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1
00:00:03,312 --> 00:00:05,379
How about this Jamaican resort?
2
00:00:05,448 --> 00:00:07,781
We can escape the chilly Langley winter
3
00:00:07,850 --> 00:00:10,384
at a heavily guarded manmade beach!
4
00:00:10,452 --> 00:00:12,786
Or we could check out Willie
Nelson's museum in Nashville.
5
00:00:12,855 --> 00:00:15,189
Dude loves weed and headbands!
6
00:00:15,257 --> 00:00:17,858
I've heard your input,
and I propose we do...
7
00:00:17,926 --> 00:00:20,460
none of those things!
8
00:00:20,529 --> 00:00:22,196
You could've just had me move that.
9
00:00:22,264 --> 00:00:26,233
The Smith clan shall
vacation in Rustic Pines!
10
00:00:28,871 --> 00:00:31,138
The quaint ski town?
11
00:00:31,207 --> 00:00:33,207
Where I used to go as a kid?
12
00:00:33,275 --> 00:00:35,942
I know that look
on everyone's face, Mr. S.
13
00:00:35,944 --> 00:00:37,544
They're about to yell,
14
00:00:37,546 --> 00:00:39,146
"Jeff, nobody has any frickin' idea
15
00:00:39,215 --> 00:00:40,414
what you're talking about!"
16
00:00:40,482 --> 00:00:42,616
Picture it...
we'll wake up with the sun,
17
00:00:42,685 --> 00:00:46,353
ski through peaceful woods,
a mountain breeze in our hair.
18
00:00:46,355 --> 00:00:47,822
ALL: Ahh.
19
00:00:47,890 --> 00:00:50,290
Then, we'll retire to a tiny log cabin
20
00:00:50,359 --> 00:00:51,892
with no water or electricity
21
00:00:51,960 --> 00:00:54,761
and poop in an outhouse,
like God intended.
22
00:00:54,763 --> 00:00:56,163
ALL: Ugh!
23
00:00:56,232 --> 00:00:58,765
Honey, thumbs up on the fun ski stuff,
24
00:00:58,767 --> 00:01:01,768
but thumbs down on the
pooping like an animal.
25
00:01:01,838 --> 00:01:03,237
How about a nice hotel?
26
00:01:03,305 --> 00:01:05,506
Vacations aren't about
fancy-pants hotels
27
00:01:05,574 --> 00:01:06,841
with robot toilets.
28
00:01:06,909 --> 00:01:08,843
They're about getting away from it all.
29
00:01:08,911 --> 00:01:10,310
I'll give it a try, Stan.
30
00:01:10,379 --> 00:01:12,579
Go with the flow,
that's what I always say.
31
00:01:12,581 --> 00:01:15,182
I guess, but this "go"
seems like it flows
32
00:01:15,251 --> 00:01:16,517
somewhere shitty.
33
00:01:16,585 --> 00:01:19,253
Your father has
a different idea of "fun"
34
00:01:19,321 --> 00:01:21,522
because his family grew up...
35
00:01:21,590 --> 00:01:23,657
I don't want to say "poor"...
36
00:01:23,726 --> 00:01:26,660
but with less money than a
family needs to not be poor.
37
00:01:26,729 --> 00:01:28,795
Poor? I don't think so.
38
00:01:28,865 --> 00:01:32,199
In fact, my pops even bought me
a fake ID at age 6
39
00:01:32,268 --> 00:01:33,734
so I could sell my blood.
40
00:01:33,802 --> 00:01:35,669
In conclusion, not poor.
41
00:01:35,738 --> 00:01:37,671
What are you guys up to?
Never mind, don't care.
42
00:01:37,740 --> 00:01:40,274
I'm turning my alcove
into a home office,
43
00:01:40,342 --> 00:01:43,477
and its gonna be siiick!
44
00:01:43,546 --> 00:01:44,745
But, seriously, what are you guys up to?
45
00:01:44,813 --> 00:01:47,281
Can I do it, too? Pleeeease?
46
00:01:49,418 --> 00:01:51,318
So, "maybe," then?
47
00:01:54,823 --> 00:01:57,945
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
48
00:01:57,980 --> 00:02:01,027
♪ I got a feelin'
that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
49
00:02:01,029 --> 00:02:04,231
♪ The sun in the sky has
a smile on his face ♪
50
00:02:04,300 --> 00:02:08,502
♪ And he's shinin'
a salute to the American race ♪
51
00:02:10,439 --> 00:02:13,708
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
52
00:02:13,776 --> 00:02:16,443
- ♪ Good... ♪
- ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
53
00:02:16,445 --> 00:02:17,544
Aah!
54
00:02:18,714 --> 00:02:21,916
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
55
00:02:28,324 --> 00:02:30,925
Anyone see "it all" around here?
56
00:02:30,993 --> 00:02:34,461
The answer is no because we
officially got away from that!
57
00:02:34,530 --> 00:02:36,062
[SNIFFS]
58
00:02:36,064 --> 00:02:38,398
Get a lung full of this
fresh mountain air.
59
00:02:38,467 --> 00:02:40,801
Huh. That actually is kinda nice.
60
00:02:40,869 --> 00:02:42,269
I don't know.
61
00:02:42,338 --> 00:02:44,671
It all just smells like
squirrel farts to me.
62
00:02:44,673 --> 00:02:46,873
[SQUEAKS] Shh!
63
00:02:46,943 --> 00:02:48,743
And if that's not enough nature for you,
64
00:02:48,811 --> 00:02:51,612
the forecast calls for
an epic powder dump...
65
00:02:51,680 --> 00:02:53,547
a skier's paradise.
66
00:02:53,548 --> 00:02:55,664
_
67
00:02:56,418 --> 00:03:00,755
Prepare for total relaxation in 3, 2...
68
00:03:02,825 --> 00:03:05,760
- That was relaxing.
- I don't get it.
69
00:03:05,828 --> 00:03:07,361
There's never traffic heading into
70
00:03:07,429 --> 00:03:08,829
this little nothing of a town.
71
00:03:08,897 --> 00:03:11,031
Someone must've hit a
moose or froze to death
72
00:03:11,099 --> 00:03:13,567
in their car or something
else picturesque.
73
00:03:16,439 --> 00:03:17,838
Welcome to heaven.
74
00:03:17,906 --> 00:03:19,039
When I was a kid, we had a game
75
00:03:19,108 --> 00:03:21,308
to see who could touch that sign first.
76
00:03:21,377 --> 00:03:23,577
And we're all playing it right now!
77
00:03:23,646 --> 00:03:26,246
I win! Tee-hee!
78
00:03:26,515 --> 00:03:29,516
Log cabin sign condos?
79
00:03:29,585 --> 00:03:31,852
Awesome! Bet it has a pool!
80
00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:33,787
Bet it has one of those little pools
81
00:03:33,856 --> 00:03:35,455
with super hot water!
82
00:03:35,524 --> 00:03:37,658
- You mean a hot tub?
- Maybe.
83
00:03:37,726 --> 00:03:39,459
You know, where you go like this!
84
00:03:39,528 --> 00:03:41,395
[SLURPING]
85
00:03:41,464 --> 00:03:42,529
A soup bowl?
86
00:03:42,598 --> 00:03:44,064
No, that's hot tub, mom.
87
00:03:44,132 --> 00:03:46,466
He always ends up with
some kind of GI issue.
88
00:03:46,535 --> 00:03:48,002
This place is terrible now!
89
00:03:48,070 --> 00:03:50,404
Stan, my dude, relax.
90
00:03:50,473 --> 00:03:53,340
You're not poor anymore.
You've earned a trip like this.
91
00:03:53,409 --> 00:03:55,342
We were never poor, you idiot!
92
00:03:55,411 --> 00:03:56,743
Oh, idiot, huh?
93
00:03:56,745 --> 00:03:58,479
Would an idiot... aah!
94
00:03:58,547 --> 00:03:59,880
I said, would an idiot...
95
00:03:59,948 --> 00:04:01,415
Aah!
96
00:04:01,484 --> 00:04:03,651
Never mind.
I've ruined my quick comeback.
97
00:04:06,622 --> 00:04:08,088
We've been in this line so long,
98
00:04:08,156 --> 00:04:10,357
I've named all the butts in front of us.
99
00:04:10,426 --> 00:04:13,894
Droopy, lumpy, kinda hot, mean pumpkin.
100
00:04:13,962 --> 00:04:16,496
And the loudmouth of the group,
fart butt.
101
00:04:16,565 --> 00:04:19,033
Please tell me I'm either
kinda hot or mean pumpkin.
102
00:04:19,101 --> 00:04:22,102
Come on, be honest with yourself.
103
00:04:22,170 --> 00:04:24,638
That chairlift line is moving just fine!
104
00:04:24,707 --> 00:04:26,445
Oh, hey, guys, I found you!
105
00:04:26,480 --> 00:04:27,491
Ew, Stan,
106
00:04:27,526 --> 00:04:29,443
what are those fashion
don'ts on your feet?
107
00:04:29,512 --> 00:04:31,778
My dad had these custom-made for me
108
00:04:31,780 --> 00:04:34,715
from our neighbor's very
expensive fence material.
109
00:04:34,783 --> 00:04:36,116
What's going on with your line?
110
00:04:36,184 --> 00:04:37,918
- Nobody's even wearing skis!
- Don't need 'em!
111
00:04:37,986 --> 00:04:40,721
My crew is all about "après ski,"
112
00:04:40,789 --> 00:04:42,923
the party scene after skiing.
113
00:04:42,991 --> 00:04:46,060
Except we also do it before
skiing and instead of skiing.
114
00:04:46,128 --> 00:04:48,395
We're heading up to a
sick mountaintop club.
115
00:04:48,464 --> 00:04:49,864
I got you all express passes!
116
00:04:49,932 --> 00:04:51,932
Nobody wants your party passes.
117
00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:54,200
We're here to ski and name butts,
118
00:04:54,202 --> 00:04:56,403
and we're all out of butts.
119
00:04:56,472 --> 00:04:57,938
- I'll take a pass!
- Oh, great.
120
00:04:58,006 --> 00:04:59,606
Fart butt gets to go up.
121
00:04:59,675 --> 00:05:03,544
So, fart butt,
is that short for Fartholomew Buttons?
122
00:05:05,814 --> 00:05:08,148
The ultimate home office.
123
00:05:08,217 --> 00:05:10,084
Pens to sign important documents,
124
00:05:10,152 --> 00:05:12,486
paperclips to clip those
documents together,
125
00:05:12,555 --> 00:05:16,757
and, of course,
a big-ass landline phone.
126
00:05:18,561 --> 00:05:20,160
No dial tone?
127
00:05:20,229 --> 00:05:23,564
Time to call tech
support and unleash hell!
128
00:05:23,832 --> 00:05:26,500
[BEEPING, LINE RINGING]
129
00:05:26,569 --> 00:05:28,903
SARA: Telestar support, Sara speaking.
130
00:05:28,971 --> 00:05:31,772
Hey, Sara, your shitty company sold me
131
00:05:31,840 --> 00:05:33,240
a defective phone!
132
00:05:33,242 --> 00:05:35,709
I am so sorry about that, sugar.
133
00:05:35,778 --> 00:05:37,978
And here I was upset about the rain.
134
00:05:38,046 --> 00:05:41,782
Well, it... it's not your fault, Sara.
135
00:05:41,850 --> 00:05:43,784
And rain does kinda suck.
136
00:05:43,852 --> 00:05:45,852
[SIGHS] Sorry I got so mad.
137
00:05:45,922 --> 00:05:48,522
It's okay. I understand.
138
00:05:48,591 --> 00:05:51,725
You... understand me?
139
00:05:51,794 --> 00:05:52,859
Sure!
140
00:05:52,929 --> 00:05:54,729
This must be frustrating.
141
00:05:54,797 --> 00:05:56,263
It is!
142
00:05:56,265 --> 00:05:59,133
Wow, you really get me.
143
00:05:59,201 --> 00:06:01,602
So, what are you up to tonight, Sara?
144
00:06:01,670 --> 00:06:03,003
[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWIN]
145
00:06:03,071 --> 00:06:04,871
I'm sorry, I-I didn't catch that.
146
00:06:04,941 --> 00:06:06,540
Oh, let me take you off speaker...
147
00:06:06,609 --> 00:06:08,074
[BEEPING]
148
00:06:08,076 --> 00:06:09,476
- [SCREAMS]
- [BEEPING RAPIDLY]
149
00:06:09,545 --> 00:06:11,545
- [LINE RINGIN]
- Sara! Come back to me!
150
00:06:11,614 --> 00:06:13,547
MINDY: Telestar support, Mindy speaking.
151
00:06:13,616 --> 00:06:14,949
Put Sara back on!
152
00:06:15,017 --> 00:06:17,017
I'm sorry, sir, there's no Sara here.
153
00:06:17,085 --> 00:06:21,087
You see, Telestar has agents
located all over the country...
154
00:06:21,089 --> 00:06:24,458
Sar-a-a-a-a-a!
155
00:06:27,696 --> 00:06:29,563
♪ I like to après, après ♪
156
00:06:29,632 --> 00:06:32,767
♪ I like to après, après ♪
157
00:06:32,835 --> 00:06:34,901
Don't drink it, spray it!
158
00:06:34,971 --> 00:06:36,903
That's how you après ski!
159
00:06:36,973 --> 00:06:39,573
I'm such a good skier!
160
00:06:39,642 --> 00:06:42,909
MC Avalanche in the house!
161
00:06:42,979 --> 00:06:44,745
[MUSIC STOPS]
162
00:06:47,650 --> 00:06:50,051
[CHEERING]
163
00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:55,789
Okay, gang, time for our
first and last run of the day,
164
00:06:55,858 --> 00:06:57,524
so let's make the best of...
165
00:06:57,593 --> 00:07:00,661
Whoo-hoo! Hey!
166
00:07:00,729 --> 00:07:02,262
Dammit, these morons are everywhere!
167
00:07:02,331 --> 00:07:05,866
Here, Stan, the traditional
peace offering of my people.
168
00:07:05,934 --> 00:07:07,868
Join us.
169
00:07:08,671 --> 00:07:10,604
I pity you, Roger.
170
00:07:10,673 --> 00:07:12,606
Everyone in this family
but you is content
171
00:07:12,675 --> 00:07:14,141
to enjoy the wonders of nature.
172
00:07:14,210 --> 00:07:15,876
Stan, get over here!
173
00:07:15,944 --> 00:07:19,946
The bartender lady will spray
beer right in your [BLEEP] face!
174
00:07:20,016 --> 00:07:22,082
I'm invoking vacation veto power.
175
00:07:22,151 --> 00:07:25,019
Everyone get down here
and back in your skis!
176
00:07:25,087 --> 00:07:30,024
♪♪
177
00:07:30,092 --> 00:07:32,693
- [RECORD NEEDLE SCRATCHES]
- _
178
00:07:33,401 --> 00:07:35,095
Sorry, y'all!
179
00:07:35,163 --> 00:07:39,900
Scratchin' ain't so easy
with m-m-m-mittens!
180
00:07:43,105 --> 00:07:46,306
Dad, this trip sucks a fat hog.
181
00:07:46,375 --> 00:07:48,843
Climbing garbage to get our skis?
182
00:07:48,911 --> 00:07:50,244
Can we just go home?
183
00:07:50,312 --> 00:07:52,379
Hey, I'm doing this for you guys.
184
00:07:52,381 --> 00:07:53,647
I thought we could get away
185
00:07:53,716 --> 00:07:55,916
and find a little quiet solitude.
186
00:07:59,064 --> 00:08:01,055
And beautiful views...
187
00:08:01,123 --> 00:08:03,590
[SNIFFS]
188
00:08:03,659 --> 00:08:05,992
...and a mountain breeze...
189
00:08:06,986 --> 00:08:08,796
Aaaaaah!
190
00:08:09,732 --> 00:08:11,398
You read my mind, Steve!
191
00:08:11,400 --> 00:08:14,000
The rustic family ski trip
we've all been craving
192
00:08:14,070 --> 00:08:16,070
is right here... at the dump!
193
00:08:16,138 --> 00:08:17,604
Aaaaah!
194
00:08:17,673 --> 00:08:20,074
Unh!
195
00:08:21,877 --> 00:08:26,881
♪♪
196
00:08:28,884 --> 00:08:30,217
Cold penis!
197
00:08:30,285 --> 00:08:33,286
Steve, the dump
won't be a safe place to ski
198
00:08:33,288 --> 00:08:35,488
until you clear the
household appliances!
199
00:08:35,490 --> 00:08:37,358
Sorry, I was busy
getting this used condom
200
00:08:37,426 --> 00:08:38,559
out of my hair.
201
00:08:38,627 --> 00:08:40,027
A valid excuse.
202
00:08:40,095 --> 00:08:41,695
Honey, how's the bunny slope coming?
203
00:08:41,764 --> 00:08:43,897
I think I found some medical waste.
204
00:08:43,966 --> 00:08:46,099
That's the spirit! My turn!
205
00:08:46,169 --> 00:08:47,535
Wheeeeee!
206
00:08:51,974 --> 00:08:54,908
Whoa. Cabin 3!
207
00:08:54,910 --> 00:08:57,110
These must be the logs
from the torn-down cabins
208
00:08:57,180 --> 00:08:58,245
I used to stay in!
209
00:08:58,313 --> 00:08:59,580
That's nice, Stan.
210
00:08:59,648 --> 00:09:01,982
So, the kids and I have been talking,
211
00:09:02,051 --> 00:09:04,718
and maybe it's time we...
212
00:09:04,787 --> 00:09:06,120
Are you crying?
213
00:09:07,923 --> 00:09:10,057
It's just, I wanna thank you for
214
00:09:10,125 --> 00:09:12,860
letting me give you the
vacation I've always wanted to.
215
00:09:12,928 --> 00:09:15,196
I love you guys. Sorry. You were saying?
216
00:09:15,264 --> 00:09:17,064
Um...
217
00:09:17,132 --> 00:09:20,333
I was saying we should
stay here and keep...
218
00:09:20,403 --> 00:09:21,735
trashin' it up.
219
00:09:21,804 --> 00:09:22,936
Great idea!
220
00:09:22,938 --> 00:09:25,272
Let's all reconstruct cabin 3!
221
00:09:25,340 --> 00:09:28,609
You know who else built a cabin?
Abraham Lincoln.
222
00:09:28,677 --> 00:09:29,810
He also got shot in the head,
223
00:09:29,879 --> 00:09:31,478
but not everyone gets that lucky.
224
00:09:31,547 --> 00:09:33,814
MAN: Mr. Heisler,
I'm the highest-ranking
225
00:09:33,883 --> 00:09:35,416
support manager at Telestar,
226
00:09:35,484 --> 00:09:38,886
and I'm not able to
"bring you Sara" even if you do
227
00:09:38,954 --> 00:09:43,023
"tweet my personal info to your
millions of rabid followers."
228
00:09:43,092 --> 00:09:45,358
Send a company-wide e-mail to every Sara
229
00:09:45,428 --> 00:09:47,228
and tell them the man of their dreams
230
00:09:47,296 --> 00:09:48,962
is searching for them!
231
00:09:49,031 --> 00:09:51,298
Sir, I'm sorry you can't figure out how
232
00:09:51,366 --> 00:09:53,634
to use your telephone and
fell in love with the woman
233
00:09:53,702 --> 00:09:56,369
who tried to help you,
but I'm hanging up now.
234
00:09:56,371 --> 00:09:57,238
[BEEPING]
235
00:09:57,306 --> 00:09:58,839
[THUDDING]
236
00:09:59,762 --> 00:10:00,807
- Aah!
- Aah!
237
00:10:00,876 --> 00:10:01,942
What are you doing here?
238
00:10:02,011 --> 00:10:04,845
Sometimes I miss Steve
when he's on vacation,
239
00:10:04,914 --> 00:10:07,981
so I just come over and live here.
240
00:10:08,050 --> 00:10:10,050
I'm going a little crazy myself.
241
00:10:10,119 --> 00:10:11,919
Yesterday I made a love connection
242
00:10:11,987 --> 00:10:13,386
with a tech-support babe,
243
00:10:13,456 --> 00:10:16,123
but we got disconnected,
and I can't find her.
244
00:10:16,191 --> 00:10:19,192
Klaus, this is your lucky day.
245
00:10:19,194 --> 00:10:21,328
Years of looking for
my deadbeat dad made me
246
00:10:21,396 --> 00:10:23,464
an expert tracker.
247
00:10:23,532 --> 00:10:25,732
Tell me about your call.
248
00:10:25,801 --> 00:10:28,469
Well, I was mad about my phone,
249
00:10:28,537 --> 00:10:30,271
and she was upset it was raining...
250
00:10:30,339 --> 00:10:32,005
Stop.
251
00:10:32,007 --> 00:10:34,075
It only rained in nine
American cities yesterday.
252
00:10:34,143 --> 00:10:35,609
You put on a pot of coffee,
253
00:10:35,611 --> 00:10:38,211
I'll scrub my search history
from Steve's computer.
254
00:10:38,213 --> 00:10:40,147
We've got a girl to find.
255
00:10:40,215 --> 00:10:41,949
Guys, I've been thinking.
256
00:10:42,017 --> 00:10:44,217
Spraying champagne is played out.
257
00:10:44,219 --> 00:10:45,786
It's time to innovate.
258
00:10:47,890 --> 00:10:49,356
[CHEERING]
259
00:10:50,041 --> 00:10:53,694
Ha! Look at those losers
skiing on trash at the dump.
260
00:10:58,167 --> 00:10:59,767
[COUGHING]
261
00:10:59,835 --> 00:11:02,436
Oh, no! Stan is ruining their vacation.
262
00:11:02,505 --> 00:11:03,904
I have to save them!
263
00:11:03,973 --> 00:11:05,306
MAN: I'm innovating, too!
264
00:11:05,374 --> 00:11:06,974
Who wants a champagne enema?!
265
00:11:07,042 --> 00:11:08,309
A little later.
266
00:11:08,377 --> 00:11:11,312
I have to save them a little later.
267
00:11:11,380 --> 00:11:13,447
[WIND WHISTLING]
268
00:11:14,383 --> 00:11:16,917
[SHIVERING]
269
00:11:16,986 --> 00:11:19,252
Guess who christened the outhouse.
270
00:11:19,254 --> 00:11:20,788
It was me! I destroyed it!
271
00:11:20,856 --> 00:11:23,456
Everything's destroyed here, Dad.
It's a dump.
272
00:11:24,638 --> 00:11:27,394
[GASPS] The powder dump begins.
273
00:11:28,244 --> 00:11:31,332
Tomorrow, we shall ski
upon pillows of fairy dust.
274
00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:33,134
We'll need plenty of rest,
275
00:11:33,202 --> 00:11:35,002
so it's time for
everyone to go to sleep.
276
00:11:35,070 --> 00:11:38,005
But it's so early! Nobody's tired!
277
00:11:38,073 --> 00:11:40,273
Don't worry,
I found a gasoline-soaked rag
278
00:11:40,343 --> 00:11:41,542
we can all share.
279
00:11:41,610 --> 00:11:43,677
I'll use it first, and when I pass out,
280
00:11:43,679 --> 00:11:45,612
you can remove it from
my face so I don't die.
281
00:11:45,681 --> 00:11:47,881
Then the next person
will take it, pass out,
282
00:11:47,950 --> 00:11:50,283
and so forth in a round-robin system.
283
00:11:50,353 --> 00:11:53,020
But what about the last person?
284
00:11:54,957 --> 00:11:57,024
[SHIVERING]
285
00:11:57,092 --> 00:11:58,225
[THUD]
286
00:11:59,481 --> 00:12:00,494
A big snowball?
287
00:12:00,563 --> 00:12:02,430
Wait. There's something in here.
288
00:12:05,368 --> 00:12:08,501
ROGER: "Dearest Smiths,
I bring news of a better life
289
00:12:08,503 --> 00:12:10,437
"just a few hundred feet above you,
290
00:12:10,506 --> 00:12:12,973
"where the champagne flows like wine,
291
00:12:13,042 --> 00:12:15,376
"and the wine also flows like wine.
292
00:12:15,444 --> 00:12:18,311
"There's a lotta booze up
here is what I'm saying.
293
00:12:18,313 --> 00:12:19,947
And I have a plan."
294
00:12:23,252 --> 00:12:26,954
Did you get my big snowball
note about the plan?!
295
00:12:29,276 --> 00:12:31,725
The rain rules out everything
west of the Mississippi,
296
00:12:31,727 --> 00:12:35,128
and Telestar has no offices
north of Philadelphia.
297
00:12:35,198 --> 00:12:37,330
You said Sara called you "sugar."
298
00:12:37,400 --> 00:12:39,666
In a southern accent... the sweet kind,
299
00:12:39,735 --> 00:12:41,402
not the swamp-person kind.
300
00:12:41,470 --> 00:12:44,205
What else? I need details, damn it!
301
00:12:44,273 --> 00:12:45,939
She was super into me,
302
00:12:46,008 --> 00:12:48,609
practically trying to
bang me over the phone...
303
00:12:48,677 --> 00:12:50,544
No made-up details.
304
00:12:50,546 --> 00:12:52,213
Sorry, you didn't specify.
305
00:12:53,864 --> 00:12:55,216
I heard a train whistle!
306
00:12:55,284 --> 00:12:57,284
[IMITATES TRAIN WHISTLE]
307
00:12:57,352 --> 00:13:00,287
That's an Amtrak Viewliner 3850.
308
00:13:00,355 --> 00:13:03,090
Says here,
"only one left in circulation,
309
00:13:03,158 --> 00:13:05,492
runs daily from DC to Blacksburg."
310
00:13:05,561 --> 00:13:07,561
And at the time you called Sara,
311
00:13:07,563 --> 00:13:10,898
it was cruisin' right through Roanoke.
312
00:13:12,701 --> 00:13:14,501
My true love works in Roanoke!
313
00:13:14,570 --> 00:13:16,237
They've got the best Jersey Mike's!
314
00:13:16,305 --> 00:13:18,472
It's a match made in heaven!
315
00:13:20,175 --> 00:13:22,443
[WIND WHISTLING]
316
00:13:22,511 --> 00:13:25,246
[SNORING]
317
00:13:25,314 --> 00:13:26,647
[COUGHS]
318
00:13:26,715 --> 00:13:28,115
Whoa.
319
00:13:28,183 --> 00:13:29,382
We're getting dusted pretty good.
320
00:13:29,384 --> 00:13:30,851
I should make sure they can breathe.
321
00:13:32,788 --> 00:13:35,122
[GASPS] This isn't Steve at all!
322
00:13:35,190 --> 00:13:36,657
It's a Snowsteve!
323
00:13:36,725 --> 00:13:39,060
A Steveman? A Stevesnow?
324
00:13:40,395 --> 00:13:43,464
Hayley? Jeff?
325
00:13:43,532 --> 00:13:45,066
Francine, the kids snuck out
326
00:13:45,134 --> 00:13:47,334
and replaced themselves with snowkids!
327
00:13:47,402 --> 00:13:49,937
Kidmen? Snowsnows?
328
00:13:50,005 --> 00:13:51,439
We gotta find them.
329
00:13:55,078 --> 00:13:56,577
[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
330
00:13:58,213 --> 00:14:00,347
[CHEERING]
331
00:14:00,415 --> 00:14:06,153
♪♪
332
00:14:06,221 --> 00:14:08,221
One, two, three...
333
00:14:08,291 --> 00:14:10,057
Shot ski!
334
00:14:11,560 --> 00:14:14,094
You've all betrayed me!
335
00:14:14,163 --> 00:14:17,230
My plan worked!
Stan's ready to join the fun!
336
00:14:17,300 --> 00:14:20,233
I dunno. He's kinda got murder face.
337
00:14:20,303 --> 00:14:24,104
Roger I get,
but the rest of you are blood relatives.
338
00:14:24,173 --> 00:14:25,906
Well, technically,
only Steve and Hayley are,
339
00:14:25,975 --> 00:14:28,108
but Francine and me do it all the time,
340
00:14:28,177 --> 00:14:29,977
and Jeff and I became blood brothers
341
00:14:30,045 --> 00:14:32,213
after we found that dead
body by the train tracks.
342
00:14:35,985 --> 00:14:38,519
Sorry we left you, Dad. It's just...
343
00:14:38,587 --> 00:14:40,521
[SIGHS] How do I say this?
344
00:14:40,589 --> 00:14:43,190
Your trip sucks,
and après ski is way more fun.
345
00:14:43,258 --> 00:14:44,457
That's exactly how you say it.
346
00:14:44,459 --> 00:14:46,527
We tried to be nice, honey,
347
00:14:46,595 --> 00:14:48,461
but just because you grew up poor
348
00:14:48,463 --> 00:14:50,931
and had to pretend to
like terrible vacations
349
00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:52,599
doesn't mean we have to.
350
00:14:52,668 --> 00:14:54,935
For the last time, we weren't poor!
351
00:14:55,004 --> 00:14:58,071
We all shared one fork to
save time doing dishes!
352
00:14:58,141 --> 00:14:59,472
And I don't need any of you!
353
00:14:59,474 --> 00:15:02,309
I can do a family trip all by myself!
354
00:15:03,346 --> 00:15:06,547
Wow, it's coming down heavy.
355
00:15:06,615 --> 00:15:08,281
I can't see the trail.
356
00:15:08,351 --> 00:15:11,552
Oh, God, I've lost my way!
I'm gonna die out here!
357
00:15:11,620 --> 00:15:13,687
Wait. There's a light. I'm saved!
358
00:15:13,689 --> 00:15:15,523
Lord, you saved me!
359
00:15:18,027 --> 00:15:19,193
What?
360
00:15:25,100 --> 00:15:27,701
Who needs a loving family
to enjoy things with?
361
00:15:31,506 --> 00:15:34,041
Those fools have no idea
what they're missing.
362
00:15:34,109 --> 00:15:35,576
Whee!
363
00:15:36,490 --> 00:15:37,778
Yeah!
364
00:15:37,847 --> 00:15:39,913
Yes! Me!
365
00:15:40,785 --> 00:15:41,882
Whoo!
366
00:15:42,492 --> 00:15:44,385
Wake up, party people!
367
00:15:44,453 --> 00:15:48,922
MC Avalanche is cookin'
up fat beats and salty meats
368
00:15:48,924 --> 00:15:53,727
for your boozy brunchy pleasure!
369
00:15:53,729 --> 00:15:56,329
Mimosa time, bitches!
370
00:15:57,192 --> 00:15:58,732
Poor Stan.
371
00:15:58,734 --> 00:16:01,202
Will you ever find what
you've been looking for?
372
00:16:01,270 --> 00:16:04,004
This is exactly what
I've been looking for!
373
00:16:04,073 --> 00:16:05,606
Yee-haw!
374
00:16:05,674 --> 00:16:08,242
[ECHOING] Haw... haw!
375
00:16:11,080 --> 00:16:13,581
Oh, God, oh, God!
376
00:16:14,896 --> 00:16:17,685
I'm doing it!
I'm outrunning the avalanche!
377
00:16:21,681 --> 00:16:24,091
Stan got buried by an
avalanche at the dump!
378
00:16:24,159 --> 00:16:25,426
[RECORD NEEDLE SCRATCHES]
379
00:16:25,494 --> 00:16:27,061
MC AVALANCHE: M-m-m-mittens!
380
00:16:29,298 --> 00:16:30,764
Oh, my God!
381
00:16:30,766 --> 00:16:32,633
Après ski crew,
382
00:16:32,701 --> 00:16:35,436
I call on you to help us
find our missing friend!
383
00:16:35,504 --> 00:16:38,472
[MUSIC SWELLS]
384
00:16:42,044 --> 00:16:43,053
Nah.
385
00:16:43,111 --> 00:16:44,778
- Nah?
- Yeah, nah.
386
00:16:44,848 --> 00:16:46,580
We wanna keep partying.
387
00:16:46,582 --> 00:16:48,082
[DANCE MUSIC RESUMES]
388
00:16:52,655 --> 00:16:54,588
This is the address.
389
00:16:54,657 --> 00:16:56,189
You sure you wanna do this?
390
00:16:56,259 --> 00:16:58,325
I'm good at figuring
out where people are
391
00:16:58,393 --> 00:17:01,595
but not so good at figuring
out where they are emotionally.
392
00:17:01,664 --> 00:17:04,732
If it's meant to be, it's meant to be.
393
00:17:05,801 --> 00:17:08,401
[DOORBELL RINGS]
394
00:17:08,403 --> 00:17:13,206
♪♪
395
00:17:13,276 --> 00:17:15,242
[DOORBELL RINGS]
396
00:17:18,413 --> 00:17:22,616
I guess it wasn't meant to be. [SIGHS]
397
00:17:22,685 --> 00:17:30,958
♪♪
398
00:17:31,026 --> 00:17:39,300
♪♪
399
00:17:39,368 --> 00:17:41,168
[DOORBELL RINGS]
400
00:17:45,975 --> 00:17:49,677
I guess it wasn't meant to be.
401
00:18:00,055 --> 00:18:02,389
Not much air left.
402
00:18:02,457 --> 00:18:03,724
Must take...
403
00:18:03,792 --> 00:18:05,793
smallest breaths possible...
404
00:18:05,861 --> 00:18:08,329
because running out of air...
405
00:18:08,397 --> 00:18:09,797
let's just say...
406
00:18:09,865 --> 00:18:11,932
isn't the best outcome...
407
00:18:12,001 --> 00:18:13,567
for ol' Stan Smith.
408
00:18:17,006 --> 00:18:18,806
This ski trip sucks!
409
00:18:18,874 --> 00:18:20,541
Why doesn't our cabin have any heat?
410
00:18:20,609 --> 00:18:24,278
Because we're getting away
from it all, that's why!
411
00:18:25,414 --> 00:18:27,348
Can't we go to the regular zoo?
412
00:18:27,416 --> 00:18:29,817
This is better than the regular zoo.
413
00:18:29,885 --> 00:18:32,620
The animals are in
their natural habitat.
414
00:18:35,424 --> 00:18:38,359
Stan, go check if there's
anything left in that.
415
00:18:38,427 --> 00:18:40,761
[HORN BLOWS]
416
00:18:41,402 --> 00:18:42,963
This cruise sucks!
417
00:18:43,032 --> 00:18:44,497
Why can't we leave our room?
418
00:18:44,499 --> 00:18:47,634
Because it's not a real cruise, Stan!
419
00:18:47,703 --> 00:18:49,503
We're very, very poor!
420
00:18:49,572 --> 00:18:52,506
How the hell does this
imbecile not get it by now?!
421
00:18:53,776 --> 00:18:56,777
My childhood family trips...
422
00:18:56,846 --> 00:18:58,912
actually sucked!
423
00:18:58,914 --> 00:19:00,981
And there's a chance...
424
00:19:01,050 --> 00:19:02,916
we were kinda...
425
00:19:02,918 --> 00:19:04,518
poor.
426
00:19:05,262 --> 00:19:07,195
[CHEERING]
427
00:19:07,264 --> 00:19:10,899
Stop après skiing and
help me find my papa!
428
00:19:12,136 --> 00:19:13,402
Hey, gang!
429
00:19:13,470 --> 00:19:16,671
You guys love partying, we wanna search!
430
00:19:16,673 --> 00:19:19,274
What if we combine the two and do...
431
00:19:19,276 --> 00:19:20,910
a search party?
432
00:19:22,079 --> 00:19:25,280
[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
433
00:19:25,282 --> 00:19:28,083
Search partyyyyyyyyyy!
434
00:19:28,085 --> 00:19:29,684
Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
435
00:19:29,686 --> 00:19:32,721
- Yeah!
- I'm gonna be a hero!
436
00:19:37,962 --> 00:19:41,563
Après squad, fan out and find Stan!
437
00:19:42,749 --> 00:19:44,767
Par-tay!
438
00:19:44,835 --> 00:19:47,102
Whoo, yeah!
439
00:19:47,171 --> 00:19:49,504
Let's find Dan!
440
00:19:49,573 --> 00:19:51,373
Whoo!
441
00:19:52,361 --> 00:19:54,376
Oh, Stan.
442
00:19:54,445 --> 00:19:58,313
You only wanted us to have a fun trip.
443
00:19:58,382 --> 00:20:01,350
Look! Dad's crappy old wooden ski!
444
00:20:07,082 --> 00:20:09,015
Breathe, Dad!
445
00:20:09,084 --> 00:20:11,218
Breathe your stupid fresh mountain air!
446
00:20:12,087 --> 00:20:13,219
[GASPS]
447
00:20:13,288 --> 00:20:15,288
[CHEERING]
448
00:20:15,290 --> 00:20:17,490
- Life!
- Thanks, guys.
449
00:20:17,492 --> 00:20:20,093
You know, while I was trapped in there,
450
00:20:20,095 --> 00:20:22,429
I had a lot of time to hallucinate.
451
00:20:22,497 --> 00:20:25,098
I've been forcing this
crappy trip on all of you.
452
00:20:25,167 --> 00:20:26,433
I'm a failure as a parent.
453
00:20:26,501 --> 00:20:27,968
I wouldn't say that.
454
00:20:28,036 --> 00:20:30,771
Sure, they only had fun
because you drove them away,
455
00:20:30,839 --> 00:20:32,505
but you still gave them
456
00:20:32,507 --> 00:20:35,108
a better vacation than
you had growing up.
457
00:20:35,110 --> 00:20:37,243
I did, didn't I?
458
00:20:37,312 --> 00:20:41,514
I broke the vicious cycle of
having to take crappy vacations.
459
00:20:41,583 --> 00:20:44,384
Let's après skiiiiii!
460
00:20:44,453 --> 00:20:46,386
Hit it, MC Avalanche!
461
00:20:47,270 --> 00:20:49,856
I don't think he's able to.
462
00:20:49,924 --> 00:20:54,060
Oh. Then maybe call an ambulance!
463
00:20:54,663 --> 00:20:56,997
Bye! Have a beautiful time!
464
00:20:58,773 --> 00:21:00,533
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
www.addic7ed.com
32461
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