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1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
6000+ live TV channels on your TV?
Just go to www.tvtodo.live
2
00:01:00,460 --> 00:01:04,129
Hi, I'm Michael.
3
00:01:05,265 --> 00:01:06,832
Paul.
4
00:01:08,635 --> 00:01:11,837
I hear you're
having some trouble.
5
00:01:14,674 --> 00:01:16,842
It's okay.
6
00:01:17,677 --> 00:01:19,678
It's okay.
7
00:01:20,847 --> 00:01:22,781
I just...
8
00:01:22,783 --> 00:01:25,751
Don't understand...
9
00:01:25,753 --> 00:01:29,154
Why god made me like this.
10
00:01:29,156 --> 00:01:31,223
He didn't.
11
00:01:31,225 --> 00:01:33,292
Trust me.
12
00:01:34,694 --> 00:01:36,395
Let me tell you something.
13
00:01:36,397 --> 00:01:38,397
You should never
define yourself
14
00:01:38,399 --> 00:01:40,833
by your choices
or your desires.
15
00:01:40,835 --> 00:01:46,438
Gay doesn't exist.
It's a false identity.
16
00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:50,542
This isn't my choice.
Why would I choose this?
17
00:01:50,544 --> 00:01:53,245
You always have a choice.
18
00:01:55,315 --> 00:01:58,117
You wanna go to heaven, right?
19
00:01:58,119 --> 00:01:59,218
Yes.
20
00:01:59,220 --> 00:02:00,886
If you're
a moral person,
21
00:02:00,888 --> 00:02:04,323
then you'll choose
heterosexuality
22
00:02:04,325 --> 00:02:07,126
in order to be with god.
23
00:02:41,928 --> 00:02:42,895
Hey.
24
00:02:42,897 --> 00:02:43,862
Hey. Hey.
25
00:02:43,864 --> 00:02:44,930
Where you going?
26
00:02:44,932 --> 00:02:47,299
I'm gonna make us breakfast.
27
00:02:47,301 --> 00:02:47,933
No.
28
00:02:47,935 --> 00:02:48,734
Yeah, come on.
29
00:02:48,736 --> 00:02:51,570
Breakfast
is the most important part
of the day.
30
00:02:51,572 --> 00:02:54,306
I'll have muffins
at my meeting.
31
00:02:54,308 --> 00:02:55,807
Muffins?
32
00:02:55,809 --> 00:02:57,876
Yeah, muffins.
33
00:02:57,878 --> 00:02:59,278
Blueberry.
34
00:02:59,280 --> 00:03:01,547
Mmm, blueberry.
35
00:03:01,549 --> 00:03:04,583
Okay, then we'll
do lunch, okay?
36
00:03:04,585 --> 00:03:06,418
Mmm, morning breath.
37
00:03:06,420 --> 00:03:10,856
Oh, stop it!
Get off!
38
00:03:50,763 --> 00:03:53,265
It's so cool
that you work at XY.
39
00:03:53,267 --> 00:03:53,966
Yeah. Yeah, it's rad.
40
00:03:53,968 --> 00:03:58,270
You guys are like
the only cool gay magazine
out there right now.
41
00:03:58,272 --> 00:04:00,439
Oh, yeah, sort of.
42
00:04:26,966 --> 00:04:28,433
Hey, listen up, queens.
43
00:04:28,435 --> 00:04:31,470
XY magazine is taking over!
44
00:04:31,472 --> 00:04:33,705
It's our time to shine!
45
00:05:01,501 --> 00:05:03,902
Matthew Shepard was an openly gay man.
46
00:05:03,904 --> 00:05:07,306
When he went to a laramie, Wyoming bar last week,
47
00:05:07,308 --> 00:05:09,708
these two suspects lured him outside,
48
00:05:09,710 --> 00:05:10,742
pretending to be gay.
49
00:05:10,744 --> 00:05:13,078
Now they're charged with a vicious attack
50
00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:14,846
that left Shepard hanging on this fence
51
00:05:14,848 --> 00:05:17,316
for 18 hours in freezing temperatures.
52
00:05:17,318 --> 00:05:20,485
Shepard remained on life support until this morning
53
00:05:20,487 --> 00:05:21,486
when he passed away.
54
00:05:21,488 --> 00:05:24,356
Shepard's family is grateful for support
55
00:05:24,358 --> 00:05:26,391
from around the world.
56
00:05:36,669 --> 00:05:38,470
They killed him
because they were afraid,
57
00:05:38,472 --> 00:05:41,873
and they were afraid
because of what
their churches tell them
58
00:05:41,875 --> 00:05:44,543
and because of what
they see in movies.
59
00:05:44,545 --> 00:05:45,777
It's fucking ridiculous.
60
00:05:45,779 --> 00:05:47,112
I hope they get
the death penalty.
61
00:05:47,114 --> 00:05:49,915
You're against
the death penalty.
Not in this case.
62
00:05:49,917 --> 00:05:51,083
That's like being
for free speech
63
00:05:51,085 --> 00:05:53,819
until someone tells you
something that pisses you off.
64
00:05:53,821 --> 00:05:54,619
He died a slow death
65
00:05:54,621 --> 00:05:56,888
after being tied to a fence
and tortured.
66
00:05:56,890 --> 00:05:58,590
Exactly, a slow death
is way more painful.
67
00:05:58,592 --> 00:06:00,726
They should spend the rest
of their lives in prison.
68
00:06:00,728 --> 00:06:03,695
Okay, look, we need
to move away from labels
69
00:06:03,697 --> 00:06:06,698
because they segment
and they lead to persecution.
70
00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:10,869
People don't wanna be
perceived as gay because...
71
00:06:10,871 --> 00:06:13,872
They're afraid
they'll end up like Matthew.
72
00:06:13,874 --> 00:06:15,540
But we are a gay magazine.
73
00:06:15,542 --> 00:06:17,676
Identifying as gay
is being part of a community.
74
00:06:17,678 --> 00:06:19,077
It's recognition,
it's progress...
75
00:06:19,079 --> 00:06:22,948
We've been telling the kids
in the magazine to come out,
to be proud to be gay.
76
00:06:22,950 --> 00:06:24,616
They should be proud
to be themselves.
77
00:06:24,618 --> 00:06:28,120
Gay and straight
are just social constructs.
78
00:06:28,122 --> 00:06:30,122
Ugh. God,
you and your queer theory.
79
00:06:30,124 --> 00:06:33,859
Class is in session
with professor Michael glatze.
80
00:06:33,861 --> 00:06:34,826
Shut up.
81
00:06:34,828 --> 00:06:36,061
Okay, okay, look.
82
00:06:36,063 --> 00:06:37,429
We need to put out the message
83
00:06:37,431 --> 00:06:39,898
that being attracted
to the same sex
84
00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:43,535
doesn't define who you are.
85
00:06:53,479 --> 00:06:54,079
Hey.
86
00:06:54,915 --> 00:06:57,916
Have you been smoking?
87
00:06:58,551 --> 00:06:59,551
Just one.
88
00:06:59,553 --> 00:07:00,619
Small one.
89
00:07:00,621 --> 00:07:02,788
It was a small cigarette.
90
00:07:02,790 --> 00:07:06,792
Busted.
91
00:07:08,995 --> 00:07:10,061
Letters to the editor.
92
00:07:10,063 --> 00:07:13,965
Ninety percent
are some poor teen
with religious parents.
93
00:07:13,967 --> 00:07:18,870
Fucking Christian
fundamentalists
should burn in hell.
94
00:07:19,739 --> 00:07:20,772
Uh, okay.
95
00:07:20,774 --> 00:07:25,110
In the meantime,
there is a design competition
96
00:07:25,112 --> 00:07:28,180
for the halifax
international airport.
97
00:07:28,182 --> 00:07:29,481
I don't wanna move
to halifax.
98
00:07:29,483 --> 00:07:33,018
I know, but my father
wants me to head up
the bid committee.
99
00:07:33,020 --> 00:07:33,985
It's huge.
100
00:07:33,987 --> 00:07:35,821
Halifax is so boring.
101
00:07:35,823 --> 00:07:37,756
Your hometown is boring.
102
00:07:37,758 --> 00:07:38,690
It's not.
103
00:07:38,692 --> 00:07:39,458
Olympia?
Yeah.
104
00:07:39,460 --> 00:07:43,528
It's all trees
and fog and coffee.
105
00:07:43,530 --> 00:07:45,130
And the birthplace
of the riot grrrl movement
106
00:07:45,132 --> 00:07:49,134
and where Kurt cobain
wrote most of nevermind.
107
00:07:49,136 --> 00:07:50,769
Oh, well...
108
00:07:50,771 --> 00:07:52,571
Yeah.
In that case...
109
00:07:52,573 --> 00:07:54,206
But it's
unsustainable here,
110
00:07:54,208 --> 00:07:55,874
unless you're in
the dot-com movement,
111
00:07:55,876 --> 00:08:00,745
and I don't wanna live
in a studio on mission street
112
00:08:00,747 --> 00:08:01,847
when we're 50.
113
00:08:01,849 --> 00:08:02,714
Well, we won't be.
114
00:08:02,716 --> 00:08:06,985
We'll be in a big mansion
on a hill. Duh.
115
00:08:09,189 --> 00:08:11,623
May 21st, 2000.
116
00:08:11,625 --> 00:08:13,859
I used to imagine myself growing old
117
00:08:13,861 --> 00:08:17,195
while living in a house atop a hill in the Castro,
118
00:08:17,197 --> 00:08:18,663
but what's more important to me
119
00:08:18,665 --> 00:08:21,933
is growing old with the love of my life:
120
00:08:21,935 --> 00:08:22,667
Bennett.
121
00:08:22,669 --> 00:08:24,769
So I'm leaving San Francisco
122
00:08:24,771 --> 00:08:26,805
to live in halifax, Canada.
123
00:08:26,807 --> 00:08:29,541
Although I'm sad to leave XY magazine,
124
00:08:29,543 --> 00:08:32,711
I'm excited to finally accept the speaking offers
125
00:08:32,713 --> 00:08:34,279
I've been receiving this past year,
126
00:08:34,281 --> 00:08:37,682
thanks to my work as a writer and activist.
127
00:08:37,684 --> 00:08:39,784
What a lot of people
aren't aware of
128
00:08:39,786 --> 00:08:42,687
is that the terms "heterosexual"
and "homosexual"
129
00:08:42,689 --> 00:08:46,191
were only introduced
about a hundred years ago.
130
00:08:46,193 --> 00:08:49,661
As my mother used to always say,
131
00:08:49,663 --> 00:08:50,829
"when you help others,
132
00:08:50,831 --> 00:08:52,264
you're helping yourself as well."
133
00:08:52,266 --> 00:08:54,866
We often read about
more sexually...
134
00:08:54,868 --> 00:08:56,701
My goal is to thread a needle
135
00:08:56,703 --> 00:08:58,537
through the fabric of this country
136
00:08:58,539 --> 00:09:03,108
and stitch together the lives of gay kids everywhere.
137
00:09:03,110 --> 00:09:03,975
I know a lot of you
138
00:09:03,977 --> 00:09:06,912
are balancing religion
and sexuality,
139
00:09:06,914 --> 00:09:08,046
but I mean, come on,
140
00:09:08,048 --> 00:09:13,618
what god would punish you
for finding love?
141
00:10:04,637 --> 00:10:08,373
This is where I spread
my mom's ashes.
142
00:10:23,656 --> 00:10:25,156
Oh, my god.
143
00:10:25,158 --> 00:10:27,926
She's still here.
144
00:10:42,274 --> 00:10:44,409
Mom, I'm gonna
stay here with you.
145
00:10:44,411 --> 00:10:45,243
No.
146
00:10:45,245 --> 00:10:46,077
Don't be stubborn.
147
00:10:46,079 --> 00:10:49,714
You are not skipping
a semester to be with me.
148
00:10:49,716 --> 00:10:51,216
I can help you through this.
149
00:10:51,218 --> 00:10:55,220
I'm gonna be fine.
I told you.
150
00:10:55,222 --> 00:10:57,789
I feel better.
151
00:10:57,791 --> 00:11:00,358
Really, Michael.
152
00:11:02,228 --> 00:11:04,796
I am so proud of you.
153
00:11:04,798 --> 00:11:07,899
I love you so much.
154
00:11:07,901 --> 00:11:10,835
Hmm. I love you.
155
00:11:19,145 --> 00:11:21,780
I should've stayed.
156
00:11:23,250 --> 00:11:24,249
Everyone kept saying,
157
00:11:24,251 --> 00:11:29,888
"don't worry, we're praying
for her, don't worry."
158
00:11:32,792 --> 00:11:35,126
Everyone's gonna die.
159
00:11:36,462 --> 00:11:40,832
No amount of praying
is ever gonna change that.
160
00:12:00,287 --> 00:12:02,754
You're not getting up yet.
Five minutes more.
161
00:12:02,756 --> 00:12:06,257
I can't believe I'm approaching my one-year anniversary
162
00:12:06,259 --> 00:12:09,127
here in halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada.
163
00:12:09,129 --> 00:12:13,131
The food is amazing, especially the Sushi.
164
00:12:13,133 --> 00:12:18,369
The people are friendly and although the gay community
165
00:12:18,371 --> 00:12:19,904
is much smaller than San Francisco,
166
00:12:19,906 --> 00:12:24,843
I have some big plans to really make an impact.
167
00:12:36,155 --> 00:12:38,757
What's wrong with you?
168
00:12:38,759 --> 00:12:40,191
Nothing.
169
00:12:42,329 --> 00:12:43,928
Look, I have to find
something else to do.
170
00:12:43,930 --> 00:12:47,899
I'm just not cut out
for administrative work.
171
00:12:47,901 --> 00:12:49,768
Give it some time?
172
00:12:49,770 --> 00:12:51,369
I have things
i wanna do.
173
00:12:51,371 --> 00:12:54,072
I want my own magazine.
I want something bigger.
174
00:12:54,074 --> 00:12:55,774
I want...
I want to influence people.
175
00:12:55,776 --> 00:12:58,009
I can't do that here.
You're being such a shit.
176
00:12:58,011 --> 00:13:00,345
We made the decision
to leave San Francisco together.
177
00:13:00,347 --> 00:13:01,179
No, we didn't.
178
00:13:01,181 --> 00:13:02,413
I mean,
you had to take this job.
179
00:13:02,415 --> 00:13:04,883
Just like you had
to take the job
that took us to San Francisco.
180
00:13:04,885 --> 00:13:10,388
Which is how you got
your job at XY,
so you should be thanking me.
181
00:13:12,158 --> 00:13:12,924
Is this...
182
00:13:12,926 --> 00:13:15,059
This is supposed to be
Mexican food?
183
00:13:15,061 --> 00:13:17,996
Why don't you go to the store
and make your own food?
184
00:13:17,998 --> 00:13:18,563
Maybe I will.
185
00:13:18,565 --> 00:13:20,165
You'll have to ask me
for money, though,
186
00:13:20,167 --> 00:13:23,468
'cause you don't have any,
remember?
187
00:13:37,983 --> 00:13:39,250
Thanks.
188
00:14:07,179 --> 00:14:08,446
Hey.
189
00:14:10,182 --> 00:14:11,249
Hey.
190
00:14:11,251 --> 00:14:13,484
You're Mike, right?
191
00:14:14,220 --> 00:14:15,386
Uh, yeah.
192
00:14:15,388 --> 00:14:20,225
The XY survivor guide
really helped me out.
193
00:14:20,359 --> 00:14:22,427
Are you stalking me
or something?
194
00:14:23,964 --> 00:14:25,597
Tyler.
195
00:14:25,599 --> 00:14:26,598
Hi.
196
00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:27,265
Hi.
197
00:14:27,267 --> 00:14:29,868
I just...
I wanted you to know
198
00:14:29,870 --> 00:14:31,636
I agree with everything
that you say
199
00:14:31,638 --> 00:14:34,305
about gay identity
and sexuality.
200
00:14:34,307 --> 00:14:39,110
I don't wanna be
put into a box
just because I'm gay.
201
00:14:39,112 --> 00:14:41,079
You don't wanna be in a box?
202
00:14:41,081 --> 00:14:43,348
No, I don't wanna be in a box.
203
00:14:44,618 --> 00:14:47,585
You're so fucking cute.
204
00:14:47,587 --> 00:14:49,454
Can I buy you a drink?
205
00:14:49,456 --> 00:14:51,489
Don't you have a boyfriend?
206
00:14:51,491 --> 00:14:56,527
Hmm...
He'll think you're cute, too.
207
00:15:44,543 --> 00:15:46,477
It's a galaxy.
208
00:15:46,479 --> 00:15:48,513
Uh, actually it's a spiral.
209
00:15:48,515 --> 00:15:50,949
It's the only symbol
that means anything.
210
00:15:50,951 --> 00:15:53,451
It's infinite,
no beginning, no end.
211
00:15:53,453 --> 00:15:55,687
There's a beginning
and there's an end.
212
00:15:55,689 --> 00:15:57,622
All right, well, there's
a more complicated one
213
00:15:57,624 --> 00:15:58,957
that has no beginning
and no end,
214
00:15:58,959 --> 00:16:01,659
but I can't do it
on my pancakes, okay?
215
00:16:05,130 --> 00:16:07,398
How did you guys meet?
216
00:16:08,200 --> 00:16:09,334
How did we meet?
217
00:16:09,336 --> 00:16:10,401
Uh, San Francisco.
218
00:16:10,403 --> 00:16:13,104
We volunteered at this
aids prevention organization.
219
00:16:13,106 --> 00:16:17,642
And we both got arrested
protesting this
Christian coalition event.
220
00:16:17,644 --> 00:16:21,212
Which is how I knew
it was true love.
221
00:16:21,214 --> 00:16:23,381
Awesome.
222
00:16:23,383 --> 00:16:27,618
How about you?
What's your deal?
223
00:16:27,620 --> 00:16:29,587
Who are you?
224
00:16:29,589 --> 00:16:30,588
Uh...
225
00:16:30,590 --> 00:16:32,590
I'm a physics student.
226
00:16:32,592 --> 00:16:34,459
Really?
Yeah.
227
00:16:34,461 --> 00:16:35,259
Physics.
Science.
228
00:16:35,261 --> 00:16:40,465
Yeah. I wanna be an astronaut,
but that's probably a long shot.
229
00:16:40,467 --> 00:16:45,103
Oh, god. I'd be terrified
to go into space.
230
00:16:45,105 --> 00:16:46,738
It's just, to me,
231
00:16:46,740 --> 00:16:50,208
earth is just this,
like, tiny speck
in the universe.
232
00:16:50,210 --> 00:16:55,246
And humans have only
been around for just
a speck of that timeline.
233
00:16:55,248 --> 00:16:56,414
So it's just...
234
00:16:56,416 --> 00:17:02,620
There has to be more to life
than just this, don't you think?
235
00:17:05,090 --> 00:17:07,225
Totally.
236
00:17:08,761 --> 00:17:11,629
Totally.
237
00:17:11,764 --> 00:17:15,266
So Tyler
was really cute, huh?
238
00:17:16,101 --> 00:17:17,735
Interesting.
Mm-hmm.
239
00:17:17,737 --> 00:17:20,038
It is interesting, isn't it?
240
00:17:20,040 --> 00:17:20,772
Very interesting.
241
00:17:20,774 --> 00:17:23,041
You know why?
242
00:17:23,043 --> 00:17:25,810
Because I love you so much.
243
00:17:26,546 --> 00:17:29,080
And I really feel like
we're at a place
in our relationship
244
00:17:29,082 --> 00:17:32,083
where there's more
than enough love to go around.
245
00:17:32,619 --> 00:17:34,585
And I know that
I'm not afraid of that
246
00:17:34,587 --> 00:17:36,421
and I don't think
that you are either.
247
00:17:36,423 --> 00:17:39,290
Mm-mm. Maybe I am afraid.
248
00:17:39,292 --> 00:17:40,525
Well, you shouldn't
be afraid
249
00:17:40,527 --> 00:17:44,195
because I'm here
to protect you.
Why?
250
00:17:51,537 --> 00:17:53,271
Carrot thief.
251
00:17:53,405 --> 00:17:59,110
Here's our very uncool
soccer mom Van.
252
00:17:59,112 --> 00:18:00,445
Whoo!
253
00:18:00,447 --> 00:18:03,815
Who are these guys?
254
00:18:03,817 --> 00:18:06,350
July 23rd, 2002.
255
00:18:06,352 --> 00:18:07,452
Road trip.
Road trip.
256
00:18:07,454 --> 00:18:10,855
I'm driving across America with Bennett and Tyler
257
00:18:10,857 --> 00:18:15,426
for an exciting new project I'm working on.
258
00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:16,427
I guess both beds are taken.
259
00:18:16,429 --> 00:18:19,163
I don't know where
you're gonna sleep.
260
00:18:19,165 --> 00:18:23,334
Eenie, meenie, miney, moe.
261
00:18:25,371 --> 00:18:29,207
This is the most fun
I've ever had in my whole life.
262
00:18:29,209 --> 00:18:31,442
Really?
No.
263
00:18:31,878 --> 00:18:33,778
We are making a documentary
264
00:18:33,780 --> 00:18:35,313
about queer youth in America,
265
00:18:35,315 --> 00:18:39,383
because discrimination against lgbt youth
266
00:18:39,385 --> 00:18:40,885
must be eliminated.
267
00:18:40,887 --> 00:18:45,490
I just wish people could see that these kids have faces,
268
00:18:45,492 --> 00:18:49,293
names, and voices that need to be heard.
269
00:18:49,295 --> 00:18:54,398
Growing up in the church
and realizing that you're gay
270
00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:55,833
is very difficult.
271
00:18:55,835 --> 00:18:59,837
You know, your family
has never talked about it.
272
00:18:59,839 --> 00:19:00,872
I mean, I'm 13
273
00:19:00,874 --> 00:19:02,540
and it's the first time
I've heard the word.
274
00:19:02,542 --> 00:19:06,711
And when I heard the word
and knew what it was,
275
00:19:06,713 --> 00:19:10,281
then it was like,
"hey, I know that.
276
00:19:10,283 --> 00:19:13,818
I understand that.
That's me."
277
00:19:13,820 --> 00:19:15,419
My mom, she's trying.
278
00:19:15,421 --> 00:19:16,821
She's like really in the closet
about it.
279
00:19:16,823 --> 00:19:18,589
She won't mention it to anybody
or anything like that.
280
00:19:18,591 --> 00:19:20,625
Like, she tries to still act
like I'm straight
281
00:19:20,627 --> 00:19:23,928
and expects me to act like
I'm straight along with her
282
00:19:23,930 --> 00:19:24,862
when I'm not like that.
283
00:19:24,864 --> 00:19:27,465
And this was
probably more overwhelming
284
00:19:27,467 --> 00:19:31,235
when I tried
to kill myself, uh...
285
00:19:31,237 --> 00:19:35,439
But I felt so invisible
286
00:19:35,441 --> 00:19:38,476
to everyone around me
who was straight.
287
00:19:38,478 --> 00:19:41,879
There are times when I realize
288
00:19:41,881 --> 00:19:48,619
that I'm just as much a creation
of god as everyone else.
289
00:19:50,522 --> 00:19:53,491
Olympia, Washington.
290
00:19:53,493 --> 00:19:54,892
This is kind of somber.
291
00:19:54,894 --> 00:19:58,829
But even though I grew up here,
292
00:19:58,831 --> 00:20:04,435
because both my parents
don't live anymore,
293
00:20:04,437 --> 00:20:06,871
it feels like this place
is a part of a past
294
00:20:06,873 --> 00:20:08,940
that doesn't exist anymore.
295
00:20:08,942 --> 00:20:12,310
And I wasn't gay here.
296
00:20:12,312 --> 00:20:13,311
I mean, you couldn't be.
297
00:20:13,313 --> 00:20:15,780
There was this kid that everyone
just thought was gay
298
00:20:15,782 --> 00:20:21,786
and he had to leave school
'cause he got picked on so much.
299
00:20:30,696 --> 00:20:32,630
What's it like here?
300
00:20:32,632 --> 00:20:33,898
Liberty is falwell territory.
301
00:20:33,900 --> 00:20:39,370
So as you can imagine,
it's not very gay-friendly.
302
00:20:41,640 --> 00:20:44,575
So why do you stay?
303
00:20:44,577 --> 00:20:45,943
Uh...
304
00:20:48,780 --> 00:20:49,680
Well, I...
305
00:20:49,682 --> 00:20:50,881
I don't know. I, um...
306
00:20:50,883 --> 00:20:53,484
I didn't come out
to friends and family
307
00:20:53,486 --> 00:20:54,719
until last year.
308
00:20:54,721 --> 00:20:59,590
And I have another year
before I graduate.
309
00:20:59,592 --> 00:21:01,492
I'm a Christian.
310
00:21:01,494 --> 00:21:02,560
So...
311
00:21:02,562 --> 00:21:04,829
Which a lot of people
think is impossible,
312
00:21:04,831 --> 00:21:06,897
but I think that's
just as ridiculous
313
00:21:06,899 --> 00:21:10,368
as the anti-gay right, so...
314
00:21:12,739 --> 00:21:14,605
Just a second.
315
00:21:15,974 --> 00:21:16,674
Hey, sof.
316
00:21:16,676 --> 00:21:19,510
Do you want us
to call them for you?
317
00:21:20,280 --> 00:21:23,381
We're just gonna...
We're gonna wait with you
until he comes, okay?
318
00:21:23,383 --> 00:21:28,819
Her mother just passed.
Do you mind not filming us?
319
00:21:28,821 --> 00:21:29,553
So awful.
320
00:21:29,555 --> 00:21:32,423
Here, let's pray.
Let's pray for her, okay?
321
00:21:32,425 --> 00:21:33,624
All right, turn it off.
322
00:21:33,626 --> 00:21:34,692
We just wanna ask, father,
323
00:21:34,694 --> 00:21:36,060
that you would
just give her the strength
324
00:21:36,062 --> 00:21:39,730
to get through this
incredibly difficult time
325
00:21:39,732 --> 00:21:42,600
and we pray that you
would just fill us all
326
00:21:42,602 --> 00:21:44,935
with the compassion to know
what she must be going through
327
00:21:44,937 --> 00:21:48,606
because it would be impossible
for us to fully comprehend.
328
00:21:48,608 --> 00:21:51,008
Just show her yourself, father,
during this time
329
00:21:51,010 --> 00:21:54,545
and look to you right now,
father...
330
00:22:14,666 --> 00:22:15,933
Hey.
331
00:22:16,968 --> 00:22:18,102
Babe.
332
00:22:18,104 --> 00:22:20,571
We gotta go.
We gotta be there at 9:30.
You ready?
333
00:22:20,573 --> 00:22:23,774
Yeah.
All right.
See you in the car.
334
00:22:27,746 --> 00:22:30,448
I didn't come out to friends and family
335
00:22:30,450 --> 00:22:32,383
until last year.
336
00:22:32,385 --> 00:22:33,951
I'm a Christian.
337
00:22:33,953 --> 00:22:35,052
So...
338
00:22:35,054 --> 00:22:37,421
Which a lot of people think is impossible,
339
00:22:37,423 --> 00:22:39,657
but I think that's just as ridiculous
340
00:22:39,659 --> 00:22:43,594
as the anti-gay right, so...
341
00:22:43,795 --> 00:22:50,034
When I was young, I didn't know that there were people like me.
342
00:22:50,036 --> 00:22:54,038
I felt lost, alone, and confused.
343
00:22:54,040 --> 00:22:58,576
I never even told my mother, my best friend, that I was gay
344
00:22:58,578 --> 00:23:01,112
because I was afraid she wouldn't accept me.
345
00:23:01,114 --> 00:23:03,547
That's why we're on this journey:
346
00:23:03,549 --> 00:23:07,752
To let gay kids know that they are not alone.
347
00:23:07,754 --> 00:23:11,489
And you know what? I learned a lot as well.
348
00:23:11,491 --> 00:23:14,024
Because we met so many amazing people
349
00:23:14,026 --> 00:23:15,860
who've heard their parents or pastors
350
00:23:15,862 --> 00:23:18,863
tell them they're wrong and yet they've come
351
00:23:18,865 --> 00:23:21,599
to the realization that they're beautiful,
352
00:23:21,601 --> 00:23:26,036
blessed, and that god loves them just as they are.
353
00:23:26,038 --> 00:23:30,541
I mean, people who believe that homosexuality is wrong
354
00:23:30,543 --> 00:23:36,680
are gonna change their minds thanks to this next generation.
355
00:24:39,611 --> 00:24:43,914
The sky is fucking beautiful.
356
00:24:46,219 --> 00:24:49,253
What is this, babe?
357
00:24:49,255 --> 00:24:50,754
Hmm?
358
00:24:51,857 --> 00:24:52,690
Oh, it's stupid.
359
00:24:52,692 --> 00:24:55,059
Just somebody gave it to me
on the street.
360
00:24:55,061 --> 00:24:58,696
"Where will we go
when we die?"
361
00:24:58,698 --> 00:25:01,165
Baby.
362
00:25:01,167 --> 00:25:03,767
You guys,
where will we go
when we die?
363
00:25:03,769 --> 00:25:07,705
In 2012, the world
is supposed to end.
364
00:25:07,707 --> 00:25:09,673
Is that a real thing?
365
00:25:09,675 --> 00:25:11,141
I hope not.
366
00:25:11,143 --> 00:25:12,843
Everyone knows this.
367
00:25:12,845 --> 00:25:16,013
It's what they drew
on the Mayan calendar.
368
00:25:16,015 --> 00:25:18,516
You know,
the Mayan calendar thing.
369
00:25:18,518 --> 00:25:21,919
That's what they drew.
It was the moon and the sun.
370
00:26:14,639 --> 00:26:17,875
What? I'm curious.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
371
00:26:17,877 --> 00:26:21,211
We wanna know. Please.
We wanna know. Please.
372
00:26:21,213 --> 00:26:24,281
I don't think
they wanna know.
373
00:26:41,232 --> 00:26:42,900
Mike.
374
00:26:45,236 --> 00:26:47,738
You guys go on.
I'll meet you at home.
375
00:26:47,740 --> 00:26:49,707
You okay?
376
00:26:49,709 --> 00:26:50,941
Yeah, I'm fine.
377
00:26:50,943 --> 00:26:53,210
Where are you going?
378
00:26:53,212 --> 00:26:55,679
Michael?
379
00:26:55,814 --> 00:27:00,751
What's that about?
I have absolutely
no earthly idea.
380
00:27:43,062 --> 00:27:44,828
Baby.
381
00:27:45,163 --> 00:27:50,067
I was worried about you today.
What's going on?
382
00:27:54,874 --> 00:27:56,940
It's stupid.
383
00:27:56,942 --> 00:28:00,711
Baby, nothing's stupid.
Tell me what.
384
00:28:03,348 --> 00:28:09,053
Do you think when we die,
385
00:28:09,055 --> 00:28:14,124
we just disappear
like we never existed?
386
00:28:17,762 --> 00:28:20,297
No, I don't think that.
387
00:28:20,765 --> 00:28:24,468
Because I know that
we'll always be together.
388
00:28:26,838 --> 00:28:28,305
Baby.
389
00:28:35,346 --> 00:28:36,380
Baby.
390
00:28:36,382 --> 00:28:40,050
Baby, you're okay.
I'm here.
391
00:28:57,068 --> 00:29:00,838
Let's pray for her.
Let's pray.
392
00:29:13,218 --> 00:29:14,852
Bennett!
393
00:29:15,920 --> 00:29:16,987
Bennett!
394
00:29:19,925 --> 00:29:20,991
I'm really lightheaded.
395
00:29:20,993 --> 00:29:26,930
It's okay. It's okay.
We're almost there.
We're almost there.
396
00:29:40,545 --> 00:29:41,278
Okay.
397
00:29:41,280 --> 00:29:46,884
Your heartrate
seems to have returned
back to normal.
398
00:29:46,886 --> 00:29:48,018
Can you check again?
399
00:29:48,020 --> 00:29:50,888
Just because your father had hcm
does not mean that you have it.
400
00:29:50,890 --> 00:29:56,360
We followed
our chest pain protocol
and there's nothing abnormal.
401
00:29:56,362 --> 00:30:00,130
You had a panic attack. Okay?
402
00:30:02,167 --> 00:30:03,967
Where's Bennett?
403
00:30:03,969 --> 00:30:04,902
He's in the lobby.
404
00:30:04,904 --> 00:30:09,006
As soon as you're checked out,
you can see him.
405
00:30:09,541 --> 00:30:10,541
All right?
406
00:30:10,543 --> 00:30:12,109
Thank you.
407
00:30:17,149 --> 00:30:18,115
I was 13 years old,
408
00:30:18,117 --> 00:30:20,250
walking along the beach with my father,
409
00:30:20,252 --> 00:30:22,252
when he suddenly collapsed and died
410
00:30:22,254 --> 00:30:25,589
from an unexpected heart condition.
411
00:30:28,459 --> 00:30:30,327
If I've inherited his disease,
412
00:30:30,329 --> 00:30:33,597
the same thing could happen to me.
413
00:30:34,499 --> 00:30:36,500
What's wrong, baby?
414
00:30:36,502 --> 00:30:39,169
It's happening again.
I can feel it.
415
00:30:39,171 --> 00:30:43,106
The tests confirmed that--
they don't know.
416
00:30:43,108 --> 00:30:45,042
They don't care.
417
00:30:45,878 --> 00:30:49,546
Now I'm having heart palpitations all the time.
418
00:30:49,548 --> 00:30:52,883
And contrary to what the doctors keep saying,
419
00:30:52,885 --> 00:30:56,954
I just know they aren't panic attacks.
420
00:30:57,155 --> 00:30:58,989
After months of fighting with my insurance,
421
00:30:58,991 --> 00:31:01,291
I was finally allowed to see a specialist
422
00:31:01,293 --> 00:31:03,527
who could definitively test whether or not
423
00:31:03,529 --> 00:31:07,064
I inherited my father's condition.
424
00:31:07,332 --> 00:31:10,167
Now I have to wait for the results.
425
00:31:10,169 --> 00:31:13,904
Michael,
just calm down.
Calm down!
426
00:31:13,906 --> 00:31:15,038
Do you know
what this disease means?
427
00:31:15,040 --> 00:31:19,076
It means
i could die any minute,
just drop dead!
428
00:31:19,078 --> 00:31:21,044
You calm down!
429
00:33:59,504 --> 00:34:01,204
Dr. Williams?
430
00:34:01,206 --> 00:34:02,572
Hi.
431
00:34:25,096 --> 00:34:26,830
Thank you, god.
432
00:34:31,102 --> 00:34:32,836
Thank you, god.
433
00:34:36,140 --> 00:34:37,074
The test confirmed
434
00:34:37,076 --> 00:34:40,310
that I did not inherit my father's heart condition.
435
00:34:40,312 --> 00:34:44,448
Although it's a massive sigh of relief,
436
00:34:44,450 --> 00:34:46,516
I keep thinking to myself...
437
00:34:46,518 --> 00:34:50,520
If I was really just having panic attacks,
438
00:34:50,522 --> 00:34:52,856
then what's wrong with me?
439
00:34:52,858 --> 00:34:55,659
What am I afraid of?
440
00:35:00,164 --> 00:35:03,100
All I know is that when faced with your own death,
441
00:35:03,102 --> 00:35:05,702
it reminds you of what's important in life.
442
00:35:05,704 --> 00:35:10,607
And for me, that's helping other people.
443
00:35:11,609 --> 00:35:12,309
Okay.
444
00:35:12,311 --> 00:35:16,146
So I've decided to start my own magazine.
445
00:35:16,148 --> 00:35:19,249
I'm calling it yga.
446
00:35:19,251 --> 00:35:20,217
Young gay Americans.
447
00:35:20,219 --> 00:35:24,254
It's gonna be the biggest and most sophisticated magazine
448
00:35:24,256 --> 00:35:28,892
aimed at improving the lives of lgbt youth.
449
00:36:15,640 --> 00:36:17,440
Hmm.
450
00:36:44,902 --> 00:36:45,969
What is this?
451
00:36:45,971 --> 00:36:48,738
What is this?
452
00:36:48,740 --> 00:36:52,275
Oh, my god! Hi!
453
00:36:52,277 --> 00:36:53,877
You didn't.
454
00:36:53,879 --> 00:36:55,545
I know you
wanted one, baby.
455
00:36:55,547 --> 00:36:57,380
Oh, my god!
456
00:37:04,288 --> 00:37:05,755
Ooh.
457
00:37:05,757 --> 00:37:08,558
What are we gonna call you?
458
00:37:08,560 --> 00:37:10,527
What are we gonna call you?
459
00:37:11,997 --> 00:37:14,898
Olly. Olly, heel.
460
00:37:15,266 --> 00:37:18,368
I've been thinking
about the next issue of yga.
461
00:37:18,370 --> 00:37:21,838
I think we need to address
this whole christianity thing.
462
00:37:21,840 --> 00:37:22,806
What do you mean?
463
00:37:22,808 --> 00:37:25,942
Well, people think that gays
and christians are enemies.
464
00:37:25,944 --> 00:37:31,748
We've met so many people
who've managed to balance
their faith and their sexuality.
465
00:37:31,750 --> 00:37:34,651
But we've also met
so many people whose parents
466
00:37:34,653 --> 00:37:37,254
and churches tell them
they're gonna burn in hell.
467
00:37:37,256 --> 00:37:40,290
Yeah, which is why
we should address it
in the magazine.
468
00:37:40,292 --> 00:37:43,893
I mean, the whole "you're gay,
you're going to hell" myth
469
00:37:43,895 --> 00:37:48,932
was started by mistranslations
and misinterpretations
of the Bible.
470
00:37:48,934 --> 00:37:53,403
I mean, god doesn't care
what your sexual orientation is.
471
00:37:53,405 --> 00:37:58,275
And the one thing
that the gay movement
doesn't understand
472
00:37:58,277 --> 00:37:59,442
that I think christianity does
473
00:37:59,444 --> 00:38:06,383
is that not everyone
wants to be a part
of the subculture.
474
00:38:06,517 --> 00:38:10,053
I'm sorry,
what did you do
with my boyfriend?
475
00:38:10,055 --> 00:38:11,488
Shut up.
476
00:38:11,490 --> 00:38:14,357
I'm not gonna write like...
477
00:38:15,726 --> 00:38:19,763
Gospel according to Michael
or something.
478
00:38:22,433 --> 00:38:25,535
It might seem strange for a gay youth magazine
479
00:38:25,537 --> 00:38:29,339
to dedicate an entire issue to religion,
480
00:38:29,341 --> 00:38:32,776
but it's too important to ignore.
481
00:38:33,377 --> 00:38:37,414
When my parents died, I blamed god.
482
00:38:37,416 --> 00:38:38,381
When I came out,
483
00:38:38,383 --> 00:38:42,319
I distanced myself even further from religion.
484
00:38:42,321 --> 00:38:47,457
You see, I thought I was too smart to believe in god,
485
00:38:47,459 --> 00:38:50,660
that he was only for the needy.
486
00:38:50,995 --> 00:38:52,662
But after a recent health scare,
487
00:38:52,664 --> 00:38:57,867
I felt this nudging in the back of my mind:
488
00:38:57,869 --> 00:39:00,904
The presence of god.
489
00:39:00,906 --> 00:39:02,872
And you know what?
490
00:39:02,874 --> 00:39:06,343
I was no longer afraid.
491
00:39:07,011 --> 00:39:07,744
Aah!
492
00:39:07,746 --> 00:39:10,547
Some religious figures spout hateful rhetoric
493
00:39:10,549 --> 00:39:14,451
and try to force a monopoly on the truth.
494
00:39:14,453 --> 00:39:17,921
But the only truth is love.
495
00:39:17,923 --> 00:39:22,425
The only sin is denying love.
496
00:39:22,427 --> 00:39:24,728
Stop hating.
497
00:39:24,730 --> 00:39:28,064
Start loving.
498
00:39:37,408 --> 00:39:39,142
You gonna join us?
499
00:39:39,144 --> 00:39:41,778
Uh, yeah, just one second.
500
00:39:47,551 --> 00:39:48,385
What?
501
00:39:48,387 --> 00:39:51,688
Uh, you're really combing
through that thing,
aren't you?
502
00:39:51,690 --> 00:39:56,893
Look, my whole life,
i thought the Bible
was full of hate...
503
00:39:56,895 --> 00:39:58,128
And it's not.
504
00:39:58,130 --> 00:39:59,863
There's a lot of love in here.
505
00:39:59,865 --> 00:40:04,667
So your interest in the Bible
is more than just research?
506
00:40:04,669 --> 00:40:09,406
Well, there's a lot
of Christian roots
in my family,
507
00:40:09,408 --> 00:40:12,041
my mom, my aunt and...
508
00:40:12,043 --> 00:40:12,776
Just curious.
509
00:40:12,778 --> 00:40:16,413
Your aunts disowned you
when you came out.
510
00:40:16,415 --> 00:40:18,047
That's not family.
511
00:40:18,049 --> 00:40:19,949
I'm all for curiosity but--
512
00:40:19,951 --> 00:40:24,120
i-i just feel like
something saved me,
513
00:40:24,122 --> 00:40:27,123
shook me and woke me up.
514
00:40:27,792 --> 00:40:31,494
And that someone is god?
515
00:40:32,029 --> 00:40:38,601
Mike, he didn't save you
because you were never dying.
516
00:40:40,871 --> 00:40:43,173
Okay.
517
00:40:45,576 --> 00:40:47,510
"Whoever finds their life
will lose it,
518
00:40:47,512 --> 00:40:51,815
and whoever loses their life
for my sake will find it."
519
00:40:53,684 --> 00:40:56,786
"Whoever finds their life
will lose it,
520
00:40:56,788 --> 00:41:02,659
and whoever loses their life
for my sake will find it."
521
00:41:02,793 --> 00:41:04,894
"Whoever finds their life
will lose it,
522
00:41:04,896 --> 00:41:09,532
and whoever loses their life
for my sake will find it."
523
00:41:15,039 --> 00:41:19,108
Don't see many people
flaunting that out in the open.
524
00:41:19,110 --> 00:41:20,143
Oh.
525
00:41:20,145 --> 00:41:22,479
I've seen you
reading out here before
526
00:41:22,481 --> 00:41:26,082
and I thought maybe you'd
wanna come to my church.
527
00:41:26,084 --> 00:41:30,620
Any Sunday,
just to check it out.
528
00:41:30,622 --> 00:41:34,224
See what the mormon religion
has to offer.
529
00:41:34,558 --> 00:41:40,697
The gospel teaches us
that we are the spirit children
530
00:41:40,699 --> 00:41:42,065
of heavenly parents.
531
00:41:42,067 --> 00:41:48,905
Now, many people ask,
are we like other christians?
532
00:41:48,907 --> 00:41:51,007
Why of course we are.
533
00:41:51,009 --> 00:41:53,076
We believe in Jesus Christ
534
00:41:53,078 --> 00:41:56,513
and we believe
in life after death.
535
00:41:56,515 --> 00:42:01,017
And everyone is welcome
at the lds church.
536
00:42:01,019 --> 00:42:04,888
Christ's atonement
allows mankind to be saved
from their sins...
537
00:42:04,890 --> 00:42:09,692
And to return to live with god
and their loved ones in heaven.
538
00:42:09,694 --> 00:42:12,862
Did you grow up
with any kind of faith?
539
00:42:12,864 --> 00:42:14,063
Not really.
540
00:42:14,065 --> 00:42:14,964
My mother was Christian,
541
00:42:14,966 --> 00:42:18,768
but she didn't really take
me or my sister to church,
542
00:42:18,770 --> 00:42:22,138
and my father
was a Berkeley hippie,
543
00:42:22,140 --> 00:42:25,575
kind of agnostic
or even atheist.
544
00:42:25,577 --> 00:42:27,010
They were very good people
545
00:42:27,012 --> 00:42:31,681
and I know
I'll see them again in heaven.
546
00:42:31,683 --> 00:42:34,551
My mom passed away as well.
547
00:42:34,553 --> 00:42:36,319
So I know how hard that is.
548
00:42:36,321 --> 00:42:41,291
I was so afraid and angry,
you know?
549
00:42:41,293 --> 00:42:42,859
Yeah, me, too.
550
00:42:42,861 --> 00:42:44,894
It's really hard
to deal with death
551
00:42:44,896 --> 00:42:48,031
when you don't know
where you're going.
552
00:42:48,666 --> 00:42:51,301
But once you do,
then you have peace
553
00:42:51,303 --> 00:42:54,938
and you realize
that god's not to blame.
554
00:42:54,940 --> 00:42:57,840
Right.
Yeah.
555
00:42:58,776 --> 00:43:00,176
Catherine.
556
00:43:02,280 --> 00:43:03,880
It was nice to meet you.
557
00:43:03,882 --> 00:43:05,248
You, too.
558
00:43:07,918 --> 00:43:11,120
She's single, fyi.
559
00:43:11,122 --> 00:43:12,889
Fyi?
560
00:43:12,891 --> 00:43:14,657
What, you think
she likes me?
561
00:43:14,659 --> 00:43:16,859
Yeah. Yeah,
it seemed like it.
562
00:43:16,861 --> 00:43:22,332
But I mean, don't worry.
There's plenty of single ladies
looking for a husband.
563
00:43:22,334 --> 00:43:26,235
I wasn't even thinking
about that kind of thing.
564
00:43:26,237 --> 00:43:30,039
Oh, well, maybe it's something
you should start thinking about.
565
00:43:30,041 --> 00:43:33,977
I can get you in touch with her
if you want.
566
00:43:34,845 --> 00:43:36,112
Oh, um...
567
00:43:36,114 --> 00:43:38,681
If you're interested.
568
00:43:40,618 --> 00:43:41,751
Sure. I don't know.
569
00:43:41,753 --> 00:43:44,387
Yeah?
Okay. Whatever.
Yeah, okay.
570
00:43:44,389 --> 00:43:45,755
All right.
Okay, thanks.
571
00:43:45,757 --> 00:43:49,025
Embarrassing me
a little bit.
572
00:44:13,751 --> 00:44:15,018
Welcome back to new beginnings
573
00:44:15,020 --> 00:44:18,221
and thank you for listening to our continued conversation
574
00:44:18,223 --> 00:44:19,856
about the truth path to heaven.
575
00:44:19,858 --> 00:44:23,893
Doctor, how would you respond to other christians
576
00:44:23,895 --> 00:44:25,128
who disagree with your angle?
577
00:44:25,130 --> 00:44:28,765
Look, all I'm trying to do is help people.
578
00:44:28,767 --> 00:44:32,669
It just pains me so much when I hear so-called christians
579
00:44:32,671 --> 00:44:36,205
side with the left on issues such as homosexuality.
580
00:44:36,207 --> 00:44:39,308
Now, I'm not condoning hate.
581
00:44:39,310 --> 00:44:41,678
In fact, this is about love.
582
00:44:41,680 --> 00:44:44,147
Choosing a gay identity will condemn you
583
00:44:44,149 --> 00:44:45,982
to an eternity of suffering.
584
00:44:45,984 --> 00:44:48,351
And I wanna save people from that.
585
00:44:48,353 --> 00:44:51,120
Whether it's abortion or adultery
586
00:44:51,122 --> 00:44:55,124
or accepting religions other than christianity,
587
00:44:55,126 --> 00:44:56,793
you must obey god's law
588
00:44:56,795 --> 00:45:00,997
or you will not be allowed into his kingdom.
589
00:45:39,470 --> 00:45:42,071
I'm not saying that.
I'm not saying
that it's wrong.
590
00:45:42,073 --> 00:45:45,241
I'm just saying
that over the course
of thousands of years,
591
00:45:45,243 --> 00:45:48,845
people with an agenda
have made christianity
what it is today.
592
00:45:48,847 --> 00:45:55,351
Yeah, but the original message
is still the same,
it's about love.
593
00:45:57,020 --> 00:46:00,790
You know, I would've never
pegged you as a Buddhist.
594
00:46:00,792 --> 00:46:01,224
Why?
595
00:46:01,226 --> 00:46:04,260
What, 'cause I don't look
a certain way?
596
00:46:04,262 --> 00:46:05,428
No, I...
597
00:46:05,430 --> 00:46:07,930
I don't know why
i just said that.
598
00:46:07,932 --> 00:46:09,899
I'm just kidding you.
599
00:46:09,901 --> 00:46:10,433
Meditation.
600
00:46:10,435 --> 00:46:12,835
People get weird in their head
about meditation.
601
00:46:12,837 --> 00:46:14,237
They think it's weird
or hippie.
602
00:46:14,239 --> 00:46:18,207
I think it's about
developing mindfulness.
603
00:46:18,209 --> 00:46:20,109
You know, it's about
living moment to moment.
604
00:46:20,111 --> 00:46:24,280
And in a deeper level,
it's about knowing yourself.
605
00:46:24,282 --> 00:46:28,017
That's why I started
volunteering at
the Buddhist center.
606
00:46:28,019 --> 00:46:30,353
They have classes on Friday.
You should come.
607
00:46:30,355 --> 00:46:35,358
Oh, I have to go out of town
for this speaking thing.
608
00:46:35,360 --> 00:46:37,293
What kind of speaking thing?
609
00:46:37,295 --> 00:46:40,329
It's about gay youth
in America.
610
00:46:40,331 --> 00:46:43,199
No way. That's awesome.
611
00:47:23,841 --> 00:47:25,575
Welcome to our very first panel
612
00:47:25,577 --> 00:47:28,144
on being young and gay
in America.
613
00:47:28,146 --> 00:47:30,146
Joining us is Judy Shepard,
614
00:47:30,148 --> 00:47:33,149
president of
the Matthew Shepard foundation,
615
00:47:33,151 --> 00:47:35,184
dedicated to
working towards causes
616
00:47:35,186 --> 00:47:38,855
championed by her son Matthew
during his life.
617
00:47:38,857 --> 00:47:40,256
Thank you for joining us.
618
00:47:45,195 --> 00:47:48,531
Michael glatze,
former editor of XY magazine,
619
00:47:48,533 --> 00:47:53,202
recipient of equality forum's
national role model award
620
00:47:53,204 --> 00:47:56,105
as well as lambda's
literary award
621
00:47:56,107 --> 00:47:57,473
for XY's survival guide,
622
00:47:57,475 --> 00:48:01,577
participant in the
award-winning documentary
623
00:48:01,579 --> 00:48:02,445
Jim in bold,
624
00:48:02,447 --> 00:48:04,347
and co-founder
of young gay Americans,
625
00:48:04,349 --> 00:48:07,016
which is now
a full-fledged magazine.
626
00:48:12,623 --> 00:48:15,992
What does being gay
mean to you?
627
00:48:16,193 --> 00:48:21,564
Gay doesn't mean the same thing that it meant 20 years ago.
628
00:48:21,566 --> 00:48:25,167
And it's more important now than ever
629
00:48:25,169 --> 00:48:28,404
to make allies and make alliances
630
00:48:28,406 --> 00:48:33,009
both inside and outside the gay community.
631
00:48:36,346 --> 00:48:42,151
Gay doesn't mean the same thing that it meant 20 years ago.
632
00:48:42,153 --> 00:48:44,053
It's not about--
633
00:49:18,288 --> 00:49:19,722
hey.
634
00:49:22,192 --> 00:49:23,559
No.
635
00:49:25,429 --> 00:49:27,730
I have to walk the dog.
636
00:50:06,003 --> 00:50:08,137
Hey.
637
00:50:11,375 --> 00:50:13,776
What are you doing?
638
00:50:13,778 --> 00:50:18,014
I need some space.
639
00:50:18,782 --> 00:50:20,316
Mike--
look, I just...
640
00:50:20,318 --> 00:50:22,018
I need some time
to figure this out,
641
00:50:22,020 --> 00:50:24,620
to see where this
is taking me.
642
00:50:25,722 --> 00:50:28,557
Why can't you come to me
for help?
643
00:50:28,559 --> 00:50:30,726
We have to talk about this
before--
644
00:50:30,728 --> 00:50:32,294
look, I just...
645
00:50:32,296 --> 00:50:35,531
I need to get away
from this life.
646
00:50:35,766 --> 00:50:38,367
Our life?
Yes.
647
00:50:38,502 --> 00:50:42,772
And what exactly is it
about our life that you need
to get away from, being gay?
648
00:50:42,774 --> 00:50:44,407
I don't know.
649
00:50:44,409 --> 00:50:45,508
I don't know!
650
00:50:45,510 --> 00:50:50,346
Okay, uh, are you
attracted to women?
651
00:50:50,348 --> 00:50:52,081
Because if that's the case,
then fine, go explore.
652
00:50:52,083 --> 00:50:56,318
I just wanna be with my parents
in heaven. Is that so hard
to understand?
653
00:50:56,320 --> 00:50:58,187
Can you even hear yourself
right now?
654
00:50:58,189 --> 00:51:00,823
What happened
to the misinterpretation
of the Bible?
655
00:51:00,825 --> 00:51:02,058
It's a fucking book, Mike!
656
00:51:02,060 --> 00:51:04,760
I read the Bible the same way
i read anything else,
657
00:51:04,762 --> 00:51:06,228
with an open mind
and an open heart.
658
00:51:06,230 --> 00:51:07,263
Oh, is that what
you call this?
659
00:51:07,265 --> 00:51:11,067
'Cause the way you're talking
doesn't exactly sound
very fucking open-minded.
660
00:51:11,069 --> 00:51:17,406
This relationship
has just developed
into something unhealthy.
661
00:51:17,408 --> 00:51:20,176
What does that even mean?
662
00:51:21,211 --> 00:51:22,378
Tyler?
663
00:51:22,380 --> 00:51:25,614
You were just as
interested in that as I was.
664
00:51:25,616 --> 00:51:26,315
No.
665
00:51:26,317 --> 00:51:27,483
I just wanted you
to be happy
666
00:51:27,485 --> 00:51:29,418
because I was afraid
you were gonna leave.
667
00:51:29,420 --> 00:51:31,187
I was never
gonna leave, Mike.
668
00:51:31,189 --> 00:51:31,821
I've stood by you.
669
00:51:31,823 --> 00:51:34,290
I've held your hand while you
were so terrified of dying
670
00:51:34,292 --> 00:51:37,860
that you created illnesses
that didn't even exist.
671
00:51:37,862 --> 00:51:42,264
The truth is that
i was living a lie.
672
00:51:42,767 --> 00:51:47,603
The truth is that god loves us--
shut the fuck up!
673
00:51:51,541 --> 00:51:52,875
Okay.
674
00:51:52,877 --> 00:51:54,443
Wait.
675
00:52:02,687 --> 00:52:05,387
Please don't go.
676
00:52:10,260 --> 00:52:13,429
Where are you going?
677
00:52:19,703 --> 00:52:24,673
The thing
that will really kill you...
678
00:52:24,675 --> 00:52:29,445
Is repressing
who you truly are.
679
00:52:29,579 --> 00:52:33,315
That's what you
should really be afraid of.
680
00:53:41,885 --> 00:53:46,288
So he just left this here
out in the open?
681
00:54:32,936 --> 00:54:37,373
I have come to a decision that will be shocking
682
00:54:37,375 --> 00:54:40,542
to anyone I used to relate to.
683
00:54:41,479 --> 00:54:46,415
The presence of god has grown strong in my life.
684
00:54:46,417 --> 00:54:49,518
He told me that my panic attacks
685
00:54:49,520 --> 00:54:54,690
were caused by my shallow, sinful lifestyle.
686
00:54:55,459 --> 00:55:00,596
I've come to the realization that identifying as gay
687
00:55:00,598 --> 00:55:05,067
prevents you from finding your true self within.
688
00:55:05,069 --> 00:55:07,336
And we must be our true selves
689
00:55:07,338 --> 00:55:11,340
in order to join god in his kingdom.
690
00:55:11,808 --> 00:55:15,411
Therefore, I, Michael glatze,
691
00:55:15,413 --> 00:55:19,081
no longer identify as gay.
692
00:57:32,682 --> 00:57:34,783
Why did you do it?
693
00:57:38,054 --> 00:57:40,222
"Gay activist goes straight"?
694
00:57:40,224 --> 00:57:43,892
You gave the anti-gay right
the story of their dreams.
695
00:57:43,894 --> 00:57:45,828
I don't know why.
696
00:57:45,830 --> 00:57:47,930
I don't know.
697
00:57:47,932 --> 00:57:49,731
Who pushed you?
698
00:57:49,733 --> 00:57:50,699
No one.
699
00:57:50,701 --> 00:57:53,569
I just wanted
to tell my story.
700
00:57:53,571 --> 00:57:55,571
Look, I think
this all happened
701
00:57:55,573 --> 00:57:57,840
because god needed
to teach me a lesson.
702
00:57:57,842 --> 00:58:02,478
That's why I'm here,
to make it better.
703
00:58:07,518 --> 00:58:10,486
Meditation is a way
of slowing down
704
00:58:10,488 --> 00:58:13,689
and developing kindness
towards yourself.
705
00:58:13,691 --> 00:58:19,962
Through mindfulness practice,
we develop strength of mind.
706
00:58:19,964 --> 00:58:21,997
We become more present
707
00:58:21,999 --> 00:58:26,068
and we learn
to appreciate our world.
708
00:58:30,673 --> 00:58:34,243
God works in mysterious ways.
709
00:58:34,245 --> 00:58:35,844
He has sent me to a place
710
00:58:35,846 --> 00:58:38,680
where I can get away from the physical world
711
00:58:38,682 --> 00:58:41,917
so that I can focus on my true self--
712
00:58:41,919 --> 00:58:44,920
a happier, healthier man,
713
00:58:44,922 --> 00:58:48,290
free of unnatural desires.
714
00:58:54,998 --> 00:59:00,235
At first, I didn't understand why god would send a Christian
715
00:59:00,237 --> 00:59:02,638
to a Buddhist retreat.
716
00:59:02,640 --> 00:59:06,708
But I have faith in his plan for me.
717
00:59:13,217 --> 00:59:15,250
Desire is powerful.
718
00:59:15,252 --> 00:59:18,253
And god is testing me.
719
00:59:18,255 --> 00:59:23,725
But I refuse to give in to temptation.
720
00:59:28,197 --> 00:59:29,831
I've come to the realization
721
00:59:29,833 --> 00:59:32,868
that god wants me to use meditation
722
00:59:32,870 --> 00:59:37,906
to rid myself of abnormal desires.
723
00:59:38,074 --> 00:59:41,944
God gave Buddha the light
to be Buddha.
724
00:59:41,946 --> 00:59:42,344
He did.
725
00:59:42,346 --> 00:59:44,646
Michael,
what are you talking about?
726
00:59:44,648 --> 00:59:49,718
I just want us
to be on the right path
for our future,
727
00:59:49,720 --> 00:59:52,321
for our health,
for the afterlife.
728
00:59:52,323 --> 00:59:56,992
I am on the right path, okay?
My path.
729
01:00:06,302 --> 01:00:09,204
Michael, i--
I'm sorry.
730
01:00:11,374 --> 01:00:13,742
I'm sorry, Nico.
731
01:00:31,694 --> 01:00:33,061
It's the same kind of strength
732
01:00:33,063 --> 01:00:35,998
that you need
to-to clear your mind.
733
01:00:36,000 --> 01:00:39,801
You know, we just, we need
to find that strength
734
01:00:39,803 --> 01:00:44,773
to fight what we both know
in our hearts is wrong.
735
01:00:44,775 --> 01:00:46,241
We just have to fight it.
736
01:00:46,243 --> 01:00:47,876
Stop, Michael. Stop.
737
01:00:47,878 --> 01:00:50,245
No, I mean...
738
01:00:58,688 --> 01:00:59,855
Michael, you're confused.
739
01:00:59,857 --> 01:01:04,893
You're very confused
and it's at my expense.
740
01:01:30,854 --> 01:01:33,855
People have been asking how I am.
741
01:01:33,857 --> 01:01:35,724
Some out of support.
742
01:01:35,726 --> 01:01:38,126
Others who think I've reconsidered.
743
01:01:38,128 --> 01:01:43,298
I've come to the realization that Bennett represents soul,
744
01:01:43,300 --> 01:01:48,870
Tyler represents body, Nico represents mind.
745
01:01:48,872 --> 01:01:52,107
Father, son, holy ghost.
746
01:01:52,109 --> 01:01:55,310
I guess god need me to complete the Trinity
747
01:01:55,312 --> 01:01:57,746
in order to move on.
748
01:01:57,748 --> 01:01:59,748
So I'm ready to set the record straight.
749
01:01:59,750 --> 01:02:04,886
I was a heterosexual person with a homosexual problem,
750
01:02:04,888 --> 01:02:07,456
and I took care of that problem.
751
01:02:07,458 --> 01:02:11,059
I have not reconsidered.
752
01:02:11,227 --> 01:02:14,830
A good number of people
have come forward
753
01:02:14,832 --> 01:02:15,964
and expressed
their concern
754
01:02:15,966 --> 01:02:17,933
about your being involved
with this organization.
755
01:02:17,935 --> 01:02:21,970
This center is supposed
to accept everyone.
756
01:02:21,972 --> 01:02:23,405
Yes, and we do.
757
01:02:23,407 --> 01:02:25,841
We welcome people
of all beliefs,
758
01:02:25,843 --> 01:02:28,744
but we don't tolerate hate.
759
01:02:28,746 --> 01:02:30,779
I don't hate anybody.
760
01:02:30,781 --> 01:02:35,817
Michael, you've written
what some would call
very hateful things.
761
01:02:35,819 --> 01:02:39,955
Those are my beliefs.
762
01:02:40,823 --> 01:02:42,390
Are you okay?
763
01:02:42,392 --> 01:02:44,259
Yeah.
764
01:02:44,261 --> 01:02:47,195
Are you okay?
765
01:02:48,799 --> 01:02:49,431
I don't know...
766
01:02:49,433 --> 01:02:54,102
I don't understand
what has changed, but I, uh...
767
01:02:54,104 --> 01:02:56,238
Here we practice compassion.
768
01:02:56,240 --> 01:03:01,009
And I'm just, I'm afraid
this isn't gonna work out.
769
01:03:01,011 --> 01:03:06,848
So, because I'm Christian
and I express my opinions...
770
01:03:06,850 --> 01:03:09,184
I have to leave.
771
01:03:09,186 --> 01:03:13,421
That's so messed up.
772
01:03:49,926 --> 01:03:51,459
That's really everything?
773
01:03:51,461 --> 01:03:54,429
Your whole life
is in that one bag?
774
01:03:54,431 --> 01:03:57,265
Yeah.
775
01:03:59,602 --> 01:04:01,603
Do you think
you'll stay here?
776
01:04:01,605 --> 01:04:08,143
I mean, San Francisco
can't be the best place
for an...
777
01:04:08,145 --> 01:04:09,244
Ex-gay.
778
01:04:09,246 --> 01:04:15,183
I'm not an ex-gay.
I'm just me.
779
01:04:15,185 --> 01:04:18,286
Honestly, I thought
you'd be happy.
780
01:04:18,288 --> 01:04:20,889
I mean, you never
really approved.
781
01:04:20,891 --> 01:04:22,390
That's not true.
782
01:04:22,392 --> 01:04:26,027
Then why haven't we been close?
783
01:04:26,029 --> 01:04:27,395
I mean, you're my sister.
784
01:04:27,397 --> 01:04:31,600
We're supposed to be there
for each other.
785
01:04:32,635 --> 01:04:35,337
We can be close now.
786
01:04:35,339 --> 01:04:37,372
I'm glad you're here.
787
01:04:37,374 --> 01:04:44,379
And I want you to be happy--
loving whomever.
788
01:04:45,481 --> 01:04:46,481
Yeah?
789
01:04:46,483 --> 01:04:47,983
Yeah.
790
01:06:33,456 --> 01:06:35,323
I'm sorry.
791
01:06:35,325 --> 01:06:36,691
No, I can't.
What?
792
01:06:36,693 --> 01:06:38,426
No, I'm sorry. Uh...
793
01:06:38,428 --> 01:06:40,462
What happened?
I can't. Um...
794
01:06:40,464 --> 01:06:45,133
It's not you, it's...
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
795
01:07:30,447 --> 01:07:36,084
Olly, it's okay.
It's okay. It's okay.
796
01:07:41,690 --> 01:07:43,458
Hello?
797
01:07:51,534 --> 01:07:53,168
Michael?
798
01:07:53,170 --> 01:07:55,670
Bennett.
799
01:07:59,242 --> 01:08:01,309
Where are you?
800
01:08:01,844 --> 01:08:03,845
Are you okay?
801
01:08:06,782 --> 01:08:07,715
Michael?
802
01:08:07,717 --> 01:08:09,184
I have to go.
803
01:08:09,186 --> 01:08:12,687
Wait, why did you call me, Michael?
804
01:08:22,532 --> 01:08:26,868
To my friends who are trapped
in homosexuality:
805
01:08:26,870 --> 01:08:29,504
I wanna thank you
for your kind comments
806
01:08:29,506 --> 01:08:32,807
and keen observations
regarding my story
807
01:08:32,809 --> 01:08:37,779
and my revelation that
i am no longer homosexual
808
01:08:37,781 --> 01:08:39,547
and am now heterosexual.
809
01:08:39,549 --> 01:08:44,252
The gay identity has been
packaged and fed to you,
810
01:08:44,254 --> 01:08:48,623
and if you identify as gay
then you have eaten it,
811
01:08:48,625 --> 01:08:51,126
preventing you
from further growth
812
01:08:51,128 --> 01:08:53,828
and understanding
of your true self.
813
01:08:53,830 --> 01:08:58,333
But it's not too late to save yourself.
814
01:08:58,335 --> 01:09:00,535
If you follow my lead.
815
01:09:00,537 --> 01:09:05,473
I am confident. I am blessed.
816
01:09:05,475 --> 01:09:06,808
I am strong.
817
01:09:06,810 --> 01:09:12,180
I am ready to give up my life for Christ
818
01:09:12,182 --> 01:09:16,618
in order to find my true self.
819
01:10:24,653 --> 01:10:26,921
You sure you
don't want a coffee?
820
01:10:26,923 --> 01:10:30,625
I don't drink coffee anymore.
821
01:10:35,431 --> 01:10:36,864
You're well?
822
01:10:36,866 --> 01:10:38,700
Yeah. Why?
823
01:10:38,702 --> 01:10:41,603
Just asking.
824
01:10:41,737 --> 01:10:47,842
I'm great.
I've never been better.
825
01:10:49,345 --> 01:10:53,548
Well, I just wanted to see
how you're doing.
826
01:10:55,284 --> 01:10:57,852
So does Bennett.
827
01:10:58,587 --> 01:10:58,987
Hmm.
828
01:10:58,989 --> 01:11:02,857
I wish I could understand
what you're going through.
829
01:11:04,393 --> 01:11:07,595
I just don't want to be
perceived as gay
830
01:11:07,597 --> 01:11:10,531
for the rest of my experiences.
831
01:11:10,533 --> 01:11:13,801
It's that simple.
832
01:11:15,671 --> 01:11:19,274
Are you still
with Bennett?
833
01:11:19,276 --> 01:11:20,008
No.
834
01:11:20,010 --> 01:11:26,848
I'm, uh, going to Europe
to study space science.
835
01:11:26,850 --> 01:11:28,616
That's great.
836
01:11:28,618 --> 01:11:30,752
I'm going
to Bible school.
837
01:11:30,754 --> 01:11:34,022
God told me
to become a pastor.
838
01:11:42,698 --> 01:11:46,668
I don't want to open
old wounds or anything,
839
01:11:46,670 --> 01:11:53,941
but I also don't know when
I'll ever see you again.
840
01:11:54,777 --> 01:11:58,413
I want you to know
how much you meant to me.
841
01:12:03,919 --> 01:12:07,822
I know you don't care anymore.
842
01:12:07,824 --> 01:12:11,559
But I needed to say it.
843
01:12:11,561 --> 01:12:14,662
For closure.
844
01:12:18,868 --> 01:12:21,636
This whole thing...
845
01:12:21,638 --> 01:12:25,506
It broke my heart.
846
01:12:26,909 --> 01:12:29,344
Tyler...
847
01:12:29,346 --> 01:12:32,680
I'm sorry.
848
01:12:32,682 --> 01:12:36,784
But I need to live
for myself now.
849
01:12:39,722 --> 01:12:40,955
Okay.
850
01:12:45,894 --> 01:12:47,395
Okay.
851
01:12:48,731 --> 01:12:50,465
Take care.
852
01:13:39,548 --> 01:13:43,084
Now, sometimes somebody's
gonna ask you what you believe.
853
01:13:43,086 --> 01:13:45,620
They're gonna say,
"you're a Christian,
854
01:13:45,622 --> 01:13:47,455
all right,
what do you believe?"
855
01:13:47,457 --> 01:13:51,626
Maybe they're an atheist
or a agnostic or a Muslim
856
01:13:51,628 --> 01:13:54,896
or a Buddha, you know,
who knows what they are?
857
01:13:54,898 --> 01:13:57,865
And you better be ready
to tell 'em.
858
01:13:57,867 --> 01:14:00,802
We believe the Bible
is the word of god,
859
01:14:00,804 --> 01:14:07,208
the supreme, final authority
in life and in our faith.
860
01:14:07,210 --> 01:14:10,178
We believe in one god,
861
01:14:10,180 --> 01:14:13,080
eternally existing
in three persons:
862
01:14:13,082 --> 01:14:15,817
The father,
the son, and the holy spirit.
863
01:14:15,819 --> 01:14:19,454
And we believe
the sole condition
864
01:14:19,456 --> 01:14:21,823
for receiving
everlasting life
865
01:14:21,825 --> 01:14:29,931
is belief and faith alone
in the lord Jesus Christ.
866
01:15:14,810 --> 01:15:15,243
Thank you.
867
01:15:15,245 --> 01:15:17,945
I'll have one
of those, please.
868
01:15:31,126 --> 01:15:32,226
Hi, I'm Michael.
869
01:15:32,228 --> 01:15:35,129
Uh, hi, I'm Rebekah.
870
01:15:36,031 --> 01:15:39,867
Guess we like
all the same things.
871
01:15:42,204 --> 01:15:43,771
I love it here.
872
01:15:43,773 --> 01:15:45,940
I mean, I never though
I'd end up in Wyoming,
873
01:15:45,942 --> 01:15:49,677
but I feel like I've
finally found my niche.
874
01:15:49,679 --> 01:15:52,980
Where'd you think
you'd end up?
875
01:15:54,116 --> 01:15:56,784
That's a good question.
I don't know.
876
01:15:56,786 --> 01:16:00,788
All I know is that I've
always wanted to help people,
877
01:16:00,790 --> 01:16:04,625
because some people
struggle so much
878
01:16:04,627 --> 01:16:08,095
when the solution
is actually very simple.
879
01:16:08,097 --> 01:16:10,298
It's right there
in Matthew 10:
880
01:16:10,300 --> 01:16:14,635
The road may not be easy,
but if we give up our lives
881
01:16:14,637 --> 01:16:21,208
for Christ, then we'll find
our true selves.
882
01:16:27,649 --> 01:16:30,117
Where did you
go to college?
883
01:16:30,119 --> 01:16:31,586
Dartmouth.
884
01:16:31,588 --> 01:16:32,620
Wow.
885
01:16:32,622 --> 01:16:33,955
And you majored in music?
886
01:16:33,957 --> 01:16:37,158
In creative writing
and English literature,
887
01:16:37,160 --> 01:16:40,795
but I minored
in music theory
and composition.
888
01:16:40,797 --> 01:16:44,699
That must've kept you busy.
889
01:16:44,701 --> 01:16:46,367
What kind of stuff
did you write?
890
01:16:46,369 --> 01:16:51,205
Well, my thesis
was all poetry, actually.
891
01:16:51,207 --> 01:16:53,808
Can I read some?
892
01:16:53,810 --> 01:16:55,343
Oh, I don't have it anymore.
893
01:16:55,345 --> 01:16:59,780
My poetry
is from a different life.
894
01:16:59,782 --> 01:17:00,348
But I, um...
895
01:17:00,350 --> 01:17:05,386
I'm so interested in music now
because it transcends language.
896
01:17:05,388 --> 01:17:09,323
You know, it's like people
don't have to argue about it
897
01:17:09,325 --> 01:17:11,826
or judge it
or misinterpret it.
898
01:17:11,828 --> 01:17:13,127
They can just listen.
899
01:17:13,129 --> 01:17:16,764
You know, I just play
and they just listen.
900
01:17:16,766 --> 01:17:17,264
You know?
901
01:17:17,266 --> 01:17:19,667
I don't know if I do,
to be honest,
902
01:17:19,669 --> 01:17:22,803
but the way you say it,
i want to.
903
01:17:22,805 --> 01:17:25,006
I'm sorry, I'm just blabbing.
What about you?
904
01:17:25,008 --> 01:17:29,343
No, don't be sorry!
You're not blabbing. Um...
905
01:17:29,345 --> 01:17:30,911
I majored in theater.
906
01:17:30,913 --> 01:17:31,946
Theater? Really?
Yeah.
907
01:17:31,948 --> 01:17:36,817
Yeah, it was really fun,
but it's not like
it's a real job.
908
01:17:36,819 --> 01:17:40,254
I actually stage managed
a little bit after college,
909
01:17:40,256 --> 01:17:44,091
but I don't know,
i felt adrift.
910
01:17:44,093 --> 01:17:49,864
So I came here,
hoping to figure out my path.
911
01:17:49,866 --> 01:17:52,199
Me, too.
912
01:18:41,884 --> 01:18:44,318
I can't believe
you've never had Sushi.
913
01:18:44,320 --> 01:18:48,089
Who hasn't had Sushi?
It's crazy.
914
01:18:48,091 --> 01:18:50,024
Mm.
915
01:18:50,026 --> 01:18:51,225
Oh, no.
916
01:18:52,028 --> 01:18:53,227
You don't like it.
917
01:18:53,229 --> 01:18:54,028
I'm sorry.
918
01:18:54,030 --> 01:18:56,263
Oh, I'm so sorry.
919
01:18:56,265 --> 01:18:57,832
Oh...
I'm sorry.
920
01:18:57,834 --> 01:19:01,202
No, I used to hate it
when my ex did that.
921
01:19:01,204 --> 01:19:03,304
Always making decisions.
922
01:19:03,306 --> 01:19:05,973
We can go somewhere else.
No.
923
01:19:05,975 --> 01:19:08,142
No, no, no.
No, it's okay.
924
01:19:08,144 --> 01:19:09,076
Are you sure?
925
01:19:09,078 --> 01:19:13,514
Yes. Yeah.
You like it. It's fine.
926
01:19:16,752 --> 01:19:22,456
Uh, how, um, how long ago
was the ex you mentioned?
927
01:19:22,458 --> 01:19:25,993
Oh. It was a long time ago.
It was, uh...
928
01:19:25,995 --> 01:19:28,529
I don't know why
i brought that up.
929
01:19:28,531 --> 01:19:30,264
It was stupid.
930
01:19:30,266 --> 01:19:32,967
Well, um, was it serious?
931
01:19:32,969 --> 01:19:36,036
Were you gonna marry her?
932
01:19:36,972 --> 01:19:42,543
It was serious,
but, um, no, not marriage.
933
01:19:44,045 --> 01:19:46,380
What about you?
934
01:19:46,382 --> 01:19:47,848
Oh, no, I've...
935
01:19:47,850 --> 01:19:50,484
I've never been in
a serious relationship.
936
01:19:50,486 --> 01:19:55,222
My parents are very,
very conservative.
937
01:19:55,224 --> 01:19:57,458
Do you think
they'd approve of me?
938
01:19:57,460 --> 01:20:01,562
The future pastor
i met at Bible school?
939
01:20:01,564 --> 01:20:04,398
Yes, I think they'd approve.
940
01:20:40,569 --> 01:20:42,203
Rebekah.
941
01:20:42,938 --> 01:20:44,004
Hi.
942
01:20:44,006 --> 01:20:46,273
Hi.
943
01:20:47,275 --> 01:20:49,176
What?
944
01:20:49,178 --> 01:20:50,344
I just...
945
01:20:50,346 --> 01:20:53,380
Since when do you
wear shirts like that?
946
01:20:53,382 --> 01:20:57,251
What? It's not inappropriate
and it's hot out.
947
01:20:57,253 --> 01:21:03,324
You're here to serve our lord,
not distract our men.
948
01:21:03,525 --> 01:21:07,528
I don't think
I'm distracting anyone.
949
01:21:07,530 --> 01:21:08,963
Is this about Michael?
950
01:21:08,965 --> 01:21:13,367
We are not letting what we have
get in the way of our studies.
951
01:21:13,369 --> 01:21:17,204
Besides, the lord
brought us together.
952
01:21:17,505 --> 01:21:20,241
It's about his past.
953
01:21:20,243 --> 01:21:22,142
What about it?
954
01:21:22,944 --> 01:21:26,113
You really don't know?
955
01:21:26,948 --> 01:21:29,516
Know what?
956
01:21:50,205 --> 01:21:51,472
Rebekah.
957
01:21:51,474 --> 01:21:52,606
Oh. Hi.
958
01:21:52,608 --> 01:21:54,074
Are we still meeting?
959
01:21:54,076 --> 01:21:57,645
Yeah, just let me finish this.
I'll be right there.
960
01:21:57,647 --> 01:22:01,415
Okay.
I'll be in the cafeteria.
961
01:22:01,417 --> 01:22:03,417
Okay.
962
01:22:22,237 --> 01:22:25,539
I have something
i have to tell you.
963
01:22:28,944 --> 01:22:32,079
You already know,
don't you?
964
01:22:35,150 --> 01:22:38,419
Are you still
attracted to men?
965
01:22:38,421 --> 01:22:40,587
No.
966
01:22:40,589 --> 01:22:43,991
It's in the past.
967
01:22:43,993 --> 01:22:45,092
Okay, I...
968
01:22:45,094 --> 01:22:46,593
God showed me the light.
969
01:22:46,595 --> 01:22:48,429
He showed me the truth.
970
01:22:48,431 --> 01:22:53,167
A lot of people have pasts
they're not proud of,
971
01:22:53,169 --> 01:22:57,504
but god forgives, right?
972
01:22:57,973 --> 01:23:01,608
My life has changed so much
since I've met you.
973
01:23:01,610 --> 01:23:04,645
And my feelings for you
are real.
974
01:23:04,647 --> 01:23:08,415
My feelings for you
are real, too.
975
01:23:08,417 --> 01:23:15,022
But I feel like we should
just keep hanging out
and see what happens.
976
01:23:15,024 --> 01:23:19,526
Maybe not settle on
anything too specific.
977
01:23:19,528 --> 01:23:22,396
If that's okay.
978
01:23:23,431 --> 01:23:25,733
Okay.
979
01:23:52,460 --> 01:23:56,196
Hi, I'm Michael.
980
01:24:30,698 --> 01:24:36,804
Now, I wanna tell you
a little secret
981
01:24:36,806 --> 01:24:41,809
about a great gift from god.
982
01:24:42,644 --> 01:24:44,511
This gift is a human emotion
983
01:24:44,513 --> 01:24:49,850
and considered destructive
by the enemies of god.
984
01:24:53,855 --> 01:24:55,289
Fear.
985
01:24:55,291 --> 01:25:01,361
You can never, never,
never stop
986
01:25:01,363 --> 01:25:04,198
fearing yourself.
987
01:25:04,200 --> 01:25:08,302
We are our own worst enemies.
988
01:25:08,304 --> 01:25:15,642
And we must fear ourselves till
the day we meet god himself.
989
01:25:16,144 --> 01:25:22,249
God didn't put us here to live
our lives in constant fear.
990
01:25:22,251 --> 01:25:23,150
No, of course not.
991
01:25:23,152 --> 01:25:27,154
And then he scolded me
for asking questions.
992
01:25:27,156 --> 01:25:28,622
Well, that's not fair.
993
01:25:28,624 --> 01:25:29,490
We're here to learn
994
01:25:29,492 --> 01:25:30,724
and we learn in part
by asking questions.
995
01:25:30,726 --> 01:25:34,128
No, we're here to serve god,
not to identify
996
01:25:34,130 --> 01:25:39,399
as the exact kind of christians
they want us to be.
997
01:25:40,435 --> 01:25:41,768
I'm sorry.
998
01:25:41,770 --> 01:25:42,669
Don't be.
999
01:25:42,671 --> 01:25:48,175
You know what's best
because that's god
speaking through you.
1000
01:25:54,649 --> 01:25:57,751
You wanted to see me?
1001
01:25:58,153 --> 01:26:00,754
Now, you've been rallying
the students against us
1002
01:26:00,756 --> 01:26:05,826
as though you're
being controlled
by the devil himself.
1003
01:26:07,462 --> 01:26:10,831
I've learned a lot
about the Bible here,
1004
01:26:10,833 --> 01:26:12,266
and for that I thank you.
1005
01:26:12,268 --> 01:26:18,505
But I refuse to be controlled
by anyone other than god.
1006
01:26:18,507 --> 01:26:19,806
I follow my own path.
1007
01:26:19,808 --> 01:26:23,544
Yeah, and you want others
to follow you.
1008
01:26:24,245 --> 01:26:26,947
Perhaps it's best
if we mail you your diploma
1009
01:26:26,949 --> 01:26:30,817
and that you not attend
the ceremony.
1010
01:26:35,190 --> 01:26:38,392
I don't know if i
can stay here anymore.
1011
01:26:38,394 --> 01:26:40,961
Oh. Where will we go?
1012
01:26:42,730 --> 01:26:44,464
We?
1013
01:26:45,700 --> 01:26:50,470
Uh, I've been praying about it.
1014
01:26:50,472 --> 01:26:52,839
About us.
1015
01:26:52,841 --> 01:27:00,347
I told god how I feel about you
and how much you mean to me.
1016
01:27:00,349 --> 01:27:02,282
And you know what?
1017
01:27:04,320 --> 01:27:07,921
I was consumed
with nothing but peace.
1018
01:27:07,923 --> 01:27:11,258
Pure peace.
1019
01:27:14,463 --> 01:27:16,797
I love you.
1020
01:27:16,799 --> 01:27:19,399
I love you, too.
1021
01:27:52,267 --> 01:27:54,468
And be not conformed
to this world:
1022
01:27:54,470 --> 01:27:58,705
But be you transformed
by the renewing of your mind,
1023
01:27:58,707 --> 01:28:04,511
that you may prove
that good, glorious,
1024
01:28:04,513 --> 01:28:07,547
and perfect will of god.
1025
01:28:08,717 --> 01:28:12,886
That you may know that good,
acceptable,
1026
01:28:12,888 --> 01:28:15,622
and perfect will of god.
1027
01:28:44,452 --> 01:28:51,658
- Which would you prefer to have?
- Frosted flakes or fruit loops?
1028
01:28:51,660 --> 01:28:53,493
Well, obviously fruit loops.
1029
01:28:53,495 --> 01:28:54,728
Why? Why obviously?
1030
01:28:54,730 --> 01:28:57,497
Well, you're a fruit loop.
1031
01:29:17,051 --> 01:29:18,919
There you are.
1032
01:29:18,921 --> 01:29:20,987
Are you okay?
1033
01:29:21,689 --> 01:29:24,524
Yeah, I'm fine.
1034
01:29:29,130 --> 01:29:30,564
Okay, got 'em.
1035
01:29:33,968 --> 01:29:35,702
You get everything?
1036
01:29:35,704 --> 01:29:37,070
Mm-hmm.
1037
01:29:39,407 --> 01:29:42,843
These are going to storage.
1038
01:29:48,683 --> 01:29:53,120
Well, so you can have
a little more room
for your shoes?
1039
01:29:53,122 --> 01:29:53,787
Shut up.
1040
01:29:53,789 --> 01:29:56,823
I have never seen anyone
with more shoes than you.
1041
01:29:56,825 --> 01:29:59,793
You can never have
too many shoes.
1042
01:30:11,439 --> 01:30:13,707
Get those out of here.
1043
01:30:32,860 --> 01:30:33,894
Hello?
1044
01:30:33,896 --> 01:30:35,695
Hi.
1045
01:30:40,135 --> 01:30:42,636
Hi.
1046
01:30:44,439 --> 01:30:45,906
How are you?
1047
01:30:45,908 --> 01:30:48,041
Good.
1048
01:30:48,043 --> 01:30:50,110
I finished school.
1049
01:30:50,112 --> 01:30:53,947
But I'm no longer
on their path.
1050
01:30:54,882 --> 01:30:59,119
So what path are you on now?
1051
01:30:59,121 --> 01:31:00,086
My own.
1052
01:31:00,088 --> 01:31:04,558
I'm going to be the pastor of my own church.
1053
01:31:08,664 --> 01:31:11,498
Why are you calling?
1054
01:31:11,500 --> 01:31:12,799
Um...
1055
01:31:14,101 --> 01:31:15,769
I, uh...
1056
01:31:15,771 --> 01:31:18,104
I got the picture
you sent of olly.
1057
01:31:18,106 --> 01:31:21,174
I know it was months ago, but I didn't respond.
1058
01:31:21,176 --> 01:31:24,077
So how is she?
1059
01:31:25,147 --> 01:31:27,514
Oh, she's getting old.
1060
01:31:27,516 --> 01:31:28,849
But she's okay.
1061
01:31:28,851 --> 01:31:29,649
She has this
1062
01:31:29,651 --> 01:31:32,519
stuffed animal that she carries around with her now
1063
01:31:32,521 --> 01:31:35,555
everywhere she goes like it's her baby.
1064
01:31:41,562 --> 01:31:42,662
Bennett...
1065
01:31:42,664 --> 01:31:46,800
I should tell you
before someone else does.
1066
01:31:46,802 --> 01:31:48,802
I'm engaged.
1067
01:31:49,170 --> 01:31:53,673
To a...
Really amazing woman.
1068
01:31:53,941 --> 01:31:56,643
Now, I know
what you're thinking because
1069
01:31:56,645 --> 01:31:59,079
I asked myself the same thing--
1070
01:31:59,081 --> 01:32:00,514
am I really in love with her
1071
01:32:00,516 --> 01:32:05,151
or am I only doing this to be right in god's eyes?
1072
01:32:05,153 --> 01:32:10,690
And I'm truly in love with her, Bennett.
1073
01:32:11,659 --> 01:32:15,295
God went to the root
of my same sex desires
1074
01:32:15,297 --> 01:32:16,997
and he uprooted them.
1075
01:32:16,999 --> 01:32:21,001
He demonstrated
that they were abnormal.
1076
01:32:21,003 --> 01:32:21,801
Michael...
1077
01:32:21,803 --> 01:32:26,640
I'm really glad you think you're happy.
1078
01:32:28,109 --> 01:32:29,743
And I wish you all the best.
1079
01:32:29,745 --> 01:32:32,312
I really do.
I think you know that.
1080
01:32:32,314 --> 01:32:36,950
But I have no idea why you would call me up
1081
01:32:36,952 --> 01:32:39,819
and use words like "abnormal."
1082
01:32:40,922 --> 01:32:45,559
I'm so sorry for the way that things went down.
1083
01:32:45,561 --> 01:32:48,762
But just because we don't
1084
01:32:48,764 --> 01:32:49,663
share certain beliefs,
1085
01:32:49,665 --> 01:32:54,868
it doesn't mean that
we can't still be friends.
1086
01:32:57,071 --> 01:33:00,006
I'll always be your friend.
1087
01:33:01,609 --> 01:33:05,245
And I really hope that this path
1088
01:33:05,247 --> 01:33:08,348
takes you where you wanna go.
1089
01:33:09,717 --> 01:33:12,819
But I also hope that...
1090
01:33:12,821 --> 01:33:15,889
As you're setting out
to help other people...
1091
01:33:15,891 --> 01:33:20,594
That you really take some time to help yourself.
1092
01:33:23,297 --> 01:33:26,132
I-i am. I...
1093
01:33:26,134 --> 01:33:29,636
I'm not gonna sit here and say that I know
1094
01:33:29,638 --> 01:33:33,206
I'll be this way for the rest of my life.
1095
01:33:33,208 --> 01:33:36,876
We're always changing, evolving.
1096
01:33:36,878 --> 01:33:40,246
And I'm open to that.
1097
01:33:45,087 --> 01:33:47,253
Then...
1098
01:33:47,255 --> 01:33:51,725
I guess nothing's
really changed.
1099
01:33:51,727 --> 01:33:54,928
Yeah.
1100
01:33:55,129 --> 01:33:58,398
You take care of yourself, okay?
1101
01:34:00,868 --> 01:34:03,703
Goodbye, Michael.
1102
01:34:06,974 --> 01:34:07,974
Bye.
1103
01:34:53,155 --> 01:34:55,055
Here they come.
1104
01:34:56,305 --> 01:35:02,555
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