All language subtitles for All In the Family s08e11 Archie .eng

That's why we started
this organization--

The Queen's Council
of Crusaders.

Oh, the Crusaders.
What do you do, bowl?

We are dedicated
to law and order.

What the cops can't handle,
we do.

Hung up.

Who was it, honey?

Well, it seems, uh,
like a concerned citizen

from some civic organization
had a somewhat negative reaction to my letter.

What'd he say?
Among other things,

he said he wanted to burn
a cross on our front lawn.

And you are willing
to join us in teaching him a lesson he'll never forget?

I'd be with you all the way!
I'll be in the club! I'll be in it for life!

That's the way we want you,
Archie boy-- for life.

Yeah.

♪ Boy, the way
Glenn Miller played ♪

♪ Songs that made
the hit parade ♪

♪ Guys like us
we had it made ♪

♪ Those were the days ♪

♪ And you knew
where you were then ♪

♪ Girls were girls
and men were men ♪

♪ Mister, we could use a man
like Herbert Hoover again ♪

♪ Didn't need
no welfare state ♪

♪ Everybody pulled
his weight ♪

♪ Gee, our old LaSalle
ran great ♪

♪ Those were the days ♪

[SNORING]

[GROANS]

Oh, jeez, I hate night.

[SNORING LOUDER]

Think medical science
would come up with a cure for that.

[CONTINUES SNORING]
Oh, jeez.

[GROANS]

[LAUGHS]

Oh. Oh, Archie.

I must've been snoring, huh?

You could've fooled me, Edith.
I thought you was inhaling the pillowcase.

Oh, my, it's 5:30.

Yeah, I know that.

Oh, you ain't sleeping.

I know that.

You're pacing
the floor.

I know that, Edith!

Jeez, tell me
something I don't know.

Well...there's only
63 more shopping days

till Christmas.

Archie, what's
the matter with you?

Nothin'.

Aw, come on,
sit down.

Something
must've happened

to you last night.

Nothin', nothin'.
What are you getting so nosy for?

Oh, I ain't being nosy,
I'm just talking to ya.

The secret
of a good marriage is

for a husband and wife
to communicate.

Where'd you get that?

BOTH: The Reader's Digest.

Well, let
The Reader's Digest condense this:

Archie,
let me tell you

somethin'
very important.

What?

I'm your wife.

Who else knows this?

Oh, everybody.

And because
I am your wife,

if somethin's
bothering you,

I oughta know
about it.

Oh...

Well, I tell you,
Edith...

last night I done
maybe the dumbest thing

of my whole life.

Are you sure?

You've lived
a long time.

Edith, remember
last night

I told you
I might go bowling?

Ye--you--you went bowling
without your ball!

No, I didn't go
bowling at all.

Well, that wasn't so dumb.

You didn't need your ball.

Help me, Lord.

Edith, uh...

I'll tell you
what I done.

I--I went
to a meetin', see.

Oh, who was meetin'?

Well, I ain't
supposed to tell ya.

Well, uh...
give me a hint.

It's a secret!

It's a secret...

Give me another hint.

Where are you, Lord,
over here?

He's everywhere,
Archie.

I know that, Edith.

I can't tell you, but...

maybe it wouldn't
do no harm if you guessed.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, well, uh...

See, all the--
the men at the meeting

were wearing sheets.

Oh, was they playin'
trick or treat?

Was last night Halloween?

- Oh, no.
- No.

Well then, why was
they wearin' sheets?

Because sheets
go so good

with the hoods
they was wearin'.

Huh, huh?

Oh, I got it!

The Ku Klux Klan!

[GROANS]

Ahhhh.

Oh...

Oh, Archie,

the Ku Klux Klan?

Shush, shush
about it, jeez.

Don't come apart, huh?

- What--
- No, I think they--

they don't call
themselves

the Ku Klux Klan
anymore.

They call themselves
the Queen's Council of Crusaders.

What was you
doing there?

I'm sittin' there
listenin' to a couple

of the high muckety-mucks
make long speeches there.

You know,
down with the Jews, down with the blacks,

down with the Pope,
down with the UN...

and they want me
to be a member.

You ain't gonna,
are you?

No, I ain't,
but they think I am,

and I don't know why.

Well, maybe
you said something.

I didn't say nothin'.

I kept my mouth shut.

Oh, well, maybe
it's something about

the way you kept
your mouth shut.

Edith, don't give me
your riddles

and guessing games
and all of that.

I don't know
what the hell to do.

Jeez, I need--
I need help.

What am I gonna do, huh?
Say somethin' smart!

Well, just don't
go there no more, Archie.

They'll forget ya.

Yeah, I don't think so.

Oh, sure
they will.

You're easy
to forget.

I recognized a couple
of the guys there.

They recognized me.
They're all from around here.

They know me,
they know where I live...

They could come after me.
Jeez, they could kill me.

Oh, Archie,
what would they want

to do a thing
like that for?

'Cause they love
doin' things like that!

Archie...

Edith, Edith...

Now, let me
explain something.

Let me explain
something.

Oh. Don't move so much!

To hell with it,
I'll explain from here.

Once you're in
with them guys,

they know all
your secrets there,

you're in there for life,
you know, you can't get away.

It's till death do us part,
for better or for worse,

for richer or poorer,
you know?

It's just like a marriage...

only you're all the time
under the sheets with men.

Archie, come on
downstairs

and have a nice,
hot cup of cocoa.

Nah, no, I need
my calming soda.

Oh, no,
cocoa is better.

Gee.

Fear, you know,
it makes your guts boil.

Yeah, well,
have some cocoa.

Isn't that funny when you're
scared of something

how it brings up the gas?

Well, cocoa
is good for that.

Cocoa ain't
no good for that.

Let me make you
a nice, hot cup of cocoa.

To hell with the cocoa!

Lord, if I was drowning,
she'd throw cocoa on me.

Oh, I'm sorry, Edith.
I don't mean to yell.

You only mean the best.

Look, sweetheart...

you just go back
to bed there.

Snore all you want.

Jeez, I hate night.

Mmm...

All right.

Good old Arms & Legs.

It's the only thing
that really...

[BELCHES]
...works.

Sometimes you only
have to look at the box.

[POUNDING ON DOOR]

Who the hell can
that be at this hour?

Hey, Arch, it's me,
Gordie Lloyd.

Oh, my God...

[KNOCKING]
Hey, open up! Let me in there.

Yeah, all right,
yeah, all right,

I'll let you in here.

There.

Hey, Arch.

Yeah, yeah.
How you doin', Georgie?

- Gordie.
- Yeah, whatever.

Well, I was just
on my way to work,

and I saw
your lights on.

Are we alone?

Alone?

Let me check.

Hey, Edith?

Yeah, Archie?

Where are you?

In bed.

Stay there.

Yeah, it's only Edith.
We're all alone.

Listen, I got
some good news.

Oh, gee,
what d'you mean, good news?

Well, listen,
last night,

after you left
the meeting,

we took a vote,
and it was unanimous.

You're a shoo-in
for membership.

Yeah, but I--

How the hell
did that happen?

I think the clincher
was that speech you made

about your
stupid son-in-law.

When you got up there
and you said

if we could show you a way
to turn that guy around

and make him
into a law-abiding,

patriotic
American citizen,

that you would do
anything we wanted--

that was
beautiful, Arch.

Yeah, I remember that.

So, I'm gonna
let you in

on a little secret.

Oh, hey, you'd
better not do that.

Now, we're starting
our first project.

We're gonna burn
five crosses

in five different places.

Mmm.

The first one's
gonna be in front

of that lawyer
Larson's house

for heading up
the ACLU.

- Now, listen--
- The second one is

gonna be in front
of Assemblyman Rappaport's place

for, uh, supporting
that gay rights bill.

- Uh, d-don't, don't, don't.
- The third one's gonna be in front

of that black doctor's house,
the guy with the white wife?

- He tells me every one--
- And the fourth one

is gonna be in front
of your stupid son-in-law's house

for writin' that letter
to the newspaper,

and the fifth one--

Wait a minute,
hold on.

What do you mean
my son-in-law?

What are you doing
that to him for?

He only wrote
one dumb letter!

Yeah, but it was
a very dangerous and subversive letter.

You're gonna burn
a cross next door?

You can't burn
a cross in front of my son-in-law's house!

Oh, sure we can, Arch.

You can't because
you're not a member yet,

so you can't join
in the fun, see,

but you can see the flames
from your window.

[BELCHES]

Now, Arch,
at the next meeting

it's gonna be
initiation time,

and you are
gonna be issued

your own personal
sheet and hood.

Now, wh--I--I--

Now, I gotta go.

I don't think
you oughta do that.

All right, Arch,
take care.

Let's think the whole thing
over again, here, huh?

EDITH: Archie!

Archie, who was
you talking to?

Oh, no-nobody, Edith.

Archie, what's
the matter with you?

You're white
as a sheet!

[BELCHES]

Oh, hi, Meathead.

Oh, hi, Arch.

Uh... could I, uh,
spare you a couple minutes of my valuable time?

Yeah, I'm just, uh,
grading some term papers.

You know, it's appalling
how college kids today can't write good English.

Well, uh, that's because
I--I guess they, uh,

they got no, uh,
desires to, uh,

to learn no good English
like you and me.

That's right, Arch.
They ain't got that.

What's on your mind?

Well, uh, remember
that letter you wrote to the paper?

Yeah.

Well, uh, would you do
me a little favor?

Yeah.

Would you write
another letter

kinda apologizin'
for the first one?

That's what
you want me to do?

Yeah.

That's it?

Yeah.

That's easy.

You'll do that?

- No.
- Aw, quit kidding around.

This here
is an emergency!

Look, Arch,
if you think you can stop me

from expressing my opinions
you got another thing coming,

which for your brain
is two things more than it can handle.

- [EXCLAIMS]
- Fine.

Don't you walk away from me,
you, when I'm talking to ya!

What is it with
your generation, anyway?

You give us
ten years of misery

with all the long hair
and the dope and the guitars...

and spoilin'
the Vietnam War...

Spoil the Vietnam War?!

Yes, yes!
You made us stop it there

before we had a chance
to smash 'em over the head!

Now we gotta
run over there and buy

what we could've had
for nothin'.

I don't wanna
talk to you about the war anymore.

I don't know
what you're gettin' so steamed up for.

You told me
to write the letter in the first place.

All I'm tellin' you now
is to write another letter!

Just say some other guy
by the name of Mike Stevic--

no, better still--
just another guy who wrote in,

and then sign
your name.

What's going on down here?

Gloria, you know
what your father wants me to do?

- What?
- Apologize for my letter.

- Why, Daddy?
- Why?

Because his fascist buddies
down at the saloon

don't like my politics,
that's why.

Ah, come on,
what is it with you, anyway?

According to you,
every Republican's a fascist.

According to you,
every Democrat's a communist.

Not every!

You never hear me
callin' Carter a commie.

I'm sure the president
will be very relieved to hear that.

Not Jimmy, Billy.

I don't understand you two.
What's the point of all this?

Little girl,
listen to me.

All I want him to do

is take back
that letter he wrote.

Now, make him do it,
will you, little girl?

See, if he does that,
I'll be able to talk

to certain people
that are getting

a little bit irkled,
you know?

And, uh, they're getting
so that they wanna maybe

do this or that
or these or whatever

and burn a cross
in front of your house.

You mean that phone call

we got yesterday
was for real?

ARCHIE: Yes, yes.

Who wants
to burn a cross?

Who cares who?

What's the difference who?

Jeez, you get a kick
in the groin,

you don't holler "who,"
you holler "ooh."

Look, supposing I
do write that letter,

which I won't,
how are you gonna stop

these people
from burning a cross?

I got friends
in high places.

- Who?
- He must know the window washer at the Empire State Building.

Get away from me, huh?

I happen to know
this guy, see?

He's the high muckety-muck,
or the--

the Clavity, uh, Clieger
and Clavin,

or some damn thing,

of the Queen's Council
of Crusaders.

That's the local KKK!

- Nah!
- Arch, that's the KKK!

- No!
- The KKK?

- No.
- This isn't the South.

Gloria, there're just
as many chapters up here as down there.

And they're the ones
that wanna burn a cross in front--

No! Yeah.

Yeah, but not only you.

Not only you, you see?

There's that lawyer,
Larson,

that handled
all them lefty cases

for the ACL--WU,
see,

and then there's
that assemblyman, Rappaport,

you know, who
sponsored that bill

for--fight freedoms
for the fags.

And then there's
that black doctor

that's always sleeping
with his white wife.

Daddy, how do you
know all of this?

Well, I--

I got
an unanimous letter.

- Daddy!
- Oh, my God.

- What?
- Take it easy.

Your father is a member
of the Ku Klux Klan!

- Take it easy, will you?
- Daddy!

You joined the KKK?!

...Daddy
on his head.

I didn't
join nothin'!

I just went
to a meeting.

You went to a meeting
of the Ku Klux Klan?!

Don't holler!
It goes through my head like a nail.

You went
to a meeting!!!

I went with
a couple of guys,

that's all,
nice fellas.

I thought it'd be
good for business.

Next thing you know,
they wanna make me a member,

- hand to God!
- Don't do that!

Come on!
I can't believe you didn't know

what you were
getting into.

You couldn't
possibly be that stupid!

That's what you think!

And now they're
gonna burn a cross

right here in front
of our house!

They ain't gonna do it
if he does what I tell him.

This is the worst thing
you've ever done.

You don't know
everything!

I thought it was awful
when you badmouthed

Jews and Catholics
and Puerto Ricans,

and you passed
the petition around

to keep blacks out
of the neighborhood,

but I never dreamed,
I never dreamed

that underneath
that thick skin of yours

was the soul
of a Klansman,

a man who could
overturn school busses with children in 'em!

If I ever thought
that that was possible,

I never would've
set foot in your house

or sat at your table
or eaten your food!

Daddy, you've
gotta be crazy,

getting yourself
involved with racists!

You're forgetting
about your operation

last year,
aren't you?

When you needed
that transfusion,

you know, you owe
your life to a black woman

who gave you her blood!

Oh, little girl,
I know that.

I'd like to see the faces
on those Klansmen

if they ever
found that out.

Daddy, you gotta
do something to stop--

Do you want me
to put starch in their sheets?

[CLAMORING]

Insanity!

What's the matter?

This guy made
his little wife cry.

Your husband is a member
of the Ku Klux Klan!

Oh, no, he ain't!

Yes, and they're
gonna burn

a cross in front
of our house!

- ARCHIE: No, no, no...
- Archie!

What is she
talking about?

Michael, we gotta get
out of this neighborhood.

We gotta move
out of our house!

Gloria, honey,
please calm down, relax.

We're not gonna let
these people frighten us.

We're not gonna be
driven out of our house screaming in terror.

What are we gonna do?

We're gonna
leave quietly.

We'll check into a motel
until this blows over,

and then we'll find
a new house.

Oh, please,
don't move away!

We can't let
Joey grow up

in an atmosphere
of hatred and violence!

- [CRYING]
- Oh, that's Joey. I'll go get him.

Listen to that, Meathead!

You woke the baby up!

Grandma's coming, Joey!

Archie, please,
talk to 'em.

Don't let 'em
move away.

They ain't goin' no place.

Where's better than this?

As far away from you
as possible.

As possible, yes.

Gloria, let me
explain something.

Don't you talk to us,
you cross-burner.

I never burned
nothin' in my life...

worse than a cigar hole
in a sofa.

EDITH: Oh!
He's such a big boy,

and he heard Grandpa
and he wanted to say hello.

Aw, give me him.

Give me
that boy there.

Mmm, yeah.

I don't want him
with you.

He wants
to be with me!

Well, I don't want
him with you!

You know,
your grandfather wears sheets.

Did you hear that?

- Wh--
- Don't say nothin'. Don't say nothin'.

That's it.

That's it.

Where are you going?

I'm gonna go out
and do something

I never thought
I'd have to do

- as long as I live.
- What?

I gotta go out
and think, Edith.

Oh, don't do that!
Archie, come on.

Joey wants
to tell his grandpa

how much
he loves him.

Here's Grandpa!

I love you too, kiddo.

Good-bye, Joey.

- Oh, don't--
- No, no, no...

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Yeah, who is it?

It's Archie Bunker
here.

Oh, hey, Arch!

- Hey.
- Hiya there, Georgie.

- No, Gordie.
- Yeah, whatever.

- Jeez.
- Hey, what do you think, Arch?

Yeah, well, if King Kong
was a Catholic,

it'd make a hell
of a rosary for him.

This is for
your son-in-law.

Beautiful, isn't it?

Yeah, uh...

Listen, why does this club
have to burn crosses?

What do you
want us to do,

send 'em
a nasty letter?

It could be stronger,
you know,

say, a telegram.

Words on a page
don't do anything.

But maybe it could
be one of them

singing telegrams
with a curse in it.

It's all settled.

We're gonna
burn these crosses tomorrow night.

Hey. Hey, listen,
fellas.

Uh, they--they
won't burn tomorrow night.

- And why not?
- The paper says rain.

Listen, what I come by
to tell you about

was an operation
I had last year

where I got
some blood, see?

We're gonna put
the fear of God

into your commie
son-in-law.

But--but listen,
I don't want yous

no burn no cross.

I got a little grandson,
he's only two years old,

and I want him
to grow up normal, see?

And if he sees
a cross burnin' there,

he might get
the wrong idea

of what the cross
really means.

Don't tell us about
what the cross really means!

I don't know
what you are, Bunker,

but you're not
a true-blue American.

I'm as true blue
as you or you!

Hey, I'm against
all the right things...

welfare, bussing,
women's lib.

I think sex education
should be took out of the schools

and put right back
where I learned it, in the streets.

Look, I don't
wanna argue

with yous no more,
you know?

I just
don't want yous

to burn no crosses
nowheres.

What are you
gonna do about it?

We'll burn 'em
anywhere we wanna burn 'em--

at your son-in-law's house,
at your house.

Remember this:

I know yous guys,
know your faces,

and I know
where yous hang out

and I know
a lot about yous...

and I could go
to the proper authorities.

They'd only laugh at you.

Not if I wore
a better suit.

What I'm trying to tell you

is there's a whole lot
of us, Bunker.

Well, let me tell you--

there's a whole lot of us!

Us who?

Us blacks.

What are you talkin' about?

I'm talkin' about

my gallbladder operation
last year!

When I had to take one
of them tranflusions there,

and, uh, they pumped me
full of blood.

What blood?

Black blood, buddy,

a whole lot of it.

I think enough
to maybe fill up a six-pack.

So that's what's
wrong with ya.

There's nothing wrong
with me.

Hey, I notice
I sing and dance better.

But the main thing
that that does for me, see,

that gives me the right
to call out a whole gang

of my black blood brothers

to come with me
and back me up, see?

And if we catch yous guys
burnin' any crosses,

we're gonna come up here

and we're gonna bust
your honky heinies.

And now...

as my people say...

feets, do your stuff.

All in the Family
was recorded on tape

before a live audience.

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