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1
00:00:12,668 --> 00:00:14,636
The place the Pawnee general
has called
2
00:00:14,704 --> 00:00:17,539
The sexiest,
most dangerous club in town.
3
00:00:17,607 --> 00:00:19,574
- That's not what they wrote.
- Fine.
4
00:00:19,642 --> 00:00:20,942
I added the word "sexiest,"
5
00:00:21,010 --> 00:00:22,454
But we've hired
better security.
6
00:00:22,522 --> 00:00:25,314
Yes, I am a good friend
for throwing the party.
7
00:00:25,382 --> 00:00:27,912
I'm also a genius because
I'm using the occasion
8
00:00:27,979 --> 00:00:30,649
To stock the club with
every available hottie I know.
9
00:00:30,717 --> 00:00:32,414
Call me a romantic,
10
00:00:32,482 --> 00:00:33,848
But I believe by
the end of the night,
11
00:00:33,915 --> 00:00:36,913
I will have between
one and four new girlfriends.
12
00:00:36,981 --> 00:00:38,114
Oh, that's great.
13
00:00:38,182 --> 00:00:39,681
I'd love to hear
all about your family vacations.
14
00:00:39,749 --> 00:00:41,081
- Hey.
- Oh, thank God.
15
00:00:41,149 --> 00:00:42,716
Get out, Kyle.
16
00:00:42,784 --> 00:00:46,416
Hello, birthday girl.
17
00:00:46,484 --> 00:00:47,720
Got you a birthday present.
18
00:00:47,788 --> 00:00:48,890
- Really?
- Yeah.
19
00:00:48,958 --> 00:00:51,027
I, uh, I wrote you a song.
20
00:00:51,095 --> 00:00:52,798
Score. What's it called?
21
00:00:52,865 --> 00:00:54,036
I'm not telling,
but I'll give you a clue.
22
00:00:54,104 --> 00:00:56,005
It's named after
a month out of the year.
23
00:00:56,073 --> 00:00:57,173
So April?
24
00:00:57,241 --> 00:01:00,147
No.
25
00:01:00,214 --> 00:01:01,382
That would have been
way better.
26
00:01:01,450 --> 00:01:03,317
Um...
Well, whatever.
27
00:01:03,385 --> 00:01:04,684
I can rewrite the lyrics.
28
00:01:04,752 --> 00:01:06,720
Um, are you coming to my party?
29
00:01:06,788 --> 00:01:08,521
Yeah, I wouldn't miss it
for the world.
30
00:01:08,589 --> 00:01:09,656
Are you kidding me?
31
00:01:09,724 --> 00:01:11,259
- Okay, cool.
- Okay.
32
00:01:11,327 --> 00:01:13,394
Um, well, we'll hang out then.
33
00:01:13,462 --> 00:01:14,428
Okay.
34
00:01:14,496 --> 00:01:15,929
It's gonna be fun.
35
00:01:15,997 --> 00:01:18,898
Yes, I am 21 years old today.
36
00:01:18,966 --> 00:01:21,600
Which is the age
that pretty much everyone agrees
37
00:01:21,668 --> 00:01:24,736
Makes you an adult.
38
00:01:24,804 --> 00:01:27,705
[triumphant music]
39
00:01:27,773 --> 00:01:29,373
♪ ♪
40
00:01:44,865 --> 00:01:47,668
The yearly budget
and planning proposal for a city
41
00:01:47,736 --> 00:01:50,972
Is called the master plan.
42
00:01:51,040 --> 00:01:52,841
Isn't that just so awesome
you can't stand it?
43
00:01:52,908 --> 00:01:57,181
Oh, I shall now reveal to you
my master plan.
44
00:01:57,248 --> 00:01:58,715
Mwah-ha-ha-ha-
45
00:01:58,783 --> 00:02:00,317
Ee-ah-ah-ah-ah...
46
00:02:00,385 --> 00:02:01,553
[groans]
47
00:02:01,620 --> 00:02:03,154
Kind of sounded like
a chimp there at the end.
48
00:02:03,222 --> 00:02:05,356
Good morning, everybody.
49
00:02:05,424 --> 00:02:07,926
I know you all have
your budget presentations ready,
50
00:02:07,993 --> 00:02:09,427
But there's a change of plans.
51
00:02:09,495 --> 00:02:11,996
Due to the crippling gridlock
in city counsel,
52
00:02:12,064 --> 00:02:13,231
We are postponing
53
00:02:13,299 --> 00:02:15,601
All planning and spending
decisions indefinitely.
54
00:02:15,668 --> 00:02:17,502
Um, until when?
55
00:02:17,570 --> 00:02:18,704
Indefinitely.
56
00:02:18,772 --> 00:02:20,640
- And when will that end?
- Later than now.
57
00:02:20,708 --> 00:02:22,575
So this week probably?
58
00:02:22,643 --> 00:02:25,312
- Look, we are bordering on
a full-blown crisis, Leslie.
59
00:02:25,379 --> 00:02:27,748
The state government
is sending a team
60
00:02:27,816 --> 00:02:29,950
From Indianapolis
to try to solve
61
00:02:30,018 --> 00:02:31,285
This budget problem.
62
00:02:31,353 --> 00:02:32,853
Just calm down.
63
00:02:32,921 --> 00:02:34,622
You don't even know
what they're gonna do.
64
00:02:34,690 --> 00:02:36,124
Ron, they're state auditors.
65
00:02:36,191 --> 00:02:37,559
They're here to slash and burn.
66
00:02:37,626 --> 00:02:39,161
We gotta fight these guys.
67
00:02:39,229 --> 00:02:40,729
They've been sent by
the governor.
68
00:02:40,797 --> 00:02:42,498
They outrank everyone.
69
00:02:42,565 --> 00:02:44,300
There's no fight
to be had here.
70
00:02:44,367 --> 00:02:46,068
Yeah, you're right.
I'm not gonna fight them.
71
00:02:46,136 --> 00:02:47,503
Except that I am!
72
00:02:47,571 --> 00:02:49,439
Okay.
73
00:02:49,507 --> 00:02:50,740
Leslie.
74
00:02:50,808 --> 00:02:54,143
What do we do
when we get this angry?
75
00:02:54,211 --> 00:02:55,945
We count backwards
from 1,000 by sevens
76
00:02:56,012 --> 00:02:57,279
And we think of warm brownies.
77
00:02:57,347 --> 00:02:59,448
Go do that in your office.
78
00:02:59,516 --> 00:03:00,717
Go do it in your office.
79
00:03:00,784 --> 00:03:02,518
And we'll wait for
these guys to show up.
80
00:03:02,586 --> 00:03:04,987
I'll wait for you to show up.
81
00:03:05,055 --> 00:03:06,722
Andy!
82
00:03:06,790 --> 00:03:08,658
You coming out tonight,
part owner of the club?
83
00:03:08,725 --> 00:03:10,192
Uh, yes.
84
00:03:10,260 --> 00:03:11,660
Let me ask you
a quick question.
85
00:03:11,728 --> 00:03:13,195
What's the youngest
a girl can be
86
00:03:13,263 --> 00:03:15,430
That if, uh, we go out,
I'm not a total scumbag?
87
00:03:15,498 --> 00:03:17,065
You know the old rule.
88
00:03:17,133 --> 00:03:18,533
Half your age, plus seven.
89
00:03:18,601 --> 00:03:21,803
Half my age plus seven.
Oh, okay.
90
00:03:21,871 --> 00:03:24,372
Well, I'm 29 so half of...
91
00:03:24,439 --> 00:03:27,876
29...Add seven,
92
00:03:27,944 --> 00:03:32,414
That's only 20...Is--
93
00:03:32,481 --> 00:03:35,050
- 21--
- 20 years old.
94
00:03:35,118 --> 00:03:36,218
- 21.
- And a half.
95
00:03:36,286 --> 00:03:37,353
21 years old and a half.
96
00:03:37,420 --> 00:03:38,687
- Yup.
- Yup.
97
00:03:38,755 --> 00:03:40,957
We got the same thing
with the equation on that one.
98
00:03:41,024 --> 00:03:42,291
Here's the thing.
99
00:03:42,359 --> 00:03:44,294
What if she's slightly younger?
100
00:03:44,361 --> 00:03:45,562
Can I go out with
someone younger than that?
101
00:03:45,629 --> 00:03:47,397
Please!
You totally can.
102
00:03:47,465 --> 00:03:48,732
Yeah.
103
00:03:48,799 --> 00:03:52,536
Tom says it's okay.
104
00:03:52,603 --> 00:03:55,105
That probably means
it isn't okay.
105
00:03:55,173 --> 00:03:58,876
Thank you for meeting
with me again.
106
00:03:58,944 --> 00:04:01,412
I don't even know really
what I wanna say.
107
00:04:01,480 --> 00:04:02,780
But I guess
I just don't get it.
108
00:04:02,848 --> 00:04:04,883
You know, our relationship
was so great.
109
00:04:04,950 --> 00:04:07,986
Mark, honestly,
it was really nice.
110
00:04:08,054 --> 00:04:11,022
But maybe you thought
it was so amazing
111
00:04:11,090 --> 00:04:13,558
Because you've never dated
someone for so long before.
112
00:04:13,626 --> 00:04:16,661
Well, but, for example,
we barely ever fought.
113
00:04:16,729 --> 00:04:18,563
That's not a good sign.
114
00:04:18,631 --> 00:04:21,199
You're supposed to fight.
Sometimes.
115
00:04:21,266 --> 00:04:24,902
You're...Supposed to miss
the other person
116
00:04:24,970 --> 00:04:27,504
Even if they're only gone
for 20 minutes.
117
00:04:27,572 --> 00:04:29,440
And I just didn't feel that.
118
00:04:29,507 --> 00:04:31,575
Did you?
119
00:04:31,643 --> 00:04:34,511
Man, I, uh...
120
00:04:34,579 --> 00:04:37,748
I should have yelled at you
way more.
121
00:04:37,816 --> 00:04:39,850
Well, Paul just called.
122
00:04:39,918 --> 00:04:41,752
They're on their way.
123
00:04:41,820 --> 00:04:42,986
Oh, God, they're gonna
fire people, aren't they?
124
00:04:43,054 --> 00:04:45,088
Yeah, I am two years
from my pension.
125
00:04:45,156 --> 00:04:46,356
Relax, Jerry.
We don't know that.
126
00:04:46,424 --> 00:04:49,025
Maybe these people
are very helpful and pleasant--
127
00:04:49,093 --> 00:04:51,294
- Hello.
- Ha! Death!
128
00:04:51,362 --> 00:04:54,296
- Divorce filings?
- Fourth floor.
129
00:04:54,364 --> 00:04:56,365
- Hello, hello?
- Oh.
130
00:04:56,433 --> 00:04:58,166
Hey. How are you?
Hello there.
131
00:04:58,234 --> 00:04:59,367
Hi.
132
00:04:59,435 --> 00:05:01,103
Chris Traeger.
This is Ben.
133
00:05:01,170 --> 00:05:02,204
Hello, gents.
Ron Swanson.
134
00:05:02,272 --> 00:05:06,408
Ron...Swanson.
135
00:05:06,476 --> 00:05:07,609
Okay.
136
00:05:07,677 --> 00:05:09,177
I'm deputy director,
Leslie Knope.
137
00:05:09,245 --> 00:05:12,681
Leslie...Knope.
138
00:05:12,749 --> 00:05:13,849
It is fantastic to be here.
139
00:05:13,916 --> 00:05:15,017
Would you gentlemen
like a tour?
140
00:05:15,084 --> 00:05:16,184
Oh, there is quite literally
141
00:05:16,252 --> 00:05:17,653
Nothing I would rather have
in the world
142
00:05:17,720 --> 00:05:19,788
Than a tour of the parks
and recreation department
143
00:05:19,856 --> 00:05:23,725
Of the great city of Pawnee
led by Ron Swanson.
144
00:05:23,793 --> 00:05:25,293
And Leslie Knope.
145
00:05:25,361 --> 00:05:26,928
- Okay.
- Ben?
146
00:05:26,996 --> 00:05:27,996
I don't think
that's a great idea.
147
00:05:28,064 --> 00:05:29,331
- Let's do it.
- Okay.
148
00:05:29,398 --> 00:05:31,166
Chris is the most positive
state budget
149
00:05:31,233 --> 00:05:32,901
Auditing consultant
I've ever met.
150
00:05:32,968 --> 00:05:35,436
I mean,
I made eye contact with him,
151
00:05:35,504 --> 00:05:37,438
And it was like...
152
00:05:37,506 --> 00:05:39,573
Staring into the sun.
153
00:05:39,641 --> 00:05:40,741
People.
154
00:05:40,809 --> 00:05:42,743
We are here from
the state budget office
155
00:05:42,811 --> 00:05:44,612
From Indianapolis.
156
00:05:44,680 --> 00:05:45,980
Ooh! What does that mean?
157
00:05:46,048 --> 00:05:49,317
Well, simply, we are here
to tinker with your budget.
158
00:05:49,384 --> 00:05:52,653
Think of the government
as a broken down carousel.
159
00:05:52,721 --> 00:05:54,655
We're gonna slap on
a new coat of paint,
160
00:05:54,723 --> 00:05:56,857
We're gonna fix that broken
speaker system,
161
00:05:56,925 --> 00:05:58,258
And we are gonna get
those happy kids
162
00:05:58,326 --> 00:06:00,894
Back up on the horses
where they belong!
163
00:06:00,962 --> 00:06:02,062
Okay?
164
00:06:02,130 --> 00:06:04,064
Yeah.
165
00:06:04,132 --> 00:06:05,332
Okay?
166
00:06:05,400 --> 00:06:06,800
[all exclaim in agreement]
167
00:06:06,868 --> 00:06:08,235
There it is.
168
00:06:08,303 --> 00:06:10,004
My, uh, partner Ben is gonna
stick around for a little bit.
169
00:06:10,071 --> 00:06:12,906
And I will see you all later.
170
00:06:12,974 --> 00:06:14,508
Adios.
171
00:06:14,576 --> 00:06:16,577
Do you have a second?
172
00:06:21,316 --> 00:06:23,283
I really like your shirt.
173
00:06:23,351 --> 00:06:24,751
So I'd like to talk about
174
00:06:24,819 --> 00:06:27,086
Where you think there's waste
within your department.
175
00:06:27,154 --> 00:06:28,655
[both snorting]
176
00:06:28,722 --> 00:06:30,724
- There is none.
- Where do I start?
177
00:06:30,791 --> 00:06:33,526
What exactly
will you be cutting?
178
00:06:33,594 --> 00:06:34,927
And how much of it,
179
00:06:34,995 --> 00:06:38,196
And can I watch you doing it
while eating pork cracklins?
180
00:06:38,264 --> 00:06:40,365
Okay, let's start
with personnel.
181
00:06:40,433 --> 00:06:43,101
What can you tell me about
Jerry Gergich?
182
00:06:43,168 --> 00:06:45,737
He is one of the best people
on the planet.
183
00:06:45,804 --> 00:06:47,405
He's universally adored here.
184
00:06:47,473 --> 00:06:50,207
If you fired him,
there would be a revolt.
185
00:06:50,275 --> 00:06:51,576
Okay, you need to understand
186
00:06:51,644 --> 00:06:53,412
That just to keep this town
afloat,
187
00:06:53,480 --> 00:06:55,114
We probably have to cut
the budget
188
00:06:55,182 --> 00:06:58,351
Of every department
by 40% or 50%, okay?
189
00:06:58,418 --> 00:07:00,853
Well, but Chris said that
you just had to,
190
00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:02,789
You know, tinker with things.
191
00:07:02,856 --> 00:07:05,358
Yeah, he said that because
that sounds a lot better than,
192
00:07:05,426 --> 00:07:06,726
"we're going to gut it with
a machete."
193
00:07:06,794 --> 00:07:09,996
- Okay?
- [Laughs violently]
194
00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:14,635
- You're a jerk.
- I'm sorry?
195
00:07:14,702 --> 00:07:15,969
Easy.
196
00:07:16,037 --> 00:07:17,504
I'm sorry, these are
real people in a real town
197
00:07:17,571 --> 00:07:19,439
Working in a real building
with real feelings.
198
00:07:19,507 --> 00:07:21,341
This building has feelings?
199
00:07:21,408 --> 00:07:22,676
Maybe.
200
00:07:22,743 --> 00:07:24,644
There's a lot of history
in this one, maybe it does.
201
00:07:24,712 --> 00:07:26,012
How can you be
so blase about it?
202
00:07:26,079 --> 00:07:27,713
Because I didn't cause
these problems, miss Knope.
203
00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:29,849
Your government did.
204
00:07:29,916 --> 00:07:31,484
I'll get what I need
from the spreadsheets.
205
00:07:31,552 --> 00:07:34,320
Thanks.
206
00:07:37,524 --> 00:07:38,958
- What's a not-gay way
to ask him
207
00:07:39,026 --> 00:07:41,061
To go camping with me?
208
00:07:43,788 --> 00:07:44,854
- John-Ralphio.
- Lookin' hot, big t.
209
00:07:44,922 --> 00:07:46,189
Both: ♪ throw them bones ♪
210
00:07:46,257 --> 00:07:47,357
What?
211
00:07:47,424 --> 00:07:48,791
Damn, girl,
who you tryin' to impress?
212
00:07:48,859 --> 00:07:50,359
Just kidding, I know.
213
00:07:50,427 --> 00:07:53,529
- Walk away.
- Yep, you got it.
214
00:07:53,596 --> 00:07:54,963
Got your birthday shot.
215
00:07:55,031 --> 00:07:56,465
Oh, thanks.
216
00:07:56,532 --> 00:07:59,101
But now that it's legal,
I've kind of lost interest.
217
00:07:59,168 --> 00:08:02,803
Suit yourself.
218
00:08:04,773 --> 00:08:07,541
I guess our awesome new park
is on hold.
219
00:08:07,609 --> 00:08:09,309
Do you have any idea
what they're gonna cut?
220
00:08:09,377 --> 00:08:10,744
No.
221
00:08:10,812 --> 00:08:13,147
I don't know, this has been
a really crappy day.
222
00:08:13,214 --> 00:08:14,381
Where were you earlier
when I called?
223
00:08:14,449 --> 00:08:15,882
Talking to mark.
224
00:08:15,950 --> 00:08:19,252
- Again?
- Yeah.
225
00:08:19,319 --> 00:08:21,420
- You wanna get super drunk?
- I really do.
226
00:08:21,488 --> 00:08:22,655
- Yeah, where's our lady. Hey!
- Hey.
227
00:08:22,723 --> 00:08:25,525
I hope you all know,
I was instrumental
228
00:08:25,592 --> 00:08:27,259
In getting Trish crowned
miss Pawnee.
229
00:08:27,327 --> 00:08:28,427
What was your talent again?
230
00:08:28,495 --> 00:08:31,097
Oh, yeah.
Looking amazing.
231
00:08:31,165 --> 00:08:34,134
[feigns laughter]
232
00:08:34,202 --> 00:08:35,402
Hey, ladies.
233
00:08:35,470 --> 00:08:36,937
Is there anything
you desire at all besides me?
234
00:08:37,005 --> 00:08:38,572
[girls laugh]
235
00:08:38,640 --> 00:08:41,842
So funny.
You are so funny.
236
00:08:41,910 --> 00:08:44,112
- I--I'm serious, though.
237
00:08:44,179 --> 00:08:45,412
Um, are you into me?
238
00:08:45,480 --> 00:08:46,947
What?
239
00:08:47,015 --> 00:08:50,550
[hip-hop music]
240
00:08:50,618 --> 00:08:53,953
- Oh!
- [Laughs loudly]
241
00:08:54,021 --> 00:08:56,421
Chug that bitch!
Oh, rules are rules.
242
00:08:56,489 --> 00:08:59,658
♪ ♪
243
00:08:59,725 --> 00:09:03,461
Hey. April.
Oh, my gosh.
244
00:09:03,528 --> 00:09:04,528
You look amazing.
245
00:09:04,596 --> 00:09:05,629
- Oh.
- Let me see.
246
00:09:05,697 --> 00:09:06,797
- No.
- Do a twirl.
247
00:09:06,865 --> 00:09:07,865
- No.
- This is beautiful.
248
00:09:07,933 --> 00:09:09,834
No, don't look at me.
249
00:09:09,902 --> 00:09:12,170
No, look. Look at me.
Happy Birthday.
250
00:09:12,238 --> 00:09:13,338
Thank you.
251
00:09:13,406 --> 00:09:14,439
Uh, can I get you a drink?
252
00:09:14,507 --> 00:09:18,144
Or--wait.
253
00:09:18,212 --> 00:09:20,446
Yeah, I can swing it.
Can I get you a drink?
254
00:09:20,514 --> 00:09:22,482
Whiskey. Neat.
255
00:09:22,550 --> 00:09:24,484
Wow, you're not messing around.
256
00:09:24,552 --> 00:09:27,120
No. I'm not.
257
00:09:27,188 --> 00:09:31,391
♪ ♪
258
00:09:31,459 --> 00:09:32,659
Barkeep!
259
00:09:32,727 --> 00:09:35,662
Andy Dwyer.
It is so awesome to see you.
260
00:09:35,730 --> 00:09:37,330
Hey, you too, how are you?
261
00:09:37,398 --> 00:09:38,631
Let me ask you a question.
262
00:09:38,699 --> 00:09:40,666
Was I a good girlfriend?
263
00:09:40,734 --> 00:09:43,036
Ann, you were
an awesome girlfriend.
264
00:09:43,104 --> 00:09:44,771
- Really?
- Yeah.
265
00:09:44,839 --> 00:09:47,340
- Aw.
- Yeah.
266
00:09:47,408 --> 00:09:48,808
I mean, I was the screwup.
267
00:09:48,876 --> 00:09:49,976
Yeah, you were.
268
00:09:50,044 --> 00:09:51,110
[laughs nervously]
269
00:09:51,178 --> 00:09:52,579
We had a good relationship,
right?
270
00:09:52,647 --> 00:09:54,214
God, I think so.
271
00:09:54,282 --> 00:09:57,718
I mean, we fought a lot.
I know. I know.
272
00:09:57,786 --> 00:09:59,887
I know that.
Let me ask you something.
273
00:09:59,955 --> 00:10:01,689
- Mm-hmm.
- I'm hot.
274
00:10:01,756 --> 00:10:02,923
Is that a question?
275
00:10:02,991 --> 00:10:05,192
- Um, when we were together--
I can't see.
276
00:10:05,260 --> 00:10:06,493
Here.
277
00:10:06,561 --> 00:10:07,661
- When we were together--
- Yes.
278
00:10:07,729 --> 00:10:09,829
Were there times
that you were like,
279
00:10:09,897 --> 00:10:12,398
"if I don't see Ann
in, like, ten seconds,
280
00:10:12,466 --> 00:10:13,733
I'm gonna die"?
281
00:10:13,800 --> 00:10:16,101
Yes. All the time.
282
00:10:16,169 --> 00:10:17,569
I loved Andy.
283
00:10:17,637 --> 00:10:19,070
Loved him.
284
00:10:19,138 --> 00:10:20,705
Loved Andy.
285
00:10:20,772 --> 00:10:24,041
He was a totally helpless baby
when we met.
286
00:10:24,109 --> 00:10:25,909
I dated him for three years.
287
00:10:25,977 --> 00:10:29,379
Now he's an adult with a job.
288
00:10:29,447 --> 00:10:33,283
And some other girl
is gonna reap the rewards
289
00:10:33,350 --> 00:10:36,519
Of my hard work?
290
00:10:36,587 --> 00:10:38,588
That's bull[bleep].
291
00:10:42,860 --> 00:10:45,428
I'm reading this, and I'm like,
292
00:10:45,496 --> 00:10:48,197
How could they
hurt those gorillas like that?
293
00:10:48,265 --> 00:10:51,967
They're such gentle,
magnificent creatures, you know?
294
00:10:52,035 --> 00:10:53,769
I'm an animal lover,
I don't know.
295
00:10:53,836 --> 00:10:57,305
Hey, I, um, want you to keep
this bottlecap.
296
00:10:57,372 --> 00:10:59,106
So you'll always remember me
297
00:10:59,174 --> 00:11:01,909
And the first time we met.
298
00:11:01,977 --> 00:11:04,645
Classic game.
Plant the seed.
299
00:11:04,713 --> 00:11:06,080
Harvest like a half hour later.
300
00:11:06,147 --> 00:11:09,717
Here you go.
Sorry that took forever.
301
00:11:09,785 --> 00:11:11,920
God.
302
00:11:11,988 --> 00:11:14,890
Hey, baby, you miss me?
'cause I missed you.
303
00:11:14,957 --> 00:11:16,058
Oh, look at this.
John-Ralphio.
304
00:11:16,125 --> 00:11:17,692
Oh, hey. Andy.
305
00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:18,794
Andy.
That's an all right name.
306
00:11:18,861 --> 00:11:20,128
That's an all right name.
307
00:11:20,196 --> 00:11:22,398
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
308
00:11:22,465 --> 00:11:25,201
- Are you guys--are you guys
hanging out together?
309
00:11:25,269 --> 00:11:26,602
Yeah, uh, maybe.
310
00:11:26,670 --> 00:11:28,004
You know, he asked me out
so many times.
311
00:11:28,071 --> 00:11:29,338
I guess he wore me down.
312
00:11:29,406 --> 00:11:31,340
[chuckles] I'm very persistent.
313
00:11:31,407 --> 00:11:32,541
Come over here.
Come over here.
314
00:11:32,608 --> 00:11:34,142
- I can hear you. I can--
- Come over here.
315
00:11:34,210 --> 00:11:35,877
One time, I waited outside
a woman's house
316
00:11:35,945 --> 00:11:38,613
For five days just to show her
how serious I was
317
00:11:38,680 --> 00:11:39,947
About wanting to drill her.
318
00:11:40,015 --> 00:11:41,815
Turns out,
it was the wrong house.
319
00:11:41,883 --> 00:11:43,283
She loved the story anyway.
320
00:11:43,350 --> 00:11:44,817
We got to third base.
Over the pants.
321
00:11:44,885 --> 00:11:46,986
- That's so cute.
- Yeah, super cute.
322
00:11:47,054 --> 00:11:48,321
- Wow.
- Right?
323
00:11:48,389 --> 00:11:49,956
Do you want a Remy Martin?
Probably good.
324
00:11:50,024 --> 00:11:51,291
Okay, I'll get you one.
325
00:11:51,359 --> 00:11:54,361
Two Remy Martins.
Here we go.
326
00:11:56,464 --> 00:11:57,665
You can have my Remy Martin.
327
00:11:57,732 --> 00:12:01,669
For your birthday.
328
00:12:01,737 --> 00:12:03,238
I thought she liked me.
329
00:12:03,306 --> 00:12:06,308
I guess I'm super bad
at picking up signals.
330
00:12:08,311 --> 00:12:11,346
But that Ralph Macchio guy's
a total douche.
331
00:12:11,414 --> 00:12:14,650
Did I give you a bottlecap?
332
00:12:14,717 --> 00:12:16,852
Excuse me.
Did I give you a bottlecap?
333
00:12:16,920 --> 00:12:18,453
- What?
- Ugh!
334
00:12:18,521 --> 00:12:21,523
Did I give any of you guys
a bottlecap?
335
00:12:21,591 --> 00:12:24,392
You sure?
336
00:12:24,460 --> 00:12:26,027
Who the [bleep]
did I give a bottlecap to?
337
00:12:26,095 --> 00:12:27,996
♪ fast money, fast cars ♪
338
00:12:28,063 --> 00:12:30,398
♪ fast women ♪
♪ That's how I'm livin' ♪
339
00:12:30,466 --> 00:12:32,133
♪ fast money, fast cars ♪
340
00:12:32,201 --> 00:12:34,135
♪ fast women ♪
♪ That's how I'm livin' ♪
341
00:12:34,203 --> 00:12:36,437
This party sucks.
Let's get out of here.
342
00:12:36,505 --> 00:12:38,506
- It's my birthday party.
- It is?
343
00:12:38,574 --> 00:12:41,142
- Yes.
- I'm sorry, boo.
344
00:12:41,210 --> 00:12:42,810
- You know what's thirsty?
- What?
345
00:12:42,878 --> 00:12:44,378
You know what's weird?
346
00:12:44,446 --> 00:12:45,780
How thirsty I get
when I'm weird.
347
00:12:45,848 --> 00:12:47,749
- Mm-hmm.
- When I'm drunk.
348
00:12:47,816 --> 00:12:50,018
Ben the jerk is here.
349
00:12:50,085 --> 00:12:51,620
- Who are?
- That one.
350
00:12:51,688 --> 00:12:53,722
The one coming over here.
Get ready.
351
00:12:53,790 --> 00:12:55,991
Okay, Leslie, be professional.
352
00:12:56,059 --> 00:12:57,193
Hi.
353
00:12:57,261 --> 00:12:59,596
Hello, Ben.
354
00:12:59,663 --> 00:13:02,332
Um, look, uh,
355
00:13:02,400 --> 00:13:05,068
I kind of feel like
we got off on the wrong foot. G
356
00:13:05,136 --> 00:13:07,704
So I just wanted to stop by
and--
357
00:13:07,772 --> 00:13:09,740
- Yeah, well, save your breath,
okay?
358
00:13:09,807 --> 00:13:12,375
Just get out of here.
359
00:13:12,442 --> 00:13:14,176
Because this is a party
with my friends
360
00:13:14,244 --> 00:13:15,678
And you're trying to fire
all my friends.
361
00:13:15,745 --> 00:13:17,045
- I--
362
00:13:17,113 --> 00:13:18,679
- Plus I just talked to
everybody in this bar
363
00:13:18,747 --> 00:13:20,214
And nobody wants you here.
364
00:13:20,282 --> 00:13:23,084
- Um, okay, then I'll--
I'll just see you tomorrow.
365
00:13:23,151 --> 00:13:25,018
- Mm-hmm.
- Sorry to bother you.
366
00:13:25,086 --> 00:13:28,355
Get out of here.
367
00:13:28,423 --> 00:13:31,992
Leslie,
that was so professional.
368
00:13:32,059 --> 00:13:33,360
I'm so proud of you.
369
00:13:33,427 --> 00:13:34,761
Thank you.
370
00:13:37,734 --> 00:13:39,334
- You have to help me.
- Ow.
371
00:13:39,402 --> 00:13:42,604
I know, me too.
But you have to help me.
372
00:13:42,672 --> 00:13:44,673
I think I may have made out
with someone last night.
373
00:13:44,741 --> 00:13:48,244
[laughs]
oh, no. Who?
374
00:13:48,311 --> 00:13:49,312
I don't remember.
375
00:13:49,379 --> 00:13:50,780
I don't even know
if it happened,
376
00:13:50,847 --> 00:13:52,682
I just had this feeling
when I woke up this morning
377
00:13:52,750 --> 00:13:54,350
Like I definitely
kissed somebody.
378
00:13:54,418 --> 00:13:55,351
- No--
379
00:13:55,419 --> 00:13:57,987
- Hey. Ann.
380
00:13:58,055 --> 00:13:59,222
Hmm.
381
00:13:59,289 --> 00:14:01,457
Oh, that was a crazy night
last night.
382
00:14:01,525 --> 00:14:03,226
[chuckles]
383
00:14:03,293 --> 00:14:06,195
Yeah, crazy.
384
00:14:06,263 --> 00:14:09,832
I mean,
I left at 11:15
385
00:14:09,899 --> 00:14:11,567
And you were still raging
pretty hard.
386
00:14:11,635 --> 00:14:14,703
Oh, I was. I was.
387
00:14:14,771 --> 00:14:16,705
[laughs] good.
388
00:14:16,773 --> 00:14:17,940
Yeah.
So it's not Jerry.
389
00:14:18,008 --> 00:14:19,342
Help me.
390
00:14:19,410 --> 00:14:20,977
I'll keep an ear to the ground.
391
00:14:21,045 --> 00:14:22,879
But right now, I have to go
swallow my pride.
392
00:14:22,946 --> 00:14:25,014
Mm, mm.
393
00:14:25,082 --> 00:14:26,549
Leslie, Leslie.
Welcome, welcome, welcome.
394
00:14:26,617 --> 00:14:27,950
Hi, you have
a lot of bottles there.
395
00:14:28,018 --> 00:14:29,185
Oh, yeah, would you like
a vitamin?
396
00:14:29,253 --> 00:14:32,255
B12? Evening primrose oil?
Willow bark? Magnesium?
397
00:14:32,323 --> 00:14:33,823
- No, thank you.
- You sure?
398
00:14:33,891 --> 00:14:35,692
Really good for hangovers.
Okay, I'll take one.
399
00:14:35,760 --> 00:14:38,462
I take care of my body
above all else.
400
00:14:38,529 --> 00:14:41,499
Diet, exercise,
supplements, positive thinking.
401
00:14:41,567 --> 00:14:43,234
Scientists believe that
the first human being
402
00:14:43,302 --> 00:14:46,271
Who will live 150 years
has already been born.
403
00:14:46,339 --> 00:14:48,974
I believe I am
that human being.
404
00:14:49,042 --> 00:14:51,043
So. What brings you here
so early?
405
00:14:51,111 --> 00:14:53,178
I'm here to speak to Ben,
actually.
406
00:14:53,246 --> 00:14:54,346
Great.
407
00:14:54,414 --> 00:14:55,614
I'm gonna listen to
some ocean sounds
408
00:14:55,682 --> 00:14:58,617
And so some chin-ups.
409
00:15:01,521 --> 00:15:03,922
So I'd like to apologize
for yesterday.
410
00:15:03,990 --> 00:15:06,024
Don't worry about it.
411
00:15:06,091 --> 00:15:08,359
Now what I did
was out of line. Twice.
412
00:15:08,427 --> 00:15:11,362
And I was worked up
because obviously,
413
00:15:11,429 --> 00:15:12,863
You represent a threat
to my department.
414
00:15:12,930 --> 00:15:14,631
Your city counsel
and your Mayor
415
00:15:14,699 --> 00:15:16,166
Are the threats to
your department.
416
00:15:16,233 --> 00:15:17,366
We didn't do anything
417
00:15:17,434 --> 00:15:19,234
To get you into
this situation, okay?
418
00:15:19,302 --> 00:15:20,536
Okay, look, Ben,
419
00:15:20,604 --> 00:15:22,404
I don't appreciate
your callous attitude, okay?
420
00:15:22,472 --> 00:15:23,906
- Really?
- Yeah, really.
421
00:15:23,974 --> 00:15:25,207
Okay.
422
00:15:25,275 --> 00:15:27,776
You may hold my fate
in your hands like a small bird,
423
00:15:27,844 --> 00:15:31,713
But I still think
you're an ass.
424
00:15:31,781 --> 00:15:33,115
You wanna get a beer?
425
00:15:33,183 --> 00:15:35,217
It's, like,
10:30 in the morning.
426
00:15:35,285 --> 00:15:36,719
Yeah. You seem like
you could use a beer.
427
00:15:36,786 --> 00:15:38,453
Let's get a beer.
428
00:15:38,521 --> 00:15:39,621
- Well--
429
00:15:39,689 --> 00:15:41,891
- Oh, oh, oh, oh.
Don't keep him too long.
430
00:15:41,958 --> 00:15:44,426
I need someone to be here
when I take my multivitamin.
431
00:15:44,494 --> 00:15:46,529
There's a choking hazard.
432
00:15:46,596 --> 00:15:49,065
Okay, can we go?
433
00:15:49,132 --> 00:15:51,233
Oh, my God.
434
00:15:51,301 --> 00:15:52,835
You don't remember anything
435
00:15:52,902 --> 00:15:53,969
That happened last night,
do you?
436
00:15:54,037 --> 00:15:55,771
- No.
- Wow.
437
00:15:55,838 --> 00:15:59,207
For once, it's Ann
who blacked out drunk
438
00:15:59,275 --> 00:16:00,375
And not Andy.
439
00:16:00,443 --> 00:16:01,910
- Okay.
- Oh, my gosh.
440
00:16:01,978 --> 00:16:02,977
This is--
that's really dangerous.
441
00:16:03,045 --> 00:16:04,212
Please tell me.
442
00:16:04,280 --> 00:16:05,747
This is going to be so fun
443
00:16:05,815 --> 00:16:08,383
Letting you dangle
until I finally reveal
444
00:16:08,450 --> 00:16:10,718
That we did not make out.
445
00:16:10,786 --> 00:16:12,119
Oh, [bleep].
446
00:16:12,187 --> 00:16:13,721
Damn it.
447
00:16:13,789 --> 00:16:16,090
Good. See ya.
448
00:16:16,158 --> 00:16:18,626
All right.
449
00:16:18,693 --> 00:16:21,695
Hey, I need to settle my bill
from last night.
450
00:16:21,763 --> 00:16:23,130
Tom Haverford.
451
00:16:23,197 --> 00:16:25,932
Okay.
[clears throat]
452
00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:28,835
Wow, you had 47 drinks
last night?
453
00:16:28,903 --> 00:16:31,805
Ten cosmos,
eight Smirnoff ices,
454
00:16:31,873 --> 00:16:33,941
And everything else starts with
the word pomegranate.
455
00:16:34,008 --> 00:16:35,609
Aw. Was it
your bachelorette party?
456
00:16:35,677 --> 00:16:37,311
No.
457
00:16:37,378 --> 00:16:39,746
I invited a bunch of girls here
last night,
458
00:16:39,814 --> 00:16:42,783
And they all put drinks
on my tab.
459
00:16:42,851 --> 00:16:44,851
And then I went home alone.
460
00:16:44,919 --> 00:16:46,019
I'm not sure what happened.
461
00:16:46,087 --> 00:16:47,320
You invited
a bunch of girls here
462
00:16:47,388 --> 00:16:48,788
And then you tried to hit on
all of them.
463
00:16:48,856 --> 00:16:51,024
Fair enough.
464
00:16:51,092 --> 00:16:52,292
I mean, what were you
expecting was gonna happen,
465
00:16:52,359 --> 00:16:53,459
A 43-way?
466
00:16:53,527 --> 00:16:56,329
That would have been
a little out of control.
467
00:16:56,396 --> 00:16:57,530
- But awesome.
- Yeah.
468
00:16:57,597 --> 00:16:59,298
The problem is
I only have 15 penises.
469
00:16:59,366 --> 00:17:01,367
So there would have been
28 girls there
470
00:17:01,434 --> 00:17:02,868
That were really upset with me.
471
00:17:02,936 --> 00:17:06,605
[both chuckle]
472
00:17:06,673 --> 00:17:10,776
All right, well, thanks.
473
00:17:10,844 --> 00:17:13,112
[clears throat]
474
00:17:13,180 --> 00:17:16,348
Hey, uh, would you wanna get
a drink tomorrow night?
475
00:17:18,084 --> 00:17:20,219
- Does it have to be here?
- No.
476
00:17:20,287 --> 00:17:22,121
Then sure.
I'm Lucy.
477
00:17:22,189 --> 00:17:25,024
Let you give me
my phone number.
478
00:17:25,092 --> 00:17:27,794
Mm.
479
00:17:27,862 --> 00:17:28,962
Wow, that tastes really good.
480
00:17:29,030 --> 00:17:31,464
Mm. How's your head?
481
00:17:31,532 --> 00:17:34,200
Mushy.
482
00:17:34,268 --> 00:17:35,835
I'm sorry that I yelled at you.
483
00:17:35,903 --> 00:17:37,136
All three times.
484
00:17:37,204 --> 00:17:38,838
But I don't think
you know anything
485
00:17:38,905 --> 00:17:40,172
About my department.
486
00:17:40,240 --> 00:17:42,908
Have you ever been part of
a government body before?
487
00:17:42,975 --> 00:17:44,943
Uh, I have. Yeah.
488
00:17:45,011 --> 00:17:47,312
In a small town
called partridge, Minnesota.
489
00:17:49,381 --> 00:17:51,983
Why does that sound familiar?
490
00:17:54,654 --> 00:17:56,655
You're Benji Wyatt?
I am.
491
00:17:56,723 --> 00:17:57,990
When I was 18,
492
00:17:58,058 --> 00:18:01,928
I ran for Mayor of
my small town and won.
493
00:18:01,996 --> 00:18:05,532
Little bit of anti-establishment
voter rebellion, I guess.
494
00:18:05,600 --> 00:18:08,202
Here's the thing, though,
about 18-year-olds.
495
00:18:08,270 --> 00:18:10,071
They're idiots.
496
00:18:10,138 --> 00:18:11,772
So I pretty much
ran the place into the ground
497
00:18:11,840 --> 00:18:15,809
After two months
and got impeached.
498
00:18:15,877 --> 00:18:18,411
Worst part was,
my parents grounded me.
499
00:18:18,479 --> 00:18:20,247
Oh, my God, you were so cute.
500
00:18:20,314 --> 00:18:21,248
Oh, well, thank you.
501
00:18:21,315 --> 00:18:22,249
What was that song you played
502
00:18:22,316 --> 00:18:23,584
At the swearing-in ceremony?
503
00:18:23,651 --> 00:18:27,220
Whoomp! There it is
is what it was, yeah.
504
00:18:27,288 --> 00:18:28,788
God, I was so jealous of you.
505
00:18:28,856 --> 00:18:29,989
You shouldn't have been.
506
00:18:30,057 --> 00:18:31,691
I mean, it ended up
kind of ruining my life.
507
00:18:31,759 --> 00:18:33,826
I mean,
now I'm balancing budgets
508
00:18:33,894 --> 00:18:35,294
So I can show people
I'm responsible.
509
00:18:35,361 --> 00:18:37,896
And so I can
run for office again someday
510
00:18:37,964 --> 00:18:40,966
And not be laughed at,
you know?
511
00:18:41,033 --> 00:18:42,600
I mean, you wanna
run for office someday, right?
512
00:18:42,668 --> 00:18:46,070
Yeah. How'd you know?
513
00:18:46,138 --> 00:18:47,271
Well, you have to be able
to make decisions
514
00:18:47,339 --> 00:18:48,406
Like this, Leslie.
515
00:18:48,473 --> 00:18:50,207
You have to be harsh.
You know?
516
00:18:50,275 --> 00:18:51,708
No one's gonna elect you
to do anything
517
00:18:51,776 --> 00:18:54,411
If you don't show that
you're a responsible grown-up.
518
00:18:54,478 --> 00:18:56,412
Yeah.
519
00:18:56,480 --> 00:18:57,713
Well.
520
00:18:57,781 --> 00:19:00,116
Oh, no, please,
Mr. Mayor. Let me.
521
00:19:00,183 --> 00:19:01,950
♪ whoomp! There it is ♪
522
00:19:02,018 --> 00:19:03,218
Okay.
523
00:19:03,285 --> 00:19:06,621
Mm.
524
00:19:06,689 --> 00:19:08,990
Mm.
525
00:19:09,058 --> 00:19:11,493
- Everything okay?
- Hmm?
526
00:19:11,561 --> 00:19:12,994
Mm.
527
00:19:13,062 --> 00:19:15,063
No.
528
00:19:25,675 --> 00:19:27,977
- You ready?
- Yeah.
529
00:19:35,318 --> 00:19:38,386
Hey, Ron,
did we make out last night?
530
00:19:38,454 --> 00:19:39,987
Good God, woman, no.
531
00:19:40,055 --> 00:19:41,789
Okay.
Well, that's it.
532
00:19:41,856 --> 00:19:43,290
That's all the men that I know.
533
00:19:43,358 --> 00:19:45,659
You guys just knocked it
completely out of the park.
534
00:19:45,727 --> 00:19:49,563
And I appreciate it
and we will see you later.
535
00:19:51,265 --> 00:19:54,001
[laughs]
hey. Ann Perkins.
536
00:19:54,068 --> 00:19:58,206
- Hey.
- Hey. Well.
537
00:19:58,273 --> 00:20:00,541
Uh, April's party?
April's party?
538
00:20:00,609 --> 00:20:02,210
Yeah, hey, man.
How's it going?
539
00:20:02,277 --> 00:20:04,779
- Hey.
- Hey.
540
00:20:04,847 --> 00:20:05,947
Come here.
541
00:20:06,015 --> 00:20:07,783
There's no reason
not to love him,
542
00:20:07,851 --> 00:20:08,984
But I--I didn't.
543
00:20:09,052 --> 00:20:14,189
♪ highway to the danger zone ♪
544
00:20:14,257 --> 00:20:15,824
I'm calling you a cab.
545
00:20:15,892 --> 00:20:17,894
- You know what,
I just--
546
00:20:17,961 --> 00:20:22,231
- Mm.
547
00:20:22,299 --> 00:20:24,333
Mm-mm-mm, mm-mm-mm.
548
00:20:24,401 --> 00:20:26,635
Mm.
549
00:20:26,703 --> 00:20:27,736
Okay, let's get in the cab.
550
00:20:27,804 --> 00:20:30,505
Go ahead.
Boo.
551
00:20:30,573 --> 00:20:31,573
Fancy this.
552
00:20:31,641 --> 00:20:34,109
Um, listen,
I have meetings all day,
553
00:20:34,176 --> 00:20:36,411
But I'd love to chat with you;
Can I call you?
554
00:20:36,479 --> 00:20:38,881
You have my phone number?
555
00:20:38,948 --> 00:20:41,149
No, you couldn't remember
your phone number.
556
00:20:41,217 --> 00:20:42,317
But you gave me your phone.
557
00:20:42,385 --> 00:20:44,052
Terrific.
That's great.
558
00:20:44,119 --> 00:20:45,186
We'll talk later.
559
00:20:45,254 --> 00:20:47,355
Okay.
♪ danger zone ♪
560
00:20:47,423 --> 00:20:50,625
Come on, guys.
561
00:20:50,693 --> 00:20:52,661
We'll talk later.
562
00:20:52,728 --> 00:20:57,333
This suggested plan reduces
our overall budget by 35%.
563
00:20:57,400 --> 00:20:59,402
And it contains very practical
deep cuts
564
00:20:59,469 --> 00:21:01,104
In many of our services.
565
00:21:01,171 --> 00:21:03,340
Uh, Leslie, this is amazing.
566
00:21:03,407 --> 00:21:04,541
But it's moot.
567
00:21:04,609 --> 00:21:05,576
Why?
568
00:21:05,643 --> 00:21:07,945
Our investigation has revealed
569
00:21:08,013 --> 00:21:10,247
That things in Pawnee
are much worse
570
00:21:10,314 --> 00:21:11,348
Than we anticipated.
571
00:21:11,416 --> 00:21:12,950
Meaning what?
572
00:21:13,017 --> 00:21:14,784
Well, effective
tomorrow morning,
573
00:21:14,852 --> 00:21:15,885
The entire government
will be shut down
574
00:21:15,953 --> 00:21:20,290
Until further notice.
575
00:21:20,358 --> 00:21:21,525
I'm sorry,
I just started hearing
576
00:21:21,592 --> 00:21:23,226
Really loud circus music
in my head.
577
00:21:23,294 --> 00:21:24,495
What did you say?
578
00:21:26,317 --> 00:21:29,186
♪ November,
your bangs are cute ♪
579
00:21:29,254 --> 00:21:32,490
♪ November,
your voice is a flute ♪
580
00:21:32,558 --> 00:21:34,225
♪ November ♪
581
00:21:34,293 --> 00:21:40,099
♪ let's pretend the sky
is for us ♪
582
00:21:40,167 --> 00:21:45,071
♪ let's spread our wings
and fly on a date ♪
583
00:21:45,139 --> 00:21:48,574
♪ I wanna go on a date
with you ♪
584
00:21:48,642 --> 00:21:50,609
♪ November ♪
585
00:21:50,677 --> 00:21:52,544
Sync by kuniva for addic7ed.com
586
00:21:52,612 --> 00:21:56,247
That song is about April.
587
00:21:56,297 --> 00:22:00,847
Repair and Synchronization by
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