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1
00:00:04,700 --> 00:00:05,831
- Whoo!
- Whoa!
2
00:00:05,831 --> 00:00:08,008
Shh! Come on. Keep it down.
3
00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:10,053
I just got the kids to bed.
4
00:00:10,053 --> 00:00:13,926
It's gotta be loud.
It's "Cops."
5
00:00:13,926 --> 00:00:16,364
You can't enjoy violence
without volume.
6
00:00:18,148 --> 00:00:20,020
Ow!
Oh, you're right.
7
00:00:22,805 --> 00:00:24,546
Look at this guy
who's running away.
8
00:00:24,546 --> 00:00:26,548
Ooh.
Whoo. Look at this guy go.
9
00:00:26,548 --> 00:00:29,333
Move it, dude.
10
00:00:29,333 --> 00:00:31,205
- Oh, good.
- What are you doing?
11
00:00:31,205 --> 00:00:32,641
You don't root for the perp.
12
00:00:34,556 --> 00:00:37,907
- He's the underdog.
- He's a criminal.
13
00:00:37,907 --> 00:00:40,301
Just sayin' look at
the moves on this guy.
14
00:00:40,301 --> 00:00:43,173
The giants could use him.
15
00:00:43,173 --> 00:00:46,350
Oh, big mistake.
He's going into the alley.
16
00:00:46,350 --> 00:00:50,050
My boys should be
coming right... now.
17
00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:51,573
What? Oh, you seen
this one already.
18
00:00:51,573 --> 00:00:53,879
No, no, no, that's the way
they do it, see?
19
00:00:53,879 --> 00:00:55,664
First of all,
you set up a perimeter, right?
20
00:00:55,664 --> 00:00:57,622
You close off
all the avenues of escape.
21
00:00:57,622 --> 00:00:59,842
It's like
catching a mouse.
22
00:00:59,842 --> 00:01:04,107
Hey, I've seen you
with a mouse.
23
00:01:04,107 --> 00:01:07,502
Remember this?
Aah!
24
00:01:13,029 --> 00:01:15,205
Remember me beatin'
the crap outta you?
25
00:01:19,775 --> 00:01:22,952
Ah, they got the bracelets on
him. He ain't goin' nowhere.
26
00:01:22,952 --> 00:01:24,301
Of course
he's not going anywhere.
27
00:01:24,301 --> 00:01:26,564
The show's called "Cops."
It's fixed.
28
00:01:26,564 --> 00:01:28,784
You never see the bad guy
getting away.
29
00:01:28,784 --> 00:01:31,700
Let 'em get
their own show.
30
00:01:31,700 --> 00:01:34,050
You see the way
they ran that punk down?
31
00:01:34,050 --> 00:01:36,008
You ever run like that?
32
00:01:36,008 --> 00:01:38,272
- I've been known to.
- Yeah, when? When do you run?
33
00:01:38,272 --> 00:01:40,578
- When I have to.
- Yeah.
34
00:01:40,578 --> 00:01:43,364
Last time you ran was when
the wind took your balloon.
35
00:01:53,809 --> 00:01:56,116
What are you saying,
Raymond?
36
00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:59,467
- Nothing. Nothing.
- You don't think I do this?
37
00:01:59,467 --> 00:02:00,990
Come on, this is show biz.
38
00:02:00,990 --> 00:02:02,600
This is three months of filming
39
00:02:02,600 --> 00:02:03,993
cut down to half an hour.
40
00:02:06,517 --> 00:02:07,997
What?
41
00:02:09,651 --> 00:02:12,436
Want to go on
a ride-along?
42
00:02:12,436 --> 00:02:16,005
- What?
- A citizen's ride-along.
43
00:02:16,005 --> 00:02:18,790
Come on, big shot. Spend a shift
in the back of my patrol car.
44
00:02:20,531 --> 00:02:22,577
What and drive around
with you?
45
00:02:22,577 --> 00:02:23,969
Mm-hmm. That's right.
46
00:02:23,969 --> 00:02:26,102
Put your ass
where your mouth is.
47
00:02:30,802 --> 00:02:36,243
- Why would I want to--
- You know what I mean!
48
00:02:36,243 --> 00:02:38,636
- What's the matter, you scared?
- I'm not-I'm not scared.
49
00:02:38,636 --> 00:02:41,204
- I'll go anytime.
- How about tonight?
50
00:02:41,204 --> 00:02:42,466
- I can't go tonight.
- Yeah.
51
00:02:42,466 --> 00:02:43,815
That's 'cause you're scared.
52
00:02:43,815 --> 00:02:45,295
Alright, go ahead. I'll go.
53
00:02:45,295 --> 00:02:47,036
You set it up, and I'll go.
54
00:02:47,036 --> 00:02:49,430
Alright, fine,
I'll check with my partner
55
00:02:49,430 --> 00:02:51,780
and we'll get you a vest.
56
00:02:51,780 --> 00:02:54,348
What do you mean, a vest?
57
00:02:54,348 --> 00:02:58,221
Bullet... proof... vest.
58
00:03:01,093 --> 00:03:03,618
Okay, fine.
59
00:03:03,618 --> 00:03:06,664
Fine. Go ahead.
Go right ahead.
60
00:03:06,664 --> 00:03:09,885
I'll just, I'll check
with my partner. Hey, Deb.
61
00:03:09,885 --> 00:03:12,888
Robert wants me to go with him
on his patrol tonight
62
00:03:12,888 --> 00:03:15,760
you know, and sit in the car
where all the action is
63
00:03:15,760 --> 00:03:19,199
and wear
a bulletproof vest, okay?
64
00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:20,635
Sure. Have fun.
65
00:03:23,768 --> 00:03:26,293
♪ Bum-ba-da-dun ♪
66
00:03:34,475 --> 00:03:36,781
Hi, I'm Ray,
and I live here in Long Island
67
00:03:36,781 --> 00:03:40,916
with my wife Debra,
my six-year-old daughter
68
00:03:40,916 --> 00:03:43,832
and twin two-year-old boys.
69
00:03:43,832 --> 00:03:48,706
My parents live
across the street.
70
00:03:48,706 --> 00:03:50,142
That's right.
71
00:03:51,579 --> 00:03:53,537
And my brother lives with 'em.
72
00:03:53,537 --> 00:03:56,105
Now, not every family
would defy gravity for you
73
00:03:56,105 --> 00:03:57,541
but mine would because--
74
00:03:57,541 --> 00:03:59,978
Everybody loves Raymond.
75
00:03:59,978 --> 00:04:01,763
Hey, you didn't, uh...
76
00:04:07,159 --> 00:04:10,554
Frank, what are you doing?
Close the refrigerator.
77
00:04:10,554 --> 00:04:14,123
- Put that on a plate.
- I don't want a plate.
78
00:04:14,123 --> 00:04:15,516
I just want
a couple of bites.
79
00:04:17,344 --> 00:04:19,868
That's disgusting,
sticking your fork in there.
80
00:04:19,868 --> 00:04:21,696
Now nobody else
can eat it.
81
00:04:21,696 --> 00:04:24,525
That's all it takes?
82
00:04:24,525 --> 00:04:26,962
This fork
was in the ice cream too.
83
00:04:26,962 --> 00:04:29,312
Oh!
84
00:04:29,312 --> 00:04:31,619
Oh, hi, dear. You hungry?
85
00:04:31,619 --> 00:04:34,448
I'm sorry, I can't offer you
lasagna or ice cream.
86
00:04:34,448 --> 00:04:36,928
Or chocolate cake.
Mmh. Mmh. Mmh.
87
00:04:36,928 --> 00:04:42,325
Oh! He's like an animal
marking his territory.
88
00:04:42,325 --> 00:04:44,849
Hey!
89
00:04:44,849 --> 00:04:46,808
Come on,
that was a compliment.
90
00:04:49,114 --> 00:04:51,029
God, I wish this was
the wrong house.
91
00:04:56,513 --> 00:04:57,862
Where's Robert?
92
00:04:57,862 --> 00:04:59,386
He's going to work
in a few minutes.
93
00:04:59,386 --> 00:05:01,126
Yeah, I know. I know.
I'm going with him.
94
00:05:01,126 --> 00:05:03,259
- What?
- Yeah, yeah.
95
00:05:03,259 --> 00:05:05,348
Robert, you're taking
Raymond to work with you?
96
00:05:05,348 --> 00:05:08,308
Yeah, on a citizen ride-along.
97
00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:11,136
No one discussed this with me.
You're not going.
98
00:05:11,136 --> 00:05:13,138
- Aw--
- Aw, Ray.
99
00:05:13,138 --> 00:05:17,360
- Your mommy won't let you go.
- Yeah. Ma, I'm an adult, okay?
100
00:05:17,360 --> 00:05:18,927
I don't need
a permission slip.
101
00:05:18,927 --> 00:05:21,364
Oh, you do have
to sign this release form.
102
00:05:21,364 --> 00:05:23,410
The department can't guarantee
your protection.
103
00:05:25,412 --> 00:05:27,065
I thought
you were my protection.
104
00:05:27,065 --> 00:05:29,503
No, he's not!
Rob-Robbie, give me that.
105
00:05:29,503 --> 00:05:31,461
Oh, Frank, do something!
106
00:05:31,461 --> 00:05:33,985
Robert's putting
Raymond in danger.
107
00:05:33,985 --> 00:05:37,032
Danger?
You want to know danger?
108
00:05:37,032 --> 00:05:39,121
Here we go.
109
00:05:39,121 --> 00:05:41,384
Try Korea.
110
00:05:41,384 --> 00:05:44,126
They were firing at us
with Kalashnikov rifles.
111
00:05:44,126 --> 00:05:46,824
Those things snap off
30 rounds a second.
112
00:05:46,824 --> 00:05:48,783
What are you two gonna be doing
113
00:05:48,783 --> 00:05:53,309
sitting in a squad car
with a thermos full of cocoa?
114
00:05:53,309 --> 00:05:58,401
Actually, no. That increases
the frequency of urination.
115
00:05:58,401 --> 00:06:01,709
- I-I-I don't like any of this.
- Come on, let's go, Raymond.
116
00:06:01,709 --> 00:06:03,450
- Hooray.
- Oh, Raymond, don't.
117
00:06:03,450 --> 00:06:06,235
- Ma, I'm going. I'm going.
- Oh, don't.
118
00:06:06,235 --> 00:06:08,498
Alright then, why only Raymond?
119
00:06:08,498 --> 00:06:10,152
Take Debra and the kids too.
120
00:06:10,152 --> 00:06:14,112
That way I'll lose
my whole family in one night.
121
00:06:14,112 --> 00:06:16,114
At least take him!
122
00:06:24,906 --> 00:06:27,822
- '2-3, sergeant.'
- 2-3, sergeant.
123
00:06:27,822 --> 00:06:30,564
- 'You get that 10-10?'
- I copy.
124
00:06:30,564 --> 00:06:32,435
Sergeant?
They call you sergeant?
125
00:06:32,435 --> 00:06:34,481
That's his rank.
Sit back.
126
00:06:37,353 --> 00:06:40,095
Sergeant. Do they know
you lick your q-tips
127
00:06:40,095 --> 00:06:42,793
before you stick 'em
in your ears?
128
00:06:42,793 --> 00:06:44,839
Raymond.
129
00:06:44,839 --> 00:06:46,318
I copy the 10-10.
130
00:06:46,318 --> 00:06:48,886
Open warehouse door,
checked out okay.
131
00:06:48,886 --> 00:06:51,498
Open door, yeah.
Nobody even broke in.
132
00:06:53,500 --> 00:06:58,287
Good thing I'm wearing the vest.
It could've been drafty.
133
00:06:58,287 --> 00:06:59,810
We better drive by later.
134
00:06:59,810 --> 00:07:02,291
If it's open again,
we'll call in a K-9 car
135
00:07:02,291 --> 00:07:05,250
and, uh, send in
the bow-wow.
136
00:07:05,250 --> 00:07:08,471
That's a police dog.
137
00:07:08,471 --> 00:07:15,086
Oh, bow-wow's a police dog.
Hmm, how do you crack that code?
138
00:07:15,086 --> 00:07:18,046
That ain't funny. And you don't
talk while we're on the radio.
139
00:07:18,046 --> 00:07:21,571
Now sit back!
140
00:07:21,571 --> 00:07:23,355
I told you, Raymond,
it's important
141
00:07:23,355 --> 00:07:26,010
that you not interfere
with police business.
142
00:07:26,010 --> 00:07:27,490
Well, what police business?
143
00:07:27,490 --> 00:07:29,927
We've been driving around
for 3 hours.
144
00:07:29,927 --> 00:07:32,974
I saw more action
on my paper route.
145
00:07:32,974 --> 00:07:34,454
Alright!
146
00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:36,499
Hey, maybe later
we can climb a tree
147
00:07:36,499 --> 00:07:39,502
and save a meow-meow.
148
00:07:39,502 --> 00:07:42,374
That's enough, Raymond.
149
00:07:42,374 --> 00:07:44,986
I'm starting to see what you
mean about your little brother.
150
00:07:44,986 --> 00:07:46,770
- Yeah, see what I'm saying?
- What?
151
00:07:46,770 --> 00:07:48,076
- What? What does he say?
- Sit back!
152
00:07:48,076 --> 00:07:50,034
I'm not gonna tell you again!
153
00:07:52,167 --> 00:07:55,257
You just lost your tip.
154
00:07:55,257 --> 00:07:58,390
There's nothing to do.
I'm bored back here.
155
00:07:58,390 --> 00:08:00,392
At least run the siren a little.
156
00:08:02,656 --> 00:08:04,440
This vest is a little smelly.
157
00:08:06,137 --> 00:08:07,878
Hey, if you wash these
with regular clothes
158
00:08:07,878 --> 00:08:10,751
do they become bulletproof?
159
00:08:10,751 --> 00:08:13,275
Okay. Okay.
160
00:08:13,275 --> 00:08:15,625
- '2-3, sergeant.'
- 2-3, sergeant.
161
00:08:15,625 --> 00:08:18,106
'Got an emergency call,
patching it through.'
162
00:08:18,106 --> 00:08:20,500
Alright. Emergency.
163
00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:23,503
You wanted action?
Here we go.
164
00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:26,331
'Robbie, how's Raymond?'
165
00:08:26,331 --> 00:08:30,031
'Is he okay?
I want to talk to Raymond.'
166
00:08:30,031 --> 00:08:32,294
- Ma!
- 'What?'
167
00:08:37,604 --> 00:08:39,170
I need these wrapped to go.
168
00:08:39,170 --> 00:08:41,346
Everybody's asking
for doggie bags.
169
00:08:41,346 --> 00:08:42,783
What am I supposed to eat?
170
00:08:47,614 --> 00:08:50,791
Give me the usual. I'm going
to the ladies' room.
171
00:08:50,791 --> 00:08:55,317
Why are we taking a break?
What are we taking a break from?
172
00:08:55,317 --> 00:08:57,449
How about a break
from your mouth?
173
00:09:02,193 --> 00:09:05,501
She seems nice.
174
00:09:05,501 --> 00:09:08,504
Sit down, Raymond.
175
00:09:08,504 --> 00:09:10,027
Sit down.
176
00:09:10,027 --> 00:09:12,029
I want to talk to you.
177
00:09:12,029 --> 00:09:15,946
Alright, but I have a right
to a ginger ale. You know that?
178
00:09:15,946 --> 00:09:17,905
- Just stop it, okay?
- What?
179
00:09:17,905 --> 00:09:20,081
I'm sorry this is such
a slow night for you.
180
00:09:20,081 --> 00:09:23,475
No, no, no.
There was that open door.
181
00:09:26,043 --> 00:09:28,959
Enough, Raymond. Okay?
182
00:09:28,959 --> 00:09:31,919
A slow night for you
is a good night for me.
183
00:09:31,919 --> 00:09:35,618
Do you understand? You have
no idea what this job entails.
184
00:09:35,618 --> 00:09:38,099
And your attitude is an insult
to me, my partner
185
00:09:38,099 --> 00:09:39,840
and every other cop
on the force.
186
00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:42,451
Relax, Robert.
I'm-I'm joking here, that's all.
187
00:09:42,451 --> 00:09:44,671
Yeah, yeah, right, yeah. They're
just little jokes, right?
188
00:09:44,671 --> 00:09:46,368
- I'm one big joke to you.
- Oh.
189
00:09:46,368 --> 00:09:49,719
My height, my little quirks,
the year I had an afro.
190
00:09:53,418 --> 00:09:55,116
Now, come on.
That was funny.
191
00:09:55,116 --> 00:09:58,423
It was the style then, man.
192
00:09:58,423 --> 00:10:00,469
Alright, come on, relax.
193
00:10:00,469 --> 00:10:03,037
You guys gonna order,
or can I grab a smoke?
194
00:10:03,037 --> 00:10:04,734
Come on. What do you want
to eat? I'm buying.
195
00:10:04,734 --> 00:10:06,170
- I'm not hungry.
- Come on.
196
00:10:06,170 --> 00:10:07,519
I'll buy for Judy too.
197
00:10:07,519 --> 00:10:10,740
What does she eat,
little kids?
198
00:10:10,740 --> 00:10:12,568
You just can't stop,
can you?
199
00:10:12,568 --> 00:10:14,265
Look, when you're ready,
I'm out back.
200
00:10:16,398 --> 00:10:18,530
- Robert.
- What?
201
00:10:18,530 --> 00:10:20,707
Over there.
202
00:10:20,707 --> 00:10:24,536
Hurry it up.
203
00:10:24,536 --> 00:10:25,973
Get down.
204
00:10:27,757 --> 00:10:29,759
Huh?
205
00:10:29,759 --> 00:10:31,979
Get down.
206
00:10:31,979 --> 00:10:34,372
Robert, I left my vest
in the car.
207
00:10:38,202 --> 00:10:41,771
Now, whatever happens...
stay down.
208
00:10:41,771 --> 00:10:46,341
No, no, no, wait, wait, wait.
Call the police.
209
00:10:46,341 --> 00:10:47,995
- Shh.
- Come on, let's go.
210
00:10:47,995 --> 00:10:49,605
Hurry up, come on.
211
00:11:00,137 --> 00:11:01,835
Get on your stomach.
Get your hands behind your back.
212
00:11:01,835 --> 00:11:04,098
- 'I didn't do anything!'
- You didn't do anything, huh?
213
00:11:04,098 --> 00:11:06,970
- What'd I do?
- Is everybody okay?
214
00:11:06,970 --> 00:11:08,363
- Nemo, you alright?
- Yeah, yeah.
215
00:11:08,363 --> 00:11:10,191
How we doin', huh?
216
00:11:10,191 --> 00:11:12,280
- Wise guy.
- What happened here?
217
00:11:12,280 --> 00:11:14,804
Well, we got a 10-30.
Better check outside.
218
00:11:16,937 --> 00:11:19,113
- You alright, Nemo?
- 'Yeah.'
219
00:11:19,113 --> 00:11:22,029
No getaway car.
Got no friends?
220
00:11:23,900 --> 00:11:25,902
That's alright. We'll give him
a ride. Get him outta here.
221
00:11:25,902 --> 00:11:28,513
I'll radio it in.
222
00:11:28,513 --> 00:11:30,298
Come on, Ray.
You can ride up front.
223
00:11:37,044 --> 00:11:38,959
Come on.
What are you looking at?
224
00:11:44,442 --> 00:11:47,837
Hey, Susie.
Pick up that pizza, will ya?
225
00:11:47,837 --> 00:11:49,839
Unless the people
want a new one.
226
00:12:08,466 --> 00:12:11,731
- Ray?
- Hmm.
227
00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:13,950
- What time is it?
- Hmm.
228
00:12:25,048 --> 00:12:28,399
What are you doing? Why are you
lying there like that?
229
00:12:28,399 --> 00:12:31,272
- Take your clothes off.
- Oh, I'm not in the mood.
230
00:12:34,014 --> 00:12:35,842
What are you talking about?
231
00:12:35,842 --> 00:12:37,582
Hey, how was the ride-along?
232
00:12:39,236 --> 00:12:41,108
It was very boring.
233
00:12:41,108 --> 00:12:43,414
Followed by a short period
of terrifying.
234
00:12:45,155 --> 00:12:48,158
What do you mean?
What happened?
235
00:12:48,158 --> 00:12:52,249
We went into Nemo's for a break,
and a guy came in with a gun.
236
00:12:52,249 --> 00:12:53,990
My God!
What do you mean, a gun?
237
00:12:53,990 --> 00:12:55,818
A gun. A gun.
I mean a gun.
238
00:12:55,818 --> 00:12:58,386
A-a thing they use
to rob things.
239
00:12:58,386 --> 00:12:59,996
What are you doing
with a gun?
240
00:12:59,996 --> 00:13:01,345
Nothing!
I didn't have the gun.
241
00:13:01,345 --> 00:13:02,825
I mean near a gun!
242
00:13:02,825 --> 00:13:05,132
Who told you to go out
and be with guns?
243
00:13:05,132 --> 00:13:07,308
- You did.
- I did not.
244
00:13:07,308 --> 00:13:08,831
I said you could
ride in the back
245
00:13:08,831 --> 00:13:10,311
of Robert's police car.
246
00:13:10,311 --> 00:13:12,313
I never said you should
get out of the car.
247
00:13:12,313 --> 00:13:14,097
I'm okay, I'm okay.
248
00:13:14,097 --> 00:13:17,057
Jerk! You idiot!
249
00:13:17,057 --> 00:13:20,060
- I'm okay. I'm okay!
- Stupid, how could you...
250
00:13:20,060 --> 00:13:24,194
Ow! I need my vest again.
251
00:13:24,194 --> 00:13:26,936
My God. How did this happen?
What happened?
252
00:13:26,936 --> 00:13:30,287
Nothing,
'cause Robert stopped the guy
253
00:13:30,287 --> 00:13:32,072
and then we took him
to the station
254
00:13:32,072 --> 00:13:34,074
and then Robert booked him
and printed him
255
00:13:34,074 --> 00:13:35,858
and then I told Robert
I had to throw up
256
00:13:35,858 --> 00:13:38,208
and Judy took me home.
257
00:13:38,208 --> 00:13:40,820
- How is Robert?
- He's fine.
258
00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:42,865
He's.. I've never seen him
like that.
259
00:13:42,865 --> 00:13:44,824
He just took control.
He's...
260
00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:46,695
You know, it's like one minute
he's my brother
261
00:13:46,695 --> 00:13:50,742
who eats like this, and the next
minute, he's like this... cop.
262
00:13:50,742 --> 00:13:53,397
- Why? What did he do?
- Eh, I don't know.
263
00:13:53,397 --> 00:13:55,443
It happened so fast.
I don't know exactly.
264
00:13:55,443 --> 00:13:58,750
And my view was a little
obstructed by the... table leg.
265
00:13:58,750 --> 00:14:00,927
Oh...
266
00:14:00,927 --> 00:14:03,538
Oh, were you scared?
267
00:14:03,538 --> 00:14:05,757
- A little.
- Oh...
268
00:14:05,757 --> 00:14:09,109
Yeah, b-but Robert,
you know, was... was not.
269
00:14:09,109 --> 00:14:10,980
Well, you know, that's his job.
I mean--
270
00:14:10,980 --> 00:14:12,895
I know, I know,
but I couldn't do that.
271
00:14:12,895 --> 00:14:15,942
I mean, what's the most
dangerous thing I do?
272
00:14:15,942 --> 00:14:18,422
I let the kids jump on me
without wearing a cup.
273
00:14:23,079 --> 00:14:27,170
Robert, Robert is, he's really...
274
00:14:27,170 --> 00:14:31,696
- He's-he's really...
- You're proud of him.
275
00:14:31,696 --> 00:14:36,179
Well...
He's like a... hero.
276
00:14:36,179 --> 00:14:39,226
You know, and-and everybody's
always making a big fuss
277
00:14:39,226 --> 00:14:41,663
about what I do
just 'cause I have some column.
278
00:14:41,663 --> 00:14:43,883
Robert's the one whose name
should be in the paper.
279
00:14:45,493 --> 00:14:47,408
Did you tell him that?
280
00:14:49,627 --> 00:14:53,414
You know what?
I'm gonna do better than that.
281
00:14:53,414 --> 00:14:56,069
- Who are you calling?
- Hold on.
282
00:14:56,069 --> 00:14:58,375
Hey, Max. Yeah, it's Ray. Listen...
283
00:14:58,375 --> 00:15:00,987
You didn't put the paper
to bed yet, did you?
284
00:15:00,987 --> 00:15:03,424
Okay, great.
I got a great story.
285
00:15:03,424 --> 00:15:07,123
I went with my brother
on this police ride-along.
286
00:15:07,123 --> 00:15:10,257
Yeah, yeah, the big guy.
Yeah, the chin-toucher.
287
00:15:10,257 --> 00:15:13,173
Yeah, listen, listen, you're not
gonna believe what happened.
288
00:15:16,741 --> 00:15:19,353
- Honey, what are you doing?
- I'm cutting Molly's hair.
289
00:15:19,353 --> 00:15:21,268
Oh, no, no, sweetie,
if you cut a doll's hair
290
00:15:21,268 --> 00:15:24,097
it doesn't grow back.
Only people hair grows back.
291
00:15:24,097 --> 00:15:26,186
Oh.
292
00:15:26,186 --> 00:15:28,579
- Geoffrey!
- No, no, sweetie, sweetie, no.
293
00:15:28,579 --> 00:15:30,581
That's okay.
Just cut the doll's hair.
294
00:15:30,581 --> 00:15:32,453
Oh, here, see?
You missed a spot.
295
00:15:36,892 --> 00:15:38,894
- Hey.
- Hey.
296
00:15:38,894 --> 00:15:42,028
- Is the article in there?
- I can't... find it.
297
00:15:45,466 --> 00:15:47,903
- Oh, no.
- What, they didn't print it?
298
00:15:47,903 --> 00:15:49,774
- Look at that.
- That's you.
299
00:15:49,774 --> 00:15:52,125
I know.
That's a picture of me. Why?
300
00:15:52,125 --> 00:15:56,868
"Newsday's own Ray Barone
survives pizza holdup."
301
00:15:56,868 --> 00:15:58,870
I thought it was supposed
to be about Robert.
302
00:15:58,870 --> 00:16:02,091
It was!
"Sports columnist Ray Barone
303
00:16:02,091 --> 00:16:04,441
"while on a citizen ride-along,
narrowly escaped
304
00:16:04,441 --> 00:16:10,012
gunplay when an armed robber.."
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah!
305
00:16:10,012 --> 00:16:12,536
Does it mention him at all?
306
00:16:12,536 --> 00:16:15,017
"Police apprehended
the suspect."
307
00:16:15,017 --> 00:16:16,888
That.. Police.
They didn't mention him.
308
00:16:16,888 --> 00:16:18,412
He's police.
309
00:16:18,412 --> 00:16:21,067
Well.. Oh, no.
What did they do?
310
00:16:21,067 --> 00:16:23,243
Hey, maybe Robert won't read
the paper today.
311
00:16:23,243 --> 00:16:26,420
He's Robert.
He reads it every day.
312
00:16:26,420 --> 00:16:29,031
He reads it, he taps
his chin 12 times with it
313
00:16:29,031 --> 00:16:31,947
and he reads it again.
314
00:16:31,947 --> 00:16:33,296
Aaggh!
315
00:16:39,302 --> 00:16:41,043
Hey, Robert.
316
00:16:44,438 --> 00:16:47,658
Oh, you read the paper.
317
00:16:47,658 --> 00:16:50,226
I only wish I didn't have to
read it again.
318
00:16:53,751 --> 00:16:57,799
- "Newsday's own Ray Barone--"
- Okay, okay, let me explain.
319
00:16:57,799 --> 00:16:59,714
No, no. No need.
320
00:16:59,714 --> 00:17:01,716
Listen, the reason
I called the paper--
321
00:17:01,716 --> 00:17:04,849
The reason, Raymond...
I think I know the reason.
322
00:17:04,849 --> 00:17:07,809
- It's called self-promotion.
- What? No.
323
00:17:07,809 --> 00:17:09,332
What's the matter,
Raymond, huh?
324
00:17:09,332 --> 00:17:10,942
Sports section
isn't enough anymore?
325
00:17:10,942 --> 00:17:12,292
Oh, come on--
326
00:17:12,292 --> 00:17:15,556
You have to be all over
the paper.
327
00:17:15,556 --> 00:17:16,861
- Robert.
- Ga-ga-ga-ga.
328
00:17:16,861 --> 00:17:18,037
Why don't you
hop on the subway
329
00:17:18,037 --> 00:17:19,908
make the travel section?
330
00:17:19,908 --> 00:17:22,389
- Alright, come on.
- How about the food section?
331
00:17:22,389 --> 00:17:27,046
"Newsday's own Ray Barone
enjoys salami sandwich."
332
00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:28,569
- Robert--
- I'll tell you what.
333
00:17:28,569 --> 00:17:29,831
I'll give you change
for a dollar.
334
00:17:29,831 --> 00:17:32,268
You can make
the financial pages.
335
00:17:32,268 --> 00:17:35,010
"Ray Barone converts
paper into coin."
336
00:17:37,230 --> 00:17:40,320
- Are you through?
- Yes.
337
00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:43,062
Unless you're gonna be
changing your clothes today.
338
00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:45,064
- Robert, I'm s--
- Fashion pages!
339
00:17:45,064 --> 00:17:48,763
I get it!
I get it, Robert.
340
00:17:48,763 --> 00:17:51,113
Why are people talking?
341
00:17:51,113 --> 00:17:53,681
It's 8:00 in the morning.
342
00:17:53,681 --> 00:17:56,727
No talking before 9:00.
343
00:17:56,727 --> 00:17:58,686
Oh, good, Raymond.
You're back.
344
00:17:58,686 --> 00:18:01,210
- You hungry?
- No, no. No, thanks, mom.
345
00:18:01,210 --> 00:18:02,820
- So how was it?
- Here.
346
00:18:02,820 --> 00:18:04,344
You can read about it
in the paper.
347
00:18:04,344 --> 00:18:06,346
No, give me...
Come on, Robert.
348
00:18:06,346 --> 00:18:09,566
Robert, what is that?
349
00:18:09,566 --> 00:18:12,743
"Newsday's own
Ray Barone survives...
350
00:18:12,743 --> 00:18:14,963
- Guns?"
- Listen, listen! The point wa--
351
00:18:14,963 --> 00:18:16,704
What did you do
to your brother?
352
00:18:16,704 --> 00:18:19,315
- What? What happened?
- Nothing happened.
353
00:18:19,315 --> 00:18:22,144
Nemo's was robbed,
and Raymond was there.
354
00:18:22,144 --> 00:18:24,886
I knew that something
would happen to him.
355
00:18:24,886 --> 00:18:28,150
What happened to him?
He's standing here.
356
00:18:28,150 --> 00:18:29,717
He's fine!
357
00:18:29,717 --> 00:18:33,851
Let's celebrate with
the making of some eggs.
358
00:18:33,851 --> 00:18:36,854
- Are you okay, sweetie?
- Yes, I'm okay because Robert--
359
00:18:36,854 --> 00:18:38,900
Oh, how could you do that
to your brother?
360
00:18:38,900 --> 00:18:40,771
- No, ma, you don't understand.
- He could've been killed!
361
00:18:40,771 --> 00:18:43,296
- Ma, you don't understand--
- Be quiet.
362
00:18:43,296 --> 00:18:45,080
What business do you have
getting involved
363
00:18:45,080 --> 00:18:47,865
in something like that with
your brother there? He's gentle!
364
00:18:51,608 --> 00:18:57,092
- Police business, mom. My job?
- Oh, stop with the excuses!
365
00:18:57,092 --> 00:19:00,617
No more tag-arounds!
366
00:19:00,617 --> 00:19:04,621
It's a ride-along, ma. Okay?
367
00:19:04,621 --> 00:19:05,753
And you don't have to
worry anymore
368
00:19:05,753 --> 00:19:07,494
'cause it'll never happen again.
369
00:19:07,494 --> 00:19:11,976
Gentle Raymond can stay
as far away from me as possible.
370
00:19:11,976 --> 00:19:14,849
Come on. Robert!
371
00:19:14,849 --> 00:19:17,939
Alright, good. Alright, you,
you must be upset, sweetie.
372
00:19:17,939 --> 00:19:21,290
I-I'll make you some oatmeal.
That'll settle your stomach.
373
00:19:21,290 --> 00:19:23,205
Who the hell voted
for oatmeal?
374
00:19:25,033 --> 00:19:27,122
Forget the oatmeal. Why-why
are you doing that to him?
375
00:19:27,122 --> 00:19:28,471
Do what?
376
00:19:28,471 --> 00:19:30,256
You act like
it's nothing what he does.
377
00:19:30,256 --> 00:19:32,258
He stopped an armed robbery
last night.
378
00:19:32,258 --> 00:19:34,216
I didn't do anything.
I had to throw up.
379
00:19:34,216 --> 00:19:37,219
You threw up?
You should have some dry toast.
380
00:19:40,266 --> 00:19:44,226
Will you stop? Robert's the one
you should be worried about.
381
00:19:44,226 --> 00:19:45,923
Are you listening to me, ma?
382
00:19:45,923 --> 00:19:48,012
He's the one
who's out there every day.
383
00:19:48,012 --> 00:19:49,188
He's the one
who's risking his life--
384
00:19:49,188 --> 00:19:51,407
I know what he does.
385
00:19:51,407 --> 00:19:53,453
I don't need
to think about it.
386
00:19:55,498 --> 00:19:57,021
Okay, I just wanted you
to know--
387
00:19:57,021 --> 00:20:03,680
Enough! Your mother doesn't like
to think about it!
388
00:20:03,680 --> 00:20:09,120
Now-now you made me forget. What
is it, oatmeal or eggs, Marie?
389
00:20:09,120 --> 00:20:10,905
- Let's go!
- Okay.
390
00:20:10,905 --> 00:20:12,341
Come on!
391
00:20:14,387 --> 00:20:16,911
Excuse me.
392
00:20:16,911 --> 00:20:19,348
- You taking Shamsky for a walk?
- Yep.
393
00:20:19,348 --> 00:20:21,002
Hey, maybe I'll go with you.
394
00:20:21,002 --> 00:20:23,004
Well, you better
check with your mama.
395
00:20:24,440 --> 00:20:26,268
Oh, come on, Robert.
Wait up.
396
00:20:26,268 --> 00:20:30,316
It's cold.
You two, button your coats.
397
00:20:33,623 --> 00:20:37,584
- So...
- Yeah?
398
00:20:37,584 --> 00:20:40,021
You always walk him
this early?
399
00:20:40,021 --> 00:20:43,459
I gotta get him to the park
before the other dogs.
400
00:20:43,459 --> 00:20:46,245
- Why, he fights?
- Nah. Shy bladder.
401
00:20:49,291 --> 00:20:52,773
Listen, the newspaper thing. I...
It was supposed to be about you.
402
00:20:52,773 --> 00:20:54,644
- You know, I told them--
- No, no, listen...
403
00:20:54,644 --> 00:20:56,820
I know how that stuff works.
404
00:20:56,820 --> 00:20:59,606
You work for the paper.
People know who you are.
405
00:20:59,606 --> 00:21:01,129
You're the important part.
406
00:21:01,129 --> 00:21:03,740
No, you were the important part.
407
00:21:03,740 --> 00:21:07,309
Alright, listen,
I'm fine with it, okay?
408
00:21:07,309 --> 00:21:09,572
It doesn't matter to me
what people think.
409
00:21:09,572 --> 00:21:11,748
I know.
410
00:21:11,748 --> 00:21:14,142
I'm glad I saw that, though,
'cause you were...
411
00:21:18,625 --> 00:21:20,279
...something.
412
00:21:26,241 --> 00:21:28,417
- Thanks.
- Hmm.
413
00:21:30,245 --> 00:21:31,812
Want to go again tonight?
414
00:21:34,118 --> 00:21:36,730
What are you, nuts?
415
00:21:36,730 --> 00:21:38,775
Well, how about to the park?
416
00:21:38,775 --> 00:21:40,168
Yeah, okay.
Park, okay.
417
00:21:41,691 --> 00:21:43,476
- You gonna button your coat?
- Nah.
418
00:21:43,476 --> 00:21:45,434
Nah. Me neither.
419
00:21:52,572 --> 00:21:54,965
You couldn't listen
to your mother.
420
00:21:56,924 --> 00:21:59,143
Next time I say
button your coats
421
00:21:59,143 --> 00:22:01,494
maybe you'll button
your coats.
422
00:22:05,193 --> 00:22:07,717
And no more "Cops."
That's not entertainment.
29830
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