All language subtitles for Little Britain US s01e05.eng

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt-PT Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,625 --> 00:00:05,016 Britain and America, the two most respected countries in the world. 2 00:00:05,255 --> 00:00:08,691 That we also have the most weapons is purely coincidental. 3 00:00:08,884 --> 00:00:11,318 And yet, there are many differences between us. 4 00:00:11,471 --> 00:00:14,668 You have no idea what art and literature are. 5 00:00:14,850 --> 00:00:17,683 We have no idea what Hannah Montana is. 6 00:00:17,853 --> 00:00:20,765 You know nothing of manners or social etiquette. 7 00:00:20,940 --> 00:00:24,728 We are unfamiliar with Chuck E Cheese's Pizza Emporiums. 8 00:00:24,944 --> 00:00:28,903 But the people of our two nations also share so much, 9 00:00:29,116 --> 00:00:31,152 as we are about to find out. 10 00:00:31,285 --> 00:00:34,675 It's time for Little Britain USA. 11 00:00:35,039 --> 00:00:37,507 One of the most popular pastimes in Britain, 12 00:00:37,667 --> 00:00:40,420 after dog-fighting and mocking the afflicted, 13 00:00:40,587 --> 00:00:43,181 is transvestism. 14 00:00:43,340 --> 00:00:45,979 Excuse me! I did not steal a dress! 15 00:00:46,135 --> 00:00:47,966 I was merely trying it on for size, 16 00:00:48,096 --> 00:00:51,293 forgot to take it off and walked out of the store. Silly me! 17 00:00:51,475 --> 00:00:54,069 - Tell it to the judge. - Unhand me, you brute! 18 00:00:54,228 --> 00:00:57,698 Rape, rape, lady rape! Oh, oh! 19 00:00:57,899 --> 00:00:59,457 (ENGINE STARTING) 20 00:01:00,652 --> 00:01:02,927 At this police station in Pittsburgh, 21 00:01:03,071 --> 00:01:07,223 British transvestite Emily Howard has found himself in a spot of bother. 22 00:01:07,451 --> 00:01:08,964 You need to do your mug shots. 23 00:01:09,078 --> 00:01:10,875 Wonderful! 24 00:01:10,997 --> 00:01:13,306 Face the camera, please, sir. 25 00:01:15,043 --> 00:01:15,953 Turn to your left. 26 00:01:16,837 --> 00:01:18,475 Turn to the right. 27 00:01:18,589 --> 00:01:21,581 Oooooh, fashion! 28 00:01:25,389 --> 00:01:27,220 OK, name? 29 00:01:27,349 --> 00:01:29,021 Emily Howard. 30 00:01:31,854 --> 00:01:33,253 (LOW PITCH) Eddie Howard. 31 00:01:34,441 --> 00:01:35,476 Sex? 32 00:01:35,567 --> 00:01:37,080 We've only just met! 33 00:01:37,194 --> 00:01:38,343 Gender. 34 00:01:38,445 --> 00:01:41,835 Well, how utterly absurd! I'm a lady. I do ladies' things. 35 00:01:43,326 --> 00:01:45,157 (LOW PITCH) Male. 36 00:01:45,286 --> 00:01:46,514 Marital status? 37 00:01:47,873 --> 00:01:50,751 Many proposals from eligible gentlemen, 38 00:01:50,918 --> 00:01:52,909 but I don't have a ring on my finger just yet. 39 00:01:54,213 --> 00:01:56,522 (LOW PITCH) Wife and three kids. 40 00:01:59,386 --> 00:02:00,785 OK, you're allowed one phone call. 41 00:02:04,433 --> 00:02:06,469 (DIALLING) 42 00:02:06,602 --> 00:02:08,274 (RINGING TONE) 43 00:02:10,190 --> 00:02:11,828 Hello, Tommy? 44 00:02:11,942 --> 00:02:13,773 It's Daddy. 45 00:02:13,902 --> 00:02:15,255 Is Mummy there? 46 00:02:15,362 --> 00:02:19,913 No. Well, can you tell Mummy Daddy's been arrested? 47 00:02:21,244 --> 00:02:24,634 He's in a police station and he's wearing a dress... 48 00:02:24,831 --> 00:02:27,299 but there's nothing to worry about. 49 00:02:27,459 --> 00:02:29,097 OK. Bye. 50 00:02:31,089 --> 00:02:32,078 (MOUTHING) 51 00:02:33,258 --> 00:02:38,810 It is a widely known fact that 90% of Americans cannot write their own name. 52 00:02:39,098 --> 00:02:40,975 Just watering this plant. 53 00:02:41,100 --> 00:02:44,536 But the top minds in the country attend universities like this one. 54 00:02:44,729 --> 00:02:46,162 (KNOCKING) Come in! 55 00:02:48,400 --> 00:02:49,389 Hey, Linda. 56 00:02:49,485 --> 00:02:52,841 - Hello, Steven. Take a seat. - Sure. 57 00:02:54,115 --> 00:02:56,106 So... 58 00:02:57,327 --> 00:02:58,806 How can I help you? 59 00:02:58,912 --> 00:02:59,947 Well, all I need to know 60 00:03:00,038 --> 00:03:03,348 is when my essay on contemporary African-American playwrights is due in. 61 00:03:03,542 --> 00:03:07,376 I'm not sure. I'll call Martin and find out. 62 00:03:10,133 --> 00:03:12,852 Martin, it's Linda. 63 00:03:13,012 --> 00:03:16,641 I've got a student here, needs to know when his essay is due in. 64 00:03:16,849 --> 00:03:17,838 (WHISPERING) Yeah. 65 00:03:17,934 --> 00:03:21,688 Steven, Steven Morrow. The grad student. You know Steven. 66 00:03:21,897 --> 00:03:24,491 Um, how can I describe him? 67 00:03:24,650 --> 00:03:28,245 Er, black hair, nice jazzy waistcoats. 68 00:03:28,446 --> 00:03:29,674 Puts you in mind of a Hobbit. 69 00:03:31,449 --> 00:03:33,007 Gets his clothes from Baby Gap. 70 00:03:34,119 --> 00:03:35,438 Would've made a fabulous Ewok. 71 00:03:37,331 --> 00:03:40,368 You know... (AS GARY COLEMAN) "Whatchu talkin' about, Willis?" 72 00:03:40,543 --> 00:03:43,011 That's the one, yeah. 73 00:03:43,171 --> 00:03:45,810 Yes, I did the face. Yes. Thanks. 74 00:03:45,966 --> 00:03:48,639 It's due in on Monday. 75 00:03:48,802 --> 00:03:49,791 Thanks. 76 00:03:52,515 --> 00:03:56,394 # Oompa Loompa, doompadee doo... # 77 00:04:01,609 --> 00:04:03,998 The best way for the American male 78 00:04:04,153 --> 00:04:08,783 to indulge his repressed homoerotic tendencies is to attend a gym. 79 00:04:10,118 --> 00:04:13,076 - Impressive shower. - Truly so. 80 00:04:18,545 --> 00:04:20,297 Whoar! 81 00:04:20,422 --> 00:04:22,538 Whoar. 82 00:04:30,141 --> 00:04:31,779 Oooh! 83 00:04:31,893 --> 00:04:33,531 Man, that is funny! 84 00:04:33,645 --> 00:04:37,638 Whoa! Don't you dare do that to me after I've just done that to you. 85 00:04:37,858 --> 00:04:39,371 - Whoa! - Whoa! 86 00:04:39,485 --> 00:04:42,079 (LAUGHING) 87 00:04:42,238 --> 00:04:43,876 - Whoa! - Whoa! 88 00:04:45,117 --> 00:04:46,596 Whoa! 89 00:04:46,702 --> 00:04:48,055 Whoa, you've got a... 90 00:04:49,789 --> 00:04:51,859 (GASPING) 91 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:53,069 Oh, you've got a... 92 00:04:53,168 --> 00:04:55,079 Ooh! 93 00:04:55,212 --> 00:04:58,170 Ah, ah, OK, don't worry, bro. 94 00:04:58,340 --> 00:05:00,092 It's all good. 95 00:05:00,217 --> 00:05:04,256 Just imagine you're taking a cold shower with Danny DeVito. 96 00:05:04,472 --> 00:05:07,908 (BREATHING DEEPLY) 97 00:05:08,101 --> 00:05:10,012 That's making it worse! 98 00:05:10,145 --> 00:05:12,215 Me too! 99 00:05:13,483 --> 00:05:18,318 One of the inmates at this boot camp in Utah is British teenager Vicky Pollard. 100 00:05:18,572 --> 00:05:20,961 Vicky has been getting into trouble all her life. 101 00:05:21,116 --> 00:05:24,506 Her first court appearance for assault was when she was two. 102 00:05:24,704 --> 00:05:28,458 Vicky Pollard! Are you trying to escape? 103 00:05:28,667 --> 00:05:31,261 Errrrm... 104 00:05:31,420 --> 00:05:36,335 No, but yeah, but no, but yeah, but no, 105 00:05:36,592 --> 00:05:38,822 I'm not, actually, because what happened was this whole thing happened 106 00:05:38,970 --> 00:05:41,609 what I don't even know nothing about cos I was, like, totally asleep 107 00:05:41,765 --> 00:05:44,279 and then all of a sudden I heard this little bird tweeting 108 00:05:44,435 --> 00:05:45,914 like it was stuck up on a fence or something 109 00:05:46,020 --> 00:05:48,580 so I climbed up here to save it and I got caught instead. 110 00:05:48,731 --> 00:05:51,609 But that's, like, typical of me because I'll do anything for animals 111 00:05:51,776 --> 00:05:54,688 cos I totally love them and I've only got one conviction for animal cruelty 112 00:05:54,863 --> 00:05:58,299 and that was only because I tied Bethany Ray's hamster to a firework and set it off 113 00:05:58,492 --> 00:06:00,528 and she called the police and said I killed it and I got done for it. 114 00:06:00,661 --> 00:06:02,970 But they never found the body so how could they prove it was hamster murder? 115 00:06:03,123 --> 00:06:05,762 We take attempts to escape very seriously. 116 00:06:05,917 --> 00:06:08,875 Oh, my God, I so can't believe you just said that. 117 00:06:09,046 --> 00:06:12,595 I've not never even tried to escape or nothing. I, like, totally love this place. 118 00:06:12,800 --> 00:06:15,030 You're so kind to us and you really look after us 119 00:06:15,178 --> 00:06:17,533 and you're always, like, making sure we're nice and clean. 120 00:06:17,681 --> 00:06:19,478 That must be why you always watch us take a shower. 121 00:06:22,311 --> 00:06:23,539 We need to get you down 122 00:06:23,646 --> 00:06:27,275 and then I'm gonna take you straight to the head warden's office. 123 00:06:27,484 --> 00:06:30,362 Good! Good! Cos I was gonna go and see the head warden anyway 124 00:06:30,529 --> 00:06:32,247 because I'm gonna sue this place 125 00:06:32,364 --> 00:06:34,275 cos this barbed wire has totally ripped my leggings. 126 00:06:34,408 --> 00:06:36,842 You do realise that because you tried to escape 127 00:06:36,995 --> 00:06:40,226 that your sentence will now be increased by another six months. 128 00:06:40,415 --> 00:06:41,564 I don't even care. 129 00:06:41,667 --> 00:06:44,227 You were due to be released tomorrow. 130 00:06:44,378 --> 00:06:45,970 Oh. 131 00:06:47,173 --> 00:06:48,891 (OWL HOOTING) 132 00:06:49,008 --> 00:06:51,363 That has actually shut me up. 133 00:06:52,637 --> 00:06:56,186 Ellie Grace is a typical, everyday American girl, 134 00:06:56,392 --> 00:07:00,226 except that she is played by a 34-year-old British man. 135 00:07:00,438 --> 00:07:03,908 Now, I know you're gonna be very brave, Ellie Grace. 136 00:07:04,109 --> 00:07:07,579 Tonsils are teeny weeny. They're gonna be out before you know it. 137 00:07:07,780 --> 00:07:09,418 I know, Grandma. 138 00:07:09,532 --> 00:07:12,000 And when you're better, we're all gonna go to Disneyland. 139 00:07:12,160 --> 00:07:13,434 To where, dear? 140 00:07:13,536 --> 00:07:14,651 To Disneyland. 141 00:07:14,746 --> 00:07:19,376 Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Disneyland. Yes. 142 00:07:19,627 --> 00:07:22,061 I love you, Grandma. I love you, Mom. 143 00:07:22,213 --> 00:07:24,204 We love you too, Ellie Grace. 144 00:07:24,340 --> 00:07:26,695 I love you more than snowflakes. 145 00:07:26,843 --> 00:07:29,596 I love you more than sunshine. 146 00:07:29,763 --> 00:07:32,402 I love you more than ponies. 147 00:07:32,558 --> 00:07:33,957 I love you more than teddy bears. 148 00:07:34,060 --> 00:07:36,733 Oh! I love you more than cartoons. 149 00:07:36,896 --> 00:07:38,852 I love you more than ice cream. 150 00:07:38,982 --> 00:07:42,497 I love you more than interracial gang bangs. 151 00:07:45,031 --> 00:07:46,510 What did she say? 152 00:07:46,616 --> 00:07:48,049 I said I love you more than inter... 153 00:07:48,159 --> 00:07:52,152 We don't need to hear it again, Ellie Grace! Where did you get that from? 154 00:07:52,372 --> 00:07:56,843 Some of the older boys at school said they saw a DVD of men and women 155 00:07:57,086 --> 00:08:00,203 of different ethnic origins partaking in sexual intercourse with each other. 156 00:08:00,382 --> 00:08:02,942 Well, that stuff is just dirty, Ellie Grace. 157 00:08:03,093 --> 00:08:07,052 But I thought you said it was good if people from all races got along together. 158 00:08:07,264 --> 00:08:09,983 Yes, but not that well. 159 00:08:10,143 --> 00:08:11,178 What's all this? 160 00:08:11,269 --> 00:08:13,339 Oh, nothing, Mom. 161 00:08:13,480 --> 00:08:15,630 Hey, there's my brave girl! 162 00:08:15,774 --> 00:08:19,130 Are you ready now for your little operation? 163 00:08:19,320 --> 00:08:20,799 Sure I am. 164 00:08:31,042 --> 00:08:33,875 I love you more than Toy Story 2. 165 00:08:35,130 --> 00:08:37,360 I love you more than marshmallows. 166 00:08:37,507 --> 00:08:39,463 Oh, ha, I love you more than Snoopy. 167 00:08:39,593 --> 00:08:42,027 I love you more than cupcakes. 168 00:08:42,179 --> 00:08:43,851 I love you more than black cock. 169 00:08:43,973 --> 00:08:45,725 (LIFT PINGS) 170 00:08:48,895 --> 00:08:50,214 What was that, dear? 171 00:08:50,314 --> 00:08:52,782 I said, I love you more than black cock! 172 00:08:54,026 --> 00:08:56,745 Takes after her old grandma! 173 00:09:00,784 --> 00:09:05,062 The number-one drink in Britain is boiling water. 174 00:09:05,289 --> 00:09:09,646 But in America, it is not uncommon to add some coffee beans, 175 00:09:09,878 --> 00:09:12,551 hence the success of coffee-shop chains. 176 00:09:12,714 --> 00:09:14,670 ...Other than Starbucks. 177 00:09:14,800 --> 00:09:17,872 So this is the site of the first Starbucks in the district. 178 00:09:18,054 --> 00:09:22,366 We're always looking for other properties to expand the Starbucks franchise, 179 00:09:22,601 --> 00:09:27,231 so we've just bought this store and we're gonna turn it into a Starbucks. 180 00:09:27,481 --> 00:09:30,359 - The store right next to the Starbucks. - That's right. 181 00:09:30,526 --> 00:09:34,121 Say you've just come out of this Starbucks and you want another Starbucks. 182 00:09:34,322 --> 00:09:36,597 - You can just go into this Starbucks. - OK! 183 00:09:36,742 --> 00:09:40,621 This store we've made an offer on, we thought it'd make the perfect site for... 184 00:09:40,830 --> 00:09:41,819 A Starbucks! 185 00:09:41,914 --> 00:09:44,508 The one right next to the other two Starbucks. 186 00:09:44,667 --> 00:09:47,898 That's right. Crucially, this Starbucks is different than the others. 187 00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:49,203 In what way, Steve? 188 00:09:49,298 --> 00:09:52,529 Well, Steve, we at Starbucks have had a lot of success 189 00:09:52,718 --> 00:09:55,676 in putting branches inside other stores, for instance, Barnes and Noble. 190 00:09:55,847 --> 00:09:57,200 We sure have! 191 00:09:59,643 --> 00:10:03,113 So in this Starbucks we're gonna build a Starbucks. 192 00:10:03,314 --> 00:10:06,545 - A Starbucks in a Starbucks! - That's right. 193 00:10:06,734 --> 00:10:10,443 So now you won't have to leave Starbucks to enjoy Starbucks in your Starbucks. 194 00:10:10,655 --> 00:10:12,452 Starbucks. 195 00:10:12,574 --> 00:10:14,849 Starbucks. 196 00:10:14,994 --> 00:10:17,349 Starbucks. Starbucks. 197 00:10:17,497 --> 00:10:18,930 Starbu... 198 00:10:19,040 --> 00:10:20,359 (ELECTRICAL CRACKLE) 199 00:10:22,794 --> 00:10:27,106 Our next stop is the Capitol Building in Washington DC. 200 00:10:27,341 --> 00:10:31,414 As in Britain, if you have a keen interest in dodgy share dealings 201 00:10:31,638 --> 00:10:35,597 and illicit sexual liaisons, you may like to become a politician. 202 00:10:35,809 --> 00:10:39,961 Please, please. The senator would now like to make a statement. Thank you. 203 00:10:40,189 --> 00:10:46,219 On Thursday evening, after a meeting with the Secretary of State, 204 00:10:46,530 --> 00:10:50,079 I was driving home to my beloved wife and children 205 00:10:50,284 --> 00:10:54,516 when I saw an Afro-Caribbean lady standing by the side of the road 206 00:10:54,747 --> 00:10:58,820 in what I am now told is a notorious red-light district. 207 00:11:01,088 --> 00:11:04,398 As it was 2 o'clock in the morning, and being a responsible citizen, 208 00:11:04,592 --> 00:11:07,629 I thought the lady might appreciate a ride home, 209 00:11:07,804 --> 00:11:09,954 so I invited her into my car. 210 00:11:11,684 --> 00:11:14,198 It was an unseasonably warm evening 211 00:11:14,353 --> 00:11:17,151 so we both decided to take off all our clothes. 212 00:11:18,900 --> 00:11:22,688 It then became clear to me that the lady was in fact a transsexual. 213 00:11:22,905 --> 00:11:26,614 By which I mean a person, usually a Democrat, 214 00:11:26,826 --> 00:11:30,580 with female appearance, but male genitalia. 215 00:11:30,789 --> 00:11:36,182 Then myself and the transsexual, or Raymond, as he is known, 216 00:11:36,462 --> 00:11:40,011 climbed onto the back seat to engage in a bout of wrestling. 217 00:11:40,216 --> 00:11:44,209 My wife will vouch for me. I'm a keen fan of contact sports. 218 00:11:47,516 --> 00:11:49,188 I then became hungry. 219 00:11:49,310 --> 00:11:56,261 I went to take a bite of what I fatally assumed was a big, black hot dog. 220 00:11:56,610 --> 00:11:58,885 At that moment the police arrived. 221 00:11:59,029 --> 00:12:01,862 Thank you so much. That is all I have to say. Thank you. Thank you. 222 00:12:02,033 --> 00:12:05,184 (CLAMOUR OF QUESTIONS) 223 00:12:09,374 --> 00:12:12,172 Americans like to holiday in their own country, 224 00:12:12,336 --> 00:12:15,134 which suits the rest of the world just fine. 225 00:12:18,301 --> 00:12:20,292 Lovely afternoon, isn't it? 226 00:12:20,429 --> 00:12:22,385 Oh, beautiful. So warm. 227 00:12:22,514 --> 00:12:26,746 - Pardon me. Anyone sitting here? - What? Uh, no, please, take a seat. 228 00:12:26,978 --> 00:12:28,411 - Thank you so much. - Go right ahead. 229 00:12:28,521 --> 00:12:31,593 - Great hotel. - Oh, yes. We come here every year. 230 00:12:31,942 --> 00:12:34,297 - So do we. We love it here. - Where are you folks from? 231 00:12:34,445 --> 00:12:37,323 - We're from North Carolina. - Oh, how funny! So are we. 232 00:12:37,490 --> 00:12:40,084 Oh. We're from a little place in New Hanover County. 233 00:12:40,243 --> 00:12:42,120 - So are we. - Oh, funny! 234 00:12:42,245 --> 00:12:44,679 - Do you know Crestwood? - That's where we're from. 235 00:12:44,832 --> 00:12:45,821 We live in Crestwood! 236 00:12:45,916 --> 00:12:46,985 - No. - I don't believe it. 237 00:12:47,084 --> 00:12:50,235 - What are the chances of that? - I don't know. (LAUGHING) 238 00:12:50,421 --> 00:12:51,979 So whereabouts in Crestwood are you? 239 00:12:52,090 --> 00:12:56,049 Oh, if you're coming from the town centre, you pass the church on your left 240 00:12:56,261 --> 00:12:58,217 and it's the second turn on your right. Brooke View Drive. 241 00:12:58,347 --> 00:13:01,623 - BOTH: We live on Brooke View Drive! - You live on Brooke View Drive? 242 00:13:01,809 --> 00:13:05,199 - Sure. Now what number Brooke View Drive? - 42. 243 00:13:05,397 --> 00:13:06,750 (SILENCE) 244 00:13:08,484 --> 00:13:12,636 But... we live... at 42 Brooke View Drive. 245 00:13:15,700 --> 00:13:16,769 What are your names? 246 00:13:16,868 --> 00:13:19,018 Steve and Wendy Ashby. 247 00:13:23,835 --> 00:13:25,905 We're Steve and Wendy Ashby. 248 00:13:31,468 --> 00:13:33,936 ALL: Ohh... 249 00:13:37,517 --> 00:13:40,475 Back at the university... 250 00:13:40,645 --> 00:13:43,000 Mm. Moist croissant. 251 00:13:43,148 --> 00:13:44,422 (KNOCK AT DOOR) 252 00:13:44,525 --> 00:13:45,753 Come in. 253 00:13:46,777 --> 00:13:47,766 Hi, Linda. 254 00:13:47,862 --> 00:13:50,740 Ah, hello, Darin. Take a seat. 255 00:13:51,992 --> 00:13:53,903 How can I help you? 256 00:13:54,036 --> 00:13:57,392 Linda, I was wondering if I could get an extension 257 00:13:57,581 --> 00:13:58,696 on my dissertation on feminist poetry. 258 00:13:58,791 --> 00:14:02,306 It's due in on Thursday and I think I need the weekend to finish it. 259 00:14:02,504 --> 00:14:05,894 I'm not sure. I'll call Martin and find out. 260 00:14:10,054 --> 00:14:12,090 Martin, it's Linda. 261 00:14:12,223 --> 00:14:16,057 I've got a student here who needs an extension on his dissertation. 262 00:14:16,269 --> 00:14:19,386 Darin. Darin Chao. 263 00:14:19,565 --> 00:14:22,716 How can I describe him? Um... 264 00:14:22,902 --> 00:14:28,454 Black hair, big fan of noodles. Pen pals with Clay Aiken. 265 00:14:30,911 --> 00:14:33,027 That's right, the ladyboy. 266 00:14:34,457 --> 00:14:35,856 OK. 267 00:14:35,959 --> 00:14:37,028 He says that's fine. 268 00:14:38,169 --> 00:14:39,363 Thanks. 269 00:14:44,844 --> 00:14:45,833 Bye. 270 00:14:45,928 --> 00:14:48,237 Me love you long time! 271 00:14:51,435 --> 00:14:55,826 Today, British tourists Lou and Andy are visiting a zoo. 272 00:14:56,065 --> 00:14:58,738 Like many British people, I was raised in a zoo. 273 00:14:58,902 --> 00:15:01,496 I still won't eat fish unless you throw it at me. 274 00:15:01,655 --> 00:15:06,126 - I wanna go and see the Ewoks. - No, you don't get Ewoks in a zoo, Andy. 275 00:15:06,368 --> 00:15:07,005 I know. 276 00:15:07,078 --> 00:15:10,627 LOU: Now. Do you know what kind of animal that is? 277 00:15:10,832 --> 00:15:12,629 Monkey. 278 00:15:12,751 --> 00:15:15,948 No, it's not a monkey, it's a lion. 279 00:15:16,130 --> 00:15:17,279 Yeah, I know. 280 00:15:17,381 --> 00:15:20,851 Now, that's a male lion. Do you know what female lions are called? 281 00:15:21,052 --> 00:15:23,361 Mrs Lion. 282 00:15:24,598 --> 00:15:29,149 No, it's a lioness. Now, what do you think lions eat? 283 00:15:32,940 --> 00:15:33,929 Food. 284 00:15:35,110 --> 00:15:38,068 That's right! Yeah! Well done! 285 00:15:38,238 --> 00:15:40,468 Yeah, they do eat food. 286 00:15:40,616 --> 00:15:45,451 "The lion enjoys a diet that includes wildebeest, zebras and buffalo." 287 00:15:45,705 --> 00:15:47,935 Yeah, I know. I wanna go and stroke it. 288 00:15:48,083 --> 00:15:50,597 Oh, no, no, no. You're not allowed to stroke the lion. 289 00:15:50,752 --> 00:15:51,787 Yeah, you are. 290 00:15:51,879 --> 00:15:54,598 No, you're not. That would be exceedingly dangerous. 291 00:15:54,757 --> 00:15:57,954 Now, you wait here. I'll go and get you an ice cream. OK? 292 00:16:01,598 --> 00:16:07,389 Hello there, friend. Um, could I have two vanilla ice creams, please? 293 00:16:07,688 --> 00:16:10,043 In cones, if it's not too much of a kerfuffle. 294 00:16:10,191 --> 00:16:14,469 American money here. Just getting used to it cos I'm actually from England. 295 00:16:14,696 --> 00:16:18,211 You heard of England? It's a very nice country. 296 00:16:18,409 --> 00:16:22,960 Uh, it's not as big as this country. Um, I think probably a... 297 00:16:23,206 --> 00:16:25,720 (ROARING) 298 00:16:25,876 --> 00:16:28,151 Thanks for the ice cream, sir. 299 00:16:30,715 --> 00:16:32,626 (WET DRIPPING) 300 00:16:32,759 --> 00:16:33,669 What the? 301 00:16:34,886 --> 00:16:36,444 Have you got a plaster? 302 00:16:36,555 --> 00:16:40,548 (LIONS ROARING) 303 00:16:40,768 --> 00:16:42,599 It's all... coming out now. 304 00:16:42,895 --> 00:16:46,410 Like the British, Americans love dogs. 305 00:16:46,608 --> 00:16:49,964 Dogs were, of course, invented in 1952. 306 00:16:50,154 --> 00:16:53,226 So. What do you want for your dinner tonight, Mr Doggy? 307 00:16:53,407 --> 00:16:57,320 (GRUFFLY) I don't mind, Mom. Everything you give me is delicious. 308 00:16:57,537 --> 00:17:01,610 Oh, Mr Doggy! That's because Mommy loves you very much. 309 00:17:01,834 --> 00:17:03,745 (GRUFFLY) And I love you too, Mom. 310 00:17:03,878 --> 00:17:05,596 Mwah! 311 00:17:05,713 --> 00:17:07,351 Anything for my darling boy! (LAUGHING) 312 00:17:10,135 --> 00:17:11,363 (GRUFFLY) Look at that brick. 313 00:17:11,470 --> 00:17:13,700 Which one? 314 00:17:13,847 --> 00:17:15,326 (GRUFFLY) That one. 315 00:17:15,433 --> 00:17:17,742 Oh, yes. I see it. 316 00:17:17,894 --> 00:17:21,091 (GRUFFLY) Wouldn't you like to see that brick go through that store window? 317 00:17:21,273 --> 00:17:23,662 Well, I... I don't know. 318 00:17:23,817 --> 00:17:27,446 (GRUFFLY) Hear the smash. See the shards of glass fall to the ground, 319 00:17:27,655 --> 00:17:30,488 splintering everywhere, bringing chaos and confusion! 320 00:17:30,658 --> 00:17:34,776 No, I... I wouldn't wanna see that, Mr Doggy. 321 00:17:34,997 --> 00:17:39,707 (GRUFFLY) I would. I would love to see that. Imagine the distress it would cause. 322 00:17:39,961 --> 00:17:44,000 Come on, Mr Doggy. Let's get you that beefsteak. 323 00:17:44,215 --> 00:17:45,648 (GRUFFLY) Pick up the brick! 324 00:17:45,759 --> 00:17:47,317 No, I can't. 325 00:17:47,427 --> 00:17:49,224 (GRUFFLY) Pick up the brick! 326 00:17:49,346 --> 00:17:54,978 Oh, huh, if you say so, Mr Doggy... I... 327 00:17:57,105 --> 00:18:01,178 I, uh... Well, uh, I've got the brick, but I'm not throwing it through the window. 328 00:18:01,402 --> 00:18:02,551 - (GRUFFLY) Throw it! - No! 329 00:18:02,653 --> 00:18:04,006 (GRUFFLY) Throw it, you piece of shit! 330 00:18:04,113 --> 00:18:07,185 - No! - If you loved me, you'd do it. 331 00:18:07,367 --> 00:18:09,562 Ohhh... 332 00:18:09,703 --> 00:18:13,013 (SHATTERING GLASS) 333 00:18:13,207 --> 00:18:14,196 Are you happy now? 334 00:18:14,291 --> 00:18:16,521 Well, no! What in hell's name did you do that for? 335 00:18:16,669 --> 00:18:19,979 - But you told me to... - You are one crazy bitch. 336 00:18:20,173 --> 00:18:21,765 Oh! Oh! Oh! 337 00:18:22,092 --> 00:18:24,890 (FOGHORN BLARES) 338 00:18:25,054 --> 00:18:28,285 These British and American tourists are on a luxury cruise. 339 00:18:28,474 --> 00:18:31,591 The first cruise I ever came on was Tom Cruise. 340 00:18:31,770 --> 00:18:34,728 So what happened to Mrs Devere? 341 00:18:34,898 --> 00:18:37,776 Her credit card was fake, so we had no option but to put her off at Rio. 342 00:18:37,943 --> 00:18:39,012 Excellent. Thank you. 343 00:18:39,111 --> 00:18:40,226 Good evening. 344 00:18:40,321 --> 00:18:41,879 ALL: Good evening, Captain. 345 00:18:41,990 --> 00:18:44,220 And may I say, Mr Getty, what an honour it is to have you aboard. 346 00:18:44,367 --> 00:18:46,403 That's very kind of you. This food is delicious. 347 00:18:46,537 --> 00:18:49,654 Yes, the fish soup is extraordinary. 348 00:18:49,832 --> 00:18:52,505 Captain Douglas! 349 00:18:52,669 --> 00:18:55,388 Please, uh, carry on with your dinner. 350 00:18:55,547 --> 00:18:57,981 - Put her off at Rio, eh? - I'm sorry? 351 00:18:58,133 --> 00:19:00,044 You didn't know I was a champion swimmer, did you, darling? 352 00:19:00,177 --> 00:19:01,451 No, I didn't. 353 00:19:01,554 --> 00:19:05,433 Oh, yes. I doubled for Shelley Winters in The Poseidon Adventure. 354 00:19:05,642 --> 00:19:07,678 And I did some of the long shots in Free Willy. 355 00:19:07,811 --> 00:19:09,244 Please, Mrs Devere. 356 00:19:09,354 --> 00:19:11,345 Call me Bubbles, darling. Everybody does. 357 00:19:11,482 --> 00:19:15,111 - Can we have the discussion outside? - No, I think everybody should know. 358 00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:18,153 Excuse me. I'm just gonna get some assistance. 359 00:19:18,323 --> 00:19:21,076 I don't believe we've had the pleasure. Bubbles Devere. 360 00:19:21,243 --> 00:19:23,632 - Stuart Rawlinson. - Oh. 361 00:19:23,788 --> 00:19:26,256 - Bartok Tanner. - Oh. 362 00:19:26,416 --> 00:19:27,895 - Mary Rawlinson. - Ugh. 363 00:19:28,001 --> 00:19:29,320 Paul Getty the Second. 364 00:19:29,419 --> 00:19:34,652 Ooh! From the very rich Getty family? 365 00:19:34,925 --> 00:19:37,758 - Yes. Yes. - Oh. 366 00:19:38,888 --> 00:19:41,686 MARY: Ohh! 367 00:19:43,936 --> 00:19:48,168 So. Is there a Mrs Paul Getty the Second? 368 00:19:48,399 --> 00:19:51,038 Mrs Paul Getty passed away earlier this year. 369 00:19:51,194 --> 00:19:54,425 Champagne! Champagne for everyone! 370 00:19:54,614 --> 00:19:59,404 So, Mr Very Rich and Recently Widowed Getty Part Deux, 371 00:19:59,662 --> 00:20:04,975 why don't you and I retire to your cabin for a private little "dinoir" of our own? 372 00:20:05,252 --> 00:20:09,291 - Oh, no. Thank you very much, though. - Are you sure I can't persuade you? 373 00:20:09,506 --> 00:20:10,859 Heartily. 374 00:20:15,889 --> 00:20:18,847 Oh. You've dropped your napkin. 375 00:20:21,729 --> 00:20:22,718 Oh! 376 00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:27,709 You've got a starfish in the middle of your... 377 00:20:31,323 --> 00:20:32,802 Oh, ha-ha! 378 00:20:35,578 --> 00:20:39,617 Meet me round the back of the lifeboats in fifteen minutes. 379 00:20:39,833 --> 00:20:41,346 No. No, thank you, huh... 380 00:20:41,460 --> 00:20:43,894 (MUFFLED PROTESTS) 381 00:20:46,632 --> 00:20:50,068 The United Nations is an international organisation 382 00:20:50,261 --> 00:20:54,049 that America and Britain consult to see if they should start a war with somebody 383 00:20:54,266 --> 00:20:57,656 and whose advice they then completely ignore. 384 00:20:57,853 --> 00:20:59,366 ...Which is why I strongly believe that military action 385 00:20:59,480 --> 00:21:02,677 should be taken at this juncture. Thank you. 386 00:21:02,859 --> 00:21:09,173 Thank you, Prime Minister. I now call upon the Prime Minister of Japan, Mr Udigawa. 387 00:21:14,664 --> 00:21:18,976 (MR UDIGAWA BEGINS SPEECH IN JAPANESE) 388 00:21:22,298 --> 00:21:23,777 (MOUTHING) 389 00:21:23,883 --> 00:21:26,272 (SPEECH CONTINUES) 390 00:21:33,436 --> 00:21:35,188 (WHISPERING) Do you want to go out for a cigarette? 391 00:21:42,613 --> 00:21:43,648 (WHISPERING) Can I swap with you? 392 00:22:11,563 --> 00:22:12,552 (WHISPERING) Pass it on. 393 00:23:34,658 --> 00:23:38,333 And so our voyage of discovery has come to an end. 394 00:23:38,537 --> 00:23:42,576 What interesting insights we now have into the people of our two nations. 395 00:23:42,792 --> 00:23:46,148 We've learned that the British and Americans have two legs, 396 00:23:46,338 --> 00:23:49,455 that they both eat food and that they sometimes wear hats. 397 00:23:49,633 --> 00:23:52,147 Fascinating! Goodbye! 398 00:23:52,197 --> 00:23:56,747 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 31801

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.