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1
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[ARCHER EXHALES]
2
00:00:04,046 --> 00:00:05,797
ARCHER:
I am the target.
3
00:00:05,964 --> 00:00:07,590
I am the target.
4
00:00:07,758 --> 00:00:09,926
I am the target.
LANA: Ugh!
5
00:00:10,094 --> 00:00:13,513
Then go already!
Bag with which one douches.
6
00:00:13,681 --> 00:00:15,014
Sorry, what's that?
Miss it.
7
00:00:15,182 --> 00:00:16,849
I can't hear you...
8
00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:19,769
CYRIL: All right.
ARCHER: Over the sound...
9
00:00:20,270 --> 00:00:21,604
LANA: Come on.
PAM: Really?
10
00:00:21,772 --> 00:00:24,107
...of my deafening awesomeness.
11
00:00:25,567 --> 00:00:27,568
Come on.
Suck it, women.
12
00:00:27,736 --> 00:00:30,029
Oh, my God, I hate him so much.
What a dick.
13
00:00:30,197 --> 00:00:31,698
Three hundred bucks.
Damn it.
14
00:00:31,865 --> 00:00:34,951
Come render the salad unto Caesar.
Yeah.
15
00:00:35,119 --> 00:00:36,452
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Uh-uh.
16
00:00:36,620 --> 00:00:37,995
Yes.
We're still in the lead.
17
00:00:38,163 --> 00:00:40,915
Check it out. Look.
Well, yeah, but just by one.
18
00:00:41,083 --> 00:00:44,127
And?
And Cyril's got three throws left...
19
00:00:44,294 --> 00:00:46,754
...to get two measly points...
Ha, ha. Yeah.
20
00:00:46,922 --> 00:00:49,465
...for the win.
Exactly.
21
00:00:50,551 --> 00:00:51,801
[WOMEN LAUGHING]
22
00:00:51,969 --> 00:00:53,803
Are you shitting me?
Will you shut up?
23
00:00:53,971 --> 00:00:55,304
Ignore him.
ARCHER: Oh, my God.
24
00:00:55,472 --> 00:00:58,224
Forget those first two darts
and just find your center.
25
00:00:58,392 --> 00:01:01,728
Maybe it's in your vagina, right?
What is?
26
00:01:01,895 --> 00:01:04,731
Come on, Cyril. What's the matter?
27
00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:07,942
Can't perform under pressure?
I...
28
00:01:08,110 --> 00:01:12,155
CYRIL: Could you repeat that, please?
WOMAN: Onomatopoeia.
29
00:01:12,322 --> 00:01:13,322
Uh...
30
00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:17,660
O-N-O...
31
00:01:17,828 --> 00:01:21,706
...M- O-T-O...
32
00:01:21,874 --> 00:01:23,332
[PEOPLE CHUCKLING]
33
00:01:23,667 --> 00:01:25,501
Pee?
34
00:01:25,669 --> 00:01:27,170
Jeezy Petes.
35
00:01:27,337 --> 00:01:29,255
[PEOPLE LAUGHING]
36
00:01:29,423 --> 00:01:31,799
ARCHER:
You idiot. How could you miss that?
37
00:01:31,967 --> 00:01:33,968
LANA:
How could he not? He's Cyril.
38
00:01:34,136 --> 00:01:36,846
Come on, gals. Pammy Pam is buying.
39
00:01:37,014 --> 00:01:39,056
Way to go, Chokely Carmichael.
40
00:01:39,224 --> 00:01:40,683
Pam. Pam, wait up.
41
00:01:41,143 --> 00:01:43,728
Come on, get me drunk enough,
I might have sex with you.
42
00:01:43,896 --> 00:01:45,021
Really?
No.
43
00:01:45,189 --> 00:01:46,606
It's a catch-22.
44
00:01:46,774 --> 00:01:48,316
The amount of alcohol I'd need...
45
00:01:48,484 --> 00:01:49,859
...would literally kill me.
Dick.
46
00:01:50,027 --> 00:01:52,695
I wanna see how many pool balls
you can fit in your mouth.
47
00:01:52,863 --> 00:01:55,031
My record's three.
48
00:01:55,199 --> 00:01:56,199
[SIGHS]
49
00:01:56,366 --> 00:01:58,034
Oh, come on, buddy.
You want a drink?
50
00:01:58,202 --> 00:02:02,288
No, I...
Not even some vinegar and water?
51
00:02:02,456 --> 00:02:03,498
[SIGHS]
52
00:02:03,665 --> 00:02:05,374
MAN: With friends like that, eh?
Huh?
53
00:02:06,376 --> 00:02:10,213
Your friends.
Well, they're not really my friends.
54
00:02:10,380 --> 00:02:12,507
We just work together. Oh, hello.
55
00:02:12,674 --> 00:02:14,801
At ISIS, you said?
I...
56
00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:17,470
No, I didn't say that.
SPELVIN: Well, somebody must have.
57
00:02:17,638 --> 00:02:20,056
Champagne?
George, by the way. George Spelvin.
58
00:02:20,224 --> 00:02:21,265
Cyril Figgis.
Good.
59
00:02:21,433 --> 00:02:22,475
And thank you.
60
00:02:22,643 --> 00:02:24,685
No, thank me tomorrow.
61
00:02:24,853 --> 00:02:28,147
After Cyril Figgis saves the day.
62
00:03:06,603 --> 00:03:10,481
I don't know what mother is so mad about.
God, Pam, would you hurry up.
63
00:03:10,649 --> 00:03:11,899
Would you shut up?
64
00:03:12,067 --> 00:03:14,443
Fricking head's pounding,
I'm sweating booze...
65
00:03:14,611 --> 00:03:17,864
...and my mouth is killing me.
You stuffed four pool balls in it.
66
00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:20,283
Personal best.
LANA: Your mother must be so proud.
67
00:03:20,450 --> 00:03:22,702
Yeah. Oh, wait, she's dead.
68
00:03:22,870 --> 00:03:24,787
And what is up with your mother?
69
00:03:24,955 --> 00:03:26,539
Uh, what comes after infuriated?
70
00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:30,293
Great. That's just what I need,
coming off a blackout drunk.
71
00:03:30,460 --> 00:03:32,461
Yeah, the last thing I remember was...
72
00:03:32,629 --> 00:03:35,047
I don't know.
Were we super bitchy to Cyril?
73
00:03:36,967 --> 00:03:38,175
Probably.
Yeah.
74
00:03:38,343 --> 00:03:40,219
Great. Now he's gonna be
moping around...
75
00:03:40,387 --> 00:03:42,305
...like Droopy Dog on downers
for the day.
76
00:03:42,472 --> 00:03:43,639
Hey. Morning, gang.
77
00:03:43,807 --> 00:03:47,059
Jeez, Archer,
what's got your mom so worked up?
78
00:03:48,270 --> 00:03:49,979
This! Krieger.
79
00:03:50,147 --> 00:03:52,481
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS
OVER COMPUTER]
80
00:03:52,649 --> 00:03:53,816
[ARCHER CHUCKLES]
81
00:03:53,984 --> 00:03:54,984
Hunch, hunch.
82
00:03:55,152 --> 00:03:58,613
And the damn thing is spreading,
to every computer in the office.
83
00:03:58,780 --> 00:04:01,866
Ha-ha-ha.
Do you think this is funny?
84
00:04:02,034 --> 00:04:04,160
Do you not?
Nobody can do any work.
85
00:04:04,328 --> 00:04:06,829
Yeah. So can we go home, or...
Absolutely.
86
00:04:06,997 --> 00:04:10,666
Right after you idiots deworm
the entire computer network.
87
00:04:10,834 --> 00:04:11,834
[ALL GROANING]
88
00:04:12,002 --> 00:04:13,628
Oh, come on.
Seriously?
89
00:04:13,795 --> 00:04:17,131
How are we supposed to do that?
Well, I could take a crack at it.
90
00:04:17,299 --> 00:04:18,799
Duh-duh-duh! Don't touch it.
I know...
91
00:04:18,967 --> 00:04:21,135
MALORY: Cyril, go do whatever it is you do.
But...
92
00:04:21,303 --> 00:04:23,679
ARCHER: Like suck at stuff.
And leave this to people...
93
00:04:23,847 --> 00:04:26,766
...who are more qualified.
At not sucking at stuff.
94
00:04:26,934 --> 00:04:29,226
But I...
Cyril, just beat it. Krieger is on this.
95
00:04:29,394 --> 00:04:30,478
I think.
96
00:04:30,646 --> 00:04:33,230
At least, I have a:
97
00:04:33,398 --> 00:04:34,482
COMPUTER PIRATE
Hunch, hunch.
98
00:04:34,650 --> 00:04:35,816
What, what?
What, what?
99
00:04:35,984 --> 00:04:37,360
[COMPUTER PIRATE
TALKS INDISTINCTLY]
100
00:04:37,527 --> 00:04:38,903
[CLEARS THROAT]
101
00:04:39,071 --> 00:04:40,321
Inappropriate.
102
00:04:40,489 --> 00:04:41,614
SPELVIN:
What do you mean?
103
00:04:41,782 --> 00:04:43,699
No. I mean, the first part worked.
104
00:04:43,867 --> 00:04:47,286
I snuck into the mainframe last night,
after all the champagne and the...
105
00:04:47,454 --> 00:04:48,871
Hand jobs, yes.
106
00:04:49,039 --> 00:04:50,915
Yeah.
The twins are quite fond of you.
107
00:04:51,083 --> 00:04:52,541
Well... Ha-ha-ha.
108
00:04:52,709 --> 00:04:54,961
Anyway,
I loaded that into the mainframe...
109
00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:57,380
Splendid. Then open your dish.
110
00:04:57,547 --> 00:05:00,007
Part two,
where I use your code to kill the worm...
111
00:05:00,175 --> 00:05:03,177
...and kind of be the hero for once,
that didn't happen.
112
00:05:03,345 --> 00:05:06,055
Don't worry about it. Open your dish.
No, thanks, I'm...
113
00:05:06,223 --> 00:05:08,349
Cyril, I got that specially for you...
114
00:05:08,517 --> 00:05:12,645
...and quite frankly, you're insulting me.
Now, open your dish.
115
00:05:12,813 --> 00:05:15,189
Sorry, George, I didn't mean to be...
116
00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:17,233
George, there's money in there.
Good.
117
00:05:17,401 --> 00:05:19,944
I thought they brought you chicken toes
or something.
118
00:05:20,112 --> 00:05:22,071
George, why is there money in there?
119
00:05:22,239 --> 00:05:24,740
George.
Cyril, I've been just a teeny bit...
120
00:05:24,908 --> 00:05:26,492
...less than honest with you.
No.
121
00:05:26,660 --> 00:05:28,411
No, no, no. It's nothing sinister.
122
00:05:28,578 --> 00:05:31,163
I design computer security systems.
123
00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:33,791
CIA, Ml6, ODIN, all the biggies.
124
00:05:33,959 --> 00:05:37,003
You must be pretty good at it.
125
00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:38,546
Too good, that's the problem.
126
00:05:38,714 --> 00:05:42,508
My systems can't be hacked, so now
I can't convince anyone to upgrade...
127
00:05:42,676 --> 00:05:46,595
...which is why I designed this.
And thanks for helping me test it.
128
00:05:46,763 --> 00:05:49,765
If it's that easy on an XL-9 network
like the one at ISIS...
129
00:05:49,933 --> 00:05:52,435
...I think I can convince my clients
they're at risk.
130
00:05:52,602 --> 00:05:54,186
Wait, what kind of risk?
131
00:05:54,354 --> 00:05:57,106
Not from this. It's just a cute little pirate.
132
00:05:57,274 --> 00:06:02,611
But it shows there are flaws out there
that can be exploited by bad people.
133
00:06:02,779 --> 00:06:04,780
But...
Trust me, it's for the greater good.
134
00:06:04,948 --> 00:06:07,241
I guess. It just...
If you're uncomfortable...
135
00:06:07,409 --> 00:06:10,202
...taking the 50 grand, I'll just...
No, no.
136
00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:12,496
Fifty grand? No, I mean...
137
00:06:12,664 --> 00:06:15,541
Look, as long as it's for the greater good.
Oh, it is.
138
00:06:15,709 --> 00:06:19,128
And as long as I can still, you know,
swoop in and save the day, ha-ha...
139
00:06:19,296 --> 00:06:20,504
Um...
140
00:06:21,548 --> 00:06:22,590
Okay.
141
00:06:22,841 --> 00:06:24,717
KRIEGER:
Ugh.
142
00:06:24,885 --> 00:06:27,303
That might be a problem.
You think?
143
00:06:27,471 --> 00:06:31,307
Oh. I do. Because now the worm
is in the mainframe databanks.
144
00:06:31,475 --> 00:06:33,017
COMPUTER PIRATE: Hunch, hunch.
COMPUTER BIRD: What, what?
145
00:06:33,185 --> 00:06:34,477
Damn it, Pam!
146
00:06:34,644 --> 00:06:36,395
Sorry.
COMPUTER PIRATE: Hunch, hunch.
147
00:06:36,563 --> 00:06:39,648
I was just checking to see
if it's still doing it.
148
00:06:39,816 --> 00:06:41,817
Of course it's still doing it!
149
00:06:42,027 --> 00:06:43,069
COMPUTER PIRATE:
Hunch, hunch.
150
00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:44,779
What, what?
MALORY: Pam!
151
00:06:44,946 --> 00:06:46,113
That's not me!
152
00:06:46,281 --> 00:06:48,157
Yes, it is!
Wha...?
153
00:06:48,325 --> 00:06:50,826
MALORY:
Pam, I swear to God!
154
00:06:50,994 --> 00:06:54,413
Yeah. Quit screwing around, Pam.
This is serious.
155
00:06:54,581 --> 00:06:57,666
Very. If the worm gets
into the mainframe's encrypted files...
156
00:06:57,834 --> 00:07:01,003
Holy shit. The identity
of every single ISIS field agent is on there.
157
00:07:01,171 --> 00:07:02,338
So what?
What...?
158
00:07:02,506 --> 00:07:06,258
Because most secret agents
don't tell every harlot from here to Hanoi...
159
00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:08,344
...that they are secret agents.
160
00:07:08,887 --> 00:07:09,887
Then why be one?
161
00:07:10,055 --> 00:07:12,765
COMPUTER BIRD: What, what?
PAM: Ah, jeez. Sorry, that one's on me.
162
00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:15,017
Ugh. Just turn off the mainframe!
163
00:07:15,185 --> 00:07:17,353
Uh, yeah. We tried that.
MALORY: What...?
164
00:07:17,521 --> 00:07:19,021
Then how is it still on?
165
00:07:19,189 --> 00:07:21,524
Because the worm
has transformed the mainframe...
166
00:07:21,691 --> 00:07:24,527
...into a sentient being.
167
00:07:24,694 --> 00:07:26,278
What?
KRIEGER: I'm kidding.
168
00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:28,781
There's a battery backup.
Yeah. Over there.
169
00:07:28,949 --> 00:07:31,534
Behind about 2 tons of steel
and one electronic lock.
170
00:07:31,701 --> 00:07:35,412
Which is controlled by the mainframe.
171
00:07:35,580 --> 00:07:38,666
Well, what genius thought that up?
Uh...
172
00:07:39,876 --> 00:07:41,335
This one.
Ugh.
173
00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:44,505
COMPUTER PIRATE: Hunch, hunch.
COMPUTER BIRD: What, what?
174
00:07:45,215 --> 00:07:47,258
PAM:
Sorry.
175
00:07:53,682 --> 00:07:57,560
And where the hell have you been?
On agency business, at the bank.
176
00:07:57,727 --> 00:07:59,603
Sesame Ginger Savings and Loan?
177
00:07:59,771 --> 00:08:00,938
[CHUCKLES]
178
00:08:01,106 --> 00:08:02,231
What's all this?
179
00:08:02,399 --> 00:08:04,733
This is the backbreaking work
we've been doing...
180
00:08:04,901 --> 00:08:07,570
...while you were getting takeout
from your stupid Chinese bank.
181
00:08:07,737 --> 00:08:11,407
Every single one of these has to be wiped,
reformatted, the whole shmeel.
182
00:08:11,575 --> 00:08:14,034
What? It's just a little cartoon pirate.
183
00:08:14,202 --> 00:08:16,871
Was. But it mutated,
and now we're, like, on the brink...
184
00:08:17,038 --> 00:08:18,581
...of World War II.
Three.
185
00:08:18,748 --> 00:08:20,875
It's not a competition, Pam.
186
00:08:21,042 --> 00:08:23,586
Well, is it or isn't it?
I don't know.
187
00:08:23,753 --> 00:08:26,422
The mainframe thinks
they're nuclear missile launches...
188
00:08:26,590 --> 00:08:28,632
...but the darn thing is so screwed up.
189
00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:29,800
COMPUTER PIRATE:
Hunch, hunch.
190
00:08:29,968 --> 00:08:31,594
MAN: Sorry!
Case in point.
191
00:08:31,761 --> 00:08:34,597
There's really no way to be sure.
What am I supposed to do?
192
00:08:34,764 --> 00:08:36,432
Just look out the window?
193
00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:38,726
Nuh-uh. You don't wanna be anywhere
near a window.
194
00:08:38,894 --> 00:08:40,352
Same thing in a tornado.
195
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:42,897
And they can't even turn off
the stupid mainframe.
196
00:08:43,064 --> 00:08:45,399
Some stupid battery thing
is in some stupid vault.
197
00:08:45,567 --> 00:08:50,362
But they don't need to turn off the...
Darn it, I can fix this.
198
00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:52,781
Oh, please, he couldn't fix dinner.
199
00:08:52,949 --> 00:08:56,076
He doesn't need to, with a bank like...
Not a real bank.
200
00:08:56,244 --> 00:08:57,369
Damn it.
201
00:08:57,537 --> 00:09:00,289
Sorry. But I have no idea
how to open this thing.
202
00:09:00,457 --> 00:09:01,957
Not really my legerdemain.
203
00:09:02,125 --> 00:09:04,710
You mean bailiwick?
I don't know, whatever.
204
00:09:04,878 --> 00:09:06,086
Look out.
What are...? No!
205
00:09:06,254 --> 00:09:07,296
KRIEGER:
Don't.
206
00:09:08,798 --> 00:09:11,634
For the love of God, man.
You massive asshole.
207
00:09:11,801 --> 00:09:13,427
Sorry, I thought that would work.
208
00:09:13,595 --> 00:09:15,054
Really?
No, look at that thing.
209
00:09:15,222 --> 00:09:18,599
It's like it's made
out of Wolverine's bones.
210
00:09:19,017 --> 00:09:20,851
You know? Because the...
211
00:09:21,019 --> 00:09:22,186
Does nobody read X-Men?
212
00:09:22,354 --> 00:09:24,605
So, hey, how about I take a crack?
213
00:09:24,773 --> 00:09:26,649
I bet I could kill that pesky old worm.
214
00:09:26,816 --> 00:09:28,817
How? You gonna disappoint it to death?
215
00:09:28,985 --> 00:09:30,611
Hey, you know what...?
Yes, I do.
216
00:09:30,779 --> 00:09:34,198
Beat it, Cyril, let the grown-ups work.
But leave this, I'm starving.
217
00:09:34,366 --> 00:09:35,574
No. Give me that.
218
00:09:35,742 --> 00:09:39,411
Hey. Wait a damn minute.
I said I was hungry.
219
00:09:40,163 --> 00:09:41,163
[SIGHS]
220
00:09:41,331 --> 00:09:42,331
Great.
221
00:09:42,832 --> 00:09:43,832
[GROANS]
222
00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:48,837
[COMPUTERS CRASHING]
223
00:09:50,173 --> 00:09:53,342
There. Now we don't have to reformat
all those stupid things.
224
00:09:53,510 --> 00:09:54,510
Brilliant.
Right?
225
00:09:54,678 --> 00:09:57,263
Totally. Because how is the elevator
supposed to work...
226
00:09:57,430 --> 00:10:00,432
...with a jillion pounds
of freaking computers on it?
227
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:02,268
Who am I, Elisha Otis?
228
00:10:02,435 --> 00:10:03,477
[LINE RINGING]
229
00:10:03,645 --> 00:10:05,187
Come on, pick up, pick up, pick up.
230
00:10:05,355 --> 00:10:07,481
Cyril, what is going on with you?
Aah!
231
00:10:08,900 --> 00:10:10,150
Nothing is going on.
232
00:10:10,318 --> 00:10:12,987
SPELVIN [ON RECORDING]:
Hi, you've reached George Spelvin.
233
00:10:13,154 --> 00:10:14,571
[SPELVIN TALKS IN SPANISH
OVER PHONE]
234
00:10:14,739 --> 00:10:16,824
ARCHER: Um...
Hated that phone. Ha-ha-ha.
235
00:10:16,992 --> 00:10:18,826
Always dropping calls, you know?
236
00:10:18,994 --> 00:10:20,661
Probably holding it wrong.
Yeah.
237
00:10:20,829 --> 00:10:24,832
Just like Cyril Figgis always does
everything wrong, is that what you mean?
238
00:10:25,750 --> 00:10:27,668
Basically.
Well, for your information...
239
00:10:27,836 --> 00:10:30,045
...Cyril Figgis knows
how to beat the worm.
240
00:10:30,213 --> 00:10:31,380
Yeah, I bet.
241
00:10:31,548 --> 00:10:33,173
The computer worm.
What...?
242
00:10:33,341 --> 00:10:37,303
Krieger can't even beat it.
Krieger, whose virtual girlfriend is so real...
243
00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:40,639
...the state of New York is allowing him
to legally marry her.
244
00:10:41,391 --> 00:10:44,351
Oh, Krieger-san.
245
00:10:44,519 --> 00:10:49,023
Soon we will be married, yes?
Very soon, my little cherry blossom.
246
00:10:49,190 --> 00:10:51,025
LANA: Would you please...
Buh-buh-buh-buh!
247
00:10:51,192 --> 00:10:53,193
...focus!
KRIEGER: No!
248
00:10:53,361 --> 00:10:56,613
[VOICE DISTORTED] Krieger-san.
I'm here. No!
249
00:10:59,075 --> 00:11:00,367
No!
250
00:11:00,535 --> 00:11:01,910
You maniac!
251
00:11:02,078 --> 00:11:05,205
You blew her up! Oh, damn you!
252
00:11:05,373 --> 00:11:09,585
God damn you all to hell!
253
00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:13,422
So how is this going?
Not great.
254
00:11:13,590 --> 00:11:15,507
LANA:
The worm is decrypting the agent list.
255
00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:18,594
Then, apparently,
it's gonna upload them to an off-site server.
256
00:11:18,762 --> 00:11:21,930
Oh, my God.
Plus now I'm going to die alone.
257
00:11:22,098 --> 00:11:25,517
And once the worm decrypts the cover list
and uploads it...
258
00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:28,354
...to whoever is behind this foul deed...
259
00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:32,066
...every ISIS agent in the field
will be exposed.
260
00:11:32,233 --> 00:11:33,525
And probably killed.
261
00:11:33,985 --> 00:11:35,444
Really?
Am I on that list?
262
00:11:35,612 --> 00:11:39,281
Archer, do something.
Who am I, Alan Turing?
263
00:11:40,116 --> 00:11:41,367
Also from X-Men. Remember?
264
00:11:41,534 --> 00:11:42,576
Sterling.
ARCHER: What?
265
00:11:42,744 --> 00:11:44,578
Are we keeping you from something?
No.
266
00:11:44,746 --> 00:11:47,331
MALORY: Well?
Well what? Cyril was just...
267
00:11:47,499 --> 00:11:50,292
Right here. Like, one second ago.
268
00:11:50,460 --> 00:11:53,253
So where are we? What's the plan?
269
00:11:53,922 --> 00:11:55,631
I'm going to sell it.
270
00:11:55,799 --> 00:11:58,133
The Russians, maybe the North Koreans.
271
00:11:58,301 --> 00:12:00,386
Famine or no,
they've got a shitload of money.
272
00:12:00,553 --> 00:12:01,887
But you can't do that.
273
00:12:02,055 --> 00:12:03,889
One moment, darlings.
274
00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:05,474
Of course I can.
275
00:12:05,642 --> 00:12:08,394
Once my little worm uploads the list
to my server...
276
00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:10,437
But it's not yours. You stole it.
277
00:12:10,605 --> 00:12:12,606
Bought it, from you.
I...
278
00:12:12,774 --> 00:12:15,567
Well, okay, then sell it back to me.
Can't.
279
00:12:15,735 --> 00:12:18,320
You just said you could.
Won't, then. Whatever.
280
00:12:18,488 --> 00:12:20,239
Look...
Take the money back.
281
00:12:20,407 --> 00:12:23,158
Here's the... Almost fifty thousand.
Count it.
282
00:12:23,827 --> 00:12:26,328
You'd still be about three zeros short.
What?
283
00:12:26,496 --> 00:12:29,081
Fifty million?
Seller's market.
284
00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:30,999
But that's not fair. Ow!
285
00:12:31,167 --> 00:12:34,002
It is exactly fair. You made a choice.
286
00:12:34,170 --> 00:12:37,339
Just like every other choice
every other human being has ever made...
287
00:12:37,507 --> 00:12:38,674
...it has a consequence.
288
00:12:38,842 --> 00:12:40,843
I just wanted to show them I could...
Them?
289
00:12:41,010 --> 00:12:45,681
Or maybe your father,
who never thought you quite measured up.
290
00:12:45,849 --> 00:12:49,726
He... Hey, how did you know that?
I don't know, it was just a guess, really.
291
00:12:49,894 --> 00:12:53,272
Okay, what if I get you the 50 million?
292
00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:59,736
One is inclined to ask how.
I happen to be a kick-ass accountant.
293
00:13:00,864 --> 00:13:04,032
Did that sound a lot better in your head?
Yes, it did.
294
00:13:05,368 --> 00:13:07,578
Damn, that's over half the cover list.
295
00:13:07,745 --> 00:13:10,706
Krieger, we don't have much time.
Can you stop the worm or not?
296
00:13:10,874 --> 00:13:15,711
Oh, I thought we were putting all our eggs
in the battery-shutdown basket.
297
00:13:15,879 --> 00:13:18,881
It could take hours for this thing
to bypass the electronic lock.
298
00:13:19,048 --> 00:13:20,966
Well, then I should get my turtleneck.
299
00:13:21,134 --> 00:13:23,802
Archer. Hey, so, uh, you busy?
300
00:13:23,970 --> 00:13:27,055
Yes. Or no, I don't know. Who's asking?
301
00:13:27,223 --> 00:13:30,726
You, Cyril, are a ******* idiot.
302
00:13:30,894 --> 00:13:34,146
Look, I just wanted to show everybody
I could perform under pressure.
303
00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:36,815
And just for once, be the guy who... Ow!
Who what?
304
00:13:36,983 --> 00:13:39,401
Betrays the agency?
And then begs me to save you?
305
00:13:39,569 --> 00:13:43,655
No, not me, all those field agents.
Ugh!
306
00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:47,659
How much did he pay you?
Fif... Forty thousand?
307
00:13:47,827 --> 00:13:48,911
Cyril.
Fifty thousand.
308
00:13:49,078 --> 00:13:50,412
Mine.
But I already spent...
309
00:13:50,580 --> 00:13:53,081
...like, 3000 on new suits and shoes and...
310
00:13:53,249 --> 00:13:57,085
Mine! Take the suits to my tailor
and the shoes to my shoemaker.
311
00:13:57,253 --> 00:14:00,130
I... You have a shoemaker?
312
00:14:00,715 --> 00:14:02,382
Do you not?
313
00:14:10,266 --> 00:14:14,228
I am unbelievably angry right now.
That's good, you should channel that.
314
00:14:14,395 --> 00:14:16,438
Onto Spelvin, whose fault this is.
315
00:14:16,606 --> 00:14:19,775
Shut up and break it down.
You've been inside, what's the layout?
316
00:14:19,943 --> 00:14:23,779
Well, let me see, it's pretty big...
What is the floor plan?
317
00:14:23,947 --> 00:14:27,115
Where's the primary ingress? Orientation.
Are there windows?
318
00:14:27,283 --> 00:14:29,785
Do they face west?
Can we use the sun to our advantage?
319
00:14:29,953 --> 00:14:32,913
I'm pretty sure it has windows.
320
00:14:33,581 --> 00:14:35,165
[TIRES SCREECHING]
321
00:14:36,292 --> 00:14:37,626
Give me the gun.
No. Why?
322
00:14:37,794 --> 00:14:39,795
We're here, idiot.
323
00:14:40,088 --> 00:14:42,631
Oh.
Once in, give this to Spelvin.
324
00:14:42,799 --> 00:14:44,132
It's full of counterfeit bearer bonds.
325
00:14:44,300 --> 00:14:47,010
Where did you get counterfeit bonds?
Don't open it.
326
00:14:47,178 --> 00:14:49,972
There's a canister of knockout gas
wired to the latch.
327
00:14:50,139 --> 00:14:52,474
Cool.
Duh. Okay, try not to screw...
328
00:14:52,642 --> 00:14:55,561
Wait, it's just Spelvin up there, right?
Um...
329
00:14:55,728 --> 00:14:57,354
Cyril.
There's probably two...
330
00:14:57,522 --> 00:15:02,609
...incredibly sexy Asian women in bikinis.
Oh, I'm suddenly much less angry.
331
00:15:02,777 --> 00:15:04,278
Well, you say that.
332
00:15:04,445 --> 00:15:06,071
LANA:
Damn it, the worm has got the list.
333
00:15:06,239 --> 00:15:08,657
How long will it take
to upload it to the server?
334
00:15:08,825 --> 00:15:12,327
I don't know, maybe five hours?
Good, then we've got some time.
335
00:15:12,495 --> 00:15:15,163
Or minutes. Look, I'm a little busy.
336
00:15:15,331 --> 00:15:17,791
Getting back in the old dating game.
337
00:15:17,959 --> 00:15:22,004
CYRIL: Yep. Fifty million dollars
in real bearer bonds...
338
00:15:22,171 --> 00:15:24,047
...which are real.
Unbelievable.
339
00:15:24,215 --> 00:15:27,593
Well, like I said...
No. Literally, I don't believe you.
340
00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:30,762
Just open it up and look.
At what, Cyril?
341
00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:33,432
A big spritz of knockout gas?
342
00:15:34,601 --> 00:15:35,642
Uh, apparently not.
343
00:15:35,810 --> 00:15:36,810
[DOOR OPENS]
344
00:15:36,978 --> 00:15:40,397
Exactly. Because I don't even know
if that's a real thing.
345
00:15:40,565 --> 00:15:44,109
Okay, Spelvin,
where's the ISIS cover list?
346
00:15:44,277 --> 00:15:47,195
Oh, it's just over there on the server.
ARCHER: Where's the...?
347
00:15:47,363 --> 00:15:49,281
Hello, kitties.
348
00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:53,285
Listen, if you're not busy after,
we should grab a drink or... What?
349
00:15:53,453 --> 00:15:55,787
Aah! Damn it, Cyril.
Remember to channel it.
350
00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:58,040
You said they were sexy.
Ninjas are sexy.
351
00:15:58,207 --> 00:15:59,625
Right?
I mean, I think so.
352
00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:01,043
Good.
Ugh.
353
00:16:01,878 --> 00:16:03,378
I don't wanna hurt you, ladies.
354
00:16:04,380 --> 00:16:08,175
So how about
we all just put our swords down.
355
00:16:08,343 --> 00:16:10,719
But you don't have a sword.
356
00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:14,014
Can I?
Of course. Why not?
357
00:16:14,182 --> 00:16:16,183
Keiko-chan, katana.
358
00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:19,853
Yeah, but now she doesn't have a...
359
00:16:20,688 --> 00:16:23,857
You're just set on doing this, huh?
SPELVIN: Yes, we are.
360
00:16:24,025 --> 00:16:25,859
[YELLING]
361
00:16:26,027 --> 00:16:27,444
[BOTH GRUNTING]
362
00:16:32,116 --> 00:16:33,158
Gotcha.
363
00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:34,868
That was a gift.
Shut up.
364
00:16:35,036 --> 00:16:36,995
Oh, come on.
365
00:16:37,163 --> 00:16:39,331
Sorry in advance for this.
366
00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:45,587
Wait, wait, wait, stop. Stop.
367
00:16:45,755 --> 00:16:46,922
Do you hear that?
What?
368
00:16:47,090 --> 00:16:49,007
That crunching noise?
369
00:16:50,176 --> 00:16:51,385
Do you hear this?
370
00:16:51,552 --> 00:16:53,178
No, no, no, hang on. Don't...
371
00:16:53,346 --> 00:16:54,930
Channel it, Archer.
ARCHER: Cyril!
372
00:16:55,098 --> 00:16:57,057
Oh, I think so.
373
00:16:57,892 --> 00:17:00,894
Cyril, get the ******* gun.
Uh...
374
00:17:01,312 --> 00:17:02,896
Okay.
375
00:17:03,064 --> 00:17:05,607
You're bringing this on yourself.
Oh!
376
00:17:05,775 --> 00:17:08,568
BOTH: Hah!
Anytime now, Cyril.
377
00:17:08,736 --> 00:17:09,778
[GRUNTING]
378
00:17:09,946 --> 00:17:14,074
Pity. Probably have to knock five percent
off my asking price for the list.
379
00:17:14,242 --> 00:17:17,077
What? More than that, I bet.
Seller's market.
380
00:17:17,245 --> 00:17:19,538
Wait, wait, wait. Stop. Stop.
381
00:17:19,706 --> 00:17:20,747
Do you hear that?
382
00:17:20,915 --> 00:17:23,291
No, you tit. The only thing I hear is...
383
00:17:23,459 --> 00:17:24,710
[GUN COCKS]
384
00:17:24,877 --> 00:17:27,295
Drop it, Spelvin.
Oh, Cyril.
385
00:17:27,463 --> 00:17:30,048
I'm warning you.
Shoot him, Cyril. But just him.
386
00:17:30,216 --> 00:17:32,384
I think the twins are warming up to me.
387
00:17:32,552 --> 00:17:35,971
Right? Are you guys...?
Am I getting some signals?
388
00:17:36,139 --> 00:17:37,472
Oh, shut up.
Make me.
389
00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:39,975
Cyril, we both know you can't do it.
390
00:17:40,143 --> 00:17:41,476
Ye... Yes, I can.
391
00:17:41,644 --> 00:17:44,563
Oh, okay. Then go ahead, Cyril. Shoot.
392
00:17:44,731 --> 00:17:46,565
Just him, though. Right?
393
00:17:46,733 --> 00:17:49,484
I...
SPELVIN: Don't have it in you?
394
00:17:49,652 --> 00:17:52,320
Don't have it now,
didn't have it when you were a wheezy...
395
00:17:52,488 --> 00:17:54,948
...four-eyed little kid,
trying to impress daddy.
396
00:17:55,116 --> 00:17:57,325
CYRIL: I...
How did you fail him? Was it sports?
397
00:17:57,493 --> 00:17:59,077
I was all-conference lacrosse.
398
00:17:59,245 --> 00:18:01,580
Pretty demanding sport,
pretty tough on the glutes.
399
00:18:01,748 --> 00:18:05,000
This one knows what I'm talking about.
I see you checking them out.
400
00:18:05,168 --> 00:18:07,919
No, not sports.
Look at you, shoulders like a trout.
401
00:18:08,087 --> 00:18:09,588
Spelvin.
SPELVIN: But what?
402
00:18:09,756 --> 00:18:14,634
What was the failure that forever killed
the love in your father's heart?
403
00:18:16,012 --> 00:18:18,472
Regional Spelling Bee.
404
00:18:24,187 --> 00:18:26,021
Holy shit.
405
00:18:26,189 --> 00:18:29,649
You suck at everything.
Oh, it's not his fault, he just...
406
00:18:29,817 --> 00:18:31,318
[ELECTRICITY BUZZING]
407
00:18:31,486 --> 00:18:37,032
You whinging little shit.
You just cost me $50 million.
408
00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:39,201
But I'm gonna get my money's worth in...
409
00:18:39,368 --> 00:18:41,369
Uh-uh. I've still got one bullet.
410
00:18:41,537 --> 00:18:44,706
Oh, does he?
Who am I, Count Bulletsula?
411
00:18:44,874 --> 00:18:47,667
Like Dracula? That was bad.
Come back to me, I can do better.
412
00:18:47,835 --> 00:18:51,213
I will come back to you,
because even if you do have one left...
413
00:18:51,380 --> 00:18:53,673
...you can't shoot all three of us.
414
00:18:53,841 --> 00:18:56,051
No. Just you.
415
00:18:57,970 --> 00:19:00,388
All right, fair enough. Come on, girls.
416
00:19:01,474 --> 00:19:03,934
Hey, call me
if you ever wanna get that drink.
417
00:19:04,101 --> 00:19:06,144
Either of you, both, whatever.
418
00:19:06,312 --> 00:19:10,565
Unless the sister thing is weird for you.
I'm, obviously, way into it.
419
00:19:10,733 --> 00:19:13,860
All right, Archer, you win this round.
420
00:19:14,028 --> 00:19:15,278
No shit, Spelvin.
421
00:19:15,571 --> 00:19:17,531
Well, technically, I won it, but...
422
00:19:17,698 --> 00:19:18,740
[GUN CLICKS]
423
00:19:18,908 --> 00:19:20,283
Wh...? Jeezy Petes, Archer.
424
00:19:20,451 --> 00:19:23,161
Huh. Could've sworn you fired six.
Could've blown my foot off.
425
00:19:23,329 --> 00:19:25,247
Which you deserve after what you did.
426
00:19:25,414 --> 00:19:29,084
I'm sorry, okay? And I promise,
I'll never do anything like that again.
427
00:19:29,252 --> 00:19:30,418
So...
So, what?
428
00:19:30,586 --> 00:19:33,004
So do you have to tell anybody?
429
00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:36,633
Uhn! Depends. You learn anything?
Oh, God, yes. I did.
430
00:19:36,801 --> 00:19:41,429
I swear. I learned a huge valuable lesson
that I will remember for the rest of my life.
431
00:19:41,597 --> 00:19:44,099
Which you will spend never knowing
if I rat you out.
432
00:19:44,267 --> 00:19:45,934
What?
Yeah. So, what did you learn?
433
00:19:46,102 --> 00:19:49,312
To never confide in you?
There you go.
434
00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:53,275
See? As long as you learn something
from it, it's not a mistake.
435
00:19:53,442 --> 00:19:56,611
Okay.
Where...? Archer, where are you going?
436
00:19:56,779 --> 00:19:57,946
Judging from the decor...
437
00:19:58,114 --> 00:20:01,533
...I'm guessing Spelvin's got one
of those kick-ass Japanese soaking tubs.
438
00:20:01,701 --> 00:20:05,120
What?
After all that, you wanna take a bath?
439
00:20:06,497 --> 00:20:07,914
Do you not?
440
00:20:44,368 --> 00:20:45,368
[English - US - PSDH]
441
00:20:45,418 --> 00:20:49,968
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