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1
00:00:03,370 --> 00:00:05,571
- What the hell
happened to my dictionary?
2
00:00:05,573 --> 00:00:07,239
- Oh, yeah, ray. I'm sorry.
I was gonna tell ya.
3
00:00:07,241 --> 00:00:10,743
I caught the boys
sliding down the stairs on it.
4
00:00:10,745 --> 00:00:11,777
- Oh, come on.
It's ruined.
5
00:00:11,779 --> 00:00:13,445
Look at this.
6
00:00:13,447 --> 00:00:15,381
The leather binding's
all coming off the...
7
00:00:15,383 --> 00:00:18,517
Pages are missing.
The cover's coming off it.
8
00:00:18,519 --> 00:00:20,753
- Calm down, ray.
It's just a dictionary.
9
00:00:20,755 --> 00:00:23,622
- It's not just
a dictionary, robert, all right?
10
00:00:23,624 --> 00:00:26,658
I won this in
the seventh grade spelling bee.
11
00:00:26,660 --> 00:00:29,495
- Ah, another one
of raymond's triumphs.
12
00:00:29,497 --> 00:00:32,064
Seventh grade spelling.
13
00:00:32,066 --> 00:00:35,401
Gosh, what word put you
over the top, raymond?
14
00:00:35,403 --> 00:00:38,237
"boat"?
15
00:00:40,507 --> 00:00:43,242
- For your information,
I had to spell "vacuum."
16
00:00:43,244 --> 00:00:46,578
Okay? Two "u"s.
17
00:00:46,580 --> 00:00:50,516
Or two "c"s.
18
00:00:50,518 --> 00:00:54,186
I don't know,
'cause there's no "v" in here.
19
00:00:58,192 --> 00:01:00,626
What goes around
comes around, huh, ray?
20
00:01:00,628 --> 00:01:02,261
- What do you mean?
21
00:01:02,263 --> 00:01:04,496
- Just like when you ruined
my jazz records.
22
00:01:04,498 --> 00:01:06,598
- Oh, dad, look,
23
00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:09,268
We all know the story,
okay, so not again.
24
00:01:09,270 --> 00:01:11,470
- Why not?
It's a short story.
25
00:01:11,472 --> 00:01:14,640
Once upon a time,
I had great jazz records.
26
00:01:14,642 --> 00:01:19,178
You were born.
Now I don't.
27
00:01:19,180 --> 00:01:20,679
- All right.
28
00:01:20,681 --> 00:01:23,816
You been on me for this
for over 30 years.
29
00:01:23,818 --> 00:01:25,751
- I believe it was
the winter of '69.
30
00:01:25,753 --> 00:01:27,386
- Will you stop it?
31
00:01:27,388 --> 00:01:28,654
- I had just come home
from a hard day's work--
32
00:01:28,656 --> 00:01:30,389
- Okay, you know what?
You know what?
33
00:01:30,391 --> 00:01:32,224
No, if you're gonna do this,
then just go home.
34
00:01:32,226 --> 00:01:33,225
Okay, just tell your story
somewhere else.
35
00:01:33,227 --> 00:01:34,693
- Yeah, come on, dad.
36
00:01:34,695 --> 00:01:36,528
Let's get ma
to make us some hot chocolate.
37
00:01:36,530 --> 00:01:38,564
- Hey, ray, if you need me,
I'll be across the street
38
00:01:38,566 --> 00:01:42,501
Not listening
to my favorite jazz records.
39
00:01:42,503 --> 00:01:44,636
You never touched
my stuff, robert.
40
00:01:44,638 --> 00:01:48,440
It's too bad ray
wasn't more like you.
41
00:01:57,584 --> 00:02:01,720
- Putz.
42
00:02:01,722 --> 00:02:04,189
P-u-t-z.
43
00:02:04,191 --> 00:02:07,426
The putz walked
into the door.
44
00:02:07,428 --> 00:02:10,896
Putz.
45
00:02:13,266 --> 00:02:14,766
- hey, dad.
46
00:02:14,768 --> 00:02:17,369
- Hey.
I'm glad you're here.
47
00:02:17,371 --> 00:02:20,806
Go get me some chips.
48
00:02:20,808 --> 00:02:23,142
- Actually, I got
something better for you.
49
00:02:23,144 --> 00:02:25,210
- Chips and dip?
50
00:02:25,212 --> 00:02:28,614
- Look, I got you
a gift, okay?
51
00:02:28,616 --> 00:02:31,150
I didn't want to wait till
christmas to give it to you,
52
00:02:31,152 --> 00:02:35,888
So here.
53
00:02:35,890 --> 00:02:38,790
- What the hell are these?
54
00:02:38,792 --> 00:02:40,792
- Your jazz records.
55
00:02:40,794 --> 00:02:42,895
- These aren't my records.
56
00:02:42,897 --> 00:02:44,596
- They're better
than records.
57
00:02:44,598 --> 00:02:46,732
They're cds
of your old records.
58
00:02:46,734 --> 00:02:48,433
Where's your
cd player?
59
00:02:48,435 --> 00:02:50,402
- I don't have
a cd player.
60
00:02:50,404 --> 00:02:52,337
- No, you do.
61
00:02:52,339 --> 00:02:53,672
A couple of years ago,
62
00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:55,240
Debra and I
got you a portable one.
63
00:02:55,242 --> 00:02:56,875
- Oh, yeah.
64
00:03:00,813 --> 00:03:02,814
It's probably
in the basement.
65
00:03:02,816 --> 00:03:04,816
- Okay. Good. Wait here.
I'm gonna get it.
66
00:03:04,818 --> 00:03:06,685
- Your mother's down there
doing laundry.
67
00:03:06,687 --> 00:03:11,456
Tell her break time is over.
I'm starving!
68
00:03:11,458 --> 00:03:15,360
- Hey, mom,
what are you doing?
69
00:03:15,362 --> 00:03:18,363
- Your father says the dryer
makes his pants too tight.
70
00:03:21,534 --> 00:03:25,204
- I think that's
the refrigerator.
71
00:03:26,573 --> 00:03:28,941
Listen, you got
a cd player?
72
00:03:28,943 --> 00:03:31,476
- Yes, we do.
Would you like it?
73
00:03:31,478 --> 00:03:34,479
Because we need
the space.
74
00:03:34,481 --> 00:03:36,815
- No, ma.
We gave it to you.
75
00:03:36,817 --> 00:03:38,850
- And we love it.
76
00:03:38,852 --> 00:03:40,452
- Okay, all right,
where is it?
77
00:03:40,454 --> 00:03:43,956
- It's over there.
78
00:03:46,459 --> 00:03:50,295
- Oh, my god,
look at all this stuff.
79
00:03:50,297 --> 00:03:53,298
- Would you like
a popcorn popper?
80
00:03:53,300 --> 00:03:55,968
- You didn't give us that,
did you?
81
00:03:55,970 --> 00:03:57,603
- Mom, here it is.
82
00:03:57,605 --> 00:03:59,304
Here's the cd player
debra and I got you.
83
00:03:59,306 --> 00:04:01,707
And look at this.
It's a clock radio.
84
00:04:01,709 --> 00:04:03,575
A dvd player.
85
00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:05,277
A microwave oven.
86
00:04:05,279 --> 00:04:08,447
Another microwave oven!
87
00:04:08,449 --> 00:04:10,249
Look at this.
88
00:04:10,251 --> 00:04:11,583
You didn't even finish
taking the wrapping off it.
89
00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:13,685
- We don't need
an electrical knife.
90
00:04:13,687 --> 00:04:17,522
Cutting meat is
your father's only exercise.
91
00:04:17,524 --> 00:04:20,325
- hey, marie, let's go.
92
00:04:20,327 --> 00:04:24,496
I need a damn sandwich
before I get cranky.
93
00:04:24,498 --> 00:04:26,331
- Dad, look at
all this stuff, huh?
94
00:04:26,333 --> 00:04:27,799
It's just sitting here.
95
00:04:27,801 --> 00:04:31,436
- What, mount crap-more?
96
00:04:31,438 --> 00:04:33,739
- This stuff,
it's not crap, dad.
97
00:04:33,741 --> 00:04:35,741
Mom, you should put
this microwave in the kitchen.
98
00:04:35,743 --> 00:04:37,843
It's great.
Debra has the same model.
99
00:04:37,845 --> 00:04:41,546
- Well, I'm sold.
100
00:04:41,548 --> 00:04:43,015
- Dad, you want
a pot roast?
101
00:04:43,017 --> 00:04:45,417
You can have it
in 15 minutes with this.
102
00:04:45,419 --> 00:04:49,421
- I can get it in ten
with this.
103
00:04:49,423 --> 00:04:51,857
- Okay, how about this--look--
automatic garage-door opener?
104
00:04:51,859 --> 00:04:57,296
You don't got to break
your back lifting the door.
105
00:04:57,298 --> 00:04:58,930
Okay, all right.
106
00:04:58,932 --> 00:05:01,500
Mom can cook,
and she can lift a door.
107
00:05:01,502 --> 00:05:04,403
But...She cannot
108
00:05:04,405 --> 00:05:07,339
Reproduce the finest music
of the 20th century
109
00:05:07,341 --> 00:05:10,842
With crystal clear
digital quality.
110
00:05:10,844 --> 00:05:12,377
- Actually,
I have been told
111
00:05:12,379 --> 00:05:15,080
That I have
a marvelous singing voice.
112
00:05:15,082 --> 00:05:16,448
- I know you do, ma,
113
00:05:16,450 --> 00:05:17,883
But wait until
you hear this.
114
00:05:17,885 --> 00:05:21,820
This'll only
take a second.
115
00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:24,022
- Look at all those wires.
116
00:05:24,024 --> 00:05:25,924
You know what loves wires?
117
00:05:25,926 --> 00:05:28,894
Dust.
118
00:05:28,896 --> 00:05:30,562
- Don't touch
my tools.
119
00:05:30,564 --> 00:05:31,797
- I don't need tools, dad.
120
00:05:31,799 --> 00:05:34,066
- Look how complicated
it looks.
121
00:05:34,068 --> 00:05:36,501
- Ma, it's simple.
You just--you plug it in.
122
00:05:36,503 --> 00:05:37,869
- Yeah, I can see
the electric company
123
00:05:37,871 --> 00:05:40,839
Rubbing their mitts
together right now.
124
00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:42,641
- Dad, it only uses
a little power,
125
00:05:42,643 --> 00:05:43,775
And it's easy to use.
126
00:05:43,777 --> 00:05:44,976
You just push
that button,
127
00:05:44,978 --> 00:05:46,845
You open up the tray,
128
00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:50,015
You grab a cd,
and you pop it in.
129
00:05:50,017 --> 00:05:52,718
Voila.
130
00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:55,454
Just got to--you take
the wrapping off.
131
00:05:55,456 --> 00:05:56,621
Spine out.
132
00:05:56,623 --> 00:05:58,523
Put the thing in.
133
00:05:58,525 --> 00:06:00,726
All right...
134
00:06:00,728 --> 00:06:03,395
A little, uh...
135
00:06:03,397 --> 00:06:06,031
- Raymond, maybe
you could use this.
136
00:06:06,033 --> 00:06:09,701
- I don't need that, ma.
137
00:06:11,637 --> 00:06:13,939
- Maybe you could use
a blowtorch.
138
00:06:13,941 --> 00:06:16,108
- Look, see, listen--
when you get the plastic off,
139
00:06:16,110 --> 00:06:17,776
All you do
is insert the disc,
140
00:06:17,778 --> 00:06:20,379
You close the tray,
you put the selector on cd,
141
00:06:20,381 --> 00:06:21,747
And press play.
142
00:06:21,749 --> 00:06:25,384
- We're not astronauts,
raymond.
143
00:06:25,386 --> 00:06:28,487
- Fine. I'll write it down
for you, ma.
144
00:06:28,489 --> 00:06:30,088
- Can I go up now?
145
00:06:30,090 --> 00:06:31,990
- No, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no.
146
00:06:31,992 --> 00:06:34,626
Here we go.
147
00:06:34,628 --> 00:06:38,764
Okay, just got to get
this sticky thing off.
148
00:06:38,766 --> 00:06:40,799
Dad, you're gonna
love this, dad.
149
00:06:40,801 --> 00:06:45,070
You're gonna be blown away
when you hear this.
150
00:06:45,072 --> 00:06:49,474
- This is where I used
to listen to 'em.
151
00:06:49,476 --> 00:06:51,143
I'd come home
from a hard day's work,
152
00:06:51,145 --> 00:06:53,145
Your mother
would mix me a drink,
153
00:06:53,147 --> 00:06:55,914
I'd come down here,
put on the hi-fi,
154
00:06:55,916 --> 00:07:00,018
And let duke and dizzy
take me away...
155
00:07:00,020 --> 00:07:03,889
...From your mother.
156
00:07:03,891 --> 00:07:05,090
- I almost got it, dad.
157
00:07:05,092 --> 00:07:06,825
- And then one day,
I came down,
158
00:07:06,827 --> 00:07:08,493
And where my records
used to be,
159
00:07:08,495 --> 00:07:10,962
You had set up your
stupid race-car track thing.
160
00:07:10,964 --> 00:07:12,631
My records
were over there,
161
00:07:12,633 --> 00:07:15,500
Pushed up against
the furnace.
162
00:07:15,502 --> 00:07:19,171
They didn't stand a chance.
163
00:07:19,173 --> 00:07:20,639
- Open.
164
00:07:20,641 --> 00:07:22,174
- Come on, marie.
I'm starving.
165
00:07:22,176 --> 00:07:23,942
- No, wait, dad.
I'm getting it now.
166
00:07:23,944 --> 00:07:27,579
- When you're finished,
shut off the lights, raymond.
167
00:07:27,581 --> 00:07:29,214
- Stop, I'm getting it.
168
00:07:29,216 --> 00:07:31,049
It's almost open.
Will you stop it?
169
00:07:31,051 --> 00:07:32,651
Stop! I'm gonna get it!
170
00:07:32,653 --> 00:07:33,785
You're gonna
hear it in a few seconds!
171
00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:34,953
Will you stop it?
172
00:07:34,955 --> 00:07:36,721
All right, forget it.
173
00:07:36,723 --> 00:07:39,057
Forget it.
Forg--
174
00:07:41,561 --> 00:07:45,230
Forget it.
175
00:07:45,232 --> 00:07:48,934
I don't want nothing to do
with either of you.
176
00:07:58,678 --> 00:08:00,011
- I'll tell you what.
177
00:08:00,013 --> 00:08:01,746
My mother
and my father,
178
00:08:01,748 --> 00:08:05,183
We're through
with 'em.
179
00:08:05,185 --> 00:08:08,854
- You read my letter
to santa.
180
00:08:11,891 --> 00:08:14,526
- He's--
he's unbelievable.
181
00:08:14,528 --> 00:08:16,928
You know, I try to do
something nice.
182
00:08:16,930 --> 00:08:20,932
I--I try
to make things right.
183
00:08:20,934 --> 00:08:25,237
- Uh...Ray?
184
00:08:25,239 --> 00:08:29,207
What happened
over there?
185
00:08:29,209 --> 00:08:30,575
- This is my mother's.
186
00:08:30,577 --> 00:08:32,143
You want to know
what happened?
187
00:08:32,145 --> 00:08:33,612
Nothing happened.
188
00:08:33,614 --> 00:08:34,913
Okay, he wouldn't listen
to the cds,
189
00:08:34,915 --> 00:08:36,047
Because they're
not records.
190
00:08:36,049 --> 00:08:37,582
Ew!
191
00:08:37,584 --> 00:08:40,552
- All right, all right.
Calm down. Listen--
192
00:08:40,554 --> 00:08:41,853
- No, you got to
get rid of that.
193
00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:44,155
- Okay, I'll wrap it.
194
00:08:44,157 --> 00:08:48,059
I need a stocking stuffer
for your mother anyway.
195
00:08:48,061 --> 00:08:50,295
At least I know
she'll like it.
196
00:08:50,297 --> 00:08:52,097
- I hope none of these
are for him.
197
00:08:52,099 --> 00:08:53,865
'cause he's just gonna
put 'em in the basement
198
00:08:53,867 --> 00:08:57,536
Or trade 'em in for
a buggy whip and wooden teeth.
199
00:09:01,107 --> 00:09:03,675
- Ray,
you know your father.
200
00:09:03,677 --> 00:09:05,610
He hates anything new.
201
00:09:05,612 --> 00:09:08,046
- Yes, but if he would
just listen to the cds
202
00:09:08,048 --> 00:09:11,283
And hear how great they sound,
I know he would love them.
203
00:09:11,285 --> 00:09:13,018
- No, ray, he wouldn't.
- Yes, he would.
204
00:09:13,020 --> 00:09:14,653
- Ray, would you just come here.
- I can't stand him.
205
00:09:14,655 --> 00:09:16,121
- Come on, sit down.
- Why can't he just--
206
00:09:16,123 --> 00:09:17,322
- Sit down.
207
00:09:17,324 --> 00:09:20,992
I'm all clenchy.
208
00:09:20,994 --> 00:09:23,094
Let's remember...
209
00:09:23,096 --> 00:09:26,598
This doesn't
have to be your problem.
210
00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:29,834
Any time your father
brings up those jazz records,
211
00:09:29,836 --> 00:09:31,770
Don't let yourself
get sucked in.
212
00:09:31,772 --> 00:09:33,572
That's what he wants.
213
00:09:33,574 --> 00:09:36,107
You don't want to be
as bad as him, do you?
214
00:09:36,109 --> 00:09:38,109
Don't respond.
215
00:09:38,111 --> 00:09:39,678
You're better than him.
216
00:09:39,680 --> 00:09:40,946
- Damn straight.
- Yeah.
217
00:09:40,948 --> 00:09:42,847
Let him be mad.
218
00:09:42,849 --> 00:09:44,716
Let him hold onto it.
219
00:09:44,718 --> 00:09:46,651
It's not your problem.
220
00:09:46,653 --> 00:09:47,953
This is his problem.
221
00:09:47,955 --> 00:09:51,623
You can move on.
222
00:09:54,827 --> 00:09:57,262
- You know what I'm gonna do?
- What?
223
00:09:57,264 --> 00:09:58,997
- I'm gonna sneak in
and set up the cd player!
224
00:09:58,999 --> 00:10:01,066
- Ray, you weren't even
listening to--
225
00:10:01,068 --> 00:10:02,934
- Yes, when they go out tonight,
I'm going in.
226
00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:04,169
That old man,
227
00:10:04,171 --> 00:10:05,737
He's gonna hear
how great cds are
228
00:10:05,739 --> 00:10:07,138
And that they're better
than records,
229
00:10:07,140 --> 00:10:08,340
And that will shut him up
once and for all.
230
00:10:08,342 --> 00:10:10,709
Yes, mwah!
Thanks for your help.
231
00:10:18,184 --> 00:10:21,052
- Ray?
232
00:10:21,054 --> 00:10:22,887
- Oh, hey.
233
00:10:22,889 --> 00:10:23,955
- What are you doing?
234
00:10:23,957 --> 00:10:25,390
I'm waiting for my parents.
235
00:10:25,392 --> 00:10:26,691
When they come home,
I'm gonna play the cd.
236
00:10:26,693 --> 00:10:28,193
They're out.
237
00:10:28,195 --> 00:10:29,794
They're doing their
last-minute christmas eve
238
00:10:29,796 --> 00:10:32,697
Save-a-dollar-on-tinsel
shopping.
239
00:10:32,699 --> 00:10:34,733
- How long have you
been back there?
240
00:10:34,735 --> 00:10:37,402
- About an hour.
241
00:10:37,404 --> 00:10:40,038
- Honey, come on, come home.
- No, no, no.
242
00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:42,307
I got the cd all set up.
I got the remote.
243
00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:44,275
And when they come in,
I'm just gonna play the music,
244
00:10:44,277 --> 00:10:46,077
And I'm not even gonna
say anything to them.
245
00:10:46,079 --> 00:10:48,146
- I told you
leave a light on out here.
246
00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:49,381
I can't even
see my keys.
247
00:10:49,383 --> 00:10:51,716
- Just open
the damn door.
248
00:10:51,718 --> 00:10:56,087
- Look out.
249
00:11:00,027 --> 00:11:03,128
- Holy crap!
250
00:11:04,297 --> 00:11:06,031
- Turn it down!
- I'm trying!
251
00:11:06,033 --> 00:11:07,999
You're blocking
the laser--
252
00:11:19,845 --> 00:11:24,716
See, with a cd, you can
turn it loud, no distortion.
253
00:11:24,718 --> 00:11:27,719
- Oh, my heart.
254
00:11:27,721 --> 00:11:31,289
Oh, my eggs.
255
00:11:31,291 --> 00:11:33,158
- What are you trying
to do to us?
256
00:11:33,160 --> 00:11:35,126
- Oh, that was awful,
raymond.
257
00:11:35,128 --> 00:11:38,229
- Yes, and these ornaments
were on sale!
258
00:11:38,231 --> 00:11:40,298
- I'm sorry.
259
00:11:40,300 --> 00:11:41,866
I'm sorry. I just--I wanted
to give you the opportunity
260
00:11:41,868 --> 00:11:43,268
To hear your jazz records
261
00:11:43,270 --> 00:11:45,270
Like you've never
heard 'em before.
262
00:11:45,272 --> 00:11:47,439
- Yeah, that's like
I've never heard 'em before.
263
00:11:47,441 --> 00:11:49,207
I didn't realize
it was gonna be
264
00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:52,310
The sound track
to my funeral.
265
00:11:52,312 --> 00:11:53,712
- Ho, ho, ho.
266
00:11:53,714 --> 00:11:57,215
- Watch out, watch out,
watch out!
267
00:12:09,395 --> 00:12:12,430
- What am I sitting in?
268
00:12:12,432 --> 00:12:18,103
- Eggs...And eggnog.
269
00:12:18,105 --> 00:12:23,074
- And what is very sharp?
270
00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:26,344
- That might be
the menorah.
271
00:12:30,983 --> 00:12:32,484
- Menorah?
272
00:12:32,486 --> 00:12:36,187
- It was a big sale.
273
00:12:39,391 --> 00:12:42,360
- What happened here?
274
00:12:42,362 --> 00:12:46,131
- Oh, it was raymond's
horrible machine.
275
00:12:46,133 --> 00:12:47,899
- It's not
a horrible machine, mom.
276
00:12:47,901 --> 00:12:49,200
It's a cd player.
277
00:12:49,202 --> 00:12:51,002
Please, let me just
play you one song.
278
00:12:51,004 --> 00:12:53,772
- Oh, god, no.
He's gonna turn it on again!
279
00:12:53,774 --> 00:12:55,507
- I don't want to hear
any cds.
280
00:12:55,509 --> 00:12:57,475
It's bad enough
you ruined my records,
281
00:12:57,477 --> 00:12:59,844
You ruined my floor,
my ornaments,
282
00:12:59,846 --> 00:13:03,047
And my cook!
283
00:13:06,185 --> 00:13:08,353
- Look, please,
just listen to it.
284
00:13:08,355 --> 00:13:10,088
- No.
- But listen!
285
00:13:10,090 --> 00:13:12,290
- No!
- Guys, guys.
286
00:13:12,292 --> 00:13:15,960
I think...
287
00:13:19,064 --> 00:13:20,165
I think...
288
00:13:20,167 --> 00:13:22,834
I think I might
be able to help.
289
00:13:22,836 --> 00:13:24,869
I was gonna give this
to you tomorrow, dad,
290
00:13:24,871 --> 00:13:27,338
But you might
want to see it now.
291
00:13:27,340 --> 00:13:28,873
Here you go, pop.
292
00:13:28,875 --> 00:13:31,409
From me to you.
293
00:13:31,411 --> 00:13:33,812
Merry christmas.
294
00:13:38,484 --> 00:13:40,351
- These are my records.
295
00:13:40,353 --> 00:13:42,187
- Not all of them.
296
00:13:42,189 --> 00:13:44,322
But robert and I went
to some garage sales
297
00:13:44,324 --> 00:13:46,891
And used record stores
this weekend.
298
00:13:46,893 --> 00:13:49,928
- And I think we came across
some of your favorites.
299
00:13:49,930 --> 00:13:52,297
- "ben webster
meets oscar peterson."
300
00:13:52,299 --> 00:13:55,967
I haven't heard this album
in 30 years.
301
00:13:55,969 --> 00:14:00,505
Ahh.
Genuine american vinyl.
302
00:14:00,507 --> 00:14:02,273
- Look. Look, dad.
303
00:14:02,275 --> 00:14:04,442
Got the same
exact thing, okay?
304
00:14:04,444 --> 00:14:06,177
See, ben meets
oscar here too.
305
00:14:06,179 --> 00:14:08,079
Okay, it's the same thing.
Listen to this.
306
00:14:08,081 --> 00:14:09,981
- Ray, you got to
let it go.
307
00:14:09,983 --> 00:14:11,282
- Yeah. What are you
doing, man?
308
00:14:11,284 --> 00:14:13,318
- Oh, oh, yeah, yeah.
309
00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:14,519
You would like
nothing better
310
00:14:14,521 --> 00:14:16,221
Than to have me
suffer for 30 years,
311
00:14:16,223 --> 00:14:19,224
And then you just
swoop in and be the hero.
312
00:14:19,226 --> 00:14:23,628
Yeah, well,
nice try, egg ass.
313
00:14:23,630 --> 00:14:25,129
All right?
314
00:14:25,131 --> 00:14:27,031
I was the one who ruined
the jazz records.
315
00:14:27,033 --> 00:14:29,534
I'll be the one
to replace them.
316
00:14:29,536 --> 00:14:32,937
- Oh, wait, wait,
raymond, wait.
317
00:14:32,939 --> 00:14:36,107
All right. Go ahead.
318
00:14:39,880 --> 00:14:43,381
Huh? Listen
to that sound.
319
00:14:45,384 --> 00:14:47,452
It's like oscar peterson
is sitting
320
00:14:47,454 --> 00:14:50,388
Right here at the piano.
321
00:14:50,390 --> 00:14:52,924
Play it, oscar.
322
00:14:52,926 --> 00:14:56,427
Play it,
you swinging jazz cat.
323
00:15:02,235 --> 00:15:03,301
What are you doing?
324
00:15:03,303 --> 00:15:06,604
- I want to hear
my jazz records.
325
00:15:06,606 --> 00:15:08,606
- You can't give it
to me, can you?
326
00:15:08,608 --> 00:15:12,310
Those cds, they sound great,
and you know it,
327
00:15:12,312 --> 00:15:13,912
But you can't give it up.
328
00:15:13,914 --> 00:15:15,513
You just got to
keep torturing me!
329
00:15:15,515 --> 00:15:17,248
- I loved those damn albums.
330
00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:20,151
I was hoping someday
you might love them too,
331
00:15:20,153 --> 00:15:23,655
Instead of your
hippie jungle crap.
332
00:15:23,657 --> 00:15:28,192
- Those beatles
were awful, raymond.
333
00:15:28,194 --> 00:15:30,395
- I know, dad.
I know you loved 'em.
334
00:15:30,397 --> 00:15:32,263
Okay, that's all I ever heard.
335
00:15:32,265 --> 00:15:34,532
"shut up, kids.
I'm listening to my records."
336
00:15:34,534 --> 00:15:35,967
- Then why the hell
did you ruin 'em?
337
00:15:35,969 --> 00:15:38,102
- I don't remember.
I was 10!
338
00:15:38,104 --> 00:15:39,971
Why do you keep
taking this out on me?
339
00:15:39,973 --> 00:15:41,139
- 'cause you did it!
340
00:15:41,141 --> 00:15:42,173
- I didn't do it
on purpose.
341
00:15:42,175 --> 00:15:43,308
- I'm not so sure!
342
00:15:43,310 --> 00:15:44,442
- Wait! Listen to me...
343
00:15:44,444 --> 00:15:47,312
- Wait a minute!
Wait a minute!
344
00:15:47,314 --> 00:15:51,015
I want to say something.
345
00:15:51,017 --> 00:15:55,620
That christmas day
in 1969...Um...
346
00:15:55,622 --> 00:15:57,255
- What is it, robert?
347
00:15:57,257 --> 00:16:00,725
- I'm gonna tell you
what it is right now.
348
00:16:07,733 --> 00:16:11,703
All right,
that christmas...
349
00:16:11,705 --> 00:16:14,706
I wanted the hot wheels
race track set so bad.
350
00:16:14,708 --> 00:16:16,207
I would see
those commercials,
351
00:16:16,209 --> 00:16:19,110
And I would think,
"this is my year, man."
352
00:16:19,112 --> 00:16:20,712
I could see myself
setting up
353
00:16:20,714 --> 00:16:22,680
That beautiful
bright orange track
354
00:16:22,682 --> 00:16:25,650
With the maroon connectors.
355
00:16:25,652 --> 00:16:29,354
And you know what was under
the tree waiting for me?
356
00:16:29,356 --> 00:16:33,024
Custom-order
corrective shoes.
357
00:16:37,629 --> 00:16:39,998
- Dr. Fishman said
that they were the best
358
00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:42,500
For oversized feet.
359
00:16:42,502 --> 00:16:44,135
- I looked over.
360
00:16:44,137 --> 00:16:48,606
I saw raymond...Elbow deep
in a box of hot wheels.
361
00:16:48,608 --> 00:16:52,243
My hot wheels.
362
00:16:54,247 --> 00:16:57,148
You moved his records!
363
00:16:57,150 --> 00:16:59,717
- Excuse me, may I
finish my story, please?
364
00:16:59,719 --> 00:17:01,119
- Go ahead, robert.
365
00:17:01,121 --> 00:17:04,422
- Thank you
very much, sweetie.
366
00:17:04,424 --> 00:17:07,158
I hated you.
367
00:17:10,629 --> 00:17:13,731
You got my hot wheels
for christmas.
368
00:17:13,733 --> 00:17:15,600
Everything I ever
dreamed about:
369
00:17:15,602 --> 00:17:18,236
The track, the cars,
the loop-de-loop.
370
00:17:18,238 --> 00:17:21,406
- You moved his records.
371
00:17:21,408 --> 00:17:23,207
- Later that day,
372
00:17:23,209 --> 00:17:26,244
After raymond was tired of
playing with his new hot wheels,
373
00:17:26,246 --> 00:17:28,246
For a total
of four minutes,
374
00:17:28,248 --> 00:17:31,582
I pulled off
my clunky corrective shoes
375
00:17:31,584 --> 00:17:34,352
And slipped downstairs.
376
00:17:34,354 --> 00:17:36,788
Now it was my turn.
377
00:17:36,790 --> 00:17:40,124
Raymond, of course,
had the track set up all wrong.
378
00:17:40,126 --> 00:17:44,328
An oval.
379
00:17:44,330 --> 00:17:47,799
Oh, what a visionary
you are.
380
00:17:51,837 --> 00:17:54,639
I wanted to set it up
like the kid on the box,
381
00:17:54,641 --> 00:17:58,309
That happy, brotherless boy.
382
00:18:03,148 --> 00:18:05,817
And, in doing so,
383
00:18:05,819 --> 00:18:10,688
Your records
may have been moved.
384
00:18:10,690 --> 00:18:14,559
- They may have?
385
00:18:14,561 --> 00:18:15,560
- I moved your records.
386
00:18:15,562 --> 00:18:18,362
- You moved his records!
387
00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:23,534
Unbelievable.
388
00:18:23,536 --> 00:18:27,271
You--you let me suffer
for 30 years!
389
00:18:29,274 --> 00:18:32,777
- Yes.
390
00:18:35,747 --> 00:18:39,417
- You two are
so screwed up.
391
00:18:41,620 --> 00:18:44,355
- I'm sorry, raymond.
392
00:18:44,357 --> 00:18:47,592
I'm sorry, dad.
393
00:18:47,594 --> 00:18:51,362
- Uh, it's okay.
394
00:18:51,364 --> 00:18:54,665
- It's okay?
395
00:18:54,667 --> 00:18:56,501
Now it's okay?
396
00:18:56,503 --> 00:18:59,804
- Will you give it up already?
It was 30 years ago.
397
00:18:59,806 --> 00:19:01,572
- Why don't you dip
your pants in cinnamon
398
00:19:01,574 --> 00:19:02,874
And make us
some french toast?
399
00:19:02,876 --> 00:19:05,376
- Why don't you
dip your pants--
400
00:19:05,378 --> 00:19:07,311
- That doesn't make--
- dip your pants--
401
00:19:07,313 --> 00:19:12,750
- My pants are dry, you idiot!
- Hey, hey, hey, hey!
402
00:19:12,752 --> 00:19:14,919
Why don't you go put on
one of those records?
403
00:19:14,921 --> 00:19:16,787
I'd love to hear it.
404
00:19:16,789 --> 00:19:18,656
- Good idea, sister.
405
00:19:18,658 --> 00:19:20,858
- With pleasure, dad.
406
00:19:20,860 --> 00:19:22,627
- Here, robert.
This is a nice one.
407
00:19:22,629 --> 00:19:26,230
- Thank you, darling.
408
00:19:31,270 --> 00:19:33,404
- Great, so what am I supposed
to do with my cds now?
409
00:19:33,406 --> 00:19:35,306
- You take them,
you listen to them,
410
00:19:35,308 --> 00:19:36,774
You might like them.
411
00:19:36,776 --> 00:19:40,511
You should try to keep
an open mind about things.
412
00:19:43,282 --> 00:19:45,316
- All right.
Here it is.
413
00:20:01,333 --> 00:20:04,869
- Now that's music.
414
00:20:17,983 --> 00:20:23,421
- Okay, now this is "to daddy
from michael and geoffrey."
415
00:20:23,423 --> 00:20:26,991
- Oh.
Thank you.
416
00:20:26,993 --> 00:20:30,695
- Hey, what is that?
417
00:20:30,697 --> 00:20:33,764
- It's a new dictionary.
- Oh.
418
00:20:33,766 --> 00:20:35,333
- Isn't that sweet?
419
00:20:35,335 --> 00:20:36,801
They felt bad about
ruining your old one.
420
00:20:36,803 --> 00:20:38,536
- Hmm.
- It's electronic.
421
00:20:43,276 --> 00:20:47,011
It's better.
422
00:20:47,013 --> 00:20:50,014
- And I love it.
423
00:20:50,016 --> 00:20:54,785
But not more than I love you.
424
00:20:54,787 --> 00:21:00,391
Aw.
Hmm, hmm, hmm.
425
00:21:00,393 --> 00:21:03,294
- Why don't you look up
"fruitcake" in there.
426
00:21:03,296 --> 00:21:07,965
- fruitcake
with sissy sauce.
427
00:21:10,902 --> 00:21:12,603
- Oh, look, marie.
428
00:21:12,605 --> 00:21:16,974
There's one more thing
left in your stocking.
429
00:21:16,976 --> 00:21:21,345
- Thank you, dear.
430
00:21:21,347 --> 00:21:24,382
"to marie from debra."
431
00:21:24,384 --> 00:21:27,652
Aw.
432
00:21:32,991 --> 00:21:37,962
Oh. Thank you, debra.
433
00:21:37,964 --> 00:21:39,530
- You like it?
434
00:21:39,532 --> 00:21:41,432
- Well, to be honest,
435
00:21:41,434 --> 00:21:44,902
It's not a style
I'd ever wear.
436
00:21:49,374 --> 00:21:52,877
Nice try, though.
30554
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