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1
00:00:05,773 --> 00:00:09,677
* FROZEN
IN A TIME AND SPACE *
2
00:00:09,710 --> 00:00:12,012
* DIVIDE
3
00:00:13,714 --> 00:00:15,783
* BUT HOW
4
00:00:15,816 --> 00:00:17,818
* WOULD THE UNIVERSE
5
00:00:17,851 --> 00:00:21,622
* SURVIVE?
6
00:00:21,655 --> 00:00:28,028
* DUCK DODGERS OF THE 24th
AND 1/2 CENTURY *
7
00:00:31,632 --> 00:00:34,535
* PROTECTING THE POWERLESS
8
00:00:34,568 --> 00:00:36,670
* AND THE WEAK
9
00:00:38,706 --> 00:00:42,676
* DUCK DODGERS,
HE'S FIGHTING *
10
00:00:42,710 --> 00:00:45,045
* TYRANNY
11
00:00:46,914 --> 00:00:49,016
* IN THE 24th
12
00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:52,786
* AND 1/2 CENTURY
13
00:01:16,644 --> 00:01:18,846
Duck Dodgers:
DON'T MESS THIS UP, CADET.
14
00:01:18,879 --> 00:01:22,383
THIS IS MY BIG CHANCE
TO BE AN AMBASSADOR
OF THE PEOPLE OF EARTH.
15
00:01:22,416 --> 00:01:25,052
ARE YOU SURE YOU HAVE
THE R-RIGHT COORDINATES?
16
00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:27,555
ARE YOU QUESTIONING
MY AUTHORITY?
17
00:01:27,588 --> 00:01:30,658
I SURE AM, 'CAUSE
THIS PLACE LOOKS SCARY.
18
00:01:33,361 --> 00:01:36,664
AND IT SEEMS
A-AB-ABANDONED, TOO.
19
00:01:36,697 --> 00:01:37,998
ARE YOU KIDDING?
20
00:01:38,031 --> 00:01:40,201
IT'S PROBABLY
TEEMING WITH LIFE.
21
00:01:41,835 --> 00:01:43,371
Dodgers: ANYBODY HOME?
22
00:01:43,404 --> 00:01:44,872
Cadet: NO.
23
00:01:48,242 --> 00:01:50,478
Dodgers: IT APPEARS
TO BE THE ENTRANCE
24
00:01:50,511 --> 00:01:52,513
TO SOME SORT
OF MEETING CENTER.
25
00:01:52,546 --> 00:01:55,149
WITH A STRANGE SENSE
OF FOREBODING AND FEAR,
26
00:01:55,183 --> 00:01:56,917
I AM DRAWN TOWARD IT,
27
00:01:56,950 --> 00:01:59,587
AS IF BY SOME
MYSTERIOUS FORCE.
28
00:01:59,620 --> 00:02:00,988
REALLY?
29
00:02:01,021 --> 00:02:03,123
NAH, JUST MAKING
SMALL TALK.
30
00:02:07,895 --> 00:02:09,630
THERE'S NOBODY HERE.
LET'S GO.
31
00:02:09,663 --> 00:02:12,800
BUT LOOK. SOMEONE
SET A TABLE FOR US.
32
00:02:12,833 --> 00:02:15,068
GO AHEAD.
YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO.
33
00:02:15,102 --> 00:02:17,171
NO! INTRODUCE ME.
34
00:02:18,806 --> 00:02:20,341
INTRODUCING HIS EXCELLENCY,
35
00:02:20,374 --> 00:02:22,510
THE AMBASSADOR
FROM PLANET EARTH,
36
00:02:22,543 --> 00:02:23,944
D-DUCK DODGERS.
37
00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:25,813
SORRY. NO ANSWER.
38
00:02:25,846 --> 00:02:27,114
SAY IT LIKE YOU MEAN IT.
39
00:02:27,147 --> 00:02:28,616
PUT SOME OOMPH IN IT.
40
00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:30,184
[SCREECHING]
41
00:02:32,886 --> 00:02:35,256
WELCOME TO MY HUMBLE ABODE.
42
00:02:35,289 --> 00:02:37,958
I AM COUNT MUERTE.
43
00:02:37,991 --> 00:02:40,994
EH, B-B--HI THERE.
44
00:02:41,028 --> 00:02:43,964
I'M C-C-CAD-D--
45
00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:45,933
GO ON. YOU ARE?
46
00:02:45,966 --> 00:02:47,468
HE'S NOBODY. NOTHING.
47
00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:50,471
I, ON THE OTHER HAND,
AM THE AMBASSADOR
OF PLANET EARTH,
48
00:02:50,504 --> 00:02:52,172
HIS EXCELLENCY...
UH-HUH.
49
00:02:52,206 --> 00:02:53,974
THE GRAND...
YES.
50
00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:55,443
SUPREME...
GO ON.
51
00:02:55,476 --> 00:02:56,810
AMBASSADOR,
52
00:02:56,844 --> 00:02:58,546
DUCK DODGERS!
53
00:02:58,579 --> 00:03:00,080
GREAT. AND YOU?
54
00:03:00,113 --> 00:03:03,284
MY LITTLE TUBBY FRIEND,
WHO MIGHT YOU BE?
55
00:03:03,317 --> 00:03:05,753
HE'S THE CADET,
WHO IS NOT AN AMBASSADOR.
56
00:03:05,786 --> 00:03:07,755
HOW RUDE OF ME.
57
00:03:07,788 --> 00:03:10,491
I HAVE HAD THIS BANQUET
PREPARED IN YOUR HONOR.
58
00:03:10,524 --> 00:03:11,359
THANK YOU.
59
00:03:11,392 --> 00:03:12,960
AND YOU, CADET,
COME DOWN HERE
60
00:03:12,993 --> 00:03:16,597
AND SIT RIGHT
NEXT TO ME, EH?
61
00:03:18,632 --> 00:03:20,368
TELL ME A LITTLE
ABOUT YOURSELF.
62
00:03:20,401 --> 00:03:22,303
THE ONLY THING
I KNOW ABOUT YOU
63
00:03:22,336 --> 00:03:25,205
IS THAT YOU'RE
NOT AN AMBASSADOR.
64
00:03:26,139 --> 00:03:28,175
WELL, THERE'S NOT MUCH
TO TELL.
65
00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:30,278
I GRADUATED SUMMA CUM LAUDE
FROM THE ACADEMY.
66
00:03:30,311 --> 00:03:31,545
I'M AN EXPERT.
67
00:03:31,579 --> 00:03:34,815
EXCUSE ME. I NEED
SOME KETCHUP DOWN HERE.
68
00:03:34,848 --> 00:03:36,384
ANYBODY? HELLO?
69
00:03:36,417 --> 00:03:39,287
THAT'S HOW I ENDED
W-WORLD HUNGER.
70
00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:41,555
OK, CADET, TIME FOR YOU
TO GET BACK TO THE SHIP
71
00:03:41,589 --> 00:03:43,924
AND DO THAT
REGULARLY SCHEDULED THING.
72
00:03:43,957 --> 00:03:45,293
BYE.
73
00:03:45,326 --> 00:03:48,128
EVERY TIME I TELL
THAT WORLD HUNGER STORY,
74
00:03:48,161 --> 00:03:51,131
I HAVE TO GO PURGE
THE SHIP'S SEPTIC SYSTEM.
75
00:03:51,164 --> 00:03:52,700
THIS'LL GIVE US
THE CHANCE TO TALK.
76
00:03:52,733 --> 00:03:55,102
YOU KNOW, JUST THE TWO
OF US. YOU GO FIRST.
77
00:03:55,135 --> 00:03:56,704
ANY QUESTIONS ABOUT EARTH?
78
00:03:56,737 --> 00:03:57,705
WHY, YES.
79
00:03:57,738 --> 00:03:59,573
HOW MUCH WOULD YOU SAY
THE CADET WEIGHS?
80
00:03:59,607 --> 00:04:01,575
HAVE YOU MEASURED
HIS BODY-FAT RATIO?
81
00:04:01,609 --> 00:04:03,411
WHAT IS HIS
CHOLESTEROL COUNT?
82
00:04:03,444 --> 00:04:06,447
LOOK, BUB, I DIDN'T COME
CLEAR ACROSS THE GALAXY
83
00:04:06,480 --> 00:04:09,249
TO TALK ABOUT HOW FAT
MY PIG IS.
84
00:04:09,283 --> 00:04:11,719
I, MYSELF,
AM THIN AS A RAIL.
85
00:04:11,752 --> 00:04:13,253
FIT AS A FIDDLE.
86
00:04:14,221 --> 00:04:16,324
AAH! GET IT OFF OF ME!
87
00:04:16,357 --> 00:04:19,159
IT'S ONLY A PIECE
OF SEMI-FIRM TOFU.
88
00:04:19,192 --> 00:04:22,062
MMM. CHEWY, YET TASTELESS.
89
00:04:22,095 --> 00:04:23,764
SILENCE!
90
00:04:23,797 --> 00:04:25,232
YES, MASTER.
91
00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:29,002
YOUR HEALTHY FOODS
ARE POISON TO ME,
92
00:04:29,036 --> 00:04:32,773
FOR I AM A
FAT-SUCKING VAMPIRE!
93
00:04:32,806 --> 00:04:36,076
I SURVIVE BY FEEDING ON
THE FAT OF THE LIVING,
94
00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:40,213
SO YOU MUST LURE
YOUR CADET TO ME.
95
00:04:40,247 --> 00:04:42,583
YES, MY DARK MASTER.
96
00:04:42,616 --> 00:04:46,186
I WILL CAPTURE THE CADET
FOR YOU SO YOU CAN SUCK,
97
00:04:46,219 --> 00:04:48,489
SUCK, SUCK HIS FAT!
98
00:04:48,522 --> 00:04:52,693
DELICIOUS PIGGY FAT.
HEH HEH HEH!
99
00:04:54,227 --> 00:04:56,229
HELLO, CAPTAIN?
100
00:04:56,263 --> 00:04:59,199
HELLO, THERE, PIGGY BOY.
101
00:04:59,232 --> 00:05:01,001
YOU LOOK TERRIBLE.
102
00:05:01,034 --> 00:05:05,205
YOU HAVEN'T BEEN HITTING
THE M-MOLDAVIAN PUNCH
AGAIN, HAVE YOU?
103
00:05:05,238 --> 00:05:06,807
HEH HEH HEH HEH!
104
00:05:06,840 --> 00:05:08,776
SO FUNNY, YOUR JOKES.
105
00:05:08,809 --> 00:05:12,380
NOW SIT, JUICY DINNER,
IN COMFY CHAIR.
106
00:05:12,413 --> 00:05:16,817
AND I COMING BACK
WITH SNACK FOR YOU.
107
00:05:16,850 --> 00:05:18,652
DON'T MOVE!
108
00:05:18,686 --> 00:05:22,623
HE'S SURE ACTING
STRA--STRAN--N-NUTTY.
109
00:05:27,795 --> 00:05:29,763
[HISSING]
110
00:05:29,797 --> 00:05:31,164
WHY, HELLO.
111
00:05:31,198 --> 00:05:33,233
I DIDN'T KNOW I HAD COMPANY.
HA HA HA!
112
00:05:33,266 --> 00:05:35,068
YOU LADIES LOOK HUNGRY.
113
00:05:35,102 --> 00:05:36,870
HUNGRY.
114
00:05:36,904 --> 00:05:38,171
YES.
115
00:05:38,205 --> 00:05:41,208
SO VERY HUNGRY.
116
00:05:41,241 --> 00:05:43,076
HEE HEE HEE!
117
00:05:43,110 --> 00:05:45,546
THE MASTER SO PLEASED
WILL BE.
118
00:05:45,579 --> 00:05:49,282
HI, CAPTAIN.
HAVE A SNAP-HAP-HAPPY DAY.
119
00:05:49,316 --> 00:05:51,819
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
120
00:05:51,852 --> 00:05:54,388
WHY DID YOU
NOT DETAIN HIM
FOR THE MASTER?
121
00:05:54,422 --> 00:05:56,557
HE'S SUCH A NICE GUY.
122
00:05:56,590 --> 00:05:59,560
HE ACTUALLY CARED
ABOUT OUR FEELINGS.
123
00:05:59,593 --> 00:06:03,964
YEAH. WE MOSTLY GET
THE CRAZY BUG-EATING TYPES.
124
00:06:08,068 --> 00:06:10,203
[THUNDER]
125
00:06:10,237 --> 00:06:13,106
WOULD YOU HAVE
MY DELICIOUS PIG MEAL?
126
00:06:13,140 --> 00:06:15,242
WELL, THE FUNNY THING IS,
MY MASTER,
127
00:06:15,275 --> 00:06:16,677
NO.
128
00:06:16,710 --> 00:06:18,245
All: DADDY,
129
00:06:18,278 --> 00:06:21,014
ARE WE GOING TO
GO HUNGRY TONIGHT?
130
00:06:21,048 --> 00:06:25,819
I'M AFRAID ALL
I CAN OFFER YOU
IS A LIGHT SNACK.
131
00:06:25,853 --> 00:06:28,388
LET'S THIS LIKE
RATIONAL PEOPLE DISCUSS.
132
00:06:28,422 --> 00:06:32,292
Dodgers:
AARGH! CUT IT OUT.
I'M TICKLISH.
133
00:06:32,325 --> 00:06:33,694
[DODGERS LAUGHING]
134
00:06:38,298 --> 00:06:39,867
HEE HEE HEE!
135
00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:42,936
NOT THIS PLAN
SHALL FAIL THE MASTER.
136
00:06:46,674 --> 00:06:48,141
OUCH!
137
00:06:51,278 --> 00:06:55,015
THE PIGGY BOY
NO ESCAPE THIS TRAP.
138
00:06:55,048 --> 00:06:57,217
COME, MY SLEEPY PIGGY.
139
00:06:57,250 --> 00:07:00,654
A BED I MADE FOR YOU.
140
00:07:00,688 --> 00:07:03,356
THAT'S AWFULLY NICE OF YOU,
BUT I'M NOT TIRED.
141
00:07:03,390 --> 00:07:04,658
YES, YOU ARE!
142
00:07:04,692 --> 00:07:09,296
I SEE IT IN YOUR EYES.
THEY ARE VERY HEAVY.
143
00:07:09,329 --> 00:07:12,933
WELL, MAYBE I'M A LIT--
A LITTLE TIRED.
144
00:07:12,966 --> 00:07:15,202
HERE IS YOUR BED.
145
00:07:15,235 --> 00:07:17,237
SLEEP, PIG.
146
00:07:17,270 --> 00:07:18,438
CAN I GET A GLASS
OF WATER FIRST?
147
00:07:18,472 --> 00:07:20,240
DON'T MOVE.
148
00:07:20,273 --> 00:07:21,509
HERE. DRINK.
149
00:07:21,542 --> 00:07:24,277
DRINK IT ALL,
SLEEPY PIG.
150
00:07:24,311 --> 00:07:26,379
THERE. SLEEP, MY PIG.
151
00:07:26,413 --> 00:07:28,849
SAY, I FORGOT
TO B-BRUSH MY--
152
00:07:28,882 --> 00:07:31,585
OH, BRUSHING, BRUSHING,
BRUSHING STINKY PIGGY TEETH.
153
00:07:31,619 --> 00:07:34,788
MAKE SO CLEAN. THERE.
154
00:07:34,822 --> 00:07:37,725
HEH HEH!
NOW YOU LAY DOWN.
HEH HEH HEH!
155
00:07:37,758 --> 00:07:40,427
I REALLY DO NEED TO GO
TO THE BATHROOM.
156
00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:44,431
THAT I WILL NOT DO
FOR YOU.
157
00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:45,332
HURRY BACK.
158
00:07:45,365 --> 00:07:46,967
[TOILET FLUSHES]
159
00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:51,371
THIS ALL COMES FROM
TOO MUCH DRINKING WATER
BEFORE BEDTIME.
160
00:07:51,404 --> 00:07:53,373
WHERE WAS I?
161
00:07:53,406 --> 00:07:56,610
OH, YES. I WAS DANCING
AROUND LIKE A MADMAN.
162
00:07:56,644 --> 00:07:59,312
NOW YOU LAY DOWN.
163
00:07:59,346 --> 00:08:01,114
I FORGOT TO CALL
MY MOTHER AND--
164
00:08:01,148 --> 00:08:03,517
WHAT IS IT WITH YOU,
MR. PIG?
165
00:08:03,551 --> 00:08:06,053
GOING TO SLEEP
IS SIMPLE.
166
00:08:06,086 --> 00:08:09,222
YOU JUST HOP
INTO BED
167
00:08:09,256 --> 00:08:11,358
AND THINK
HAPPY, PEACEFUL--
168
00:08:11,391 --> 00:08:13,126
AAH! OHH!
169
00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:15,596
[GROANING]
170
00:08:15,629 --> 00:08:18,331
UH, CAPTAIN?
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
171
00:08:18,365 --> 00:08:20,300
I LOST 6 INCHES
OFF MY WAIST,
172
00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:22,202
AND I'VE NEVER
FELT BETTER.
173
00:08:22,235 --> 00:08:23,604
YOU MUST BE
AWFULLY UNCOMFORTABLE.
174
00:08:23,637 --> 00:08:24,538
I'LL GET YOU A PILLOW.
175
00:08:24,572 --> 00:08:27,240
THANK YOU,
NICE PIG BOY.
176
00:08:27,274 --> 00:08:29,910
Count Muerte:
MMM. PORK FAT PIE.
177
00:08:29,943 --> 00:08:31,478
PORK FAT PUDDING.
178
00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:33,046
PORK FAT FLAMBE.
179
00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:36,283
I WONDER IF THAT IMBECILE
HAS CAPTURED MY DINNER.
180
00:08:38,051 --> 00:08:41,655
[SINGING]
181
00:08:41,689 --> 00:08:46,193
NEVER SEND AN IMBECILE
TO DO A VAMPIRE'S JOB.
182
00:08:46,226 --> 00:08:48,095
OH, CAPTAIN.
183
00:08:48,128 --> 00:08:49,997
I'VE GOT YOU
A PLUSHY PILLOW.
184
00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:51,932
[GROWL]
185
00:08:55,068 --> 00:08:56,103
AAH!
186
00:08:56,136 --> 00:08:57,237
[SCREAMING]
187
00:09:05,112 --> 00:09:06,146
[PANTING]
188
00:09:08,716 --> 00:09:11,785
WHERE ARE YOU GOING,
JUICY DINNER?
189
00:09:11,819 --> 00:09:14,187
DON'T WORRY,
MY LITTLE FRIEND.
190
00:09:14,221 --> 00:09:16,990
IT'LL ONLY HURT
A LITTLE.
191
00:09:18,058 --> 00:09:20,994
YES.
192
00:09:23,964 --> 00:09:25,766
AHH...
193
00:09:25,799 --> 00:09:28,268
[BURP]
194
00:09:28,301 --> 00:09:30,003
[GAGS]
195
00:09:30,037 --> 00:09:31,338
RIGOR...
196
00:09:31,371 --> 00:09:33,340
MORTIS.
197
00:09:33,373 --> 00:09:35,342
[LAUGHTER]
198
00:09:39,046 --> 00:09:41,314
MASTER?
199
00:09:41,348 --> 00:09:42,449
CADET?
200
00:09:42,482 --> 00:09:44,451
CADET?
201
00:09:44,484 --> 00:09:45,819
CADET!
202
00:09:45,853 --> 00:09:48,689
OH, POOR LITTLE HAPLESS FOOL.
203
00:09:48,722 --> 00:09:50,390
I WILL MOURN YOUR LOSS.
204
00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:51,792
OH, CAPTAIN.
205
00:09:51,825 --> 00:09:54,061
ISN'T IT ABOUT TIME
WE GET BACK TO THE SHIP?
206
00:09:54,094 --> 00:09:55,729
YOU'RE ALIVE!
207
00:09:55,763 --> 00:09:58,498
I THOUGHT YOU GOT EATEN
BY THAT SPOOKY CREEP.
208
00:09:58,531 --> 00:10:00,200
OH, HE DIDN'T EAT ME.
209
00:10:00,233 --> 00:10:03,436
I TRICKED HIM INTO
EATING A DECOY MADE
OF FAT-FREE CHEESE,
210
00:10:03,470 --> 00:10:06,273
WHEAT GERM,
AND SEMI-FIRM TOFU.
211
00:10:06,306 --> 00:10:09,677
I GUESS HEALTHY FOODS
REALLY DIDN'T AGREE
WITH HIM.
212
00:10:09,710 --> 00:10:11,011
YES, WELL, THE NEXT TIME
213
00:10:11,044 --> 00:10:14,081
WE RUN ACROSS
A MYSTERIOUS ALIEN RACE,
214
00:10:14,114 --> 00:10:16,316
YOU BE THE AMBASSADOR.
215
00:10:42,876 --> 00:10:44,511
YES?
216
00:10:44,544 --> 00:10:45,545
I'VE GOT A PRISONER
FOR YOU.
217
00:10:45,578 --> 00:10:47,981
DRAKE DARKSTAR.
218
00:10:48,015 --> 00:10:49,616
I HEARD HE WAS
COMING MY WAY.
219
00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:51,051
DON'T YOU HAVE
A RECEPTION TEAM?
220
00:10:51,084 --> 00:10:52,052
ARE YOU KIDDING?
221
00:10:52,085 --> 00:10:54,654
I'M NOT TAKING ANY
CHANCES WITH THIS GUY.
222
00:10:54,688 --> 00:10:56,123
SADDLE UP, BOYS.
223
00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:58,325
TAKE YOUR POSITIONS.
224
00:10:58,358 --> 00:11:00,293
BRING IN
THE TRANSPORT POD.
225
00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:09,870
SET SHOCK STICKS
TO FULL CHARGE.
226
00:11:12,572 --> 00:11:14,875
SECURE THOSE PLASMA RESTRAINTS.
227
00:11:16,176 --> 00:11:17,745
HURRY!
228
00:11:19,947 --> 00:11:22,082
[LAUGHTER]
229
00:11:24,651 --> 00:11:26,086
HOLD YOUR FIRE!
230
00:11:29,589 --> 00:11:30,791
NO.
231
00:11:32,325 --> 00:11:33,593
HELLO, BOYS.
232
00:11:33,626 --> 00:11:35,295
AAH!
233
00:11:38,732 --> 00:11:41,701
CADET, WHAT'S
OUR ESTIMATED TIME
OF ARRIVAL?
234
00:11:41,735 --> 00:11:44,772
OUR E.T.A.
TO THE PRISON STATION
IS 3 MINUTES.
235
00:11:44,805 --> 00:11:46,206
WHAT ARE WE DELIVERING?
236
00:11:46,239 --> 00:11:47,407
TOILET PAPER.
237
00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:48,842
TOILET PAPER?
238
00:11:48,876 --> 00:11:53,713
426,000 ROLLS OF
SOFT-TEE BRAND TOILET PAPER.
239
00:11:53,747 --> 00:11:56,649
THE SOFTEST,
MOST COMFORTABLEST
TOILET PAPER
240
00:11:56,683 --> 00:11:59,152
MONEY CAN BUY.
NOW WITH ALOE.
241
00:11:59,186 --> 00:12:00,788
GIMME THAT.
242
00:12:00,821 --> 00:12:04,691
"426,000 ROLLS
SOFT-TEE TOILET PAPER
FOR DELIVERY TO--"
243
00:12:04,724 --> 00:12:06,726
I'M A PAPER BOY!
244
00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:08,628
A TOILET PAPER BOY.
245
00:12:08,661 --> 00:12:12,232
I'VE TRIED SO HARD,
AND NOW I'M REDUCED
TO THIS DISGRACE.
246
00:12:12,265 --> 00:12:15,035
I'M GLAD MY MOTHER'S
NOT AROUND TO SEE THIS.
247
00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:18,671
SHE WASHED FLOORS
IN THAT RAT-INFESTED
TENEMENT BUILDING
248
00:12:18,705 --> 00:12:20,073
FOR 40 LONG YEARS
249
00:12:20,107 --> 00:12:23,376
JUST SO I MIGHT LIVE
IN THE BASEMENT...
250
00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:25,645
AND PLAY VIDEO GAMES.
251
00:12:25,678 --> 00:12:27,815
HERE, CAPTAIN DODGERS.
252
00:12:30,050 --> 00:12:31,819
HUH?
253
00:12:32,719 --> 00:12:34,621
WELL, I HAVE TO ADMIT,
254
00:12:34,654 --> 00:12:35,956
IT IS THE MOST
COMFORTABLEST,
255
00:12:35,989 --> 00:12:39,159
AND THAT ALOE DID
FEEL GOOD ON MY EYELID.
256
00:12:41,228 --> 00:12:43,363
[SIRENS]
257
00:12:43,396 --> 00:12:44,764
LOOK SHARP, MEN.
258
00:12:44,798 --> 00:12:47,567
DARKSTAR'S GOT TO BE
AROUND HERE SOMEWHERE.
259
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:50,370
YES, BUT NOT FOR LONG.
260
00:12:57,610 --> 00:13:01,548
THE SOONER I GET THIS
INDIGNITY OVER WITH,
THE BETTER.
261
00:13:04,751 --> 00:13:06,086
THEY MUST BE EXPECTING ME.
262
00:13:06,119 --> 00:13:08,221
BET THEY RAN OUT
OF TOILET PAPER.
263
00:13:08,255 --> 00:13:10,623
YOU NEVER REALIZE
HOW IMPORTANT THIS STUFF IS
264
00:13:10,657 --> 00:13:12,792
TILL YOU'RE SITTING
THERE STRANDED.
265
00:13:12,826 --> 00:13:15,162
I'LL JUST DROP MY LOAD
AND BE ON MY WAY.
266
00:13:15,195 --> 00:13:18,331
ON MY WAY TO A NEW
AND MORE GLORIOUS LIFE OF CRIME
267
00:13:18,365 --> 00:13:19,867
WHERE MEN FEAR ME...
268
00:13:19,900 --> 00:13:22,269
AND TOILET PAPER
IS A PRECIOUS COMMODITY.
269
00:13:22,302 --> 00:13:26,006
A LAND THAT WILL LIVE IN TERROR
AND SHUDDER IN FEAR.
270
00:13:26,039 --> 00:13:28,475
WHENEVER THERE'S
A TOILET PAPER SHORTAGE,
271
00:13:28,508 --> 00:13:29,409
THEY KNOW WHO TO CALL.
272
00:13:29,442 --> 00:13:31,111
DRAKE DARKSTAR,
273
00:13:31,144 --> 00:13:33,013
MASTER VILLAIN
AND EVIL-DOER.
274
00:13:33,046 --> 00:13:34,714
Man: AND HE CAN GO
TO THE BATHROOM
ALL ON HIS OWN.
275
00:13:34,747 --> 00:13:36,349
NO MORE DIAPERS.
276
00:13:36,383 --> 00:13:40,120
THEY SENT THE RIGHT DUCK TO
REMEDY THIS DIRE SITUATION.
277
00:13:40,153 --> 00:13:42,089
[CRASH]
278
00:13:42,122 --> 00:13:43,891
[BEEPING]
279
00:13:43,924 --> 00:13:46,393
ANOTHER JOB WELL DONE.
280
00:13:49,762 --> 00:13:51,331
GOT HIM!
281
00:13:51,364 --> 00:13:53,366
[SIREN]
282
00:13:54,767 --> 00:13:57,104
HEY, BOYS,
SORRY ABOUT THE DAMAGE,
283
00:13:57,137 --> 00:13:59,406
BUT AT LEAST I BROUGHT
YOU THE TOILET PAPER.
284
00:13:59,439 --> 00:14:01,474
ALL I NEED IS SOMEONE
TO SIGN FOR THE T.P.,
285
00:14:01,508 --> 00:14:03,010
AND I'LL BE ON MY WAY.
286
00:14:03,043 --> 00:14:05,812
OR, IF YOU'D LIKE
TO AVOID FINANCE CHARGES,
287
00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:07,447
YOU CAN PAY ME DIRECTLY.
288
00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:12,085
AH, THIS HAPLESS FOOL
LOOKS LIKE MY TICKET
OUT OF HERE.
289
00:14:13,653 --> 00:14:15,622
WATCH THE THREADS, SLICK.
290
00:14:15,655 --> 00:14:17,824
I'M STILL WORKING ON
THE FINANCE CHARGES.
291
00:14:17,857 --> 00:14:19,792
SAY, YOU LOOK FAMILIAR.
292
00:14:19,826 --> 00:14:22,395
REALLY?
YEAH, LIKE A GUY
I KNOW.
293
00:14:22,429 --> 00:14:25,798
I'LL BET HE ALWAYS
HAS A STUPID LOOK
ON HIS FACE.
294
00:14:25,832 --> 00:14:26,833
LIKE THIS.
295
00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:29,269
YEAH, YEAH,
STUPID LIKE THAT.
296
00:14:29,302 --> 00:14:31,638
SAY, CAN YOU DO
JACK NICHOLSON?
297
00:14:31,671 --> 00:14:35,642
[IMITATING NICHOLSON]
SO, YOU WANNA SEE
THE STARS, DO YA?
298
00:14:35,675 --> 00:14:38,811
WOW! YOU'RE TERRIFIC.
299
00:14:38,845 --> 00:14:40,113
THERE.
300
00:14:40,147 --> 00:14:42,815
NOW THAT I'VE FULFILLED
YOUR REQUEST,
301
00:14:42,849 --> 00:14:44,384
I HAVE ONE OF MY OWN.
302
00:14:44,417 --> 00:14:48,721
I'D LIKE TO
TRADE CLOTHES
AND IDENTITIES, OK?
303
00:14:48,755 --> 00:14:50,390
OK.
304
00:14:50,423 --> 00:14:53,326
SIR, WE'VE GOT
A CONFIRMED SIGHTING
OF DARKSTAR.
305
00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:55,728
AND HE KEEPS TALKING
ABOUT TOILET PAPER.
306
00:14:55,762 --> 00:14:58,431
HE'S ONE SICK,
TWISTED INDIVIDUAL.
307
00:14:58,465 --> 00:15:00,500
TA TA, DUCK DODGERS--
308
00:15:00,533 --> 00:15:02,835
I MEAN, DRAKE DARKSTAR.
309
00:15:02,869 --> 00:15:05,172
[LAUGHS]
310
00:15:05,205 --> 00:15:06,473
OHH...
311
00:15:06,506 --> 00:15:10,810
THE LAST TIME THIS HAPPENED,
I WOKE UP IN TIJUANA.
312
00:15:10,843 --> 00:15:13,813
REACH FOR THE SKY,
SCUMBAG.
313
00:15:13,846 --> 00:15:16,083
YEP, TIJUANA.
314
00:15:16,116 --> 00:15:19,019
FOR 20 YEARS, I'VE WAITED
FOR MY CHANCE TO ESCAPE.
315
00:15:19,052 --> 00:15:21,721
NOTHING CAN STOP ME NOW.
316
00:15:21,754 --> 00:15:25,892
I DON'T CARE HOW MANY TIMES
YOU CLAIM TO BE DUCK DODGERS,
317
00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:27,860
WE ALL KNOW THAT YOU'RE
A VICIOUS MONSTER.
318
00:15:27,894 --> 00:15:31,564
IN FACT, YOU'RE ONE
OF THE GREATEST FIENDS
THE GALAXY HAS EVER KNOWN.
319
00:15:31,598 --> 00:15:34,001
WHY, THE NAME
DRAKE DARKSTAR
320
00:15:34,034 --> 00:15:36,036
STRIKES FEAR
INTO THE HEARTS
OF BILLIONS.
321
00:15:36,069 --> 00:15:38,705
AND DON'T YOU
FORGET IT, GAPPY.
322
00:15:38,738 --> 00:15:41,708
WHAT WAS THAT
SUPPOSED TO MEAN?
323
00:15:41,741 --> 00:15:44,177
SORRY, JUST GOT CAUGHT
UP IN THE MOMENT.
324
00:15:44,211 --> 00:15:47,014
WELCOME HOME, DARKSTAR.
325
00:15:52,385 --> 00:15:55,022
OH, MY. IT SURE IS
GLOOMY IN HERE.
326
00:15:55,055 --> 00:15:56,189
CAPTAIN DODGERS
MUST HAVE BEEN PLAYING
327
00:15:56,223 --> 00:15:58,258
WITH THE D-DIMMER SWITCH AGAIN.
328
00:15:58,291 --> 00:16:02,029
IT SORT OF GIVES EVERYTHING
A SPOOKY LOOK.
329
00:16:02,895 --> 00:16:04,397
[BEEP]
330
00:16:06,766 --> 00:16:08,568
HELLO THERE.
331
00:16:08,601 --> 00:16:10,003
WHY, HELLO,
CAPTAIN DODGERS.
332
00:16:10,037 --> 00:16:11,438
ALL FINISHED
WITH YOUR DELIVERY?
333
00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:12,872
YES.
334
00:16:12,905 --> 00:16:14,441
ARE YOU FEELING OK?
335
00:16:14,474 --> 00:16:16,543
NEVER FELT BETTER.
336
00:16:16,576 --> 00:16:18,278
G-GR-GRE--UH, SUPER.
337
00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:22,749
IT'S TIME FOR US
TO FLEE THE SHACKLES
OF INCARCERATION.
338
00:16:22,782 --> 00:16:24,484
OK.
339
00:16:24,517 --> 00:16:26,053
GET US OUT OF HERE.
340
00:16:26,086 --> 00:16:27,720
NO CAN DO, CAPTAIN.
341
00:16:27,754 --> 00:16:28,921
WHAT?
342
00:16:28,955 --> 00:16:31,291
WELL, I WAS USING
THIS DOWN TIME
343
00:16:31,324 --> 00:16:34,261
TO DO M-MAINTENANCE ON
THE SHIP'S MOTHERBOARD.
344
00:16:34,294 --> 00:16:36,196
YOU KNOW HOW YOU
LIKE TO EAT SNACKS
AND STUFF ON THE BRIDGE?
345
00:16:36,229 --> 00:16:37,630
WELL, THOSE
GREASY LITTLE CRUMBS
346
00:16:37,664 --> 00:16:39,999
WORKED THEIR WAY DOWN INTO
THE SENSITIVE ELECTRONICS,
347
00:16:40,033 --> 00:16:41,934
SO FROM TIME TO TIME,
I LIKE TO CLEAN THAT JUNK OUT.
348
00:16:41,968 --> 00:16:43,636
RIGHT NOW, THE MOTHERBOARD
IS DISCONNECTED
349
00:16:43,670 --> 00:16:46,606
AND SOAKING IN A SOLUTION
OF GRENADINE AND BITTERS.
350
00:16:46,639 --> 00:16:50,110
IF THERE IS ANYTHING
YOU VALUE ABOUT YOUR
PATHETIC LITTLE LIFE,
351
00:16:50,143 --> 00:16:52,279
YOU WILL PUT THIS SHIP
IN ORDER.
352
00:16:52,312 --> 00:16:55,648
AM I MAKING MYSELF
CLEAR? CADET!
353
00:16:55,682 --> 00:16:57,684
[STUTTERING]
354
00:16:59,486 --> 00:17:01,554
PERFECT.
355
00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:05,658
EXERCISE TIME.
356
00:17:05,692 --> 00:17:09,096
DARKSTAR,
THAT MEANS YOU, TOO.
357
00:17:12,565 --> 00:17:14,134
[MAN GRUNTING]
358
00:17:14,167 --> 00:17:15,335
Dodgers:
NICE HEALTH CLUB.
359
00:17:15,368 --> 00:17:17,704
WONDER IF THEY HAVE
A PILATES CLASS.
360
00:17:19,106 --> 00:17:21,208
HEY, THERE'S SOME JOVIAL
FELLOW INMATES.
361
00:17:21,241 --> 00:17:23,476
I'M SURE THEY'LL
WANT TO HELP ME OUT.
362
00:17:23,510 --> 00:17:25,112
HEY THERE, HOMEBOYS!
363
00:17:25,145 --> 00:17:27,780
ANYBODY UP FOR
A LITTLE BREAKING
OUT OF PRISON ACTION?
364
00:17:27,814 --> 00:17:29,216
HEY, SHUT UP, WOULD YOU?
365
00:17:29,249 --> 00:17:31,318
YEAH. YOU TRYING
TO GET US IN TROUBLE?
366
00:17:31,351 --> 00:17:34,487
WHY WOULD WE HELP
DRAKE DARKSTAR ANYWAY?
367
00:17:34,521 --> 00:17:35,988
[MEOWS]
368
00:17:36,022 --> 00:17:38,925
WELL, I'LL LET YOU IN
ON A LITTLE SECRET.
369
00:17:38,958 --> 00:17:41,261
I'M NOT DRAKE DARKSTAR.
370
00:17:41,294 --> 00:17:43,563
I'M ACTUALLY DUCK DODGERS.
371
00:17:43,596 --> 00:17:46,299
YOU MEAN THE SAME
DUCK DODGERS WHO
PUT ME IN HERE?
372
00:17:46,333 --> 00:17:50,002
I'M SORRY, I DIDN'T
PUT MY CONTACTS IN
THIS MORNING BUT...
373
00:17:50,036 --> 00:17:53,640
AAH! CAT HEAD MURPHY
OF THE KITTY LITTER CREW!
374
00:17:53,673 --> 00:17:55,542
THAT'S RIGHT.
375
00:17:55,575 --> 00:17:58,678
I HOPE THAT CONDITION
WITH THE HAIR BALLS
CLEARED UP.
376
00:17:58,711 --> 00:18:00,547
REMEMBER ME, DODGERS?
377
00:18:00,580 --> 00:18:02,149
SLYGOR THE SCAM ARTIST?
378
00:18:02,182 --> 00:18:04,751
THANKS TO YOU,
THEY GAVE ME 25 TO LIFE
379
00:18:04,784 --> 00:18:06,586
FOR SELLING NEW
ALUMINUM GUTTERS
380
00:18:06,619 --> 00:18:10,157
TO LITTLE OLD LADIES WHO
DIDN'T REALLY NEED THEM!
381
00:18:10,190 --> 00:18:12,024
HOW ABOUT ME?
382
00:18:12,058 --> 00:18:15,662
IT'S FUNNY, BUT YOU
REALLY DON'T RING A BELL.
383
00:18:16,963 --> 00:18:18,765
STILL DON'T REMEMBER ME?
384
00:18:20,700 --> 00:18:21,701
SORRY!
385
00:18:21,734 --> 00:18:24,003
I'M KRAG THE KLUNKIN.
386
00:18:24,036 --> 00:18:26,839
REMEMBER THE BATTLE
FOR THESSALONIUS 7?
387
00:18:26,873 --> 00:18:29,442
I'VE NEVER EVEN BEEN
TO THESSALONIUS 6.
388
00:18:29,476 --> 00:18:31,978
BUT YOU'RE DOUG.
DOUG ROGERS, RIGHT?
389
00:18:32,011 --> 00:18:34,514
NO, I'M DUCK DODGERS.
390
00:18:34,547 --> 00:18:36,349
OH. SORRY.
391
00:18:36,383 --> 00:18:38,418
YOU REALLY WRINKLED
MY T-SHIRT.
392
00:18:38,451 --> 00:18:41,488
YOU'RE GONNA PAY
FOR WHAT YOU DID
TO US, DODGERS.
393
00:18:41,521 --> 00:18:44,957
THAT IS, FOR
WHAT YOU DID
TO MOST OF US.
394
00:18:44,991 --> 00:18:46,693
AW, COME ON, FELLAS.
395
00:18:46,726 --> 00:18:48,261
I WANT TO
MAKE HIM PAY, TOO.
396
00:18:48,295 --> 00:18:52,098
CAN'T WE JUST DISCUSS THIS
LIKE RATIONAL CREATURES?
397
00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:54,167
[DODGERS SCREAMING]
398
00:18:58,538 --> 00:19:01,040
[SHOUTING]
399
00:19:01,073 --> 00:19:03,610
SUCKERS. THAT WAS
ALMOST TOO EASY.
400
00:19:08,348 --> 00:19:09,582
STATUS REPORT, CADET.
401
00:19:09,616 --> 00:19:11,918
I'M SOLDERING AS FAST
AS I CAN, SIR.
402
00:19:11,951 --> 00:19:13,686
NOT FAST ENOUGH.
403
00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:15,255
I'VE PUT YOU
ON A DEADLINE.
404
00:19:15,288 --> 00:19:16,823
CHOP, CHOP,
LITTLE PIGGY.
405
00:19:16,856 --> 00:19:18,258
YOUR TIME
IS RUNNING OUT.
406
00:19:18,291 --> 00:19:23,563
[MUNCHING, GNAWING]
407
00:19:23,596 --> 00:19:25,798
[PANTING]
408
00:19:25,832 --> 00:19:27,234
OH, DEAR.
409
00:19:27,267 --> 00:19:29,569
I'M AFRAID I CAN'T LET YOU
HAVE THE MOTHERBOARD.
410
00:19:29,602 --> 00:19:32,372
BUT I HAVE A SURPRISE
FOR YOU, CADET.
411
00:19:32,405 --> 00:19:37,043
A DEEP, DARK,
SOUL-SHREDDING SURPRISE.
412
00:19:37,076 --> 00:19:39,279
HEH HEH HEH.
413
00:19:42,114 --> 00:19:43,483
Dodgers:
HATE TO TOOT MY OWN HORN,
414
00:19:43,516 --> 00:19:47,754
BUT I AM PRETTY GOOD
AT PICKING OUT A HIDING SPOT.
415
00:19:47,787 --> 00:19:49,922
[SCREAMING]
416
00:19:57,364 --> 00:20:02,535
HO HO! A SPEEDY VEHICLE
WITH WHICH TO MAKE MY ESCAPE.
417
00:20:08,275 --> 00:20:10,777
COME ON, YOU STUPID THING,
GO FASTER.
418
00:20:14,414 --> 00:20:16,215
LOOK! DRAKE DARKSTAR
IS ESCAPING
419
00:20:16,249 --> 00:20:18,985
IN THAT SLOW-MOVING,
ANACHRONISTIC GARBAGE TRUCK.
420
00:20:19,018 --> 00:20:22,054
CLEVER, DARKSTAR.
VERY CLEVER.
421
00:20:22,088 --> 00:20:23,390
[SIRENS]
422
00:20:26,092 --> 00:20:27,794
NOT GOOD.
423
00:20:30,930 --> 00:20:32,565
GIVE IT UP, CRIMINAL.
424
00:20:34,934 --> 00:20:35,968
THERE'S MY SHIP.
425
00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:44,277
UH, GOT TO KEEP
THIS MOTHERBOARD AWAY
FROM THAT L-LUNATIC.
426
00:20:44,311 --> 00:20:47,847
NOW I'VE GOT
THE MOTHERBOARD,
THE SHIP,
427
00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:50,216
AND THE PIG BOY
SIDEKICK.
428
00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:52,719
Dodgers:
NOT SO FAST, DARKSTAR.
429
00:20:52,752 --> 00:20:55,822
THAT'S MY SHIP
AND MY PIG BOY SIDEKICK.
430
00:20:55,855 --> 00:20:57,223
THE MOTHERBOARD
IS A RENTAL.
431
00:20:57,256 --> 00:20:59,025
COME NOW, DODGERS.
432
00:20:59,058 --> 00:21:01,928
I'M THE MOST EVIL GENIUS
IN THE UNIVERSE.
433
00:21:01,961 --> 00:21:04,931
YOU'RE OUT
OF YOUR LEAGUE.
434
00:21:04,964 --> 00:21:06,699
OK, NOW YOU'RE
GONNA GET IT.
435
00:21:06,733 --> 00:21:08,267
BE CAREFUL, CAPTAIN.
436
00:21:08,301 --> 00:21:09,836
HI-YEEAH!
437
00:21:15,808 --> 00:21:17,810
[PANTING]
438
00:21:21,581 --> 00:21:23,683
HOLD IT RIGHT THERE,
DARKSTAR.
439
00:21:23,716 --> 00:21:27,654
IT'S TIME TO LOCK
THIS IMPOSTOR UP
AND THROW AWAY THE KEY.
440
00:21:27,687 --> 00:21:30,490
YOU'RE THE ONLY IMPOSTOR
HERE, IMPOSTOR.
441
00:21:30,523 --> 00:21:31,791
WE CAN'T TELL ONE
FROM THE OTHER.
442
00:21:31,824 --> 00:21:34,694
IT'S LIKE SOME KIND
OF CRAZY DEJA VU.
443
00:21:34,727 --> 00:21:37,697
CADET, HELP
THE FRIENDLY OFFICERS
OUT, WOULD YOU?
444
00:21:37,730 --> 00:21:41,368
WELL, I GUESS
I KNOW CAPTAIN DODGERS
BETTER THAN ANYONE.
445
00:21:41,401 --> 00:21:42,402
THAT'S RIGHT.
THAT'S RIGHT.
446
00:21:42,435 --> 00:21:44,236
HE CAN PROVE
I'M THE REAL ME.
447
00:21:44,270 --> 00:21:45,838
I DON'T KNOW.
448
00:21:45,872 --> 00:21:48,808
TELL HIM ABOUT THE TIME
I GAVE YOU SPACE LICE...
449
00:21:48,841 --> 00:21:50,710
OR THE TIME YOU CAME
OVER TO HELP ME MOVE
450
00:21:50,743 --> 00:21:53,880
AND I FAKED
HAVING A HERNIA--
REMEMBER THAT?
451
00:21:53,913 --> 00:21:55,147
OH, YEAH.
452
00:21:55,181 --> 00:21:56,483
HEY, I KNOW--
TELL HIM ABOUT THE TIME
453
00:21:56,516 --> 00:21:58,618
I SOLD YOUR SISTER TO
THE SAUSAGE FACTORY.
454
00:21:58,651 --> 00:22:02,288
YOU SOLD HIS SISTER
TO THE SAUSAGE FACTORY?
455
00:22:02,321 --> 00:22:05,057
DUDE, THAT'S COLD.
456
00:22:06,926 --> 00:22:10,363
IT'S--GENTLEMEN,
THAT'S THE REAL DUCK DODGERS
457
00:22:10,397 --> 00:22:11,764
RIGHT THERE.
458
00:22:11,798 --> 00:22:13,600
WHAT!? YOU FINK.
459
00:22:13,633 --> 00:22:15,368
DON'T LISTEN TO HIM.
HE DON'T KNOW NOTHING.
460
00:22:15,402 --> 00:22:16,503
GET HIM, BOYS!
461
00:22:16,536 --> 00:22:18,405
HEY, I'M THE REAL DODGERS!
462
00:22:18,438 --> 00:22:20,306
TELL HIM ABOUT THAT TIME
I TOLD THAT KID
463
00:22:20,339 --> 00:22:22,241
TO PUT YOUR SHOES
IN THE TOILET!
464
00:22:22,274 --> 00:22:24,544
OR THE TIME
I STARCHED YOUR TAIL.
465
00:22:24,577 --> 00:22:27,113
WELL, AT LEAST HE'LL
BE MUCH NICER TO ME
466
00:22:27,146 --> 00:22:30,450
THAN CAPTAIN DODGERS
EVER WAS.
31854
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