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♪ Boy, the way
Glenn Miller played ♪
2
00:00:05,672 --> 00:00:09,340
♪ Songs that made
The Hit Parade ♪
3
00:00:09,342 --> 00:00:13,011
♪ Guys like us
We had it made ♪
4
00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:16,280
♪ Those were the days ♪
5
00:00:16,282 --> 00:00:20,284
♪ And you knewWhere you were then ♪
6
00:00:20,286 --> 00:00:23,622
♪ Girls were girlsAnd men were men ♪
7
00:00:23,624 --> 00:00:30,394
♪ Mister, we could use a manLike Herbert Hoover again ♪
8
00:00:30,396 --> 00:00:32,363
♪ Didn't needNo welfare state ♪
9
00:00:32,365 --> 00:00:36,534
♪ Everybody pulledHis weight ♪
10
00:00:36,536 --> 00:00:40,872
♪ Gee, our old LaSalleRan great ♪
11
00:00:40,874 --> 00:00:46,678
♪ Those were the days ♪
12
00:00:56,989 --> 00:00:59,057
Well, I got to say it
for you, Edith.
13
00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:00,625
You done it again.
14
00:01:00,627 --> 00:01:02,093
That there one
was a two-notcher.
15
00:01:04,864 --> 00:01:07,498
Oh, thank you,
Archie.
16
00:01:07,500 --> 00:01:09,968
Linda, would you like
another piece of pie?
17
00:01:09,970 --> 00:01:11,036
No, thanks, Aunt Edith.
18
00:01:11,038 --> 00:01:12,236
Save it for Gloria.
19
00:01:12,238 --> 00:01:13,638
She's the one
that's working overtime.
20
00:01:13,640 --> 00:01:16,340
Wait a minute. The meathead's
working overtime too.
21
00:01:16,342 --> 00:01:17,809
Look at him
with his knife and fork.
22
00:01:20,212 --> 00:01:22,013
Come on, will you?
I just like to eat.
23
00:01:22,015 --> 00:01:23,414
Well, so does a tapeworm,
24
00:01:23,416 --> 00:01:26,617
but we don't need one of them
in the house neither.
25
00:01:26,619 --> 00:01:29,788
Are you sure, Linda?
Just a little piece?
26
00:01:29,790 --> 00:01:31,956
It was delicious, Aunt Edith,
27
00:01:31,958 --> 00:01:33,457
but I've already gained
four pounds
28
00:01:33,459 --> 00:01:34,826
since I've been here.
29
00:01:34,828 --> 00:01:36,061
I have to watch my weight.
30
00:01:36,063 --> 00:01:37,896
The airline
is very strict about that.
31
00:01:37,898 --> 00:01:39,130
That's right. You know,
32
00:01:39,132 --> 00:01:40,565
I've never seen
a fat stewardess.
33
00:01:40,567 --> 00:01:43,802
That's because you live
in America, Meathead.
34
00:01:43,804 --> 00:01:46,771
The fat dames are flying
in them Polack planes.
35
00:01:49,308 --> 00:01:50,809
Archie, that's
a cheap joke,
36
00:01:50,811 --> 00:01:53,178
and for your information,
Polish State Airlines is rated
37
00:01:53,180 --> 00:01:55,346
one of the finest airlines
in the world, all right?
38
00:01:55,348 --> 00:01:56,715
They have a perfect
safety record.
39
00:01:56,717 --> 00:02:00,551
Good. I'll buy you a ticket
anyplace, one-way.
40
00:02:00,553 --> 00:02:02,253
Look, don't start with me,
Archie, all right?
41
00:02:02,255 --> 00:02:04,989
Mike, would you like
another piece of pie?
42
00:02:04,991 --> 00:02:06,390
Oh, no, thanks, Ma.
43
00:02:06,392 --> 00:02:08,593
It was a great dinner,
but I couldn't eat another bite.
44
00:02:08,595 --> 00:02:11,295
Wait a minute.
What was that I hear?
45
00:02:11,297 --> 00:02:13,231
He can't eat
another bite?
46
00:02:13,233 --> 00:02:15,900
Hold it, world.
One minute of silence.
47
00:02:15,902 --> 00:02:18,203
What for?
48
00:02:18,205 --> 00:02:20,538
Out of respect, Edith.
49
00:02:20,540 --> 00:02:23,407
The meathead's stomach
just died.
50
00:02:23,409 --> 00:02:25,543
Very funny, Arch.
51
00:02:25,545 --> 00:02:29,013
Yeah, well, I thought so.
52
00:02:29,015 --> 00:02:29,881
[BELCHES]
53
00:02:35,420 --> 00:02:38,289
Archie, we have
company.
54
00:02:38,291 --> 00:02:40,591
Linda ain't company.
She's family.
55
00:02:40,593 --> 00:02:42,260
Bring me another coffee, huh?
56
00:02:42,262 --> 00:02:43,661
Oh, let me do that,
Aunt Edith.
57
00:02:43,663 --> 00:02:44,929
I need the practice.
58
00:02:44,931 --> 00:02:46,998
Oh, thank you, Linda.
59
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:49,901
Okay, Uncle Archie,
you're on my plane.
60
00:02:49,903 --> 00:02:52,370
Now, pretend that you're
a gentleman flying first-class.
61
00:02:52,372 --> 00:02:54,505
That's gonna take
a lot of pretending.
62
00:02:57,376 --> 00:03:00,245
Go ahead, Linda.
63
00:03:00,247 --> 00:03:02,080
Another cup of coffee, sir?
64
00:03:02,082 --> 00:03:03,614
Yes, thank you
very much.
65
00:03:03,616 --> 00:03:04,949
I think I will.
66
00:03:04,951 --> 00:03:06,251
Oh, jeez.
67
00:03:06,253 --> 00:03:08,019
Will you clam up?
68
00:03:08,021 --> 00:03:10,021
I'm helping the kid
with her homework here.
69
00:03:10,023 --> 00:03:13,091
There you are, sir.
70
00:03:13,093 --> 00:03:15,493
And if there's anything else
you need, just ring.
71
00:03:15,495 --> 00:03:17,461
Yeah, well,
thanks a lot.
72
00:03:17,463 --> 00:03:19,463
Now, that's some style there,
huh, Edith?
73
00:03:19,465 --> 00:03:22,500
Oh, yeah, that was
very good, Linda.
74
00:03:22,502 --> 00:03:25,270
Hey, Linda, why don't you let me
call up your father
75
00:03:25,272 --> 00:03:27,972
and ask him if you can stay
with us a couple extra days?
76
00:03:27,974 --> 00:03:30,341
I'd love to,
but I really have to go.
77
00:03:30,343 --> 00:03:31,442
What's your hurry?
78
00:03:31,444 --> 00:03:32,844
Ain't you having fun
with us here?
79
00:03:32,846 --> 00:03:34,179
Oh, sure, I am,
80
00:03:34,181 --> 00:03:36,447
but I'm scheduled to fly
out of Baltimore tomorrow.
81
00:03:36,449 --> 00:03:37,949
Besides, think of poor Mike.
82
00:03:37,951 --> 00:03:39,317
Because of me,
83
00:03:39,319 --> 00:03:41,319
he's been sleeping on that couch
for two weeks now.
84
00:03:41,321 --> 00:03:43,288
That's all right, Linda, really.
I don't mind.
85
00:03:43,290 --> 00:03:46,657
Yeah, down here on the couch,
he's getting some sleep.
86
00:03:54,033 --> 00:03:57,001
Don't you sleep good
upstairs?
87
00:03:59,438 --> 00:04:00,972
Forget it, huh?
88
00:04:00,974 --> 00:04:05,210
Maybe their bed ain't
as comfortable as ours is.
89
00:04:05,212 --> 00:04:06,911
I said, forget it.
90
00:04:06,913 --> 00:04:09,314
Because you don't have
that trouble.
91
00:04:09,316 --> 00:04:10,982
You drop right off.
92
00:04:10,984 --> 00:04:13,451
Will you stifle yourself?
93
00:04:15,921 --> 00:04:17,521
Anyway, Linda,
you tell your father
94
00:04:17,523 --> 00:04:19,523
that whenever you're up
in this neck of the woods,
95
00:04:19,525 --> 00:04:21,259
you're always welcome to stay
here with us.
96
00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:23,228
Thanks, Uncle Archie.
97
00:04:23,230 --> 00:04:25,396
I just might do that.
98
00:04:25,398 --> 00:04:27,198
Yeah, and by the way,
you tell your father
99
00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:29,000
he ought to come up
for a visit too.
100
00:04:29,002 --> 00:04:31,336
You know, when we was kids,
we was always together.
101
00:04:31,338 --> 00:04:34,138
He always was hanging around me,
wanted to be just like me.
102
00:04:34,140 --> 00:04:36,007
Now I hardly never
see him anymore.
103
00:04:36,009 --> 00:04:38,642
Just remind him, Baltimore
ain't that far from New York.
104
00:04:38,644 --> 00:04:41,545
Then how come
we don't visit there?
105
00:04:41,547 --> 00:04:45,316
New York ain't that far
from Baltimore either.
106
00:04:46,818 --> 00:04:48,119
That's different, Edith.
107
00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:51,389
People from New York
don't go to Baltimore.
108
00:04:51,391 --> 00:04:53,524
Besides, he's the
youngest brother.
109
00:04:53,526 --> 00:04:54,525
It's only right
110
00:04:54,527 --> 00:04:56,094
that he come and visit me.
111
00:04:56,096 --> 00:04:59,063
Well, Linda, as long
as they ain't serving no cigars
112
00:04:59,065 --> 00:05:00,365
on your airplane here,
113
00:05:00,367 --> 00:05:02,733
I think I'll just jump
down to the corner store
114
00:05:02,735 --> 00:05:04,335
and pick myself up a few.
115
00:05:04,337 --> 00:05:06,504
I'll be back in three or four
shakes, there, Edith.
116
00:05:06,506 --> 00:05:07,638
EDITH:
All right, Archie.
117
00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:08,940
Ooh, I better
get going.
118
00:05:08,942 --> 00:05:09,941
It's five to 7.
119
00:05:09,943 --> 00:05:11,509
Are you going out, Linda?
120
00:05:11,511 --> 00:05:12,977
Yeah, I'm going
dancing.
121
00:05:12,979 --> 00:05:13,978
Come on, Ma,
122
00:05:13,980 --> 00:05:15,646
I'll help you
clear the table.
123
00:05:15,648 --> 00:05:17,348
Thanks, Mike.
124
00:05:17,350 --> 00:05:18,816
Ain't it strange?
125
00:05:18,818 --> 00:05:19,817
What?
126
00:05:19,819 --> 00:05:23,121
Well, Archie looks
just like his brother,
127
00:05:23,123 --> 00:05:26,291
but Linda don't look
like either one of them.
128
00:05:26,293 --> 00:05:30,494
Of course, I never looked
like my mother or my father.
129
00:05:30,496 --> 00:05:33,631
I look like my brother, Harry,
130
00:05:33,633 --> 00:05:36,467
but Harry didn't look like me.
131
00:05:36,469 --> 00:05:39,070
He looked like my sister,
Gertrude.
132
00:05:44,977 --> 00:05:46,744
Wait a second.
133
00:05:46,746 --> 00:05:48,413
If you looked
like Harry,
134
00:05:48,415 --> 00:05:50,448
and Harry looked
like Gertrude,
135
00:05:50,450 --> 00:05:53,418
then the three of you
kids looked alike.
136
00:05:53,420 --> 00:05:55,553
Only when we was together.
137
00:05:57,656 --> 00:05:59,824
Hi.
138
00:05:59,826 --> 00:06:00,825
MIKE: Hi, honey.
139
00:06:00,827 --> 00:06:01,993
The career woman is home.
140
00:06:01,995 --> 00:06:03,627
How are you?
141
00:06:03,629 --> 00:06:05,096
Would you like a piece of pie,
Gloria?
142
00:06:06,631 --> 00:06:08,666
Maybe later.
143
00:06:10,569 --> 00:06:11,569
[DOORBELL RINGS]
144
00:06:11,571 --> 00:06:14,038
I'll get it.
145
00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:15,440
You're busy.
146
00:06:18,310 --> 00:06:19,310
Oh, hi, Mrs. Bunker.
147
00:06:19,312 --> 00:06:20,744
Oh, hi, Lionel.
Come in.
148
00:06:20,746 --> 00:06:22,146
BOTH: Hey, Lionel.
How are you?
149
00:06:22,148 --> 00:06:24,849
My, don't you
look nice?
150
00:06:24,851 --> 00:06:26,484
Are you going
somewheres?
151
00:06:26,486 --> 00:06:28,052
Yep, going dancing.
152
00:06:28,054 --> 00:06:29,620
Ain't that
a coincidence.
153
00:06:29,622 --> 00:06:31,956
Linda's going
dancing too.
154
00:06:33,859 --> 00:06:34,993
Hi, Linda.
155
00:06:34,995 --> 00:06:36,794
Hi, Gloria. Hi, Lionel.
Did I keep you waiting?
156
00:06:36,796 --> 00:06:37,795
No, just got here.
157
00:06:37,797 --> 00:06:38,796
Let me help you.
158
00:06:38,798 --> 00:06:39,864
Oh...
159
00:06:43,502 --> 00:06:45,769
Oh...
160
00:06:50,376 --> 00:06:51,542
Oh!
161
00:06:54,146 --> 00:06:55,846
Anything wrong, Ma?
162
00:06:55,848 --> 00:06:58,816
No, but for some reason,
163
00:06:58,818 --> 00:07:02,353
your father
just popped into my mind.
164
00:07:04,023 --> 00:07:05,890
Oh, Linda, I've got
something for you.
165
00:07:05,892 --> 00:07:08,526
Oh, I bet I know
what it is.
166
00:07:08,528 --> 00:07:09,960
Oh, I knew it!
167
00:07:09,962 --> 00:07:11,029
Look, everybody.
168
00:07:11,031 --> 00:07:12,363
GLORIA: Oh,
that's a nice picture.
169
00:07:12,365 --> 00:07:13,831
MIKE: That's
really nice, yeah.
170
00:07:13,833 --> 00:07:15,199
What do you think,
Aunt Edith?
171
00:07:15,201 --> 00:07:18,136
Oh, it's very nice!
172
00:07:18,138 --> 00:07:22,507
Lionel's got his arm
around you, don't he?
173
00:07:22,509 --> 00:07:23,841
When was this taken?
174
00:07:23,843 --> 00:07:25,976
At the party we went to
last week at Trudy's,
175
00:07:25,978 --> 00:07:27,111
remember?
176
00:07:27,113 --> 00:07:28,413
That's where Linda
met Lionel.
177
00:07:28,415 --> 00:07:30,048
Oh.
178
00:07:30,050 --> 00:07:31,916
Well, excuse us,
everybody.
179
00:07:31,918 --> 00:07:33,518
We ought to be going.
Come on, Linda.
180
00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:34,652
Aunt Edith, would you please
181
00:07:34,654 --> 00:07:36,254
put the picture
in the bedroom for me?
182
00:07:36,256 --> 00:07:40,758
I'll put it in your suitcase
so you won't forget it.
183
00:07:42,727 --> 00:07:43,928
Don't hide it. I like it.
184
00:07:43,930 --> 00:07:45,530
Just put it
on top of the dresser.
185
00:07:45,532 --> 00:07:46,697
Bye-bye, everybody.
186
00:07:46,699 --> 00:07:47,565
MIKE:
Bye. Have fun.
187
00:07:52,037 --> 00:07:53,037
I didn't know
188
00:07:53,039 --> 00:07:55,739
Linda and Lionel
was dating.
189
00:07:55,741 --> 00:07:57,141
Well, they're not
really dating, Ma.
190
00:07:57,143 --> 00:07:59,577
They just like to go
dancing together.
191
00:07:59,579 --> 00:08:01,045
Oh, I see.
192
00:08:01,047 --> 00:08:03,047
What's the matter, Ma?
193
00:08:03,049 --> 00:08:06,484
Oh, nothing.
It's just so strange.
194
00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:08,852
I guess I'm not used to it.
195
00:08:08,854 --> 00:08:12,990
You see, in my old neighborhood
where I was brought up,
196
00:08:12,992 --> 00:08:14,925
we all had the same skin,
197
00:08:14,927 --> 00:08:17,928
except some was clear
and some had bumps.
198
00:08:21,500 --> 00:08:23,734
Ma, was your father
strict with you?
199
00:08:23,736 --> 00:08:25,470
I mean, about who
you went out with?
200
00:08:25,472 --> 00:08:27,205
Oh, yeah.
201
00:08:27,207 --> 00:08:32,076
The boy had to be kind
and thoughtful and a gentleman.
202
00:08:32,078 --> 00:08:33,944
How did Archie
ever pass that test?
203
00:08:36,348 --> 00:08:39,950
Well, Daddy died
a year before I met Archie.
204
00:08:40,719 --> 00:08:41,952
Ma, when you say
205
00:08:41,954 --> 00:08:44,989
"Kind and thoughtful
and a gentleman,"
206
00:08:44,991 --> 00:08:46,324
you're describing Lionel.
207
00:08:51,029 --> 00:08:53,498
I am, ain't I?
208
00:08:53,500 --> 00:08:55,733
Don't worry, Ma.
209
00:08:55,735 --> 00:08:57,735
Daddy will be asleep
when Linda comes home,
210
00:08:57,737 --> 00:09:00,204
and she's leaving tomorrow,
so he'll never know.
211
00:09:02,007 --> 00:09:03,608
I hope so.
212
00:09:03,610 --> 00:09:05,909
Well, I-- I better get
the dishes done.
213
00:09:05,911 --> 00:09:08,012
Oh, now, Ma, you sit
right there and relax.
214
00:09:08,014 --> 00:09:09,580
Michael's gonna
do the dishes.
215
00:09:09,582 --> 00:09:10,848
What?
216
00:09:10,850 --> 00:09:11,849
I'm only kidding,
Michael.
217
00:09:11,851 --> 00:09:12,916
I'll help you.
218
00:09:12,918 --> 00:09:14,318
All right, well,
we'll do them together.
219
00:09:14,320 --> 00:09:15,919
Yeah, you wash
and I'll watch.
220
00:09:20,992 --> 00:09:23,327
[PHONE RINGS]
221
00:09:25,464 --> 00:09:27,532
Hello?
222
00:09:27,534 --> 00:09:30,034
Oh, hello, Fred.
223
00:09:30,036 --> 00:09:31,669
Oh, fine.
224
00:09:31,671 --> 00:09:34,505
[YELLING]
How is everybody in Baltimore?
225
00:09:37,075 --> 00:09:40,711
No, no, Archie is out.
226
00:09:40,713 --> 00:09:42,613
Wait a minute.
I think I hear him.
227
00:09:42,615 --> 00:09:44,715
Wait a minute, yeah...
228
00:09:44,717 --> 00:09:46,784
Archie,
it's your brother.
229
00:09:46,786 --> 00:09:47,918
Huh?
230
00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:48,986
Who's that? Freddy?
231
00:09:48,988 --> 00:09:49,987
Yeah.
232
00:09:49,989 --> 00:09:51,121
Oh, wait a minute.
233
00:09:51,123 --> 00:09:52,657
Give me the phone.
Let me talk...
234
00:09:52,659 --> 00:09:53,824
Hiya, Freddy there.
235
00:09:53,826 --> 00:09:55,926
Archie here.
236
00:09:55,928 --> 00:09:57,528
How's the boy? Yeah.
237
00:09:57,530 --> 00:09:59,530
Oh, no, no, wait a minute,
don't tell me nothing.
238
00:09:59,532 --> 00:10:00,598
I got one for you.
239
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:02,032
Listen to this one.
240
00:10:02,034 --> 00:10:06,671
Why did the Irish farmer
spray booze on his vegetables?
241
00:10:06,673 --> 00:10:07,905
You give up?
242
00:10:07,907 --> 00:10:09,373
He wanted to raise
stewed tomatoes.
243
00:10:12,211 --> 00:10:13,411
Yeah, I knew
you'd love it.
244
00:10:13,413 --> 00:10:14,612
Huh? Linda?
Yeah, yeah, she's fine.
245
00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:16,414
Wait a minute.
I'll put her on the line.
246
00:10:16,416 --> 00:10:18,148
She ain't here, Archie.
247
00:10:18,150 --> 00:10:19,317
Oh, where is she?
248
00:10:19,319 --> 00:10:20,884
She went out.
249
00:10:20,886 --> 00:10:23,554
Ah, Freddy, she
went out someplace.
250
00:10:23,556 --> 00:10:24,822
What are you
talking about?
251
00:10:24,824 --> 00:10:25,823
I'm looking after her.
252
00:10:25,825 --> 00:10:27,858
I'm her Uncle Archie here.
253
00:10:27,860 --> 00:10:29,260
Yeah, she's having
a wonderful time--
254
00:10:29,262 --> 00:10:31,829
Edith, come here.
255
00:10:31,831 --> 00:10:33,231
Tell Freddy she's having
a wonderful time.
256
00:10:33,233 --> 00:10:35,833
[YELLING] She's having
a wonderful time.
257
00:10:35,835 --> 00:10:37,868
Did you hear that, Fred?
258
00:10:37,870 --> 00:10:39,337
Tell her what?
259
00:10:39,339 --> 00:10:42,240
Oh, you're going to
meet her at the plane
260
00:10:42,242 --> 00:10:43,241
in Baltimore.
261
00:10:43,243 --> 00:10:45,776
Yeah, sure, fine, Freddy.
262
00:10:45,778 --> 00:10:47,745
Yeah, nice talking to you.
263
00:10:47,747 --> 00:10:50,180
He's a good father,
that guy.
264
00:10:50,182 --> 00:10:51,515
A real good one.
265
00:10:51,517 --> 00:10:52,583
Worrying about his kid
266
00:10:52,585 --> 00:10:53,951
the way a good
father should.
267
00:10:53,953 --> 00:10:54,952
Where is she, anyhow?
268
00:10:54,954 --> 00:10:57,187
Out.
269
00:10:57,189 --> 00:10:59,189
Well, it's nice to know
she had a little fun
270
00:10:59,191 --> 00:11:01,325
while she was staying
with us here,
271
00:11:01,327 --> 00:11:03,261
and it's also nice to have
a cute-looking relation
272
00:11:03,263 --> 00:11:05,028
around the house
for a change,
273
00:11:05,030 --> 00:11:06,063
not like them lulus
274
00:11:06,065 --> 00:11:08,299
on your side
of the family.
275
00:11:08,301 --> 00:11:10,301
Yeah, Archie.
276
00:11:10,303 --> 00:11:12,069
Do you mind
if I sit down?
277
00:11:12,071 --> 00:11:14,171
No, I don't mind, Archie.
278
00:11:15,641 --> 00:11:17,475
Well, would you mind
getting out of my way?
279
00:11:17,477 --> 00:11:19,277
Sure.
280
00:11:19,279 --> 00:11:20,411
Get out of here!
281
00:11:24,048 --> 00:11:25,449
Sheez.
282
00:11:25,451 --> 00:11:28,452
It's like you were hit
with a brick or something.
283
00:11:38,530 --> 00:11:40,665
What are you gawking at?
284
00:11:40,667 --> 00:11:42,466
Go out and get me a can of beer.
285
00:11:42,468 --> 00:11:44,568
Right away.
286
00:11:44,570 --> 00:11:46,170
I can use some matches
here too, Edith.
287
00:11:46,172 --> 00:11:48,706
They're right there
on the table, Archie.
288
00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:49,740
No!
289
00:11:51,710 --> 00:11:53,977
What do you mean, "No"?
Here they are.
290
00:11:59,451 --> 00:12:02,119
Here you are, Arch--
291
00:12:02,121 --> 00:12:03,954
Here you are,
Archie!
292
00:12:09,594 --> 00:12:12,763
What is wrong with you?
293
00:12:12,765 --> 00:12:14,932
I thought you'd like it
on this side
294
00:12:14,934 --> 00:12:17,267
for a change.
295
00:12:17,269 --> 00:12:19,704
Well, is it going to
taste better on this side?
296
00:12:19,706 --> 00:12:23,374
I take my beer
always on this side here.
297
00:12:23,376 --> 00:12:26,310
Jeez, I don't know
what's coming over you, Edith.
298
00:12:26,312 --> 00:12:28,379
Sometimes I think
you're coming unwrapped.
299
00:12:31,550 --> 00:12:35,486
Is that so, Archie?
300
00:12:35,488 --> 00:12:37,187
Ain't that
interesting!
301
00:12:52,637 --> 00:12:54,372
[NERVOUS CHUCKLE]
302
00:12:58,643 --> 00:13:00,511
What is ailing you,
anyhow?
303
00:13:00,513 --> 00:13:02,780
You ain't going through
that change thing again?
304
00:13:10,889 --> 00:13:12,089
Because if it happens again,
305
00:13:12,091 --> 00:13:13,357
you're going to the hospital
this time.
306
00:13:17,662 --> 00:13:20,330
To hell with them
"groinecologists."
307
00:14:05,944 --> 00:14:07,311
What is this?
308
00:14:09,448 --> 00:14:12,349
It's a picture of some people.
309
00:14:16,588 --> 00:14:18,255
Tell me who the people are.
310
00:14:20,358 --> 00:14:21,859
Linda and Lionel.
311
00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:25,496
Now, what are Linda and Lionel
doing in the picture?
312
00:14:27,165 --> 00:14:28,699
They're sitting together--
313
00:14:28,701 --> 00:14:29,700
Together on a couch!
314
00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:30,968
I know that!
Stifle yourself!
315
00:14:40,912 --> 00:14:43,046
They're sitting
together on a couch!
316
00:14:43,048 --> 00:14:44,915
Mike, Gloria,
come quick!
317
00:14:44,917 --> 00:14:46,416
Oh, this is the kind of fun
318
00:14:46,418 --> 00:14:47,952
she's having
in our house, huh?
319
00:14:47,954 --> 00:14:48,986
What's wrong?
320
00:14:48,988 --> 00:14:50,287
What's all
the screaming about?
321
00:14:50,289 --> 00:14:51,421
What's going on?
322
00:14:51,423 --> 00:14:55,826
This... is going on.
323
00:14:55,828 --> 00:14:59,162
And this is going on!
324
00:15:06,304 --> 00:15:07,571
Jefferson, is that you?
325
00:15:07,573 --> 00:15:09,606
Listen,
this is Archie Bunker here,
326
00:15:09,608 --> 00:15:11,542
and I got to talk to you
right away.
327
00:15:11,544 --> 00:15:13,743
No, no, no, I don't want
to hear nothing from you.
328
00:15:13,745 --> 00:15:15,745
I got a lot of things
to say to you.
329
00:15:15,747 --> 00:15:17,114
You get right over here!
330
00:15:17,116 --> 00:15:18,582
Listen, Jefferson,
it's about Lionel,
331
00:15:18,584 --> 00:15:19,916
and it's important.
332
00:15:19,918 --> 00:15:22,419
You better haul it over here
"toute-dee-suite"!
333
00:15:22,421 --> 00:15:24,321
Yeah!
334
00:15:24,323 --> 00:15:26,323
Arch, why do you have to
fight with him tonight?
335
00:15:26,325 --> 00:15:27,558
We got to get
some sleep.
336
00:15:27,560 --> 00:15:28,959
Nobody's going to sleep
in this house
337
00:15:28,961 --> 00:15:30,360
till we get this thing
cleared up.
338
00:15:30,362 --> 00:15:31,528
Daddy!
339
00:15:31,530 --> 00:15:32,929
For the millionth time,
there's nothing wrong
340
00:15:32,931 --> 00:15:34,331
with Linda and Lionel
going out together.
341
00:15:34,333 --> 00:15:35,599
Nothing wrong?
342
00:15:35,601 --> 00:15:37,234
Try and make her father
believe that.
343
00:15:37,236 --> 00:15:38,635
What the hell
am I talking about?
344
00:15:38,637 --> 00:15:40,170
Try and make
me believe it!
345
00:15:40,172 --> 00:15:43,773
Oh, come on, Daddy,
they were only going dancing.
346
00:15:43,775 --> 00:15:45,109
Only dancing?
347
00:15:45,111 --> 00:15:47,177
Wiggling and jiggling
up together like that?
348
00:15:47,179 --> 00:15:48,745
No, Archie.
349
00:15:48,747 --> 00:15:52,082
Archie, they don't dance
like that no more.
350
00:15:52,084 --> 00:15:54,184
Sometimes they're so far apart
351
00:15:54,186 --> 00:15:56,353
they don't look
like they're together.
352
00:15:56,355 --> 00:15:57,887
Will you stifle yourself?
353
00:15:57,889 --> 00:16:00,424
I'm telling you that whites
should only dance with whites.
354
00:16:00,426 --> 00:16:02,092
You don't believe me?
Look at the movies.
355
00:16:02,094 --> 00:16:03,893
Fred Astaire
and Ginger Rogers.
356
00:16:03,895 --> 00:16:05,329
Gene Kelly
and Rita Hayworth.
357
00:16:05,331 --> 00:16:08,732
Shirley Temple
and Bill Robinson.
358
00:16:13,538 --> 00:16:16,240
That was before Shirley
was old enough to know
359
00:16:16,242 --> 00:16:17,608
she was doing something wrong.
360
00:16:20,612 --> 00:16:24,548
I guess that's when she started
dancing with George Murphy.
361
00:16:24,550 --> 00:16:27,618
All right,
all I'm saying is
362
00:16:27,620 --> 00:16:29,085
if God had intended
363
00:16:29,087 --> 00:16:30,720
white people to dance
with colored people--
364
00:16:30,722 --> 00:16:32,189
He'd have given us
rhythm too.
365
00:16:38,763 --> 00:16:40,430
Get away
from me, you!
366
00:16:40,432 --> 00:16:41,965
Daddy, the only hope
for this world
367
00:16:41,967 --> 00:16:43,667
is for people
to come together.
368
00:16:43,669 --> 00:16:44,868
Well, let them
come together
369
00:16:44,870 --> 00:16:46,537
in some other family
up in the Bronx!
370
00:16:46,539 --> 00:16:48,071
Oh, come on, Archie,
for Pete's sake.
371
00:16:48,073 --> 00:16:49,606
They're only
dancing together.
372
00:16:49,608 --> 00:16:51,608
Even if they were
making it, so what?
373
00:16:51,610 --> 00:16:53,310
What are you saying?
"Making it!"
374
00:16:53,312 --> 00:16:55,312
Don't you say a word
like that in this house.
375
00:16:55,314 --> 00:16:56,313
What?
376
00:16:56,315 --> 00:16:58,282
"Making it!" Shh!
377
00:16:58,284 --> 00:16:59,883
Take a walk, will you?
378
00:16:59,885 --> 00:17:02,085
Fine. It's obvious we're never
gonna get through to you.
379
00:17:02,087 --> 00:17:03,086
Come on, Gloria.
380
00:17:03,088 --> 00:17:04,120
[DOORBELL RINGS]
381
00:17:04,122 --> 00:17:05,955
That must be Mr. Jefferson.
382
00:17:05,957 --> 00:17:06,956
I'll get that door.
383
00:17:06,958 --> 00:17:08,225
Get away from here.
384
00:17:08,227 --> 00:17:10,360
We'll go out the back,
all right? All right.
385
00:17:10,362 --> 00:17:12,663
You! Sit down
in your chair.
386
00:17:15,733 --> 00:17:17,201
Keep your yap shut.
387
00:17:25,476 --> 00:17:28,612
I didn't order you on the phone.
I ordered your brother.
388
00:17:28,614 --> 00:17:31,348
Well, what you see
is what you get.
389
00:17:32,917 --> 00:17:35,485
Well, I got something here
for you to see.
390
00:17:36,987 --> 00:17:40,624
I want to know what your family
is going to do about him.
391
00:17:40,626 --> 00:17:41,925
Well, I want to know
392
00:17:41,927 --> 00:17:44,661
what your family is
going to do about her!
393
00:17:44,663 --> 00:17:46,263
You ain't even the head
of your family.
394
00:17:46,265 --> 00:17:47,997
Why didn't Lionel's father
come over here?
395
00:17:47,999 --> 00:17:49,866
You don't want to know
the answer to that.
396
00:17:49,868 --> 00:17:50,900
Yes, I do.
397
00:17:50,902 --> 00:17:52,302
All right, he said
398
00:17:52,304 --> 00:17:54,137
he ain't never stepped
into a honky's household
399
00:17:54,139 --> 00:17:56,406
and he ain't about to start
at the bottom of the heap.
400
00:18:05,082 --> 00:18:07,851
Jefferson, I don't like that!
401
00:18:07,853 --> 00:18:10,287
He said you wouldn't like it.
402
00:18:12,257 --> 00:18:14,458
What are you going to do
about that nephew of yours?
403
00:18:14,460 --> 00:18:15,659
Never mind.
404
00:18:15,661 --> 00:18:17,261
You tell your niece
to stop chasing Lionel.
405
00:18:17,263 --> 00:18:18,862
Lionel's the one
doing the chasing around here,
406
00:18:18,864 --> 00:18:20,130
and he's got to stop it.
407
00:18:20,132 --> 00:18:21,598
You're damn right
it's got to stop.
408
00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:23,600
We don't want Lionel
mixed up with no white girl.
409
00:18:23,602 --> 00:18:24,701
You got some nerve--
410
00:18:24,703 --> 00:18:27,103
Hey, what's all the yelling
about?
411
00:18:27,105 --> 00:18:28,238
Hey, hey, hey!
412
00:18:28,240 --> 00:18:29,640
Uncle Henry, what
are you doing here?
413
00:18:29,642 --> 00:18:31,241
Lionel, you got to come home
this minute.
414
00:18:31,243 --> 00:18:33,243
Where did you get that picture?
Your father found it.
415
00:18:33,245 --> 00:18:34,444
I don't care
who found it--
416
00:18:34,446 --> 00:18:35,845
All right,
pull the plug on that.
417
00:18:35,847 --> 00:18:38,047
I want to see Lionel
right now out in the kitchen.
418
00:18:38,049 --> 00:18:40,150
Lionel, you're
coming home with me.
419
00:18:40,152 --> 00:18:41,551
Hold it, Jefferson.
This is my house.
420
00:18:41,553 --> 00:18:43,153
I want to see him
in that kitchen.
421
00:18:43,155 --> 00:18:44,821
He's my nephew
and he ain't gonna go.
422
00:18:44,823 --> 00:18:47,291
Wait a minute.
All right, all right!
423
00:18:47,293 --> 00:18:48,892
Be cool, Uncle Henry.
I'll be right back.
424
00:18:48,894 --> 00:18:49,893
Let's go, Mr. Bunker.
425
00:18:49,895 --> 00:18:51,060
Yeah, let's go.
426
00:18:51,062 --> 00:18:52,262
Linda,
when I'm finished out there,
427
00:18:52,264 --> 00:18:54,264
I got a few things
to say to you here.
428
00:18:54,266 --> 00:18:57,501
And you, Jefferson,
ain't invited.
429
00:19:02,873 --> 00:19:04,240
Lionel, sit down.
430
00:19:09,246 --> 00:19:11,481
I'm very disappointed
in you, Lionel.
431
00:19:14,919 --> 00:19:16,787
And I thought you was
one of the good ones.
432
00:19:20,958 --> 00:19:23,059
But I've been wrong.
433
00:19:23,061 --> 00:19:24,795
I thought I was your friend.
434
00:19:24,797 --> 00:19:26,596
I mean, I have you
into my house here,
435
00:19:26,598 --> 00:19:27,997
and I mean through
the front door
436
00:19:27,999 --> 00:19:29,866
as well as the back.
437
00:19:33,170 --> 00:19:34,638
You sit here at my table,
438
00:19:34,640 --> 00:19:37,808
you break bread with me,
all of that,
439
00:19:37,810 --> 00:19:40,009
and then you go
and you do a thing like this?
440
00:19:40,011 --> 00:19:41,945
Thank you very much, Lionel.
441
00:19:41,947 --> 00:19:43,847
Are you talking
about me taking out Linda?
442
00:19:43,849 --> 00:19:45,248
Yes!
443
00:19:45,250 --> 00:19:49,820
Oh, you don't have to thank me
for that, Mr. Bunker.
444
00:19:49,822 --> 00:19:51,588
I'd do it again,
but she's leaving tomorrow.
445
00:19:51,590 --> 00:19:55,726
Lionel, let's cut
the funnies out, huh?
446
00:19:55,728 --> 00:19:57,394
This is very serious.
447
00:19:57,396 --> 00:19:59,529
You know what
I'm saying to you.
448
00:19:59,531 --> 00:20:01,231
I'm saying
449
00:20:01,233 --> 00:20:03,767
that youse guys ought
to stick with yourselves.
450
00:20:03,769 --> 00:20:05,235
You mean guys
ought to stay with guys?
451
00:20:10,941 --> 00:20:13,343
You know
what I'm talking about, Lionel.
452
00:20:13,345 --> 00:20:16,012
I'm saying that whites
ought to stay with whites
453
00:20:16,014 --> 00:20:19,315
and coloreds
ought to stay with coloreds.
454
00:20:26,891 --> 00:20:28,324
Look, Mr. Bunker,
455
00:20:28,326 --> 00:20:29,926
it's been a year and a half now
456
00:20:29,928 --> 00:20:31,495
since we moved
into this neighborhood.
457
00:20:31,497 --> 00:20:32,596
I was just 19 then,
458
00:20:32,598 --> 00:20:34,798
and I got a big kick
out of you and me
459
00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:36,366
for a long time,
460
00:20:36,368 --> 00:20:38,234
but I'm pushing 21 now,
and I'm not getting
461
00:20:38,236 --> 00:20:39,903
that big a kick out of it
anymore.
462
00:20:39,905 --> 00:20:41,304
Put a lid on all of that.
463
00:20:41,306 --> 00:20:43,072
No, no, wait, I'm not finished.
464
00:20:43,074 --> 00:20:47,310
Now, we've been friends,
and we can go on being friends,
465
00:20:47,312 --> 00:20:49,379
but when it comes
to black and white
466
00:20:49,381 --> 00:20:50,814
and all the other
wonderful thoughts
467
00:20:50,816 --> 00:20:53,283
you have in between,
468
00:20:53,285 --> 00:20:54,618
put a lid on that, Archie.
469
00:20:57,555 --> 00:21:00,490
Oh, wait a minute,
wait a minute, Lionel.
470
00:21:00,492 --> 00:21:01,658
What went on in there?
471
00:21:01,660 --> 00:21:02,859
What did he say to you?
472
00:21:02,861 --> 00:21:05,161
I got more
to say to you there.
473
00:21:05,163 --> 00:21:07,898
I ain't got nothing more
to say to you except this:
474
00:21:07,900 --> 00:21:09,132
It's your fault
475
00:21:09,134 --> 00:21:10,500
for raising that boy
so submissive.
476
00:21:10,502 --> 00:21:13,202
Don't you call
him "boy," Bunker!
477
00:21:13,204 --> 00:21:16,072
I don't mean "boy" boy.
478
00:21:16,074 --> 00:21:17,407
Wait a minute!
479
00:21:17,409 --> 00:21:19,676
What's everybody
getting so upset about?
480
00:21:19,678 --> 00:21:21,411
I mean, so Lionel
and I went dancing.
481
00:21:21,413 --> 00:21:22,712
It's no big deal.
482
00:21:22,714 --> 00:21:24,180
No big deal?
483
00:21:24,182 --> 00:21:26,182
What would your father say
if he heard about this?
484
00:21:26,184 --> 00:21:27,818
Well, Dad wouldn't mind.
485
00:21:27,820 --> 00:21:29,052
What a terrible thing to say
486
00:21:29,054 --> 00:21:30,386
about your father
and my brother!
487
00:21:30,388 --> 00:21:31,888
It's true.
488
00:21:31,890 --> 00:21:32,889
It ain't true!
489
00:21:32,891 --> 00:21:34,658
I go out with anybody I want to.
490
00:21:34,660 --> 00:21:35,659
Don't tell me that.
491
00:21:35,661 --> 00:21:37,260
You don't go out
with no colored guys
492
00:21:37,262 --> 00:21:39,295
when you live
in your father's house.
493
00:21:39,297 --> 00:21:41,331
You don't know anything
about my father's house.
494
00:21:41,333 --> 00:21:43,066
You haven't seen
Daddy for years.
495
00:21:43,068 --> 00:21:48,705
Uncle Archie, four kids
have grown up in that house,
496
00:21:48,707 --> 00:21:50,139
and he's changed.
497
00:21:50,141 --> 00:21:51,575
He ain't changed!
498
00:21:51,577 --> 00:21:54,177
Since he was 8 years old,
he always wanted to be like me,
499
00:21:54,179 --> 00:21:56,179
and he was like me,
and he's still like me!
500
00:21:56,181 --> 00:21:57,647
He's not like you!
501
00:21:57,649 --> 00:22:00,717
He doesn't care what color
a person's skin is,
502
00:22:00,719 --> 00:22:03,386
and he's not
8 years old anymore.
503
00:22:03,388 --> 00:22:05,254
Your father sounds like
504
00:22:05,256 --> 00:22:06,490
a great guy, Linda.
505
00:22:06,492 --> 00:22:09,425
He ain't so
great to me!
506
00:22:09,427 --> 00:22:12,529
Now, listen,
you got a lot to learn, boy.
507
00:22:12,531 --> 00:22:13,930
Boy, boy, boy, boy.
508
00:22:16,667 --> 00:22:18,869
I don't mean "boy" boy.
509
00:22:21,005 --> 00:22:22,706
Now, listen, Lionel,
this is important.
510
00:22:22,708 --> 00:22:25,174
If they want to mix up
the races, let them.
511
00:22:25,176 --> 00:22:27,243
But we're going
to keep ours pure.
512
00:22:27,245 --> 00:22:29,546
No more of that cream
into the coffee, right?
513
00:22:31,716 --> 00:22:33,617
Why don't you tell that
to Mr. Bunker?
514
00:22:33,619 --> 00:22:35,218
You two got
a lot in common anyway.
515
00:22:35,220 --> 00:22:36,219
Good night!
516
00:22:36,221 --> 00:22:37,220
Hey, Lionel,
517
00:22:37,222 --> 00:22:38,622
you better listen
to your uncle here.
518
00:22:38,624 --> 00:22:40,023
It's the first time
I knew him
519
00:22:40,025 --> 00:22:41,257
that he
made any sense.
520
00:22:41,259 --> 00:22:45,128
Bunker, I got one thing
to say to you.
521
00:22:45,130 --> 00:22:47,664
If you don't learn
to keep your mouth shut,
522
00:22:47,666 --> 00:22:50,433
we ain't never gonna get rid
of the pollution.
523
00:22:52,904 --> 00:22:54,871
I got something
to say to you,
524
00:22:54,873 --> 00:22:56,673
and you better stick around
to hear it too.
525
00:22:56,675 --> 00:22:57,974
You ain't getting away
526
00:22:57,976 --> 00:23:00,443
before you hear the last word
I got to say to you.
527
00:23:00,445 --> 00:23:01,477
Get out of my house!
528
00:23:05,550 --> 00:23:06,750
Where is that chick?
529
00:23:06,752 --> 00:23:08,752
Linda, get down here.
I want to talk to you.
530
00:23:08,754 --> 00:23:10,554
I can't let that kid
out of my sight.
531
00:23:10,556 --> 00:23:12,856
Archie, you don't
have to worry about her.
532
00:23:12,858 --> 00:23:14,991
She knows where she's at.
533
00:23:14,993 --> 00:23:16,026
[DOOR CLOSES]
534
00:23:19,764 --> 00:23:22,265
Well, where have you been?
535
00:23:22,267 --> 00:23:24,734
I was saying good night
to Lionel.
536
00:23:24,736 --> 00:23:26,135
Well, now you
got a few things
537
00:23:26,137 --> 00:23:27,571
to say to me,
young lady.
538
00:23:27,573 --> 00:23:31,975
All I have to say to you,
Uncle Archie, is...
539
00:23:31,977 --> 00:23:33,109
good night.
540
00:23:34,779 --> 00:23:36,479
Oh, no, that ain't all.
541
00:23:36,481 --> 00:23:37,781
That ain't all.
542
00:23:37,783 --> 00:23:39,983
We're gonna have a little
talk, you and me.
543
00:23:39,985 --> 00:23:42,719
Good night, Uncle Archie.
544
00:23:58,102 --> 00:23:59,703
[GRUMBLES]
545
00:24:09,580 --> 00:24:10,580
Archie--
546
00:24:10,582 --> 00:24:11,982
Don't say
nothing to me!
547
00:24:15,452 --> 00:24:19,022
You ain't got no control
548
00:24:19,024 --> 00:24:21,424
over the goings-on
in this house.
549
00:24:27,898 --> 00:24:29,633
"And I want to thank you
550
00:24:29,635 --> 00:24:33,302
"for taking such good care
of my little girl.
551
00:24:33,304 --> 00:24:35,772
Your brother, Fred."
552
00:24:35,774 --> 00:24:37,240
Ain't that nice?
553
00:24:37,242 --> 00:24:39,509
Your brother sounds
like a nice guy, Arch.
554
00:24:39,511 --> 00:24:40,877
He's one member
of your family
555
00:24:40,879 --> 00:24:41,978
I'd like to meet.
556
00:24:47,417 --> 00:24:49,485
I'd like you
to meet him too.
557
00:24:49,487 --> 00:24:51,587
I'd like you
to move in with him.
558
00:25:06,804 --> 00:25:10,339
[♪]
559
00:25:10,341 --> 00:25:12,208
ANNOUNCER:
All in the Family was recorded on tape
560
00:25:12,210 --> 00:25:14,310
before a live audience.
561
00:25:14,360 --> 00:25:18,910
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
39634
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