Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,534 --> 00:00:04,234
♪ Boy, the way
Glenn Miller played ♪
2
00:00:04,234 --> 00:00:07,934
♪ Songs that made
the hit parade ♪
3
00:00:07,934 --> 00:00:11,100
♪ Guys like us,
we had it made ♪
4
00:00:11,100 --> 00:00:13,501
♪ Those were the days ♪
5
00:00:13,501 --> 00:00:17,267
♪ And you knew
where you were then ♪
6
00:00:17,267 --> 00:00:20,434
♪ Girls were girls
and men were men ♪
7
00:00:20,434 --> 00:00:25,601
♪ Mister, we could use a man
like Herbert Hoover again ♪
8
00:00:25,601 --> 00:00:28,767
♪ Didn't need
no welfare state ♪
9
00:00:28,767 --> 00:00:31,734
♪ Everybody pulled
his weight ♪
10
00:00:31,734 --> 00:00:35,734
♪ Gee, our old LaSalle
ran great ♪
11
00:00:35,734 --> 00:00:41,601
♪ Those were the days ♪
12
00:00:45,267 --> 00:00:47,501
( humming )
13
00:00:47,501 --> 00:00:50,968
♪ The fish that got away ♪
14
00:00:53,133 --> 00:00:54,501
Hey, Edith, there!
15
00:00:54,501 --> 00:00:56,133
Edith?
16
00:00:56,133 --> 00:00:57,667
( continues humming )
17
00:00:57,667 --> 00:01:01,934
Edith? You upstairs
there, Edith?
18
00:01:01,934 --> 00:01:03,667
If you ain't
in the house,
19
00:01:03,667 --> 00:01:05,868
say something
to let me know, huh?
20
00:01:05,868 --> 00:01:09,300
I got a big surprise
for you, Edith.
21
00:01:09,300 --> 00:01:11,167
( shrieking )
22
00:01:11,167 --> 00:01:14,133
Oh, hey! Hi!
23
00:01:14,133 --> 00:01:15,300
( mumbling )
24
00:01:15,300 --> 00:01:16,834
I can't kiss ya.
25
00:01:16,834 --> 00:01:19,000
It's okay, Edith,
I'll kiss the Brillo pads.
26
00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:22,000
Oh... you're home early.
27
00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:24,234
Well, I would say
that you're home late.
28
00:01:24,234 --> 00:01:28,934
Oh, then I would say
that's why you're home before I'm home.
29
00:01:28,934 --> 00:01:30,868
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Wait a minute.
30
00:01:30,868 --> 00:01:32,567
I'll help you with
the load, Edith.
31
00:01:32,567 --> 00:01:33,801
Oh! Thank you...
32
00:01:33,801 --> 00:01:37,567
Yeah, come on.
Come on. There.
33
00:01:37,567 --> 00:01:39,334
Yeah, now listen.
34
00:01:39,334 --> 00:01:42,634
I got a big surprise for you.
You're gonna guess.
35
00:01:42,634 --> 00:01:46,234
Now, guess what lucky couple
is gonna take a weekend trip
36
00:01:46,234 --> 00:01:48,234
up to a cabin in New Hampshire
37
00:01:48,234 --> 00:01:50,601
for fishin'
with their best friends,
38
00:01:50,601 --> 00:01:52,334
Barney and Blanche Hefner?
39
00:01:52,334 --> 00:01:53,801
I'll give you a hint,
Edith.
40
00:01:53,801 --> 00:01:56,133
One half
of the couple is me.
41
00:01:56,133 --> 00:01:59,400
Oh, and the other half
is me, right?
42
00:01:59,400 --> 00:02:01,467
Oh, you're sharp
today, Edith.
43
00:02:02,601 --> 00:02:05,100
Oh, that's wonderful.
44
00:02:05,100 --> 00:02:09,534
We ain't been on a trip since
my cousin Walter's funeral.
45
00:02:09,534 --> 00:02:10,834
Which cousin
Walter was that?
46
00:02:10,834 --> 00:02:12,167
The one that died.
47
00:02:12,167 --> 00:02:14,133
Oh, yeah.
48
00:02:14,133 --> 00:02:16,901
I hope it's a nice cabin.
49
00:02:16,901 --> 00:02:19,801
Oh, oh, this is a very
nifty cabin, Edith.
50
00:02:19,801 --> 00:02:21,467
It ain't one of your
old-fashioned,
51
00:02:21,467 --> 00:02:23,100
rusty cabins, you know?
52
00:02:23,100 --> 00:02:24,701
Oh, no, this one
is very modern,
53
00:02:24,701 --> 00:02:26,334
with inside plumbin'
and everything.
54
00:02:26,334 --> 00:02:27,701
Oh, that's good.
55
00:02:27,701 --> 00:02:30,267
Oh, yeah, so when nature
calls in the dead of night,
56
00:02:30,267 --> 00:02:33,000
you don't have
that 60-yard dash into the poison ivy.
57
00:02:33,000 --> 00:02:34,033
Oh, yeah.
58
00:02:34,033 --> 00:02:35,901
Remember?
59
00:02:35,901 --> 00:02:38,868
Oh, you was
in torture, Edith.
60
00:02:38,868 --> 00:02:41,200
And the best part
of the whole thing,
61
00:02:41,200 --> 00:02:43,334
it ain't gonna
cost us nothin', Edith,
62
00:02:43,334 --> 00:02:45,534
which is to say
it's gonna absolutely free,
63
00:02:45,534 --> 00:02:47,167
or in other words,
gratis.
64
00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:48,501
Well, how come?
65
00:02:48,501 --> 00:02:50,534
'Cause the cabin's owned
by Barney's uncle,
66
00:02:50,534 --> 00:02:53,100
and Barney's gonna drive us
up there in his car,
67
00:02:53,100 --> 00:02:54,801
but, Edith, we gotta be
ready and packed
68
00:02:54,801 --> 00:02:56,400
and waitin' out in front
of the house
69
00:02:56,400 --> 00:02:58,367
at 6:30 a.m.
in the morning.
70
00:02:58,367 --> 00:02:59,701
In the morning?
71
00:02:59,701 --> 00:03:05,234
In the morning is when
6:30 a.m. usually rolls around.
72
00:03:05,234 --> 00:03:09,968
Oh, no, we can't go no place
tomorrow mornin'.
73
00:03:09,968 --> 00:03:11,901
Why not?
74
00:03:11,901 --> 00:03:14,767
Because Mrs. Tally
and Mr. Hooper
75
00:03:14,767 --> 00:03:18,634
are getting married
tomorrow at 12:00 noon.
76
00:03:18,634 --> 00:03:21,467
Oh, ain't that lovely,
Mrs. Tally and Mr. Hooper.
77
00:03:21,467 --> 00:03:23,801
Who the hell are they?
78
00:03:23,801 --> 00:03:26,968
They're from
the Sunshine Home.
79
00:03:26,968 --> 00:03:29,367
Oh, the Sunshine Home.
80
00:03:29,367 --> 00:03:33,968
And they're getting married
right here in our house.
81
00:03:33,968 --> 00:03:36,701
I told ya. Yeah.
82
00:03:36,701 --> 00:03:39,000
Edith, Edith, now let me
ask you somethin'.
83
00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:41,767
Don't you think that people
have a hell of a nerve
84
00:03:41,767 --> 00:03:43,634
askin' other people
to have their weddings
85
00:03:43,634 --> 00:03:45,000
in other people's houses?
86
00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:47,901
Oh, they didn't ask me,
I offered.
87
00:03:47,901 --> 00:03:49,400
I knew that,
I knew that!
88
00:03:49,400 --> 00:03:52,400
See, Archie,
we gotta be here,
89
00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:55,834
'count of I made
a four-part promise,
90
00:03:55,834 --> 00:03:58,000
and I can't
go back on that.
91
00:03:58,000 --> 00:04:01,234
I know I'm a jerk
for asking this question,
92
00:04:01,234 --> 00:04:02,267
but I gotta.
93
00:04:02,267 --> 00:04:04,200
What the hell's
a four-part promise?
94
00:04:04,200 --> 00:04:07,734
Well, first I promised 'em
they could be married
95
00:04:07,734 --> 00:04:09,100
here in our house.
96
00:04:09,100 --> 00:04:10,100
Bad.
97
00:04:10,100 --> 00:04:11,434
And second,
98
00:04:11,434 --> 00:04:14,367
I promised that I'd be
the matron of honor.
99
00:04:14,367 --> 00:04:15,634
Worse.
100
00:04:15,634 --> 00:04:18,868
And third, I promised
you'd be the best man.
101
00:04:18,868 --> 00:04:20,400
Worser!
102
00:04:20,400 --> 00:04:25,033
And fourth, I promised
I'd sing "Oh, Promise Me."
103
00:04:25,033 --> 00:04:27,567
Worsest of all!
104
00:04:28,868 --> 00:04:31,667
Edith, Edith, darling,
105
00:04:31,667 --> 00:04:33,167
do ya love me?
106
00:04:33,167 --> 00:04:38,033
Do I love you?
Oh, Archie...
107
00:04:38,033 --> 00:04:39,467
How much do you love me?
108
00:04:39,467 --> 00:04:42,601
How much
do I love you?
109
00:04:42,601 --> 00:04:46,701
I'll tell you no lie.
110
00:04:46,701 --> 00:04:50,601
♪ How deep is the ocean? ♪
111
00:04:50,601 --> 00:04:55,033
♪ How high is the sky? ♪
112
00:04:55,033 --> 00:04:57,067
I got my answer, Edith.
113
00:04:57,067 --> 00:04:59,968
[CONTINUES SINGING]
114
00:04:59,968 --> 00:05:01,234
No more, no more.
115
00:05:01,234 --> 00:05:03,267
You told me, Edith.
Don't go on with this.
116
00:05:03,267 --> 00:05:04,300
Cut, cut, cut.
117
00:05:04,300 --> 00:05:06,534
Cut!
118
00:05:06,534 --> 00:05:09,601
Now, get on the horn
and call the Sunshine Home,
119
00:05:09,601 --> 00:05:10,968
and tell them people
no dice.
120
00:05:10,968 --> 00:05:12,634
Oh, no,
I can't do that, Edith.
121
00:05:12,634 --> 00:05:14,667
This is costin' money
up here, Edith, come on.
122
00:05:14,667 --> 00:05:18,133
Archie, I can't disappoint
them nice two old people.
123
00:05:18,133 --> 00:05:21,200
Why can't Barney wait
till after the weddin'?
124
00:05:21,200 --> 00:05:23,267
We could leave by 12:30.
125
00:05:23,267 --> 00:05:26,567
No, no, no, that shoots
half of the day.
126
00:05:26,567 --> 00:05:29,767
Don't you understand it takes
five hours to drive up there,
127
00:05:29,767 --> 00:05:30,834
if you're lucky,
128
00:05:30,834 --> 00:05:32,200
and the only reason
we're lucky
129
00:05:32,200 --> 00:05:34,167
is Barney drives
like a maniac.
130
00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:37,100
We could take the train,
that would be faster.
131
00:05:37,100 --> 00:05:39,767
There ain't no train
into Lake Winnipesaukee.
132
00:05:39,767 --> 00:05:43,501
Jeez, the Indians can't even
find it with a canoe.
133
00:05:43,501 --> 00:05:47,067
Well, then how are we gonna
find it in Barney's car?
134
00:05:47,067 --> 00:05:48,300
Ah, don't pick me up.
135
00:05:48,300 --> 00:05:49,901
You're trying to make
a vicious argument
136
00:05:49,901 --> 00:05:50,968
out of this thing here.
137
00:05:50,968 --> 00:05:54,000
No, I know, we'll fly.
How about that?
138
00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:55,534
The last time you flew,
139
00:05:55,534 --> 00:05:58,567
you used up every barf bag
in economy class.
140
00:05:58,567 --> 00:06:00,634
Oh, Archie, please--
141
00:06:00,634 --> 00:06:02,501
No, Edith, no!
142
00:06:02,501 --> 00:06:05,100
Now, case closed.
Case closed.
143
00:06:05,100 --> 00:06:06,934
We leave early
in the mornin',
144
00:06:06,934 --> 00:06:08,667
when the crows cock.
145
00:06:11,467 --> 00:06:13,868
No, Archie, please.
146
00:06:13,868 --> 00:06:15,701
Court is adjourned,
147
00:06:15,701 --> 00:06:16,834
court is adjourned,
148
00:06:16,834 --> 00:06:18,968
court is adjourned.
149
00:06:25,367 --> 00:06:28,501
You always get your own way.
150
00:06:28,501 --> 00:06:29,801
Oh, come on,
will you?
151
00:06:29,801 --> 00:06:31,033
Yes, you do. You do.
152
00:06:31,033 --> 00:06:32,701
I do not.
153
00:06:32,701 --> 00:06:35,734
Yeah, yeah,
when Gloria was born,
154
00:06:35,734 --> 00:06:38,501
I wanted
to call her Jeanette.
155
00:06:38,501 --> 00:06:41,200
Oh, jeez, here we go,
back to chapter one.
156
00:06:41,200 --> 00:06:46,267
After Jeanette MacDonald,
my favorite movie star,
157
00:06:46,267 --> 00:06:48,133
but, no,
we called her Gloria
158
00:06:48,133 --> 00:06:50,601
'cause you didn't like
Jeanette MacDonald.
159
00:06:50,601 --> 00:06:54,501
Because her voice went
through my head like a nail.
160
00:06:54,501 --> 00:06:57,167
And you didn't
wanna name her after Jeanette MacDonald, anyway.
161
00:06:57,167 --> 00:06:59,000
You wanted to name her after
Jeanette Gavarres,
162
00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:02,567
your friend with the
fat ankles and the pop eyes.
163
00:07:02,567 --> 00:07:07,234
No, that ain't true.
I wanted to name her after Jeanette MacDonald.
164
00:07:07,234 --> 00:07:11,834
Let us not continue
with this fruitless, loopless argument.
165
00:07:11,834 --> 00:07:13,567
It is so old.
166
00:07:13,567 --> 00:07:16,033
What about
our first apartment?
167
00:07:16,033 --> 00:07:17,634
And, naturally,
that's older.
168
00:07:17,634 --> 00:07:19,167
I wanted to live in Jersey,
169
00:07:19,167 --> 00:07:20,767
but you wanted
to live in Queens,
170
00:07:20,767 --> 00:07:22,000
so we lived in Queens.
171
00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:23,434
Queens is closer to my work.
172
00:07:23,434 --> 00:07:24,834
And further from my family.
173
00:07:24,834 --> 00:07:28,667
That thought
never crossed my mind.
174
00:07:28,667 --> 00:07:30,400
Oh...
175
00:07:30,400 --> 00:07:31,667
Oh, come on, Edith.
176
00:07:31,667 --> 00:07:33,400
Let's not make a fight
about this thing.
177
00:07:33,400 --> 00:07:36,868
I tell you what I do, Edith,
I'll make you a deal.
178
00:07:36,868 --> 00:07:38,734
If you leave
with me tomorrow--
179
00:07:38,734 --> 00:07:40,033
Yeah, at 12:30.
180
00:07:40,033 --> 00:07:43,300
Let me finish--
at 6:30 a.m.,
181
00:07:43,300 --> 00:07:45,801
I'll let you call
Gloria Jeanette.
182
00:07:48,234 --> 00:07:50,501
Now, that's the best
I can do for you.
183
00:07:50,501 --> 00:07:51,534
Oh, jeez, my knees.
184
00:07:51,534 --> 00:07:55,400
Oh, no, Archie,
that's dumb.
185
00:07:55,400 --> 00:07:57,434
Don't say "dumb" when
my knees are hurtin' me!
186
00:07:57,434 --> 00:08:01,033
Archie, we can't go
till after the weddin'!
187
00:08:01,033 --> 00:08:03,334
This is the most important
thing that ever happened
188
00:08:03,334 --> 00:08:04,701
to them two people,
189
00:08:04,701 --> 00:08:07,100
and we gotta help 'em
enjoy it.
190
00:08:07,100 --> 00:08:08,400
I don't wanna hear
no more about it.
191
00:08:08,400 --> 00:08:09,667
If you ain't ready
to leave
192
00:08:09,667 --> 00:08:11,267
at 6:30 in the morning,
I'm gonna leave without you.
193
00:08:18,601 --> 00:08:20,601
Oh, jeez.
194
00:08:21,667 --> 00:08:23,934
Edith--
Oh, jeez.
195
00:08:26,968 --> 00:08:30,300
Edith, Edith.
196
00:08:30,300 --> 00:08:34,067
Edith, where's my thanks
for all I do, huh?
197
00:08:34,067 --> 00:08:36,334
Payin' for the food,
the clothes,
198
00:08:36,334 --> 00:08:39,534
the taxes, the household
utilities, huh?
199
00:08:39,534 --> 00:08:42,534
All day long on the job,
workin' my butt off.
200
00:08:42,534 --> 00:08:45,701
What about me? I'm here
all day workin' my butt off!
201
00:08:56,467 --> 00:08:59,534
Oh, my God.
202
00:08:59,534 --> 00:09:02,133
If your mother was here
203
00:09:02,133 --> 00:09:05,000
to hear that comin'
out of your mouth.
204
00:09:06,167 --> 00:09:08,234
I'm glad she died,
Edith.
205
00:09:10,501 --> 00:09:13,667
That killed everything
you said up to that point,
206
00:09:13,667 --> 00:09:15,868
and now the argument
is definitely over.
207
00:09:15,868 --> 00:09:18,367
- No, it ain't over!
- It is over!
208
00:09:18,367 --> 00:09:20,634
No, it ain't over.
Now, I ain't leavin' here tomorrow
209
00:09:20,634 --> 00:09:22,767
till after that weddin',
and neither are you.
210
00:09:22,767 --> 00:09:23,767
What?
211
00:09:23,767 --> 00:09:25,601
No, them people
is dependin' on us,
212
00:09:25,601 --> 00:09:27,501
and I'm dependin' on you,
213
00:09:27,501 --> 00:09:29,767
and if you walk out
on me tomorrow,
214
00:09:29,767 --> 00:09:31,934
you can keep on walkin'!
[GASPS]
215
00:09:43,601 --> 00:09:46,868
Now the argument is over.
216
00:09:57,300 --> 00:09:58,901
[DOORBELL RINGS]
217
00:09:59,968 --> 00:10:01,501
[RINGS]
218
00:10:01,501 --> 00:10:03,767
I'm coming! Coming!
219
00:10:03,767 --> 00:10:05,300
[RINGS]
220
00:10:05,300 --> 00:10:07,100
All right, I'm opening
the door now.
221
00:10:07,100 --> 00:10:09,567
- What do you say, Arch?
- Oh, Barney, I'm glad you could come over.
222
00:10:09,567 --> 00:10:11,067
- Yeah?
- Barney.
223
00:10:11,067 --> 00:10:13,400
- What?
- I got something very important to tell you.
224
00:10:13,400 --> 00:10:16,133
- What is it?
- Barney, I love you.
225
00:10:19,968 --> 00:10:21,801
I wouldn't be
ashamed to say that
226
00:10:21,801 --> 00:10:23,400
even in front
of Anita O'Brien,
227
00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:24,868
God bless her.
228
00:10:30,067 --> 00:10:31,767
What do you want, Arch?
229
00:10:31,767 --> 00:10:33,567
Barney, sit down here.
Sit down here.
230
00:10:33,567 --> 00:10:35,033
- Eh?
- Now, listen.
231
00:10:35,033 --> 00:10:39,267
Barney, I mean, why should
we get up, bleary-eyed,
232
00:10:39,267 --> 00:10:41,133
at 6:30 a.m.,
you know?
233
00:10:41,133 --> 00:10:42,634
I mean,
couldn't we leave
234
00:10:42,634 --> 00:10:44,567
a little later
than 6:30 a.m.?
235
00:10:44,567 --> 00:10:45,734
Like when?
236
00:10:45,734 --> 00:10:48,167
What do you say
to 12:30 p.m.?
237
00:10:48,167 --> 00:10:50,367
What, and blow
half the weekend?
238
00:10:50,367 --> 00:10:52,234
What are you, nuts?
No dice.
239
00:10:52,234 --> 00:10:53,567
Wait, Barney,
Barney, Barney,
240
00:10:53,567 --> 00:10:55,367
I ain't askin'
this for myself.
241
00:10:55,367 --> 00:10:57,501
I'm askin' it for
two lovely old people
242
00:10:57,501 --> 00:10:59,300
from the Sunshine Home.
243
00:10:59,300 --> 00:11:01,601
Get this--he's 84,
she's 82.
244
00:11:01,601 --> 00:11:03,434
What do you think
they're gonna do tomorrow?
245
00:11:03,434 --> 00:11:05,300
Nothin' I'd wanna watch.
246
00:11:05,300 --> 00:11:07,734
Get back here.
247
00:11:07,734 --> 00:11:10,501
You're full of "obscenery"
today, ain't ya?
248
00:11:10,501 --> 00:11:13,534
They're gettin' married
here at 12:00,
249
00:11:13,534 --> 00:11:14,968
and one minute after 12,
250
00:11:14,968 --> 00:11:17,234
we could be out
in the car with you there.
251
00:11:17,234 --> 00:11:18,434
Nah, to hell with that.
252
00:11:18,434 --> 00:11:20,834
I'm leavin' tomorrow
morning at 6:30 a.m.
253
00:11:20,834 --> 00:11:22,868
Well, I guess I'm gonna
have to have a chat
254
00:11:22,868 --> 00:11:24,901
with your trustin'
little wife, Blanche.
255
00:11:28,200 --> 00:11:31,033
[LAUGHS]
256
00:11:31,033 --> 00:11:33,334
If you're
alludin' to the time
257
00:11:33,334 --> 00:11:36,534
that I kissed the coin lady
at the launderette,
258
00:11:36,534 --> 00:11:38,534
Blanche knows
all about that.
259
00:11:38,534 --> 00:11:43,767
I ain't alludin',
I'm talkin' about something.
260
00:11:43,767 --> 00:11:46,267
I'm talkin' about
a certain convention,
261
00:11:46,267 --> 00:11:48,234
Hook Stratton Hotel,
262
00:11:48,234 --> 00:11:49,968
Pittsburg, PA,
263
00:11:49,968 --> 00:11:52,534
mid-August of 19 and 67.
264
00:11:54,968 --> 00:11:57,868
Oh, I heard all about
the midnight swim
265
00:11:57,868 --> 00:12:00,801
in the indoor pool,
with parties unmentionable,
266
00:12:00,801 --> 00:12:02,133
and unclothed.
267
00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:08,167
You got the crust
to throw that up to me?
268
00:12:08,167 --> 00:12:10,534
A fellow veteran
of your foreign wars?
269
00:12:10,534 --> 00:12:11,767
A fellow lodge brother?
270
00:12:11,767 --> 00:12:13,133
And while we're at it,
271
00:12:13,133 --> 00:12:15,634
what about the secret oath
of the lodge brothers, huh?
272
00:12:15,634 --> 00:12:16,801
A sacred oath.
273
00:12:16,801 --> 00:12:18,534
To hell with it.
274
00:12:24,834 --> 00:12:26,067
12:30, huh?
275
00:12:26,067 --> 00:12:27,767
12:30, Barney.
276
00:12:27,767 --> 00:12:29,801
Could you make it
a little closer to noon?
277
00:12:29,801 --> 00:12:32,133
Aw, sure, Barney,
you know I'm gonna try to make it
278
00:12:32,133 --> 00:12:34,200
as close to noon
as I possibly can.
279
00:12:34,200 --> 00:12:37,334
Listen, I don't wanna
kill this trip, I wanna have a lot of fun.
280
00:12:37,334 --> 00:12:40,400
Barney, I meant
what I said before. I love ya.
281
00:12:40,400 --> 00:12:42,067
- You know somethin', Arch?
- What?
282
00:12:42,067 --> 00:12:43,400
You're a rat.
283
00:12:43,400 --> 00:12:45,200
It's better than bein'
a philanderer
284
00:12:45,200 --> 00:12:48,234
in a pool in Pittsburgh,
Barney.
285
00:12:48,234 --> 00:12:50,033
Hey, Edith!
286
00:12:50,033 --> 00:12:51,767
Edith!
287
00:12:51,767 --> 00:12:54,300
[HUMMING]
288
00:12:54,300 --> 00:12:56,701
Wait'll I tell ya,
Edith, wait'll I tell ya.
289
00:12:56,701 --> 00:12:59,200
Now, get the sour look
off your face. Come on, Edith.
290
00:12:59,200 --> 00:13:02,167
- Gimme a smile.
- No, I ain't got time to talk to ya now.
291
00:13:02,167 --> 00:13:03,834
I'm icin'
the wedding cake.
292
00:13:03,834 --> 00:13:05,767
Well, you don't have
to ice your husband.
293
00:13:05,767 --> 00:13:08,434
I just wanna say
that Barney and me
294
00:13:08,434 --> 00:13:12,334
is gonna wait for you
till after the weddin'.
295
00:13:12,334 --> 00:13:14,667
- Oh, Archie!
- Yeah.
296
00:13:14,667 --> 00:13:15,767
Yeah.
297
00:13:15,767 --> 00:13:18,167
Yeah, oh, look at this.
298
00:13:18,167 --> 00:13:19,167
Ah.
299
00:13:19,167 --> 00:13:20,767
Now, ain't you
a little ashamed
300
00:13:20,767 --> 00:13:22,834
of all that hollerin'
you done at me, Edith?
301
00:13:22,834 --> 00:13:27,100
♪ How much
do I love you ♪
302
00:13:27,100 --> 00:13:29,267
♪ I'll tell you now-- ♪
303
00:13:29,267 --> 00:13:31,701
You better
have some cake.
304
00:13:31,701 --> 00:13:33,601
Oh, Archie.
305
00:13:38,834 --> 00:13:40,467
Oh, my!
306
00:13:40,467 --> 00:13:44,300
Oh, Florence,
you make a beautiful bride.
307
00:13:44,300 --> 00:13:46,901
I always did.
308
00:13:48,567 --> 00:13:52,334
Now, lemme see--
somethin' old, somethin' new,
309
00:13:52,334 --> 00:13:54,467
somethin' borrowed,
somethin' blue.
310
00:13:54,467 --> 00:13:56,767
We gotta find
somethin' blue for ya.
311
00:13:56,767 --> 00:13:59,434
- ARCHIE: Hey, Edith!
- Yeah, Archie?
312
00:13:59,434 --> 00:14:01,567
The preacher's here.
The guests have been here.
313
00:14:01,567 --> 00:14:04,400
Come on, it's two minutes
to 12:00. Rev it up there.
314
00:14:04,400 --> 00:14:06,267
We just gotta find
somethin' blue
315
00:14:06,267 --> 00:14:07,868
for the bride
to wear.
316
00:14:07,868 --> 00:14:09,033
Well, search her.
317
00:14:09,033 --> 00:14:10,534
You're sure to find
a big vein.
318
00:14:13,267 --> 00:14:15,467
Okay, in there,
Mr. Hooper--
319
00:14:15,467 --> 00:14:18,367
Oh, where is this man?
320
00:14:18,367 --> 00:14:19,968
[METAL RATTLES]
321
00:14:28,934 --> 00:14:31,467
What are you doing
in the closet, Mr. Hooper?
322
00:14:31,467 --> 00:14:33,067
I guess I'm hiding.
323
00:14:33,067 --> 00:14:35,000
Oh, come on
out of there.
324
00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:36,901
What are you hiding
for, huh?
325
00:14:36,901 --> 00:14:39,167
Well, I'm 84 years old,
326
00:14:39,167 --> 00:14:41,300
I've been a bachelor
all my life,
327
00:14:41,300 --> 00:14:45,434
and I just don't want
to be rushing into anything.
328
00:14:45,434 --> 00:14:47,067
Are you thinking
about that now?
329
00:14:47,067 --> 00:14:49,567
Look at the time, will ya?
Oh, you can't see nothin'.
330
00:14:49,567 --> 00:14:51,200
Come here, come here.
331
00:14:51,200 --> 00:14:53,434
Now, don't tell me
you're worried about
332
00:14:53,434 --> 00:14:55,667
your groomly duties
or anything.
333
00:14:55,667 --> 00:14:59,734
I don't have to tell ya
about your intricate facts of [WHISPERS] sex, do I?
334
00:14:59,734 --> 00:15:04,634
Oh, I said I was a bachelor--
didn't say I was a virgin.
335
00:15:12,801 --> 00:15:14,834
- So you've done it?
- Yeah.
336
00:15:14,834 --> 00:15:16,033
You liked it?
337
00:15:16,033 --> 00:15:18,434
- Well--
- You didn't like it?
338
00:15:18,434 --> 00:15:20,567
I'm tryin' to remember.
339
00:15:22,033 --> 00:15:24,968
That's a joke we tell
around the Sunshine Home.
340
00:15:24,968 --> 00:15:27,367
- Come on, come on.
- No, no.
341
00:15:27,367 --> 00:15:30,100
You ain't gonna--
Come here. Come here.
342
00:15:30,100 --> 00:15:32,400
Sit down. Now, let me
have a little talk.
343
00:15:32,400 --> 00:15:34,200
I know just
how you feel, see?
344
00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:36,400
Every guy feels
the same way, you know?
345
00:15:36,400 --> 00:15:38,367
You hate giving up
the old life,
346
00:15:38,367 --> 00:15:41,467
you hate saying good-bye
to the old girlfriends.
347
00:15:41,467 --> 00:15:42,801
Mine are all dead.
348
00:15:43,934 --> 00:15:45,567
Swell! Then you're lucky.
349
00:15:45,567 --> 00:15:47,067
Of course,
350
00:15:47,067 --> 00:15:50,300
to tell the truth,
it has been a long time.
351
00:15:50,300 --> 00:15:53,000
Aw, don't worry about that,
you know? Because...
352
00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:55,000
[WHISPERS]
...sex, see...
353
00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:57,868
it's like riding a bike--
you never forget.
354
00:15:59,834 --> 00:16:02,501
But for the best results,
you've got to make believe
355
00:16:02,501 --> 00:16:06,000
that it's the first time
for the both of youse, you know?
356
00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:08,100
You make her feel like--
357
00:16:08,100 --> 00:16:10,234
like a ripe peach.
358
00:16:16,501 --> 00:16:19,734
Even though she's been
laying on the ground for a number of years.
359
00:16:26,868 --> 00:16:28,667
And you gettin'
married now,
360
00:16:28,667 --> 00:16:31,767
just think what a kick
in the pants this is gonna be
361
00:16:31,767 --> 00:16:36,133
to all the people
who probably thought you was a fag for 84 years.
362
00:16:38,734 --> 00:16:41,868
You will love everything
about living with a woman.
363
00:16:41,868 --> 00:16:44,968
You'll love
the look in the eye,
364
00:16:44,968 --> 00:16:47,133
the touch of the hand,
huh?
365
00:16:47,133 --> 00:16:49,033
The sound
of the sweet verse.
366
00:16:49,033 --> 00:16:50,634
EDITH:
Arrr-chiiieee!
367
00:16:52,801 --> 00:16:54,300
We're all ready!
368
00:16:54,300 --> 00:16:55,801
Yeah, all right,
we're coming!
369
00:16:55,801 --> 00:16:57,968
Now, get everything
started downstairs, Edith!
370
00:16:57,968 --> 00:16:59,167
We're coming now!
371
00:16:59,167 --> 00:17:01,501
Come on, Mr. Hooper,
get your coat on, huh?
372
00:17:01,501 --> 00:17:03,267
Because I'm
in a kind of hurry.
373
00:17:03,267 --> 00:17:04,434
Right after
the wedding, see,
374
00:17:04,434 --> 00:17:05,934
I gotta leave
on a fishin' trip.
375
00:17:05,934 --> 00:17:07,100
Oh, fishin'!
I love fishin'!
376
00:17:07,100 --> 00:17:09,467
I'd rather go fishin'
than get married!
377
00:17:09,467 --> 00:17:11,400
Well, who wouldn't?
But you're gettin' married.
378
00:17:13,334 --> 00:17:16,000
It's all white inside,
379
00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:18,334
and then, well,
the white icing.
380
00:17:18,334 --> 00:17:20,968
See, every wedding cake
has to be white.
381
00:17:20,968 --> 00:17:23,300
And then I put a little
lemon filling inside,
382
00:17:23,300 --> 00:17:26,501
and then I did my own...
383
00:17:26,501 --> 00:17:28,934
Rose?
384
00:17:28,934 --> 00:17:30,701
Rose, don't go to sleep.
385
00:17:30,701 --> 00:17:34,100
The wedding's gonna start.
I want you to stay awake.
386
00:17:34,100 --> 00:17:36,367
I don't wanna hear
no more of that, Hooper!
387
00:17:36,367 --> 00:17:38,300
Come on, come on.
Look, they're all waitin' for you.
388
00:17:38,300 --> 00:17:39,367
You're the main event
here.
389
00:17:39,367 --> 00:17:40,434
Now, come on, come on.
390
00:17:40,434 --> 00:17:41,501
Check yourself
for drafts.
391
00:17:41,501 --> 00:17:42,434
Ooop!
392
00:17:46,968 --> 00:17:49,133
- Where in hell is the priest?
- Shh! Here.
393
00:17:49,133 --> 00:17:50,200
Reverend Schaeffer,
394
00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:52,734
this is my husband,
Archie Bunker.
395
00:17:52,734 --> 00:17:53,834
How do you do,
Mr. Bunker?
396
00:17:53,834 --> 00:17:55,434
- Where's your book?
- Right here.
397
00:17:55,434 --> 00:17:57,000
Open it up, will ya?
398
00:17:57,000 --> 00:18:00,868
Now, listen, we want
a very beautiful, modern ceremonial here.
399
00:18:00,868 --> 00:18:02,467
I mean fast, you know?
400
00:18:02,467 --> 00:18:03,968
I'm afraid, Mr. Bunker,
that we won't--
401
00:18:03,968 --> 00:18:05,234
Talk faster than that, now.
402
00:18:05,234 --> 00:18:06,801
Now, Edith, come over here.
403
00:18:06,801 --> 00:18:09,000
Come on, start
the nuptial music here.
404
00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:11,167
Well, you've got
to go up and get Florence.
405
00:18:11,167 --> 00:18:13,901
- I thought you
was gonna do that. - No, no!
406
00:18:13,901 --> 00:18:16,767
See, today, you've got to be
the father of the bride.
407
00:18:16,767 --> 00:18:18,200
Oh, my God!
408
00:18:19,334 --> 00:18:21,834
Go ahead, play.
I'll go start.
409
00:18:21,834 --> 00:18:25,634
♪ Oh, promise me ♪
410
00:18:25,634 --> 00:18:27,400
♪ That someday ♪
411
00:18:27,400 --> 00:18:32,033
♪ You and I ♪
412
00:18:32,033 --> 00:18:35,133
♪ Will take our love ♪
413
00:18:35,133 --> 00:18:38,367
♪ Together to some sky ♪
414
00:18:38,367 --> 00:18:39,434
Not that one, Edith.
415
00:18:39,434 --> 00:18:41,000
- That's too slow.
- What?
416
00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:43,000
It's too slow,
and it's too sad.
417
00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:45,534
Here. Here,
play the Bridal March.
418
00:18:45,534 --> 00:18:47,767
And remember,
it's a march, it's a march.
419
00:18:47,767 --> 00:18:49,934
- Okay, all right.
- [PLAYS "WEDDING MARCH"]
420
00:18:49,934 --> 00:18:51,901
Okay, Flo!
I'm comin' to ya, Flo!
421
00:18:53,534 --> 00:18:54,601
Rose!
422
00:18:54,601 --> 00:18:56,834
Rose, Rose, wake up!
423
00:18:56,834 --> 00:19:00,100
[PLAYS RAGGEDLY]
424
00:19:05,200 --> 00:19:07,067
I was hoping you could
move a little faster than this.
425
00:19:15,400 --> 00:19:16,968
Now, don't make him
nervous, Flo.
426
00:19:18,033 --> 00:19:20,067
We're ready to start,
Edith.
427
00:19:20,067 --> 00:19:21,133
Cut.
428
00:19:21,133 --> 00:19:22,567
[POUNDS RANDOM KEY]
429
00:19:27,834 --> 00:19:29,367
Okay, Reverend,
you're on.
430
00:19:29,367 --> 00:19:30,868
"Dearly beloved."
Go.
431
00:19:30,868 --> 00:19:33,834
Dearly beloved,
we are gathered together
432
00:19:33,834 --> 00:19:36,033
here in the presence
of these witnesses
433
00:19:36,033 --> 00:19:38,033
to join together
this man and this woman--
434
00:19:38,033 --> 00:19:39,534
[CAR HORN HONKS]
435
00:19:39,534 --> 00:19:41,801
Okay, Barney, be with ya
in about two minutes there!
436
00:19:45,067 --> 00:19:46,667
No concern of yours.
437
00:19:46,667 --> 00:19:48,968
Keep going here.
Join 'em, join 'em. Go ahead.
438
00:19:48,968 --> 00:19:52,033
Dearly beloved,
we are gathered together.
439
00:19:52,033 --> 00:19:53,434
You already
gathered them together.
440
00:19:53,434 --> 00:19:55,834
Can't you just
join 'em here?
441
00:19:55,834 --> 00:19:57,367
Mr. Bunker, this is the form
442
00:19:57,367 --> 00:19:59,400
for the solemnization
of matrimony.
443
00:19:59,400 --> 00:20:01,033
We don't want the long form.
444
00:20:01,033 --> 00:20:03,701
That's only for young people
who are strong enough
445
00:20:03,701 --> 00:20:06,868
to stand up for half an hour
listening to you.
446
00:20:06,868 --> 00:20:10,067
This couple's gonna have
to take a nap in five minutes.
447
00:20:10,067 --> 00:20:11,033
Come on!
448
00:20:13,534 --> 00:20:14,868
Dearly beloved,
449
00:20:14,868 --> 00:20:16,133
we are gathered together
here...
450
00:20:16,133 --> 00:20:19,734
Stubborn guy!
Must be a Swede!
451
00:20:19,734 --> 00:20:22,801
...to join together
this man and this woman in holy matrimony.
452
00:20:22,801 --> 00:20:25,200
Oh, look at the time.
It's 26 minutes.
453
00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:27,400
What time do you got--?
454
00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:30,501
...prove that time
is no barrier to love.
455
00:20:30,501 --> 00:20:33,467
You two are
living testimony
456
00:20:33,467 --> 00:20:35,734
that love
is ageless.
457
00:20:35,734 --> 00:20:37,701
Ohh! Ohh!
458
00:20:37,701 --> 00:20:39,868
No time for tears, Edith,
no time for tears!
459
00:20:39,868 --> 00:20:41,567
Go ahead, keep goin'.
460
00:20:41,567 --> 00:20:43,601
You two have
experienced much of life.
461
00:20:43,601 --> 00:20:45,234
They know that.
Look at them.
462
00:20:48,367 --> 00:20:51,367
And life still has
much in store for you.
463
00:20:51,367 --> 00:20:53,801
And now, if there be
anyone amongst you
464
00:20:53,801 --> 00:20:56,467
who has anything to say
against these two marrying,
465
00:20:56,467 --> 00:20:58,100
let him speak now.
466
00:20:58,100 --> 00:21:00,534
Marry 'em. No one's
gonna open his mouth.
467
00:21:00,534 --> 00:21:02,534
BARNEY: Come on, Arch!
There's no more time!
468
00:21:02,534 --> 00:21:03,601
Except Barney.
469
00:21:03,601 --> 00:21:05,000
[SHOUTING]
Another minute, Barney!
470
00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:07,167
We're in the home stretch,
Reverend. Finish it off.
471
00:21:07,167 --> 00:21:09,501
Get to the you do,
do youse, hmm?
472
00:21:09,501 --> 00:21:11,934
Do you, Herbert,
take Florence
473
00:21:11,934 --> 00:21:14,400
to be your lawfully
wedded wife?
474
00:21:18,767 --> 00:21:20,701
Go ahead, say you do.
475
00:21:20,701 --> 00:21:22,701
I do.
476
00:21:22,701 --> 00:21:25,067
There's Florence.
Check with her.
477
00:21:25,067 --> 00:21:27,367
And do you, Florence,
take Herbert
478
00:21:27,367 --> 00:21:28,567
to be your lawfully
wedded husband?
479
00:21:28,567 --> 00:21:29,834
I do.
480
00:21:29,834 --> 00:21:31,400
All right, it's over.
They're married. Come on.
481
00:21:31,400 --> 00:21:33,100
Archie, the ring!
482
00:21:33,100 --> 00:21:34,501
Oh, the ring?
483
00:21:34,501 --> 00:21:36,467
Excuse me there, Herb.
Give me the finger there.
484
00:21:36,467 --> 00:21:40,534
- Here. With this ring,
I thee wed. - Oh, no!
485
00:21:40,534 --> 00:21:41,567
Go on with
the "renouncement," huh?
486
00:21:41,567 --> 00:21:43,033
Archie, he--!
487
00:21:43,033 --> 00:21:45,501
I know, I just wanted
to move it a little faster. Get in there!
488
00:21:45,501 --> 00:21:48,100
I now pronounce you
man and wife.
489
00:21:48,100 --> 00:21:49,334
EDITH: Awww!
490
00:21:49,334 --> 00:21:51,267
[APPLAUSE]
491
00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:54,801
Now you can throw
the bouquet!
492
00:21:54,801 --> 00:21:58,534
Oh, Debbie!
Debbie! Where's Debbie?
493
00:21:58,534 --> 00:22:00,834
Now, you catch it!
Stand right there!
494
00:22:00,834 --> 00:22:01,901
All right.
495
00:22:01,901 --> 00:22:04,534
One...two...three!
496
00:22:04,534 --> 00:22:06,534
[CHEERING]
497
00:22:06,534 --> 00:22:08,200
You're next!
498
00:22:09,334 --> 00:22:10,400
Now, everybody,
499
00:22:10,400 --> 00:22:12,200
there's plenty
of food and drink.
500
00:22:12,200 --> 00:22:14,534
- Just help yourself.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, help yourself.
501
00:22:14,534 --> 00:22:17,033
Eat all youse wanna,
and anything youse don't wanna eat,
502
00:22:17,033 --> 00:22:20,234
be sure and put it
in the ice box, 'cause we got roaches, see?
503
00:22:20,234 --> 00:22:22,133
All right, Edith,
come on, let's go.
504
00:22:22,133 --> 00:22:24,400
Now, Reverend, look,
these are the keys to the house.
505
00:22:24,400 --> 00:22:25,534
When youse are all done here,
506
00:22:25,534 --> 00:22:27,000
give 'em to my daughter
Gloria next door,
507
00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:28,367
and then she'll
lock everything up.
508
00:22:28,367 --> 00:22:30,133
- Did you get paid?
- No.
509
00:22:30,133 --> 00:22:31,667
Somebody give him
a dollar, huh?
510
00:22:31,667 --> 00:22:32,767
[CAR HORN HONKS]
511
00:22:32,767 --> 00:22:34,634
Okay, Barney,
we are coming now!
512
00:22:34,634 --> 00:22:36,834
But Archie!
Where's Herbert?
513
00:22:36,834 --> 00:22:39,167
- Herbert who?
- Herbert Hooper!
514
00:22:39,167 --> 00:22:41,200
He died in California
after inventing the Depression.
515
00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:43,934
No, Archie, her husband!
516
00:22:43,934 --> 00:22:45,667
The groom, he's missing!
517
00:22:45,667 --> 00:22:47,067
That is the bride's
responsibility, Edith.
518
00:22:47,067 --> 00:22:49,000
We've done all for
these people that we can do.
519
00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:50,701
Now, let's get our gear
out of the closet.
520
00:22:50,701 --> 00:22:52,601
- Now, why is
the closet locked? - I don't know.
521
00:22:52,601 --> 00:22:54,734
- Gimme the key.
- I don't have a key.
522
00:22:54,734 --> 00:22:56,868
- Who's got it?
- HERBERT: I got it!
523
00:22:56,868 --> 00:22:59,000
- Who's that?
- That's Herbert!
524
00:22:59,000 --> 00:23:00,868
Herbert Hooper,
her husband!
525
00:23:00,868 --> 00:23:03,501
Oh! Hooper,
get out of that closet
526
00:23:03,501 --> 00:23:05,701
and face your honeymoon
like a man!
527
00:23:05,701 --> 00:23:07,334
HERBERT: I ain't comin' out
out of here
528
00:23:07,334 --> 00:23:09,167
unless I can go
fishin' with you!
529
00:23:09,167 --> 00:23:10,934
Let's go, Arch!
Time's up!
530
00:23:10,934 --> 00:23:12,634
Barney, please,
we got a little problem here.
531
00:23:12,634 --> 00:23:14,968
Hey, Hooper, you're
making me very sad out here.
532
00:23:14,968 --> 00:23:16,868
HERBERT: I don't care.
533
00:23:16,868 --> 00:23:18,767
Hey, Hooper, you're killing
the fishing trip here.
534
00:23:18,767 --> 00:23:20,567
You know how
you can save it!
535
00:23:20,567 --> 00:23:22,167
All right, hold everything,
hold everything.
536
00:23:22,167 --> 00:23:23,501
Hold everything.
537
00:23:23,501 --> 00:23:24,567
- Barney.
- Yeah?
538
00:23:24,567 --> 00:23:26,400
Wouldn't it be nice
to do something...
539
00:23:26,400 --> 00:23:28,300
- ...for an old couple,
just got married? - Yeah.
540
00:23:28,300 --> 00:23:30,934
- Wouldn't the cabin at the lake
hold six persons? - Yeah.
541
00:23:30,934 --> 00:23:33,100
- Couldn't we take the Hoopers
fishin' with us? - No.
542
00:23:33,100 --> 00:23:35,634
- Uh, is Blanche
in the car down there? - Yeah.
543
00:23:35,634 --> 00:23:37,734
Blanche, did you ever hear
of the Hook Stratton Hotel...?
544
00:23:37,734 --> 00:23:40,267
Come on, Hooper,
let's go fishin'!
545
00:23:40,267 --> 00:23:42,901
I knew you'd
see it my way, Barn! This'll be all right.
546
00:23:42,901 --> 00:23:44,234
Now, you stay
with the bride there.
547
00:23:44,234 --> 00:23:46,167
Come on, Edith!
Come on, Edith!
548
00:23:48,334 --> 00:23:50,167
All right, get packin'!
Lets go!
549
00:23:50,167 --> 00:23:51,667
Come on, get outta here.
550
00:23:57,167 --> 00:23:58,534
Barney, you done
a beautiful thing,
551
00:23:58,534 --> 00:23:59,834
and you're gonna have
a swell time.
552
00:23:59,834 --> 00:24:00,901
[BLOWING RASPBERRY]
553
00:24:26,067 --> 00:24:27,667
ROB REINER:
All in the Family
554
00:24:27,667 --> 00:24:30,067
was recorded on tapebefore a live audience.
555
00:24:30,117 --> 00:24:34,667
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
40252
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Filipino
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Interlingua
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof
