leader Leslie Knope.

- Nice to meet you.
- Hi, Leslie.

You're not supposed
to be here.

As a government employee,
that's true, but I am just here

as a concerned citizen
and founder of PCP.

The Parks Committee of Pawnee.

Those are the people
that have been harassing me.

We have many demands.
Specifically, these six unfunded

projects that need
to be dealt with immediately.

- Well--
- Not good enough!

Leslie,
out of respect for you,

I will meet with your group,
but I hope that this

puts an end to the madness.

Prepare for battle.

Oh, I forgot to tell you,
I got your Christmas present.

It's like a little stopwatch
that records your jogging times

and then sends it to
your computer via Bluetooth.

Ahh! [Laughs]

- That is so thoughtful!
- Aww.

My pleasure.
See you in hell!

Well, I see you've taken
our advice about relaxing.

Oh, this is just
a little militant citizen group

I slapped together.

But enough about me,
what are my polling results?

Uh, well, before the scandal,
you were at 26%.

Now, we knew we'd take a hit,
but we figured as long as

we're at 15% or above,
we're still in the fight.

And we're at 15%?

We went back to 26%?
Whoa, wait.

50%?

We're at one.

One... hundred?

You're polling at 1%.

What? No.
That can't be right.

Okay, well, what we do
is we move forward from this.

How do we put
a positive spin on this?

- There's no way to spin this.
- Sure there is.

You're looking at the glass
like it's 99% empty.

I'm looking at it
like it's 1% full.

You know, the last delicious
sip of a milkshake

at the bottom
of the metal milkshakey thing?

It's very hard to come back
from this kind of thing.

You know, a sex scandal
with your boss.

Oh, like you're
so pure and chaste.

Please, I know the two of you
are sleeping together.

It's obvious, with all your
glances and your sly smiles.

- I'm gay.
- Well, never mind then.

It's a small town.
There's nowhere to hide.

We can't run
your campaign anymore.

I'm sorry, Leslie.
You were a great candidate,

but...it's over.

Could you maybe find
new advisors?

I can't. I talked
to everyone in the entire state

who's ever run a campaign.

Nobody wants
a candidate who's polling

- at "last milkshake sip" levels.
- Can I say something?

This sucks, I am not gonna
convince you that it doesn't,

and you can tell me
every day for the next year

- about how much this sucks.
- One year--you said one year.

- That's on the record.
- And I meant it.

But eventually this'll pass.
You're gonna get through this.

I don't know if I'm going to.

I mean, look, I return
to my old job in a week,

and that's great because
I love my old job, but...

[Sighs] My heart was really
set on this new job.

[Weakly] Ann.

Don't touch my pickles, Ann!

- B-b-b-b-Ben-jammin'!
[Laughs]

- Oh, my God.
- Yeah, I know, I know, I know.

- Hey, Jean-Ralphio.
How's it going?

It's going good, I'm actually
right here for an appointmt.

Getting a Brazilian.
By the way, there's a woman

over there that is unbelievable.
Her name is Kim.

When she rips it off,
she smiles,

and it makes you feel things.

Throw my name,
I get a referral discount.

- If you don't mind.
- Okay.

I heard somebody
resigned in disgrace.

My question to you is,
how you making that paper?

Oh, well, I've interviewed
around, uh, but I'm actually

about to take a job
doing in-house accounting

- for an accounting firm.
- Buh...

I almost fell asleep
during that sentence.

- Okay.
- Let me get this straight.

You would be an accountant...

- For accountants?
- Yeah.

So at this accounting firm,
you would have the boring job?

Are you nuts?
This is probably the first time

you've had off since
you've been kid president.

- True or false?
- True.

Why don't you use that time and
go after one of your passions,

like model trains or, like,
or toy Gandalfs or something?

I don't know why you jumped
straight to model trains.

I mean... it's accurate.

I'm gonna tell you something
that I once heard from a very,

- very smart woman named Kim.
- The lady who waxes you?

She told me, "if you don't
love what you do...

Then why do it?"

Then she ripped the hair
from my b-hole.

[Ripping sound]

Ron filled me in
on everything that happened,

and I really wish
that the ethics investigation

hadn't interfered
with your campaign in any way.

You don't have to apologize.
You were very fair.

In fact, I'm the one
that needs to apologize.

I got you involved in PCP.

But I'm starting
a new group now, LSD--

Leslie's Sorry Division--

and I just want to say
I'm sorry, Chris.

Oh, that's nice
of you to say.

Anyway, now,
for your Christmas present.

Your suspension's been lifted.
Please, come back to work.

Thank you.

Hey, what are you doing here?

Hey.

Uh, I just wanted to tell you
something in person.

Oh, my God,
I'm pregnant.

Wait, what?
No, that's not it.

I turned down
that accounting job.

Just didn't feel right.
That's okay, right?

Yeah.
I think that's great.

- I'm really proud of you.
- Yeah?

What are you
gonna do instead?

- I have no idea.
- I like it.

Okay, well, I guess
I'll just see you at home.

Well, they're having
a party in here.

Why don't you stay?

Actually, I think
you should go in alone.

- What's going on here?
- Merry Christmas, Leslie!

We made you this replica
of the parks department

out of gingerbread.
Oh, my God, I love it!

Aw, I love it,
and I love you guys,

and Ann specifically.
And all of you!

You did all of this together?

Yes,
except for me.

Turns out, I cannot make
a gingerbread house,

which would bother me
if I were an 8-year-old girl.

In any case, these people
stepped up and helped me out,

and that gave me another idea.

This is
the city council chambers,

and that's you, next may.

I don't understand.

Your campaign advisers quit,
big deal.

You're running
for city council again, Leslie,

with our help.

April Ludgate, youth outreach
and director of new media.

Tom Haverford, image
consultant, swagger coach.

Ann Perkins, office manager
and volunteer coordinator.

Andy Dwyer, security,
sweets, body man.

Javelin, if need be.

Donna Meagle, transpo,
AKA rides in my Benz.

- W--you guys didn't tell me
we were doing this.

I--I did not know
that I was supposed to

come up with something. I--

Ron Swanson, any other
damn thing you might need.

Guys, it's so much work.

I can't ask you to put
your lives on hold.

Find one person here
who you haven't helped

by putting your life on hold.

[Choked up]
I don't know what to say...

Except...

Let's go win an election!
[Cheers and applause]

Giving Christmas gifts
is like a sport to me.

Finding or making
that perfect something.

- Come on.
- It's also like a sport to me

because I always win.

This year, though?
My friends won.

In fact, I got my ass
handed to me.

[Laughter]

- Welcome, Mr. Saperstein.
- Thank you so much.

I will just show
to your cubicle.

I can't wait.
I bet it's a big one,

- huh Barney?
- Um, the, uh, temp agency said

that you are fluent
with Quickbooks Pro, correct?

Oh, right, yeah,
we should cover that.

You see, my resume might not
actually be accurate, right?

So I have no idea
what you're talking about.

Don't know
what Quickbooks are.

You don't have
any accounting experience?

No, no, no, Barney, come on.
But you don't have to be

an accountant to know
that this girl is a ten.

Yo, what up, D.S.?
You come here often?

To my job?

Ooh, she got
a mouth on her also.

- Shut it.
- Is this the new temp

who's supposed to help me
with the spreadsheets?

You want to talk
about spreading and sheets,

we can go back to my place
and I will rock your--

- You're fired!
- That makes sense.

So I just go out
the same way I came in?

Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com

Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0