All language subtitles for Bewitched s02e31 Part II.eng

Last week, Darrin was all set...

...to get a big new account
for the agency.

What he didn't know was that
the ambitious Mr. Barkley...

...had hired a private detective,
Charlie Leach by name...

...to check on Darrin's background
and mine.

Darrin passed the test.

But when Mr. Leach checked
with Abner's sister, Harriet...

...she had some rather strange
things to say about me.

None of which he believed,
of course...

...until he caught me
in a weak moment.

When he became a nuisance,
and that's putting it mildly...

...I just had to teach him a lesson.

Unfortunately, my problems were
just beginning.

Okay. I'll get to the point.

I have proof that you're
a full-blooded...

...cauldron-stirring witch!

And if you don't give me what I want,
I'm gonna blow the whistle on you.

What makes you think I'm a witch?

Honey, last night,
you put me on a ledge...

...outside an office building
40 stories high.

You're not gonna
try to tell me...

...that you're the typical
all-American girl next door.

What if I told you I didn't care
if people knew I was a witch?

Well, maybe you don't,
but I'll bet your husband does.

Just what do you know
about Darrin?

I know everything about him...

...including the fact
that he's trying to land...

...the Robbins Baby Food account.

Have I got your interest?

Go on.

And then there's this guy
called Barkley...

...who makes all the decisions
about who's gonna land the account.

Well, he hired me to investigate
the two of you.

You're a private detective?

Now you're catching on.

Shall I go on?

No, I can guess the rest.

You spied on me.

And saw some pretty wild things.

Any questions?

Just one.

...but nobody can turn a person
into a parrot.

Okay. I believe you.
I believe you.

Boy!

You're some witch.

Exactly.
Now you better get out of here...

...before I turn you into
a parrot permanently.

Oh, come on, lady.
You wouldn't do that.

Besides, I don't figure you
to be one of them evil witches.

In my job, you gotta be
a good judge of character.

I got you figured more like
the Glinda, you know...

...the Good Witch of the West
in The Wizard of Oz.

I wouldn't count on it.

You might give me a couple
of shots to shake me up...

...but it won't do no good.

By now, you should know
I'm a stubborn guy...

...and I'd keep coming back.
Also, I'd hand in that report.

Nobody would believe it.

You want to take that risk?

What do you want?

Well, I'm not a greedy man.

Just do over my apartment,
a new car...

...and some new clothes
for me and my wife.

And you won't tell anyone?
You won't bother us again?

I wouldn't even tell my wife.
You have my word.

That doesn't exactly fill me
with confidence.

- Where do you live?
- Oh, I'll take you there right away.

No. No, I'll meet you there.
I have to arrange for a babysitter.

It's on the fifth floor.

Hey, after I leave...

...you ain't gonna turn me
into a snake or something, are you?

That, Mr. Leach,
would be totally redundant.

Charmaine, honey, I'm home.

So, what am I supposed to do,
swoon?

Honey, when you hear
what I've got to say...

...you may just do that, baby.

You may just do that.

Oh, swell.

You just ruined my whole coiffure.

Charmaine, I've just had
the biggest break...

...of my entire career.
- Boy, some life I got.

Can't even go to a hairdresser.

Diamonds and furs,
he promises me.

And what do I get? Broken ends.

So I'll send you to the beauty parlour
to have them mended.

Are you kidding?
You couldn't even afford an estimate.

Charmaine, that's what
I've been trying to tell you.

We're gonna be very, very rich.

You gonna rob a bank?

No. I've just been assigned
a very important case...

...by a very important client.

You mean some fink is giving you
a few bucks to spy on his wife.

As a matter of fact, I'll probably get
a very large retainer.

Now, you get out of here.

This client is coming
over here to see me.

And it's highly confidential.

Where am I gonna go?

I've seen every movie in town.

Here. Go to the beauty parlour.

Wait a minute.
This is the rent money.

The old lady's been up three times
trying to collect it.

Never mind that.

I told you we're gonna be
rolling in dough.

Charlie, you aren't going
all funny again, are you?

- Funny?
- Like this morning.

Talking about witches and all.

I was just putting you on.

No. This is strictly legit.

Now, you go out and enjoy yourself.

When you come back,
just be prepared...

...for a big surprise.

You're gonna bless the day
that you married Charlie Leach.

You said a surprise, not a miracle.

How did you get here?

I didn't come here
to answer silly questions.

Sure, sure.
It's just that I'm a little curious.

Oh, tell me, do you travel...

...sort of like Batman?

Now, look, Mr. Leach,
let's get one thing straight.

I don't like you.

And I don't like what
you're forcing me to do.

Since I have to spend time
with you...

...let's make it
as short as possible.

Okay, okay. You don't
have to get so huffy.

After all, you're...
You're the first witch I've ever known.

What do you want?

Are you gonna do it now?

Tell me, are you gonna put on
one of them kooky hats?

Mr. Leach, don't press your luck.

Now, what is it you wanted?

Well, I told you, new furniture
for the place...

...new clothes for me and Charmaine
and a new car.

Alrighty.

Hey, this is really something.

Would you believe it?
Right out of thin air.

Will I be able to get parts?

Oh, I wouldn't worry about that
if I were you.

I'd just enjoy driving it.

Boy, I sure will.

Wait a minute, how do I
get this out of here?

That's your problem.

Lady, we're five stories high.

You better get this out of here.

I'm a witch, not a parking attendant.

Who is it?

Mrs. Kratz. And you're two weeks
overdue with your rent.

I'll give it to you later.

If you think I'm gonna walk up five
flights of stairs again, you're crazy.

Hey, she better not find out
about this.

- You gotta do something.
- You're right.

She shouldn't see us together.

That's not what I mean.

Come back. Come back!

I'm coming in.

No. No. Not yet.

And I want that money today,
or out you...

I guess you're wondering
what I'm doing...

...on the top of this car.

I was on my way to answer the door.

There's a car in the living room.

Yeah. It's brand-new.

How do you like it?

This is a fifth floor walk-up.
You got a car in a fifth floor walk-up.

Yeah. I haven't got a garage
for it yet.

How did you get it up them stairs?

Well, I didn't exactly.
I assembled it up here.

Sort of a hobby of mine.

You get this car out of here,
or I'll call the police.

Okay, I'll get it out of here.

How?

Gonna drive it down the fire escape?

Let's let me take care of that.

You better.

That's all I need, a do-it-yourself nut.

Okay, where are you?

I bet you disappeared on purpose.

I did it to show you the problems you
get into when dealing with a witch.

You sure you don't want
to reconsider?

Now, you put this car down the street
where it belongs.

That's better. Now, where's the rest
of the stuff?

- What first?
- My new clothes.

You made them too big.

How am I supposed
to know your size?

Forty-two tall.

All right.

Hey. That's better.

Makes me look like
a million dollars, huh?

Not even a million dollars...

...could make you look
like a million dollars.

What style do you want
your apartment?

Expensive.

Boy, oh, boy, oh, boy.

You got a lot of taste.
Do you know that?

Thanks. You made my whole day.

Little lady, I just don't know
how to thank you.

I do.

Just never let me see
or hear from you again.

Here you are, Mr. Stephens.

Oh, thank you, Betty.

How was Ulcer Gulch?

Did you have a nice lunch?

Well, I had a peculiar lunch,
Mr. Stephens.

Maybe I shouldn't be
telling you this after all.

I know you're not interested in gossip,
even if it concerns you.

That's the only kind
of gossip I am interested in.

Please sit down.

Shall I start right at the beginning
or jump to the middle?

May as well start at the beginning.

Well, I met Phoebe...
That's a girlfriend of mine.

Phoebe Perkins, for lunch.

Phoebe works for Mr. Barkley
at the Robbins Baby Food Company.

Anyway, I thought I'd find out...

...if you were gonna get the account
or not because...

You thought I'd like to know.

Also, Phoebe has a big mouth,
and I thought she'd tell me.

Anyway, I subtly led
the conversation around to you...

...and then casually said:

"Hey, Phoebe, is your boss
gonna give my boss the account?"

Well, that certainly was
subtle enough.

What'd she say?

Well, that's where we got to
the funny part.

She said it depended
on the investigation.

Investigation?

She just let it slip out,
but I pounced on it.

Evidently, her boss, Mr. Barkley,
thinks...

...that anyone who's going to be
associated with Robbins Baby Food...

...should be completely
wholesome and normal.

That's why they have a private
detective investigate people.

A private detective?

Betty, are you sure of this?

Yes, sir. Phoebe's a gossip,
but she's a reliable gossip.

I can't believe it. Mr. Robbins
seemed like such a nice guy.

I don't know anything
about Mr. Robbins...

...but Phoebe says
that little fish eyes...

That's what she calls her boss,
Mr. Barkley.

- Is a regular Sherlock.

She told me one poor guy
didn't get a job at the company...

...because his wife had worked
as a cocktail waitress...

...before they were married.

What did his wife have to do with it?

Oh, the wholesome and normal bit
goes for the wife too.

Isn't that silly?

My favourite aunt is
a cocktail waitress.

You're right, Betty. I never heard
of anything so ridiculous in...

- Sam.
- I beg your pardon?

A man has been spying on Sam.

Oh, I wouldn't be upset,
Mr. Stephens.

I'm sure she wasn't doing
anything she shouldn't.

Oh, my gosh.

When he threatened
to hand in that report on me...

...I agreed to do what he wanted.

Honey, that's blackmail!

I know it is, sweetheart, but I didn't
want to risk your losing the account.

I don't care about the account.
Don't you realize how underhanded...

...it was for them to spy
on us that way?

Well, I did think it was
kind of sneaky.

But I thought maybe that's
how they did things in your world.

My background
didn't exactly include...

...a course in business
procedures, you know.

Okay, I can understand that.

But I'm surprised you let him
push you around that way.

Honey, when I married you,
I made myself a promise.

Never to let my being a witch
interfere with your career.

Now, do you understand?
That's why I went along with him.

I'm sorry, honey.

It wasn't your fault.

But I think I should pay a visit
to Mr. Robbins and Mr. Barkley.

Why?

Larry and I agreed we wouldn't take
the account, even if they offered it.

And I want the satisfaction of telling
Robbins and Barkley just that.

- I'm gonna go with you.
- Why?

I want the pleasure of being there
when you tell them just that.

Mr. Robbins, I'd like to point out...

...that the graph shows
that the trend is very definitely...

I'm sorry, Mr. Barkley...

...but Mr. Stephens insisted
on seeing you right away.

- What are you doing here?
- I have something to get off my chest.

I think that your hiring
a private detective...

...to investigate my wife and me
is underhanded, unethical...

...and an invasion of privacy.

Because of this, I won't handle
your account if you offered it to me!

I don't blame you.

- You don't?
- Lf what you said was true.

Darrin, whatever gave you the idea
that we used private detectives?

I hired the detective, Mr. Robbins.

- You did what?
- Just good business practice.

Unfortunately,
this particular investigator...

...didn't work out,
and I dismissed him.

Oh? Why did you do that?

Well, if you must know,
he came in here with a wild story...

...about you being a sorcerer.

- Sorceress, if you don't mind.
- What?

Well, why use the fancy names
when the plain ones will do.

I much prefer the simple
old term, witch.

Sam!

Mrs. Stephens, this is no time
for levity.

It certainly isn't. I'd still like to know
why you thought it necessary...

...to hire a private detective.

You've got to learn
to protect the company.

How did we know that these were
Robbins Baby Food people?

Because I happen
to like Mr. Stephens.

I also like Mrs. Stephens.

And I don't need
any private detective to tell me that.

Well, you're wrong.

You cannot rely
on your own judgment.

- Really?
- You hired me, didn't you?

And my ambition is to become
president of this company.

That means that somehow I'm
going to have to get rid of you.

Why did I say that?

I don't know. But do go on.

Mr. Robbins, I was only kidding.

Just because I had you
investigated too...

...and found out
some very interesting things...

...doesn't mean I'm going to use
the information.

At least, not until the time is right.

What am I saying?

I... I don't know what came over me.

I had this funny feeling.

That's not unusual, Mr. Barkley.

Most people feel strange
when they've just been fired.

Mr. Robbins!

Get out.

I know it's impossible,
but someone in this room...

...did something to me
to make me say those things.

Barkley, will you please leave.

Now, Mr. And Mrs. Stephens...

...if you'll please accept
my apologies...

...I'd like to draw up the contract
with your company.

Apology accepted.

Here's to the new account.

Something the matter?

There is one thing that bothers me.

It burns me up when I think of Leach
getting away with all those things.

Darrin, he doesn't have
to get away with it.

You mean, you could get
the stuff back?

It could be arranged.

It would only take
one short visit with Leach.

I don't know. I don't like your having
anything to do with that man.

Oh, Darrin, please.

Oh, please.
He wouldn't even see me.

- Where'd she go?
- I'm right here.

I made myself invisible,
so Leach won't even see me.

I guarantee you
he won't bother us again.

May I go?

Honey, I never thought
I'd see the day...

...when I'd condone witchcraft.

Go ahead. Do your worst.

It'll be a pleasure.

Well, how do you like the place?

You just can't get over it, can you?

How much did this guy pay you?

A couple of grand.

A couple of grand?
This stuff must have cost a fortune.

Charlie, you been holding
something out on me?

Oh, of course not. I... I just managed
to get it cheap, that's all.

From a fence?

Oh, no, this is strictly legit,
Charmaine.

You see, this guy happens to run
a discount place...

...and he took sort of a liking to me...

...and he managed to give me
a deal.

Funny.

It looks like good stuff.

Of course. It's the best.

Now, would I give you
anything shoddy?

Open the champagne, Charlie.

Okay. Get ready for a big pop.

What's this stuff made of?
Balsa wood?

I don't get it.

You and your cheap deals!

I tell you, it's something...

Then how do you explain that?
Termites?

It's her! She's in here somewhere!

I know you're in here!
Where are you?! Where?!

You're out there!

You're out there, aren't you? Where
are you? I know you're out there!

I knew it. You've flipped your lid.

If you take this back, I'll report you!
Where are you?!

Who are you talking to?!

It's the witch, of course!

You better not mess around
with Charlie Leach!

Charmaine, come on! Hurry up!

Is this your idea of a joke?

She did it again.

- The witch?
- That's right. Honest.

You gotta believe me.

Charmaine! Charmaine, come back!

I'm telling the truth!
Charmaine, come back!

If there's one thing I can't stand,
it's an Indian giver.

Mr. Leach, haven't you learned
your lesson?

I'll give you one more chance.

If you don't give me what I want,
I'm gonna hand in that report.

You're bluffing.

I know you've been fired
from the Robbins Company.

Okay, I've been fired.

But why don't you give me
what I want anyway.

Won't it be a lot easier?

No. I don't like blackmailers.

I warn you, I'll keep coming back...

...and bugging you
until you give me what I want.

And nothing you can do
can stop me.

We'll see about that.

As we say in old Mexico...

Ol�!

That ought to hold him for a while.

- Good morning.
- Oh, hi, sweetheart.

- You ready for breakfast?
- You bet. Who was at the door?

Oh, just a man
trying to sell something.

Did you get rid of him?

I don't think he'll be
bothering us again.

Good.

Oh, she ain't gonna
get rid of me that easy.

When I get back to New York...

...I'm gonna pay
that witch lady a visit.

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