All language subtitles for American Dad - 17x07 - Beyond the Alcove or_ How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Klaus.AMZN.NTb.English.HI.C.edit.Addic7ed.com
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Now, what if I seat Stan next to Greg?
2
00:00:07,750 --> 00:00:10,951
It's aggressive,
it's bold, and I love it.
3
00:00:11,229 --> 00:00:14,163
Francine, may I just say,
using custom chess pieces
4
00:00:14,165 --> 00:00:15,630
to plan a dinner party...
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00:00:15,631 --> 00:00:17,345
I'm having the time of my life.
6
00:00:17,346 --> 00:00:18,744
Well, I'm not.
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00:00:18,745 --> 00:00:20,546
No matter how I play it out,
8
00:00:20,547 --> 00:00:22,759
three or four moves down the line,
9
00:00:22,760 --> 00:00:26,228
Klaus ruins my party by
talking about Dan Bilzerian
10
00:00:26,230 --> 00:00:29,898
or 3-D printed guns or
something else douchey.
11
00:00:29,938 --> 00:00:31,500
I need to go deeper.
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00:00:31,532 --> 00:00:34,036
Horse tranquilizer, m'lady?
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00:00:35,173 --> 00:00:37,773
[WHOOSHING]
14
00:00:37,775 --> 00:00:40,476
[INTENSE MUSIC PLAYS]
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00:00:42,429 --> 00:00:44,847
FRANCINE: Oookay!
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00:00:44,927 --> 00:00:46,727
Tuttle mingles with you...
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00:00:46,784 --> 00:00:48,717
Genius move, Francine.
18
00:00:48,719 --> 00:00:50,852
I could see us talkin'
a little dog racing.
19
00:00:50,854 --> 00:00:53,055
But look over here at Parker Deay.
20
00:00:53,057 --> 00:00:55,591
Parker... Parker... Who is that?
21
00:00:55,593 --> 00:00:57,726
Screams "Zooka Sharks" a lot.
22
00:00:57,728 --> 00:00:59,195
The guy who takes tinder dates out
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00:00:59,197 --> 00:01:00,996
for hot-dog dinners at 7-Eleven?
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00:01:00,998 --> 00:01:03,399
Love him. Okay, let's play this out.
25
00:01:03,691 --> 00:01:04,733
Good, good!
26
00:01:04,813 --> 00:01:07,736
Your eyes are sliding around,
so I assume it's working.
27
00:01:07,738 --> 00:01:09,337
Bacon-wrapped dates!
28
00:01:09,339 --> 00:01:12,941
Lava hot and wrapped real loose!
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00:01:12,943 --> 00:01:14,743
- Where did everyone go?
- They left.
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00:01:14,745 --> 00:01:16,812
Klaus changed your spotify playlist
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00:01:16,814 --> 00:01:19,548
to a Marc Maron podcast from 2015.
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00:01:19,550 --> 00:01:22,084
Ohhh, this one is classic!
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His guest is a comedian
you've never heard of.
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00:01:25,223 --> 00:01:27,323
Classic!
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00:01:30,294 --> 00:01:33,088
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
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00:01:33,113 --> 00:01:36,632
♪ I got a feelin'
that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
37
00:01:36,634 --> 00:01:39,635
♪ The sun in the sky has
a smile on his face ♪
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00:01:39,637 --> 00:01:44,340
♪ And he's shinin'
a salute to the American race ♪
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00:01:45,976 --> 00:01:49,311
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
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00:01:49,313 --> 00:01:51,762
- ♪ Good... ♪
- ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
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00:01:51,787 --> 00:01:52,982
Aah!
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00:01:54,252 --> 00:01:57,258
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
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00:01:58,923 --> 00:02:01,057
HAYLEY: Mom, your guests are arriving!
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00:02:01,059 --> 00:02:02,391
One second!
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00:02:02,513 --> 00:02:05,047
Just finishing up the table assignments!
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00:02:05,049 --> 00:02:10,252
Greg goes here, Tuttle here,
and Klaus sits here.
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00:02:10,254 --> 00:02:12,588
He-he-he-he-he.
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00:02:12,590 --> 00:02:14,456
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
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00:02:14,458 --> 00:02:16,592
Welcome to my dinner party!
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00:02:16,594 --> 00:02:18,995
It's wonderful to see you all again.
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00:02:18,997 --> 00:02:22,598
But maybe some of you don't
know Hayley's friend Nerfer.
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00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:25,534
Don't just stand there,
introduce yourself.
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00:02:25,536 --> 00:02:28,136
I'm Nerfer. I'm Hayley's friend.
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00:02:28,138 --> 00:02:30,672
I already said that. What else?
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00:02:30,674 --> 00:02:32,674
I work at the old Spaghetti Factory,
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00:02:32,788 --> 00:02:35,189
but the new location,
which is pretty hilarious,
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because old and new are opposite words.
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00:02:38,260 --> 00:02:41,329
Okay, that's enough.
You can listen, too.
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00:02:41,331 --> 00:02:43,131
Let's eat!
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00:02:44,066 --> 00:02:46,734
The salad looks delicious. Nice produce.
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00:02:46,736 --> 00:02:48,936
- Is this from my store?
- God, no.
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00:02:48,938 --> 00:02:50,848
But this tomato looks so familiar.
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00:02:50,873 --> 00:02:53,407
Look, I didn't steal it
from your store on Tuesday!
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00:02:53,409 --> 00:02:55,275
Francine, you need to do something.
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00:02:55,277 --> 00:02:57,677
Klaus's table is turning
into the damn last supper.
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00:02:57,679 --> 00:03:01,066
You hear "Bermuda triangle"
and you think "whoa,"
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00:03:01,067 --> 00:03:04,084
but it really is a beautiful area.
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00:03:04,086 --> 00:03:05,485
It's crazy lush.
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00:03:05,487 --> 00:03:07,287
I never thought of it that way.
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00:03:07,289 --> 00:03:09,129
That's so interesting, Klaus!
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00:03:09,130 --> 00:03:11,929
The world's a big, interesting place.
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00:03:11,930 --> 00:03:14,063
I just try to keep my eyes open,
you know?
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00:03:14,065 --> 00:03:17,000
Ooh! Would you do your
Will Arnett impression again?
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00:03:17,002 --> 00:03:20,027
I really shouldn't... "Oh, come on!"
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00:03:20,028 --> 00:03:22,496
[LAUGHTER]
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00:03:22,498 --> 00:03:24,631
Is everybody laughing at Klaus?
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00:03:24,656 --> 00:03:26,700
No, we're laughing with Klaus.
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00:03:26,702 --> 00:03:28,234
[DRAMATIC CHORD STRIKES]
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00:03:28,236 --> 00:03:31,638
So, you dogs are hungry for laughs?
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00:03:31,640 --> 00:03:35,309
Well, roll over.
You got a bone coming your way.
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00:03:35,888 --> 00:03:39,356
[GOOFY VOICE] Hello. I'm Mrs Walrus.
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00:03:39,381 --> 00:03:41,714
Anyone have any fish for me?
83
00:03:42,054 --> 00:03:44,382
Are those tampons in your mouth?
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00:03:45,321 --> 00:03:47,276
Oh, tamp on!
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00:03:47,277 --> 00:03:49,055
[LAUGHTER]
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00:03:49,057 --> 00:03:50,190
[DING]
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00:03:50,192 --> 00:03:51,592
[OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS]
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00:03:52,078 --> 00:03:53,678
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]
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00:03:54,346 --> 00:03:56,146
He winked at me, Stan!
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00:03:56,148 --> 00:03:58,589
That little asshole winked!
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00:03:58,590 --> 00:03:59,989
- At me!
- Who winked?
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00:03:59,991 --> 00:04:03,393
Klaus! He ruined my dinner party!
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00:04:03,395 --> 00:04:05,528
- He did?
- Of course he did!
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00:04:05,530 --> 00:04:07,597
He monopolized every conversation
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00:04:07,599 --> 00:04:09,065
I tried to butt into!
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00:04:09,067 --> 00:04:11,303
Well, he's been working
on his people skills.
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00:04:11,328 --> 00:04:13,662
I think everybody really
likes the new Klaus.
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00:04:13,664 --> 00:04:16,532
Yeah, I'd like to "nuke Klaus," too.
99
00:04:16,534 --> 00:04:19,334
All the way [BLEEP]
back to the stone age.
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00:04:19,336 --> 00:04:21,070
Sounds like you're a
little jealous Klaus
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00:04:21,072 --> 00:04:22,933
got all the attention at your party.
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00:04:22,934 --> 00:04:24,090
Oh, yeah?
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00:04:24,091 --> 00:04:27,464
Well, it sounds like you're
wasting dental floss, you idiot!
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00:04:30,481 --> 00:04:34,016
[MUFFLED] I'm sorry I said
you were upset, my love.
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00:04:38,375 --> 00:04:40,021
Help me out with something, guys.
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00:04:40,023 --> 00:04:41,356
Klaus sucks, right?
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00:04:41,358 --> 00:04:43,292
I'm gonna have to reluctantly disagree.
108
00:04:43,294 --> 00:04:45,753
Have you talked to him
about early cartoons?
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00:04:45,754 --> 00:04:47,362
He's super knowledgeable.
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00:04:47,364 --> 00:04:50,576
He's seen basically every
Pluto short on Disney+.
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00:04:50,577 --> 00:04:52,439
And all the Goofy features.
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00:04:52,440 --> 00:04:54,503
And all the Goofy features.
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00:04:54,505 --> 00:04:55,971
[DRAMATIC CHORD STRIKES]
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00:04:55,973 --> 00:04:57,907
[MOANING ON COMPUTER]
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00:04:57,909 --> 00:04:59,909
Why's everyone obsessed with Klaus?
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00:04:59,911 --> 00:05:01,911
I wouldn't say "obsessed."
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00:05:01,913 --> 00:05:04,580
He's just... I dunno...
likable, I guess.
118
00:05:04,582 --> 00:05:06,515
Have you heard him rap?
He's pretty good.
119
00:05:06,517 --> 00:05:09,718
♪ But you are what you eat,
so I'm a vagina ♪
120
00:05:09,720 --> 00:05:11,587
♪ That means I eat ♪
121
00:05:11,589 --> 00:05:13,923
The guy's an urban poet.
122
00:05:13,925 --> 00:05:15,324
Nobody likes you, Klaus.
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00:05:15,326 --> 00:05:18,193
Oh, hey, Francine.
Sick dinner party last night.
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00:05:18,195 --> 00:05:20,329
I don't know what all "this" is,
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00:05:20,331 --> 00:05:22,998
but I want it to stop right now.
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00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:25,467
Ah. Stan told me you were upset.
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00:05:25,469 --> 00:05:28,338
Look, I know I used to be
a real piece of shit.
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00:05:28,339 --> 00:05:29,468
Guilty!
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00:05:29,469 --> 00:05:32,274
But, Francine, I've grown a lot.
130
00:05:32,276 --> 00:05:35,411
Oh, wow, got a giant sequoia over here.
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00:05:35,413 --> 00:05:39,664
All right, Mr. Growth,
I'm gonna throw a real party tomorrow.
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00:05:39,665 --> 00:05:42,729
A real party for bad bitches.
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00:05:42,749 --> 00:05:45,196
We'll see who gets more attention.
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00:05:47,767 --> 00:05:50,234
What the [BLEEP] am I looking at?
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00:05:50,494 --> 00:05:52,361
[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
136
00:05:53,114 --> 00:05:55,288
Now this is a party.
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00:05:55,289 --> 00:05:57,917
Everyone, give me your attention!
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00:05:58,216 --> 00:06:00,235
I think we can all agree
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00:06:00,237 --> 00:06:02,772
last night's dinner party was terrible.
140
00:06:02,774 --> 00:06:04,306
Aw, I liked your dinner party.
141
00:06:04,308 --> 00:06:07,026
No, you didn't, Greg.
I'll tell you what you like.
142
00:06:07,027 --> 00:06:08,193
Keg stands!
143
00:06:08,447 --> 00:06:09,841
No, I'd rather not.
144
00:06:09,842 --> 00:06:11,684
Grab his other leg, Roger.
145
00:06:11,849 --> 00:06:14,850
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
146
00:06:15,386 --> 00:06:16,918
- [GASPS]
- Uh-oh!
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00:06:16,920 --> 00:06:18,320
The tap's broken!
148
00:06:18,322 --> 00:06:20,856
You gotta drink the whole keg!
149
00:06:20,858 --> 00:06:21,991
It's not broken!
150
00:06:21,993 --> 00:06:23,793
Shut up, freshman scum!
151
00:06:24,977 --> 00:06:27,063
Ummm, Franny...?
152
00:06:28,732 --> 00:06:30,898
[GASPS] Wow!
153
00:06:30,899 --> 00:06:32,643
Is this mahogany?
154
00:06:32,644 --> 00:06:35,471
Thanks for noticing, Tuttle. It's not.
155
00:06:35,473 --> 00:06:38,340
Oh, Nerfer, the other night,
you mentioned you like
156
00:06:38,342 --> 00:06:41,343
hoppy IPAs, so I whipped up a home brew
157
00:06:41,345 --> 00:06:42,744
I think you'll enjoy.
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00:06:42,746 --> 00:06:44,346
That's hecka posh.
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00:06:44,348 --> 00:06:47,509
Tuttle, Nerfer, what the hell?!
160
00:06:47,510 --> 00:06:48,985
This is my party!
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00:06:48,986 --> 00:06:51,149
You're supposed to be
paying attention to me!
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00:06:51,150 --> 00:06:53,583
Klaus is more interesting
than you, okay?!
163
00:06:53,584 --> 00:06:55,207
You need to learn to accept that!
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00:06:55,232 --> 00:06:58,453
I didn't want to do this,
but you left me no choice.
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00:06:58,454 --> 00:06:59,602
Gimme those!
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00:07:01,469 --> 00:07:03,870
Everyone look at me!
167
00:07:03,895 --> 00:07:07,530
The amah-zing Francine will attempt
168
00:07:07,555 --> 00:07:12,201
a never-before-seen roof-to-pool jump!
169
00:07:12,203 --> 00:07:14,737
- Is mom okay?
- Oh, yeah, better than ever.
170
00:07:14,739 --> 00:07:17,406
Women are complicated, Steve.
Don't drink that.
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00:07:17,761 --> 00:07:19,074
I'm gonna leave.
172
00:07:19,076 --> 00:07:20,609
I'm gonna take off, too.
173
00:07:21,154 --> 00:07:22,945
Is everyone okay to drive?
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00:07:22,970 --> 00:07:25,703
I can call each of you
a vintage yellow cab.
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00:07:25,705 --> 00:07:26,838
FRANCINE: Shut up, Klaus!
176
00:07:26,840 --> 00:07:28,613
- [GLASS SHATTERS]
- Nobody's leaving!
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00:07:28,614 --> 00:07:30,408
I'm about to jump!
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00:07:30,577 --> 00:07:31,828
3...
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00:07:32,179 --> 00:07:33,391
2...
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00:07:33,713 --> 00:07:34,550
[THUD]
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00:07:34,551 --> 00:07:36,097
[CLATTERING, GLASS SHATTERS]
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00:07:36,098 --> 00:07:38,482
[THUD, CAR ALARM RINGING]
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00:07:38,483 --> 00:07:40,720
Well, at least
she still has her dignity.
184
00:07:40,721 --> 00:07:43,477
I pooped my swimsuit!
185
00:07:43,723 --> 00:07:45,924
I stand by my previous statement.
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00:07:48,677 --> 00:07:50,573
[GROANS]
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00:07:50,574 --> 00:07:53,242
Easy now. You had quite a fall.
188
00:07:53,244 --> 00:07:56,645
I saw them. My ancestors!
189
00:07:57,047 --> 00:08:00,835
All my dear,
departed loved ones who died.
190
00:08:00,886 --> 00:08:02,450
They spoke to me.
191
00:08:02,452 --> 00:08:04,585
They told me they were just as confused
192
00:08:04,587 --> 00:08:06,666
as I was why anybody likes you.
193
00:08:06,667 --> 00:08:08,720
Even the caveman Francine!
194
00:08:08,721 --> 00:08:11,867
People like me because
I work on myself, Francine.
195
00:08:11,868 --> 00:08:14,167
I've been following a
strict lifestyle regimen
196
00:08:14,192 --> 00:08:16,070
developed by Mark Wahlberg.
197
00:08:16,072 --> 00:08:18,546
It forces me to grow physically,
198
00:08:18,571 --> 00:08:22,281
mentally, spiritually,
metaphysically, metaspiritually,
199
00:08:22,283 --> 00:08:25,218
super-meta-spiri-physi-tastically!
200
00:08:25,220 --> 00:08:27,686
Okay, I made that one up as a joke.
201
00:08:27,688 --> 00:08:29,288
I'm funny now, too.
202
00:08:29,290 --> 00:08:32,491
I can't believe
I'm asking you this, but...
203
00:08:32,493 --> 00:08:34,894
Will you teach me how to grow, too?
204
00:08:34,896 --> 00:08:37,496
Of course! Congrats!
205
00:08:37,498 --> 00:08:40,299
You're officially
enrolled in Klaus College,
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00:08:40,301 --> 00:08:42,535
a satellite campus of Wahlberg U.
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00:08:45,194 --> 00:08:46,973
[HORN SQUEALS]
208
00:08:46,975 --> 00:08:49,175
Klaus, it's 2:00 A.M.
209
00:08:49,177 --> 00:08:51,712
You're on Wahlberg time now.
210
00:08:52,447 --> 00:08:54,713
As you can see,
the schedule is rigorous.
211
00:08:54,715 --> 00:08:57,316
You'll start and end the
day with a 5-mile run.
212
00:08:57,318 --> 00:08:59,652
In between,
you'll be reading self-help books,
213
00:08:59,759 --> 00:09:01,759
meditating, belting out sea shanties,
214
00:09:01,784 --> 00:09:04,118
learning basic IT, more shanties,
215
00:09:04,143 --> 00:09:06,610
eating Wahlburgers, mastering Krav Maga,
216
00:09:06,612 --> 00:09:09,947
and you might even cook
an exotic dish or two.
217
00:09:09,949 --> 00:09:11,415
This is crazy.
218
00:09:11,417 --> 00:09:13,694
There's no way Mark
Wahlberg does all that.
219
00:09:13,695 --> 00:09:14,961
And then some.
220
00:09:14,963 --> 00:09:17,096
He's a big ol' Catholic!
221
00:09:17,098 --> 00:09:19,032
Hits up mass 17 times a day
222
00:09:19,034 --> 00:09:22,752
and leaves a DVD copy of
"Shooter" in every Bible.
223
00:09:24,023 --> 00:09:26,172
♪ Yeah ♪
224
00:09:26,174 --> 00:09:27,507
♪ You feel it, baby? ♪
225
00:09:27,509 --> 00:09:28,775
- [HORN SQUEALS]
- ♪ It's such a good vibration ♪
226
00:09:28,828 --> 00:09:30,644
Pick it up! Be like me!
227
00:09:30,646 --> 00:09:32,312
Body and mind are one!
228
00:09:32,314 --> 00:09:33,980
♪ It's such a sweet sensation ♪
229
00:09:33,982 --> 00:09:35,882
[HORN SQUEALS]
230
00:09:35,895 --> 00:09:38,384
♪ Vibrations good like Sunkist ♪
231
00:09:38,386 --> 00:09:39,786
♪ Many wanna know who done this ♪
232
00:09:39,788 --> 00:09:41,454
♪ Marky Mark and I'm here to move you ♪
233
00:09:41,456 --> 00:09:42,722
- [HORN SQUEALS]
- ♪ Rhymes will groove you ♪
234
00:09:42,724 --> 00:09:44,590
- ♪ And I'm here to prove to you ♪
- Bang.
235
00:09:44,592 --> 00:09:45,792
♪ That we can party
on the positive side ♪
236
00:09:45,794 --> 00:09:47,261
♪ And pump positive vibes
so come along for the ride ♪
237
00:09:47,338 --> 00:09:51,197
- These burgers are terrible.
- Yes. Very, very bad.
238
00:09:51,199 --> 00:09:53,333
♪ It's such a sweet sensation ♪
239
00:09:53,335 --> 00:09:55,068
Francine, what are you doing?
240
00:09:55,070 --> 00:09:57,325
I'm becoming more interesting...
241
00:09:57,473 --> 00:10:00,140
like Klaus... and Mark Wahlberg.
242
00:10:00,142 --> 00:10:02,095
Are you crazy? Klaus sucks!
243
00:10:02,096 --> 00:10:03,943
I'm sending you something to remind you
244
00:10:03,945 --> 00:10:05,145
what a loser Klaus is.
245
00:10:05,147 --> 00:10:06,480
[CELLPHONE VIBRATES]
246
00:10:06,482 --> 00:10:07,879
- [BEEP]
- KLAUS: Welcome back to
247
00:10:07,880 --> 00:10:10,350
my podcast, "Klaus of hearts,"
248
00:10:10,352 --> 00:10:12,285
where we explore every interaction
249
00:10:12,287 --> 00:10:14,620
I've had with a woman
at a Blackjack table.
250
00:10:14,622 --> 00:10:17,423
Today, we'll be looking
at Pechanga Casino
251
00:10:17,425 --> 00:10:20,426
on Christmas Eve, where dealer Janice F.
252
00:10:20,428 --> 00:10:23,563
refused to answer the
simple icebreaker question,
253
00:10:23,977 --> 00:10:26,723
"Don't you think it's time
to forgive Kevin Spacey?"
254
00:10:27,470 --> 00:10:29,503
FRANCINE: Klaus, where are you?
255
00:10:29,505 --> 00:10:32,117
I'm returning your self-help books!
256
00:10:32,118 --> 00:10:35,747
I came to my senses and
realize you suck again!
257
00:10:36,470 --> 00:10:39,112
[GEARS CRANKING]
258
00:10:43,941 --> 00:10:50,924
Off-brand soda, off-brand
Maxim magazine, filthy recliner?
259
00:10:51,459 --> 00:10:53,459
I knew it!
260
00:10:53,461 --> 00:10:55,461
You haven't changed, Klaus!
261
00:10:55,463 --> 00:10:58,064
You're a big phony scumbag!
262
00:10:58,066 --> 00:10:59,799
Oh, hi, Francine.
263
00:10:59,801 --> 00:11:01,334
- [BELL DINGS]
- Jeffrey, I'm about to reveal
264
00:11:01,336 --> 00:11:02,402
my sinister plan.
265
00:11:02,404 --> 00:11:04,604
Is my fedora rakishly askew?
266
00:11:04,606 --> 00:11:07,578
It's a strong look, Mr. Klaus!
267
00:11:07,579 --> 00:11:09,075
I think it's hideous.
268
00:11:09,077 --> 00:11:10,676
Aaaah!
269
00:11:10,678 --> 00:11:12,179
[BELL DINGS]
270
00:11:14,149 --> 00:11:16,082
So, what?
271
00:11:16,084 --> 00:11:18,084
You hypnotized Jeff or something?
272
00:11:18,086 --> 00:11:20,286
Is it that obvious?
273
00:11:20,288 --> 00:11:21,987
[LAUGHS]
274
00:11:22,043 --> 00:11:23,089
I'm over this.
275
00:11:23,091 --> 00:11:24,157
No, wait!
276
00:11:24,159 --> 00:11:26,359
Okay, long story short,
277
00:11:26,361 --> 00:11:28,961
I learned to control
people using a technique
278
00:11:28,962 --> 00:11:31,109
called "hypnotic anchoring."
279
00:11:31,110 --> 00:11:32,832
Sounds boring, and I don't get it.
280
00:11:32,834 --> 00:11:34,849
All right. How do I explain this?
281
00:11:34,850 --> 00:11:36,450
Have you seen the movie "Get out"?
282
00:11:36,452 --> 00:11:38,121
- No.
- Really?
283
00:11:38,294 --> 00:11:39,521
Have you seen "Parasite"?
284
00:11:39,522 --> 00:11:41,041
- Yeah.
- Good.
285
00:11:41,042 --> 00:11:43,287
Not relevant here,
but I'm glad you saw it.
286
00:11:43,288 --> 00:11:44,870
Bong Joon-Ho, man.
287
00:11:44,871 --> 00:11:46,270
So sick.
288
00:11:46,272 --> 00:11:48,940
Anyways, I hypnotized people to love me.
289
00:11:48,942 --> 00:11:50,875
Take Jeff, for example.
290
00:11:50,877 --> 00:11:53,517
First, I learned all about Jeff.
291
00:11:53,597 --> 00:11:55,864
What makes him "tick," so to speak.
292
00:11:55,889 --> 00:11:59,254
And I discovered that
Jeff really likes weed.
293
00:11:59,258 --> 00:12:00,258
I do!
294
00:12:00,260 --> 00:12:03,738
So I filled my notebook
with fun facts and jokes
295
00:12:03,739 --> 00:12:05,430
about marijuana.
296
00:12:05,432 --> 00:12:07,611
Stuff that would make Jeff smile.
297
00:12:07,904 --> 00:12:10,175
And every time he did...
298
00:12:10,176 --> 00:12:12,103
[BELL DINGS]
299
00:12:12,105 --> 00:12:14,611
And after several hundred of those...
300
00:12:14,612 --> 00:12:16,376
Who do ya love, Jeff?
301
00:12:16,377 --> 00:12:18,176
I love Klaus!
302
00:12:18,178 --> 00:12:22,620
Soon, everyone in town
will think I'm so cool,
303
00:12:22,621 --> 00:12:25,316
they'll be under my absolute control.
304
00:12:25,318 --> 00:12:29,654
This is bogus, and I'm telling
Stan about your secret lair.
305
00:12:29,656 --> 00:12:33,771
Hypnotizing you was my
greatest challenge, by far.
306
00:12:33,796 --> 00:12:37,664
You resent me so much,
I couldn't crack your psyche.
307
00:12:37,689 --> 00:12:41,393
So I looked to ultimate
mind-bender Mark Wahlberg
308
00:12:41,418 --> 00:12:42,812
for inspiration.
309
00:12:42,813 --> 00:12:44,346
I'm not hypnotized.
310
00:12:44,347 --> 00:12:46,022
Remember this guy?
311
00:12:46,356 --> 00:12:47,578
[GASPS] Oh, my God!
312
00:12:47,579 --> 00:12:49,237
[HORN SQUEALS]
313
00:12:50,160 --> 00:12:52,214
Now, tell me, Francine...
314
00:12:53,004 --> 00:12:54,991
How do I look?
315
00:12:56,126 --> 00:13:01,702
Klaus, I am loving your stupid fedora!
316
00:13:01,704 --> 00:13:04,372
Mmm. A little more hypnosis.
317
00:13:04,374 --> 00:13:06,608
[HORN SQUEALING]
318
00:13:08,979 --> 00:13:11,880
- _
- [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]
319
00:13:12,138 --> 00:13:14,006
[GASPS] What's happening?!
320
00:13:14,008 --> 00:13:15,940
Francine, you're back!
321
00:13:15,942 --> 00:13:18,247
- Where am I?
- You're in a cowboy tub.
322
00:13:18,301 --> 00:13:21,213
I got us an airbnb, far away from Klaus.
323
00:13:21,215 --> 00:13:24,149
Come inside. They've got a
ton of incomplete board games.
324
00:13:24,151 --> 00:13:26,395
You like "Trivial Pursuit"
without the questions?
325
00:13:26,485 --> 00:13:27,820
Where's the rest of the family?
326
00:13:27,822 --> 00:13:29,755
Oh, Francine, it's terrible.
327
00:13:29,780 --> 00:13:31,647
You were right about
Klaus the whole time.
328
00:13:31,672 --> 00:13:33,272
He hypnotized them all!
329
00:13:33,274 --> 00:13:35,074
Where are they? Are they okay?
330
00:13:35,076 --> 00:13:36,541
I don't know. I only had room
331
00:13:36,543 --> 00:13:38,209
for one of you and my luggage.
332
00:13:38,211 --> 00:13:40,479
Roger, we need to go save them.
333
00:13:40,481 --> 00:13:43,059
It's just the desert is
so hot during the day
334
00:13:43,084 --> 00:13:45,284
and so cold at night,
it's like having to pack
335
00:13:45,286 --> 00:13:47,208
for both the beach and skiing!
336
00:13:47,209 --> 00:13:49,288
I probably didn't need
the snowboard, though.
337
00:13:49,290 --> 00:13:51,022
That could've been Steve, I guess.
338
00:13:51,224 --> 00:13:53,024
I guess I could've fit Hayley, too.
339
00:13:53,026 --> 00:13:54,359
Weird.
340
00:13:54,361 --> 00:13:57,696
I don't remember any
border checkpoints before.
341
00:13:58,320 --> 00:14:00,476
State your business in Langley Falls.
342
00:14:00,478 --> 00:14:01,544
We live here?
343
00:14:01,546 --> 00:14:03,213
Better let me handle this, Fran.
344
00:14:03,215 --> 00:14:06,482
Hi, sir! Just so you know,
we love Klaus so much.
345
00:14:06,484 --> 00:14:08,760
Klaus is the best, is what we say.
346
00:14:08,785 --> 00:14:12,154
The only reason we left Langley
was to spread word of Klaus.
347
00:14:12,156 --> 00:14:15,055
In summary, we [BLEEP] love Klaus.
348
00:14:17,962 --> 00:14:21,231
[EERIE MUSIC PLAYS]
349
00:14:21,232 --> 00:14:22,232
_
350
00:14:22,233 --> 00:14:23,233
_
351
00:14:23,368 --> 00:14:25,435
♪ One, two, three, four ♪
352
00:14:25,437 --> 00:14:27,770
♪ I wanna marry Klaus some more! ♪
353
00:14:27,772 --> 00:14:30,172
What the wtf?
354
00:14:30,174 --> 00:14:31,908
They wanna marry Klaus?
355
00:14:31,910 --> 00:14:34,711
Some more?! That's gross!
356
00:14:34,713 --> 00:14:37,179
[EERIE MUSIC PLAYS]
357
00:14:37,494 --> 00:14:38,781
You're gross!
358
00:14:38,783 --> 00:14:39,849
Drive, drive!
359
00:14:39,851 --> 00:14:41,784
[TIRES SQUEAL]
360
00:14:42,338 --> 00:14:44,004
Did you hear me call them "gross"?
361
00:14:44,006 --> 00:14:45,118
Was that cool?
362
00:14:45,119 --> 00:14:47,407
I feel like I'm starring in "Jackass"!
363
00:14:47,409 --> 00:14:48,551
Watch out!
364
00:14:49,145 --> 00:14:50,678
[GASPS]
365
00:14:53,130 --> 00:14:54,775
_
366
00:14:56,647 --> 00:14:57,748
_
367
00:14:59,489 --> 00:15:01,355
There are few things in this world
368
00:15:01,357 --> 00:15:03,624
I hate more than traveling by foot.
369
00:15:03,626 --> 00:15:04,759
[CHIME]
370
00:15:05,398 --> 00:15:07,027
KLAUS: It's your favorite dude, Klaus,
371
00:15:07,029 --> 00:15:10,665
telling you to have a blessed day.
372
00:15:13,169 --> 00:15:15,759
Is that Klaus on TV?
373
00:15:16,367 --> 00:15:18,372
Langley is better than ever, Klaus.
374
00:15:18,374 --> 00:15:19,410
Why is that?
375
00:15:19,411 --> 00:15:22,510
Well, Greg,
I made everyone think I'm cooler now,
376
00:15:22,512 --> 00:15:24,645
and the town is cooler as a result.
377
00:15:24,647 --> 00:15:27,381
- I don't think you're cooler.
- What?
378
00:15:27,383 --> 00:15:29,517
I think you're the coolest.
379
00:15:29,519 --> 00:15:32,223
[LAUGHS] Wonderful, wonderful!
380
00:15:32,224 --> 00:15:34,021
Do you see what he did there?
381
00:15:34,022 --> 00:15:35,790
Still, I don't like it.
382
00:15:39,796 --> 00:15:42,330
Damn, he's hypnotized everybody.
383
00:15:42,332 --> 00:15:43,608
Be careful, Franny.
384
00:15:43,609 --> 00:15:45,465
People might think you don't love Klaus.
385
00:15:45,467 --> 00:15:46,534
Who doesn't love Klaus?
386
00:15:46,536 --> 00:15:48,265
- Francine Smith.
- Roger!
387
00:15:48,311 --> 00:15:51,205
Sorry, Franny,
but I'm a sucker for peer pressure.
388
00:15:51,207 --> 00:15:53,574
And the peers are a-pressurin'.
389
00:15:56,412 --> 00:15:57,812
[GASPS]
390
00:15:59,281 --> 00:16:02,383
Klauuuussss!
391
00:16:04,086 --> 00:16:05,486
[PANTING]
392
00:16:10,626 --> 00:16:12,426
Guys, I'm back!
393
00:16:13,636 --> 00:16:17,031
Please, Stan,
tell me you haven't fallen for Klaus!
394
00:16:17,688 --> 00:16:20,168
Klaaaaaauuuusss!
395
00:16:20,570 --> 00:16:23,604
ALL: Klaaaaaauuuusss!
396
00:16:25,488 --> 00:16:26,681
There she is!
397
00:16:27,177 --> 00:16:30,288
Thank you, boys,
for getting this menace off our streets.
398
00:16:31,880 --> 00:16:33,814
[COUGHING]
399
00:16:33,839 --> 00:16:35,405
- _
- Where'd pink go?
400
00:16:36,652 --> 00:16:38,519
FRANCINE: [MUFFLED] Help!
401
00:16:38,521 --> 00:16:40,855
Keep it down. You'll scare the cats.
402
00:16:40,857 --> 00:16:43,657
Sorry for the hood.
I had to tidy up a bit.
403
00:16:43,659 --> 00:16:46,510
Trust me, this place was a disaster.
404
00:16:47,343 --> 00:16:49,263
You live in the sewers?
405
00:16:49,265 --> 00:16:50,865
It's not safe up there anymore.
406
00:16:50,867 --> 00:16:53,333
Me and Beezus just looked
at each other one day,
407
00:16:53,335 --> 00:16:57,004
and we knew it was time
to form the resistance.
408
00:16:57,006 --> 00:16:58,005
[MEOWS]
409
00:16:58,007 --> 00:17:00,208
So... how's it going?
410
00:17:00,233 --> 00:17:01,195
Pretty good!
411
00:17:01,220 --> 00:17:04,016
I sent a team of cats to
breach Klaus's alcove,
412
00:17:04,041 --> 00:17:06,542
and, boy, did they deliver.
413
00:17:06,543 --> 00:17:07,905
[WHISTLES]
414
00:17:08,608 --> 00:17:10,086
[MEOWS]
415
00:17:12,147 --> 00:17:12,917
Boop!
416
00:17:13,316 --> 00:17:15,264
These cats are heroes.
417
00:17:15,265 --> 00:17:17,986
Klaus had entries for everyone in town.
418
00:17:17,988 --> 00:17:20,922
"Francine Smith... loves drinking,
419
00:17:20,924 --> 00:17:24,321
jealous streak,
mind-controlled by air horn."
420
00:17:24,322 --> 00:17:25,875
They also found this.
421
00:17:25,876 --> 00:17:27,543
It's a failsafe phrase
422
00:17:27,544 --> 00:17:29,878
to deactivate everyone Klaus hypnotized!
423
00:17:29,880 --> 00:17:32,747
"Enough with the hypnotism already."
424
00:17:32,749 --> 00:17:35,416
It's a good one. Fiendishly simple.
425
00:17:35,441 --> 00:17:37,775
If you can hijack Klaus's
broadcast and shout
426
00:17:37,777 --> 00:17:39,777
that phrase, you'll save the town.
427
00:17:39,779 --> 00:17:41,619
You can count on me.
428
00:17:43,118 --> 00:17:45,086
I have one more question.
429
00:17:45,418 --> 00:17:47,027
May I play with your cats?
430
00:17:47,253 --> 00:17:51,521
♪ Karma, Karma, Karma,
Karma, Karma chameleon ♪
431
00:17:51,523 --> 00:17:53,457
♪ You come and go ♪
432
00:17:53,593 --> 00:17:58,262
♪ You come and go ♪
433
00:17:58,264 --> 00:17:59,864
[CROWS CAWING]
434
00:18:03,908 --> 00:18:05,025
Roger was right.
435
00:18:05,027 --> 00:18:06,893
Klaus is the perfect subject.
436
00:18:06,895 --> 00:18:09,312
Enough with the hypnotism already!
437
00:18:09,337 --> 00:18:11,471
[GASPS] You're back!
438
00:18:11,473 --> 00:18:12,738
[GRUNTS]
439
00:18:13,021 --> 00:18:14,712
I'm scared, mom.
440
00:18:14,713 --> 00:18:16,542
Why was I painting Klaus?
441
00:18:16,544 --> 00:18:18,745
Because Klaus is mind-controlling
442
00:18:18,747 --> 00:18:21,732
everyone from the TV
studio in his alcove.
443
00:18:21,733 --> 00:18:26,268
He's ruined the entire town,
and we're gonna stop him.
444
00:18:27,471 --> 00:18:29,489
Enough with the hypnotism already!
445
00:18:29,491 --> 00:18:30,623
Aah!
446
00:18:30,625 --> 00:18:32,024
That's right, Klaus!
447
00:18:32,026 --> 00:18:34,294
I know how to deactivate everyone!
448
00:18:34,296 --> 00:18:34,995
[RADIO STATIC]
449
00:18:34,996 --> 00:18:37,001
Code twenty-niner in the alcove.
450
00:18:37,299 --> 00:18:38,765
Stan, what are you doing?
451
00:18:38,767 --> 00:18:39,949
Calling for backup.
452
00:18:39,950 --> 00:18:43,369
No offense, honey, but hypnosis
showed me how cool Klaus is.
453
00:18:43,371 --> 00:18:46,260
Honestly, he deserves
to be dictator of Langley.
454
00:18:46,508 --> 00:18:48,908
CROWD: Klaaaaaauuuusss!
455
00:18:48,910 --> 00:18:51,778
Maybe you should try
thinking Klaus is cool.
456
00:18:51,780 --> 00:18:53,379
You just might find you like it.
457
00:18:53,381 --> 00:18:54,847
Why isn't this working?
458
00:18:54,849 --> 00:18:58,785
You broke the hypnosis,
but you're too late.
459
00:18:58,787 --> 00:19:03,416
The belief in "cool Klaus"
is buried way too deep.
460
00:19:03,417 --> 00:19:05,283
You lost, Francine.
461
00:19:05,285 --> 00:19:06,951
Join the mob.
462
00:19:06,953 --> 00:19:08,353
Come on!
463
00:19:08,355 --> 00:19:10,823
I can't make them forget that he's cool.
464
00:19:10,825 --> 00:19:16,228
But what if I can make everyone
remember he's not cool?
465
00:19:16,393 --> 00:19:17,492
Capture her, Stan!
466
00:19:17,494 --> 00:19:20,195
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]
467
00:19:20,197 --> 00:19:21,897
[GRUNTS]
468
00:19:21,979 --> 00:19:24,733
Enough with the hypnotism already!
469
00:19:26,936 --> 00:19:31,376
Even if they're not hypnotized,
they're still gonna love me.
470
00:19:31,741 --> 00:19:34,466
I'm just getting warmed up, punk.
471
00:19:35,012 --> 00:19:36,899
Thanks to Mark Wahlberg,
472
00:19:36,924 --> 00:19:40,382
I'm now kind of trained in basic IT.
473
00:19:42,644 --> 00:19:45,887
Citizens of Langley, you call this cool?
474
00:19:47,109 --> 00:19:49,509
Welcome back to "Klaus of hearts."
475
00:19:49,865 --> 00:19:51,573
Oh, shit.
476
00:19:51,636 --> 00:19:54,256
On this episode,
I'm at the Hard Rock Casino,
477
00:19:54,257 --> 00:19:56,564
alone on my birthday...
478
00:19:56,566 --> 00:19:58,165
the way I've learned to like it.
479
00:19:58,167 --> 00:20:01,836
Meanwhile, I'm trying to
protect a bachelorette party
480
00:20:01,838 --> 00:20:04,634
from some creep I hear
them whispering about.
481
00:20:04,669 --> 00:20:07,442
But the girls won't tell me
what floor their room is on!
482
00:20:07,444 --> 00:20:10,445
I ordered a buttery nipple
from the cocktail waitress,
483
00:20:10,447 --> 00:20:12,944
you know, to look like a G.
484
00:20:12,945 --> 00:20:15,850
Then I got a call from
an unknown number.
485
00:20:15,852 --> 00:20:18,853
I answered it to cement my G status.
486
00:20:18,855 --> 00:20:21,569
And it was lucky I did,
because it turned out
487
00:20:21,594 --> 00:20:24,592
to be my very last chance to act
488
00:20:24,594 --> 00:20:28,180
before the warranty ran
out on my car or truck.
489
00:20:28,205 --> 00:20:31,599
Another great birthday in the books.
490
00:20:31,601 --> 00:20:34,803
♪ This guy's a loser! ♪
491
00:20:37,006 --> 00:20:40,707
♪ Well, I still wanna watch TV ♪
492
00:20:40,708 --> 00:20:42,411
♪ Mom! ♪
493
00:20:42,412 --> 00:20:45,680
♪ I know I said you ruined my life ♪
494
00:20:45,682 --> 00:20:49,222
♪ But I need you ♪
495
00:20:49,486 --> 00:20:54,422
♪ Mommy! ♪
496
00:20:54,424 --> 00:20:55,452
Mommy!
497
00:20:56,409 --> 00:20:58,159
Have a great night!
498
00:21:00,183 --> 00:21:02,187
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
www.addic7ed.com
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