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1
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♪
2
00:00:02,459 --> 00:00:04,069
Today's a very special day.
3
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It's my master's Accession Day.
4
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♪
5
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It's the anniversary
6
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of when he was crowned
Supreme Viceroy
7
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for Al Qolnidar.
8
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So it's kind of a big deal.
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His favorite. Crepe-y paper.
10
00:00:17,691 --> 00:00:19,171
Every year,
I try to do something special
11
00:00:19,215 --> 00:00:20,999
for the occasion.
12
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The whole house gets into it,
13
00:00:22,087 --> 00:00:23,958
like, really into it.
14
00:00:27,049 --> 00:00:29,573
Yes! Oh, yeah!
15
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Colin Robinson gets, uh,
16
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a little too much into it.
17
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♪
18
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♪
19
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Ah...
Oh, no.
20
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No. I-I don't think you should
be wearing that turban again.
21
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Well, I think you need to do
some research.
22
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'Cause not only is
this turban accurate
23
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to the ancient civilizations
of Persia,
24
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it also happens to be a gift
from my good friend,
25
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the Maharaja Duleep Singh.
26
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So if you have anything to say,
27
00:01:29,111 --> 00:01:31,200
to either myself
or the maharaja...
I just, it's not that.
28
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It was kept in storage
in the basement,
29
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and the rats were nesting
in there.
30
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Oh, right.
31
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Oh. Here it is.
32
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Let's go.
33
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Off you fuck.
34
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Hey, Master.
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♪ The sun has set♪
36
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♪ The stars have all come out♪
37
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♪ To celebrate
your big night!♪
38
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Happy Accession Day, Nandor!
39
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It's your big Accession Day,
Master.
40
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Did you forget?
No.
41
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Okay.
42
00:02:01,708 --> 00:02:03,362
Well, it's just one of
those mornings, I guess.
43
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But the night's just beginning.
44
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I'll bet.
Yay!
45
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I made you a little something,
and I hope you like it.
46
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Great.
47
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Well, he didn't like that.
48
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♪ Happy Accession Day♪
49
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♪ Mr. Relentle...♪
50
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What's up with him?
51
00:02:19,552 --> 00:02:20,814
Colin Robinson,
you can stop belly dancing.
52
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He's not even in the room.
I know.
53
00:02:22,599 --> 00:02:24,209
This is just for me.
54
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Another Accession Day.
55
00:02:28,518 --> 00:02:30,215
Pitiful.
56
00:02:30,259 --> 00:02:32,957
On this day
hundreds of years ago,
57
00:02:33,000 --> 00:02:35,046
I rose to power in my country.
58
00:02:35,089 --> 00:02:37,875
Blah, blah, blah.
Yada yada yada.
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00:02:37,918 --> 00:02:42,009
It's just another milestone to
celebrate for the rest of time.
60
00:02:42,053 --> 00:02:43,576
Believe it or
don't believe it, baby,
61
00:02:43,620 --> 00:02:46,449
but vampire depression is
the real fucking deal.
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00:02:46,492 --> 00:02:48,059
The prospect of immortality
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00:02:48,102 --> 00:02:50,017
can give some vampires
the shits.
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00:02:50,061 --> 00:02:52,672
They hate the idea of staring
down life's eternal tunnel.
65
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What does it all mean?
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00:02:54,848 --> 00:02:56,241
Nothing.
67
00:02:56,285 --> 00:02:58,635
When a vampire is depressed,
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00:02:58,678 --> 00:03:00,898
-the best treatment is
to avoid them at all costs.
Yeah.
69
00:03:00,941 --> 00:03:03,161
I'm 700 years old,
70
00:03:03,205 --> 00:03:05,076
and what have I got
to show for it?
71
00:03:05,119 --> 00:03:07,644
I'm a fully grown vampire,
and I still have roommates.
72
00:03:07,687 --> 00:03:09,559
I have no life partner.
73
00:03:09,602 --> 00:03:11,561
I have no living children.
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00:03:11,604 --> 00:03:14,128
I have no one to share my dreams
or my fears with.
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Sorry, Nandor.
We were just...
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00:03:16,261 --> 00:03:18,655
I just have to check
something, um...
Hurry.
77
00:03:18,698 --> 00:03:20,657
I mean, once you see
Colin Robinson belly dancing
78
00:03:20,700 --> 00:03:22,006
a few times,
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the magic kind of wears off.
80
00:03:24,487 --> 00:03:25,662
It doesn't matter that I'm
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an infinitely powerful being.
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00:03:29,535 --> 00:03:32,843
Doesn't mean anything
when you live for eternity.
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Everything loses its meaning
when you live for eternity.
84
00:03:36,586 --> 00:03:38,631
In all the years
I've known Nandor, I've...
85
00:03:38,675 --> 00:03:40,242
I've never seen him like this.
86
00:03:40,285 --> 00:03:42,592
I think he might be having
a midlife crisis.
87
00:03:42,635 --> 00:03:45,247
But he's immortal, so I guess...
88
00:03:45,290 --> 00:03:47,858
maybe more like a crisis-crisis.
89
00:03:47,901 --> 00:03:50,164
Nandor's in crisis.
90
00:03:50,208 --> 00:03:52,036
So, everyone, we have
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a very important
Vampiric Council duty
92
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that I'm afraid is even too hard
93
00:03:57,302 --> 00:03:59,304
for my absolutely
amazing abilities.
94
00:03:59,348 --> 00:04:00,871
Someone hasn't paid
95
00:04:00,914 --> 00:04:02,829
their Vampiric Council
union fees in a while.
96
00:04:02,873 --> 00:04:04,831
Oh, no.
97
00:04:04,875 --> 00:04:08,052
Sometimes it is nice
to tiptoe in and remind Nandor
98
00:04:08,095 --> 00:04:10,489
that, uh, he's
very important vampire
99
00:04:10,533 --> 00:04:12,883
with very important
jobs to do and...
100
00:04:12,926 --> 00:04:15,189
Also, collecting
Vampire Council dues
101
00:04:15,233 --> 00:04:17,496
is basically vampire shit work.
102
00:04:17,540 --> 00:04:19,324
And I don't want to do it!
103
00:04:19,368 --> 00:04:21,413
But, you know,
more the first thing,
104
00:04:21,457 --> 00:04:24,286
that I want to raise
my-my friend up.
105
00:04:24,329 --> 00:04:26,244
So, who wants to tackle
this one?
106
00:04:26,288 --> 00:04:27,767
Well, I don't know, milady.
107
00:04:27,811 --> 00:04:30,553
Are you sure anyone here is up
for this task?
108
00:04:31,858 --> 00:04:34,644
Oh, shit. Um, yeah-- Oh.
No, my darling.
109
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I wouldn't be man enough?
110
00:04:37,037 --> 00:04:38,865
Hmm.
111
00:04:38,909 --> 00:04:40,432
O-Oh. Uh...
112
00:04:40,476 --> 00:04:42,347
I-I would love to help you out,
113
00:04:42,391 --> 00:04:47,309
but I, too, fear I'm not,
uh, man eno-- whatever.
114
00:04:47,352 --> 00:04:49,136
No, that's right.
You are very shit-stupid man,
115
00:04:49,180 --> 00:04:51,182
so you can't do it.
116
00:04:51,225 --> 00:04:53,271
How about you, Nandor?
Bill collection?
117
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Okay, fine. I'll do it.
118
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There you go. Yes!
119
00:04:56,405 --> 00:04:58,015
It's a very special job,
120
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and we need the most...
I said I'll do it!
121
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Give me that. Fuck!
122
00:05:02,236 --> 00:05:04,021
Do you want me to come
with you?
No!
123
00:05:11,507 --> 00:05:12,551
Ah.
124
00:05:12,595 --> 00:05:13,683
Oh, great.
125
00:05:13,726 --> 00:05:15,641
They have wellness vampires now.
126
00:05:24,215 --> 00:05:25,564
Um...
127
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You don't happen to know
where I could find
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00:05:27,566 --> 00:05:29,525
someone called Jan, do you?
129
00:05:29,568 --> 00:05:30,917
Thanks very much.
130
00:05:30,961 --> 00:05:33,355
The fuck is that?
131
00:05:36,445 --> 00:05:38,925
Come on, then.
132
00:05:38,969 --> 00:05:41,841
Stretch those out.
That's what I want to see, yes!
133
00:05:41,885 --> 00:05:45,932
Stretch those hammies,
feel the burn! Yes!
134
00:05:45,976 --> 00:05:49,501
Um...
Oh, welcome.
135
00:05:49,545 --> 00:05:51,634
Sorry, I am just here for...
136
00:05:51,677 --> 00:05:53,462
Jan?
137
00:05:53,505 --> 00:05:56,334
Please join us,
bring your cameras.
138
00:05:56,378 --> 00:05:59,032
No secrets here.
Uh, no.
139
00:05:59,076 --> 00:06:03,428
I am just here
for your debt collection.
Take a seat.
140
00:06:03,472 --> 00:06:04,864
So...
141
00:06:04,908 --> 00:06:09,826
What do we love?
142
00:06:09,869 --> 00:06:11,480
To sweat.
143
00:06:11,523 --> 00:06:16,223
And how do we sweat?
144
00:06:16,267 --> 00:06:17,877
By dancing.
145
00:06:17,921 --> 00:06:20,750
And what do we say
to newcomers?
146
00:06:21,403 --> 00:06:26,103
Welcome. You must stretch
before you dance.
147
00:06:26,146 --> 00:06:30,020
Uh, like I said,
as I was standing over there,
148
00:06:30,063 --> 00:06:33,284
I am only here
to, uh, collect a debt
149
00:06:33,327 --> 00:06:36,983
for Vampire Council dues
you haven't paid in 132 years.
150
00:06:37,027 --> 00:06:39,986
Oh, you must be mistaken.
151
00:06:40,030 --> 00:06:41,988
No vampires here, pal.
152
00:06:43,468 --> 00:06:46,340
But, you are Jan, yes?
153
00:06:46,384 --> 00:06:51,084
Yes, but I am no longer
a vampire.
154
00:06:52,521 --> 00:06:54,914
That's... Wow.
155
00:06:54,958 --> 00:06:58,614
Eesh. You have all pulled
your own fangs out.
156
00:06:58,657 --> 00:07:02,008
Very disturbing, uh,
but it does not negate the fact
157
00:07:02,052 --> 00:07:05,490
that, uh, you owe a great sum.
No sum to be paid, friend,
158
00:07:05,534 --> 00:07:08,972
for we are no longer vampires.
159
00:07:09,015 --> 00:07:13,672
We have become humans again.
160
00:07:13,716 --> 00:07:15,065
Mm-hmm.
161
00:07:15,108 --> 00:07:17,328
How is such a thing
even possible?
162
00:07:21,637 --> 00:07:25,423
Welcome.
Come on in, have a seat.
163
00:07:29,862 --> 00:07:31,516
Uh, no, thank you.
164
00:07:31,560 --> 00:07:34,650
As you know, being a vampire,
I cannot eat or drink.
165
00:07:34,693 --> 00:07:36,608
Poor you.
166
00:07:42,571 --> 00:07:44,398
Ah...
167
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How long have you been caught up
in this whole vampire trip?
168
00:07:48,228 --> 00:07:51,188
I have been a vampire
for over 700 years,
169
00:07:51,231 --> 00:07:55,061
if that's what you're asking.
Yes, but-- one second.
170
00:07:55,105 --> 00:07:56,976
No, no, no, no, no,
you need to select
171
00:07:57,020 --> 00:07:59,544
the Epson 4750
in the print queue window.
172
00:07:59,588 --> 00:08:01,546
Not the Bonjour printing.
173
00:08:01,590 --> 00:08:04,767
I am so sorry. One second.
174
00:08:08,640 --> 00:08:10,686
Ah... Tell me.
175
00:08:11,687 --> 00:08:15,691
Are you happy being a vampire?
176
00:08:15,734 --> 00:08:18,563
I've had better days.
What if I were to tell you
177
00:08:18,607 --> 00:08:20,260
that there's another way?
178
00:08:20,304 --> 00:08:23,046
A way that you can walk
into the sun.
179
00:08:23,089 --> 00:08:28,051
A way that you can
become human again.
180
00:08:29,052 --> 00:08:30,488
I'd say you were full of shit.
181
00:08:30,532 --> 00:08:34,971
Eh... Well, perhaps
this path isn't for you.
182
00:08:35,014 --> 00:08:37,930
This is a difficult
and treacherous path,
183
00:08:37,974 --> 00:08:40,585
but the rewards...
184
00:08:40,629 --> 00:08:45,416
the rewards are unspeakably...
185
00:08:45,459 --> 00:08:47,679
delicious.
186
00:08:47,723 --> 00:08:50,334
♪
187
00:09:01,127 --> 00:09:03,739
So, after short deliberation...
188
00:09:03,782 --> 00:09:05,305
Yes.
189
00:09:05,349 --> 00:09:07,699
...I have decided to join
Jan and her community:
190
00:09:07,743 --> 00:09:09,614
the Formerly Fanged.
191
00:09:09,658 --> 00:09:11,311
The brochure is
very persuasive.
192
00:09:11,355 --> 00:09:15,620
I am skeptical by nature,
but this Jan,
193
00:09:15,664 --> 00:09:18,710
she's really speaking to me,
you know?
194
00:09:18,754 --> 00:09:21,887
She also is incredibly beautiful
and has a rocking body.
195
00:09:21,931 --> 00:09:23,585
So, you're renouncing
your vampirism
196
00:09:23,628 --> 00:09:25,630
to go and try living as a human?
197
00:09:25,674 --> 00:09:27,676
-Yes. What part of that
is not clear?
198
00:09:27,719 --> 00:09:29,373
Well, how about the whole thing?
199
00:09:29,416 --> 00:09:31,201
You can't just pretend to be
a human, you knob lord.
200
00:09:31,244 --> 00:09:33,333
Pretending to be human is just
the first step.
201
00:09:33,377 --> 00:09:34,683
Well,
what is the second step?
202
00:09:34,726 --> 00:09:36,641
I'm not clear
on all the steps yet.
203
00:09:36,685 --> 00:09:38,600
Why are you dressed
like a Playmobil figurine?
204
00:09:38,643 --> 00:09:41,211
Because this is how I used
to dress when I was a human.
205
00:09:41,254 --> 00:09:43,300
This is all very stupid.
206
00:09:43,343 --> 00:09:46,042
Not to mention that we are the
leaders of the Vampiric Council!
207
00:09:46,085 --> 00:09:48,087
We're going to be a
laughingstock when they find out
208
00:09:48,131 --> 00:09:50,873
you've gone crying off to go
and play human dress-up.
209
00:09:50,916 --> 00:09:53,136
Right?
I mean, I personally
wouldn't laugh,
210
00:09:53,179 --> 00:09:54,790
but there are those who would.
211
00:09:54,833 --> 00:09:56,792
Well, you don't have to worry
about that anymore,
212
00:09:56,835 --> 00:09:58,924
because you'll never
see me again.
213
00:09:58,968 --> 00:10:01,405
Give me that.
214
00:10:01,448 --> 00:10:02,798
Give me that!
215
00:10:02,841 --> 00:10:05,583
Have a great,
unenlightened eternity.
216
00:10:05,627 --> 00:10:06,889
Farewell!
217
00:10:06,932 --> 00:10:08,455
Auf Wiedersehen!
218
00:10:08,499 --> 00:10:10,762
Good night, Seattle,
and good mental health!
219
00:10:10,806 --> 00:10:13,069
See ya.
Master. Master?
220
00:10:13,112 --> 00:10:14,679
I get his room.
221
00:10:14,723 --> 00:10:16,159
Master, wait!
222
00:10:16,202 --> 00:10:17,639
As your official bodyguard,
223
00:10:17,682 --> 00:10:18,944
it's my duty to go with you
everywhere--
224
00:10:18,988 --> 00:10:20,250
I am no longer your master!
225
00:10:20,293 --> 00:10:22,078
I hereby relieve you
of your service.
226
00:10:22,121 --> 00:10:23,383
What?
227
00:10:23,427 --> 00:10:25,690
It is time for me
to find happiness.
228
00:10:25,734 --> 00:10:27,518
Well, I want to find happiness,
too!
229
00:10:27,561 --> 00:10:29,651
What do you think I've been
doing for the last 11 years?
230
00:10:29,694 --> 00:10:31,304
Oh, boy. Here we go again
with this shit.
231
00:10:31,348 --> 00:10:32,915
Why do you think I've lived
with you this whole time?
232
00:10:32,958 --> 00:10:35,961
Can you please...
233
00:10:36,005 --> 00:10:38,703
please turn me into a vampire
before you leave?
234
00:10:38,747 --> 00:10:40,792
So that after all these years,
235
00:10:40,836 --> 00:10:44,143
you and I both,
both can be happy.
236
00:10:53,936 --> 00:10:55,764
Guillermo.
237
00:10:55,807 --> 00:11:00,464
Despite my cold dead heart and
your "just okay" personality,
238
00:11:00,507 --> 00:11:04,686
I've grown to have
some affection for you.
239
00:11:04,729 --> 00:11:06,818
Just a little bit,
but, you know...
And I for you, Mas--
240
00:11:06,862 --> 00:11:08,385
Well, obviously.
241
00:11:08,428 --> 00:11:10,648
But vampirism is a curse,
242
00:11:10,692 --> 00:11:13,172
and I care for you too much
243
00:11:13,216 --> 00:11:16,523
to burden you with that.
244
00:11:16,567 --> 00:11:19,309
It would weigh too heavily
on my conscience.
245
00:11:20,484 --> 00:11:23,226
Boop.
There's that smile.
246
00:11:24,618 --> 00:11:27,317
Once a vampire...
247
00:11:27,360 --> 00:11:30,059
tonight, I am only a man.
248
00:11:31,538 --> 00:11:32,801
Dry your face.
249
00:11:32,844 --> 00:11:34,454
You look like a pair
of wet undies.
250
00:11:36,021 --> 00:11:37,544
As I can no longer fly,
251
00:11:37,588 --> 00:11:39,633
I will have
a nice evening stroll to Jan's.
252
00:11:39,677 --> 00:11:42,898
Just a human man crossing
the street.
C-Careful.
253
00:11:44,334 --> 00:11:46,118
Are you shitting me?!
254
00:11:46,162 --> 00:11:48,599
You can't just walk out
into the street like that.
255
00:11:48,642 --> 00:11:50,775
You have to look both ways.
256
00:11:50,819 --> 00:11:53,125
That's literally rule number one
of being human.
257
00:11:53,169 --> 00:11:54,910
It's a bad start.
258
00:11:54,953 --> 00:11:56,868
What the fuck am I gonna do
with this?
259
00:11:59,044 --> 00:12:01,830
It's been about a month
since... What's his name?
260
00:12:01,873 --> 00:12:03,657
Nandor!
Come on, Laszlo.
261
00:12:03,701 --> 00:12:05,572
Sorry.
Uh, since he buggered off.
262
00:12:05,616 --> 00:12:08,401
Nothing much has changed,
though, to be honest.
263
00:12:08,445 --> 00:12:11,100
One thing that has changed,
which is such a relief,
264
00:12:11,143 --> 00:12:13,276
is you don't have
this constant soundtrack
265
00:12:13,319 --> 00:12:15,147
of weeping in the house
the whole time.
266
00:12:15,191 --> 00:12:17,323
We don't miss that, do we?
No.
267
00:12:17,367 --> 00:12:20,109
So, I've moved
into Nandor's room.
268
00:12:20,152 --> 00:12:22,546
Uh, it's taken me awhile
269
00:12:22,589 --> 00:12:25,505
to get my scent on everything.
270
00:12:25,549 --> 00:12:28,334
Regular vampires have
no gastric system.
271
00:12:28,378 --> 00:12:31,816
Energy vampires do,
to annoy those around them
272
00:12:31,860 --> 00:12:34,036
and mark their territory.
273
00:12:34,079 --> 00:12:35,907
It's beginning to feel
like home.
274
00:12:35,951 --> 00:12:37,822
It's been kind of tough,
honestly.
275
00:12:37,866 --> 00:12:40,390
You know, I've known Nandor
for a long time,
276
00:12:40,433 --> 00:12:43,654
and now he's not in my life
anymore.
277
00:12:43,697 --> 00:12:46,048
He didn't even leave an address
or anything,
278
00:12:46,091 --> 00:12:47,745
which is hurtful.
279
00:12:47,789 --> 00:12:50,530
I mean, I guess know now
how it feels.
280
00:12:50,574 --> 00:12:52,619
All the times I left or quit.
281
00:12:52,663 --> 00:12:54,839
I just never thought that...
282
00:12:54,883 --> 00:12:58,408
that he'd be the one,
you know, to leave, so...
283
00:12:58,451 --> 00:13:01,541
I'm just sorry that
we couldn't make him happy,
284
00:13:01,585 --> 00:13:03,674
and I hope he's happy now.
285
00:13:03,717 --> 00:13:06,982
♪ It's been one week
since you looked at me♪
286
00:13:07,025 --> 00:13:08,940
♪ Cocked your head to the side
and said, "I'm angry"♪
287
00:13:08,984 --> 00:13:11,203
♪ Five days since you
laughed at me, saying♪
288
00:13:11,247 --> 00:13:13,336
♪ "Get your act together,
come back and see me"♪
289
00:13:13,379 --> 00:13:15,381
♪ Three days
since the living room♪
290
00:13:15,425 --> 00:13:16,992
♪ I realized it's all my fault
but couldn't tell you♪
291
00:13:17,035 --> 00:13:19,603
♪ Yesterday,
you'd forgiven me♪
292
00:13:19,646 --> 00:13:21,866
♪ But it'll still be two days
till I say I'm sorry♪
293
00:13:21,910 --> 00:13:24,042
I love my life here.
294
00:13:24,086 --> 00:13:25,870
I feel invigorated.
295
00:13:25,914 --> 00:13:28,438
More broccoli.
I forgot how exciting it was
296
00:13:28,481 --> 00:13:31,136
to live like a human.
297
00:13:31,180 --> 00:13:32,790
♪ Hot like wasabi
when I bust rhymes...♪
298
00:13:32,834 --> 00:13:34,792
Now, when doing your taxes,
299
00:13:34,836 --> 00:13:37,621
women, act like you
don't understand.
300
00:13:37,664 --> 00:13:39,449
Yes, Nandy?
301
00:13:39,492 --> 00:13:43,018
Yes, it seems to me
that this Uncle Sam
302
00:13:43,061 --> 00:13:44,715
is bleeding us dry.
303
00:13:44,758 --> 00:13:47,022
Maybe we should bleed him!
304
00:13:47,065 --> 00:13:49,763
No, no, no, no, no.
We blow off steam
305
00:13:49,807 --> 00:13:53,942
with an IPA or maybe
an evening bike ride.
306
00:13:53,985 --> 00:13:56,727
All right, let's move on
to how to tip.
307
00:13:56,770 --> 00:13:59,425
Every moment is precious.
308
00:13:59,469 --> 00:14:00,905
Come on, Nandy!
309
00:14:00,949 --> 00:14:03,038
We rip out our fangs
every night.
310
00:14:07,085 --> 00:14:08,957
They always grow back
in the morning.
311
00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:12,134
But Jan says she's working on
a way to make it permanent!
312
00:14:13,962 --> 00:14:17,356
Because we are forbidden
to use our vampiric powers
313
00:14:17,400 --> 00:14:19,489
or strength in any way,
314
00:14:19,532 --> 00:14:22,535
life is constantly
surprising me.
315
00:14:22,579 --> 00:14:26,888
I have lost 123 straight
games of corn hole,
316
00:14:26,931 --> 00:14:29,194
and I have never felt
more alive.
317
00:14:29,238 --> 00:14:31,283
I missed it! I missed it!
318
00:14:31,327 --> 00:14:33,677
Yes, Nandy. Very human.
319
00:14:33,720 --> 00:14:35,897
Jan has taught me so much.
320
00:14:35,940 --> 00:14:37,594
This is especially
important for the women
321
00:14:37,637 --> 00:14:40,684
when you're an expert
about something,
322
00:14:40,727 --> 00:14:42,555
and a man is explaining it
to you.
323
00:14:42,599 --> 00:14:46,951
Strained eyes
but really big smile.
324
00:14:46,995 --> 00:14:49,693
♪ It's been one week
since you looked at me♪
325
00:14:49,736 --> 00:14:52,174
♪ Dropped your arms to the sides
and said, "I'm sorry"♪
326
00:14:52,217 --> 00:14:55,003
♪ Five days since I...♪
Who knew that living
as a human
327
00:14:55,046 --> 00:14:59,181
would reignite the zeal for life
I thought to be long dormant?
328
00:14:59,224 --> 00:15:01,835
♪ Yesterday,
you just smiled at me♪
Make sure that Baby learns.
329
00:15:01,879 --> 00:15:05,100
♪ 'Cause it'll still be two
days till we say we're sorry♪
330
00:15:06,057 --> 00:15:10,496
♪ It'll still be two days...♪
Jan is just so alive
and electric.
331
00:15:10,540 --> 00:15:12,585
She has changed my life.
332
00:15:12,629 --> 00:15:15,893
Oh, yeah, we're fucking.
333
00:15:15,937 --> 00:15:18,765
One, two, three, four,
334
00:15:18,809 --> 00:15:21,290
five, six, seven,
make it hot.
335
00:15:24,032 --> 00:15:25,033
I should probably
check in on him.
336
00:15:25,076 --> 00:15:26,512
Not in a weird way.
337
00:15:26,556 --> 00:15:27,861
Like, I don't need
to check in on peop--
338
00:15:27,905 --> 00:15:28,993
I just want to
make sure he's okay,
339
00:15:29,037 --> 00:15:30,473
'cause if something wasn't okay
340
00:15:30,516 --> 00:15:31,778
and I didn't do
anything about it,
341
00:15:31,822 --> 00:15:32,997
then I couldn't live
with myself.
342
00:15:33,041 --> 00:15:34,303
So, as a good friend,
343
00:15:34,346 --> 00:15:36,522
I'm going to look
into what he's doing
344
00:15:36,566 --> 00:15:38,002
without him knowing.
345
00:15:38,046 --> 00:15:39,525
I'm really worried about him.
346
00:15:39,569 --> 00:15:41,136
He's out there
in the real world,
347
00:15:41,179 --> 00:15:42,876
and it could be dangerous,
you know?
348
00:15:44,487 --> 00:15:46,837
Like, what if he's
in real big trouble?
349
00:15:46,880 --> 00:15:48,273
Whoa.
350
00:15:48,317 --> 00:15:50,362
What are you doing
in my room?
351
00:15:50,406 --> 00:15:52,234
Nandor must have left
some kind of clue somewhere,
352
00:15:52,277 --> 00:15:54,279
telling us where he's at
or where he's going.
353
00:15:54,323 --> 00:15:56,194
Like, maybe this pamphlet
354
00:15:56,238 --> 00:15:58,022
that's just sitting out
in the open?
355
00:15:58,066 --> 00:16:01,025
"In case any of you dumb,
idiot assholes care--"
356
00:16:01,069 --> 00:16:02,548
assholes with one "S," uh--
357
00:16:02,592 --> 00:16:04,463
"where I've gone, it's here."
358
00:16:04,507 --> 00:16:06,117
Give me that.
359
00:16:06,161 --> 00:16:07,640
All right, but you may want
to wash your hands.
360
00:16:07,684 --> 00:16:10,252
That has a full room
of butt wind on it.
361
00:16:10,295 --> 00:16:12,819
Don't want to get pink eye,
or maybe you do, I don't know.
362
00:16:12,863 --> 00:16:14,430
Don't really give a shit.
363
00:16:20,392 --> 00:16:23,134
Jan says that she has never seen
anyone as dedicated
364
00:16:23,178 --> 00:16:25,267
to our way of life before.
365
00:16:25,310 --> 00:16:26,529
Don't mind me.
366
00:16:26,572 --> 00:16:28,183
Yeah!
367
00:16:28,226 --> 00:16:30,750
So she has given me
a promotion of sorts.
368
00:16:30,794 --> 00:16:32,883
I am now her number two.
369
00:16:32,926 --> 00:16:35,320
How do I look?
Perfect.
370
00:16:35,364 --> 00:16:38,628
Jan says we will always be safe
from outsiders,
371
00:16:38,671 --> 00:16:43,241
and, one day, we will be
human enough to see the sun.
372
00:16:43,285 --> 00:16:45,156
And I get to help with that.
373
00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:46,766
In my former household,
374
00:16:46,810 --> 00:16:48,855
I would have been teased
mercilessly
375
00:16:48,899 --> 00:16:52,033
for saying things like,
"I am a number two."
376
00:16:52,076 --> 00:16:56,037
But here, number twos are
treated with the utmost respect.
377
00:16:56,080 --> 00:16:57,560
Hmm.
♪ Sending out an S...♪
378
00:16:58,952 --> 00:17:00,650
Something's wrong with Nandor.
379
00:17:00,693 --> 00:17:02,739
I feel it, so I'm just
gonna make sure that he's okay,
380
00:17:02,782 --> 00:17:05,350
'cause I'm a good friend,
or we were friends.
381
00:17:05,394 --> 00:17:06,960
It's... you know.
382
00:17:07,004 --> 00:17:09,311
Just want to make sure
everything is okay.
383
00:17:09,354 --> 00:17:12,096
A little check-in. How did
those get in there?
384
00:17:12,140 --> 00:17:14,751
Time to get our workout on.
385
00:17:24,543 --> 00:17:25,979
Hello.
386
00:17:26,023 --> 00:17:27,633
Sorry. Sorry.
387
00:17:27,677 --> 00:17:29,418
I'm just gonna put this
over here.
388
00:17:29,461 --> 00:17:31,855
Is this anyone's spot?
389
00:17:31,898 --> 00:17:35,206
Master. Master. Master.
390
00:17:35,250 --> 00:17:37,991
Guillermo, what in the hell
are you doing here?
391
00:17:38,035 --> 00:17:40,559
Just taking one of
my favorite classes.
392
00:17:40,603 --> 00:17:43,301
Yeah, what a coinkydink
to see you here, so crazy.
393
00:17:43,345 --> 00:17:44,737
You think I was born yesterday?
394
00:17:44,781 --> 00:17:46,652
I was born a long time
from yesterday.
395
00:17:46,696 --> 00:17:47,871
You're here
to spy on me, aren't you?
No, I just wanted--
396
00:17:47,914 --> 00:17:49,612
All righty!
Shit. Fuck.
397
00:17:49,655 --> 00:17:51,092
Let's make it hot!
Yeah!
398
00:17:51,135 --> 00:17:53,920
Yes! Who is ready to burn?
399
00:17:53,964 --> 00:17:56,401
Let's do this.
400
00:17:56,445 --> 00:17:58,360
Five, six, seven, eight.
401
00:17:58,403 --> 00:18:01,276
Up, up. Come on.
Give me something.
402
00:18:01,319 --> 00:18:04,322
Ooh, Nandy,
becoming a natural.
403
00:18:04,366 --> 00:18:05,889
Looking good, baby.
404
00:18:05,932 --> 00:18:07,456
Looking good, come on.
405
00:18:07,499 --> 00:18:09,153
Put some stank on it.
406
00:18:12,678 --> 00:18:14,289
Stop the music!
407
00:18:14,332 --> 00:18:15,551
Oh, shit.
408
00:18:15,594 --> 00:18:17,074
You...
409
00:18:17,118 --> 00:18:18,336
Who are you?
410
00:18:19,729 --> 00:18:21,992
Oh, I'm-I'm just Guillermo.
411
00:18:22,035 --> 00:18:24,603
What the fuck are you doing
here, Guillermo?
412
00:18:26,214 --> 00:18:28,781
Um, I'm, uh, just...
413
00:18:28,825 --> 00:18:30,131
I don't know him.
414
00:18:30,174 --> 00:18:33,569
Just working on my fitness.
415
00:18:33,612 --> 00:18:35,179
Mm-hmm.
Check his bags.
416
00:18:35,223 --> 00:18:37,225
Well, that's my bag,
so you can't do that.
417
00:18:37,268 --> 00:18:40,097
That's my property.
Oh, no. You didn't.
Tell me you didn't.
418
00:18:40,141 --> 00:18:42,795
Yeah, just like towels
and stuff.
419
00:18:42,839 --> 00:18:44,319
Weapons!
420
00:18:44,362 --> 00:18:46,495
Shit.
Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay.
421
00:18:46,538 --> 00:18:48,061
That's just not what it...
that's not what it looks like.
422
00:18:48,105 --> 00:18:49,933
I wasn't gonna-- That was
just in case something...
423
00:18:49,976 --> 00:18:51,717
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Oh, no, Guillermo.
424
00:18:51,761 --> 00:18:53,023
I'm not gonna hurt anyone.
425
00:18:53,066 --> 00:18:54,416
I'm not gonna hurt anyone.
426
00:18:54,459 --> 00:18:56,287
My children!
427
00:18:56,331 --> 00:18:59,377
My fellow human children,
428
00:18:59,421 --> 00:19:02,119
we have been infiltrated.
429
00:19:02,163 --> 00:19:04,991
No, I'm...
An interloper is here
to ruin us.
430
00:19:05,035 --> 00:19:07,864
He is here to kill us
and our dreams.
431
00:19:07,907 --> 00:19:09,561
He must not leave here.
432
00:19:09,605 --> 00:19:11,781
He will bring more like him.
433
00:19:11,824 --> 00:19:14,175
My children,
we are under attack.
434
00:19:14,218 --> 00:19:17,830
We cannot let this Guillermo
go unpunished.
435
00:19:21,138 --> 00:19:23,793
What did you do, Guillermo?
Cover your face.
436
00:19:23,836 --> 00:19:25,795
What?
Cover your face!
437
00:19:25,838 --> 00:19:29,407
Ay! Aah!
Now!
438
00:19:29,451 --> 00:19:30,800
Come on, let's go!
439
00:19:30,843 --> 00:19:32,932
You covered my friends
in garlic powder!
440
00:19:32,976 --> 00:19:34,673
I'm sorry!
441
00:19:36,980 --> 00:19:38,677
That's...
Come on!
442
00:19:38,721 --> 00:19:39,722
Sorry, Janet.
443
00:19:39,765 --> 00:19:41,027
Hey, let go.
444
00:19:43,029 --> 00:19:44,857
You have a crucifix
in your pocket?
445
00:19:44,901 --> 00:19:46,946
That's not nice.
Shut up! Let's go!
446
00:19:46,990 --> 00:19:48,383
You need to chillax!
447
00:19:48,426 --> 00:19:49,688
My friends!
This way!
448
00:19:49,732 --> 00:19:51,124
Don't hurt my friends!
449
00:19:55,346 --> 00:19:57,392
Ow! Did you bang your head?
450
00:19:57,435 --> 00:19:59,829
I don't know
what's come over him.
451
00:19:59,872 --> 00:20:02,440
Mimi!
452
00:20:02,484 --> 00:20:04,573
Mimi, I'm sorry about this!
453
00:20:04,616 --> 00:20:07,271
Ay.
454
00:20:11,319 --> 00:20:13,146
Come on! Come on!
Let go!
455
00:20:13,190 --> 00:20:14,365
Sorry, Mimi.
Stay with me!
456
00:20:16,280 --> 00:20:18,282
Come on!
You just punched Jeremy.
457
00:20:18,326 --> 00:20:19,544
Fuck Jeremy!
458
00:20:19,588 --> 00:20:21,198
Let's go.
What are you doing?!
459
00:20:21,242 --> 00:20:22,895
I'm rescuing you, Master.
If I wasn't a human,
460
00:20:22,939 --> 00:20:25,768
I'd be crushing your dick
and slamming it on the floor.
461
00:20:25,811 --> 00:20:28,727
You're not a human.
Get off me! Ah! That tickles.
462
00:20:28,771 --> 00:20:31,077
You've been brainwashed.
463
00:20:31,121 --> 00:20:32,383
Where are you taking me?
464
00:20:32,427 --> 00:20:34,255
I'm taking you home!
465
00:20:34,298 --> 00:20:36,300
Don't want to be out here.
I want to be in there with Jan!
466
00:20:36,344 --> 00:20:37,823
You want to be home
with us.
Get in the van.
467
00:20:37,867 --> 00:20:39,129
That's where you want to be,
okay?
468
00:20:39,172 --> 00:20:40,826
I didn't need rescuing.
469
00:20:40,870 --> 00:20:42,437
I was having a great time
back there
470
00:20:42,480 --> 00:20:44,047
till you came
and kicked everyone's ass.
471
00:20:44,090 --> 00:20:45,396
They were trying to kill me!
472
00:20:45,440 --> 00:20:46,528
They pulled all their fangs out.
473
00:20:46,571 --> 00:20:48,269
No one's going to bite you.
474
00:20:48,312 --> 00:20:51,010
We're a gentle people,
a gentle human people.
475
00:20:51,054 --> 00:20:53,186
You're not a human, Master!
476
00:20:53,230 --> 00:20:55,754
I'm not?
Then how do you explain this?
477
00:20:55,798 --> 00:20:58,104
♪ It's been one week
since you looked at me♪
478
00:20:58,148 --> 00:20:59,976
♪ Cocked your head to the side
and said, "I'm angry"♪
479
00:21:00,019 --> 00:21:01,717
♪ Five days since
you laughed at me.♪
480
00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:03,545
I know the whole fucking song.
481
00:21:03,588 --> 00:21:06,069
I'd say that was pretty
gosh-darn human, wouldn't you?
482
00:21:06,112 --> 00:21:07,157
You've been brainwashed.
483
00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:08,767
Brainwashed, "shmain-washed."
484
00:21:08,811 --> 00:21:11,161
You know, this is exactly
what Jan warned us
485
00:21:11,204 --> 00:21:13,076
that the nonbelievers
would accuse us of.
486
00:21:13,119 --> 00:21:14,556
You've been brainwashed,
but it's okay,
487
00:21:14,599 --> 00:21:16,688
because we are going
to deprogram you.
488
00:21:16,732 --> 00:21:19,082
Stop. Let it go.
489
00:21:19,125 --> 00:21:21,563
Did you not think for a second--
Listen to me!
490
00:21:21,606 --> 00:21:23,565
Did you ever consider
for one moment
491
00:21:23,608 --> 00:21:27,264
that I might be happy
for the first time in decades?
492
00:21:27,308 --> 00:21:29,310
Decades!
493
00:21:29,353 --> 00:21:32,791
That I found somewhere
where I feel that I belong?
494
00:21:32,835 --> 00:21:35,664
That makes me feel
useful and powerful
495
00:21:35,707 --> 00:21:37,709
in ways I've never felt.
496
00:21:37,753 --> 00:21:39,320
Never!
497
00:21:39,363 --> 00:21:41,278
Not in 700 years.
498
00:21:41,322 --> 00:21:43,019
Did you ever consider that?
499
00:21:44,150 --> 00:21:46,588
No.
No.
500
00:21:48,285 --> 00:21:49,678
So what I'm going to do now is
501
00:21:49,721 --> 00:21:51,332
I'm going to get
out of this car,
502
00:21:51,375 --> 00:21:53,856
and I'm going to go and get
a taxi or a bus
503
00:21:53,899 --> 00:21:56,162
or subway or Lyft or Uber,
504
00:21:56,206 --> 00:22:00,253
and I'm gonna go back
to my human community.
505
00:22:00,297 --> 00:22:02,168
And that is that.
506
00:22:03,909 --> 00:22:06,434
When did you install
silver rope-lined seat belts
507
00:22:06,477 --> 00:22:08,131
in this little shitbox?
508
00:22:08,174 --> 00:22:10,655
Sorry, Master.
It's for your own good.
509
00:22:19,098 --> 00:22:20,883
You guys, you guys.
510
00:22:20,926 --> 00:22:22,363
Catch your breath, boy.
511
00:22:22,406 --> 00:22:23,494
I think I did something
really drastic.
512
00:22:23,538 --> 00:22:25,017
Oh, you pierce your pee-pee?
513
00:22:25,061 --> 00:22:26,758
No, but--
Tattoo your pee-pee?
514
00:22:26,802 --> 00:22:28,804
You guys--
Tell us more
about your pee-pee.
515
00:22:28,847 --> 00:22:30,109
You've never been
so interesting.
516
00:22:30,153 --> 00:22:31,415
Stop talking about
my pee-pee, okay?
517
00:22:31,459 --> 00:22:32,198
I didn't do anything
to my pee-pee!
518
00:22:33,417 --> 00:22:34,592
Okay, just trust that what I did
519
00:22:34,636 --> 00:22:36,159
I had to do, okay?
Do you trust me?
520
00:22:36,202 --> 00:22:37,639
No.
No.
No.
521
00:22:44,689 --> 00:22:47,997
Who the fuck is that?
Oh, my-- ew!
522
00:22:48,040 --> 00:22:50,129
What the hell?
523
00:22:50,173 --> 00:22:52,001
I'd say he's been brainwashed.
524
00:22:52,044 --> 00:22:53,829
Right, okay,
Colin Robinson,
525
00:22:53,872 --> 00:22:55,439
go to the council library
and see if there's
526
00:22:55,483 --> 00:22:57,441
any literature on
the art of deprogramming.
527
00:22:57,485 --> 00:22:59,138
No, there's no need to
do that, Colin Robinson,
528
00:22:59,182 --> 00:23:01,010
because I am not brainwashed.
I am perfectly sane.
529
00:23:01,053 --> 00:23:03,491
I was just having fun
with my new friends.
530
00:23:03,534 --> 00:23:06,450
That's, uh, basically
what Patricia Krenwinkel said.
531
00:23:06,494 --> 00:23:08,713
Open your mouth. Good Lord,
he's pulled his fangs out.
532
00:23:08,757 --> 00:23:11,324
No, no. No, no, no,
it's not what you think.
533
00:23:11,368 --> 00:23:13,544
Nandor!
You stay in there,
old pal,
534
00:23:13,588 --> 00:23:15,546
and I'll go and find someone
535
00:23:15,590 --> 00:23:17,548
to mend that fucked-up brain
of yours.
536
00:23:17,592 --> 00:23:19,289
No, there's no need to do that.
537
00:23:19,332 --> 00:23:21,509
Laszlo? Guillermo?
Please. Come on.
I'm sorry.
538
00:23:21,552 --> 00:23:23,728
Guillermo! No!
539
00:23:23,772 --> 00:23:27,993
♪ Lights go out all over town♪
540
00:23:28,037 --> 00:23:30,300
♪ People in the city♪
541
00:23:30,343 --> 00:23:33,956
♪ Could hear the siren's sound♪
542
00:23:35,218 --> 00:23:38,700
You said if we trusted you,
you would always protect us.
543
00:23:38,743 --> 00:23:40,353
You lied to us!
544
00:23:40,397 --> 00:23:41,833
Calm down.
545
00:23:41,877 --> 00:23:43,661
Please calm down, my children.
546
00:23:43,705 --> 00:23:46,055
The time has come for the final
rejection of eternal life.
547
00:23:46,098 --> 00:23:48,449
It is time!
548
00:23:48,492 --> 00:23:50,189
For the ultimate burn!
549
00:23:50,233 --> 00:23:52,017
Everyone, to the roof. Yes!
550
00:23:52,061 --> 00:23:55,281
We will all walk
into the sunlight.
551
00:23:55,325 --> 00:23:57,370
Come on, baby.
552
00:23:57,414 --> 00:23:58,720
Come on. That's it.
553
00:23:58,763 --> 00:24:00,852
That's it. Oh...
554
00:24:00,896 --> 00:24:03,115
My children, my children.
555
00:24:03,159 --> 00:24:04,813
Don't worry, Marilyn.
556
00:24:04,856 --> 00:24:07,293
I'll be right out there
in a minute, girl!
557
00:24:07,337 --> 00:24:09,339
I'm right behind you.
558
00:24:10,558 --> 00:24:13,648
Well, back to the drawing board.
559
00:24:16,999 --> 00:24:19,741
♪ Run with me♪
560
00:24:19,784 --> 00:24:22,831
♪ This is an emergency♪
561
00:24:22,874 --> 00:24:25,660
♪ Stay with me♪
562
00:24:25,703 --> 00:24:28,880
♪ Tonight♪
563
00:24:30,273 --> 00:24:33,581
♪ I'm sending out an SOS♪
564
00:24:35,887 --> 00:24:39,369
♪ It's the real thing,
not a test♪
565
00:24:40,805 --> 00:24:42,546
♪ Tonight♪
566
00:24:42,590 --> 00:24:44,635
♪ There's trouble in the city.♪
40772
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