All language subtitles for The King of Queens - S03E24 - Pregnant Pause (1) (1080p x265 EDGE2020)-ing

(Arthur)
I'm in here.

Dad, it's the middle
of the night.

What are you doin' up?

I didn't realize
I had a curfew.

I-I'm sorry.
I just, uh,

I need to get something.

Tell me
what it is,

and I'll slide it
under the door.

Yeah. Won't work.

Um, are you gonna be long?

♪[New age music playing]

Could be a few minutes!

♪ My eyes
are gettin' weary ♪

♪ my back is gettin' tight

♪ I'm sittin' here
in traffic ♪

♪ on the queensboro bridge
tonight ♪

♪ but I don't care,
'cause all I want to do ♪

♪ is cash my check
and drive right home to you ♪

♪ 'cause, baby, all my life

♪ I will be drivin'
home to you ♪

Gimme somethin' to punch.

What? What's wrong?
Gimme somethin' to punch now!

Not a friend.

All right,
don't beat up our groceries.

Just tell me what's wrong.

Your father's what's wrong.
I'm tryin' to
get ready for work,

I can't even get
in the bathroom.

He spends
the whole day in there,

like he's at six flags.

Doug, he's old.

His machinery just takes

a little longer to rev up,
that's all.

That's not all.
He's in there messin' around

with a stupid foot massager
for half an hour.

For your information,
it was a waterpik.

Forgive me for not being
a bigger fan of gum disease.

Fine, it was a waterpik.
My mistake.

Oh, and by the way,
one time, try not aiming it
at the mirror.

It might work out for you.
Give her a shot.

Well, I'd probably do better

if someone wasn't
banging on the door,

spewing hateful invectives
at me.

(Carrie)
All right, dad.

Stop taunting Doug
with words he doesn't know.

Now, both of you count to 10,
let me get out the door,

and you can
start your slap fight.

Sure, you can
run out the door,

but you can't run away

from your responsibility
in this matter.

Me? What did I do?

When you insisted
I come live here with you,

you specifically promised me

a furnished room
with private bath.

I never said that.

You said it with your eyes.

Doug, can we just build
a bathroom downstairs for him?

What? No!

Why not? It's not like
he doesn't need it.

He doesn't need it.
One bathroom is fine
for this house

if he didn't nap in there.

I don't plan them.

So who's gonna
pay for this, Carrie?

Well, we can dip
into our savings.

I betcha we do the whole thing
for less than $1,000.

Oh, just a thou?

Oh, well, in that case--
no.

Oh, I'm sorry, Douglas.

Were you saving that money

for yet another
50-foot television set?

What I save my money for,
is none of your business.

Fine, but bear in mind,

my bladder has me up
7 or 8 times a night,

and that laundry sink
down there

is starting to look
awfully good to me.

And checkmate! Dad wins!

Goodbye and goodbye.

[Knocking on door]

(Deacon)
Yeah, come on in.

Hey, come on, man.
Let's get goin', huh?

What's up with you?

I had a crappy morning.

I gotta shell out
$1,000

to build a bathroom
for Arthur. You believe that?

You never built him
a bathroom?

That's cold.

Anyway, it kills me
the way he manipulates Carrie.

He knows what he's doin'.

"Oh, I'm old.

I have different smells."

Well, he is pretty old.

I'm so not into you today.

Listen, don't take it
out on me, man.

I'm not havin'
such a great day myself.

Yeah? What's up?

I went out to
marriage counseling
with Kelly last night,

and--and it went
pretty well.

So we decided to
go out to dinner after,

you know,
to keep talking, right?

So?

So,

so he gets all bent
out of shape just because--

he has a name,
thank you.

And perhaps
Doug would like

to hear both sides
of the story, hmm?

Not that much, no.

Just let it go,
all right?

Oh, me?
I should let it go?

Um, was I the one that said,

"I'll be home at 8:00.
Order a pizza." Was that me?

I'm tryin' to reconcile
with my wife, man.

Fine. This is a telephone,

and it was invented
so that people
could call other people,

and tell them
not to order a pizza

they have no intention
of eating.

It's a pizza.

Just get my half
out of the fridge,
I'll pay you for it.

Forget it.

No, come on, here.
I wanna end this.

Take this, and give me
the rest of the pizza.
Come on.

Come on. Come on. Come on.

I ate it, all right?

In a fit of self-loathing,

I wolfed down an entire large
pizza by myself,

and you just made me admit it
in front of Doug!

Thank you!

[Door slamming]

You all set?
Yeah.

And after I finish
with the framing,

I put up half-inch greenboard.
That's very good.

Half-inch greenboard, huh?
Is that the cheapest you have?

Well, no. There is
quarter-inch. You want that?

You know what?
That'll be fine.

Quarter-inch?
That's not very thick.

So?

What if you
get mad at me,

and try to punch your way in?
I wanna feel secure in there.

Quarter-inch.

I want half-inch.

You don't need
half-inch.

I do need half-inch.

H-h-how about three-eights?

Can I have four-eights?

Three-eights will be fine.

If you're looking to
save some money elsewhere,

I can get for you a deal
on the toilet.

Whoa! Whoa, there, trotsky.
I already picked out

what I want
in that department.

King of prussia

in pacific blue
or sandstone.

Arthur, this toilet
is $600!

It's ergonomically correct.

I'm not paying $600
for a toilet!

Fine!

Why don't we just
dig a hole in the ground,

line it with newspapers?

Or is a nickel
still too much?

Carrie!

You got to go down and talk
to your father right now.

I'll talk to him later.

No, later's too late.
I gotta get to work,

and he's outta control
on this bathroom thing.

It took me 20 minutes
to explain to him
why he can't have a view.

I'll deal with it later.
I don't feel well.

What's the matter?

I don't know.
My--my stomach's weird.

You think it's that crab taco
you had at the drive-thru?

You had that.

You had a bite.

No. You wouldn't
give me one.

They're not that big.

Whatever!
It's not from that!

I gotta go.
I am so late.

Just talk to your dad
when you can, ok?

And take
some pepto-bismol.

It's not
that kind of thing.

Then what is it?

I don't know!

Ok! Goodbye!

[Sighing]

What the hell is it?

Oh, wait a minute.
Wait, wait, wait.

I forgot to put my thingy in.
I'll be right back, ok?

All right.
I'll get started.

You work your way in,
like double-Dutch.

(Arthur)
I'm in here!

[Knocking on door]

(Arthur)
Carrie!

Uh, yeah, dad?

If you've got a moment,

I'd like your thoughts
on some wallpaper samples.

Uh, I'll be out
in a minute.

The contractor likes
the striped pattern,

but I'm leaning toward
the seagulls.

They're a marvelous bird,
don't you think?

Uh, dad, I just--
I just need a minute.

Righto.

I'll wait downstairs
with the contractor.

Oh, boy.

[Whistling]

So, where are you from
exactly?

I was born in Kiev.

Ah, yes! Kiev.
Jewel of the Ukraine.

You have been there?

No. But I hear good things.

Oh, darling, good.
Here's a 3rd
wallpaper choice

I'm also considering.

Lively cartoons
of various people
in the John.

What do you think?

Uh, it's--it's fine.

I'm sensing
some hesitation.

Too Randy?

Think it might
cause a stir?

I-I'm sorry, dad,

I really can't focus
on that right now.

Alex, I think we might have
to put a pin in this
till next time.

Ok. I'll see you tomorrow.

Hmm!

Look at this drunken fella.

[Door closing]

Doesn't even realize
the lid's down.

Marvelous!

I'm--I'm pregnant.

Hmm?

I'm sorry, dear.
What?

I'm...

I'm,

I'm pregnant, dad.

Well, that's terrific!

No. No, it's not terrific.

We weren't-- we weren't
trying for this now, dad.

We just--
we just got careless.

So what, darling?

Nature works
in its own wonderful way.

This has nothing to do
with nature.

I couldn't get in the bathroom
and get what I needed,

because you were locked in
there listening to enya!

Well, I offered to
slip your doohickey
under the door.

Yeah, well,
I didn't want you to
touch my doohickey.

Ok?

But that's not the point.

The point is we're not
prepared for this, dad.

We barely have
enough money in the bank

to--to build you
your bathroom.

A kid is like 10 bathrooms!

And that's if we don't
let it go to college!

[Exclaims]

Darling, many years ago,

I anticipated
that this day would come,

so I put together a plan
that would help you kids out

with your financial needs.

You did?
Yes.

Looking back,

I wish I had followed through
on that plan.

But in my defense,

the dog races
are terribly fixed.

Dad, you know what?

It's not your responsibility.

Doug and I
made a dumb mistake,
and now...

Well, I don't even know
what now.

I'll tell you one thing.

You got to talk to Douglas
right away.

I can't. I have to go to work.

Work, schmerk!
This is your life!

You need to
hold each other.

Dad, my boss has
a huge deposition today
which starts in

less than an hour.
I got to go.

I will tell him
when I get home
from work tonight,

and don't you tell him
if he gets home first, ok?

Fine, whatever.

Dad, this is
a personal matter, ok?

I need you to
look me in the eye

and swear on mom's grave,
that you won't tell him.

Pick a different grave.
How about aunt lottie?

Dad!

Fine. I won't tell him.

Thank you.
I love you.

Love you, too, sweetheart.

Ok, kids,
last time I checked,

packages don't
deliver themselves.

Chop, chop.

All right,
I'm outta here.

Where do you want
to meet for lunch?

Anywhere as long as
it's a castle
and it's white.

1:00?

See you then.

[Door closes]

Hello, Douglas!

Arthur,
what are you doing here?

Ah, nothing special.

I may be sending
a package soon,

and I wanted your outfit
to get first crack
at the business.

So far, I like what I see.

Ok, once again,
what are you doin' here?

Is this about
your stupid bathroom?

Not at all.

But, hey, since fate
has thrown us together,

what say we pop into the city
and see Carrie?

Come on. Road trip!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Is Carrie ok?

She's fine, she's fine.

But I do think you should
speak to her immediately.

There's a bit of
a situation.

Well, what is it?

I am forbidden to tell.

Would you
just tell me?

I'm forbidden!

Heffernan.

That thing I said before,

that was just
chummy boss talk,

but the fact is
packages really don't
deliver themselves.

I'm sorry, Mr. O'Boyle.
It's just that I have
a little family crisis.

More of a situation
actually.

A situation, right.
What is it?

I don't know.
He won't tell me.

I've been forbidden.

Who are you?

A concerned citizen.

He's my father-in-law.
Is it ok if I go into the city

and talk to my wife?

What? Oh, come on, heffernan.

I mean, I got wife problems
as well.

You don't see me
runnin' outta here

just 'cause she took the kids
back to India.

Sir, the man has
a legitimate situation
to deal with at once.

Well, what the hell is it?

Come here.

[Whispering]

Really?
Well, that's terrific.

(Arthur)
Wait. There's more.

Ohh!

That's a shame.

All right, heffernan,
you can go.

Come on!

What is it?

I'm forbidden!

(Berenson)
Now, Mr. mazzeo,
in your testimony

before the securities
and exchange commission,

you specifically mentioned
that you had no knowledge

of the pending merger.

And you signed an affidavit
to that effect as well.

Could I see that, please,
Carrie?

Carrie?

Hmm? I'm sorry.
What?

Could I please see
Mr. mazzeo's affidavit,
please?

Oh. Sure, you can. Ok.

[Muttering]

There you go.

Thank you.
You're welcome.

Now, Mr. mazzeo,
if I can refer you
to page 51,

specifically paragraph 5...

Oh, God, would you look
at this gas bill?

Can we put this
on a credit card?

We could if it hadn't
been scissored in half
at McDonalds.

What about all these
frequent flyer Miles?

Can we use them
for anything?

Yeah, that's
a minus sign.

We owe them Miles.

[Crashing]

Could you deal with that,
please?

Your turn!

[Wailing]

(Carrie)
Doug junior...

Oh!

Oh, ok...

Oh, that's not good.

Sweetie, no, no--

[screaming]

There we go.
There we go.
There we go.

Ooh! No, no,
that's mama's. Mama's.

No, mama's sad,
mama's sad.

[Babbling]

No, no, no.
No, no, no.

Dougie, sweetie,
sweetie, be careful--
you gotta be careful--

play nice. No, no, no.

Wait. No, no. I need that.
Neat, please.
Mama.

Yeah, ok, baby.

[Groaning]
Oh, ok. All right.

It's ok, it's ok.

[Continues groaning]

Doug junior,
it's time to go home.

Come on, sweetie.
We have to leave now.

Hey, Dougie,
you want some ice cream?

Yeah! Yes, come on.
Come on, baby.

Come on.
Yes, yes, come on.

Come on, baby. Yeah!

(Carrie)
Yes-- oops!

Honey, it's ok.

Honey, it's ok.
Ice cream. Ice cream!

Yeah! Yeah!

Come get it, baby.

Honey, slow--
you gotta slow down, baby.

Baby, you gotta slow down.
Yeah.

Slow, slow, slow.

Ooh!

(Berenson)
Carrie!
Hmm? Oh!

Can I see the transcript,
please?
Oh, sure.

I'm sorry.

Yeah. Now, Mr. mazzeo,

on the 14th of August, you...

Uh, excuse me one moment,
please.

What's going on?

Hi, I'm, uh,
Carrie's husband.

Any chance I could
speak to her for a moment?

We're in the middle
of a deposition.
Can it wait?

I'm pretty sure
it can't,

but I'm not positive.

I don't understand.

It's a very sensitive matter

he's not privy to
at the moment.

You see...

Come here.
Will you stop
telling people!

Look, tell me!

I'm forbidden.

Doug? Dad?

Here's your husband.
Now talk to him.

I'll be waiting in there.

What the hell is going on?
He won't tell me anything.

Dad, why did you bring him
down here?

I am working.

This is more important.
Now tell him!

Doug, I--I--I really can't
talk right now.

The thing is, um,
I'm pregnant.

And I'm terrified
we're gonna be broke,

and I love you,
and we'll talk at home.

So, in the mood
for a knish?

They asleep?

Finally. Kirby put up
a helluva fight, though.

Had to read him
everyone poops 4 times.

God, he's obsessed
with that book.

I think I know it
by heart now.

It's a good book, though.

I actually never realized
that everyone poops.

Yeah, well, the title
does give it away.

Uh, anyway, I guess
I should, uh, head on
back to Spence's.

Sure. Ok.

So, I'll, uh, I'll, uh,

see you at counseling
on Thursday, right?

Right.

Right.

All right.

Deacon...

Yeah?

Look, I have half a lasagna
from yesterday.

I could heat it up
if you haven't already eaten.

[Ringing]

Hello?

Hey, man, it's me.

Oh, hey. Where are you?

I'm at home and I'm just gonna
hang out here for dinner, ok?

No problemo.

Probably be home about 10:00.

I'll see you then.

And, hey,
thanks for the phone call.

Not so hard, was it?

You're right, you're right.
My bad.

Listen, have a good dinner.

I'll catch you later,
buddy boy.

I'm not ready.
I'm not ready.

I am so not ready.

All right, come on,
will you just calm down.

Doug, this is not a situation
that calls for calming down,
ok?

As a matter of fact,
why don't you calm up?

Ok, there's no such thing.

You can only calm
in one direction.

Well, then maybe
they should change that.

Why are you so upset?

We wanted to have a baby
eventually, right?

Yes, eventually, Doug.
Not today.

It's like being offered
a job on Monday,

but you have to start it
on Tuesday.

"Congratulations,
you're our new
pregnant person!

See you at 9 a.m.!"

And I can't even tell them
that I don't want the job

because I've already
been fired from my old job

as a not-pregnant person.

I'm not even allowed
near the building!

Ok, will you stop
straightening up for a second?

I can't!
We're having a baby!

Yeah, well,
he's not dropping by tonight.

[Sighing]
Now, listen to me.

What?

Everything is gonna be fine.

But you have to stop worrying.

How can I
stop worrying, Doug?

We're--we're broke,
we're unprepared,

and I drop things.

You know your--
you know your jets mug?

That wasn't my dad.
That was me.

Will you just listen to me?

From this moment

until the moment
Bruce is born--

Bruce?

For Springsteen, you know?

No. But go on.

Until the moment he is born,

all the burden is on me.

Ok, I'm gonna work overtime,
I'll get a job at night,

we'll sock away
a lot of money.

And if anything comes up,
I'll take care of it.

Anything.

Well, what do I do?

You just think happy thoughts

and--and grow a baby.
That's your only job.

Not counting your regular job.
We need that.

I'll try.

But I'm gonna freak out,
Doug, sometimes.

I can't help that.

So then you freak out.
But then you call me, ok?

'Cause I'm always
wearing my phone, huh?

Oh.

Other side.
It's on the other side.

[Sighing]

Look, it'll ring.
I'll find it. Trust me.

[Sighing]
Are we on the same page?

I just feel bad
giving you the whole burden.

Don't feel bad.
Burden me up!

[Growling]

All right?

Fine.

Well? Give it to me.

What? You want me to,
like, mime giving it to you?

I think it would be
a nice symbolic gesture, yes.

All right.

That's it?

Yes.

You're lying.
I know there's more!
Stop!

I know there's more.
Come on, you're holding!

Aha!

Ohh!

Oh, that is pure burden.

You're an idiot.

I love you.

So, should I conclude
that the storm has passed?

Yes, dad.

And break.