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00:00:02,902 --> 00:00:04,836
[ Announcer ]
From television city in Hollywood.
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00:00:04,904 --> 00:00:08,506
♪ Boy, the way
Glenn Miller played ♪
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00:00:08,574 --> 00:00:12,176
♪ songs that made
the hit parade ♪
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00:00:12,244 --> 00:00:15,947
♪ guys like us
we had it made ♪
5
00:00:16,015 --> 00:00:19,150
[ together ]
♪ those were the days ♪
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00:00:20,552 --> 00:00:24,255
♪ and you knew where you were then ♪
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00:00:24,323 --> 00:00:27,659
[ Archie ]
♪ girls were girls and men were men ♪
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00:00:27,727 --> 00:00:30,328
[ Archie, Edith ]
♪ mister, we could use a man ♪
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00:00:30,395 --> 00:00:34,633
♪ like Herbert hoover again ♪
10
00:00:34,700 --> 00:00:38,069
[ Archie ]
♪ didn't need no welfare state ♪
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00:00:38,137 --> 00:00:41,572
[ Edith ]
♪ everybody pulled his weight ♪
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00:00:41,641 --> 00:00:45,910
[ Archie, Edith ]
♪ gee, our old lasalle ran great ♪
13
00:00:45,978 --> 00:00:51,750
♪ those were the days ♪
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00:00:58,090 --> 00:01:01,693
[ sniffs ]
Mmm, my, that smells good.
15
00:01:01,761 --> 00:01:04,696
Mm-hmm.
No, ma, don't open it. It'll fall.
16
00:01:04,764 --> 00:01:07,866
Oh. You know,
this is the first time...
17
00:01:07,933 --> 00:01:10,869
That I've made
something different for Sunday breakfast...
18
00:01:10,936 --> 00:01:13,705
Since before
I got married.
19
00:01:13,773 --> 00:01:17,876
How does it feel
being creative again ? Oh, good, I guess.
20
00:01:17,943 --> 00:01:21,880
But I don't know.
I think your father's gonna feel like a Guinea pig.
21
00:01:21,947 --> 00:01:24,482
And I'm not so sure
he'll like it.
22
00:01:24,550 --> 00:01:26,484
He'll have to accept it.
23
00:01:26,552 --> 00:01:28,787
That's what
women's liberation is all about.
24
00:01:28,854 --> 00:01:34,125
You're an individual, too,
and you have to be free to do your own thing.
25
00:01:34,193 --> 00:01:37,562
I suppose.
Gee, I've enjoyed this, ma.
26
00:01:37,629 --> 00:01:39,731
Working with you
and talking.
27
00:01:39,799 --> 00:01:42,901
Why, this is the first
real heart-to-heart we've had maybe ever.
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00:01:42,968 --> 00:01:44,903
That's right.
29
00:01:44,970 --> 00:01:49,107
It's been really great
'cause we've been talking like friends.
30
00:01:49,175 --> 00:01:53,277
Yeah, we worked ourselves up
from mother and daughter.
31
00:01:53,345 --> 00:01:55,413
Oh, ma,
that's lovely.
32
00:01:55,480 --> 00:01:57,582
You know what's nice, ma ?
33
00:01:57,649 --> 00:02:00,451
I've told you things today
I never ever told anybody...
34
00:02:00,519 --> 00:02:02,486
Except my very best
girlfriends.
35
00:02:02,554 --> 00:02:06,091
Really ?
Yeah.
36
00:02:06,158 --> 00:02:08,093
Gloria, come here.
37
00:02:08,160 --> 00:02:10,095
Sit down.
38
00:02:10,162 --> 00:02:13,932
Yeah, ma ? You got
some intimate girl stuff you're gonna share with me ?
39
00:02:13,999 --> 00:02:18,036
Well, nothing that I'd write
to dear Abby about.
40
00:02:18,104 --> 00:02:22,107
Do you know that once
I kissed a boy...
41
00:02:22,174 --> 00:02:26,111
For 11 and a half minutes
nonstop ?
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00:02:27,279 --> 00:02:30,849
- Mother, no.
- It was a contest.
43
00:02:30,916 --> 00:02:33,885
His name was
Scott flenderhook.
44
00:02:33,953 --> 00:02:37,122
Oh, we-- we could have gone
for 15 minutes,
45
00:02:37,189 --> 00:02:39,891
only he had one bucktooth.
46
00:02:41,426 --> 00:02:46,464
I got a shootin' pain
from my upper lip to my right temple.
47
00:02:46,531 --> 00:02:49,433
Well, did you win
the contest ? Oh, yeah.
48
00:02:49,501 --> 00:02:52,036
The only couple
that came close...
49
00:02:52,104 --> 00:02:56,641
Was Lucy shinado
and Melvin pransky.
50
00:02:56,708 --> 00:03:00,311
Lucy had spaghetti for dinner,
with butter and garlic.
51
00:03:00,379 --> 00:03:05,483
So after nine minutes,they had to pull 'em apart.
52
00:03:06,718 --> 00:03:10,354
You know, because Melvin
was turning green.
53
00:03:10,422 --> 00:03:14,725
That's a funny story, ma.
I'm glad you shared it with me.
54
00:03:14,794 --> 00:03:17,162
Who's sharin' what
with who ? Good morning, Archie.
55
00:03:17,229 --> 00:03:19,831
Morning, daddy.
Ma just told me the funniest story--
56
00:03:19,899 --> 00:03:21,900
about how we met !
57
00:03:24,236 --> 00:03:29,007
You remember, Archie.
It was in the puritan may coffee shop.
58
00:03:29,074 --> 00:03:32,143
Oh, yeah,
you was with that guy flenderhook...
59
00:03:32,211 --> 00:03:34,578
With the bicuspid
out to there.
60
00:03:36,548 --> 00:03:40,418
Kissin' him must have been
like kissin' a nail.
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00:03:40,485 --> 00:03:43,188
Though you swore to me
you never done it.
62
00:03:43,255 --> 00:03:45,356
[ Sniffs ]
What you got in here ?
63
00:03:45,424 --> 00:03:48,526
Daddy, no !
What the hell is in there ?
64
00:03:48,593 --> 00:03:50,695
You'll see.
[ Timer bell dings ]
65
00:03:50,762 --> 00:03:54,265
Oh, it's done.
We can take it out now. Just wait, Archie.
66
00:03:54,333 --> 00:03:57,535
You're gonna like it.
It's your breakfast.
67
00:03:57,602 --> 00:04:00,438
Bacon souffle !
68
00:04:00,505 --> 00:04:04,542
I ain't gonna eat
none of that.
69
00:04:04,609 --> 00:04:07,846
What happened to
my eggs over easy and my crispy bacon ?
70
00:04:07,913 --> 00:04:12,383
Well, Gloria and I
were talking about creative cooking,
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00:04:12,451 --> 00:04:15,987
and she found this recipe
right on the egg carton.
72
00:04:16,055 --> 00:04:17,989
See ?
73
00:04:18,057 --> 00:04:21,492
"A cheerful change
from the humdrum morning fare."
74
00:04:25,130 --> 00:04:28,532
You're a pip,
you know that ?
75
00:04:28,600 --> 00:04:30,902
What day of the week
is this ? Sunday.
76
00:04:30,970 --> 00:04:33,738
What do I have for breakfast
every Sunday of my life, Edith ?
77
00:04:33,805 --> 00:04:36,574
[ Sighs ]
Prune juice, just six ounces;
78
00:04:36,641 --> 00:04:38,910
eggs over easy,
drain the grease;
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00:04:38,978 --> 00:04:40,912
bacon crispy,
drain the grease;
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00:04:40,980 --> 00:04:43,748
toast, three slices,
buttered lightly; And coffee.
81
00:04:44,850 --> 00:04:47,385
Mountain-grown.
Right.
82
00:04:50,289 --> 00:04:54,125
And I don't need
no cheerful change from the humdrum morning fare...
83
00:04:54,193 --> 00:04:56,127
You just "emunerated."
84
00:04:56,195 --> 00:04:59,163
Give me a regular
Archie bunker breakfast. That's all I want.
85
00:04:59,231 --> 00:05:01,499
Eggs over here,
bacon over there.
86
00:05:01,566 --> 00:05:04,102
You can send that souffle
back to Charles de gaulle.
87
00:05:04,169 --> 00:05:06,470
Daddy,
Charles de gaulle's dead.
88
00:05:06,538 --> 00:05:10,674
That's right.
And I need a souffle about as much as he does.
89
00:05:12,511 --> 00:05:16,614
Boy, oh, boy,
a woman sure has no chance to express herself around you.
90
00:05:16,681 --> 00:05:18,616
It's as if
she were in prison.
91
00:05:18,683 --> 00:05:21,852
She can't grow, can't change.
She's second-class, half a person.
92
00:05:21,921 --> 00:05:24,789
Hold it there,
little girl.
93
00:05:24,856 --> 00:05:27,858
Them ain't your words.
Where are you getting all that from ?
94
00:05:27,927 --> 00:05:32,363
Oh, Gloria has been reading
a book about women's lib.
95
00:05:32,431 --> 00:05:34,632
Oh, jeez.
96
00:05:34,699 --> 00:05:37,701
Three books, daddy,
and I didn't read them, I devoured them.
97
00:05:37,769 --> 00:05:41,472
Not only that,
I had Michael read them too. Mike ?
98
00:05:41,540 --> 00:05:43,808
It ain't enough that he's
a pinko and an atheist.
99
00:05:43,875 --> 00:05:47,145
You're gonna
turn him from a man into a "morphodite."
100
00:05:48,347 --> 00:05:50,415
What's a "morphodite" ?
101
00:05:50,482 --> 00:05:54,085
A freak with
a little too much of each and not enough of neither.
102
00:05:57,823 --> 00:06:00,291
Michael isn't like you,
daddy.
103
00:06:00,359 --> 00:06:02,293
He's open-minded
and flexible.
104
00:06:02,361 --> 00:06:05,063
He recognizes--
and you better recognize too--
105
00:06:05,130 --> 00:06:07,832
that women are individuals,
your wife is an individual.
106
00:06:07,899 --> 00:06:11,502
She's entitled
to the same rights and privileges as you.
107
00:06:11,570 --> 00:06:14,238
Edith, are you listening
to this over here ?
108
00:06:14,306 --> 00:06:17,241
A dreaded disease
is "infilterating" our home,
109
00:06:17,309 --> 00:06:19,610
and your daughter's
bringing it in here.
110
00:06:19,678 --> 00:06:24,015
Next she'll have you
prancing around in hot pants and burning your brassieres.
111
00:06:28,387 --> 00:06:32,256
Oh, no, Archie.
I'm afraid of fire.
112
00:06:35,861 --> 00:06:40,164
Even when I was a little girl,
I couldn't toast marshmallows.
113
00:06:40,232 --> 00:06:42,367
I heard the story,
so get off it.
114
00:06:42,434 --> 00:06:45,103
Somebody else had to
put it in the fire.
115
00:06:45,170 --> 00:06:47,338
Stifle that, will you !
And then I would pick it off the twig.
116
00:06:47,406 --> 00:06:49,340
Will you stifle that !
117
00:06:49,408 --> 00:06:52,443
Daddy, you just stop that
and let mother do her thing.
118
00:06:52,511 --> 00:06:55,113
I'm waiting for her
to do her thing,
119
00:06:55,180 --> 00:06:59,450
and her thing on a Sunday
morning is eggs over easy and crispy bacon.
120
00:06:59,518 --> 00:07:02,720
And drainin' the grease off.
I'll fix it for you right away, Archie.
121
00:07:02,787 --> 00:07:04,722
Please !
Mother, no !
122
00:07:04,789 --> 00:07:07,358
"Mother, no" ?
What is she doing anyway ?
123
00:07:07,426 --> 00:07:09,894
Submitting to him,
that's what she's doing.
124
00:07:09,961 --> 00:07:13,097
Submitting to
her king, her ruler, her lord and master.
125
00:07:13,165 --> 00:07:17,168
Gee, I couldn't have
said that better myself.
126
00:07:17,236 --> 00:07:19,470
You're into that
women's lib thing, huh ?
127
00:07:19,538 --> 00:07:21,972
We was into it,
and now we're out of it.
128
00:07:22,041 --> 00:07:25,410
Will you tell your wife
to stop putting fancy ideas into her mother's head...
129
00:07:25,477 --> 00:07:27,412
'Cause they don't
belong there.
130
00:07:27,479 --> 00:07:30,281
It's like puttin' lace
on a bowlin' ball.
131
00:07:30,349 --> 00:07:34,718
Mother, how can you just
lie down and be stepped on this way ?
132
00:07:34,786 --> 00:07:37,255
Well, I'm not lying down.
133
00:07:37,322 --> 00:07:39,924
And I don't feel like
I'm being stepped on.
134
00:07:39,991 --> 00:07:43,727
I'll get your eggs, Archie.
You see what you're doing to her ?
135
00:07:43,795 --> 00:07:47,831
You're choking her spirit,
her entire personality.
136
00:07:47,899 --> 00:07:50,868
Here's a woman
who will never ever realize her full potential,
137
00:07:50,936 --> 00:07:52,937
and it's all because
of you, daddy.
138
00:07:53,004 --> 00:07:54,939
I just wanna eat.
139
00:07:55,006 --> 00:07:57,975
Tell him, Michael.
Tell him what he's doing to her.
140
00:07:58,043 --> 00:07:59,977
It's none of my business.
141
00:08:00,045 --> 00:08:02,947
The oppressed blacks
are your business.
142
00:08:03,014 --> 00:08:05,783
Discrimination
against puerto ricans and Jews and poles...
143
00:08:05,850 --> 00:08:08,119
And every other minority
is your business.
144
00:08:08,187 --> 00:08:12,690
- What about discrimination
against women ? - It's not the same thing.
145
00:08:12,757 --> 00:08:16,060
How can you say that ?
You read the books.
146
00:08:16,128 --> 00:08:19,430
Yes, I read the books,
but that doesn't mean I buy the whole bag.
147
00:08:19,498 --> 00:08:22,433
Yes, I believe women
should have equal job opportunities.
148
00:08:22,501 --> 00:08:26,604
Yes, I believe they
should have equal pay. You better believe in it.
149
00:08:26,671 --> 00:08:30,108
But I don't believe in a woman
opening up her big mouth around the house.
150
00:08:30,175 --> 00:08:33,177
So shut up, will you !
Like hell I will !
151
00:08:33,245 --> 00:08:35,179
Gloria bunker !
152
00:08:35,247 --> 00:08:37,681
Her name's not bunker.
It's stivic.
153
00:08:39,551 --> 00:08:42,186
Don't be swearing
around the house, Gloria bunker.
154
00:08:42,254 --> 00:08:45,756
- Her name's Gloria stivic.
- Whatever.
155
00:08:45,824 --> 00:08:50,161
Oughta be ashamed of herself,
swearing around the house, and in front of her mother,
156
00:08:50,229 --> 00:08:53,364
and on a Sunday morning,
and, Edith, I'm hungry !
157
00:08:53,432 --> 00:08:56,501
I think you ought
to be ashamed.
158
00:08:56,568 --> 00:09:00,471
You and my husband,
who I thought I knew, and now I see I don't.
159
00:09:00,539 --> 00:09:05,009
I'm gonna tell you something
about my mother and me. You do not own us.
160
00:09:05,076 --> 00:09:07,845
We are free and equal
human beings...
161
00:09:07,912 --> 00:09:10,681
Who represent
half the population of this earth,
162
00:09:10,749 --> 00:09:12,683
the female population.
163
00:09:12,751 --> 00:09:15,419
And we're tired
of being exploited by men,
164
00:09:15,487 --> 00:09:18,689
tired of you holding us down
and then keeping us back.
165
00:09:18,757 --> 00:09:21,025
If you continue
to exploit us,
166
00:09:21,092 --> 00:09:23,528
we're gonna rise up
against you someday...
167
00:09:23,595 --> 00:09:26,197
Like our black sisters
and our chicano sisters...
168
00:09:26,265 --> 00:09:28,199
And all the other
oppressed sisters !
169
00:09:28,267 --> 00:09:32,303
I don't know what I'm
saying anymore, but you men better believe it !
170
00:09:32,371 --> 00:09:35,306
[ Sobbing ]
171
00:09:58,797 --> 00:10:03,067
Edith, I cannot have
my Sunday mornings ruined this way.
172
00:10:04,936 --> 00:10:08,739
I've never seen her
get like that.
173
00:10:08,807 --> 00:10:11,409
What time of the month
is it ?
174
00:10:14,213 --> 00:10:16,814
No, it ain't that,
Archie.
175
00:10:16,881 --> 00:10:19,283
She's really upset.
176
00:10:28,993 --> 00:10:31,495
That was quite a scene
you put on down there.
177
00:10:31,563 --> 00:10:33,931
It's not funny, Michael.
178
00:10:33,998 --> 00:10:37,602
I may not be able to
express it well, but you know what women's lib means to me.
179
00:10:37,669 --> 00:10:39,670
How could you say
those things to me down there ?
180
00:10:39,738 --> 00:10:43,774
Because you know how upset
I've been all weekend about my grades.
181
00:10:43,842 --> 00:10:46,444
I'm uptight about them.
They're coming in tomorrow's mail.
182
00:10:46,511 --> 00:10:48,479
My whole scholarship
depends on them.
183
00:10:48,547 --> 00:10:51,282
We're talking about me
and my problems now.
184
00:10:51,350 --> 00:10:55,119
Why can't you see
how much this means to me ?
185
00:10:55,186 --> 00:10:57,521
Uh, look, Gloria,
I'm sorry.
186
00:10:57,589 --> 00:10:59,957
I'm just a little nervous,
that's all.
187
00:11:00,024 --> 00:11:02,826
But you know how I feel
about equality between the sexes.
188
00:11:02,894 --> 00:11:05,963
I'm not sure anymore.
How do you feel ?
189
00:11:06,030 --> 00:11:09,199
I believe in total equality
between man and woman.
190
00:11:09,268 --> 00:11:12,970
But that equality
can only come about when the female partner...
191
00:11:13,037 --> 00:11:16,206
Is willing to confess
her total inferiority.
192
00:11:21,813 --> 00:11:25,483
I'm your equal as soon
as I admit to you...
193
00:11:25,550 --> 00:11:28,886
That I'm totally
inferior ? Yes.
194
00:11:28,953 --> 00:11:31,822
You're insane, Michael !
You're out of your head ! Wait a second.
195
00:11:31,890 --> 00:11:36,059
Gloria, you're upset because
you forgot I don't really think women are inferior.
196
00:11:36,127 --> 00:11:39,730
It's just a game,
a game dictated by nature.
197
00:11:39,798 --> 00:11:42,333
Didn't I ever explain this
to you before ?
198
00:11:42,401 --> 00:11:44,702
Sit down, I'll explain it
to you again.
199
00:11:44,770 --> 00:11:47,338
You, the woman,
come to me, the man,
200
00:11:47,406 --> 00:11:51,008
and you admit that
you're weaker, more needful and you're inferior.
201
00:11:51,075 --> 00:11:54,011
Oh, no !
The minute you admit to me that you're inferior,
202
00:11:54,078 --> 00:11:56,013
my maleness
is satisfied,
203
00:11:56,080 --> 00:11:59,016
I can immediately
elevate you to a level of complete equality.
204
00:11:59,083 --> 00:12:01,018
But, Michael--
wait a second.
205
00:12:01,085 --> 00:12:03,688
Don't you see that you
gotta let me, the male, make the decision ?
206
00:12:03,755 --> 00:12:07,458
Then we're forever equal,
and the question doesn't have to come up again.
207
00:12:07,526 --> 00:12:10,528
Don't you remember me
explaining this to you ?
208
00:12:10,595 --> 00:12:13,364
My male-female
game plan.
209
00:12:13,432 --> 00:12:18,135
Oh, yeah, yeah, that.
I remember that now.
210
00:12:18,203 --> 00:12:22,005
That was the night
of our engagement party. Right. There you go.
211
00:12:22,073 --> 00:12:26,009
You found a bottle of wine,
and after everyone was gone,
212
00:12:26,077 --> 00:12:29,012
we sat on the floor
in front of a gooseneck lamp,
213
00:12:29,080 --> 00:12:31,549
pretending it
was a fireplace. Oh, yeah.
214
00:12:31,616 --> 00:12:35,720
We're sober now, Michael,
and we're older.
215
00:12:35,787 --> 00:12:39,623
And I do not want
to say I'm inferior. That is dumb.
216
00:12:40,992 --> 00:12:42,960
That is not dumb !
217
00:12:43,027 --> 00:12:46,731
That is the essence
of the whole male-female relationship.
218
00:12:46,798 --> 00:12:49,500
Then I suppose
I'm too dumb to see it.
219
00:12:49,568 --> 00:12:52,903
You said it, not me.
You don't take me seriously.
220
00:12:52,971 --> 00:12:56,707
Why should you ?
We women, we're nothing but sex objects.
221
00:12:56,775 --> 00:12:59,243
What's wrong with that ?
Michael !
222
00:12:59,310 --> 00:13:03,213
I should be that lucky !
223
00:13:03,281 --> 00:13:06,417
One more dumb joke,
and I'm leaving you. You understand that ?
224
00:13:06,485 --> 00:13:08,886
I'm leaving you
on the next dumb joke.
225
00:13:08,953 --> 00:13:11,188
You would do that,
wouldn't you ?
226
00:13:11,256 --> 00:13:13,657
Knowing how uptight I am
about my grades,
227
00:13:13,725 --> 00:13:16,560
knowing that my whole
future depends on it, you would do that.
228
00:13:16,628 --> 00:13:19,363
You did it again.
We're back to you and your problem.
229
00:13:19,431 --> 00:13:22,366
That's right,
because my problem involves our whole future together.
230
00:13:22,434 --> 00:13:25,870
It's more important
than yours ! Because I'm only a woman.
231
00:13:25,937 --> 00:13:29,907
That's the way men feel--
your problems are always greater than ours.
232
00:13:29,974 --> 00:13:32,109
Well ?
233
00:13:32,176 --> 00:13:37,815
And the declaration
of independence says we're all created equal.
234
00:13:37,883 --> 00:13:42,219
Ha !
It says all menare created equal.
235
00:13:45,690 --> 00:13:49,159
The declaration
of independence says nothing about women !
236
00:13:49,227 --> 00:13:51,729
If that's as much
as I mean to you,
237
00:13:51,797 --> 00:13:54,465
if that's as serious
as you're gonna take me--
238
00:13:54,533 --> 00:13:56,967
what are you doing ?
What does it look like I'm doing ?
239
00:13:57,035 --> 00:13:59,470
I'm packing a suitcase.
You're gonna leave ? Fine !
240
00:13:59,538 --> 00:14:01,772
I'll help you.
Here are your blouses. Go ahead !
241
00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:05,108
[ Arguing continues ]
242
00:14:05,176 --> 00:14:08,712
Archie, you better
go up there and stop that.
243
00:14:08,780 --> 00:14:11,315
[ Mike ]
Get out of here ! You're making me crazy !
244
00:14:11,382 --> 00:14:13,551
Let fightin' dogs lie.
245
00:14:14,686 --> 00:14:17,321
Well, if you're not
gonna stop it, I will.
246
00:14:17,388 --> 00:14:20,424
No, Edith.
Now, that, I forbid.
247
00:14:20,492 --> 00:14:22,993
Let 'em fight.
248
00:14:23,061 --> 00:14:26,330
If we're lucky,
maybe she'll teach him a lesson and throw him outta here.
249
00:14:27,799 --> 00:14:31,335
You can't mean that.
You're acting like a child !
250
00:14:31,402 --> 00:14:35,172
You're acting irrationally.
Why can't we talk about this like rational people ?
251
00:14:35,239 --> 00:14:38,576
[ Arguing continues ]
What is the suitcase for ?
252
00:14:38,643 --> 00:14:41,512
Mother, I'm doing this
just as much for you as I am for myself.
253
00:14:41,580 --> 00:14:43,514
Wait a second.
[ Edith ] Where are you going ?
254
00:14:43,582 --> 00:14:45,683
If anybody wants me,
I'll be at Trudy's.
255
00:14:45,750 --> 00:14:49,019
You leave this house
while I am uptight about my grades,
256
00:14:49,087 --> 00:14:52,189
don't bother coming back,
you hear me ?
257
00:14:52,256 --> 00:14:55,593
Wait a minute, meathead.
It's her house !
258
00:14:58,663 --> 00:15:00,631
I don't want to
come back,
259
00:15:00,699 --> 00:15:03,901
not till you
learn to treat me as an equal partner.
260
00:15:03,969 --> 00:15:06,303
You want to be treated
as a partner ?
261
00:15:06,371 --> 00:15:10,641
Then why don't you act
like a partner and not some silly little windup doll ?
262
00:15:10,709 --> 00:15:14,879
Windup doll, huh ?
Is that the way you think of me ?
263
00:15:14,946 --> 00:15:17,381
Well, if that's what
you think of me,
264
00:15:17,448 --> 00:15:21,351
then this is your little
windup doll saying, "over and out !"
265
00:15:38,469 --> 00:15:42,239
Well, Edith,
it looks like we lost a daughter...
266
00:15:44,308 --> 00:15:46,577
But we gained
a meathead.
267
00:15:56,988 --> 00:15:59,757
Oh, that empty chair.
268
00:15:59,824 --> 00:16:03,561
Do you have to do that, ma ?
I mean, don't we feel bad enough already ?
269
00:16:03,628 --> 00:16:07,364
Look how sorry he is.
He's eating his food and Gloria's too.
270
00:16:09,568 --> 00:16:12,770
I told you,
when I'm nervous, I eat.
271
00:16:14,005 --> 00:16:16,106
I'm nervous
about the grades.
272
00:16:16,174 --> 00:16:20,878
They're coming in the morning.
My whole scholarship depends on it.
273
00:16:20,946 --> 00:16:24,748
His wife leaves him,
and all he can think about's his grades.
274
00:16:24,816 --> 00:16:29,286
That's not all I'm
thinking about, Archie.
275
00:16:29,353 --> 00:16:33,958
I love Gloria very much.
It's because I love her that I'm worried about my grades.
276
00:16:34,025 --> 00:16:36,594
Because it means
our future together.
277
00:16:38,196 --> 00:16:42,066
Will you look at him.
He's eatin' like he's gonna be hung.
278
00:16:43,367 --> 00:16:45,869
Let me ask you something,
Sonny boy.
279
00:16:45,937 --> 00:16:49,306
Suppose Gloria stays away
for two, maybe three months.
280
00:16:49,373 --> 00:16:51,642
What do you figure to do ?
281
00:16:51,710 --> 00:16:54,645
I mean, this is a unique
family group we got here.
282
00:16:54,713 --> 00:16:57,347
Two parents
and a son-in-law.
283
00:16:59,550 --> 00:17:02,953
[ Doorbell rings ]Oh, I'll get it.
284
00:17:03,021 --> 00:17:06,824
And no matter who it is,
nobody has to know where Gloria is.
285
00:17:06,891 --> 00:17:08,826
All right, Edith.
286
00:17:08,893 --> 00:17:11,996
Our neighbors don't
have to know our business. All right, Edith.
287
00:17:12,063 --> 00:17:15,165
So don't say nothin' !
All right, Edith !
288
00:17:15,233 --> 00:17:17,501
Hi, Mrs. bunker.
Here's your cleaning. Lionel, thank you.
289
00:17:17,568 --> 00:17:21,972
Hi, Mike, Mr. bunker.
Hey, where's Gloria ? No place.
290
00:17:22,040 --> 00:17:23,974
Oh, we don't know.
291
00:17:24,042 --> 00:17:27,077
I mean, we do know,but we can't tell.
292
00:17:27,145 --> 00:17:30,614
Archie, can't you
answer him ?
293
00:17:30,682 --> 00:17:33,017
Oh, what a dingbat.
294
00:17:35,286 --> 00:17:37,220
I'll hang these
upstairs.
295
00:17:39,290 --> 00:17:41,224
What was
all that about ?
296
00:17:41,292 --> 00:17:45,195
Our two turtledoves here
had a little spat.
297
00:17:45,263 --> 00:17:48,032
Gloria's staying over
at one of her girlfriend's.
298
00:17:48,099 --> 00:17:51,334
Wait, you mean Mike
and Gloria had a fight at her house,
299
00:17:51,402 --> 00:17:53,336
and she left ?
300
00:17:56,007 --> 00:17:59,877
Don't seem right to you
neither, does it, Lionel ?
301
00:17:59,944 --> 00:18:03,147
I gotta admit,
it's not your average situation.
302
00:18:03,214 --> 00:18:06,216
Will you lay off me ?
I get enough of that from him.
303
00:18:06,284 --> 00:18:08,485
It's your own fault !
304
00:18:08,553 --> 00:18:11,055
You bring them wacky books
into this house,
305
00:18:11,122 --> 00:18:14,591
turn the whole place
upside down with that women's lib. Gee !
306
00:18:14,659 --> 00:18:18,062
You people involved,
Lionel, with that women's liberation ?
307
00:18:18,129 --> 00:18:23,266
Uh, no, not too much.
See, we're still working on plain old liberation.
308
00:18:23,334 --> 00:18:25,736
I'll see you people later.
309
00:18:27,706 --> 00:18:30,908
Hello.
Hi, Gloria. Hello, Lionel.
310
00:18:30,975 --> 00:18:33,410
Gloria.
Excuse me, sir.
311
00:18:33,477 --> 00:18:36,413
Hello, daddy.
I just came home to pick up a few more of my things.
312
00:18:36,480 --> 00:18:38,515
Hope your husband's
one of 'em.
313
00:18:40,118 --> 00:18:42,052
Oh, Gloria !
314
00:18:42,120 --> 00:18:45,655
Hello, mother.
I just came home to get some more of my clothes.
315
00:18:49,660 --> 00:18:52,863
Mike, she's home !
316
00:18:52,931 --> 00:18:55,599
Aren't you gonna do nothin'
to keep her here ?
317
00:18:55,666 --> 00:18:58,268
What do you want me to do ?
She left me.
318
00:18:58,336 --> 00:19:01,371
Men have their pride too,
you know.
319
00:19:02,506 --> 00:19:05,475
Ohh ! Oh, men !
320
00:19:07,145 --> 00:19:09,179
Some man you are.
321
00:19:09,247 --> 00:19:13,550
She's gonna be gone in a few
minutes, and you stand there talking about your pride.
322
00:19:13,618 --> 00:19:17,020
What do you want ?
Aren't we on the same side ?
323
00:19:17,088 --> 00:19:20,824
Haven't you always told me
a man's home is his castle and he's gotta be the king ?
324
00:19:20,892 --> 00:19:24,962
When you got
a home of your own, you'll be king.
325
00:19:25,029 --> 00:19:28,632
In the meantime,
this is my home, and I'm the king.
326
00:19:28,699 --> 00:19:32,302
And the princess
in this story is upstairs.
327
00:19:32,370 --> 00:19:36,807
And you're the lowly
pheasant with the job of keeping her here.
328
00:19:38,309 --> 00:19:42,646
I know, I know, ma.
Yesterday we were talking like friends.
329
00:19:42,713 --> 00:19:45,983
But today you're coming on
like my mother.
330
00:19:46,050 --> 00:19:49,719
Well, maybe if you
was to call me Edith.
331
00:19:49,788 --> 00:19:51,721
Yeah.
332
00:19:51,790 --> 00:19:54,758
Then we could talk
like friends again,
333
00:19:54,826 --> 00:19:56,760
and I could help you.
334
00:19:56,828 --> 00:20:00,330
Oh, ma, you can't help.
You have the same problems we have.
335
00:20:00,398 --> 00:20:02,666
And you haven't
solved them.
336
00:20:02,733 --> 00:20:05,335
There's no equality
in your marriage.
337
00:20:05,403 --> 00:20:08,438
Whatever daddy says goes,
and you're just a dutiful little woman...
338
00:20:08,506 --> 00:20:10,440
Waiting to serve
the master.
339
00:20:10,508 --> 00:20:15,179
Oh, well, that's what
it looks like, I know.
340
00:20:15,246 --> 00:20:18,282
But how do you know
that what you see...
341
00:20:18,349 --> 00:20:20,350
Is all there is ?
342
00:20:22,586 --> 00:20:26,190
Gloria,
now tell me,
343
00:20:26,257 --> 00:20:30,160
why did you come back
today, really ?
344
00:20:32,563 --> 00:20:34,832
Because I miss him.
345
00:20:37,268 --> 00:20:39,269
Oh, Edith !
346
00:20:49,613 --> 00:20:53,183
You got the mail ?
Let me see. Wait a minute, big shot.
347
00:20:53,251 --> 00:20:57,287
There might be one or two
little items here for me, you know.
348
00:20:57,355 --> 00:21:00,457
"Occupant, occupant,
349
00:21:00,524 --> 00:21:02,459
occupant."
350
00:21:02,526 --> 00:21:04,461
Oh, "resident."
351
00:21:07,631 --> 00:21:10,334
That's real funny.
352
00:21:10,401 --> 00:21:12,402
Come on there,
will ya ?
353
00:21:12,470 --> 00:21:15,138
Take it easy.
"Occupant."
354
00:21:15,206 --> 00:21:17,741
Oh,
"Mr. Michael stivic,"
355
00:21:17,808 --> 00:21:19,743
meathead.
356
00:21:20,845 --> 00:21:23,146
Hey, Edith,
the grades are here.
357
00:21:23,214 --> 00:21:26,917
Oh, your grades came, Mike.
How are they ?
358
00:21:26,985 --> 00:21:30,254
What's the story ?
Are you still in school or are you out ?
359
00:21:30,321 --> 00:21:32,289
Well, tell us, Mike.
360
00:21:33,491 --> 00:21:36,159
Uh, they're good--
two b's and an "a."
361
00:21:36,227 --> 00:21:40,264
Oh, that's wonderful !
Don't you think so, Archie ?
362
00:21:40,331 --> 00:21:42,266
Jeez, I'm overdone.
363
00:21:47,105 --> 00:21:50,207
Gloria, listen to me.
364
00:21:50,275 --> 00:21:54,544
If a tree falls in a forest,
and no one hears it, does it make a sound ?
365
00:21:54,612 --> 00:21:56,914
Uh, look.
366
00:21:56,981 --> 00:21:59,249
I just got my grades,
367
00:21:59,317 --> 00:22:01,451
and I opened them up
and I looked at them,
368
00:22:01,519 --> 00:22:05,122
and the fact that
I got two b's and an "a" didn't mean anything to me.
369
00:22:05,189 --> 00:22:07,857
There they were,
staring me in the face, two b's and an "a."
370
00:22:07,926 --> 00:22:10,794
Without you
to share it with me, I didn't experience it.
371
00:22:10,861 --> 00:22:13,363
I didn't feel anything.
372
00:22:17,468 --> 00:22:20,203
I got two b's
and an "a," didn't I ?
373
00:22:20,271 --> 00:22:23,106
Yes, Michael.
I did ! I can feel it now !
374
00:22:23,174 --> 00:22:26,143
I got two b's
and an "a" !
375
00:22:26,210 --> 00:22:30,047
I'm so proud of you.
You see what I mean ?
376
00:22:30,114 --> 00:22:33,350
When you're not there
to share something with me, I don't experience it.
377
00:22:33,418 --> 00:22:35,352
It's as if I don't exist
without you.
378
00:22:35,420 --> 00:22:37,654
I feel the same way
you do, Michael.
379
00:22:37,721 --> 00:22:39,990
So don't you see
what that means ?
380
00:22:40,058 --> 00:22:44,661
If we don't exist without
each other, if we can't feel anything without each other,
381
00:22:44,728 --> 00:22:48,432
then we need each other as much,
therefore we're equal.
382
00:22:48,499 --> 00:22:52,535
You're right.
We are equal. We are totally equal.
383
00:22:52,603 --> 00:22:54,671
Oh, Michael.
384
00:22:54,738 --> 00:22:56,673
In this room.
385
00:23:05,083 --> 00:23:08,585
In this room ?
Yes !
386
00:23:08,652 --> 00:23:11,989
In here, you're my equal.
Out there, you're my wife.
387
00:23:12,056 --> 00:23:14,191
Out there you're
my husband, equal.
388
00:23:14,258 --> 00:23:16,860
No, no, no.
I never agreed to that.
389
00:23:16,927 --> 00:23:19,629
By equal, I mean in here,
out there, everywhere.
390
00:23:19,697 --> 00:23:21,631
You're talking like
a male chauvinist.
391
00:23:21,699 --> 00:23:23,867
And you're talking
like a feminist !
392
00:23:23,934 --> 00:23:26,269
When we're talking
about men and women--
393
00:23:26,337 --> 00:23:28,805
wait a minute.
When we're talking about women and men !
394
00:23:28,873 --> 00:23:31,774
Oh, semantics !
She's killing me with semantics !
395
00:23:31,842 --> 00:23:33,877
[ Arguing continues ]
396
00:23:46,624 --> 00:23:50,227
How long
has he been up there showing her his grades ?
397
00:23:54,032 --> 00:23:58,435
Oh, must be an hour
and ten minutes anyway.
398
00:23:58,503 --> 00:24:01,405
In the middle of the day.
399
00:24:11,149 --> 00:24:13,250
Does seem
like a long time...
400
00:24:13,317 --> 00:24:16,153
To go over two b's
and an "a."
401
00:24:40,911 --> 00:24:43,380
We made up.
402
00:24:44,915 --> 00:24:47,350
Whoopee.
403
00:25:15,379 --> 00:25:17,747
[ Announcer ]
All in the family was recorded on tape...
404
00:25:17,815 --> 00:25:19,983
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405
00:25:20,033 --> 00:25:24,583
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