Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,625 --> 00:00:05,016
Britain and America, the two mostrespected countries in the world.
2
00:00:05,255 --> 00:00:08,691
That we also have the most weaponsis purely coincidental.
3
00:00:08,884 --> 00:00:11,318
And yet, there are many differencesbetween us.
4
00:00:11,471 --> 00:00:14,668
You have no ideawhat art and literature are.
5
00:00:14,850 --> 00:00:17,683
We have no idea what Hannah Montana is.
6
00:00:17,853 --> 00:00:20,765
You know nothing of mannersor social etiquette.
7
00:00:20,940 --> 00:00:24,728
We are unfamiliar with Chuck E Cheese'sPizza Emporiums.
8
00:00:24,944 --> 00:00:28,903
But the people of our two nationsalso share so much,
9
00:00:29,116 --> 00:00:31,152
as we are about to find out.
10
00:00:31,285 --> 00:00:34,675
It's time for Little Britain USA.
11
00:00:35,039 --> 00:00:37,507
One of the most popular pastimesin Britain,
12
00:00:37,667 --> 00:00:40,420
after dog-fightingand mocking the afflicted,
13
00:00:40,587 --> 00:00:43,181
is transvestism.
14
00:00:43,340 --> 00:00:45,979
Excuse me! I did not steal a dress!
15
00:00:46,135 --> 00:00:47,966
I was merely trying it on for size,
16
00:00:48,096 --> 00:00:51,293
forgot to take it off and walked out of
the store. Silly me!
17
00:00:51,475 --> 00:00:54,069
- Tell it to the judge.
- Unhand me, you brute!
18
00:00:54,228 --> 00:00:57,698
Rape, rape, lady rape! Oh, oh!
19
00:00:57,899 --> 00:00:59,457
(ENGINE STARTING)
20
00:01:00,652 --> 00:01:02,927
At this police station in Pittsburgh,
21
00:01:03,071 --> 00:01:07,223
British transvestite Emily Howardhas found himself in a spot of bother.
22
00:01:07,451 --> 00:01:08,964
You need to do your mug shots.
23
00:01:09,078 --> 00:01:10,875
Wonderful!
24
00:01:10,997 --> 00:01:13,306
Face the camera, please, sir.
25
00:01:15,043 --> 00:01:15,953
Turn to your left.
26
00:01:16,837 --> 00:01:18,475
Turn to the right.
27
00:01:18,589 --> 00:01:21,581
Oooooh, fashion!
28
00:01:25,389 --> 00:01:27,220
OK, name?
29
00:01:27,349 --> 00:01:29,021
Emily Howard.
30
00:01:31,854 --> 00:01:33,253
(LOW PITCH) Eddie Howard.
31
00:01:34,441 --> 00:01:35,476
Sex?
32
00:01:35,567 --> 00:01:37,080
We've only just met!
33
00:01:37,194 --> 00:01:38,343
Gender.
34
00:01:38,445 --> 00:01:41,835
Well, how utterly absurd! I'm a lady.
I do ladies' things.
35
00:01:43,326 --> 00:01:45,157
(LOW PITCH) Male.
36
00:01:45,286 --> 00:01:46,514
Marital status?
37
00:01:47,873 --> 00:01:50,751
Many proposals from eligible gentlemen,
38
00:01:50,918 --> 00:01:52,909
but I don't have a ring on my finger
just yet.
39
00:01:54,213 --> 00:01:56,522
(LOW PITCH) Wife and three kids.
40
00:01:59,386 --> 00:02:00,785
OK, you're allowed one phone call.
41
00:02:04,433 --> 00:02:06,469
(DIALLING)
42
00:02:06,602 --> 00:02:08,274
(RINGING TONE)
43
00:02:10,190 --> 00:02:11,828
Hello, Tommy?
44
00:02:11,942 --> 00:02:13,773
It's Daddy.
45
00:02:13,902 --> 00:02:15,255
Is Mummy there?
46
00:02:15,362 --> 00:02:19,913
No. Well, can you tell Mummy
Daddy's been arrested?
47
00:02:21,244 --> 00:02:24,634
He's in a police station
and he's wearing a dress...
48
00:02:24,831 --> 00:02:27,299
but there's nothing to worry about.
49
00:02:27,459 --> 00:02:29,097
OK. Bye.
50
00:02:31,089 --> 00:02:32,078
(MOUTHING)
51
00:02:33,258 --> 00:02:38,810
It is a widely known fact that 90% ofAmericans cannot write their own name.
52
00:02:39,098 --> 00:02:40,975
Just watering this plant.
53
00:02:41,100 --> 00:02:44,536
But the top minds in the countryattend universities like this one.
54
00:02:44,729 --> 00:02:46,162
(KNOCKING)
Come in!
55
00:02:48,400 --> 00:02:49,389
Hey, Linda.
56
00:02:49,485 --> 00:02:52,841
- Hello, Steven. Take a seat.
- Sure.
57
00:02:54,115 --> 00:02:56,106
So...
58
00:02:57,327 --> 00:02:58,806
How can I help you?
59
00:02:58,912 --> 00:02:59,947
Well, all I need to know
60
00:03:00,038 --> 00:03:03,348
is when my essay on contemporary
African-American playwrights is due in.
61
00:03:03,542 --> 00:03:07,376
I'm not sure.
I'll call Martin and find out.
62
00:03:10,133 --> 00:03:12,852
Martin, it's Linda.
63
00:03:13,012 --> 00:03:16,641
I've got a student here, needs to know
when his essay is due in.
64
00:03:16,849 --> 00:03:17,838
(WHISPERING) Yeah.
65
00:03:17,934 --> 00:03:21,688
Steven, Steven Morrow. The grad student.
You know Steven.
66
00:03:21,897 --> 00:03:24,491
Um, how can I describe him?
67
00:03:24,650 --> 00:03:28,245
Er, black hair, nice jazzy waistcoats.
68
00:03:28,446 --> 00:03:29,674
Puts you in mind of a Hobbit.
69
00:03:31,449 --> 00:03:33,007
Gets his clothes from Baby Gap.
70
00:03:34,119 --> 00:03:35,438
Would've made a fabulous Ewok.
71
00:03:37,331 --> 00:03:40,368
You know... (AS GARY COLEMAN)
"Whatchu talkin' about, Willis?"
72
00:03:40,543 --> 00:03:43,011
That's the one, yeah.
73
00:03:43,171 --> 00:03:45,810
Yes, I did the face. Yes. Thanks.
74
00:03:45,966 --> 00:03:48,639
It's due in on Monday.
75
00:03:48,802 --> 00:03:49,791
Thanks.
76
00:03:52,515 --> 00:03:56,394
# Oompa Loompa, doompadee doo... #
77
00:04:01,609 --> 00:04:03,998
The best way for the American male
78
00:04:04,153 --> 00:04:08,783
to indulge his repressed homoerotictendencies is to attend a gym.
79
00:04:10,118 --> 00:04:13,076
- Impressive shower.
- Truly so.
80
00:04:18,545 --> 00:04:20,297
Whoar!
81
00:04:20,422 --> 00:04:22,538
Whoar.
82
00:04:30,141 --> 00:04:31,779
Oooh!
83
00:04:31,893 --> 00:04:33,531
Man, that is funny!
84
00:04:33,645 --> 00:04:37,638
Whoa! Don't you dare do that to me
after I've just done that to you.
85
00:04:37,858 --> 00:04:39,371
- Whoa!
- Whoa!
86
00:04:39,485 --> 00:04:42,079
(LAUGHING)
87
00:04:42,238 --> 00:04:43,876
- Whoa!
- Whoa!
88
00:04:45,117 --> 00:04:46,596
Whoa!
89
00:04:46,702 --> 00:04:48,055
Whoa, you've got a...
90
00:04:49,789 --> 00:04:51,859
(GASPING)
91
00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:53,069
Oh, you've got a...
92
00:04:53,168 --> 00:04:55,079
Ooh!
93
00:04:55,212 --> 00:04:58,170
Ah, ah, OK, don't worry, bro.
94
00:04:58,340 --> 00:05:00,092
It's all good.
95
00:05:00,217 --> 00:05:04,256
Just imagine you're taking a cold shower
with Danny DeVito.
96
00:05:04,472 --> 00:05:07,908
(BREATHING DEEPLY)
97
00:05:08,101 --> 00:05:10,012
That's making it worse!
98
00:05:10,145 --> 00:05:12,215
Me too!
99
00:05:13,483 --> 00:05:18,318
One of the inmates at this boot camp inUtah is British teenager Vicky Pollard.
100
00:05:18,572 --> 00:05:20,961
Vicky has been getting into troubleall her life.
101
00:05:21,116 --> 00:05:24,506
Her first court appearance for assaultwas when she was two.
102
00:05:24,704 --> 00:05:28,458
Vicky Pollard! Are you trying to escape?
103
00:05:28,667 --> 00:05:31,261
Errrrm...
104
00:05:31,420 --> 00:05:36,335
No, but yeah, but no, but yeah, but no,
105
00:05:36,592 --> 00:05:38,822
I'm not, actually, because what happened
was this whole thing happened
106
00:05:38,970 --> 00:05:41,609
what I don't even know nothing about
cos I was, like, totally asleep
107
00:05:41,765 --> 00:05:44,279
and then all of a sudden I heard this
little bird tweeting
108
00:05:44,435 --> 00:05:45,914
like it was stuck up on a fence
or something
109
00:05:46,020 --> 00:05:48,580
so I climbed up here to save it
and I got caught instead.
110
00:05:48,731 --> 00:05:51,609
But that's, like, typical of me because
I'll do anything for animals
111
00:05:51,776 --> 00:05:54,688
cos I totally love them and I've only got
one conviction for animal cruelty
112
00:05:54,863 --> 00:05:58,299
and that was only because I tied Bethany
Ray's hamster to a firework and set it off
113
00:05:58,492 --> 00:06:00,528
and she called the police and said
I killed it and I got done for it.
114
00:06:00,661 --> 00:06:02,970
But they never found the body so how could
they prove it was hamster murder?
115
00:06:03,123 --> 00:06:05,762
We take attempts to escape very seriously.
116
00:06:05,917 --> 00:06:08,875
Oh, my God, I so can't believe
you just said that.
117
00:06:09,046 --> 00:06:12,595
I've not never even tried to escape or
nothing. I, like, totally love this place.
118
00:06:12,800 --> 00:06:15,030
You're so kind to us
and you really look after us
119
00:06:15,178 --> 00:06:17,533
and you're always, like,
making sure we're nice and clean.
120
00:06:17,681 --> 00:06:19,478
That must be why you always watch us
take a shower.
121
00:06:22,311 --> 00:06:23,539
We need to get you down
122
00:06:23,646 --> 00:06:27,275
and then I'm gonna take you
straight to the head warden's office.
123
00:06:27,484 --> 00:06:30,362
Good! Good! Cos I was gonna
go and see the head warden anyway
124
00:06:30,529 --> 00:06:32,247
because I'm gonna sue this place
125
00:06:32,364 --> 00:06:34,275
cos this barbed wire
has totally ripped my leggings.
126
00:06:34,408 --> 00:06:36,842
You do realise that
because you tried to escape
127
00:06:36,995 --> 00:06:40,226
that your sentence will now be increased
by another six months.
128
00:06:40,415 --> 00:06:41,564
I don't even care.
129
00:06:41,667 --> 00:06:44,227
You were due to be released tomorrow.
130
00:06:44,378 --> 00:06:45,970
Oh.
131
00:06:47,173 --> 00:06:48,891
(OWL HOOTING)
132
00:06:49,008 --> 00:06:51,363
That has actually shut me up.
133
00:06:52,637 --> 00:06:56,186
Ellie Graceis a typical, everyday American girl,
134
00:06:56,392 --> 00:07:00,226
except that she is played bya 34-year-old British man.
135
00:07:00,438 --> 00:07:03,908
Now, I know you're gonna be very brave,
Ellie Grace.
136
00:07:04,109 --> 00:07:07,579
Tonsils are teeny weeny.
They're gonna be out before you know it.
137
00:07:07,780 --> 00:07:09,418
I know, Grandma.
138
00:07:09,532 --> 00:07:12,000
And when you're better,
we're all gonna go to Disneyland.
139
00:07:12,160 --> 00:07:13,434
To where, dear?
140
00:07:13,536 --> 00:07:14,651
To Disneyland.
141
00:07:14,746 --> 00:07:19,376
Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Disneyland. Yes.
142
00:07:19,627 --> 00:07:22,061
I love you, Grandma. I love you, Mom.
143
00:07:22,213 --> 00:07:24,204
We love you too, Ellie Grace.
144
00:07:24,340 --> 00:07:26,695
I love you more than snowflakes.
145
00:07:26,843 --> 00:07:29,596
I love you more than sunshine.
146
00:07:29,763 --> 00:07:32,402
I love you more than ponies.
147
00:07:32,558 --> 00:07:33,957
I love you more than teddy bears.
148
00:07:34,060 --> 00:07:36,733
Oh! I love you more than cartoons.
149
00:07:36,896 --> 00:07:38,852
I love you more than ice cream.
150
00:07:38,982 --> 00:07:42,497
I love you more than
interracial gang bangs.
151
00:07:45,031 --> 00:07:46,510
What did she say?
152
00:07:46,616 --> 00:07:48,049
I said I love you more than inter...
153
00:07:48,159 --> 00:07:52,152
We don't need to hear it again,
Ellie Grace! Where did you get that from?
154
00:07:52,372 --> 00:07:56,843
Some of the older boys at school
said they saw a DVD of men and women
155
00:07:57,086 --> 00:08:00,203
of different ethnic origins partaking
in sexual intercourse with each other.
156
00:08:00,382 --> 00:08:02,942
Well, that stuff is just dirty,
Ellie Grace.
157
00:08:03,093 --> 00:08:07,052
But I thought you said it was good if
people from all races got along together.
158
00:08:07,264 --> 00:08:09,983
Yes, but not that well.
159
00:08:10,143 --> 00:08:11,178
What's all this?
160
00:08:11,269 --> 00:08:13,339
Oh, nothing, Mom.
161
00:08:13,480 --> 00:08:15,630
Hey, there's my brave girl!
162
00:08:15,774 --> 00:08:19,130
Are you ready now
for your little operation?
163
00:08:19,320 --> 00:08:20,799
Sure I am.
164
00:08:31,042 --> 00:08:33,875
I love you more than Toy Story 2.
165
00:08:35,130 --> 00:08:37,360
I love you more than marshmallows.
166
00:08:37,507 --> 00:08:39,463
Oh, ha, I love you more than Snoopy.
167
00:08:39,593 --> 00:08:42,027
I love you more than cupcakes.
168
00:08:42,179 --> 00:08:43,851
I love you more than black cock.
169
00:08:43,973 --> 00:08:45,725
(LIFT PINGS)
170
00:08:48,895 --> 00:08:50,214
What was that, dear?
171
00:08:50,314 --> 00:08:52,782
I said, I love you more than black cock!
172
00:08:54,026 --> 00:08:56,745
Takes after her old grandma!
173
00:09:00,784 --> 00:09:05,062
The number-one drink in Britainis boiling water.
174
00:09:05,289 --> 00:09:09,646
But in America, it is not uncommonto add some coffee beans,
175
00:09:09,878 --> 00:09:12,551
hence the success of coffee-shop chains.
176
00:09:12,714 --> 00:09:14,670
...Other than Starbucks.
177
00:09:14,800 --> 00:09:17,872
So this is the site
of the first Starbucks in the district.
178
00:09:18,054 --> 00:09:22,366
We're always looking for other properties
to expand the Starbucks franchise,
179
00:09:22,601 --> 00:09:27,231
so we've just bought this store
and we're gonna turn it into a Starbucks.
180
00:09:27,481 --> 00:09:30,359
- The store right next to the Starbucks.
- That's right.
181
00:09:30,526 --> 00:09:34,121
Say you've just come out of this Starbucks
and you want another Starbucks.
182
00:09:34,322 --> 00:09:36,597
- You can just go into this Starbucks.
- OK!
183
00:09:36,742 --> 00:09:40,621
This store we've made an offer on, we
thought it'd make the perfect site for...
184
00:09:40,830 --> 00:09:41,819
A Starbucks!
185
00:09:41,914 --> 00:09:44,508
The one right next to
the other two Starbucks.
186
00:09:44,667 --> 00:09:47,898
That's right. Crucially, this Starbucks
is different than the others.
187
00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:49,203
In what way, Steve?
188
00:09:49,298 --> 00:09:52,529
Well, Steve, we at Starbucks
have had a lot of success
189
00:09:52,718 --> 00:09:55,676
in putting branches inside other stores,
for instance, Barnes and Noble.
190
00:09:55,847 --> 00:09:57,200
We sure have!
191
00:09:59,643 --> 00:10:03,113
So in this Starbucks
we're gonna build a Starbucks.
192
00:10:03,314 --> 00:10:06,545
- A Starbucks in a Starbucks!
- That's right.
193
00:10:06,734 --> 00:10:10,443
So now you won't have to leave Starbucks
to enjoy Starbucks in your Starbucks.
194
00:10:10,655 --> 00:10:12,452
Starbucks.
195
00:10:12,574 --> 00:10:14,849
Starbucks.
196
00:10:14,994 --> 00:10:17,349
Starbucks. Starbucks.
197
00:10:17,497 --> 00:10:18,930
Starbu...
198
00:10:19,040 --> 00:10:20,359
(ELECTRICAL CRACKLE)
199
00:10:22,794 --> 00:10:27,106
Our next stop is the Capitol Buildingin Washington DC.
200
00:10:27,341 --> 00:10:31,414
As in Britain, if you have a keen interestin dodgy share dealings
201
00:10:31,638 --> 00:10:35,597
and illicit sexual liaisons,you may like to become a politician.
202
00:10:35,809 --> 00:10:39,961
Please, please. The senator would now
like to make a statement. Thank you.
203
00:10:40,189 --> 00:10:46,219
On Thursday evening, after a meeting
with the Secretary of State,
204
00:10:46,530 --> 00:10:50,079
I was driving home
to my beloved wife and children
205
00:10:50,284 --> 00:10:54,516
when I saw an Afro-Caribbean lady standing
by the side of the road
206
00:10:54,747 --> 00:10:58,820
in what I am now told
is a notorious red-light district.
207
00:11:01,088 --> 00:11:04,398
As it was 2 o'clock in the morning,
and being a responsible citizen,
208
00:11:04,592 --> 00:11:07,629
I thought the lady
might appreciate a ride home,
209
00:11:07,804 --> 00:11:09,954
so I invited her into my car.
210
00:11:11,684 --> 00:11:14,198
It was an unseasonably warm evening
211
00:11:14,353 --> 00:11:17,151
so we both decided
to take off all our clothes.
212
00:11:18,900 --> 00:11:22,688
It then became clear to me that the lady
was in fact a transsexual.
213
00:11:22,905 --> 00:11:26,614
By which I mean a person,
usually a Democrat,
214
00:11:26,826 --> 00:11:30,580
with female appearance,
but male genitalia.
215
00:11:30,789 --> 00:11:36,182
Then myself and the transsexual,
or Raymond, as he is known,
216
00:11:36,462 --> 00:11:40,011
climbed onto the back seat to engage
in a bout of wrestling.
217
00:11:40,216 --> 00:11:44,209
My wife will vouch for me.
I'm a keen fan of contact sports.
218
00:11:47,516 --> 00:11:49,188
I then became hungry.
219
00:11:49,310 --> 00:11:56,261
I went to take a bite of what I fatally
assumed was a big, black hot dog.
220
00:11:56,610 --> 00:11:58,885
At that moment the police arrived.
221
00:11:59,029 --> 00:12:01,862
Thank you so much. That is all
I have to say. Thank you. Thank you.
222
00:12:02,033 --> 00:12:05,184
(CLAMOUR OF QUESTIONS)
223
00:12:09,374 --> 00:12:12,172
Americans like to holidayin their own country,
224
00:12:12,336 --> 00:12:15,134
which suits the rest of the worldjust fine.
225
00:12:18,301 --> 00:12:20,292
Lovely afternoon, isn't it?
226
00:12:20,429 --> 00:12:22,385
Oh, beautiful. So warm.
227
00:12:22,514 --> 00:12:26,746
- Pardon me. Anyone sitting here?
- What? Uh, no, please, take a seat.
228
00:12:26,978 --> 00:12:28,411
- Thank you so much.
- Go right ahead.
229
00:12:28,521 --> 00:12:31,593
- Great hotel.
- Oh, yes. We come here every year.
230
00:12:31,942 --> 00:12:34,297
- So do we. We love it here.
- Where are you folks from?
231
00:12:34,445 --> 00:12:37,323
- We're from North Carolina.
- Oh, how funny! So are we.
232
00:12:37,490 --> 00:12:40,084
Oh. We're from a little place
in New Hanover County.
233
00:12:40,243 --> 00:12:42,120
- So are we.
- Oh, funny!
234
00:12:42,245 --> 00:12:44,679
- Do you know Crestwood?
- That's where we're from.
235
00:12:44,832 --> 00:12:45,821
We live in Crestwood!
236
00:12:45,916 --> 00:12:46,985
- No.
- I don't believe it.
237
00:12:47,084 --> 00:12:50,235
- What are the chances of that?
- I don't know. (LAUGHING)
238
00:12:50,421 --> 00:12:51,979
So whereabouts in Crestwood are you?
239
00:12:52,090 --> 00:12:56,049
Oh, if you're coming from the town centre,
you pass the church on your left
240
00:12:56,261 --> 00:12:58,217
and it's the second turn on your right.
Brooke View Drive.
241
00:12:58,347 --> 00:13:01,623
- BOTH: We live on Brooke View Drive!
- You live on Brooke View Drive?
242
00:13:01,809 --> 00:13:05,199
- Sure. Now what number Brooke View Drive?
- 42.
243
00:13:05,397 --> 00:13:06,750
(SILENCE)
244
00:13:08,484 --> 00:13:12,636
But... we live... at 42 Brooke View Drive.
245
00:13:15,700 --> 00:13:16,769
What are your names?
246
00:13:16,868 --> 00:13:19,018
Steve and Wendy Ashby.
247
00:13:23,835 --> 00:13:25,905
We're Steve and Wendy Ashby.
248
00:13:31,468 --> 00:13:33,936
ALL: Ohh...
249
00:13:37,517 --> 00:13:40,475
Back at the university...
250
00:13:40,645 --> 00:13:43,000
Mm. Moist croissant.
251
00:13:43,148 --> 00:13:44,422
(KNOCK AT DOOR)
252
00:13:44,525 --> 00:13:45,753
Come in.
253
00:13:46,777 --> 00:13:47,766
Hi, Linda.
254
00:13:47,862 --> 00:13:50,740
Ah, hello, Darin. Take a seat.
255
00:13:51,992 --> 00:13:53,903
How can I help you?
256
00:13:54,036 --> 00:13:57,392
Linda, I was wondering
if I could get an extension
257
00:13:57,581 --> 00:13:58,696
on my dissertation on feminist poetry.
258
00:13:58,791 --> 00:14:02,306
It's due in on Thursday and I think
I need the weekend to finish it.
259
00:14:02,504 --> 00:14:05,894
I'm not sure.
I'll call Martin and find out.
260
00:14:10,054 --> 00:14:12,090
Martin, it's Linda.
261
00:14:12,223 --> 00:14:16,057
I've got a student here who needs
an extension on his dissertation.
262
00:14:16,269 --> 00:14:19,386
Darin. Darin Chao.
263
00:14:19,565 --> 00:14:22,716
How can I describe him? Um...
264
00:14:22,902 --> 00:14:28,454
Black hair, big fan of noodles.
Pen pals with Clay Aiken.
265
00:14:30,911 --> 00:14:33,027
That's right, the ladyboy.
266
00:14:34,457 --> 00:14:35,856
OK.
267
00:14:35,959 --> 00:14:37,028
He says that's fine.
268
00:14:38,169 --> 00:14:39,363
Thanks.
269
00:14:44,844 --> 00:14:45,833
Bye.
270
00:14:45,928 --> 00:14:48,237
Me love you long time!
271
00:14:51,435 --> 00:14:55,826
Today, British tourists Lou and Andyare visiting a zoo.
272
00:14:56,065 --> 00:14:58,738
Like many British people,I was raised in a zoo.
273
00:14:58,902 --> 00:15:01,496
I still won't eat fishunless you throw it at me.
274
00:15:01,655 --> 00:15:06,126
- I wanna go and see the Ewoks.
- No, you don't get Ewoks in a zoo, Andy.
275
00:15:06,368 --> 00:15:07,005
I know.
276
00:15:07,078 --> 00:15:10,627
LOU: Now. Do you know
what kind of animal that is?
277
00:15:10,832 --> 00:15:12,629
Monkey.
278
00:15:12,751 --> 00:15:15,948
No, it's not a monkey, it's a lion.
279
00:15:16,130 --> 00:15:17,279
Yeah, I know.
280
00:15:17,381 --> 00:15:20,851
Now, that's a male lion. Do you know
what female lions are called?
281
00:15:21,052 --> 00:15:23,361
Mrs Lion.
282
00:15:24,598 --> 00:15:29,149
No, it's a lioness.
Now, what do you think lions eat?
283
00:15:32,940 --> 00:15:33,929
Food.
284
00:15:35,110 --> 00:15:38,068
That's right! Yeah! Well done!
285
00:15:38,238 --> 00:15:40,468
Yeah, they do eat food.
286
00:15:40,616 --> 00:15:45,451
"The lion enjoys a diet that includes
wildebeest, zebras and buffalo."
287
00:15:45,705 --> 00:15:47,935
Yeah, I know. I wanna go and stroke it.
288
00:15:48,083 --> 00:15:50,597
Oh, no, no, no. You're not allowed
to stroke the lion.
289
00:15:50,752 --> 00:15:51,787
Yeah, you are.
290
00:15:51,879 --> 00:15:54,598
No, you're not. That would be
exceedingly dangerous.
291
00:15:54,757 --> 00:15:57,954
Now, you wait here.
I'll go and get you an ice cream. OK?
292
00:16:01,598 --> 00:16:07,389
Hello there, friend. Um, could I have
two vanilla ice creams, please?
293
00:16:07,688 --> 00:16:10,043
In cones, if it's not too much
of a kerfuffle.
294
00:16:10,191 --> 00:16:14,469
American money here. Just getting
used to it cos I'm actually from England.
295
00:16:14,696 --> 00:16:18,211
You heard of England?
It's a very nice country.
296
00:16:18,409 --> 00:16:22,960
Uh, it's not as big as this country.
Um, I think probably a...
297
00:16:23,206 --> 00:16:25,720
(ROARING)
298
00:16:25,876 --> 00:16:28,151
Thanks for the ice cream, sir.
299
00:16:30,715 --> 00:16:32,626
(WET DRIPPING)
300
00:16:32,759 --> 00:16:33,669
What the?
301
00:16:34,886 --> 00:16:36,444
Have you got a plaster?
302
00:16:36,555 --> 00:16:40,548
(LIONS ROARING)
303
00:16:40,768 --> 00:16:42,599
It's all... coming out now.
304
00:16:42,895 --> 00:16:46,410
Like the British, Americans love dogs.
305
00:16:46,608 --> 00:16:49,964
Dogs were, of course, invented in 1952.
306
00:16:50,154 --> 00:16:53,226
So. What do you want for your dinner
tonight, Mr Doggy?
307
00:16:53,407 --> 00:16:57,320
(GRUFFLY) I don't mind, Mom.
Everything you give me is delicious.
308
00:16:57,537 --> 00:17:01,610
Oh, Mr Doggy! That's because
Mommy loves you very much.
309
00:17:01,834 --> 00:17:03,745
(GRUFFLY) And I love you too, Mom.
310
00:17:03,878 --> 00:17:05,596
Mwah!
311
00:17:05,713 --> 00:17:07,351
Anything for my darling boy! (LAUGHING)
312
00:17:10,135 --> 00:17:11,363
(GRUFFLY) Look at that brick.
313
00:17:11,470 --> 00:17:13,700
Which one?
314
00:17:13,847 --> 00:17:15,326
(GRUFFLY) That one.
315
00:17:15,433 --> 00:17:17,742
Oh, yes. I see it.
316
00:17:17,894 --> 00:17:21,091
(GRUFFLY) Wouldn't you like to see that
brick go through that store window?
317
00:17:21,273 --> 00:17:23,662
Well, I... I don't know.
318
00:17:23,817 --> 00:17:27,446
(GRUFFLY) Hear the smash. See
the shards of glass fall to the ground,
319
00:17:27,655 --> 00:17:30,488
splintering everywhere,
bringing chaos and confusion!
320
00:17:30,658 --> 00:17:34,776
No, I... I wouldn't wanna see that,
Mr Doggy.
321
00:17:34,997 --> 00:17:39,707
(GRUFFLY) I would. I would love to see
that. Imagine the distress it would cause.
322
00:17:39,961 --> 00:17:44,000
Come on, Mr Doggy.
Let's get you that beefsteak.
323
00:17:44,215 --> 00:17:45,648
(GRUFFLY) Pick up the brick!
324
00:17:45,759 --> 00:17:47,317
No, I can't.
325
00:17:47,427 --> 00:17:49,224
(GRUFFLY) Pick up the brick!
326
00:17:49,346 --> 00:17:54,978
Oh, huh, if you say so, Mr Doggy... I...
327
00:17:57,105 --> 00:18:01,178
I, uh... Well, uh, I've got the brick, but
I'm not throwing it through the window.
328
00:18:01,402 --> 00:18:02,551
- (GRUFFLY) Throw it!
- No!
329
00:18:02,653 --> 00:18:04,006
(GRUFFLY)
Throw it, you piece of shit!
330
00:18:04,113 --> 00:18:07,185
- No!
- If you loved me, you'd do it.
331
00:18:07,367 --> 00:18:09,562
Ohhh...
332
00:18:09,703 --> 00:18:13,013
(SHATTERING GLASS)
333
00:18:13,207 --> 00:18:14,196
Are you happy now?
334
00:18:14,291 --> 00:18:16,521
Well, no! What in hell's
name did you do that for?
335
00:18:16,669 --> 00:18:19,979
- But you told me to...
- You are one crazy bitch.
336
00:18:20,173 --> 00:18:21,765
Oh! Oh! Oh!
337
00:18:22,092 --> 00:18:24,890
(FOGHORN BLARES)
338
00:18:25,054 --> 00:18:28,285
These British and American touristsare on a luxury cruise.
339
00:18:28,474 --> 00:18:31,591
The first cruise I ever came onwas Tom Cruise.
340
00:18:31,770 --> 00:18:34,728
So what happened to Mrs Devere?
341
00:18:34,898 --> 00:18:37,776
Her credit card was fake, so we had
no option but to put her off at Rio.
342
00:18:37,943 --> 00:18:39,012
Excellent. Thank you.
343
00:18:39,111 --> 00:18:40,226
Good evening.
344
00:18:40,321 --> 00:18:41,879
ALL: Good evening, Captain.
345
00:18:41,990 --> 00:18:44,220
And may I say, Mr Getty, what an honour
it is to have you aboard.
346
00:18:44,367 --> 00:18:46,403
That's very kind of you.
This food is delicious.
347
00:18:46,537 --> 00:18:49,654
Yes, the fish soup is extraordinary.
348
00:18:49,832 --> 00:18:52,505
Captain Douglas!
349
00:18:52,669 --> 00:18:55,388
Please, uh, carry on with your dinner.
350
00:18:55,547 --> 00:18:57,981
- Put her off at Rio, eh?
- I'm sorry?
351
00:18:58,133 --> 00:19:00,044
You didn't know I was a champion swimmer,
did you, darling?
352
00:19:00,177 --> 00:19:01,451
No, I didn't.
353
00:19:01,554 --> 00:19:05,433
Oh, yes. I doubled for Shelley Winters
in The Poseidon Adventure.
354
00:19:05,642 --> 00:19:07,678
And I did some of the long shots
in Free Willy.
355
00:19:07,811 --> 00:19:09,244
Please, Mrs Devere.
356
00:19:09,354 --> 00:19:11,345
Call me Bubbles, darling. Everybody does.
357
00:19:11,482 --> 00:19:15,111
- Can we have the discussion outside?
- No, I think everybody should know.
358
00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:18,153
Excuse me. I'm just gonna
get some assistance.
359
00:19:18,323 --> 00:19:21,076
I don't believe we've had the pleasure.
Bubbles Devere.
360
00:19:21,243 --> 00:19:23,632
- Stuart Rawlinson.
- Oh.
361
00:19:23,788 --> 00:19:26,256
- Bartok Tanner.
- Oh.
362
00:19:26,416 --> 00:19:27,895
- Mary Rawlinson.
- Ugh.
363
00:19:28,001 --> 00:19:29,320
Paul Getty the Second.
364
00:19:29,419 --> 00:19:34,652
Ooh! From the very rich Getty family?
365
00:19:34,925 --> 00:19:37,758
- Yes. Yes.
- Oh.
366
00:19:38,888 --> 00:19:41,686
MARY: Ohh!
367
00:19:43,936 --> 00:19:48,168
So. Is there a Mrs Paul Getty the Second?
368
00:19:48,399 --> 00:19:51,038
Mrs Paul Getty passed away
earlier this year.
369
00:19:51,194 --> 00:19:54,425
Champagne! Champagne for everyone!
370
00:19:54,614 --> 00:19:59,404
So, Mr Very Rich and Recently Widowed
Getty Part Deux,
371
00:19:59,662 --> 00:20:04,975
why don't you and I retire to your cabin
for a private little "dinoir" of our own?
372
00:20:05,252 --> 00:20:09,291
- Oh, no. Thank you very much, though.
- Are you sure I can't persuade you?
373
00:20:09,506 --> 00:20:10,859
Heartily.
374
00:20:15,889 --> 00:20:18,847
Oh. You've dropped your napkin.
375
00:20:21,729 --> 00:20:22,718
Oh!
376
00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:27,709
You've got a starfish
in the middle of your...
377
00:20:31,323 --> 00:20:32,802
Oh, ha-ha!
378
00:20:35,578 --> 00:20:39,617
Meet me round the back of the lifeboats
in fifteen minutes.
379
00:20:39,833 --> 00:20:41,346
No. No, thank you, huh...
380
00:20:41,460 --> 00:20:43,894
(MUFFLED PROTESTS)
381
00:20:46,632 --> 00:20:50,068
The United Nationsis an international organisation
382
00:20:50,261 --> 00:20:54,049
that America and Britain consult to see ifthey should start a war with somebody
383
00:20:54,266 --> 00:20:57,656
and whose advicethey then completely ignore.
384
00:20:57,853 --> 00:20:59,366
...Which is why I strongly believe
that military action
385
00:20:59,480 --> 00:21:02,677
should be taken at this juncture.
Thank you.
386
00:21:02,859 --> 00:21:09,173
Thank you, Prime Minister. I now call upon
the Prime Minister of Japan, Mr Udigawa.
387
00:21:14,664 --> 00:21:18,976
(MR UDIGAWA BEGINS SPEECH IN JAPANESE)
388
00:21:22,298 --> 00:21:23,777
(MOUTHING)
389
00:21:23,883 --> 00:21:26,272
(SPEECH CONTINUES)
390
00:21:33,436 --> 00:21:35,188
(WHISPERING) Do you want to go out
for a cigarette?
391
00:21:42,613 --> 00:21:43,648
(WHISPERING) Can I swap with you?
392
00:22:11,563 --> 00:22:12,552
(WHISPERING) Pass it on.
393
00:23:34,658 --> 00:23:38,333
And so our voyage of discoveryhas come to an end.
394
00:23:38,537 --> 00:23:42,576
What interesting insights we now haveinto the people of our two nations.
395
00:23:42,792 --> 00:23:46,148
We've learned that the Britishand Americans have two legs,
396
00:23:46,338 --> 00:23:49,455
that they both eat foodand that they sometimes wear hats.
397
00:23:49,633 --> 00:23:52,147
Fascinating! Goodbye!
398
00:23:52,197 --> 00:23:56,747
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
31801
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.