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1
00:00:06,008 --> 00:00:07,726
Honey, don't forget
about Uncle Albert.
2
00:00:08,010 --> 00:00:10,478
According to his telegram,
he should be arriving today.
3
00:00:10,804 --> 00:00:11,953
No, I won't forget.
4
00:00:12,222 --> 00:00:13,701
Honey, be especially nice to him.
5
00:00:13,973 --> 00:00:15,725
He's a construction engineer,
no family.
6
00:00:16,017 --> 00:00:18,008
- He's on the road all the time.
- Yes, I know.
7
00:00:18,311 --> 00:00:20,905
- I'll make him feel at home.
- Thank you, darling.
8
00:00:21,230 --> 00:00:22,709
Oh, I'm sorry.
9
00:00:22,982 --> 00:00:24,461
Oh, and he is a little eccentric.
10
00:00:24,733 --> 00:00:28,646
If he pulls any of his funny little gags
on you, just go along with them.
11
00:00:32,699 --> 00:00:34,576
What funny little gags?
12
00:00:34,992 --> 00:00:36,789
- Well, there he goes.
- Yes.
13
00:00:37,077 --> 00:00:40,035
The typical young American executive
on the way to the office.
14
00:00:40,372 --> 00:00:42,761
Same time, same place, every day.
15
00:00:43,083 --> 00:00:46,553
Yeah, you know, a man could set
his watch by that, if he had a watch.
16
00:00:47,920 --> 00:00:50,673
Well, time for breakfast.
Shall we meet back here?
17
00:00:51,007 --> 00:00:54,397
- Absolutely, Mr. Dilloway.
- Positively, Mr. Dunn.
18
00:01:07,438 --> 00:01:10,032
- Good morning, miss.
- How did you know I was a miss?
19
00:01:10,357 --> 00:01:13,315
Well, I presume that
the laws of this state...
20
00:01:13,652 --> 00:01:17,042
...prohibit marriage for those
who are under 21 years of age.
21
00:01:17,405 --> 00:01:19,202
Well, as a matter of fact,
I am single.
22
00:01:19,490 --> 00:01:21,720
I'm keeping house for my brother.
His wife's away.
23
00:01:22,034 --> 00:01:24,912
- Oh, I see.
- Are you selling something?
24
00:01:25,246 --> 00:01:27,237
Just the pleasure of my company
at breakfast.
25
00:01:27,539 --> 00:01:30,372
Now, I'm not partial to eggs,
but some wheat cakes...
26
00:01:30,709 --> 00:01:33,940
...and crisp bacon
and lots of hot, strong coffee.
27
00:01:34,295 --> 00:01:36,604
Strong coffee is my weakness.
28
00:01:36,923 --> 00:01:37,958
You're a bum!
29
00:01:39,008 --> 00:01:42,318
This is a respectable neighbourhood.
You ought to be ashamed of yourself!
30
00:01:42,678 --> 00:01:45,670
A man of your age panhandling!
31
00:01:47,974 --> 00:01:50,568
A simple "no" would've
been sufficient.
32
00:01:52,061 --> 00:01:54,017
Good morning.
33
00:01:55,189 --> 00:01:59,068
I know. Don't tell me.
You're Uncle Albert.
34
00:01:59,443 --> 00:02:01,593
Oh, it's so nice to meet you.
35
00:02:02,195 --> 00:02:05,107
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm Samantha, Darrin's wife.
36
00:02:05,448 --> 00:02:09,123
He's at the office, but I promised to
take care of you. I hope you don't mind.
37
00:02:09,577 --> 00:02:11,533
Mind? I'm delighted.
38
00:02:12,288 --> 00:02:14,358
Come in, come in.
39
00:03:10,673 --> 00:03:12,629
My, you were hungry, Uncle Albert.
40
00:03:12,925 --> 00:03:15,758
Yes, travelling always
gives me an appetite.
41
00:03:16,095 --> 00:03:18,928
You must lead an interesting life,
on the road all the time.
42
00:03:26,646 --> 00:03:29,399
Yes, in the field. That's right.
43
00:03:29,732 --> 00:03:32,565
Well, that Donald
is really a lucky man.
44
00:03:34,361 --> 00:03:35,510
You mean Darrin?
45
00:03:36,613 --> 00:03:39,002
Oh, Darrin. Darrin. Yes, of course.
46
00:03:39,324 --> 00:03:42,396
Imagine me forgetting your
daddy's name, little fella.
47
00:03:42,744 --> 00:03:44,541
She's a girl, Uncle Albert.
48
00:03:45,204 --> 00:03:48,082
- Tabatha?
- Oh, well...
49
00:03:48,415 --> 00:03:51,885
...Darrin's letter informing me of
the birth must've arrived after I left.
50
00:03:52,836 --> 00:03:54,428
My apologies, fair lady.
51
00:03:56,172 --> 00:03:57,571
Apologies accepted.
52
00:03:58,091 --> 00:04:01,322
Now, how would you like to unpack
and get settled in your room?
53
00:04:01,677 --> 00:04:05,067
Well, unfortunately, my luggage
won't arrive until later.
54
00:04:05,430 --> 00:04:07,307
Some delay at the airport.
55
00:04:07,599 --> 00:04:11,797
However, I would like to wash the dust
of the road off this tired old body.
56
00:04:12,187 --> 00:04:14,496
Your room is at the top
of the stairs. I'll show you.
57
00:04:14,814 --> 00:04:18,170
No, no, no. Now, you sit
right there. I'll find it.
58
00:04:18,526 --> 00:04:22,201
I don't want my stay here to be
any trouble to you whatsoever.
59
00:04:26,783 --> 00:04:28,501
Well...
60
00:04:28,785 --> 00:04:31,697
...you like your
Great-uncle Albert, huh?
61
00:04:32,330 --> 00:04:34,639
Well, I respect your opinion.
62
00:04:34,957 --> 00:04:36,913
I like him too.
63
00:05:24,251 --> 00:05:26,560
Oh, I didn't know you were there.
64
00:05:28,463 --> 00:05:30,181
My, you do look handsome.
65
00:05:30,465 --> 00:05:35,095
Well, I realized after I took my bath
that I didn't have a change.
66
00:05:35,511 --> 00:05:37,103
I hope your husband doesn't mind.
67
00:05:37,429 --> 00:05:40,899
Oh, not at all.
I'm sure if he were here, he'd insist.
68
00:05:41,266 --> 00:05:44,144
- You have a lovely voice.
- Well, thank you.
69
00:05:44,477 --> 00:05:47,435
That was a song I did in my act
back in the old vaudeville days.
70
00:05:47,855 --> 00:05:50,688
- You were an entertainer?
- Oh, a headliner.
71
00:05:51,817 --> 00:05:55,207
That's funny. Darrin never told me.
I wonder why.
72
00:05:55,571 --> 00:05:58,529
Well, that was a long time ago.
I don't believe...
73
00:05:58,865 --> 00:06:00,901
...Darrin would remember
that part of my life.
74
00:06:01,201 --> 00:06:02,919
Why'd you give it up?
75
00:06:03,202 --> 00:06:04,635
Well...
76
00:06:04,912 --> 00:06:06,823
...it died, my dear.
77
00:06:07,456 --> 00:06:09,924
I woke up one morning,
and it just wasn't there.
78
00:06:10,250 --> 00:06:13,242
And that's when you decided
to become a construction engineer.
79
00:06:13,587 --> 00:06:15,100
A construction engineer?
80
00:06:15,380 --> 00:06:17,735
Oh, well, yes, I faced the inevitable.
81
00:06:18,049 --> 00:06:20,961
But really at heart, I'm still
an old song-and-dance man.
82
00:06:21,302 --> 00:06:24,772
I bet you could still entertain people
in nightclubs and on television.
83
00:06:25,139 --> 00:06:27,778
No, no. Those days
are gone forever, my dear.
84
00:06:28,100 --> 00:06:31,376
When I hung up my straw hat
and cane, that was it.
85
00:06:31,728 --> 00:06:34,640
- And I became a...
- Construction engineer.
86
00:06:34,981 --> 00:06:36,733
Yeah, exactly.
87
00:06:37,024 --> 00:06:41,381
From then on, it was just constructing
one engineer after another...
88
00:06:41,779 --> 00:06:44,851
...until I adjusted myself
to the new life.
89
00:06:46,908 --> 00:06:49,058
Uncle Albert, would you mind
seeing who that is?
90
00:06:49,369 --> 00:06:50,722
Why, certainly.
91
00:07:02,297 --> 00:07:04,447
- Yes?
- Hello, I'm Uncle Albert.
92
00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:07,033
- Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
- Pardon?
93
00:07:07,385 --> 00:07:09,660
I said, "Oh, I didn't hear that."
94
00:07:09,971 --> 00:07:13,486
I'm looking for the Stephens,
Darrin and Samantha Stephens.
95
00:07:13,849 --> 00:07:17,762
- I believe they're expecting me.
- They moved about two weeks ago.
96
00:07:18,144 --> 00:07:20,817
That's strange.
Darrin never mentioned moving.
97
00:07:21,147 --> 00:07:24,025
Well, I believe his office
transferred him unexpectedly.
98
00:07:24,358 --> 00:07:27,714
- They moved to Westport.
- I see.
99
00:07:28,070 --> 00:07:29,628
Do you mind
if I use your telephone?
100
00:07:30,155 --> 00:07:31,588
Well, ordinarily I wouldn't...
101
00:07:31,865 --> 00:07:34,663
...but I'm down with a rare case
of galloping fungi.
102
00:07:36,077 --> 00:07:38,033
The doctor says
it's very contagious.
103
00:07:38,830 --> 00:07:41,583
Well, in that case, I'm sorry
to have bothered you.
104
00:07:41,916 --> 00:07:43,144
- Oh, not at all.
- Goodbye.
105
00:07:43,417 --> 00:07:44,850
Goodbye.
106
00:07:47,504 --> 00:07:49,062
Who was it, Uncle Albert?
107
00:07:49,339 --> 00:07:51,489
Oh, just a peddler. I got rid of him.
108
00:07:51,800 --> 00:07:53,233
Good.
109
00:08:14,153 --> 00:08:16,826
- How did you find me?
- Hey, I saw that lady usher you in...
110
00:08:17,156 --> 00:08:19,351
...like she was expecting you.
How did you do it?
111
00:08:19,658 --> 00:08:21,171
It's a case of mistaken identity.
112
00:08:21,451 --> 00:08:24,488
- She thinks I'm her Uncle Albert.
- It's a case of a gorgeous setup.
113
00:08:24,829 --> 00:08:27,741
Furniture, appliances, silver.
We steal all we can.
114
00:08:28,082 --> 00:08:30,835
Now, look, William,
I like this lady and her baby.
115
00:08:31,168 --> 00:08:32,567
Okay. Them, we don't steal.
116
00:08:33,087 --> 00:08:35,476
You don't understand, William.
I owe her some loyalty.
117
00:08:35,797 --> 00:08:37,310
You wanna talk about loyalty?
118
00:08:37,591 --> 00:08:39,422
For 30 years I carried you
into the act.
119
00:08:39,717 --> 00:08:41,673
For 30 years I cooked
you mulligan stew.
120
00:08:41,969 --> 00:08:45,200
So until this family goes to bed
tonight, you're Uncle Albert.
121
00:08:45,556 --> 00:08:48,195
After that, you're Horace Dilloway
of Dilloway and Dunn.
122
00:08:48,517 --> 00:08:51,827
And you're gonna help me load
the truck I hire to clean out this joint.
123
00:08:52,187 --> 00:08:54,178
Look, William, can't we try
some other place?
124
00:08:54,481 --> 00:08:57,279
No. Like it says in the sketch,
"This must be the place."
125
00:08:57,608 --> 00:08:59,280
Look, Horace, forget loyalty.
126
00:08:59,569 --> 00:09:03,084
Think of responsibility, financial
responsibility to certain people.
127
00:09:03,447 --> 00:09:04,846
- Like who?
- Like us.
128
00:09:05,115 --> 00:09:08,152
Your way, if they find out you're
not Uncle Albert, it's the clink.
129
00:09:08,493 --> 00:09:11,610
My way, it's Miami
and some loot for a change.
130
00:09:11,955 --> 00:09:13,627
Somebody's at the door.
You better go.
131
00:09:15,916 --> 00:09:17,588
- Hi, Miss Kravitz.
- Hi, Mrs. Stephens.
132
00:09:17,877 --> 00:09:20,232
I just came by to return this.
It was in the kitchen.
133
00:09:20,546 --> 00:09:22,582
Abner thinks Gladys borrowed it
some time ago.
134
00:09:22,881 --> 00:09:24,678
Thank you, but you
needn't have bothered.
135
00:09:24,966 --> 00:09:26,843
Heavens, I know how it is
when you run short.
136
00:09:27,135 --> 00:09:30,252
I was saying to Abner just
this morning..."Abner," I said...
137
00:09:32,807 --> 00:09:35,401
Miss Kravitz, I'd like you
to meet Darrin's Uncle Albert.
138
00:09:35,726 --> 00:09:38,320
It's a pleasure
and a privilege, my dear.
139
00:09:39,020 --> 00:09:42,569
Didn't I...? Haven't we met
somewhere just recently?
140
00:09:42,941 --> 00:09:45,819
That's not likely. I've been
out of the country for some time...
141
00:09:46,152 --> 00:09:48,302
...and I certainly
would've remembered you.
142
00:09:50,948 --> 00:09:54,338
Well, goodbye, Mrs. Stephens.
Nice meeting you, Mr...?
143
00:09:54,701 --> 00:09:56,373
Albert, Uncle Albert.
144
00:09:56,995 --> 00:10:01,113
Please, don't be a stranger
during my stay here.
145
00:10:03,626 --> 00:10:05,184
Time is so fleeting.
146
00:10:06,253 --> 00:10:09,290
Well, goodbye all.
147
00:10:12,676 --> 00:10:14,667
Well, that was an interesting visit.
148
00:10:14,969 --> 00:10:17,005
Yes, wasn't it?
149
00:10:21,475 --> 00:10:24,672
And we are developing a crash
program to present to Mr. Martin.
150
00:10:25,020 --> 00:10:27,773
It's my considered opinion
that he should...
151
00:10:30,650 --> 00:10:32,208
Mr. Stephens' office.
152
00:10:32,485 --> 00:10:36,194
Oh, sure. Hi. Just a second.
It's Mrs. Stephens.
153
00:10:37,031 --> 00:10:38,623
Hi, sweetheart.
154
00:10:38,907 --> 00:10:40,579
I'm up to my ears.
155
00:10:40,867 --> 00:10:42,539
Did Uncle Albert get there all right?
156
00:10:43,161 --> 00:10:45,516
Yes, yes, he arrived
just after you left.
157
00:10:45,830 --> 00:10:47,661
- How do you like him?
- Fine.
158
00:10:47,957 --> 00:10:49,549
I like him just fine.
159
00:10:50,084 --> 00:10:53,076
Well, you don't sound
very enthusiastic.
160
00:10:54,046 --> 00:10:58,278
Well, Darrin, you remember you
mentioned those little things he does?
161
00:10:58,675 --> 00:11:01,633
Well, he only does them for laughs,
even though he's not very good.
162
00:11:02,345 --> 00:11:04,256
Well, I think he's very good at them.
163
00:11:04,555 --> 00:11:07,228
Has he pulled the one about
the mouse in his pocket yet?
164
00:11:07,892 --> 00:11:12,044
No, but he's pulled the one about
Harriet Kravitz's wristwatch.
165
00:11:13,146 --> 00:11:14,420
Listen, I forgot to tell you.
166
00:11:14,689 --> 00:11:17,362
There's a photograph of Uncle Albert
in the bottom drawer...
167
00:11:17,692 --> 00:11:19,250
...of the desk in the living room.
168
00:11:19,527 --> 00:11:21,597
It might be nice if we
had it out on display.
169
00:11:21,904 --> 00:11:23,860
Well, all right, sweetheart.
170
00:11:24,156 --> 00:11:25,908
Oh, look, I just wanted to ask you if...
171
00:11:26,200 --> 00:11:28,998
I'm sorry, honey, I've gotta
get going on this Martin thing.
172
00:11:29,327 --> 00:11:31,124
I might be a little later
than I thought.
173
00:11:31,413 --> 00:11:33,768
Try to amuse Uncle Albert
till I get there, will you?
174
00:11:34,082 --> 00:11:35,800
All right, I'll try.
175
00:11:36,084 --> 00:11:38,359
- Thanks, sweetheart. Bye.
- Bye.
176
00:11:40,462 --> 00:11:42,100
Now, where were we?
177
00:11:42,381 --> 00:11:45,498
It was right here.
"In my opinion, it's..."
178
00:11:47,135 --> 00:11:49,365
Would you get that, Betty?
179
00:11:50,805 --> 00:11:52,033
Mr. Stephens' office.
180
00:11:53,099 --> 00:11:56,216
Oh, I see. Well, just a minute.
Let me check with him.
181
00:11:56,560 --> 00:11:59,233
It's Mr. Martin's office.
They wanna postpone the meeting...
182
00:11:59,563 --> 00:12:01,793
...until 11 tomorrow morning.
183
00:12:03,942 --> 00:12:05,170
Tell them yes!
184
00:12:06,319 --> 00:12:08,275
Yes, tomorrow will be fine.
185
00:12:08,571 --> 00:12:09,970
Oh, well, thank you.
186
00:12:10,239 --> 00:12:11,638
Okay, goodbye.
187
00:12:11,907 --> 00:12:14,740
Now, would you like for me
to read the memo back to you?
188
00:12:15,452 --> 00:12:18,205
No, we can do it first thing
tomorrow morning.
189
00:12:18,538 --> 00:12:22,087
I think I'll go home
and surprise my Uncle Albert.
190
00:12:35,011 --> 00:12:38,560
I tell you, I was wearing it when I went
in this house, and that man stole it.
191
00:12:38,931 --> 00:12:41,923
- Harriet, you don't know for sure.
- Oh, I don't, don't I?
192
00:12:42,268 --> 00:12:43,747
You'll see.
193
00:12:44,436 --> 00:12:46,950
- Oh, hi there, Miss Kravitz.
- Yes, it's me again.
194
00:12:47,272 --> 00:12:48,751
Where is he?
195
00:12:50,775 --> 00:12:53,972
- Won't you come in too, Mr. Kravitz?
- Thank you.
196
00:12:55,279 --> 00:12:58,191
- There he is.
- Well, Miss Kravitz.
197
00:12:58,532 --> 00:13:00,523
To what do we owe
the pleasure of this visit?
198
00:13:00,826 --> 00:13:04,262
To a certain item taken
from my person by a certain party.
199
00:13:04,621 --> 00:13:06,339
Don't pretend you don't know.
200
00:13:06,623 --> 00:13:09,456
Well, I'm afraid you do
have me at a disadvantage.
201
00:13:09,792 --> 00:13:12,431
You see, I've just come back
from a long, long trip...
202
00:13:12,753 --> 00:13:14,789
...and, well, my mind
is still a little fuzzy.
203
00:13:15,089 --> 00:13:17,319
- Well, let me enlighten you.
- Harriet, please.
204
00:13:17,633 --> 00:13:19,988
I happen to be talking
about my wristwatch.
205
00:13:20,635 --> 00:13:23,547
You mean the one you're wearing,
Miss Kravitz?
206
00:13:25,473 --> 00:13:27,111
Yeah, that's the one, all right.
207
00:13:27,391 --> 00:13:29,507
Oh, boy, I'm sorry, Mrs. Stephens.
208
00:13:29,810 --> 00:13:31,766
I was not wearing that
a few minutes ago.
209
00:13:32,062 --> 00:13:33,620
Harriet, please, you need glasses.
210
00:13:33,897 --> 00:13:37,526
I've told you since you fell out of
the tree house when you were 6.
211
00:13:37,901 --> 00:13:39,220
Goodbye, Mrs. Stephens.
212
00:13:39,486 --> 00:13:41,204
Goodbye, Mr. Kravitz.
213
00:13:44,198 --> 00:13:48,077
Well, another interesting visit
from the Kravitzes.
214
00:13:48,660 --> 00:13:52,255
I wonder why that nice lady
thought I stole her watch.
215
00:13:56,209 --> 00:13:57,881
Perhaps because you did.
216
00:13:59,003 --> 00:14:00,231
- Pardon?
- Oh, come on.
217
00:14:00,504 --> 00:14:03,018
I was standing right here
when you did it.
218
00:14:03,507 --> 00:14:05,259
Oh, you were?
219
00:14:05,551 --> 00:14:08,861
Now, Darrin's told me
all about you, Uncle Albert.
220
00:14:09,220 --> 00:14:11,973
This was another one
of your funny little tricks, wasn't it?
221
00:14:13,516 --> 00:14:17,907
Oh, yes, yes, it was one
of my funny little tricks.
222
00:14:19,355 --> 00:14:22,188
But I still don't understand
how she got it out of my pocket.
223
00:14:23,191 --> 00:14:24,544
Do you?
224
00:14:25,360 --> 00:14:28,750
- How?
- That's one of my funny little tricks.
225
00:14:29,113 --> 00:14:31,388
Now, you have a request
for an encore from Tabatha.
226
00:14:31,699 --> 00:14:34,850
- Do you mind?
- Oh, that'll be a pleasure.
227
00:14:56,304 --> 00:14:57,783
Holy Toledo.
228
00:15:10,859 --> 00:15:12,929
- I'm sorry.
- Oh, hi.
229
00:15:13,236 --> 00:15:15,591
I wanted to surprise
my Uncle Albert.
230
00:15:15,905 --> 00:15:18,465
Darrin, I thought you were
supposed to work late tonight.
231
00:15:18,783 --> 00:15:22,935
- The meeting was postponed.
- Oh, it was? Darrin.
232
00:15:23,662 --> 00:15:25,618
- There he is. I see him.
- Darrin.
233
00:15:27,082 --> 00:15:29,596
He's sitting there reading
my newspaper. Isn't he great?
234
00:15:29,918 --> 00:15:31,237
- Darrin.
- What?
235
00:15:31,502 --> 00:15:34,062
- He's not your uncle.
- What?
236
00:15:34,964 --> 00:15:38,195
He's only pretending because
I made the mistake in the first place.
237
00:15:38,550 --> 00:15:39,778
What mistake?
238
00:15:40,052 --> 00:15:43,840
You see, I thought he was your
Uncle Albert, so I invited him in.
239
00:15:44,222 --> 00:15:46,417
He's really a very nice man.
240
00:15:46,975 --> 00:15:48,693
I like him.
241
00:15:49,352 --> 00:15:51,229
Tabatha likes him.
242
00:15:51,729 --> 00:15:53,959
- You'll like him.
- Hold it, hold it, hold it!
243
00:15:54,273 --> 00:15:56,229
What happened to my Uncle Albert?
244
00:15:56,525 --> 00:15:58,993
You know, I've been
wondering about that myself.
245
00:15:59,319 --> 00:16:02,709
Anyway, you'll enjoy
this Uncle Albert.
246
00:16:03,072 --> 00:16:04,585
I asked him to stay overnight.
247
00:16:04,866 --> 00:16:06,936
You did? Why?
248
00:16:07,243 --> 00:16:09,279
Because I'd already invited him.
249
00:16:09,578 --> 00:16:11,170
I thought I'd explained.
250
00:16:11,455 --> 00:16:13,411
You see, I thought
he was Uncle Albert.
251
00:16:13,707 --> 00:16:16,096
That doesn't make any sense.
252
00:16:16,793 --> 00:16:20,263
- He's wearing my suit.
- Yes. Doesn't it look nice?
253
00:16:21,005 --> 00:16:23,360
Does he know that you know
he's not Uncle Albert?
254
00:16:23,674 --> 00:16:26,142
No. Oh, Darrin, please, please.
255
00:16:26,468 --> 00:16:28,265
Go along with it, just for tonight.
256
00:16:28,553 --> 00:16:30,703
- Sam...
- Please?
257
00:16:39,313 --> 00:16:40,632
You...
258
00:16:40,898 --> 00:16:42,650
- You must be Donald.
- Darrin.
259
00:16:42,941 --> 00:16:44,818
And you must be...
260
00:16:48,947 --> 00:16:50,903
...my Uncle Albert.
261
00:16:53,826 --> 00:16:55,703
It's no wonder you look surprised.
262
00:16:57,496 --> 00:16:59,612
You probably don't
even recognize me.
263
00:17:00,040 --> 00:17:01,951
After all, it's been years.
264
00:17:02,250 --> 00:17:05,242
Well, last time you saw me,
I was probably that high.
265
00:17:05,587 --> 00:17:08,420
- Maybe even that high.
- Yes.
266
00:17:08,756 --> 00:17:12,590
- You've changed a bit yourself.
- Well, time does change one.
267
00:17:12,968 --> 00:17:16,165
- It's great to have you here.
- Oh, thank you.
268
00:17:17,013 --> 00:17:20,005
- Well, why don't we have a drink.
- All right.
269
00:17:20,350 --> 00:17:22,227
Then after dinner, we can...
270
00:17:22,518 --> 00:17:24,554
We can kick around old times.
271
00:17:32,194 --> 00:17:34,344
It was marvellous the way
he warmed up to you...
272
00:17:34,654 --> 00:17:36,610
...when you were talking
about the old days.
273
00:17:36,906 --> 00:17:38,339
Yeah.
274
00:17:39,367 --> 00:17:43,838
I never knew I'd gone to a burlesque
show when I was only 6 years old.
275
00:17:44,663 --> 00:17:46,255
You were marvellous.
276
00:17:46,540 --> 00:17:49,771
- You're not bad yourself.
- Well, thank you.
277
00:17:50,919 --> 00:17:52,591
Sleep well.
278
00:18:00,427 --> 00:18:02,577
- That's it. That's all we can carry.
- Now, wait.
279
00:18:02,888 --> 00:18:04,606
- For what?
- I can't go through with it.
280
00:18:04,890 --> 00:18:07,962
- Are you gonna start that again?
- They were so wonderful to me.
281
00:18:08,309 --> 00:18:10,345
You should've been in there
at dinner tonight.
282
00:18:10,645 --> 00:18:12,124
You bet I should've
been in there.
283
00:18:12,396 --> 00:18:15,194
The sooner we get rid of this,
the sooner I can buy my dinner.
284
00:18:15,524 --> 00:18:16,923
Like in Miami Beach, Florida.
285
00:18:17,192 --> 00:18:18,910
They really made me
feel like somebody.
286
00:18:19,194 --> 00:18:21,662
Yeah. The somebody they
made you feel was Uncle Albert.
287
00:18:21,988 --> 00:18:24,821
How will they make you feel
when they know you're Uncle Horace?
288
00:18:25,158 --> 00:18:27,353
- I know.
- Come on, come on, let's get going.
289
00:18:39,671 --> 00:18:43,300
- What is it?
- I think your hobo friend hit the road.
290
00:18:55,059 --> 00:18:56,492
Well?
291
00:18:56,811 --> 00:18:58,244
Oh, Darrin.
292
00:18:58,521 --> 00:19:00,751
I was so sure he'd
turn over a new leaf.
293
00:19:01,065 --> 00:19:03,135
Honey, he's obviously
been at it a long time.
294
00:19:03,442 --> 00:19:05,956
With him, you'd have
to uproot the whole tree.
295
00:19:06,737 --> 00:19:09,376
- Well, I guess I better call the police.
- Police?
296
00:19:09,698 --> 00:19:11,575
Is that absolutely necessary?
297
00:19:11,866 --> 00:19:14,016
Have you got any better ideas?
298
00:19:14,660 --> 00:19:16,855
As if I didn't know.
299
00:19:23,084 --> 00:19:25,200
Hey, what can I do
to make you crack a smile?
300
00:19:25,503 --> 00:19:27,016
- It's a lost cause.
- Yeah.
301
00:19:27,297 --> 00:19:30,289
You'll change your mind
when I turn this into eating money.
302
00:19:30,633 --> 00:19:33,943
We can bum a year
on what we got back here.
303
00:19:34,762 --> 00:19:38,550
Hey, I wonder if this is real silver.
It could be worth a lot of dough.
304
00:19:38,932 --> 00:19:42,049
Hey, wait a minute.
Let me see that.
305
00:19:42,769 --> 00:19:45,203
"To Darrin from Uncle Albert."
306
00:19:45,521 --> 00:19:47,751
- Oh, no.
- "Oh, no" what?
307
00:19:48,065 --> 00:19:51,535
They knew. They knew I wasn't
Uncle Albert all the time.
308
00:19:52,069 --> 00:19:53,787
Hey, wait a minute.
What are you doing?
309
00:19:54,071 --> 00:19:56,539
- I'm going back.
- Oh, no chance, pal.
310
00:19:56,865 --> 00:19:58,696
You wanna go back,
get out and walk.
311
00:19:58,992 --> 00:20:00,630
All right.
312
00:20:04,914 --> 00:20:08,065
- You know you're breaking up the act.
- Unless you wanna stick with me.
313
00:20:08,417 --> 00:20:11,011
No, I'm sorry, I can't do that.
314
00:20:12,504 --> 00:20:13,857
Absolutely, Mr. Dilloway?
315
00:20:14,130 --> 00:20:16,564
Positively, Mr. Dunn.
316
00:20:25,432 --> 00:20:27,104
All right, you've had your fun.
317
00:20:27,392 --> 00:20:29,826
Now, you just kindly
turn around and come back.
318
00:20:30,144 --> 00:20:31,657
What's that?
319
00:20:33,022 --> 00:20:36,492
These things don't belong to you.
Just bring them back.
320
00:20:41,822 --> 00:20:44,541
You're wasting your time and mine.
321
00:20:44,866 --> 00:20:48,017
Yeah? What happens
if I turn you off?
322
00:20:50,705 --> 00:20:54,175
- I must be losing my mind.
- No, not really.
323
00:20:54,541 --> 00:20:56,657
Just do as I tell you.
324
00:20:56,960 --> 00:20:59,554
Yeah, lady. All right.
325
00:21:02,382 --> 00:21:05,374
Honey, they couldn't have
swiped the phone, could they?
326
00:21:05,718 --> 00:21:07,436
It's right down there.
327
00:21:07,720 --> 00:21:09,517
Thanks.
328
00:21:10,222 --> 00:21:11,940
We're gonna have to call the police.
329
00:21:12,224 --> 00:21:14,533
Oh, darling, I don't think
that'll be necessary.
330
00:21:14,851 --> 00:21:16,409
Our furniture's on its way back...
331
00:21:16,686 --> 00:21:19,359
...and Uncle Albert will be knocking
at the door any second.
332
00:21:19,689 --> 00:21:21,008
Really?
333
00:21:23,859 --> 00:21:25,611
Why do I even ask?
334
00:21:31,533 --> 00:21:33,330
May I come in?
335
00:21:33,910 --> 00:21:35,423
Hello, Uncle Albert.
336
00:21:35,703 --> 00:21:37,659
Glad you decided to come back.
337
00:21:37,955 --> 00:21:40,947
Samantha, I'm not your
Uncle Albert. I'm a tramp.
338
00:21:41,291 --> 00:21:43,407
And you both knew it
right from the beginning.
339
00:21:43,710 --> 00:21:45,268
Why didn't you throw me out?
340
00:21:45,545 --> 00:21:47,137
Because we liked having you here.
341
00:21:48,798 --> 00:21:50,948
That'll be the police.
342
00:21:51,425 --> 00:21:54,735
Well, I guess
I had it coming to me.
343
00:21:59,641 --> 00:22:02,439
Well, it's not the police.
It's the truck you left in.
344
00:22:02,769 --> 00:22:04,964
William? He's back here?
345
00:22:05,271 --> 00:22:07,466
Let's just say
he delivered the truck.
346
00:22:07,773 --> 00:22:09,650
You know where to find him later.
347
00:22:09,942 --> 00:22:11,534
You're not gonna have me arrested?
348
00:22:11,819 --> 00:22:14,652
My wife thinks you can turn over
a new leaf and get a job.
349
00:22:14,988 --> 00:22:16,979
Maybe the suit
will bring you good luck.
350
00:22:17,616 --> 00:22:19,493
I can keep it?
351
00:22:19,909 --> 00:22:21,262
Why not?
352
00:22:21,536 --> 00:22:23,970
Well, I don't know how to thank you.
353
00:22:24,288 --> 00:22:27,678
Maybe I can get a job
and really be somebody.
354
00:22:28,334 --> 00:22:30,052
You are somebody.
355
00:22:30,335 --> 00:22:32,371
You're Horace Dilloway
of Dilloway and Dunn.
356
00:22:32,671 --> 00:22:36,061
Now you can go back to entertaining
people in nightclubs and on television.
357
00:22:36,424 --> 00:22:38,335
Oh, no. No chance.
358
00:22:38,676 --> 00:22:40,587
Nobody has any use for us
these days.
359
00:22:41,095 --> 00:22:43,529
And I say they do.
360
00:22:43,847 --> 00:22:45,121
You think it's possible?
361
00:22:45,390 --> 00:22:50,145
Mr. Dilloway, when my wife says
it's possible, believe me, it's possible.
362
00:22:52,480 --> 00:22:54,516
How did you know my name?
363
00:22:55,399 --> 00:22:58,152
That's just another one
of my funny little tricks.
364
00:22:59,987 --> 00:23:04,583
Well, I'll be in touch with you
if you'll let me.
365
00:23:05,533 --> 00:23:07,489
We'll be looking for you.
366
00:23:08,494 --> 00:23:10,689
Good night, Darrin,
and thank you very much.
367
00:23:10,997 --> 00:23:12,555
Good night, Mr. Dilloway.
368
00:23:14,041 --> 00:23:15,918
Good night, Samantha.
369
00:23:21,840 --> 00:23:23,910
Good night, Uncle Horace.
370
00:23:36,895 --> 00:23:38,726
I told you everything
would be all right.
371
00:23:39,022 --> 00:23:42,094
You'll see. Dilloway and Dunn
are gonna be headliners again.
372
00:23:42,441 --> 00:23:45,114
I wasn't worried about them.
I was thinking about lugging...
373
00:23:45,444 --> 00:23:47,878
...all that furniture
back into the house tonight.
374
00:23:48,197 --> 00:23:49,596
Darrin...
375
00:23:50,532 --> 00:23:52,921
...why don't you let me do it for you.
376
00:23:55,745 --> 00:23:57,337
Sam, this is some kind of a record.
377
00:23:57,622 --> 00:23:59,613
For the second time in one night...
378
00:23:59,915 --> 00:24:01,507
...I'm not gonna argue with you.
379
00:24:09,966 --> 00:24:11,604
Wait for me.
380
00:24:19,516 --> 00:24:21,427
What took you so long?
381
00:24:21,768 --> 00:24:24,726
- Hey, I just thought of it.
- What?
382
00:24:25,063 --> 00:24:27,213
Whatever happened
to my Uncle Albert?
383
00:24:27,523 --> 00:24:29,275
Oh, well, I wouldn't worry about him.
384
00:24:29,567 --> 00:24:32,559
He's probably busy
constructing engineers.
385
00:24:34,488 --> 00:24:36,126
Come on.
386
00:24:36,176 --> 00:24:40,726
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