All language subtitles for American Dad - 17x07 - Beyond the Alcove or_ How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Klaus.AMZN.NTb.English.HI.C.edit.Addic7ed.com

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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,771 --> 00:00:07,748 Now, what if I seat Stan next to Greg? 2 00:00:07,750 --> 00:00:10,951 It's aggressive, it's bold, and I love it. 3 00:00:11,229 --> 00:00:14,163 Francine, may I just say, using custom chess pieces 4 00:00:14,165 --> 00:00:15,630 to plan a dinner party... 5 00:00:15,631 --> 00:00:17,345 I'm having the time of my life. 6 00:00:17,346 --> 00:00:18,744 Well, I'm not. 7 00:00:18,745 --> 00:00:20,546 No matter how I play it out, 8 00:00:20,547 --> 00:00:22,759 three or four moves down the line, 9 00:00:22,760 --> 00:00:26,228 Klaus ruins my party by talking about Dan Bilzerian 10 00:00:26,230 --> 00:00:29,898 or 3-D printed guns or something else douchey. 11 00:00:29,938 --> 00:00:31,500 I need to go deeper. 12 00:00:31,532 --> 00:00:34,036 Horse tranquilizer, m'lady? 13 00:00:35,173 --> 00:00:37,773 [WHOOSHING] 14 00:00:37,775 --> 00:00:40,476 [INTENSE MUSIC PLAYS] 15 00:00:42,429 --> 00:00:44,847 FRANCINE: Oookay! 16 00:00:44,927 --> 00:00:46,727 Tuttle mingles with you... 17 00:00:46,784 --> 00:00:48,717 Genius move, Francine. 18 00:00:48,719 --> 00:00:50,852 I could see us talkin' a little dog racing. 19 00:00:50,854 --> 00:00:53,055 But look over here at Parker Deay. 20 00:00:53,057 --> 00:00:55,591 Parker... Parker... Who is that? 21 00:00:55,593 --> 00:00:57,726 Screams "Zooka Sharks" a lot. 22 00:00:57,728 --> 00:00:59,195 The guy who takes tinder dates out 23 00:00:59,197 --> 00:01:00,996 for hot-dog dinners at 7-Eleven? 24 00:01:00,998 --> 00:01:03,399 Love him. Okay, let's play this out. 25 00:01:03,691 --> 00:01:04,733 Good, good! 26 00:01:04,813 --> 00:01:07,736 Your eyes are sliding around, so I assume it's working. 27 00:01:07,738 --> 00:01:09,337 Bacon-wrapped dates! 28 00:01:09,339 --> 00:01:12,941 Lava hot and wrapped real loose! 29 00:01:12,943 --> 00:01:14,743 - Where did everyone go? - They left. 30 00:01:14,745 --> 00:01:16,812 Klaus changed your spotify playlist 31 00:01:16,814 --> 00:01:19,548 to a Marc Maron podcast from 2015. 32 00:01:19,550 --> 00:01:22,084 Ohhh, this one is classic! 33 00:01:22,086 --> 00:01:25,221 His guest is a comedian you've never heard of. 34 00:01:25,223 --> 00:01:27,323 Classic! 35 00:01:30,294 --> 00:01:33,088 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ 36 00:01:33,113 --> 00:01:36,632 ♪ I got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪ 37 00:01:36,634 --> 00:01:39,635 ♪ The sun in the sky has a smile on his face ♪ 38 00:01:39,637 --> 00:01:44,340 ♪ And he's shinin' a salute to the American race ♪ 39 00:01:45,976 --> 00:01:49,311 ♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪ 40 00:01:49,313 --> 00:01:51,762 - ♪ Good... ♪ - ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ 41 00:01:51,787 --> 00:01:52,982 Aah! 42 00:01:54,252 --> 00:01:57,258 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪ 43 00:01:58,923 --> 00:02:01,057 HAYLEY: Mom, your guests are arriving! 44 00:02:01,059 --> 00:02:02,391 One second! 45 00:02:02,513 --> 00:02:05,047 Just finishing up the table assignments! 46 00:02:05,049 --> 00:02:10,252 Greg goes here, Tuttle here, and Klaus sits here. 47 00:02:10,254 --> 00:02:12,588 He-he-he-he-he. 48 00:02:12,590 --> 00:02:14,456 [INDISTINCT CHATTER] 49 00:02:14,458 --> 00:02:16,592 Welcome to my dinner party! 50 00:02:16,594 --> 00:02:18,995 It's wonderful to see you all again. 51 00:02:18,997 --> 00:02:22,598 But maybe some of you don't know Hayley's friend Nerfer. 52 00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:25,534 Don't just stand there, introduce yourself. 53 00:02:25,536 --> 00:02:28,136 I'm Nerfer. I'm Hayley's friend. 54 00:02:28,138 --> 00:02:30,672 I already said that. What else? 55 00:02:30,674 --> 00:02:32,674 I work at the old Spaghetti Factory, 56 00:02:32,788 --> 00:02:35,189 but the new location, which is pretty hilarious, 57 00:02:35,191 --> 00:02:38,258 because old and new are opposite words. 58 00:02:38,260 --> 00:02:41,329 Okay, that's enough. You can listen, too. 59 00:02:41,331 --> 00:02:43,131 Let's eat! 60 00:02:44,066 --> 00:02:46,734 The salad looks delicious. Nice produce. 61 00:02:46,736 --> 00:02:48,936 - Is this from my store? - God, no. 62 00:02:48,938 --> 00:02:50,848 But this tomato looks so familiar. 63 00:02:50,873 --> 00:02:53,407 Look, I didn't steal it from your store on Tuesday! 64 00:02:53,409 --> 00:02:55,275 Francine, you need to do something. 65 00:02:55,277 --> 00:02:57,677 Klaus's table is turning into the damn last supper. 66 00:02:57,679 --> 00:03:01,066 You hear "Bermuda triangle" and you think "whoa," 67 00:03:01,067 --> 00:03:04,084 but it really is a beautiful area. 68 00:03:04,086 --> 00:03:05,485 It's crazy lush. 69 00:03:05,487 --> 00:03:07,287 I never thought of it that way. 70 00:03:07,289 --> 00:03:09,129 That's so interesting, Klaus! 71 00:03:09,130 --> 00:03:11,929 The world's a big, interesting place. 72 00:03:11,930 --> 00:03:14,063 I just try to keep my eyes open, you know? 73 00:03:14,065 --> 00:03:17,000 Ooh! Would you do your Will Arnett impression again? 74 00:03:17,002 --> 00:03:20,027 I really shouldn't... "Oh, come on!" 75 00:03:20,028 --> 00:03:22,496 [LAUGHTER] 76 00:03:22,498 --> 00:03:24,631 Is everybody laughing at Klaus? 77 00:03:24,656 --> 00:03:26,700 No, we're laughing with Klaus. 78 00:03:26,702 --> 00:03:28,234 [DRAMATIC CHORD STRIKES] 79 00:03:28,236 --> 00:03:31,638 So, you dogs are hungry for laughs? 80 00:03:31,640 --> 00:03:35,309 Well, roll over. You got a bone coming your way. 81 00:03:35,888 --> 00:03:39,356 [GOOFY VOICE] Hello. I'm Mrs Walrus. 82 00:03:39,381 --> 00:03:41,714 Anyone have any fish for me? 83 00:03:42,054 --> 00:03:44,382 Are those tampons in your mouth? 84 00:03:45,321 --> 00:03:47,276 Oh, tamp on! 85 00:03:47,277 --> 00:03:49,055 [LAUGHTER] 86 00:03:49,057 --> 00:03:50,190 [DING] 87 00:03:50,192 --> 00:03:51,592 [OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS] 88 00:03:52,078 --> 00:03:53,678 [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS] 89 00:03:54,346 --> 00:03:56,146 He winked at me, Stan! 90 00:03:56,148 --> 00:03:58,589 That little asshole winked! 91 00:03:58,590 --> 00:03:59,989 - At me! - Who winked? 92 00:03:59,991 --> 00:04:03,393 Klaus! He ruined my dinner party! 93 00:04:03,395 --> 00:04:05,528 - He did? - Of course he did! 94 00:04:05,530 --> 00:04:07,597 He monopolized every conversation 95 00:04:07,599 --> 00:04:09,065 I tried to butt into! 96 00:04:09,067 --> 00:04:11,303 Well, he's been working on his people skills. 97 00:04:11,328 --> 00:04:13,662 I think everybody really likes the new Klaus. 98 00:04:13,664 --> 00:04:16,532 Yeah, I'd like to "nuke Klaus," too. 99 00:04:16,534 --> 00:04:19,334 All the way [BLEEP] back to the stone age. 100 00:04:19,336 --> 00:04:21,070 Sounds like you're a little jealous Klaus 101 00:04:21,072 --> 00:04:22,933 got all the attention at your party. 102 00:04:22,934 --> 00:04:24,090 Oh, yeah? 103 00:04:24,091 --> 00:04:27,464 Well, it sounds like you're wasting dental floss, you idiot! 104 00:04:30,481 --> 00:04:34,016 [MUFFLED] I'm sorry I said you were upset, my love. 105 00:04:38,375 --> 00:04:40,021 Help me out with something, guys. 106 00:04:40,023 --> 00:04:41,356 Klaus sucks, right? 107 00:04:41,358 --> 00:04:43,292 I'm gonna have to reluctantly disagree. 108 00:04:43,294 --> 00:04:45,753 Have you talked to him about early cartoons? 109 00:04:45,754 --> 00:04:47,362 He's super knowledgeable. 110 00:04:47,364 --> 00:04:50,576 He's seen basically every Pluto short on Disney+. 111 00:04:50,577 --> 00:04:52,439 And all the Goofy features. 112 00:04:52,440 --> 00:04:54,503 And all the Goofy features. 113 00:04:54,505 --> 00:04:55,971 [DRAMATIC CHORD STRIKES] 114 00:04:55,973 --> 00:04:57,907 [MOANING ON COMPUTER] 115 00:04:57,909 --> 00:04:59,909 Why's everyone obsessed with Klaus? 116 00:04:59,911 --> 00:05:01,911 I wouldn't say "obsessed." 117 00:05:01,913 --> 00:05:04,580 He's just... I dunno... likable, I guess. 118 00:05:04,582 --> 00:05:06,515 Have you heard him rap? He's pretty good. 119 00:05:06,517 --> 00:05:09,718 ♪ But you are what you eat, so I'm a vagina ♪ 120 00:05:09,720 --> 00:05:11,587 ♪ That means I eat ♪ 121 00:05:11,589 --> 00:05:13,923 The guy's an urban poet. 122 00:05:13,925 --> 00:05:15,324 Nobody likes you, Klaus. 123 00:05:15,326 --> 00:05:18,193 Oh, hey, Francine. Sick dinner party last night. 124 00:05:18,195 --> 00:05:20,329 I don't know what all "this" is, 125 00:05:20,331 --> 00:05:22,998 but I want it to stop right now. 126 00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:25,467 Ah. Stan told me you were upset. 127 00:05:25,469 --> 00:05:28,338 Look, I know I used to be a real piece of shit. 128 00:05:28,339 --> 00:05:29,468 Guilty! 129 00:05:29,469 --> 00:05:32,274 But, Francine, I've grown a lot. 130 00:05:32,276 --> 00:05:35,411 Oh, wow, got a giant sequoia over here. 131 00:05:35,413 --> 00:05:39,664 All right, Mr. Growth, I'm gonna throw a real party tomorrow. 132 00:05:39,665 --> 00:05:42,729 A real party for bad bitches. 133 00:05:42,749 --> 00:05:45,196 We'll see who gets more attention. 134 00:05:47,767 --> 00:05:50,234 What the [BLEEP] am I looking at? 135 00:05:50,494 --> 00:05:52,361 [DANCE MUSIC PLAYING] 136 00:05:53,114 --> 00:05:55,288 Now this is a party. 137 00:05:55,289 --> 00:05:57,917 Everyone, give me your attention! 138 00:05:58,216 --> 00:06:00,235 I think we can all agree 139 00:06:00,237 --> 00:06:02,772 last night's dinner party was terrible. 140 00:06:02,774 --> 00:06:04,306 Aw, I liked your dinner party. 141 00:06:04,308 --> 00:06:07,026 No, you didn't, Greg. I'll tell you what you like. 142 00:06:07,027 --> 00:06:08,193 Keg stands! 143 00:06:08,447 --> 00:06:09,841 No, I'd rather not. 144 00:06:09,842 --> 00:06:11,684 Grab his other leg, Roger. 145 00:06:11,849 --> 00:06:14,850 [ROCK MUSIC PLAYING] 146 00:06:15,386 --> 00:06:16,918 - [GASPS] - Uh-oh! 147 00:06:16,920 --> 00:06:18,320 The tap's broken! 148 00:06:18,322 --> 00:06:20,856 You gotta drink the whole keg! 149 00:06:20,858 --> 00:06:21,991 It's not broken! 150 00:06:21,993 --> 00:06:23,793 Shut up, freshman scum! 151 00:06:24,977 --> 00:06:27,063 Ummm, Franny...? 152 00:06:28,732 --> 00:06:30,898 [GASPS] Wow! 153 00:06:30,899 --> 00:06:32,643 Is this mahogany? 154 00:06:32,644 --> 00:06:35,471 Thanks for noticing, Tuttle. It's not. 155 00:06:35,473 --> 00:06:38,340 Oh, Nerfer, the other night, you mentioned you like 156 00:06:38,342 --> 00:06:41,343 hoppy IPAs, so I whipped up a home brew 157 00:06:41,345 --> 00:06:42,744 I think you'll enjoy. 158 00:06:42,746 --> 00:06:44,346 That's hecka posh. 159 00:06:44,348 --> 00:06:47,509 Tuttle, Nerfer, what the hell?! 160 00:06:47,510 --> 00:06:48,985 This is my party! 161 00:06:48,986 --> 00:06:51,149 You're supposed to be paying attention to me! 162 00:06:51,150 --> 00:06:53,583 Klaus is more interesting than you, okay?! 163 00:06:53,584 --> 00:06:55,207 You need to learn to accept that! 164 00:06:55,232 --> 00:06:58,453 I didn't want to do this, but you left me no choice. 165 00:06:58,454 --> 00:06:59,602 Gimme those! 166 00:07:01,469 --> 00:07:03,870 Everyone look at me! 167 00:07:03,895 --> 00:07:07,530 The amah-zing Francine will attempt 168 00:07:07,555 --> 00:07:12,201 a never-before-seen roof-to-pool jump! 169 00:07:12,203 --> 00:07:14,737 - Is mom okay? - Oh, yeah, better than ever. 170 00:07:14,739 --> 00:07:17,406 Women are complicated, Steve. Don't drink that. 171 00:07:17,761 --> 00:07:19,074 I'm gonna leave. 172 00:07:19,076 --> 00:07:20,609 I'm gonna take off, too. 173 00:07:21,154 --> 00:07:22,945 Is everyone okay to drive? 174 00:07:22,970 --> 00:07:25,703 I can call each of you a vintage yellow cab. 175 00:07:25,705 --> 00:07:26,838 FRANCINE: Shut up, Klaus! 176 00:07:26,840 --> 00:07:28,613 - [GLASS SHATTERS] - Nobody's leaving! 177 00:07:28,614 --> 00:07:30,408 I'm about to jump! 178 00:07:30,577 --> 00:07:31,828 3... 179 00:07:32,179 --> 00:07:33,391 2... 180 00:07:33,713 --> 00:07:34,550 [THUD] 181 00:07:34,551 --> 00:07:36,097 [CLATTERING, GLASS SHATTERS] 182 00:07:36,098 --> 00:07:38,482 [THUD, CAR ALARM RINGING] 183 00:07:38,483 --> 00:07:40,720 Well, at least she still has her dignity. 184 00:07:40,721 --> 00:07:43,477 I pooped my swimsuit! 185 00:07:43,723 --> 00:07:45,924 I stand by my previous statement. 186 00:07:48,677 --> 00:07:50,573 [GROANS] 187 00:07:50,574 --> 00:07:53,242 Easy now. You had quite a fall. 188 00:07:53,244 --> 00:07:56,645 I saw them. My ancestors! 189 00:07:57,047 --> 00:08:00,835 All my dear, departed loved ones who died. 190 00:08:00,886 --> 00:08:02,450 They spoke to me. 191 00:08:02,452 --> 00:08:04,585 They told me they were just as confused 192 00:08:04,587 --> 00:08:06,666 as I was why anybody likes you. 193 00:08:06,667 --> 00:08:08,720 Even the caveman Francine! 194 00:08:08,721 --> 00:08:11,867 People like me because I work on myself, Francine. 195 00:08:11,868 --> 00:08:14,167 I've been following a strict lifestyle regimen 196 00:08:14,192 --> 00:08:16,070 developed by Mark Wahlberg. 197 00:08:16,072 --> 00:08:18,546 It forces me to grow physically, 198 00:08:18,571 --> 00:08:22,281 mentally, spiritually, metaphysically, metaspiritually, 199 00:08:22,283 --> 00:08:25,218 super-meta-spiri-physi-tastically! 200 00:08:25,220 --> 00:08:27,686 Okay, I made that one up as a joke. 201 00:08:27,688 --> 00:08:29,288 I'm funny now, too. 202 00:08:29,290 --> 00:08:32,491 I can't believe I'm asking you this, but... 203 00:08:32,493 --> 00:08:34,894 Will you teach me how to grow, too? 204 00:08:34,896 --> 00:08:37,496 Of course! Congrats! 205 00:08:37,498 --> 00:08:40,299 You're officially enrolled in Klaus College, 206 00:08:40,301 --> 00:08:42,535 a satellite campus of Wahlberg U. 207 00:08:45,194 --> 00:08:46,973 [HORN SQUEALS] 208 00:08:46,975 --> 00:08:49,175 Klaus, it's 2:00 A.M. 209 00:08:49,177 --> 00:08:51,712 You're on Wahlberg time now. 210 00:08:52,447 --> 00:08:54,713 As you can see, the schedule is rigorous. 211 00:08:54,715 --> 00:08:57,316 You'll start and end the day with a 5-mile run. 212 00:08:57,318 --> 00:08:59,652 In between, you'll be reading self-help books, 213 00:08:59,759 --> 00:09:01,759 meditating, belting out sea shanties, 214 00:09:01,784 --> 00:09:04,118 learning basic IT, more shanties, 215 00:09:04,143 --> 00:09:06,610 eating Wahlburgers, mastering Krav Maga, 216 00:09:06,612 --> 00:09:09,947 and you might even cook an exotic dish or two. 217 00:09:09,949 --> 00:09:11,415 This is crazy. 218 00:09:11,417 --> 00:09:13,694 There's no way Mark Wahlberg does all that. 219 00:09:13,695 --> 00:09:14,961 And then some. 220 00:09:14,963 --> 00:09:17,096 He's a big ol' Catholic! 221 00:09:17,098 --> 00:09:19,032 Hits up mass 17 times a day 222 00:09:19,034 --> 00:09:22,752 and leaves a DVD copy of "Shooter" in every Bible. 223 00:09:24,023 --> 00:09:26,172 ♪ Yeah ♪ 224 00:09:26,174 --> 00:09:27,507 ♪ You feel it, baby? ♪ 225 00:09:27,509 --> 00:09:28,775 - [HORN SQUEALS] - ♪ It's such a good vibration ♪ 226 00:09:28,828 --> 00:09:30,644 Pick it up! Be like me! 227 00:09:30,646 --> 00:09:32,312 Body and mind are one! 228 00:09:32,314 --> 00:09:33,980 ♪ It's such a sweet sensation ♪ 229 00:09:33,982 --> 00:09:35,882 [HORN SQUEALS] 230 00:09:35,895 --> 00:09:38,384 ♪ Vibrations good like Sunkist ♪ 231 00:09:38,386 --> 00:09:39,786 ♪ Many wanna know who done this ♪ 232 00:09:39,788 --> 00:09:41,454 ♪ Marky Mark and I'm here to move you ♪ 233 00:09:41,456 --> 00:09:42,722 - [HORN SQUEALS] - ♪ Rhymes will groove you ♪ 234 00:09:42,724 --> 00:09:44,590 - ♪ And I'm here to prove to you ♪ - Bang. 235 00:09:44,592 --> 00:09:45,792 ♪ That we can party on the positive side ♪ 236 00:09:45,794 --> 00:09:47,261 ♪ And pump positive vibes so come along for the ride ♪ 237 00:09:47,338 --> 00:09:51,197 - These burgers are terrible. - Yes. Very, very bad. 238 00:09:51,199 --> 00:09:53,333 ♪ It's such a sweet sensation ♪ 239 00:09:53,335 --> 00:09:55,068 Francine, what are you doing? 240 00:09:55,070 --> 00:09:57,325 I'm becoming more interesting... 241 00:09:57,473 --> 00:10:00,140 like Klaus... and Mark Wahlberg. 242 00:10:00,142 --> 00:10:02,095 Are you crazy? Klaus sucks! 243 00:10:02,096 --> 00:10:03,943 I'm sending you something to remind you 244 00:10:03,945 --> 00:10:05,145 what a loser Klaus is. 245 00:10:05,147 --> 00:10:06,480 [CELLPHONE VIBRATES] 246 00:10:06,482 --> 00:10:07,879 - [BEEP] - KLAUS: Welcome back to 247 00:10:07,880 --> 00:10:10,350 my podcast, "Klaus of hearts," 248 00:10:10,352 --> 00:10:12,285 where we explore every interaction 249 00:10:12,287 --> 00:10:14,620 I've had with a woman at a Blackjack table. 250 00:10:14,622 --> 00:10:17,423 Today, we'll be looking at Pechanga Casino 251 00:10:17,425 --> 00:10:20,426 on Christmas Eve, where dealer Janice F. 252 00:10:20,428 --> 00:10:23,563 refused to answer the simple icebreaker question, 253 00:10:23,977 --> 00:10:26,723 "Don't you think it's time to forgive Kevin Spacey?" 254 00:10:27,470 --> 00:10:29,503 FRANCINE: Klaus, where are you? 255 00:10:29,505 --> 00:10:32,117 I'm returning your self-help books! 256 00:10:32,118 --> 00:10:35,747 I came to my senses and realize you suck again! 257 00:10:36,470 --> 00:10:39,112 [GEARS CRANKING] 258 00:10:43,941 --> 00:10:50,924 Off-brand soda, off-brand Maxim magazine, filthy recliner? 259 00:10:51,459 --> 00:10:53,459 I knew it! 260 00:10:53,461 --> 00:10:55,461 You haven't changed, Klaus! 261 00:10:55,463 --> 00:10:58,064 You're a big phony scumbag! 262 00:10:58,066 --> 00:10:59,799 Oh, hi, Francine. 263 00:10:59,801 --> 00:11:01,334 - [BELL DINGS] - Jeffrey, I'm about to reveal 264 00:11:01,336 --> 00:11:02,402 my sinister plan. 265 00:11:02,404 --> 00:11:04,604 Is my fedora rakishly askew? 266 00:11:04,606 --> 00:11:07,578 It's a strong look, Mr. Klaus! 267 00:11:07,579 --> 00:11:09,075 I think it's hideous. 268 00:11:09,077 --> 00:11:10,676 Aaaah! 269 00:11:10,678 --> 00:11:12,179 [BELL DINGS] 270 00:11:14,149 --> 00:11:16,082 So, what? 271 00:11:16,084 --> 00:11:18,084 You hypnotized Jeff or something? 272 00:11:18,086 --> 00:11:20,286 Is it that obvious? 273 00:11:20,288 --> 00:11:21,987 [LAUGHS] 274 00:11:22,043 --> 00:11:23,089 I'm over this. 275 00:11:23,091 --> 00:11:24,157 No, wait! 276 00:11:24,159 --> 00:11:26,359 Okay, long story short, 277 00:11:26,361 --> 00:11:28,961 I learned to control people using a technique 278 00:11:28,962 --> 00:11:31,109 called "hypnotic anchoring." 279 00:11:31,110 --> 00:11:32,832 Sounds boring, and I don't get it. 280 00:11:32,834 --> 00:11:34,849 All right. How do I explain this? 281 00:11:34,850 --> 00:11:36,450 Have you seen the movie "Get out"? 282 00:11:36,452 --> 00:11:38,121 - No. - Really? 283 00:11:38,294 --> 00:11:39,521 Have you seen "Parasite"? 284 00:11:39,522 --> 00:11:41,041 - Yeah. - Good. 285 00:11:41,042 --> 00:11:43,287 Not relevant here, but I'm glad you saw it. 286 00:11:43,288 --> 00:11:44,870 Bong Joon-Ho, man. 287 00:11:44,871 --> 00:11:46,270 So sick. 288 00:11:46,272 --> 00:11:48,940 Anyways, I hypnotized people to love me. 289 00:11:48,942 --> 00:11:50,875 Take Jeff, for example. 290 00:11:50,877 --> 00:11:53,517 First, I learned all about Jeff. 291 00:11:53,597 --> 00:11:55,864 What makes him "tick," so to speak. 292 00:11:55,889 --> 00:11:59,254 And I discovered that Jeff really likes weed. 293 00:11:59,258 --> 00:12:00,258 I do! 294 00:12:00,260 --> 00:12:03,738 So I filled my notebook with fun facts and jokes 295 00:12:03,739 --> 00:12:05,430 about marijuana. 296 00:12:05,432 --> 00:12:07,611 Stuff that would make Jeff smile. 297 00:12:07,904 --> 00:12:10,175 And every time he did... 298 00:12:10,176 --> 00:12:12,103 [BELL DINGS] 299 00:12:12,105 --> 00:12:14,611 And after several hundred of those... 300 00:12:14,612 --> 00:12:16,376 Who do ya love, Jeff? 301 00:12:16,377 --> 00:12:18,176 I love Klaus! 302 00:12:18,178 --> 00:12:22,620 Soon, everyone in town will think I'm so cool, 303 00:12:22,621 --> 00:12:25,316 they'll be under my absolute control. 304 00:12:25,318 --> 00:12:29,654 This is bogus, and I'm telling Stan about your secret lair. 305 00:12:29,656 --> 00:12:33,771 Hypnotizing you was my greatest challenge, by far. 306 00:12:33,796 --> 00:12:37,664 You resent me so much, I couldn't crack your psyche. 307 00:12:37,689 --> 00:12:41,393 So I looked to ultimate mind-bender Mark Wahlberg 308 00:12:41,418 --> 00:12:42,812 for inspiration. 309 00:12:42,813 --> 00:12:44,346 I'm not hypnotized. 310 00:12:44,347 --> 00:12:46,022 Remember this guy? 311 00:12:46,356 --> 00:12:47,578 [GASPS] Oh, my God! 312 00:12:47,579 --> 00:12:49,237 [HORN SQUEALS] 313 00:12:50,160 --> 00:12:52,214 Now, tell me, Francine... 314 00:12:53,004 --> 00:12:54,991 How do I look? 315 00:12:56,126 --> 00:13:01,702 Klaus, I am loving your stupid fedora! 316 00:13:01,704 --> 00:13:04,372 Mmm. A little more hypnosis. 317 00:13:04,374 --> 00:13:06,608 [HORN SQUEALING] 318 00:13:08,979 --> 00:13:11,880 - _ - [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS] 319 00:13:12,138 --> 00:13:14,006 [GASPS] What's happening?! 320 00:13:14,008 --> 00:13:15,940 Francine, you're back! 321 00:13:15,942 --> 00:13:18,247 - Where am I? - You're in a cowboy tub. 322 00:13:18,301 --> 00:13:21,213 I got us an airbnb, far away from Klaus. 323 00:13:21,215 --> 00:13:24,149 Come inside. They've got a ton of incomplete board games. 324 00:13:24,151 --> 00:13:26,395 You like "Trivial Pursuit" without the questions? 325 00:13:26,485 --> 00:13:27,820 Where's the rest of the family? 326 00:13:27,822 --> 00:13:29,755 Oh, Francine, it's terrible. 327 00:13:29,780 --> 00:13:31,647 You were right about Klaus the whole time. 328 00:13:31,672 --> 00:13:33,272 He hypnotized them all! 329 00:13:33,274 --> 00:13:35,074 Where are they? Are they okay? 330 00:13:35,076 --> 00:13:36,541 I don't know. I only had room 331 00:13:36,543 --> 00:13:38,209 for one of you and my luggage. 332 00:13:38,211 --> 00:13:40,479 Roger, we need to go save them. 333 00:13:40,481 --> 00:13:43,059 It's just the desert is so hot during the day 334 00:13:43,084 --> 00:13:45,284 and so cold at night, it's like having to pack 335 00:13:45,286 --> 00:13:47,208 for both the beach and skiing! 336 00:13:47,209 --> 00:13:49,288 I probably didn't need the snowboard, though. 337 00:13:49,290 --> 00:13:51,022 That could've been Steve, I guess. 338 00:13:51,224 --> 00:13:53,024 I guess I could've fit Hayley, too. 339 00:13:53,026 --> 00:13:54,359 Weird. 340 00:13:54,361 --> 00:13:57,696 I don't remember any border checkpoints before. 341 00:13:58,320 --> 00:14:00,476 State your business in Langley Falls. 342 00:14:00,478 --> 00:14:01,544 We live here? 343 00:14:01,546 --> 00:14:03,213 Better let me handle this, Fran. 344 00:14:03,215 --> 00:14:06,482 Hi, sir! Just so you know, we love Klaus so much. 345 00:14:06,484 --> 00:14:08,760 Klaus is the best, is what we say. 346 00:14:08,785 --> 00:14:12,154 The only reason we left Langley was to spread word of Klaus. 347 00:14:12,156 --> 00:14:15,055 In summary, we [BLEEP] love Klaus. 348 00:14:17,962 --> 00:14:21,231 [EERIE MUSIC PLAYS] 349 00:14:21,232 --> 00:14:22,232 _ 350 00:14:22,233 --> 00:14:23,233 _ 351 00:14:23,368 --> 00:14:25,435 ♪ One, two, three, four ♪ 352 00:14:25,437 --> 00:14:27,770 ♪ I wanna marry Klaus some more! ♪ 353 00:14:27,772 --> 00:14:30,172 What the wtf? 354 00:14:30,174 --> 00:14:31,908 They wanna marry Klaus? 355 00:14:31,910 --> 00:14:34,711 Some more?! That's gross! 356 00:14:34,713 --> 00:14:37,179 [EERIE MUSIC PLAYS] 357 00:14:37,494 --> 00:14:38,781 You're gross! 358 00:14:38,783 --> 00:14:39,849 Drive, drive! 359 00:14:39,851 --> 00:14:41,784 [TIRES SQUEAL] 360 00:14:42,338 --> 00:14:44,004 Did you hear me call them "gross"? 361 00:14:44,006 --> 00:14:45,118 Was that cool? 362 00:14:45,119 --> 00:14:47,407 I feel like I'm starring in "Jackass"! 363 00:14:47,409 --> 00:14:48,551 Watch out! 364 00:14:49,145 --> 00:14:50,678 [GASPS] 365 00:14:53,130 --> 00:14:54,775 _ 366 00:14:56,647 --> 00:14:57,748 _ 367 00:14:59,489 --> 00:15:01,355 There are few things in this world 368 00:15:01,357 --> 00:15:03,624 I hate more than traveling by foot. 369 00:15:03,626 --> 00:15:04,759 [CHIME] 370 00:15:05,398 --> 00:15:07,027 KLAUS: It's your favorite dude, Klaus, 371 00:15:07,029 --> 00:15:10,665 telling you to have a blessed day. 372 00:15:13,169 --> 00:15:15,759 Is that Klaus on TV? 373 00:15:16,367 --> 00:15:18,372 Langley is better than ever, Klaus. 374 00:15:18,374 --> 00:15:19,410 Why is that? 375 00:15:19,411 --> 00:15:22,510 Well, Greg, I made everyone think I'm cooler now, 376 00:15:22,512 --> 00:15:24,645 and the town is cooler as a result. 377 00:15:24,647 --> 00:15:27,381 - I don't think you're cooler. - What? 378 00:15:27,383 --> 00:15:29,517 I think you're the coolest. 379 00:15:29,519 --> 00:15:32,223 [LAUGHS] Wonderful, wonderful! 380 00:15:32,224 --> 00:15:34,021 Do you see what he did there? 381 00:15:34,022 --> 00:15:35,790 Still, I don't like it. 382 00:15:39,796 --> 00:15:42,330 Damn, he's hypnotized everybody. 383 00:15:42,332 --> 00:15:43,608 Be careful, Franny. 384 00:15:43,609 --> 00:15:45,465 People might think you don't love Klaus. 385 00:15:45,467 --> 00:15:46,534 Who doesn't love Klaus? 386 00:15:46,536 --> 00:15:48,265 - Francine Smith. - Roger! 387 00:15:48,311 --> 00:15:51,205 Sorry, Franny, but I'm a sucker for peer pressure. 388 00:15:51,207 --> 00:15:53,574 And the peers are a-pressurin'. 389 00:15:56,412 --> 00:15:57,812 [GASPS] 390 00:15:59,281 --> 00:16:02,383 Klauuuussss! 391 00:16:04,086 --> 00:16:05,486 [PANTING] 392 00:16:10,626 --> 00:16:12,426 Guys, I'm back! 393 00:16:13,636 --> 00:16:17,031 Please, Stan, tell me you haven't fallen for Klaus! 394 00:16:17,688 --> 00:16:20,168 Klaaaaaauuuusss! 395 00:16:20,570 --> 00:16:23,604 ALL: Klaaaaaauuuusss! 396 00:16:25,488 --> 00:16:26,681 There she is! 397 00:16:27,177 --> 00:16:30,288 Thank you, boys, for getting this menace off our streets. 398 00:16:31,880 --> 00:16:33,814 [COUGHING] 399 00:16:33,839 --> 00:16:35,405 - _ - Where'd pink go? 400 00:16:36,652 --> 00:16:38,519 FRANCINE: [MUFFLED] Help! 401 00:16:38,521 --> 00:16:40,855 Keep it down. You'll scare the cats. 402 00:16:40,857 --> 00:16:43,657 Sorry for the hood. I had to tidy up a bit. 403 00:16:43,659 --> 00:16:46,510 Trust me, this place was a disaster. 404 00:16:47,343 --> 00:16:49,263 You live in the sewers? 405 00:16:49,265 --> 00:16:50,865 It's not safe up there anymore. 406 00:16:50,867 --> 00:16:53,333 Me and Beezus just looked at each other one day, 407 00:16:53,335 --> 00:16:57,004 and we knew it was time to form the resistance. 408 00:16:57,006 --> 00:16:58,005 [MEOWS] 409 00:16:58,007 --> 00:17:00,208 So... how's it going? 410 00:17:00,233 --> 00:17:01,195 Pretty good! 411 00:17:01,220 --> 00:17:04,016 I sent a team of cats to breach Klaus's alcove, 412 00:17:04,041 --> 00:17:06,542 and, boy, did they deliver. 413 00:17:06,543 --> 00:17:07,905 [WHISTLES] 414 00:17:08,608 --> 00:17:10,086 [MEOWS] 415 00:17:12,147 --> 00:17:12,917 Boop! 416 00:17:13,316 --> 00:17:15,264 These cats are heroes. 417 00:17:15,265 --> 00:17:17,986 Klaus had entries for everyone in town. 418 00:17:17,988 --> 00:17:20,922 "Francine Smith... loves drinking, 419 00:17:20,924 --> 00:17:24,321 jealous streak, mind-controlled by air horn." 420 00:17:24,322 --> 00:17:25,875 They also found this. 421 00:17:25,876 --> 00:17:27,543 It's a failsafe phrase 422 00:17:27,544 --> 00:17:29,878 to deactivate everyone Klaus hypnotized! 423 00:17:29,880 --> 00:17:32,747 "Enough with the hypnotism already." 424 00:17:32,749 --> 00:17:35,416 It's a good one. Fiendishly simple. 425 00:17:35,441 --> 00:17:37,775 If you can hijack Klaus's broadcast and shout 426 00:17:37,777 --> 00:17:39,777 that phrase, you'll save the town. 427 00:17:39,779 --> 00:17:41,619 You can count on me. 428 00:17:43,118 --> 00:17:45,086 I have one more question. 429 00:17:45,418 --> 00:17:47,027 May I play with your cats? 430 00:17:47,253 --> 00:17:51,521 ♪ Karma, Karma, Karma, Karma, Karma chameleon ♪ 431 00:17:51,523 --> 00:17:53,457 ♪ You come and go ♪ 432 00:17:53,593 --> 00:17:58,262 ♪ You come and go ♪ 433 00:17:58,264 --> 00:17:59,864 [CROWS CAWING] 434 00:18:03,908 --> 00:18:05,025 Roger was right. 435 00:18:05,027 --> 00:18:06,893 Klaus is the perfect subject. 436 00:18:06,895 --> 00:18:09,312 Enough with the hypnotism already! 437 00:18:09,337 --> 00:18:11,471 [GASPS] You're back! 438 00:18:11,473 --> 00:18:12,738 [GRUNTS] 439 00:18:13,021 --> 00:18:14,712 I'm scared, mom. 440 00:18:14,713 --> 00:18:16,542 Why was I painting Klaus? 441 00:18:16,544 --> 00:18:18,745 Because Klaus is mind-controlling 442 00:18:18,747 --> 00:18:21,732 everyone from the TV studio in his alcove. 443 00:18:21,733 --> 00:18:26,268 He's ruined the entire town, and we're gonna stop him. 444 00:18:27,471 --> 00:18:29,489 Enough with the hypnotism already! 445 00:18:29,491 --> 00:18:30,623 Aah! 446 00:18:30,625 --> 00:18:32,024 That's right, Klaus! 447 00:18:32,026 --> 00:18:34,294 I know how to deactivate everyone! 448 00:18:34,296 --> 00:18:34,995 [RADIO STATIC] 449 00:18:34,996 --> 00:18:37,001 Code twenty-niner in the alcove. 450 00:18:37,299 --> 00:18:38,765 Stan, what are you doing? 451 00:18:38,767 --> 00:18:39,949 Calling for backup. 452 00:18:39,950 --> 00:18:43,369 No offense, honey, but hypnosis showed me how cool Klaus is. 453 00:18:43,371 --> 00:18:46,260 Honestly, he deserves to be dictator of Langley. 454 00:18:46,508 --> 00:18:48,908 CROWD: Klaaaaaauuuusss! 455 00:18:48,910 --> 00:18:51,778 Maybe you should try thinking Klaus is cool. 456 00:18:51,780 --> 00:18:53,379 You just might find you like it. 457 00:18:53,381 --> 00:18:54,847 Why isn't this working? 458 00:18:54,849 --> 00:18:58,785 You broke the hypnosis, but you're too late. 459 00:18:58,787 --> 00:19:03,416 The belief in "cool Klaus" is buried way too deep. 460 00:19:03,417 --> 00:19:05,283 You lost, Francine. 461 00:19:05,285 --> 00:19:06,951 Join the mob. 462 00:19:06,953 --> 00:19:08,353 Come on! 463 00:19:08,355 --> 00:19:10,823 I can't make them forget that he's cool. 464 00:19:10,825 --> 00:19:16,228 But what if I can make everyone remember he's not cool? 465 00:19:16,393 --> 00:19:17,492 Capture her, Stan! 466 00:19:17,494 --> 00:19:20,195 [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS] 467 00:19:20,197 --> 00:19:21,897 [GRUNTS] 468 00:19:21,979 --> 00:19:24,733 Enough with the hypnotism already! 469 00:19:26,936 --> 00:19:31,376 Even if they're not hypnotized, they're still gonna love me. 470 00:19:31,741 --> 00:19:34,466 I'm just getting warmed up, punk. 471 00:19:35,012 --> 00:19:36,899 Thanks to Mark Wahlberg, 472 00:19:36,924 --> 00:19:40,382 I'm now kind of trained in basic IT. 473 00:19:42,644 --> 00:19:45,887 Citizens of Langley, you call this cool? 474 00:19:47,109 --> 00:19:49,509 Welcome back to "Klaus of hearts." 475 00:19:49,865 --> 00:19:51,573 Oh, shit. 476 00:19:51,636 --> 00:19:54,256 On this episode, I'm at the Hard Rock Casino, 477 00:19:54,257 --> 00:19:56,564 alone on my birthday... 478 00:19:56,566 --> 00:19:58,165 the way I've learned to like it. 479 00:19:58,167 --> 00:20:01,836 Meanwhile, I'm trying to protect a bachelorette party 480 00:20:01,838 --> 00:20:04,634 from some creep I hear them whispering about. 481 00:20:04,669 --> 00:20:07,442 But the girls won't tell me what floor their room is on! 482 00:20:07,444 --> 00:20:10,445 I ordered a buttery nipple from the cocktail waitress, 483 00:20:10,447 --> 00:20:12,944 you know, to look like a G. 484 00:20:12,945 --> 00:20:15,850 Then I got a call from an unknown number. 485 00:20:15,852 --> 00:20:18,853 I answered it to cement my G status. 486 00:20:18,855 --> 00:20:21,569 And it was lucky I did, because it turned out 487 00:20:21,594 --> 00:20:24,592 to be my very last chance to act 488 00:20:24,594 --> 00:20:28,180 before the warranty ran out on my car or truck. 489 00:20:28,205 --> 00:20:31,599 Another great birthday in the books. 490 00:20:31,601 --> 00:20:34,803 ♪ This guy's a loser! ♪ 491 00:20:37,006 --> 00:20:40,707 ♪ Well, I still wanna watch TV ♪ 492 00:20:40,708 --> 00:20:42,411 ♪ Mom! ♪ 493 00:20:42,412 --> 00:20:45,680 ♪ I know I said you ruined my life ♪ 494 00:20:45,682 --> 00:20:49,222 ♪ But I need you ♪ 495 00:20:49,486 --> 00:20:54,422 ♪ Mommy! ♪ 496 00:20:54,424 --> 00:20:55,452 Mommy! 497 00:20:56,409 --> 00:20:58,159 Have a great night! 498 00:21:00,183 --> 00:21:02,187 - synced and corrected by sot26 - www.addic7ed.com 35273

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