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1
00:00:05,673 --> 00:00:09,217
So then he's all like, "You gotta go
before my roommate gets home."
2
00:00:09,385 --> 00:00:12,053
And I'm like, "Who cares?"
And he's like...
3
00:00:12,221 --> 00:00:14,013
You're a moped.
Huh.
4
00:00:14,181 --> 00:00:16,599
How did you know? And what's it mean?
Because...
5
00:00:16,767 --> 00:00:19,477
Mopeds are fun, but you don't want
your buddies to see you riding one.
6
00:00:19,645 --> 00:00:22,313
Oh.
Yeah.
7
00:00:22,481 --> 00:00:25,566
I thought he meant I was fuel-efficient.
I only had 10 beers.
8
00:00:25,734 --> 00:00:27,777
Forties?
No.
9
00:00:27,945 --> 00:00:29,696
Yes. Hence the shandy.
10
00:00:29,863 --> 00:00:33,199
My head feels like a bunch of monkeys
fighting over a bucket of marbles.
11
00:00:33,367 --> 00:00:34,492
[CAR HORN HONKS]
12
00:00:34,660 --> 00:00:38,287
So stick that horn in your ass!
13
00:00:38,956 --> 00:00:40,456
Nut sack.
14
00:00:40,624 --> 00:00:43,084
And what time is it?
Well, it's 9:01, but...
15
00:00:43,252 --> 00:00:44,919
And what time is late?
16
00:00:45,087 --> 00:00:46,838
Technically, 9:01 also.
17
00:00:47,005 --> 00:00:50,091
But I'm sure Cheryl
has a good excuse this time.
18
00:00:50,259 --> 00:00:51,551
[SCREAMS]
19
00:00:51,719 --> 00:00:53,594
[MAN 1 GROANS]
20
00:00:53,762 --> 00:00:56,597
Right, like the time her ocelot was sick?
Well...
21
00:00:56,765 --> 00:01:01,144
Or yesterday, when she had to walk to work
because there was a midget on the train?
22
00:01:01,311 --> 00:01:04,605
I think she said it was a dwarf.
And I said that was her last chance.
23
00:01:04,773 --> 00:01:05,857
But...
She's fired.
24
00:01:06,024 --> 00:01:08,818
I want her desk cleaned out
and a new secretary by lunch.
25
00:01:08,986 --> 00:01:12,238
That's kind of more Pam's department.
Who is also late.
26
00:01:12,406 --> 00:01:15,575
And I just can't wait to hear
that lame excuse.
27
00:01:15,743 --> 00:01:17,452
[SCREAMS]
28
00:01:17,619 --> 00:01:19,203
MAN 2:
Just get her in the damn van.
29
00:01:19,371 --> 00:01:20,997
MAN 3:
She's crazy fricking strong.
30
00:01:21,165 --> 00:01:23,791
Yeah, you fight
them off, Cheryl.
31
00:01:23,959 --> 00:01:25,501
What? Cheryl?
CHERYL: Yes.
32
00:01:25,669 --> 00:01:27,628
That is you. You're Cheryl.
33
00:01:27,796 --> 00:01:29,130
PAM:
What? What are you...?
34
00:01:29,298 --> 00:01:30,339
[SCREAMS]
35
00:01:30,507 --> 00:01:31,799
I swear to God
I'm blind.
36
00:01:31,967 --> 00:01:35,178
Come on, the boss is waiting.
We don't need her.
37
00:01:35,345 --> 00:01:38,306
Because I'm just
her stupid friend.
38
00:01:38,474 --> 00:01:39,766
What?
CHERYL: She's who you want.
39
00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:41,809
She's...
Cheryl!
40
00:01:41,977 --> 00:01:45,980
Yes, just keep shouting your own name!
41
00:01:46,148 --> 00:01:48,691
What are you talking about?
I'll pray for you, Cheryl.
42
00:01:48,859 --> 00:01:51,652
Goddamn it, I'm not Che...
43
00:01:51,820 --> 00:01:53,362
[TIRES SCREECH]
44
00:01:53,530 --> 00:01:55,740
[PANTING]
45
00:01:55,908 --> 00:01:57,909
That was a close one.
46
00:01:58,076 --> 00:02:01,996
And thanks, Pam, way to drag out
a kidnapping. Now I'm late again.
47
00:02:02,164 --> 00:02:05,249
Although this is a way better excuse
than the train dwarf, which...
48
00:02:05,417 --> 00:02:08,294
Ugh. Ugh.
49
00:02:45,082 --> 00:02:46,415
Kidnapped.
50
00:02:46,583 --> 00:02:50,586
Like a huge, sweatery Lindbergh baby.
So it's really Pam's fault I'm late.
51
00:02:50,754 --> 00:02:52,588
Why would anyone...
In the world.
52
00:02:52,756 --> 00:02:54,257
- Want to kidnap Pam?
53
00:02:54,424 --> 00:02:58,344
There's a teeny, tiny chance
they maybe might've thought Pam was me.
54
00:02:58,512 --> 00:02:59,554
How?
No idea.
55
00:02:59,721 --> 00:03:01,264
Well, even if you
weren't lying...
56
00:03:01,431 --> 00:03:05,768
The train dwarf was real, and he looked
right at me with his dwarfy eyeballs.
57
00:03:06,270 --> 00:03:08,020
Why would anyone
wanna kidnap you?
58
00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:09,438
Because...
59
00:03:09,606 --> 00:03:10,815
[SIGHS]
60
00:03:10,983 --> 00:03:14,402
...my last name isn't Gimple,
like it says on my W-4.
61
00:03:14,570 --> 00:03:15,611
It's Tunt.
62
00:03:15,779 --> 00:03:17,738
Wha...
Tum again?
63
00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:20,032
Come on, nothing?
Not the Tunts.
64
00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:21,617
Wait, how do I
know that name?
65
00:03:21,785 --> 00:03:23,369
Uh, ever been on a railroad?
66
00:03:23,537 --> 00:03:24,954
Oh! Holy shit!
Yes.
67
00:03:25,122 --> 00:03:26,497
Not a big deal,
they're everywhere.
68
00:03:26,665 --> 00:03:28,457
Yeah.
They crisscross the nation, Lana.
69
00:03:28,625 --> 00:03:30,918
And her great-grandfather built them all.
What?
70
00:03:31,086 --> 00:03:35,298
Do you expect me to believe
you're a descendant of Cornelius Tunt?
71
00:03:35,465 --> 00:03:38,050
Yeah, all, whatever, five Cornelii.
72
00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:40,970
And George Washington Tunt of the...
The Tuntmore House.
73
00:03:41,138 --> 00:03:43,055
Yes, I spent, like, every summer there...
74
00:03:43,223 --> 00:03:46,559
...listening to my creepy great-grandmother
bitch about Abraham Lincoln.
75
00:03:47,644 --> 00:03:49,645
Apparently, slavery
was pretty awesome.
76
00:03:49,813 --> 00:03:51,898
Prove it.
What's to prove? It's free labor.
77
00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:53,399
Not that, ass.
ARCHER: What?
78
00:03:53,567 --> 00:03:55,484
Prove you're really a Tunt.
79
00:03:55,652 --> 00:03:57,653
Um, I have a picture.
80
00:03:57,821 --> 00:03:59,989
MALORY: You're kidding.
ARCHER: Ha, ha.
81
00:04:00,157 --> 00:04:03,075
Oh, my God. That's you.
Yes, it's me.
82
00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:05,912
You guys, I'm kind of freaking out.
You mind if I glue up?
83
00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:07,830
It's your house.
This is your house.
84
00:04:07,998 --> 00:04:09,916
LANA: And right next door, is that...?
CHERYL: Yes.
85
00:04:10,083 --> 00:04:11,918
Oh! That's the Roosevelt mansion.
86
00:04:12,085 --> 00:04:13,419
Total shitbox. They're weird.
87
00:04:13,587 --> 00:04:14,629
[OCELOT ROARS]
88
00:04:14,796 --> 00:04:15,922
What the hell was that?
Ugh!
89
00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:17,965
My stupid ocelot.
90
00:04:18,133 --> 00:04:20,301
I've never seen an ocelot.
91
00:04:20,469 --> 00:04:23,179
Cheryl, dear, I don't quite know
how to put this, but...
92
00:04:23,347 --> 00:04:24,430
ARCHER:
Holy shit.
93
00:04:24,598 --> 00:04:27,683
You guys, look at his little spots.
How much are you...
94
00:04:27,851 --> 00:04:30,186
ARCHER: Look at his tufted ears.
...worth?
95
00:04:30,354 --> 00:04:33,606
Well, until Monday it was, like,
I don't know, 50 million?
96
00:04:33,774 --> 00:04:36,108
Uh, do what, how what?
ARCHER: Hey, Carol, what's his name?
97
00:04:36,276 --> 00:04:37,777
Babou.
ARCHER: I love it.
98
00:04:37,945 --> 00:04:39,946
But it should be Buyer's Remorse.
MALORY: And...
99
00:04:40,113 --> 00:04:42,698
Stupid thing's sick all the time.
100
00:04:42,866 --> 00:04:43,908
What happened Monday?
101
00:04:44,076 --> 00:04:45,534
Oh, my parents were murdered.
102
00:04:45,702 --> 00:04:47,036
Oh!
What?
103
00:04:47,204 --> 00:04:49,372
Ha, ha. I'm kidding.
What...?
104
00:04:49,539 --> 00:04:53,000
They are dead, though. The chauffeur
had a stroke and slammed into a tree.
105
00:04:53,168 --> 00:04:55,169
Holy shit.
Funeral's probably wrapping up.
106
00:04:55,337 --> 00:04:56,379
Why aren't you there?
107
00:04:56,546 --> 00:04:59,340
Because you said if I was late again,
you'd fire me.
108
00:04:59,508 --> 00:05:02,802
Not for your parents' funeral.
Well, I don't know all your rules.
109
00:05:02,970 --> 00:05:05,137
Can I jump in?
Kind of curious.
110
00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:07,723
Why do you even work at ISIS?
Why do you?
111
00:05:07,891 --> 00:05:10,059
Ha, ha. Because I'm not worth
a billion dollars.
112
00:05:10,227 --> 00:05:13,729
Yeah, me neither. I have to split it
with my stupid brother, Cecil.
113
00:05:13,897 --> 00:05:16,816
And how much
will you be splitting?
114
00:05:16,984 --> 00:05:19,235
It actually is a billion dollars.
Oh.
115
00:05:19,403 --> 00:05:21,570
I am literally wet with jealousy.
116
00:05:21,738 --> 00:05:25,449
Jealous of what? Being scared
of kidnappers for the rest of my life?
117
00:05:25,617 --> 00:05:27,952
It was bad enough
when I was only worth 50 million.
118
00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:30,579
Now it's gonna be,
like, 10 times worse and...
119
00:05:30,747 --> 00:05:32,581
Oh, my God, I'm such a chicken.
120
00:05:32,749 --> 00:05:36,085
I told them Pam was me.
121
00:05:36,253 --> 00:05:37,753
Wow.
Lana, shut up.
122
00:05:37,921 --> 00:05:40,548
First of all,
I'm sure Pam is fine.
123
00:05:40,716 --> 00:05:41,757
[GRUNTS]
124
00:05:41,925 --> 00:05:43,467
Who taught you how to punch?
125
00:05:43,635 --> 00:05:44,677
Your husband?
126
00:05:44,845 --> 00:05:46,262
[GRUNTS]
127
00:05:46,471 --> 00:05:49,598
You better just ******* kill me.
128
00:05:49,766 --> 00:05:53,936
And second of all, no one
is going to kidnap you on my watch.
129
00:05:54,104 --> 00:05:56,939
You may consider ISIS
your personal bodyguard.
130
00:05:57,107 --> 00:05:58,315
But...
For, you know.
131
00:05:58,483 --> 00:06:00,276
A modest retainer.
LANA: Ah.
132
00:06:00,444 --> 00:06:01,694
But...
Still shut up.
133
00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:03,738
Oh, my God, what about Pam?
134
00:06:03,905 --> 00:06:06,782
I don't know about Pam,
and I know even less about ocelots...
135
00:06:06,950 --> 00:06:09,618
...but my gut tells me
you gotta get some tree branches...
136
00:06:09,786 --> 00:06:12,246
...or a tire swing or something in there.
137
00:06:12,414 --> 00:06:15,708
Because he is desperate for stuff
to play with. What are we doing?
138
00:06:15,876 --> 00:06:18,502
We're taking Cheryl back to ISIS
and locking it down...
139
00:06:18,670 --> 00:06:21,630
...until we catch
those dastardly kidnappers.
140
00:06:21,798 --> 00:06:23,591
Because we're all she has now.
141
00:06:23,759 --> 00:06:28,262
On the way, we gotta stop at a toy store
and get him a stuffed animal. Something.
142
00:06:28,972 --> 00:06:30,473
[GROWLS]
143
00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:34,226
It's like Meowschwitz in there.
144
00:06:46,156 --> 00:06:47,323
Mm-hm.
145
00:06:47,491 --> 00:06:48,991
CYRIL:
Half a billion?
146
00:06:49,159 --> 00:06:51,160
With a B?
Followed by an "illion."
147
00:06:51,328 --> 00:06:52,328
Well, that little...
148
00:06:52,496 --> 00:06:54,955
She owes me $3700.
For what?
149
00:06:55,123 --> 00:06:56,540
What?
150
00:06:57,501 --> 00:06:58,542
Ah.
Nothing.
151
00:06:58,710 --> 00:07:00,211
What are we doing?
Locking down ISIS.
152
00:07:00,378 --> 00:07:02,797
Once the kidnappers realize
they've got the wrong idiot...
153
00:07:02,964 --> 00:07:05,091
...they're gonna come back
for the right one.
154
00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:07,093
So here. All hands on deck.
155
00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:09,970
Cool. Ha, ha.
156
00:07:11,848 --> 00:07:13,349
Safety's off, Barn.
157
00:07:13,517 --> 00:07:17,520
And trust me dear, this vault is
the safest place in the entire building.
158
00:07:17,687 --> 00:07:20,439
Wait, how much are you gonna charge
for ISIS to protect me?
159
00:07:20,607 --> 00:07:22,358
Well, that's based
on my expenses.
160
00:07:22,526 --> 00:07:25,653
Plus an administrative fee,
a small contingency fee...
161
00:07:25,821 --> 00:07:27,196
...few odds and ends.
162
00:07:27,364 --> 00:07:30,366
You're gonna get Pam back, right?
After you sign that contract.
163
00:07:30,534 --> 00:07:32,284
Okay, no.
But...
164
00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:34,036
First, get Pam back.
But...
165
00:07:34,204 --> 00:07:37,957
And bring me some stuff to do.
It's crazy, stupid boring in here.
166
00:07:38,125 --> 00:07:40,376
Well, now you know
how Babou feels.
167
00:07:41,211 --> 00:07:42,211
Corpuscular?
168
00:07:42,379 --> 00:07:44,046
[GUNSHOT]
169
00:07:44,214 --> 00:07:45,548
Goddamn it, Cyril!
CYRIL: Sorry.
170
00:07:45,715 --> 00:07:46,757
[PHONE RINGING]
171
00:07:46,925 --> 00:07:48,342
Ahem.
Oh, come on.
172
00:07:48,510 --> 00:07:50,177
Barney.
173
00:07:50,345 --> 00:07:52,471
Well, now,
this is just a disaster.
174
00:07:52,639 --> 00:07:54,306
BRETT: Yeah, you think?
Wha...?
175
00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:56,725
Not you, Mr. Bloodmobile.
Ha, ha, he got shot again.
176
00:07:56,893 --> 00:07:59,937
Cheryl is insisting we try
to get the kidnappers to release Pam.
177
00:08:00,105 --> 00:08:03,607
Weren't you gonna
do that anyway?
178
00:08:03,900 --> 00:08:04,942
If it came up.
179
00:08:05,110 --> 00:08:08,737
And will somebody answer
the damn phone for once in their life?
180
00:08:08,905 --> 00:08:10,698
Looking your way,
Brett.
181
00:08:10,866 --> 00:08:12,700
BRETT: Hello?
Was that so hard?
182
00:08:12,868 --> 00:08:14,326
Yes? Yeah, one sec.
183
00:08:14,494 --> 00:08:15,661
Kidnappers.
LANA: Wha...?
184
00:08:15,829 --> 00:08:17,121
Okay, keep them on the line.
185
00:08:17,289 --> 00:08:19,039
I'm lead negotiator.
LANA: No, you're not.
186
00:08:19,207 --> 00:08:23,586
And you, take Cheryl some crayons
or cheese or something.
187
00:08:23,753 --> 00:08:25,921
[BRETT MOANING]
188
00:08:26,089 --> 00:08:28,132
BRETT: I'm so cold.
Brett, get off the phone.
189
00:08:28,300 --> 00:08:30,467
BRETT: You got it?
Yes, hang up.
190
00:08:30,635 --> 00:08:32,511
How long do I keep him on?
Two minutes.
191
00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:34,388
What?
What happened to 30 seconds?
192
00:08:34,556 --> 00:08:36,390
Uh, your mother's budget priorities.
193
00:08:36,558 --> 00:08:38,726
No, this is all one solid piece.
194
00:08:38,894 --> 00:08:42,479
Brazilian rosewood, straight from
the heart of the Amazon jungle.
195
00:08:42,647 --> 00:08:45,107
Guess how many pygmies died
cutting it down.
196
00:08:45,275 --> 00:08:46,275
[GASPS]
197
00:08:46,443 --> 00:08:48,068
Hint, six.
198
00:08:48,236 --> 00:08:50,279
Small price to pay
for beauty. Ahem.
199
00:08:50,447 --> 00:08:53,282
Hi, Sterling Archer,
lead negotiator.
200
00:08:53,450 --> 00:08:55,284
And to whom
might I be speaking?
201
00:08:55,452 --> 00:08:56,535
KIDNAPPER BOSS [IN DISTORTED VOICE]:
Your worst nightmare.
202
00:08:56,703 --> 00:08:58,454
Great. Ahem. One sec.
203
00:08:58,622 --> 00:09:00,289
Hello?
What are you doing?
204
00:09:00,457 --> 00:09:01,916
I'll tell you what I'm not doing...
205
00:09:02,083 --> 00:09:04,460
...is negotiating with a goddamn cyborg.
Hello?
206
00:09:04,628 --> 00:09:06,962
That's just a voice modulator.
Uh, hello?
207
00:09:07,130 --> 00:09:09,965
You don't think cyborgs
have that technology? I'm hanging up.
208
00:09:10,133 --> 00:09:12,384
Hanging up?
It's not worth it, it's just Pam.
209
00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:13,636
No, Archer, stop.
Hello...
210
00:09:13,803 --> 00:09:15,179
[BEEPING]
211
00:09:15,347 --> 00:09:16,764
[DIAL TONE]
212
00:09:16,932 --> 00:09:20,726
Ahem.
They were probably tracing us.
213
00:09:21,978 --> 00:09:23,979
And we don't want them
coming here.
214
00:09:24,147 --> 00:09:26,690
KIDNAPPER BOSS:
You idiots! This isn't Cheryl Tunt.
215
00:09:26,858 --> 00:09:29,568
That's what I've been trying to tell you.
216
00:09:29,736 --> 00:09:31,487
Between this little gal's love taps.
217
00:09:31,655 --> 00:09:32,738
[GRUNTS]
218
00:09:32,906 --> 00:09:37,243
Seriously. Maybe see if your daddy
will give you a roll of nickels.
219
00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:39,328
First of all,
how are you still even conscious?
220
00:09:39,496 --> 00:09:42,665
Ha-ha-ha. How do you
think I paid for college?
221
00:09:42,832 --> 00:09:46,835
Two-sixty, 280,
and Jackson makes three.
222
00:09:47,003 --> 00:09:49,088
And, uh, sorry about your homey...
223
00:09:50,799 --> 00:09:52,174
...homies.
224
00:09:52,342 --> 00:09:54,843
And second, where is Cheryl Tunt?
225
00:09:55,011 --> 00:09:56,512
I assume she's safe at ISIS...
226
00:09:56,680 --> 00:10:00,182
...laughing her skinny, lying ass off
because she got me kidnapped.
227
00:10:00,350 --> 00:10:02,601
[LAUGHS]
228
00:10:02,769 --> 00:10:04,478
This isn't funny, Cheryl.
229
00:10:04,646 --> 00:10:06,605
I need that $3700 back.
230
00:10:06,773 --> 00:10:09,191
Well, sorry, that money's gone.
What do you...?
231
00:10:09,359 --> 00:10:11,360
Wait, what do you mean,
it's gone?
232
00:10:18,368 --> 00:10:21,745
It's been an extremely
volatile year.
233
00:10:21,913 --> 00:10:23,289
In the stock market?
Sure.
234
00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:26,792
Well, whatever. I borrowed it from
my IRA, and if I don't pay it back...
235
00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:28,752
What are they gonna do, kneecap you?
What...?
236
00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:32,131
Oh. Not the IRA, my IRA.
237
00:10:32,299 --> 00:10:34,800
And there are huge
tax implications for that.
238
00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:36,135
I don't have it, dum-dum.
239
00:10:36,303 --> 00:10:39,555
All my money's in, like, a trust
and I'd have to ask my gross brother.
240
00:10:39,723 --> 00:10:41,640
So?
So he's gross.
241
00:10:41,808 --> 00:10:43,225
Cheryl, I need that money.
242
00:10:43,393 --> 00:10:44,727
I don't have it.
Ugh!
243
00:10:44,894 --> 00:10:47,646
Now screw already.
I've got kidnappers to worry about.
244
00:10:47,814 --> 00:10:49,023
But...
245
00:10:51,735 --> 00:10:53,027
[PHONE RINGS]
246
00:10:53,194 --> 00:10:55,195
Okay, here we go.
247
00:10:55,363 --> 00:10:57,323
This is Agent Lana Kane.
And you are?
248
00:10:57,490 --> 00:10:59,742
KIDNAPPER BOSS [IN DISTORTED VOICE]:
About five seconds away...
249
00:10:59,909 --> 00:11:02,328
...from shooting your friend Pam
in her rock-like face.
250
00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:06,415
Well, we obviously don't want you to...
Violate the first law of robotics.
251
00:11:06,583 --> 00:11:07,666
- Shoot Pam.
252
00:11:07,834 --> 00:11:10,669
Okay.
So, what will it take for you to release her?
253
00:11:10,837 --> 00:11:13,088
I'll trade you. For Cheryl Tunt.
254
00:11:13,256 --> 00:11:14,757
Tum again? Still nothing?
255
00:11:14,924 --> 00:11:16,842
No, no, no.
256
00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:19,553
First of all, we don't even
know if Pam is still alive.
257
00:11:19,721 --> 00:11:21,722
PAM:
Yeah, I'm right here with the guy.
258
00:11:21,890 --> 00:11:23,766
And even if she were...
PAM: I am.
259
00:11:23,933 --> 00:11:24,975
That's a no-brainer.
260
00:11:25,143 --> 00:11:27,853
I mean, my God,
Cheryl's worth half a billion.
261
00:11:28,021 --> 00:11:29,063
PAM:
What?
262
00:11:29,230 --> 00:11:31,940
KIDNAPPER BOSS:
Well, how much is this one worth?
263
00:11:34,569 --> 00:11:37,279
PAM: Oh, for... Seriously?
I'm thinking.
264
00:11:37,447 --> 00:11:39,740
KIDNAPPER BOSS:
You're stalling so you can trace the call.
265
00:11:39,908 --> 00:11:41,575
Now you've got tons of time.
Oh, shut up.
266
00:11:41,743 --> 00:11:44,453
KIDNAPPER BOSS:
Hey, what's it gonna be?
267
00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:46,997
Malory.
All right.
268
00:11:47,165 --> 00:11:49,833
I can do 5000.
269
00:11:50,001 --> 00:11:51,710
PAM: What?
KIDNAPPER BOSS: Okay, we're done here.
270
00:11:51,878 --> 00:11:53,629
PAM:
No, wait, wait, don't hang...
271
00:11:53,797 --> 00:11:55,422
[DIAL TONE]
272
00:11:55,590 --> 00:11:56,673
Five thousand?
For Pam?
273
00:11:56,841 --> 00:11:59,885
I bet you spent 10 times that
on your new conference table.
274
00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:01,095
I did not.
275
00:12:01,262 --> 00:12:04,932
Unless you include the funeral
expenses for those pygmies.
276
00:12:05,100 --> 00:12:07,768
And I bet that sneaky little chief
just dumped them all...
277
00:12:07,936 --> 00:12:09,978
...into one medium-sized hole.
278
00:12:10,146 --> 00:12:13,107
Well, I was able to trace the call
to a one-block radius.
279
00:12:13,274 --> 00:12:16,193
So if you will excuse me,
I am going to rescue Pam.
280
00:12:16,361 --> 00:12:18,237
I will do that.
No, I will.
281
00:12:18,405 --> 00:12:21,073
Goddamn it, let's just everybody go.
MALORY: No.
282
00:12:21,241 --> 00:12:24,451
There's half a billion dollars' worth
of Tunt sitting in that vault.
283
00:12:24,619 --> 00:12:26,328
That's the critical mission here.
284
00:12:26,496 --> 00:12:28,914
So who gets it?
285
00:12:30,667 --> 00:12:33,585
No heroics, you two.
It's just Pam.
286
00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:36,755
I mean, I know it's hard to put
a dollar value on a human life...
287
00:12:36,923 --> 00:12:39,049
...but for shit's sake, 5 grand?
288
00:12:39,217 --> 00:12:42,678
Yeah, so please don't take this
the wrong way, but I am gonna kill you.
289
00:12:42,846 --> 00:12:46,014
Oh, come on,
I haven't seen your faces.
290
00:12:46,182 --> 00:12:47,182
There.
Damn.
291
00:12:47,350 --> 00:12:48,392
Now shut up.
292
00:12:48,560 --> 00:12:52,771
Hey, so I'm not totally on board
with a full frontal assault on ISIS.
293
00:12:52,939 --> 00:12:54,690
Ugh.
Yeah, I'm actually totally off board.
294
00:12:54,858 --> 00:12:56,900
My eyes still hurt pretty bad.
Too bad.
295
00:12:57,068 --> 00:12:59,403
That's the only way
we're gonna get to Cheryl Tunt.
296
00:12:59,571 --> 00:13:02,364
PAM: I can get you guys in.
Uh, seriously?
297
00:13:02,532 --> 00:13:05,367
Yeah, screw them,
especially Cheryl.
298
00:13:05,535 --> 00:13:07,661
Hope you kidnap the shit out of her.
299
00:13:07,829 --> 00:13:11,290
Wha...?
Where the hell is she?
300
00:13:11,458 --> 00:13:13,375
You're gonna be in so much trouble.
301
00:13:13,543 --> 00:13:17,546
No, trouble is what the IRS will do
to me if I don't pay back that loan.
302
00:13:17,714 --> 00:13:19,381
The IRS?
303
00:13:19,549 --> 00:13:23,886
Jesus, how many
Irish gangs are there?
304
00:13:27,223 --> 00:13:29,141
But she must still be
in the building.
305
00:13:29,309 --> 00:13:31,685
All the blast doors are down.
Yeah, so...
306
00:13:31,853 --> 00:13:34,855
Oh, damn it. Archer and Ray
had to leave through the garage.
307
00:13:35,023 --> 00:13:39,735
But they're not dumb enough
to leave the door wide open. Are they?
308
00:13:39,903 --> 00:13:40,944
ARCHER: Yes.
GILLETTE: Why?
309
00:13:41,112 --> 00:13:43,405
ARCHER: Because you're just
wearing it to piss me off.
310
00:13:44,532 --> 00:13:46,450
Is it working?
Yes, so take it off.
311
00:13:46,618 --> 00:13:48,243
We look totally gay.
I am gay.
312
00:13:48,411 --> 00:13:51,330
Well, I'm not.
Then why are you wearing that turtleneck?
313
00:13:51,498 --> 00:13:52,664
Take it off.
314
00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:54,833
You better put that back in your purse.
315
00:13:55,001 --> 00:13:56,418
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
316
00:13:56,586 --> 00:13:58,712
Hang on, this is far from over.
317
00:13:58,880 --> 00:14:00,255
Talk to me.
318
00:14:00,423 --> 00:14:02,424
Yeah, it's totally wide open.
319
00:14:02,592 --> 00:14:04,301
What? No, I'm not an idiot, Mother.
320
00:14:04,469 --> 00:14:07,262
We're still here in the garage.
321
00:14:07,430 --> 00:14:09,264
Because Ray is being a total bitch.
322
00:14:09,432 --> 00:14:11,642
Why do you care what he's wearing?
Oh, my God.
323
00:14:11,809 --> 00:14:13,894
I'm not taking his side.
Oh, my God.
324
00:14:14,062 --> 00:14:15,354
Sterling, they've taken Cheryl.
325
00:14:15,522 --> 00:14:16,563
[PHONE RINGING]
326
00:14:16,731 --> 00:14:20,526
Probably right past you two while
you were arguing over who's prettiest.
327
00:14:20,693 --> 00:14:21,777
They didn't come here.
328
00:14:21,945 --> 00:14:23,445
Kidnappers got Cheryl.
Dukes.
329
00:14:23,613 --> 00:14:26,031
They gotta be in the building, right?
MALORY: Probably.
330
00:14:26,199 --> 00:14:28,825
So secure the perimeter,
do a floor-by-floor sweep, and...
331
00:14:28,993 --> 00:14:29,993
[PHONE RINGING]
332
00:14:30,161 --> 00:14:31,453
Brett, for the love of God.
333
00:14:31,621 --> 00:14:32,913
Hello?
334
00:14:33,081 --> 00:14:34,206
Yeah, one sec.
335
00:14:34,374 --> 00:14:36,625
Kidnappers, line one.
336
00:14:36,793 --> 00:14:39,294
That's them. Secure and sweep.
337
00:14:39,462 --> 00:14:41,588
Idiots. Lana, follow me.
338
00:14:41,756 --> 00:14:44,800
Roger that.
I will definitely tell him right now.
339
00:14:44,968 --> 00:14:46,635
GILLETTE: Tell me what?
For you take it off.
340
00:14:46,803 --> 00:14:50,013
No, she didn't.
She absolutely certainly did, Ray.
341
00:14:50,181 --> 00:14:55,143
And also for us to sweep the building,
the doing of which I am in charge.
342
00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:58,146
Hey, thanks for
getting us inside, Pam.
343
00:14:58,314 --> 00:14:59,856
Somebody shoot her.
Oh, okay.
344
00:15:00,024 --> 00:15:02,985
Then good luck getting past
all the biometric scanners.
345
00:15:03,152 --> 00:15:08,824
I mean, unless you wanna chop off
my fingertips and slice out my retinas.
346
00:15:11,077 --> 00:15:12,828
Oh, don't be dicks.
MALORY: What?
347
00:15:12,996 --> 00:15:15,247
MAN [IN DISTORTED VOICE]:
I said I'll kill the Tunt woman...
348
00:15:15,415 --> 00:15:16,623
...if you don't pay the ransom.
349
00:15:16,791 --> 00:15:18,250
I can't understand
a word of this.
350
00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:21,044
Trainspotting, can you dial
that modulator down a skosh?
351
00:15:21,212 --> 00:15:22,671
Oh, I'm sorry.
352
00:15:22,839 --> 00:15:23,922
Is that better?
Barely.
353
00:15:24,090 --> 00:15:25,424
Hang on a second. Uh...
354
00:15:25,592 --> 00:15:26,842
How about now?
MALORY: Better.
355
00:15:27,010 --> 00:15:29,261
Now I believe
there was some mention of a ransom?
356
00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:31,597
CYRIL:
Three thousand, seven hundred dollars.
357
00:15:31,764 --> 00:15:34,349
Bu...
Wait a minute, how much?
358
00:15:35,393 --> 00:15:38,353
A million dollars. Fifty million dollars.
359
00:15:38,521 --> 00:15:40,188
Why the hell are you down here?
360
00:15:40,356 --> 00:15:43,025
Because Cyril
kidnapped me, duh.
361
00:15:43,192 --> 00:15:45,193
What?
Oh, you are full of shit.
362
00:15:45,361 --> 00:15:47,696
CYRIL:
You heard me. Fifty million dollars.
363
00:15:47,864 --> 00:15:51,658
Unmarked bills, uh, non-sequential.
Just keep him on the line.
364
00:15:51,826 --> 00:15:53,785
Something is very fishy
about this kidnapper.
365
00:15:53,953 --> 00:15:57,164
Uh, let's see, what else?
Tom Collins, try not to drown it.
366
00:15:57,332 --> 00:15:58,373
[GROANS]
367
00:15:58,541 --> 00:16:00,125
Obviously, a dye pack is a deal breaker.
368
00:16:00,293 --> 00:16:02,127
KIDNAPPER BOSS:
Jesus, would you hurry up?
369
00:16:02,295 --> 00:16:05,088
Hey, I'm not the one who smashed
my eyes into eggplants.
370
00:16:05,256 --> 00:16:06,381
Nut sack.
371
00:16:06,549 --> 00:16:10,385
There. Now cut this shit off
so I can do the fingerprint reader.
372
00:16:10,553 --> 00:16:11,845
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Uh, let's see. What else?
373
00:16:12,013 --> 00:16:13,388
Aha!
Aah!
374
00:16:13,556 --> 00:16:16,558
Who you talking to?
Nobody. Phone sex.
375
00:16:16,726 --> 00:16:18,352
Really.
Yep, see?
376
00:16:18,519 --> 00:16:21,396
Oh, yeah, you like that, don't you?
377
00:16:21,564 --> 00:16:22,898
What?
[IN DISTORTED VOICE] I know you do.
378
00:16:23,066 --> 00:16:25,275
Because you're daddy's dirty,
dirty little whore.
379
00:16:25,443 --> 00:16:28,320
Wha...?
Okay, I'm done masturbating. Goodbye.
380
00:16:28,488 --> 00:16:30,697
What kind of sick, degenerate...?
381
00:16:30,865 --> 00:16:31,907
[COMPUTER BEEPS]
382
00:16:32,075 --> 00:16:33,075
Bu...
383
00:16:36,704 --> 00:16:37,746
[MALORY GASPS]
384
00:16:37,914 --> 00:16:39,915
My God, he was calling from this floor.
385
00:16:40,083 --> 00:16:42,250
Lana. Lana!
386
00:16:42,585 --> 00:16:43,752
Where is she?
Who knows?
387
00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:45,671
Probably some trailer park
in Alabama.
388
00:16:45,838 --> 00:16:48,840
Not the phone-sex operator
you're totally lying about, Cheryl.
389
00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:50,175
ARCHER:
She's right here.
390
00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:51,385
What?
What?
391
00:16:51,552 --> 00:16:52,594
I mean, see?
392
00:16:52,762 --> 00:16:55,764
Yeah, Little Miss Cry-Wolf here
handcuffed herself to a radiator.
393
00:16:55,932 --> 00:16:58,600
What?
Which, even for you, pretty pathetic.
394
00:16:58,768 --> 00:17:01,103
I didn't kidnap myself.
He did.
395
00:17:01,270 --> 00:17:02,312
Who, me? No.
396
00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:06,441
No, I've been up here the whole time
having some phone sex.
397
00:17:06,609 --> 00:17:09,361
Just jacking it. On the telephone.
398
00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:11,905
Um, does Internet porn know
you're cheating?
399
00:17:12,073 --> 00:17:13,198
Very funny.
Thank you.
400
00:17:13,366 --> 00:17:15,534
MALORY:
Lana, Lana, the kidnapper.
401
00:17:15,702 --> 00:17:17,160
He was calling
from this floor.
402
00:17:17,328 --> 00:17:19,371
Yeah, it was...
And where the hell was she?
403
00:17:19,539 --> 00:17:20,872
Basement.
Kidnapped herself.
404
00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:22,624
No, I didn't.
MALORY: Oh, even for you.
405
00:17:22,792 --> 00:17:24,918
No, I didn't!
That is pathetic.
406
00:17:25,086 --> 00:17:27,629
Yeah, she's crazy.
You're crazy.
407
00:17:27,797 --> 00:17:31,633
Just for jacking it on the telephone, which
we've established is what I was doing.
408
00:17:31,801 --> 00:17:34,344
Wait, hang on...
All the trouble you put us through.
409
00:17:34,512 --> 00:17:36,930
Were there even any kidnappers
in the first place?
410
00:17:37,098 --> 00:17:39,099
Wha...? Yes.
411
00:17:39,267 --> 00:17:41,601
Prove it.
They're right there, duh.
412
00:17:41,769 --> 00:17:43,228
GILLETTE: Double dukes.
That's not good.
413
00:17:43,396 --> 00:17:45,981
Drop your weapons or she dies.
414
00:17:48,192 --> 00:17:50,110
PAM:
Oh, for... Seriously?
415
00:17:50,278 --> 00:17:53,155
They're not gonna shoot you.
Their programming won't allow it.
416
00:17:53,322 --> 00:17:54,781
What?
Don't ask.
417
00:17:54,949 --> 00:17:56,950
Plus if they do, I'll shoot Carol.
What?
418
00:17:57,118 --> 00:17:58,285
Sterling.
What the shit?
419
00:17:58,453 --> 00:18:00,579
Relax. They can't risk killing Carol.
420
00:18:00,747 --> 00:18:03,165
That would actually be a win-win for me.
Shut up.
421
00:18:03,332 --> 00:18:05,000
And here, just in case.
CYRIL: Cool.
422
00:18:05,168 --> 00:18:07,085
No, no, no, don't give him a...
423
00:18:07,253 --> 00:18:09,087
Unh!
KIDNAPPER BOSS: Damn it.
424
00:18:09,255 --> 00:18:10,589
[CHERYL SCREAMING]
425
00:18:14,427 --> 00:18:17,012
Shut up.
That vest is bulletproof.
426
00:18:17,180 --> 00:18:18,680
Oh. Ow!
427
00:18:18,848 --> 00:18:21,683
But it is, you know,
a vest.
428
00:18:24,687 --> 00:18:25,687
[GRUNTS]
429
00:18:25,855 --> 00:18:28,940
No, hey, hey, hey. Don't shoot,
don't shoot. I give up, totally give up.
430
00:18:29,108 --> 00:18:31,276
Keep those hands up.
Pam, you okay?
431
00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:34,070
Do you people even give a shit?
432
00:18:34,238 --> 00:18:36,031
LANA: Oh, shit.
Good God, woman.
433
00:18:36,199 --> 00:18:40,285
Cheryl's dumb ass gets me kidnapped
and the shit kicked out of me all day...
434
00:18:40,453 --> 00:18:42,829
...and nobody even tries to rescue me?
435
00:18:42,997 --> 00:18:44,498
Archer's fault.
Shut up.
436
00:18:44,665 --> 00:18:47,334
You shut up, Mr. Pam's-Not-Worth-lt.
ARCHER: Um...
437
00:18:47,502 --> 00:18:52,547
Then you stupid A-holes
shoot a jillion stupid A-hole bullets at me.
438
00:18:52,715 --> 00:18:54,508
Not me. I wasn't shooting.
439
00:18:54,675 --> 00:18:57,886
And you, the worst of the bunch.
440
00:18:58,054 --> 00:18:59,304
Me? Why me?
441
00:18:59,472 --> 00:19:02,265
Five thousand measly dollars.
442
00:19:02,433 --> 00:19:06,228
You know, maybe I lowballed him at first,
but I had some wiggle room.
443
00:19:06,395 --> 00:19:07,562
Yeah?
I... You...
444
00:19:07,730 --> 00:19:09,523
Well, let's see how much
you wiggle...
445
00:19:09,690 --> 00:19:12,567
...when I'm whipping
5000 bucks' worth of your ass.
446
00:19:12,735 --> 00:19:14,361
What?
Hey, whoa, Pam.
447
00:19:14,529 --> 00:19:16,238
Lana, let her have this one.
448
00:19:16,405 --> 00:19:17,572
MALORY:
Sterling.
449
00:19:17,740 --> 00:19:19,741
Somebody? Anybody?
450
00:19:19,909 --> 00:19:22,369
Yeah, anybody...
451
00:19:22,537 --> 00:19:23,578
ALL:
Ugh.
452
00:19:23,746 --> 00:19:26,248
...want a piece of this?
453
00:19:30,670 --> 00:19:32,254
Nope.
454
00:20:08,457 --> 00:20:09,457
[English - US - PSDH]
455
00:20:09,507 --> 00:20:14,057
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