All language subtitles for Eastbound & Down s02e06.eng

I mean, I lost everything.
I lost my... My... My job,

my friends, my...
My future.

But I don't know. In that loss,
you know, I feel like I've...

I've found something.

I mean, I found this group.
I found all you guys.

That's right.

For the first
time in a long while

I can 100 percent
motherfucking honestly say...

I feel good.

There you are.

Hey, man.
Hey.

So I just heard the news.

Sounds like
you're ready to move on.

I think I am.

You know what's next, don't you?
Yeah.

Ninth step.
Make amends.

That's right.

Take that list you made of all
the people you've wronged.

Start at the top, the person
you fucked over the most.

Andrew, uh, seriously,

like, there's no way
I would have made it

over the last six months
without you.

So it's actually convenient
that you're here with me now.

Oh. Heh-heh. Wanna ask your
old sponsor one more question?

Nah.
Go ahead.

No, I meant actually
it's convenient

because you're at
the top of my list.

I'm at the top of your list?

I fucked Linda.

Oh, okay, you fucked my sister.

The... No.

Your...?
Isn't your wife's name Linda?

You fucked my wife?

I did but I thought her name
was Linda. Isn't it Linda?

It's Beth.

Beth, right.

Right, no, yeah,
Linda was your sister.

She watched.
Watched?

Yeah. It's crazy.

But I'm sorry about that
and I hope we can make amends.

This is cleaning soaps
full force

because I feel like
I'm on a new drug.

Just get the fuck out of here,
Pat.

Well, as long as we're square,

I feel like it's time to move on
down to number two on that list,

you know what I mean?

Looks like my next stop
is Mexico.

Go fuck yourself, Pat.

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Stevie, our time here in Mexico
has come to an end.

We can't hide in this wasteland
forever chasing exotic women.

It's time we get back
to the business of living.

Face what awaits us
back in America.

Okay, I'll make sure everything
is packed properly, Kenny.

And, you know,

if you wanna bang that
were-woman one more time

for the memories,
I will allow it.

Are you serious, Kenny?

As a heart attack, hombre.

Can I fuck her more
than once or just once?

I mean, maybe don't lay
in her all goddamn day.

You got some packing to do.

Let's just think outside the box
for a sec, brainstorm.

Like, let's make it memorable.

If it's only one time,
let's do it up.

Okay.
Maybe you go down on her, dude.

Don't be selfish,
don't be sexist.

You don't like that?

Why not?

It smells.

Oh, I...
Yeah, I bet it does.

She's always eating all that
weird stew and roots and shit.

What about ATM?

You don't know what's gonna
affect her immune system.

They have different bacterias
and biological things here.

Mm.
It's just for safety.

Safety okay, okay.
Yeah.

Don't sit there like
a dingleberry. Get to it.

Okay.
Go get her, man.

Okay.
Go.

Ben Wa balls.

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Guess who's sober.

Pat Anderson, what in the fuck
are you doing here?

I just wrapped up treatment,
accepted a higher power,

and now I'm here to knock out
that ninth step and make amends.

Why do people think
because we're in Mexico

it's cool to come
into somebody's house

and wait for 'em unannounced?

I'm gonna cut to it, Kenny.
No bullshit, all truth.

I butt-fucked you hard.

But as a gentleman I've learned
to clean up my mess.

Check out that sweet-ass
gift basket.

What, you think
a mineral bath soak

is gonna pay for all
the shit you did to me?

There's an iPad in there, Kenny.

Mm, really?

It doesn't matter.

It's gonna take more
than a goddamn Speak & Spell

to win yourself into
the good grace of Kenny Powers.

Oh, yeah?

How about a shot at the majors?
Would that do the trick?

Yeah, right.
Like I'm gonna fall

for one of your mythical eight
figure contract deals again.

There's no contract, not yet.
It's just a shot.

But I heard about you playing
baseball down here, Kenny,

and there's a scout in Texas
who owes me a favor

from my circuit party days
and he agreed to come down here

and sniff you out.

Now I've been paying attention

to what you've been
doing down here, Kenny,

and if you play half as well
as you've been playing,

I think you've got
a legitimate shot.

Your friend's wasting his time.

I don't play for the team
anymore. They cut me.

Look, you got every reasond's
in the world not to trust me.

But this could be
a game changer, Kenny.

Is there anyone
you could talk to

about getting back
on that team?

Well, there is
one motherfucker.

Kumite.

What the fuck
are you doing here?

Why is your voice raised
like a scared little bitch?

No, I am not scared. If anybody
should be scared it's you, man.

For stealing my car
and smashing up my studio,

all because I fucked your lady.

You think that's cool?
Mm-hm.

Do you know what is cool?

Paying people back.

You wanna pull
that Bruce Lee shit with me

I'll steal that sword from you
and fuck you with it.

No, don't write checks
that can bounce.

My spreadsheets!
Back up!

I'll take this goddamn computers
and put it through your face

like a disk of fucking Tron.
Yeah, right.

I'll deflect it
and cut your arms off.

Then I'll cut your face
before you know what's up.

Well, look at this, huh?

A goddamned Mexican standoff
in fucking Mexico.

I was hoping to get into
one of these before I left.

You are leaving, huh? You wanted
to come here first, huh,

and try to kill me?
Not kill you.

Kick your ass and then
ask you for a favor.

Even though Vida's not the one
for me you steal behind my back

and encouraged her
to cheat on me.

Bro, I can't even get her
to call me back.

Which sucks because I thought
we had something special.

Yeah, well,

I thought we had
something special too.

Looks like that's her
fucking game, huh?

I'm sorry, man.

I haven't been acting
like myself.

It's been really hard
to act normal.

I've been acting
weird as shit, bro.

I act like it's no big deal
that my parents are dead,

but it is a big deal.
It hurts my heart, man.

I cry all the time
in my bed by myself.

I know what
you're talking about.

I used to be just like you
yesterday.

Sad inside and compensating

by acting like
a fucking cocksucker.

But I saw the light, dude.
I've changed.

I want to see the light.
How did you do it?

Well, I went on a personal quest
and faced my demons,

but for you the change
could be a lot easier.

Tell me.
Let me back on the team.

For one more game.

There's a scout coming

and I intend to fuck
his world up with my skills.

Hm.

Or we could finish this duel

and murder each other.

No, I can live with
like a truce.

If you want to play,
you can play.

I'm sorry, man.
Come here.

If I can fucking nail this
goddamn baseball shit tonight

I'm going back to America
a goddamn champion.

Fucking three days away from
sucking on some big old titties.

Are those my clothes?

Uh, these are your
pants and shorts.

Your tops we'd leave on hangers
so they don't get wrinkled.

Dude, don't get all OCD about
this shit. Just get it done.

Uh, Kenny, I was wondering...

What is your policy
on last-minute passengers?

What last-minute
passengers?

Wah-wah.

Wah-wah what?

I know that technically I should
be asking Maria's father this,

but in many ways I feel like

you are the father
to all of the Mexicans here,

plus you are
my spiritual leader,

you are my friend, you are...

Dude, just...
Jesus Christ, spill it. What?

Okay.
I would like to ask you,

Kenny Powers,

permission to marry Maria

and bring her back
to America with us.

Marry her?
Yeah.

Dude, I only told you
you could fuck her one time.

Technically, you guys are not
even supposed to be dating.

Yeah, I know. I know,

but I can't help myself.

It's like
all I think about is her

and I don't know
what to do about it.

Yeah, I know the feeling.

Stevie, marriage is a pretty
big step, all right?

I mean,
do you have any sort of plan

of how you'll provide
for her financially?

I have no plan whatsoever.

And you do realize
that if you had offspring

they would be mixed children?

They could be made fun of
on the playground.

I was made fun of
on the playground

and I turned out pretty cool.

Heh. You know what? Fuck it.

Just as I have found
what I'm looking for here,

maybe it's time you found what
you're looking for as well.

Steven, if you would like
to take a Mexican wife...

Yes, I would.

If you think you can balance
her and your workload...

I think I can.

Without neglecting your duties.

I will never neglect my duties.

Then you have my permission.

Thank you.

Maria has something that
she would like to give you.

How cool, a breadmaker.

I was getting
pretty sick of eating

all these fucking tortillas.
That's a good, good gift.

No, that's just the box it's in.
It's homemade.

Oh, cool, a homemade gift.

I told her on the phone
to make a black one

but she got confused.

You like it?

Hey, Kenny.
You look different.

Yeah, obviously.

I' been reborn.
Oh.

You're kind of bright. It's kind
of hard to look at you.

Yeah, well,
people say Jesus Christ

had the same effect on fools.

These are the keys to the Denali.

If you could find time
I'd like you to fix it.

I had Stevie on the motherfucker
but he got derailed.

Now it time for a professional.

Time for Mexican.

Where are you going
all dressed up?

I'm going to settle some scores.

Today I bring you freedom.

Freedom, freedom.

Freedom.

Mexicans!

Oh, Mexicans!

For once in your life

get off your coaches
and do something.

This is your last chance
to see Kenny Powers.

He lost the love of his life.

He went to Mexico for a change.

He met his father.

He got screwed over in love.

But the thing
about Kenny Powers

is when he faces adversity
he moves past it.

Because once Jesus
leaves the building

he is out of Mexico for good.

Hola, you two.

Nobody get crazy
and pop off and go loco.

I come in peace.

Tone, what's up?

I'm very sorry for what I
exposed you to last time we met.

I hope you can
forgive me for that.

What do you want, Kenny?

Well, I thought
you two should know

that I'm moseying on back
to the old U.S. of A.

Looks like this gunslinger's
work is done here.

You're a gunslinger?

The short answer to that,
Tony, is yes.

Yes, I am.

You kill people?

And the short answer
to that is also yes.

Okay.

Listen to your mom, Tone.

That's a good kid.

How could you bring Tony
to Sebastian's?

Well, I didn't know I was
leading him to front row seats

to watch his momma
commit oral adultery.

I thought I was just bringing
him there to show him

how self-centered
you were being.

What?
None of this matters, all right?

Did you hurt my feelings?

Yes, you did.
I will give you that victory.

But the one victory you will not
have is the most important.

I'll admit, that sweet tailpipe
of yours did have me charmed.

It put a spell on me.

But all the ass-magic
in Mexico

can't change Kenny Powers
from his core beliefs.

I'm not an ass man.
I'm a tit man.

I like big-ass boobs.

Now and forever.

I'm not like a black guy, Vida.

Congratulations.

Don't go getting your
feelings hurt, all right?

You and I both knew this
was never gonna last forever.

You're like the girl the
Godfather fucked back in Italy.

You know, what we had
was important

but the real deal is
waiting for me back at home.

I gotta go.

Adios, Kenny Powers.

Adios, bubble butt.

Shit.

Charros, I come to you
tonight with no theatrics.

Goddamn it, Kenny, I thought you
were through with the Charros.

Yeah, I thought I was too.

But now I have returned
for one more fucking game.

I have Sebastian's blessing
and I was hoping to get yours.

But why? I don't even know what
baseball means to you anymore.

I deserve that.

I'd be lying if I said
I wasn't here

primarily to play for the scout

that is rumored
to be here tonight.

But there's also
a very small pt of me...

Yet significant part.

that would always regret

how I left things
here with the team.

Ese brillante, no. Okay?

Team, Roger,

Benji, bat boy...

I genuinely am sorry.

I brought you guys up from
less than fucking nothing

and took you up
to a championship level

only to abandon you there.

Leave you high and dry.

Naked and nude,

prey, easy targets

for the competitions
to rape and butt-fuck you.

I'm sorry for that.

Actually, we've been playing
pretty good.

We've won the last
three games, right?

Well, don't get too cocky,
Roger.

That's probably because
there's still a little

residual Kenny Powers
pixie dust

floating around
all your little heads.

Let's face it, guys.
After midnight

this whole fucking place
turns into a pumpkin

and you guys
all turn back into mice.

This is a classic
Cinderella tale here.

You know, Peter Pan
will no longer be a man,

he'll turn into real boy.

George Washington will never be
able to cut down the beanstalk.

You guys will eventually
just go back

to being the shittiest Mexican
baseball team in Mexico.

These are the hard
realities, guys.

Life is not a fairytale.

Although sometimes it feels like
our world is full of fairies.

You know who I'm talking about.

I still accept you, brother.

Purity,
that's what we all desire.

And that is what I've come here

to share with you,
hence the all whites.

We can do some fucking great
things tonight, you guys.

Follow me,

walk with me
out onto that field

and when you do,
you fucking put ur ass out

and you raise
your fucking head up.

Know that you'll never ever,
ever reach the heights

that you're gonna reach tonight.
But you can leave here knowing

that you helped
Kenny Powers' dreams come true.

And for a bunch of Mexican
baseball players,

that ain't too bad.

If you're gonna play tonight,

you're gonna play
like everybody else.

No donkey, no smoke bombs,
no dick thrusts.

Just pure pitching.

I can fucking dig that.

We're all Mexicans tonight,
Kenny.

You're goddamned right we are.

Can we bring it in?
Can we fucking bring it in?

Come on, come on in.

- A Mexican fucking chant.
- Come on!

Let's kick some ass!
We're Mexican!

Mexico, Mexico, Mexico!

I'm a fucking Mexican tonight!

I'm a fucking Mexican!
I'm a fucking Mexican!

All right, I'm gonna
go change my clothes.

I don't wanna get shit
on my slacks.

Strike!

Strike!

April's tits.

You're out!

Finally, motherfuckers.

Hey. Way to go, homes.

Take it easy, Carlos.

See you, Juanito.
Take care of them warts.

You threw a hell of a game,
Kenny.

Game ball.

Thanks, Roger.

I'll put this with my collection
of personal achievements.

I mean, not right next
to the good shit but still.

Kenny Powers! Sweet-ass game,
motherfucker.

I'm so proud of you, man.

All right. Too hot
for hugs here, man.

I've been battling
the war on swamp ass

since I've been down here.

A little talcum powder
on the groin will keep it fresh.

Talcum?
Yes, sir.

Roy McDaniel, scout from Texas.

Like what I saw
out there tonight.

You weren't bullshitting, huh?

I was not.
This is the scout from Texas.

P.A.T. told me
you were throwing grenades

down here south of the border.
I got in my Escalade.

To Mexico? Oh.
That's when you came here.

To see you.
To see me.

Yes, sir.

What do you think?
Does Texas want a fucking taste?

Well, they want to nibble,
all right?

There is a difference between
mowing down Mexicans

down here south of the border

than mowing down the big boys
up in, uh, major leagues.

Yeah, they don't speak
the same language.

It a different level
of player but, uh...

But still, it's still
very difficult.

It's very hotter down here.
You look good out there.

Oh, I don't think you're ready
for the bigs just yet.

I don't, but...
Pat, you motherfucker.

All right, hey, hey, hey.
Wasting my time again?

Don't motherfuck Pat.

Pat's been on your side
the whole time.

You don't know the history.
Pat has fucked me before.

No, just listen to the man,
listen to the man.

I was ready to go home get
the goddamn girl of my dreams.

Came here wasting time...
Kenny Powers.

Pat got you in the door,
he got me down here.

I came with good news.

Myrtle Beach.

You come out there,
you show me the stuff

you got on the mound tonight

in training camp
in Myrtle Beach,

I don't see why you cat play
for our double A.

Double A, huh?
Double A.

So we're talking minors?

We're talking training camp,
then minors.

We're talking come
to the team, throw one game,

show everyone what I'm
working with into the bigs.

Probably more than
one game, to be fair.

Maybe two games,
smoke 'em into the bigs.

Maybe more than two.

What I'm saying is
you'll be on your way.

I'm talking about getting you
back into American baseball.

All right, well,
that does sound enticing.

You gotta trust me.

I'm not down here
to tickle fucking balls.

I hope not.

I chased my dream, I got it.

I sucked my dream's cock.

I'm gay,
I'm fucking proud of it.

No, that's cool.
You know, pride is great.

Whatever raises your skirt.

And if you wanna wear a skirt

I'm not gonna
fucking judge you for it.

You wanna
get back in big leagues?

I'm ready.
Follow me.

I like how we talk.
Fucking lick it.

Spring training, Myrtle Beach.

Kenny Powers, it is time
to quit tickling balls

and start
sucking your dream's dick.

If that's what it takes

then a cocking dream
it will be sucked upon.

Swallow that motherfucker.
Swallow it.

Suck it, suck the dick.

Big ass.
Let's suck my dream's dick.

Fight on it, big boy!

I like this guy.

Are we gonna party
in Myrtle Beach?

Suck a dream's dick.
Let's party tonight.

I wish I could.

I got some Mexican cake
back at my hotel room.

Let's fucking smear it
all over each other.

We're fucking celebrating, man.
Let's do this.

I got a mission to complete.

See your ass in Myrtle Beach.
Myrtle.

Kenny Powers.
Myrtle, K.P.

Chapter 17: done
and fucking done.

Just like that
the journey is over.

Depression is finished
and you're on your way back

to the world of the living,
smiling regular people.

The road has been paved with
dickheads, backstabbers

and pains in the fucking ass.

But memories were made,
allies were had,

pot smokers were toppled

and the truth was discovered.

And like any journey, if you
stay the course long enough

the road might just
show you what you need.

All you gotta do is
keep your eyes on the road

and your foot
on the fucking gas.

Do you like it?

Yeah, I mean did I like it
how it was before,

regular style? Yes.

But I'm sure I'll get
to like this style too, man.

Ah. Change is good,
my friend.

That it is. You're a
good neighbor, hombre.

You take that with you
to the grave.

Look at these
two little bandidos.

I know that we didn't always
agree on the same kind of music

or leisure sports
but I am gonna miss y'all.

Slap it there.
There we go.

Put it there buddy.
Put a shirt on, man.

Heh. I got something for you.

Boom.

He's yours.

Whenever I look at a Mexican
I will think of you.

Whenever you look at that
jackass you think of me.

Okay?

Miss you, buddy.
They'll take care of you.

Come on, he's yours.

Here, come on, get on him.

Just be careful about
the back legs.

He will kick you
in the face. I'm serious.

All right, guys, come on,
time to make tracks.

- Time to go.
- Catuey's wife,

grandma lady, I know that we
always didn't communicate.

I don't think we ever really
got over that language barrier.

No, it's not your fault.

What the fuck?
You speak English?

Of course I do.

You've spoke English
the whole time?

I speak English
since I was 5 years old.

- Five?
- And I have 84 now.

Whoo, you don't look
a day over 110.

All the talks we could've had,

all the wisdom
you could've shared.

Pfft! Crazy I find
this out right now

as soon as I'm leaving
this fucking country.

Well, it's nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you too.
Thank you.

Stevie, Maria, let's dance
our way on out of here, huh?

- Gotta go.
- Let's do it.

- Adios, you guys.
- Adios.

I love you too.

I love you too.

Bye, Catuey.

Adios, Mexico.

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