All language subtitles for Darkwing Duck (1991) - S01E15 - Hush, Hush Sweet Charlatan (480p DVD x265 Ghost)_track4_[eng]

♪ Daring duck of mystery

♪ Champion of right

♪ Swoops out of the shadows

♪ Darkwing owns the night

♪ Somewhere
some villain schemes

♪ But his number's up

♪ 3-2-1

♪ Darkwing Duck

♪ When there's trouble,
you call DW

♪ Darkwing Duck

Let's get dangerous.

♪ Darkwing Duck

Darkwing...
duck!

♪ Cloud of smoke
and he appears

♪ A master of surprise

♪ Who's that
cunning mind behind

♪ That shadowy disguise?

♪ Nobody knows for sure

♪ Bad guys are out of luck

♪ 'Cause here comes

♪ Darkwing Duck
Look out!

♪ When there's trouble,
you call DW

♪ Darkwing Duck

Let's get dangerous.

♪ Darkwing Duck

Better watch out,
you bad boys!

♪ Darkwing Duck ♪

(Darkwing)
The crime-fighter moved
through the dark streets,

his every sense alert
to any insidious injustice,

malicious misdeed
or unspeakable crime.

He knew the night
held new challenges
to test his skills,

and he was ready,
but first...

I have to pick up the kids
from the movies.

Uh-oh, the kids
will have to wait.

Looks like Earth
is being invaded by aliens.

(screaming)

Attaboy, Launchpad.

Keep the kids
at a safe distance.

This is a job for...
(all) Darkwing Duck?

Precisely.

And now for a lesson
in manners,

you Martian miscreants.

Take a hike, bub.

I'm the hero
in this precinct.

No room for interstellar
hooligans around here.

Please,
no need for thanks.

(man) Cut!
Cut?

Oh, movie.
Ha-ha.

That cursed duck
is not in my script!

Oh, nice, Dad. You've just
saved the world from a movie.

Yeah, DW, this isn't real.

It's Space Duck:
Attack of the Teenage
Mutant Martian Mallards.

Part 12.

You could have shared
that information earlier,
you know.

This picture's putting me
back on top where I belong.

You cause trouble,
and I'll bash every bone
in your beak, buster!

Who's Miss Congeniality?

Boy, DW,
you gotta get out more.

That's Gloria Swansong,
star of stage, screen

and countless
deodorant commercials.

Sorry, maestro,
but I thought this was

the end of civilization
as we know it.

No hard feelings, hey?

Hey, you look familiar.

Don't you know me
from someplace?

Never been there.

Of course.

You're my archrival,
the villainous Tuskerninni!

Say, shouldn't you be
behind bars?

I have abandoned
my life of crime.

I live now for the cinema.

I'm A.F. Erret,
head of A.F. Erret studios,

and you just ruined
an expensive scene

in an A.F. Erret
production!

He must be a, uh, ferret.

Come on, kids,
let's get outta here!

But, Dad, if we don't stay,

I'll grow up thinking
these big, gruesome,
drooly monsters are real.

Why, uh,
the emotional scars

could last a lifetime!

We're going,
and we're going now.

Throw knives at me,
drop nuclear warheads
on me -

that I can deal with.

But she gives me
that little pouty beak,
and I'm mush.

(screaming)

Unhand that maiden!

Oh, puh-lease.

These aren't
the Middle Ages, you know.
Cut!

I'm not trying to tell you
your job, Ingmar,

but no self-respecting hero
would be caught dead
with one of these.

(clanks)

Take two.

I give you one last chance,

in the name
of intergalactic peace,

to disavow
this evil scheme and...

Cut!

What is this?

Now you're negotiating
with space monsters?

Who writes this stuff,
anyway?
I do!

No offense intended, Hitch,
but you want realism,
don't you?

You want accuracy?
I want quiet!

Action!

The alien raises
his X-37 death inducer...

Whoa! Is this exciting
or what?

Ha! It's nothing more
than cheap special effects,
Launchpad.

Mere movie trickery.

The hero leaps for cover.

And now the alien fires.

Oh, goodness gracious,
this ray gun was loaded.

"Leading man injured
in mysterious accident,

as so-called crime-fighter
Darkwing Duck twiddles thumbs"?

Who are they calling
so-called?

You oughta sue
for definition
of character.

I'll do more than that.
I'll go to the studio
and solve the crime.

Keen gear! We're gonna
go see 'em make

Space Duck:
Attack of the Teenage
Mutant Martian Mallards.

Part 12.
I'll go pack.

You are not going anywhere.
Come on, Launchpad.

Let's give that land of fantasy
a taste of real-life heroics.

Come on, Honker,
we gotta help.

But, Gosalyn,
your dad said -

I know what he said,
but what he meant was,

"Gosalyn, I can't possibly
do it without you."

When dealing with adults,
you have to read
between the lines.

Here we are -
A. Ferret Studios.

I've faced some
of the most ruthless,

brutal, cold-blooded thugs
of the century.

I hope it's prepared me
for movie people.

I am the terror
that flaps in the night.

I am the hair in the lens
of your projector.

I am -

DW, why couldn't we go
through the gate
like everybody else?

Because I am not
like everybody else.

I am Darkwing...

Duck.

(clang)
(cuckoo)

Perhaps you'd like to show me
your gate pass, hmm?

Uh, ha-ha. I left it
in my other cape?

For your information, sir,
I happen to be Darkwing Duck,

yes, the Darkwing Duck,
here to solve a crime,
thank you.

What we have here
is a failure to communicate.

It's OK.
I know the score.

You're underpaid,
underappreciated.

You work long hours.

Your children
don't respect you.

Life has no meaning anymore.
You don't know where to turn.

But I'm here for you, pal.
I'm here.

Don't keep it
bottled up inside.

You're right! (sobbing)

There's no structure
to my universe.

Psychology.

Hey, I don't have
any children.

(film projector whirring)

The whole scene,
ruined by that idiot!

I'll go bankrupt!
I'll lose the studio!

Nix the negativity,
my friend,

for I, Darkwing Duck,

am about to write
the final scene
in this mystery.

Not you again!

Every time you're around,
it costs me money.

The villain made
one major bungle.

Mainly, that the crime itself
was captured forever on film.

Boy, if there's one thing
I like more than a movie,

it's a free movie.

I will now show you
that piece of celluloid,
Mr. Ferret,

and expose
the criminal's identity.

Launchpad, the projector.

It's not Ferret,
it's Erret. Erret!

Direct your attention,
Mr. Erret Erret,

to the rubbish pile here.

A seemingly
innocent bystander,
easily overlooked.

A fly!
A fly on the projector.

Oh... yes. Yes, so it is.

Then if the fly's innocent,

that can only mean

the perpetrator
is someone else.
(steam whistle blowing)

Guard! Guard!

Well, uh, no more questions
for now, Mr. Ferret.
Erret. Whatever.

But don't leave town.

(woman) The top half
of the sound stage
to your left

was built in 1925

at a cost of $5,000.

The bottom half was completed
in 1929...

Look, Honker, Space Duck
is my all-time favorite,

and I'm gonna make sure
Part 12 gets made.

But what if your dad
finds us?

We'll just have to be careful
he doesn't find us.

Besides, do you have any idea
what they pay for scripts
in this town?

I am about to experience
a very emotional moment.

It should, I believe,
be captured for posterity.

That idiot A F. Erret
still won't sell his studio,

and now Darkwing Duck
complicates my scenario.

This studio sits
atop more wealth

than even I can imagine.

See how the oil flows.

Oh, my plan was flawless.

A multi-million-dollar
failure

to drive the studio
into bankruptcy,

so I could buy the land
for peanuts!

A closeup.

My script now requires
a small revision...
(chuckles)

the inclusion
of one more tragic accident.

Iris-Out.

There's something fishy
going on around here, LP.

Any picture
with Tuskerninni in it

has to be rated "D"
for devious,

dangerous and... rotten.

What about demented?
Dishonest? Dreadful?

Desist! We must remain
on our... guard?

John.
Marsha.

John.
Oh, Marsha.

I've learned
from the janitor,

former vice president
in charge of production...
John.

Marsha.

... that the studio is
in serious financial trouble.

In fact, someone's trying
to buy the place.

What do you know
about this...

Gloria Swansong?

Well, I know she's been -
en garde! - married 27 times,

and I think all her husbands
are dead.

And there's a rumor
about - touché! - a phantom.

They say it's the ghost
of her first ex-husba-a-and!

(crash)
Good going, LP.

I'm quite impressed
with your skills
of detection.

Actually, I read it
in a supermarket tabloid.

In this scene,
the count and countess learn

of the revolution
by the peasants.

Oh, I really don't know
if I want to do this.

Keep your culottes on, pal.

Darkwing Duck is
on the job,

and no one is gonna
sabotage this production
while I'm here.

OK, Akira, roll 'em.

Hey, what happened
to the space aliens?

(Tuskerninni) Action!

Yes, the actor was safe,

for not the slightest detail

would escape
the duck's eagle eye.

It's... it's the phantom.

(gasps)
Spring forward!

Fall back.

(gasps)
Oh, my goodness gracious!

"Darkwing Dope,
incompetent crime-fighter,

stands idly by
as another actor
is nearly killed"?

Hey, come on,
don't take it too hard, DW.

Nobody reads that rag anyway.

And to your left,
Darkwing Dope -

incompetent crime-fighter.

That does it! I'm getting
to the bottom of this.

Now comes
the classic movie moment

in which the phantom
is unmasked.

Uh, couldn't we just wait
till it comes out on video?

You check that way,
I'll check this way, and -

Go ahead, impose
on my good nature.

No! I will not
sell the studio
for $20,000.42.

Aah!

20,000.50?
Yes, I'm listening.

Hello?
(dial tone)

Hello?

Sell the studio?
That's bogus.
No way, Mr. Ferret.

Gosalyn,
that's Mr. Erret.

The A.F. Erret.

Whatever.

Baby, sweetcakes,
break out the contracts,

'cause when you hear
the ideas I have...

Picture this -
humongous fish vampires,

these big tremendous fangs
dripping gooey-ooey blood.

They fly
out of their aquariums

and start rippin'
people's necks open.

So, we got a sale here?

Guard! Guard!

No hurry. Sleep on it.
We'll do lunch.

Gosalyn,
I thought we came here
to help your dad.

Oh, yeah, sure.
That, too.

How can I solve
this baffling mystery

if I'm going to get
thrown over walls
every five minutes?

Phew! He almost saw us
that time, Gosalyn.

Westerns,
weddings, wolf man...
Phantoms. Perfect!

Now if Dad sees us,
he won't see us.

All right, Orson,
this has gone on
long enough.

I'm growing
just the least bit tired
of getting heaved over walls.

Hold it! Oh, yes, yes.
The fire in those eyes.

Another angry young man.

Well, I admit
I'm annoyed, but -

Camera!

Why didn't I see it before?

That classic profile.

Oh, like it, do ya?

That beak. Ho-ho.
So... (trills) Romanesque.

(trills)
Runs in the family.

You were born
to play the hero.

You really think so?
Well, I suppose I could.

Not that I have
the least interest
in fame, you understand,

but it would let me work
from the inside,

act as bait
for the villain.

Uh, here, Mr. Phantom.

Here, boy.

Haven't seen any
ph-ph-phantoms around,
have you?

(moaning)
Whaah!

Aah!

Playacting in a movie. Ha!

Boy, the things I do
to solve crimes.

My own dressing room.
With my own star.

Citizen Duck,
starring Darkwing Duck.

(women scream)

Why, I might get
my own TV series!

Easy, Darkwing.

You're a hero,
not a movie star.

Of course there's no law
saying I can't be both.

In this scene,
our hero will be played
by Mr. Darkwing Duck.

Him? I'm not playing
opposite that big ham
of a duck!

Please, my dear.

After the, uh, accidents,
no actor in town
will take the part.

Yes, so the hero returns

to find Lulubelle's
saloon aflame.

Saloon? Maestro,
what ever happened
to the space aliens?

But that is the theme
of my film, you see?

We have all become -
oh, yes - aliens
in our own society.

Lights, camera and action!

(dramatically)
Have no fear, my love.

Leap, and I shall save you.

(woodenly)
Have no fear, my love.

Leap, and I -

Oh, my.
Are you all right?

Ha! I feel like
a million ducks - uh, bucks.

It must have been
that phantom.

Phantom shmantom.
A star is about to be born.

Let's try it again.

Take two!

(woodenly)
Have no fear, my -

Take three.

Ah...

Ha!

Ready when you are, CB.

This is not
how my script is written.

You see, page 33,
Darkwing Duck dies,

and the brilliant director
takes over the studio.

In this scene,

the hero
heroically parachutes

to save the heroine.

Uh, are you sure
this is safe?

Maybe I oughta have
a stunt dou-

Aah!

OK, Darkwing,
keep your cool.

You've been
in worse scrapes than this,
like the time when you...

Hmm, come to think of it,

this is about as bad
as it ge- Aaah!

Aaah!

You see?
There is a phantom.

You and your dead husbands.
This is all your fault.

Another expensive take! Ooh!

Are you, uh, all right?

So much
for the lambada lessons.

Why... the phantom

must have sabotaged
the parachute.

That settles it.

I'm putting an end
to this phantom business
once and for all.

Otherwise,
I'll never get
to my closeup.

I oughta be memorizing lines,
not hunting down phantoms.

I gotta get an agent.

(moaning)

So, we meet at last, Mr...

...Phantom?

Aha! Now you're... mine?

(door closes)

Whoa, no!

Unusual weather
we've been having.

Aha! The phantom. Yaah!

Oh, there you are.
Quickly, quickly.

The time has come
to film your final scene.

Here, the hero is trapped
in the circus wagon,

which the villain has ringed
with tons of explosives.

And now, Darkwing Duck,

let us proceed
with what shall truly be

the final scene
for you and your friends.

Launchpad,
Swansong, Mr. Ferret,
what are you doing here?

This is my big scene!

And indeed it will be...
your death scene.

(laughs)

It's the phantom!
Is that you, Thaddeus?

Bud? Oliver? Lou? Stan?

Anatole? Vladimir?
Josef? Rick?

Wait a minute!

Let me rewind this thing
in my mind and run through it
from the top.

First, the leading man
was injured on location.

Then, his replacement
is put out of commission
in a palace by a phantom.

As for what happened
to the space aliens -
beats me.

At which point,
it was decided

that I should take over
the acting chores.

Brilliant decision.

Only to have someone try
to kill me.

But I was saved
from a grisly death

by our new-found friend,
the phantom.

And the aliens?
I just don't know!

And then, I end up trapped
in a wagon

with everybody
and his brother
about to be blown up,

without a space monster
in sight.

Which leads me to conclude
that the director,

my archenemy Tuskerninni,

is behind it all.

With the assistance
of... the phantom.

At long last,
this oil-rich land
will be mine!

Oh, if I could just get
to my gas gun.

And now for one final time,
lights, camera, acti-

(alarm wailing)

(laughing)

Oops!

If there are no objections,
we shall conclude this drama...

again.

(moaning)
What? You?

You, you're the hero.
I demand you save me.
It's your duty.

(gasps)
It's my first husband.

Um... uh... Newt Blemmer!

I thought you died
in the Amazon

during a lemming stampede.

I gave up
a promising acting career
for you, Gloria.

I became
a faithful house-husband.

It's not true.

He was a lousy cook,
and he couldn't do windows
to save his life.

I could have been a great actor.
I could have been a contender.

Now I'm going to get
top billing!

(rumbling)

Whoa!

Well, Tuskerninni, I guess
your last act will be set

in the St. Canard Prison
for the criminally untalented.

(whines)

But my masterpiece,
my classic,

it remains unfinished.

With all this oil,
I can make the picture
any way I want.

You mean
any way I want.

I'll help you finish up
your movie, Mr. Ferret.

Big, giant,
creepin' zombies
with chain saws.

They're everywhere,
and -

No, no, no.

It ends with
a glorious closeup
of me.

I like an ending
with one of those circles.

You know, getting
smaller and smaller
until it's all black?

Zombies
all over the place!

A freeze frame
of my face.

I know if I was directing
this thing, I'd just...

cut!

The end.

♪ Darkwing Duck

♪ Darkwing Duck

♪ Darkwing Duck

♪ Darkwing Duck ♪